Tag: Arrow Preacher Podcast

The Passing of A Saint

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The Passing of A Saint:

In 2016, after I put that bullet through my shoulder, I began a new journey. Over the next couple months, once I dealt with my life being flipped upside down, I began to hear names in the Christian circles, to include John MacArthur. I realized that I heard that name before, and after thinking about it for a bit, it was the name on my Bible. Within a few months I began listening to sermons he had given. Over the years since then, I have listened to a hundred or more sermons from John MacArthur. My walk with Christ was fueled by many videos, podcasts, and books by MacArthur. His zest and zeal for the truth, fueled my desire to grow in Christ and with it, wisdom and discernment. Without MacArthur, I’m not sure I’d be who I am today. 

Everyone has a roll to play in God’s tapestry of His Story. 

Romans 9:21 
21 Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use ( or Dishonor )?” 

No matter who you are, God has a plan for your life. God had a plan for Pharoah, Harod, Benito Mussolini, and Hitler. In reality, no different than, Moses, King David, Paul, Martin Luthor, Charles Spurgeon, John MacArthur. We are all sinners before the cross, but before Christ in our lives, sin is sin, punishable by eternal death. The blood of Jesus washes that sin away for those who surrender to Christ, and repent of our sins. Thus, the transition and distance ourselves from those aforementioned individuals who performed awful and unthinkable evils. In our time there have been several pastors who have guided and been shepherds of sheep. MacArthur, R.C. Sproul, Voddie Baucham, Paul Washer, who have, in this author’s humble opinion, joined the ranks of the great theologians from church history. 

All those who walk in righteousness, who carry the name of Christ, die as saints. Ephesians 1:15 “15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints,” here Paul is giving gratitude to the believers at Ephesus. While I do not believe Pastor MacArthur would have rated himself highly, I believe he would have rated himself at least with the believers, the body of saints. I believe his books, and teachings will live on, and my prayer is more people come to hear his messages, and read his books so they too will know have a moment in their lives when they give their life to the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I am a sinner, saved by grace, and death is prevented by mercy, where a dead heart used to exist, now a heart of flesh, forever changed by the blood of Jesus. God uses everyone, but some, like Pastor MacArthur are much more visible, prominent, and far reaching. To his family my prayers are with them during this time of sorrow and loss. But to the believer, rejoice in the life used by a righteous and holy God. My heart is torn, one of sorrow, that I will not hear a new sermon preached by such an eloquent and educated theologian, but also of envy, that he has gotten to meet his savior, and now sits in the presence of Jesus himself. What a day that must have been, a day of rejoicing from all the angels when such a beloved man went home, his tour of duty finally ended. A soldier, a Captain in the earthly army for Christ. Pastor MacArthur’s flock will surely miss him, and I cannot imagine the sorrow they feel right now. As I sit here and right this, I cannot help but cry for a man I’ve never met. I pray though that while people remember Pastor MacArthur, it’s Jesus they see. The work of Jesus through a devoted man. Rejoice that Pastor MacArthur went home to be with HIS Lord and Savior, and one day, I’ll meet him in glory, and sit with other prominent saints that went home before. 

To Pastor MacArthur: My dearest brother in Christ. We will keep the torch lit, and we will continue to fight the good fight. By your obedience and teaching many came to know the Lord Christ. We will continue to fight the good fight till we too are called home. Thank you for your thousands of hours of study, and dedication to the truth that is Jesus Christ. While you would not want people to remember you, but that they would see Christ, I assure you, your legacy will inspire others to seek Christ, and they too will come to know the everlasting love of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ. Thank You, for all that you did to help build the church. Rest easy now, we will take the reins, though, I say, on my best day, I don’t think I’ll ever know as much about God’s holy word, as you did. Be at peace, and enjoy Heaven. I’ll see you soon, when my time will end, and I will also be welcomed into glory. Your Brother in Christ, Arrow Preacher. 

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The Forging of My Soul 

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The Forging of My Soul 

In 2016 that bullet changed everything. In the spring of 2018 I embarked on a journey to find something. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew I wanted friends, and I thought if I journeyed into the unknown, that friends would be what I’d find. I was wrong. I didn’t find friends at all on my odyssey, instead what I found was pain inside that needed to come out. While not all odysseys are the same, this one had a fire. I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was asked to make the fire, make it large, I didn’t know just how impactful the next few hours would be. See, I had been diagnosed with PTSD in the military. The memories I had were on two lines of track. The facts on one line of track, while the emotions on the other, but they didn’t connect. I could go through an event so robotically, so methodically, that it seemed as if I were a hardened police officer giving just the facts of the case to the press, but not showing a glimpse of emotion. The problem with this of course was the occasions in which the emotional side was triggered and I was left a pile of wet, soggy mess from a pool of tears, in which I sat. I didn’t know it at the time, but God had put me exactly where I needed to be. 

         The night cool, but clear. The stars shown, and while there was some light pollution, the smell of spring was in the air, and the night sky illuminated the ground. We had an event, that, for the protection of others who may embark on this journey, I will leave to the imagination, but ultimately, what I left next to that bon-fire that night was a whole bunch of pain and heartache. What I found was self-worth. I went to that odyssey a broken man. I hurt from my wife’s affair, and divorce. I hurt from years of abuse and betrayals. I was carrying everything with me, all the good, the bad and the ugly. I kept it in a ruck sack of my own making, and I was trying to journey up the mountain being over encumbered by so much extra weight. I had no idea I was carrying so much. I had no idea that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the hurt that all that was baring me down with. No wonder I wasn’t happy. No wonder I had so much pain and self-loathing. I truly hated myself for who I was. I saw myself as weak for crying. I saw myself as broken for having two wives cheat on me and leave me. I saw myself as unlovable. I saw myself as the common denominator for either choosing women who weren’t good for me, or pushing them to do awful things. Why was I so broken? Why did everyone leave me who I cared about? Everyone from my mother, my first love (For the sake of privacy let’s call her Sam). Sam would leave me and it would create in me a standard of women who wouldn’t stay. Every girlfriend I had after that, and two wives would leave me. That night by the fire, I realized something, sometimes people come and go in your life. Sometimes people fall to their own desires, and sometimes paths just diverge. Instead of carrying every bit of everything I would go through, I needed to be more selective about what it was I, with intention carried with me on my journey.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says this: 

18 “Do not call to mind the former things,

Or ponder things of the past.

19 “Behold, I will do something new,

Now it will spring forth;

Will you not be aware of it?

I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,

Rivers in the desert.

We must learn to be more like the Sword of Griffandor. Be strong, be forged in the sanctification of our Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Him to shape our hearts, and our lives to look like Him. We cannot be forged like this though if we hold onto everything of the past. We cannot see clearly God’s kingdom if we are constantly looking for it through the eyes of pain, hurt, heartbreak, jealousy, pride, and sin. Much like our vision becomes unreliable when we are drunk, to seek the kingdom of God we must be sober minded, and we must recognize these hurts, and face them. We must begin putting down on our journey up the mountain, all that does not make you better. All the hurt, the mistrust, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the doubts, the fear, the anger, the shame, the sadness, all must be dropped. Those giant boulders cannot remain in your pack for the journey. 

Standing next to the fire I saw something different. I could survive. I could move forward, with a lighter pack. Does this mean that in one instant everything is magically better? No, but it’s a start. I had a ways to go in my recovery, but during my Odyssey, I found the start of my new path. I went through my gear, and shed the weight I didn’t need for the journey. Now, many years later, I am a peer mentor for the odyssey program. Years later I still partake in many Wounded Warrior events, and I help serve that community the best I can. Finding my worth, and having self-value all started next to that fire so many years ago. Today, no matter where you are, you can find that in yourself also. This life is a journey, and offers the opportunity for the Lord to forge you. In order to make a beautiful sword, we must be heated, placed into the fire, and then we must allow the Lord to pound on us. Remove our impurities. Remove all that makes us weak and brittle. We must be placed into the fire over, and over again. We must go through the forging process and eventually be so clean, shiny, that the Lord can see Himself in us. We must train and become proficient in the word if we are to be swords in this life. We must hone our skills, and continue to keep the sword sharp and clean. We must continue our daily sanctification process, and allow the Lord to prepare us for battle. Do not allow rust to build up and destroy the once beautiful blade. Find faith in the Lord. Find your truth in His word, and be willing to let the Lord, King of the universe, to be Lord over your life. This life is a long journey, let us shed what we don’t need, the things that slow us down, the things that hurt us, and focus on the Lord, seek first the kingdom of God. How do we find the cure for anxiety? 

Matthew 33:25-34 The Cure for Anxiety

25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Go my friends, go seek God. Go, continue to climb that mountain, and lighten your burden. Go, and love God, love your neighbors, and without the sin of pride, love yourself. You are loved and valued by God. Let go of the sin that binds you. Let go of the hurt that binds you. Let go, and let God break those bonds, those chains that have kept you down. Start the healing today, and together, God and you will grow closer together, and you will find beautiful healing. Together, you can face tomorrow a different person. Together you can conquer that mountain. 

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The Greatest Valentines Gift 

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The Greatest Valentines Gift 

April 3, AD 33, is the date we now have come to believe Jesus of Nazareth was murdered on the Cross. I would submit to you, that while we do celebrate Easter, I would say the willing sacrifice of Jesus is the great act of love the world has ever seen. How much God loves us, that shows us not only how to love, but what love is. So, lets break that down, and ask the question, what is love? 

Love Is: 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In today’s world, the moment things get hard, people are leaving their spouses, or when things get hard, they themselves are acting poorly. We do not show compassion, we do not show patience, and sadly, much that I hate to say this, we don’t control our own actions. How far we have fallen, when the name of Christ is worn by so many, yet act so poorly. Thankfully, Christ is our example, not other professed Christians. So, let us dive in to what LOVE actually is. 

As I usually like the NASB95, this is one time, I don’t love it. Pun intended. Love, or charity, is patient. One other translation uses the phrase long suffering instead of patient. I prefer this. Why do I prefer this? We don’t often have a good understanding of patience. We as Americans generally think five minutes for our McDonalds order is too long. We think two-day shipping on Amazon is too long. We think a few days waiting for our partner to do the “right” thing, is too long. We don’t have an understanding that the term here for patient in the Greek is, makrothumeō. This means to be long-tempered. Passively, long-suffering. We are certainly not long-suffering in our patience are we? 

When love is each of these things, long-suffering, kind, it does not give way to jealousy, it does not brag, or become arrogant, it does not ACT UNBECOMINGLY. Let us stop at that one. Just what’s public news, a Christian official in my town did a lot of stupid things and there’s plenty of evidence to prove it. We as Christians have not been looking like Christians, we do not act like Christians, we do not behave like Christians, we do not love like Christians. This shows that we are merely Christian by name and not within our heart. The wearing of the name Christian comes with much more weight than people realize. Thou shalt not take the Lord name in vain. When you wear the name of Christ, and then do stupid, you are taking the Lords name in vain. When you do these things and people say, ‘didn’t that person go to this church?’ We are hurting God, hurting the name of Christian, and hurting ourselves and those around us. What kind of love are we showing when we cannot control our own actions? Love is not about it’s own interests, but rather what we can do to show love to others. In a marriage, we should never say, ‘if they do this, than I will respond in kind.’ Love is an action word, love is doing something for others. It’s not easily provoked, keep score of wrongs suffered. It doesn’t rejoice when someone falls or fails. It always rejoices when the truth is being spoken, not to be prideful in ourselves. How many refuses to acknowledge when their partner is right standing in the truth? We hold on to that pride. Love bares the burdens and endures through hardships. It doesn’t leave at the sign of trouble. 

Jesus, knowing He was about to die, and knowing what He was about to endure, the pain that would be inflicted about Him as an innocent man, a sinless man, said in John 10:18 18 No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This commandment I received from My Father.” What a beautiful gift God gives to us. God gives us a gift we don’t deserve. He loved us so much, that we are God’s valentine. God loved the world so much He gave us His son, so we would be reconciled to Him. That we in our sin, would be bought and paid for, the ransom for our souls would be fulfilled. God gives us His son, Jesus, who willingly came to the cross, because no one else could do it. No one’s blood was so pure, so precious, that in fact, it would never be without blemish. In order to restore the chasm between God and man created at the fall, a spotless lamb without blemish would have to shed its blood. No person would have ever been spotless. Yet, Jesus in His love for us, came to earth, lived a sinless life, left the purity and perfection of Heaven, to live in a dismal, dirty, sinful world, full of evil, and hatred, and selfishness, bitterness and disease. Jesus knowing what was going to happen that day on Cavalry, in his foreknowledge sweat blood from the shear stress of it. Yet, at no point did He not continue to travel down the road planned before the foundations of the Earth. An act of Love by the Son of Man. 

Jesus said in scripture, John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” Indeed, how great a love, then Jesus laying down His life for the chosen sheep. How blessed am I to be a part of His flock, and my hope is that you also are a member of His flock. On this Valentine’s Day, which in reality celebrates the workings of a man, I submit to you, let us remember the workings of a sinless man today. Let us remember the love of our savior Jesus Christ who laid down His life for us, so He could take it up again defeating the grave, showing power over death, giving us everlasting hope. Saint Valentine did great things, and I have no problem remembering those great deeds, but the greatest act of love didn’t come from a sinner like you and me, it came from our Lord of Lords. Let us remember Jesus on this day of love, and with His love as our example, let us go out and love others, and share with them the greatest act of love, the death and resurrection of our savior, Jesus Christ. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, may God bless you this day. 

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Fear

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Fear is not something I’ve experienced much of in my later life. Today, I am afraid. As my life is about to change forever, fear fills my heart. It isn’t that I don’t have faith, or not enough faith, as a friends message pointed out so eloquently recently, but I am mostly human. That’s a cyborg joke since I now have a mechanical upgrade keeping my heart pacing. I have faced death and been shot at, blown up, jumped out of airplanes, and have moved across the world many times. My life, has not been an easy road, but my life longs for peace, and I’ve not had it since heart surgery. It’s amazing how much heart surgery forces us to face our mortality. It’s amazing to think that just a couple months ago, I nearly died. Our hearts are so tender at a funeral. The emotions right at the surface, like a live wire to be plucked by life. In a way, while no one has died recently in my life, death is not just the living body. I have in other ways, experienced loss, and grief. My dearly beloved cat has passed. My body has experienced a grave trauma. I am about to move to a new home after eight years. I feel as if I am not going to find peace any time soon in my life. In fact, simultaneously peace and not peace. While life is beyond stressful, and my plate is full, life is not of peace, but my heart knows the Lord. The Lord grants peace, we know this from scripture. We aren’t robots, or at least I’m not all robot. 

Paul is offering the Lords peace be upon the readers of his letter. 

Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!

— 2 Thessalonians 3:16

John notes the words of Jesus. 

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

— John 14:27

Our peace is found in the Lord. We face the worlds struggles, and while we do these things as faithful Christians, we know many faithful struggled. 

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.”

— 1 Kings 19:4

Elijah suffered long, David suffered, Peter suffered, and many, many more. The Christ’s church cannot be stopped by the gates of Hell. More important than any others, Jesus suffered for us. 

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

— 1 Peter 5:10

What is life but a vapor? A short while we are here, and in this life, Jesus promised hard times, but also promised that in those times, we would not be tempted more than any other person, 

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

— 1 Corinthians 10:13

Jesus is our way, Jesus is the way. Jesus shows us the escape. When we are suffering, and when we are struggling, Jesus is our God, who saves us, who removes our ledge of crimson, and makes it white as snow. May we repent of our sins, and Jesus makes straight our path. No one said the path would be easy, but we must ask if we are doing as He commands us. I am but a mere human, struggling to walk the path. I read, I study, I listen, and yet lo, I struggle.

For the choir director. A Psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;

Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,

— Psalm 13:1-3

Jesus comforts us and is near to the broken hearted. Am I broken hearted? Yes. Do I struggle? Yes. My brokenness runs deep right now. In my prayers I ask God to grant me His peace. I ask God grants me serenity to let go of what I need to let go of, fix what i can fix, and in all ways accept God’s path, that I will not lean upon my own understanding. My heart breaks apart this day, but one day, it shall be made new and I shall see God. 

Having fear is human. When the Word says I have not given you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of courage, we really have to continue to grow. Sanctification is a process. We have to spend time in the word to grow in the spirit of Christ. I have spent years dealing with this topic. When I was in Iraq I was forced to face fear. After you face evil directly, fear is something that starts to fade. When I began growing in the Lord, my fear of death disappeared. When I consider fear, I consider that most if not all fears generally when you travel down the road of that fear, it ends with a fear of one’s own mortality. Once you can eliminate your fear of dying, many other fears will disappear. That being said, there are some fears, such as the fear of failure, fear of change, that must also be concurred. As I am faced with some of these fears, I am not accustomed to feeling fear. When I was facing heart surgery, I did not have a fear of dying, but rather, more concerned about what the surgery would do to my loved ones. While I do not have the same fear that many people do, my loved ones have a great fear of dying, and a fear of losing me. It’s this fear, that I have been cognoscente of. How can I, the man of the house, lift up those who remain in their fear? When I am afraid of the upcoming change in my life, that I will fail, and fall into hard times? I don’t have an answer, except to continue to grow in your walk with Christ. We must face our fears, and we do that by reading the Word of God. We study, we grow, we allow the word to change who we are. We must be ready to defend our faith, and we cannot do that if we are not growing in Christ. For some, maybe you haven’t accepted Christ yet. First, acknowledge you are a sinner. We are dead in our sins, not worthy of Heaven. We must see ourselves as sinners, and know that Jesus is the savior for our sins. He handed himself over, and laid down his life to reconcile the repentant sinner to God the Father. We must surrender to Christ, and know He is both Savior, and Lord. We must accept Him as our sacrifice for sins, and therefore, we must trust in faith, and obey His commandments. There is no sin so great that God cannot forgive. We do however need to feel that sorrow over sin, and truly repent of our sins. Jesus is worth your heart. Let us continue to grow in Him. 

May God grant me peace, and understanding, and love. God shows me His way. I pray for mercies as I navigate these troubled waters. May I step out of the boat, and trust in Him.

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Faith

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Faith

I’ve talked about faith a lot on this website. Faith is something we each have, even if we don’t realize it. Those who talk against the Christian walk, in support of the sciences have faith. Those who claim to be atheists have faith. Those who claim to be agnostic have faith. Faith is the believing in something without all the proof. Merriam Webster says this “belief and trust in and loyalty to God”, “firm belief in something for which there is no proof”, “Complete Trust”, 
 “something that is believed especially with strong conviction”. You see, faith, is had by everyone, it’s simply a matter of defining what they believe. 

Many believe a Christians faith is misplaced, or it’s based on poor evidence. Sadly, this assertion is simply far from the truth. It’s been said that the faith needed for the big bang, or evolution is far greater than that of the Christian walk. There is less evidence for those things, than there is of the Christian faith. Even the other religions pale in comparison to evidence, and some have little to no evidence at all. I will not be getting into each of these things and why they lack evidence, but I encourage you to do some deep dives. For Christians, there are a few people who’ve done extraordinary work on this and I will be talking about some of them. 

The Bible expresses faith is this, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the [Evidence]conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

We do not walk blindly into the night, or at least many of us don’t. When I say us, I mean those who do this for a living. Those who study the faith, study scripture, and preach it and teach it regularly, have usually done deep dives into the, testing the integrity of the Bible, the dependability of the scriptures, the trustworthiness of the eyewitnesses that spoke on Christ. These things lend to our faith being strengthened, and in many cases fortified in its indwelled truth of what is written in God’s word. Simply put, the Bible is reliable, and has stood up to scrutinizing people for centuries, in fact, for a little over 2000 years now. 

My personal faith: Growing up in the Catholic church, I felt a strong connection to church. I didn’t have some of the usual catholic ideals pushed on me, so it wan’t till older in life I heard of such things. I did not hardly ever touch my rosary. I very seldom heard the ‘Hail Mary’. I did however do the other sacraments, of confession, confirmation, and first communion. One other thing I heard growing up was praying to the saints for intercession of our needs. When I got older, I became confused. The Bible says this, Romans 8:34 34 “who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” And in 1 John 2:1 “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous;” and in Hebrews 7:25 25 “Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.” 

I didn’t understand, so, was I supposed to pray to the saints? Was I supposed to pray to Mary? The more I studied my Bible, the more I became convicted, some of the things I thought were right, didn’t seem right anymore. As I got back into church, the first church was an Episcopal church, where women were priests. This raised another slew of questions for me. I had often wondered if the Catholic church was correct forcing celibacy on priests, but this was something entirely different. This, allowing women to preach, was this in scripture? Scripture says this 1 Timothy 2:12 “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.” It seems women were not supposed to be priests, or for that matter preach the word to a room of men. The caveat of course is we know Pricilla helped in the teaching of a prominent teacher (Apollos). This shows us that woman can teach kids, and even help evangelize for Christ. But not to have a role preaching from the pulpit. 

As I got older and continued to grow, a few men came into my life that helped me study scripture. They did not just give me their opinion; in fact, it was quite the opposite. “The opinions of man are smashed on the anvil of the Word of God” Charles Spurgeon. What was taught was pure scripture. As I grew in understanding, my faith also grew. The more into the word I got, the greater and stronger my faith became. I began to see where my old opinions began to die, along with my old assertions to what was true. The more into scripture I got, the more the idea that I grew up sorely lacking crept into my life. IF that Catholics had it wrong, what was right? The answer was actually pretty simple. Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” For I, me, the Arrow Preacher, is saved by grace, through faith. Like the serpent held high by Moses to allow the Israelites to be saved, they must look upon it and have faith. We must look up to our Christ Jesus on the cross and have faith of who He was, and what He died for. Our messiah, Our Lord. It was in that moment I realized there was a doctrine that lined up with scripture, and as I was taught, this doctrine would become the hill I’d be willing to die on. This doctrine is called “The Five Solas”: 

Sola Gratia – Grace Alone

Sola Fide – Faith Alone 

Solus Christus – Christ Alone 

Soli Deo Gloria – Glory of God Alone

Sola Scriptura – Scripture Alone

Made easy, we are saved by Grace, in Faith, through Christ, for the Glory of God, and our only source of knowledge and truth is in scripture. For more on this you can read here at Ligonier Ministries. 

https://learn.ligonier.org/articles/what-are-the-five-solas

My faith grew because I was learning from the Bible alone, and because I was reading God’s truth, I began to see many of the doctrines I was taught growing up had actually led me astray. But my faith having been put to the test in 2016 came out stronger, and continued to grow in strength. 

In 2016, a couple days after I discovered my ex-wife was having an affair, I was sitting in church alone. I was sitting in a spot I never sat before, I was sitting in the pew a broken man. My everything was shattered. I heard the preacher talk, and the Holy Spirit rested over me, convicting me of my brokenness. Showing me that I had but one thing to do. The question came into my mind, “What if I gave everything, what if I gave you everything, what if I stopped holding back everything from you?” I walked the isle that day, tears flowing from my face before I got to the pastor. I was ready to surrender and give it all to Jesus. I was ready to lay my shame out there and walk out of that sanctuary a new man. That broken man, broke down upon the alter, tears flowing uncontrollably from his face. Crying out to the Lord to take over, to change him. He didn’t want to be that many anymore. A week later I had a brush with death. My wife was leaving, taking with her half of everything. She was taking with her 100% of our family. In my loss, and added a little liquid death (alcohol), I sat on the front porch and watched her and her sister pack the car. In my despair I put a pistol to my shoulder and pulled the trigger. I was experiencing a major break in the internal walls I had built to hold all my traumas. Everything passed by my internal eye like movie clips, showing me each of my traumas and failures. I was experiencing a tsunami effect, years of compartmentalization coming back to haunt me. I couldn’t take the failure in my brain, and the pain I felt, needed to be matched with an equal amount of physical pain. I was not looking to die, but to feel, to stop the emotional pain, to reset the onboard computer. I thought my fate was sealed, and that pistol sat upon my shoulder for just a few seconds before I pulled the trigger. What I saw that day stays in my mind, vividly. The blood splatter, the screams, the oxygen leaving my body, and in less than a few moments, nothing. The world was black, it was a void, nothing above me, or below me, nothing I could see, and no light but just a bit from myself. In my fear, in my despair, I cried out to God, “God, I’m sorry.” I expected nothing. I looked for nothing. I expected to die and this was the end of my life, a void of nothing. But that’s when I heard it. A voice came from the darkness shaking the very bones of my body. “You’re forgiven” was all the words said. It felt like being inside a lightning bolt. How much the ground shakes when a bolt is close, was nothing in compare to what I felt. My whole-body shook, as what felt like a lightning bolt hit me. I awoke in the ambulance surprising the paramedics, who believed I’d die before reaching the hospital. The pain my body was in, I wanted to return to what I knew was God. But, much like the words of Gandalf in “Two Towers” “I’ve been sent back, at the turn of the tide.” Why had God sent me back and not just taken me home? 

While I was justified that Sunday September 11th, 2016, my sanctification process would come in a very real metaphorical dumpster fire. I would have to rely on my faith and what little scripture I knew to start getting me through the next 10 months. The divorce and separation were messy to say the least. My faith however was growing in the Lord. It was not a blind faith, but one built upon the Lord’s truth. The Apostles would die, die horrible deaths fueled by hatred and torture, they died never once recanting their eyewitness accounts. Who dies for a lie? People die all the time for a lie, but not one they know for sure is a lie. Jesus could not be a good man, if He wasn’t who He said He was. If He lied, He’d not be a good man, because good men don’t lie. When we see the Apostles were all in hiding at His crucifixion, why the sudden change? Why did they go from petrified cowards, to be willing to get put into jail over and over again, and even horrible deaths. What did they see? They saw the very real risen Christ. Why did Jesus have 12 Apostils? Representing the 12 tribes from the Old Testament. Jesus chose men, no one would choose to change the world. Their eye witness counts would stand the scrutiny of those who truly study it. Men like J. Werner Wallace, Lee Strobel, and Josh McDowell, Sean H. McDowell, have given us the work, the unbiased, or rather, atheist bias, of the scriptures, and the truth of the scriptures turned Wallace, and Strobel into believers. From atheist to believer in the process of disputing and attempt to disprove the scriptures, yet, now, they believe Jesus was who He said He was. 

Myself, I grew up believing parts of the Bible but not all of it. I very much believed in Theistic evolution (also known as theistic evolutionism or God-guided evolution), alternatively called evolutionary creationism, is a view that God acts and creates through laws of nature. I tried to mix the science I grew up with, and the faith I had. This was folly however, as I would come to believe, I had been wrong my whole life. Through my studies with my mentors, and even the Christian University I attended, I found, I was wrong. I truly had been broken down to the bedrock, and rebuilt in Christ. I did not know why Jesus saved me that day, but it wasn’t an easy road. Truly, I laid all my hopes on the table and all my sins were forgiven. I had been washed by the blood, and Jesus saw to rebuild me. My faith in Jesus that September 11th would change my life forever. The day I put that 9mm through my shoulder, I would truly be reborn, because the life I was living had been touched by the hand of God. In my investigation, I found I was never shocked by the paddles, so the electricity I felt, could not have been the defibrillator, but the hand of God. God saw fit, to drastically and dramatically alter my life. 

Over the next year God would put me where He wanted me. I’d have emergency neck surgery and God would bring me through that as well. I’d go through (WWP) Project Odyssey, which began to help with the trauma I had experienced in my life. I’d go through DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy), which is a structured therapy that helps people learn to manage their emotions and change their behaviors. I’d go to another (WWP) Wounded Warrior Project, a Soldier Ride, in which I met a man that changed my path. He expressed his opinion, my path was that of ministry. I laughed at him. I was to broken, too lost in my life to get into ministry. My faith, was tainted by my own self-doubts, my own self-loathing, that hadn’t been purged from me completely yet. I’d later experience a weekend with God, in a program called Lamplighter, and that was the last major even that would change my course, to, you guessed it, ministry. My faith, which was being shown, my life was meant to trust in God, not just during the good times, the easy times, but the hardest of times. My faith was being forged in the trials of life. My walk with God was being shaped through many hardships, and my faith was growing in strength. 

Since then, I have experienced many hardships in my life. I’ve experienced loss, and heartbreak. I recently had yet another brush with death, but many consecutive miracles. For those I would like to have you read 

The Week My Heart Stopped

and 

One Month Later 

These posts highlight what I went through. They highlight the events I believe to be miracles in my life. This doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. What it does mean, is the path of a Christian is not an easy one. I have grappled with tough things, just in the last couple months. I was not convinced having open heart surgery, or even the pacemaker surgery, was the right decision. It would have been easy for me to say I was ready to go home. It would have been easy for me to give up this life, but I needed to lean upon my faith to justify staying here longer. I highlight this fight in the blog post, 

Why Do You Keep Fighting? 

In reality, I fight for those I care about. I fight to continue spreading the Gospel of Christ to as many people as I can. My faith, while strong, doesn’t mean I haven’t questioned my choices. It doesn’t mean I haven’t spoken to God about this, but in the end, I am still here, and I’m still leaning upon that faith, not of my own understanding. I don’t exactly know why God saved me, so all I have is my faith. I trust in the Lord, and I expect He will guide my path. He will walk with me, and if He chooses to reveal any details about why I’m still here, I’m sure He will. When I doubt, I know it’s the liar, the deceiver, whispering in my ear. I recognize his vial speech within my deep thoughts of denial, and strife. The power that raised Jesus is the same power that lives within me. The same faith that made David step out onto that battle field with a few smooth stones, the same faith that Gideon had when he fought the Midianites. The same faith Daniel had to pray openly, and face the lions. The same faith Peter felt when he stepped out of the boat in the storm. The same faith that Paul had that led him through various trials, but most important was the first choice to go from hunting Christians to being one of them. This is the faith that rests within me. 

I am not a perfect man, and my faith isn’t perfect. I am not a finished product, and in my weakness He is strong. I do however sin, and I must repent of those sins. I need to seek forgiveness when I do sin, and believe the blood of Christ will wash me clean. I do not mean to sin, my faith does not give me a free license to sin, but when I do, I know Jesus picks me up, puts me back together. See…. The truth is, when I am shattered, and I’m broken, and I know I have wronged a Holy God; when I am hurting, I do not want to be put back together the same. I want God to change me through these experiences. When I go through these things, I have faith that God is using it to bring me closer to Himself. I want my life to be sanctified in Christ, and therefore I do not want be the same today as I was yesterday. I pray to God that my yesterday is gone, and today is a new opportunity for me to get closer to Him. My faith has never come back empty. While I don’t always get what I want, I get from God exactly what I need. Faith in Christ is not a blind faith, and we see in scripture the truth, that this life will not be easy for a Christian. It is not meant for wealth, and fame, and peaceful living. The truth is, we are soldiers on the battlefield for Christ, and our faith is, we know we are fighting for good. Everything we experiences forges us into a stronger soldier. We can resist Satan because we have faith and trust in the one true King, Jesus Christ. Jesus gives us all we need, and in our faith in Him, we can rejoice when we are beaten, rejoice when we reach the mountain top, and rejoice when we are laid by the peaceful streams. Our faith tells us that the battle is won, and we can trust in Christ in all we do. My faith tells me that one day I will be called home, but till that day comes, my faith will remain true.

Let us not put our faith in the wrong places. Let us be careful and cautious with whom and what we place our faith. Let us not put faith in our heart, for it is deceitfully wicked. Let us not put our faith in idols, or even people. Let us test everything, and ensure it comes from the Lord. Have faith in Jesus. Let us go, and make disciples, showing them why our faith is true. Let our faith guide us to dig deep in scripture, learning, growing, and let our faith teach us how to fight for the truth. Let us understand apologetics (the defense of our faith), and be able to know scripture, to withstand the external scrutiny. Not everything you read on the internet is true. Not everything on Instagram or TikTok is true and accurate, and it’s yours and my job as a Christian to decern the truth. The only truth that matters is what’s in scripture. Hold fast to your faith, and don’t let the world deceive you. Go in the peace and love of Jesus Christ. 

For more content on faith you can read: 

Where is YOUR Faith?
Making the Leap of Faith
Build Your Faith on a Solid Foundation
Build Faithful Wealth
Leap of Faith
Simple Faith

For more content you can follow on YouTube: 

https://youtube.com/@thearrowpreacher6920?si=wvVC80iHWsSSkRY1

Currently going through the Gospel of John. 

Wake UP

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Wake UP 

As most of you know, well, maybe not most, but anyone who knows me, knows I love the movie the Matrix, and not just the movie, but the whole series. The women in the red dress speech, speaks to the reality that is repentant sinners, verses, unrepentant sinners. I have said before, the only difference between myself, and Hitler, is that I am a repentant sinner, and he was not. Sure, I’m not a homicidal madman bent on world conquest, but I am a sinner, and at the foot of the cross, our sins have the same equal heavenly punishment; eternal damnation in Hell. I saw someone post recently, why does God allow animals to suffer since they have no sin. That’s a fantastic question, but simple to answer; animals were the care of Adam and Eve, along with the plants in the Garden of Eden. Sin, is not just what we do, but a corrupting force that affected not just Adam and Eve, but the plants and animals also. There was no death in the garden, but an animal had to die to for God to make garments of skin. I think many people believe they had tree branches for clothing, but scripture is clear. An animal suffered the first physical death because of what Adam and Eve had done. Time also entered the Earth. The decay of time begun, and since then, we are all slaves to it, and we are all victims to the sad decay that time brings. Sin, brings this upon us, and sadly animals while innocent, have a new nature in the world of sin. As a friend and pastor once said, in the Garden you could have had a pet raptor, now that raptor would eat you. But in today’s current world, you see a lion is no longer tame, but a predator. Sin has wide reaching effects upon this fallen world. 

I have been looking at my life and have thought recently, I would wake up from this nightmare. Finding out just a couple short weeks ago, that my Aorta is dangerously large, and would require immediate surgery, has been a waking nightmare. I have, in that short time, experienced many emotions and have lost an untold number of tears. How could this be happening to me? As a friend told me recently, “I’ve never seen anyone with a worse hand delt to them.” That same friend years ago said, “IF it wasn’t for bad luck bro, you wouldn’t have any luck at all.” I have begun thinking about what he said, and while on the surface it looks true, I think there’s more going on than that. It wasn’t luck that we found the Aorta; it was God. It wasn’t luck that I had the hernia that led to the surgery, that led to the gas in my chest, that led to us finding the Aorta, it was God. Lucky, or God? If I had only bad luck, would I have not just died some random time? There is no denying, I have endured more hardships than most people, but God has seen me through each of them. At no point was I ever alone, and going all the way back to my childhood, God has placed the right people in my life, to help me through hardships. Bad luck, or Godly providence? It wasn’t luck we (My squad) survived the ambush in Iraq, it was God’s providence. What does providence mean? I’m glad you asked, Providence means: the protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual power. (Dictionary.com) It was not luck I survived the GSW in 2016, but God’s providence. In that lowest time of my life, I found myself looking up, and there was the Lord’s hand, to grab me and bring me to life. I had been trying my whole life to keep one foot in the bible, and the other in the world. I was trying to live both lives, and eventually a battle had to happen in my life, and forced me to kill off one side. That bullet, for all intense in purposes, that bullet killed the other side of me. The saving grace from God, and the forgiving nature, was supernaturally experienced, as I lay there dying in the ambulance, I was hearing the voice of God, in a thunderous reply to my sincere apology for my actions and wrong doings, “You’re Forgiven.” I awoke a new man. Today, I am now 48 hours from life changing surgery. Through all these hardships, it is not luck that has allowed me to survive, but God’s grace, and His divine plan. My hardships have not been to punish me, but rather to forge me in the fires of trials, so that I may have a glorious divine testimony. God works out the details, and if we just take a moment to seek His face, we would see Him working in our lives. But, it requires trust, and faith. 

The life I have lived, while difficult, has left me with a great understanding of God’s grace, and sovereignty. It is this sovereignty that gives me hope, because I know, that no matter what happens to me in this life, my soul is His. I am merely a clay pot for God’s choosing and purpose. No matter what happens to me in this life, I know that into his hands, my soul is His, and one day this broken body, will be upgraded to one of glory, adorned with a crown. I long for home, but know that as long as I draw breath, God’s plans for me are to continue to share the Love of Christ, the Holy Scripture in which He has left us, to live our lives by. My whole purpose is to be the hands and feet of God. What an honor it is to serve the Lord on high. What an honor it is to be given the opportunity to teach about Jesus, and His life, and for myself to learn and grow closer to God. I am nobody without God, but because of God, I have value. My value comes from God dwelling within me, otherwise I am a dead sinner. God didn’t come to earth because I have value, God came to earth so I would have value. God has shown me the nature of humanity, the depravity that curses our actions, our thoughts, the blackness upon our souls. But with the blood of Jesus, we see that blackness washed away. We see the change in a person as they are born again, when they accept the name of Jesus, repent of their once wicked ways, and takes up their cross daily to follow Jesus. What an honor it is to be chosen by God, to be predestined, to be counted among the few, to worship, honor, and bring Him glory. How can I complain about a heart surgery, when I cannot say with certainty what is good or bad in this life. I do not mean what is good or bad regarding sin nature, but that which happens to us, from breaking ones arm, to getting into a firefight in Iraq, to losing a wife to an affair. There is certainly difficulty in these things, but for us to say if something is good or bad, we cannot. Things direct our path, and we cannot say if one event is bad, because if that “bad” event pushes us towards a new path, one of peace, and prosperity, or even a sinner repenting and coming to Jesus, then, those things are not bad, they are just, things. Sin is bad. How we respond can be good or bad. Do we respond in a way that is of this world? Things like yelling, throwing tantrums, saying or doing hurtful things to people. Being selfish, or prideful. These things are bad because they are not of God. Good, is being patient, listening before speaking, being faithful, edifying and lifting up with our words. Allowing ourselves to do good works in the name of Christ, so He is glorified, not so we may receive credit, but that God gets the glory. These things are good. 

I have come to find, that even though I am a faithful follower of Christ, that does not mean my mind always cooperates the way I think it should. I have found myself struggling with emotions leading up to this surgery. Some fear, not of death, but that I will be a burden for others to take care of. Even being a burden for someone else to take care of, allows others to be the hands and feet of Christ. Things like this, allows others to be the hands and feet of Christ, through mercy, and grace, love; by ways of sending cards, food, gifts, messages, etc. What looks bad, may be a way for us to show our faithfulness to a Holy God. Following Jesus is not an easy thing, in fact, it’s darn hard sometimes. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength I have to say Hallelujah. Sometimes the storm shakes and breaks me down, but even when the storm rips the sails, and I’m at the mercy of the waves, I say Hallelujah. When Satan’s attacks are more than I can take, and I’m down on the ground, bleeding, tired, that’s when even my whisper brings the legion of Angels sent by God to surround me and pick me back up. God is always faithful, and no matter what happens in this life to us, God deserves our praise, our worship, our song of Hallelujah. When it isn’t easy, and life truly is pounding upon your Armor of God, may the Holy Spirit, and the legion of Angels come to minister to you, the reinforcements waiting for the word from God to come to your side, if they aren’t already there. It may be the hardest thing in the world to go through, but what is a few 70-90 years of hardships to an eternity of Heaven? Do we think Christ didn’t go through hardships? Let us seek scripture; John 12:27- “Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.” Then a voice came out of heaven: “I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again.” So the crowd of people who stood by and heard it were saying that it had thundered; others were saying, “An angel has spoken to Him.” Jesus answered and said, “This voice has not come for My sake, but for your sakes. Now judgment is upon this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself.” But He was saying this to indicate the kind of death by which He was to die. The crowd then answered Him, “We have heard out of the Law that the Christ is to remain forever; and how can You say, ‘The Son of Man must be lifted up’? Who is this Son of Man?” So Jesus said to them, “For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light.”       These things Jesus spoke, and He went away and hid Himself from them.

— John 12:27-36

Jesus became burdened knowing His time was soon to come, the purpose of his human life was nearly at hand. A burden we can know nothing of since we have never tasted Heaven. A burden of leaving perfection for this sinful place. Jesus, a perfect person, lived among hardships, illness, suffering, and He Himself, knowing Heaven, it must have been difficult to live in such conditions. Knowing he would undergo a death so hard, we cannot fathom the pain he endured. For an infinite being to taste death, the first time the forever trinity would see just what death was like, is more than any mortal being can understand. Our time is linier, but Jesus would be both God and man at the same time. Jesus would later bleed through His pours as he would sweat blood from the stress He was preparing to endure. Our savior Jesus Christ, knows our struggles. He has endured them as well, so here we are, preparing for hardships in our own lives, let us focus on Him. 

The struggle keeps us focused on God, so we would not become too prideful, or self-focused. Hardships build character, and perseverance. Let us seek God and I can think of no better way to say this than which has already been said. 

Hard Fought Hallelujah. 

I’ll bring my hard-fought heartfelt

Been-through-hell hallelujah

I’ll bring my storm-tossed, torn-sail

Story to tell hallelujah

God, You’ve been patient

God, You’ve been gracious

Faithful whatever I’m feeling or facing

So I’ll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt

It is well hallelujah

I’ve wrestled with the darkness

But I’m trying to reach for the light

Yeah, the struggle keeps me honest

And it breaks down the walls of my pride

‘Cause faith isn’t proven like gold

‘Til it’s been through the fire

Yeah, yeah

My head, heart and hands are feeling heavy

And that’s when I lift them just a little higher

Let us remember that no matter what we endure, what is this trouble when heaven is forever? 

1 Peter 5:10 “10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” We are being refined daily, sanctified to purify us like the gold, placed in the fire, to separate the world, from the Holy. It is well, with my soul, that these hardships, the fire I endure, the storms that rage on around me, should bring me to God, to seek his Glory, to seek His face, to let him continue to forge me like a beautiful sword, needing to be heated, beaten, shaped, forged in the fires of trials, to be prepared for the war waging all around me. I may shed tears, but God holds them in His hands. I may struggle at times, but His strength raises me up. I may fall, but His hand pulls me out of the water. I may be in the middle of the fire, but His presence stops me from being burned. I may be a prisoner to my sinful self, but His angels comfort me, and break the bonds that once kept me captive to this world. So, let us seek God, and know that our tomorrow is not of this world, but a beautiful place where there is no sin, no tears, no suffering. So, in leu of this hardship, it is well, with my soul. My heart beats, and will beat again. I will have a story to tell, to share, and I shall not allow the Devil to lie to me, to sway me, to belittle me, to bully me into feeling sorry for myself. I am a child of God, and I am a warrior for Christ. I will stand tall, I will heal, and I will carry on the fight. I will hold my ground, even if I’m battered, and bruised, even if my body is broken, I will dig in and hold fast this line, because God is in my corner, and if God is for me, who than can be against me? I’ve been through hell, but to Jesus I say Hallelujah. Thank You, Jesus for my hardships, and for being Lord in and over my life. It is well, with my soul. 

Let us wake up and see the nature of this life and though there is sin in this world, it is those we seek who seek answers in this life. Those willing to be unplugged from the world, let us share the Gospel so the truth may find those who Jesus has chosen. Let us be warriors for Jesus, to wake up those asleep, for it is only God’s word that can wake the sleepers. God’s word is power, and let us share the Gospel of peace, and know that Jesus overcame death, so we would live in his resurrection. This world is a minefield, but the word of God never returns void, so let us be warriors, soldiers for the Lord. Change comes from the Spirit. We cannot remain the same when the spirit awakens our hearts and it beats again. We cannot live in sin and Jesus at the same time. Wake up, oh sleeper, wake up and see your breath Jesus has given to you. With all malice put away your sinful self. Cut that sin out of your life, and be at peace in the Lord. Wake up and feel the change within your heart. Wake up, and know it is well, with your soul. 

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The Road Less Traveled 

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The Road Less Traveled 

I woke up and the pain was worse than it was the night before. Throughout the day the pain medication just wasn’t working anymore. A call to the hospital nurse on duty led to the decision to visit the local bed and breakfast. That’s what I like to call the local VA. One, two and then three scans later, all I was expecting to find was some gas build up in my right shoulder, a residual from the surgery. What happened next is still difficult for me to talk about. When I do, I choke down my tears, stiffen that upper lip, and keep moving forward. While yes, there was gas in my shoulder, what the scans found was far more ominous. A ticking time bomb, For years I’ve been walking around, living my life, as if there were nothing wrong. How wrong could I have been? That’s how we live our life though isn’t it? Do we ever wake up and consider our own mortality? Is today the day we are to die? No one looking to the future thinks about all the hardships they will endure. People generally consider the future in a positive light, even though our lives are testament to the hardships we endure, our futures in our minds are bright and full of life. Scripture tells us the dangers of making claims of what we might do tomorrow. James 4:13-15. After hearing probably the hardest news of my life, aside from my ex-wife’s affair, I have been faced with the realization that life never goes the way we intend. Instead of traveling this holiday, I will be recovering from a life altering surgery. Who wakes up one morning from routine surgery only to find out the life they’ve been given is in danger of ending because of a silent killer inside their chest? The scans showed that I have an inflamed aorta in my heart. Unfortunately there is only one way to fix it, and that’s to have open heart surgery. The blow to one’s psyche is beyond anything I have faced. Learning of this heart defect has been the hardest emotional battle of my life. The enormous amounts of feeling I have felt is nothing I’ve experienced. Even having gone through two affairs, this emotional trial is not the same. I have felt responsible for causing hardship upon my family. I have felt weak. I have felt scared, and even worthless. I have felt as if my faith is weak, but I know it is not. Heart surgery will not be the end of me. God provided the scans to find it now, rather than me dying one random day from an aorta rupture. Five months ago I engaged in a foot race with one of the youth from church. The hernia on my right side bulged. It put me in the hospital to lead to surgery to repair not one but two hernias. Here in November I have surgery and a week later I have complications which put me in the emergency room. Doing scans to find out if there was gas in my shoulder from the surgery, something unusual showed up, an enlarged aorta. God it seems has spared me, but for what, I do not know. 

In the last few days I have experienced random bouts of crying for reasons unknown. Even though I have accepted what is to come, my mind seems to be working through the heaviness I feel. While I have the utmost faith in God, and trust His plan, the weight is still heavy, and at times feels crushing. How does one reconcile their faith, and the flesh feelings that flood my mind? The enigma of my mind does not escape my attention. “Why, am I crying?” has been a statement I’ve often said recently. What has years of therapy done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. What has years of hardship done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. While people often say, “God never gives you more than you can handle,” is not actually true. That’s not what the scripture says. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” The way to escape, what does that mean? The way to escape is putting your hope and faith in Christ, Jesus. Growing closer to the spirit and allowing the spirit to dwell within you. By placing your joy upon Jesus Christ, so nothing can take it from you.

While I have experienced many hardships in my life, and I have felt strongly about some of them, this particular issue has affected me differently than those before. While my broken heart during my divorce was real, and I had very strong emotions, this literal broken heart is a different kind of emotion. While I do not know the future, I have attempted to make plans after heart surgery. This has allowed me the opportunity to control some of the emotions by building hope into the equation. When we have something to look forward to, it often gives us a positive outlook on the negative event. The silver lining perhaps. 

It has amazing, the apathetic nature of people today. Do we truly not feel anymore? I have been doing what I thought was right, and inform people who might care about me, that I have to have this open-heart surgery. The replies I have received have shocked and baffled me. Most of them, “Okay, praying for you.” Just, okay? Is open heart surgery routine now? There have been little to know follow ups, to ask any other questions. Is this a lack of care about me? Is this a sign of the times that we just grow so distant that apathy is now the rally cry for people? This has solidified a few things in my mind about where I stand with others. Little to no priority. While this may be the truth, or it may not be, it’s the way it looks. I am reminded to keep my focus on the Lord because to Him, I am someone. “You can come to Him just as you are, let him have your broken heart.” (Casting Crowns) 

Feeling welcome or apart of something has always been hard for me. I have often felt like the outcast, that I didn’t fit in. In God’s Heaven, I will fit in. I will find a place I belong. Jesus chose me before the foundations of the world. In him I have hope where he raised my heart from death to life. I walked in darkness without him. I walked by my own set of rules. I walked by my own desires. I was a dead man walking. Jesus changed my heart. Jesus opened my dull, blind eyes to see the truth. Jesus changed my mind to see through the lies of the world, the lies of the deceived, Satan. The faith that can move mountains, and the hope that can withstand the battle waged all around. The greatest miracle of all is the raising of the dead. The changing of a single heart from dead to life. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, no one gets to the father but through Him. While people will fail you, and oh believe me, they will fail you, Jesus never will. We think people should act a certain way. Say certain things, but in reality, people are fallen creatures. It may be, I don’t mean to people what they mean to me. Or it may mean people just don’t know what to say. Either way, all I can do is inform people I think want to know, and let the chips fall where they may. 

There are words from another casting crowns: (Just Be Held)

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

I feel this song is what I’m going through right now. Since 2016, God has given me the right music to provide comfort when I needed it. Today is no different. I cannot sit here angry. Jesus is on the throne, and I cannot control the outcome of tomorrow. I can only control my actions in this moment. I may not be able to control every thought, but my focus being on the Lord minimizes the flesh. Jesus is always enough, and in all things, glory to the one who deserves our prayers, and worship. The one who calmed the storm, healed the blind man, turned water to wine, and defeated death, my praise and worship, into his hands I give my heart. Jesus is always enough. No matter what I’m going through and endure here in this life, Heaven is on the horizon. In a short while, I will join Him in paradise, and all my tears, all my pain, all my sorrow will be a distant past, and eternity is my future. Jesus is all there is. My heart is literally broken, but one day, a new heart will beat within my chest, and today, I will rejoice in being set free from the life I lived. I have faith, and I have hope, and the devil will never take that from me. Jesus is always enough. Let us pray. 

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20 Years 

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20 Years 

We were taking fire, and we were cut off from any support, we two trucks were alone, against the city. Any notion I had of being there to make a difference disappeared in an instant. When the bullet ricocheted off my door next to my head, I knew we were in trouble. That was the first miracle. There would be many more miracles to come. The RPG wouldn’t get fired, because of a well aimed .50 cal volley. The IED’s wouldn’t breach the cab. The second, third, and fourth RPG wouldn’t make direct contact with the truck. Neither gunner would be hit. The truck which tried to block our way would be an annoyance more than a hinderance, and both in the truck would meet Jesus that day. Along with the truck driver, and his friend, more would meet Jesus that day, by our hands. The gunner on my truck would have to abandon clearing the jam on the Mk-19 and use him M-16. Nearly going black on ammo, he never stopped returning fire with his small rifle. The final miracle would be my truck, which had lost all its fluids except gas. When I removed my foot from the pedal the truck died and wouldn’t start for nearly 6 weeks. There was so much damage to the engine from bullets it would take weeks to repair. 

         It’s an odd thing surviving such a well laid out trap. We walked right into it, and yet, we survived and many of them did not. While direct contact like that would be rare for our platoon, it was something I wouldn’t easily forget. I would also not forget the feeling I had during the attack. The bullet hit my door and both hands flung to the wheel. A calm rested upon me, and as chaos erupted inside the cab, I was at ease. Screaming, and bullets flying, along with explosions, and that young 20-year-old was not phased, not till the truck died and we were back with the other trucks. Once the truck died that’s when the peace I felt went away revealing the terrified, and very shook, kid. Was that the Holy Spirit resting upon me? I believe now, it was. I believe God sent a circle of protection around us, and saw us out to safety. Nothing else explains how we survived. When the insurgent had us dead to right and yet the gunner in the truck ahead of us made an impossible shot. Or the RPG that somehow flew just overhead, but close enough to sever the antenna of the truck in front of us. Or the other RPG that just barely missed either truck, but close enough to explode taking out my front right tire. How were they unable to stop either vehicle even when they blocked the path with a pickup truck. God was with us, protecting us. 

While I am aware that this following verse is for Israel, not for a small scout unit, I believe in my heart, this is what we experienced.

Deuteronomy 20:1-4 20 “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you. 2 When you are approaching the battle, the priest shall come near and speak to the people. 3 He shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, 4 for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.’

I cannot say what our odds were of survival, but it was not in our favor. And other than modern technology of our armored trucks, we still had little odds of both trucks making it out that day. What are the odds that not one of us would get hurt, not even the gunners? No, I say the Lord was with us, and his protection rested upon us, his Spirit guided me and kept me calm. We were not just lucky, we were blessed. 

2 Corinthians 10:3-4 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.

I march in the battle with the sword raised high. I’m still a soldier today, fighting a new enemy. The fight, the war for not our lives, but our souls. I’m a soldier, ready to deploy, all of my enemies, they tremble at the name of my general. I fought for the Red, White, and the Blue, and nearly died there. I lost part of myself in the hot desert, but the Lord of all found me broken and pieced me back together for a greater purpose. I fight for Him, I fight for a purpose greater than any on this earth. I fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. I fight for those who don’t know him, that they may have a chance. I fight and if necessary pay the ultimate price, to share one name, one single name above all names, my Lord, my Savior, Jesus Christ. If you knew him, you’d understand. See, He, the Lord of all, paid the ultimate price for you and me. Jesus laid down his life so we would know he was and is Lord. 

Fallen Soldiers, we stand on your shoulders. How many have died for us to know the name of Christ today. How many have died to have the Bible in English. The church is built on the blood of others. Starting first with Christ and his Apostles, and thousands of others. Even now brothers and sisters in Nigeria are shedding their blood for their faith. We must stand together, and stand tall, ready yourselves, and may we continue to sing praises for our savior. Let us lift up the name of Jesus so the darkness itself cries out in fear. 

It’s been twenty years since I saw evil face to face on the battlefield. But for me the battle isn’t over. My enemy is both the same and different, as it is against the father of lies, and his myriad of demons. While the projectiles that come my way are no longer bullets, bombs, or rockets, I am still under constant spiritual attack. While I survived the battle, only to come home to a foreign place. I recall it took me six months to find a job, and to do that I was forced to rely on a temp agency. The only work I could find was very difficult manual labor. It wasn’t even skilled work. In the years that followed, it seemed the best I had to offer was not worth much. 

One afternoon working my post I was flagged down by some students at the university I worked at. A student was going into anaphylactic shock. He ingested a cookie with something he was allergic too. I took off running down the hall as fast as I could to my bag. I grabbed my epinephrin pen and ran back, to quickly administer the life saving injection. Not long after the paramedics arrived and took over. In less than six months I had been given officer of the year for the district, which covered thousands of officers. I worked for the company for six years, but in my time of need, I was let go, forgotten like yesterday’s trash. Is that all I was, all that time? Just a body filling a space? Over the next couple years I would move into a more skilled position. Sadly, that position, although I loved it, would be marred by conflict. Eventually I would be injured on the job and during my recovery I would not hear from the company at all. All the talk about being a family, the company being more than a job, and yet once I was injured, that family was nowhere to be seen. Again, is that all I was, just a warm body filling a vacant position? 

Truth be told, in recent years I have struggled with the concept of relevance. While I don’t strictly have an answer for this, I am doing my best, to do my best. It hasn’t been an easy few years. Going from working to early medical retirement. As my body degrades and the cost of doing just about anything becomes more costly, I find it difficult to navigate the slew of emotions that are left behind. My desire to serve remains, but it seems the use for what I have to offer is lacking. Being retired is fun, being retired with no money is just boring. I have dreams and things I’d like to do, but the reality is without funds, most of it doesn’t get done. I have things I’d like to do, but ultimately it comes to this, what does God want me to do? In 2016, God spared my life, and saved me. Now, I’m living my life, trying to serve Him, and do the best I can. I keep searching for some grand plan He has for me, but now eight years later, I still don’t know His plan. While, I am waiting to hear from God on what my purpose is, I continue to write, and teach from behind this keyboard. I continue to bring the word to anyone who would listen from my podcast. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3r024gS2FRDIbpqnsDwWA

Living with chronic pain is not an easy journey. Often confused with pain from old age, this is not that. As I said, it’s been 20 years. It surprises me what we were willing to put our bodies through in the service of our country. I served in a time when patriotism was still high from the 9/11 attacks. I wouldn’t trade my service for anything though. Do I pay for it now? Sure I do, my body often struggles with just basic tasks, and seeing as if I’m only 40 years old, it’s a challenge. Life isn’t an easy road, and when you add in the life of a Christian, it adds significant challenge. We must face the reality of where we find ourselves, and not get stuck. While I don’t know what God wants from me, nor where am I intended to be, all I can do is serve the best I can one day at a time. Perhaps that’s all we can ever truly do. As scripture said, worry not for tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself. Maybe the lesson to be gleaned is this, do the best you can today, with what you’ve been given. While I’m sure there is always a bigger picture, we have opportunities today. I guess the saying is true, ‘Today needs you, tomorrow can wait.’ Twenty years ago I survived, and although I can still see it clearly, I must remain focused on the needs of this day. Faith is what I live by today, and it’s that faith that tells me to keep going, keep pushing forward, keep fighting the good fight. I was a soldier once, fighting for a nation, and today I’m a soldier, fighting for the kingdom of God. May we never forget our battles, for they give the fight meaning, what we learn, what we experience, we may grow from. Never grow weary, and never surrender the fight. 

Today I remember the fight, the details remain in my mind, and I am thankful for God’s protection. There would be many more days of fight ahead, and some far removed from my time in the desert. A part of me is still there, even after all these years. A part of me died there I think. The young kid, full of life, and laughter is not the adult that left the desert behind. The last day in Iraq I remember sitting on the ground, my bag for a pillow, waiting for the helicopters to come pick us up. It seemed surreal at the time. Were we really leaving? That was it, just one day, the war was over for me. The ambush came so early in the deployment but it set the tone for the remainder time in Camp Ramadi. I would never view life the same. The constant awareness would become second nature. The constant threat assessment would be commonplace for me. The losses we feel every day in our hearts would not go away as easily as us flying from the base in a helicopter. The weight we carry has been with us ever since. War changes a person, and unless you experience it, it’s hard to explain. The battle for Iraq lasted more than 15 years and I have often wondered what did we gain? When I arrived there I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to free the Iraqi people from a régime that threatened their way of life, and held them hostage under the thumb of a ruthless dictator and his sons. Looking back, and experiencing the hurt, and the betrayal as I watched on TV. As ISIS took control of Ramadi. Why were we there, if it was just going to be given to a new enemy? Answers sadly would not come as the hurt funneled into my heart. What was a soldiers life worth? The scars left behind by that place are much like the wound Frodo wound experience on Weathertop, a wound that would never fully heal. 

I am still a soldier, albeit broken, and slower than I used to be. I still rise every day ready to fight the good fight, and know that war while we live might be inevitable, are only battles in the grand scheme of things. But Jesus will win the war. Jesus will return with a mighty army and slay the enemies of the throne. I a soldier in His grand army, continue to fight, but instead of bullets, and tanks, I fight with the Holy Word of God. I do not fear death, for death comes for us all. I believe when death comes I would welcome it as a release from my time in service, and allowed to finally go home, and finally rest. Jesus paid the price for my sins, and one day he will grant my leave. That day may not be today, or tomorrow, but till then, I soldier on, and I continue to fight the good fight, and I continue to stand my ground against all my enemies, the chief enemy, the father of lies, Satan. I shall continue to pick up my sword, tighten the straps of the Armor of God I so willingly wear, and prepare for battle today, the next day, the next battle, each and every day, I fight. 

To those who came home still in the fight, I pray for you. 

To those who didn’t come home, I fight to honor your sacrifice. 

To those who serve or served I salute your service. 

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The Longest Road 

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The Arrow Preacher Podcast: The Truth Will Make You Free

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Jesus talks to the Pharisees and tells them the truth makes them free, but they have hardened hearts and do not see the Christ.

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The Bread of Life 

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The Bread of Life 

When we consider what this means, the bread of life, I’m sure many images come to mind. What about living water? In John 6:27, Jesus tells them they will receive the food which endure to everlasting life. Jesus will later tell them in verse 35 “And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.”  Jesus is the bread of life. 

In exodus we see the Israelites in the desert. They begin complaining about their hunger. First point: They complained about their hunger. Instead of complaining about something to God, why not just ask Him. Nowhere in scripture does it say they prayed to God to take care of their needs. No, it simply says they complained about it. They had very little faith, despite seeing the miracles so far performed by Moses, the vessel in which God chose to work. 

Despite listening to His people complain and not just ask, God is a merciful and patient. He gives them manna from Heaven, but with a couple rules regarding this substance. It was possibly some kind of substance to make bread. Here’s why I believe that. If the manna which came from Heaven every day was to sustain them, but only a day at a time, the next time a ‘food substance’ “bread of life” came from heaven, it would sustain them for eternity. Even though God set forth rules for the Hebrews in Exodus, some still didn’t listen. They had little faith in the God who freed them from Egypt. All they were required to do was have faith, and God the Almighty Father would provide their needs, water, food, and shelter. 

We today, are not much different. We don’t pray for our needs, instead we only pray for our wants. We don’t pray for guidance, instead we say, “I’ve got this.” In reality, we don’t want God to be a part of our daily life, we’re negligent in our relationship, or we treat God as a cosmic genie, to only come forth when we rub the lamp to give us our wish. Really, it’s quite amazing God doesn’t wipe us out and start over; how ungrateful we are. The Apostles prayer or as some of you call it, The Lords Prayer, really does tell us all we need to know. 

Matthew 6:9-13

9 In this manner, therefore, pray:

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name.

10 Your kingdom come.

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us this day our daily bread.

12 And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

13 And do not lead us into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

This prayer that Jesus teaches his disciples is a template. Not meant for repetitious prayer. This prayer shows us each section of what to pray from your heart. 

Who are you praying to? The Father of all creation. God almighty, in Heaven. 

Give the praise: Hallowed: to dedicate, to purify, to set apart. 

Relinquish your own control: God, it’s your Kingdom above, and Your will, will be done here on Earth as your will is done in Heaven. Lord Whatever you wish will be, and I trust you. 

Lord, thank you for your provision, thank you for the gift of life, the bread, the water, that you provide to us daily. 

Lord, please forgive our sins, they are many, and here they are. 

Lord, please forgive those who sin against us, as your son forgave them. Please they do not know what they do. 

Lord please help us face the temptation when it comes. Please strengthen our hearts, that we may not lean upon our own strength, but to trust and lean upon your Son, Jesus. Protect us from the Evil One who seeks to destroy and to separate us from you. 

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. 

When we seek communion with the Father, we should do so with a humbled heart, and a heart of reverence. We should do so with a heart of fear for the Lord. What we should not do, is turn to God in complaint every step of our lives. 

What the Israelites failed to realize is, all they needed to do was to turn to God for their provisions. To trust in God who had already delivered them out of the hands of Pharaoh. But, in all reality, we do the same. We rarely turn to God in prayer, even more rare, do we open His Word to us, and yet we expect Him to jump at the first time we pick up the Heavenly phone and call upon His name. Again, cosmic genie. Sadly, we do not go to God with sorrow in our hearts, that we have not spoken to him in days, weeks, months, or years. What if we’ve never spoken to God? 

Jesus tells us, He’s the bread of life, he is the sustainer that gives us this bread, this life saving sustenance. Jesus said a lot during His ministry, His rescue mission of humanity, and during this time He said that the Father above loves us more than the birds, and the plants of the earth. Our choices in this life lead us down path after path, after path, and when we hit the brick wall going 95mph, we get mad, and turn to God to fix our mistakes. God loves you, but when you mess up in this life, there are still consequences. God will help pick you up, but you still have to deal with wherever you put yourself through, in your own choices. God will give you the chance however, to deal with those choices in a biblical way. How you get out of the hole you dug is dependent on you. 

When we mess up, we have the opportunity to turn to Christ in repentance of our disobedience, our poor choices, our sins, and do things right. It may take time to fix, and it will cause us to live our life differently, and to force change, but God will be there with us. Before Christ, we are dead in our sins. 

Ephesians 2:1-10

2 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.

4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

We are dead in our trespasses. WE followed the Devil who is the prince of the Earth, and those who follow the will of the world. Once, before Christ, we lived in our lusts of the flesh, being fornicators, idolaters, thieves, liars, coveters, and more. We loved our sin, like a pig in mud, we rolled around in it, and enjoyed every second of it. But God shows us through His son, and by the touching of the Holy Spirit, we are not meant for that life, and He rescues us. God’s mercy and love, through the sacrifice of His son, bought your freedom, to redeem you, and in His life brought us back into right standing with the Father, in His Holy Kingdom. We would one day breathe our last, and when we believe in him, having picked up our cross to follow Him, we would have everlasting life. 

He gives us life, and having taken the bread of life, we are forever changed. We are unplugged from the world, much like unplugging from the Matrix. We no longer sleep, blind to the world, the sins, the evil around us, we awaken from our slumber, and see the truth. Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the only son of the Father, who was crucified, died and was buried. He rose again and made himself known to his Apostles and hundreds of others. He stayed with them for 40 days before ascending to Heaven. When he left, there would be a time when the spirit would join them. On the day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended upon His chosen Apostles, and the Church was built. Jesus is the bread that gives life. Let us turn to God in prayer, true prayer, and be prepared for the battle ahead, each and every day. Let us wear the Armor of God to stand firm on the Word of God, hold fast against the temptations and the attacks of the Devil. Let us walk in peace and reflecting God’s light to every people of all nations, adhering to the command to go forth to all nations and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Scripture gives us all we need. Take the bread of life and be saved, for Jesus is the way the truth and the life, and no one gets to the Father, except through Him. 

Go in peace, and in love, and be courageous. 

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