A Heart In Pieces 

A Heart In Pieces 

The world has done a pretty good job at telling me I’m a nobody. Even the military tells us we are nobody in basic training. When I was a kid I was bullied to the point I wished I was dead. I believed God had made a mistake in creating me. I felt like I had done something wrong. Why would I have to grow up without a father, why would I grow up with a broken mother, and why would I be abandoned in my greatest times of need? As Dax said, “I can’t hide myself, I don’t expect you to understand.” In recent years I had many people come and go out of my life and after a while I found, the only reason they kept me in their life, was the money I could provide. Was I just an ATM, there for everyone’s withdrawal? To me, it seemed like it. The moment I said no they’d leave. When I was in absolute crisis and chose to end the mental anguish by putting a 9mm hallow point through my shoulder, and nearly dying in the process, on accident, while there were some that came to my bedside, I had more get mad at me and left. Instead of showing love I was shown the door. I was broken, and I didn’t know how to put myself back together. I was disregarded as a human, I couldn’t complain, I had to just accept the cards I was dealt and move on, I wasn’t allowed to feel. I wasn’t allowed to hurt, instead I had to be positive and smile through the tears. 

What good am I today? I have questioned God and I have asked why He would put a mission on my heart, but I wouldn’t have any means to make it so. I have looked around my life and I see chaos everywhere. What am I providing? Am I still just a wallet? Am I just a waist of space taking up air? I feel in my heart that I am broken. I feel my body failing me, and the chronic pain wears on me. I feel the world beating me down, and I feel tired. I have looked for help, but I’m left with crickets. Why is life so hard for me? Why is it that when anyone who enters into my orbit their life seems to turn to hell? Is it my fault? Is it something about me that attacks the attacks from the evil one? I feel the thunderous waves crashing down upon me. I feel like the walls are closing in and I am tired. I can’t provide for my family, I can’t afford a home, I can barely afford anything. This moldy tent is all I have to show for my years of service and sacrifice. 

Lord I know you are the strength giver. You are the light. You are the great Alpha and Omega. You are the great physician; you are the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. You are the merciful, and the author of patience, but I need your peace. You are the God of miracles. Your truth tells me to hold on, and those who are yours, no one will ever pluck from your hand. I do not know why I am here to watch as so many face such hardships. The war wages on all around me, and I feel so deeply as I watch lives fracture and crumble, it’s more than I can bare. 

Lord, you are the lighthouse guiding me home. Lord your love surrounds me. Lord your angels are near to comfort my broken heart. Lord your mercy gives me another day. Lord your grace shows me tomorrows opportunities. Lord your faithfulness lifts me up to remember the promise kept. Lord, my hope, my only hope, is to trust you. To know you are in control, to know you are guiding me home, and you guard my soul. 

Lord, my prayer is that in the midst of so much despair. So much fear, and so much anger, you protect me. The storm outside is nothing compared to the turmoil I feel inside. I know Lord, one day I will be with you in glory. Lord, I know one day my body will no longer be broken. Lord, my wounds will only hurt for a short time left. Lord, I know one day you will call me home, and I will be made new. Lord, I know you took the stripes for me. Lord, I know that the only scars in Heaven will be the scars on you, my Lord. You tasted death so one day I wouldn’t have too. Lord, you faced this world, stepped out of glory for me. Lord, my world is broken, but you will make all the old new. Lord, you catch my tears and you hold them. Lord, you feel my tears I cry for this world, in all it’s brokenness. Lord, you give strength to face the day when I don’t know how I will make it one more step. Lord, you take my fear and you turn it to courage to hold the line for you. As the arrows of the enemy fly all around me, you keep me protected, hidden behind your shield. Your sandals on my feet dig in as the enemy pushes down upon me. Amen Lord, while the thunder rolls, you are there with me. Lord, hold fast this Armor, remind me Lord, you are there, you have never left my side, and while I am broken, and bloody, I am still here. Lord, take my broken heart, piece it back together, and let me be a light for others. Let others look upon me and see you. Let me continue to fight the good fight for your praise, your glory, your purpose. 

Lord, forgive me for my shortcomings. Forgive my sins, and show me the path. Show me how I can do more to serve you. I will praise you in this storm, and I’ll lift my hands. Please watch over my family and be with them in their storms. Please protect them from the evil that means to do them harm. Please as I lift my eyes to you, please look down and protect them. Let your spirit comfort their worries, and turn their fear into courage. Lord you are worthy of praise, and worship. Your will be done. Amen. 

Lord, as Casting Crowns put it, 

I don’t know why you chose me, but you chose 12 nobodies and you changed the world. I don’t know why you chose me, but I’m just a nobody, tryin’ to tell everybody, all about somebody who saved my soul. 

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What Is The Law

What Is The Law

I was accused recently of not preaching on a larger variety of sin, so this is my response to that. When looking at sin, first you need to define sin. What is it, what qualifies as sin? James 4:17“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” We all have a basic understanding of right and wrong, but to know truth, one must find that truth in scripture. We are all sinners 1 John 1:8-10“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”Paul describes a list, but not limited to the list are sins in Galatians 5:19-21“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”  Sins themselves are cosmic treason against God. Many people look to the Old Testament and see a list of laws, but those laws were not sinful per say, except that it is a sin to go against the law of the land when that law is a just law. Sin is an act in which real consequence exists. Let us examine some of those consequences, but first the list of sins. 

Exodus 20: 1-17

And God spoke all these words, saying,

2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

“You shall have no other gods before[a] me.

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5 You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing steadfast love to thousands[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments.

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

8 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. 11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

13 “You shall not murder.[c (The Hebrew word also covers causing human death through carelessness or negligence) i.e. Cold blooded murder, or negligent manslaughter.

         (This does not cover a person breaking into your home, or stopping a crime in progress with lethal force, or in war of enemy combatants.)

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

15 “You shall not steal.

16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”

This list is a list that has lasting implications of real consequence. Each of theses is either being deceitful, or truly harming your neighbor, which Christ said as the number 2 commandment, love your neighbor (which is everyone) as yourself. Number 1 is love the Lord God before anything else. One can argue that anything that gets in the way of your relationship with God is a sin, because you are placing whatever, or whoever it may be above God and that turns that object or person into an idol. Of course, when you don’t believe in God that places the world itself as an idol, and as the world is ruled by Satan until Christ returns, the world becomes the object of worship, or yourself.

Many may sight the OT law as sinful such as eating of pork, or mixing cheese and meet, or the combination of fabrics, but all of these things were to keep people safe, much like speeding, or not tying your alligator to a fire hydrant. The laws once they were no longer valid such as ceremonial cleaning, now we have the ability to wash our hands, and take showers on a regular basis is no longer relevant. This is exactly what Paul talks about when he said Galatians 5:3 “And I testify again to every man who becomes circumcised that he is [a: Obligated] a debtor to keep the whole law.” Paul himself would have been circumcised, however he is saying that the laws of the Jews and the practices of old within Jewish Law, not the commandments because they are separate, just as our laws are extra, added onto our bill of rights. Laws change, the original commandments do not, with the exception of the two Christ added and moved to the top of the list, which I noted earlier.

Now, if we are to understand the difference of sin, we must realize that we are all sinners, but accepting Christ is to become new, to be washed of our sins, and changed through the Holy Spirit. 1 John 3:6-10“No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.”  Sin must be reconciled with God by repentance and change within ones own heart. We could never hope to keep all the law and we are not saved by the law. We are told not to sin and as those laws have passed away and are no longer needed, the sins that are laid out before us, are the true enemy. How do we treat those around us? How do we treat the sanctity of life? God shows us what is right, and what is just, and while many may not agree with scripture, and for those who view religion as antiquated, that I’m afraid is an entirely different conversation. As far as Christianity goes, there is a difference between ancient law, and what is a Sin. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and before casting a stone in judgment look to ourselves and see if we are blameless. It’s not our job to pass judgment on sin, but it is important to make the sin known. More importantly to show that Jesus loves you no matter what sin you’ve committed and there is hope in the blood of Christ that has washed us clean. We only need to ask, to seek forgiveness and allow Christ into our hearts, and we will be forgiven. 

The Boss is Bigger

The Boss is Bigger

What problems do you have? Do you have money issues, bills pile up, drowning in debt? Are you in an abusive relationship, mental or physical, or worse both? Are you being sexually assaulted on a regular basis or even just once? Have you lost your job or are unable to work? Are you ill and you just can’t get well? Do friends turn on you, treat you badly or just don’t care about you? No matter what your problems, or how bad it seems, God our boss is bigger then any problem we might have.

Psalm 145:3 (NKJV)“Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; And His greatness is unsearchable.”

The word unsearchable is to examine, to seek out, and if we are to consider God is so big the mystery will never be found. God can handle any situation, Romans 11:33 (NKJV) 33“Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!”

We want to put God in a box thinking our problems are too big for Him to take. We want to think we can handle any of our own problems without God. If we think we can handle life without God we will often find ourselves seeking something missing in our lives. On the flip side I have often blamed God for my sorrows. I have fought with God looking for answers to my suffering, and wondered why I had been made to suffer in this life. I have often found myself going from one crisis to the next. A line from Deadpool seems to sum up my life pretty well, “Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness.” The thing is though, it’s not God who brings the rain, it’s God that sees us through.

How do you measure your days? How do you measure your pain? How do you measure your joy? There’s always the next storm brewing on the horizon, but in the sunshine do you give thanks for the moments of peace you have? Are you praising the God over all, the God of all creation, and the King of the universe? We must remember that this life is a gift from up above, and we must measure life in love. There’s so much love in this world, and even though the darkness is widespread, and seems like it’s everywhere, you cannot truly snuff out the light. All it takes is a tiny spark to give birth to a wildfire. We must keep the spark of God alive in our hearts, and trust that if we tend to the joy God has given to us, we can burn away everything we aren’t, and what’s left is a beautiful creation reborn in the light of the Lord.

As the song Hard Love by Needtobreathe says “it takes time to make your courage strong.”  We must be patient but we need to remember that God is with us, and we cannot expect something without us working. We have to hold on tight, and fight for the change we want. Change doesn’t come without sacrifice and we must move with purpose for the Lord. Let that fire burn inside you, and let it become a raging forest fire in your soul. This life will test you, it will try to break you, but if you allow God to forge you, you will become something so strong nothing can break you. Be the Kings sword forged in the pits of hell on earth, and able to go to battle every day. This life is hard, but stand tall, stand firm, and scream from the mountaintops that you ain’t done.

No matter what struggles you have, God is bigger. God can get us through anything, and use everything to teach lessons, to make change, and in all things we can find purpose. God wastes nothing. Everything we experience is an opportunity to grow in faith, to show faith, to experience faith. The question is who are you? Who do you want to be? Do you want to be someone that crumbles every time something tough comes along? Do you want to be the one who sinks in the water with little faith? Who are you in Christ’s light? It’s because of who our Savior is that we have hope, that we need to find our joy in this world. Don’t let Satan win the battle. The Lord will always be with you and if you remember that the next battle Satan brings to your door, you will emerge the victor over the prince of darkness. Satan couldn’t bare the love God showed to humans and his jealousy, his anger, his hatred makes his actions, his attacks are those in emotion. Stand back and think, use calm, use joy, use love to withstand the blows of the Devil. Martial Arts can teach us a great deal about fighting back against Satan’s attacks. First, don’t be tempted into a fight. A man can’t fight if it’s just them in the ring. Second, allow your attacker to expel energy as you simply move out of the way. It takes twice as much energy to swing and miss then to swing and connect. Third, use your attackers own weight against them. When the Devil throws all he has at you, respond by taking his attacks and turning it into something good for yourself or others. Lastly, when the time is right strike back. Show Satan you cannot and will not be bullied, or beaten down. Show Satan who you are in the light of Christ. You may not be able to control the battles that come your way, but you can control how you respond to them. With God in your corner you cannot loose.

David brought down a giant and won every battle sometimes with overwhelming odds against. Gideon won along against thousands. God sent Jesus and concurred Sin, and no matter what happens, we are saved. God changes hearts, and saves lives. Don’t underestimate the power of God. No matter what comes, as long as you have breath in your lungs, you aren’t done, and even if the odds seem against you, remember who’s King, and who’s in your corner.

My God, by Go Fish

“My God is so big, and so strong, and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do!”

 

 

Be Different

Be Different:

When we live this life we are expected to prescribe to the way things are done without question. We are told all our lives that this is the way something has to be done, and often times the right or wrong way to do something isn’t scripturally sound to begin with. Recently I was going to dinner with my ex-wife. We spend a fair amount of time together, we talk regularly, and albeit unorthodox we have a good relationship. There are times I miss my wife, and there are times I miss the way things were, but as far as things going when they change, I can’t really complain about the outcome in this particular circumstance. Do I like that we got divorced, no of course not, but I will say as far as divorces goes, ours was as cordial in the end as it could be. There were of course dark days, but the end result is what’s important. Recently I had dinner plans with Krystal and I was telling a friend I was meeting someone for dinner. They automatically assumed it was a date, and while I myself would perhaps call it a date, it is a date with a non-romantic overture. I pointed this out, and yet, as I’ve explained the relationship before, questions were asked of the romantic nature behind the dinner. Frustrated I was pointed with my words that we are friends, perhaps good friends, and while there was a romantic involvement as obvious as it is, that is no longer a primary factor in our relationship. People seem to think that when something ends like marriage you have to be at each other’s throats. People assume you must hate one another, and be willing to gnaw out someone’s jugular the first chance you get. It’s truly sad that people cannot accept the maturity behind remaining friends. It’s sad that people cannot see passed the worldview that you must hate your ex at all cost. None of this is scriptural; none of this is as Jesus would teach, and yet people just don’t seem to grasp the nature of love.

I didn’t want the divorce, but as I didn’t have much of an option in the matter, what I did have control over was how I behaved during the whole process. I chose to treat Krystal with love and respect all throughout the process. I chose to be by her side regardless of what the legal papers said. I decided I was going to be a friend to her, and do anything I could to be a positive impact. We have a good friendship and it bothers me to no ends that people just can’t seem to wrap their heads around that. It’s simple, forgive others for the sins and follow the meaning of love. We forgive and we never keep score. We are kind and tenderhearted to one another. Ephesians 4:32“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Walking a different path isn’t a bad thing. Choosing to live differently then the world would expect is also not a bad thing. Why people choose to speak ill of something that obviously works well for someone else is beyond me. While I do realize most find this strange, I would submit to you that if you truly take a moment to step back and look at the beauty of it, why would anyone question it. Two people who had such a major falling out, where things were done, some that involved legal avenues, and yet through the fire, the storms, the hurricane of destruction, managed to come out the other side friends. This is not just beautiful; it embodies the love Jesus preaches. It embodies scripture as to how to treat others, to include those in which you have issue with. To see two people work out their differences, and manage to keep a beautiful friendship is nothing short of a miracle, and people need to stop being naysayers, and praise God for a beautiful blessing. I for one will choose to see the world through a different set of lenses, and I will trust in God. I will not fall victim to the world and it’s set way of thinking when it doesn’t line up with scripture at all. Maturity and love will always trump hate and childishness. Just because something doesn’t work for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s a blank slate everyone must follow. Grow up people, open your bibles and learn a thing or two about love and forgiveness.

 

 

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To Boldly Go

To Boldly Go

“Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.” ST: TNG

 Those are words I grew up knowing, repeating, and aspiring too. Growing up I watched Trek every week. I grew to love Star Trek the next generation and I clung to Jean-Luke Picards character. As I grew and watched as his character develop I found drawn to his style of diplomacy, his leadership, his morals, and his desire to see the betterment of mankind. He was driven by the thought that all mankind should be driven to better themselves, and everyone should be given a chance to reach their full potential. On numerous occasions he took in those who made mistakes and he offered them a chance of redemption. For me Picard was a roll model I strived to be like. For me Picard was a father figure that I wanted to be like.

In our every day walk with Christ are we looking to our heavenly father as our roll model? Do we act boldly in our walk with Christ? Do we strive to be better Christians? With our every day walk we should always strive to boldly go, to explore our Christianity, to seek out those in need of Jesus light. We must always go out with the explorers’ heart. We must always seek ways to share the gospel with those whom we come into contact with. Matthew 28:18-20 18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Are you living the great commission? Are you walking with Christ as a close personal friend? Are you spreading the joy and the love of Jesus Christ? I think we get caught up in our every day routine that we forget the most important aspect of being a Christian. It’s not just praying, and going to church. It’s not about the Christmas services, and the monthly meals at church. It’s about the Holy Spirit moving in your heart, pushing you to spread the word because of how it’s changed your life. When you live your life as a Christian are you doing it on the sidelines, saying the prayers, doing the walk, but just getting by? Are you inspired by the Holy Spirit to share the Living God, the Waters that wash away your sins daily? Are you excited to talk about God because of the wonderful things He’s done for you, or are you silent, reserved, held back? Let me tell you, if you aren’t talking about it, if you aren’t crying in the car listening to K-Love, or other Christian music stations, why isn’t the Holy Spirit moving in you?

I watched a trailer for a movie called “I can only imagine.” I cried just during the trailer. My best friend sang this not long before he died. (18 years old) When I listen to the words of the world phenomenon, I ask myself the same questions. See, I had a short glimpse of what awaits me. I didn’t see anything, but what I heard would forever change my life. As I was in an ambulance dying, bleeding out, I heard the voice of God, and the aww, and fear, and shame I had being in that situation rocked me to my very core. I heard the voice of my creator, and I felt the presence of something much bigger then myself. I found that I wouldn’t ever do enough to be worthy of God’s love, God’s grace, God’s forgiveness, but in the presence of God I was given a second chance. I was told two words that would forever alter my life, “You’re forgiven.” Since then I have found a zest for life, and not a day goes by I don’t talk about how great God is. See, I did something that was almost unforgivable, but God saved me for a purpose. I can hear the words of my best friend in my head. The thing is I don’t have to imagine anymore. While it was only a short glimpse and only by sound, I know if the wonders of what I heard is only just part of it, I know that Heaven is real and perfect.

I can only Imagine, By: MercyMe

 I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah

 If you’ve been touched by the Holy Spirit don’t imagine what it would be like alone, share the good news with any and all who would listen. Go out boldly and preach and teach the word of God. Don’t sit on the sidelines, when you get to Heaven don’t you want your brothers and sisters with you in paradise? The presence of God would be indescribable. The words above are so powerful, they often move me to tears. For me I had just a glimpse, but if that changed my life forever, I can only imagine what it would be like when I’m there. I often think of my friend John sitting with Jesus and I can say I’m often envious and sad at the same time. Remembering him I often cry at both my own sorrows, but also the great gifts that God has seen to bestow upon me. When I think of the great commission I cannot help but think of the opening to Star Trek: TNG. I wish to go Bodly to places I’ve never been, to reach out and meet new people, spreading the Gospel, and the good news of Jesus Christ. The light of the world shines so bright, and we have already forgotten the meaning of CHRISTmas in our lives. With every breath we take we ought to be thankful for it. With every day’s dawning of light we have a new chance to walk more closely to Christ. Be a beacon of hope, of light, and go forth and make disciples of the flowing waters that is Jesus Christ. With every breath you take say Hallelujah. Christ came for you and me, to die for us. The sins that forced the nails through the Lambs hands and feet, and the blood of the Savior ran down from the crown of thorns we placed upon his head. A sacrifice made to break the bonds of sin, reconnecting us to God, and how do we treat that sacrifice? As Christians we should be ashamed of ourselves. We have allowed the darkness to spread while we’ve remained silent. We’ve let it into our homes, our lives, our country, our cities, and we’ve sat by and done very little to fight back. In the words of Picard, “We’ve made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!” While I realize he’s talking about the Borg, we’ve allowed the Devil to invade every aspect of our lives, and we have done nothing to fight back. I agree, the line must be drawn here, this far, no further.