Tag: Broken Hearted

If The War is Won, Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing? 

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If The War is Won, Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing? 

I am no stranger to defeat. I am no stranger to heart break. I am no stranger to physical pain. I am no stranger to major health problems. I am no stranger to hard feelings to express and share. I am no stranger to feeling beat down. I am no stranger to being lied too. I am no stranger to feeling guilty for just sharing my feelings. I am no stranger to the darkness, or loneliness. I am no stranger to the feelings of doubt. I am no stranger to the war, or the battles. 

But like the darkness rising again from the fires of mount doom, darkness threatens all of middle earth again. Over the last year the relationships in my life have gotten complicated, strained, and has left me broken hearted. I feel alone in the battle. When I stress how I feel the response is empty. When I express my concerns, or hard truths, I find myself in the midst of conversation by myself. It seems I walk this path alone. The moment the battle is tough, I look around to see those around me are gone. 

How does the messiah feel with his disciples fleeing for their own safety rather than follow Him to the cross? We know that Jesus knew everything. We know that He knows the hearts of those around Him. But when everyone who claimed they loved Him were gone, how does the Messiah feel? Alone, just His mother, Mary, and John. Does He feel betrayed? He went to the cross for the ungrateful. He went to the cross for the liars, and the broken promises. He went to cross for the murderers, and the cheaters. He went to the cross for the selfish. He went to the cross for me. He went to the cross for you. 

In this life I have often found myself facing the darkness without someone next to me to help me. I have often found myself alone, crying out to the Lord to not leave me. I have often said I’m not afraid of anything, but today I find myself realizing that’s not entirely accurate. I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of the sin within. I’m afraid of the monster that wants out, that’s clawing at me to break free. I’m afraid of that monster busting through and showing the world the sinner within. The one thing I truly fight is the anger within. When outside forces push me, beat me, whip me, and the darkness rips and tears at my armor to get inside. When loved ones betray me, loved ones lie to me, loved ones abandon me, loved ones know the buttons to push, and push them, the monster breaks free. I’m afraid of myself because I know what I’m capable of. I’m afraid of myself because I know that while I usually have control over it, sometimes, it comes out to play, and when it does those around me see what I try so hard to conceal. God knows my monster, and has helped me keep the emotions in control, but sometimes my flesh is weak. They say that meekness is not weakness, but rather the strength to have power but to have it under control. After years of training and war, I was a changed man. I learned how to take that anger and direct it at my discipline and fierceness on the battlefield. In my civilian life, I put the monster away. But for a long time, it came out every argument, every disagreement, and I would yell and scream. Even if I was right, in the argument, I would get to the point where I’d yell and scream. Sometimes when I was younger, I’d punch and throw things in my anger. Today, that person is few and far between. Today it takes a lot to bring that monster out again. Today, the Lord has given me a spirit of calm, of control. But I am still a sinful fallen creature. While I am better today than I was yesterday, sometimes the monster within breaks through and wreaks havoc in my life. 

I feel like since heart surgery, the emotional part of me has not been comforted. I feel like, while my physical needs are being managed, my heart is being left alone. I cannot share my feelings, or my hardships without it being my fault. I cannot share, without major repercussions. It’s a lonely road, and how I feel doesn’t matter. 

Dax speaks the truth in his Song “To be a Man”

Yeah, I know this life can really beat you down, uh

You wanna scream but you won’t make a sound, uh

Got so much weight that you’ve been holdin’

But won’t show any emotion, as a man, that goes unspoken

That we can’t cry when life gets hard

Unconditional love for women, children and dogs

We know that we just have to play our parts

And don’t nobody give a damn about our broken hearts, yeah

As a man, we gotta pave our way

Our only function is to work and slave

There’s no respect for you if you ain’t paid

You’re disregarded as a human and you can’t complain

And if you ever make it up and actually reach that place

And find a woman that you love and give her your last name

You’ll feel the things that you provide is only why she stays

And when you try to explain, you’ll say

I can’t hide myself

I don’t expect you to understand

I just hope I can explain

What it’s like to be a man (what it’s like to be a man)

It’s a lonely road (it’s a lonely road)

And they don’t care ’bout what you know (care ’bout what you know)

It’s not ’bout how you feel

But what you provide inside that home

Don’t give up, keep fightin’

As a man, our son is our horizon

And our fathers’ actions play a role and we end up like him

So they can’t let us see them hurt

‘Cause we’ll embody what we do and start a generational curse

No wonder most men are so depressed

All the things that they can’t express

They go to war, get thrown on the shelf

Then go back to war with they mental health

Then grab that bottle and ask for help

Try to pull themselves out of hell

Then fall back down and then realize

That they gon’ have to do it themselves

It’s the circle of life, as a man, you provide

They don’t know what you’re worth ’til the day that you die

And that’s when they start cryin’

Then move on to a man to confide in

That’s why we feel

**

They don’t care what you feel. To be a man it seems today you have to hide it. Today you can’t share the hardships inside without them turning on you, and not showing you support or love, or empathy, or even some sympathy. 

Life is hard and it beats you down. Life isn’t fair, and in our struggles as a man, sometimes our walk is just You and Christ. Sometimes this world turns it’s back on good men, and all we can do in our brokenness, and loneliness is to turn to our Abba Father. Since no one, it seems cares about our broken hearts, we can only turn to our God. When I need to explain how I feel, and it falls upon deaf ears in this life, I turn to my Abba Father, and He understands my pain. My God tells me to don’t give up, and to keep fighting. My Abba Father tells me to put on that amor and stand tall. My Abba Father, tells me to look behind and I see my Savior Jesus in the midst of the battle with me. I look around and see the legion of Angels the Lord has sent to comfort me. I look around and see the demons fleeing before a mighty and Holy Jesus. How I feel may be broken, and sometimes I feel alone, but Jesus tells me not to listen to the lies of the Devil. The voice of truth tells me to get up. The voice of truth tells me I have been given a spirit of courage, not of fear. The voice of truth tells me to tighten that armor and continue to resist Satan and his lies. The voice of truth tells me I am a child of God. The voice of truth tells me not to be afraid. The voice of truth says to keep sharing the Gospel of Jesus. The voice of truth tells me to keep living for Him, the Holy one, the one worthy to open the seals. The voice of truth says a legion of angels is ready to fight for me. The voice of truth says I am not alone. I’m not alone in this fight and I never will be. People may fail me, family may forsake me. But my Lord will never leave me nor forsake me, for it is written Matthew 28:19-20 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” 

Jesus told us He will be with us. The Holy Spirit sent to guide us, comfort us, protect us, chastens us, corrects us, heals us. It may be dark, but Jesus is the healer of brokenness. For it is in my brokenness that God’s strength will shine through me. I am a cup hoping the Lord will fill us up. Jesus is who He said He was, and it is our faith that heals us in Christ. My hurting heart, my broken heart, cries out for my Lord and Savior, to come comfort me. To show me the way, and to hold me in His hands. My body is broken, and battered, I am here on the ground, praying for your guidance, your love, your mercy, your peace, your forgiveness, and your holiness. Jesus please walk with me, walk beside me and lift me when I fall. As I sink beneath these ways, please sanctify me, and please lift me up and put me on dry land. For your glory, for your will, will be done. God, you will never leave me nor forsake me, and I am grateful. Jesus, I’ll follow you till the end, till my last breath, I’ll walk this path you have me on. You’re close to the broken hearted, and you’ll make me new. I’ll follow you till the end. Your glory, and will. 

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A Heart In Pieces 

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A Heart In Pieces 

The world has done a pretty good job at telling me I’m a nobody. Even the military tells us we are nobody in basic training. When I was a kid I was bullied to the point I wished I was dead. I believed God had made a mistake in creating me. I felt like I had done something wrong. Why would I have to grow up without a father, why would I grow up with a broken mother, and why would I be abandoned in my greatest times of need? As Dax said, “I can’t hide myself, I don’t expect you to understand.” In recent years I had many people come and go out of my life and after a while I found, the only reason they kept me in their life, was the money I could provide. Was I just an ATM, there for everyone’s withdrawal? To me, it seemed like it. The moment I said no they’d leave. When I was in absolute crisis and chose to end the mental anguish by putting a 9mm hallow point through my shoulder, and nearly dying in the process, on accident, while there were some that came to my bedside, I had more get mad at me and left. Instead of showing love I was shown the door. I was broken, and I didn’t know how to put myself back together. I was disregarded as a human, I couldn’t complain, I had to just accept the cards I was dealt and move on, I wasn’t allowed to feel. I wasn’t allowed to hurt, instead I had to be positive and smile through the tears. 

What good am I today? I have questioned God and I have asked why He would put a mission on my heart, but I wouldn’t have any means to make it so. I have looked around my life and I see chaos everywhere. What am I providing? Am I still just a wallet? Am I just a waist of space taking up air? I feel in my heart that I am broken. I feel my body failing me, and the chronic pain wears on me. I feel the world beating me down, and I feel tired. I have looked for help, but I’m left with crickets. Why is life so hard for me? Why is it that when anyone who enters into my orbit their life seems to turn to hell? Is it my fault? Is it something about me that attacks the attacks from the evil one? I feel the thunderous waves crashing down upon me. I feel like the walls are closing in and I am tired. I can’t provide for my family, I can’t afford a home, I can barely afford anything. This moldy tent is all I have to show for my years of service and sacrifice. 

Lord I know you are the strength giver. You are the light. You are the great Alpha and Omega. You are the great physician; you are the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. You are the merciful, and the author of patience, but I need your peace. You are the God of miracles. Your truth tells me to hold on, and those who are yours, no one will ever pluck from your hand. I do not know why I am here to watch as so many face such hardships. The war wages on all around me, and I feel so deeply as I watch lives fracture and crumble, it’s more than I can bare. 

Lord, you are the lighthouse guiding me home. Lord your love surrounds me. Lord your angels are near to comfort my broken heart. Lord your mercy gives me another day. Lord your grace shows me tomorrows opportunities. Lord your faithfulness lifts me up to remember the promise kept. Lord, my hope, my only hope, is to trust you. To know you are in control, to know you are guiding me home, and you guard my soul. 

Lord, my prayer is that in the midst of so much despair. So much fear, and so much anger, you protect me. The storm outside is nothing compared to the turmoil I feel inside. I know Lord, one day I will be with you in glory. Lord, I know one day my body will no longer be broken. Lord, my wounds will only hurt for a short time left. Lord, I know one day you will call me home, and I will be made new. Lord, I know you took the stripes for me. Lord, I know that the only scars in Heaven will be the scars on you, my Lord. You tasted death so one day I wouldn’t have too. Lord, you faced this world, stepped out of glory for me. Lord, my world is broken, but you will make all the old new. Lord, you catch my tears and you hold them. Lord, you feel my tears I cry for this world, in all it’s brokenness. Lord, you give strength to face the day when I don’t know how I will make it one more step. Lord, you take my fear and you turn it to courage to hold the line for you. As the arrows of the enemy fly all around me, you keep me protected, hidden behind your shield. Your sandals on my feet dig in as the enemy pushes down upon me. Amen Lord, while the thunder rolls, you are there with me. Lord, hold fast this Armor, remind me Lord, you are there, you have never left my side, and while I am broken, and bloody, I am still here. Lord, take my broken heart, piece it back together, and let me be a light for others. Let others look upon me and see you. Let me continue to fight the good fight for your praise, your glory, your purpose. 

Lord, forgive me for my shortcomings. Forgive my sins, and show me the path. Show me how I can do more to serve you. I will praise you in this storm, and I’ll lift my hands. Please watch over my family and be with them in their storms. Please protect them from the evil that means to do them harm. Please as I lift my eyes to you, please look down and protect them. Let your spirit comfort their worries, and turn their fear into courage. Lord you are worthy of praise, and worship. Your will be done. Amen. 

Lord, as Casting Crowns put it, 

I don’t know why you chose me, but you chose 12 nobodies and you changed the world. I don’t know why you chose me, but I’m just a nobody, tryin’ to tell everybody, all about somebody who saved my soul. 

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Learn to Love Again

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Learn to Love Again

Battered and broken, the heart splits and tears, shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor. You can see them looking down, what’s more, you don’t know what to feel. The hearts broken glass, sharp and jaded, and you don’t think there’s any glue strong enough to put the pieces back together again.

 

I was thinking of the heart as Humpty Dumpty and when broken can it be mended, put back together? The truth is, sometimes it may not feel like it but the heart does heal. It’s a wonderful feeling when the veil of darkness begins to lift and the brightness of life begins to shine through, and providing warmth for the heart. The scars are there, and some pain remains, but God heals, and gives us what we need. Psalm 147:3 (NKJV)3 “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”  God protects over us, watches us, and guards our hearts. Much like Jesus was guarded as scripture foretold, God will guard the brokenhearted.Psalm 34:18-20 (NKJV)18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20 He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken.”

 

Recently I met someone, and to say it’s complicated may be an understatement. As we look towards what tomorrow may bring, I remind myself to maintain what love is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13(NKJV)4 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

 

Love can be found when God is involved anywhere, no matter the distance, and no matter how two people meet. While there are challenges, and hurdles to jump through, when two people live for God, and trust in God, anything is possible. Since the greatest of all things is Love, it’s love that truly mends a broken heart. The Love of Christ shows us the way, heals and binds the pieces. When we trust in Jesus the impossible becomes possible. While tomorrow is never known, and the outcome is always uncertain to us, God knows our hearts, God knows our path, and if tomorrow is meant to be together, God will show how, and will remove major barriers. Having faith is so important to set the fears aside, and face the tough challenges, but knowing that nothing in this life worth having that is easy to get.

 

While my heart still worries about tomorrow, I know that there is concern on both sides, and it could be a high stakes round and there’s a lot to loose. On the flip side however, there is so much to gain, so much love, so much joy to be found and if it’s God’s plan it will work. Putting God first is always the only way to live, and it’s through God, and in Jesus Christ joy is found. Tomorrow will come without my help, and I have faith that the world will turn and keep on turning, and all I have to do is live Christ like, and listen to my Abba for my path, and He will show me the way. Argie you are a beautiful, and a smart woman, you are kind and compassionate, and don’t loose hope, don’t loose faith, and always put the Lord first. Continue to be open about your concerns, your hope, your joys, and your dreams, and pray above all to God. Learning to love again, and learning to trust is only possible, truly possible, when God is first always.

Evidence Isn’t Fact

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Evidence Isn’t Fact

What is evidence? Evidence:“the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.” While this is true, one must consider that in a crime scene everything is gathered as evidence, and it’s weeded through to determine what is part of the case, and what isn’t.

For many years I’ve looked at a series of situations and placed a verdict based on the evidence, however, recently a new perspective was given to those situations and it’s fundamentally changed my view that all these years, I may have been wrong. In the book Cold Case Christianity By, J Warner Wallace explains the need to be objective when looking at the evidence at a crime scene. He describes a homicide and the importance of having an objective mindset free of any preconceived dispositions. I was looking at only one piece of evidence and I wasn’t examining the big picture. While the one small piece of evidence alone could have given me the end conclusion, those facts with other facts however offer a different explanation of the events. How foolish I’ve been for so long, believing I was the total cause. I put so much weight on the fact that just because I was present in different situations that I was the cause for those things to happen. I believed my self worth was based on the outcome of these cumulative events. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I have spent years coming to a conclusion about myself, and while this new point of view is new, and exciting, change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to retrain your brain to believe something. Overwriting the original code isn’t easy, but when you consider your brain being a computer, and you need to change an idea, or a behavior, you must first learn how to hack in to the brain, and then you must learn to write new code to overwrite the old. This isn’t easy, and it takes time, but if it’s important to you, you can do it.

When you need to know what truth is, if you’re questioning where you stand, and you’re not sure where you should stand, scripture is clear, Romans 8:31“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” God is always behind us, next to us, in front of us, protecting us and if we are listening guiding us to safety. We cannot stay in our pain or sorrow. We must not focus on the people that hurt us, or those who leave us. While it’s true, people may say things that are harmful, even walk away from a friendship because they are hurting, but all we can do is pray, try to realize it may not be at fault for their departure.

Having friends leave is absolutely heartbreaking, especially when there isn’t a clear reason. The pain felt as it feels that yet another person is abandoning what seemed to be a good relationship cannot be understated. While many may look at a departure as ‘their loss’ for me and my injuries over the years it’s harder for me to look at it that way because of the cumulative effect. Having to look back over the years and evaluate my part in failed friendships, relationships, marriages, I have to understand that that I may not be at fault in each instance. I need to understand that while there will be some culpability; it may not be more then 50%. The losses I’ve experienced just in the last seven days alone have been hurtful and have created a resurgence of a worthless stance of my self-esteem.

I’ve struggled a great deal with the wonder and question as to why so many have left. It’s been said that I feel more deeply than some, that I hold on tighter than others, and in that, I hurt so much more when people show I am not valued in their life. I turn to scripture for guidance and peace, and while wounds are fresh, it can be difficult to find comfort so quickly. But, as a faithful Christian, I know that God can heal, and help my soul, and mend my broken heart. Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”  God is with me no matter the day, no matter the hour and it’s in His presence that peace will be given. 1 Chronicles 16:11 (ESV)“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”

While I started writing about looking at the evidence as to why those have left my life, I was faced with that very thing in the writing of this post. I don’t know or understand why someone would leave when I thought my presence was actually wanted and appreciated in their life. I don’t believe I did anything harmful, or hurtful, or intrusive, but I cannot allow the actions of others to define who I am. I know I try to serve others by being there for them, by helping them, by being Godly counsel for them, and trying to be what I can to help. This help isn’t always wanted, and sometimes as I mentioned in yesterdays post https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/10/09/parasite/

Some people may come into your life and take all they can and leave when they’ve had their fill. This is an inevitable part of life as a counselor, pastor, or doctor. You won’t always be able to help everyone, you can’t always save everyone, and no everyone wants to be saved. All we can do is step back, and peal it off of our own hearts and give it up to God. This may be one of the hardest things to do as a Christian, and in a position where you are a giver and a protector to those in pain, hurting, and suffering. The evidence is, clear, and tallied, that sometimes you have done all you can and it wasn’t ever going to be enough because some things are just out of your control. A little boy left alone in a blood filled house, has no control over the actions of those around him. A girl who’s mother walked away and chose to have nothing to do with her daughter and the anger and resentment built over a lifetime, sometimes there’s nothing that little girl can do to fix anything when mom passes away unexpectedly. It hurts, and the pain and grief is very real. We all do things when we hurt, and sometimes we are just caught in the crossfire of life innocent and free from blame. Life up one another, and be there for one another. Don’t let time pass you by in anger because by the time you want to make amends, it may be too late. We may look at the evidence spread around us, but it takes a trained, unbiased eye to root out what is part of the incident, and what’s just there.

Go with God, and trust in God to see you through the darkest of storms. It’s hard to do, but seek Godly counsel, and friends who will help carry you through. God will always give us the tools we need to do any job, but we must look for them and put forth effort. No matter what happens, as time goes on, we will be faced with tough situations, and hard times, and it’s in those times when we are hurt we must forgive, and pray. We can’t allow the pain to build, along with the anger, to stay with us because it will affect every aspect of your lives, and mine as well. Walk in peace, and love, and forgiveness. Walk knowing we are forgiven for being sinners, as we will forgive others for sinning against us. We must ask for forgiveness for those we have wronged, and understand we aren’t always at fault for the things that happens to us. Don’t hold weight for things you aren’t responsible for, but be a Christian and take responsibility for what your actions have caused. Don’t get caught up in the past, and make sure you are looking at situations objectively.

 

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Encouragement

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Encouragement

You might be going through so much today, broken hearted, jobless, health issues, family problems, no matter what you’re going through know that Psalm 118:24“Today is the Lord has made so be glad and rejoice in it.” We can worry ourselves sick, and we can stress over everything going on in our lives, but and I get it, it’s easy to forget the most important thing to remember, God is still on the Throne. I know what it’s like to see the worst humanity has to offer. I know what it’s like to face unknown health problems. I have been through two horrible divorces, so I know that there are days when the world seems like its going to fall down on your head. Rest assured it isn’t, and no matter how dark it may seem today, Jesus is always with you. If you feel you can’t make it, just start with baby steps. Realize that tomorrow is a tomorrow problem. If you can’t face tomorrow, face today. You are a child of the King, and you are royalty, made for a purpose. Jesus loves you, and as you are known before you took your first breath, know that God knows every hair on your head, and you are just the way He wants you to be. Tomorrow might look scary, and you may think there’s no way out of your current situation but there always is. God never sends us into a problem without the tools to fix it. God always equips us to handle any situation we may face. Sometimes that’s the people God puts in our path, sometimes it’s a song on the radio, but He always gives us what we need. It’s our job to go through life with an open heart, and a love of Jesus Christ, and trusting and having faith in our place with the Lord. No matter if our path is to beautiful streams, green pastures, or the valley of death, the Lord is with you always.

I have had my share of ups and downs, and lately the struggle of depression has been very real for me. I have questioned if I’d be alone for the foreseeable future, and I’ve wondered if my living situation would ever change. I have doubted my self worth, and I have questioned my place in this world. You aren’t weak if you ask yourself these things, or if you feel these things, you’re normal. Dealing with life can be difficult, but when you truly understand that Jesus is the Truth, The way, the life, we know that there is hope on the horizon. It can be hard to see sometimes, and through the pounding of the storm, it can most certainly be hard to hear, but know that Christ is walking next to you every step of the way. When we are at our lowest we often search for meaning, we want answers to why we’re suffering, and it’s simple, sinful world. Our suffering is caused by our own sin, the sin of others, or just nature. Christ overcame sin, and gave us something to look forward to. Remember though even in our salvation, is a story of pain and sacrifice. Jesus bore the cross, took the beating, faced the pain, and the ridicule so we wouldn’t die without hope. Who are we to think we won’t suffer a little along the way if our own savior suffered for us? The Apostles were without hope in this days and nights after Christ’s crucifixion. They were lost and discouraged, but the morning came on the third day and Christ returned. The doubts were laid to rest as they found he was truly resurrected. After that they went with hope, with love, and with confidence to face the world in which they would most surely die for what they would preach. They didn’t fear what would come, so why should we? We may not have been able to walk with Jesus, but Jesus walks with us, and is in our hearts if we only let Him change our lives. Jesus can heal a broken heart, can give us peace in the storms, and show us the way through the fire. All we are asked is not to be afraid, and be courageous. Find your strength in Christ, and never give up the fight.

Have a Fighting Heart

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Have a Fighting Heart

There are nights we hurt, when the lies of the days, or the weeks have just gotten us down. There are years when we feel like no matter what we’ve done we aren’t good enough. There are years when we experience so much pain we don’t know how we’d ever be able to put ourselves back together. There are times when the bullies never stop, the attacks continue to come, and no matter how hard we try to run away from the pain it seeks us out, finds us, and breaks us into a million little pieces. The thing with trying to put yourself back together is you can’t. You cannot ever put together a broken heart, or a broken spirit because you didn’t make it. You don’t have the instructions so when you try to do it on your own, you’re without a doubt going to get it wrong. There’s an answer to how to fix the broken things in your life, and that’s Jesus Christ.

In my youth I struggled with bullies to the point where I cried to God to let me die in my sleep. I hated who I was, where I came from, and wanted nothing more then to hide and never be seen again. I know I wasn’t worth anything. I wondered if I ever could be loved, and I questioned how God could have made such a mistake in me. As years passed I slowly buried those feelings, and I found a fighting nature. I grew up placing my value in what other saw in me, and I missed the meaning behind the Gospels. I would watch as one person after another leave for one reason or another, and I would continue to pile that pain, all those rejections into the closet and dead bolted the door. I had no idea how to feel better, or what to do to fix my brokenness. I made mistakes, and sadly I would pay for them. I had the best of intentions to try and put humpty dumpty back together again but every time I tried there were chips and cracks that seemed to be spreading out further and further into my own psyche. Those cracks largely affected my self-esteem and as I watched one person after another leave I questioned my worth and my value to the point it very nearly killed me. There’s a important lesson to be learned in all of this however and that’s without Christ we are nothing. Without the love and grace given to us by God we would be hopeless in a dark world, condemned to an eternity of fiery torment and torture.

While I was driving to Church a new song I’d never heard before came on K-Love, Beautiful by MercyMe. The song seemed to come right through the radio and place a healing hand over my heart. The lyrics spoke to my cracked and fractured heart, and I realized, for so many years I had missed my healing all along. It’s not about how other see me, it’s how God sees me, and that God has given each and every one of us gifts, and talents to use, to bring His name Glory. We are so important to God, yet we don’t value ourselves very well. If you are sitting there reading this and if you believe you’re not worth anything, just take a moment to remember that Jesus Christ wants a relationship with you. You are made for so much more then you’ll ever know. God tells us in scripture that one hair on our head is more important the all the birds. We need to have the heart to fight because in this world of spiritual warfare we must not allow the lies of the Devil to break us down. The lies we are told are not truth, and we cannot keep them inside as if they were. We must rid ourselves of those negative hurtful thoughts, and remember that we are treasured by God and not one of us is created as a throw away. Every single one of us has a divine purpose by God. Every single one of us is given talents we must learn to use. Every single one of us is exceptional, and unique. We must keep our eyes focused on the Lord, and let the healing touch of Christ cover us like a warm blanket and remind us just how extraordinary we are. We all have a purpose and we aren’t alone in our walk. 1 Peter 4:11 (NKJV)11 “If anyone speaks, let him speak as the [a]oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the [b]dominion forever and ever. Amen.” In all things we do through our pain or our triumphs we must do it to the glory of God. If we are not using our gifts we are wasting them. We know that nothing goes to waist in our universe. Matter cannot be destroyed, just changed, so we know that we are here for a purpose. We can choose to waist our potential, or we can rise above the challenges and be something great before the eyes of God. To read more about the dangers of wasting your talents I urge you to read the parable by Jesus in Matthew 25:14-30https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+25%3A14–30&version=NKJV

 

Beautiful By: MercyMe

Days will come when you don’t have the strength
When all you hear is you’re not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart, they’d see too much

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred
You are His
You’re beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight
‘Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you’ve held inside so long
They are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred
You are His
You’re beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You’re the one He madly loves
Enough to die

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
In His eyes
You’re beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are his
You’re beautiful
You are meant for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are his

 

Melting Away

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Melting Away

Have you ever looked at the snow when the weather changes? Watching as the small piles shrink down, melting away to just a small puddle of water, I find a similar connection to what happens in the heart as well. When we describe someone who shows a lack of emotions we often call them cold. Someone who’s uncaring demeanor gives chill and a cold stare that seems to go right through you. Why are some people so cold, so uncaring?

When people are hurt and undergo deep traumas it’s very common for people to retreat within themselves and shut people out. The heart freezes over and people think it’s better never to depend on someone again. Closing people out and walking away from a life built is always a result of some form of external attack and when we feel pain it’s easy to recoil. I’ve seen this happen to the people I’ve loved. I’ve been the victim of the closing of a heart, the deep freeze that left me removed and broken myself.

While my heart isn’t icy, it is broken. The fractured pieces of what’s left hanging on by threads. The destruction of my life left me wondering so much about myself. What had I done to deserve this? Was this my fault? Could I have done anything differently? Why had I been forsaken? Did I do something to anger God to deserve this punishment? There was fear that flooded over me making me wonder if I’d ever be happy again. There deep in my heart a virus took hold, it invaded and took up camp, the virus of lies by the Devil. I began to question everything and everyone wondering if I could ever trust again. What had been done to me would leave a break deep down and it didn’t seem like there was enough glue to put it back together.

It’s been 481 days since my world fell apart. In that time I’ve begun to care about others, and I’ve seen glimmers of hope that the future, my future, could actually have a bright sunrise over it. With each hopeful day, I’ve watched them disintegrate in front of me. It’s hard not to let my heart freeze over. I am to much of a hopeless romantic, and I believe in love so deeply that I keep the hope and faith in my heart. Sadly this isn’t the case for other people and they remain frozen. I’ve seen my fair share of those who live their lives with the cold chill deep inside and all I’ve been able to do for them is pray. Praying is often the only thing you can do for people who suffer. Show them you love them, be there for them and show them the warmth of that love. Be the warm hug for them, the rays of sun that maybe one day will be strong enough to melt away the frozen heart.

True love is the only thing that can melt a frozen heart. True love doesn’t come from a person thought it comes from the Lord above. God so loved the world He gave his only Begotten Son, to be born, to live, to love, and then love so much to sacrifice himself to the world of man. The blood spilt would break the chains and fix the broken bond between God and man. The love of God is strong and can heal any wound. The relationship with God however is a door, and if you want to feel the warmth that love has to offer you have to offer God to enter your heart. God will knock and will never step off that porch, but it’s up to you to de-thaw the locks and open that door, allowing God to enter your heart. The change will be in an instant once you do. The old self will burn away leaving the new you. When you allow God into your heart and it thaws you open yourself up to allow yourself to love others more deeply then you ever thought you could. Letting God in is a choice and there is no risk, only reward.

Letting yourself be open to others there is a risk. When you go to the grocery store and you are picking vegetables you don’t usually take home the first one you picked up. Not every vegetable is right for you. People aren’t made the same, and while we are all unique individuals, some people will not be a good fit for you. Sometimes you may feel more for the other person then they do you, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there for you. Sometimes, like myself, you will be hurt from the people you loved most in this world. All you can do is lick your wounds for a while and get back out there. God wants his children to be happy, and for every heartbreak, every tear we shed, God suffers right along with us. We must not let the Devil win for our icy heart is exactly what he wants. Satan wants us to close out God, close out our brothers and sisters in the blood of Christ. Satan wants that divide to expand and let the ice spread forcing out everything we once found joy in. We can’t allow the Devil to win that war. We must take back our destiny and let God thaw the frozen tundra inside ourselves. Let the snow and ice melt revealing a big red heart that still beats. Let the world see the joy within your heart, and the love you have to give. Bless someone’s life by loving them, and allowing someone to love you. You may feel alone right now, but take chances and eventually you’ll find your vegetable.

Beware the frozen heart and don’t let pain be the reason your heart freezes over. Don’t allow anything to freeze your heart. Everyone out there has so much to offer and while pain is a part of life, you can’t let it ruin the wonders God might have planned for you. Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

 I’m reminded of a song that both seems somewhat accurate and gives me a smile even though when you think about it, it’s actually pretty sad. Often times I think these things about my two loving dogs. I have found my dogs don’t hurt me. They always make me feel loved. Sometimes I feel dogs might be better then people.

Raindeers are better then people : Frozen

Reindeers are better than people
Sven, don’t you think that’s true?
Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you
Every one of em’s bad, except you

Even though we live in a fallen world, and Sin is a plague upon the land, there are still good people out there. They may not always be easy to find, and sometimes even the good people will let you down, and sometimes those good people will hurt you. The point is, you can’t shut the world out just because you may get hurt. While catchy the song Let It Go is so wrong for so many reasons. Now don’t misunderstand, I love the song, but it talks about isolating yourself away from the world. One thing I will say is for all the pain you’ve suffered, and the heartbreak your going through, you at some point need to “Let it Go”. You can’t stay in the past, so you must let it go, and move forward. Rise to the new you, you can be. You can be a person full of life, and full of love. You can bring joy to yourself, and you can be a joy to others. You don’t have to be the perfect you, just be the you that God would be proud of.

The last thing you need to do is isolate yourself. Stay away from closing yourself off, and retreating inside yourself. While we all need times of reflection, and quiet time with ourselves and with God, to much time is unhealthy. It’s okay to share your frustrations, your anger, your pain, in fact you don’t want to keep those things in. When you take some time and really reflect, it’s likely you will notice that the problems of yesterday don’t seem so big. Find yourself peace, but allowing God to be in charge of the steering wheel. Put the controls to defrost, and watch as your icy interior is melted away. God can do anything if we just let Him in.

 

Rediscover

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Rediscover

The song plays in the distance, Moon River by Melissa Benoist. I have a dream to cross over the rainbow to find my Oz. A journey of discovery to find who I’m meant to be, I walk a path that seems black and white and without color we aren’t truly alive. Over the rainbow lies a land of magic, of color, of wonders beyond our wildest imagination. How do I get there I wonder, how do I take the step, then the leap to see if I can fly? I find myself scared to do what is necessary. I struggle to think about what if I’m making a huge mistake? The butterfly’s in my stomach doing summersaults, and as I watch a part of my life close, I wonder how did all this happens, I’m left with no answers. Life was good, moving forward, and I liked where I was. It’s so difficult closing a book when it’s over. A book that caught you, that grabbed every bit of your essence, and knowing that it’s done, it’s hard to grasp the finality of what’s come to pass. It’s clear now, that where I’m meant to is not where I thought I’d be. My life changed in an instant and in a year I found myself fighting a duality. I feel as if I’ve been split into two people and I barely recognize either of them. The man I see in the mirror I don’t recognize. The family that never would be, the career that ended before it flew, the awards that now gather dust in a box, all for nothing.

I know I never followed the typical path, but now I question why. What is it about me that so much bad have happened in a single lifetime? I look down at the cross I wear on my finger. The words of the armor are the reminder to remain strong and to fight the urge to crumble. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and the urge to cry comes. I don’t know what’s waitin’ round the bend for me, and I don’t know if I have a friend waiting for me. I feel like I’m falling apart. My resolve seems to be shaken, and now I question everything. Of course when the going gets tough the answers are found in only two places. 1. Scripture, 2. Godly counsel.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

 My Lord, you must think I’m strong because I feel like the weight of the world is crushing me. Where is the light at the end of these hard times? Where’s the grace when the world isn’t fair? Where’s the faith I need to stand strong in the raging storm?

Rediscover 3Looking back at the person I once was I liked who I was back then. I look back and see the strength to take on the world, to overcome anything that came, and I was. I was a happier person, I was full of joy, and life. Today I feel so removed from then. I feel like the scars have built up and now I don’t see who I was any longer. I survived a war and through that I felt more me then I do now. The suffering from combat left me looking at the person in the mirror and I saw someone new. Now I look into the mirror and I see so little of my old self-looking back. It looks like me, but broken, fogged over through the steam that covers the glass. I wipe away the dew on the glass and I see the mask looking back at me.

God, I am broken today. I feel lost and I feel broken. My God I ask for healing today, and could healing happen today? My Lord on high you’ve watched me fall, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me bleed, so I ask you on this day, to stand here with me broken together. Help pick me up and guide me along the right path. I don’t know which way’s up, or which ways down, I’m lost at sea with no stars to guide me. My fairy tale has broken down and like Humpdy Dumpdy I thought maybe I couldn’t be put back together again. Today I fall to my knees and I pray and pray, and I know that there’s only one hope for me, God’s love and God’s healing grace. I know that in this trial I’ve been tested. As many have before I me, I lean upon the words of prophesy.

Revelation 2:10 “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” God you’ve never left my side even in the storm, even as I faced death, you carried me back on wings of grace. You saved me for a purpose and even when I don’t know what that is, you do. You have given me a second chance to praise you in the storm, and no matter the waves that pound against me I won’t back down, I won’t stop fighting. My God my God, you have seen me through the war, you have seen me loose it all, you’ve seen me stumble, you’ve seen me fall, but today as I cry and feel like I can’t go on, I feel the strength come from above. As I sit and write I cry and the moment I start my dog lays her head in my lap. You use her to remind me you’re still there.

I am reminded that I need you Lord because the worlds to big. I stop and I listen, I quite my mind, and I reach down deep to hear your voice again. It’s with me always but sometimes I forget. Lord you cover me with the grace of your Angels, you protect me from harm, and you lift my soul. You rescue me from the Devil’s snare and one day you will call me home. While today is not that day, and nor was it yesterday or the times before, you have watched over me.

While I sit and seek tomorrow I pray the rainbow is bright. I see my wonderland and through the keyhole I ask if I seek, someday will I find, someone to watch over me. The future is a question we can’t be afraid of. We must grab life by the horns and must learn to leap so we may fly. While I’m not sure where I’m going, or what I’m doing, I know that I must take the leap of faith, and I know this journey will be one for me to rediscover who I am. Often when a chapter ends, or even the book the next phase is to relearn, rediscover who you are, or who you’re meant to be.

Rediscover 2

I Can Go The Distance

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I’m meant to be

I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong

As I keep going in this life, I know I will one day find that welcome. I remain on the path, and one day I will finish the song.

I will search the world, I will face its harms
‘Till I find my hero’s welcome waiting in your arms

 

 

 

 

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

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How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

After 9 months of trying deeply to let go of the pain inside it has a habit of coming back strong and stronger. The feeling inside my chest, the emptiness that resides like a sledgehammer pounding on my chest and insides day in and day out. It never relents and as each day begins with a breath, the empty bed, the darkness, the quiet room all breaks my heart over and over.

The simple truth is I don’t know how to mend a broken heart. I’ve never been very good at it. What I can say is don’t do what I’ve done. With any pain there’s a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to soar. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” For every amount of pain, every instances of joy, of pain and sorrow, of worry, of concern, of peace and war, there is a time for it all. I was recently talking with someone who’s marriage has fallen apart and she said so many people are there surrounding her all the time she wishes she had some alone time. Whilst me, I’m alone at work, I’m alone at home, and nearly every day it’s the same. There is a healthy balance in the grieving stage when you must get out of the house, you must spend time with people, but you also need to be able to sit back and reflect.

When we are heavy laden we must learn to turn to God and allow God into our hearts to lift us up. Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Also, Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Giving your sorrows to the Lord is something that comes with practice, but it’s not a magic wand, it won’t make you feel better that second. Loosing a loved one is always difficult and it doesn’t matter if they die or walk away. Truthfully the only true way to heal from heartbreak is to let time move on, distract yourself often, surround yourself by people who will help lift you up, and get out get out get out of the house. You cannot sit in the house surrounded by memories and expect to feel better.

God Gave Me You,

I’ve been a walking heartache

I’ve made a mess of me

The person that I’ve been lately

Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me

Watch as the storm goes through

And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

For when I think I’ve lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it’s true

God gave me you

 The truth behind this is Jesus. Jesus is here for us in the ups and downs. Jesus is here for us when we loose our way, but Jesus the everything in the world we’ve ever needed, even when we don’t know what we need. Jesus is our sword, our sword of vengeance, and our shield of protection. The morrow will come and when it does the world will continue to turn. Our pain will still be here, but will you get up with me and put on our big boy and big girl pants and continue to fight through the pain? Day in and day out no matter the trials we face we must continue to push through. We will never be the same again after this, but we need to learn to do one thing. We must, MUST learn to not give away the power over our happiness. We must learn to hold onto that for us and us alone. We cannot allow someone to break us like this over and over again. We must love everyone, we must love ourselves, but knowing that Christ is with us is the only power we should be giving away. Trusting in the Lord is a given, but trusting someone else with the button to control our foundation is a fatal mistake.

We know that there will never be a day promised without pain except the day after we breathe our last. The day we awake in Heaven is the day we will be without sorrow, without pain, without suffering. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Until the day comes when the world is wiped away, or we are called home, pain is apart of our life, apart of our journey. Somehow, we must learn to embrace it, and use it to get us through our problems, one step at a time. No matter what book you read, what blog you’ll read, or any advice you’ll ever hear, the answers for recovery is not simple, nor can anyone help you through every part of your journey. And since there is no right answer to a quick fix, no straightforward course of action to make the pain go away all we can do is pray to God to help us on our journey, help us with the direction we must go. We must turn to Christ during our times of need because it’s in those times of need when we can be assured God is with us always.

 

 

The Grass Ain’t Greener

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The Grass Ain’t Greener      

Recently as some of you who read my blogs have already figured out I suffered a horrible separation. Because of that this topic’s been weighing on my mind. Often when we look across the yard and things look pretty good. We look at other peoples lives, we look at what others have, we look to other people and we often think how good they have it, or how great it would be to own that, or even how good it would be to be with someone else. We usually call this the grass is greener phase. The thing about this phase is, it’s a lie. The Devil has been perpetrating this lie since the original day of sin. The day in the garden Satan convinced Eve that life would be better after eating from the tree of knowledge. He convinced her that living a life with open eyes would be better then that which God had created for them. The Devil made it sound like the grass was greener on the other side. The sad part was once Eve stepped over to the other side and realized how wrong she was the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed. The fall from grace had happened and now the beautiful grass she once had died, and she could never have that life back again.

When we pursue the greener grass we are looking through a distorted keyhole lens that only shows us what we want to see, not what we need to see. How often do we hear the stories about people crossing over to the other side just to find out it’s not great at all, and they wish they could go back. The sad part is when you cross over and then in doing so you destroy not only your life but also others around you. Recently in my life I knew a couple that had been together for about 10 years or so. The father had gone through a horrible divorce because his first wife had an affair and destroyed the marriage. After a while of healing he met a new woman who’d become his second wife. They would have a great life, a great house, their children became a family, and at least from the spectator point of view their life looked pretty good. OF course there are things we never see from the outside, but I know I was a bit envious of everything they had. I found out rather suddenly that she had an affair, lied about it, continued the affair, and it quickly fell apart. She destroyed her own career, she broke the hearts of the kids, broke her husbands heart and as he suffered this kind of loss now for the second time his pain now unimaginable. I’ve not talked to her since then but the question is ‘was it worth it?’ Though I’ll never have the answer I have to imagine at some point the rose goggles will be removed and the beauty will turn to ash.

In my own life I have suffered something very similar. Two wives, two affairs, and as with the first time, the second time has left me broken and displaced. This time around my faith is guiding me. This time around I am stronger than I was before. This time I know I have more to offer. I heard a saying once a few years ago, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Marriage isn’t easy sometimes, and sin pulls at our hearts and all manner of earthly desires but when you get married it’s for life, it’s not for as long as it’s convenient. The idea of sin in the marriage such as divorce is repugnant to God. The old saying is you can look but don’t touch apparently is more of a guideline these days. Even looking can be a pitfall if it becomes envy or lust. There are so many people out there who have spouses who became cheaters, so many relationships fail because of infidelity. God’s heart breaks watching so many relationships crumble because of such things. Genesis 2: 21:22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.” Woman was made to be of one flesh. Woman was made so man wouldn’t be alone, and vise versa. When two people marry they become one flesh. They are devoted and when there is infidelity the heartbreak that’s caused can be deeper then some can handle. I wish we could have the eyes of God to see what God see’s within the hearts of those broken by infidelity, by lies, by deceits. I wish those who do such evil things knew how it feels to be on the receiving end. I wish I knew or understood the minds and hearts of those who do this to others. I wish that we could receive Gods love for humanity. I wish we loved as God loves.

Much like the man from my story earlier I feel the pain he feels, I have seen through his eyes, and I know the pain of the knife, the pain of betrayal, the sting of lies. Was the grass greener, I may never know, but I know my future looks bright. For every tragedy we face in our lives there is a potential for great redemption. In every tragedy God is working to use it for the betterment of our lives. No matter how much pain we face, no matter how much sorrow or anger that’s in our hearts letting go of that poison and finding a new pasture to raise your home is the first step. Forgiveness and letting go of that anger and hate, saying it a thousand times over, letting yourself weep and feel, ‘I forgive you.’ You must learn to believe in the goodness of people. You must learn that each person you encounter is not the last. Holding onto anger and holding onto hatred are chains for your very soul that leave you stuck in the place that, that wound first happened and you can’t break free till you face the pain head on. You must fight the urge to stay angry, you must fight the urge to hate. We are not the judge and we are not the jury. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” We are not to hold onto the cancer that holds us back.

When our worlds fall down because of someone else and it looks like our grass is dying, and we feel we’ll never be whole again remember that tears of healing may fall and will water your grass. Let them flow, let the healing begin and watch as God uses the miraculous to change your life. Every day you must learn to take care of your own yard, tend to your garden, tend to your flock and watch as the healing waters sprout new life into your life and sooner than you think your grass will be green and full of life. The glory of our lives and our calamities all belong to the grace of God. God sees the pain, feels the pain, and endures the pain. God was with Jesus on that Cross, and as we fight to bare our own cross Christ our Lord, one with the Father Abba is with us on our cross. The whips that strike us strike God. The words that cut our hearts cut the heart of God. Nothing we go through in this life affects only us. As I have grown a great deal I have found that the wounds I’ve endured over these last 8 months are not mine alone, and I wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for God. I myself broke Gods heart 8 months ago, and I have to pray and ask for that forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me as I was dying in that ambulance and hearing the voice of God “You’re forgiven” I woke and new life was breathed into my chest. The only grass that’s greener in our lives we won’t find here. It’s only when we go home, when we finally reach our place in paradise will the grass ever be greener. Don’t loose sight of the promise made and remember God’s promise to us is not empty, it’s full of truth and life.

When the world tries to lure you away from your own piece of grass, when you are being tempted to cross over that fence, remember not only will your grass die where you were, there will be no blessing on the land where you are headed. Have faith that if you are on the fence and you are thinking of crossing over because you feel life would be better on the other side, think of Matthew 4:29-31 “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Much like Peter we must trust in the Lord will not let us be consumed by the storm. When you are struggling in your relationship there’s always a better way. Fight for your relationship, fight with everything you’ve got and trust in the Lord to save you when times are darkest.