“Not all who those wander are lost” Tolkein. John the Baptist lived in the wilderness, living off the land, yet he was never lost. Christians often find ourselves living in a world designed by Satan to be hostile to Christians who do not stay silent about their faith. While martyrdom is fairly common place in places where the church is under constant attack, it’s less common here in the U.S. Recently a brother in Christ, Charlie Kirk was martyred for his faith in a public assassination/execution. In the wake of his death, many have begun to stand up and scream their faith from the highest mountain tops. Social media is flooded with new voices coming from the darkness to debate in the public square. College campuses have seen these new voices take on the secular world with boldness. Silence one voice and many will rise to take its place.
For a long time, I stayed quiet about my faith, afraid of pushing people away because I wanted to feel like I belonged. For a long time, I filled my life with those of the secular world, but as long as they called me friend, I overlooked blatant sin. Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, 14 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” How can a Christian live in this life and do so with so few standing beside them? Scripture tells us not to forsake the assembly (Heb 10:25). We must learn to stand together, join together, and together let our voices be heard. We are sojourners in this life, citizens of heaven (Phill 3:20). We are given warning in 1 Peter 2:11 11 “Beloved, I urge you as aliens (Sojourners) and strangers (Exiles) to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.” We must learn how to do this though, learn how to walk as an ambassador (2 Corinth 5:20) for the Lord.
In order for us to be ready for the war we face on earth, we must learn what each piece of the armor is for, how it works, and why. We must prepare our fingers for battle, the spiritual battle. We must be prepared to give up one’s life for the Lord if called upon. Scripture tells us to have a defense of our faith (1 Peter 3:15), to be able to articulate the Gospel to the non-believer. We must acknowledge that Paul calls us a soldier for Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3-4 3 “Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We know we will suffer for Christ because to pick up ones cross as we are called to do, Matthew 16:24 24 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” We are to deny the lusts of this world, the lusts that draw us away from The Kingdom of God. When we focus on the riches, the baubles of this world, we take our eyes away from the Kingdom, and thus, that object becomes an idol. We must guard our eyes, our minds, our bodies of the draw of Satan, the desires that make us feel good in the moment, but empty and dead in the end.
The righteous man will fight the good fight, and train his mind, his body, and his soul for the battle ahead. We as soldiers must be prepared for the journey we face daily. The first thing we must do is the use the belt of truth. (Eph 6:14) What is truth, the Gospel, Jesus, the Bible is truth. Next is protecting your heart with the Breastplate of Righteousness. We must protect our heart, and allow God to make us born again, turning our heart from stone to flesh. From dead men to alive. Put on the Sandals of the Gospel of Peace. Everywhere we go we must walk with that peace. We must be willing to share the gospel and spread truth with every step we take. We must know that the sandals allow us to dig in when the storm comes, like cleats on the football field. This allows us to bury our feet into the ground with the spikes on the bottoms of the sandals. This symbolizes not giving into the attacks of Satan. Not allowing the secular world to change, alter, water down, or compromise the Gospel, the Truth of Jesus Christ. We must then take up the Shield of Faith. Knowing that the war is upon us, and the flaming arrows from Satan will reign down all around us, the shield protects us in our faith. There will be times when Satan will reign down hell upon us, and we must learn to ‘get small’ behind that shield. Allow it to take the arrows, allow your faith to absorb the attacks knowing that this is not home, and there is a far better place awaiting the believer. What is a little suffering compared to the eternity of Heaven? Little Christian, protect your mind by wearing the Helmet of Salvation. Be mindful of what you watch, read, and listen too. Guard your tongue and know that the tongue can build up or tear down. Proverbs 18:21 says the tongue has the power of life and death. What we say is a representation of what’s in our hearts. We must use the helmet to protect against the propaganda machine of the deceiver. Social media has leveled up the Devils ability to push his narrative, his lies, and desensitize us to the lies he spreads.
Finally brothers and sisters, take up the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT. Ephesians 6:18-20 18 “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, 19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” The sword is the gospel, and with the spirit of God with us, we take our prayers to the Lord. We lift up our daily and continuous prayers before the Throne of Grace. Since we are against the spiritual, our weapon is the spiritual kind. The truth we find in scripture is the one and only truth, the way to heaven, and the way to life. Outside of the truth in scripture is death. For those who are not born again, for them, life has no hope. Death and darkness await the unbeliever. Many however, would be happy to lift the sword towards the believer of Jesus Christ. The sword of the spirit must be trained with. We must learn scripture, for there may come a day when the physical Bible we all have may be outlawed and we must rely on what we have stored in our hearts. If the Bible was banned today how much would you have to rely on? We must train our minds, train our souls for the war we are in. We must study to show ourselves approved (2 Timothy 2:15)
Little Christian, run the race, run with endurance, and never grow tired of doing good. Never grow weary, for when you do, pray to the Lord, and allow Him to give you rest in the knowledge that our suffering is only for a little while. When we find ourselves nearing the valley of death, do not be afraid. We wear the full armor, and this armor we never take off after we put it on. Never give the Devil one moment of opportunity where he could exploit your complacency. We wear the Armor which is the attributes of God upon ourselves. Each piece is an attribute of God, so let us run with assurance that if God is for us, who can be against us. Train to fight little Christian, train as if your life depends on it, because it does. Train to face the enemy and know that the moment you put on this armor the deceiver, the lion that wishes to devour you will begin the hunt. Be prepared for the fight to come.
We know that time is a vapor in the eternity of Heaven. We are a mere speck of time and our opportunities must be taken advantage of. We are called ambassadors, so we represent the country we call home. Let us represent Christ well. Let us share the gospel to the unbeliever spread the seeds of the Gospel everywhere we go. Let us face this fight together, and walk with a humble heart. Let us be rid of the pride and lusts that once held our hearts, and walk with meekness. Women, be women, be the helper God has called you to be. Be the nurturer of your home. Be the soft tone, and be the home for the husband to escape the snares of life. Husbands, guard your home and protect it. Be the spiritual head of the household, and be willing to die for it, as Christ died for the church.
Ephesians 5:22-30 22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.”
We each complement one another, and we must see each role as a place in a military squad. We have our duties, our responsibilities, and when we fill our rolls as God has planned, we can fight the fight together, instead of fighting one another or fighting the world alone. We are a team, one body, one flesh, and we fight together.
As a sojourner of this world, we all should have the same goal, please the Lord. In all we do let us do to bring glory and pleasure to God. When we finally finnish the race, let us do so with honor and present ourselves as a “olah tamid” a perpetual daily burnt offering to the Lord. This is where the Hebrew word for disciple comes from “talmid”. When we reach heaven let us be the disciple we are called to be. Let us be a complete burnt offering to the Lord, let us have given everything to the Lord and there was nothing left to give when we leave this life. Let our service to the Lord be a sweet aroma. And in the end, let us hear ‘Well done my good and faithful servant.’ Let us keep our eyes upon the Lord, and seek always the Kingdom of God.
I always knew this day would come. Nothing would prepare me for it though. The nightmare that awaited me, brought on by both time, and the corruption of this time, we call it sin. Many years ago, I adopted a tiny little pup, with big ears, big paws, and floppy ears. The shelter called her a shepherd mix. This little pup would grow up and she would become something much more than I ever thought possible. For the first two years of her life she would do basic puppy training. Over time, she began to display an aptitude for emotional empathy. Her natural inclination was to respond when my mood or anxiety became heightened. Could she be a service dog? Once her skill set was noticed, the training intensified and by the age of two she started light service dog work, by the age of 3 she became a full-fledged service dog, my service dog. The shelter called her Sweet Potato Pie, I called her Riley. Within a couple years as she grew in maturity, communication with her became seamless. She’d respond quickly, and she grew beyond my expectations. I could speak plainly to her, and she knew and understood what I said. Over the years we would grow closer together and would become inseparable. I would come to rely on her for my darkest hours, and daily tasks. She would wake me during nightmares. She would wake others if she couldn’t wake me. She was my battle buddy, my security, my companion, my closest and best friend.
A couple months ago, a lump appeared on her front right shoulder. She had a tiny limp if she walked for a way. After an X-Ray it revealed it was a tumor. Whether it was malignant or not wouldn’t matter. She was too told for surgery to remove the entire limb. No, the tumor was a slow death sentence. Time is cruel. This sin filled world is full of darkness, and in reality, the only thing we can do about it, is live in the light of truth. What is truth? Who’s truth? Jesus Christ, is the way the truth and the life, and no one comes to the father except through Him. 14 years Riley was with me. 14 years we lived life in a symbiotic relationship. Every day I relied on Riley in my life. On Saturday the 27th of September my dear sweet Riley fell off the bed, she couldn’t get herself up. She flailed around as I tried to help her. In her flailing, her fear, she peed on the floor. She had never done that, because I never saw her scared like that before. How long would I let her suffer? Her ability to walk was diminishing, along with her ability to get onto the bed, and more importantly go up and down stairs. Time, it seemed, was just about up, and the bill that comes for us all, was about to be placed before me. As it was said in Dr. Strange, “The Bill Comes Due, Always.” 14 years was more time than I could have expected. I was incredibly blessed to have her in my life so long. She truly became a blessing in my life, and now, a day and a half after her passing, her presence is missed beyond words. I have felt as if a part of myself was missing. I have felt a heaviness and an emptiness I’ve never felt with anyone’s passing. I have lost a great deal in my life, but never has it felt like this.
Service dog’s and their handler, their person, have a bond unlike most can fathom. People rarely rely on other people to that level. What happens when someone relies on another creature for nearly every aspect of their life? Riley would depend on me since of course she doesn’t have opposable thumbs. I would depend on her to help me live a normal life. She was not a pet, she wasn’t just a companion, she was so much more. Now, here I am alone, and I have to try and find how to live life without her. Perhaps it is death, that is the sweet release, especially for the believer, that believes Heaven is just a missed heart beat away. Having had major heart surgery recently, Riley was there during my recovery. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks, and when I got home should could barely contain herself. Less than a year later she would leave me. Death is easy, it’s the ones left behind that suffer.
For many, they look for a savior, to shield them from the fires and wrath of Hell. While Jesus is most assuredly my savior, for me He is so much more. For me Jesus is Lord, He is King. He is the one who bore my punishment, He took my scars so in Heaven I have none. He bore the righteous wrath of God the Father, so I’d never have to taste the sting of eternal death. He bore my sentence so I could have a room in the Fathers house. Jesus is Lord first, and because Jesus is my Lord, I am saved. One day every tongue will confess He is Lord. I confess He is Lord already. One day there will be no more pain, no more tears. Even through a broken heart, I look to Jesus and praise His Holy name! There is no other God, no other way, no other name that can save. Jesus my Lord, my King, my Savior, you’re the Truth, the only way, the righteousness I could never be. Jesus, you are friend to those who weep, Jesus I give you my heart, my broken heart.
My closest companion may be gone, but I know that Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father and is the intercession on my behalf. I know the Holy Spirit is here to comfort me, the broken hearted. Life goes on as the world continues to turn. I may be in pain, but I cannot allow that broken heart to stop me from living life. I need to continue to face the trials of this life, and I need to lean on God’s strength, not my own. It is no doubt I hurt, but I must go on. Riley isn’t in pain any longer. She isn’t struggling to breathe, or walk. I miss her so deeply, and I hurt, but I can’t quit. I know that this world, and all of time is corrupted by sin, and one day this pain will be a thing of the past. I pray for those who are broken. I pray for those who find themselves having hate in their hearts. I pray for the spirit to come and create revival. I pray for the lost, they may come to know God, and seek a relationship with Him.
Riley, I miss you. Rest well my dear. Your absence has broken my heart. I miss you so much.
There has been a lot of talk in recent days about the freedom of speech, particularly recently of those being infringed upon, or allegedly infringed upon. Before we dive into this topic, let’s look at what the constitution says about free speech.
Amendment I. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, or the right of the people to peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
There’s a lot to unpack in this paragraph but let’s take a simple quick look. Congress being the subject matter’s main character. Simply put, the who is congress. What, the what is fairly simple, cannot pass laws in violation to some simple thoughts, speech, press, assembly. In recent days, many people have become upset at the firing of Jimmy Kimmel over something he said on his show. Well, let’s look at what he actually said on his show. “We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it,” Obviously this has been found to be incorrect, as the kid by both family and eye witnesses was indeed radicalized by the left. Jimmy’s quote it would seem, came to control a narrative and purposefully muddy the water and mislead people into believing a lie. The biggest point is though, the FBI, and local law enforcement had already shed light on the idea that this was someone radicalized by the Left, as Kimmel’s show was September 15th. CK was shot on the 10th. Intentionally lying even after devises had been collected, and information given to the public, Kimmel lied and made up his own narrative, not as a joke, but as a political narrative. One thing I want to point out is this, ABC is a subsidiary company to Disney, which has been known to swing far left for many years. Also, I would like to point out that the TV show “The View” is also owned by ABC and have been hit with massive slander lawsuits against right leaning conservatives. Yet, the view and all of its hosts are still working for Disney (ABC). Remember this, Disney is a business, and businesses are in the business of making money. If the Kimmel late night show has had problems, or perceived problems, and wasn’t profitable, of course the show would get canceled. But, remember, at the root of the problem, Kimmel made a bold statement lying to the American people. His firing was from the network, not the government.
The truth is this, Jimmy knowingly spread a lie, and lost his job. What is so different about Jimmy and the other hosts on the “View”? Honestly, I don’t know. The view has lost Disney a lot of money in court cases, and yet they are still around. Regardless, in the same breath, when Gina Corino was fired for speaking truth about Covid and the vaccine, no one said a word on the left about her right to free speech. Let us remember one other note, the former president when he was speaking his mind, was removed from twitter. Twitter and a network TV show are not the same thing, and yet like many others who were censored during that time period on social media, it was actually at the bequest of the Biden Administration that censored millions of people on social media, including the former president of the United States. This is actually against peoples 1st amendment rights, but nothing was done about this. Those in charge never faced accountability for their coercion of the tech companies to silences the voices of millions of Americans not happy with the covid-19 mandates. Even listening to old speeches from the left during the time of the Biden admin about censorship, and then the speeches given within the last 24 hours of this publication, the lack of empathy or sympathy is staggering. Let’s look at free speech though, and determine if either of these was in violation to their first amendment rights.
In a short answer, no, neither of these things is a violation of free speech. Free speech does not mean freedom from consequences of what you say. While we may disagree, Disney is a private company and they have the right to fire someone for what they say, if what they say goes against what the company wants for their image, or if they feel what’s being said will cause financial troubles. Now, yes, that seems like it may be a slippery slope, but even within the context of the two people we are referring too here, Gina’s comments turned out to be true. Her concerns over the way covid was being handled and her realistic concerns over the ‘vaccine’ turned out to be both reasonable, and accurate. Jimmy’s comments were neither, in fact, with just a hair bit of time, it turned out to be false. One lied, one told the truth. Jimmy was not fired by the right, or even because of anything the right had to say, he was fired by a left leaning organization, that has kept members of the view in place. Why the difference? Some have suggested his contract was about to be up, and there was no desire to re-up his contract. Instead, they found cause to remove him early. This is speculation, but if it’s true, it had very little to do with freedom of speech, nor Disney’s stand point on the Kirk assassination, but more about money and business. If Kimmel truly feels he’s being wronged, he has the right to take his firing before a court to see if a mistake was made in the eyes of the judicial system.
Since the Kirk assassination there have been many who have been fired from their jobs or expelled from schools because of social media posts, or their actions being filmed. Once again, I say this, the First Amendment does not guarantee anyone’s right to say whatever they want free of consequences. “In 1789, this meant that Congress was prohibited from engaging in the practice of “prior-censorship” – prohibiting a speech or publication without advance approval of an executive official. The courts today give a much broader interpretation to the clause.” (McClellan, J. 2000. Pg 418) This next session is what I want us to focus on. “This does not mean, however, that the First Amendment guarantees any absolute or perfect freedom to shout whatever one wishes, print whatever one likes, assemble in a crowd wherever or whenever it suits a crowd’s fancy, or present a petition to Congress or some other public body in a context of violence.” It goes on to say “The Constitution recognizes no “absolute” rights.” (McClellan, J. 2000. Pg 418)
Members of the left side of the political spectrum had no problem when people were getting fired from their jobs for speaking truth about Covid during the 2020-2021 years. People were being censored on the right for their concerns over the vaccine, their unwillingness to take it, or opposing the ‘science’ that was being touted as absolute truth. Many disagreed with the closure of schools, or the effectiveness of masks, who would find themselves without a Facebook page, or worse, without a job. Later, it was revealed by Facebook and others that the government urged them to take down information referring to the Hunter Biden laptop, anything referring to covid that didn’t fit their narrative, even though those things were true. In fact, this was in absolute violation to the censorship the constitution referred too, as a violation of the rights of the people. Where was the outrage over government censorship? The first amendment does not protect speech that may be violent in nature, or even lying.
I wrote this recently on a different platform:
“I think people may have a misconception of what “Free Speech” means. Let me give you an example… If you go to work, and you tell your boss to “F” off, it’s likely you won’t have a job anymore. If you slander someone and ruin their reputation and damage their life in some way by telling a lie, you may face and be guilty of slander before the court. Same for libel (Slander in written form, Thank you Spider-Man). All of this to say, while we do protect free speech, such as going to a soldier’s funeral and protesting at the funeral (West-Boro Baptist Church in the early 2000’s). These things still come with consequences. I was very clear in my last message what I thought about this, but if you say things, your business has every right to decide if your words and actions represent the company or not. Words and actions still have consequences. Free speech does not mean no consequences, it means you have the right to say what you wish. You cannot yell fire in a crowded room. So, free speech does come with some common-sense exceptions. I would not feel safe, or comfortable seeing a doctor who cheered on the death of another human. If you have a business, you do not want to put off half the population of the US. Remember what they said in John Wick? Consequences. It’s important to pray for one another. It’s important to come together and cool the fire. As the famous Bob Marley once said, “Don’t worry, about a thing, every little thing’s gonna be alright.” Jesus is King. Jesus is Lord. And we shall continue to share the love and life of Christ with everyone. Seek first the kingdom of God and you shall be saved. Be in peace, and go in peace.” (Arrow Preacher, 2025)
We must be knowledgeable about what we say, and the sheer number of the masses claiming their free speech has been violated, doesn’t understand the constitution. Private businesses, and organization have the right to let people go from their employ if what they say is violent or incendiary in nature. Free speech is not an absolute right with absolute immunity to whatever you want to say. While we must be cautious as a nation even within the private sector how we respond to someone’s comments, we should not be virtue signaling and cherry picking based on political sides. In this authors opinion it’s strange that Kimmel’s show would be canceled from the same network that allows the View to constantly get themselves in trouble for slander. It’s more likely that the ratings on Kimmel’s show were a major contributing factor to his firing. It also seems to me that the left are now seeing the swing, the turnaround, the uno reverse, to years of censorship and cancel culture finally coming back around.
Free speech comes with responsibility. We must be careful with what we say because in the age of digital warfare, many people have chosen to be vicious and cruel, uncaring, and vile. We as Christians have the responsibility to share the gospel in a time when the hatred for the Christian is once again becoming publicly evident. In recent days the quote, unquote free speech has revealed that people are no longer just in disagreement, but are also callus and apathetic about the death of another person. When we begin to dehumanize people because of their beliefs we lose our humanity. When we as a people celebrate criminals or even murderers, over someone who simply and respectfully debated others in a public forum, we have lost something. Desecrating memorials or attacking people at a vigil, shows that the devil is in fact winning ground. Scripture teaches us that we must fight against the devil. “Ephesians 6:12 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” We have seen the continued attack and hatred towards Christians in recent years, and this will not stop any time soon. We must continue to speak the truth, even when we are hated because of it. We must continue to stand up and proclaim the name of Jesus, even when people attack us for it. We must continue to wear the full armor of God and prepare ourselves by keeping sober minded, “Romans 12:21 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Evil and violence will never be defeated by perpetuating more hate and more evil deeds. We must remember that while speech does come with a cost as I have afore mentioned, we must remember what scripture says. “James 3:6-8 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” We will never be able to stop people from being evil, or their hatred, but what we can do is continue to pray for them. We must pray for our enemies and ourselves to focus on a Christ centered life. “Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
A few days ago I also wrote this.
“It’s been a few days now. As I scroll social media, I find my heart swelling with emotion. Evil reigns here on earth. But our Lord Jesus reigns in Heaven over all. What evil meant to destroy, Jesus will use it for good. I am filled with so much heart breaks from my brother whom I just met, passing, the anniversary of my father’s passing before I met him, my best friend’s death anniversary is approaching, my dear Riley my service dog nearing the end of her life, I am broken. Jesus is my Lord and I know he was Charlie’s Lord as well. Yes, tears continue to fall for my brother in Christs family, but I know CK was met by Jesus, a martyr’s welcome. A crown of glory was placed on his head and we here are left to pick up the pieces. We will continue to spread the gospel, unapologetically, but in love. It’s not loving to lie to someone, so we tell the inconvenient truth to the unbeliever. We will continue to fight against the powers of darkness here in this world. We will pick up the pieces of our broken hearts, and wipe away our tears, but we will fight. For those celebrating his death, and maybe some of you reading this, I preach and teach the same messages as CK did, should I also die for my beliefs. I am public about the gospel also. Should I be taken from my family? If you wonder why those are being fired from work for what they say, it’s this simple truth, when you celebrate violence, and you work for a company, work with kids, or the medical field, or other, how can you be expected to treat others whom you’re supposed to serve, if you so publicly hate those who might be conservative? How much is my life worth, when I believe many of the same things? In this time of brokenness, let us pray for those around the world who turn to violence. Those who threaten or propagate violence in their lives, let us pray for them. Church, be strong, courageous, but be firm. We may be broken, but we are not out of the fight. Jesus, thank you for being Lord over my life, for saving me and lifting me out of death. Bless this nation that I have sacrificed so much for. Turn hearts from the black sludge they are to heart of flesh, on fire for you. Thank you, Jesus, and watch over and protect us. Amen.”
I pray that because I am conservative that others would not wish for my death. I pray that while I am a Christian, I am not marked for death by someone with evil intent. Those celebrating and trying to mislead the people about the ideologies of the Charlie Kirk assassin are doing so for a purpose of hiding the true nature that is befalling this country. Hatred, and violence are becoming the calling card for those who disagree and do not care to continue to have a reasonable, peaceful debate of ideas and thoughts. The perpetuation of hate and lies must stop. We can disagree about policies, and ideas all day long, but once we start lying to protect those ideas, or to mislead the people to believing in something that is not true, we risk the collapse of this Republic. We must be honest and truthful, and as Christians we are called to share that truth lovingly. We must not celebrate death, for each and every death of the innocent is still a tragedy. The celebration of the death of the unborn is a vile and evil thing. The celebration of a man taken from his family and children is tragic. It is quite possible that the perpetuation of hate speech is exactly how and why the CK killer turned to evil, as he became radicalized at school, from those who use inflammatory language to bring people to hate the other side. It’s interesting to see those call Charlie a racist, when he did a great deal for the black community. It’s interesting that the left, the side of tolerance, would attack him for him sticking to his beliefs as a Christian, and that being true to himself. How can you claim tolerance, and then attack a man who truly lived out his faith both publicly and privately. He didn’t do anything violent, or vile, and yet he is attacked as if he did. Not very tolerant if you ask me.
I would like to point out a simple truth. The left has come to a point where they openly call themselves socialists, or in some cases support communism. This same side has gone to calling the President as bad as Hitler. They say the right is full of fascists. However, these tactics go back to Hitlers 1925 manifesto Mein Kampf. In the writing is something known as the ‘technique of repeating a big lie, to make it believable. The following is part of the ideal.
The Big Lie: Stating a complete falsehood and repeating it often enough that people begin to accept it as fact. Hitler argued that “in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility”.
Name-Calling: Attaching negative labels to opponents to bypass rational thought and incite an emotional reaction.
Creating a scapegoat: Blaming a specific group for a country’s problems to unify followers and justify aggression against that group. In Mein Kampf, Hitler blamed Jews for Germany’s woes.
The Truth: The truth is the left has become a party that hates religion. The party that wants population control and is doing so by devaluing human life including the life of the unborn baby. Devaluing the life of anyone who stands in its way to control. By calling the right Nazi, and fascist, if done enough people will begin to believe it. This while attempting to radicalize the kids of this nation to believe that socialism, and communism are far better options than freedom and capitalism. The socialist parties over the world have always started by limiting freedoms one by one and calling it safety. We are seeing this happen around the world. People being arrested for speech, and for prayer. The banning of simple items such as katana’s, machetes, firearms, mace, pepper spray, etc, in the name of safety. While the right is not innocent in all of this, the right is not calling for the murder of babies, and the right generally is also not or has not celebrated the death of a public figure such as Charlie Kirk. Both sides do need to come to a cooler point for us to be able to share ideas, and disagree. In this nation we are built as a nation by those who believed in God. While some where deists, some were Christian, some perhaps catholic, all believed we as a nation should be rooted in faith. John Adams said this, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” John Jay said this, “Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers, and it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian nation to select and prefer Christians for their rulers.” Many argue we are not a Christian nation, but over and over again, while the founders did not want to establish a set governmental religion, it was firmly believed that those who founded this country had a strong belief in the Christian Bible.
Charles Spurgeon said this “Sin and Hell are married unless repentance proclaims the divorce.” We as Christians have a responsibility to point out sin in both our government, public figures, others around us, and within ourselves. We must seek to repent of our sin, at the same time sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a loving way to those who are still asleep in their sins. Spurgeon also said this “If you have no wish to bring others to heaven, you are not going there yourself.” We must share the gospel and do so from a point of kindness, but also loudly. I firmly believe we are seeing a shift within our country, where those who hate the Christian nature of America have been attacking her from within for many years. Water down Christianity, get generations to turn their back on the Christian faith, then watch as Satan begins to work. Spurgeon said this “Satan can make men dance upon the brink of hell as though they were on the verge of heaven.” Have we not seen the celebrations, and the heartless postings, and quotes from people that show the lack of humanity? Yes, indeed, I believe this shows us Christians, the nature of those whom we now fight against. The forces of darkness have risen and now cover the land.
Those who hate you for your faith, who like the recently spoken words of the Dearborn Michigan mayor who told a Christian resident that he wasn’t welcome in the city anymore, simply for sharing his belief as a Christian, against a Muslim who killed many. This in the heart seems to be a moral collapse. C.S. Lewis said this about moral collapse, “Moral collapse follows upon spiritual collapse.” In his recent book “Wimpy Weak and Woke- How Truth Can Save American From Utopian Destruction” John Cooper said this, “Today, truth is viewed as a matter of perspectives derived from experience. To deny someone’s experience is to deny ‘Their truth.’ To deny ‘their truth’ is not only a denial of their suffering, but of their very existence. This is because in postmodernism, the closest thing to ‘real’ is one’s experience.” We must focus on the truth. When lies are told, it doesn’t matter what side of the fence, we must remember we aren’t supposed to lie. Yet, when it came to Charlies “truth” house democrats slandered his memory on the house floor. Where is your tolerance for someone’s truth now? There is absolute truth, and scripture is our measure of what is true. Voddie Baucham said this, “The Ninth Commandment simply states, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). However, this commandment carries more weight than one can imagine. Falsehood and lies are reprehensible because they not only harm those to and /or about whom they are told, but they also blaspheme the very character and nature of the God who is truth (John 14:6), whose very Word is truth (Psalm 119:43,160; John 17:17), and whose very essence is that of ‘the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17). (Voddie Baucham, Fault Lines). In the heart of the matter, Jimmy Kimmel lied on national television. He knew he was lying when he said it, and yet for the click bait, or for the ratings, or just to rile people up, he said it. The consequence of his words was to be fired. It is not because of the right, it’s because of what he said. Words cannot go without consequence. Words carry weight, especially when you are a public figure. Both sides have been guilty of this, and we must remember that not everything said needs to carry this kind of response. For instance, J.K Rowling has often been highly critical of the left and its LGBTQ agenda and stance. This is her opinion. It does not cast a lie on a person who committed a public execution of a political and religious figure. They are not the same. If you do not like what she said, you don’t have to support her by buying her books. Stephen King recently lost his publisher because he lied about something Charlie Kirk had said. Without doing any research he made a claim that Charlie had said gay people should be stoned to death. For this blatant lie and slander about someone who was just killed, his publisher dropped him. The difference between J.K and Stephen was the slander. It was a false narrative that led to the decision to drop King from their platform. When Gina was fired from Disney for her statements about covid her thoughts and opinions turned out to be true, not a lie. As I stated before, if someone such as a doctor celebrated the death of another human, I as a conservative Christian, would not feel comfortable having that doctor as my doctor. Would I be safe in that situation?
We must be careful that we protect the people’s right to free expression and speech, but this is not a blanket freedom. There are exceptions to the rule, and in the recent week, we have seen dozens of examples of people taking speech too far, and expecting to have no consequences for their actions.
In the book “The Christian Left” (By Lucas Miles), it highlights the ongoing problem where “Christians who have adopted (either knowingly or unknowingly) leftist, socialistic, and communistic thinking, ideals, values, and innovations.” This ongoing hijacking of Christians, leads me to one point, Satan is working hard to destroy. When someone on the right calls someone on the left a socialist, or communist, this isn’t actually slander, or hate speech. The left have now openly admitted to being socialist, and we know socialism is a cousin to communism. Both socialism and communism are anti religion. The government or leader is often deemed to be their ‘god’. In every version of socialism or communism religion is either banned, or controlled by the government. Free speech is also controlled by the government, and rights such as second amendment gun owning rights are often disbanded. While all Nazis were fascists, not all fascists were Nazis. The unusual truth is the left is moving more Marxist, socialist every day, however there is still a difference between what they believe and fascists. Many use this world flippantly, but the truth is the left is absolutely supporting socialism, and its ideals. All this to sum up, we must be careful what we as a people say. Words do come with consequences, and as my old law teacher once said, “It’s not slander if it’s the truth.” The key here, is that it must be true. The government is not forcing any company to fire employees over their beliefs. The government has recently leaned on schools to reign in some rhetoric that has led to violent protests. Going back to the 1st Amendment, you do have the right to your opinion, but your protest must be peaceful. Burning down buildings, attacking police officers, throwing bricks and stones onto police cars from overpasses, etc. does not constitute as peaceful. We all need to take a step back, and work together to live in this place peacefully. We must have peaceful dialogues and we must stop being so hateful towards one another. We as Christians must expect that the enemy will continue to gain ground if we do not stand up and without shame, proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. Let us continue to speak the truth of Christ, and never water down the gospel. Let us be sober minded and prepared for the deceivers’ schemes and attacks. Let us love our neighbor as ourselves, and be in constant prayer for the enemy. Let us show love and compassion to those who are need of prayers. Let us pray for those who are anti-Christian, and who wish to be rid of the church. Let us pray for those whose eyes need to be opened to what Christ might have for them. Let us not rejoice in the consequences, but rather let us pray for them to seek and know Jesus as Lord. I wish no one would perish to the eternity of Hell, but that all would come to know the love of Jesus. This world as it falls further and further away from Christ is one step closer to its destruction and judgment. Let us continue to be the salt of the earth, and the light of Christ. Let our goal be to make heaven crowded. Let us take the gospel by the sandals of peace, and share the good news with all whom we encounter. Be at peace, and go in love.
It took me a long time to be able to find my faith, the faith that Jesus called and calls us too. While in truth, I have to be honest, the last several months have been in some ways, the hardest I’ve experienced in my life. 10 months ago (from the writing of this publication) I had open heart, aorta reconstructive surgery. My aorta was replaced from the root, to the stem, to include the valve, which is now artificial. The recovery time has been long, and difficult is not a strong enough word to describe the challenges I’ve faced. The physical recovery has only been a small portion of the recuperation. Mental health has always been an uphill battle for me. When I joined the military, I was told up front by many who knew me best, that I would fail. When I was a couple months into my training, I caught MRSA. It nearly killed me because of how quick it spread. I swore I wasn’t going to let that be the end of me, and I fought. Unfortunately, I missed vital training, and was recycled one rotation. I pushed myself, and after a long 25k ruck, hurting, my ruck cutting off the circulation in my left arm, I turned the corner, and there it was, freedom. I had accomplished what many thought I couldn’t. Not only would I graduate but I’d do so with my head held high and achieve what many could not. I would perform my duties well, and with honor and distinction till a training accident caused my career to end prematurely. I ended my career voluntarily and on my own terms, with the hand I was dealt, but not before a successful posting in Korea, a deployment to Iraq, and continued service in Colorado. With everything I’ve gone through and been handed to me, the undeniable truth remains, God is GOOD.
Faith is built on the trust of who Jesus is. The truth that He Himself claimed, that He is “The Way The Truth and The Life, and No One Gets To the Father Except Through Him.” The linchpin of Christianity is just that, was Jesus who he claimed to be? The answer, in emphatically yes. This is what gives a Christian his strength. The Lord chose his soldiers before the foundations of the earth. Jesus told us that we would face trials in this life, but to take heart that He overcame the world. We do not store up treasures in this life, but in Heaven. We face these trails as Job faced his. On our knees, in prayer to the Lord of all creation. Does this mean in this life we do not despair, or weep? No. Jesus wept (John 11:35) for the sin that befell upon the perfection of creation. The untold sorrow of sin over our lives, and the destruction that sin brings to the lives of those of us still alive in the realm of time. We cannot let fear dictate terms, when we are told we were given a spirit of courage, not fear (2 Tim 1:7)
Feelings of despair come to all who walk this world. Struggle is the life of a soldier. No matter how hard we fight, we will always face the bitter truth, life is full of heartache, disappointment, and pain. Why would God allow such things? God is not the author of evil, pride, and sin, is the author of evil. Satan, began his rebellion, believing the created was more powerful than the creator. The lie that fell to Eve was the same, “you can be like God.” Eve, seemingly without hesitation took of the fruit, then gave it to Adam. Their eyes opened, and they knew of evil. Who is the enemy? The enemy is crafty, and has been described as a great many things. A lion waiting to devour you. The father of lies. The accuser. The great deceiver. The Dragon. This is our adversary, whom we are called to battle against. The enemy spreads lie after lie, and tries to convince us things we are not. Things like, worthless, failure, broken, you’re alone, you’re not good enough. We wage war against an enemy we cannot see. Having been a soldier in combat, I understand all too well the deceptive nature of the enemy. In Iraq we rarely saw our enemy. They hid in the shadows, using deception, and cover to attack, and detonate explosives without ever being seen. How can someone fight what they can’t see? We are called to resist Satan, and only because of the blood of Christ do we stand a chance to be able to hold our ground in the face of overwhelming odds. Satan when he fell, he took a third of the angels with him (Rev 12:4). Our enemy is trained in the art of deception and lies, perfect beings corrupted by pride and sin. An invisible enemy bent on destroying the creation of God. The Armor of God shrouds us, equips us for battle (Eph 6:10-18). What the armor doesn’t do is prepare us. For that, we need the word of God, and the word of God being the sword, does nothing if we don’t use it, learn from it, and grow closer to the God that wrote it. We cannot fight an enemy we don’t understand. We cannot fight an enemy that knows the word of God better than we do. Our enemy has been in the presence of God, and knows us perhaps better than we know ourselves. While he cannot implant thoughts, he can whisper in our ears. Satan can bring untold horrors down upon our lives, and feed us the lie that it’s God that hates us, God that brings these horrors and tragedies into our lives. Satan tells us that God is the author of all our troubles. I have stated and written before that if we do not train our minds, and our souls for battle, the Devil will increase that advantage over us, and win the day. We must realize one thing, scripture and the Holy Spirit on our side are force multipliers that gives us all what we need to win the day. We do not actually fight Satan, but rather resist his attacks. We dig in, the armor covering our mind, our heart, girded for battle, the sandals dug into the dirt, shield protecting us from the flaming arrows from the enemy, and the Sword of God’s Holy Word raised high, unleashing a battle cry heard in the Heavens, “Jesus Is KING”. The undeniable fact is this, if Jesus is the Lion of Judah, and we are little Christ, then there’s a lion within us as well. We must learn to harness the power within us, and dig deep, and face tomorrow with courage and dignity.
God has shown us what He will do to fight for His chosen people. In story after story in scripture we see God’s people overcoming incredible odds and emerging victorious. Moses fleeing through the Red Sea. Gideon fought for God. David took down Goliath with a sling and a stone. There is a lion within us waiting to be awoken. I have struggled for a while, believing I was anything more than garbage, a waist of space. I have questioned why God would save my life in such an obvious way; a miracle multiplied. My story of survival holds too many coincidences to be coincidence. In 2016 God spoke to me while I was bleeding out in the back of an ambulance. While in a pitch black void, I said “God I’m sorry!” In reply God said “You’re forgiven” and I snapped awake in the ambulance, where I was believed to give give up the ghost any minute. Instead, God breathed life into me, sending a shock wave through my body. Note: I had not coded and thus what I experienced was not the defibrillator. Early 2024, I found out I had a hernia, somewhere around March. By July, on the last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School), one of the youths of the church challenged me to a race. God, it seems, removed every ounce of caution and I raced the kid. Aside from the pride of winning the race, it came at a cost. The next day I couldn’t walk, as one of the two hernias bulged. This sent me to surgery in October, and the day after that surgery I was back in the hospital from the Gas migrating to my shoulder. A CT was called for, and while it was confirmed Gas was indeed the culprit, a time bomb was found, ticking away. My aorta was ready to explode. A birth defect left me at the mercy of time, and my aorta was well beyond the limit for surgery. I had emergency surgery, which led to heart block, which led to the pacemaker. Months of setbacks, and therapy, have left me with scars both physical and emotional. I have scars deep into my soul and the Devil has used every dirty tactic and trick in the book to continue his assault on me. I have spoken recently how I have wondered if my choosing the heart surgery was indeed the correct course of action. I have wondered if it would have been better for me to let time run out whenever the clock hit zero, I’d go home. The devil has used so much of my past to convince me I am not worth anything. I have questioned and wondered if the pain I’ve been feeling since surgery has been putting myself through an untold number of years left on my timer, an unnecessary amount of trouble I brought upon myself. The devil has convinced me that it isn’t worth it, that I should have lived out the rest of my days, and gone home. The devil got me to forget one of my favorite quotes of unknown origins, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” (The internet says C.S. Lewis said this, but that is unconfirmed.) The trusting of God’s plan is where I have to hold my ground. The last thing I want to be is a sheep being led to the slaughter. How can I protect my family if I can’t protect myself? God does nothing by accident, and while I don’t know why God has spared my life over the years, I know one thing, God has a purpose. I don’t expect the world around me to become fairy tales and unicorns. I expect the battle to continue to rage on. There must be peace of mind, and I must have my head in the game if I am going to continue to be a gears up, high speed, locked and loaded, and good to go as a soldier for the Lord.
A lion is what I must be. I have to keep my head on a swivel, and trust that no matter where the Lord sends me, or the mission ahead of me, He prepares my hands for battle. Scripture gives us this, 2 Timothy 2:3-4 “3 Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We are citizens of Heaven, ambassadors, soldiers on foreign territory. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” Our fight, summed up in a single verse. Our adversary seeks to destroy us, to pull us away from our Heavenly Father. Satan seeks to divide us from our brothers and sisters in Christ, and it’s this reason we must once again turn to scripture. 1 Peter 1:13 13 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” As a soldier we train as we fight. We train by repetition, getting better with each passing day. As a soldier we train to be proficient with many weapons, the M4, knives, machine guns, heavy weapons and vehicle’s, radios, and more. We do this by hours and days of practice and training. Likewise, we must be in scripture daily. We must not just read scripture, but study it, and become proficient with the Word of God. We must train our minds in this war against Satan, the same way we soldiers train in the military. In the military we have a saying that sheep dogs protect the flock. We soldiers for Christ must be the sheep dogs. Lions are apex predators, top of the food chain, we too must realize, while we are not lions by ourselves, our Lord and Savior is the creator of the food chain. Our battles must be fought with the remembrance that the blood of Christ signifies a violent death. A death that Jesus laid down his life so He may give His life, to raise it up again, and the greatest of all miracles, to save us, to turn our dead hearts into alive beating hearts for the Lord. While we are here fighting this fight, for the short time in this plain of existence, we must remember that if “God is for us, who then can be against us?” (Rom 8:31) The Lion of Judah is on our side in this fight, we have nothing to fear. The roll of a soldier is to fight for the one that sends you. While I’m not saying the fight is easy, nor am I saying I have it all together, the fight is the most important thing we’ll ever do after we give our lives to Christ.
Depression has gripped me hard over the last several months. With my service dog in her last days, the isolation, the physical pains I’ve endured, have all left me wondering how long till I am out of the valley, and I am laying near a peaceful stream. I cannot say what God’s plan is for me, nor can I say what God’s plan is for you, but I know that we cannot gain one single moment in our life by worrying about it. We cannot worry for tomorrow, for it will worry for itself (Matt 6:34). Our life is but a vapor, here one moment and gone the next (James 4:14) and it’s our duty to use the time we have wisely. We fight the good fight, for the men and women, the children that do not know Christ. We fight for those whom we fight alongside. We face the demons in the dark, and we light up the darkness by spreading the light of Christ. We will run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), and we will dig in and hold the line when things get hard. I know what it’s like to feel the waves crash around you. I know what it likes to hurt and be hurt by people I loved. I know what it’s like to experience the horrors of war, and it’s because of these, that I believe I see the world a little different. We must be the warriors Christ called you to be. Be the lion, the apex predator that stands its ground, and protects the pride. My struggles recently have beaten me to the ground, and while I feel broken, and bloody, and in some ways, I am broken and bloody, Jesus, I know will continue to use me. In other ways I have not a single clue what it could be, but I know that I have to trust in the Lord, even if I don’t know what He’s doing. I hurt, and my losses in the last year, to include the recent death of my brother have left me broken hearted, and beaten to the ground. If my life does not return like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I know that while we may suffer but a little while, Heaven is eternal. We were given a promise that heaven would remove the tears, remove the pain, and in reality, to quote a famous song “The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you” (Scars in heaven : Casting Crowns). We must remain strong in the midst of battle, never quit, and never surrender. I am trying my hardest to live my life in a manner pleasing the King. Recent events have broken me down and backed me into a corner. The writing of this post is more for myself, reminding myself that Jesus is Lord, Jesus is the commander and chief over the Host of Angels, and we play a part in this war as soldiers, ambassadors, evangelists, and more. Whenever the Lord calls me home, I am ready. When the Lord calls me home, I pray I hear “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I’ve lived my life seeking the favor of the Lord, and I can only hope I’ve done well, not that we are saved by works, merely that my service pleased the Lord. Time is short, and we never know when we may lose a loved one, but while losing a loved one is tragic; we must not lose ourselves in the process. We must fight the same way we give our lives to the Lord, with all our heart, mind, and soul. Seek first the kingdom of God (Mt 6:33), and no matter what we eat or drink, do all things for the glory of the Lord. (1 Cor 10:31) Go in peace, go in love, this is the way.
The ever-flowing waters of life, bringing change each day. Some days, the waters are slow, and calm, not a ripple in the river. Some days, it’s a raging surge of water flooding and destroying everything in its path. How then, do we handle such a turbulent array of emotions that come from a slew of difficult days?
Having been no stranger to difficult days, the time of difficult days is not behind me, but the never-ending storm. I never expected that my heart surgery would be the last problem I’d have, but I didn’t expect the looming shadow of another surgery hanging overhead. Today the attacks of the ruler over this world (Satan) fall upon me like a giant beating me down. The bad news brought by two doctors, surgery. This will be surgery number twenty. The surgery I had was an Aorta root, valve, and stem replacement. After going into heart block, I required a pacemaker, thus turning me into a cyborg. When the temporary pacemaker wires were cut and left behind, it was supposed to be easy. Sadly, nothing with me is ever easy. Whatever can go wrong, usually does. The wire on the right side of my body began having issues when I’d bend or twist. I would experience pinching in my abdomen and it felt like deep stabbing. We are pretty sure it’s the lead, though not 100%. This upcoming surgery will require me to be in the hospital on a heparin drip leading up to the surgery, because of course I’m on blood thinners. The problem: Riley’s inoperable tumor is growing, and if the rate of speed we believe its growing at, I don’t want to leave her alone. I don’t want to spend a week or more in the hospital, if my time is coming to an end with her.
Riley has been so integral to my recovery. Her continued presence and support as my service dog has left an immeasurable mark upon my life. I have found in my time on this earth, just how much we take time and life for granted. We often say, “I’ll call tomorrow.” Or, “I’ll reach out next week.” But sadly, days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months, and eventually time has slipped past, and friendships drift away. Riley, on the other hand has stayed with me and has been a loyal companion all these years later. While I’d admit we had our days that were difficult, the positives far outweighed any bad. In the meantime, her and I will spend as much time together as we can, and enjoy our remaining days. My heart is heavy, and my body can tell.
Sadly, we don’t take our friendships or relationships seriously. It’s become very apparent to me that our focus is not on our close friendships, and in my humble opinion, it’s barely on God either. I’ve seen so much tragedy in the last few weeks, from mass shootings, to the mass stabbing attack at Walmart, to a young adult being nearly fatally wounded in a motorcycle accident. The proof that our life is a vapor is all around us in the news. Yet, for some reason, either one of these facts is true, people are apathetic and the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is true, or, it’s me, and people just aren’t good at being friends. With the recent diagnosis of Riley, I am finding myself mindful of the inevitable outcome and the reality that will come with her departure from this world. I will be without my closest ally, my best friend. 14 years while long for a large breed dog, is short to us. My heart is breaking with so much hatred in this world, so much evil spreading as fewer people have any regard for human life.
Scripture tells us to “seek first the Kingdom of God”. We must remember that Jesus said we would have tribulations, and that we aren’t to feel hopeless or helpless, because He (Jesus) overcame the world. This life is temporary, and we are called to make the best of the time we have. People have long wondered what the meaning of life was, and I firmly believe that, that meaning is twofold, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul.” And then when Jesus said to love our neighbors, that means we fulfill our mission, our meaning, to share the Gospel with all those we encounter. To live a life seeking God, and being an ambassador for our Lord Jesus Christ. We are to help make disciples of Jesus, and this is wrapped in the idea of worshiping the Lord. Life seems hard right now, and it seems unfair, and it seems like it may be more than one person can take. I feel as if the world is sitting on my shoulders, or I’m pushing it up a never-ending mountain. The truth is, in some ways, I am. I must remember that my strength within myself without Jesus won’t last long. With Christ, He renews my cup, so much so it fills over. Sometimes our cup is emptied to make room not of ourselves, but that Jesus can be the entire cup. This concept isn’t an easy one, but it’s the truth. Yes, life is difficult, and sometimes heart breaking, but that in the evident evil of this world, there must be a perfect Good to counter that evil. God must exist because the creation of this universe screams intelligent creator.
Random chance is unlikely to make most creatures dependent upon a male and female gender to procreate. Random chance means, that alone would be a near statistical impossibility. While the idea of random chance being so precise, so exact, is laughable, many people still believe and hold on to the notion, God does not exist. Indeed, scripture tells us why. The deceiver of this world keeps them in blindness. This notion that ‘chance’ gives us these perfect things, one can look to DNA, the rotation and tilt of the earth, geometry or mathematics as a whole, to show that statistically random would not account for such perfection found in nature. If random was so precise, why did it stop once it achieved a stable foundation? IF we were all created by random, why don’t we see that kind of random behavior in nature anymore? Why does this matter? It tells us that God is thoughtful, caring, that not only does He care about humanity, but His other creation also. God cares for His universe, and thus if humanity is His most prized possession, then He infinitely cares for, and loves us, wishing none would perish, but that all would come and seek Him. If God loves me that much, and there’s so much incontrovertible evidence to show God’s love and care, how then can I allow this worlds overlord to deceive me and break me down. Satan the great adversary is attacking me, attempting to break me down. The spiritual warfare I’ve been under these last several months is hard. I feel broken, I feel beat down, I feel tired, and worn out. I have not quit, but I feel like my armor is failing and I’m losing this fight. I feel like Satan is winning the battle, and I have questioned how long can I hold on. The truth remains that Jesus told us we will have tribulations, and James told us to rejoice in tribulation that it builds character.
Unthinkable loss however comes as a shock. During the writings of this blog post, I learned while on my way to a prayer vigil, my brother, died. He was at work when he started to feel bad, and unfortunately suffered a heart attack, which then turned into cardiac arrest inside the ambulance. He coded, and sadly, they couldn’t get him back. He was only 44 years old. This loss comes as a surprise, and reminds me, that if something’s important to you, make the time. People are the second most important thing behind a great and mighty God. This loss comes after a 30 -year search for my father. The question always remained, ‘did I have siblings?’ Last year after I finally ended my search for my father (who passed in 2003), that I did have two half siblings. When I found my father, I was left with just a first name of my siblings, but the last names were not certain. I would continue my search, not to be swayed by the sheer lack of evidence, the seemingly impossible task. I found dad through a name and ancestry DNA. My siblings, wouldn’t be so ‘easy’. In just four months I had my first conversation with my brother Eddie, or as his sister called him (Andy). This hard truth has been laid upon my heart, we must know Christ as Lord, and we must seek the kingdom of God. There is nothing more important than this. Knowing the Lord because without him there is no hope.
Since I began writing this, not only did my brother pass, but the earth suffered an 8.8 magnitude earthquake. This earthquake triggered tsunami warnings over most of the pacific coast from Russia to Alaska, to Hawaii, to the east coast of the U.S.A. Life is a vapor, here one moment, gone the next. When I found out about Jake’s motorcycle accident, his near miss with death, and the cause for the prayer vigil, it reminded me that while we may think we are in control, we are not. We are in control of very little in this life, and our fate, or destiny, or whatever you may want to call it, lays very little with us. Yes, our actions have consequences, but we see so little of the puzzle that we cannot expect much to go the way we ‘think’ it will. The one thing we do have control over is accepting Jesus as Lord. We can call the Lord ABBA Father, and we can surrender our hearts to the creator of the universe. We can see our lives for what they are, sinful, and ourselves dead in our sins. We can see Jesus as Lord, and then the lamb of God which takes away the sins of the world. We can see Jesus as the Lion of Judah that defeated death, and gave us the same resurrection power. We can live because He died. We have hope, because death couldn’t hold Him. We have and know love, because He first loved us. Let us not waist one more second, and surrender all to the King of Kings. Let us no longer live in fear, but in assurance have the courage of the King. Go, and use the time He has given us.
I have recently considered something about myself, who am I? As I have written before, I was a child in a broken home, in a broken school, full of bullies who tortured me for their daily dose of fun. I managed to move to sanctuary where I found peace, and happiness. Even though I would leave for the Army on the tail of heartbreak, from losing a friend, I kept my humor, and positive outlook. For a while in Iraq, I kept my light hearted personality, but within a year of returning home, I began seeing a change within myself. The loss and hardships I’d experienced began to change me. I began feeling quiet, isolated, even angry. For the next several years I found myself in one bad relationship after another, where my playful childlike personality was being repressed, and suppressed. I was unable to express that side of me for over a decade. I have the heart of a nerd, and I love nerd things, from science fiction, fantasy, games, history, and theology. I was unable to talk about such things, such desires. I was unable to truly be myself. The healing I needed after my time at war, was far from me. Upon leaving the military, I was forced to endure difficult times trying to find employment. I suffered one rejection after another. Only after seeking help from a temp agency was I able to find work, but it was just manual labor, in a factory. I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, and never realized there was no time for healing. I was a broken man; I just didn’t know it.
While I have healed in many ways since then, I have felt the weight of life crushing down upon my shoulders. Now that I am disabled, and receiving social security and VA disability, my income is limited to whatever the government deems is worth that of a disabled veteran. On my income where I live, I can barely make ends meet. I struggle monthly on an incredibly tight budget. How can I take care of my family? Where can I find the means to do so? If I am the man of the house and I’m unable to do such things, what good am I? With my physical body a mere fraction of what I once was, I am faced with a harsh reality, what I make now, is what I will make for the rest of my life. Unless the government does something drastically different, or the economy is forever reset to a lower cost of living, my options are limited. These two things have affected the views I have for myself. While I know that Jesus loves me, I know that life is full of difficulty. I know that sometimes life isn’t fair. This doesn’t change the fact that every day I am reminded just how much of a failure I am. I look at myself in the mirror at how much weight I’ve gained, how little I am able to physically do and the mere fraction of the man I once was. It’s no wonder I struggle to find inner peace, I have internal turmoil raging like a hurricane.
I have recently found it difficult to accept the truth. This is not me complaining, just pointing out the facts. While it’s rare for me to receive replies to text messages I send out, it’s far rarer to actually meet with anyone. Gone are the days of lunches and dinners and trips with friends. This has all made a perfect storm, that while my faith is strong, my self-worth is not. With the physical health situation, mixed with the friend’s situation, it seems the battle within this world is not just at my door step, but in the home as well. It seems the 8 months I’ve been recovering has left me a shadow of the man I once was. I am facing challenges at the age of 41 I never thought I’d face in my life. The one thing I’ve kept in my mind is what Paul said in “1 Corinthians 12:9 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” While we do not know the thorn Paul is referring too, the message remains the same. Sometimes the Lord allows us to struggle to keep us where we are needed, or where He wants us to be. In Paul’s case, Paul saw this as keeping him from exalting himself. Paul goes on in verse 10 and states he’s content with weakness. Am I content where I am? What can I learn from Paul? I chose to have heart surgery, to stay in this life for years to come, not because it’s what I wanted, but it’s what my family wanted and needed. Now, I am left picking up the pieces, and still, I stare at my phone waiting for replies to my messages. Days, weeks and sometimes longer, I am left wondering, what did I do wrong? Why do I struggle so hard to make and keep friends? What is it about Americans that don’t spend time with friends anymore? Or, is it just me? It’s true my recent move has isolated me more than I thought it would. I expected to meet neighbors, and maybe friends. But, as we see, people in apartments don’t really chat much, sadly. So, I am left facing the sad truth. I may not be popular, and I may not have a tight, strong, circle of friends, but God’s grace is sufficient for me. I must rely on the strength of God to get me through these hard times. Make no mistake, I am in a fight, but I know that my God will see me through. I will continue to fight the good fight because I am a soldier for Christ. I know this life will be filled with heartbreak, heartache, disappointment, and yet, there will be beauty as well. We must force ourselves to train our minds to see and recognize the blessings God sends our way. We cannot become proficient in God’s word, proficient with the sword of the Armor of God unless we take time and train. If we are to fight against the prince of the power of the air, the evil over and within this world, we must be ready to do so. When the attacks come, we must be ready to defend ourselves. We must be prepared to resist the lies, the whiles of the devil and his demons. We must be willing to stand our ground, hold fast to the word of God, and never compromise to appease the world. The lies of the devil are not always blatantly obvious. Sometimes the lies are sprinkled with truth, and we must be ready and willing to be studied up, prayed up, and prepared to fight the good fight.
I find myself being tempted, and attacked in the dark. The chronic pain, and insomnia weigh heavily upon me. The dozens of texts and messages that go unanswered. The lack of support for my work via my podcast and blog, weighs heavily on me. The isolation from moving away from where my church is located reminds of me of just how hard it is to make friends as a Christian in a secular world. Continuing to recover from heart surgery has been incredibly difficult as I face physical limitations daily. I have pain I never thought I’d have. I have daily struggles. The devil uses all of these things to probe my defenses, to shoot flaming arrows in my direction. Have I trained enough to avoid the impacts? Have I studied enough to fight back? Have I prepared enough to resist? I pray I am meek, ready to use what I have learned but keeping that power in check always. It’s difficult some days to find my value. It’s challenging to not let the dark days win. It’s hard for me to stay focused on the Lord sometimes. I often feel like Peter stepping out of the boat, standing on the water, with all the waves around him, but the moment the thunder and lightning crack, the waves crash all around him, he looks away from Jesus, and begins to plumet down to Davy Jones locker. Jesus grabs him and says “ye of little faith”. I also sometimes have too little faith. I am grateful for a King, and Savior that grabs me when I’m sinking. A Shepherd that shields me from the wolves. That is with me in the midst of the fire. That sends His angels to be with me and guide me, and protect me. That the Holy Spirit rests within me. Even when I make mistakes and sin, my heart breaks for the pain I have caused my God. I am weak, and sometimes frail, but I know that God is the God of forgiveness, and chances. I know that God watches me, and is with me, even when I don’t believe in myself, God has made me an heir to the Kingdom, a citizen of Heaven. Of course, it’s easier to say the words than to believe them in my heart. The Devil has done a great work with phycological warfare. A battle is being waged and I am in the middle of it. I know I need to stay firm on the Word of God, and always, seek first the kingdom of God. I pray you too continue to fight the good fight, and continue to do good for the Lord our God. Go in peace and my the Love of God abound upon you, and may His blessings be abundant and clear to you.
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In 2016 that bullet changed everything. In the spring of 2018 I embarked on a journey to find something. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew I wanted friends, and I thought if I journeyed into the unknown, that friends would be what I’d find. I was wrong. I didn’t find friends at all on my odyssey, instead what I found was pain inside that needed to come out. While not all odysseys are the same, this one had a fire. I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was asked to make the fire, make it large, I didn’t know just how impactful the next few hours would be. See, I had been diagnosed with PTSD in the military. The memories I had were on two lines of track. The facts on one line of track, while the emotions on the other, but they didn’t connect. I could go through an event so robotically, so methodically, that it seemed as if I were a hardened police officer giving just the facts of the case to the press, but not showing a glimpse of emotion. The problem with this of course was the occasions in which the emotional side was triggered and I was left a pile of wet, soggy mess from a pool of tears, in which I sat. I didn’t know it at the time, but God had put me exactly where I needed to be.
The night cool, but clear. The stars shown, and while there was some light pollution, the smell of spring was in the air, and the night sky illuminated the ground. We had an event, that, for the protection of others who may embark on this journey, I will leave to the imagination, but ultimately, what I left next to that bon-fire that night was a whole bunch of pain and heartache. What I found was self-worth. I went to that odyssey a broken man. I hurt from my wife’s affair, and divorce. I hurt from years of abuse and betrayals. I was carrying everything with me, all the good, the bad and the ugly. I kept it in a ruck sack of my own making, and I was trying to journey up the mountain being over encumbered by so much extra weight. I had no idea I was carrying so much. I had no idea that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the hurt that all that was baring me down with. No wonder I wasn’t happy. No wonder I had so much pain and self-loathing. I truly hated myself for who I was. I saw myself as weak for crying. I saw myself as broken for having two wives cheat on me and leave me. I saw myself as unlovable. I saw myself as the common denominator for either choosing women who weren’t good for me, or pushing them to do awful things. Why was I so broken? Why did everyone leave me who I cared about? Everyone from my mother, my first love (For the sake of privacy let’s call her Sam). Sam would leave me and it would create in me a standard of women who wouldn’t stay. Every girlfriend I had after that, and two wives would leave me. That night by the fire, I realized something, sometimes people come and go in your life. Sometimes people fall to their own desires, and sometimes paths just diverge. Instead of carrying every bit of everything I would go through, I needed to be more selective about what it was I, with intention carried with me on my journey.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says this:
18 “Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
19 “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
We must learn to be more like the Sword of Griffandor. Be strong, be forged in the sanctification of our Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Him to shape our hearts, and our lives to look like Him. We cannot be forged like this though if we hold onto everything of the past. We cannot see clearly God’s kingdom if we are constantly looking for it through the eyes of pain, hurt, heartbreak, jealousy, pride, and sin. Much like our vision becomes unreliable when we are drunk, to seek the kingdom of God we must be sober minded, and we must recognize these hurts, and face them. We must begin putting down on our journey up the mountain, all that does not make you better. All the hurt, the mistrust, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the doubts, the fear, the anger, the shame, the sadness, all must be dropped. Those giant boulders cannot remain in your pack for the journey.
Standing next to the fire I saw something different. I could survive. I could move forward, with a lighter pack. Does this mean that in one instant everything is magically better? No, but it’s a start. I had a ways to go in my recovery, but during my Odyssey, I found the start of my new path. I went through my gear, and shed the weight I didn’t need for the journey. Now, many years later, I am a peer mentor for the odyssey program. Years later I still partake in many Wounded Warrior events, and I help serve that community the best I can. Finding my worth, and having self-value all started next to that fire so many years ago. Today, no matter where you are, you can find that in yourself also. This life is a journey, and offers the opportunity for the Lord to forge you. In order to make a beautiful sword, we must be heated, placed into the fire, and then we must allow the Lord to pound on us. Remove our impurities. Remove all that makes us weak and brittle. We must be placed into the fire over, and over again. We must go through the forging process and eventually be so clean, shiny, that the Lord can see Himself in us. We must train and become proficient in the word if we are to be swords in this life. We must hone our skills, and continue to keep the sword sharp and clean. We must continue our daily sanctification process, and allow the Lord to prepare us for battle. Do not allow rust to build up and destroy the once beautiful blade. Find faith in the Lord. Find your truth in His word, and be willing to let the Lord, King of the universe, to be Lord over your life. This life is a long journey, let us shed what we don’t need, the things that slow us down, the things that hurt us, and focus on the Lord, seek first the kingdom of God. How do we find the cure for anxiety?
Matthew 33:25-34 The Cure for Anxiety
25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Go my friends, go seek God. Go, continue to climb that mountain, and lighten your burden. Go, and love God, love your neighbors, and without the sin of pride, love yourself. You are loved and valued by God. Let go of the sin that binds you. Let go of the hurt that binds you. Let go, and let God break those bonds, those chains that have kept you down. Start the healing today, and together, God and you will grow closer together, and you will find beautiful healing. Together, you can face tomorrow a different person. Together you can conquer that mountain.
Since becoming a true Christian, something I’ve heard in that time is “You Can’t Outgive God.” I’d say that’s beyond true. When I became a Christian, not that I didn’t grow up knowing who Christ was, but when I truly understood and surrendered to Him, the creator of the universe, I found a new understanding. In recent years I have found myself fighting for every inch on the football field of life. In the last several years I have struggled financially, living paycheck to paycheck, barely scrapping the bottom of the barrel every month. See, I live in a tent in the back yard of my mother’s house. I’ve lived in a tent for three years now. It isn’t a small camping tent, but it is still at the heart of it, a tent. It’s hot in the summer, and cold in the winter. Until recently the winters could be rough. Having power but not fire, I was able to only heat a maximum of 30 degrees at great financial cost. 30* each night would raise my bill nearly 200-$300 dollars. Thankfully this year someone donated a pellet stove but came at the end of winter and was no use to me, so far anyway. Summers are hot, with no shade, and the temperature inside the tent can become upwards of 130*F. A bit hot, I’d say. While, I’m not complaining at all, this is the life that I had been handed, and I have been making the best of my situation. Recently I was about to leave the house and before I did, I checked my bank account and saw $68 left. While of course it was enough for the end of the month, it wasn’t enough to buy any groceries. Money has been the bane of my existence for some time now.
Years ago, I remember asking God for patience. I had undergone hardship and loss. Having such a small income, and worsening health, my ability to work became less likely. Somehow, the Lord has supplied every need I’ve had over the last several years. In times of absolute need the Lord would supply me with the means to manage a problem, even from as far away as a longtime friend who sent me money to help. Though she did not know what my need was, she sent money anyway, because she felt I needed help. The amount she sent was the exact amount I needed to fix my car. And of course, we cannot forget the winter stove which was anonymously donated. That stove will change my life in this upcoming winter. While those are only two examples, there are many more over the last 8 years. The Lord saved my life in the back of an ambulance when all those in the ambulance thought my days were done, the Lord had other plans for me. How magnificent is the Lord and His ability to take the most awful things, and turn them into blessings. Not knowing how the bills would be paid, and certainly not knowing how I’d be able to put food on the table, or fix things when needing to be fixed, the Lord has taught me patience, by immersing me in situations where patience was needed. There has been another virtue the Lord has taught me along with patience, and that’s been trust, and faith. Faith in Him, and knowing in that faith that He will work things out. Not that I won’t have trouble, but He is with me in that trouble.
Over the last several years as I mentioned, my health has been deteriorating. Not a day goes by I am not in a tremendous amount of pain. I have done my best to try and enjoy life, and to do things with the youth at my church, go for hikes, and walks, do my own yard work, but as I said recently and many times before, “everything I do comes at a cost.” The key is whether or not I am able and willing to pay the cost. As a famous line in a marvel film once said, “The bill comes due, always.” Thankfully Jesus paid the ultimate bill for me, a bill I could have never paid for. Having very little chance to work and make any significant amount of money, I have found myself concerned about my future. Would I ever be able to take care of my family? It is no secret inflation has risen in the United States, but sadly the veteran income does not equal a living wage. Where I live the average rent in around $1200 a month, and that’s recently just the bad neighborhoods. Sad to say, that’s what I used to pay for a pretty nice apartment back in the day. Now, it’s just the crime ridden places, that this is the cost of rent alone. Now, with the average being 12-1500 a month, let’s take a look at veteran pay. For a 100% the average income (Which is public record) is around $3900. It doesn’t take a budget expert to see where this could become a problem. After you take rent, and add insurance, and other exploding bill cost, you can see where even an apartment would be very tight. Sadly, for me, a few years back, I was faced with several very large bills in which I couldn’t pay for, and it left me with credit card debt I couldn’t get out from under. I was facing a fire, one that I could not put out, but only mildly control. A few more emergencies and those balances would nearly max the account. Again, am I complaining, no, it’s just the facts. In order for us to understand the enormity of the Lords blessings we must understand the enormity of our situations. Much like my debt problem, that I couldn’t pay off, we have a debt problem we couldn’t pay off either. Jesus paid that debt. Jesus willingly came to earth, placed himself in harm’s way, took himself out of safety and perfection to come to this dismal little planet, live a sinless but difficult life, and then hang on a tree he created for himself to be crucified and buried for our transgressions. He paid a bill for not just one person, but the entirety of the worlds transgressions, but why?
We are sinners by birth, a curse passed down from Adam to the rest of humanity. We are born with a debt, a mark we cannot hope to pay. We in our sin nature reject God. You do not have to teach a child to hit someone when they get angry, they do that on their own. You do not have to teach a child to lie, they do that on their own. You do not need to teach a child not to share, they do that all on their own. As Voddie Baucham once said, “Vipers in Diapers”. By our very nature we are born with sin, born with an innate sense of pride, and we want things our way. Have you ever seen a child throw a tantrum in a store because they didn’t get what they wanted? That’s the natural behavior of a child, and yet somewhere along the line we have people teaching that we are innately good. It is only by God’s grace and mercy are we good, and only good by earthly standards. By holy standards, none are good, nor are they righteous, no, not one. Jesus paid for our sins, He paid the debt we could not, by his own life. I heard it said once, if you scratch a car in a junkyard no one cares. But if you scratch a Ferrari or some other nice car, you’d likely go to jail for it. The story came with a point, it’s the value of a thing that makes it so special. Jesus was valuable which is why his life was enough to pay for the rest of humanity. He was perfect, God incarnate, and thus His sacrifice, to be the spotless lamb, would be enough to pay the debt, to be the propitiation, the substitution on our behalf. We are sinners, in need of a savior, and Jesus was that sacrifice so we may have restitution with the Father.
In the last few years, I had become increasingly aware of the mounting debt I couldn’t get out from underneath. Having realized I’d never work again, I didn’t know how I would manage. I didn’t know how I could take care of my family. If I was ever blessed with a child, I didn’t know how I would ever be able to provide. The nights of stress kept me awake. In recent months my car had begun making strange sounds in the front tire area, and in recent days that sound turned from bad to worse as metal on metal could be heard. Needless to say, my concern for a major repair cost was on my mind. Why would God place this physical burden upon me, but not change anything else? Why wouldn’t God heal me so I could go to work to take care of my family? In recent years, especially this year, teaching and ‘preaching’ the word of God has become my primary job, yet one I do not make a single penny for. Years of telling God I wouldn’t do well as a pastor, or preacher, God it seems thought I was funny. I continued to tell God what I wouldn’t do, and here I am, writing about God’s grace, and sovereignty. A few months back the Lord provided me the way to get a mic and a cheap camera for my computer. I resumed my podcast, and now I do two podcasts a week and I still write. While I don’t get paid for what I do, the Lord has called me to do this ministry, and I have obeyed His call. Having not worked now for over 20 months, I have found I enjoy putting together lessons and being in His word. Very few days go by when I am not opening the Bible and learning something new. The days I do not get a chance to dive in, at the very least I am reading a devotional. Very recently I have started a prayer journal, and keep up daily with prayers and praises to the Lord. As my car’s looming repair was over my head, (and at the time of this writing, has not been repaired) I knew I was in trouble. The Lord’s timing is perfect.
Over the last several months I have been preparing for a social security trial in which I would go before a judge and plead my case, with the help of a lawyer. I was under no illusions my case, while strong, wasn’t a sure thing. Patience has been the keyword in my life for a while. Waiting several months on end for a decision, only to be rejected, and having to move forward to the next phase, has taught me valuable lessons. Through our entire life we often try to feebly make our way through life, using our own idea to fix things on our own volition. We often think we know what’s best and we try to fix things on our own. When we try to fix things on our own apart from God, we most frequently screw it up. Thankfully, patience, and trust have left me with a new respect for God, and to trust His plan. I have learned to trust God and to do so with His timing, and not my own. God has shown me He is greater than all my own understanding, and by trusting in Him, I believe I am being, for lack of a better term, rewarded. My continued faith through adversity and strife, has brought me here, where the Lord in His mercy and grace, has shown me favor, and thus providing me ‘a way out’. It is said the Lord will not put more on you then you can handle, but the true statement is the Lord will not allow you to undergo temptation without a way out. Jesus is the way out of temptations. I believe my situation has given me insight to the difficulty in life itself. I am, thankfully seeing a change in situation, a change in the winds upon my face, and the seas ahead.
As I am expected to see significant changes in my life, I am left knowing that all my struggles, and time have not been in vain. All my strife has not been for nothing. The Lord uses everything we go through, from the traumas of living in a broken world, to the test He himself may bring upon us to discipline us, or to strengthen our resolve. What the devil uses for evil, the Lord will use it for good. While I do not know the reason for the years of struggle, and now the sudden reversal of fortune, one thing has stood out to me, it will not be an easy transition. I am very aware of my concerns of returning to a life of poverty, and worse my failing to provide for my family. I believe that while it has yet to dawn on my brain the nature of what’s about to change, I will, in time adapt, albeit keep a close eye on the devil and his desire to destroy me. I have spent years trying to rebuild my life, and while I will remain in this beautiful white, canvas tent, I will be able to pay forward the blessings the Lord has given to me. While I do not know what that looks like, the Lord’s people are never shy of need. Years ago it brought me great joy, and I believe a greater joy to the Lord, for me to provide a car for a friend. Paid for by my hard work in the military. How I have wished to be able to be there like that, for people again. I do not know what my future holds, nor am I brazen enough to say all my worries will end, but Lord willing, I will have some time to breathe, and perhaps enjoy a little of God’s beautiful creation. God blesses each of us in different ways. The biggest blessing I have been blessed with, is not a change of fortune financially, but that of love. I was brought to this place, and not by chance was I introduced to those whom I would now call family. The Lord’s providence is at work, even when we do not see it, He’s working.
I think back to the 400 years of silence between the Old and New Testaments. Was God sitting down playing games, not paying attention to us little people? No, he was moving pieces, working in the world, setting up governments, they would rise and fall, and change the landscape of the world. Eventually Rome would take over and through Rome, roads, and pathways, cities, and trade were established. These things made the way for the Gospel to be moved throughout the known world. Why was Christ born when he was? So that he would die on the cruelest torture device ever created by man. So His disciples would go and spread His Gospel to the known world. God was working then, and He’s still working now. We cannot ever know just how many tragedies He’s saved us from, or how many wrong choices we’ve avoided because of His intervening. We just don’t know what He’s actually doing. What we do know is God is good and wants good for us. Do we put ourselves aside to do His work? Do we bring Christ into every aspect of our lives, or do we just say hello on Sunday and Wednesday? Do others know we are a Christian because we always talk about it, or show Christ in our daily actions? Or would you die and no one would have known one way or another? Life is short, a vaper in the cosmos, and we have a great opportunity to seek God, because if you have the desire, it means He’s calling you. No one comes to the father unless He calls them first. Sheep do not come unless they are called. Our blessings are beyond measure; beyond anything we could comprehend. Our blessings far exceed our wildest imaginations, considering what treason, what being an enemy of the throne would bring as punishment. Death, certain death, but not a death outside of existence, but the soul survives the death of the body, therefore leaving an eternal punishment of the soul. No one is sent to Hell from God, but rather, in our obstinance, in our defiance, in our own lust for power and control, we walk the wide path straight to the fires of Hades, Hell. Christ’s gift to us, his freely given gift of grace and mercy every moment of every day, that we are not wiped from existence, but rather a gift of salvation, or being made clean of our sins, so that we may through our faith in him, enter into Heaven. Sadly, in this life, we are seeing nations falling to their desires, their lusts of power. While the Lord may hand people over to their own demise, some will remain who chose to accept the Lords’ gift, and will lay everything aside to follow Him. The rewards are beyond measure, but for me, I’d do it without the rewards. I seek no rewards, other than one sentence. “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I want to please my Lord, I want to know He’s proud of me in what I’ve become, and what I’ve fought through to be. I want to be known as a servant for Christ, and have him be pleased and proud of me. All I want is his hug and acceptance of me. I don’t wish to have bobbles, or jewels, or mansions, just to be with my Abba Father for all eternity is reward for me. It’s a gift beyond measure, so no matter the hardships faced, and those I’ve yet to endure, I pray for the Lords strength to replace my own, as I try to be a good man in the sight of the Lord. A man who God loves, and a man He’s proud of. God’s in control, He’s the good captain, and I’m just trying to do my best, and follow His commands. God has not made me a rich man of money, but a man rich in love. God has shown me favor in His love, and perhaps someday, I will no longer call this beautiful white tent home, but maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a real home, made of brick and mortar. Lord willing. The greatest gift the Lord has ever given was the gift of life through his Son Jesus dying on the cross. He created us for a relationship to Himself, and redeemed us in his Son.
I have spent the vast majority of my life a poor individual. Not that my character is poor, no, I mean my wallet. Growing up I didn’t know what it meant to have money. I remember one Thanksgiving a giant basket of food was dropped on our doorstep just a few days before the holiday. Why us? I wondered. I knew we were always hurting for money though because, I received free lunch in school. I knew there were three categories, full pay, discount, and free, and I knew it was based on your family’s income. I can also recall Christmas’s where I know my grandpa foot the bill for my presents. I knew money was tight when the food stamps ran out because, there was little or no money left for food. I knew mac and cheese, chicken, because it was cheap, and hot dogs. Oh, and one cannot forget the cereal dinners. I’m not angry about it, because no matter what, or who it came from, God always provided, and I never went hungry. Yes, there were times a meal came from a neighbor, or two, but while I noticed, I never felt like I was going to go without food. Summers were a little more challenging, but I spent a lot of time away from home, so of course lunch time rolls or dinner rolls around, and I ate with friends then too. Again, God always provided. I didn’t always get the newest toy I wanted, and I rarely had new clothes, but I was clothed. Even when other kids were cruel because of what I wore, at least I had clothing. Even if I didn’t feel that at the time. Bullying can be tough for a child.
When I moved out from home, and I moved in with my grandpa, meals changed. The type of house I lived in changed, and eventually I wound up with a car, that grandpa paid for. I got myself a job when I was old enough. I had spending money. I learned early that those with money, ought to be generous towards those who don’t. While in school, I was often the guy people turned too for a few dollars for the soda machine, or a snack from the vending machines. Even gas from time to time. When I was in the military, I had no bills, and no expenses, minus a few dollars for haircuts, or pens or markers needed in basic training. Needless to say, the money from my paycheck was all going to savings. I wasn’t rich by any means, but when my aunt had a major stroke midway through training, I had the funds to help out. I sent money that was used to support for my cousins during that time. At some point early in my career, I sent somewhere around $5k home to a friend to buy a car. A little while later, I sent around $2K to help another friend with college payments. Why do I say all this? It isn’t for my own pat on the back, or even for the recognition. It’s about something much deeper, and much more important.
Today, I’m sure many people were worried about the end times. I’ve seen post after post about preparing for the end. It honestly reminded me of Y2K, and 2012. I spent the day outside with family peering up at the beauty of God’s creation, and his perfect plan for the universe. An astronomical event, of this kind being rare, was something I dared not miss. Not once did I think the end times were coming. No, I just wanted to enjoy the sight, and marvel at God’s creation. While I was doing this, I know thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, or millions of people were indeed worried about what this rare eclipse could mean. Is this the end of the world, or the beginning of the end? IS this a sign from God? I’m not trying to poke fun of anyone, but for those who don’t know the word, it’s easy to let fear guide your actions and thoughts.
How are these two things related? Thank you for asking. Ultimately it comes down to God’s word. While there are millions of people giving every bit of money they have, albeit not much, to churches in the hopes of sewing a seed, and God doubling or more their investment, they are putting their hope in money to change their lives. In the same breath millions of people believe in Jesus, but also superstitions, and mystical energies (Not the Holy Spirit), and put their hope in everything but God. In reality, both are equally as dangerous to one’s own soul. One cannot be a slave to two masters. One cannot serve God and also superstition and astrology. One cannot serve God while serving their desire for riches and prosperity. Scripture is very clear on these points. If we are more worried about our bank accounts than serving God, we might need a spiritual checkup. If we are more worried about what our zodiac sign says this month, we might need a spiritual checkup. I cannot help but wish to be rich in my life. It’s a longing I cannot explain, and a desire that rests above all else. It isn’t for money though, but rather rich in the spirit. I desire to be rich in the fruits of the spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23
“22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”
Love: Agape- Divine love, Christs love to man,
Joy: Joy- delight
Peace: spiritual peace,
Longsuffering: Patience in troubles and difficulties
Kindness: goodness, excellence, uprightness, goodness of heart.
Goodness: A sterner word for kindlier.
Faithfulness: In active sense of faith, belief, trust, confidence, religious faith in God or Christ.
Glentleness: meekness: Having power but refraining from using it.
Self-Control: Mastery, control over one’s self.
Each of these is the Biblical definition of the original word in Greek. The ‘be full of the spirit’, is to be full of the fruit of the spirit. One does not simply wake up one day and boom, there it is, you’re a super Christian now. No, my friends, it takes work, and effort to be full of these things. As I said, I wish to be rich in these things. I was always blessed with a caring heart, sometimes too much so for my own good. Meaning, it led me to disaster more times than I could count. Perhaps, I lacked wisdom in my youth, to decern a good friend, from a bad one, or a lack of protecting my heart. Either way, I often gave sacrificially not for my own benefit, but because I felt led to help where I could. When I was in need as a child, I often had people going out of their way to help me, so in my heart, I felt I needed to do the same. My prayer today, is that someday, I am blessed with the funds to get back to where I was in my younger days as a man, before the dark days came.
A few bad choices led me down the road of destruction, and so far in my life, God has not restored what I have lost. He has however never stopped blessing me. While I do live paycheck to paycheck, and I do struggle to make ends meet, and even struggle putting food on the table sometimes, He’s never not shown up. Somehow, some way, God always provides. Does He not take care of the birds of the air, or the grass in the field, how much more does he love you. Let tomorrow worry for itself, for today has enough problems. (Matthew 6:26-27) What we really need to be focused on, is the love of God, and knowing Him. We need to be focused on growing that relationship, and being rich in love, and mercy, grace, and forgiveness, and the fruits of the spirit. If we spent more time focused on those things, rather than trying to line our pockets with riches, that we’re likely to use for sinful idols, we may actually find ourselves better off.
Nowhere in scripture does it say you’ll be rich if you follow Christ. In fact, scripture warns about the love of money. 1 Timothy 6:10 “10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” It warns about where you put your heart. Matthew 6:21 21 “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” It warns about the idols we collect. Isaiah 45:20B “They have no knowledge, Who carry the wood of their carved image, And pray to a god that cannot save.” If God blesses you, that is entirely God’s prerogative. If he doesn’t, that’s also his prerogative. Scripture doesn’t say God wants you to prosper now, meaning never have trials, and be not be poor. And God’s plan for your life, is for you to worship Him, to give him glory, and thanks for what you’ve been given. Knowing what is meant for you, or the nation of Israel, is vital to properly exegesis of scripture. You are not in the Bible, and while we can glean, and take things out that apply to us, we need to know the difference in how everything applies. Let me give you an example.
If you read Exodus, and you see how God gives Israel manna from Heaven, does that mean God will do the exact same thing for you? No, of course not, but what it does mean, is, as the people of Israel were forced to trust and rely on God for provision, so shall you. Trusting in God’s plan, no matter if it means we go through a storm, or not, that He will see us through it. Do not expect to get rich as a Christian since, in reality, we don’t see in scripture Christians who were rich. We do see those helping the church sacrificially. We see in the NT scripture says to give sacrificially, never in the NT does it say give a 10th, or a tithe. We are called to give yes, but based on one’s own heart and ability. Nowhere in scripture does it mean if you give 100 Denari, then you’ll get 250 in return somehow. If you’re focused on the seeds of wealth being sewn, and not the seeds of the Gospel into hearts of the unbeliever, you may be following a false, fake, counterfeit gospel.
My prayer is for myself to continue to grow in the Holy Spirit. I wish to grow closer to God, and have a deeper understanding of his word and wishes for my life. I pray my gifts be put to use in the service of his kingdom. I wish to return to a position in my life where I can be just as generous as the days of old. I do pray that someday I no longer live in a tent, but till that day comes, I am happy for the canvas roof over my head, the warm bed to sleep in at night, a family who loves me, and food upon my table. I have worked hard in my life and my body is broken at an early age. I will no longer make large sums of money, and as a disabled veteran, not even making social security, I don’t even make a 1/3 of what’s required in today’s economy for a house, (where I live). I struggle with finances, let alone make what the new nationwide average says I need to live comfortably. But even though I never expect to make lots of money, I know God will somehow make a way for me to not be in the tent forever. One thing I know about God is, He blesses the faithful. Sometimes blessings don’t always look like what we may hope for, or expect, but they are always there.
Being rich doesn’t mean having a lot of money, no, it means having an abundance of love. It means having more mercy from God, than I could ever deserve. Being rich is being blessed with loving friends and family. Being rich is being thankful for what you have, and counting your blessings one by one. Being rich is God providing your needs, even if He doesn’t provide your every want. Being rich is having physical ailments that leave you in chronic daily pain, but having so much love in your life, the pain can’t ruin your day. Let us want to get rich in God’s love and blessings in our lives. Not of earthly stuff that will quickly pass away, but in the things that really matter. 1 Timothy 6:9-11 9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. WE MUST BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT WE FOCUS ON! The things we turn into idols, even if we don’t mean too, can draw us away from God. Matthew 6:19 19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; We cannot put a price on love, mercy, grace, joy, peace, gentleness, longsuffering, goodness, and self-control, the greatest of all is love. If you’ve got love, the rest will take care of itself, and knowing we are loved by Christ, and the Father will take care of us, money is less important. Sure, we all need money to survive, and sometimes it takes hard work, and dedication, and perseverance, but that just means we need to be active in changing our situation (when able). We must work as scripture says. We are to be gracious, and generous, when we can, but be abundant in the fruit of the spirit to all. Money should never be our focus, and certainly not our priority. God is the priority, and repenting of our sins, and putting our faith in Christ, not to rid us of the storm, but to be there with us in the midst of the storm. Let us get rich together, not of gold, and silver, diamonds, and gems, but let us get rich in the spirit of God. Go, and seek God first the Kingdom of God, in accordance to the scriptures.
Chronic pain is something that afflicts so many people. What is chronic pain? As defined by the Clevland Clinic “Chronic pain is pain that lasts for over three months. The pain can be there all the time, or it may come and go. It can happen anywhere in your body. Chronic pain can interfere with your daily activities, such as working, having a social life and taking care of yourself or others. It can lead to depression, anxiety and trouble sleeping, which can make your pain worse. This response creates a cycle that’s difficult to break.” (professional, C. C. medical. (n.d.). Chronic pain: What is it, causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4798-chronic-pain) Chronic pain is something according to the CDC “During 2021, an estimated 20.9% of U.S. adults (51.6 million persons) experienced chronic pain, and 6.9% (17.1 million persons) experienced high-impact chronic pain (i.e., chronic pain that results in substantial restriction to daily activities)” So what does this mean? What if you’re a veteran? According to the VA “1 in 5 Veterans report persistent pain • ~1 in 10 Veterans report severe persistent pain • ~1 in 3 Veterans have been diagnosed with a condition related to chronic pain” I’m a 40-year-old male combat veteran. I spent over a decade working in the security industry which is difficult on the body. I have a neck injury that now leaves me with severe chronic pain, and as it degrades, the pain worsens and makes life far more difficult. What does it say? It can lead to depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping? On top of the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the depression is very real. I’m used to feeling pain before I go to bed, and the pain medication I have is vital to take before I go to bed. The hard part, is when I wake up in the morning with pain, and there’s a need to start my day with medication. Sadly, some days are worse when the pain is more severe from the moment I wake. There are days when the act of getting out of bed is extremely challenging. There are days when all I want to do is cry because the struggle to do anything is so strong.
As I am nearing 40 years old in just a few days, I find myself struggling with recent diagnosis of my neck, and knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away, it’s disheartening. The surgery that was planned was canceled due to a counsel of surgeons deciding the original plan would fail, and a much more severe and extensive surgery would be needed. However, regardless of the necessity, my age prevents the desire to do the surgery now. While the meds do help a little, the medication has a negative side. What happens when you are on a narcotic medication for years? The biggest issue is when the medication creates a tolerance and becomes less effective. The physical pain is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional toll it takes. The inability to do daily activities because of pain makes simple and basic tasks like housework, and yardwork nearly impossible some days. When you don’t want to do activities with your significant other, or friends, it makes you feel bad, and for me, ashamed. At the age of 40 and looking at a major neck fusion surgery, that will remove 100% of my mobility, I have not been sure of my place in this world.
Because of my chronic issues, I had to retire early, but have not received social security. Not receiving social security has affected my income. As a disabled veteran I do get veterans benefits, but it is certainly not enough to take care of a family financially. As a man, and head of the household, I feel shame for not feeling like I am doing a good job providing for my family. How does a man determine value?
I’m not trying to drum up sympathy, on the contrary, I want to spread awareness. I by no means have everything figured out on how to manage severe chronic pain. I have attended VA chronic pain management groups and therapies. I have attended recreational therapies, and while most of it has not taken away the pain, but, some of the techniques on how to manage have proven slightly affective. What does help with chronic pain? A strong faith foundation.
Psalm 13:5-6
“5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”
We may never know why there is so much suffering, except for knowing we live in a broken, fallen, sinful world. Suffering started the day Eve ate of the fruit, and Adam and Eve were exiled out of the garden. God told them they would face hardships, they would have to work hard, childbirth would be painful, and by the sweat of Adam’s brow he would till the earth. When we look at suffering in scripture, the book of Job is the height of this. After Job confronts God, and God replies in the most amazing and eloquent way, Job sees the truth.
Job 42:1-6
Then Job answered the Lord and said:
2 “I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4 Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
6 Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
Pain builds endurance. If we are faithful, our suffering should draw us near to God. This life is hard, and in it we will face an abundance of challenges. We will face hardships, and hurt. I do not necessarily believe when James talked of “whenever you face trials of many kinds,” he was referring to chronic pain. While I’m not sure he was referring to this particular trial, I will say, the lesson remains true. “3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4) Facing these hardships is not easy, and I find myself having difficulty in navigating life recently. I struggle with the day-to-day routine, as I am always in pain. I do not know why God has seen fit for me to go through this, but I know he has a reason. I have come to understand, we do not need to know the why, just know and understand God is sovereign, and no matter where we find ourselves, we need to know and believe God has a purpose. Assuming we did not put ourselves in the negative situation. I have often looked back and wondered if there was something I could have done differently to change things today. Should I have fought the VA for treatment and care for my neck from the beginning, instead of rolling over and taking the denial of responsibility. I didn’t fight for myself, and knowing there was a problem with my neck when I got out of the Army, my lack of treatment led to where I am today. It’s hard not to be angry about it, but knowing that anger won’t change anything, I have worked on letting it go.
This life is short compared to eternity. For some people this life is full of more hardships, and letdowns, and heartache then others. Some people even Christians have an easier go of it than others. While everyone struggles, that struggle needs to build your endurance and faithfulness towards Jesus the Christ. We will never understand God’s plan this side of Glory. We will never see the fullness of the picture in which God sees. We will also never know the things God saved us from in this life. The ten second delay leaving the house saved us from a large car pileup. A delay in surgery kept us from dying on the table from a massive stroke. Paul says in scripture he prayed for God to remove a thorn in his side. We do not know what this was. Was it a physical ailment, this could very well be true from all the beatings, stoning, shipwreck, etc. Paul experienced. Without proper medical care, Paul may have developed significant physical pains. Was this a person or problem nonphysical, this too is a possibility. We don’t know. What we do know is Paul prayed, and God’s answer was no. He did not take it from him.
2 Corinthians 12:7 “7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.”
While this could be a physical ailment, it could also be a person. We do not know, but no matter what it is, the takeaway is the same. Paul’s prayer went unanswered, and he was told that God’s grace is sufficient.
Isaiah 48:10
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
Do we believe in our heart of hearts, that God’s grace is sufficient, no matter what our affliction is? Do we trust that God’s plan is perfect and he is sovereign? I am in no way saying dealing with these things is easy, obviously it was not easy for Paul since he pleaded with God three times. We are being forged into something more, and that process is violent. In order to be forged into something battle worthy, something strong enough to endure the test of combat, we must undergo the extreme heat, and the pounding of steel on steel, to mold us into a weapon. God’s grace is sufficient, but he never leaves us defenseless. He has given to us His Armor, the Armor of God, made up on his attributes, we clothe ourselves with. We are given the sword, the shield, the breastplate, the helmet, the sandals, and the buckler. We do not battle alone, for God is with us. We face the challenges of this world, and no matter what we face, how we respond to it matters. How we respond to stimuli matters. We are to respond in all ways as God responds. We are to respond in a way that when we are judged by God, we are told ‘well done my good and faithful servant.’ The last thing any believer wants is to let down God the Almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, and everything in it.
No one wants to be in pain every day. No one wants to have cancer, or experience loss. No one wants to feel like an outsider and feel like they are not welcomed. It’s hard when you feel these things. Growing up I was often an outsider wherever I found myself. My personality was always a bit different. My opinions of life were different, set apart. Today is no different. In recent months I have felt like an outsider, even unwelcomed in places I never thought I would feel I didn’t belong. Few people in my life know what it’s like to have this level of pain on a daily basis. Few people understand how bad it feels not to be well enough to work to bring home enough money to take care of your family. I say this in all sincerity, ‘show me all your scars, and I’ll show you the cross.’ Show you the Cross: Matty Mullins. Years ago, I found myself in the worst storm of my life, and I felt like I was on the worst sea, inflicted by a hurricane, and all my sails were broken. It was when I thought all hope was lost, Jesus showed up. Jesus was there with me, guiding me through the storm. Jesus showed me the light, and while it didn’t happen overnight, I found my peace in Jesus. I was in a war, and Jesus reminded me, he already won the battle. Jesus reminded me I was his, and nothing Satan could do would pluck me from his hands. Today, I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m stuck in quicksand. I feel powerless to change anything in my life, and the hard truth is, maybe I’m not supposed too. Jesus is in control, and the hardest thing we can do when nothing is going right, let go, and let God.
The Arrow Preacher 