Why I’m Different
Growing up, I came up in a home filled with problems. A single mother with her own demons to battle. A personality that left me defenseless in a jungle full of predators in my middle school years. I was not just teased, name called, I was tortured. I was attacked, my things were stolen multiple times, thrown into occupied urinals, my clothes taken while changing and thrown out into the gym, leaving me naked in the locker room. I was jumped on my way home, pushed and shoved in the halls, hit on the bus, and the list goes on. I grew up in a school that taught me lies as truth, led me down the halls of liberalism, stuff like climate change that acid rain was going to kill us all by destroying crops, and burning us all. Rising waters would sink Florida by 2010. The Bible was wrong and the Big Bang was proven, evolution was fact, proven and accepted by all, except it wasn’t. I believed them when teachers told me that the right wanted children to starve, the right wanted to destroy the environment, and prevent families from getting welfare they desperately needed. The truth was not as simple as I was led to believe. The fact was, during those years the same kind of teaching was definitely a one-sided teaching method, intended to indoctrinate young impressionable kids, who trusted their teachers to tell them the truth. With no one at home willing or able to talk to me about political matters, science, or anything else, I fell for the lies.
In recent days I have found the show American Gladiators was resurrected. I grew up watching the show and wanted to face down the Gladiators on the field of battle. I wanted to participate in the event “Assault” so badly. It only intensified my desire to join the military. I wanted to be a G.I. Joe. I wanted to serve like my grandpa, my uncles, and so many of my family served from WWII, to Korea, to Vietnam, to Panama, Desert Storm, and I would serve in OIF. I wanted to serve my great country. The pledge of allegiance meant something to me. The military and those who served meant something to me. Growing up even my life as a Roman Catholic was marred by questions and very few answers. I questioned the Hail Mary’s. I questioned the confessions. I questioned so many things never having answers. No matter the questions I had though, my faith in God was strong, and it would lay the foundation of who I’d become. I believed in scripture. I believed in good and evil. I believed in doing what was right. By all measure I was a boy scout, I just wasn’t an actual boy scout. (We couldn’t afford it.). Today the country is as polarized as ever it has been. The country is at odds over even the most basic of questions, ‘what is a woman?’, ‘should men play in women’s sports?’, ‘should we murder babies in the womb?’. More worldwide questions like, should we finally remove the Iranian occupying government once and for all? Many people have different thoughts on all of these questions. Today people get mad over MMA on the white house lawn, with a Blue Angel, and Thunderbird flyover, but praised pride and trans people parading around the lawn topless shaking their breasts for the camera and in front of children. We are not the same.
Today, I find people are more cruel then perhaps they were while I was in school. I recently posted to Instagram about the weight loss journey I started. I couldn’t believe what happened next. I never expected to have a video be so popular. The first video I posted currently has 177,286 views. I received many cruel comments, some put into question my cosplaying a soldier. I posted a second video of me while serving in the Army, deployed to Iraq, and out of the wire on patrols. That video received 571,911 views. More and more negative comments poured in. The cruelty was so hurtful, my mental health took a massive hit. People began to body shame me, even say I was committing stolen valor. I was shocked at so much hate towards a veteran. Shocked people were calling me a fake. Body shaming me. I was called a child rapist, and a murderer. I was called a pawn of Israel. I had one person tell me it was a shame I survived. And another said it was a shame I didn’t lose all my limbs, because that’s what I deserved. A true look into the lost in this world. People will bring you down for no reason. My post was nothing but the start of my journey. I will continue to fight for weight loss. I will continue to fight for my heart recovery. I’ll continue to fight for my overall health. I will continue to try and be uplifting to others. I won’t be deterred by a bunch of internet keyboard warriors who don’t know what they are talking about.
I am a veteran, a combat veteran at that, and I’m a nerd. I am often an outsider, even among the veteran community I am considered to be different. Different doesn’t mean I don’t have value though. I may be different but I have skills that made me a good soldier. I have a mindset that made me an asset during combat operations. My ability to think about and plan for contingencies made me a good team member while preparing for when things when they went wrong. It made me a great security officer later in life, that planned an active shooter policy for a major university, the first of its kind at the school. I have always been a good employee, with a strong work ethic.
I have come to realize the lies I was told as a child, and when I look back it makes me sad. Star Trek saved my life growing up. Without a man in my life, I could look up too, the character Jean-Luc Picard was interesting to me. Sir Patrick Stewart’s portrayal of that character truly impacted my life in a positive way. A strong, moral, principled, man, leading a crew of hundreds, and showing what the best of humanity could be, gave me someone to look up too. Today, I am a Christian man who’s view on life is as principled as Captain Picard’s. I stand firm on my morals, and I am uncompromising on my beliefs. I grew up believing the goodness of Spider-Man (Peter Parker). I believed in the kindness of Steve Urkle from Family Matters. I showed love like Full House. I believed in family like Fresh-Prince of Bell Air, especially the episode with Will’s Father. I believed in Truth, Justice The American Way of Super-Man. And I believed everyone could be saved like Batman from the Animated Series. I believe everyone should be treated fairly, but the truth should hold all things in balance. We are all sinners in this life, and we all need salvation from a very real Hell we are headed for. Our own sin nature, our prideful nature, that separates us from God by saying we don’t need some cosmic genie looking over our lives. The truth is God is almighty, all knowing, and this whole universe is His. He created everything, and even created every living thing on the planet. When Eve was tempted by Satan, she fell for the lie that she could be like God. She in her pride, thought she knew better than God. We do the same each and every day of our lives. We feel we know better than God. We change His holy word because we think He’s mean. We change His word because we feel He’s wrong on homosexuality. We feel He’s cruel in the Old Testament, and nothing but love and forgiveness in the New. What most people fail to realize is the missions aren’t the same. God is not different in the Old from the New. God is the same, always. Jesus in the New displays that righteous anger we see in the Old as well. He was not always nice to the Pharisees, but He was always kind. We aren’t always nice either, but we are always called to be kind. What does this mean? When you have to discipline, or correct someone, you do so in a loving way. Recently, I had a ‘Christian’ say something to me on Instagram, and it wasn’t very nice. When I went to their page, and saw most of their stuff was Christian in theme, I was shocked. The rude comment came from a fellow Christian. It was at that time I decided I would reply in a kind way. They said “Call of Booty. Calling in a snack drop.” On their page they have Psalm 3:7, Deus Vult. My reply was this, “As a Christian do you feel this was an uplifting and edifying comment? Someone trying to recover from multiple heart surgeries. Someone continuing to push through health issues. After five years my doctors figured out why I have been gaining weight with how active I am. So my weight is not diet related. So I’ll ask again, Christian, is this how you treat fellow Christians? Praying for you. God Bless Sir.” I feel my explanation, while long, was kind, but also to the point. We never know what someone is going through. We never know someone’s background, or history, so one, we should never assume. Two, we never know what someone is going through. Whenever we can, we should be uplifting rather than tearing someone down. In fact, that’s scripture, not me. Scripture tells us to only say which is edifying. This may mean correcting someone, but even in correction we are trying to lift them up. We are never called to tear someone down. Yet, we often fall very short of this. Especially outside of the Christian community. I also had someone tell me I was a weak Christian. I found that laughable, considering I’m actually pretty tough on Christians. I’m very tough on stances of sin. I do not negotiate the Word of God at all. I am very set on the idea that my opinions don’t matter, and the only opinion that matters is God’s, and we find that in Scripture. So, to be called weak because I dress up in a Green Arrow suit and share the Gospel to nerds and those who are harder to reach, doesn’t make me weak, it just makes me different. Different people, of all kinds are used by God for different missions. We each have unique abilities, specially suited for special tasks and missions.
Growing up I loved G.I.Joe, Star Trek, Star Wars, Batman, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Dark Wing Duck, Duck Tails, Rescue Rangers, Batman The Animated Series, Spider man. I think you can see a common theme. I grew up dealing with bullies my whole life, so to be bullied on social media really wasn’t anything new, but it was a new flavor. This one hurt though. Why would people be so mean when I’m trying to do the work for the workouts. I heard it a lot when I was in HS. When I was going for the Marine Corps, I heard you’ll never make. You’re going to fail. My grandpa was one of few that told me to ignore everyone and that he believed in me. Sadly, I would get a denial letter the day before I graduated high school. It would take me a year but I never gave up, a year later I would sign the contract to be a United States Army Cavalry Scout. I would leave for basic and even in basic I had people tell me I’d fail. I never quit, and at the end on our last ruck march, when half the unit quit the march, in last place with the guy marching with a torn achilles tendon, we crossed that finish line together. We had done together what many others failed to do. We kept one another going. We stayed with one another. We encouraged one another. We never quit. That’s who I am. I’ve survived horrific things, and yet I am still here. Who am I? I’m a survivor. I’m different because God made me this way. I’m different because I grew up in a very unique and often awful circumstances. I’m different because I grew up with shows defeating evil. I grew up watching shows that solved crimes, and taught good morals. I would grow in my faith as time went on, and even with my shortcomings, I would find my way back to God. Today I am who I am, but every bit of who I am, simply wants to put a smile on my Abba Fathers face. I seek adoration from my heavenly father. I seek my Father in Heaven’s approval. I simply want to hear “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I hope when I cross that finish line I will have done my best. Yes, I may dress up like Green Arrow, or a Star Wars character, or a Star Trek Character, or an elf, or other warrior, but I am always a Christian. I may wear a combat load vest to work out in. I may do my workouts different from other people, but no matter what I am always a Christian. I may be different but never do my differences dishonor God. I am always kind to people and give them every opportunity. I am nice more often than not. I am always trying to help others. I am by no means perfect. I have plenty of short comings, and none of this post is to make me seem to be some kind of saint, trust me, it isn’t. What I hope to convey here is who I am. I deeply care about my friends, because I often didn’t have many growing up. I deeply love people in my life, because I was often alone. I often have self-doubts. I often question who I am, what I’m doing, if I’m good enough, why anyone would love me. I hear those words ring from my past, and social media, you’re not good enough, you’re ugly, why would anyone love you, why would anyone want to be with you, you will fail, you are worthless, your fat, you’re an abomination, you’re a fake, your nothing. I hear it in my head, and I find myself asking if it’s true. All I have ever wanted to do was make a difference in this world. I want to be there to help others. I want to lift up people who are in the worst stormy seas of their life. I was there once. I almost got swallowed by the darkness, but I was saved by the light. I just want to be there for people who might think there’s no hope. I want to help be the lighthouse in the treacherous seas to guide someone back to safety. There’s a line in Black Hawk Down, where one of the main characters says he “wants to make a difference.” That was something I hoped for as I left for Iraq, and it’s something I’ve kept with me most of my life. No matter what I’m doing, did I make a difference? No matters whose life I touch, did I make a difference? In the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The big question is how many lives did George Bailey touch. How many people did his life positively impact. How many people have I impacted? I obviously don’t know, but I hope the lives I have touched it’s been to improve their lives. I want to encourage people. Be there for them. Uplift them. More importantly live a Godly life before them. I’m not perfect, but I just want to help others. May I have helped someone here, reading this. Maybe I’ve helped in some way I don’t know. Maybe if I have, leave a comment, letting me know. If I can pray for you look up my email in the contact page and reach out to me. If I can pray for you, or maybe answer questions about scripture, I’d love to try. Do your best to be a righteous person before a Holy God. Do your best to be kind, and loving. Do your best to do your best.
Go In Peace, Go In Love, Be Kind, and Live Long And Prosper
The Arrow Preacher 