Consequences: A result or effect of an action or condition. We as humans live here and now. We cannot predict the future, but we can in some ways be responsible for what happens. We are given the opportunity of free will to decide what we want to do. When we have a choice between two roads, one that leads to destruction, one that does not, we have a choice. Each choice has a consequence. We often want to blame others for the situation we are in. Sometimes our situation is caused by others, but in reality, we still have our own choices to make. How do we respond when things go wrong because of others? How do we respond when things go wrong because of ourselves? As Batman said “It’s not who I am underneath, but I do that defines me.” Who are you blaming for your woes? Who are you blaming for your own actions? And when the consequences come because of what you do, how are you behaving and how are you treating others?
When a person who’s been a repeat offender gets mad when family or friends no longer help when time after time, wrong choices continue to be made. Who’s to blame? When someone continually puts themselves in harm’s way or in toxic relationships and environments when they have options not too, who’s to blame when things go bad? In the whole of human history, we have seen what happens when the bill comes due, and we have to then answer for our actions. Adam when confronted by God quickly turned the attention off of himself, and said, “The woman YOU gave me.” A bold statement, that in one foul swoop Adam blamed both the woman, and God for his actions. Now, let’s not forget that the actions of Eve cannot be undersold either. She had a choice, a chance, and in that moment of temptation from the snake, she thought in her mind, “I could be like God.” And perhaps even further, ‘if I could be like God, I don’t need God.’. Her actions and the subsequent lie that came, and behold, sin entered into paradise, eternity was fractured, and time began ticking, the slow decay of life and death. Cause and effect. This isn’t a new concept, and one, I do not feel the need to reinvent, so instead, I shall borrow what’s already been said. “Causality my love.” The Merovingian’s wife, she said this to her husband when she betrayed him and led Neo, and the others to the key maker. Unfortunately, even though cause and effect is often highlighted with high stakes in the movies, life can be more subtle.
A wife is struck by her husband. She returns to him after leaving for a week. In time though she continues to return, even if the violence continues to escalate. The process inevitably repeats itself. Who is at fault? The man, of course, but unfortunately and as callous as it may be, the women who went back the first time, and then continued to return afterwards. Actions no matter how we may understand the want, the desire to overlook someone’s behavior, or even try to justify it, at the base root, actions have consequences. Someone picking up a syringe that first time, pressured by friends to shoot heroin. Is it the friend’s fault, sure, but the root again stems with a single starting choice, to be there, to pick up the needle, and not to say no. Everything after can be excused by the inevitable snowball as life gets away from us and we get trampled by the very snowball we ourselves created. Scripture tells us many warnings of such events. David is one.
Here’s a king who was considered by many to be great, anointed by God. The kid who won a war, defeated the giant who made men quiver in their armor. The boy whose hand did not cut the head off the king who pursued him. David who chose not to go to war with his men, but to stay and be exactly in the wrong place. We all know the story, David and Bathsheba. Choices that led David to be on that roof, looking down at Bathsheba cleaning herself. David who didn’t look away. David who knew who she was after asking her identity. David who brought her to the palace. David who got her pregnant. Then, the man who at this point allowed the snowball to escalate tried to hide, to conceal the truth, and in doing so resorted to murder. That baby died because of David’s sin, and his choices. Only because he was king was his own life not forfeit. [(David is king. While the law states the offender should die, no one has the earthly authority to kill the king. David also has not had the baby Solomon, which is Gods plan for the line for Jesus to be born. We also see, only the King can affect or change how the law is the be carried out, when his son raped his sister. David does not act to pass the death sentence required by law, effectively pardoning his son. This leads to Absolom performing an effective coup against the throne and plunging the country into civil war. God spared David the earthly penalty for his crime, and chose a different punishment instead, the death of the child. Anyone else would have been stoned to death for the same crime.) Added after publication.] How far can a person be driven when our choices lead us along like the carrot on the end of a stick.
GOD’S WARNING:
1 Peter 5:8 8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
We must keep our minds sober, for when we cloud our judgment sins often happen. When we are told to put on the full armor of God, this tells us we are soldiers. Ephesians 6 for the armor. In 2 Timothy 3 “3 Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” As a soldier we must be prepared for the battle. As a soldier in Iraq, I often found myself on duty as something known as QRF (Quick Reaction Force). I needed to stay alert and ready to go on mission at any time. I cannot say how many QRF missions I went on as it was too many to count. As a soldier I knew and understood the need to be ready for the fight, and to be fit to fight. As a soldier I understand that if I do not practice with my rifle, I will not be mission ready. As such, if I do not read my bible and attend worship, I will not be fit to fight the forces of evil. I also understand that in Ephesians we are told that Eph 6:12 “12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” As a soldier having put on the sandals of the gospel of peace, how then do we hold fast when the Devil attacks? We get our answer in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” Being like Christ is our choice and chance to resist the temptation of sin. Will we sin, sure, Paul reminds us that in Romans 7:15 “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” Scripture gives us what we need to live in the world that hates us so much, and in doing so resist the Devil with everything we have.
I’ve counseled a lot of people over the years, and one thing that has remained a constant was the person ignoring advice, and finding themselves in the same problem over and over again. In life, we must put our pride and ego aside to look at ourselves and see our actions do have consequences. While I do understand sometimes our situation is impacted by the choices of others, this is a reminder that sin doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Sin affects everyone around us, and we cannot do much about the actions of others, but we must stay vigilant to police our own actions. While we understand that sin happens, we must be ready for the wave occurs when it happens near us. A person’s actions will indeed hit us, and sometimes it’s a tsunami and it destroys relationships, and lives. As a Christian we must keep our wits about us and remember the words of Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy”. Being a Christian has never been, and will never be easy. This means we as Christians will face difficult choices along the way. Will we be swept up in the ways of the world, or will we maintain our choices to be that representation of Christ? It’s easy to want to help someone you feel sympathy for, but it’s also okay to forgive someone and set healthy boundaries. We do not want to accidentally enable continued bad behavior. There must be true repentance sometimes for us to be able to help someone in need who has, in the past abused the kindness and caring of others. It’s okay to say no.
Even when we know people who make bad, unhealthy choices, all we can do is pray for them continuously. We need to pray for people, pray for their choices and souls, and be kind in telling them the truth. We must be gentle but stern in our delivery, never resorting to our impulses to sin, but rather hold fast to our Christian faith, and our need to do our very best to be Christ like.
We live in the present, and we can only control this very moment. Let us be in control of ourselves, and represent Christ the best we can in each moment of each day.
Have a blessed day, please leave a like or comment, and if you’d like to message me you can email me, the email can be found in the about me page.
I always knew this day would come. Nothing would prepare me for it though. The nightmare that awaited me, brought on by both time, and the corruption of this time, we call it sin. Many years ago, I adopted a tiny little pup, with big ears, big paws, and floppy ears. The shelter called her a shepherd mix. This little pup would grow up and she would become something much more than I ever thought possible. For the first two years of her life she would do basic puppy training. Over time, she began to display an aptitude for emotional empathy. Her natural inclination was to respond when my mood or anxiety became heightened. Could she be a service dog? Once her skill set was noticed, the training intensified and by the age of two she started light service dog work, by the age of 3 she became a full-fledged service dog, my service dog. The shelter called her Sweet Potato Pie, I called her Riley. Within a couple years as she grew in maturity, communication with her became seamless. She’d respond quickly, and she grew beyond my expectations. I could speak plainly to her, and she knew and understood what I said. Over the years we would grow closer together and would become inseparable. I would come to rely on her for my darkest hours, and daily tasks. She would wake me during nightmares. She would wake others if she couldn’t wake me. She was my battle buddy, my security, my companion, my closest and best friend.
A couple months ago, a lump appeared on her front right shoulder. She had a tiny limp if she walked for a way. After an X-Ray it revealed it was a tumor. Whether it was malignant or not wouldn’t matter. She was too told for surgery to remove the entire limb. No, the tumor was a slow death sentence. Time is cruel. This sin filled world is full of darkness, and in reality, the only thing we can do about it, is live in the light of truth. What is truth? Who’s truth? Jesus Christ, is the way the truth and the life, and no one comes to the father except through Him. 14 years Riley was with me. 14 years we lived life in a symbiotic relationship. Every day I relied on Riley in my life. On Saturday the 27th of September my dear sweet Riley fell off the bed, she couldn’t get herself up. She flailed around as I tried to help her. In her flailing, her fear, she peed on the floor. She had never done that, because I never saw her scared like that before. How long would I let her suffer? Her ability to walk was diminishing, along with her ability to get onto the bed, and more importantly go up and down stairs. Time, it seemed, was just about up, and the bill that comes for us all, was about to be placed before me. As it was said in Dr. Strange, “The Bill Comes Due, Always.” 14 years was more time than I could have expected. I was incredibly blessed to have her in my life so long. She truly became a blessing in my life, and now, a day and a half after her passing, her presence is missed beyond words. I have felt as if a part of myself was missing. I have felt a heaviness and an emptiness I’ve never felt with anyone’s passing. I have lost a great deal in my life, but never has it felt like this.
Service dog’s and their handler, their person, have a bond unlike most can fathom. People rarely rely on other people to that level. What happens when someone relies on another creature for nearly every aspect of their life? Riley would depend on me since of course she doesn’t have opposable thumbs. I would depend on her to help me live a normal life. She was not a pet, she wasn’t just a companion, she was so much more. Now, here I am alone, and I have to try and find how to live life without her. Perhaps it is death, that is the sweet release, especially for the believer, that believes Heaven is just a missed heart beat away. Having had major heart surgery recently, Riley was there during my recovery. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks, and when I got home should could barely contain herself. Less than a year later she would leave me. Death is easy, it’s the ones left behind that suffer.
For many, they look for a savior, to shield them from the fires and wrath of Hell. While Jesus is most assuredly my savior, for me He is so much more. For me Jesus is Lord, He is King. He is the one who bore my punishment, He took my scars so in Heaven I have none. He bore the righteous wrath of God the Father, so I’d never have to taste the sting of eternal death. He bore my sentence so I could have a room in the Fathers house. Jesus is Lord first, and because Jesus is my Lord, I am saved. One day every tongue will confess He is Lord. I confess He is Lord already. One day there will be no more pain, no more tears. Even through a broken heart, I look to Jesus and praise His Holy name! There is no other God, no other way, no other name that can save. Jesus my Lord, my King, my Savior, you’re the Truth, the only way, the righteousness I could never be. Jesus, you are friend to those who weep, Jesus I give you my heart, my broken heart.
My closest companion may be gone, but I know that Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father and is the intercession on my behalf. I know the Holy Spirit is here to comfort me, the broken hearted. Life goes on as the world continues to turn. I may be in pain, but I cannot allow that broken heart to stop me from living life. I need to continue to face the trials of this life, and I need to lean on God’s strength, not my own. It is no doubt I hurt, but I must go on. Riley isn’t in pain any longer. She isn’t struggling to breathe, or walk. I miss her so deeply, and I hurt, but I can’t quit. I know that this world, and all of time is corrupted by sin, and one day this pain will be a thing of the past. I pray for those who are broken. I pray for those who find themselves having hate in their hearts. I pray for the spirit to come and create revival. I pray for the lost, they may come to know God, and seek a relationship with Him.
Riley, I miss you. Rest well my dear. Your absence has broken my heart. I miss you so much.
There has been a lot of talk in recent days about the freedom of speech, particularly recently of those being infringed upon, or allegedly infringed upon. Before we dive into this topic, let’s look at what the constitution says about free speech.
Amendment I. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, or the right of the people to peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
There’s a lot to unpack in this paragraph but let’s take a simple quick look. Congress being the subject matter’s main character. Simply put, the who is congress. What, the what is fairly simple, cannot pass laws in violation to some simple thoughts, speech, press, assembly. In recent days, many people have become upset at the firing of Jimmy Kimmel over something he said on his show. Well, let’s look at what he actually said on his show. “We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it,” Obviously this has been found to be incorrect, as the kid by both family and eye witnesses was indeed radicalized by the left. Jimmy’s quote it would seem, came to control a narrative and purposefully muddy the water and mislead people into believing a lie. The biggest point is though, the FBI, and local law enforcement had already shed light on the idea that this was someone radicalized by the Left, as Kimmel’s show was September 15th. CK was shot on the 10th. Intentionally lying even after devises had been collected, and information given to the public, Kimmel lied and made up his own narrative, not as a joke, but as a political narrative. One thing I want to point out is this, ABC is a subsidiary company to Disney, which has been known to swing far left for many years. Also, I would like to point out that the TV show “The View” is also owned by ABC and have been hit with massive slander lawsuits against right leaning conservatives. Yet, the view and all of its hosts are still working for Disney (ABC). Remember this, Disney is a business, and businesses are in the business of making money. If the Kimmel late night show has had problems, or perceived problems, and wasn’t profitable, of course the show would get canceled. But, remember, at the root of the problem, Kimmel made a bold statement lying to the American people. His firing was from the network, not the government.
The truth is this, Jimmy knowingly spread a lie, and lost his job. What is so different about Jimmy and the other hosts on the “View”? Honestly, I don’t know. The view has lost Disney a lot of money in court cases, and yet they are still around. Regardless, in the same breath, when Gina Corino was fired for speaking truth about Covid and the vaccine, no one said a word on the left about her right to free speech. Let us remember one other note, the former president when he was speaking his mind, was removed from twitter. Twitter and a network TV show are not the same thing, and yet like many others who were censored during that time period on social media, it was actually at the bequest of the Biden Administration that censored millions of people on social media, including the former president of the United States. This is actually against peoples 1st amendment rights, but nothing was done about this. Those in charge never faced accountability for their coercion of the tech companies to silences the voices of millions of Americans not happy with the covid-19 mandates. Even listening to old speeches from the left during the time of the Biden admin about censorship, and then the speeches given within the last 24 hours of this publication, the lack of empathy or sympathy is staggering. Let’s look at free speech though, and determine if either of these was in violation to their first amendment rights.
In a short answer, no, neither of these things is a violation of free speech. Free speech does not mean freedom from consequences of what you say. While we may disagree, Disney is a private company and they have the right to fire someone for what they say, if what they say goes against what the company wants for their image, or if they feel what’s being said will cause financial troubles. Now, yes, that seems like it may be a slippery slope, but even within the context of the two people we are referring too here, Gina’s comments turned out to be true. Her concerns over the way covid was being handled and her realistic concerns over the ‘vaccine’ turned out to be both reasonable, and accurate. Jimmy’s comments were neither, in fact, with just a hair bit of time, it turned out to be false. One lied, one told the truth. Jimmy was not fired by the right, or even because of anything the right had to say, he was fired by a left leaning organization, that has kept members of the view in place. Why the difference? Some have suggested his contract was about to be up, and there was no desire to re-up his contract. Instead, they found cause to remove him early. This is speculation, but if it’s true, it had very little to do with freedom of speech, nor Disney’s stand point on the Kirk assassination, but more about money and business. If Kimmel truly feels he’s being wronged, he has the right to take his firing before a court to see if a mistake was made in the eyes of the judicial system.
Since the Kirk assassination there have been many who have been fired from their jobs or expelled from schools because of social media posts, or their actions being filmed. Once again, I say this, the First Amendment does not guarantee anyone’s right to say whatever they want free of consequences. “In 1789, this meant that Congress was prohibited from engaging in the practice of “prior-censorship” – prohibiting a speech or publication without advance approval of an executive official. The courts today give a much broader interpretation to the clause.” (McClellan, J. 2000. Pg 418) This next session is what I want us to focus on. “This does not mean, however, that the First Amendment guarantees any absolute or perfect freedom to shout whatever one wishes, print whatever one likes, assemble in a crowd wherever or whenever it suits a crowd’s fancy, or present a petition to Congress or some other public body in a context of violence.” It goes on to say “The Constitution recognizes no “absolute” rights.” (McClellan, J. 2000. Pg 418)
Members of the left side of the political spectrum had no problem when people were getting fired from their jobs for speaking truth about Covid during the 2020-2021 years. People were being censored on the right for their concerns over the vaccine, their unwillingness to take it, or opposing the ‘science’ that was being touted as absolute truth. Many disagreed with the closure of schools, or the effectiveness of masks, who would find themselves without a Facebook page, or worse, without a job. Later, it was revealed by Facebook and others that the government urged them to take down information referring to the Hunter Biden laptop, anything referring to covid that didn’t fit their narrative, even though those things were true. In fact, this was in absolute violation to the censorship the constitution referred too, as a violation of the rights of the people. Where was the outrage over government censorship? The first amendment does not protect speech that may be violent in nature, or even lying.
I wrote this recently on a different platform:
“I think people may have a misconception of what “Free Speech” means. Let me give you an example… If you go to work, and you tell your boss to “F” off, it’s likely you won’t have a job anymore. If you slander someone and ruin their reputation and damage their life in some way by telling a lie, you may face and be guilty of slander before the court. Same for libel (Slander in written form, Thank you Spider-Man). All of this to say, while we do protect free speech, such as going to a soldier’s funeral and protesting at the funeral (West-Boro Baptist Church in the early 2000’s). These things still come with consequences. I was very clear in my last message what I thought about this, but if you say things, your business has every right to decide if your words and actions represent the company or not. Words and actions still have consequences. Free speech does not mean no consequences, it means you have the right to say what you wish. You cannot yell fire in a crowded room. So, free speech does come with some common-sense exceptions. I would not feel safe, or comfortable seeing a doctor who cheered on the death of another human. If you have a business, you do not want to put off half the population of the US. Remember what they said in John Wick? Consequences. It’s important to pray for one another. It’s important to come together and cool the fire. As the famous Bob Marley once said, “Don’t worry, about a thing, every little thing’s gonna be alright.” Jesus is King. Jesus is Lord. And we shall continue to share the love and life of Christ with everyone. Seek first the kingdom of God and you shall be saved. Be in peace, and go in peace.” (Arrow Preacher, 2025)
We must be knowledgeable about what we say, and the sheer number of the masses claiming their free speech has been violated, doesn’t understand the constitution. Private businesses, and organization have the right to let people go from their employ if what they say is violent or incendiary in nature. Free speech is not an absolute right with absolute immunity to whatever you want to say. While we must be cautious as a nation even within the private sector how we respond to someone’s comments, we should not be virtue signaling and cherry picking based on political sides. In this authors opinion it’s strange that Kimmel’s show would be canceled from the same network that allows the View to constantly get themselves in trouble for slander. It’s more likely that the ratings on Kimmel’s show were a major contributing factor to his firing. It also seems to me that the left are now seeing the swing, the turnaround, the uno reverse, to years of censorship and cancel culture finally coming back around.
Free speech comes with responsibility. We must be careful with what we say because in the age of digital warfare, many people have chosen to be vicious and cruel, uncaring, and vile. We as Christians have the responsibility to share the gospel in a time when the hatred for the Christian is once again becoming publicly evident. In recent days the quote, unquote free speech has revealed that people are no longer just in disagreement, but are also callus and apathetic about the death of another person. When we begin to dehumanize people because of their beliefs we lose our humanity. When we as a people celebrate criminals or even murderers, over someone who simply and respectfully debated others in a public forum, we have lost something. Desecrating memorials or attacking people at a vigil, shows that the devil is in fact winning ground. Scripture teaches us that we must fight against the devil. “Ephesians 6:12 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” We have seen the continued attack and hatred towards Christians in recent years, and this will not stop any time soon. We must continue to speak the truth, even when we are hated because of it. We must continue to stand up and proclaim the name of Jesus, even when people attack us for it. We must continue to wear the full armor of God and prepare ourselves by keeping sober minded, “Romans 12:21 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Evil and violence will never be defeated by perpetuating more hate and more evil deeds. We must remember that while speech does come with a cost as I have afore mentioned, we must remember what scripture says. “James 3:6-8 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” We will never be able to stop people from being evil, or their hatred, but what we can do is continue to pray for them. We must pray for our enemies and ourselves to focus on a Christ centered life. “Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
A few days ago I also wrote this.
“It’s been a few days now. As I scroll social media, I find my heart swelling with emotion. Evil reigns here on earth. But our Lord Jesus reigns in Heaven over all. What evil meant to destroy, Jesus will use it for good. I am filled with so much heart breaks from my brother whom I just met, passing, the anniversary of my father’s passing before I met him, my best friend’s death anniversary is approaching, my dear Riley my service dog nearing the end of her life, I am broken. Jesus is my Lord and I know he was Charlie’s Lord as well. Yes, tears continue to fall for my brother in Christs family, but I know CK was met by Jesus, a martyr’s welcome. A crown of glory was placed on his head and we here are left to pick up the pieces. We will continue to spread the gospel, unapologetically, but in love. It’s not loving to lie to someone, so we tell the inconvenient truth to the unbeliever. We will continue to fight against the powers of darkness here in this world. We will pick up the pieces of our broken hearts, and wipe away our tears, but we will fight. For those celebrating his death, and maybe some of you reading this, I preach and teach the same messages as CK did, should I also die for my beliefs. I am public about the gospel also. Should I be taken from my family? If you wonder why those are being fired from work for what they say, it’s this simple truth, when you celebrate violence, and you work for a company, work with kids, or the medical field, or other, how can you be expected to treat others whom you’re supposed to serve, if you so publicly hate those who might be conservative? How much is my life worth, when I believe many of the same things? In this time of brokenness, let us pray for those around the world who turn to violence. Those who threaten or propagate violence in their lives, let us pray for them. Church, be strong, courageous, but be firm. We may be broken, but we are not out of the fight. Jesus, thank you for being Lord over my life, for saving me and lifting me out of death. Bless this nation that I have sacrificed so much for. Turn hearts from the black sludge they are to heart of flesh, on fire for you. Thank you, Jesus, and watch over and protect us. Amen.”
I pray that because I am conservative that others would not wish for my death. I pray that while I am a Christian, I am not marked for death by someone with evil intent. Those celebrating and trying to mislead the people about the ideologies of the Charlie Kirk assassin are doing so for a purpose of hiding the true nature that is befalling this country. Hatred, and violence are becoming the calling card for those who disagree and do not care to continue to have a reasonable, peaceful debate of ideas and thoughts. The perpetuation of hate and lies must stop. We can disagree about policies, and ideas all day long, but once we start lying to protect those ideas, or to mislead the people to believing in something that is not true, we risk the collapse of this Republic. We must be honest and truthful, and as Christians we are called to share that truth lovingly. We must not celebrate death, for each and every death of the innocent is still a tragedy. The celebration of the death of the unborn is a vile and evil thing. The celebration of a man taken from his family and children is tragic. It is quite possible that the perpetuation of hate speech is exactly how and why the CK killer turned to evil, as he became radicalized at school, from those who use inflammatory language to bring people to hate the other side. It’s interesting to see those call Charlie a racist, when he did a great deal for the black community. It’s interesting that the left, the side of tolerance, would attack him for him sticking to his beliefs as a Christian, and that being true to himself. How can you claim tolerance, and then attack a man who truly lived out his faith both publicly and privately. He didn’t do anything violent, or vile, and yet he is attacked as if he did. Not very tolerant if you ask me.
I would like to point out a simple truth. The left has come to a point where they openly call themselves socialists, or in some cases support communism. This same side has gone to calling the President as bad as Hitler. They say the right is full of fascists. However, these tactics go back to Hitlers 1925 manifesto Mein Kampf. In the writing is something known as the ‘technique of repeating a big lie, to make it believable. The following is part of the ideal.
The Big Lie: Stating a complete falsehood and repeating it often enough that people begin to accept it as fact. Hitler argued that “in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility”.
Name-Calling: Attaching negative labels to opponents to bypass rational thought and incite an emotional reaction.
Creating a scapegoat: Blaming a specific group for a country’s problems to unify followers and justify aggression against that group. In Mein Kampf, Hitler blamed Jews for Germany’s woes.
The Truth: The truth is the left has become a party that hates religion. The party that wants population control and is doing so by devaluing human life including the life of the unborn baby. Devaluing the life of anyone who stands in its way to control. By calling the right Nazi, and fascist, if done enough people will begin to believe it. This while attempting to radicalize the kids of this nation to believe that socialism, and communism are far better options than freedom and capitalism. The socialist parties over the world have always started by limiting freedoms one by one and calling it safety. We are seeing this happen around the world. People being arrested for speech, and for prayer. The banning of simple items such as katana’s, machetes, firearms, mace, pepper spray, etc, in the name of safety. While the right is not innocent in all of this, the right is not calling for the murder of babies, and the right generally is also not or has not celebrated the death of a public figure such as Charlie Kirk. Both sides do need to come to a cooler point for us to be able to share ideas, and disagree. In this nation we are built as a nation by those who believed in God. While some where deists, some were Christian, some perhaps catholic, all believed we as a nation should be rooted in faith. John Adams said this, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” John Jay said this, “Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers, and it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian nation to select and prefer Christians for their rulers.” Many argue we are not a Christian nation, but over and over again, while the founders did not want to establish a set governmental religion, it was firmly believed that those who founded this country had a strong belief in the Christian Bible.
Charles Spurgeon said this “Sin and Hell are married unless repentance proclaims the divorce.” We as Christians have a responsibility to point out sin in both our government, public figures, others around us, and within ourselves. We must seek to repent of our sin, at the same time sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a loving way to those who are still asleep in their sins. Spurgeon also said this “If you have no wish to bring others to heaven, you are not going there yourself.” We must share the gospel and do so from a point of kindness, but also loudly. I firmly believe we are seeing a shift within our country, where those who hate the Christian nature of America have been attacking her from within for many years. Water down Christianity, get generations to turn their back on the Christian faith, then watch as Satan begins to work. Spurgeon said this “Satan can make men dance upon the brink of hell as though they were on the verge of heaven.” Have we not seen the celebrations, and the heartless postings, and quotes from people that show the lack of humanity? Yes, indeed, I believe this shows us Christians, the nature of those whom we now fight against. The forces of darkness have risen and now cover the land.
Those who hate you for your faith, who like the recently spoken words of the Dearborn Michigan mayor who told a Christian resident that he wasn’t welcome in the city anymore, simply for sharing his belief as a Christian, against a Muslim who killed many. This in the heart seems to be a moral collapse. C.S. Lewis said this about moral collapse, “Moral collapse follows upon spiritual collapse.” In his recent book “Wimpy Weak and Woke- How Truth Can Save American From Utopian Destruction” John Cooper said this, “Today, truth is viewed as a matter of perspectives derived from experience. To deny someone’s experience is to deny ‘Their truth.’ To deny ‘their truth’ is not only a denial of their suffering, but of their very existence. This is because in postmodernism, the closest thing to ‘real’ is one’s experience.” We must focus on the truth. When lies are told, it doesn’t matter what side of the fence, we must remember we aren’t supposed to lie. Yet, when it came to Charlies “truth” house democrats slandered his memory on the house floor. Where is your tolerance for someone’s truth now? There is absolute truth, and scripture is our measure of what is true. Voddie Baucham said this, “The Ninth Commandment simply states, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16). However, this commandment carries more weight than one can imagine. Falsehood and lies are reprehensible because they not only harm those to and /or about whom they are told, but they also blaspheme the very character and nature of the God who is truth (John 14:6), whose very Word is truth (Psalm 119:43,160; John 17:17), and whose very essence is that of ‘the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17). (Voddie Baucham, Fault Lines). In the heart of the matter, Jimmy Kimmel lied on national television. He knew he was lying when he said it, and yet for the click bait, or for the ratings, or just to rile people up, he said it. The consequence of his words was to be fired. It is not because of the right, it’s because of what he said. Words cannot go without consequence. Words carry weight, especially when you are a public figure. Both sides have been guilty of this, and we must remember that not everything said needs to carry this kind of response. For instance, J.K Rowling has often been highly critical of the left and its LGBTQ agenda and stance. This is her opinion. It does not cast a lie on a person who committed a public execution of a political and religious figure. They are not the same. If you do not like what she said, you don’t have to support her by buying her books. Stephen King recently lost his publisher because he lied about something Charlie Kirk had said. Without doing any research he made a claim that Charlie had said gay people should be stoned to death. For this blatant lie and slander about someone who was just killed, his publisher dropped him. The difference between J.K and Stephen was the slander. It was a false narrative that led to the decision to drop King from their platform. When Gina was fired from Disney for her statements about covid her thoughts and opinions turned out to be true, not a lie. As I stated before, if someone such as a doctor celebrated the death of another human, I as a conservative Christian, would not feel comfortable having that doctor as my doctor. Would I be safe in that situation?
We must be careful that we protect the people’s right to free expression and speech, but this is not a blanket freedom. There are exceptions to the rule, and in the recent week, we have seen dozens of examples of people taking speech too far, and expecting to have no consequences for their actions.
In the book “The Christian Left” (By Lucas Miles), it highlights the ongoing problem where “Christians who have adopted (either knowingly or unknowingly) leftist, socialistic, and communistic thinking, ideals, values, and innovations.” This ongoing hijacking of Christians, leads me to one point, Satan is working hard to destroy. When someone on the right calls someone on the left a socialist, or communist, this isn’t actually slander, or hate speech. The left have now openly admitted to being socialist, and we know socialism is a cousin to communism. Both socialism and communism are anti religion. The government or leader is often deemed to be their ‘god’. In every version of socialism or communism religion is either banned, or controlled by the government. Free speech is also controlled by the government, and rights such as second amendment gun owning rights are often disbanded. While all Nazis were fascists, not all fascists were Nazis. The unusual truth is the left is moving more Marxist, socialist every day, however there is still a difference between what they believe and fascists. Many use this world flippantly, but the truth is the left is absolutely supporting socialism, and its ideals. All this to sum up, we must be careful what we as a people say. Words do come with consequences, and as my old law teacher once said, “It’s not slander if it’s the truth.” The key here, is that it must be true. The government is not forcing any company to fire employees over their beliefs. The government has recently leaned on schools to reign in some rhetoric that has led to violent protests. Going back to the 1st Amendment, you do have the right to your opinion, but your protest must be peaceful. Burning down buildings, attacking police officers, throwing bricks and stones onto police cars from overpasses, etc. does not constitute as peaceful. We all need to take a step back, and work together to live in this place peacefully. We must have peaceful dialogues and we must stop being so hateful towards one another. We as Christians must expect that the enemy will continue to gain ground if we do not stand up and without shame, proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. Let us continue to speak the truth of Christ, and never water down the gospel. Let us be sober minded and prepared for the deceivers’ schemes and attacks. Let us love our neighbor as ourselves, and be in constant prayer for the enemy. Let us show love and compassion to those who are need of prayers. Let us pray for those who are anti-Christian, and who wish to be rid of the church. Let us pray for those whose eyes need to be opened to what Christ might have for them. Let us not rejoice in the consequences, but rather let us pray for them to seek and know Jesus as Lord. I wish no one would perish to the eternity of Hell, but that all would come to know the love of Jesus. This world as it falls further and further away from Christ is one step closer to its destruction and judgment. Let us continue to be the salt of the earth, and the light of Christ. Let our goal be to make heaven crowded. Let us take the gospel by the sandals of peace, and share the good news with all whom we encounter. Be at peace, and go in love.
It took me a long time to be able to find my faith, the faith that Jesus called and calls us too. While in truth, I have to be honest, the last several months have been in some ways, the hardest I’ve experienced in my life. 10 months ago (from the writing of this publication) I had open heart, aorta reconstructive surgery. My aorta was replaced from the root, to the stem, to include the valve, which is now artificial. The recovery time has been long, and difficult is not a strong enough word to describe the challenges I’ve faced. The physical recovery has only been a small portion of the recuperation. Mental health has always been an uphill battle for me. When I joined the military, I was told up front by many who knew me best, that I would fail. When I was a couple months into my training, I caught MRSA. It nearly killed me because of how quick it spread. I swore I wasn’t going to let that be the end of me, and I fought. Unfortunately, I missed vital training, and was recycled one rotation. I pushed myself, and after a long 25k ruck, hurting, my ruck cutting off the circulation in my left arm, I turned the corner, and there it was, freedom. I had accomplished what many thought I couldn’t. Not only would I graduate but I’d do so with my head held high and achieve what many could not. I would perform my duties well, and with honor and distinction till a training accident caused my career to end prematurely. I ended my career voluntarily and on my own terms, with the hand I was dealt, but not before a successful posting in Korea, a deployment to Iraq, and continued service in Colorado. With everything I’ve gone through and been handed to me, the undeniable truth remains, God is GOOD.
Faith is built on the trust of who Jesus is. The truth that He Himself claimed, that He is “The Way The Truth and The Life, and No One Gets To the Father Except Through Him.” The linchpin of Christianity is just that, was Jesus who he claimed to be? The answer, in emphatically yes. This is what gives a Christian his strength. The Lord chose his soldiers before the foundations of the earth. Jesus told us that we would face trials in this life, but to take heart that He overcame the world. We do not store up treasures in this life, but in Heaven. We face these trails as Job faced his. On our knees, in prayer to the Lord of all creation. Does this mean in this life we do not despair, or weep? No. Jesus wept (John 11:35) for the sin that befell upon the perfection of creation. The untold sorrow of sin over our lives, and the destruction that sin brings to the lives of those of us still alive in the realm of time. We cannot let fear dictate terms, when we are told we were given a spirit of courage, not fear (2 Tim 1:7)
Feelings of despair come to all who walk this world. Struggle is the life of a soldier. No matter how hard we fight, we will always face the bitter truth, life is full of heartache, disappointment, and pain. Why would God allow such things? God is not the author of evil, pride, and sin, is the author of evil. Satan, began his rebellion, believing the created was more powerful than the creator. The lie that fell to Eve was the same, “you can be like God.” Eve, seemingly without hesitation took of the fruit, then gave it to Adam. Their eyes opened, and they knew of evil. Who is the enemy? The enemy is crafty, and has been described as a great many things. A lion waiting to devour you. The father of lies. The accuser. The great deceiver. The Dragon. This is our adversary, whom we are called to battle against. The enemy spreads lie after lie, and tries to convince us things we are not. Things like, worthless, failure, broken, you’re alone, you’re not good enough. We wage war against an enemy we cannot see. Having been a soldier in combat, I understand all too well the deceptive nature of the enemy. In Iraq we rarely saw our enemy. They hid in the shadows, using deception, and cover to attack, and detonate explosives without ever being seen. How can someone fight what they can’t see? We are called to resist Satan, and only because of the blood of Christ do we stand a chance to be able to hold our ground in the face of overwhelming odds. Satan when he fell, he took a third of the angels with him (Rev 12:4). Our enemy is trained in the art of deception and lies, perfect beings corrupted by pride and sin. An invisible enemy bent on destroying the creation of God. The Armor of God shrouds us, equips us for battle (Eph 6:10-18). What the armor doesn’t do is prepare us. For that, we need the word of God, and the word of God being the sword, does nothing if we don’t use it, learn from it, and grow closer to the God that wrote it. We cannot fight an enemy we don’t understand. We cannot fight an enemy that knows the word of God better than we do. Our enemy has been in the presence of God, and knows us perhaps better than we know ourselves. While he cannot implant thoughts, he can whisper in our ears. Satan can bring untold horrors down upon our lives, and feed us the lie that it’s God that hates us, God that brings these horrors and tragedies into our lives. Satan tells us that God is the author of all our troubles. I have stated and written before that if we do not train our minds, and our souls for battle, the Devil will increase that advantage over us, and win the day. We must realize one thing, scripture and the Holy Spirit on our side are force multipliers that gives us all what we need to win the day. We do not actually fight Satan, but rather resist his attacks. We dig in, the armor covering our mind, our heart, girded for battle, the sandals dug into the dirt, shield protecting us from the flaming arrows from the enemy, and the Sword of God’s Holy Word raised high, unleashing a battle cry heard in the Heavens, “Jesus Is KING”. The undeniable fact is this, if Jesus is the Lion of Judah, and we are little Christ, then there’s a lion within us as well. We must learn to harness the power within us, and dig deep, and face tomorrow with courage and dignity.
God has shown us what He will do to fight for His chosen people. In story after story in scripture we see God’s people overcoming incredible odds and emerging victorious. Moses fleeing through the Red Sea. Gideon fought for God. David took down Goliath with a sling and a stone. There is a lion within us waiting to be awoken. I have struggled for a while, believing I was anything more than garbage, a waist of space. I have questioned why God would save my life in such an obvious way; a miracle multiplied. My story of survival holds too many coincidences to be coincidence. In 2016 God spoke to me while I was bleeding out in the back of an ambulance. While in a pitch black void, I said “God I’m sorry!” In reply God said “You’re forgiven” and I snapped awake in the ambulance, where I was believed to give give up the ghost any minute. Instead, God breathed life into me, sending a shock wave through my body. Note: I had not coded and thus what I experienced was not the defibrillator. Early 2024, I found out I had a hernia, somewhere around March. By July, on the last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School), one of the youths of the church challenged me to a race. God, it seems, removed every ounce of caution and I raced the kid. Aside from the pride of winning the race, it came at a cost. The next day I couldn’t walk, as one of the two hernias bulged. This sent me to surgery in October, and the day after that surgery I was back in the hospital from the Gas migrating to my shoulder. A CT was called for, and while it was confirmed Gas was indeed the culprit, a time bomb was found, ticking away. My aorta was ready to explode. A birth defect left me at the mercy of time, and my aorta was well beyond the limit for surgery. I had emergency surgery, which led to heart block, which led to the pacemaker. Months of setbacks, and therapy, have left me with scars both physical and emotional. I have scars deep into my soul and the Devil has used every dirty tactic and trick in the book to continue his assault on me. I have spoken recently how I have wondered if my choosing the heart surgery was indeed the correct course of action. I have wondered if it would have been better for me to let time run out whenever the clock hit zero, I’d go home. The devil has used so much of my past to convince me I am not worth anything. I have questioned and wondered if the pain I’ve been feeling since surgery has been putting myself through an untold number of years left on my timer, an unnecessary amount of trouble I brought upon myself. The devil has convinced me that it isn’t worth it, that I should have lived out the rest of my days, and gone home. The devil got me to forget one of my favorite quotes of unknown origins, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” (The internet says C.S. Lewis said this, but that is unconfirmed.) The trusting of God’s plan is where I have to hold my ground. The last thing I want to be is a sheep being led to the slaughter. How can I protect my family if I can’t protect myself? God does nothing by accident, and while I don’t know why God has spared my life over the years, I know one thing, God has a purpose. I don’t expect the world around me to become fairy tales and unicorns. I expect the battle to continue to rage on. There must be peace of mind, and I must have my head in the game if I am going to continue to be a gears up, high speed, locked and loaded, and good to go as a soldier for the Lord.
A lion is what I must be. I have to keep my head on a swivel, and trust that no matter where the Lord sends me, or the mission ahead of me, He prepares my hands for battle. Scripture gives us this, 2 Timothy 2:3-4 “3 Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We are citizens of Heaven, ambassadors, soldiers on foreign territory. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” Our fight, summed up in a single verse. Our adversary seeks to destroy us, to pull us away from our Heavenly Father. Satan seeks to divide us from our brothers and sisters in Christ, and it’s this reason we must once again turn to scripture. 1 Peter 1:13 13 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” As a soldier we train as we fight. We train by repetition, getting better with each passing day. As a soldier we train to be proficient with many weapons, the M4, knives, machine guns, heavy weapons and vehicle’s, radios, and more. We do this by hours and days of practice and training. Likewise, we must be in scripture daily. We must not just read scripture, but study it, and become proficient with the Word of God. We must train our minds in this war against Satan, the same way we soldiers train in the military. In the military we have a saying that sheep dogs protect the flock. We soldiers for Christ must be the sheep dogs. Lions are apex predators, top of the food chain, we too must realize, while we are not lions by ourselves, our Lord and Savior is the creator of the food chain. Our battles must be fought with the remembrance that the blood of Christ signifies a violent death. A death that Jesus laid down his life so He may give His life, to raise it up again, and the greatest of all miracles, to save us, to turn our dead hearts into alive beating hearts for the Lord. While we are here fighting this fight, for the short time in this plain of existence, we must remember that if “God is for us, who then can be against us?” (Rom 8:31) The Lion of Judah is on our side in this fight, we have nothing to fear. The roll of a soldier is to fight for the one that sends you. While I’m not saying the fight is easy, nor am I saying I have it all together, the fight is the most important thing we’ll ever do after we give our lives to Christ.
Depression has gripped me hard over the last several months. With my service dog in her last days, the isolation, the physical pains I’ve endured, have all left me wondering how long till I am out of the valley, and I am laying near a peaceful stream. I cannot say what God’s plan is for me, nor can I say what God’s plan is for you, but I know that we cannot gain one single moment in our life by worrying about it. We cannot worry for tomorrow, for it will worry for itself (Matt 6:34). Our life is but a vapor, here one moment and gone the next (James 4:14) and it’s our duty to use the time we have wisely. We fight the good fight, for the men and women, the children that do not know Christ. We fight for those whom we fight alongside. We face the demons in the dark, and we light up the darkness by spreading the light of Christ. We will run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), and we will dig in and hold the line when things get hard. I know what it’s like to feel the waves crash around you. I know what it likes to hurt and be hurt by people I loved. I know what it’s like to experience the horrors of war, and it’s because of these, that I believe I see the world a little different. We must be the warriors Christ called you to be. Be the lion, the apex predator that stands its ground, and protects the pride. My struggles recently have beaten me to the ground, and while I feel broken, and bloody, and in some ways, I am broken and bloody, Jesus, I know will continue to use me. In other ways I have not a single clue what it could be, but I know that I have to trust in the Lord, even if I don’t know what He’s doing. I hurt, and my losses in the last year, to include the recent death of my brother have left me broken hearted, and beaten to the ground. If my life does not return like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I know that while we may suffer but a little while, Heaven is eternal. We were given a promise that heaven would remove the tears, remove the pain, and in reality, to quote a famous song “The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you” (Scars in heaven : Casting Crowns). We must remain strong in the midst of battle, never quit, and never surrender. I am trying my hardest to live my life in a manner pleasing the King. Recent events have broken me down and backed me into a corner. The writing of this post is more for myself, reminding myself that Jesus is Lord, Jesus is the commander and chief over the Host of Angels, and we play a part in this war as soldiers, ambassadors, evangelists, and more. Whenever the Lord calls me home, I am ready. When the Lord calls me home, I pray I hear “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I’ve lived my life seeking the favor of the Lord, and I can only hope I’ve done well, not that we are saved by works, merely that my service pleased the Lord. Time is short, and we never know when we may lose a loved one, but while losing a loved one is tragic; we must not lose ourselves in the process. We must fight the same way we give our lives to the Lord, with all our heart, mind, and soul. Seek first the kingdom of God (Mt 6:33), and no matter what we eat or drink, do all things for the glory of the Lord. (1 Cor 10:31) Go in peace, go in love, this is the way.
The ever-flowing waters of life, bringing change each day. Some days, the waters are slow, and calm, not a ripple in the river. Some days, it’s a raging surge of water flooding and destroying everything in its path. How then, do we handle such a turbulent array of emotions that come from a slew of difficult days?
Having been no stranger to difficult days, the time of difficult days is not behind me, but the never-ending storm. I never expected that my heart surgery would be the last problem I’d have, but I didn’t expect the looming shadow of another surgery hanging overhead. Today the attacks of the ruler over this world (Satan) fall upon me like a giant beating me down. The bad news brought by two doctors, surgery. This will be surgery number twenty. The surgery I had was an Aorta root, valve, and stem replacement. After going into heart block, I required a pacemaker, thus turning me into a cyborg. When the temporary pacemaker wires were cut and left behind, it was supposed to be easy. Sadly, nothing with me is ever easy. Whatever can go wrong, usually does. The wire on the right side of my body began having issues when I’d bend or twist. I would experience pinching in my abdomen and it felt like deep stabbing. We are pretty sure it’s the lead, though not 100%. This upcoming surgery will require me to be in the hospital on a heparin drip leading up to the surgery, because of course I’m on blood thinners. The problem: Riley’s inoperable tumor is growing, and if the rate of speed we believe its growing at, I don’t want to leave her alone. I don’t want to spend a week or more in the hospital, if my time is coming to an end with her.
Riley has been so integral to my recovery. Her continued presence and support as my service dog has left an immeasurable mark upon my life. I have found in my time on this earth, just how much we take time and life for granted. We often say, “I’ll call tomorrow.” Or, “I’ll reach out next week.” But sadly, days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months, and eventually time has slipped past, and friendships drift away. Riley, on the other hand has stayed with me and has been a loyal companion all these years later. While I’d admit we had our days that were difficult, the positives far outweighed any bad. In the meantime, her and I will spend as much time together as we can, and enjoy our remaining days. My heart is heavy, and my body can tell.
Sadly, we don’t take our friendships or relationships seriously. It’s become very apparent to me that our focus is not on our close friendships, and in my humble opinion, it’s barely on God either. I’ve seen so much tragedy in the last few weeks, from mass shootings, to the mass stabbing attack at Walmart, to a young adult being nearly fatally wounded in a motorcycle accident. The proof that our life is a vapor is all around us in the news. Yet, for some reason, either one of these facts is true, people are apathetic and the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is true, or, it’s me, and people just aren’t good at being friends. With the recent diagnosis of Riley, I am finding myself mindful of the inevitable outcome and the reality that will come with her departure from this world. I will be without my closest ally, my best friend. 14 years while long for a large breed dog, is short to us. My heart is breaking with so much hatred in this world, so much evil spreading as fewer people have any regard for human life.
Scripture tells us to “seek first the Kingdom of God”. We must remember that Jesus said we would have tribulations, and that we aren’t to feel hopeless or helpless, because He (Jesus) overcame the world. This life is temporary, and we are called to make the best of the time we have. People have long wondered what the meaning of life was, and I firmly believe that, that meaning is twofold, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul.” And then when Jesus said to love our neighbors, that means we fulfill our mission, our meaning, to share the Gospel with all those we encounter. To live a life seeking God, and being an ambassador for our Lord Jesus Christ. We are to help make disciples of Jesus, and this is wrapped in the idea of worshiping the Lord. Life seems hard right now, and it seems unfair, and it seems like it may be more than one person can take. I feel as if the world is sitting on my shoulders, or I’m pushing it up a never-ending mountain. The truth is, in some ways, I am. I must remember that my strength within myself without Jesus won’t last long. With Christ, He renews my cup, so much so it fills over. Sometimes our cup is emptied to make room not of ourselves, but that Jesus can be the entire cup. This concept isn’t an easy one, but it’s the truth. Yes, life is difficult, and sometimes heart breaking, but that in the evident evil of this world, there must be a perfect Good to counter that evil. God must exist because the creation of this universe screams intelligent creator.
Random chance is unlikely to make most creatures dependent upon a male and female gender to procreate. Random chance means, that alone would be a near statistical impossibility. While the idea of random chance being so precise, so exact, is laughable, many people still believe and hold on to the notion, God does not exist. Indeed, scripture tells us why. The deceiver of this world keeps them in blindness. This notion that ‘chance’ gives us these perfect things, one can look to DNA, the rotation and tilt of the earth, geometry or mathematics as a whole, to show that statistically random would not account for such perfection found in nature. If random was so precise, why did it stop once it achieved a stable foundation? IF we were all created by random, why don’t we see that kind of random behavior in nature anymore? Why does this matter? It tells us that God is thoughtful, caring, that not only does He care about humanity, but His other creation also. God cares for His universe, and thus if humanity is His most prized possession, then He infinitely cares for, and loves us, wishing none would perish, but that all would come and seek Him. If God loves me that much, and there’s so much incontrovertible evidence to show God’s love and care, how then can I allow this worlds overlord to deceive me and break me down. Satan the great adversary is attacking me, attempting to break me down. The spiritual warfare I’ve been under these last several months is hard. I feel broken, I feel beat down, I feel tired, and worn out. I have not quit, but I feel like my armor is failing and I’m losing this fight. I feel like Satan is winning the battle, and I have questioned how long can I hold on. The truth remains that Jesus told us we will have tribulations, and James told us to rejoice in tribulation that it builds character.
Unthinkable loss however comes as a shock. During the writings of this blog post, I learned while on my way to a prayer vigil, my brother, died. He was at work when he started to feel bad, and unfortunately suffered a heart attack, which then turned into cardiac arrest inside the ambulance. He coded, and sadly, they couldn’t get him back. He was only 44 years old. This loss comes as a surprise, and reminds me, that if something’s important to you, make the time. People are the second most important thing behind a great and mighty God. This loss comes after a 30 -year search for my father. The question always remained, ‘did I have siblings?’ Last year after I finally ended my search for my father (who passed in 2003), that I did have two half siblings. When I found my father, I was left with just a first name of my siblings, but the last names were not certain. I would continue my search, not to be swayed by the sheer lack of evidence, the seemingly impossible task. I found dad through a name and ancestry DNA. My siblings, wouldn’t be so ‘easy’. In just four months I had my first conversation with my brother Eddie, or as his sister called him (Andy). This hard truth has been laid upon my heart, we must know Christ as Lord, and we must seek the kingdom of God. There is nothing more important than this. Knowing the Lord because without him there is no hope.
Since I began writing this, not only did my brother pass, but the earth suffered an 8.8 magnitude earthquake. This earthquake triggered tsunami warnings over most of the pacific coast from Russia to Alaska, to Hawaii, to the east coast of the U.S.A. Life is a vapor, here one moment, gone the next. When I found out about Jake’s motorcycle accident, his near miss with death, and the cause for the prayer vigil, it reminded me that while we may think we are in control, we are not. We are in control of very little in this life, and our fate, or destiny, or whatever you may want to call it, lays very little with us. Yes, our actions have consequences, but we see so little of the puzzle that we cannot expect much to go the way we ‘think’ it will. The one thing we do have control over is accepting Jesus as Lord. We can call the Lord ABBA Father, and we can surrender our hearts to the creator of the universe. We can see our lives for what they are, sinful, and ourselves dead in our sins. We can see Jesus as Lord, and then the lamb of God which takes away the sins of the world. We can see Jesus as the Lion of Judah that defeated death, and gave us the same resurrection power. We can live because He died. We have hope, because death couldn’t hold Him. We have and know love, because He first loved us. Let us not waist one more second, and surrender all to the King of Kings. Let us no longer live in fear, but in assurance have the courage of the King. Go, and use the time He has given us.
In 2016, after I put that bullet through my shoulder, I began a new journey. Over the next couple months, once I dealt with my life being flipped upside down, I began to hear names in the Christian circles, to include John MacArthur. I realized that I heard that name before, and after thinking about it for a bit, it was the name on my Bible. Within a few months I began listening to sermons he had given. Over the years since then, I have listened to a hundred or more sermons from John MacArthur. My walk with Christ was fueled by many videos, podcasts, and books by MacArthur. His zest and zeal for the truth, fueled my desire to grow in Christ and with it, wisdom and discernment. Without MacArthur, I’m not sure I’d be who I am today.
Everyone has a roll to play in God’s tapestry of His Story.
Romans 9:21 21 Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use ( or Dishonor )?”
No matter who you are, God has a plan for your life. God had a plan for Pharoah, Harod, Benito Mussolini, and Hitler. In reality, no different than, Moses, King David, Paul, Martin Luthor, Charles Spurgeon, John MacArthur. We are all sinners before the cross, but before Christ in our lives, sin is sin, punishable by eternal death. The blood of Jesus washes that sin away for those who surrender to Christ, and repent of our sins. Thus, the transition and distance ourselves from those aforementioned individuals who performed awful and unthinkable evils. In our time there have been several pastors who have guided and been shepherds of sheep. MacArthur, R.C. Sproul, Voddie Baucham, Paul Washer, who have, in this author’s humble opinion, joined the ranks of the great theologians from church history.
All those who walk in righteousness, who carry the name of Christ, die as saints. Ephesians 1:15 “15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints,” here Paul is giving gratitude to the believers at Ephesus. While I do not believe Pastor MacArthur would have rated himself highly, I believe he would have rated himself at least with the believers, the body of saints. I believe his books, and teachings will live on, and my prayer is more people come to hear his messages, and read his books so they too will know have a moment in their lives when they give their life to the Lord Jesus Christ.
I am a sinner, saved by grace, and death is prevented by mercy, where a dead heart used to exist, now a heart of flesh, forever changed by the blood of Jesus. God uses everyone, but some, like Pastor MacArthur are much more visible, prominent, and far reaching. To his family my prayers are with them during this time of sorrow and loss. But to the believer, rejoice in the life used by a righteous and holy God. My heart is torn, one of sorrow, that I will not hear a new sermon preached by such an eloquent and educated theologian, but also of envy, that he has gotten to meet his savior, and now sits in the presence of Jesus himself. What a day that must have been, a day of rejoicing from all the angels when such a beloved man went home, his tour of duty finally ended. A soldier, a Captain in the earthly army for Christ. Pastor MacArthur’s flock will surely miss him, and I cannot imagine the sorrow they feel right now. As I sit here and right this, I cannot help but cry for a man I’ve never met. I pray though that while people remember Pastor MacArthur, it’s Jesus they see. The work of Jesus through a devoted man. Rejoice that Pastor MacArthur went home to be with HIS Lord and Savior, and one day, I’ll meet him in glory, and sit with other prominent saints that went home before.
To Pastor MacArthur: My dearest brother in Christ. We will keep the torch lit, and we will continue to fight the good fight. By your obedience and teaching many came to know the Lord Christ. We will continue to fight the good fight till we too are called home. Thank you for your thousands of hours of study, and dedication to the truth that is Jesus Christ. While you would not want people to remember you, but that they would see Christ, I assure you, your legacy will inspire others to seek Christ, and they too will come to know the everlasting love of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ. Thank You, for all that you did to help build the church. Rest easy now, we will take the reins, though, I say, on my best day, I don’t think I’ll ever know as much about God’s holy word, as you did. Be at peace, and enjoy Heaven. I’ll see you soon, when my time will end, and I will also be welcomed into glory. Your Brother in Christ, Arrow Preacher.
I have recently considered something about myself, who am I? As I have written before, I was a child in a broken home, in a broken school, full of bullies who tortured me for their daily dose of fun. I managed to move to sanctuary where I found peace, and happiness. Even though I would leave for the Army on the tail of heartbreak, from losing a friend, I kept my humor, and positive outlook. For a while in Iraq, I kept my light hearted personality, but within a year of returning home, I began seeing a change within myself. The loss and hardships I’d experienced began to change me. I began feeling quiet, isolated, even angry. For the next several years I found myself in one bad relationship after another, where my playful childlike personality was being repressed, and suppressed. I was unable to express that side of me for over a decade. I have the heart of a nerd, and I love nerd things, from science fiction, fantasy, games, history, and theology. I was unable to talk about such things, such desires. I was unable to truly be myself. The healing I needed after my time at war, was far from me. Upon leaving the military, I was forced to endure difficult times trying to find employment. I suffered one rejection after another. Only after seeking help from a temp agency was I able to find work, but it was just manual labor, in a factory. I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, and never realized there was no time for healing. I was a broken man; I just didn’t know it.
While I have healed in many ways since then, I have felt the weight of life crushing down upon my shoulders. Now that I am disabled, and receiving social security and VA disability, my income is limited to whatever the government deems is worth that of a disabled veteran. On my income where I live, I can barely make ends meet. I struggle monthly on an incredibly tight budget. How can I take care of my family? Where can I find the means to do so? If I am the man of the house and I’m unable to do such things, what good am I? With my physical body a mere fraction of what I once was, I am faced with a harsh reality, what I make now, is what I will make for the rest of my life. Unless the government does something drastically different, or the economy is forever reset to a lower cost of living, my options are limited. These two things have affected the views I have for myself. While I know that Jesus loves me, I know that life is full of difficulty. I know that sometimes life isn’t fair. This doesn’t change the fact that every day I am reminded just how much of a failure I am. I look at myself in the mirror at how much weight I’ve gained, how little I am able to physically do and the mere fraction of the man I once was. It’s no wonder I struggle to find inner peace, I have internal turmoil raging like a hurricane.
I have recently found it difficult to accept the truth. This is not me complaining, just pointing out the facts. While it’s rare for me to receive replies to text messages I send out, it’s far rarer to actually meet with anyone. Gone are the days of lunches and dinners and trips with friends. This has all made a perfect storm, that while my faith is strong, my self-worth is not. With the physical health situation, mixed with the friend’s situation, it seems the battle within this world is not just at my door step, but in the home as well. It seems the 8 months I’ve been recovering has left me a shadow of the man I once was. I am facing challenges at the age of 41 I never thought I’d face in my life. The one thing I’ve kept in my mind is what Paul said in “1 Corinthians 12:9 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” While we do not know the thorn Paul is referring too, the message remains the same. Sometimes the Lord allows us to struggle to keep us where we are needed, or where He wants us to be. In Paul’s case, Paul saw this as keeping him from exalting himself. Paul goes on in verse 10 and states he’s content with weakness. Am I content where I am? What can I learn from Paul? I chose to have heart surgery, to stay in this life for years to come, not because it’s what I wanted, but it’s what my family wanted and needed. Now, I am left picking up the pieces, and still, I stare at my phone waiting for replies to my messages. Days, weeks and sometimes longer, I am left wondering, what did I do wrong? Why do I struggle so hard to make and keep friends? What is it about Americans that don’t spend time with friends anymore? Or, is it just me? It’s true my recent move has isolated me more than I thought it would. I expected to meet neighbors, and maybe friends. But, as we see, people in apartments don’t really chat much, sadly. So, I am left facing the sad truth. I may not be popular, and I may not have a tight, strong, circle of friends, but God’s grace is sufficient for me. I must rely on the strength of God to get me through these hard times. Make no mistake, I am in a fight, but I know that my God will see me through. I will continue to fight the good fight because I am a soldier for Christ. I know this life will be filled with heartbreak, heartache, disappointment, and yet, there will be beauty as well. We must force ourselves to train our minds to see and recognize the blessings God sends our way. We cannot become proficient in God’s word, proficient with the sword of the Armor of God unless we take time and train. If we are to fight against the prince of the power of the air, the evil over and within this world, we must be ready to do so. When the attacks come, we must be ready to defend ourselves. We must be prepared to resist the lies, the whiles of the devil and his demons. We must be willing to stand our ground, hold fast to the word of God, and never compromise to appease the world. The lies of the devil are not always blatantly obvious. Sometimes the lies are sprinkled with truth, and we must be ready and willing to be studied up, prayed up, and prepared to fight the good fight.
I find myself being tempted, and attacked in the dark. The chronic pain, and insomnia weigh heavily upon me. The dozens of texts and messages that go unanswered. The lack of support for my work via my podcast and blog, weighs heavily on me. The isolation from moving away from where my church is located reminds of me of just how hard it is to make friends as a Christian in a secular world. Continuing to recover from heart surgery has been incredibly difficult as I face physical limitations daily. I have pain I never thought I’d have. I have daily struggles. The devil uses all of these things to probe my defenses, to shoot flaming arrows in my direction. Have I trained enough to avoid the impacts? Have I studied enough to fight back? Have I prepared enough to resist? I pray I am meek, ready to use what I have learned but keeping that power in check always. It’s difficult some days to find my value. It’s challenging to not let the dark days win. It’s hard for me to stay focused on the Lord sometimes. I often feel like Peter stepping out of the boat, standing on the water, with all the waves around him, but the moment the thunder and lightning crack, the waves crash all around him, he looks away from Jesus, and begins to plumet down to Davy Jones locker. Jesus grabs him and says “ye of little faith”. I also sometimes have too little faith. I am grateful for a King, and Savior that grabs me when I’m sinking. A Shepherd that shields me from the wolves. That is with me in the midst of the fire. That sends His angels to be with me and guide me, and protect me. That the Holy Spirit rests within me. Even when I make mistakes and sin, my heart breaks for the pain I have caused my God. I am weak, and sometimes frail, but I know that God is the God of forgiveness, and chances. I know that God watches me, and is with me, even when I don’t believe in myself, God has made me an heir to the Kingdom, a citizen of Heaven. Of course, it’s easier to say the words than to believe them in my heart. The Devil has done a great work with phycological warfare. A battle is being waged and I am in the middle of it. I know I need to stay firm on the Word of God, and always, seek first the kingdom of God. I pray you too continue to fight the good fight, and continue to do good for the Lord our God. Go in peace and my the Love of God abound upon you, and may His blessings be abundant and clear to you.
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In 2016 that bullet changed everything. In the spring of 2018 I embarked on a journey to find something. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew I wanted friends, and I thought if I journeyed into the unknown, that friends would be what I’d find. I was wrong. I didn’t find friends at all on my odyssey, instead what I found was pain inside that needed to come out. While not all odysseys are the same, this one had a fire. I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was asked to make the fire, make it large, I didn’t know just how impactful the next few hours would be. See, I had been diagnosed with PTSD in the military. The memories I had were on two lines of track. The facts on one line of track, while the emotions on the other, but they didn’t connect. I could go through an event so robotically, so methodically, that it seemed as if I were a hardened police officer giving just the facts of the case to the press, but not showing a glimpse of emotion. The problem with this of course was the occasions in which the emotional side was triggered and I was left a pile of wet, soggy mess from a pool of tears, in which I sat. I didn’t know it at the time, but God had put me exactly where I needed to be.
The night cool, but clear. The stars shown, and while there was some light pollution, the smell of spring was in the air, and the night sky illuminated the ground. We had an event, that, for the protection of others who may embark on this journey, I will leave to the imagination, but ultimately, what I left next to that bon-fire that night was a whole bunch of pain and heartache. What I found was self-worth. I went to that odyssey a broken man. I hurt from my wife’s affair, and divorce. I hurt from years of abuse and betrayals. I was carrying everything with me, all the good, the bad and the ugly. I kept it in a ruck sack of my own making, and I was trying to journey up the mountain being over encumbered by so much extra weight. I had no idea I was carrying so much. I had no idea that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the hurt that all that was baring me down with. No wonder I wasn’t happy. No wonder I had so much pain and self-loathing. I truly hated myself for who I was. I saw myself as weak for crying. I saw myself as broken for having two wives cheat on me and leave me. I saw myself as unlovable. I saw myself as the common denominator for either choosing women who weren’t good for me, or pushing them to do awful things. Why was I so broken? Why did everyone leave me who I cared about? Everyone from my mother, my first love (For the sake of privacy let’s call her Sam). Sam would leave me and it would create in me a standard of women who wouldn’t stay. Every girlfriend I had after that, and two wives would leave me. That night by the fire, I realized something, sometimes people come and go in your life. Sometimes people fall to their own desires, and sometimes paths just diverge. Instead of carrying every bit of everything I would go through, I needed to be more selective about what it was I, with intention carried with me on my journey.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says this:
18 “Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
19 “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
We must learn to be more like the Sword of Griffandor. Be strong, be forged in the sanctification of our Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Him to shape our hearts, and our lives to look like Him. We cannot be forged like this though if we hold onto everything of the past. We cannot see clearly God’s kingdom if we are constantly looking for it through the eyes of pain, hurt, heartbreak, jealousy, pride, and sin. Much like our vision becomes unreliable when we are drunk, to seek the kingdom of God we must be sober minded, and we must recognize these hurts, and face them. We must begin putting down on our journey up the mountain, all that does not make you better. All the hurt, the mistrust, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the doubts, the fear, the anger, the shame, the sadness, all must be dropped. Those giant boulders cannot remain in your pack for the journey.
Standing next to the fire I saw something different. I could survive. I could move forward, with a lighter pack. Does this mean that in one instant everything is magically better? No, but it’s a start. I had a ways to go in my recovery, but during my Odyssey, I found the start of my new path. I went through my gear, and shed the weight I didn’t need for the journey. Now, many years later, I am a peer mentor for the odyssey program. Years later I still partake in many Wounded Warrior events, and I help serve that community the best I can. Finding my worth, and having self-value all started next to that fire so many years ago. Today, no matter where you are, you can find that in yourself also. This life is a journey, and offers the opportunity for the Lord to forge you. In order to make a beautiful sword, we must be heated, placed into the fire, and then we must allow the Lord to pound on us. Remove our impurities. Remove all that makes us weak and brittle. We must be placed into the fire over, and over again. We must go through the forging process and eventually be so clean, shiny, that the Lord can see Himself in us. We must train and become proficient in the word if we are to be swords in this life. We must hone our skills, and continue to keep the sword sharp and clean. We must continue our daily sanctification process, and allow the Lord to prepare us for battle. Do not allow rust to build up and destroy the once beautiful blade. Find faith in the Lord. Find your truth in His word, and be willing to let the Lord, King of the universe, to be Lord over your life. This life is a long journey, let us shed what we don’t need, the things that slow us down, the things that hurt us, and focus on the Lord, seek first the kingdom of God. How do we find the cure for anxiety?
Matthew 33:25-34 The Cure for Anxiety
25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Go my friends, go seek God. Go, continue to climb that mountain, and lighten your burden. Go, and love God, love your neighbors, and without the sin of pride, love yourself. You are loved and valued by God. Let go of the sin that binds you. Let go of the hurt that binds you. Let go, and let God break those bonds, those chains that have kept you down. Start the healing today, and together, God and you will grow closer together, and you will find beautiful healing. Together, you can face tomorrow a different person. Together you can conquer that mountain.
How have I survived and kept my heart? I didn’t. I let hurt bury deep inside like a black sludge, and unchecked it spread like Venom the symbiont which took over spiderman causing him to be someone he wasn’t. I became that black spiderman, wanting to do good, but not. I was harsh, ill tempered, and while most of the time I could hide the suit under my clothes, sometimes the sludge won the day.
A low song turned to a beautiful voice of what seemed like a hundred in sync voices singing to just me. I see faces, could this be the face of Jesus in each one? How many are there? So many in this late hour. Showing me the face of Jesus. He loves me this much, perhaps I never really knew, or at least I’d never seen it before. I began to see. The voices broke and stopped. Soon I’m left in the candlelight. The fight began, the sludge fought me. I wanted it gone, I tried to rip it off, and expel it, but it’s grip on me was strong. I knelt down at the cross and prayed like I’d never prayed before. “Lord Help ME! I need YOU!” I knelt there and cried. So many years. I hurt, and I felt the place in my heart that the black sludge was coming from. I felt abuse, I felt bullying, I felt heart break, I felt loss, I felt death, I felt war, I felt divorce, I felt more loss, and I felt lying, and more divorce, betrayal, and darkness that nearly took my life. And a spoonful of self-loathing to top it off. I could see it spewing from my broken heart like a rancher who struck oil. “Lord I need YOU! I need you Now.” “Lord please take this from me. Clean me Lord, please, I beg you.” The tears that fell that night were thick. I thought perhaps I’d never stop. Then a hand settled upon my shoulder. Power flew through the connection. I felt power rush into me. I looked up and saw my friend, my sponsor who brought me here. Could it be that easy? Yes and no. While the black sludge was removed, the broken heart still needed a bit of work.
More events, like WWP’s Project Odyssey, A sailing clinic in Hawaii, a Soldier Ride in Cape Cod, all laid before me by God to start the healing process for different areas in my life. The brokenness within the heart while filled with scars, but were no longer spewing the black sticky, intrusive sludge. Different therapies I’d push myself into, and through, would help stitch up brokenness within me. One by one, and a lot of time.
While I held onto the sweet boy the best I could, there was much hurt that he masked. His favorite superhero embodied that hurt. Batman who lost his parents, for the boy, that would almost have been easier. But Batman learned to harness that anger, and turned it into a force for good. The man in his life, Captain Jean-Luke Picard, once abducted by the Borg and forcefully changed to do their will, faced the anger and hardship to return to himself. Their intrusive attack left Him changed. But if a man could go through that, and still return to the Enterprise and show love and kindness, diplomacy, and embody the heart of a gentleman, I could do it too. Then, the real-life Hero, Dave Pelzer. He survived not having a name, torture, and the life he built and became a man with forgiveness in his heart. I would become a writer because of his works on “Child Called IT”. I met him once, and talked, the inspiration for my own book. I would be giving small inspirations in my life, and I would look to them, and see the goodness of people, and I wanted to be good too, and I wanted to fight evil. I dreamt of being a superhero. I dreamt that one day I would fight bullies, fight injustice, fight those who tried to do wrong. I would be hurt, but then there was Matt Murdock, Daredevil. He was blind, gifted with extraordinary talents, he would become blind justice. Why couldn’t I find a way to fight back against the evil? I didn’t know it back then, but I would get my chance.
After the darkness nearly took me in 2016, I felt the lighting, the power of God surge through my body, giving me the strength to survive, to fight back against the darkness that tried to take me, but God saved me. Those experiences led me to write, as I write this day. The darkness did try to take me, but I would be brought back from the brink. I fell into the blackest of shadows, but God wasn’t done with me and He brought me back. I fight from my desk in my words I put out there for the world to see. I fight from my service in the Wounded Warrior Project as a peer mentor. I fight from my service to God and serve in the Lamplighter community. I fight from my service to those who are lost seeking direction, as I give the Lords words to those willing to hear my Podcast. I fight the darkness by sharing the Light that saved me. The Lord stayed with me, and never gave up on me. I was once infected by that black sludge, but no more. Once in a while it tries to grab on to my wrists and while sometimes it’s tight, the Lord always steps in and cuts off the source, freeing me from it’s dark grasp. I could have become a villain, but Jesus stepped in. I could feel that darkness rising within me, that sludge wanting me to give in, but the Light of the World said No. The light of the world gave me purpose, gave me value, because of His Love, I was given value in this world. The light saved me. That lonely boy who sat in the room as the darkness surrounded him, wanting to entomb him, the light dispelled that darkness. Through the years the Light kept the darkness at bay. Then one night, that light expelled the darkness once and for all. One night the light became an ember within Him, and that ember turned into a spark, and that spark turned into a flame, and that flame became a torch, for Him. The darkness would be defeated.
Sure, there’s still pain and questions that go unanswered to this day, but that young boy grew up, the man was saved, and the ember that was fighting for survival from childhood was given fuel to ignite. No longer did the darkness live inside, but now, only attacks from the outside. Free was the Man. Freedom came from a night of candles and love, showing Him more of Jesus than he ever knew. The Light of the world. The light shines within me now. The battles comes, but I am equipped with the full armor of God. I am covered in His love. He is faithful. I may go into the fiery furnace but He protects me. I may be tossed to the lions, but His Holy Angels cover me from the attacks of the great deceiver. I went from a luke warm Christian to a soldier, prepared for battle. My fingers strengthened for the war, to wield the Sword of Truth. I am shod with His sandals of the Gospel of Peace. I am covered in prayers, and the Spirit is always with me. I am strengthened as to keep me strong, and to run and not grow weary. I am held up so I do not stumble. I know that there will be a day when I no longer have tears, but my Lord God, maker of Heaven and earth, sought me, and snatched me from the depths of hell. I was rescued by my Lord, and now I fight. I gladly face the army of Satan and with God’s strength behind me, I have nothing to fear while I try to reach souls for salvation. I can face down the army of demons and the Lord as my general I have been given a spirit of courage, not of fear. I continue to grow in strength, and my prayer is this, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” – Unknown. Lord, give me faith like Daniel. A heart like David, and Hope like Moses. Lord give me your strength to face the enemy with confidence that no matter what your will, will be done. I have been cleaned by your forgiving grace, and I pray your righteousness shines through me, that your justice and gospel emanate from all I do in my life. To you be the Glory, and may I be forgotten, but your words are not. Amen…
With recent events affecting my recovery, I have been inundated with emotions. We think I may have something called Diaphragmatic stimulation. This could be caused by one of the leads for my pacemaker. It not only causes spasms of the diaphragm, but breathing issues, and the spams cause pain in my ribs. It’s quite painful. On top of that, after a 15 hour stay in the emergency department, three days later, and I am sick. Coincidence? I think not. Now, I can add coughing to the list of things causing me distress. However, while this is part of the emotions I’m feeling at the moment, there is something else, siblings. I have recently found one of the two of my siblings, and have attempted to open a dialog with them. Not everyone communicates as I do, and I often have unrealistic expectations of people. This, has led me to having feelings, that I really cannot verify as realistic, or based on facts. During DBT one of the things that kept with me was the ‘Check the Facts’ sheet. We had to match our feelings to facts. And if they were facts, do the level of feelings, match the situation. While, in part the feelings I have right now are legit, the question is what is the cause? Obviously, the cause of my feelings is the lack of reciprocal conversation, but realistically, what is causing the lack of reciprocal conversation? That’s the point where my investigation ends. In my mind, I have been distressed that this is being caused because they don’t care. They want nothing to do with me. Why hasn’t my sister reached out? Does she not want to talk? Why doesn’t she want to talk? Things aren’t always as they appear to be.
One of the things I have struggled with in my life is trusting in God’s timing. When I was younger, I struggled with relationships. I was kind of the ugly duckling, except I stayed the ugly duckling. In middle school while people where pairing off and I developed my first crush, she was the beauty of the school. I fell ‘in love’ with her. It was a crush, a heavy heartfelt crush, but still a crush. She however wanted nothing to do with me. How could anyone care for someone who looked like me. I was a nerd also, I was never going to find anyone. Then, when I did, it took me moving to a new school, three hours away. There, my relationship life flourished. I did date, and I did fall in love, the real kind of love where it was reciprocated. But, there were times when I didn’t wait for God, and I made my own choices, which eventually led to destruction, and despair. I once again experienced these feelings in Korea, when I couldn’t hardly get a woman to talk to me, let alone go on a date. I felt discouraged. Eventually things would turn around, but as one relationship ended after another, me being the one getting dumped, I had a realization… I was the common denominator. I would rush to get married to a woman who was in reality, broken. We had a great relationship for a little while, till we moved to Germany. Then slowly but surely that relationship turned sour, and she’d have an affair. Then a few years later I’d get married again, and that one lasted seven years, before, she’d have an affair also. The second one I held on to for a long time. I wasn’t going to go through divorce again. I was left a broken man, so much so, it put me in the hospital. I was impatient, and it showed in the types of relationships I got into. I have often had a problem where I don’t wait for God to give me the green light on something, or I want God to move faster.
Psalm 13:1 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
I have used this verse a few times in recent weeks to highlight the normal reaction to call out to God, but specifically, the ‘how long’. We often want God to move today. Israel waiting 400 years before God broke the silence. Could you imagine going 400 years without hearing from God? We often don’t want to wait a few weeks, or even a couple years, but 400? While I’ve been waiting for my brother to reach out, and I’ve been littered with thoughts, I can only guess, that Satan is the one whispering in my ears. The helmet while it may protect my mind from many things, the Devil is cunning. The truth is, I don’t know much about my brother, and I cannot say if he’s willfully ignoring me, or if it’s something else. The Devil would have me believe he’s ignoring me, but is that because in time, I may be able to share God’s word with him? Or, in reality, the Devil is my enemy, and I fight with him on a daily basis. I don’t know who wrote it, some have claimed C.S. Lewis, but regardless this quote has stuck with me, “My prayer is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” Obviously there is some theological questions here, such as does hell rejoice, but the point of the quote to me, is that when I die the demons and Satan will be glad I am no longer here on this battlefield. I need to take a moment to pray though, and not come to snap conclusions in which I have no evidence to support it.
We cannot always know what God’s plan is, or how something fits into the grand scheme of things. We cannot know what someone is thinking all the time, especially when you don’t know them. You don’t know what someone is going through, unless they’ve told you. There’s a common phrase going around, ‘everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Many people fight, and keep it to themselves. It’s important to not see yourself on an island. If you put yourself on an island, you are essentially putting yourself in your own version of purgatory. In 2017 I wrote this, and oddly enough, it’s just as valid today, as it was them.
We must not get stuck in our feelings, and one thing I have noticed about myself recently, is that I am using compartmentalization again in my life. Thankfully, this time around, I know that my trauma, or hardships cannot stay in that box for long. It’s important that we seek God and trust in His power and sovereignty to see us through hardships. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.” This isn’t an easy thing, and takes a lot of effort and practice, but I assure you, the more you dive into scripture, and the more you get closer to God, the easier troubled waters become to navigate. We must take time and just like practicing a sport, we must put effort into growing closer to God. IF we do not seek Him, then how do we get to know Him? If we do not study and grow within His Holy Bible, then how do we know what’s right or wrong for our lives? We must not make assumptions about God, just as we must not make assumptions about people. Grow in the Lord and bury His word to the roots of your heart, so it would spring forth a beautiful tree of God’s attributes. Let your faith produce good works, and let your love in God produce beautiful faith. Go in peace, and in love, and face those demons with the Lords word as your shield, and as your two edged sword, cutting deep like a scalpel. Let the Lords will be done in your life, seek patience in your ways, your path, and your thoughts. Be calm and give the benefit of the doubt where you can.
The Arrow Preacher 