At Years End 2022

The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.

Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.

The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?

2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”

Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.

Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.

The Danger Zone

The Danger Zone

When I accept Christ, that means I will have everything I want. When I accept Christ, life will be easy, and smell like roses, and rainbows will spring from my feet as I walk. God wouldn’t want me to suffer in this life. God wants me to have my best life now. 

This is not Christianity. Make no mistake, Christianity is not about the rewards of this life we live. Christianity is both easy and difficult at the same time. Christianity to many is about what we can do for God. How my good works, and being a good person allow me to make it into Heaven. Heaven, a place where everyone wants to go, but as Paul Washer once said, everyone wants to go to Heaven, not everyone wants God to be there. The beautiful thing about Christianity is the simplicity of it. We are born sinners, we are dead spiritually in our sins. We cannot be in Gods presence as a sinner, so Jesus, the Son of God came to lay down his life to take our place as a sacrifice for the repayment of our sins, which washes away our sentence of death. All we have to do is love God with all our heart mind and soul repent of our ways, and know Jesus is who he said he was, our savior, our sacrifice.

So, if all we need to do is to be a follower of Jesus to get to Heaven, why is that so hard? No works can earn you enough credits to pay the toll. No amount of good days, or good deeds can pay or bribe your way into the kingdom. We all deserve death. We all deserve to burn. Our feeble sentiments of what makes someone good is based on a human perspective, not that of a truly Holy God. We judge based on murder, rape, stealing, etc. But the truth is while here those hold different weighted punishments, before God, that lustful look, that little white lie, that tiny selfish idea, that thought of wanting what your neighbor has, all are punishable by death before a Holy God. Matthew 7:13-14 13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 [a]Because narrow is the gate and [b]difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Being a Christian is hard because the world hates you. Being a Christian is hard because when you are remade by the Holy Spirit, your sin becomes repugnant. You begin to hate the sinful nature of your wicked heart. You battle within yourself every day. You are shunned by the world, and you are called names, and in most countries you are hated to the point where you can be imprisoned or put to death. Being a Christian means moving out of the comfort of your home, the safety of your bed, and very possibly being in harms way. If you’re living a Christian life and you haven’t been called names, lost worldly friends, or even opportunities, living in the United States, I can say there’s a good chance you’re not doing it right. Today, within this country, if you follow scripture, and you put God as the final authority on what’s right and wrong, there’s a good chance half the country hates you. 

Some believe that living a Christian life comes with extra grace, and by grace they mean presents. Some believe that if you are a Christian and you plant that seed, you can be wealthy, free from disease, safe and happy in your warm bed. Let me show you what Christian means. Keep in mind, Christ said this, Mathew 16:18 18 And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. Jesus is saying in this world there will be His church, and attacks will come from Satan and his entire army, but nothing Satan does will destroy the church. Meaning Christians are soldiers, we are soldiers in a war, not just of flesh and blood, but of souls, spiritual warfare. Satan would employ evil men to attack and kill Christians, but the church will emerge victorious by and through the power of Christ.  

Acts 7:59-60 “59 And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”

Paul was beheaded in Rome after being stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, and more. 

It is written that James was beheaded along with one of his captorsto.

Legend says Matthew was beheaded in Ethiopia. 

James the Less was likely killed in one of two ways, he was killed by stoning, or tossed from the tower and when that didn’t kill him, he was pinned to the ground and killed by a fuller’s club. 

Matthias was said to be killed by stoning. 

Andrew was said to be killed by crucifixion on an X shaped cross. 

Mark was said to be dragged to pieces. 

Peter was said to be crucified upside down. 

Jude was crucified

Bartholomew was beaten and crucified 

Thomas was tortured, ran through with spears, then thrown into an oven. 

The number of those whos blood has been spilt in the name of Christ is beyond count. There are many more accounts of the brutality that has befallen the Christian. Christ said as many others have also stated, that troubles will come, and if they hate us, remember they hated Jesus first. How can we possible expect not to be in harms way? How can we expect life to be full of ease and worldly blessings, when everything we know of the attacks on the church show the exact opposite. 

Christ said they (the world) would know Christian by their fruits, and the love we show to others. What kind of fruit are you producing? Make no mistake, we are not saved by those fruits, but they are a biproduct of wanting to serve Christ. Are you willing to travel into the shadow of death? Are you willing to give it all up for Christ? Are you willing to fight the good fight? Are you willing to run the race, and go toe to toe with the best Satan has to throw at you? The road to heaven is not for the faint of heart, it’s not for those who want an easy road in this life. But I can assure you, that the reward of such a life is that of eternal paradise in perfection. Heaven is described a little in scripture, but more importantly there is no pain, no suffering, no tears. Mansions and an eternity with the creator of the universe. Life is but a vapor, a minuscule blip in the eternal. As scripture says, put on the full armor of God, and know how to protect yourself. As I say, cowboy up, and get ready for the fight. I may have been a United States Soldier, a Cavalry Scout, but the war in Iraq is nothing compared to the spiritual warfare I have encountered. We don’t know true persecution in this country, but I assure you, there is persecution that puts real Christians in harms way. In other countries they are put to death for their faith. 

This isn’t to scare you, but prepare you for the truth. To be a Christian is to jump onto that highway to the danger zone. To know that Christ suffered first, for us, so we would know the truth. Jesus is undefeated, will never be defeated, and as he overcame death and rose again on the third day, he saves us from death. Come fight this fight with me. Come and fight like those before us. Come and join the ranks of the minority, and trust in Christ. Christ did the hard work for us, he paid the price we couldn’t ever pay for. He will return and destroy evil. He will come again and every knee shall bow, every tongue will confess he is Lord. As for me, I would prefer to come to Christ and bow on my own, rather than wait till it’s too late. Choose life, choose eternal life with the Christ who loved us so much, he put on flesh, came, allowed his creation to spit, and torture, and slay his body. Christ said this, no one takes my life, but I lay it down freely, and I shall lift it up again. What kind of love must that be, to lay down ones life for their enemies. It’s easy to say you can lay down your life for someone you love, maybe even those you like, but to do so for someone that’s your enemy, that’s different. How about laying down your life for the murder on death row, or that child rapist, or the drunk driver that took away someone’s ability to walk, or even live. Would you give up your life for them? Jesus did. Jesus lived according to the scripture, he showed who he was, and the amount of evidence to prove he was who he claimed he was, is incontrovertible, when you actually take the time to look. So, I ask again, join me, fight the good fight, and lets face the wiles, the attacks of the Devil together, and lets go out and share the good news of Jesus Christ. 

It Can’t Be All Bad

It Can’t Be All Bad

Recently I was reading the news. It’s a chore now that I don’t enjoy doing, but I want to stay at least somewhat informed of big issues or happenings around the world. As I was skimming through the headlines, I quickly remembered why I don’t enjoy reading the news, IT’S ALL BAD! I searched for a while only to find a few ‘throw away’ posts but nothing really of anything extraordinary. Here’s the thing about news though, the things that are most popular is what you’ll find. Nothing sells better like bad news, or something sexy.

I was looking at new ways to light my Hogwarts Lego castle and I moved the internal lights to the front to light up more of the exterior of the castle. When I did this I realized I could see areas of the castle I hadn’t seen at night before. It got me thinking about the news and what we see, or rather what we choose to see. Things can only stay in the dark if we don’t shine light on them. The shadows that haunt this country, or even those that haunt us as individuals can only remain shadows if there’s not enough light to force the shadow away. If there’s a dark spot we should be able to turn the light on and force that darkness to retreat. Of course the excessive bad news is the work of a sin-ridden world. We know that the sin will continue to grow, and it’ll continue to spread like a wildfire cancer upon this earth. The sin will grow and become more visible as long as Christians don’t take control of how things are run. Christians have allowed our own homes to fall to the deepest depravities and we do nothing. Men leave their responsibilities as women are having children more and more out of wedlock. We see child crime on the rise, and as the jails are overflowing with criminal activity we can only blame ourselves. I know it all seems very bleak and cold, but there is hope, Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 5:1010 But [a]may the God of all grace, who called [b]us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, [c]perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

Don’t fear the darkness; simply turn on the light and watch as the shadows scatter in fear. We know how the story ends, and we must live our lives according to Christ. Titus 2:7“in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility,” No matter how dark the world gets we are commanded not to conform to it, but to be a good representative, an ambassador of Christ. We know where we are going when we die, but those who are still lost in this world still need to be unplugged from the system. It’s our job to educate, to guide, to lead by example. If we can’t do that we have no business calling ourselves Christians. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard not because I say so, but because Jesus Christ said so. How long will we allow our own homes to crumble to ruin over and over again? How long will we allow the neighborhoods to crumble all around us? How long will we allow the poverty in this great nation to grow and have more and more people struggling to make ends meat? We must stand up and do better. We must evangelize harder, preach louder, and not allow the world to stifle our voices any longer. Don’t let the darkness snuff out our candle of light and hope. Light is stronger then dark, and we must remind the world we won’t be pushed around or bullied any longer.

Sacrifice

Sacrifice

What would you be willing to give up for Christ? If you knew then entrance into Heaven was to give up something, a sacrifice of some great importance to you, what would that look like? When you look back at the Apostle Paul and you consider what he gave up, his sacrifice was extensive. To understand completely you first need to understand who Paul was. Prior to his conversion on the road to Damascus, he was a high ranking Pharisee. He had studied under some of the greatest priests, and had notoriety of celebrity proportion. Paul had power, he had authority, he had money, and he had a life of luxury. What would possess a man to give up all that for a life of beatings, of poverty, of torture, of prison time, in what we would call a dungeon by today’s standards. Paul would have had a life of comfort and as he had a reputation cruelty and hatred towards Christians he wouldn’t have much to worry about in the ways of suffering. That’s not what God had planned for him however. As he was known prior to Damascus as Saul, his transformation seen in Acts was not the following of someone looking to better their life with hope. Saul was living large and gave everything up because of what God had done to him on that dirt road. He would loose his sight for three days, and in the years following he would face persecution by those whom he at one time would have been looked up to. He gave up everything of comfort imaginable for a life of uncertainty, pain, and suffering. No one would do this if they weren’t absolutely sure of the truth.

Psalm 54:66 I will freely sacrifice to You; I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good.” David knew as King, he was promised the position by God, and by God it would be taken away. We see David fail in his responsibilities as King, and his choices lead to dire consequences. But in all things, David would understand eventually the error of his ways, and he realized he must sacrifice the sin nature that dwells within the heart, and trust in the Lord.

Isaiah 1:11“To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?” Says the Lord. “I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams And the fat of fed cattle. I do not delight in the blood of bulls, Or of lambs or goats.” God is telling Israel He doesn’t burnt offerings, he’s not looking for the outward symbols of sacrifice, what He wants is the inward sacrifice. He wants to see the hearts of his people change. To give up ones self to become something else.

Mark 12:33And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, [a]with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” It’s not a matter of what we do for the Lord. Someone can go to a soup kitchen every day and volunteer. They can go to Church and sing some songs, even give some sermons, but it’s about what is on the Heart, and God knows the heart.

1 Corinthians 5:7“Therefore [a]purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed [b]for us.” This is referring to dough, the leaven, used to make bread. This is saying the old dough is bad, it’s sour, and it must be thrown away. The new bread, is that created by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and knowing He is the only truth, the only way to life everlasting. We begin to understand what is meant by sacrifice.

Again when we think about what Christ asked of his followers, drop your nets, drop whatever it was you were doing and instead, pick up your cross and follow “me”. Christ was asking these men to leave the certainty of a solid days work, their homes, money, food, in exchange for truth. Some of the Apostils like Matthew who was a wealthy tax collector gave up a lot to follow Christ. Matthew much like Paul had money, and power, and a nice home, nice clothing, and never had to worry much about the ways of suffering. It takes a lot for someone to give up a life of luxury for a life of uncertainty and eventually pain and suffering.

I have often thought of superheroes as being good examples of righteousness looks like. This is especially true when you look at some of the more squeaky clean heroes, Superman, Spiderman, Captain America, etc. While there may not be as much of a physical toll for each of these characters, there are certainly emotional tolls; this is particularly true with their personal relationships. Something is always sacrificed when duty calls and the costume comes out. For characters like Batman, the toll is emotional, and physical. Bruce Wayne literally gives up his body to fight the good fight. So what is it that we sacrifice in our own lives? Do we give up our time to work for charities? Do we give up our money to tithes? What about our freedom? Would we be willing to give up our home, our jobs, our life in the name of Jesus Christ? For many people there are limits, there’s what’s okay to give up in the name of Jesus, and then what’s not, and sadly, I think the same goes within our own hearts. We are willing to give fractions of our heart to Jesus, but if we’re honest about it, do we truly give 100%? I think this is something we as Christians truly need to examine. To truly submit, there is going to be a little suffering along the way.

When we are truly ready to submit to the Lord, the idea of wealth, power, fame, control, the very essence of what was promised to Christ in the temptation of Satan, we would be more willing to endure that of Isaiah 50:6I gave My back to those who struck Me, And My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard; I did not hide My face from shame and spitting.” No one truly wants to be beaten, or ridiculed, or imprisoned, but to sacrifice means, to give up the desires of the flesh, to be apart of this world, so that in Heaven we would be in the grace of the one true King. Jesus Christ came to serve his people, He came to be more then just a Leader, but to show us the nature of love, and the nature of humility. Matthew 20:28“just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” The sovereign King of the universe allowed Himself to be beaten, tortured, spat on, ridiculed, nailed to a cross, and give up His life for us sinners.

Micah 6:8“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love [a]mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?” We must learn to be humble, to lower ourselves before the Lord. We must learn to put God first, and then ourselves second. We must learn to trust in the Lord’s plan, and walk where we must, do what we ought to do, and serve where we are led to serve.

Do not mistake my words, I am not saying in any way that if you’ve not be flogged, or beaten, or became wealthy, or live in protective walls that you are somehow not sacrificing for God. What I am saying is make sure whatever you do, you do to bring Glory to our Father. We may not have physical scars of what we sacrifice for the Lord, but there should be some signs of that sacrifice. Paul gave up everything for what he KNEW to be the truth, and gave up everything for it to include his life. If Paul is willing to give up so much, what are we willing to give up? Galatians 6:1717 From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” What scars are we willing to bear in the name of Christ?

For me a reminder of sacrifice is my Gideons Bible. Just looking at it, you can see how worn it is, and for me this is a symbol of my willingness to sacrifice for the Lord. Doing what’s right even in the face of danger and facing our own potential mortality in the process, to put ourselves in harms way to be there for a brother. This beat up old bible is truly one of my most prized possessions. It wasn’t read as much as it should have been, but there are marks in its pages finding scripture to encourage during time of war. The whole Bible shows signs of abuse and water damage. That Bible was with me on every single mission in my left breast pocket of my uniform right under my ballistic vest. It was with me when I jumped into the water to retrieve the body of a friend killed in action. It was with me the day I witnessed Hell on earth. Every hot summer day, or cold winter night, it was by my side. That Bible is a representation of my body which I gladly put on the line to do what I felt was right in the name of Jesus Christ. Making a difference in a part of the world that hated me just for the flag I wore, and who was willing to kill me on live television. I carry my own scars in the name of Christ, and I shall certainly earn more before I go home in glory.

Sinking Together

Sinking Together:

I might need someone to be there for me tonight. I might need someone to tell me it’s all right. I might need someone to take the first step and come rescue me. Tonight I find it so hard to breath. What’s left for me to say, but I feel like I’m in a sinking ship of emotional stress and I am reaching for anyone to rescue me. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I feel as if I’m on a sinking ship and I wish sometimes I wasn’t alone in this boat. The thing is though, if I brought someone else into my boat, they would sink right along with me.

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2 Samuel 13 A man by the name of Jonadab offered advice to Amnon one of King David’s sons. Amnon was infatuated with his half sister. She was a virgin and he lusted after her so intently that it made him sick. Jonadab was a smooth talker and instead of throwing a line to Amnon, he got in the sinking boat with him. The advice given was to lure Tamar into Amnon’s bedchamber and try to persuade her that she needed to lay with him to make him better. Of course this horrible sinful advice for so many reasons, I don’t think I need to actually go into detail as to why.

The truth about hurting people hurt others are undeniable. The same goes with the saying, ‘misery loves company.’ While I don’t want to bring anyone down with me, I struggle to go day in and day out without once in a while letting my voice out. Usually a post like this would talk about the dangers of following someone down a troubled path. For example, if you are friends with someone who really wants to rob a bank, and when they talk you into being their accomplice, that’s the kind of thing where you’re getting into a sinking ship and just poking more holes in the bottom. Stay away from temptations and trouble. Stay in the bible and when or if someone comes to you, stop giving him or her opinionated advice. Go to the one place that truly tells you right and wrong, scripture.

I find myself wishing for someone to come with me not to join me in a sinking ship, but to help plug the holes. I have found myself avoiding the Jonadab’s in my life. I have gotten advice to do some pretty deep sinful things because ‘it’ll make me feel better.’ The thing I see with the advice is the aftermath. If I take advice like that I will only cause my boat so sink faster. If someone is willing to give you bad advice like that, they aren’t your friends. If you’re willing to take advice like that, you need to reevaluate your life choices. Some people just enjoy chaos, and you will need to remind yourself the kind of Christian you want to be. Do not conform to this world, but find your path in Christ and renew that path every day by staying in the word of God. It isn’t always easy, and some days you’ll nearly tip your boat, but you can always right your ship and keep sailing along this thing called life.

 

 

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God Are You There?

God Are You There?

Have you ever prayed and wondered if your prayers are being heard? In my life I’ve wondered just that. Scripture tells us that God hears every thought, every whisper, every cry, and angry outburst, but sometimes it’s felt as if my pleas have landed on deaf ears. I’ve been down to the woodshed more times at the receiving end of life’s cruel lessons. I’ve been beaten, betrayed, and kicked while I was down. Through it all I’ve prayed, and still I was burdened with shackles of pain and suffering. I have called upon my Heavenly father time and time again, and I have waited for an absolution, sometimes that would never come.

I have walked a long way, and still I have struggled from time to time to trust in where God leads me. I feel as if I’m lead into the valley more often then I am peaceful streams, or green pastures. I have tried to live a life as a sinner in a world where I would still make Abba proud of me. I have prayed for many years for the blessings in my heart, and yet still to this day I am missing desires. I turn to scripture in my time of need in hopes to find what I seek. James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”We must have trust in the Lord that despite our shortcomings, and despite the hardships we face, the Lord our God is always by our side. 2 Chronicles 7:14“if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” God will bless us, but first we need to realize how important that open door relationship is.

God is not first and foremost a cosmic genie for our amusement. God is not a universal Santa Clause to give us the gifts of our hearts whenever we ask for them. God is our father, our creator, and should be treated as such. God answers to no one, and we are but a speck of infinitesimal dust to God. God loves us, but we must first open the door. When we are frustrated, scared, or hurting it’s almost a normal reaction to turn to God, but how often do we as a people pray when things are good? How often do we pray to praise and worship our Lord, in times of celebration? “How am I supposed to show love for somebody, over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?”(Fireproof) Is the cross offensive to us? Do we truly understand the Lord and the sacrifice made of us? I understand what was done for me, and I still struggle some days. God is always there waiting for us, but it’s hard sometimes for God to help us when we don’t want His help. We are stubborn, we are ungrateful, and we rarely show God the gratitude of a people that has been given life itself.

We expect God to be there for us in our times of crises but we reject him every other day of the year. We expect God to grant us our selfish desires, our prayers, which we pray for the wrong reasons. Luke 18:1“And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.” We must not loose heart for the Lord to hear us when we pray for the right reasons. We must not be selfish in our lives, but servants of Christ. We must try to be pure of heart, and when we come to allow Jesus into our hearts, then, the Lord will be there to bless us for our hard works in his name. It’s not about how much we put into a plate, or how many times we go to the homeless shelter, it’s the reasons we do it. Are we doing it to try to rack up cosmic brownie points, or do we do it because we are truly called to do so? Pray and be faithful to the Lord, and never loose heart. Pray and be heard when you remove yourself and let God in. James talks about praying with the wrong motives and how dangerous it can be. We must turn to God every day in the storm, in the celebration, in the sun or in the snow. Pray because as Jesus commended his Spirit to the Lord for us, we should be on our knees in gratitude because we would be nothing but walking dead had Jesus not given his blood for us. God’s there, and He’s listening, but are you asking the right questions? God’s always there for us, but are we letting God into our hearts? It’s a choice we must make, and when God calls upon us, do we look at the number and decide to ignore the phone? I’d be willing to guess, most people do. Imagine how much better this world would be if we would take a moment and let God speak to us. The choice is yours though, the power of free will says you don’t have to listen to God at all, but what an opportunity you’re missing out on. Pick up the phone, and listen when God calls.

 

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Dishonor

Dishonor

“Dishonor, dishonor on your whole family, dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!” (Mulon) We are brothers and sisters in the blood of Christ. We represent our beliefs every minute of every day. We are ambassadors of our Lord and Savior, and yet we go out and party and act a fool. We leave home and especially when we leave church we are completely different people. When we are at work, or with friends at the bar and being cruel drunkards, the question can be asked, ‘aren’t you a Christian, a follower of Christ?’ our response should really be ‘Christ who?’ It’s sad, but true. Do we truly walk in Christ everywhere we go, or just act like we should when it’s to put up a good front?

We use God as our cosmic 911. We call to God when our life falls apart. We expect God to fix our lives and save us from our trials. We have the blessings of free will, but how do we use it? In our country we have a promise, “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Have you ever thought about what this really means? The promise of this country is two main points and one that is put on the individual. While we are free from persecution, we are able to protect our life, and our liberties, but while all will pursue happiness, some will never find it. Some of course will, but we must truly understand where happiness comes from. We are given a chance to pursue Christ, and enjoy the gifts of Heaven, but while many will come to the Father on the Day of Judgment, many will never enter and enjoy the true nature of happiness. Heaven is obtainable, but not for everyone.

When we don’t act like Christians we dishonor ourselves. When we make questionable decisions we bring dishonor on the name Christian. When we behave badly we bring dishonor on all of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our brothers and sisters in the Lord are family. We are eternally bound by the blood of Christ, and yet, we are so selfish and narcissistic we think our actions affect no one but ourselves. That’s a lie straight from Hell. For every bad decision we make in the public eye, anyone who knows we are a Christian it hurts our witness. We can drive people away from Christianity by the way we act. We all act upright and proper in church but feel once we take off the tie, remove the church dress, we are taking the party animal, the sin nature out of the cage, and let it go wild. How we treat others, the language we use, the activity we take part in, all represents who we are inside. As Batman once said, “It’s not who I am underneath, it’s what I do that defines me.”What we do is a mirror of what’s on the inside though. Yes our actions are what defines us, but what drives us? If we are truly living in Christ we shouldn’t want to behave poorly. We should respect that salvation enough to try to avoid sin. We are all sinners and there’s no changing that, but it doesn’t mean we have to engage in sinful activities freely. We will be made to answer for our sins, and we can rest assured we won’t like the consequences.

2 Corinthians 5:10“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things [done] in [his] body, according to that he hath done, whether [it be] good or bad.” If not even the Angels from Heaven received a reprieve for their actions, what do you think will happen to you, if you blatantly sin thinking there are no consequences? 2 Peter 2:9 “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:” We will all have to give an account of our sins. Will we admit to our sinful ways and ask for forgiveness, or will we argue and make excuses? God knows our hearts, we cannot hide anything.

 

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Patiently Waiting

 

Patiently Waiting

When Change happens unexpectedly we don’t always understand why. We can’t always see the reason for it, and we can only hope and lean back on faith to except what’s happened. We see in scripture over and over how patience is rewarded. We see the need to trust in God’s plan. We see in Galatians 4:21-22 the author is talking about the repercussions of not following the plan God lays out for us. Abraham was told he would sire children, but as his age increased he became more and more skeptical. He became impatient and took his wife hand madden into his bedchamber and she became pregnant. His actions once outside the will of God had dire consequences that have shaped the known world as we see it today. Eventually he would fall back to God and the promise made to him was kept. Him and his wife did have children.

As it seems opportunities come into my life and leave just as abruptly, it’s a hard life longing for something so deeply and being told by god the time isn’t right. Watching as people come and go and yet as much as it pains me to see them leave, I am not and have always been powerless to stop it. As the rising tide of the flood comes it’s inevitable and we cannot stop it. We are powerless to stop the approaching tornado and the destruction left in it’s wake. We are told the trials would come and to be prepared for them. As I’ve noted there is a difference in training and then the actual mission. Before every mission we had a brief but rarely did the mission go exactly according to plan. We always had to adapt and overcome. We train to know how to react when the plan flies off the rails. Often time disaster strikes when we loose our patience and act impulsively. Life is not a sprint, yet in our time, everyone is in a hurry to get everywhere. We always want everything right away. The problem with patience is when you’re forced to play the long game, it can feel like an eternity when it’s something you desire most.

I’d say one of the hardest moments is when you know something wonderful has come into your life, and when the Devil destroys that hope. For me it feels like the Devil’s games have been never ending and designed to break my hope and my spirits. I won’t lie, the latest attack has taken a horrible toll for me. Just when life seemed to be turning around, and hope seemed stronger then it’s been in over a year, the Devil’s whispers, and fear caused a cascade failure, and everything went like Chernobyl. Sadly the Devil is meddling in my life and just won’t let me have any peace. Philippians 4:6-7 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It’s been difficult for me to follow what I know to be true. The pain left from disappointment is so strong, it’s hard to remain focused on the big picture, and remember that God’s still in control, and his will, will be done, and eventually it’ll work out. Philippians 4:11-14 “11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 14 Yet it was kind of you to share[a] my trouble.” Paul knows the difficult road some of us were bound to endure. In his ministry he saw his on share of hardships from beatings, to shipwrecks, to what’s likely a physical ailment that plagued him for a long time. In all things though, and in all areas of his travels, and through all the hardships, he writes that he has found peace in knowing God is still in control, and nothing in this life can remove his salvation in the blood of Jesus Christ.

We must remember even in our impatience a Thanksgiving turkey will not cook faster because we try to will it to happen. The best things in life often take longer to have. We can try to speed up the process, but if we try to go against God’s plan or his wish for us, what we obtain will undoubtedly fail us. The pursuit to contentment starts with faith, prayer, and learning to live more in the moment and take your gaze away from tomorrow.

My Heavenly father, as I watch in disappointment at yet another failure, I lift my plea to you. Please look into my heart and if it be your will, please show me the path to get what I desire most. I have suffered much, and long, and I pray to you to remove this thorn from my side. Please help my broken heart mend, and provide me the courage and strength to keep up the fire, to face another day as I struggle with shame and guilt. My God please hear my prayer and rescue me from the darkness of despair. In your Holy Name, Amen.

Light or Dark

Light or Dark

The darkest night covers me and I need you

The sun fuels my heart and gives me warmth and strength. I need you then too.

Because of you I’m alive.

No matter where I am, or the season I’m in, my Lord I need you.

Who am I without you, I am no one.

The Lord of all knows my name.

 

The Lord who created in love not because of what I do, just because I am. I am a sinful man, but love saved me. Never because of what I’ve done, just because of what you are. No matter my of praise, or my day of prayer your grace comforts me. Today the flowers bloom, and tomorrow the ice shall come, but in all my day, and in all my ways I am yours. Because you are with me I shall not fear the night. The night was so dark without you, but your glory so bright the single ray of light when the sun peaks the horizon, the darkness breaks. Jesus Christ the pure light that would forever push the darkness away rose.

What do I have to offer the king of the universe, my heart, my everything, and yet I will never be worthy of the gift bestowed upon me. I can surrender all and even up to my life it would never cover the debt. But it is grace, and love my bill was covered by Christ. I was so loved before I was born that for me my sins and the sins of billions of others, a blood debt freely given, ransomed for my freedom of death. If my debt was paid when I’m knocked down, who then do I fight for? Christ got back up and his strength became my strength. I will get back up and continue to fight till my dying breath. I owe it to Christ to never give up and never surrender to the darkness.

God’s word has withstood the test of time, and even now as we can see the darkness covering the land, we will watch, as God’s will, will be done. Those who criticize the word and those who push to remove God’s presence from the public will one day stand in judgment. The light of the word may be pushed away but in time the raging tide will again be tamed by the Lord. God’s word will stand firm, and the darkness will be pushed back, snuffed out by the light. No matter how far we fall it’s never to late to change our course. We cannot stop praying, or hoping for God to save us. We cannot stop worshiping the Lord no matter if things are great, or if everything has been blown to a million pieces. Yesterday is gone and we don’t live there anymore. We must learn to say goodbye to the past, and live in today. The heart may have been broken yesterday, but every day we breath is a new day of growing, a new day of healing. We must tell ourselves every day that Jesus is still with us, and in his love we are healed. You cannot expect to have an answer for every tragedy that happens, and in our walk we must learn to focus on Jesus. This world is not the end, and one day the end will come on this life and the walls that kept us confined will be no more. This is not where we belong forever, and we can count on the promise made by Jesus to one day sit before the King and be accepted into the light. This life is but a fleeting speck of dust in the wind, and if we want to go home, know that this world will one day wash away.

Praise the Lord for success, and praise the Lord in failure. In every chance we get, both good and bad, fix your eyes on the one and only thing that will satisfy your heart and that’s Jesus. Life can be hard, and we are told to expect the trials that come, and the persecutions that come with following Christ, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) I am a broken man, and I fail every day to live up to what God expects of me. I know I fail, and I know I fall, but I know that because of grace, and I know what true love means, I still stand here knowing God is with me. I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit with me and I’m called to be more. I’m called to push myself, and to stand toe to toe with the darkness. Every day I stand and pray to protect me from the attacks. Every day I praise my God for the blessings I have. I know I am protected and I know that for Jesus saves my soul every day. I know that every day I wake hope is here. Every day I see the hope all around me, and I know that it’ll be all right. I’ve experienced the darkness, and I’ve seen the light. I’ve felt the cold, but the warmth always triumphs. In every tear that falls God holds them. In every heart that breaks God feels our pain, and yet healing begins with Christ.

Light or dark, we decide where to stand. We can choose to stay in the darkness avoiding the light if we wish, but when it gets cold, or the demons come to creep, know the light will always accept you. You can choose to live in fear of the unknown, or you can choose to trust in Jesus and know that there is a brighter future waiting for you. You can choose to walk in the darkness, but no matter where you choose to walk, Jesus Christ is always there with you. If you choose to walk in the darkness, you have to expect to stub your toe on the furniture. Who then will you blame, God for not removing the obstacle, or yourself for not turning on the light? We as people will always learn more from hardships then a life of ease and calm rivers. If you are to be truly tested we must first be pushed to the limits to know what we are truly capable of. It’s in these times we need to turn to Christ more then ever, because we do not truly grow otherwise. We often pray for things we think are good for us, but we only see two feet ahead, but God sees a mile. We are but children clamoring around the house trying to place our finger in a light socket. God tries to warn us what not to do, but we are a stubborn people, and if we truly wish for a smoother ride we must learn to trust in the Lord and stop being so resistant to what we are told. God’s grace and love is unyielding, but our acceptance of it into our hearts is purely voluntary. Jesus loves you more then you know, and we should praise the Lord in all things, each and every day. Because our savior lives we must pray. We overcome by the power of His blood, and we are alive because he lives. Prayer is the absolute least we can do, and for the gift of life, shouldn’t we do at least that? We would be dead without Christ. Sin and shame would be all we are without the blood, and we’re alive because He lives. The light that would forever be the voice over the shadow, my life was and is held in His hands. So I pray to you Lord, thank you for my life, thank you for my pain, thank you for your love, and thank you for your gracious sacrifice for me. In your Holy Name, Amen.

The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

 

A long time ago the words couldn’t describe the storm inside. The memory etched into my mind, and in an instant the world as I knew it was tossed aside, and I left something of myself out on that battlefield. The piece I lost was taken from me, and even though I’ve tried, I know I won’t ever get it back. The face of evil was on that road, that dirt road where blood was spilt, and eyes were closed for the last time. The wound that never really heals, stays fresh, and I feel like some days I am lost in the movie that’s stuck on repeat.

I sit and I cry, the memory of that day rings in my mind. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I see it plain as day. The sulfur lingers in the air, and the dust settles revealing the nightmare we all dreamt about but never admitted. The anger built up inside me, and yet on the outside I was always calm and numb. The storm inside waged and with no words, no action, the struggle lingered on, rearing it’s head every year. The doubts I had, I questioned myself, I even hated myself for not doing more. It feels like I might explode with my anger, and yet I take the pain and I tuck it away.

The darkness that covered over me stayed for so long. In time a light arose and pushed the darkness away. I felt like I couldn’t deal with the pain. Some days I feel the cold darkness rising again. I think about going, and visiting, leaving flowers, but I’m afraid to go. I can’t bring myself to look down at the marble that now marks where you lay. I feel the anger, and I can’t face the pain inside. The world isn’t fair, and I hate it some days. I run away and I hide because I can’t face your name. The names etched into my mind, I can’t scrub them away. The bracelet I wear marks the day, and the ink on my arm shows the world, but only just a glimpse.

I fall to my knees and I pray. My failure that day, a premonition that rang true and the future was set. I search for meaning, I search for truth that seems so unfair, and it feels like I’m so far away from the me I once knew. How many son’s and daughters are gone, and lost, and how many tears have fallen down faces all around the world? We can’t turn back the clock, the blood spilt is gone forever. I wander the darkness unable to see, the light is far from me. The darkness inside takes hold, and in an instant I’m not me. How did the world turn out this way? Where was I on that day?

The darkest hour and the fall from so high feels like an eternity as it’s replayed in my mind. A blood spilt hallway, the torture in the hallways, the casket filled with a young man a best friend. Four draped flags, and then the loss of a love. The nightmare long past, a healing heart, then stabbed again. A heart ripped out and it feels like I was far from grace. The wounds from years past filled my mind, and flooded my chest with doubt, fear, and so much pain I couldn’t stand.

My God my God, I fall from grace and I pray you save me. I was lost and I hurt so much, it feels like you’re so far away. The world won, and I lost my way. I was weak and I cried out in pain, I paid blood for blood. I paid for my sins, and I don’t know what else to say. I reached for the black metal instead of your name. The cold steel in my hand won the day, and the pain inside realized in the most unimaginable way. I fell from grace, and I couldn’t stay. I felt so cold and lost that day. My God my God, I need you now, I need you today. My God my God, I don’t know what more to say, the memory inside just won’t go away. I know you’re good, and I know you’re here, but in the raging storm I can’t seem to face the day. How do I move on, and how do I stand here on faith knowing where I’ve been? How can I be trusted when I feel so much fear, and doubt? I have no doubt of who you are, I doubt myself. I can’t bring back what was taken from me, but I know that tomorrow I will wake and I have a new canvas to paint my picture. I can’t unmake my mistake, I can’t undo my pain, but I can learn how to use it. It doesn’t matter how far I’ve fallen, because your love and mercy tells me I’m not a lost cause. Your grace washes away my past and you make me a new creation. As I know who I am it feels sometimes I’m tethered to those failures of yesterday. Jeremiah 8:4 “You shall say to them, Thus says the Lord: When men fall, do they not rise again? If one turns away, does he not return?” I have fallen my Lord and I get back up. I have stumbled my Lord and yet I keep moving forward. Proverbs 24:16The righteous may fall seven times but still get up, but the wicked will stumble into trouble.” I keep your word in my heart, and I stand against the lies of the Devil. I find strength when I’m weak, and I find hope in my despair. Proverbs 14:32 “The wicked are crushed by disaster, but the godly have a refuge when they die.” I feel the weight of my sins, and I carry my cross but in your love and grace I’m not crushed by it. Though my sins are long I am saved by grace. Though my pain runs deep I am healed by love. 2 Corinthians 4:9We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed”.

I cry out to the Lord in my hour of need, I have heard your voice, and now I need to see. What is the path you have set for me? My God my Lord, I wait for the dawn. My Lord please part the clouds and bring back the sun. See me through this storm and keep me safe from harm. The pain I have is true and real. The hurt I have, like so many others, please take it and heal my heart. I’ve lost so much, and here I stand, at the foot of the cross with open arms. I trust in you, and I have faith. I’m tired and weary, but I carry on. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake.4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows, 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]” In my days of fighting this fight I prepare my heart and soul. I trust that this time will pass from me and one day I will look back on my life and know I fought hard in this life. Like so many before me, I pray for my path to ease, the fog to lift, and the sun to shine. I pray for peace, and I long for calm. I have been a faithful soldier and when my time comes, I pray in truth, the words of Paul. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”