Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

Lately I’ve felt beaten down, tortured by my own doubts, my own insecurities, my own past and of all that I have felt as if that little spark of hope, that little light that resounded left in my heart was going out. The constant struggles of solitude in both work and home, the constant reminder of failures swirling round in head. The emptiness of a house that once had laughter, smiles, and love, yet now with it just the dogs and me the silence is pounding in my heart and in my head. What has happened to me in the last couple weeks I ask myself? As I look to my future I see a big move out of state, a 7 week gap before I end up to my new home, which I don’t have, a new job, which has barely been discussed, a hope and prayer are the fuel that powers this mission. So as I sleep at night and my dreams are nightmares, the wind howls and trees knocking around outside, the broken limbs fall to the deck waking the dogs, which in turn wakes me and this goes on all night long. The lyrics “I’ve been a walking heartache” By Dave Barnes plays in the distance. The fire inside me feels like it’s being drowned by the tears of my sorrows, and the pain in my chest suffocating the flame that’s been able to withstand so much till now. The days of doubt have finally caught up to me, and the bit of hope I once had for my future seemed like it was all but gone. Any hope I had to reignite the flame seemed to be washed out by the storm that just wouldn’t go away. The part of me that felt no hope was growing in strength spreading like a dark shadow deep within. When the world is unrelenting what hope do we have to stand toe to toe with the prizefighter that’s been doing this a lot longer than we have.

Hard Love

Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love

When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
‘Cause there’s a fire burnin’ in me
They will see my strength in this love I found

The Apostil Paul was sitting in a Roman jail awaiting his execution. By this point Paul had experienced a great many hardships. 2nd Corinthians 11:24-28: 24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. 28 Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.” Paul had experienced a great many hardships, but even where he was sitting he managed to write about hope and love. Where do we look for inspiration when we have fallen and would rather stay down on the mat instead of getting back up to endure more of the beating? When we just can’t find the strength to stand what do we do? Matthew 27:32 32 As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross” My take away from this is in our greatest times of struggles, in our deepest of sorrows we are meant to get help. Even Christ showed us it’s okay to ask or receive help. We must let go of our sinful pride and ask for Godly help. We are meant to turn to the Lord, but also our fellow Christians. We are meant to put our sorrows out there to let our Brothers and Sisters in Christ help us bare our own crosses. When asking for help however we must be careful to avoid asking the wickedness of man for help. Isaiah 8:19 “And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?” When we seek ungodly counsel we will be led astray. We will be guided to directions that would further lead us into more sin, and a deeper divide between the Lord and us. As a body of Christ we are commanded to Love our Neighbors as ourselves. Meaning we are all in this together. When we harm our neighbor, we harm ourselves. For every action there are repercussions both good and bad equal to the action dependent on the side you act upon. In Galatians 6:2 the words jump off the page. It’s not saying you could, or you can, or maybe, it’s saying, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” This means you are meant to help your neighbor when they are troubled. We are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of Christ, we are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of our Christian Brothers and Sisters, and they in turn are supposed to be there for us.

When we don’t know where to turn, when we feel as if we can’t take another step, when we feel the blow to our bodies one after another, we are actually struggling with the lies of the world. Satan will throw everything at you He can to break you. Satan wants you to fall and not get back up. Satan wants you to believe the lies he tells, and wants you to be crushed under the weight of burden.

Casting Crowns

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

 As the Apostle Peter was called to step out of the boat in the storm, he began to sink and Christ replied “Ye of little faith” We must remember that as long as Christ is with us we will never truly sink. The voice of truth tells us to never be afraid for as long as God is for you, who than can be against you. The Apostle Paul wrote Timothy from inside a Roman prison awaiting execution. 2 Timothy 4:5-8 “5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” As Paul writes he knows he’s about to die. He’s telling Timothy to remain strong when the time comes those false doctrines and their own lusts and other manner of sinful nature will take over. In that time stand firm in the teaching and be ready to suffer the consequences for not turning away from the truth. When all hope seems to be lost remember that keeping the course is it’s own reward. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness. This is the promise of ever lasting peace in Heaven, a gift from God that ALL may have the joy of receiving if only love the Lord.

When you are down and you feel that you can’t get that spark to light, seek shelter under the protection of Christ’s umbrella. Allow Christ to warm you by the fire. Allow God to comfort your wounds, your weary souls. Psalm 23 23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” Know that there is comfort in the Holy Spirit, and that comfort is for you if you ask for it.

SideWalkProphets

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

 (Prayer) Whatever your will my Lord help me find it. Whatever ales my heart help heal me. Whatever weighs me down help cut it away. God please rest my soul. When we don’t see what’s coming and we hurt and we have pain and sorrow, remind me I’m not alone. Lord be with me and watch over me as I wrestle with my trials, my tribulations, my heartbreak. Lord remind me I’m not alone and I can count on YOU, and place in my path those that can help me bare this burden. Please allow me to continue to help others bare their crosses and allow my home to be rebuilt, better than it was before. God I know I’m not alone, and I know that in all things you are in control, and in You all things are possible. AMEN…

 

 

 

 

 

The Grass Ain’t Greener

The Grass Ain’t Greener      

Recently as some of you who read my blogs have already figured out I suffered a horrible separation. Because of that this topic’s been weighing on my mind. Often when we look across the yard and things look pretty good. We look at other peoples lives, we look at what others have, we look to other people and we often think how good they have it, or how great it would be to own that, or even how good it would be to be with someone else. We usually call this the grass is greener phase. The thing about this phase is, it’s a lie. The Devil has been perpetrating this lie since the original day of sin. The day in the garden Satan convinced Eve that life would be better after eating from the tree of knowledge. He convinced her that living a life with open eyes would be better then that which God had created for them. The Devil made it sound like the grass was greener on the other side. The sad part was once Eve stepped over to the other side and realized how wrong she was the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed. The fall from grace had happened and now the beautiful grass she once had died, and she could never have that life back again.

When we pursue the greener grass we are looking through a distorted keyhole lens that only shows us what we want to see, not what we need to see. How often do we hear the stories about people crossing over to the other side just to find out it’s not great at all, and they wish they could go back. The sad part is when you cross over and then in doing so you destroy not only your life but also others around you. Recently in my life I knew a couple that had been together for about 10 years or so. The father had gone through a horrible divorce because his first wife had an affair and destroyed the marriage. After a while of healing he met a new woman who’d become his second wife. They would have a great life, a great house, their children became a family, and at least from the spectator point of view their life looked pretty good. OF course there are things we never see from the outside, but I know I was a bit envious of everything they had. I found out rather suddenly that she had an affair, lied about it, continued the affair, and it quickly fell apart. She destroyed her own career, she broke the hearts of the kids, broke her husbands heart and as he suffered this kind of loss now for the second time his pain now unimaginable. I’ve not talked to her since then but the question is ‘was it worth it?’ Though I’ll never have the answer I have to imagine at some point the rose goggles will be removed and the beauty will turn to ash.

In my own life I have suffered something very similar. Two wives, two affairs, and as with the first time, the second time has left me broken and displaced. This time around my faith is guiding me. This time around I am stronger than I was before. This time I know I have more to offer. I heard a saying once a few years ago, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Marriage isn’t easy sometimes, and sin pulls at our hearts and all manner of earthly desires but when you get married it’s for life, it’s not for as long as it’s convenient. The idea of sin in the marriage such as divorce is repugnant to God. The old saying is you can look but don’t touch apparently is more of a guideline these days. Even looking can be a pitfall if it becomes envy or lust. There are so many people out there who have spouses who became cheaters, so many relationships fail because of infidelity. God’s heart breaks watching so many relationships crumble because of such things. Genesis 2: 21:22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.” Woman was made to be of one flesh. Woman was made so man wouldn’t be alone, and vise versa. When two people marry they become one flesh. They are devoted and when there is infidelity the heartbreak that’s caused can be deeper then some can handle. I wish we could have the eyes of God to see what God see’s within the hearts of those broken by infidelity, by lies, by deceits. I wish those who do such evil things knew how it feels to be on the receiving end. I wish I knew or understood the minds and hearts of those who do this to others. I wish that we could receive Gods love for humanity. I wish we loved as God loves.

Much like the man from my story earlier I feel the pain he feels, I have seen through his eyes, and I know the pain of the knife, the pain of betrayal, the sting of lies. Was the grass greener, I may never know, but I know my future looks bright. For every tragedy we face in our lives there is a potential for great redemption. In every tragedy God is working to use it for the betterment of our lives. No matter how much pain we face, no matter how much sorrow or anger that’s in our hearts letting go of that poison and finding a new pasture to raise your home is the first step. Forgiveness and letting go of that anger and hate, saying it a thousand times over, letting yourself weep and feel, ‘I forgive you.’ You must learn to believe in the goodness of people. You must learn that each person you encounter is not the last. Holding onto anger and holding onto hatred are chains for your very soul that leave you stuck in the place that, that wound first happened and you can’t break free till you face the pain head on. You must fight the urge to stay angry, you must fight the urge to hate. We are not the judge and we are not the jury. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” We are not to hold onto the cancer that holds us back.

When our worlds fall down because of someone else and it looks like our grass is dying, and we feel we’ll never be whole again remember that tears of healing may fall and will water your grass. Let them flow, let the healing begin and watch as God uses the miraculous to change your life. Every day you must learn to take care of your own yard, tend to your garden, tend to your flock and watch as the healing waters sprout new life into your life and sooner than you think your grass will be green and full of life. The glory of our lives and our calamities all belong to the grace of God. God sees the pain, feels the pain, and endures the pain. God was with Jesus on that Cross, and as we fight to bare our own cross Christ our Lord, one with the Father Abba is with us on our cross. The whips that strike us strike God. The words that cut our hearts cut the heart of God. Nothing we go through in this life affects only us. As I have grown a great deal I have found that the wounds I’ve endured over these last 8 months are not mine alone, and I wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for God. I myself broke Gods heart 8 months ago, and I have to pray and ask for that forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me as I was dying in that ambulance and hearing the voice of God “You’re forgiven” I woke and new life was breathed into my chest. The only grass that’s greener in our lives we won’t find here. It’s only when we go home, when we finally reach our place in paradise will the grass ever be greener. Don’t loose sight of the promise made and remember God’s promise to us is not empty, it’s full of truth and life.

When the world tries to lure you away from your own piece of grass, when you are being tempted to cross over that fence, remember not only will your grass die where you were, there will be no blessing on the land where you are headed. Have faith that if you are on the fence and you are thinking of crossing over because you feel life would be better on the other side, think of Matthew 4:29-31 “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Much like Peter we must trust in the Lord will not let us be consumed by the storm. When you are struggling in your relationship there’s always a better way. Fight for your relationship, fight with everything you’ve got and trust in the Lord to save you when times are darkest.

 

 

 

 

 

Broken Sky

Broken Sky

The pain inside caused by you shattered like a mirror to the floor all around.

God protect me so I can put the peaces back together.

God give me your eyes so I can see the reasons why.

The tears that fall, fall like bricks to the ground. The flood all around now from tears I’ve spent.

Why would you do this I scream, why oh why I cry.

Nothing’s all right, nothings okay, I’m fine I say, but the lie that lies.

I’m broken hearted and I feel fractured inside, torn to which way to go.

A second chance, a third and forth, but nothing helps.

God tells me I’m more than what I feel. Tears drench my shirt, my desk, my everything.

I’m not who I once was, I am afraid, and I don’t know what else to do.

God hurts too, or so the Bible tells me so.

God am I being punished for my mistakes, is this only path?

God says no, no punishment, free will makes the heart break.

We are more than the mistakes we make. We are remade in the light, washed by the waters.

God stay with me tonight, God hold me tonight, Abba I need you today. I’m broken.

God my pain is deep and I feel like I’ll never be whole again. Abba save me from my sorrow.

God my God please save me tonight. Help me fight what I feel, help me feel today I can be saved.

God please bless me, please don’t make me wait. God my God help me, I need to feel you here.

God my God I know that I’ll be stronger in the end.

God my Abba please stand with me in this fire, please help me not feel the pain as the fire burns away the old.

God my God please help my heart, please hold me tonight. God my God don’t forsake me tonight.

What don’t kill ya makes ya stronger I know, but I can’t do it alone. My God my God don’t let me fall tonight.

The Hard Love I feel, the pain inside, fractured and broken, I am shattered in the mirror on the ground.

God my God, my Father, please piece me back together better than I was before.

My God my God please allow me to be rid of the rocky road, protect me from the Devil, please I beg of thee.

God the Abba

God the Abba

Growing up I never had a dad in my life. It wasn’t in cards for me to be blessed with a father on this earth. For years and years that bothered me and I found myself jealous of others who had good relationships with their fathers. The nature of growing up without a father plagued me for many years. Today being father’s day I have had the distinct privilege to listen to my best friend preach about the greatest father of all, God. 1 Kings 2:1-3 When David’s time to die drew near, he commanded Solomon his son, saying,“I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man,and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn,” David was many things, a great leader, a great King, a great man of God, but in one area he failed was being a good family man. He wasn’t a good father, and he wasn’t a good husband.

For some of us God is more than just a being of enormous power and divine love. For me God has become so much more, but the term father means so much more. Mark 14:33-36 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” 35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hourmight pass from him. 36 “Abba,[a] Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Jesus explained how deeply troubled he was as he was facing his choice to go through as the sacrificial lamb for the fate of the entire world. Christ knew above all that God was more than just God, but our Father in heaven. For me God shall always be Abba.

In 2010 I met a man, a great man of God who would continue to inspire me, guide me, and help me grow in my faith of God. I spent 26 years without a father and that day ended when I met my future father in law. After 7 years that would end abruptly as I would watch that family be ripped away from me. Through all this I found a renewed faith and a special relationship with God. As I spent my life with God in all that time I never found a relationship like the one I have now. We never know how or why things work the way they do, but one things is certain our father is always working even if we can’t see it to turn tragedy into miraculous. Abba gave us the rules of the house and we are commanded to follow. In the event we break the rules know that Abba will give us a good old-fashioned butt whooping. Every good father knows when to comfort, knows when to lead, knows when to discipline, but in all moments of our lives Abba is with us. No matter the sorrows we face in this world, Abba will hold us, be with us always.

To all the dads out there be more then biological fathers, be real dads. Teach your kids in the ways of the Lord, teach them in the ways of being a good Christian. To all the dads out there be special to your children; be special to the people that look up to you. Be a good dad, a good father.

 

 

Embrace the Suck

Embrace the Suck

Embrace the Suck is a crude but effective motto many in the military use to try and make the life of a soldier a bit more bearable. The life of anyone in the military can be challenging for mind, body and soul. The day in and day out routine and tasks can take you to the very edge of what you believe, what you perceive to be the farthest you can go without snapping. I’m here to tell you, everyone has a breaking point, but that point can be less traumatic if we know the God, the Lord of all things. The truth is, the military is not a bad career. Sure there are aspects of it that are horrible and we all can’t stand, but once you learn how to embrace the parts that are toughest we can finally embrace the joys and the beauty.

Does knowing we are going to suffer make the pain any less important? If you were going to be tortured, but you were told first would that make the torture any less difficult? No of course not. John 16:33 “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” If Jesus suffered as brutally as he had, what makes us think we are special? If Jesus had to be tortured to save the sins of every man, woman, child from past, present, and future, our little bit of discomfort is nothing compared to what Christ endured for us. Remember He could have stopped that beating and the ridicule, and the painful suffocation anytime. Romans 8:18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time [are] not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

 No one said we have to like the pain and suffering, but it does do one thing, it’ll either draw us closer to God, or push us away. If each one of our trials is a test, or temptation by Satin how do we want to be graded? If you look back at every situation you’ve ever been put in and had to give yourself a legitimate grade, an honest non biased grade, what do you think your overall GPA would be now if al those points were to be added up? We need to consider the next time someone gets under our skin what it looks like when we curse them out, or throw a frying pan at their head. How we act, how we respond, every word is being counted. Remember once uttered no word can be taken back and forgotten. The words we use can drastically hurt those around us. It’s time to be an adult and leave petty squabbles behind.

We as Christians should be leading the way in healthy problem solving. We as Christians should be setting the gold standard as to how to maintain order and peace. Living in Christ we don’t disserve Gods love, but we get it anyway. We are all sinners, but the water washes away that sin and we are left a new version of our old selves. Be one in the light and let God use you. We will never be perfect and we will often make mistakes, but it’s how we handle those mistakes, how we make decisions, and how we treat those around us is how we are to be judged by God.

The next time you’re in the middle of a horrible experience remember you’re being watched. Remember God sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. Yes I realize that’s a Christmas song for Santa, but it still applies.

THE DEVIL WHISPERED IN MY EAR

‘YOU’RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH

TO WHITHSTAND THE STORM’

TODAY I WHISPERED IN THE DEIL’S EAR

“I AM THE STORM.”

*U.S. VETERAN*

Kobayashi Maru

Kobayashi Maru

The Kobayashi Maru is a training program for cadets in the Star Trek Universe during the time of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. The exercise in the words of Spock “The purpose is to experience fear, fear in the face of certain death, to accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one’s crew. This is the quality expected in every Starfleet captain.” The test at the heart is a no win scenario. The program adapts to every action and counter action leaving their no hope to save the ship, or your own. Thankfully when it comes to our souls we don’t have to worry about that, our eternal souls are safe and sound, as long as we play nice with others, and play by the rules.

Once we were a lost people, scattered, wandering aimlessly through life. Waiting for the day we would be free and united. This is of course what the people felt about 2000 years ago. When Jesus comes into the picture the people of the world couldn’t and didn’t understand the true nature of His presence, or power. Being a cleansed, innocent, sacrificial lamb He took the place of our sins and freed us from our eternal chains of bondage. I hear it all the time people say, “I just can’t win.” But the truth is, we already have. We’ve been given by the Grace of God the power to overcome those chains and we can if we choose rise up and be with our Father when the time is right. The problems we face are that of the world, but the world cannot take what has been given to us freely, not that we’ve earned it, nor do we deserve it.

As I was watching the season finale of Arrow (Spoiler Alert) Oliver decides not to kill Adrian Chase. He decided not to be a killer and find a better way. Earlier in the seasons Oliver would kill when he felt it was absolutely necessary and would deal with the consequences. By the end of Season 5 that notion was starting to go away and we see him start to change. Even when it seemed the Green Arrow was in a no win situation after working the problem he found another way.

Life sometimes feels like a never-ending battle to just stay afloat. We often say we had no other choice, and the truth is that’s probably not true. There are probably other options just ones we haven’t thought about.

 Luke 20:22-23 Is it lawful for us to give tribute to Caesar, or not?” 23 But he perceived their craftiness, and said to them,” This the chief priests believed to be the answer to their prayers, finally a way to trap Jesus in his own version of the Kobayashi Maru. If Jesus says simply yes, the Jewish people who resent being under Roman law could turn on him. If Jesus says No the governor would be notified, and he would be accused of sedition and rebellion. Instead of answering the way the priests thought he would, Jesus answered in a way that beat their no win scenario they cleverly crafted. Luke 20:24-25 “Show me a denarius.[b] Whose likeness and inscription does it have?” They said, “Caesar’s.” 25 He said to them, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” The crowds were in aww hearing Jesus actually admit to give to Caesars what was his. This won both sides of the fence, all except the high priests of course.

You can’t always be politically correct in today’s world. Sometime in the future you will say something that will offend someone else. It doesn’t matter how careful you are, or how Godly you perceive yourself to be, the nature of being a Christian is enough to offend some. The point is to not walk on eggshells every day, it’s to make sure you are loving one another, and being there to help others, not to drag down. “Some men just like to watch the world burn.” Alfred This being the case all we can do is make sure we are living in the waters of Christ and have faith that our path be made clear by the Lord. You may be placed in horrible positions of choice in your lives, but the key to success is to think about what God would have you do in each tough situation. Since we never walk alone there’s always another way.

Just as Cadet Kirk reprogrammed the test to make it winnable, Christ changed the rules to explain his viewpoint on the priests so called laws. By the nature of Christ’s death the rules were changed. Paying the bill for us so we could get into the long awaited club of heaven we now have the golden ticket, the washing of our sins and the everlasting love that so long as we follow Christ whole-heartedly we too shall enter the eternal paradise.

In our walk with Christ we will be put to the test, we may walk through the fire, we may have to endure many hardships, but remember when you follow Christ the old self dies. The stripping away of everything you’re not and leaving behind what you truly are. Have faith in that walk, and have faith that whatever you may be going through there’s a reason. Believe in those reasons and embrace them, think of them as a puzzle and an adventure to solve and make it through. As a man I love swords, I love a great many things about swords, but I realize to truly make a sword it needs to be heated, pounded, cooled, and repeating that process over and over the sword begins to take shape. Today’s test forge us for tomorrows battles.

 

 

A Past Long Forgotten, The Dangers of Compartmentalization

A Past Long Forgotten, The Dangers of Compartmentalization

I’m sure most people have had at least one trauma in their life that sticks with them, if not more than one. If you’re like me, the Devil just loves to stick around and try to make life a tad harder than it needs to be. One thing I’ve noticed is the minute changes that come about after every trauma takes place. When you’ve become so consumed with the trauma that you are forced to find anyway you can handle it, a common way for kids to handle, or at least myself was compartmentalization. When it comes to trauma big and small this is a safe way to handle it in the moment. However, if not revisited this method of handling can be very dangerous. Websters defines compartmentalized as “to separate into isolated compartments or categories” In many cases this is the event, and the emotion surrounding the event and are stored inside the brain as separate memory engrames. Once the memory is separated it’s difficult to reconnect the two, and it’s more so when the laps of time is greater. So what happens when you do this throughout a lifetime, say, 30 years? Lets think of memories as boxes, now think about each box as a memory, but the painful ones divide into two boxes and sit them on the shelf in the closet. Over time that closet is going to start to get full. When the closet reaches a certain point, all it takes is one massive event, and everything in that closet can come bursting down on top of you burying you in all the negative feelings you tried so hard to subdue or hide. So now you are lying on the floor, you have boxes everywhere, the emotions are like a zoo full of escaped wild animals, how do you plan on wrangling them up, and putting them back? The truth is, you don’t. The time at this point has past and now a new way of storing them is needed.

Often times when the emotions from traumas are released in such an uncontrolled manner the outcome is less than desirable. The effects can be quite frankly catastrophic. Often we see this as the beginning to self-destruction. An individual can go through several possible outcomes to include, self harm, harming others, drugs or substance abuse, addictions of other kinds such as work, gambling, adrenalin seekers, or other forms of risky behaviors. This is the common way for someone who’s accidently had Pandora’s box opened who didn’t have the right guidance to handle it. People don’t usually ask for the box to be pried open, sadly, it’s just one of life’s unfortunate circumstances. The key, once it’s opened is to know what to expect, and hopefully have someone around who can help guide you through the path of recovery. There are 4 basic paths to dealing with trauma. They can be found and studied here.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200111/recovering-trauma

The example that best correlates with compartmentalization is the Tsunamis. During the time you have lived on by not feeling, as it’s described in the Psychology Today article your nervous system is a circuit bored and in the event of a catastrophic traumatic event your system shuts down. There’s a dangerous time frame here between the event, and the waters receding. It’s in that short period of time that some will fall into the self-harm stage. It happens so fast that spectators rarely realize there’s a problem until it’s too late.

The truth is, as a Christian nation it needs to be better about standing with our brothers and sisters in times of great struggle. It’s sometimes hard to do especially when we don’t always know or understand the nature of what’s going on underneath the water. Some people, myself included often look like a duck on a pond. Floating around, no cares in the world, however if you look under the water, those little flipper feet are going a mile a minute. The iceburg is much larger underneath than what we see on the surface. Since we never know someone’s breaking point we must assume that during events that are hard to handle we look at them objectively and try to remain unbiased. A few life changing events that some would seem as bad things but not traumas are what we will look at for a moment. Loosing your job, loosing a spouse to either death or an unwanted divorce, loosing a loved one, car accidents, and sometimes slightly worse events. These things to some people may seem horrible, but to others, they can be the straw to break the camels back. As that may often be the case it’s better to error on the side of caution and overly loving in the hopes there are no residual feelings that could move this into a catastrophic event.

The dangers of being wrong: What if your friend or spouse goes through one of these events and notices you aren’t there for them, or you downplay how they are feeling. If we don’t show them that we care, and if we pass a negative judgment on their situation we may actually be contributing to the further decline of their mental stability. It’s important to always try and be supportive. We all handle situations and stress differently based on the culmination of our backgrounds and what we’ve learned in the past. If you are a young man and you get harassed every day by the police, eventually you will grow to fear them, hate them, avoid them, even though they are only there to help, the behavior is a learned trait. If you are bullied your whole life and you grow up and have self-esteem issues, self loathing, fear of rejection, or abandonment, those fears, those traits are learned traits. They come from a lifetime of experiences that tells us how the world is, even if it’s only our version of the truth. Getting back to the point, when bad things happen, we don’t honestly know how someone will react. That’s why it’s so important to follow Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” We shouldn’t hesitate to help even with the small stuff. Show compassion and be there if someone needs you. Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” We’ve been given such grace and love and forgiveness by God we are asked to pass that along to our fellow brothers and sisters of humanity. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”

If you’re struggling through tough times, if you have old trauma’s that are weighing you down, or if you just feel you need to talk, seek out Godly and or professional advice. Don’t try to get through this life on your own. There’s no shame in asking for help. Not asking for help is prideful, arrogant, and perhaps even a hair selfish. By not dealing with the issue when it’s small, it can grow inside you like a cancer, spreading throughout your thoughts and feelings, until one day it’s beyond repair. Seek help, trust in the Lord that you will be watched over no matter how light, or heavy the storm is.

The Glitter In Your Head

The Glitter In Your Head

When we experience a trauma, or a lot of stress in our lives sometimes our minds feel like a jar of glitter. If you’ve ever looked at a snow globe after it’s shaken that’s how our minds get sometimes. The key is to remember that after you shake it and shake it, no matter how hard or soft you shake it the glitter always settles back to the bottom. Our minds are the same way. No matter how hard you shake it; no matter how bad a situation is in the moment the glitter will settle. We have to remember that although we can’t see the center of the jar once it’s shaken, is like us not being able to see out once our jar’s been shaken. But no matter what, we can see the outside in time.

God loves us, and promises us that we will go through suffering in our lives, we will be faced with trials, and sometimes really bad things happen to us. “Loves never met a lost cause. Mercy says you don’t have to jeep rubbing down the road you’re on.” (Casting Crowns) No matter what happens Jesus will always be walking beside you.

A few years ago (more then a few) I was on a mission in Iraq. During that mission my wingman truck along with my own were drawn into a well planned insurgent ambush. I can remember clearly seeing the very large IED (Improvised Explosive Device) on the side of the road just feet from my door as we drove by it. It was only moments later I saw in the distance as the truck in front of me, my friends, my brothers where gone in the smoke from two explosions. The whole situation seemed so surreal it was hard to imagine the truth of what was happening that very moment. I remember thinking why am I here; it only lasted but a fleeting second. The sound of pop, pop, pop, in the distance, and less then a second later I could see a puff of dust on my hood. Still driving with only one hand I heard the metal on my door take an impact. In my head I thought, ‘were really being shot at’. The sound of the Mk-19 above me started firing. Both hands on the wheel I focused on the road. The calm that surrendered over my body, the warmth that filled my hands, the ease in which the thoughts came as to where I needed to go, what I needed to do. The hand of Jesus Christ was on me that morning. While some may claim the peace and calm was all the training I respectfully disagree. Although our training was fantastic I don’t think any amount of training can prepare you for the first time you experience combat, when someone else, or a lot of someone’s is actively trying to kill you. Think about that for a second. In all your life have you ever had someone attempt to kill you, actually shoot in your direction with such hatred and malice they wanted you to die? I’d be willing to bet the overwhelming answer is very few. As one IED after another was detonated, and several RPG’s were fired and just barely missed my Humvee, I could feel the change in the wheel. We’ve lost tires, I didn’t know it yet, but by the end we’d loose 3 of our tires, each were shredded from the bullet and RPG shrapnel. Later I’d learn that the tanks were hit that stored the oil, the power steering, even my wiper fluid reservoir was damaged. As soon as my foot came off the gas the truck died, and wouldn’t start again for weeks. Gods grace allowed us to exit the combat zone alive and uninjured.

Peace was with me; the calming affect was beyond words. Because of the grace of God I was able to keep my wits and calmed the storm that should have been going on inside. Keeping your wits about you is a hard thing to do sometimes. 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” We shall know God by faith, not by sight. We shall know peace by grace, not hate. Matthew 5:44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” We shall know protection like we can’t imagine. This life we live is fleeting, only but a moment, a vapor of smoke that disappears quickly. James 4:14 “14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Above all no matter where you go and what toils and troubles and trials you face know that the Lord of all is with us, watching us, protecting us. Isaiah 43:2  When thou passest through the waters, I [will be] with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”

Remember your life as a glitter jar, and no matter how shaken you are, find peace and comfort in the Lord. Find a way to steady the ship, calm the storm, and let the snow globe settle in your mind. The next problem will be just around the corner, make sure you’re ready for it when that day comes.

The Rain

The Rain 

My tears fall down and the river stains the paper. Like the rain I I’ve fallen down. The rain brings rejuvenation . The desert so dry and barren where very little lives and even less survives. The rain brings back life. The tears that fall mark the end of one and the beginning of another. My tears dry and the floods come no more.

The rain that comes soft and slow, and other times fierce and loud. My tears are the same, but my tears flow no more. They flow not of sadness and loss for myself, but remain for the sorrow felt for you. The fear of what God will do, the fear of what God thinks now. I cry of fear because of love. I cry for fear because God’s vengeance is just. Deuteronomy 32:35 35 To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” I do forgive and my tears let go. Like the end days I know that the time has come. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” My time for the flood has gone, the sorrow washed away by the endless flow of the river of tears. For now I know that the future is littered with prizes, the prize of love offered by my Lord. My flow of tears is to save your soul, and to pray and pray. I loved and a promise I shall keep. I shall never forsake you, and though the river is now wide, my prayers will always transcend. Psalms 126:5 “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”

My tears shall fall, but not for me, they fall for you. No boat shall cross for the time has come to move beyond. I bid farewell as tears fall down, the hills and valleys watered by my past sorrow. I see the sun rise and dries up all the rain. The sun rise will free from the storm and the storm now subsides. The Son risen saved my soul. The shadow of the cross covers me like a blanket and now I can see. I can see everything that I was missing. I can see that God covered me the broken hearted. The darkness cannot snuff out the light, oh no, the lights power revealed the hidden places in my heart and now the Lord has revealed to me the truth. No longer do my tears fall, no longer does the rain descend upon me.

Don’t Forget Your Access Card

Don’t Forget Your Access Card

I work in a place that has unique access points throughout the whole building. The building is compartmentalized for you to only have access to the floors or locations you need access too. In my position however I have access to everything. What do we think about our chances on entering into Heaven? From the sounds of it, it sounds like a nice place. Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” A place with no pain, no suffering, and no crying sounds perfect. We know that Heaven is a large place because of John 14:2 “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” If we think about the sheer number of people on the planet, even if we consider only a 1/3 get into heaven for one reason or another, we still have to consider all those before us, and all those after us, who are going to be in heaven. That’s a lot of rooms. The energy bill alone would be astronomical, but that’s okay since the bill’s been paid for. Jesus’s blood paid for our entry.

Romans 10:9-13 “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” In order for us to get through those pearly gates and past Saint Peter, we must first follow a few simple rules. 1 Corinthians 6:9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,” and Matthew 7:21 “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.” Though the road is narrow in which enters the Kingdom, those who truly devote their hearts to the Lord shall be blessed and given eternal paradise. Revelation 21:21-25 “And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, each of the gates made of a single pearl, and the street of the city was pure gold, transparent as glass. And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there.” A beautiful paradise that Jesus himself called home. Luke 23:43 “And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

When the time comes for each and every one of us to breath our last breath, we need to make sure we’ve readied ourselves for the journey ahead. If you want to live your second life in eternal damnation and fire it’s quite okay to continue living life according to the lusts of the world, but if you want to be different, if you want to leave this life for a place beyond our wildest dreams, make sure you have the right access card. Make sure you don’t forget you need it. You won’t be able to go back and get it later. Believing that Jesus is the only way to Heaven is the golden badge you’ll need. Don’t live your life on the fence because in the end when you swipe, you’ll either get green or red, and red means dead.