Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to Ashes

We often don’t think much about the draw of time on our bodies, or about time itself. I’ve been taking some time to think about what it was God said to Adam in the Garden of Eden just prior to his exile: 

By the sweat of your face

You will eat bread,

Till you return to the ground,

Because from it you were taken;

For you are dust,

And to dust you shall return.”

— Genesis 3:19

You must work, and work hard all the days of your life. You will eat the product of your work till your days end. This is the curse on which the human race is forced to live. Our lives are bound to the linear decay, a beginning, and an end of time. We face tomorrow with optimism, even though we have seen the perpetual onslaught of unanticipated trials and tribulations. While some people may plan for the future to have some struggles, it’s the reality that life will throw untold amount of struggles our way that we will never truly be able to plan for, or avoid. How do we handle life’s day to day struggles? We must face our lives with dignity and strength. How though is this done? When our struggle is the nature of time itself, we must understand our lives are truly only in the present. 

Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow, that it would worry for itself. Our lives are the moments in which we live. Sure, we can plan for tomorrow, but it’s the here and now, we must truly focus on. The little muscle in your mouth, what is said, how does it make others feel? What kinds of hurt does the tongue cause, and the damage does it do once those words are sent into the air. We cannot undo, nor can we live in the past. We often get stuck in a moment in time of the past. When I was a younger man, I experienced trauma, after trauma, after trauma, and in my own way, unbeknownst to those around me, I too remained trapped in moments of time. As a child, I learned how to use compartmentalization for every incident I faced. In a moment of weakness, a total loss of control, I faced my own mortality. A moment in time, when for a second, time seemed to stop. In that moment, the culmination of my failures tumbled down like castles built on sand, drowning in a tidal wave of regret, disappointment, and pictures of the trauma running through my mind. My world fell apart in a moment in time. But, since then, small moments have built upon one, and then another, and eventually life changed, and we rest upon today, this very moment where I am typing one word after another. I have survived trauma, after trauma, and several life changing events. I have overcome some pretty big obstacles as I have faced death head on, and God pulled me through, not myself. I do not have the power to beat death, but God has the power, that in me, He overcame the death of a soul, and as far as my physical body, God has seen fit to bring me through the brink of death, now many times over. A few weeks ago, my heart stopped as I lay in bed, aware the pacemaker would stop, and aware the inevitable outcome would likely be my heart stopping, and I would feel it slow, the world around me would fade, and black would surround me. The brink of death was upon me, and I had no control over it. When the time comes in our lives, the end of that verse will play out, from dust we came, from dust we shall return. God knows the date each of us will be conceived, and He knows the date we will draw our final breath. It’s this knowledge we must face the truth, there are only two things that truly matter in this life, our faith in Christ, and the people in our lives. 

On a regular basis we neglect the people in our lives by the things we say, the things we do, or more aptly, the things we don’t do. In reality, do we love others the way we should? Do we show that love to the people we care about? Do we show up when they need us the most? How do we spend our days, and what do we spend our days doing? What is it we focus on? What is it we put our time and effort into? These things often not only take our gaze off of our so called loved ones, but our Lord also. We have so little precious time with our loved ones, and yet we are derelict in our affections. Not only do we have sin in our lives against a Holy God, that sin goes out against those in our lives. Is the idol in our lives appointments? Is the idol in our lives, sports, work, alcohol, drugs, sex, or something else? We often fill our lives with stuff, and it’s that stuff that takes our focus from God, and the people in our lives. We let these many distractions of the world remove us from the lives of the people we once cared for. Days turn to weeks, turn to years, and we’ve all of a sudden lost track of people we once loved. The years creep in between, and before you know it, a car accident, an illness, something makes all the stuff we filled our lives with seem worthless and meaningless. How did we let so much time go by before we reached out? How did we let so much time go by before we told that person how we felt? How do we let that much time go by without talking to God? Time is not an ally, it’s an enemy. We can neither reason with it, or do anything to buy more of it. When time is up, it’s up. What did we do with the time that was given to us? Did we use it wisely, or did we waist it? Did we use the time God gave to us to glorify Him, and to share His gospel, to grow the kingdom? If we are evaluated on our time management, how well do we score? When sharing the love of Christ is the card in which we are judged. 

This is not a new perspective of mine, but rather one that has presented itself to me multiple times in my life. Having so many near death experiences tends to do that to a person. The difference now, rather than in my past, is in my past, I was the victim of hardships, rather than the survivor of hardships. My surviving, is not of my own doing, but the will of God. The will of God in my life is that He be glorified in my trials. Much like Steven, or Paul, Joseph, or Moses, praising God in the storm is how they got through it. Today, in this time, many people only praise God when life is good, but the moment something takes away that good feeling, God becomes the enemy. The reality is, we face a very real enemy in our lives, and it isn’t God. We are in a battle, just one we cannot see. All around us there’s a battle for our souls, and our lives. Demons roam this world sewing chaos, deception, and dissension among the mortal men. Angels go around nurturing those in need, bringing peace, and comfort, wisdom, and guidance. The war for our souls is won in Jesus Christ, because the end of time is already written, but today, here and now, we are still in the battle. Do we stand ready to fight in the here and now, or do we allow the world to dictate terms? Do we fight for what God told us to do, by loving one another thus fulfilling the Law? We are to love, and love takes effort. Love takes nurturing a baby fire, or a raging fire, but always tending to its needs. If the fire is left unattended, just like my fireplace, the fire will go out. Love takes action, and when we love the people in our lives, it takes action to show them love. How do we show up for them? Is it a text, or a call, a visit, or a card in the mail? With today’s technology, we have never been able to reach out to someone more easily to keep in touch, yet we have never been more distant from one another. Our own brilliance has been used as a tool by the Devil to separate us. Sadly, it worked. 

If heart surgery has taught me nothing else, it’s to cherish every moment. I myself am not afraid to die, in fact, in many ways, I long for it. That is not me wishing it would come today, but knowing what my tomorrow brings is something I long for. To have a glorified body, without the pain, without the tears, or the suffering of this world, but to live in paradise with the creator of the universe. The problem with death for a believer, is the hardships your absence brings to those who loved you and those you love. Sadly, I have seen it too often where the death of a friend is the catalyst that brings people together. It’s death that brings friends and family together who haven’t seen one another in years, who haven’t talked in that time. Death reminds us for a fleeting moment, that we haven’t talked in forever. Yet, in our day to day, we do nothing to change it. My wish for you is to look at your life and seek after those whom you love. Do not take time for granted because it isn’t your friend. Time slows, nor stops for anyone, and it bends it’s will to only our creator. What are you doing with the time given to you? One day we will return to the dust in which we were created. We cannot fight our expiration date. We may be able to extend life, or even push death back a little, but even those things are predestined by a Holy God. My open-heart surgery did not take God by surprise, and it is not lost on me that given this happened 30 years ago, I would likely have died. I was predestined to experience everything over the last few weeks, and how I handled them, do my actions highlight Christ, yes, or no? This is the biggest question I must answer for. Am I showing, and sharing love? Are people my focus, or is it other things? All these things I will answer for, along with my sins upon the day of judgment. Today is not the day I die, but perhaps, it’s the day I die to myself. Scripture tells us to die to one’s self, pick up thine cross and follow Christ. Carry that cross for all the world to see. Let the world know that you die to yourself, allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell inside you. Bringing your soul to life from the dead man/woman, you were. Being born again, and realizing the true bondage is that of sin, and that through sin, the world has a hold on you. The world tells you a load of lies, and we live according to them. What it means to be successful, to be beautiful, to be liked, or respected, but the biblical replies do not match with that of the world. Following Christ means we live different, we look different, we act different, we become different then the world. Our priorities change, and with that change, our relationships begin to change. Let us never forget why we are to love, and let us never forget what it means to love. Love is to lay down ones life for a friend. Love is to love like Christ loved and died for the church. Love is to be patient and kind, never jealous, never bragging or being arrogant. It never acts unbecomingly, and does not seek to lift up ones self, but lifting up others. It is not provoking, nor is it provoked. It does not keep track of the wrongs done, but washes away the wrong as our sins are washed away as if the slate was made new. Love, loves and rejoices in the truth, as it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. Do we truly have the guile to say we love others like this? Many cannot say they truly love their own spouses like this. Yet, this is what we are called to do. This is how scripture defines love. This is the love we are called to love one another and our enemies, yet the smallest argument ends friendships. We face an enemy that is crafty like no other, and he wants to destroy you, to break you, to separate you, and ultimately, to devour your spirit, separating you from God. Satan uses time as his ally, and a weapon against humanity. While he cannot control time and space, he can entice us to forsake friends and family, and ignore our responsibilities. Sadly, we allow this to happen time and time again. 

I hope you read this and you find the time for old friends, and existing ones. I hope you find the time for your family, your spouse, your kids, but most importantly, that you find the time for God. My prayer is that you will seek God daily, and you give God the time He deserves. I pray you let go of worldly things that do little for your life, but does a lot to pull you away from important things. I’m not saying it isn’t okay to have hobbies like bowling, or fishing, hunting, or other things, but use those things to grow your relationships, or use those things to grow closer to God. While you’re fishing do you talk with God? While your bowling, do you share Jesus with your team, or the team next to you? While your kids are at soccer, do you let Jesus flow from your behavior? Let us use the time we have better. Let us continue to seek Jesus, and then share Jesus. Let us love others like we are truly called to love one another. Let us remember who the true enemy is, and focus on preparing for battle, because make no mistake, the next battle is right around the corner. Those who do not prepare, will be unequipped to handle it. We must be ready to fight, to hold fast, and know the word, so when the temptation comes, you can be ready with the word of God. Whole Armor of God, a soldier ready for the battle and never out of the fight. We fight till the day the Lord calls us home. Till that day comes, may God bless you, and may the Holy Spirit fill you, and let your cup fillith over.  

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Christmas 2024

Christmas 2024

This Christmas has been like none I’ve ever experienced. I have spent this beautiful holiday in far distant lands of sand, where there were enemies that wanted nothing more but to kill Americans. I was in a humvee that was struck by an IED on the 22nd of December. I’ve spent many Christmas’s away from home, from being in Europe, to distant states, but this year being away from home is completely different. This year I’m away from home because I sit in an CICU bed in my local VA hospital. Even though I’m here, and even though I find myself in considerable pain, I know that it’s still worth saying Hallelujah.

On Friday the 20th I was reading through my CT and X-Ray reports. I saw something in the report that raised a question. Hemopericardium- is a condition where blood accumulates in the pericardial sac around the heart. I sent a message on Friday, knowing I wouldn’t hear back till Monday. Sunday afternoon came and while a friend was visiting me at the house I begun feeling pain in the lower left flank of my back. Pain like this usually has equated to a kidney stone. After the pain got worse, the decision was made to go to the ED for tests and scans. I went back to the hospital where they began running urinalysis tests, but also a CT. The CT showed no kidney stone at all. The only thing it showed was an increase in the fluid around the heart. After several long hours I was sent home with the plan to take some meds for constipation.

Monday morning came and the phone rang early, it was a familiar voice, Alison, from my cardiac team. She was calling with some bad news. I needed to go to the VA immediately for more scans. To be specific it was an echocardiogram, to look at how much fluid there was around my heart. Was the heart being impeded? After an hour or so, I received a call back from Allison, the emergency department was ready for me, and so was a bed. I would be admitted right away. As the tears flowed from my eyes in the cafeteria, I found myself heart broken for my family, not for myself as much, but upset for them I wouldn’t be home for Christmas. How difficult it had been after heart surgery, and now this.

Later that evening I was prepped to have a drain tube installed on my heart. I’m no stranger to these tubes, for back in 2016 I had one placed for my lung to drain. With every breath the tube rubs on the ribs. With this particular tube it also rubs on the inside near the heart. This hurts to move, to breathe, and eat. Even with the IV medication to take the edge off, it still hurts all the time. I am unable to stand up, or move much, due to the risks to my heart being damaged by the tube. This has made for a long few days.

Today: is Christmas Day. What can we do when we are in the face of danger? What can we do when we don’t get what we want in this life? We rejoice, rejoice that our savior came as an innocent baby. Our savior grew to be a strong man, strong in wisdom, and faith, and lived a perfect life. That man willingly went to the grave, even though at the wave of a hand He could have summoned a legion of heavenly angels. He could have destroyed all those who would do him harm. At his own voice, those seeking to arrest him were knocked off their feet. The power that was sheathed that day, so we may have everlasting peace, is something we know very little about. We cannot truly fathom the power the prince of piece actually has. We do not know or understand the true nature of God’s power. We saw some of it displayed in the OT. But in reality, that’s still vailed.

Today on Christmas, I lay here in my bed, unable to move much, but I am thankful that a miracle came to me, and yet again saved my life. I’ve had a few miracles in just a short time, I cannot help but feel gratitude to a Holy God for his gracious and loving presence in my life. I have deserved none of this. God has shown up in my life while I have been unworthy of it. How could I repay a righteousness and Holy God? My works are filthy rags to the Lord, and yet, faith without works is nothing. James 2:17 We are saved by our faith, not by our works, but the works in our life is the fruit of our lives. We must continue to fight the good fight while we still have breath in our lives. We must continue to grow and be sanctified in the Lord. My life is spared, again, and here I am. There is no better Christmas gift than the gift of life. While my heart was silently being crushed by the blood in which that very heart was pumping, a random pain, and a random CT, saved my life. “In my experience there’s no such thing as luck” (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars- A New Hope, 1977). What most people would see as luck I see as God’s providence, God’s sovereignty.

God has a plan for each of us, and for some people it’s to allow us to live the lives we want on this earth. Our earthly possessions, and aspirations are the only thing we’ll ever achieve. For others, who seek God’s face, and seek the kingdom of God, this world is fleeting, and only the mission field for an ambassador for the Lord. We who seek the Lord are soldiers on the front lines. We fight His fight and we never give up. Is this where I would have chosen to spend my Christmas? No, of course not. But I hope that while I was here I brought some smiles, and some Christmas joy to those around me. I hope I was able to show a little Jesus to those whom I encountered. Ultimately, no matter where we find ourselves, we must do our best to please the Lord. We must try our best to serve the Lord and put a smile on his face. Let us remember what the true meaning of Christmas is, and that’s the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. But while He was born, He didn’t stay a baby, He was raised by earthly parents, He lived, He grew, and when He reached His 30’s, He began His earthly ministry. He was crucified and died, was buried, and rose again on the 3rd day. Our hope rests in the fact that over 500 people saw the resurrected Jesus Christ. He was not some madman, or just some nice guy, He was certainly, no liar. He didn’t lie, and the Apostles who witnessed what happened didn’t die for a lie, they died for the truth. Let us see the truth, and let us live for the truth. Let us spread the truth, and know that nothing Satan can try to do will ever destroy what the Lord made.

Today let us celebrate Christmas, and let us say Happy Birthday Jesus.

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One Month Later 

One Month Later 

It’s been a month since my open-heart surgery. Not yet a month for the pacemaker, but we’re coming up on that in a week. I can’t say with honesty that the recovery has gone very well. With the initial severe pain in my neck and shoulders, then the pacemaker, and the severe pain in the left shoulder, then the infection, the pain from the lead left behind over my stomach, it’s been difficult. The drive home from the hospital was marred with trouble, when the car broke down smoking. This later cost me almost three thousand dollars to repair, funds I don’t have. Even now I’m still on antibiotics fighting an infection. After getting home I started to sleep in the recliner, because I could get in and out easier than a bed. Then there was a problem with the fireplace chimney, which only just got fixed yesterday the 20th. Now, were finding the heater isn’t quite as efficient as consumers are led to believe. The amount of pellets it takes in just a few hours is staggering. So much so, that in the middle of the night, I woke to 30* temperatures, because the heater ran out of pellets. Let us not forget the sprained ankle from walking laps in the house without shoes. Let’s say the recovery, and rest I was hoping for has been far off from me. If I had to take a guess, I’d say Satan was playing with me, causing issues to see what I’d do. Am I as strong as I say? Where is my breaking point? To be honest, I don’t know. I’d like to think I’m strong, but I know my flesh is often weak. To say I have not been frustrated would be to speak falsely. I have struggled with my cough, with my limitations of not being able to take care of myself. It’s not an easy thing to go from independent, to dependent overnight. It’s also a difficult thing when you are in chronic pain after surgery for a long period of time. While I have hopes that this pain will eventually dissipate, in the back of my mind, I am preparing myself for the possibility it does not go away and get better. Right now, simple things like walking, hurt my shoulder. If walking hurts, how will I go hiking, or photography, or lightsaber dueling? Will I be able to work around the house without having pain in my shoulder and chest? I already have to deal with the cervical spine pain I often feel, adding to it would be fairly miserable.

Jesus tells us to take heart, that He has overcome the world, and in this life we would have troubles, but to know there is better for us. I know that I will endure troubles, even if it’s not in the way of religious persecution, I know there will be difficult waters ahead. A few months ago I wrote this “Many years ago, the dark nearly took me. I fell overboard when a rogue wave hit the ship so hard it jeered and I flew overboard. I thought for sure the waters would take me, but somehow, the Captain dove in and pulled me up. He said, ‘Your sailing days aren’t done yet.’ No more words were ever spoken about it, but I knew the Captain saw something in me that day. Didn’t have to risk Himself for me, but ever since, it’s felt like He’s kept a special eye on me.” (The Best Captain, The Arrow Preacher, May 28,2024: https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/05/28/the-best-captain/ ) 

I went on to say “He replied, “I am who I am. I am the way, the truth the life. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the Good Shepherd whom you’ve heard my voice. I am the Lion, and the Lamb. I am Emmanuel, I am Jesus, your Captain. And I’ve got you. Trust in me, and I will see you through to the end of the age, when I welcome you home, when we reach the shores of my Kingdom. You will then have rest. Till then, we’ve got work to do.” ((The Best Captain, The Arrow Preacher, May 28,2024: https://thearrowpreacher.com/2024/05/28/the-best-captain/ )

We must take each day as a gift, and while things may not be smooth sailing, trust that Jesus is still in control. He’s still at the right hand of the father interceding on your behalf, on my behalf. Satan is the real enemy, and he very much wants to destroy you, and damage your relationship with the father. What better way to make you so comfortable that you would give up Jesus for your comfort. Satan gives those what their heart desires, and sometimes God allows you to have what you truly want, and it looks like, and taste like the world. This is the only happiness some people will ever have, and they trade eternity, for comfort in this life. Would you still praise God with a gun to your head in an African country where the rebels seek to kill all Christians? Some people should think long and hard about where they truly place their heart. Me, as I said recently, I’m ready to go meet Jesus, but I know He’s kept me on earth for a purpose, and I’ll continue to fight the fight as His soldier, till the day I am called home.

Life is not easy, and it’s not meant to be easy. Jesus tells us it’s only by the narrow way, and few would enter it, to find salvation. The sad reality is not everyone will be saved, because they chose to follow their hearts flesh desires, and remain dead on the inside. They do not hear the calling of Jesus. What is it Jesus says? On that day many will come to me saying Lord, Lord, have we not prophesized in your name, and cast out demons in your name, done many works in your name? And Jesus replies, depart from me, you who practice lawlessness, I never knew you. What is your motive for preaching Jesus? Is it so people would look at you? Is it so you would get rich? Is it so you would have an ‘easy’ life? Indeed, the first thing you should say to Jesus upon facing Him, is Lord I am not worthy to be here, please forgive me, you are most high, and holy. It should be about the Lord, because it isn’t about us, it’s about what God does through us. It’s not about your pride, or my own pride, but rather what God works through your life, so HE gets the GLORY, not you. 

God has done such a mighty work in my life, it’s hard not to talk about it. There was a plan this fall to travel to the Philippines for Christmas. Had I gone, it was very possible my aorta could have ruptured and I die. Or my valve failed, and I died. Did God spare my family and friends the hardships of my death? See, I am not afraid of dying. I’m not opposed to it, and to be rid of this broken body, that’s always in pain. I’m not opposed to being set free from this life of poverty. I know however, my family and friends would be upset if something happened to me. God has a purpose in my life, and while I don’t know what that is, I know that I am to serve Him. I have a broad idea of what He wants me to do, and in part it’s this, writing, and doing my YouTube podcast. I have a place as head of my household to continue to be the spiritual leader. I have friends I minister to, and I help them navigate life in a Godly way. I may not be rich, or famous, and I may struggle financially, and I may live in a tent, but I know as long as I’m doing the Lords work, I will remain in His blessings, and my needs will be provided for. Make no mistake, while I do live in poverty, I do live in a tent, I make very little money in this economy, I cannot buy a new car, or purchase a home, I am still richly blessed. I may not live in a mansion somewhere, but I know that I have joy in my heart, for the Lord has blessed me with the miracle of life this Christmas. Can you count your blessings in your own life? Can you see what gifts God has given to you, that you could use to glorify Him? Are you seeking God with everything you are? Or, are you lazy, and apathetic about your walk with the Lord? We must rid ourselves of the worldly distractions, and focus on the Lord. So few of us read our bibles daily. So few of us pray without ceasing. When was the last time you prayed for others, and nothing for yourself? When was the last time you told anyone about Jesus? Do you adhere to the command to fulfill the great commission? To go and make disciples of all the nations and to baptize them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? When was the last time you messaged your ‘friend’ you haven’t spoken to or checked on in months? We each have our own gifts, and we must learn to use those gifts to share Jesus with others. Why would we want to keep silent, knowing millions of people are headed for Hell when they die? Why wouldn’t we want to do what God has told us to do, and share the Gospel, the Good News, with anyone we can. I believe we can all do better doing this. I believe we must merely ask God to give us the spirit of courage we need, and to remove the fear we experience, to give us the strength to share Jesus with others. 

I have been saved many times by God, but this last one hits different. The path laid out nearly a year ago, that led me from one incident, to another, and another, and finally to open heart surgery is more than several coincidences. Remove any one of those stepping stones, and I don’t wind up at open heart surgery, and I could easily have died. One incident may be considered coincidence, but when you stack several in a row, that becomes a statistical improbability, so logic would dictate that there is a loving God, who looks after His sheep. There is a creator that designed this universe with care, and precision. There is an intelligent designer that is:

Omnipotence: God’s power to do anything

Omniscience: God’s knowledge of everything

Omnipresence: God’s existence in every place and time

We may not understand God’s ways, but He sees the entire photo, while we only see one small piece of the mosaic. We must learn to not only to obey God’s commands, but to trust in His plan, even when we don’t understand it. I do not know God’s plan for me, other than right now, I continue what I’m doing, but I do know, the more I walk with Him, the closer I’ll get, the better off I am, and the easier I’ll hear his message for me. I need to trust that if He wants me to do something, I must be willing to hear it. I do have faith in Jesus, that no matter if I’m in the middle of the storm, or if I’m lying on a beaching next to the ocean, or if I’m in the valley fighting for my life, Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be right there with me. I also believe that we have Angels around us, invisible to us, to help minister to us. We cannot live our lives shaking our fist to the heavens asking why all the time. We cannot spend our lives angry at God, because some how we didn’t get our way. We cannot say what is good or bad, only how we act to stimuli. We must be faithful to God, and push away our temptation to sin. We must push away our lust of the flesh, and want of earthly treasures. We cannot allow money, or things, to become idols in our lives. We must not forsake our marriages for temporary flings. We must not forsake our family for work. The list of idols is long and could go on, but I think you get the point. We are to put away all our hate, and love of the flesh, with all malice. We must focus on God, and seek first His Kingdom. Are you ready and willing to make changes in your life to better serve God? Are you willing to take a look in the mirror and acknowledge your short comings, your sins? Are you willing to seek forgiveness in those you’ve wronged? Are you willing to ask forgiveness of a Holy God, whom you’ve sinned against? We must do more than just believe in God, for even the demons believe in God. We must obey God; we must love and seek God with all we are and all we have. We must study the bible without placing yourself in the story. We must properly study the Word of God, and do what’s called exegesis, rather than Eisegesis: the practice of interpreting a text by inserting one’s own ideas, biases, or agendas into it. We must be willing to forsake all other things, if He asked it of us. What are you willing to do to serve an all mighty and holy God? At the very least, are you ready to praise and worship the king of kings, and the lord of lords? Emmanuel with us, the Lion of Judah, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. I am grateful to have been given life, and in the midst of the storm, the hard, long road, it truly is a hard fought hallelujah. 

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The Week My Heart Stopped

The Week My Heart Stopped

First of, I’m a 40 year old male, with no history of heart problems. My story is one that highlights the power and sovereignty of God. I suppose to understand, one must venture to the beginning, as to fully grasp the situation. The details are an important part of the story. June 19th was the last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School) at church. One of the youth, and a kid I’ve known for many years approached me with a challenge, a foot race. Having a bad knee, and knowing I’m not supposed to run, it’s odd that I accepted his challenge to begin with. A few months prior I had found out I had a hernia on the right side of my groin. One more reason to say no, but I didn’t. Against what would have been better judgement, I said okay. The foot race commenced and I won. A victory over someone, someone so young, was short lived as the next day I was in the hospital. That hernia decided to bulge, leaving me unable to walk. When the doc came in to ‘fix’ it, I was grateful. The conversation ended with me going along with what turned out to be double ingroinal hernia surgery. Not one but two hernias. This would not take place till October however, so I had the rest of the summer to enjoy.

The hernia surgery came on the 28th of October. It was a quick surgery and a success. That is, till a single day later when the gas from the surgery migrated up to my right shoulder, causing significant pain. During the CT scan, something odd was seen, not of the gas but with my heart. My Aorta was not the right size. I was sitting in my room waiting for the doctors and when one came in, it would quickly become a whole ordeal. Several more doctors from different departments would grace my bedside. A plan was being formulated for priority open heart surgery. How did I go from hernia surgery to open heart surgery in a day? It turned out, that my aorta root was a bit larger than it should. Surgery threshold is 5.5 cm, but my root measured around 6.3. As it turned out, I had what is known as a ‘Bicuspid’ valve. When someone has this defect, their muscles, and ligaments can sometimes be super stretchy. Could this be the problem with my neck and my knee? Perhaps. Surgery would be set for Nov 22nd. Just less than a month later after hernia surgery. The amount of scans and tests I had to do in the meantime kept me very busy. Unfortunately I was not able to prepare everything for the heart surgery as I had attempted to do for the hernia surgery. Being the man of the house meant I did the heavy lifting. Planning for two months was not only expensive, but took a great deal of thought. Going into hernia surgery I felt prepared to be limited for a while. Going into heart surgery left me feeling wholly unprepared.

The 22nd came, and my nervousness showed in all my blood pressure tests. The morning was early, and I had once again found myself in surgery safety prep on the fourth floor of the VA hospital in Durham NC. Some familiar faces graced my bedside as I was shaved from my shoulders to my feet. I had already had to shave my beared the night before which was difficult, and I shaved my head as well, completely changing the way I looked just 24 hours prior. Long thin hair, and a long beard, now gone. Surgery prep seemed to go pretty quick this time. Before I knew it, most of my team was at my bedside for one final walkthrough of my case. The heart model I took for them to sign was signed, my last will and testament was submitted, and i was as ready as I could be.

Four hours was all the time the doc needed to replace my aorta root, the valve, and stem. A rock star of the aorta valve replacement world. A surgery that would normally take 8 hours he did in 4. That night they would start to wake me up, and I remember still having the ventilator tube down my throat. At first I was okay, but the longer they took to remove it, while I was awake, the more I began to panic. My mind said get it out, even though it was doing the breathing for me, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. The tube was removed, and my memory foggy. I remember family being at my bedside, and a friend. The meds I was on, quickly put me back to sleep, till I was awoken the next morning to walk. Having multiple chest tubes, and an external temporary pacemaker, It took everything I had to get out of bed. I gripped my heart pillow with all the minuscule strength I had. Finally they got me up, I walked, and then I was back to the chair. In reality, I don’t remember much except being silly with my friend who was there, and my supportive bride. The medication they had me on was pretty strong and kept me in a fairly high state. By Tuesday, it seemed there might be something wrong. My heart wasn’t responding to being woken up. Test after test showed my heart was not responding and not functioning on it’s own without the pacemaker. Wednesday came, and the test was a 12 lead EKG, while they turned off the pacemaker. Essentially, they needed to see what was wrong, and what my heart was doing.

Wednesday, five days after heart surgery. The room was cleared so no one would see what happened, at my request. The leads were attached, and the nurse held my hand. The EKG started. Then, the countdown began, 3…2…1… and the pacemaker was turned off. My eyes couldn’t stay open, as I lost consciousness. My heart stopped. The test only kept the pacer off for 3 seconds, but for those 3 seconds, my heart stopped, and I was aware of it. I could feel the lightheadedness, the lack of oxygen flowing through my body. I could feel my body giving up the fight to stay awake. Within moments, I regained semi consciousness, and a few moments later it was better, but tears flowed down my face. How could life had come to this? By Friday I was scheduled to have a pacemaker installed. I am only 40 years old, and I have an artificial heart valve, and a device keeping my heart pumping. How could life have come to this? The answer is simple really, and can be found in scripture.

As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

— John 9:1-3

This wasn’t something God was doing to me, but something God saved me from. After a talk with one of my surgeons, I would find that the valve could have failed at any time. The valve description used was ‘gnarly’. So, in reality, both the valve, and the root were ticking time bombs. The root could have dissected, split open at any time. My plans were to be in the Philippines for Christmas this year. Instead I found myself having this surgery. God, has been in the details all year. From the original finding of the hernia, to the foot race, forcing my hand for surgery, to the gas going into the chest, which was fairly uncommon, to the incidental finding of my aorta on a scan not looking specifically at my heart. These things are too many coincidences to be considered coincidences. If the universe were truly chaos and random, then the odds of this many events culminating in life saving surgery, would be unlikely. But, that’s not how an Almighty God works. God saved my life, again. While my recovery has been difficult, and having the pacemaker adds extra challenges, the truth is, I was given the gift of life for Christmas.

This revelation of God’s sovereignty and grace, does not take away the hardships of heart surgery. It doesn’t take away the emotions left behind in it’s wake. When your body feels foreign, and broken, it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture. Yes, I am bored at home, and walking is a challenge because there is no place good to walk inside. Being too cold outside, has made recovery a challenge. Having to put my car in the shop the day after being released from the hospital, and having a $3000 dollar car repair, right before Christmas, has left me feeling a bit down. The Devil has thrown much at me since my time home from the hospital. It isn’t just the body that needs to heal after this kind of surgery, but the mind as well. I have found myself struggling needing help with everything I do. I have felt like a burden, a waist of time, weak. I have felt sorry for myself a time or too also. The struggle to do what is necessary for the recovery of mind and body is not one easily found where I live. I live too far from the local mall to walk. We have no recreation centers with indoor tracks. We have no large stores other than a small Walmart and a Lowe’s which neither sound appealing to walk. I have some ideas I may implement soon, money though is the question. I know the Lord provides all we need, I question if something is a need or a want.

I am slowly recovering physically, but I do believe the recovery is still a long ways away. God being in the details gives me hope that there is a reason for His saving my life yet again. The time bomb in my chest was diffused, and I now have time to do whatever the Lord wishes. Both the valve and the root could have given way at any moment, but God stopped me from going across the world, to have this surgery, and I know there has to be a reason. I don’t know why God gave me this pace maker, but this too is part of the Lords plan. I have said before, ‘all we can do with the time given to us is choose how we reply to each moment of our lives.’ We don’t have a say in what happens to us much of the time. We can’t change what people say or do in our lives, except try to live as Godly as possible. Living for Christ, and making decisions based on what we think would be pleasing to Him is truly all we can do.

It astounds me to think just a few weeks ago my entire chest was cracked open, exposed to the world. My heart was in the hands of a stranger. The gift of life this Christmas came at the hands of God. God didn’t have to give us warning something was wrong. God could have just taken me home. For whatever reason, God saw fit to save my earthly life, and here I am fighting the good fight for the Lord of Lords still. God works in mysterious ways for sure, and while I do not know why it is God has seen fit to save my life, yet again, I will continue to serve the best I can. Sometimes it’s hard to raise a hallelujah. Sometimes it’s all we can do do get out those words to praise a Holy God. Sometimes the world has done a number on us, and we’re down on our knees for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it’s hard to hear the voice of God through the noise of the world. Sometimes it’s a storm tossed ship, wrecked and ravaged by the nature of this world. It’s in these moments, that we must raise the hallelujah. It’s these times we must praise God even more, and turn to Him for guidance and peace. Sometimes it’s a hard fought hallelujah, but in the battle we know it doesn’t belong to us. We know that Jesus already won the battle. The mighty victory cry he cried on the cross, ‘tetelestai’, or it is finished. This single word is more than just it is finished, but rather, the contract is complete, the battle is completely won, the bill is completely paid for. This was used in business, the debt is fully paid, judgment in court, sentence fully served, and the battle is fully won. How great is it to know that Jesus won our battles. The battle today is not of my own, or your own. We bare the cross yes, but Jesus already won the battle. The story we are in is already complete and will one day end. We see the battle, but Jesus sees our victory. When we see the deep valley, Jesus sees the triumph at the end of the road. We must take our troubles, and sorrows to the one who can do something about it, our Lord, our Savior, Jesus the Christ. We fight not against flesh and blood but in the spiritual realm of our souls. The Devil may break our bodies, he may attack our stuff, but what remains behind is our souls. Prayer is often underutilized. We often forget we have the ability to talk directly to the sovereign of the universe. We will suffer in this world, this was promised. Being a Christian, being a member of ‘the way’ is not one for the faint of heart. Jesus told us in scripture, it would take everything we have. Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” To pick up your cross meant to die to yourself. To do so publicly as the world would see you carry your cross. It meant to be ostracized by society. It meant to kill away your sins inside yourself daily. To give up your own pride, and your own selfish ambitions, to give your life to the Lord, and to do so publicly, unafraid. We are told the path to the Father is a narrow one, and many would rather chose or walk the wide path of destruction.

Life is going to be full of hardships, and despite those hardships, Jesus won our battle. Jesus fought the fight, and won. He defeated sin, and we have eternal hope. People want to talk about love is love, but true love is telling someone the truth. Jesus said he didn’t come to unite, but to divide us. The truth is, 2000 years ago, the Devil lost his fight when Christ became victorious over death. We have not seen the last of the war, but we know that Christ wins the war. People often think of Jesus as sweet baby Jesus, or hippy Jesus. The truth is, when Christ comes back, it will not be for earthly peace. When Jesus returns, it’ll be to bring righteous war upon the world that has rejected Him, in His perfect judgment for the sins of the world. We do not know the time of His return, but we are called to be ready for it. Jesus will return, sword in hand, and with the legions of Angels He commands, will fight to destroy the remaining evil in the world. The bowl judgments will pour out upon humanity, the trumpets will sound, and eventually God will reverse creation, wiping out all what we know, and He will rebuild. Jesus, the Lion of Judah, is not a hippy love is love Jesus. Jesus said, if you love me you will follow my commandments, so we are to love God’s commandments, and not just the ones we like. Is this life hard? It sure is, but we have a God who understands. We have a God that put on flesh to understand our sufferings. Count it all joy my brethren when you endure trials. Swords must be tempered in fire. Gold purified in the fiery furnace. Steel for everything we use is forged. Why would we be any different? Jesus told us the truth, that this life is hard. He loved us enough to show us the truth in His sacrifice. It would be easy if Jesus said, ‘you’re life would be a piece of cake’. That however wouldn’t be the truth. Some so called pastors say this, but it’s a lie from the Devil. We are soldiers, so let us soldier up, and get back into the fight. When the Devil starts shooting those arrows at you, cover behind the shield God gave you. Then when the time is right, spring forward, sword raised high, and push forward. We are soldiers on the battlefield, and it’s full of death, destruction, hardships, but we have the might of God, and the Angels on our side. Keep fighting, because inside you is a roaring lion. The spirit of God, the spirit of courage, bravery, and a spirit of hope, we are soldiers in this life. Fight on, and never quit. The truth of God is all around us, we just have to look around. We see His truth in the complexity of the plants, animals, our own bodies, the universe. We will emerge victorious, because Jesus is victorious.

God saved my life, and I know that I’ve been saved by the blood. I’ve been given life, and I will not let the Devil win. I will not let the demons whispering in my ear to quit, win. I will not stop preaching and teaching His mighty word. I will crawl if I have to, but I’ll keep going. My life is in God’s hands, and I was a soldier in this earthly life, I am a soldier for God, and my family I will keep my Armor tight, and show them, not my strength, but the strength God has given to me. I am saved, born again, washed by the water. Hallelujah to my Lord, this is a long hard fought Hallelujah. Let God have the Glory in my life. Why am I going through these hardships? So God would be glorified through it. Let us turn to God and show him the praise and worship, only He deserves. One day I will be recalled from this duty station. One day, the Lord will say my watch is over. One day Jesus will tell me, well done soldier, now rest. One day I will take up residence where I truly belong. One day, I will see what I’ve been fighting for this whole time. I long for that day, but for now, I will serve God faithfully here. I will fight for my family. I will be the spiritual head of my home. I will fight back against the Devil, I will resist with all my might, and protect my family. My service isn’t over yet, and God saving my life, not once, not twice, but three times or more, tells me He still has plans for me. Into the battle, He’s prepared my fingers for war. Let us pick up the shield, the sword, and let us go do some work. Fight the good fight soldiers of Christ, your not done yet.

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Abba

Abba

The days come and go, and while they do, all I can do is manage my actions in each instance. In my life as I have experienced one major trial after another, I have grown closer to God. I have no control over tomorrow, all I have control over is how I respond. Is the way I respond glorifying to God? Does how I respond bring pleasure to my Abba Father? When I face Christ at the judgment seat, I have no excuse to give. While I am preparing for the biggest surgery of my life, I have to face the truth up front. 

I have often looked back in the recent days, at my life. My days of military service has been on my mind. I look back at my injuries and wonder if they are the result of a gene that caused this bicuspid valve. My knee injury in 2005, was this a result in a weakened muscle group? What about the three hernias I’ve had; are they a result of this gene? While I will not likely get an answer to this, I know that regardless of the cause, I must handle and manage my emotions, my responses and actions, in the midst of these trials. 

I was told recently that my relentless positivity is enjoyed. I have not felt very positive recently due to the amount of tears I have shed. I have tried to maintain a positive outlook, and while I stumble, I am picking myself up. My emotions have been intense recently. As i get older I find myself more accepting of Gods plan. Tomorrow is already written, and I cannot alter God’s plan. Yes we have our free will as far as how we respond to stimuli. God gives power, God gives opportunity, God gives us choices. Do we take the fruit or not. Do we scream, or talk in a calm edifying voice? Because I am becoming more aware of myself, and where I fit in to this world, I find myself more at peace. 

Peace in life despite the absolute hardships I have endured, is not due to my own actions, but a change within my heart, a gift from the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is where true Godly change comes from. While I was in Iraq, during the ambush on September 12th, while being shot at and attacked, I felt peace. Explosions were going off around me, RPG’s flying all over, barely missing my truck, I felt peace. When the Mk-19 failed and my gunner had to use his M-16, with no cover, I was at peace. When it looked like we may be stopped, and if we stopped we’d be an easy target, I was at peace. This peace resembles what I feel today. Where does this peace come from? It’s either the Holy Spirit, or an angel by my side, or both. We know that God sends the angels to minister to believers. We also know that the Holy Spirit rests within the hearts of believers. How can I be at peace? No matter what I’m going through, I know God is still on His throne, and in control over my life. I just have to relinquish control to God. I need to let Him take the wheel and sit back and do what I’m commanded to do. My life, I must focus on God first. Then, I must take care of my family, and friends. I must do my blog, and podcast, because God has given me a platform to share the Gospel. So, what is the Gospel? 

The Gospel is the good news of Jesus Christ. The Gospel is we are sinners and we must recognize this. We must look to Jesus and believe. We must look to Jesus, believe, and obey his commandments. What is the first commandment? Mark 12:30-31 30 and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” We must recognize the need for a savior because our heart is wicked. Our souls are filthy, and there is nothing we can do to fix or change this. Jesus, is the only one capable of cleansing our hearts. We are sinners, and the wages of sin is death. Romans 6:23 “23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” We are not forced into this decision, and therefore, God sends no one to Hell. Our nature does that, and there are no repentant or sorrowful people in Hell. They continue to hate God, and like I have used in the past, they are like Anakin on the edge of the lava field, yelling at his friend, his brother, “I hate you”. We are wicked, and our nature is total depravity. We are born this way, and the proof is found within young children. We do not have to teach them to hit their parents. We do not have to teach them to lie about simple things. We do not have to teach them not to share. We can see the nature of a child is to be rebellious. As a prominent pastor once said, “vipers in diapers.” Our sin nature is on display in children, and we must teach them to tell the truth, to share, not to hit. We are blessed that God is merciful and does not cast down judgment right away for our transgressions. We are blessed that God’s love gives us a chance to believe in Jesus as savior. 

Growing up I found peace in God’s house. I went to a Catholic Church and while I now disagree with much of the Catholic church’s teaching today, I had a strong feeling about God, and feeling comfortable in the church, I often didn’t want to go home. Church was my safe space. I attended the adult sessions, and I found myself fascinated by Jesus, and I wanted to know everything I could. As I got older I drifted a little, but still held my faith in Jesus and God. I considered myself a good Christian, in fact for a while I called myself a good Catholic. In reality, I wasn’t, but at the time, I didn’t know that. When I returned to the US, I found myself going to an Episcopal church. I felt like I fit in at church. Within a year I moved to North Carolina and eventually found myself a small town Baptist church. In reality this small town church saved my life. My eternal soul was on the line, and what I was missing was actual biblical teaching. I couldn’t see it, but I had a head knowledge of Jesus, but not a heart knowledge. At the time I would have probably fit in with the Matthew 7 crowd, where Jesus says depart from me. I grew up with Catholic beliefs and it was works based. I completed my communion, I completed my confession, and I thought that meant I was good, and I was saved. Sadly, I believe many think this and may be eternally doomed because of it. Over time I learned it wasn’t about what I had done, but rather, it would be something the spirit does within me. I must have repented and believed in Jesus. Only then would the spirit change my heart from stone, a dead man, to a heart of flesh, a living man, reborn in Christ. It wasn’t that the Baptist church was superior, but it merely taught the Bible. It was never about the things I had done, it was always about my heart and where I placed my hope. I can remember the day. I was in crisis as my home was falling apart. I had continued to try and do things my own way, and I was never worried about asking God, or even doing it His way. It wasn’t till I had reached rock bottom in my life, that I realized I needed God. I didn’t just need Him for that particular Crisis, no, I needed God for everything I do in my life. I needed God’s forgiveness, His sovereignty, His grace, and Mercy. I needed to learn to be like Christ and the only way to do that was to surrender my life to Him. It was then, I found my path, and what God wanted me to do. I would preach and teach His word. I would dive in and stay swimming in the holy scripture. I would focus on God in my life in every aspect of it. Whatever you eat or drink, what ever you do, do for the glory of God. I found my purpose in this world, and it’s to praise the Lord, to worship the Lord, and to share His Holy Gospel every chance I get. Even though my life has been difficult, and especially difficult since 2016, my living in a tent full time, my needing open heart surgery, the loss of friends, I am more at peace than ever before in my life. My belief in Jesus isn’t just a blind belief, but one based on incontrovertible evidence. All the evidence points to Jesus Christ being who he said he was. No one, not one single person dies for what they know to be a lie. If it were a lie, and Jesus didn’t rise from the dead, one the few people who followed him would have stopped if he didn’t rise. Two, the people who followed him, would not have knowingly, and willingly died gruesome deaths. The miracles that came from Christ, and then those from his closest followers, would have been ousted as a lie, and Rome would have destroyed the movement. Because what Jesus did was true, and he was the Son of God, the long awaited messiah, the movement known as “the way” survived, and now thrives. Jesus fulfilled every prophecy and the odds of one man doing that is impossible, but because he is who he said he is, it’s truth. No one, not even his enemies refuted the miracles he performed. Only that he claimed to be God. And if he hadn’t performed the miracles, and claimed to be God they would not have been able to crucify him under the law, but because he is who he said he is, he indeed died on the cross, was buried, and indeed rose again, since his body was no longer in the tomb. For which, the Romans searched for, attempted to ascertain the truth. But, Jesus was gone, no longer buried in a cold, rock tomb, but risen. Christ would show himself risen to the world. He would make himself seen to over 500 people. No one could deny what they saw at the time. The once fearful apostles, that hid from everyone, stood bold in the town square and preached the name of Jesus to everyone. They were put in jail and still preached. They were beaten and still preached. One by one, they were murdered, and yet, they still preached. This does not happen, if Jesus died and they were lying the whole time. The risen Christ galvanized the 11 followers of Jesus, and then the rest to come. Jesus, the Lord of Lords, had risen, just as he predicted and promised he would. 

As my surgery approaches, it is this truth that has given me hope. I am a character living in God’s story. History, is His Story. I am just a character in His story, and my hope for my life is simply this, in all I do, do to please and glorify God. I just want to make my Abba proud of me. I cannot control tomorrow; all I can control is how I respond today. Let us go and keep our focus on God. Let us seek first the kingdom of God. Let us put our hope in the Lord Jesus, and have faith that He is with us. Even as he was with those three brave men in the fiery furnace, and he was with Daniel in the lions den, he is with us. As he was with David fighting a giant, and of course the promise from Jesus himself. I am with you always, even to the end of the age. We may not always like what approaches us, but in reality we don’t know the truth behind good and bad. Our perception of good and bad is based on the outward stimuli in our lives. Our sense of good and bad is based on how this stimuli affects us. We want to be happy, and we expect a certain sense of homeostasis. Anything that makes us uncomfortable, or anything that provides us pain. Anything that gives us grief, or goes against what we want in our life, we deem as bad. Is my needing heart surgery bad? While most would say, having a spouse have an affair is bad, but in reality, sometimes God uses such things to point us in a different path. Years later we often look back and what once was the worst thing that had every happened to us, became the best thing. God’s sovereignty, and omnipresence, and not just omnipresence, but that God is everywhere and every when. Whatever we’re going through God already knows the outcome. Does that not give you a sense of relief? The God of the universe cares about your well being, and because of that, you can go about your day free from worry about the details of your tomorrow. If tomorrow is already written, all we must do as Christians, is face tomorrow with an attitude that Abba has you in his hands, and we just respond with whatever would please God. We are free to enjoy the beauty of this world. We are free to experience God’s wonderful creation, and love people the way Christ loves us. We respond to hardships with joy, and peace. We respond to people with love and edification. We lift them up in prayer, we show them scripture, or we show them Christ depending if they are a believer or not. We must face the day with a knowledge of what scripture tells us, and we live our lives within the confines of the Word of God. Find peace in His name. Find comfort in God’s word. Find joy in the trials. Never give up and never quit. Never stop doing good. Never give in to the temptation of this world, but hold fast within the Armor, and be the Christian that puts a smile on Gods face, that makes him proud of you, so when the day comes, we will hear, “Well done my good and faithful one.” 

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The Road Less Traveled 

The Road Less Traveled 

I woke up and the pain was worse than it was the night before. Throughout the day the pain medication just wasn’t working anymore. A call to the hospital nurse on duty led to the decision to visit the local bed and breakfast. That’s what I like to call the local VA. One, two and then three scans later, all I was expecting to find was some gas build up in my right shoulder, a residual from the surgery. What happened next is still difficult for me to talk about. When I do, I choke down my tears, stiffen that upper lip, and keep moving forward. While yes, there was gas in my shoulder, what the scans found was far more ominous. A ticking time bomb, For years I’ve been walking around, living my life, as if there were nothing wrong. How wrong could I have been? That’s how we live our life though isn’t it? Do we ever wake up and consider our own mortality? Is today the day we are to die? No one looking to the future thinks about all the hardships they will endure. People generally consider the future in a positive light, even though our lives are testament to the hardships we endure, our futures in our minds are bright and full of life. Scripture tells us the dangers of making claims of what we might do tomorrow. James 4:13-15. After hearing probably the hardest news of my life, aside from my ex-wife’s affair, I have been faced with the realization that life never goes the way we intend. Instead of traveling this holiday, I will be recovering from a life altering surgery. Who wakes up one morning from routine surgery only to find out the life they’ve been given is in danger of ending because of a silent killer inside their chest? The scans showed that I have an inflamed aorta in my heart. Unfortunately there is only one way to fix it, and that’s to have open heart surgery. The blow to one’s psyche is beyond anything I have faced. Learning of this heart defect has been the hardest emotional battle of my life. The enormous amounts of feeling I have felt is nothing I’ve experienced. Even having gone through two affairs, this emotional trial is not the same. I have felt responsible for causing hardship upon my family. I have felt weak. I have felt scared, and even worthless. I have felt as if my faith is weak, but I know it is not. Heart surgery will not be the end of me. God provided the scans to find it now, rather than me dying one random day from an aorta rupture. Five months ago I engaged in a foot race with one of the youth from church. The hernia on my right side bulged. It put me in the hospital to lead to surgery to repair not one but two hernias. Here in November I have surgery and a week later I have complications which put me in the emergency room. Doing scans to find out if there was gas in my shoulder from the surgery, something unusual showed up, an enlarged aorta. God it seems has spared me, but for what, I do not know. 

In the last few days I have experienced random bouts of crying for reasons unknown. Even though I have accepted what is to come, my mind seems to be working through the heaviness I feel. While I have the utmost faith in God, and trust His plan, the weight is still heavy, and at times feels crushing. How does one reconcile their faith, and the flesh feelings that flood my mind? The enigma of my mind does not escape my attention. “Why, am I crying?” has been a statement I’ve often said recently. What has years of therapy done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. What has years of hardship done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. While people often say, “God never gives you more than you can handle,” is not actually true. That’s not what the scripture says. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” The way to escape, what does that mean? The way to escape is putting your hope and faith in Christ, Jesus. Growing closer to the spirit and allowing the spirit to dwell within you. By placing your joy upon Jesus Christ, so nothing can take it from you.

While I have experienced many hardships in my life, and I have felt strongly about some of them, this particular issue has affected me differently than those before. While my broken heart during my divorce was real, and I had very strong emotions, this literal broken heart is a different kind of emotion. While I do not know the future, I have attempted to make plans after heart surgery. This has allowed me the opportunity to control some of the emotions by building hope into the equation. When we have something to look forward to, it often gives us a positive outlook on the negative event. The silver lining perhaps. 

It has amazing, the apathetic nature of people today. Do we truly not feel anymore? I have been doing what I thought was right, and inform people who might care about me, that I have to have this open-heart surgery. The replies I have received have shocked and baffled me. Most of them, “Okay, praying for you.” Just, okay? Is open heart surgery routine now? There have been little to know follow ups, to ask any other questions. Is this a lack of care about me? Is this a sign of the times that we just grow so distant that apathy is now the rally cry for people? This has solidified a few things in my mind about where I stand with others. Little to no priority. While this may be the truth, or it may not be, it’s the way it looks. I am reminded to keep my focus on the Lord because to Him, I am someone. “You can come to Him just as you are, let him have your broken heart.” (Casting Crowns) 

Feeling welcome or apart of something has always been hard for me. I have often felt like the outcast, that I didn’t fit in. In God’s Heaven, I will fit in. I will find a place I belong. Jesus chose me before the foundations of the world. In him I have hope where he raised my heart from death to life. I walked in darkness without him. I walked by my own set of rules. I walked by my own desires. I was a dead man walking. Jesus changed my heart. Jesus opened my dull, blind eyes to see the truth. Jesus changed my mind to see through the lies of the world, the lies of the deceived, Satan. The faith that can move mountains, and the hope that can withstand the battle waged all around. The greatest miracle of all is the raising of the dead. The changing of a single heart from dead to life. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, no one gets to the father but through Him. While people will fail you, and oh believe me, they will fail you, Jesus never will. We think people should act a certain way. Say certain things, but in reality, people are fallen creatures. It may be, I don’t mean to people what they mean to me. Or it may mean people just don’t know what to say. Either way, all I can do is inform people I think want to know, and let the chips fall where they may. 

There are words from another casting crowns: (Just Be Held)

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

I feel this song is what I’m going through right now. Since 2016, God has given me the right music to provide comfort when I needed it. Today is no different. I cannot sit here angry. Jesus is on the throne, and I cannot control the outcome of tomorrow. I can only control my actions in this moment. I may not be able to control every thought, but my focus being on the Lord minimizes the flesh. Jesus is always enough, and in all things, glory to the one who deserves our prayers, and worship. The one who calmed the storm, healed the blind man, turned water to wine, and defeated death, my praise and worship, into his hands I give my heart. Jesus is always enough. No matter what I’m going through and endure here in this life, Heaven is on the horizon. In a short while, I will join Him in paradise, and all my tears, all my pain, all my sorrow will be a distant past, and eternity is my future. Jesus is all there is. My heart is literally broken, but one day, a new heart will beat within my chest, and today, I will rejoice in being set free from the life I lived. I have faith, and I have hope, and the devil will never take that from me. Jesus is always enough. Let us pray. 

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A Heart In Pieces 

A Heart In Pieces 

The world has done a pretty good job at telling me I’m a nobody. Even the military tells us we are nobody in basic training. When I was a kid I was bullied to the point I wished I was dead. I believed God had made a mistake in creating me. I felt like I had done something wrong. Why would I have to grow up without a father, why would I grow up with a broken mother, and why would I be abandoned in my greatest times of need? As Dax said, “I can’t hide myself, I don’t expect you to understand.” In recent years I had many people come and go out of my life and after a while I found, the only reason they kept me in their life, was the money I could provide. Was I just an ATM, there for everyone’s withdrawal? To me, it seemed like it. The moment I said no they’d leave. When I was in absolute crisis and chose to end the mental anguish by putting a 9mm hallow point through my shoulder, and nearly dying in the process, on accident, while there were some that came to my bedside, I had more get mad at me and left. Instead of showing love I was shown the door. I was broken, and I didn’t know how to put myself back together. I was disregarded as a human, I couldn’t complain, I had to just accept the cards I was dealt and move on, I wasn’t allowed to feel. I wasn’t allowed to hurt, instead I had to be positive and smile through the tears. 

What good am I today? I have questioned God and I have asked why He would put a mission on my heart, but I wouldn’t have any means to make it so. I have looked around my life and I see chaos everywhere. What am I providing? Am I still just a wallet? Am I just a waist of space taking up air? I feel in my heart that I am broken. I feel my body failing me, and the chronic pain wears on me. I feel the world beating me down, and I feel tired. I have looked for help, but I’m left with crickets. Why is life so hard for me? Why is it that when anyone who enters into my orbit their life seems to turn to hell? Is it my fault? Is it something about me that attacks the attacks from the evil one? I feel the thunderous waves crashing down upon me. I feel like the walls are closing in and I am tired. I can’t provide for my family, I can’t afford a home, I can barely afford anything. This moldy tent is all I have to show for my years of service and sacrifice. 

Lord I know you are the strength giver. You are the light. You are the great Alpha and Omega. You are the great physician; you are the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. You are the merciful, and the author of patience, but I need your peace. You are the God of miracles. Your truth tells me to hold on, and those who are yours, no one will ever pluck from your hand. I do not know why I am here to watch as so many face such hardships. The war wages on all around me, and I feel so deeply as I watch lives fracture and crumble, it’s more than I can bare. 

Lord, you are the lighthouse guiding me home. Lord your love surrounds me. Lord your angels are near to comfort my broken heart. Lord your mercy gives me another day. Lord your grace shows me tomorrows opportunities. Lord your faithfulness lifts me up to remember the promise kept. Lord, my hope, my only hope, is to trust you. To know you are in control, to know you are guiding me home, and you guard my soul. 

Lord, my prayer is that in the midst of so much despair. So much fear, and so much anger, you protect me. The storm outside is nothing compared to the turmoil I feel inside. I know Lord, one day I will be with you in glory. Lord, I know one day my body will no longer be broken. Lord, my wounds will only hurt for a short time left. Lord, I know one day you will call me home, and I will be made new. Lord, I know you took the stripes for me. Lord, I know that the only scars in Heaven will be the scars on you, my Lord. You tasted death so one day I wouldn’t have too. Lord, you faced this world, stepped out of glory for me. Lord, my world is broken, but you will make all the old new. Lord, you catch my tears and you hold them. Lord, you feel my tears I cry for this world, in all it’s brokenness. Lord, you give strength to face the day when I don’t know how I will make it one more step. Lord, you take my fear and you turn it to courage to hold the line for you. As the arrows of the enemy fly all around me, you keep me protected, hidden behind your shield. Your sandals on my feet dig in as the enemy pushes down upon me. Amen Lord, while the thunder rolls, you are there with me. Lord, hold fast this Armor, remind me Lord, you are there, you have never left my side, and while I am broken, and bloody, I am still here. Lord, take my broken heart, piece it back together, and let me be a light for others. Let others look upon me and see you. Let me continue to fight the good fight for your praise, your glory, your purpose. 

Lord, forgive me for my shortcomings. Forgive my sins, and show me the path. Show me how I can do more to serve you. I will praise you in this storm, and I’ll lift my hands. Please watch over my family and be with them in their storms. Please protect them from the evil that means to do them harm. Please as I lift my eyes to you, please look down and protect them. Let your spirit comfort their worries, and turn their fear into courage. Lord you are worthy of praise, and worship. Your will be done. Amen. 

Lord, as Casting Crowns put it, 

I don’t know why you chose me, but you chose 12 nobodies and you changed the world. I don’t know why you chose me, but I’m just a nobody, tryin’ to tell everybody, all about somebody who saved my soul. 

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A podcast where we go through books of the Bible one verse at a time.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3r024gS2FRDIbpqnsDwWA

The Best Captain 

The Best Captain 

In the middle of a storm now, the ship tossed by the waves. Daylight isn’t on the radar right now, but this ship’s strong. It’s got the best captain guiding it. The ship creaks as the waves pound against her hull. I look up and see the mast groans as the waves crash over the deck. The sky’s been dark for many nights now. No stars to guide, but somehow the captain knows. We’ve all wondered how He knows, where are we going and how do we get there, when we can’t see? He tells us all He knows the way, and it’ll be okay. The ship’s old, but she’s not done yet. Her bones are tough, as the waves break upon her hull. Aye, the Captain tells us all to be of good cheer in the midst of the storm. “It build’s good character”, He yells from the helm. 

I’ve been on ship for 30 years now, and He’s not driven to land yet. He’s avoided disaster more times than I could count. The deep calls us all, and desires us to break apart in the storms. The deep has a mind of its own, but the Captain’s to resolved and maintains the course to prosperous seas. Sometimes I can hear the darkness beckon to me, it tells me all is lost. The Captain seems to always know, as it happens, Captain shouts encouragement to me. Many years ago, the dark nearly took me. I fell overboard when a rogue wave hit the ship so hard it jeered and I flew overboard. I thought for sure the waters would take me, but somehow, the Captain dove in and pulled me up. He said, ‘Your sailing days aren’t done yet.’ No more words were ever spoken about it, but I knew the Captain saw something in me that day. Didn’t have to risk Himself for me, but ever since, it’s felt like He’s kept a special eye on me. 

The sharks can be seen circling the ship. Do they smell blood in the water? Do they look forward to me being tossed overboard again? Minions of the dark they are. They seem scared of the Captain though. I swear sometimes I can hear the Captain say, ‘not today!’, and they flee from sight. I don’t know or understand the power the Captain has over the seas, but it’s like it bows to His commands. Even though the sea doesn’t always calm, we navigate through the storms and often in the darkest of nights, Captain’s always watchful. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the Captain never sleeps. Sometimes I take the helm, but as soon as I do it seems another storm billows in, and He’s right back on the wheel. He just says, “have faith”. So I let go of the wheel, and give her back over to the Captain.

The storm is raging on, the lighting cracks in the sky, and I can barely hear Captain’s orders. The darkness surrounds the ship, as she creaks and groans in the treacherous waves. Fear of the ship running aground, or breaking up, or worse, I get tossed over, leaves me trembling with worry. The waves crash over the rail, and I take the full force of the wall of water. I’m wet, and cold, fear grips me, and I fall to my knees and begin to cry. Just as I do a hand touches my shoulder. “‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your CAPTAIN. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” Cap knows just what to say when I need it. 

In the eye of the storm, you are in the control. Captain my Captain, I follow you. The sails rip and tear, but you don’t worry. I can’t see beyond the bow of the ship, but you say, “In me have faith. I will steer you home.” I worry about much, but my Captain knows. The tears pour down my face, but I find peace in the word Cap gives me. When the sails are torn, it seems Cap’s love surrounds me even more. I look to the East and I can see a glint of light. I tremble to my feet, and I say, “I trust you, Captain.” Cap looks to me and says, “The son rises, so you should have hope.” 

I sought after my Captain, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. With the Captain on my side; I will not fear. What can this storm do to me?  The Captain looks down and yelled to me, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” I stumbled up the stairs to the wheel, and said, “Cap, I’ve been following for a while, and I don’t even know your name.” 

He replied, “I am who I am. I am the way, the truth the life. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the Good Shepherd whom you’ve heard my voice. I am the Lion, and the Lamb. I am Emmanuel, I am Jesus, your Captain. And I’ve got you. Trust in me, and I will see you through to the end of the age, when I welcome you home, when we reach the shores of my Kingdom. You will then have rest. Till then, we’ve got work to do.” 

I fell to my knees and kissed the feet of my salvation. I arose, and grabbed hold of the rope as the ship teetered in the continued waves.

“Fear Not” Jesus said, and peace fell over me, yet while still in the storm. And I was not afraid. 

Jesus may not stop the storms from happening, but He’s right there with us in the midst of them. We cannot face the dark, and face the demons in the dark with fear. Jesus goes before us, and He is with us. The demons tremble and fear him, and if we lose our lives then life is gained. We must trust He knows which way to go, and we must not try to continue to take the wheel from Him. Let us let go, and Let God. The sun rises in the East, and some day, He’ll return from the East. Faith, we must put our faith in Him. 

Written By: 

Rev. Jacob Keiffer

Right In Their Own Eyes

Right In Their Own Eyes:

Judges 21:25 (NASB95)  25 In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.

It’s no secret what’s going on in college campuses across the country. It’s no secret what’s going on in the country as far as wokeness goes. We see the reimplementation of segregation, and riots, chants calling death to Israel, and the USA. We see wars in Israel, and in Ukraine. What we are seeing is hate. Rampant hate. 

Zephaniah 2:1 Gather yourselves together, yes, gather,

O nation without shame,

Today in this world, we see a twofold issue. One: we have no solid leadership that fears the Lord. I’d say this from either the Left, or the Right. It appears in an age when the rally cry is that there is no absolute truth, which, in itself is an absolute truth, thereby irrelevant. An age when people are making things up, changing definitions at a whim, and in absolute certainty, not fearing the Lord. 

Today in this country, and many countries around the world, the last verse in Judges, and the First verse in Zephaniah 2, seem to be exactly where we are today. How far we’ve fallen from a country based on moral biblical beliefs. While no, not every founder believed in Jesus from the Bible, but the Bible principles are seen in the writings of the US. Constitution, and bill of rights. We’ve come a long way since 1776. While I would have said not long ago, racism wasn’t a big issue in the country, but one largely inflated by the media, I would say the recent events towards Jewish students and people is terrifying, and sadly proves me wrong. Not terrifying because I can’t believe it’s happening, but it’s terrifying because of what I think God may do. 

I enjoy my life, and I’m happy to live in a place where I am free to speak about my God, and the Bible. I’m happy to be able to worship without fear of reprisals from the government. But, and it’s a big but, I am disappointed in the nature of where we are as a country. The level of wokeness and the level of disrespect towards the flag, when college kids chant death to America, raise the flag of another nation, it’s utterly heart breaking for me to watch. We don’t respect the freedoms in the US. anymore. We don’t respect the men and women who died for freedoms in this country.  We’re not a perfect nation, no place is, but we are the oldest living republic, the land of the free, and sadly, so many just don’t care anymore. 

We are truly a nation without shame. We don’t care anymore about what’s morally correct, and go so far as to say what is truth? Haven’t we heard that before? Did not Pilate ask Jesus what is truth? (John 18:38) Indeed, so, when I see kids today being agitated, egged on by outside influences, my heart breaks. I’ve heard an argument recently that said the kids are not at fault, but they just want to fit in. Sadly, this isn’t an excuse for appalling, and sad behavior. I saw that the CEO of “HIMS” applauded the protestors, and the kids participating, and the irony that this man had the ability to make a multimillion dollar company in a place where capitalism still rules. A man who’s gotten rich from having a product. Yet, in the socialist society that they clamor to have, would take more than 50% of the profits for the government to use however it wants. Or, the very left protesting for Gaza is also ironic. LGBT rights in Palestine is not a thing. It’s prohibited. The LGTB community protesting and praising Iran for its role, and yet, you can die for being gay in Iran. You can be killed for showing your hair if you’re a woman. You cannot protest in Iran without fear of death and prison. I saw recently a student said the Constitution described “indigenous people as merciless Indian savages.” Yet, while this may have been said by a founder, people perpetuate a lie, and believe it without ever looking it up for themselves. No, the constitution does not say that. In fact it says this, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” (https://constitutioncenter.org/the-constitution/full-text) And the Declartion of Independence says this, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”(https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript There’s a difference between what a document says and what a person felt in their heart. These documents have given us the pursuit of happiness, and the freedoms to worship and not be discriminated against for it. We were given a moral law from our creator to live by, and this country even through its flaws up until recently had come to a point where people were free to work and pursue their dreams. Now, Jews cannot walk on their college campus safely. As one Jew said on the news, it looked like the beginnings of Nazi Germany just before WWII. How far we’ve fallen. Inclusion, a lie, the truth is, only the ones they want to be included, Jew and Christians, not welcome. 

We have corrupted not only the work done to end segregation, and instead are beginning to institute this again. We are truly destroying what made this country great to start with. Opportunity. We don’t limit people who can work by age. We don’t discriminate based on sex, age, creed, religion, in the work place, yet we are called racist. We stand in the streets and cry for a victim. There always has to be a victim to cry for. 

So, now that I’ve said what we’re doing, how does all this connect with the verses? We have become a nation that does not fear the Lord. We worship the creation and we worship ourselves. We perpetuate lies about how this world was created as truth, even though it’s only a very broken theory. We worship sex, and we praise those who use sex as their way to the top. We worship social media, and we clamor to it like a moth to a flame. We scream about the death of the planet by way of greenhouse gases, yet we ignore how and where the materials come from for the electric vehicles they want. We worship the creation. Today, wisdom lacks. In the days where we have the most access to information, people are the most ignorant they’ve ever been. We march in the streets and show our pride, and we raise the pride flag and display it proudly, yet the Christian flag is offensive. We truly are a nation turning its back on God. Our kids do not know how to think, and think for themselves. They are led astray by theories, philosophies, secular ideals, and what’s wrong is right, and what’s right is wrong. We disrespect the peacemakers, who try to make it safe for us to live. College kids around the country are calling to get rid of the college police departments. We used to fear the Lord, now, the opinions of the Left, and even some of the Right, are in opposition to God’s word. Our leaders do not fear the Lord, and some actively spit in the face of scripture and God.  

As a Christian first, then a soldier, what’s happening around me is heartbreaking, and this is not a strong enough word to express how I feel. In my heart, I hurt for the lost. I hurt for those who face eternal condemnation before a righteous God. We say we don’t need God, but without God we are lost for eternity. Without Jesus Christ we are doomed to face death. The other problem is the counterfeit Gospel leading so many to Hell. So much going on, my breaking heart can hardly stand it. I want to scream it from the top of the mountains to follow Jesus, to trust in Him, to follow Him in faith and fear. I want to save my country, and I don’t want it to fall to destruction like Israel in times of old. I want to send up the flair of distress and get help for my beloved nation. I fought for this nation, and I fear for it. I fear for loved ones who do not know Christ. I fear that the judgment of the Lord is coming and we will soon see his wrath poured out upon this country, or worse, He just turns His back on us. I don’t want to feel like what I’m doing is in vain. I wish I knew if any of this mattered. I wish I knew if the hours of preparation for the podcasts, and the blog actually mattered. Does anyone benefit from it? Or am I the only one? 

Can we say here in America “In God We Still Trust”? I pray for this beautiful and free nation. I pray we see our wrongs and repent of what we’re doing. I pray for the kids who are being inundated with so many lies, and attacks. I pray for the children being exposed to sexuality, and impure ideals. I pray for kids and what their little eyes see. I pray our eyes are opened, the scales fall from them, and we see the Light of the world, Christ. I pray we turn from evil, and we stop celebrating sin. I pray we stop the attacks on the Jewish community, and Israel. I pray we stop the hate. I pray we stand firm on God’s word, and the truth, and continue to share the love of Christ, by telling people the truth. We cannot appease the world, if we are to share the saving word of Christ. If we truly love people, we MUST share God’s word with them. We must tell people the truth. The truth of Jesus Christ is the only hope we have. There is so much darkness, we must pray to be the ever-brightening light poking holes in the darkness. We must stand tall, and stand firm, and hold true to the word of God. As I have said before, we cannot expect morality from an immoral people. We must share the Gospel, and pray the Spirit touches hearts. We must stand up now, more than ever for the Word of God. We must share Jesus with everyone, and pray it’s not too late to repent before the judgment of the Lord comes down upon us. We are truly a nation of heahens, and we need to seek the face of the One and only Holy God. We need to seek Yahweh, the great I AM. We must fall upon our faces in reverential fear of the Lord. We must repent and follow Him. We must not continue on this path like a train headed for a cliff. Let us pray together for this country and pray for forgiveness, and repentance. 

Go in peace and love.

The Podcast is still going well, but I’d love if yall follow me there. I’m going through the book of John, and hope you join me for my weekly podcast. Right now, the podcast is on Monday’s or Tuesdays. And I do a short video at the end of the week. I’ve started doing interviews about Christian life and how and what that looks like for different people in different walks of life. 

Have a blessed week, and share the love of God. 

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thearrowpreacher6920

The Bread of Life 

The Bread of Life 

When we consider what this means, the bread of life, I’m sure many images come to mind. What about living water? In John 6:27, Jesus tells them they will receive the food which endure to everlasting life. Jesus will later tell them in verse 35 “And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.”  Jesus is the bread of life. 

In exodus we see the Israelites in the desert. They begin complaining about their hunger. First point: They complained about their hunger. Instead of complaining about something to God, why not just ask Him. Nowhere in scripture does it say they prayed to God to take care of their needs. No, it simply says they complained about it. They had very little faith, despite seeing the miracles so far performed by Moses, the vessel in which God chose to work. 

Despite listening to His people complain and not just ask, God is a merciful and patient. He gives them manna from Heaven, but with a couple rules regarding this substance. It was possibly some kind of substance to make bread. Here’s why I believe that. If the manna which came from Heaven every day was to sustain them, but only a day at a time, the next time a ‘food substance’ “bread of life” came from heaven, it would sustain them for eternity. Even though God set forth rules for the Hebrews in Exodus, some still didn’t listen. They had little faith in the God who freed them from Egypt. All they were required to do was have faith, and God the Almighty Father would provide their needs, water, food, and shelter. 

We today, are not much different. We don’t pray for our needs, instead we only pray for our wants. We don’t pray for guidance, instead we say, “I’ve got this.” In reality, we don’t want God to be a part of our daily life, we’re negligent in our relationship, or we treat God as a cosmic genie, to only come forth when we rub the lamp to give us our wish. Really, it’s quite amazing God doesn’t wipe us out and start over; how ungrateful we are. The Apostles prayer or as some of you call it, The Lords Prayer, really does tell us all we need to know. 

Matthew 6:9-13

9 In this manner, therefore, pray:

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name.

10 Your kingdom come.

Your will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.

11 Give us this day our daily bread.

12 And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

13 And do not lead us into temptation,

But deliver us from the evil one.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

This prayer that Jesus teaches his disciples is a template. Not meant for repetitious prayer. This prayer shows us each section of what to pray from your heart. 

Who are you praying to? The Father of all creation. God almighty, in Heaven. 

Give the praise: Hallowed: to dedicate, to purify, to set apart. 

Relinquish your own control: God, it’s your Kingdom above, and Your will, will be done here on Earth as your will is done in Heaven. Lord Whatever you wish will be, and I trust you. 

Lord, thank you for your provision, thank you for the gift of life, the bread, the water, that you provide to us daily. 

Lord, please forgive our sins, they are many, and here they are. 

Lord, please forgive those who sin against us, as your son forgave them. Please they do not know what they do. 

Lord please help us face the temptation when it comes. Please strengthen our hearts, that we may not lean upon our own strength, but to trust and lean upon your Son, Jesus. Protect us from the Evil One who seeks to destroy and to separate us from you. 

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. 

When we seek communion with the Father, we should do so with a humbled heart, and a heart of reverence. We should do so with a heart of fear for the Lord. What we should not do, is turn to God in complaint every step of our lives. 

What the Israelites failed to realize is, all they needed to do was to turn to God for their provisions. To trust in God who had already delivered them out of the hands of Pharaoh. But, in all reality, we do the same. We rarely turn to God in prayer, even more rare, do we open His Word to us, and yet we expect Him to jump at the first time we pick up the Heavenly phone and call upon His name. Again, cosmic genie. Sadly, we do not go to God with sorrow in our hearts, that we have not spoken to him in days, weeks, months, or years. What if we’ve never spoken to God? 

Jesus tells us, He’s the bread of life, he is the sustainer that gives us this bread, this life saving sustenance. Jesus said a lot during His ministry, His rescue mission of humanity, and during this time He said that the Father above loves us more than the birds, and the plants of the earth. Our choices in this life lead us down path after path, after path, and when we hit the brick wall going 95mph, we get mad, and turn to God to fix our mistakes. God loves you, but when you mess up in this life, there are still consequences. God will help pick you up, but you still have to deal with wherever you put yourself through, in your own choices. God will give you the chance however, to deal with those choices in a biblical way. How you get out of the hole you dug is dependent on you. 

When we mess up, we have the opportunity to turn to Christ in repentance of our disobedience, our poor choices, our sins, and do things right. It may take time to fix, and it will cause us to live our life differently, and to force change, but God will be there with us. Before Christ, we are dead in our sins. 

Ephesians 2:1-10

2 And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.

4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

We are dead in our trespasses. WE followed the Devil who is the prince of the Earth, and those who follow the will of the world. Once, before Christ, we lived in our lusts of the flesh, being fornicators, idolaters, thieves, liars, coveters, and more. We loved our sin, like a pig in mud, we rolled around in it, and enjoyed every second of it. But God shows us through His son, and by the touching of the Holy Spirit, we are not meant for that life, and He rescues us. God’s mercy and love, through the sacrifice of His son, bought your freedom, to redeem you, and in His life brought us back into right standing with the Father, in His Holy Kingdom. We would one day breathe our last, and when we believe in him, having picked up our cross to follow Him, we would have everlasting life. 

He gives us life, and having taken the bread of life, we are forever changed. We are unplugged from the world, much like unplugging from the Matrix. We no longer sleep, blind to the world, the sins, the evil around us, we awaken from our slumber, and see the truth. Jesus Christ is the Son of God, the only son of the Father, who was crucified, died and was buried. He rose again and made himself known to his Apostles and hundreds of others. He stayed with them for 40 days before ascending to Heaven. When he left, there would be a time when the spirit would join them. On the day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended upon His chosen Apostles, and the Church was built. Jesus is the bread that gives life. Let us turn to God in prayer, true prayer, and be prepared for the battle ahead, each and every day. Let us wear the Armor of God to stand firm on the Word of God, hold fast against the temptations and the attacks of the Devil. Let us walk in peace and reflecting God’s light to every people of all nations, adhering to the command to go forth to all nations and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Scripture gives us all we need. Take the bread of life and be saved, for Jesus is the way the truth and the life, and no one gets to the Father, except through Him. 

Go in peace, and in love, and be courageous. 

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