Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to Ashes

We often don’t think much about the draw of time on our bodies, or about time itself. I’ve been taking some time to think about what it was God said to Adam in the Garden of Eden just prior to his exile: 

By the sweat of your face

You will eat bread,

Till you return to the ground,

Because from it you were taken;

For you are dust,

And to dust you shall return.”

— Genesis 3:19

You must work, and work hard all the days of your life. You will eat the product of your work till your days end. This is the curse on which the human race is forced to live. Our lives are bound to the linear decay, a beginning, and an end of time. We face tomorrow with optimism, even though we have seen the perpetual onslaught of unanticipated trials and tribulations. While some people may plan for the future to have some struggles, it’s the reality that life will throw untold amount of struggles our way that we will never truly be able to plan for, or avoid. How do we handle life’s day to day struggles? We must face our lives with dignity and strength. How though is this done? When our struggle is the nature of time itself, we must understand our lives are truly only in the present. 

Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow, that it would worry for itself. Our lives are the moments in which we live. Sure, we can plan for tomorrow, but it’s the here and now, we must truly focus on. The little muscle in your mouth, what is said, how does it make others feel? What kinds of hurt does the tongue cause, and the damage does it do once those words are sent into the air. We cannot undo, nor can we live in the past. We often get stuck in a moment in time of the past. When I was a younger man, I experienced trauma, after trauma, after trauma, and in my own way, unbeknownst to those around me, I too remained trapped in moments of time. As a child, I learned how to use compartmentalization for every incident I faced. In a moment of weakness, a total loss of control, I faced my own mortality. A moment in time, when for a second, time seemed to stop. In that moment, the culmination of my failures tumbled down like castles built on sand, drowning in a tidal wave of regret, disappointment, and pictures of the trauma running through my mind. My world fell apart in a moment in time. But, since then, small moments have built upon one, and then another, and eventually life changed, and we rest upon today, this very moment where I am typing one word after another. I have survived trauma, after trauma, and several life changing events. I have overcome some pretty big obstacles as I have faced death head on, and God pulled me through, not myself. I do not have the power to beat death, but God has the power, that in me, He overcame the death of a soul, and as far as my physical body, God has seen fit to bring me through the brink of death, now many times over. A few weeks ago, my heart stopped as I lay in bed, aware the pacemaker would stop, and aware the inevitable outcome would likely be my heart stopping, and I would feel it slow, the world around me would fade, and black would surround me. The brink of death was upon me, and I had no control over it. When the time comes in our lives, the end of that verse will play out, from dust we came, from dust we shall return. God knows the date each of us will be conceived, and He knows the date we will draw our final breath. It’s this knowledge we must face the truth, there are only two things that truly matter in this life, our faith in Christ, and the people in our lives. 

On a regular basis we neglect the people in our lives by the things we say, the things we do, or more aptly, the things we don’t do. In reality, do we love others the way we should? Do we show that love to the people we care about? Do we show up when they need us the most? How do we spend our days, and what do we spend our days doing? What is it we focus on? What is it we put our time and effort into? These things often not only take our gaze off of our so called loved ones, but our Lord also. We have so little precious time with our loved ones, and yet we are derelict in our affections. Not only do we have sin in our lives against a Holy God, that sin goes out against those in our lives. Is the idol in our lives appointments? Is the idol in our lives, sports, work, alcohol, drugs, sex, or something else? We often fill our lives with stuff, and it’s that stuff that takes our focus from God, and the people in our lives. We let these many distractions of the world remove us from the lives of the people we once cared for. Days turn to weeks, turn to years, and we’ve all of a sudden lost track of people we once loved. The years creep in between, and before you know it, a car accident, an illness, something makes all the stuff we filled our lives with seem worthless and meaningless. How did we let so much time go by before we reached out? How did we let so much time go by before we told that person how we felt? How do we let that much time go by without talking to God? Time is not an ally, it’s an enemy. We can neither reason with it, or do anything to buy more of it. When time is up, it’s up. What did we do with the time that was given to us? Did we use it wisely, or did we waist it? Did we use the time God gave to us to glorify Him, and to share His gospel, to grow the kingdom? If we are evaluated on our time management, how well do we score? When sharing the love of Christ is the card in which we are judged. 

This is not a new perspective of mine, but rather one that has presented itself to me multiple times in my life. Having so many near death experiences tends to do that to a person. The difference now, rather than in my past, is in my past, I was the victim of hardships, rather than the survivor of hardships. My surviving, is not of my own doing, but the will of God. The will of God in my life is that He be glorified in my trials. Much like Steven, or Paul, Joseph, or Moses, praising God in the storm is how they got through it. Today, in this time, many people only praise God when life is good, but the moment something takes away that good feeling, God becomes the enemy. The reality is, we face a very real enemy in our lives, and it isn’t God. We are in a battle, just one we cannot see. All around us there’s a battle for our souls, and our lives. Demons roam this world sewing chaos, deception, and dissension among the mortal men. Angels go around nurturing those in need, bringing peace, and comfort, wisdom, and guidance. The war for our souls is won in Jesus Christ, because the end of time is already written, but today, here and now, we are still in the battle. Do we stand ready to fight in the here and now, or do we allow the world to dictate terms? Do we fight for what God told us to do, by loving one another thus fulfilling the Law? We are to love, and love takes effort. Love takes nurturing a baby fire, or a raging fire, but always tending to its needs. If the fire is left unattended, just like my fireplace, the fire will go out. Love takes action, and when we love the people in our lives, it takes action to show them love. How do we show up for them? Is it a text, or a call, a visit, or a card in the mail? With today’s technology, we have never been able to reach out to someone more easily to keep in touch, yet we have never been more distant from one another. Our own brilliance has been used as a tool by the Devil to separate us. Sadly, it worked. 

If heart surgery has taught me nothing else, it’s to cherish every moment. I myself am not afraid to die, in fact, in many ways, I long for it. That is not me wishing it would come today, but knowing what my tomorrow brings is something I long for. To have a glorified body, without the pain, without the tears, or the suffering of this world, but to live in paradise with the creator of the universe. The problem with death for a believer, is the hardships your absence brings to those who loved you and those you love. Sadly, I have seen it too often where the death of a friend is the catalyst that brings people together. It’s death that brings friends and family together who haven’t seen one another in years, who haven’t talked in that time. Death reminds us for a fleeting moment, that we haven’t talked in forever. Yet, in our day to day, we do nothing to change it. My wish for you is to look at your life and seek after those whom you love. Do not take time for granted because it isn’t your friend. Time slows, nor stops for anyone, and it bends it’s will to only our creator. What are you doing with the time given to you? One day we will return to the dust in which we were created. We cannot fight our expiration date. We may be able to extend life, or even push death back a little, but even those things are predestined by a Holy God. My open-heart surgery did not take God by surprise, and it is not lost on me that given this happened 30 years ago, I would likely have died. I was predestined to experience everything over the last few weeks, and how I handled them, do my actions highlight Christ, yes, or no? This is the biggest question I must answer for. Am I showing, and sharing love? Are people my focus, or is it other things? All these things I will answer for, along with my sins upon the day of judgment. Today is not the day I die, but perhaps, it’s the day I die to myself. Scripture tells us to die to one’s self, pick up thine cross and follow Christ. Carry that cross for all the world to see. Let the world know that you die to yourself, allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell inside you. Bringing your soul to life from the dead man/woman, you were. Being born again, and realizing the true bondage is that of sin, and that through sin, the world has a hold on you. The world tells you a load of lies, and we live according to them. What it means to be successful, to be beautiful, to be liked, or respected, but the biblical replies do not match with that of the world. Following Christ means we live different, we look different, we act different, we become different then the world. Our priorities change, and with that change, our relationships begin to change. Let us never forget why we are to love, and let us never forget what it means to love. Love is to lay down ones life for a friend. Love is to love like Christ loved and died for the church. Love is to be patient and kind, never jealous, never bragging or being arrogant. It never acts unbecomingly, and does not seek to lift up ones self, but lifting up others. It is not provoking, nor is it provoked. It does not keep track of the wrongs done, but washes away the wrong as our sins are washed away as if the slate was made new. Love, loves and rejoices in the truth, as it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. Do we truly have the guile to say we love others like this? Many cannot say they truly love their own spouses like this. Yet, this is what we are called to do. This is how scripture defines love. This is the love we are called to love one another and our enemies, yet the smallest argument ends friendships. We face an enemy that is crafty like no other, and he wants to destroy you, to break you, to separate you, and ultimately, to devour your spirit, separating you from God. Satan uses time as his ally, and a weapon against humanity. While he cannot control time and space, he can entice us to forsake friends and family, and ignore our responsibilities. Sadly, we allow this to happen time and time again. 

I hope you read this and you find the time for old friends, and existing ones. I hope you find the time for your family, your spouse, your kids, but most importantly, that you find the time for God. My prayer is that you will seek God daily, and you give God the time He deserves. I pray you let go of worldly things that do little for your life, but does a lot to pull you away from important things. I’m not saying it isn’t okay to have hobbies like bowling, or fishing, hunting, or other things, but use those things to grow your relationships, or use those things to grow closer to God. While you’re fishing do you talk with God? While your bowling, do you share Jesus with your team, or the team next to you? While your kids are at soccer, do you let Jesus flow from your behavior? Let us use the time we have better. Let us continue to seek Jesus, and then share Jesus. Let us love others like we are truly called to love one another. Let us remember who the true enemy is, and focus on preparing for battle, because make no mistake, the next battle is right around the corner. Those who do not prepare, will be unequipped to handle it. We must be ready to fight, to hold fast, and know the word, so when the temptation comes, you can be ready with the word of God. Whole Armor of God, a soldier ready for the battle and never out of the fight. We fight till the day the Lord calls us home. Till that day comes, may God bless you, and may the Holy Spirit fill you, and let your cup fillith over.  

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The Longest Road 

The Longest Road 

Sometimes God sets us on a path where we walk alone. Not alone in the sense God is not with us, but in a sense where the word friend seems far away, and acquaintance is a stretch. In today’s world where we can facetime, call, text, message, or email, the idea of communication seems foreign. When was the last time friends got together for dinner or lunch? When was the last time you checked on a friend? It seems as time ticks by, the inevitable fall off occurs. I remember a song many years ago, called Friends by John Michael Montgomery. 

Friends

Get scattered by the wind

Tossed upon the waves

Lost for years on end

Friends

Slowly drift apart

They give away their hearts

Maybe call you

Now and Then

But you wanna be

Just friends

The truth is, this isn’t just something that happens to ex-couples, but friends in general. I’m curious though, what about in scripture? 2 Timothy 4:16 16 “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them.” Paul here is gracious to not place blame, or even hold a grudge. It’s sad really that he would be left for his defense alone. At some point, we all are. In 2016 when I put that bullet through my shoulder, I felt alone. The truth was, I had people I could have called, but didn’t feel they’d be of much help. I was in crisis and obviously wasn’t thinking straight anyway. Today, while I am not in crisis, I do find myself feeling more and more alone as the weeks go by. Who do I turn to when I feel like I’m fighting these demons daily. Who do I have to help me bare my burdens. The one solace I have is knowing Christs words he spoke to the Apostles are just as relevant for me as they were them. “Lo, I am with you always, even till the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20B. I will admit, while I have grown in my faith, my understanding of scripture, and my trust in God, it’s still hard sometimes seeing Him in my life. In recent months, even when I know God was at work, there has been so much hardship. Sadly, between the hardships, and the mysterious disappearance of those whom I used to have to talk to in my life, I have looked to find empty chairs. I have often heard you should have that one friend you can call at two in the morning and they’d be there no questions asked. Perhaps I just don’t see it, but I don’t believe I have that person. 

As I have felt the deepening loneliness since I found out about my father was no longer alive, and the failure of life I feel crushing down upon me. He’s dead and he died without ever knowing me. He died the same year I joined the military. His family knows nothing of me, minus the two people distantly related to him. Even they don’t speak to me. I am left to navigate my feelings, which I have safely locked away in a closet so I don’t have to deal with them right now. With everything going on with my surgery, and complications after it, and the tent having major issues, and not being able to afford to get my own place to live, I feel so many awful, negative emotions, that I struggle to breathe. Recently after having a hard day, I ended up having a panic attack. It had been years since I had one, which of course compounded the negative feelings I was already having about myself. The struggle is very real, and while I know this is all spiritual warfare, the feelings I have are very much real. The question I suppose is the most relevant, is what do I do about it? 

Count it all joy, is what James wrote, James 1:2. Sometimes it’s hard to count all trials as joy. When the isolation is very real and the silence is loud, it’s hard to sit down and watch the days tick by, as if I am spending a life sentence in isolated prison. When the only communication you get these days is from people looking for something. How can I be the person people turn to for money? How is it, I am the one with the bleeding heart to help others, when I can’t even help myself? I have been to the darkest of places and back and I know that even though this life is bleak, God is with me. People will fail you, as they have failed me, but the poor reflection of Christ in this world, is not a representation of how good God is. Satan has found a way to isolate me from others, outside of my efforts, and I know that while I do feel the loneliness, and I do see it in the reality that is my life, I stand here strong in my faith, and resolute in my convictions. I see this isolation as a victory over the deceiver as I realize this is his feeble attempt to break my spirits. The more I preach and teach about God, the more I try to interrupt his business, the more he will lash out at me and my family. I’ve stood in absolute darkness alone at the end of my life, and God saw it fit to pull me back from death, and give me a new path. God breathed life back into my broken body, and spared me for a purpose. While I do not know what that may be, I know that I will continue to serve Him, a righteous and Holy God, because He is the only one worthy of praise and worship. Do I feel alone on this road? Sure I do. My phone barely rings, and when it does, it’s mostly people seeking something I don’t have. 

When did we become a society where friendship no longer holds any meaning? When did we become a society where we forsake one another and turn to cliché’d excuses. Most of those excuses are “I’ve been so busy”, “I forgot”, “I haven’t seen my messages”. These excuses on the surface seem innocent enough, but in reality, they become the go-to message to lighten the blow of apathy, or negligence. Most people today fall within the two categories. We as a society have become apathetic to the needs of others, or we simply have become neglectful of them. The third option is people just don’t care anymore. Either way you put it, we have become bad at lifting up one another. We’ve become intentionally ignorant so that we would not be drug down by the struggles of others. In my own life I have heard “I just don’t want to be around negativity.” I heard this while I was struggling through an affair my ex-wife had, and I was losing my home, and had major neck surgery all at the same time. Their excuse was that I was being negative. To me, that would be like if Job’s friends stepped out because of what he was going through. Sometimes negative things happen, and people just need support while dealing with it. The truth is today, we as a people, and sadly even as the church, would rather stay out of it, we would rather look the other way, than to stand with someone in their struggles. 

Sometimes things happen, and people do leave, for whatever reason. No matter the reason, assuming you’re not the actual cause for it, if you find yourself alone, remember that God is with you, and you do not walk alone. God has sent many angels to be with you, and to help you through. You may not see them, but they are there. God has used angels since the dawn of people, to help them, to minister to them, to reprove them when necessary. God also sends the Holy Spirt to be with you, to dwell inside your heart. You are not alone and while you may not have anyone to talk to in the way of a person, you can always talk to God. We have a misunderstanding today of what prayer is. Praying doesn’t always look like the Lords Prayer

Matthew 6:9-13

9 “Pray, then, in this way:

‘Our Father who is in heaven,

Hallowed be Your name.

10 ‘Your kingdom come.

Your will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

11 ‘Give us this day [a]our daily bread.

12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13 ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from [b]evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]

While this is only a template for your prayers, this is simply giving you an outline for your prayers. We can talk to God like we’re talking to anyone else. We can let God know what’s bothering us, what we hope for, what we’re thankful for. Walking alone is like the footprint’s poem. Just because you can’t see God’s footprints doesn’t mean He isn’t with you. We must take a moment and think about this. The sovereign of the universe is right there with you. You cannot see him, but he’s there. God takes time to be with you, to listen to you, to comfort you, and sometimes He sends help from the most unusual ways. Let us hear God, and know that sometimes we do walk the road alone, and no one is with us, but when no one’s with us, that gives us the perfect time to talk to the Lord over all. It’s hard living life without other people in it, but God is never far away. 

Be with God, and let God be with you. Rejoice in your blessings, and count them one by one. Sing praises to the Lord even for things we may perceive as bad. We really don’t know good or bad, but God knows. Love God, and love yourself. God made you beautiful and in his own image. He pieced you together in your mothers womb for a purpose. Live your life because it does have meaning, even when you endure hardships. Go in peace and in love. Life is but a journey home, embrace the journey. 

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The Arrow Preacher Podcast: The Truth Will Make You Free

Jesus talks to the Pharisees and tells them the truth makes them free, but they have hardened hearts and do not see the Christ.

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John 8: 31-36
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Protecting Our Witness (podcast)

Join me as we do a short podcast; talking about our witness, and keeping forgiveness in our hearts.

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: Friday: Protecting Our Witness Podcast
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Death and Life

Death and Life:

Genesis 3: 16-19

16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;

In pain you shall bring forth children;

Your desire shall be [e]for your husband,

And he shall rule over you.”

17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:

“Cursed is the ground for your sake;

In toil you shall eat of it

All the days of your life.

18 Both thorns and thistles it shall [f]bring forth for you,

And you shall eat the herb of the field.

19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread

Till you return to the ground,

For out of it you were taken;

For dust you are,

And to dust you shall return.”

We are born, and if we are blessed enough, we may live 100 years. The life we are given is a gift, and it’s often filled with stories of love, success, tragedy and failure. As I lay in bed this morning, I looked at my hands. I noticed the small changes where a few more wrinkles have appeared. Time it seems, is catching up to me. Life truly is a gift, a time we can make choices, and those choices lead us to situations, and further choices, and so on. Some of our choices, lead us to wonderful experiences, marriage, children, beautiful landscapes. And sadly, sometimes our choices lead us to substance abuse, homelessness, broken marriages, or circumstances out of our control place us on a bridge, that’s hit by a cargo ship, and the end comes. For dust we are, and dust we shall return. Tragedy may strike at any moment. 

For believers, we know that when the end comes, our time here is over. It does not matter what we had planned, or left on our bucket list. When the Lord calls us home, no amount of money, or fame, or power, will stop that from happening. The end comes for all believers and non-believers alike. 

Having had several close calls in my life, a very, very near-death experiences, I am all too familiar with the term, ‘life flashed before my eyes’. As I have tasted the bitterness of death, I have of course not died, but for some reason, yet to be revealed to me, I was spared from death. Sadly, in my life I have known many, who have not escaped death. Death for a believer is not something to fear, but for those left behind, it’s a bittersweet. For those who do not believe, death may be devastating, meaningless, and can often crush a person to a point where they are no longer recognized by friends and family. 

Jesus tells us that he is building and preparing mansions for us in Heaven. He reassures us that if it were not so, he would not tell us. This gives the believer hope that death is merely a transition. Revelation tells us that in paradise, in Heaven, there is no more sorrow, no tears. I am reminded of what is known as the shortest verse in scripture, ‘Jesus Wept’ John 11:35. Jesus here is seen weeping. While it is likely true that he weeps for his friend, I believe it is much deeper than this. Why would Jesus weep for his fallen friend, knowing he was about to bring him back to life? Jesus here weeps because of death itself. He weeps for the sorrow death causes to loved ones. He weeps for the fallen man, brought in sin, and those who would not ever come to know him, but suffer death over and over again. Jesus wept also because he mourns with those who morn. Lazarus would rise from the sleep he was in, to show the world the power of God, but would ultimately die again. Put yourself in the shoes of Lazarus for a moment. You’ve just died, were buried for four days, and now you’ve been brought back. First, we know what Jesus says in John 11:25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. 26 And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”. Lazarus is given a rare opportunity, to postpone death, and continue on with life. How precious is the gift of life, and how priceless is our time. Of all people, Lazarus would know. But he’s not alone. 

As I have taken a quick glance this week, I saw a tragedy out of the Philippines where a bus and a truck collided head on. There was a survivor, but for whatever reason, no one was either able or willing to approach the person to get them away from the burning vehicle. And of course, at 0130hrs this morning, a cargo ship collided with the Francis Scott key bridge. Death comes sometimes when we least expect it. I have learned over the years, having seen this happen close to my own life, that we must cherish the time we are given. Sadly, I see people around me don’t share the same passion as I do. I have come to realize the people in my orbit are probably sick and tired of me. On average I send out 15-30 messages a day, checking on people. I share a post, or ask how they are doing. I do not say this to grant sorrow, or sympathy for me, but merely show that time here and what we do is relevant. Out of those 15-30 messages, if I’m lucky I may receive one or two messages in reply. Most don’t reply at all, even days to weeks later. Some may ask why I still message them, day after day, or at least weekly, and the answer is simple, obedience. With this fast-paced world, it’s important that we know people are there for us. While communication has made the world smaller, it’s also made us more isolated than ever in human history. When texting first started, I can remember talking to 4-5 people at the same time. People were genuinely interested in keeping in touch with others. I can remember being on the phone with people for hours. I can remember when Facebook and Myspace were new, I would get random posts on my wall. Now today, I don’t receive phone calls, texts, or even views on my podcast, by friends, albeit a small few. How we have changed as a culture, and a society, where the friendships we once held in such high regard have passed into distant memory. And for what? 

It’s often said that the one regret from the death bed is not taking more time to spend with loved ones. Why is it we have to be dying to figure that out? Why is it, someone has to die for us to think it important to take the time to spend with people we care about? Sometimes I feel like I’m on an island alone in this revelation. I cannot be the only one that knows Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Our days are numbered from before the earth was formed. Each of us has an expiration stamped on our foreheads the day we were conceived in the womb. And yet we carry on like we have all the time in the world. How dare us squander the gift we’ve been given. WE ought to know better by now, but sadly we are stubborn and never learn. James 4:13-14 13 “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” We are told and warned in scripture, and we see it happening in our lives every day, but we still either in our negligence, or conscience decision, choose to forgo friendships, and family, as we get ‘too busy’, to spend 15 seconds to reply to a text, make a phone call, post on a wall, or have dinner with anyone other than your immediate circle. 

We should take the events of this morning as a reminder that while we still draw breath, we have a choice of what’s important. While living life brings obligations, sports for kids, meetings, and many other things, we should not forget that while those things do exist and are important, nothing is more important than the connections in our lives. As Scotty said “Well, like you always say, if something’s important, you make the time.” (Star Trek: Generations) How important are the relationships in your life today? Are they important enough to send a text to that friend you’ve neglected for far too long? Are they important enough to schedule a dinner and spend quality time together? Or that family member that’s been long removed from thought? Let us not neglect, not just the assembly of church, but the assembly of family and friends also. No one can get through this life alone, and we have allowed ourselves to isolate and be influenced that all the junk is more important than loved ones. It’s not too late to send that text, or make the phone call. Let us use the time we have to lift up one another, to bare one another’s burdens. Let us sharpen one another, and edify one another. A moment of kindness is free, it costs us nothing. Let us love on one another, support one another in their (godly) endeavors. Let us remember to take a few minutes a day and be there for one another. Let us not wait till it’s too late, and then we are filled with regret and grief for not acting sooner. Today is a gift, and tomorrow is not promised. 

Go in peace, and love, and may God bless your path. 

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At Years End 2022

The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.

Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.

The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?

2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”

Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.

Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.

Finding Value

You will never be able to please everyone. You will not always be valued by everyone. You may question your own value, your own place in this world. You may feel like you’re all alone in a sea of people. You may downplay your worth. You may feel ignored or pushed aside. The truth is, this isn’t uncommon. These attacks of spiritual warfare are designed to wedge between you and the Father. No matter how you feel, the reality is sinners cannot be the determining factor of your value. Sinners will always let you down, and fail you. Our value comes from Christ alone. We have value only because Christ values us. It’s the love Christ gives to us that makes us valuable. There is sentimental value on us even though we are enemies of God. It’s here we find ourselves. Not by which the world says we have value, which is selfish idol worship, but rather in the Love the Father gives knowing every intricate part of us, since He knitted us together and knew us before the formation of the universe. Do not fall victim to the fancy and shiny lure of the world, but understand what true love is, what true love looks like. That’s where you’ll find your real worth, your real value. That’s where you will find true love.

The Truth Is

The days tick by since I heard from you last. I check in because I know, I know the struggles you’ve had. I send a message, then another. I finally realize you’d seen them, but still, I wait for what seems to be forever, and still no reply. How many times must I wait? How many times will we talk about how it makes me feel? How many times will I wait and wonder, wait and question, wait and think it was me? How many times will I be made to feel it’s my fault? How many times will I be made to think I expect too much? I have spent a lifetime being made to feel I wasn’t good enough. I have spent a lifetime being left behind, tossed aside. I have spent a lifetime being told I just wasn’t good enough. 

The truth is…. The truth is, I have spent so much time thinking the worst of myself. While it’s true I deserve Hell, and I have never and will never be good enough to grace the gates of Heaven, the truth is, while I am not worth saving, I am saved by grace, not of my own value for the sake of having value, but I am valued because God the Father values me. If God can see my value, and see my heart, and you, all of you, cannot, the problem is not with me, but sadly with your own hearts. How many hours have I devoted to sharing love with you, to share God’s grace, and hope with you? How many times have I watched the self-destructive path? How many times have I heard the apology and the promise of change? How many broken promises have I heard? How many times have I cried over loss, one after another? How many times have I beat myself down over feeling I was never good enough? 

The truth is…. The truth is, it’s been too often. I have forgotten the nature of our hearts. I have forgotten the true place we belong, and the true master in which we worship. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” We fall upon the worlds stage and we give in to the lusts of our heart. We follow the world and we obey the master the Devil in such things. Those who do not know Christ serve the Devil in his ways. Some people want to use you. Some people want nothing to do with you. Some want power over you. What comes from within? What lives within us all? Mark 7:21-22 21”For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:” We are foolish creatures, we are selfish creatures, we are blind sinful creatures. 

The truth is…. The truth is, it isn’t your fault. Sinners gonna sin, and for me to expect so much from someone still plugged in to this wretched world, I cannot expect change. I cannot expect behavior that is against that which is born out of evil and wickedness to change. See, it isn’t you, no, not just you reading this, but so, so many people. This message goes out to all. How do we treat others? How do we send messages without sending messages/ Do we give one excuse after another? Perfection is not what’s asked for. Apologies are no longer being sought. Forgivness is what I offer here. I can’t sit around and hope and wait for change while I am the one hurt over and over, expecting this next time will be different. I can’t sit around wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I can’t sit and wonder what I had done wrong for you to not want me around anymore. I have been broken so many times I wonder what it is I feel now. I can remember feeling so deeply about things in my life, and now the scar tissue, the wounds surrounding my heart and mind make even the most obvious responses seem strange, far from me. The person I was seems gone, and lost forever, but my hope is in Jesus, and one day, I will be healed from years of neglect. I have a long way to go before I recognize myself, but I cannot hold on to friendships that aren’t trying to hold on to me. I shall not burn a bridge, and my door will always be available, but like a busy party, I shall quietly let myself out. I will walk away, and I shall attempt to hold my head high. The Holidays are hard, and feelings are like a live wire, sensitive to the touch. I turn my collar to the cold, as I walk away from the frigid feeling deep within. The bright son awaits to warm me, to touch my heart, and heal the wounds within. No longer can I be held captive to the lies of the Devil. No longer can I listen to the voice of fear deep within. The Devil has lied to me my whole life. The trials I faced, the hurt inflicted upon me, the hurt that is still being inflicted, I cannot allow. I cannot voluntarily take upon more cuts that are not mine to bare. A fool I have been thinking I can fix all those whom I encounter, that walk-in darkness. A fool I thought I could be a hero, a white knight. Thankless, and indeed pride, I shall let go of, and humble myself before the Lord of Lords, and beg for a sentence deserved to be commuted. In the light I saw tomorrow, a future not what I deserve, but rather one of hope, and not the darkness all around. The cancer grew deep inside, and I seek the physician to remove this sickness from me, and replace it with a new heart. 

The truth is… The truth is, I forgive the hurt, the pain, the careless neglect. The truth is, I let it go, and I forgive, not because we are deserving of forgiveness, but I trust as Jesus said “forgive them for they do not know what they do.” So, as my Lord has forgiven me, as I shall forgive you. Peace and love be upon you, and I pray for the light to find you, and pull you from the dark hold you are in. I pray Satan’s grasp upon you is broken, and the light of the Son, Jesus, makes the demons retreat in terror, and you are set free. I pray, and I pray, in love. The truth is… The truth is Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. 

A collection

Busy:

Busy busy our lives are

So fast goes the clock, so fast the sun moves till it’s dark.

Where did the time go, all the work, the day slips by.

We run and run, appointments, and clean, eat, and work.

Ding goes the phone, a message to glance at. But busy busy, no time.

Sleep comes, and flies by.

Jingle jingle goes the alarm. Check the phone, and off we go.

No time to reply, we must go go go.

Days go by, and busy still, so so busy.

Scrolling through facebook, post this, post post that.

Bills, and work, cook, and sleep.

Buzz buzz, the phone says a message. A glance, but to busy to reply.

Tick Tock:

The time tick by, work, and t-ball, lunch, and laundry, post post to Facebook, online for a bit, then off to sleep. Days days, and weeks to months. How quickly it goes, but all the days, and nights, who’s over there? Who’s on the other end? Tick-tock we can’t go back, the time goes by, who’s there? Ring ring, goes the phone, no answer, no answer. Too busy, or unimportant….. ring ring, but silent, empty, no answer, no nothing.

PSA: Please remember that not everyone is vocal about their struggles. Some struggle in silence. As a nation we don’t like to talk about mental health very much. We don’t like to talk about depression, bi-polar, anxiety, etc. Some people truly suffer in silence. They may go to work, go to their kids games, even have a social media presence, but please know, millions truly do suffer in silence. Be kind, tell your friends you love them. Tell your family how much you appreciate them. Keep showing up and speaking love into the lives of those you interact with. Life’s far too short for us to simply stay in our lane with blinders on.

Faith:

Faith doesn’t always come easily. When times are good, it’s simple to be thankful and happy. When times are bad however, how quickly do we loose our faith in God. We faultier when relationships end, when sickness comes, or when a loved one is taken from us. It is in these times I myself have fallen short of the cross. I have lost sight of who the Father is. Anger, frustration, confusion, and so many other emotions can cause us to forget that Gods will is perfect. God is sovereign. Will we understand? No probably not. But we live in a fallen world. We live in a place that was corrupted and remains corrupted by the blackness of sin. Jesus lost his earthly father at a young age, so we know he understands our pains. Jesus was forced to leave home at the age of two. He lived abroad away from his people in a land not of his own. He understands our sufferings. Faith built on Jesus is built on the rock. It’s foundation should be strong. Do not let this world, do not let Satan, fracture your foundation or tear you away from God the father. Hold strong through the storms. You are not alone in your struggles.

Sometimes:

Sometimes people move on, they don’t call anymore, or write, or text. Sometimes this comes gradually, or all at once. Does this hurt? Sure it does. Sometimes people change, they change their views, their priorities, their opinions, their faith, does it hurt? Sure. Sometimes people you once knew, turn their backs and walk away. Sometimes people talk behind your back. But, sometimes there are friends who stick by you through thick and thin. Sometimes a friend calls out of the blue to just see how you’re doing. Sometimes a friend sends a card, or a text just to say hello. No matter where you are, on any of these things, remember that while we were but sinners, enemies to God, Jesus gave his life to pay the ransom for our sins, our transgressions. WE cannot hope to be perfect, and nor can we expect sinful people to be so. People hurt people because we are hurting. Our sin drives us to make horrible choices, sinful, selfish, dark choices. It is in our sins we find the failings in others, but also in ourselves. While we will be hurt by others, it is vital to our own spiritual health, to forgive those who trespass against us. We must forgive as our savior asked for our forgiveness to what we had done. In our short comings we must fall on our knees, repent, turn from our sinful ways, and beg God for forgiveness. We must never forget what was done on the cross for us, and as such, the next time someone turns from you, walks away, or just isn’t the friend they should be, forgive, and be gracious. Love all, and pray for your enemies. Never loose sight of the one relationship that matters most, Jesus loves you, and was a willing sacrifice so we might live.

Starving:

I eat and yet I am hungry. I drink, and yet I thirst. The addict gets their fix but a hunger, a craving that comes back, time and time again. We are driven by our sin, the lusts of the flesh. We want the worldly things, from women, to power, money, toys, fame, and whatever else you can think of. But it’s more than that isn’t it? It’s wanting to be liked. It’s wanting to be accepted. It’s not wanting to be alone. There is so much of this world we hold onto, but it leaves us what? Wanting more. It reminds of the pirates from “Pirates of the Caribbean” and in it Barbossa says this “But the more we gave them away, the more we came to realize. The drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, nor the company in the world would harm or slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were. But now, we are consumed by it.” Aren’t we consumed by our very sin? In fact, Jesus says this John 4:13-14 “13 Jesus answered, Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” Let us never grow weary of taking in the Holy Spirit. Let us never forget what and who is with us every day. Let us never forget what the world has to offer is but temporary, but that from God is eternal.

Good Thing God Loves Me

Good thing God loves me.

I’ve spent quite a while praying about this, and I keep coming back to the same thought process. It’s something I’ve spent time praying over and I have come to realize, I’m blessed to have Gods grace and love. Scripture tells us we are dead in our sin. That means we are in a coffin and not drowning out at sea looking for a safety ring to be thrown to us. We don’t often like to think of ourselves as dead but in reality we are serving a life sentence. In the end comes our judgment, our sentence. Do we die, or live. See, justice was dealt and Jesus took the punishment for those who would seek him. For everyone else, well, the future doesn’t look so bright for them. The thing that I have struggled with is the works because of faith. Scripture tells us that we will be recognized as those who follow Christ by the fruit of our works. Not that we are saved in works, but the new creation in Christ we are compelled to do works in the name of Jesus. The thing that gets me is how fickle we humans are. Let me give you a scenario and I’ll let you decide. I will preface this by saying this is only one side of the story.

Here’s a young man, who meets a young lady. They fall in love and have a wonderful relationship. That relationship though romantically fades over time, the friendship lasts. The young boy goes into the military and becomes a man. Through the time spent serving he would buy the lady a car, pay off bills, and through the years be as close a friend as possible. Even so much as becoming a godfather to her first born.

Now, you would think or at least I would think, that would create a strong bond, and a desire to keep a friendship alive? Well, I was wrong.

This adds to a long line of people coming and going. The sad truth is we all fall short of the glory of God, but that doesn’t change the hurt. It isn’t that faith was placed in people, but more like the expectation that your car will start in the morning. Scripture tells us to never grow weary of doing good, but I say, sometimes that’s incredibly difficult to do. Love is one of those things that If we could truly do it, than we wouldn’t have conflict. Scripture tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. That being the case, If we truly loved we wouldn’t hurt people nearly as much. But alas we are lowly, wretched sinners. It’s hurtful to see people you care about leave. I’m not sure what’s worse knowing why someone leaves, or being ghosted. Sadly, as this event plays out over and over in my life, I’m left watching this rerun over and over again. It never gets easier. The one saving grace is where I am with my faith. I turn to the father in prayer and ask for their peace. Not knowing the why, all I can do is pray for them, and pray for healing. As I eluded to earlier, it’s hard not growing bitter. It’s even harder not to press these feelings onto new friendships. I don’t believe that eventually everyone leaves, I can’t, because truthfully that would be emotionally taxing, draining, and cruel.

I’m not sure why I’ve had so many people walk out of my life. I’m not sure if it’s me, or if I attract a certain type of person. Either way, all I can do is drop to my knees and pray about it. Pray for peace of mind, and a healing heart. I can’t and won’t lie and say I’m alright, but I can say I will be, perhaps someday. It’s one thing to say that I’m used to being hurt by people leaving, and the feeling of abandonment goes away, but that would not be true. While I am used to it, the pain doesn’t get any better. And it takes everything I have plus some to fight the urge to put up walls around my heart and mind, to protect myself from people. Why get close to people, or let anyone in, if they are just going to leave? It’s a valid question but one that cannot sit on my heart. I cannot place the sins of others, upon people I’ve never met before. It is not right to place a burden upon someone for the acts of another. Sadly people do this all the time.

I know I am a sinner, and I know I’m saved by grace through faith in Christ. Ultimately it’s love. The love of God that shines down on me, even though I don’t deserve it. I can only hope one day, I’ll find my life was worth something. My love language, one of them is affirmation. Something we don’t often get in our lives. This is a driving factor for me I’d say, that if I can arrive in Heaven, and find that my works in the name of Christ were pleasing, that the Father will one day look at me and say well done, that would make all of the pain worth while. My heart today is heavy. This I cannot deny. Peace is found in the love of Christ and that’s where I must turn.