Tag: Broken Heart

The Road Less Traveled 

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

The Road Less Traveled 

I woke up and the pain was worse than it was the night before. Throughout the day the pain medication just wasn’t working anymore. A call to the hospital nurse on duty led to the decision to visit the local bed and breakfast. That’s what I like to call the local VA. One, two and then three scans later, all I was expecting to find was some gas build up in my right shoulder, a residual from the surgery. What happened next is still difficult for me to talk about. When I do, I choke down my tears, stiffen that upper lip, and keep moving forward. While yes, there was gas in my shoulder, what the scans found was far more ominous. A ticking time bomb, For years I’ve been walking around, living my life, as if there were nothing wrong. How wrong could I have been? That’s how we live our life though isn’t it? Do we ever wake up and consider our own mortality? Is today the day we are to die? No one looking to the future thinks about all the hardships they will endure. People generally consider the future in a positive light, even though our lives are testament to the hardships we endure, our futures in our minds are bright and full of life. Scripture tells us the dangers of making claims of what we might do tomorrow. James 4:13-15. After hearing probably the hardest news of my life, aside from my ex-wife’s affair, I have been faced with the realization that life never goes the way we intend. Instead of traveling this holiday, I will be recovering from a life altering surgery. Who wakes up one morning from routine surgery only to find out the life they’ve been given is in danger of ending because of a silent killer inside their chest? The scans showed that I have an inflamed aorta in my heart. Unfortunately there is only one way to fix it, and that’s to have open heart surgery. The blow to one’s psyche is beyond anything I have faced. Learning of this heart defect has been the hardest emotional battle of my life. The enormous amounts of feeling I have felt is nothing I’ve experienced. Even having gone through two affairs, this emotional trial is not the same. I have felt responsible for causing hardship upon my family. I have felt weak. I have felt scared, and even worthless. I have felt as if my faith is weak, but I know it is not. Heart surgery will not be the end of me. God provided the scans to find it now, rather than me dying one random day from an aorta rupture. Five months ago I engaged in a foot race with one of the youth from church. The hernia on my right side bulged. It put me in the hospital to lead to surgery to repair not one but two hernias. Here in November I have surgery and a week later I have complications which put me in the emergency room. Doing scans to find out if there was gas in my shoulder from the surgery, something unusual showed up, an enlarged aorta. God it seems has spared me, but for what, I do not know. 

In the last few days I have experienced random bouts of crying for reasons unknown. Even though I have accepted what is to come, my mind seems to be working through the heaviness I feel. While I have the utmost faith in God, and trust His plan, the weight is still heavy, and at times feels crushing. How does one reconcile their faith, and the flesh feelings that flood my mind? The enigma of my mind does not escape my attention. “Why, am I crying?” has been a statement I’ve often said recently. What has years of therapy done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. What has years of hardship done for me? I believe it has prepared me for this day. While people often say, “God never gives you more than you can handle,” is not actually true. That’s not what the scripture says. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” The way to escape, what does that mean? The way to escape is putting your hope and faith in Christ, Jesus. Growing closer to the spirit and allowing the spirit to dwell within you. By placing your joy upon Jesus Christ, so nothing can take it from you.

While I have experienced many hardships in my life, and I have felt strongly about some of them, this particular issue has affected me differently than those before. While my broken heart during my divorce was real, and I had very strong emotions, this literal broken heart is a different kind of emotion. While I do not know the future, I have attempted to make plans after heart surgery. This has allowed me the opportunity to control some of the emotions by building hope into the equation. When we have something to look forward to, it often gives us a positive outlook on the negative event. The silver lining perhaps. 

It has amazing, the apathetic nature of people today. Do we truly not feel anymore? I have been doing what I thought was right, and inform people who might care about me, that I have to have this open-heart surgery. The replies I have received have shocked and baffled me. Most of them, “Okay, praying for you.” Just, okay? Is open heart surgery routine now? There have been little to know follow ups, to ask any other questions. Is this a lack of care about me? Is this a sign of the times that we just grow so distant that apathy is now the rally cry for people? This has solidified a few things in my mind about where I stand with others. Little to no priority. While this may be the truth, or it may not be, it’s the way it looks. I am reminded to keep my focus on the Lord because to Him, I am someone. “You can come to Him just as you are, let him have your broken heart.” (Casting Crowns) 

Feeling welcome or apart of something has always been hard for me. I have often felt like the outcast, that I didn’t fit in. In God’s Heaven, I will fit in. I will find a place I belong. Jesus chose me before the foundations of the world. In him I have hope where he raised my heart from death to life. I walked in darkness without him. I walked by my own set of rules. I walked by my own desires. I was a dead man walking. Jesus changed my heart. Jesus opened my dull, blind eyes to see the truth. Jesus changed my mind to see through the lies of the world, the lies of the deceived, Satan. The faith that can move mountains, and the hope that can withstand the battle waged all around. The greatest miracle of all is the raising of the dead. The changing of a single heart from dead to life. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, no one gets to the father but through Him. While people will fail you, and oh believe me, they will fail you, Jesus never will. We think people should act a certain way. Say certain things, but in reality, people are fallen creatures. It may be, I don’t mean to people what they mean to me. Or it may mean people just don’t know what to say. Either way, all I can do is inform people I think want to know, and let the chips fall where they may. 

There are words from another casting crowns: (Just Be Held)

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

I feel this song is what I’m going through right now. Since 2016, God has given me the right music to provide comfort when I needed it. Today is no different. I cannot sit here angry. Jesus is on the throne, and I cannot control the outcome of tomorrow. I can only control my actions in this moment. I may not be able to control every thought, but my focus being on the Lord minimizes the flesh. Jesus is always enough, and in all things, glory to the one who deserves our prayers, and worship. The one who calmed the storm, healed the blind man, turned water to wine, and defeated death, my praise and worship, into his hands I give my heart. Jesus is always enough. No matter what I’m going through and endure here in this life, Heaven is on the horizon. In a short while, I will join Him in paradise, and all my tears, all my pain, all my sorrow will be a distant past, and eternity is my future. Jesus is all there is. My heart is literally broken, but one day, a new heart will beat within my chest, and today, I will rejoice in being set free from the life I lived. I have faith, and I have hope, and the devil will never take that from me. Jesus is always enough. Let us pray. 

For more follow me at the arrow preacher on youtube: 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3r024gS2FRDIbpqnsDwWA

Good Thing God Loves Me

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Good thing God loves me.

I’ve spent quite a while praying about this, and I keep coming back to the same thought process. It’s something I’ve spent time praying over and I have come to realize, I’m blessed to have Gods grace and love. Scripture tells us we are dead in our sin. That means we are in a coffin and not drowning out at sea looking for a safety ring to be thrown to us. We don’t often like to think of ourselves as dead but in reality we are serving a life sentence. In the end comes our judgment, our sentence. Do we die, or live. See, justice was dealt and Jesus took the punishment for those who would seek him. For everyone else, well, the future doesn’t look so bright for them. The thing that I have struggled with is the works because of faith. Scripture tells us that we will be recognized as those who follow Christ by the fruit of our works. Not that we are saved in works, but the new creation in Christ we are compelled to do works in the name of Jesus. The thing that gets me is how fickle we humans are. Let me give you a scenario and I’ll let you decide. I will preface this by saying this is only one side of the story.

Here’s a young man, who meets a young lady. They fall in love and have a wonderful relationship. That relationship though romantically fades over time, the friendship lasts. The young boy goes into the military and becomes a man. Through the time spent serving he would buy the lady a car, pay off bills, and through the years be as close a friend as possible. Even so much as becoming a godfather to her first born.

Now, you would think or at least I would think, that would create a strong bond, and a desire to keep a friendship alive? Well, I was wrong.

This adds to a long line of people coming and going. The sad truth is we all fall short of the glory of God, but that doesn’t change the hurt. It isn’t that faith was placed in people, but more like the expectation that your car will start in the morning. Scripture tells us to never grow weary of doing good, but I say, sometimes that’s incredibly difficult to do. Love is one of those things that If we could truly do it, than we wouldn’t have conflict. Scripture tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. That being the case, If we truly loved we wouldn’t hurt people nearly as much. But alas we are lowly, wretched sinners. It’s hurtful to see people you care about leave. I’m not sure what’s worse knowing why someone leaves, or being ghosted. Sadly, as this event plays out over and over in my life, I’m left watching this rerun over and over again. It never gets easier. The one saving grace is where I am with my faith. I turn to the father in prayer and ask for their peace. Not knowing the why, all I can do is pray for them, and pray for healing. As I eluded to earlier, it’s hard not growing bitter. It’s even harder not to press these feelings onto new friendships. I don’t believe that eventually everyone leaves, I can’t, because truthfully that would be emotionally taxing, draining, and cruel.

I’m not sure why I’ve had so many people walk out of my life. I’m not sure if it’s me, or if I attract a certain type of person. Either way, all I can do is drop to my knees and pray about it. Pray for peace of mind, and a healing heart. I can’t and won’t lie and say I’m alright, but I can say I will be, perhaps someday. It’s one thing to say that I’m used to being hurt by people leaving, and the feeling of abandonment goes away, but that would not be true. While I am used to it, the pain doesn’t get any better. And it takes everything I have plus some to fight the urge to put up walls around my heart and mind, to protect myself from people. Why get close to people, or let anyone in, if they are just going to leave? It’s a valid question but one that cannot sit on my heart. I cannot place the sins of others, upon people I’ve never met before. It is not right to place a burden upon someone for the acts of another. Sadly people do this all the time.

I know I am a sinner, and I know I’m saved by grace through faith in Christ. Ultimately it’s love. The love of God that shines down on me, even though I don’t deserve it. I can only hope one day, I’ll find my life was worth something. My love language, one of them is affirmation. Something we don’t often get in our lives. This is a driving factor for me I’d say, that if I can arrive in Heaven, and find that my works in the name of Christ were pleasing, that the Father will one day look at me and say well done, that would make all of the pain worth while. My heart today is heavy. This I cannot deny. Peace is found in the love of Christ and that’s where I must turn.

My Heart Breaks

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

My Heart Breaks

The sadness overwhelms me as the Nation is yet again divided in a major question over life. As the abortion question is brought up yet again in our country, the time I guess has come to draw a line in the sand and hold fast. I find it hard to understand how once a heartbeat is detected someone could not view that as a life. I find it hard to understand how a person who kills a pregnant women can be charged with a double homicide, but a choice of a women is not homicide. I find it hard to understand how a life can be terminated in the 7th, 8th, or 9thmonth, but a woman cannot ‘throw her baby into a river’ (recent news) is a crime but not the prior. I don’t understand how we scientifically judge life yet once life is detected we can choose out of convenience to terminate that life, that living thing to prevent it from ever growing into a person. How are we to consider ourselves evolved and leaders of the free world if we don’t accept what is or is not life? As I found myself scrolling through Facebook, I ran across one post after another chastising states that have chosen to ban abortions. 

Scripture is very clear what is life, and I have failed to understand how we justify the concept of murder in this country. The concept that whatever happens within a body is not something I understand. Recently in the news a mother who had given birth not long ago threw her baby into a river. The baby was saved, and the mother is facing court and medical mental health exams. How can a baby outside of the womb be a person, but a person, a baby that can be viable in the womb at six months isn’t. How can a mother kill a baby because she doesn’t want it, but a person can kill a pregnant women and be charged with a double homicide? How can we judge life by a heartbeat, but we can end one without provocation. 

If a mother has birth and places her newborn in a dumpster and leaves it for dead, they are charged with murder, but in the 9thmonth when a child is just as viable a choice is a choice and yet, I believe we are overlooking the most important aspect of all, being responsible to begin with to avoid pregnancy. 

Americans pay millions if not more to help subsidize Planned Parenthood to help women get contraceptives. While of course scripture says not to have sex before marriage, understanding that may not always happen, being safe and responsible is something we aren’t talking about. Condoms, all manner of birth control pills, inserts, etc. More often then not, abortion isn’t a matter of rape or incest. I have heard that it’s better to abort a pregnancy then to allow an unwanted child to wade through the murky waters of foster care. Or about the kids who live in extreme poverty, that some believe it’s better to prevent that kind of life from happening. 

I don’t understand how anyone can say this is a church and state issue, or a man telling a women what to do with her body. We are talking about a human life and we are saying that life isn’t worth anything. How can we charge anyone with a double homicide, but a women is praised for making a hard choice. Psalm 127:3“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.”Scripture refers to murder in the 10 commandments. Murder of someone innocent in cold blood. An unborn baby who is alive as a heartbeat beats, we judge life by the beating of that heart. We judge death by the heart that stops beating. Have we become so progressive we feel nothing for the life of babies? We care more about the rights of animals then the life of unborn children. 

It truly breaks my heart to see how loose we’ve gotten in on our moral path. I am thankful for all those who’ve chosen to adopt children, and that even parents who can’t take care of a child trying to give that child the best chance at life. I am blessed to have had many family members who were adopted. I’m blessed that the women in my life, a dear sweet lady was also adopted. Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJV) 13 “For You formed my inward parts; You [a]covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for [b]I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

It truly breaks my heart to think about all the babies that haven’t been born. On the flip side, it also breaks my heart all those kids who’ve gone without a loving home. There are so many families in need, it’s important we as the church find ways to support families in need. I am proud of my church for the missions they do to help mothers in need, mothers to be, families in need, and widows in need. I am proud of the giving nature and responsible Christians I call my family. It isn’t our place to try and predict the future. It’s not our place to say it’s better to not live then to be raised in poverty, or in a loveless home. We see people living like Dave Pelzer who grew up and broke through the life he was given. We aren’t god’s and many people raised in poverty grow up to be great, and to do great things. We are to cherish life, not destroy it, and not snuff it out before it has the chance to do great things. 

The Lover After You

thearrowpreacher9 Comments

The Lover After You

I was in love, and I was loyal, you took my heart, and you broke it. I took the blame, it was all my fault. What did I do, that was so very wrong? Time went on, and time began to heal, God saw fit to send me to you. Years go by, and the love grew strong, till one day, something was wrong. You decided to leave, you found someone knew, despite the promises between me and you. I watched you leave, as my heart shattered, what could I do, a life without you?

It’s been two years now since my wife left, two years this month. As September is known in my life as the month of Hell, I find it fitting I have started trauma therapy in the month of September. There’s been a lot of emotions lately that have sprung forth from the deepest depths of my psyche, and I often don’t know what to do with them. I find myself longing for companionship now two years later. With very little activity in that department, I have found myself becoming discouraged. The advice I was given recently pointed out that my relationship and trust in God might not be as strong as it should be. I have been thinking about how complete my life would be if I found someone special, but the truth is, God it seems has other plans for me right now. I can’t help but wonder why God’s seen it fit to keep me alone, but in this time of separation, I need to be reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit and trust that God’s grace is sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)9 “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

It’s not an easy thing feeling alone and isolated. It’s not an easy thing to desire something with all your fiber of your being, and being told no over and over again. It’s not easy seeing so much happiness come from so much pain. Knowing that God works in every situation, and knowing that in ever instance we have a choice to work to bring glory to God in our actions, or to let opportunities pass us by. I can never be whole without God, and there’s a hole in my heart. It’s likely I’ve been trying to fill it and pack it full of hopes for the future and not actually asking God what His plan is for me. While God will sometimes give you the desires of your heart, God always answers prayers in His time, not our own. Sometimes unanswered prayers are the blessing, and we need to realize that God can not only see the present, but our future also. We must learn to turn to God and allow God’s love to fill us up. We must trust in the love of our Father and crawl into his lap when we feel sorrow. We must learn to trust in Him, and we must learn to be patient in our wait for prayers to be answered. We must learn to continue moving forward and continue running the race even while we wait for the Lord to grant us our desires. It’s not an easy thing waiting on the Lord but we must wait with faith, and know that in God’s time things are perfect for us, and we must be bold, we must be confident because that trust in the Lord must be absolute. We don’t have to like everything God does, but we have to respect it. We can argue with God all we want but we will always loose.

I wait for a new love to find me. I wait for the new tomorrow I have longed so much for. I wait, but I must learn to do so with more patience and more understanding. More importantly, I must remember that it’s not me that’s the problem. I must learn to treat myself with more respect. I must learn that I am worthwhile, and I am worthy of love. I must learn that I am not what I have believed for many years. I am not worthless, and I am worthy of someone’s love. I am special and I have a lot to offer someone that may come into my life. I cannot let the Devil tell me otherwise. I must keep my heart clean from the lies I’m told every day in my life. For so many years I’ve believed the lies that were told to me, and now I’m trying to rewrite a lifetime of beliefs that are harmful. It’s not easy to move forward after you loose something so precious to you. It’s not easy fighting back against the constant rejection and testing of your faith, but in all things Christ will overpower the lies of the Devil. Know in your heart that when someone leaves you, or when someone cheats, cheating isn’t about you it’s about them. It’s about their own personal gratification and what they will do to feel good, no amount of pain they cause others will stop them. You will find a new love someday, have faith in God, and trust in the plan.

Letting Go

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Letting Go

Life isn’t always the way we have planned. Sometimes things happen and it hurts us. Friends leave or hurt our feelings, loved ones abandon us, someone insults us, all number of things can do damage to our sometimes-sensitive psyches. The thing is, pain is all part of life. When it happens it isn’t fun at all, and it can leave a lasting mark on our hearts. It can turn to scars and those scars if not careful can harden your heart. We need to remember that for every ounce of pain we endure, there may be something greater coming in the future we are being prepared for. “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. “You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – C.S. Lewis. 1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” Suffering happens to everyone, but as a Christian we expect to endure great hardships. 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” Being a Christian isn’t always easy. It often takes great strength and fortitude to manage the trials day in and day out. People can be callused in their heart and they may say and do things that hurt and cut us deeply. We must know this and find ways to manage, and see this from a different perspective. Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”

Set your eyes to the lord

 When we are down and stressed, when we are joyful and blissful, we should always look to the Lord. When our eyes are set on the Lord our lives are closer to being on the right path. Proverbs 4:25-27 “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.” We must look, but we must see beyond the surface. We must have faith and trust that our trials come with a purpose. When hardships happen are we taking them to the Lord? Colossians 3:2 “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” The only true ways out of the fire is the Lord. When we realize we need the Lord we are one step closer to a healthy relationship with our Father.

Looking forward not back

We must have the strength to take our steps forward. We must always move forward and never go backwards. The horizon isn’t some place to ponder; it’s a place to venture towards. As the days begin with the rising sun remember that every day is a painting. Every day is a new fresh canvas for the Lord to paint our lives. Like a drop in the water, the ripples of our life from the smallest things could always move us into position for great things. Isaiah 43:18 “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.” All things happen for a reason and in those reasons we must have faith. We will be strengthened by our pain, and like a sword in the forged, it takes time, it takes fire, it takes the hammer, and the anvil to shape the beautiful steel sword. When sharpened we can cut through the enemy because we were forged by the Holy Spirit. Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” The prize for us is eternal salvation. We mustn’t allow our past to hold us back. We mustn’t get stuck in the pain and force ourselves to relive it daily. While it’s not easy to move past the pain, but if we use the pain, harness it’s raw power and effect, we can believe in our hearts it’s for a purposes. Job 17:9 “The righteous also shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall be stronger and stronger.” Kneel in prayer taking only a moment to physically stop moving, but allowing your spirit to fly and thrive in the light of the world. In the darkest of storms when we have the Holy Spirit inside us, we may be going through our own struggles, but as a Godly person remember you may be going through your own storms, and you may be looking for your own light in the darkness, but think about it this way, what if you’re someone else’s light in the darkness? What if how you manage your pain is the strength and inspiration someone else needs? 1 Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” The reflection we see may not always be what we expect, but as we continue to grow in our faith, that reflection will reveal more of our true image, the image that was created by God to be loved by God, and when we look in the mirror one day we will see God standing with us.

 Don’t Dwell on the past

We can’t get stuck, we must move forward, and if we ever do get caught worrying about our past, we must remember Matthew 6:27 “Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?” Worrying about yesterday, and focusing on what we did wrong, or what was done wrong to us doesn’t add a single moment to our life. Now I’m not saying don’t reflect, don’t review the past to make your tomorrow better but don’t worry about it, don’t forget to move past it. When we do that, when we finally figure out how to do an affective After Action Review, we can adjust and overcome, and make tomorrow a better day.

Giving your hurt to God

Every day we have choices to be made. We choose to get out of bed, we choose to go to the bathroom, to eat breakfast, to look at your phone, or to turn on the TV. We make choices about what to wear, where to go, to go to work, to stop at the gas station on the way, or wait till later. So in our every day choices, are we choosing to let God into our hearts? Are we choosing to be mad at someone for what they said to us? Are we choosing to forgive or not? Are we choosing to remain in the fire of our own making? Are we choosing to remain in our own prison? We need to learn to choose to give our pain our suffering, our struggles to God. We need to choose to let God into our hearts, and have the faith to let go of what we cannot control. When we learn to take the hands off the wheel and let God take over, we realize that we weren’t ever in control anyway. Loving God is a choice, and letting go of the pain inside is also a choice. It’s not one that’s easy, and it takes practice, and time, but in those it takes and requires effort. Facing our fears, and our pain is hard, and we need to handle that just like we walk to the refrigerator. It’s one step, one moment at a time, and before we know it we start to feel a little less pain, a little less grief. Philippians 4:6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” The pain may never go away but it won’t define us. The betrayal of close friends, loved ones, may always stay with us, but we can learn to trust again. We can learn to love again. People are fickle creatures, and can be motivated by a million different things in their own life. The pain we have can be the forging fire and we can become stronger if we grow, or if not heat-treated right a sword may become brittle. We don’t want to be the brittle steel broken at the first blow, we want to be strong and dependable. If every moment is more then you can take, and you have troubles and you need strength the one place to find refuge is Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Remember that the phrase “God will never give you more then you can take.” Is not scriptural at all. When you feel like you can’t take anymore the refuge you seek is Jesus Christ. God may not pull up on the rains to slow things down, but whatever you ‘need’ God will provide to you. You will always have the tools to get through the pain, and the suffering if you just look to God and pray for the help you need.

In every day life we will have friends come and go. We will have days of great joy, and days of great sorrow. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to just cry some days. Don’t get stuck in the misery, but remember God gave us our feelings for a reason and it’s important to remember some days you just need the sweet release of tears. Some days you need a good belly laugh, and in all these things beauty can be found. No matter what emotion you’re going through, you’re never alone. You may walk in the snow and see only one set of footprints, but that doesn’t mean Jesus is right there with you. The important thing is to find ways to handle those emotions. We cry to the Lord and even if we are crying the Lord is pleased because we are coming to our Savior, but sad that we are in pain. Forward always, and never backwards, because Jesus is always in front of us, hand extended to pull us through the day. Not for one moment in this life are we forsaken and forgotten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Melting Away

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Melting Away

Have you ever looked at the snow when the weather changes? Watching as the small piles shrink down, melting away to just a small puddle of water, I find a similar connection to what happens in the heart as well. When we describe someone who shows a lack of emotions we often call them cold. Someone who’s uncaring demeanor gives chill and a cold stare that seems to go right through you. Why are some people so cold, so uncaring?

When people are hurt and undergo deep traumas it’s very common for people to retreat within themselves and shut people out. The heart freezes over and people think it’s better never to depend on someone again. Closing people out and walking away from a life built is always a result of some form of external attack and when we feel pain it’s easy to recoil. I’ve seen this happen to the people I’ve loved. I’ve been the victim of the closing of a heart, the deep freeze that left me removed and broken myself.

While my heart isn’t icy, it is broken. The fractured pieces of what’s left hanging on by threads. The destruction of my life left me wondering so much about myself. What had I done to deserve this? Was this my fault? Could I have done anything differently? Why had I been forsaken? Did I do something to anger God to deserve this punishment? There was fear that flooded over me making me wonder if I’d ever be happy again. There deep in my heart a virus took hold, it invaded and took up camp, the virus of lies by the Devil. I began to question everything and everyone wondering if I could ever trust again. What had been done to me would leave a break deep down and it didn’t seem like there was enough glue to put it back together.

It’s been 481 days since my world fell apart. In that time I’ve begun to care about others, and I’ve seen glimmers of hope that the future, my future, could actually have a bright sunrise over it. With each hopeful day, I’ve watched them disintegrate in front of me. It’s hard not to let my heart freeze over. I am to much of a hopeless romantic, and I believe in love so deeply that I keep the hope and faith in my heart. Sadly this isn’t the case for other people and they remain frozen. I’ve seen my fair share of those who live their lives with the cold chill deep inside and all I’ve been able to do for them is pray. Praying is often the only thing you can do for people who suffer. Show them you love them, be there for them and show them the warmth of that love. Be the warm hug for them, the rays of sun that maybe one day will be strong enough to melt away the frozen heart.

True love is the only thing that can melt a frozen heart. True love doesn’t come from a person thought it comes from the Lord above. God so loved the world He gave his only Begotten Son, to be born, to live, to love, and then love so much to sacrifice himself to the world of man. The blood spilt would break the chains and fix the broken bond between God and man. The love of God is strong and can heal any wound. The relationship with God however is a door, and if you want to feel the warmth that love has to offer you have to offer God to enter your heart. God will knock and will never step off that porch, but it’s up to you to de-thaw the locks and open that door, allowing God to enter your heart. The change will be in an instant once you do. The old self will burn away leaving the new you. When you allow God into your heart and it thaws you open yourself up to allow yourself to love others more deeply then you ever thought you could. Letting God in is a choice and there is no risk, only reward.

Letting yourself be open to others there is a risk. When you go to the grocery store and you are picking vegetables you don’t usually take home the first one you picked up. Not every vegetable is right for you. People aren’t made the same, and while we are all unique individuals, some people will not be a good fit for you. Sometimes you may feel more for the other person then they do you, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there for you. Sometimes, like myself, you will be hurt from the people you loved most in this world. All you can do is lick your wounds for a while and get back out there. God wants his children to be happy, and for every heartbreak, every tear we shed, God suffers right along with us. We must not let the Devil win for our icy heart is exactly what he wants. Satan wants us to close out God, close out our brothers and sisters in the blood of Christ. Satan wants that divide to expand and let the ice spread forcing out everything we once found joy in. We can’t allow the Devil to win that war. We must take back our destiny and let God thaw the frozen tundra inside ourselves. Let the snow and ice melt revealing a big red heart that still beats. Let the world see the joy within your heart, and the love you have to give. Bless someone’s life by loving them, and allowing someone to love you. You may feel alone right now, but take chances and eventually you’ll find your vegetable.

Beware the frozen heart and don’t let pain be the reason your heart freezes over. Don’t allow anything to freeze your heart. Everyone out there has so much to offer and while pain is a part of life, you can’t let it ruin the wonders God might have planned for you. Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

 I’m reminded of a song that both seems somewhat accurate and gives me a smile even though when you think about it, it’s actually pretty sad. Often times I think these things about my two loving dogs. I have found my dogs don’t hurt me. They always make me feel loved. Sometimes I feel dogs might be better then people.

Raindeers are better then people : Frozen

Reindeers are better than people
Sven, don’t you think that’s true?
Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you
Every one of em’s bad, except you

Even though we live in a fallen world, and Sin is a plague upon the land, there are still good people out there. They may not always be easy to find, and sometimes even the good people will let you down, and sometimes those good people will hurt you. The point is, you can’t shut the world out just because you may get hurt. While catchy the song Let It Go is so wrong for so many reasons. Now don’t misunderstand, I love the song, but it talks about isolating yourself away from the world. One thing I will say is for all the pain you’ve suffered, and the heartbreak your going through, you at some point need to “Let it Go”. You can’t stay in the past, so you must let it go, and move forward. Rise to the new you, you can be. You can be a person full of life, and full of love. You can bring joy to yourself, and you can be a joy to others. You don’t have to be the perfect you, just be the you that God would be proud of.

The last thing you need to do is isolate yourself. Stay away from closing yourself off, and retreating inside yourself. While we all need times of reflection, and quiet time with ourselves and with God, to much time is unhealthy. It’s okay to share your frustrations, your anger, your pain, in fact you don’t want to keep those things in. When you take some time and really reflect, it’s likely you will notice that the problems of yesterday don’t seem so big. Find yourself peace, but allowing God to be in charge of the steering wheel. Put the controls to defrost, and watch as your icy interior is melted away. God can do anything if we just let Him in.

 

Survive To Thrive

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Survive To Thrive

In any life I’ve lived my life surviving one pitfall after another. I’ve faced death more then most and yet no matter the bitterness of the icy cold truth, I struggle as of late to see the bright future that waits. When I look back I have not seen long periods of peace in the war. The tragedies that have befallen my life have come like the rain, one drop after another. The storm rages on and I fear that tomorrow may not be as bright as I once hopped. The forces that surround me threaten to drag me down into the darkest depths. While these many days I’ve suffered many setbacks, I now am forced to retreat and regroup trying to decipher the new road being laid in front of me. I cannot see the path for it is dark and full of haze. The path before me seems as dark and treacherous as I fear. For every course I have peered, the thistles and thorns have covered it before my very eyes. Now, a new direction is needed, but it seems my compass is broken.

DSC_6682

The day rises and the fight begins again. By day the phone calls start, and the messages are left. No answers by time the sun sets, just more time waiting, wondering what my future holds. As my past has been a constant fight to stay afloat, it seems now, truly for the first time, I no longer know where to go, or what to do.

DSC_6695

What do we do when we know not what the future holds? Who do we turn to for help, for guidance, our guide through the darkness? The only thing we can do is breath, and trust, have faith in the Lord. On this day I feel much like doubting Thomas, or little faith Peter. Matthew 14:31 “And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” When Peter stepped from the boat he was trusting, but when things began to look bad, he lost his faith and fell into the waters. Thomas doubted the risen Christ and demanded to stick a finger into his side where the spear had pierced the side of Christ.

It’s not easy to have faith when the stage is set and it’s full of darkness. It’s not easy to stay focused on the now when you cannot seem to escape. We must learn to have faith no matter the situation we find ourselves. Not an easy feat, but an important one never the less. James 1:6 “But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” Some days all we can do is to take a deep breath and pray. We may not get the answers we need when we want them, but all we can do is have faith in God’s plan for us. We must have faith because the alternative isn’t pretty. Prepare for the fight ahead, but hope for the best.

We can hope that our reward for faithfulness is to make it through the wilderness and find ourselves being blessed. We don’t know how long it will take, but we know that the path is littered with turmoil and pain. The end can either be full of pain, or it can be full of cheer, it is up to us where we put our faith. While this doesn’t tell me where to go or which direction to take, I will pray about it, and hope that I hear back from the big guy upstairs.

DSC_6695

While I had been reflecting about my past, present, and looking to the future, I realized it had been a little while since I’d talked with one of my best and oldest friends. Upon realizing she was gone, Facebook was gone, among others. No warning, no phone call, no goodbye, just gone. I don’t know what lesson I’m supposed to learn, what I’m supposed to do, but in the last year I’ve lost all my close friends, I’ve lost my job, I’ve lost my health, I haven’t achieved any wins, and I haven’t been able to improve my situation. I just can’t seem to catch a break. I pray this season changes soon, because I honestly don’t know how much more loss I can take.

 

 

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

After 9 months of trying deeply to let go of the pain inside it has a habit of coming back strong and stronger. The feeling inside my chest, the emptiness that resides like a sledgehammer pounding on my chest and insides day in and day out. It never relents and as each day begins with a breath, the empty bed, the darkness, the quiet room all breaks my heart over and over.

The simple truth is I don’t know how to mend a broken heart. I’ve never been very good at it. What I can say is don’t do what I’ve done. With any pain there’s a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to soar. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” For every amount of pain, every instances of joy, of pain and sorrow, of worry, of concern, of peace and war, there is a time for it all. I was recently talking with someone who’s marriage has fallen apart and she said so many people are there surrounding her all the time she wishes she had some alone time. Whilst me, I’m alone at work, I’m alone at home, and nearly every day it’s the same. There is a healthy balance in the grieving stage when you must get out of the house, you must spend time with people, but you also need to be able to sit back and reflect.

When we are heavy laden we must learn to turn to God and allow God into our hearts to lift us up. Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Also, Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Giving your sorrows to the Lord is something that comes with practice, but it’s not a magic wand, it won’t make you feel better that second. Loosing a loved one is always difficult and it doesn’t matter if they die or walk away. Truthfully the only true way to heal from heartbreak is to let time move on, distract yourself often, surround yourself by people who will help lift you up, and get out get out get out of the house. You cannot sit in the house surrounded by memories and expect to feel better.

God Gave Me You,

I’ve been a walking heartache

I’ve made a mess of me

The person that I’ve been lately

Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me

Watch as the storm goes through

And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

For when I think I’ve lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it’s true

God gave me you

 The truth behind this is Jesus. Jesus is here for us in the ups and downs. Jesus is here for us when we loose our way, but Jesus the everything in the world we’ve ever needed, even when we don’t know what we need. Jesus is our sword, our sword of vengeance, and our shield of protection. The morrow will come and when it does the world will continue to turn. Our pain will still be here, but will you get up with me and put on our big boy and big girl pants and continue to fight through the pain? Day in and day out no matter the trials we face we must continue to push through. We will never be the same again after this, but we need to learn to do one thing. We must, MUST learn to not give away the power over our happiness. We must learn to hold onto that for us and us alone. We cannot allow someone to break us like this over and over again. We must love everyone, we must love ourselves, but knowing that Christ is with us is the only power we should be giving away. Trusting in the Lord is a given, but trusting someone else with the button to control our foundation is a fatal mistake.

We know that there will never be a day promised without pain except the day after we breathe our last. The day we awake in Heaven is the day we will be without sorrow, without pain, without suffering. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Until the day comes when the world is wiped away, or we are called home, pain is apart of our life, apart of our journey. Somehow, we must learn to embrace it, and use it to get us through our problems, one step at a time. No matter what book you read, what blog you’ll read, or any advice you’ll ever hear, the answers for recovery is not simple, nor can anyone help you through every part of your journey. And since there is no right answer to a quick fix, no straightforward course of action to make the pain go away all we can do is pray to God to help us on our journey, help us with the direction we must go. We must turn to Christ during our times of need because it’s in those times of need when we can be assured God is with us always.

 

 

The Grass Ain’t Greener

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

The Grass Ain’t Greener      

Recently as some of you who read my blogs have already figured out I suffered a horrible separation. Because of that this topic’s been weighing on my mind. Often when we look across the yard and things look pretty good. We look at other peoples lives, we look at what others have, we look to other people and we often think how good they have it, or how great it would be to own that, or even how good it would be to be with someone else. We usually call this the grass is greener phase. The thing about this phase is, it’s a lie. The Devil has been perpetrating this lie since the original day of sin. The day in the garden Satan convinced Eve that life would be better after eating from the tree of knowledge. He convinced her that living a life with open eyes would be better then that which God had created for them. The Devil made it sound like the grass was greener on the other side. The sad part was once Eve stepped over to the other side and realized how wrong she was the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed. The fall from grace had happened and now the beautiful grass she once had died, and she could never have that life back again.

When we pursue the greener grass we are looking through a distorted keyhole lens that only shows us what we want to see, not what we need to see. How often do we hear the stories about people crossing over to the other side just to find out it’s not great at all, and they wish they could go back. The sad part is when you cross over and then in doing so you destroy not only your life but also others around you. Recently in my life I knew a couple that had been together for about 10 years or so. The father had gone through a horrible divorce because his first wife had an affair and destroyed the marriage. After a while of healing he met a new woman who’d become his second wife. They would have a great life, a great house, their children became a family, and at least from the spectator point of view their life looked pretty good. OF course there are things we never see from the outside, but I know I was a bit envious of everything they had. I found out rather suddenly that she had an affair, lied about it, continued the affair, and it quickly fell apart. She destroyed her own career, she broke the hearts of the kids, broke her husbands heart and as he suffered this kind of loss now for the second time his pain now unimaginable. I’ve not talked to her since then but the question is ‘was it worth it?’ Though I’ll never have the answer I have to imagine at some point the rose goggles will be removed and the beauty will turn to ash.

In my own life I have suffered something very similar. Two wives, two affairs, and as with the first time, the second time has left me broken and displaced. This time around my faith is guiding me. This time around I am stronger than I was before. This time I know I have more to offer. I heard a saying once a few years ago, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Marriage isn’t easy sometimes, and sin pulls at our hearts and all manner of earthly desires but when you get married it’s for life, it’s not for as long as it’s convenient. The idea of sin in the marriage such as divorce is repugnant to God. The old saying is you can look but don’t touch apparently is more of a guideline these days. Even looking can be a pitfall if it becomes envy or lust. There are so many people out there who have spouses who became cheaters, so many relationships fail because of infidelity. God’s heart breaks watching so many relationships crumble because of such things. Genesis 2: 21:22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.” Woman was made to be of one flesh. Woman was made so man wouldn’t be alone, and vise versa. When two people marry they become one flesh. They are devoted and when there is infidelity the heartbreak that’s caused can be deeper then some can handle. I wish we could have the eyes of God to see what God see’s within the hearts of those broken by infidelity, by lies, by deceits. I wish those who do such evil things knew how it feels to be on the receiving end. I wish I knew or understood the minds and hearts of those who do this to others. I wish that we could receive Gods love for humanity. I wish we loved as God loves.

Much like the man from my story earlier I feel the pain he feels, I have seen through his eyes, and I know the pain of the knife, the pain of betrayal, the sting of lies. Was the grass greener, I may never know, but I know my future looks bright. For every tragedy we face in our lives there is a potential for great redemption. In every tragedy God is working to use it for the betterment of our lives. No matter how much pain we face, no matter how much sorrow or anger that’s in our hearts letting go of that poison and finding a new pasture to raise your home is the first step. Forgiveness and letting go of that anger and hate, saying it a thousand times over, letting yourself weep and feel, ‘I forgive you.’ You must learn to believe in the goodness of people. You must learn that each person you encounter is not the last. Holding onto anger and holding onto hatred are chains for your very soul that leave you stuck in the place that, that wound first happened and you can’t break free till you face the pain head on. You must fight the urge to stay angry, you must fight the urge to hate. We are not the judge and we are not the jury. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” We are not to hold onto the cancer that holds us back.

When our worlds fall down because of someone else and it looks like our grass is dying, and we feel we’ll never be whole again remember that tears of healing may fall and will water your grass. Let them flow, let the healing begin and watch as God uses the miraculous to change your life. Every day you must learn to take care of your own yard, tend to your garden, tend to your flock and watch as the healing waters sprout new life into your life and sooner than you think your grass will be green and full of life. The glory of our lives and our calamities all belong to the grace of God. God sees the pain, feels the pain, and endures the pain. God was with Jesus on that Cross, and as we fight to bare our own cross Christ our Lord, one with the Father Abba is with us on our cross. The whips that strike us strike God. The words that cut our hearts cut the heart of God. Nothing we go through in this life affects only us. As I have grown a great deal I have found that the wounds I’ve endured over these last 8 months are not mine alone, and I wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for God. I myself broke Gods heart 8 months ago, and I have to pray and ask for that forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me as I was dying in that ambulance and hearing the voice of God “You’re forgiven” I woke and new life was breathed into my chest. The only grass that’s greener in our lives we won’t find here. It’s only when we go home, when we finally reach our place in paradise will the grass ever be greener. Don’t loose sight of the promise made and remember God’s promise to us is not empty, it’s full of truth and life.

When the world tries to lure you away from your own piece of grass, when you are being tempted to cross over that fence, remember not only will your grass die where you were, there will be no blessing on the land where you are headed. Have faith that if you are on the fence and you are thinking of crossing over because you feel life would be better on the other side, think of Matthew 4:29-31 “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Much like Peter we must trust in the Lord will not let us be consumed by the storm. When you are struggling in your relationship there’s always a better way. Fight for your relationship, fight with everything you’ve got and trust in the Lord to save you when times are darkest.

 

 

 

 

 

Broken Sky

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Broken Sky

The pain inside caused by you shattered like a mirror to the floor all around.

God protect me so I can put the peaces back together.

God give me your eyes so I can see the reasons why.

The tears that fall, fall like bricks to the ground. The flood all around now from tears I’ve spent.

Why would you do this I scream, why oh why I cry.

Nothing’s all right, nothings okay, I’m fine I say, but the lie that lies.

I’m broken hearted and I feel fractured inside, torn to which way to go.

A second chance, a third and forth, but nothing helps.

God tells me I’m more than what I feel. Tears drench my shirt, my desk, my everything.

I’m not who I once was, I am afraid, and I don’t know what else to do.

God hurts too, or so the Bible tells me so.

God am I being punished for my mistakes, is this only path?

God says no, no punishment, free will makes the heart break.

We are more than the mistakes we make. We are remade in the light, washed by the waters.

God stay with me tonight, God hold me tonight, Abba I need you today. I’m broken.

God my pain is deep and I feel like I’ll never be whole again. Abba save me from my sorrow.

God my God please save me tonight. Help me fight what I feel, help me feel today I can be saved.

God please bless me, please don’t make me wait. God my God help me, I need to feel you here.

God my God I know that I’ll be stronger in the end.

God my Abba please stand with me in this fire, please help me not feel the pain as the fire burns away the old.

God my God please help my heart, please hold me tonight. God my God don’t forsake me tonight.

What don’t kill ya makes ya stronger I know, but I can’t do it alone. My God my God don’t let me fall tonight.

The Hard Love I feel, the pain inside, fractured and broken, I am shattered in the mirror on the ground.

God my God, my Father, please piece me back together better than I was before.

My God my God please allow me to be rid of the rocky road, protect me from the Devil, please I beg of thee.