Tag: Biblical teaching

Why I’m Different

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Why I’m Different

Growing up, I came up in a home filled with problems. A single mother with her own demons to battle. A personality that left me defenseless in a jungle full of predators in my middle school years. I was not just teased, name called, I was tortured. I was attacked, my things were stolen multiple times, thrown into occupied urinals, my clothes taken while changing and thrown out into the gym, leaving me naked in the locker room. I was jumped on my way home, pushed and shoved in the halls, hit on the bus, and the list goes on. I grew up in a school that taught me lies as truth, led me down the halls of liberalism, stuff like climate change that acid rain was going to kill us all by destroying crops, and burning us all. Rising waters would sink Florida by 2010. The Bible was wrong and the Big Bang was proven, evolution was fact, proven and accepted by all, except it wasn’t. I believed them when teachers told me that the right wanted children to starve, the right wanted to destroy the environment, and prevent families from getting welfare they desperately needed. The truth was not as simple as I was led to believe. The fact was, during those years the same kind of teaching was definitely a one-sided teaching method, intended to indoctrinate young impressionable kids, who trusted their teachers to tell them the truth. With no one at home willing or able to talk to me about political matters, science, or anything else, I fell for the lies. 

In recent days I have found the show American Gladiators was resurrected. I grew up watching the show and wanted to face down the Gladiators on the field of battle. I wanted to participate in the event “Assault” so badly. It only intensified my desire to join the military. I wanted to be a G.I. Joe. I wanted to serve like my grandpa, my uncles, and so many of my family served from WWII, to Korea, to Vietnam, to Panama, Desert Storm, and I would serve in OIF. I wanted to serve my great country. The pledge of allegiance meant something to me. The military and those who served meant something to me. Growing up even my life as a Roman Catholic was marred by questions and very few answers. I questioned the Hail Mary’s. I questioned the confessions. I questioned so many things never having answers. No matter the questions I had though, my faith in God was strong, and it would lay the foundation of who I’d become. I believed in scripture. I believed in good and evil. I believed in doing what was right. By all measure I was a boy scout, I just wasn’t an actual boy scout. (We couldn’t afford it.). Today the country is as polarized as ever it has been. The country is at odds over even the most basic of questions, ‘what is a woman?’, ‘should men play in women’s sports?’, ‘should we murder babies in the womb?’. More worldwide questions like, should we finally remove the Iranian occupying government once and for all? Many people have different thoughts on all of these questions. Today people get mad over MMA on the white house lawn, with a Blue Angel, and Thunderbird flyover, but praised pride and trans people parading around the lawn topless shaking their breasts for the camera and in front of children. We are not the same. 

Today, I find people are more cruel then perhaps they were while I was in school. I recently posted to Instagram about the weight loss journey I started. I couldn’t believe what happened next. I never expected to have a video be so popular. The first video I posted currently has 177,286 views. I received many cruel comments, some put into question my cosplaying a soldier. I posted a second video of me while serving in the Army, deployed to Iraq, and out of the wire on patrols. That video received 571,911 views. More and more negative comments poured in. The cruelty was so hurtful, my mental health took a massive hit. People began to body shame me, even say I was committing stolen valor. I was shocked at so much hate towards a veteran. Shocked people were calling me a fake. Body shaming me. I was called a child rapist, and a murderer. I was called a pawn of Israel. I had one person tell me it was a shame I survived. And another said it was a shame I didn’t lose all my limbs, because that’s what I deserved.  A true look into the lost in this world. People will bring you down for no reason. My post was nothing but the start of my journey. I will continue to fight for weight loss. I will continue to fight for my heart recovery. I’ll continue to fight for my overall health. I will continue to try and be uplifting to others. I won’t be deterred by a bunch of internet keyboard warriors who don’t know what they are talking about. 

I am a veteran, a combat veteran at that, and I’m a nerd. I am often an outsider, even among the veteran community I am considered to be different. Different doesn’t mean I don’t have value though. I may be different but I have skills that made me a good soldier. I have a mindset that made me an asset during combat operations. My ability to think about and plan for contingencies made me a good team member while preparing for when things when they went wrong. It made me a great security officer later in life, that planned an active shooter policy for a major university, the first of its kind at the school. I have always been a good employee, with a strong work ethic. 

I have come to realize the lies I was told as a child, and when I look back it makes me sad. Star Trek saved my life growing up. Without a man in my life, I could look up too, the character Jean-Luc Picard was interesting to me. Sir Patrick Stewart’s portrayal of that character truly impacted my life in a positive way. A strong, moral, principled, man, leading a crew of hundreds, and showing what the best of humanity could be, gave me someone to look up too. Today, I am a Christian man who’s view on life is as principled as Captain Picard’s. I stand firm on my morals, and I am uncompromising on my beliefs. I grew up believing the goodness of Spider-Man (Peter Parker). I believed in the kindness of Steve Urkle from Family Matters. I showed love like Full House. I believed in family like Fresh-Prince of Bell Air, especially the episode with Will’s Father. I believed in Truth, Justice The American Way of Super-Man. And I believed everyone could be saved like Batman from the Animated Series. I believe everyone should be treated fairly, but the truth should hold all things in balance. We are all sinners in this life, and we all need salvation from a very real Hell we are headed for. Our own sin nature, our prideful nature, that separates us from God by saying we don’t need some cosmic genie looking over our lives. The truth is God is almighty, all knowing, and this whole universe is His. He created everything, and even created every living thing on the planet. When Eve was tempted by Satan, she fell for the lie that she could be like God. She in her pride, thought she knew better than God. We do the same each and every day of our lives. We feel we know better than God. We change His holy word because we think He’s mean. We change His word because we feel He’s wrong on homosexuality. We feel He’s cruel in the Old Testament, and nothing but love and forgiveness in the New. What most people fail to realize is the missions aren’t the same. God is not different in the Old from the New. God is the same, always. Jesus in the New displays that righteous anger we see in the Old as well. He was not always nice to the Pharisees, but He was always kind. We aren’t always nice either, but we are always called to be kind. What does this mean? When you have to discipline, or correct someone, you do so in a loving way. Recently, I had a ‘Christian’ say something to me on Instagram, and it wasn’t very nice. When I went to their page, and saw most of their stuff was Christian in theme, I was shocked. The rude comment came from a fellow Christian. It was at that time I decided I would reply in a kind way. They said “Call of Booty. Calling in a snack drop.” On their page they have Psalm 3:7, Deus Vult. My reply was this, “As a Christian do you feel this was an uplifting and edifying comment? Someone trying to recover from multiple heart surgeries. Someone continuing to push through health issues. After five years my doctors figured out why I have been gaining weight with how active I am. So my weight is not diet related. So I’ll ask again, Christian, is this how you treat fellow Christians? Praying for you. God Bless Sir.” I feel my explanation, while long, was kind, but also to the point. We never know what someone is going through. We never know someone’s background, or history, so one, we should never assume. Two, we never know what someone is going through. Whenever we can, we should be uplifting rather than tearing someone down. In fact, that’s scripture, not me. Scripture tells us to only say which is edifying. This may mean correcting someone, but even in correction we are trying to lift them up. We are never called to tear someone down. Yet, we often fall very short of this. Especially outside of the Christian community. I also had someone tell me I was a weak Christian. I found that laughable, considering I’m actually pretty tough on Christians. I’m very tough on stances of sin. I do not negotiate the Word of God at all. I am very set on the idea that my opinions don’t matter, and the only opinion that matters is God’s, and we find that in Scripture. So, to be called weak because I dress up in a Green Arrow suit and share the Gospel to nerds and those who are harder to reach, doesn’t make me weak, it just makes me different. Different people, of all kinds are used by God for different missions. We each have unique abilities, specially suited for special tasks and missions. 

Growing up I loved G.I.Joe, Star Trek, Star Wars, Batman, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Dark Wing Duck, Duck Tails, Rescue Rangers, Batman The Animated Series, Spider man. I think you can see a common theme. I grew up dealing with bullies my whole life, so to be bullied on social media really wasn’t anything new, but it was a new flavor. This one hurt though. Why would people be so mean when I’m trying to do the work for the workouts. I heard it a lot when I was in HS. When I was going for the Marine Corps, I heard you’ll never make. You’re going to fail. My grandpa was one of few that told me to ignore everyone and that he believed in me. Sadly, I would get a denial letter the day before I graduated high school. It would take me a year but I never gave up, a year later I would sign the contract to be a United States Army Cavalry Scout. I would leave for basic and even in basic I had people tell me I’d fail. I never quit, and at the end on our last ruck march, when half the unit quit the march, in last place with the guy marching with a torn achilles tendon, we crossed that finish line together. We had done together what many others failed to do. We kept one another going. We stayed with one another. We encouraged one another. We never quit. That’s who I am. I’ve survived horrific things, and yet I am still here. Who am I? I’m a survivor. I’m different because God made me this way. I’m different because I grew up in a very unique and often awful circumstances. I’m different because I grew up with shows defeating evil. I grew up watching shows that solved crimes, and taught good morals. I would grow in my faith as time went on, and even with my shortcomings, I would find my way back to God. Today I am who I am, but every bit of who I am, simply wants to put a smile on my Abba Fathers face. I seek adoration from my heavenly father. I seek my Father in Heaven’s approval. I simply want to hear “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I hope when I cross that finish line I will have done my best. Yes, I may dress up like Green Arrow, or a Star Wars character, or a Star Trek Character, or an elf, or other warrior, but I am always a Christian. I may wear a combat load vest to work out in. I may do my workouts different from other people, but no matter what I am always a Christian. I may be different but never do my differences dishonor God. I am always kind to people and give them every opportunity. I am nice more often than not. I am always trying to help others. I am by no means perfect. I have plenty of short comings, and none of this post is to make me seem to be some kind of saint, trust me, it isn’t. What I hope to convey here is who I am. I deeply care about my friends, because I often didn’t have many growing up. I deeply love people in my life, because I was often alone. I often have self-doubts. I often question who I am, what I’m doing, if I’m good enough, why anyone would love me. I hear those words ring from my past, and social media, you’re not good enough, you’re ugly, why would anyone love you, why would anyone want to be with you, you will fail, you are worthless, your fat, you’re an abomination, you’re a fake, your nothing. I hear it in my head, and I find myself asking if it’s true. All I have ever wanted to do was make a difference in this world. I want to be there to help others. I want to lift up people who are in the worst stormy seas of their life. I was there once. I almost got swallowed by the darkness, but I was saved by the light. I just want to be there for people who might think there’s no hope. I want to help be the lighthouse in the treacherous seas to guide someone back to safety. There’s a line in Black Hawk Down, where one of the main characters says he “wants to make a difference.” That was something I hoped for as I left for Iraq, and it’s something I’ve kept with me most of my life. No matter what I’m doing, did I make a difference? No matters whose life I touch, did I make a difference? In the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The big question is how many lives did George Bailey touch. How many people did his life positively impact. How many people have I impacted? I obviously don’t know, but I hope the lives I have touched it’s been to improve their lives. I want to encourage people. Be there for them. Uplift them. More importantly live a Godly life before them. I’m not perfect, but I just want to help others. May I have helped someone here, reading this. Maybe I’ve helped in some way I don’t know. Maybe if I have, leave a comment, letting me know. If I can pray for you look up my email in the contact page and reach out to me. If I can pray for you, or maybe answer questions about scripture, I’d love to try. Do your best to be a righteous person before a Holy God. Do your best to be kind, and loving. Do your best to do your best. 

Go In Peace, Go In Love, Be Kind, and Live Long And Prosper

Wake UP

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Wake UP 

As most of you know, well, maybe not most, but anyone who knows me, knows I love the movie the Matrix, and not just the movie, but the whole series. The women in the red dress speech, speaks to the reality that is repentant sinners, verses, unrepentant sinners. I have said before, the only difference between myself, and Hitler, is that I am a repentant sinner, and he was not. Sure, I’m not a homicidal madman bent on world conquest, but I am a sinner, and at the foot of the cross, our sins have the same equal heavenly punishment; eternal damnation in Hell. I saw someone post recently, why does God allow animals to suffer since they have no sin. That’s a fantastic question, but simple to answer; animals were the care of Adam and Eve, along with the plants in the Garden of Eden. Sin, is not just what we do, but a corrupting force that affected not just Adam and Eve, but the plants and animals also. There was no death in the garden, but an animal had to die to for God to make garments of skin. I think many people believe they had tree branches for clothing, but scripture is clear. An animal suffered the first physical death because of what Adam and Eve had done. Time also entered the Earth. The decay of time begun, and since then, we are all slaves to it, and we are all victims to the sad decay that time brings. Sin, brings this upon us, and sadly animals while innocent, have a new nature in the world of sin. As a friend and pastor once said, in the Garden you could have had a pet raptor, now that raptor would eat you. But in today’s current world, you see a lion is no longer tame, but a predator. Sin has wide reaching effects upon this fallen world. 

I have been looking at my life and have thought recently, I would wake up from this nightmare. Finding out just a couple short weeks ago, that my Aorta is dangerously large, and would require immediate surgery, has been a waking nightmare. I have, in that short time, experienced many emotions and have lost an untold number of tears. How could this be happening to me? As a friend told me recently, “I’ve never seen anyone with a worse hand delt to them.” That same friend years ago said, “IF it wasn’t for bad luck bro, you wouldn’t have any luck at all.” I have begun thinking about what he said, and while on the surface it looks true, I think there’s more going on than that. It wasn’t luck that we found the Aorta; it was God. It wasn’t luck that I had the hernia that led to the surgery, that led to the gas in my chest, that led to us finding the Aorta, it was God. Lucky, or God? If I had only bad luck, would I have not just died some random time? There is no denying, I have endured more hardships than most people, but God has seen me through each of them. At no point was I ever alone, and going all the way back to my childhood, God has placed the right people in my life, to help me through hardships. Bad luck, or Godly providence? It wasn’t luck we (My squad) survived the ambush in Iraq, it was God’s providence. What does providence mean? I’m glad you asked, Providence means: the protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual power. (Dictionary.com) It was not luck I survived the GSW in 2016, but God’s providence. In that lowest time of my life, I found myself looking up, and there was the Lord’s hand, to grab me and bring me to life. I had been trying my whole life to keep one foot in the bible, and the other in the world. I was trying to live both lives, and eventually a battle had to happen in my life, and forced me to kill off one side. That bullet, for all intense in purposes, that bullet killed the other side of me. The saving grace from God, and the forgiving nature, was supernaturally experienced, as I lay there dying in the ambulance, I was hearing the voice of God, in a thunderous reply to my sincere apology for my actions and wrong doings, “You’re Forgiven.” I awoke a new man. Today, I am now 48 hours from life changing surgery. Through all these hardships, it is not luck that has allowed me to survive, but God’s grace, and His divine plan. My hardships have not been to punish me, but rather to forge me in the fires of trials, so that I may have a glorious divine testimony. God works out the details, and if we just take a moment to seek His face, we would see Him working in our lives. But, it requires trust, and faith. 

The life I have lived, while difficult, has left me with a great understanding of God’s grace, and sovereignty. It is this sovereignty that gives me hope, because I know, that no matter what happens to me in this life, my soul is His. I am merely a clay pot for God’s choosing and purpose. No matter what happens to me in this life, I know that into his hands, my soul is His, and one day this broken body, will be upgraded to one of glory, adorned with a crown. I long for home, but know that as long as I draw breath, God’s plans for me are to continue to share the Love of Christ, the Holy Scripture in which He has left us, to live our lives by. My whole purpose is to be the hands and feet of God. What an honor it is to serve the Lord on high. What an honor it is to be given the opportunity to teach about Jesus, and His life, and for myself to learn and grow closer to God. I am nobody without God, but because of God, I have value. My value comes from God dwelling within me, otherwise I am a dead sinner. God didn’t come to earth because I have value, God came to earth so I would have value. God has shown me the nature of humanity, the depravity that curses our actions, our thoughts, the blackness upon our souls. But with the blood of Jesus, we see that blackness washed away. We see the change in a person as they are born again, when they accept the name of Jesus, repent of their once wicked ways, and takes up their cross daily to follow Jesus. What an honor it is to be chosen by God, to be predestined, to be counted among the few, to worship, honor, and bring Him glory. How can I complain about a heart surgery, when I cannot say with certainty what is good or bad in this life. I do not mean what is good or bad regarding sin nature, but that which happens to us, from breaking ones arm, to getting into a firefight in Iraq, to losing a wife to an affair. There is certainly difficulty in these things, but for us to say if something is good or bad, we cannot. Things direct our path, and we cannot say if one event is bad, because if that “bad” event pushes us towards a new path, one of peace, and prosperity, or even a sinner repenting and coming to Jesus, then, those things are not bad, they are just, things. Sin is bad. How we respond can be good or bad. Do we respond in a way that is of this world? Things like yelling, throwing tantrums, saying or doing hurtful things to people. Being selfish, or prideful. These things are bad because they are not of God. Good, is being patient, listening before speaking, being faithful, edifying and lifting up with our words. Allowing ourselves to do good works in the name of Christ, so He is glorified, not so we may receive credit, but that God gets the glory. These things are good. 

I have come to find, that even though I am a faithful follower of Christ, that does not mean my mind always cooperates the way I think it should. I have found myself struggling with emotions leading up to this surgery. Some fear, not of death, but that I will be a burden for others to take care of. Even being a burden for someone else to take care of, allows others to be the hands and feet of Christ. Things like this, allows others to be the hands and feet of Christ, through mercy, and grace, love; by ways of sending cards, food, gifts, messages, etc. What looks bad, may be a way for us to show our faithfulness to a Holy God. Following Jesus is not an easy thing, in fact, it’s darn hard sometimes. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength I have to say Hallelujah. Sometimes the storm shakes and breaks me down, but even when the storm rips the sails, and I’m at the mercy of the waves, I say Hallelujah. When Satan’s attacks are more than I can take, and I’m down on the ground, bleeding, tired, that’s when even my whisper brings the legion of Angels sent by God to surround me and pick me back up. God is always faithful, and no matter what happens in this life to us, God deserves our praise, our worship, our song of Hallelujah. When it isn’t easy, and life truly is pounding upon your Armor of God, may the Holy Spirit, and the legion of Angels come to minister to you, the reinforcements waiting for the word from God to come to your side, if they aren’t already there. It may be the hardest thing in the world to go through, but what is a few 70-90 years of hardships to an eternity of Heaven? Do we think Christ didn’t go through hardships? Let us seek scripture; John 12:27- “Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.” Then a voice came out of heaven: “I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again.” So the crowd of people who stood by and heard it were saying that it had thundered; others were saying, “An angel has spoken to Him.” Jesus answered and said, “This voice has not come for My sake, but for your sakes. Now judgment is upon this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself.” But He was saying this to indicate the kind of death by which He was to die. The crowd then answered Him, “We have heard out of the Law that the Christ is to remain forever; and how can You say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this Son of Man?” So Jesus said to them, “For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light.”       These things Jesus spoke, and He went away and hid Himself from them.

— John 12:27-36

Jesus became burdened knowing His time was soon to come, the purpose of his human life was nearly at hand. A burden we can know nothing of since we have never tasted Heaven. A burden of leaving perfection for this sinful place. Jesus, a perfect person, lived among hardships, illness, suffering, and He Himself, knowing Heaven, it must have been difficult to live in such conditions. Knowing he would undergo a death so hard, we cannot fathom the pain he endured. For an infinite being to taste death, the first time the forever trinity would see just what death was like, is more than any mortal being can understand. Our time is linier, but Jesus would be both God and man at the same time. Jesus would later bleed through His pours as he would sweat blood from the stress He was preparing to endure. Our savior Jesus Christ, knows our struggles. He has endured them as well, so here we are, preparing for hardships in our own lives, let us focus on Him. 

The struggle keeps us focused on God, so we would not become too prideful, or self-focused. Hardships build character, and perseverance. Let us seek God and I can think of no better way to say this than which has already been said. 

Hard Fought Hallelujah. 

I’ll bring my hard-fought heartfelt

Been-through-hell hallelujah

I’ll bring my storm-tossed, torn-sail

Story to tell hallelujah

God, You’ve been patient

God, You’ve been gracious

Faithful whatever I’m feeling or facing

So I’ll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt

It is well hallelujah

I’ve wrestled with the darkness

But I’m trying to reach for the light

Yeah, the struggle keeps me honest

And it breaks down the walls of my pride

‘Cause faith isn’t proven like gold

‘Til it’s been through the fire

Yeah, yeah

My head, heart and hands are feeling heavy

And that’s when I lift them just a little higher

Let us remember that no matter what we endure, what is this trouble when heaven is forever? 

1 Peter 5:10 “10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” We are being refined daily, sanctified to purify us like the gold, placed in the fire, to separate the world, from the Holy. It is well, with my soul, that these hardships, the fire I endure, the storms that rage on around me, should bring me to God, to seek his Glory, to seek His face, to let him continue to forge me like a beautiful sword, needing to be heated, beaten, shaped, forged in the fires of trials, to be prepared for the war waging all around me. I may shed tears, but God holds them in His hands. I may struggle at times, but His strength raises me up. I may fall, but His hand pulls me out of the water. I may be in the middle of the fire, but His presence stops me from being burned. I may be a prisoner to my sinful self, but His angels comfort me, and break the bonds that once kept me captive to this world. So, let us seek God, and know that our tomorrow is not of this world, but a beautiful place where there is no sin, no tears, no suffering. So, in leu of this hardship, it is well, with my soul. My heart beats, and will beat again. I will have a story to tell, to share, and I shall not allow the Devil to lie to me, to sway me, to belittle me, to bully me into feeling sorry for myself. I am a child of God, and I am a warrior for Christ. I will stand tall, I will heal, and I will carry on the fight. I will hold my ground, even if I’m battered, and bruised, even if my body is broken, I will dig in and hold fast this line, because God is in my corner, and if God is for me, who than can be against me? I’ve been through hell, but to Jesus I say Hallelujah. Thank You, Jesus for my hardships, and for being Lord in and over my life. It is well, with my soul. 

Let us wake up and see the nature of this life and though there is sin in this world, it is those we seek who seek answers in this life. Those willing to be unplugged from the world, let us share the Gospel so the truth may find those who Jesus has chosen. Let us be warriors for Jesus, to wake up those asleep, for it is only God’s word that can wake the sleepers. God’s word is power, and let us share the Gospel of peace, and know that Jesus overcame death, so we would live in his resurrection. This world is a minefield, but the word of God never returns void, so let us be warriors, soldiers for the Lord. Change comes from the Spirit. We cannot remain the same when the spirit awakens our hearts and it beats again. We cannot live in sin and Jesus at the same time. Wake up, oh sleeper, wake up and see your breath Jesus has given to you. With all malice put away your sinful self. Cut that sin out of your life, and be at peace in the Lord. Wake up and feel the change within your heart. Wake up, and know it is well, with your soul. 

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Beyond Measure

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Beyond Measure 

Since becoming a true Christian, something I’ve heard in that time is “You Can’t Outgive God.” I’d say that’s beyond true. When I became a Christian, not that I didn’t grow up knowing who Christ was, but when I truly understood and surrendered to Him, the creator of the universe, I found a new understanding. In recent years I have found myself fighting for every inch on the football field of life. In the last several years I have struggled financially, living paycheck to paycheck, barely scrapping the bottom of the barrel every month. See, I live in a tent in the back yard of my mother’s house. I’ve lived in a tent for three years now. It isn’t a small camping tent, but it is still at the heart of it, a tent. It’s hot in the summer, and cold in the winter. Until recently the winters could be rough. Having power but not fire, I was able to only heat a maximum of 30 degrees at great financial cost. 30* each night would raise my bill nearly 200-$300 dollars. Thankfully this year someone donated a pellet stove but came at the end of winter and was no use to me, so far anyway. Summers are hot, with no shade, and the temperature inside the tent can become upwards of 130*F. A bit hot, I’d say. While, I’m not complaining at all, this is the life that I had been handed, and I have been making the best of my situation. Recently I was about to leave the house and before I did, I checked my bank account and saw $68 left. While of course it was enough for the end of the month, it wasn’t enough to buy any groceries. Money has been the bane of my existence for some time now. 

Years ago, I remember asking God for patience. I had undergone hardship and loss. Having such a small income, and worsening health, my ability to work became less likely. Somehow, the Lord has supplied every need I’ve had over the last several years. In times of absolute need the Lord would supply me with the means to manage a problem, even from as far away as a longtime friend who sent me money to help. Though she did not know what my need was, she sent money anyway, because she felt I needed help. The amount she sent was the exact amount I needed to fix my car. And of course, we cannot forget the winter stove which was anonymously donated. That stove will change my life in this upcoming winter. While those are only two examples, there are many more over the last 8 years. The Lord saved my life in the back of an ambulance when all those in the ambulance thought my days were done, the Lord had other plans for me. How magnificent is the Lord and His ability to take the most awful things, and turn them into blessings. Not knowing how the bills would be paid, and certainly not knowing how I’d be able to put food on the table, or fix things when needing to be fixed, the Lord has taught me patience, by immersing me in situations where patience was needed. There has been another virtue the Lord has taught me along with patience, and that’s been trust, and faith. Faith in Him, and knowing in that faith that He will work things out. Not that I won’t have trouble, but He is with me in that trouble. 

Over the last several years as I mentioned, my health has been deteriorating. Not a day goes by I am not in a tremendous amount of pain. I have done my best to try and enjoy life, and to do things with the youth at my church, go for hikes, and walks, do my own yard work, but as I said recently and many times before, “everything I do comes at a cost.” The key is whether or not I am able and willing to pay the cost. As a famous line in a marvel film once said, “The bill comes due, always.” Thankfully Jesus paid the ultimate bill for me, a bill I could have never paid for. Having very little chance to work and make any significant amount of money, I have found myself concerned about my future. Would I ever be able to take care of my family? It is no secret inflation has risen in the United States, but sadly the veteran income does not equal a living wage. Where I live the average rent in around $1200 a month, and that’s recently just the bad neighborhoods. Sad to say, that’s what I used to pay for a pretty nice apartment back in the day. Now, it’s just the crime ridden places, that this is the cost of rent alone. Now, with the average being 12-1500 a month, let’s take a look at veteran pay. For a 100% the average income (Which is public record) is around $3900. It doesn’t take a budget expert to see where this could become a problem. After you take rent, and add insurance, and other exploding bill cost, you can see where even an apartment would be very tight. Sadly, for me, a few years back, I was faced with several very large bills in which I couldn’t pay for, and it left me with credit card debt I couldn’t get out from under. I was facing a fire, one that I could not put out, but only mildly control. A few more emergencies and those balances would nearly max the account. Again, am I complaining, no, it’s just the facts. In order for us to understand the enormity of the Lords blessings we must understand the enormity of our situations. Much like my debt problem, that I couldn’t pay off, we have a debt problem we couldn’t pay off either. Jesus paid that debt. Jesus willingly came to earth, placed himself in harm’s way, took himself out of safety and perfection to come to this dismal little planet, live a sinless but difficult life, and then hang on a tree he created for himself to be crucified and buried for our transgressions. He paid a bill for not just one person, but the entirety of the worlds transgressions, but why? 

We are sinners by birth, a curse passed down from Adam to the rest of humanity. We are born with a debt, a mark we cannot hope to pay. We in our sin nature reject God. You do not have to teach a child to hit someone when they get angry, they do that on their own. You do not have to teach a child to lie, they do that on their own. You do not need to teach a child not to share, they do that all on their own. As Voddie Baucham once said, “Vipers in Diapers”. By our very nature we are born with sin, born with an innate sense of pride, and we want things our way. Have you ever seen a child throw a tantrum in a store because they didn’t get what they wanted? That’s the natural behavior of a child, and yet somewhere along the line we have people teaching that we are innately good. It is only by God’s grace and mercy are we good, and only good by earthly standards. By holy standards, none are good, nor are they righteous, no, not one. Jesus paid for our sins, He paid the debt we could not, by his own life. I heard it said once, if you scratch a car in a junkyard no one cares. But if you scratch a Ferrari or some other nice car, you’d likely go to jail for it. The story came with a point, it’s the value of a thing that makes it so special. Jesus was valuable which is why his life was enough to pay for the rest of humanity. He was perfect, God incarnate, and thus His sacrifice, to be the spotless lamb, would be enough to pay the debt, to be the propitiation, the substitution on our behalf. We are sinners, in need of a savior, and Jesus was that sacrifice so we may have restitution with the Father. 

In the last few years, I had become increasingly aware of the mounting debt I couldn’t get out from underneath. Having realized I’d never work again, I didn’t know how I would manage. I didn’t know how I could take care of my family. If I was ever blessed with a child, I didn’t know how I would ever be able to provide. The nights of stress kept me awake. In recent months my car had begun making strange sounds in the front tire area, and in recent days that sound turned from bad to worse as metal on metal could be heard. Needless to say, my concern for a major repair cost was on my mind. Why would God place this physical burden upon me, but not change anything else? Why wouldn’t God heal me so I could go to work to take care of my family? In recent years, especially this year, teaching and ‘preaching’ the word of God has become my primary job, yet one I do not make a single penny for. Years of telling God I wouldn’t do well as a pastor, or preacher, God it seems thought I was funny. I continued to tell God what I wouldn’t do, and here I am, writing about God’s grace, and sovereignty. A few months back the Lord provided me the way to get a mic and a cheap camera for my computer. I resumed my podcast, and now I do two podcasts a week and I still write. While I don’t get paid for what I do, the Lord has called me to do this ministry, and I have obeyed His call. Having not worked now for over 20 months, I have found I enjoy putting together lessons and being in His word. Very few days go by when I am not opening the Bible and learning something new. The days I do not get a chance to dive in, at the very least I am reading a devotional. Very recently I have started a prayer journal, and keep up daily with prayers and praises to the Lord. As my car’s looming repair was over my head, (and at the time of this writing, has not been repaired) I knew I was in trouble. The Lord’s timing is perfect. 

Over the last several months I have been preparing for a social security trial in which I would go before a judge and plead my case, with the help of a lawyer. I was under no illusions my case, while strong, wasn’t a sure thing. Patience has been the keyword in my life for a while. Waiting several months on end for a decision, only to be rejected, and having to move forward to the next phase, has taught me valuable lessons. Through our entire life we often try to feebly make our way through life, using our own idea to fix things on our own volition. We often think we know what’s best and we try to fix things on our own. When we try to fix things on our own apart from God, we most frequently screw it up. Thankfully, patience, and trust have left me with a new respect for God, and to trust His plan. I have learned to trust God and to do so with His timing, and not my own. God has shown me He is greater than all my own understanding, and by trusting in Him, I believe I am being, for lack of a better term, rewarded. My continued faith through adversity and strife, has brought me here, where the Lord in His mercy and grace, has shown me favor, and thus providing me ‘a way out’. It is said the Lord will not put more on you then you can handle, but the true statement is the Lord will not allow you to undergo temptation without a way out. Jesus is the way out of temptations. I believe my situation has given me insight to the difficulty in life itself. I am, thankfully seeing a change in situation, a change in the winds upon my face, and the seas ahead. 

As I am expected to see significant changes in my life, I am left knowing that all my struggles, and time have not been in vain. All my strife has not been for nothing. The Lord uses everything we go through, from the traumas of living in a broken world, to the test He himself may bring upon us to discipline us, or to strengthen our resolve. What the devil uses for evil, the Lord will use it for good. While I do not know the reason for the years of struggle, and now the sudden reversal of fortune, one thing has stood out to me, it will not be an easy transition. I am very aware of my concerns of returning to a life of poverty, and worse my failing to provide for my family. I believe that while it has yet to dawn on my brain the nature of what’s about to change, I will, in time adapt, albeit keep a close eye on the devil and his desire to destroy me. I have spent years trying to rebuild my life, and while I will remain in this beautiful white, canvas tent, I will be able to pay forward the blessings the Lord has given to me. While I do not know what that looks like, the Lord’s people are never shy of need. Years ago it brought me great joy, and I believe a greater joy to the Lord, for me to provide a car for a friend. Paid for by my hard work in the military. How I have wished to be able to be there like that, for people again. I do not know what my future holds, nor am I brazen enough to say all my worries will end, but Lord willing, I will have some time to breathe, and perhaps enjoy a little of God’s beautiful creation. God blesses each of us in different ways. The biggest blessing I have been blessed with, is not a change of fortune financially, but that of love. I was brought to this place, and not by chance was I introduced to those whom I would now call family. The Lord’s providence is at work, even when we do not see it, He’s working. 

I think back to the 400 years of silence between the Old and New Testaments. Was God sitting down playing games, not paying attention to us little people? No, he was moving pieces, working in the world, setting up governments, they would rise and fall, and change the landscape of the world. Eventually Rome would take over and through Rome, roads, and pathways, cities, and trade were established. These things made the way for the Gospel to be moved throughout the known world. Why was Christ born when he was? So that he would die on the cruelest torture device ever created by man. So His disciples would go and spread His Gospel to the known world. God was working then, and He’s still working now. We cannot ever know just how many tragedies He’s saved us from, or how many wrong choices we’ve avoided because of His intervening. We just don’t know what He’s actually doing. What we do know is God is good and wants good for us. Do we put ourselves aside to do His work? Do we bring Christ into every aspect of our lives, or do we just say hello on Sunday and Wednesday? Do others know we are a Christian because we always talk about it, or show Christ in our daily actions? Or would you die and no one would have known one way or another? Life is short, a vaper in the cosmos, and we have a great opportunity to seek God, because if you have the desire, it means He’s calling you. No one comes to the father unless He calls them first. Sheep do not come unless they are called. Our blessings are beyond measure; beyond anything we could comprehend. Our blessings far exceed our wildest imaginations, considering what treason, what being an enemy of the throne would bring as punishment. Death, certain death, but not a death outside of existence, but the soul survives the death of the body, therefore leaving an eternal punishment of the soul. No one is sent to Hell from God, but rather, in our obstinance, in our defiance, in our own lust for power and control, we walk the wide path straight to the fires of Hades, Hell. Christ’s gift to us, his freely given gift of grace and mercy every moment of every day, that we are not wiped from existence, but rather a gift of salvation, or being made clean of our sins, so that we may through our faith in him, enter into Heaven. Sadly, in this life, we are seeing nations falling to their desires, their lusts of power. While the Lord may hand people over to their own demise, some will remain who chose to accept the Lords’ gift, and will lay everything aside to follow Him. The rewards are beyond measure, but for me, I’d do it without the rewards. I seek no rewards, other than one sentence. “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I want to please my Lord, I want to know He’s proud of me in what I’ve become, and what I’ve fought through to be. I want to be known as a servant for Christ, and have him be pleased and proud of me. All I want is his hug and acceptance of me. I don’t wish to have bobbles, or jewels, or mansions, just to be with my Abba Father for all eternity is reward for me. It’s a gift beyond measure, so no matter the hardships faced, and those I’ve yet to endure, I pray for the Lords strength to replace my own, as I try to be a good man in the sight of the Lord. A man who God loves, and a man He’s proud of. God’s in control, He’s the good captain, and I’m just trying to do my best, and follow His commands. God has not made me a rich man of money, but a man rich in love. God has shown me favor in His love, and perhaps someday, I will no longer call this beautiful white tent home, but maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a real home, made of brick and mortar. Lord willing. The greatest gift the Lord has ever given was the gift of life through his Son Jesus dying on the cross. He created us for a relationship to Himself, and redeemed us in his Son.

For more reading and viewing visit:

The Lord Jesus is our Captain: https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/05/28/the-best-captain/

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