Tag: Combat Veteran

Why I’m Different

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Why I’m Different

Growing up, I came up in a home filled with problems. A single mother with her own demons to battle. A personality that left me defenseless in a jungle full of predators in my middle school years. I was not just teased, name called, I was tortured. I was attacked, my things were stolen multiple times, thrown into occupied urinals, my clothes taken while changing and thrown out into the gym, leaving me naked in the locker room. I was jumped on my way home, pushed and shoved in the halls, hit on the bus, and the list goes on. I grew up in a school that taught me lies as truth, led me down the halls of liberalism, stuff like climate change that acid rain was going to kill us all by destroying crops, and burning us all. Rising waters would sink Florida by 2010. The Bible was wrong and the Big Bang was proven, evolution was fact, proven and accepted by all, except it wasn’t. I believed them when teachers told me that the right wanted children to starve, the right wanted to destroy the environment, and prevent families from getting welfare they desperately needed. The truth was not as simple as I was led to believe. The fact was, during those years the same kind of teaching was definitely a one-sided teaching method, intended to indoctrinate young impressionable kids, who trusted their teachers to tell them the truth. With no one at home willing or able to talk to me about political matters, science, or anything else, I fell for the lies. 

In recent days I have found the show American Gladiators was resurrected. I grew up watching the show and wanted to face down the Gladiators on the field of battle. I wanted to participate in the event “Assault” so badly. It only intensified my desire to join the military. I wanted to be a G.I. Joe. I wanted to serve like my grandpa, my uncles, and so many of my family served from WWII, to Korea, to Vietnam, to Panama, Desert Storm, and I would serve in OIF. I wanted to serve my great country. The pledge of allegiance meant something to me. The military and those who served meant something to me. Growing up even my life as a Roman Catholic was marred by questions and very few answers. I questioned the Hail Mary’s. I questioned the confessions. I questioned so many things never having answers. No matter the questions I had though, my faith in God was strong, and it would lay the foundation of who I’d become. I believed in scripture. I believed in good and evil. I believed in doing what was right. By all measure I was a boy scout, I just wasn’t an actual boy scout. (We couldn’t afford it.). Today the country is as polarized as ever it has been. The country is at odds over even the most basic of questions, ‘what is a woman?’, ‘should men play in women’s sports?’, ‘should we murder babies in the womb?’. More worldwide questions like, should we finally remove the Iranian occupying government once and for all? Many people have different thoughts on all of these questions. Today people get mad over MMA on the white house lawn, with a Blue Angel, and Thunderbird flyover, but praised pride and trans people parading around the lawn topless shaking their breasts for the camera and in front of children. We are not the same. 

Today, I find people are more cruel then perhaps they were while I was in school. I recently posted to Instagram about the weight loss journey I started. I couldn’t believe what happened next. I never expected to have a video be so popular. The first video I posted currently has 177,286 views. I received many cruel comments, some put into question my cosplaying a soldier. I posted a second video of me while serving in the Army, deployed to Iraq, and out of the wire on patrols. That video received 571,911 views. More and more negative comments poured in. The cruelty was so hurtful, my mental health took a massive hit. People began to body shame me, even say I was committing stolen valor. I was shocked at so much hate towards a veteran. Shocked people were calling me a fake. Body shaming me. I was called a child rapist, and a murderer. I was called a pawn of Israel. I had one person tell me it was a shame I survived. And another said it was a shame I didn’t lose all my limbs, because that’s what I deserved.  A true look into the lost in this world. People will bring you down for no reason. My post was nothing but the start of my journey. I will continue to fight for weight loss. I will continue to fight for my heart recovery. I’ll continue to fight for my overall health. I will continue to try and be uplifting to others. I won’t be deterred by a bunch of internet keyboard warriors who don’t know what they are talking about. 

I am a veteran, a combat veteran at that, and I’m a nerd. I am often an outsider, even among the veteran community I am considered to be different. Different doesn’t mean I don’t have value though. I may be different but I have skills that made me a good soldier. I have a mindset that made me an asset during combat operations. My ability to think about and plan for contingencies made me a good team member while preparing for when things when they went wrong. It made me a great security officer later in life, that planned an active shooter policy for a major university, the first of its kind at the school. I have always been a good employee, with a strong work ethic. 

I have come to realize the lies I was told as a child, and when I look back it makes me sad. Star Trek saved my life growing up. Without a man in my life, I could look up too, the character Jean-Luc Picard was interesting to me. Sir Patrick Stewart’s portrayal of that character truly impacted my life in a positive way. A strong, moral, principled, man, leading a crew of hundreds, and showing what the best of humanity could be, gave me someone to look up too. Today, I am a Christian man who’s view on life is as principled as Captain Picard’s. I stand firm on my morals, and I am uncompromising on my beliefs. I grew up believing the goodness of Spider-Man (Peter Parker). I believed in the kindness of Steve Urkle from Family Matters. I showed love like Full House. I believed in family like Fresh-Prince of Bell Air, especially the episode with Will’s Father. I believed in Truth, Justice The American Way of Super-Man. And I believed everyone could be saved like Batman from the Animated Series. I believe everyone should be treated fairly, but the truth should hold all things in balance. We are all sinners in this life, and we all need salvation from a very real Hell we are headed for. Our own sin nature, our prideful nature, that separates us from God by saying we don’t need some cosmic genie looking over our lives. The truth is God is almighty, all knowing, and this whole universe is His. He created everything, and even created every living thing on the planet. When Eve was tempted by Satan, she fell for the lie that she could be like God. She in her pride, thought she knew better than God. We do the same each and every day of our lives. We feel we know better than God. We change His holy word because we think He’s mean. We change His word because we feel He’s wrong on homosexuality. We feel He’s cruel in the Old Testament, and nothing but love and forgiveness in the New. What most people fail to realize is the missions aren’t the same. God is not different in the Old from the New. God is the same, always. Jesus in the New displays that righteous anger we see in the Old as well. He was not always nice to the Pharisees, but He was always kind. We aren’t always nice either, but we are always called to be kind. What does this mean? When you have to discipline, or correct someone, you do so in a loving way. Recently, I had a ‘Christian’ say something to me on Instagram, and it wasn’t very nice. When I went to their page, and saw most of their stuff was Christian in theme, I was shocked. The rude comment came from a fellow Christian. It was at that time I decided I would reply in a kind way. They said “Call of Booty. Calling in a snack drop.” On their page they have Psalm 3:7, Deus Vult. My reply was this, “As a Christian do you feel this was an uplifting and edifying comment? Someone trying to recover from multiple heart surgeries. Someone continuing to push through health issues. After five years my doctors figured out why I have been gaining weight with how active I am. So my weight is not diet related. So I’ll ask again, Christian, is this how you treat fellow Christians? Praying for you. God Bless Sir.” I feel my explanation, while long, was kind, but also to the point. We never know what someone is going through. We never know someone’s background, or history, so one, we should never assume. Two, we never know what someone is going through. Whenever we can, we should be uplifting rather than tearing someone down. In fact, that’s scripture, not me. Scripture tells us to only say which is edifying. This may mean correcting someone, but even in correction we are trying to lift them up. We are never called to tear someone down. Yet, we often fall very short of this. Especially outside of the Christian community. I also had someone tell me I was a weak Christian. I found that laughable, considering I’m actually pretty tough on Christians. I’m very tough on stances of sin. I do not negotiate the Word of God at all. I am very set on the idea that my opinions don’t matter, and the only opinion that matters is God’s, and we find that in Scripture. So, to be called weak because I dress up in a Green Arrow suit and share the Gospel to nerds and those who are harder to reach, doesn’t make me weak, it just makes me different. Different people, of all kinds are used by God for different missions. We each have unique abilities, specially suited for special tasks and missions. 

Growing up I loved G.I.Joe, Star Trek, Star Wars, Batman, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Dark Wing Duck, Duck Tails, Rescue Rangers, Batman The Animated Series, Spider man. I think you can see a common theme. I grew up dealing with bullies my whole life, so to be bullied on social media really wasn’t anything new, but it was a new flavor. This one hurt though. Why would people be so mean when I’m trying to do the work for the workouts. I heard it a lot when I was in HS. When I was going for the Marine Corps, I heard you’ll never make. You’re going to fail. My grandpa was one of few that told me to ignore everyone and that he believed in me. Sadly, I would get a denial letter the day before I graduated high school. It would take me a year but I never gave up, a year later I would sign the contract to be a United States Army Cavalry Scout. I would leave for basic and even in basic I had people tell me I’d fail. I never quit, and at the end on our last ruck march, when half the unit quit the march, in last place with the guy marching with a torn achilles tendon, we crossed that finish line together. We had done together what many others failed to do. We kept one another going. We stayed with one another. We encouraged one another. We never quit. That’s who I am. I’ve survived horrific things, and yet I am still here. Who am I? I’m a survivor. I’m different because God made me this way. I’m different because I grew up in a very unique and often awful circumstances. I’m different because I grew up with shows defeating evil. I grew up watching shows that solved crimes, and taught good morals. I would grow in my faith as time went on, and even with my shortcomings, I would find my way back to God. Today I am who I am, but every bit of who I am, simply wants to put a smile on my Abba Fathers face. I seek adoration from my heavenly father. I seek my Father in Heaven’s approval. I simply want to hear “Well done my good and faithful servant.” I hope when I cross that finish line I will have done my best. Yes, I may dress up like Green Arrow, or a Star Wars character, or a Star Trek Character, or an elf, or other warrior, but I am always a Christian. I may wear a combat load vest to work out in. I may do my workouts different from other people, but no matter what I am always a Christian. I may be different but never do my differences dishonor God. I am always kind to people and give them every opportunity. I am nice more often than not. I am always trying to help others. I am by no means perfect. I have plenty of short comings, and none of this post is to make me seem to be some kind of saint, trust me, it isn’t. What I hope to convey here is who I am. I deeply care about my friends, because I often didn’t have many growing up. I deeply love people in my life, because I was often alone. I often have self-doubts. I often question who I am, what I’m doing, if I’m good enough, why anyone would love me. I hear those words ring from my past, and social media, you’re not good enough, you’re ugly, why would anyone love you, why would anyone want to be with you, you will fail, you are worthless, your fat, you’re an abomination, you’re a fake, your nothing. I hear it in my head, and I find myself asking if it’s true. All I have ever wanted to do was make a difference in this world. I want to be there to help others. I want to lift up people who are in the worst stormy seas of their life. I was there once. I almost got swallowed by the darkness, but I was saved by the light. I just want to be there for people who might think there’s no hope. I want to help be the lighthouse in the treacherous seas to guide someone back to safety. There’s a line in Black Hawk Down, where one of the main characters says he “wants to make a difference.” That was something I hoped for as I left for Iraq, and it’s something I’ve kept with me most of my life. No matter what I’m doing, did I make a difference? No matters whose life I touch, did I make a difference? In the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” The big question is how many lives did George Bailey touch. How many people did his life positively impact. How many people have I impacted? I obviously don’t know, but I hope the lives I have touched it’s been to improve their lives. I want to encourage people. Be there for them. Uplift them. More importantly live a Godly life before them. I’m not perfect, but I just want to help others. May I have helped someone here, reading this. Maybe I’ve helped in some way I don’t know. Maybe if I have, leave a comment, letting me know. If I can pray for you look up my email in the contact page and reach out to me. If I can pray for you, or maybe answer questions about scripture, I’d love to try. Do your best to be a righteous person before a Holy God. Do your best to be kind, and loving. Do your best to do your best. 

Go In Peace, Go In Love, Be Kind, and Live Long And Prosper

I Was A Sheep Dog Once

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I Was A Sheep Dog Once

I was 18 when I got the letter from the Department of Defense, denied. I had an emergency, second umbilical hernia surgery. I was completely devastated. By the grace of God one year later I was walking through a grocery store when I ran across a recruiter. I told him my story, and he told me to try again in so many months. Let the surgery heal, and once it did for a year, then, try again. I didn’t have a backup plan. My backup plan to go to college fell apart for various reasons. It wasn’t that I wasn’t smart enough for college, it was the situation I was in. Later in my life I would go, and I would graduate with a 6.65 GPA. Not too shabby. I would first go to the Air Force recruiter, but I didn’t love the idea of desk job, and didn’t really love the idea of being security forces (Military Police). When I got back from MEPS, I got back with no recruiter waiting for me to discuss further options. I was angry. I immediately went into the Army Recruiters office, and he gave me a pamphlet. By the time I was home a mere 15 minute drive, I circled several options. When I got home. I began using the internet to narrow down my selection till I had one clear choice, Calvary Scout. When I went back to MEPS this time under the Army Flag, there was only one spot for scout training, if I wanted to leave in 4 months, I would have to write an essay, and thankfully I was chosen. I did pretty well in Basic, but I wasn’t top of my class, but I finished with honor anyway. I finished the 25Kilo Ruck March crossing the finish line, after a week in the field, with little food (I was a vegetarian), and no sleep, we embarked on the finial ruck of training. When I crossed the finish line, I knew I would get my cross sabers. 

Not everyone finished the ruck, but the smallest guy in the platoon did. I would train and deploy. I would go to Korea first where I learned how to be a warfighter. What is a warfighter you may ask, “A warfighter is a military service member—soldier, sailor, airman, or marine—directly engaged in or trained for combat and operations, emphasizing a cohesive, agile approach to winning battles” My platoon was directly responsible for several missions at the same time. We would do vehicle patrols, observation posts (OP’s for short), We’d do EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal) escorts. We would do raids, we would do what we called snatch and grabs, where we would sneak in, or bust in and arrest high value targets. We’d often have to do a breach to enter into the dwelling quickly. We’d move into sniper/ambush missions. Sometimes our days were filled with several missions, one right after another. We were often away from the base for hours, and often days at a time. We’d not only be away from our beds, but we’d be away from help, and we’d do our missions with only 4-5 soldiers. We had a heavy work load, and we often found ourselves going from one mission to another. I was trained as a weapon. The idea of a soldier being a weapon is not new. Everything I learned in Iraq, and in the Army taught me how to survive. Since then, the time I worked in security, the time I worked in a detention facility, all taught me valuable lessons about what it means to be a protector. 

During my time in college, I studied the human mind, the mindset of a criminal, and in many cases the mindset of a terrorist. I studied homeland security, emergency management, terrorism, and a whole lot of psychology. Today I still use what I have learned on a much smaller scale. I protect my home, and anyone that may be in my orbit while I’m out of the house. For a long time, I made do with what I had. Now my situation has changed a bit, but I am still protecting my home and those around me. No matter the situation it’s important to focus mostly on the intent. Some people have more of a protector mentality then others. When I was a kid, I did my best to stand up to bullies, even though I was tremendously bullied. Later in life I swore I’d stand up for the little guy. I swore I’d stand up to fight bullies any chance I’d get. 

One day at church I was approached by a member of the safety team at my church, to see if I’d be interested in serving on that ministry. I was given my assignment, and when we’d next meet, and so it began, I was a new member of the safety team at church. Some who still live under a rock think a security team is not necessary. I could not disagree more. Some who disagree say it’s not the Christian way. In scripture it talks about the Temple Guards. Keepers of the peace and protection, inside the temple. Scripture tells us to the best of our ability live in peace with all man. It never says to roll over and let people hurt you. IF the government deems your death to be necessary, because you serve a mighty God, to trust in the Lord, even if it means dying for your faith. Old Testament Law says Exodus 22:2-3 2 “If the thief is caught while breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there will be no bloodguiltiness on his account. 3 But if the sun has risen on him, there will be bloodguiltiness on his account. He shall surely make restitution; if he owns nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft.” While the rules at the time change for daylight, we have a different set of laws which are still acceptable. We call it the ‘Castle Doctrine’. The home is your castle, and you are given legal right to assume someone breaking in beyond the threshold of the door or window is there to do you harm. Scripture tells us to follow the law of the land. We have a responsibility to defend our homes from attackers. In the middle east, homes still to this day, specifically Iraq, every household has the right to defend itself, so they all have a rifle with two magazines. 

We all have responsibilities and while our first priority is to Christ, and living in peace, we must understand that sometimes that peace is taken from us by others. We don’t always have a say when we need to act in the interest in protecting ourselves or our loved ones. I find myself longing for the days when I felt like I was making a difference in this life. I have always felt the need, the desire to protect others around me. I was shocked when I watched the movie American Sniper to hear such an amazing quote that summed up how I had felt my whole life. By the time American Sniper came out I had already been discharged from the Army. I did not know it, but Kyle had served in Ramadi the same time, I was there. 

It is said his father said this quote: 

“There are three types of people in this world: sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. Some people prefer to believe that evil doesn’t exist in the world, and if it ever darkened their doorstep, they wouldn’t know how to protect themselves. Those are the sheep.

Wayne Kyle: Then you’ve got predators who use violence to prey on the weak. They’re the wolves.

Wayne Kyle: And then there are those blessed with the gift of aggression, an overpowering need to protect the flock. These men are the rare breed who live to confront the wolf. They are the sheepdog.” 

I was meek growing up. I often took the beatings that came my way from bullies. I guess, in some ways I displayed similar characteristics as Tommy from Kenny Rogers song Coward of The County. When push came to shove, Tommy did what he needed too, and in one day proved the county wrong. While in Iraq, I too did what needed to be done. Today, I find myself facing the truth of who I am. I cannot stay or remain silent of the evil I see in today’s world. I see the murder of children. I see the mutilation of children. I see the eroding of God given rights to people. I see the rise of corruption and the mass migration away from the Word of God. Evil rises all around us, and all we can do now, is prepare for the worst, and pray it never happens. Scripture shows us how important it is to plan for the future. In Joshua’s story, famine came to all the land, and he knew he needed to prepare for it, or everyone would parish. In my own life, on a much smaller scale, I see the need to prepare. Maybe it’s the emergency management mindset I have, or the experience in the Army planning for every contingency possible, but I always did my best to prepare. In recent months I have found how important it is that if I am going to be the sheep dog of old, I need to prepare my body for the fight. I cannot overstate how hard that is for me. My mind is willing but my body It seems didn’t get the memo. I struggle these days with things I shouldn’t. My body has failed in so many ways. It’s hard for me to keep pushing forward, when my body fails every week, it seems. When I wake up, I have to force myself to get out of bed even though I hurt. I have to push myself to go to Cardiac Rehab even though I didn’t sleep the night before. I have to convince myself to do my workouts, push my body, even though I hurt and ache every day. I know that this life is a fleeting one, one full of pain, and suffering, but much like Paul, sometimes the thorn in our sides is not removed by God. I have grown to put my faith in God, but I will admit sometimes it’s hard. My mind is willing, but my flesh is weak. My pain is fluid, it changes regularly, but it reminds me of my hardships, and just how sweet Heaven will be. What is this pain we suffer for a little compared to an eternity in the presence of God in Heaven. 

Even with my problems, I do my best to remain as positive as possible. My focus is always on the protection of those around me. With the current uptick in terrorist related attacks, and the threats against conservative Christian men, I find myself on constant high alert. The danger is real, and so is my response. I know what I need to do to stay safe, and because of that I have to wrestle with two truths. Truth one, is I am a Christian Soldier for Christ, fighting in an invisible war for people’s souls. Truth two, I am fighting as the spiritual leader of my household, which also makes me the soul protector in the non-invisible world as well. I must be both at the same time. I must be willing to do what is necessary to protect myself, my family, and those who are weak from harm. We see SheepDogs in a few different places. One, and mostly the military. Special Operators are often referred to as sheepdogs. Police, Firefighters, and some citizens would fall into the category of a sheepdog also. 

John 10:11-12 11 “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand, and not a shepherd, who is not the owner of the sheep, sees the wolf coming, and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them.”

Jesus calls himself the good shepherd who lays down his life to protect us. It takes great amounts of courage to stand up to wolves. When I was child and I was bullied, I didn’t have anyone stand up for me. But if we are to be Christ like in our lives, that means we too must be willing to lay down our lives doing what’s right. 

Matthew 10:16  “16 “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.”

It’s important to be vigilant while out in public. People have always been dangerous, but this goes as an ebb and flow in time. Look at how dangerous it was back in the days of Jesus. Today, we see ourselves having to deal with more criminals as judges are soft on crime. Those of us who can protect, need to protect. Jesus is telling his disciples they are going into harms way. He tells them how to respond in the current situation they would find themselves. 

As important as it is to be a physical sheepdog, we must also be spiritual sheepdogs. 

Acts 20:28-29 28 Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. 29 I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; 

We have a responsibility to the truth, protecting the truth, and also protecting the sheep within the flock. One individual from scripture I have often gravitated towards is the story of Gideon. A man who was humble, perhaps even too humble, said he was the weakest of all his brothers. Even though he called himself the meekest of all his kin, he was chosen by God to lead an army. Gideon before war had 32000 men. Prior to the battle, he gave his men one last chance to leave. Any man who knelt down to drink would be sent home. He was left with 10000 men, then before the battle had only 300 men. There were few sheepdogs willing to stand up and fight. Even though he had a few 300 men they won the battle. I grew up a weak sheep, and when I graduated basic training, I vowed never to let someone bully me or harm the people I care about. A true sheepdog doesn’t seek out danger. We aren’t vigilantes. True sheepdogs want peace, we want peace so bad because we have seen the terrors of war. Because we have seen war, we value peace more than those who have only lived in peace. Sheepdogs want to keep and preserve the peace. 

In recent years church security has become more main stream. At my old church I was a part of the safety team. The mission is protecting the flock. If there was ever an incident, handle it without the rest of the congregation being aware of it, letting service continue uninterrupted. We saw recently when a Jewish Synagogue was attacked by an armed gunman, and was met by Synagogue armed security. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke). This quote suggests that apathy, silence, and inaction, permit evil to flourish. This is exactly what happened during WWII. The world stood by as the Nazi’s took over Germany, and when the countries surrounded by Germany began to fall one by one, the U.S. did very little, till the attack came to our doorstep. We allowed Germany to gain ground, and we in our apathy, allowed evil to flourish. Guns, knives, bow’s, etc. are all tools. We as a society (a worldly one) have begun having ridiculously crazy conversations about objects. In England, a famous English actor said we don’t need knives with points because kitchen knives are used in more attacks than any other bladed objects. Yet another ban on items rather than dealing with the true nature of the problem, people. In Australia, the land of dangerous things, they’ve banned machetes. Personally, with swords now being banned around the world, tools of the farm, or just survival, the change of what a man is, is imminent. I once saw a quote, “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times” (Apparently quoted G. Michael Hopf) It takes a lot effort to create a society that prospers. Our very nation is the pinnacle of that idea. It took a lot of struggles, and hard work to build this country from nothing. From that nothing, a country began being built. In 1776 strong men got together to free a nation from the control of a king. To be free, and have the freedom that God has given to all men. Over the last 250 years this nation has endured good times and hard times. The situation now however, across the world is one of a steady decline. Since WWII while there’s been conflict somewhere around the world at all times, we’ve not had a great war. After Vietnam came Iraq and after 20 years of fighting this country has never seen war here at home. People here have forgotten history. Politicians here have begun to try and disarm the American people, a failsafe to ensure we have our freedoms protected. No armed forces have stepped foot in America, and one main reason is our freedom to bear arms. While this does not make someone strong, nor does it make someone a sheepdog, it is understood that our protections have followed the quote to its most logical conclusion. Our good times have indeed created hard times. The push, the desire to feminize men; the attack on masculinity has neutered, and softened their hands of men. Men once bore the sword for righteousness. Today we often do not think about government, police, or military carrying out the will of God against evil, but surely I say to you, there is Biblical precedent to this. (Speaking to those who do iniquities) 

Romans 13:4b But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword of nothing; for it is a minister of God, and avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil.” 

This is referring to governments need to protect the innocent, to destroy evil where it stands. We as a society must remember 

“What must not be lost sight of is that, unpleasant as is the task of the jailor and the use of the whip, the cell, the noose, the guillotine, these things stand behind the stability of a civilized society, and they stand there necessarily, for God has declared it so, in harmony with reality, rather than with apostate sociological opinion.” (Robert Culver) 

Men willing to stand up and fight must remember there is no greater honor than to lay down one’s life for a friend. We as men must stand in courage to do what it necessary, to continue to fight the good fight, and never lose sight of doing good in the sight of God. We must continue our journey to fight the good fight as good Christian soldiers. We must continue to stand up to evil, and those who would do evil. Perhaps an unpopular take, but we must remember to do what’s right even if that takes us to far distant lands. In the words of Uncle Ben “With great power, comes great responsibility.” I am not saying we should go to war at the drop of a dime, nor should we. I’m also not saying that we should get involved in every conflict anywhere. But sometimes one must pick up the sword to destroy an evil bent on bringing that evil to the rest of the world. Iran is one such evil. Some may not like how our current president got to where we are, some may have disagreements with some of the details, and that’s fine. but the removal of dictators who’ve murdered their own people, murdered others around the world, sponsor terrorism, and those who support terrorism here at home, should be dealt with by means that are reasonable. Are we willing to stand up to do what is right, or as Dumbledore once said, “Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) 

For a long time, I felt like I lost something. After I got out of the military I struggled with purpose. I wasn’t following Christ as I should since I wasn’t actively serving my Lord. Sure, I believed, but that couldn’t have been seen in my actions. I went on sinning, thinking I was covered, and my fire insurance was set. I made poor decisions, even though I was doing the best to be a good friend, good husband, and in my own eyes, a good Christian. The problem was, I wasn’t doing anything to lead my home spiritually. I wasn’t setting the Christ like example before my family. I lost my way. Once upon a time I believed that the sheepdog in me was dead. I believed that I couldn’t protect my family because of past mistakes. I believed that because of my physical limitations from heart surgery and other issues I was worthless. I felt worthless, and my body screamed it. In recent months I have moved into a new phase within my life, and because of the grace, mercy, and faithfulness of God, much of what I lost in 2016 has been restored. If you remain faithful to the Lord even in the most difficult times you will receive restoration. Does this mean you’ll get everything back, the house, shiny new car, etc.? No, but one way or another you will receive restoration, either in life, or eternal life. In the last few months, I have been restored in some very specific ways, and that thing has allowed me to feel safe, comfortable, prepared, and strong. I finally feel as if a big part of who I was has been restored, and I am so thankful to God to allow me to experience His grace through restoration. Yes, I was a sheepdog once, but today, I can say, even despite my physical limitations, I am a sheepdog again. I am a Christian soldier, ready to deploy, ready to continue the fight, ready to share the Good News which is what the Gospel means. Christ is King, our commander in chief. We have the Holy Spirit with us, guiding us, showing us the path, and we have the host (a military term meaning troops, or army) of angels on our side. IF God is for us, who can be against us? Satan has lost the war, and despite that he tries to win battles, but we have the truth on our side. We have the safety and security knowing that the sheepdog that looks after us is the Good Shepherd. He not only defends us Himself, but He uses His mighty host of angels to do His will. We are soldiers, we are sheepdogs, and sheepdogs never die, they just get called home. Fight the good fight Brothers and Sisters, fight on. 

I realize some of this may be controversial to some. I will say this. Do what the Lord convicts you. If you don’t like weapons, and feel if someone breaks in to do you or your family harm and that’s the will of God, that is well within your right. Follow your own convictions. As long as they match scripture.

God Bless, 

Live Long And Prosper

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Sufficient IS The Word

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Sufficient Is The Word

It’s been 19 years. 19 years since my life changed. I’m not sure why young men are so anxious to go to war. Between personal experience, and how it’s portrayed in movies, young men are all too excited to go to war and fight for what they believe in. The idea of going to war is also one of fear, and we think nothing of what is to come. 

Psalm 144:1 

144 Blessed be the Lord my Rock,

Who trains my hands for war,

And my fingers for battle—

I have told this story many times, the morning was beautiful. There was a quiet in the air. The streets empty, contrast to the normally busy, bustling city. The absence of people could only mean one thing… War. The explosions making trucks disappear, the sound of bullets ricocheting off of the truck, and RPG’s flying overhead and all around the truck, exploding nearby. War was upon us, and the well-coordinated ambush could be our last. But God, had a different plan for us. Early in the ambush my posture changed and I felt a warm feeling come over my body, it came with a strange peace. The feeling of something covering my hands, holding my body still, providing comfort and security, covered my whole body. When the conflict was over, the feeling disappeared, and the emotions flooded to the surface, my body shook, and anyone near me could tell. During the fifteen minutes of hell, the truck was a loud place, screaming and gunfire from the inside, explosions from the outside, and all the while I was at peace. Only upon stopping at the convoy had I learned the fate of my truck. The last mile, the truck would not go faster than around five miles per hour. After my foot came off the gas and the truck stopped running, it would not start again for many weeks. The truck took catastrophic damage, and upon further investigation, the truck had taken so much damage, the major fluids were not present. Oil began spraying the hood, and up onto the windshield. Grace, it seems, covered the truck in protection, and guided us to safety. 

Grace, in this instance, I believe whole heartedly was the Holy Spirit. If not the Holy Spirit, an Angel sent by God to guide us to safety. Either way, sent by God to protect us. God chose to save us, and it would be years before I came to understand the saying of Paul,

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul pleaded with God to remove the thorn in his flesh, a messenger of Satan, to buffet him. Why would it take me so long to reach the same conclusion? I had seen death and destruction, and knew it was the Lord that saw me through, but it would take me years to hear in my own head, “your grace is sufficient.” 

We love to live in our sins. We love to think we have control over our own lives. We think God is a cosmic Santa Clause there for our needs and our wants, but we don’t see Him as Lord, just savior. There is a saying, “there are no atheists in a fox hole.” There is so much of God’s beauty in this world, yet, we often ignore the creator, and we as a society have begun to worship the created. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The everlasting God, the Lord,

The Creator of the ends of the earth,

Neither faints nor is weary.

His understanding is unsearchable.

29 He gives power to the weak,

And to those who have no might He increases strength.

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,

And the young men shall utterly fall,

31 But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

If we are to walk in the faith, we must see the world, see the sin, see God in His creation. We must see that God created all, and His grace is what keeps us here. God keeps us here in his Mercy. God gives us these things day to day, and yet we turn to the creation, we turn to the stars, we turn to ourselves, and our idols, before we see an everlasting God. 

In recent years I have often felt weary, and tired. I look to the world to see what’s going on around me, and I find myself broken hearted. How far we, a once shining nation, a nation under God, a light on the hill, has now fallen. Other countries now look to the U.S. as morally bankrupt. A corrupt and leaderless nation, full of debauchery, a nation that now looks more “amoral: having no moral standards, restraints, or principles; unaware of or indifferent to questions of right or wrong: than ever before.” (Dictionary.com) During these times of personal struggle, I have tried to stay firm, and strong, despite the pushback I have experienced. I have been called names, I have been ridiculed, and I have seen people leave out of my life. I have come to realize, it isn’t just God’s grace that is sufficient, but God’s Holy Word also. Scripture is sufficient. Scripture is truth, and no other opinion matters. “The Word of God is the anvil upon which the opinions of men are smashed.” (Charles H. Spurgeon) 

Why did I survive 19 years ago? Why during all the close calls, did I make it home, when so many others did not. 68 combat deaths, and hundreds of purple hearts, and I made it home with just a few scratches, and some emotional scars. God is sovereign, his Will is perfect. 

Isaiah 40:31

31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

I cannot fathom today a life without Jesus. I know I would not be here times over, had it not been for Jesus being with me. Having been spared in Iraq, then many times since then, and as I approach yet another anniversary beyond today, I am reminded the power, and mercy, and love of the Father and Christ. I would not be here if it wasn’t for that grace, and I cannot call it luck either. Nothing happens outside of the will of God, so while we say lucky out of habit, in reality, it is God’s will. Perhaps some day I may know why God chose to spare me 19 years ago, along with my crew, but for today, I trust in Him. I remember that day, and find myself thankful. I am thankful for the hardships and the blessings that have come from it. I am thankful for where I am today, even if life today is far from easy. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I am thankful for all I have. Some days I break down and cry, hoping for an easier life, hoping for an easier time, but I know if it’s God’s will, He will bring me out of the valley, and I will be at peace. However, in my prayers, and in my hope, I find peace of spirit, even on the battle field today. The war for me in Iraq may be over, but the spiritual war is far from that. I have a new mission, and it’s to provide for my family, and be in constant prayer. Lead my family and pray always. As a man, I am to lead by example. Lead my family in worship at home. Be the spiritual head of the household. Today, and always the Lords grace is sufficient. His will, his love, his Holy word, is sufficient. 

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.