Tag: Hardships

Would You Care If You Knew The Truth?

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“Would You Care If You Knew The Truth?“

There was a new artist on the scene recently that released a new song called ‘To Be A Man’. In my own humble opinion, this hits to where men are right now. I was talking to my wife in the car recently, and for me, it looks like this: 

A man is either too emotional for people and told to man up. Bury the emotions and pretend like they don’t exist. 

“It’s the circle of life as a man you provide, they don’t know what you worth, till the day you die, and that’s when they start cryin’, then they move on to a man to confide in.” ‘To Be A Man.’ “It’s not about how we feel but what we provide inside that home.” (To Be A Man by DAX.) 

The other man, is that who by societies terms is full of toxic masculinity. To be a man is to be hostile to today’s ideals. As a White Conservative Christian Man I check all the boxes for me to not just be an outcast, but enemy. Today’s society looks to men as if they are worthless. They are not needed, they are not appreciated, they aren’t even wanted. The famous line from Cher was this, ‘Do you need a man?’ She replies, ‘For what? Today there are videos circling the internet of women saying how much they don’t like men, how little they need them, how little they want them around. We have a push in many areas to de-masculinize men, by changing them fundamentally into fem-boys. The future is a scary place, and for the first time in my life I have questioned the idea of bringing life into this world. I have looked at the world, and I am fearful for the future of the kids I tend to in the church. Revelation is a scary place, and knowing that’s where we are going, the only reprieve I have is the knowledge that Jesus wins the war. But for those who may not know Jesus yet, and for those who are perhaps left behind, their lives are not an easy road. The ‘Mark of the Beast’ is coming, and whether it happens in my lifetime or not, it could. This world has gotten dark, and hostile, and sadly, ‘it’s a lonely road.’ 

As the man of the house and the provider, I’m not sure I am doing a good job. While there are meals on the table, and a canvas roof over our heads, it’s barely scraping by. Every day, I’m dealing with chronic pain and it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I have to muster strength that is not of my own to stand in the morning. My will, my strength is gone, but it’s okay, because I was born for this. I was born in 1984, to live in a certain time, to do a certain job, and I know that I am unsinkable. I know that while the blood is in the water, and the sharks are circlin’ round. (Unsinkable: By Sail North) God put me here to fight the good fight here and now. God put me here to take care of an ailing mother. He put me here to be husband to a wife. The Devil circles round poking at my defenses. I am a man and while there are cracks in the armor, you can knock me down, but I’ll always get back up. It’s not I that stands up, but God who stands me up. It is God whose strength flows through my body, and His will that pushes me forward. To be a man is to be a leader, to be the spiritual guide for the home. To be a man is to have the courage of the Almighty God running through your body. I may be bleeding into the water, I may have my sails torn in the storm, but I will still reach the golden harbor of Heaven. I shall reach my destination with my head held high. I will finish the course He put me on, and no matter the hits the Devil, the deceiver, the enemy, the wolves at the gate pound on me with fierce ferocity, I will fight till my very last breath. I will fight and keep fighting till the day God calls me home. My job here is not done, and God, the creator of all is with me, and my mission here, is to do what he has called me to do. I cannot rest, I cannot be complacent in my life, for the enemy circling round does not rest. The enemy seeks to destroy, to break down, to rip the life from my lungs. God the Father’s Son, shed his blood to provide protection for me. The Holy Spirit, and God’s Heavenly Host of Angels fight for me in a realm I cannot see. How grate is our God who fights for me using the greatest warriors ever created. 

I have been blessed to feel the Holy Spirit with me with a physical touch, a warmth and comfort in the midst of battle. I have been blessed to hear the voice of God and feel his electric touch of life, bringing life back to my body. I did not die that day to live a life of peace. I died that day to spark a warrior to life. I did not die that day to live in the pastures sipping tea watching the peaceful sunset every night. I was brought back to serve, the fight, to be exactly what God wants me to be. While my body never died in the medical sense, something in me died that day. Recently I was exposed to an old quote by a famous author. “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” C.S. Lewis. I was born for this. I was born to fight here and now, to continue to fight against the darkness that rises over the land. The Soldier in the Armor of God under fire from the flaming arrows, the millions of arrows fired daily, taking shelter under the shield, then using the sandals of light, advancing. Where am I supposed to be? I advance to where the Spirit guides, let the storm roll on wild, let the fight come, let us not cower in fear, for we were not given a spirit of fear, but one of courage. 2 Timothy 1:7. We can stand firm because while we may look small, a Lioness looks small, till her Lion stands behind her and he roars. We have a great and mighty God in our corner, and the demons flee and tremble at the name of Christ. How great is a name, that we don’t just speak his name, but He is with us, standing over our shoulder, and with God with us, who than can be against us. Romans 8:31. 

The life of a soldier is not easy. It’s a calling for those who do it as a profession. Having been a soldier, having fought in combat, having seen the horrors of it, I know the sacrifice that comes with. Being chosen by God automatically made me a Christian soldier. I was chosen before the first dawn on this world, chosen to live here in this time for a purpose. God makes no mistakes, and he waists nothing. My ship recently may be getting pummeled by the army of Satan, but I know that no matter what, I will make it to my destination. The Golden Harbor, the Pearly Gates, the everlasting paradise with streets made of Gold, an eternity with God, await me. Until the day the Lord calls me home, I shall fight the good fight. I will continue to make life hard for Satan, I will continue to take his attacks, for I know who’s with me. Men, society may not want you, but God does. They may not value you, but God does. Society may not love you, but God does. 

What is it to be a man? It’s to be the spiritual leader of the home. The provider. It’s being a living example of Jesus Christ in our homes. It matters not what society says about being a man, or men in general. What matters is what God expects of you. It’s being a soldier for the Lord, and fighting the fight to keep the family safe against the enemies at the gate, the sharks circlin’ round. It’s a teacher, teaching the ways of the Lord to your family so they may resist the Devil’s attacks. Be an example of Christs love and mercy, and discipline. I’m more than my parts, I’m a child of the King, I’m an Heir to Heaven. I’m unsinkable, I’m unbeatable, for as long as the Holy Spirit is in me, No one can pluck me from His Hands, I am HIS. 

I Can Only Imagine

 By Mercy Me

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine

Arrow Preacher Podcast

https://www.youtube.com/live/jW0NZOq53v4?si=4O2U8ZXJpg2RkuFB

https://youtu.be/FiDeLJqwYAU?si=6aXaDQasGsfAWUfn

This Old Elf

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This Old Elf

Four decades, or forty years. Time slips by in what seems like an instant, but as anyone can see just by looking around them, time is better for some people than others. If I was not a faithful, God-fearing man, I would say time hated me. As one friend put it, ‘if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.’ Time has been hard on me all these years. I have spent much time recently looking back and reviewing my four long decades on this earth. The passage of time is a strange thing, since sometimes it goes slow, and others we seem to miss it in the blink of an eye. But in reality, time moves the same speed today, as it did in the 80’s, 90’s and even the time just after Adam and Eve were banished from Eden. If I was a betting man, I would say, what I’m feeling is fairly common for a newly turned 40-year-old. I’m not sure if most people do this, but in the recent days I’ve been reflecting over my life.

I don’t believe anyone would say I’ve had an easy life. I have been blessed, and am currently blessed, but that does not mean life is without issues. There is certainly something to be said about a family member battling dementia, and the family left to help navigate the stormy waters. Some days are decent, while others are not. When the relationship is already tumultuous, turbulent, it makes that navigation like a first year Lieutenant on a land nav course. 

Are we ever where we thought we ‘d be? Generally, the answer to this question is no. I’d say the vast majority of people’s lives are so far off the track from what they originally attempted to navigate. This doesn’t mean life is all difficult, but I do think reflection can be both helpful and hurtful depending on the circumstances. Reflection is important so we can take a long hard look and perhaps gain some perspective. However, if we stair to long, we may get lost in the despair of rejection, heartache, and disappointment, that may come from looking back. I have a few big moments in my life I have considered what would have happened if I had just made a different choice. Some say our choices define us, and while that’s true, sometimes it feels they often condemn us. The last thing I want in my life is to forever be stuck. I look at my current situation and it’s hard not to feel stuck. It’s no secret that I live in a tent behind my mother’s house. Having needing a place to live after my back injury, my house was packed into boxes and while in need of a place to store it, mothers house was that place. What was meant to be a short stay, has now turned into seven years. In need of some privacy the tent was placed near the house to have power, a larger bed than a twin, a small place to put a desk to work, and some privacy. But it was in no way expected to be a long-term solution. Three years later. Now, when one looks at the current mortgage rates, I cannot pay half or more than half of my income to a house payment. A disabled veteran is hard pressed to own a home on their income alone. Am I a failure? At 40 years old, living in the back yard of their aging parent whose battling dementia, a house badly designed and laid out, making living very difficult, and stressful, and frustrating, I feel as if I have failed. It is my responsibility to take care of and provide for my family, and while yes, there is a roof over our heads, and food on the table, I am able to provide the bare minimum. Am I being too hard on myself? Perhaps.

I pray that in my current state in my life, that this is not a representation of me: 

Proverbs 13:4

4 The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,

    while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Things aren’t always easy, and life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would. The struggles I’ve faced are not easy, but nowhere near the worst they could be. Even with the recent and long-term struggles, I have to find my situation blessed. While I struggle every day with a slew of chronic issues, I know my situation could be worse. I have acknowledged at my current place; I am in no way of fixing or changing anything. It is for this reason, I know that all I can do is pray about where I am, and know that God is in control. Some have called this kind of acknowledgement the serenity prayer. While yes, I am aware of it, I will say, knowing and understanding, does not make the day-to-day choices any easier. 

As I turned forty, I’m not sure what I expected from the day, but I wish I could say it went well. Sadly, the day started off rough, and periodically went downhill. I found myself battling my own disappointments, strong negative emotions, and by the end of the night being hurt and disappointed by the words of others. A day that should have been happy and a celebration, did not turn out that way. I often wonder if people consider the amount of pressure a man has on his shoulders. I wonder if people truly consider how difficult it is for a man to have the weight and responsibility of his family’s spiritual walk, the financial responsibilities for the family, the maintenance and heavy lifting for the family. After all that, you add the man’s hopes and dreams, and know that he will often put those aside for the health, and welfare of his loved ones, he walks alone, silent in his struggle. 

But God, hears his cries. While he does not speak allowed his hurt, God knows and hears the cries coming from his broken heart. Turning 40 isn’t the end of the road, it’s merely the middle. One could say it’s the beginning, since every start around the sun is a new starting point. Every day waking up is a fresh start, as the sun rises over a blank canvas, we have the ability to let God paint us a new portrait. Today isn’t the end, and while it did not go as I hoped, and at the end of the day I am hurt, and disappointed, God knows and if it be His will, He will work it out. I started off the day whimsical and excited. As I end the day, I do so in silence, alone by candle light. How I wish I could boldly go on a starship and explore strange new worlds, and seek out new life. I find myself longing for life among the stars where the motivation of human society is no longer the accumulation of wealth but rather the betterment of all mankind. Where hunger, and homelessness is no longer a thing, and people have their needs and wants met, while exploring and growing humanity. Even being lost in the Delta Quadrant on Voyager doesn’t seem so bad. Perhaps one day. For now, look to one another and show kindness, respect, and above all, show love. We are to love our neighbor as God has loved us. Are we loving, and caring, sharing the truth of the Gospel? Hardships come and all we can do is trust in God, let go, and in all we do, all we say, do so to the Glory of the one who created it all, do so to bring a smile upon God’s face. Let’s release our selfishness and ask how we can serve others, and find joy in bringing happiness and love to a world around us that desperately needs it. 

Live Long and Prosper my friends. Go in Love. 

Hardships Endure 

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Hardships Endure 

It’s no secret that my life has been one of hardships, heartache, and difficulties. Not saying I haven’t had good times, even great times, but as a friend once told me, ‘if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.’ From an early age I have experienced hardships most people at my age couldn’t imagine, and wouldn’t have known what those hardships were called. As I was told, before I was three years old I knew the word Anesthesiologist. By the time I was three years old I had undergone 4 surgeries. By the time I was 16, I had 7 surgeries, and by the time I was 18 I had 9 surgeries. Needless to say, I was familiar with doctors and hospitals. 

By the time I was 19 I had moved several times. One of those times was a move by myself from Michigan across the country to Massachusetts. Each of the times, minus one, I moved by myself away from family. With every move I was left with heartache, and struggle. For most of my life I didn’t feel I had a home, and even now, I don’t have a place to call my own. The feeling of failure has been and is quite real for me. In recent months I have been given a grave diagnosis, and while I have been attempting to manage the emotional fallout, I find myself fatigued. How can I take care of myself, if I am broken and in constant pain. Chronic pain takes a toll on the human mind, and can often cause frustration, sadness, depression, and anger. On a deeper level, the combined aspects of pain, physical issues, living situation, it often leaves me feeling inadequate, worthless. I don’t care much for the idea of self-esteem, simply because we should know and understand our place in this world as broken, sinful, enemies of God. However, on the flip side of that coin, we are also loved and grafted into the Kingdom of God, through the grace and mercy of Jesus. Needless to say finding a balance is important. A balance I have not been doing so well at, as of late. 

When I go through hardships I try to think of a few characters from scripture. The first and most notable is Job. Job’s hardships are quite obvious and extensive. His losses and trials stand testament to struggles for all people. I then consider the trials Paul faced. As a loyal servant of Jesus, Paul faced beatings, stoning, jail, poverty, and ultimately murdered by beheading. Recently however, the person I have been considering most is Elijah. In his pain, he cried out to the Lord to take his life. In his sorrow he did not want to be left alive, as he also felt his surviving was that of failure. 

Soldiers who lose others, lose comrades in battle often feel what’s known as survivors’ guilt. It is said that those who survive often wish their places be switched with those who died. Elijah it seems may have been dealing with some of this guilt and challenges. I have felt this way in the past. When I lost friends in combat, I was there, and witnessed what happened. I attempted to save my friend, and sadly failed to do so. I had intuition of an impending attack, and sadly that did nothing to prevent it from happening. In recent times, I have wondered what my purpose is, and as I have recently been given a difficult prognosis regarding my physical health, I have been put into a position where I’m not sure how to manage the emotional fallout. This recent revelation of difficult times ahead has left me with little recourse, and no control over what happens next. 

In hard times I have grown from a scared 11-year-old, an angry 30-year-old, to a seasoned, faithful servant of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In the past I would compartmentalize a trauma, and move on. This would leave me more broken than where I started and never truly dealt or handled the trauma. Today, I face these problems head on. I look to James who says, count it all joy when you fall into various trials. How can I look at where I am and be in Joy? I have often asked myself, if James were to have been diagnosed with cancer would he still have found joy in such diagnosis? The answer, is yes. James knew and understood who the Lord Jesus was, and in that understanding he knew that whatever we go through in this life, it is temporary. It isn’t why we are going through these things, but rather how we respond to them. With the world watching us in every situation we are in, how are we showing our faith to the people around us? I’m not saying cancer is easy, nor am I saying major life changing back surgeries are easy either, but what I am saying is that, people are looking to you because you may be a mentor to them. You may be someone’s inspiration, or even someone’s curiosity. Here’s an example: 

You go to work every day, and people at work know you’re a Christian. You have a smile on your face, and you talk about Jesus, but life is generally smooth for you. A bombshell hits, and you lose a child in a car accident. This tragedy leaves you devastated, and you become bitter with God, or worse, you walk away all together. Those whom you once shared your faith with, now see you walking away. How strong was your faith, that you would walk away, and what message does that send to those who may have been on the fence to follow Jesus or not? Someone is always watching you, whether it be a friend, family, coworker, or one of the kids from Church. Someone is always watching, and how we deal with trials and tribulations, is more important than the worship we give during times of still waters. It is easy to praise God when it’s smooth sailing, but when the going gets tough, that’s when a persons’ true nature is exposed. I’m not saying we don’t struggle during hardships, but ultimately, how strong is your faith? Are you like Peter on the water with Christ? Faithful for a few moments, until the waves crash around you, and you sink? What did Jesus say? “Oh ye of little faith.” Do we have little faith when times get tough? 

We must work on our faith and focus on our attitude and behaviors, and our emotions. I myself struggle with emotional positivity when things get hard. I struggle to stay away from the pity party I often throw for myself, albeit internally. I hide my feelings from many people, and perhaps share too little to others and sometimes too much to some. As I woke up this morning sore from head to toe after putting up the new tent, I find myself struggling to walk around the house. The pain I feel in my back is more than just sore, different from the sore in my legs and arms. While it’s a challenge to get around the house today, the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to work hard, and do something for my family. The replacement for the tent I have lived in for nearly three years arrived and was in need of being put up. A fresh, brand-new tent with no patches, or holes, no leaks, and no extra rope required. I could focus on the fact I am sore and hurting today, or I could focus on the gift from God, for a place to live. No one said following Jesus was easy, and as we see in scripture, hardships come to all who follow God. All of the prophets in scripture had challenges to overcome, David and Solomon had their own challenges, Daniel and Elijah, had their challenges. Peter, Paul, Matthew, and the others had their challenges, and even death. Do we face hardships like Steven does in the book of Acts? Steven in the face of death by stoning said this, Acts 7:60  “Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep. (Died)” Steven in the last moments of his life, didn’t curse his killers, but asked forgiveness from God to them. It isn’t easy, but we are called to have faith, not just in good times, but in the inevitable hard times. Some people think when you turn to Jesus and you follow him, those hard times will go away, and everything will be great, if you just have enough faith, and tithe. The truth is, this is a false gospel, this is a lie from Satan, that when the hard time does come you walk away from God because it wasn’t as you envisioned. Faith is not easy, and following Christ is hard. There’s a reason it says in scripture to pick up your cross and follow me (Jesus). There’s a reason Jesus tells you there will be trouble in the world, but have faith because He overcame the world. All these things are promised to the believer, and most importantly we know that the path to destruction is wide, while the path to the kingdom of God is narrow, few will enter into it. The path of a Christian is full of hardships and tears, but how great is the Kingdom of eternity, compared to the little while of hardships in this life? 

Today is one more day to do better than the last. Today is a day to rejoice because it is a day the Lord made. We are beautifully and wonderfully made for a purpose and we must turn to God, not to ask why, but in thanks for what we have been given. We have been given life, and an opportunity to Grow closer to Him, to turn to the Father in our time of need, and praise Him in the storm. We know Jesus has the power to calm the storm, but we can’t always expect He will. What we can expect is that Jesus is there with us. Jesus will lead us to the mountain top, or beside peaceful streams, and still waters. Jesus will hold our tears, and comfort us when we are in pain. He will rejoice with us when we rejoice. We do not travel this world alone, and since life is but a vapor compared to eternity with the Father, we should be thankful for the good times, and prepare for battle during the hard times. Face the trials with bravery and courage. Get up each day we are allowed to get up and be thankful for it. No matter where we are, thank God for the opportunity to live our lives worshiping Him and allowing others around us to see God in us. 

God knows what we are going through. God sees our heartache and our hurt. I implore you to bring it all to the table. I beg you, if you are sorrowful, and sad, and angry, bring your weight before the alter, bring it all before a loving and understanding God and put your baggage down. You are accepted before the alter as you are and when you leave everything there, when you lay it all down, and when you surrender to the Lord you leave a different person. The battle is not yours to win, but has already been won by Jesus, our Savior. The battle belongs to Jesus, and while we struggle with life, a place is promised where that hurt, and sorrow doesn’t exist. The burden we carry is not for us, for we are called to trust in the Lord. Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Trust in the Lord and surrender all. Do not carry your burdens alone, for you have been given a choice to trust in God, or try to do it on your own. When you cast your burdens upon the Lord, allow the Holy Spirit to come into your heart, and heal you, change you from the person dead in their sins, but reborn as a believer of Christ. Come as you are, leave changed. 

A Scream In The Car

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A recent night, things came to a head and I found myself about to leave the house on an emergency run to Walmart. Before leaving I had to let out the anger and frustration inside. I took a deep breath and let out the long scream from my lungs. Knowing hardships come and dealing with them does not free us of those frustrations or anger during hardships. Hardships come to all, and as Christians we expect it. Jesus faced unimaginable hardships, persecution, torture and death. James 1:2-4 2 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

The trials I have had these last couple weeks have tested my patience and have forced me to dig deep into my faith. It has been a challenge but I know the difficulties will pass, the storm shall calm, and I will have grown from the challenges and persevered against an enemy that means to destroy me. Have faith my brothers and sisters, and keep fighting the good fight.

Path In The Dark

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Path In The Dark

Recently I was asked why it was I don’t write as much as I once had. Or, why I haven’t written lately. I must admit it was a fairly thought-provoking question. If I’m honest with myself, the reason I haven’t written, or filmed any new YouTube videos, isn’t very flattering. I suppose the biggest part of the question is being honest, and truly giving it thought. It’s always easy to make up something, and blow it off like it’s no big deal, but that’s not being honest, and worst of all it’s not being honest to myself. Sometimes the truth is painful, and it isn’t easy to say out loud. Sometimes it’s difficult to admit what’s been buried or kept deep down. So, what’s the truth? I’ve been afraid as Colonel Jessep once said, “You can’t handle the truth.” 

The truth is, after returning from the war, about a year after, I had a fairly significant break down, which led to me being diagnosed with PTSD. This led to me going into a therapy which at the time was fairly new and revolutionary. I went to the EMDR therapy for several weeks, working on my war time trauma. While this left me better, and in more control over the PTSD, I was left with long lasting issues, one of which was MDD, or Major Depressive Disorder. Not long after I would leave the military due to a knee injury. I would go through some significant problems in the years to come after the military, to include two very rough and hard divorces. So, what does all that mean for me now? Let us fast forward till 2022. This year I have been met with some significant challenges. In march I was assaulted at my job, and left me with a significant chest injury, and ankle injury. The ankle in October is still not back to what it was before March. March was the last time I would work. In June I would suffer a significant knee injury, which still is not healed. Within months of the Knee, I would have a major kidney stone that would take months to remove by surgery, which the healing time has been 5 weeks so far as of this writing. These injuries and illnesses have prevented me from doing most of the physical activities I would enjoy. In August of 2022 I would have a freak neck injury, which recently found out to be a worsening of a bulged disc in my neck, which has been problematic since my neck surgery in 2017. So, as you can see, this year has been one injury after another. 

The next part, I would like to preface, God works everything out. God’s plan is greater than our plans, and his understanding is beyond anything we could ever comprehend. In September I was passed over for a position I had applied for. Hindsight it was for the best due to my current disability status, but for me the hurt was real, and at the time I didn’t know I was going to see my disability status change. Regardless of the change in my status, the hardest part is feeling like I’m no longer needed. I guess I could say for several months I have felt like I’ve been fairly useless. Doing yard work has been such a challenge, that even when I do the work, the toll is very steep. The price I pay for a day’s worth of work around the yard, is two to three days of significant back and neck pain. The emotional toll is worse than the physical one. Feeling like I am useless at church, feeling like my contributions are small and not feeling needed anymore, to knowing how hard it is, and how little I can do around my own home is detrimental. My self-esteem has taken a major hit, and this year, for the vast majority of the year my emotional state has been fairly bad. In fact, my depression levels have been in the severe range for months (as of this writing). 

Depression these last several months has made it difficult for me to do even the most basic of tasks… Laundry, dishes, straightening clutter, vacuuming, dusting. Then there’s the more significant stuff, hanging out with friends, wanting to go do anything, exorcising what I can. There were several months I wouldn’t watch new shows because it required too much thought. Reruns were more comfortable and safer. My self-esteem has been so low I have not had many positive thoughts about myself in months. I looked at myself as being a failure. I questioned my value in life. I questioned my worth and my purpose. 

Most of my depression has been kept a secret. In public I smile, I laugh, I joke, and I say everything’s going fine. The only thing the average person knew was my physical issues, largely because I couldn’t hide them. My depression has been so bad I have had a hard time reading anything new, studying, and even listening to any new podcasts. The only thing that hasn’t been too affected is my prayer life, but even that isn’t where it should be. I have struggled so much, I haven’t been able to get myself to study to film my vlog. 

I have sat back and, on many days, I have had my phone next to me and it never rang. No text, no calls, no messages. I have sat up night after night suffering through insomnia with no one to talk too. I have felt useless, not needed, not wanted, broken, and lonely. 

I am very aware of the spiritual warfare I have been enduring this year. I have been in prayer about it, and I have asked for guidance and His strength to see me through. I have not given up hope, and I do not write because I look for pity, or sympathy. I have learned, sometimes writing is just good for the soul. Sometimes it’s good to put down what you feel to paper. I don’t know where my tomorrow goes, and what I’m supposed to do with it, but I know I trust God and His plan. I know I am not alone even though most of the time it feels like it. Two of the hardest things to deal with is having these new physical restrictions, and feeling like I am no longer needed, which in turn has made me question what my purpose was. Sadly, I am no closer to finding it than I was 3 months ago. Finding that I would be passed over for a job, was hard for me. The fact it happened and it didn’t seem like anyone cared about how it felt. No one asked if I was okay, or checked on me. The day the announcement was made, it was smiles, and laughs, and I was with everyone. It hurt deeply that no one, not one, said anything to me about how it must feel knowing how much I wanted that position. As I said, it’s a blessing now because I’m 100% disabled, but that’s only hind-sight. It was very emotionally painful to go through that. The following months my presence has felt more and more unnecessary.

I don’t know much these days, and watching as my health concerns get worse, and now getting to the point where I need help, I am left with financial concerns for how to take care of my family. I am left with physical concerns, how to take care of the home, emotional concerns, where I am meant to be and what to do. I am a late 30’s year old man, who lives in a tent, on a small fixed income, with a body that’s failing, a purpose that seems to be gone, in a place I feel useless. Whether this is true or not, it’s how I feel. As I said before, I know this is all spiritual warfare and I know God is in control, and I trust in Him, and I still have joy, and I look forward to the day I see Jesus in Heaven. I look forward to the day my body is restored and no longer broken. I look forward to the day when the hardships of my past are no longer a burden to carry. While there are things in this life I still want to experience, I cannot deny the daily hardships. Chronic pain is not easy to deal with, especially when it keeps you in bed. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I will continue to wake up every day the Lord has me in this world. I will continue to ask his grace and mercy, and forgiveness for my shortcomings. I will continue to ask for His guidance and will for my life. I will continue to ask his hand be put over me to give me courage, and strength to keep pushing forward and getting up every day. The mountain of stuff I’ve experienced this year have been considerable, I cannot deny the toll it’s taken on me both physically and emotionally. To say it’s been a struggle has been an understatement. While I still have new physical stuff to deal with, and a crushing weight of emotional hardships, I will keep up the fight and do the best I can. I guess, the moral of the story is, whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. My situation may not be the same is yours, but we all have our hardships to face. Keep seeking God and keep looking to him for guidance. You’re not alone out there, and while I cannot ever promise it’ll get better in this lifetime, I can promise heaven, the promise Jesus gave to us, that all who truly believe in him, repent of sins, and Love God with all your heart, will enter into the kingdom, a place of perfection. Hope is in Jesus, and knowing Him, and growing your relationship with him, well… That’s what’s kept me going. People will fail you. Struggles will befall you. Your body may grow frail, but Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is there, and his promise is stronger than anything known to man. Know Jesus, and let him into your heart. Let him transform you, so that even in the heart of the storm, you have peace, and joy. While I do live with major depressive disorder and other physical issues, I have maintained joy in my heart. Not for another day here on Earth, but that when my job here is done, whatever that may be, I’ll be able to go home. I’ll be able to leave this body, for a new one. I’ll be able to dance with the angels and rejoice over the King of Kings. I have prayed that when I get to Heaven, I’ll have a better singing voice so I can sing praises pleasing to the ear. Dance without pain for the Lord. Be at peace. 

Life was never going to be easy. Living in this world was going to come with trails and hardships, but through it all, Jesus gives us light and hope. You’re not alone and if you need help, reach out to someone. Find someone who can listen. Seek those who would give you Godly counsel. Seek those who will help you bear the burden and lift you up when you need it. Never stop seeking God and his guidance. Never stop the prayers and above all, don’t lose hope. May God bless you, and be with you, always. 

The Danger Zone

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The Danger Zone

When I accept Christ, that means I will have everything I want. When I accept Christ, life will be easy, and smell like roses, and rainbows will spring from my feet as I walk. God wouldn’t want me to suffer in this life. God wants me to have my best life now. 

This is not Christianity. Make no mistake, Christianity is not about the rewards of this life we live. Christianity is both easy and difficult at the same time. Christianity to many is about what we can do for God. How my good works, and being a good person allow me to make it into Heaven. Heaven, a place where everyone wants to go, but as Paul Washer once said, everyone wants to go to Heaven, not everyone wants God to be there. The beautiful thing about Christianity is the simplicity of it. We are born sinners, we are dead spiritually in our sins. We cannot be in Gods presence as a sinner, so Jesus, the Son of God came to lay down his life to take our place as a sacrifice for the repayment of our sins, which washes away our sentence of death. All we have to do is love God with all our heart mind and soul repent of our ways, and know Jesus is who he said he was, our savior, our sacrifice.

So, if all we need to do is to be a follower of Jesus to get to Heaven, why is that so hard? No works can earn you enough credits to pay the toll. No amount of good days, or good deeds can pay or bribe your way into the kingdom. We all deserve death. We all deserve to burn. Our feeble sentiments of what makes someone good is based on a human perspective, not that of a truly Holy God. We judge based on murder, rape, stealing, etc. But the truth is while here those hold different weighted punishments, before God, that lustful look, that little white lie, that tiny selfish idea, that thought of wanting what your neighbor has, all are punishable by death before a Holy God. Matthew 7:13-14 13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 [a]Because narrow is the gate and [b]difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Being a Christian is hard because the world hates you. Being a Christian is hard because when you are remade by the Holy Spirit, your sin becomes repugnant. You begin to hate the sinful nature of your wicked heart. You battle within yourself every day. You are shunned by the world, and you are called names, and in most countries you are hated to the point where you can be imprisoned or put to death. Being a Christian means moving out of the comfort of your home, the safety of your bed, and very possibly being in harms way. If you’re living a Christian life and you haven’t been called names, lost worldly friends, or even opportunities, living in the United States, I can say there’s a good chance you’re not doing it right. Today, within this country, if you follow scripture, and you put God as the final authority on what’s right and wrong, there’s a good chance half the country hates you. 

Some believe that living a Christian life comes with extra grace, and by grace they mean presents. Some believe that if you are a Christian and you plant that seed, you can be wealthy, free from disease, safe and happy in your warm bed. Let me show you what Christian means. Keep in mind, Christ said this, Mathew 16:18 18 And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. Jesus is saying in this world there will be His church, and attacks will come from Satan and his entire army, but nothing Satan does will destroy the church. Meaning Christians are soldiers, we are soldiers in a war, not just of flesh and blood, but of souls, spiritual warfare. Satan would employ evil men to attack and kill Christians, but the church will emerge victorious by and through the power of Christ.  

Acts 7:59-60 “59 And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”

Paul was beheaded in Rome after being stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, and more. 

It is written that James was beheaded along with one of his captorsto.

Legend says Matthew was beheaded in Ethiopia. 

James the Less was likely killed in one of two ways, he was killed by stoning, or tossed from the tower and when that didn’t kill him, he was pinned to the ground and killed by a fuller’s club. 

Matthias was said to be killed by stoning. 

Andrew was said to be killed by crucifixion on an X shaped cross. 

Mark was said to be dragged to pieces. 

Peter was said to be crucified upside down. 

Jude was crucified

Bartholomew was beaten and crucified 

Thomas was tortured, ran through with spears, then thrown into an oven. 

The number of those whos blood has been spilt in the name of Christ is beyond count. There are many more accounts of the brutality that has befallen the Christian. Christ said as many others have also stated, that troubles will come, and if they hate us, remember they hated Jesus first. How can we possible expect not to be in harms way? How can we expect life to be full of ease and worldly blessings, when everything we know of the attacks on the church show the exact opposite. 

Christ said they (the world) would know Christian by their fruits, and the love we show to others. What kind of fruit are you producing? Make no mistake, we are not saved by those fruits, but they are a biproduct of wanting to serve Christ. Are you willing to travel into the shadow of death? Are you willing to give it all up for Christ? Are you willing to fight the good fight? Are you willing to run the race, and go toe to toe with the best Satan has to throw at you? The road to heaven is not for the faint of heart, it’s not for those who want an easy road in this life. But I can assure you, that the reward of such a life is that of eternal paradise in perfection. Heaven is described a little in scripture, but more importantly there is no pain, no suffering, no tears. Mansions and an eternity with the creator of the universe. Life is but a vapor, a minuscule blip in the eternal. As scripture says, put on the full armor of God, and know how to protect yourself. As I say, cowboy up, and get ready for the fight. I may have been a United States Soldier, a Cavalry Scout, but the war in Iraq is nothing compared to the spiritual warfare I have encountered. We don’t know true persecution in this country, but I assure you, there is persecution that puts real Christians in harms way. In other countries they are put to death for their faith. 

This isn’t to scare you, but prepare you for the truth. To be a Christian is to jump onto that highway to the danger zone. To know that Christ suffered first, for us, so we would know the truth. Jesus is undefeated, will never be defeated, and as he overcame death and rose again on the third day, he saves us from death. Come fight this fight with me. Come and fight like those before us. Come and join the ranks of the minority, and trust in Christ. Christ did the hard work for us, he paid the price we couldn’t ever pay for. He will return and destroy evil. He will come again and every knee shall bow, every tongue will confess he is Lord. As for me, I would prefer to come to Christ and bow on my own, rather than wait till it’s too late. Choose life, choose eternal life with the Christ who loved us so much, he put on flesh, came, allowed his creation to spit, and torture, and slay his body. Christ said this, no one takes my life, but I lay it down freely, and I shall lift it up again. What kind of love must that be, to lay down ones life for their enemies. It’s easy to say you can lay down your life for someone you love, maybe even those you like, but to do so for someone that’s your enemy, that’s different. How about laying down your life for the murder on death row, or that child rapist, or the drunk driver that took away someone’s ability to walk, or even live. Would you give up your life for them? Jesus did. Jesus lived according to the scripture, he showed who he was, and the amount of evidence to prove he was who he claimed he was, is incontrovertible, when you actually take the time to look. So, I ask again, join me, fight the good fight, and lets face the wiles, the attacks of the Devil together, and lets go out and share the good news of Jesus Christ. 

Sufficient Is Gods Grace

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Sufficient Is Gods Grace

Today I wake and sore is my body. The work of the day prior has left muscles aching, the rice Krispie’s snap in my body as things crackle and pop. The pain is real but as I slowly get out of bed, I begin to ponder and be mindful of my body. I consider the life of Paul, and I consider his aches and pains in his life. When he was a young man he was adorned in the highest quality clothing, he ate the highest quality of foods, but how quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 22:20 “And when the blood of Your martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by consenting to his death, and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.’

For what it was worth, Saul had a life of peace, and wealth. He would have access to the best doctors and healthcare of the time. It would seem to me that he would have had a nice house, and all the creature comforts money could buy. How quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 9:19-22 (ESV) For some days he was with the disciples at Damascus. 20 And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is the Son of God.” 21 And all who heard him were amazed and said, “Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon this name? And has he not come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests?” 22 But Saul increased all the more in strength, and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ.

We see Saul, converted to Paul, speaking to the Jews, and not only doing a good job, but was proving to them that Jesus was the Christ. His discomfort in life started right away after his conversion. He was once a beloved Jewish leader, and how quickly he went from loved, to having a bounty put on his head, as in verse 23 is says the Jews plotted to kill him. Now Paul manages to escape this death plot, but only a short time later Paul in Acts 14:19-23 shows he would not be able to run forever, and he would indeed be stoned. An event that would kill most people. This would have left his body, bruised, battered, likely bleeding, if not broken. Next we see Paul placed in prison in 16:16-24. This would have likely led to Paul being beaten not only in Prison, but during that section of scripture we see they are dragged, and likely here, beaten also. 

Acts 18:8 Paul is again attacked and brought to a tribunal. After being attacked by the crowd Paul would be released. 

Acts 21:27- Paul is imprisoned again, brought before the tribunal, and offers his testimony. Yet another plot to kill him is born in Acts 23. Paul is still imprisoned making his plea to take his case before Cesar, but in the mean time he is kept in bondage. While on his way, he is shipwrecked on Malta. While on the island he is bitten by a viper that by all means should have killed him. 

Paul is imprisoned several times, stoned, beaten, bitten by a viper, ship wrecked, and I can only assume his body hurt. I can only picture the beatings, and the whippings he received. During his time it wasn’t like there was Acetaminophen, or Ibuprofen to help the pain. Infections, and poorly healed bones were very common in those days. Even with the pain, and the trials, and the suffering God had promised, Paul remained steadfast in his beliefs. Paul gave up his comfortable life for what he knew to be the truth. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

God’s grace is sufficient. What are we looking for in life? Are we looking for the nice house, the fast car, the money, or women? Are we looking for power, and fame? Are you hurt in some way and in that pain you cry foul? Do you think your infirmities are unfair? I have often looked to soldiers whos lives were changed during the war. I look to see them missing a leg, or an arm, or worse. I have seen people with mental disorders, autism, cerebral palsy, or other. I look around the world and see the suffering of people every day. Our sinful worldly mind says “that’s not fair.” As Severous Snape would say to Harry Potter, “Life isn’t fair.” Now you may find this surprising but the term fair in the Bible never refers to fair as in equitable, but rather fair as in beautiful. If we were to get what’s fair, meaning equitable we would be doomed to face the fate of death forever. Romans 6:23 ESV “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

Paul knew this, and even though he suffered, as we see in James 1:2-3 ESV 2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Paul and the others knew suffering in the name of the Lord was an accepted reality. They did not cry that it was unfair, but rather, if anything was unfair, it would have been the need for Jesus to die because of my filthy sins. We do not get in this life what is equitable, or fair, but instead we are saved by grace, through faith, in Jesus Christ alone. IF we got what was fair we would all burn in the lake of fire for all eternity. Is physical pains and aches, fair? Sure it is, because we live in the world of sin, and nothing we face would be as bad as Job, or Jesus. WE see in scripture everything Job went through, and never blames God for it, but remains faithful. We stub our toe on the bed and blame God for putting the bed in our life. We get hurt in relationships and like Adam, “the woman YOU gave me, forced me to do it.” We blame God. We have such short and ungrateful memories that if we’d truly get what we deserve we’d get swallowed up by the Earth and forgotten to the sands of time. 

I’m not saying being in pain is fun, both physical or emotional, but I am saying it’s a part of this life. Can you be in hope that in Heaven there is no more pain, no more suffering? If you are looking towards Heaven and think how wonderful it would be, make sure you know that Jesus will be there. Make sure the Heaven you want is the one with Jesus because if not, the heaven you think you will get too will not be anything you were expecting. The one and only way to Heaven is to know Jesus Christ. The realize you are a wretched sinner, dead in your sins, and we are nothing without Christ. That Christ died on the Cross as an atonement for our sins, and took our place. He rose on the 3rd day fulfilling prophecy, and comes to Judge the living and the dead. Jesus bore our sins, so we wouldn’t get what was coming to us. Jesus who knew no sin, who was perfect in the full sense of the word, took on God’s righteous wrath to punish sinners, and in his death and resurrection, we see that His grace is truly sufficient for us. Our life here in this world is a hard one, but nothing compared to what Jesus bore for us. Our life here is but a vapor, and for those who truly know Christ, will pass through this world, that is not our own, that we are born again, and given citizenship of Heaven, a place of perfection, with no pain, or suffering. A place, where with Jesus we will experience endless Joy. So, is the pain you feel worth it, for just a little while? Does it mold you and guide you to Christ, and to live a more sanctified life? If I suffer in pain for 40 years, it’s a small price to pay to even remotely suffer in this life as Christ did. Paul suffered for the Lord, and did so with a glad heart. Most of us, even those who have seen combat and divorce, and physical and emotional struggles, most of us wouldn’t know true suffering if it bit us on the rear. Go through this life without complaint, without murmuring, and as James said, count it all joy to suffer for Christ. 

Point Of View

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Point Of View 

“From my point of view the Jedi are evil!” Anakin Skywalker. This was when we knew and understood that Anakin Skywalker had truly fallen to the dark side. We see how from his particular point of view the Jedi no longer stood for what they truly believed in, that they were in fact too weak to bring order to the galaxy. A story not too dissimilar then that of Satan standing and turning against God. From Satan’s point of view, God wasn’t doing a good enough job, and be it jealousy of humanity, or not enough attention, or something else entirely, Satan felt he could do a better job ruling over the galaxy and attempted to overthrow God, foolishly I might add. But, in Satan’s story, we Christians, God Himself are the bad guys. We have a hard time understanding that, and moreover we as humans have an even harder time separating truth from opinion, from point of view. 

We often say truth is relative, but that’s a farce. There is no such thing as relative truth. There may be a difference in point of view, but that hardly means one thing is true for someone, is not true for someone else. This pizza taste great, is not a truth, it’s an opinion. Abortion is okay, is both an opinion, but also can be settled by what is true. To some people murder is okay, but as society goes, as scripture goes, cold blooded murder is not. This is a truth. As far as truth goes, it is defined as such “That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.” (Websters) Now, let me preface this by stating we as humans have often said something was true that clearly we were wrong. We have often stated things such as the sound barrier could never be broken, or the earth was flat, or the center of the universe, or faster than light travel is impossible, all of which have now been deemed possible or plausible, or flat truth, pardon the pun. Scripture, however, when examined correctly, carefully, and objectively will indeed reveal truth. For this particular argument I will offer up two authors and Christians, (Former Atheists) who would do a far better job at explaining why this is true. “A Case for Christ: Lee Strobel” And “Cold Case Christianity: J. Werner Wallace”

While point of view is important, and I daresay vital to the discussion, we have gotten so far away from respectful discord, to building walls. I find it ironic that a southern border wall is such a hot button topic for so many, but in the same breath determine that the conversation of Christianity is met with walls. We have gone so far now as to try and live without laws, live without rules, and determine that these things are fluid concepts, and thus by definition fit the term anarchy, “a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.” If there are no true rules, no true right and wrong, then law and order will constantly be under attack from both criminals, and those sympathetic to them. I can show you what this kind of behavior and ideas gets you. 

Once upon a time, and man beloved by the people is hailed as a hero, and welcomed with open arms, and a party. This man was conspired against by the elite and the powerful. The people then were gathered together to witness a trial, charges brought against this man. When given the chance, a swap was offered, the innocent man, or the man known to be a vial criminal, with a long history of crimes. The innocent man was called to be put to death. We today essentially do the same thing all around us. We make choices of innocent and guilty within moments of a news broadcast. We determine guilt or cause before the truth comes out. We have little care or worries about truth anymore. Today if we feel something, then it is right for ‘us’. While of course this is true of some things, which cheese is the best, which football team is the best, etc. This does not have a complete blanket to cover everything. I have been putting much thought into the term truth. Many years ago I experienced an event that I knew was my fault. I believed entirely that I was to blame, and my hurt and heartache was punishment for my wrong doing. I spent so much time believing this as truth, that I missed out on something important. People will say and do things to you, things that hurt, and it’s often done out of anger, but that doesn’t make them true.  Let me explain. When I was a younger man I got married out of love. Foolish, but true. I let go of my dreams, my career, and my brothers for a woman. I would get married quickly, but assuredly and would end up moving across the world to live in another country. After just a few short years, I would find out about an affair, and it would leave my life in shambles, rebuilding, and at a loss. God would see fit to give me someone new, and for a few years we would build a good life for ourselves. Sadly, after seven years together, I would endure yet another affair, and watch this time a my entire foundation cracked and the walls crumbled down upon me. A foundation that was not built with God in the center of my relationship. God was not my foundation, even though he was in my life, he was not what I built my house on. That is the truth. The truth I gravitated too was, it had to be me. I was the one at fault. I was the one that pushed them away. I was the one they choose to leave, and I was the common denominator. I allowed this to permeate my entire body and I accepted it as truth. I let the pain and suffering I was experiencing, alter my perspective. I blamed God for my suffering, and I was angry, hurt, and for lack of a better term, I was a broken man. It’s easy to let circumstances sway our perspective, even if we know the truth. Look at the word happy for an example. What makes you happy, think about it for a moment. For some of you, you thought about a food, perhaps an alcoholic beverage, or maybe someone. Some people might have thought about a new home, or a new job? The thing with all of these, is while there’s nothing inherently wrong with these things (unless the person is not your spouse if you’re married, then yes, that one isn’t part of the discussion. But otherwise, every new home comes with its own set of problems. Every new job comes with a litany of its own troubles. Even relationships come with a new set of problems.

Christmas this year is that for many. Christmas this year as many have called the least ‘Christmasy’ feel they’ve ever felt. I myself have felt this way, but the truth is, we have so much to be thankful for. Our emotions are easily swayed, and because our happiness fluctuates so easily, the voice of darkness easily creeps in when we are not vigilant. I have watched as friends come and go in the past years. I have watched as opinions change, and paths diverge. I would like to say this, may this Christmas bring you healing, and reconnection. May this coming year be a reminder how fragile our lives are. We all have our own points of view, our own vantage points, but we must be able to look past and show love and compassion. If we have learned nothing this year except how important relationships are, and how divided we’ve become. So many opinions floating around, and through it all, we see fractures not only in our country, but in families, in friendships, and it’s heartbreaking. While we all have our own opinions whether or not they are based on facts, we must learn to listen, learn to talk, and more importantly, we must learn to hear. While there are many great and wonderful stories of people coming together to love and help their fellow man, we have also seen a year of great turmoil, and heartache. For a country bleeding, for a country splitting at the seams, one would think we would be coming together. The sad reality is, we’ve let our points of view, our vantage points be a place of contention and we aren’t willing to hear what the other side has to say. We are all to busy walking away from relationships, friendships, or too busy talking to hear. 

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” We must consider what hills do we want to fight for, or what can we let go of? We need to learn to communicate more, and be more willing to sit down and talk. We should not be walking away from meaningful relationships, meaningful friendships, for little cause. Truth is found where there is evidence. Real truth is not subjective, and the truth is we need one another now more than ever. Fellowship is so important to Gods creation. God said to Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. While we cannot meet in person we can still communicate through technology. Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Are we making it a habit of ignoring friends? Are we making it a habit of walking away from people? Are we making it a habit to close doors simply because of an opinion difference? Whatever the cause the question is did we do anything to reason or rectify any wrongs? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

We all have fallen short of the Glory of God. We must be gracious, filled with mercy, and love, and compassion. Let us remember who the enemy is, and divided we are a much easier target. Let us set aside our petty differences, and come together under the blood of Christ, and show true love to one another. Let us celebrate this Christmas holiday for what it is, the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christ our Lord and Savior who was born, raised by Marry and Joseph, ordained by God, led a perfect, sinless life, and was crucified under Pontius Pilate. He was buried and on the third day rose again. He walked with the people for 40 day, and ascended into Heaven. This is truth. This is true, and accurate, and evidence driven truth. Jesus Christ concurred death, and has given us hope. Let us not grow weary of doing good in the name of Christ. Let us be renewed daily of His Spirit. Let us build up one another, especially after such a hard year. Say I love you more often. Hug a little tighter. Speak cheer more frequently, and reconnect with those you’ve been away from for far too long. The Angels said this, Luke 2:10 “Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.” We have so much to be thankful for, and so much to place our joy in, we should be sharing that love to all we can. Despite having such a hard year, every day is a new day, and we are given new chances to do great things with every day. Don’t let the Devil tell you, you can’t, you shouldn’t, you aren’t worthy, you are too far gone, or it’s too late. Don’t allow the lies to permeate your ears and rob you of your joy. From the Devils perspective God is the evil one, and that’s why Satan, Lucifer is truly lost. Emotions clouded his judgment and he missed out on the relationship with God. Don’t miss out in your own relationships with God, and those around you. Rise up, and have a very joyful, and Merry Christmas, because there’s so much, truly, to be joyful about. Count your blessings, big and small, and you too will see, Glory to God in the Highest, and Peace and Good Will Towards All Men/Women. 

In The Year 2020

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In The Year 2020 

I think we can all agree, the year 2020 will forever be remembered as a weird, and in many aspects, a horrible year. Early in the year with the exception of the Corona Virus wreaking havoc in Asia, it seemed like a normal year. By February however I came to realize China was loosing the battle of containment, the government in the US did not take the virus serious enough, and failed to implement containment protocols. The country since then has been burning down. There have been cities erupting into anarchy in riots and protests. There have been Murder Hornets, and country wide fires in Australia. There have been volcano eruptions, earthquakes, and even as recent as August, there has been a Hurricane, and an Earthquake in North Carolina in the same week. North Carolina doesn’t often have earthquakes so it’s odd. There was a massive explosion in Lebanon which nearly leveled the city. There was a major plane crash in Pakistan. Locusts in Africa. Explosions in Lagos, and sadly more. 

With such a polarized year, politicly, economically, naturally, and even the micro problems inside the homes of billions of people worldwide, the problems of finances, food shortages, rising food costs, lowering of gas prices, depression and other mental health problems, there have been a slew of challenges to overcome. Not to mention the polarizing problems over school, masks, and other hot button topics. 

There is no shortage of troubles, in fact, the year 2020 is being used as a measurement of how bad things can get. While there are many who are afraid of what’s going on right now in the world, Christ overcomes fear through us. What is fear? Fear is an emotion response to something we perceive as dangerous or harmful. Fear of falling is actually a fear of dying, because it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the ground. Fear of the water, essentially is not water itself, but rather what’s in it, what you cannot see, or something such as a flood. Fear of fire, again, is the fear of the destruction it brings, or the life it ends. Fear of failure is not living up to expectations, of not amounting to anything, not being good enough. When you really break it down, 2020 has hit most people’s fear in some way shape or form. Fear of losing jobs, losing loved ones, losing homes, stability, or even your health. We are a combined equivalent to the life of Job. When you read the book of Job you see a man who had everything his heart could want, a man truly content with his life. God gave Satan permission to stricken Job with numerous disasters, to test humans resolve of faith towards God. Job loses everything. It is not much different then today. While it was one person who was stricken with all kinds of problems, every one of us has experienced at least one disaster that befell Job. The thing about Job was, he knew the Lord, and he trusted the Lord. While he did not understand his torment, he remained faithful, even despite his friends turning their backs on him. Under extreme circumstances Job maintained his witness to the Lord. Can we say the same? Job was stricken with so much heartache, ruin, destruction, and yet remained faithful and loyal to the Lord. We experience one tragedy and how quickly are we to turn to the Lord and shake our fist, “Look what you let happen!” We yell to the Lord, or perhaps worse things are said. 

I have come to a point in my life where I have realized the importance of seeing when a door closes to move on to the next. Much like the storm troopers looking for the droids in “A NEW HOPE’. Once the door being checked is locked, move on to the next. We too are searching, are we not? We are looking for the route to take, but I question each and every one of us, are we taking the path which is the easiest, or the right one? As Dumbledore is quoted, “We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Of course, we creatures who desire comfort and ease above most other things, don’t want a life of turmoil and hardships. That being said, we do forget that this life is only temporary, and it is eternal glory that awaits any person who accepts Christ as both Lord and Savior. This gift of glory is not for the faint of heart, yet, as scripture said, a narrow road. Many will try, few will succeed. While we are not given a percentage, or even a number of those allowed into the gates of heaven, as some suggest, we know that Christ said ‘and on that day many will call out my name stating Lord Lord, look at what I have done in your name.’ He replies, “Depart from me for I never knew you’ Matthew 7:22. Are we to be one of those people who work so hard to enter the gates of Heaven, yet fail to grasp the point in our hearts? I’m not sure which is worse, those who never knew Christs, or those who did and turned their backs on Him.

It is easy to place blame when something goes wrong. It’s easy to start dropping names as to why things flew off the rails. Someone said this, this person did that, etc. I myself have been guilty of proclaiming ‘God, why are you doing this to me?’ In reality, when most bad things happen as we perceive them as bad, God is in fact not to blame, instead we could blame Satan, Sin, or the harder finger to point, towards ourselves. Bad things happen in this world, simply because it’s a fallen world. While Satan and his demons do play a large roll in falling to the temptations, hearing the voices of doubt, the voices of fear, the voices of mistrust, and lust, and gluttony, and debauchery, we are the ones who must take responsibility not for the bad things that tempted us, but rather for giving in to those temptations. The world under Satan’s rule is designed to tempt you, to pull you away from the Cross. On the day of reconning, we will have to answer for everything we’ve ever done, every choice we’ve made, everything thing we’ve said, all of it. We will not be able to pass blame like the six year old siblings arguing with each other. Simply, here in the year 2020, there’s been a lot of hardships, a lot of heart break, and more. Despite everything, we must still face the fact we are fully responsible for our actions in this life. We as Christians are responsible for the name Christ we claim to hold. We have taken on the responsibility for being set apart of this world, to act and look different. That doesn’t mean just talking differently or attending church seasonally, but rather being that reflective light on the hill. We are ambassadors in this land, and we must act as such, to include our general state of mood. While I’m not saying you can’t have bad days, hard days, or even seasons of depression, but rather, while battling these storms in your life, remember to share the joy that you should always keep guarded from outside attacks. Attacks come every day, from every direction, and this year, we humans have certainly seen our fair share of hardships. I have heard many claim this is the beginning of the end times. While I don’t know, because scripture says we won’t know the time of the Lord’s return, what I do know is we must always be ready for that day.

We mustn’t worry about tomorrow, as “it will worry for itself”. Matthew 6:34. We cannot control the events of the day, yet called to be in our present, so let us instead focus our time on the truth. Focus our time on the things that truly matter. While it is important that jobs matter, and making an income matters, we mustn’t let that steal away our focus to our children, our spouses, our loved ones, or our friends. Relationships are the most important thing. If it isn’t, why then would Christ tell us the most important thing is to “Love our neighbor”. He didn’t say make sure you go to work 90 hours a week to put food on the table. We reap what we sew, but that fellowship, that relationship with the Lord, and our relationships with people are in fact the most important thing. We seem to have forgotten that this year. While we have been called to social distance, instead of personal distance, we have perhaps forgotten that while we are away from work, school, and other social gatherings, that it is in fact, the will of our Father that we remain social beings. It is stated in scripture that our fellowship is important, and we shouldn’t forget it. We must remember to remain safe, but through technology we have been given a wonderful gift of communication. It is the sword of the Holy Spirit we must hold on to, and through the forging of our minds, and our spirits, we must venture through this year, and into the next, ready to battle against more divide, battle against more racism, more sexism, more discrimination, and at the heart of it, more hate. Every passing day where we do not keep out such things, we fall prey to the roaring lion seeking to devour us. As said in scripture, it is not against flesh and blood we battle, but against principles, against the power, against the rulers of darkness. Ephesians 6:12. We must pick up the sword which is the word, and hold it high so our enemies may see the glint of the light emanating from it. We must rise above the lies, and the deceits told by Satan and his demons. The sword is more powerful than any weapon ever forged by man, and it is the living truth, the Holy Book, written as God’s love letter to us, instruction in which we must follow, guidance for when we are hurting, a compass for when we are lost, correction for when we are wrong, and the punishment for those who fail to accept Jesus Christ as both Lord and Savior.

Yes 2020 has been a hard year, but it has been so much more than just difficult. For many this year, they have had to learn to reinvent themselves. For many their faith was put to the test. For many, they walked away from church and haven’t returned, and won’t. This year has strained relationships, strained wallets, fractured families, and even a nation. It has become evident that the foundation in which this country was founded has cracked and changed. We have seen disruption come in every aspect of life, and God has used this horrible virus to get our attention. Will we turn our backs on Him? Will we bend a knee and bow a head? Some, sadly have simply put, given God the middle finger, and have chosen to double down on their lost, sinful behavior. We must remember what scripture teaches us. If we are to correct, first we must remove the plank from our own eye. Then we are to do so with kindness and compassion. More precisely we are to do everything in love and with love, and through love. We cannot simply say, ‘I’m doing this because I love you.’ If we are not kind, and gentle, yet firm and patient, we have not truly understood what it is to love. Even though Job went through horrible things, he knew God still loved him. Even though God allowed horrible things to happen to his child Job, God felt deeply for what Job was going through. Just because bad things happen to you, doesn’t mean the Father doesn’t also hurt for you. When you take your child to get braces, or a shot, those pains are temporary, but necessary. You as a parent also hurt when your child hurts, and sometimes in their life they are going to hurt. We cannot always stop our children’s hurt, and we can’t always be there for them every step of the way. Let me put that another way. It is not always in a parents best interest for the child, to stop the hurt from coming. Pain is what allows us to grow. Pain in making our own choices. Pain in growing. Pain in other people’s choices, but no matter where the pain comes from, as a parent you know you will stand with your child. Even the best of parents in this life will never measure up to the parent God is. The perfect Abba father. The one who knows all, sees all, and understands all we go through. Scripture tells us this pain on earth is only but a while, but compared to the joy in eternity it is nothing, just a whisp of smoke. We must be patient in this life and expect more difficult years, and yet, even in the difficult years, we must take the time to appreciate the majesty that is this world the Lord has given us. What am I trying to say? Stop focusing on all the negative in your life and stop and appreciate some art, stop to appreciate a song, stop to appreciate your favorite show, your family, your friends, your life, and the time the Lord has given to you. Every breath is in fact a gift, and we must learn to be more grateful, than doubtful. We must learn to be more gracious, and have gratitude for every good gift that comes from our loving father in heaven. Keep on pushing on, and as always, God Bless you this holiday season.

The Light On The Hill

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The Light On The Hill

Surviving is something I don’t think we put enough emphasis on. We joke about stuff like, ‘I survived black Friday.’ And while this is true, technically and in some cases, legitimate, it most often, is an exaggeration of a set of circumstances. Once in a while though, someone will go something truly difficult and, in those difficulties, we often look inward, ‘am I a bad person?’ I have talked to survivors of rape and for many it took a long time for them to take the blame off of themselves and place it with the attacker. Survivors guilt is similar, ‘it should have been me.’ It seems, and this is of course from a layman’s perspective, that we tend to carry burdens that we should not. 

I’m very guilty of this and sadly not just once, but over and over in my life. Starting off from childhood, I blamed myself for the bad things that happened in my life, even to the ridiculous, where I would have had no way to stop the event from happening. In time I would be called on a habit, and that was living in a victim mentality. Not to detract from the events themselves, but a change in the frame of mind was needed. Technically it was true, I was a victim of a lot of very awful things. But when someone beats cancer we don’t call them a victim of cancer, no, we call them a survivor. We as a society have started shifting the mindset of surviving rape, instead of being a rape victim. We must truly start to look at our lives as what we have survived, thus looking at each event from a positive perspective, rather than a negative one. Now, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that just because you call yourself a survivor means it will heal every wound, it won’t. Healing takes time, and one thing that has been proven is by changing the mindset about an event, may help speed up the healing time, or, it may allow the wound to heal more thoroughly. 

Recently, I was given some advice. A few years back I made a choice, and that choice had dyer consequences. My choice, nearly cost me my own life, but it cost the relationship of nearly a dozen people in my life. I have shied away from talking about this even very often in general company. It’s both, not something I enjoy talking about, but also something that may bring a mix of emotions and judgments. This fear of rejection, and judgment has given me pause to discuss it. The thing is, the advice given was to use what happened, instead of hiding from it. Advise I analyze here. 

For so many, people are self-defined by their traumas. We often define ourselves by something, For years I defined myself as a veteran, or before that a soldier. I defined myself as married, divorced, married, divorced, broken, a Christian. Are you an athlete, an artist, a doctor, a teacher, etc. When we define ourself we risk writing in our brain of who we are, in a way the job we have, or some status is truly a defining feature of who we are. Our actions define who we are. What we do, not what we are underneath that defines us. Scripture tells us, Matthew 7:16“Ye shall know them by their fruits.” This is referring to the many people who would come, being false prophets, wolves in sheep’s clothing. Scripture goes on to say to keep an eye on the type of fruit being born of those kinds of works. I will say, while something may look good right away, give it time, allow the true nature to shine. People have gotten good at packaging an evil or corrupted message, to make it sound good, but over time the vinier fades, the rust shows up, and the light shines on the darkness revealing the secrets. 

We all have a chance, an opportunity to allow the awful things that happen to us, to be used for the glory of the Father. We all have the opportunity to use the pains we feel, and turn that pain into strength. So many people allow that pain to fester, to become an infectious agent inside their soul. When I think back to characters such as Jeremiah. Here you have a guy, he’s been faithful for a long time telling the people of Jerusalem the fate that will befall them after years of them failing to listen. Now the time of reconning comes, and the final warning Jeremiah gives is to the people is to surrender and live. Of course, this doesn’t go so well with the army and the officers tell the King, let’s kill this guy! The King of course did not want Jeremiah to die but also didn’t want to have the army officers turn on him, so the officers took Jeremiah and threw him in a well with no water, only mud, and he sank. This guy, trying to do the right thing, trying to proclaim the word of God, and what does he get for his trouble? He’s tossed into a well to starve to death. Eventually Jerusalem is captured and he survives the siege. 

Let us look at another character. Lets take a look at Paul. Paul is a man who was filled with anger, and hate, and with all that malice, he was given permission to hunt down and imprison, or kill, Christians in the city of Damascus. Paul, or as he’s called before Damascus, Saul, is blinded by the Lord and confronted by Jesus Christ. In the years following his conversion, Paul is faced with one horrific event after another. He would not only face emotional traumas, but physical as well. He would be beaten (multiple times), stoned, imprisoned (multiple times), ship wrecked, bitten by a viper, and eventually beheaded. Here’s a man who left wealth, prestige, power, and comfort, for what he knew to be the truth. He moved from comfortable to miserable, but in misery, he grew strong in faith. He never stopped sharing the love of Christ. He never stopped sharing the truth that is Jesus Christ. He was willing to die for that truth, and he knew through revelation he would die for the name of Christ, a fate he never feared. He chose to stand on his faith, no matter what the world would do to him. Christians are called to be Ambassadors, meaning we live here, but are not of here (Earth). Yes we are humans, but our place is in Heaven for eternity. Do we allow our light to shine despite the world? 

It isn’t easy to smile in the face of steep opposition. It isn’t easy to be positive when a hurricane takes your home. It isn’t easy when the coworker lies and gets you fired. It isn’t easy when your ex-wife is so angry she makes decisions that truly have the potential to destroy everything you’ve ever worked for. It isn’t easy when the husband has an affair and rips a family apart. It isn’t easy when cancer take the life of a loved one. The list of course is endless, to the potential life changing, devastating events that happen to people around the globe every single day. No matter what the event is, at the end of the day, regardless of the pain you feel, if you wake up at the next sunrise, you have survived. I am in no means down playing the hurt, the physical feeling that the emotional can leave behind. I have been in several of those examples I gave, plus others I did not list. I know full well, and good, how hard it is. But, what I do know is the Devil has not taken one thing from me, my salvation. The Devil will lie to you, and tell you all kinds of things about how you’re not good enough, or no one can ever love you now, or you’ll never make it to heaven with the past you have, etc. The Devil cannot steal your joy, and thus, cannot snuff out your light. Does the light go out on some Christians? Sure, it does, but here’s why. Spiritual warfare is an every day battle. If you don’t wear your armor every day, and if you are not in the word of God, allowing Him to renew your spirit, yes, the world can be heavy. If you do not buckle in for the long road, you can be beaten down, stepped on, crushed under the weight of the world. The Devil cannot steal your joy if you guard your heart. Your joy should shine the light of Christ, and it should do so as a survivor. We saved, are promised eternal salvation, a fate we did not earn, one we don’t deserve, but through grace we are saved from the fate we do deserve, death. See, we are survivors, we survive the grave, we survive the eternal death, the damnation promised for those who deny Christ. If we are truly survivors, and have survived the worst outcome of all, why then do we choose to remain labeled as a victim. Never once did Paul call himself a victim of such events. 

2 Corinthians 11:22-31 22 Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they the seed of Abraham? So am I. 23 Are they ministers of Christ?—I speak as a fool—I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. 24 From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness— 28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation?

30 If I must boast, I will boast in the things which concern my [d]infirmity. 31 The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who is blessed forever, knows that I am not lying.

Never once does Paul complain about his suffering in the name of Jesus, because he knew, as I am trying to tell you, Gods got better plans for you after this life. You can look out your window and see a world on fire, I think we’ve all seen what’s been going on in this world right now. We see a world torn, on fire, divided, famine, storms, but through it all, this broken fallen world, is not the end for us. We must be the beacon on the hill. We must be the light that snuff out the darkness, not the production of the light, but we are the moon to Christ’s sun. If Christ is the light, we must be the reflection of that light in the darkness. We must be the hope people in darkness sees. We must look different and every chance we get tell people why. We must remain lit, not hiding under the bed, not under the basket, but held high. We must not allow our joy to be extinguished. Stay firm in the Armor of God, and get ready for darker days ahead. We are survivors, not victims. We must tell the world, tell everyone, and be a billboard the Truth, Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior. Jesus saved a wretch like me, deserving nothing, deserving death, but instead through the blood, I am given new life. Those who accept Jesus, repent and put away the old selves, shall have eternal life with God. Survivors. We all have hardships, and yes those hardships leave scars, and like a cast for a broken bone, sometimes we need to get help for the emotional scars also. Remember though, Christ is the ultimate healer, the great physician. 

Do not spend time pitying yourself, stand up, dust off, and rise up with Christ beside you. No matter where you are, shine brightly with the Lord with you, shining, always be the reflection of the Son, who died and rose for you.