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Sojourn

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Sojourn:

“Not all who those wander are lost” Tolkein. John the Baptist lived in the wilderness, living off the land, yet he was never lost. Christians often find ourselves living in a world designed by Satan to be hostile to Christians who do not stay silent about their faith. While martyrdom is fairly common place in places where the church is under constant attack, it’s less common here in the U.S. Recently a brother in Christ, Charlie Kirk was martyred for his faith in a public assassination/execution. In the wake of his death, many have begun to stand up and scream their faith from the highest mountain tops. Social media is flooded with new voices coming from the darkness to debate in the public square. College campuses have seen these new voices take on the secular world with boldness. Silence one voice and many will rise to take its place. 

For a long time, I stayed quiet about my faith, afraid of pushing people away because I wanted to feel like I belonged. For a long time, I filled my life with those of the secular world, but as long as they called me friend, I overlooked blatant sin. Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, 14 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” How can a Christian live in this life and do so with so few standing beside them? Scripture tells us not to forsake the assembly (Heb 10:25). We must learn to stand together, join together, and together let our voices be heard. We are sojourners in this life, citizens of heaven (Phill 3:20). We are given warning in 1 Peter 2:11 11 “Beloved, I urge you as aliens (Sojourners) and strangers (Exiles) to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.” We must learn how to do this though, learn how to walk as an ambassador (2 Corinth 5:20) for the Lord. 

In order for us to be ready for the war we face on earth, we must learn what each piece of the armor is for, how it works, and why. We must prepare our fingers for battle, the spiritual battle. We must be prepared to give up one’s life for the Lord if called upon. Scripture tells us to have a defense of our faith (1 Peter 3:15), to be able to articulate the Gospel to the non-believer. We must acknowledge that Paul calls us a soldier for Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3-4 3 “Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 4 No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We know we will suffer for Christ because to pick up ones cross as we are called to do, Matthew 16:24 24 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” We are to deny the lusts of this world, the lusts that draw us away from The Kingdom of God. When we focus on the riches, the baubles of this world, we take our eyes away from the Kingdom, and thus, that object becomes an idol. We must guard our eyes, our minds, our bodies of the draw of Satan, the desires that make us feel good in the moment, but empty and dead in the end. 

The righteous man will fight the good fight, and train his mind, his body, and his soul for the battle ahead. We as soldiers must be prepared for the journey we face daily. The first thing we must do is the use the belt of truth. (Eph 6:14) What is truth, the Gospel, Jesus, the Bible is truth. Next is protecting your heart with the Breastplate of Righteousness. We must protect our heart, and allow God to make us born again, turning our heart from stone to flesh. From dead men to alive. Put on the Sandals of the Gospel of Peace. Everywhere we go we must walk with that peace. We must be willing to share the gospel and spread truth with every step we take. We must know that the sandals allow us to dig in when the storm comes, like cleats on the football field. This allows us to bury our feet into the ground with the spikes on the bottoms of the sandals. This symbolizes not giving into the attacks of Satan. Not allowing the secular world to change, alter, water down, or compromise the Gospel, the Truth of Jesus Christ. We must then take up the Shield of Faith. Knowing that the war is upon us, and the flaming arrows from Satan will reign down all around us, the shield protects us in our faith. There will be times when Satan will reign down hell upon us, and we must learn to ‘get small’ behind that shield. Allow it to take the arrows, allow your faith to absorb the attacks knowing that this is not home, and there is a far better place awaiting the believer. What is a little suffering compared to the eternity of Heaven? Little Christian, protect your mind by wearing the Helmet of Salvation. Be mindful of what you watch, read, and listen too. Guard your tongue and know that the tongue can build up or tear down. Proverbs 18:21 says the tongue has the power of life and death. What we say is a representation of what’s in our hearts. We must use the helmet to protect against the propaganda machine of the deceiver. Social media has leveled up the Devils ability to push his narrative, his lies, and desensitize us to the lies he spreads. 

Finally brothers and sisters, take up the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT. Ephesians 6:18-20 18 “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, 19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.” The sword is the gospel, and with the spirit of God with us, we take our prayers to the Lord. We lift up our daily and continuous prayers before the Throne of Grace. Since we are against the spiritual, our weapon is the spiritual kind. The truth we find in scripture is the one and only truth, the way to heaven, and the way to life. Outside of the truth in scripture is death. For those who are not born again, for them, life has no hope. Death and darkness await the unbeliever. Many however, would be happy to lift the sword towards the believer of Jesus Christ. The sword of the spirit must be trained with. We must learn scripture, for there may come a day when the physical Bible we all have may be outlawed and we must rely on what we have stored in our hearts. If the Bible was banned today how much would you have to rely on? We must train our minds, train our souls for the war we are in. We must study to show ourselves approved (2 Timothy 2:15) 

Little Christian, run the race, run with endurance, and never grow tired of doing good. Never grow weary, for when you do, pray to the Lord, and allow Him to give you rest in the knowledge that our suffering is only for a little while. When we find ourselves nearing the valley of death, do not be afraid. We wear the full armor, and this armor we never take off after we put it on. Never give the Devil one moment of opportunity where he could exploit your complacency. We wear the Armor which is the attributes of God upon ourselves. Each piece is an attribute of God, so let us run with assurance that if God is for us, who can be against us. Train to fight little Christian, train as if your life depends on it, because it does. Train to face the enemy and know that the moment you put on this armor the deceiver, the lion that wishes to devour you will begin the hunt. Be prepared for the fight to come. 

We know that time is a vapor in the eternity of Heaven. We are a mere speck of time and our opportunities must be taken advantage of. We are called ambassadors, so we represent the country we call home. Let us represent Christ well. Let us share the gospel to the unbeliever spread the seeds of the Gospel everywhere we go. Let us face this fight together, and walk with a humble heart. Let us be rid of the pride and lusts that once held our hearts, and walk with meekness. Women, be women, be the helper God has called you to be. Be the nurturer of your home. Be the soft tone, and be the home for the husband to escape the snares of life. Husbands, guard your home and protect it. Be the spiritual head of the household, and be willing to die for it, as Christ died for the church. 

Ephesians 5:22-30 22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.”

We each complement one another, and we must see each role as a place in a military squad. We have our duties, our responsibilities, and when we fill our rolls as God has planned, we can fight the fight together, instead of fighting one another or fighting the world alone. We are a team, one body, one flesh, and we fight together. 

As a sojourner of this world, we all should have the same goal, please the Lord. In all we do let us do to bring glory and pleasure to God. When we finally finnish the race, let us do so with honor and present ourselves as a “olah tamid” a perpetual daily burnt offering to the Lord. This is where the Hebrew word for disciple comes from “talmid”. When we reach heaven let us be the disciple we are called to be. Let us be a complete burnt offering to the Lord, let us have given everything to the Lord and there was nothing left to give when we leave this life. Let our service to the Lord be a sweet aroma. And in the end, let us hear ‘Well done my good and faithful servant.’ Let us keep our eyes upon the Lord, and seek always the Kingdom of God. 

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Consequences 

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Consequences 

Consequences: A result or effect of an action or condition. We as humans live here and now. We cannot predict the future, but we can in some ways be responsible for what happens. We are given the opportunity of free will to decide what we want to do. When we have a choice between two roads, one that leads to destruction, one that does not, we have a choice. Each choice has a consequence. We often want to blame others for the situation we are in. Sometimes our situation is caused by others, but in reality, we still have our own choices to make. How do we respond when things go wrong because of others? How do we respond when things go wrong because of ourselves? As Batman said “It’s not who I am underneath, but I do that defines me.” Who are you blaming for your woes? Who are you blaming for your own actions? And when the consequences come because of what you do, how are you behaving and how are you treating others? 

When a person who’s been a repeat offender gets mad when family or friends no longer help when time after time, wrong choices continue to be made. Who’s to blame? When someone continually puts themselves in harm’s way or in toxic relationships and environments when they have options not too, who’s to blame when things go bad? In the whole of human history, we have seen what happens when the bill comes due, and we have to then answer for our actions. Adam when confronted by God quickly turned the attention off of himself, and said, “The woman YOU gave me.” A bold statement, that in one foul swoop Adam blamed both the woman, and God for his actions. Now, let’s not forget that the actions of Eve cannot be undersold either. She had a choice, a chance, and in that moment of temptation from the snake, she thought in her mind, “I could be like God.” And perhaps even further, ‘if I could be like God, I don’t need God.’. Her actions and the subsequent lie that came, and behold, sin entered into paradise, eternity was fractured, and time began ticking, the slow decay of life and death. Cause and effect. This isn’t a new concept, and one, I do not feel the need to reinvent, so instead, I shall borrow what’s already been said. “Causality my love.” The Merovingian’s wife, she said this to her husband when she betrayed him and led Neo, and the others to the key maker. Unfortunately, even though cause and effect is often highlighted with high stakes in the movies, life can be more subtle. 

A wife is struck by her husband. She returns to him after leaving for a week. In time though she continues to return, even if the violence continues to escalate. The process inevitably repeats itself. Who is at fault? The man, of course, but unfortunately and as callous as it may be, the women who went back the first time, and then continued to return afterwards. Actions no matter how we may understand the want, the desire to overlook someone’s behavior, or even try to justify it, at the base root, actions have consequences. Someone picking up a syringe that first time, pressured by friends to shoot heroin. Is it the friend’s fault, sure, but the root again stems with a single starting choice, to be there, to pick up the needle, and not to say no. Everything after can be excused by the inevitable snowball as life gets away from us and we get trampled by the very snowball we ourselves created. Scripture tells us many warnings of such events. David is one. 

Here’s a king who was considered by many to be great, anointed by God. The kid who won a war, defeated the giant who made men quiver in their armor. The boy whose hand did not cut the head off the king who pursued him. David who chose not to go to war with his men, but to stay and be exactly in the wrong place. We all know the story, David and Bathsheba. Choices that led David to be on that roof, looking down at Bathsheba cleaning herself. David who didn’t look away. David who knew who she was after asking her identity. David who brought her to the palace. David who got her pregnant. Then, the man who at this point allowed the snowball to escalate tried to hide, to conceal the truth, and in doing so resorted to murder. That baby died because of David’s sin, and his choices. Only because he was king was his own life not forfeit. [(David is king. While the law states the offender should die, no one has the earthly authority to kill the king. David also has not had the baby Solomon, which is Gods plan for the line for Jesus to be born. We also see, only the King can affect or change how the law is the be carried out, when his son raped his sister. David does not act to pass the death sentence required by law, effectively pardoning his son. This leads to Absolom performing an effective coup against the throne and plunging the country into civil war. God spared David the earthly penalty for his crime, and chose a different punishment instead, the death of the child. Anyone else would have been stoned to death for the same crime.) Added after publication.] How far can a person be driven when our choices lead us along like the carrot on the end of a stick. 

GOD’S WARNING: 

1 Peter 5:8 8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 

We must keep our minds sober, for when we cloud our judgment sins often happen. When we are told to put on the full armor of God, this tells us we are soldiers. Ephesians 6 for the armor. In 2 Timothy 3 “3 Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” As a soldier we must be prepared for the battle. As a soldier in Iraq, I often found myself on duty as something known as QRF (Quick Reaction Force). I needed to stay alert and ready to go on mission at any time. I cannot say how many QRF missions I went on as it was too many to count. As a soldier I knew and understood the need to be ready for the fight, and to be fit to fight. As a soldier I understand that if I do not practice with my rifle, I will not be mission ready. As such, if I do not read my bible and attend worship, I will not be fit to fight the forces of evil. I also understand that in Ephesians we are told that Eph 6:12 “12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” As a soldier having put on the sandals of the gospel of peace, how then do we hold fast when the Devil attacks? We get our answer in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” Being like Christ is our choice and chance to resist the temptation of sin. Will we sin, sure, Paul reminds us that in Romans 7:15 “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” Scripture gives us what we need to live in the world that hates us so much, and in doing so resist the Devil with everything we have.

I’ve counseled a lot of people over the years, and one thing that has remained a constant was the person ignoring advice, and finding themselves in the same problem over and over again. In life, we must put our pride and ego aside to look at ourselves and see our actions do have consequences. While I do understand sometimes our situation is impacted by the choices of others, this is a reminder that sin doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Sin affects everyone around us, and we cannot do much about the actions of others, but we must stay vigilant to police our own actions. While we understand that sin happens, we must be ready for the wave occurs when it happens near us. A person’s actions will indeed hit us, and sometimes it’s a tsunami and it destroys relationships, and lives. As a Christian we must keep our wits about us and remember the words of Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy”. Being a Christian has never been, and will never be easy. This means we as Christians will face difficult choices along the way. Will we be swept up in the ways of the world, or will we maintain our choices to be that representation of Christ? It’s easy to want to help someone you feel sympathy for, but it’s also okay to forgive someone and set healthy boundaries. We do not want to accidentally enable continued bad behavior. There must be true repentance sometimes for us to be able to help someone in need who has, in the past abused the kindness and caring of others. It’s okay to say no.

Even when we know people who make bad, unhealthy choices, all we can do is pray for them continuously. We need to pray for people, pray for their choices and souls, and be kind in telling them the truth. We must be gentle but stern in our delivery, never resorting to our impulses to sin, but rather hold fast to our Christian faith, and our need to do our very best to be Christ like. 

We live in the present, and we can only control this very moment. Let us be in control of ourselves, and represent Christ the best we can in each moment of each day. 

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The Darkest Night 

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The Darkest Night 

I always knew this day would come. Nothing would prepare me for it though. The nightmare that awaited me, brought on by both time, and the corruption of this time, we call it sin. Many years ago, I adopted a tiny little pup, with big ears, big paws, and floppy ears. The shelter called her a shepherd mix. This little pup would grow up and she would become something much more than I ever thought possible. For the first two years of her life she would do basic puppy training. Over time, she began to display an aptitude for emotional empathy. Her natural inclination was to respond when my mood or anxiety became heightened. Could she be a service dog? Once her skill set was noticed, the training intensified and by the age of two she started light service dog work, by the age of 3 she became a full-fledged service dog, my service dog. The shelter called her Sweet Potato Pie, I called her Riley. Within a couple years as she grew in maturity, communication with her became seamless. She’d respond quickly, and she grew beyond my expectations. I could speak plainly to her, and she knew and understood what I said. Over the years we would grow closer together and would become inseparable. I would come to rely on her for my darkest hours, and daily tasks. She would wake me during nightmares. She would wake others if she couldn’t wake me. She was my battle buddy, my security, my companion, my closest and best friend. 

A couple months ago, a lump appeared on her front right shoulder. She had a tiny limp if she walked for a way. After an X-Ray it revealed it was a tumor. Whether it was malignant or not wouldn’t matter. She was too told for surgery to remove the entire limb. No, the tumor was a slow death sentence. Time is cruel. This sin filled world is full of darkness, and in reality, the only thing we can do about it, is live in the light of truth. What is truth? Who’s truth? Jesus Christ, is the way the truth and the life, and no one comes to the father except through Him. 14 years Riley was with me. 14 years we lived life in a symbiotic relationship. Every day I relied on Riley in my life. On Saturday the 27th of September my dear sweet Riley fell off the bed, she couldn’t get herself up. She flailed around as I tried to help her. In her flailing, her fear, she peed on the floor. She had never done that, because I never saw her scared like that before. How long would I let her suffer? Her ability to walk was diminishing, along with her ability to get onto the bed, and more importantly go up and down stairs. Time, it seemed, was just about up, and the bill that comes for us all, was about to be placed before me. As it was said in Dr. Strange, “The Bill Comes Due, Always.” 14 years was more time than I could have expected. I was incredibly blessed to have her in my life so long. She truly became a blessing in my life, and now, a day and a half after her passing, her presence is missed beyond words. I have felt as if a part of myself was missing. I have felt a heaviness and an emptiness I’ve never felt with anyone’s passing. I have lost a great deal in my life, but never has it felt like this. 

Service dog’s and their handler, their person, have a bond unlike most can fathom. People rarely rely on other people to that level. What happens when someone relies on another creature for nearly every aspect of their life? Riley would depend on me since of course she doesn’t have opposable thumbs. I would depend on her to help me live a normal life. She was not a pet, she wasn’t just a companion, she was so much more. Now, here I am alone, and I have to try and find how to live life without her. Perhaps it is death, that is the sweet release, especially for the believer, that believes Heaven is just a missed heart beat away. Having had major heart surgery recently, Riley was there during my recovery. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks, and when I got home should could barely contain herself. Less than a year later she would leave me. Death is easy, it’s the ones left behind that suffer. 

For many, they look for a savior, to shield them from the fires and wrath of Hell. While Jesus is most assuredly my savior, for me He is so much more. For me Jesus is Lord, He is King. He is the one who bore my punishment, He took my scars so in Heaven I have none. He bore the righteous wrath of God the Father, so I’d never have to taste the sting of eternal death. He bore my sentence so I could have a room in the Fathers house. Jesus is Lord first, and because Jesus is my Lord, I am saved. One day every tongue will confess He is Lord. I confess He is Lord already. One day there will be no more pain, no more tears. Even through a broken heart, I look to Jesus and praise His Holy name! There is no other God, no other way, no other name that can save. Jesus my Lord, my King, my Savior, you’re the Truth, the only way, the righteousness I could never be. Jesus, you are friend to those who weep, Jesus I give you my heart, my broken heart.

My closest companion may be gone, but I know that Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father and is the intercession on my behalf. I know the Holy Spirit is here to comfort me, the broken hearted. Life goes on as the world continues to turn. I may be in pain, but I cannot allow that broken heart to stop me from living life. I need to continue to face the trials of this life, and I need to lean on God’s strength, not my own. It is no doubt I hurt, but I must go on. Riley isn’t in pain any longer. She isn’t struggling to breathe, or walk. I miss her so deeply, and I hurt, but I can’t quit. I know that this world, and all of time is corrupted by sin, and one day this pain will be a thing of the past. I pray for those who are broken. I pray for those who find themselves having hate in their hearts. I pray for the spirit to come and create revival. I pray for the lost, they may come to know God, and seek a relationship with Him. 

Riley, I miss you. Rest well my dear. Your absence has broken my heart. I miss you so much. 

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Be The Lion

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Be The Lion:

It took me a long time to be able to find my faith, the faith that Jesus called and calls us too. While in truth, I have to be honest, the last several months have been in some ways, the hardest I’ve experienced in my life. 10 months ago (from the writing of this publication) I had open heart, aorta reconstructive surgery. My aorta was replaced from the root, to the stem, to include the valve, which is now artificial. The recovery time has been long, and difficult is not a strong enough word to describe the challenges I’ve faced. The physical recovery has only been a small portion of the recuperation. Mental health has always been an uphill battle for me. When I joined the military, I was told up front by many who knew me best, that I would fail. When I was a couple months into my training, I caught MRSA. It nearly killed me because of how quick it spread. I swore I wasn’t going to let that be the end of me, and I fought. Unfortunately, I missed vital training, and was recycled one rotation. I pushed myself, and after a long 25k ruck, hurting, my ruck cutting off the circulation in my left arm, I turned the corner, and there it was, freedom. I had accomplished what many thought I couldn’t. Not only would I graduate but I’d do so with my head held high and achieve what many could not. I would perform my duties well, and with honor and distinction till a training accident caused my career to end prematurely. I ended my career voluntarily and on my own terms, with the hand I was dealt, but not before a successful posting in Korea, a deployment to Iraq, and continued service in Colorado. With everything I’ve gone through and been handed to me, the undeniable truth remains, God is GOOD. 

         Faith is built on the trust of who Jesus is. The truth that He Himself claimed, that He is “The Way The Truth and The Life, and No One Gets To the Father Except Through Him.” The linchpin of Christianity is just that, was Jesus who he claimed to be? The answer, in emphatically yes. This is what gives a Christian his strength. The Lord chose his soldiers before the foundations of the earth. Jesus told us that we would face trials in this life, but to take heart that He overcame the world. We do not store up treasures in this life, but in Heaven. We face these trails as Job faced his. On our knees, in prayer to the Lord of all creation. Does this mean in this life we do not despair, or weep? No. Jesus wept (John 11:35) for the sin that befell upon the perfection of creation. The untold sorrow of sin over our lives, and the destruction that sin brings to the lives of those of us still alive in the realm of time. We cannot let fear dictate terms, when we are told we were given a spirit of courage, not fear (2 Tim 1:7)

         Feelings of despair come to all who walk this world. Struggle is the life of a soldier. No matter how hard we fight, we will always face the bitter truth, life is full of heartache, disappointment, and pain. Why would God allow such things? God is not the author of evil, pride, and sin, is the author of evil. Satan, began his rebellion, believing the created was more powerful than the creator. The lie that fell to Eve was the same, “you can be like God.” Eve, seemingly without hesitation took of the fruit, then gave it to Adam. Their eyes opened, and they knew of evil. Who is the enemy? The enemy is crafty, and has been described as a great many things. A lion waiting to devour you. The father of lies. The accuser.  The great deceiver. The Dragon. This is our adversary, whom we are called to battle against. The enemy spreads lie after lie, and tries to convince us things we are not. Things like, worthless, failure, broken, you’re alone, you’re not good enough. We wage war against an enemy we cannot see. Having been a soldier in combat, I understand all too well the deceptive nature of the enemy. In Iraq we rarely saw our enemy. They hid in the shadows, using deception, and cover to attack, and detonate explosives without ever being seen. How can someone fight what they can’t see? We are called to resist Satan, and only because of the blood of Christ do we stand a chance to be able to hold our ground in the face of overwhelming odds. Satan when he fell, he took a third of the angels with him (Rev 12:4). Our enemy is trained in the art of deception and lies, perfect beings corrupted by pride and sin. An invisible enemy bent on destroying the creation of God. The Armor of God shrouds us, equips us for battle (Eph 6:10-18). What the armor doesn’t do is prepare us. For that, we need the word of God, and the word of God being the sword, does nothing if we don’t use it, learn from it, and grow closer to the God that wrote it. We cannot fight an enemy we don’t understand. We cannot fight an enemy that knows the word of God better than we do. Our enemy has been in the presence of God, and knows us perhaps better than we know ourselves. While he cannot implant thoughts, he can whisper in our ears. Satan can bring untold horrors down upon our lives, and feed us the lie that it’s God that hates us, God that brings these horrors and tragedies into our lives. Satan tells us that God is the author of all our troubles. I have stated and written before that if we do not train our minds, and our souls for battle, the Devil will increase that advantage over us, and win the day. We must realize one thing, scripture and the Holy Spirit on our side are force multipliers that gives us all what we need to win the day. We do not actually fight Satan, but rather resist his attacks. We dig in, the armor covering our mind, our heart, girded for battle, the sandals dug into the dirt, shield protecting us from the flaming arrows from the enemy, and the Sword of God’s Holy Word raised high, unleashing a battle cry heard in the Heavens, “Jesus Is KING”. The undeniable fact is this, if Jesus is the Lion of Judah, and we are little Christ, then there’s a lion within us as well. We must learn to harness the power within us, and dig deep, and face tomorrow with courage and dignity. 

         God has shown us what He will do to fight for His chosen people. In story after story in scripture we see God’s people overcoming incredible odds and emerging victorious. Moses fleeing through the Red Sea. Gideon fought for God. David took down Goliath with a sling and a stone. There is a lion within us waiting to be awoken. I have struggled for a while, believing I was anything more than garbage, a waist of space. I have questioned why God would save my life in such an obvious way; a miracle multiplied. My story of survival holds too many coincidences to be coincidence. In 2016 God spoke to me while I was bleeding out in the back of an ambulance. While in a pitch black void, I said “God I’m sorry!” In reply God said “You’re forgiven” and I snapped awake in the ambulance, where I was believed to give give up the ghost any minute. Instead, God breathed life into me, sending a shock wave through my body. Note: I had not coded and thus what I experienced was not the defibrillator. Early 2024, I found out I had a hernia, somewhere around March. By July, on the last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School), one of the youths of the church challenged me to a race. God, it seems, removed every ounce of caution and I raced the kid. Aside from the pride of winning the race, it came at a cost. The next day I couldn’t walk, as one of the two hernias bulged. This sent me to surgery in October, and the day after that surgery I was back in the hospital from the Gas migrating to my shoulder. A CT was called for, and while it was confirmed Gas was indeed the culprit, a time bomb was found, ticking away. My aorta was ready to explode. A birth defect left me at the mercy of time, and my aorta was well beyond the limit for surgery. I had emergency surgery, which led to heart block, which led to the pacemaker. Months of setbacks, and therapy, have left me with scars both physical and emotional. I have scars deep into my soul and the Devil has used every dirty tactic and trick in the book to continue his assault on me. I have spoken recently how I have wondered if my choosing the heart surgery was indeed the correct course of action. I have wondered if it would have been better for me to let time run out whenever the clock hit zero, I’d go home. The devil has used so much of my past to convince me I am not worth anything. I have questioned and wondered if the pain I’ve been feeling since surgery has been putting myself through an untold number of years left on my timer, an unnecessary amount of trouble I brought upon myself. The devil has convinced me that it isn’t worth it, that I should have lived out the rest of my days, and gone home. The devil got me to forget one of my favorite quotes of unknown origins, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” (The internet says C.S. Lewis said this, but that is unconfirmed.) The trusting of God’s plan is where I have to hold my ground. The last thing I want to be is a sheep being led to the slaughter. How can I protect my family if I can’t protect myself? God does nothing by accident, and while I don’t know why God has spared my life over the years, I know one thing, God has a purpose. I don’t expect the world around me to become fairy tales and unicorns. I expect the battle to continue to rage on. There must be peace of mind, and I must have my head in the game if I am going to continue to be a gears up, high speed, locked and loaded, and good to go as a soldier for the Lord. 

         A lion is what I must be. I have to keep my head on a swivel, and trust that no matter where the Lord sends me, or the mission ahead of me, He prepares my hands for battle. Scripture gives us this, 2 Timothy 2:3-4 “3 Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We are citizens of Heaven, ambassadors, soldiers on foreign territory. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” Our fight, summed up in a single verse. Our adversary seeks to destroy us, to pull us away from our Heavenly Father. Satan seeks to divide us from our brothers and sisters in Christ, and it’s this reason we must once again turn to scripture. 1 Peter 1:13 13 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” As a soldier we train as we fight. We train by repetition, getting better with each passing day. As a soldier we train to be proficient with many weapons, the M4, knives, machine guns, heavy weapons and vehicle’s, radios, and more. We do this by hours and days of practice and training. Likewise, we must be in scripture daily. We must not just read scripture, but study it, and become proficient with the Word of God. We must train our minds in this war against Satan, the same way we soldiers train in the military. In the military we have a saying that sheep dogs protect the flock. We soldiers for Christ must be the sheep dogs. Lions are apex predators, top of the food chain, we too must realize, while we are not lions by ourselves, our Lord and Savior is the creator of the food chain. Our battles must be fought with the remembrance that the blood of Christ signifies a violent death. A death that Jesus laid down his life so He may give His life, to raise it up again, and the greatest of all miracles, to save us, to turn our dead hearts into alive beating hearts for the Lord. While we are here fighting this fight, for the short time in this plain of existence, we must remember that if “God is for us, who then can be against us?” (Rom 8:31) The Lion of Judah is on our side in this fight, we have nothing to fear. The roll of a soldier is to fight for the one that sends you. While I’m not saying the fight is easy, nor am I saying I have it all together, the fight is the most important thing we’ll ever do after we give our lives to Christ. 

         Depression has gripped me hard over the last several months. With my service dog in her last days, the isolation, the physical pains I’ve endured, have all left me wondering how long till I am out of the valley, and I am laying near a peaceful stream. I cannot say what God’s plan is for me, nor can I say what God’s plan is for you, but I know that we cannot gain one single moment in our life by worrying about it. We cannot worry for tomorrow, for it will worry for itself (Matt 6:34). Our life is but a vapor, here one moment and gone the next (James 4:14) and it’s our duty to use the time we have wisely. We fight the good fight, for the men and women, the children that do not know Christ. We fight for those whom we fight alongside. We face the demons in the dark, and we light up the darkness by spreading the light of Christ. We will run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), and we will dig in and hold the line when things get hard. I know what it’s like to feel the waves crash around you. I know what it likes to hurt and be hurt by people I loved. I know what it’s like to experience the horrors of war, and it’s because of these, that I believe I see the world a little different. We must be the warriors Christ called you to be. Be the lion, the apex predator that stands its ground, and protects the pride. My struggles recently have beaten me to the ground, and while I feel broken, and bloody, and in some ways, I am broken and bloody, Jesus, I know will continue to use me. In other ways I have not a single clue what it could be, but I know that I have to trust in the Lord, even if I don’t know what He’s doing. I hurt, and my losses in the last year, to include the recent death of my brother have left me broken hearted, and beaten to the ground. If my life does not return like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I know that while we may suffer but a little while, Heaven is eternal. We were given a promise that heaven would remove the tears, remove the pain, and in reality, to quote a famous song “The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you” (Scars in heaven : Casting Crowns). We must remain strong in the midst of battle, never quit, and never surrender. I am trying my hardest to live my life in a manner pleasing the King. Recent events have broken me down and backed me into a corner. The writing of this post is more for myself, reminding myself that Jesus is Lord, Jesus is the commander and chief over the Host of Angels, and we play a part in this war as soldiers, ambassadors, evangelists, and more. Whenever the Lord calls me home, I am ready. When the Lord calls me home, I pray I hear “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I’ve lived my life seeking the favor of the Lord, and I can only hope I’ve done well, not that we are saved by works, merely that my service pleased the Lord. Time is short, and we never know when we may lose a loved one, but while losing a loved one is tragic; we must not lose ourselves in the process. We must fight the same way we give our lives to the Lord, with all our heart, mind, and soul. Seek first the kingdom of God (Mt 6:33), and no matter what we eat or drink, do all things for the glory of the Lord. (1 Cor 10:31) Go in peace, go in love, this is the way. 

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The New Day Coming, The Weight of The World

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The New Day Coming, The Weight of The World:

         The ever-flowing waters of life, bringing change each day. Some days, the waters are slow, and calm, not a ripple in the river. Some days, it’s a raging surge of water flooding and destroying everything in its path. How then, do we handle such a turbulent array of emotions that come from a slew of difficult days? 

Having been no stranger to difficult days, the time of difficult days is not behind me, but the never-ending storm. I never expected that my heart surgery would be the last problem I’d have, but I didn’t expect the looming shadow of another surgery hanging overhead. Today the attacks of the ruler over this world (Satan) fall upon me like a giant beating me down. The bad news brought by two doctors, surgery. This will be surgery number twenty. The surgery I had was an Aorta root, valve, and stem replacement. After going into heart block, I required a pacemaker, thus turning me into a cyborg. When the temporary pacemaker wires were cut and left behind, it was supposed to be easy. Sadly, nothing with me is ever easy. Whatever can go wrong, usually does. The wire on the right side of my body began having issues when I’d bend or twist. I would experience pinching in my abdomen and it felt like deep stabbing. We are pretty sure it’s the lead, though not 100%. This upcoming surgery will require me to be in the hospital on a heparin drip leading up to the surgery, because of course I’m on blood thinners. The problem: Riley’s inoperable tumor is growing, and if the rate of speed we believe its growing at, I don’t want to leave her alone. I don’t want to spend a week or more in the hospital, if my time is coming to an end with her. 

Riley has been so integral to my recovery. Her continued presence and support as my service dog has left an immeasurable mark upon my life. I have found in my time on this earth, just how much we take time and life for granted. We often say, “I’ll call tomorrow.” Or, “I’ll reach out next week.” But sadly, days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months, and eventually time has slipped past, and friendships drift away. Riley, on the other hand has stayed with me and has been a loyal companion all these years later. While I’d admit we had our days that were difficult, the positives far outweighed any bad. In the meantime, her and I will spend as much time together as we can, and enjoy our remaining days. My heart is heavy, and my body can tell. 

Sadly, we don’t take our friendships or relationships seriously. It’s become very apparent to me that our focus is not on our close friendships, and in my humble opinion, it’s barely on God either. I’ve seen so much tragedy in the last few weeks, from mass shootings, to the mass stabbing attack at Walmart, to a young adult being nearly fatally wounded in a motorcycle accident. The proof that our life is a vapor is all around us in the news. Yet, for some reason, either one of these facts is true, people are apathetic and the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is true, or, it’s me, and people just aren’t good at being friends. With the recent diagnosis of Riley, I am finding myself mindful of the inevitable outcome and the reality that will come with her departure from this world. I will be without my closest ally, my best friend. 14 years while long for a large breed dog, is short to us. My heart is breaking with so much hatred in this world, so much evil spreading as fewer people have any regard for human life. 

Scripture tells us to “seek first the Kingdom of God”. We must remember that Jesus said we would have tribulations, and that we aren’t to feel hopeless or helpless, because He (Jesus) overcame the world. This life is temporary, and we are called to make the best of the time we have. People have long wondered what the meaning of life was, and I firmly believe that, that meaning is twofold, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul.” And then when Jesus said to love our neighbors, that means we fulfill our mission, our meaning, to share the Gospel with all those we encounter. To live a life seeking God, and being an ambassador for our Lord Jesus Christ. We are to help make disciples of Jesus, and this is wrapped in the idea of worshiping the Lord. Life seems hard right now, and it seems unfair, and it seems like it may be more than one person can take. I feel as if the world is sitting on my shoulders, or I’m pushing it up a never-ending mountain. The truth is, in some ways, I am. I must remember that my strength within myself without Jesus won’t last long. With Christ, He renews my cup, so much so it fills over. Sometimes our cup is emptied to make room not of ourselves, but that Jesus can be the entire cup. This concept isn’t an easy one, but it’s the truth. Yes, life is difficult, and sometimes heart breaking, but that in the evident evil of this world, there must be a perfect Good to counter that evil. God must exist because the creation of this universe screams intelligent creator.

 Random chance is unlikely to make most creatures dependent upon a male and female gender to procreate. Random chance means, that alone would be a near statistical impossibility. While the idea of random chance being so precise, so exact, is laughable, many people still believe and hold on to the notion, God does not exist. Indeed, scripture tells us why. The deceiver of this world keeps them in blindness. This notion that ‘chance’ gives us these perfect things, one can look to DNA, the rotation and tilt of the earth, geometry or mathematics as a whole, to show that statistically random would not account for such perfection found in nature. If random was so precise, why did it stop once it achieved a stable foundation? IF we were all created by random, why don’t we see that kind of random behavior in nature anymore? Why does this matter? It tells us that God is thoughtful, caring, that not only does He care about humanity, but His other creation also. God cares for His universe, and thus if humanity is His most prized possession, then He infinitely cares for, and loves us, wishing none would perish, but that all would come and seek Him. If God loves me that much, and there’s so much incontrovertible evidence to show God’s love and care, how then can I allow this worlds overlord to deceive me and break me down. Satan the great adversary is attacking me, attempting to break me down. The spiritual warfare I’ve been under these last several months is hard. I feel broken, I feel beat down, I feel tired, and worn out. I have not quit, but I feel like my armor is failing and I’m losing this fight. I feel like Satan is winning the battle, and I have questioned how long can I hold on. The truth remains that Jesus told us we will have tribulations, and James told us to rejoice in tribulation that it builds character. 

         Unthinkable loss however comes as a shock. During the writings of this blog post, I learned while on my way to a prayer vigil, my brother, died. He was at work when he started to feel bad, and unfortunately suffered a heart attack, which then turned into cardiac arrest inside the ambulance. He coded, and sadly, they couldn’t get him back. He was only 44 years old. This loss comes as a surprise, and reminds me, that if something’s important to you, make the time. People are the second most important thing behind a great and mighty God. This loss comes after a 30 -year search for my father. The question always remained, ‘did I have siblings?’ Last year after I finally ended my search for my father (who passed in 2003), that I did have two half siblings. When I found my father, I was left with just a first name of my siblings, but the last names were not certain. I would continue my search, not to be swayed by the sheer lack of evidence, the seemingly impossible task. I found dad through a name and ancestry DNA. My siblings, wouldn’t be so ‘easy’. In just four months I had my first conversation with my brother Eddie, or as his sister called him (Andy). This hard truth has been laid upon my heart, we must know Christ as Lord, and we must seek the kingdom of God. There is nothing more important than this. Knowing the Lord because without him there is no hope. 

         Since I began writing this, not only did my brother pass, but the earth suffered an 8.8 magnitude earthquake. This earthquake triggered tsunami warnings over most of the pacific coast from Russia to Alaska, to Hawaii, to the east coast of the U.S.A. Life is a vapor, here one moment, gone the next. When I found out about Jake’s motorcycle accident, his near miss with death, and the cause for the prayer vigil, it reminded me that while we may think we are in control, we are not. We are in control of very little in this life, and our fate, or destiny, or whatever you may want to call it, lays very little with us. Yes, our actions have consequences, but we see so little of the puzzle that we cannot expect much to go the way we ‘think’ it will. The one thing we do have control over is accepting Jesus as Lord. We can call the Lord ABBA Father, and we can surrender our hearts to the creator of the universe. We can see our lives for what they are, sinful, and ourselves dead in our sins. We can see Jesus as Lord, and then the lamb of God which takes away the sins of the world. We can see Jesus as the Lion of Judah that defeated death, and gave us the same resurrection power. We can live because He died. We have hope, because death couldn’t hold Him. We have and know love, because He first loved us. Let us not waist one more second, and surrender all to the King of Kings. Let us no longer live in fear, but in assurance have the courage of the King. Go, and use the time He has given us. 

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The Passing of A Saint

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The Passing of A Saint:

In 2016, after I put that bullet through my shoulder, I began a new journey. Over the next couple months, once I dealt with my life being flipped upside down, I began to hear names in the Christian circles, to include John MacArthur. I realized that I heard that name before, and after thinking about it for a bit, it was the name on my Bible. Within a few months I began listening to sermons he had given. Over the years since then, I have listened to a hundred or more sermons from John MacArthur. My walk with Christ was fueled by many videos, podcasts, and books by MacArthur. His zest and zeal for the truth, fueled my desire to grow in Christ and with it, wisdom and discernment. Without MacArthur, I’m not sure I’d be who I am today. 

Everyone has a roll to play in God’s tapestry of His Story. 

Romans 9:21 
21 Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use ( or Dishonor )?” 

No matter who you are, God has a plan for your life. God had a plan for Pharoah, Harod, Benito Mussolini, and Hitler. In reality, no different than, Moses, King David, Paul, Martin Luthor, Charles Spurgeon, John MacArthur. We are all sinners before the cross, but before Christ in our lives, sin is sin, punishable by eternal death. The blood of Jesus washes that sin away for those who surrender to Christ, and repent of our sins. Thus, the transition and distance ourselves from those aforementioned individuals who performed awful and unthinkable evils. In our time there have been several pastors who have guided and been shepherds of sheep. MacArthur, R.C. Sproul, Voddie Baucham, Paul Washer, who have, in this author’s humble opinion, joined the ranks of the great theologians from church history. 

All those who walk in righteousness, who carry the name of Christ, die as saints. Ephesians 1:15 “15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints,” here Paul is giving gratitude to the believers at Ephesus. While I do not believe Pastor MacArthur would have rated himself highly, I believe he would have rated himself at least with the believers, the body of saints. I believe his books, and teachings will live on, and my prayer is more people come to hear his messages, and read his books so they too will know have a moment in their lives when they give their life to the Lord Jesus Christ. 

I am a sinner, saved by grace, and death is prevented by mercy, where a dead heart used to exist, now a heart of flesh, forever changed by the blood of Jesus. God uses everyone, but some, like Pastor MacArthur are much more visible, prominent, and far reaching. To his family my prayers are with them during this time of sorrow and loss. But to the believer, rejoice in the life used by a righteous and holy God. My heart is torn, one of sorrow, that I will not hear a new sermon preached by such an eloquent and educated theologian, but also of envy, that he has gotten to meet his savior, and now sits in the presence of Jesus himself. What a day that must have been, a day of rejoicing from all the angels when such a beloved man went home, his tour of duty finally ended. A soldier, a Captain in the earthly army for Christ. Pastor MacArthur’s flock will surely miss him, and I cannot imagine the sorrow they feel right now. As I sit here and right this, I cannot help but cry for a man I’ve never met. I pray though that while people remember Pastor MacArthur, it’s Jesus they see. The work of Jesus through a devoted man. Rejoice that Pastor MacArthur went home to be with HIS Lord and Savior, and one day, I’ll meet him in glory, and sit with other prominent saints that went home before. 

To Pastor MacArthur: My dearest brother in Christ. We will keep the torch lit, and we will continue to fight the good fight. By your obedience and teaching many came to know the Lord Christ. We will continue to fight the good fight till we too are called home. Thank you for your thousands of hours of study, and dedication to the truth that is Jesus Christ. While you would not want people to remember you, but that they would see Christ, I assure you, your legacy will inspire others to seek Christ, and they too will come to know the everlasting love of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ. Thank You, for all that you did to help build the church. Rest easy now, we will take the reins, though, I say, on my best day, I don’t think I’ll ever know as much about God’s holy word, as you did. Be at peace, and enjoy Heaven. I’ll see you soon, when my time will end, and I will also be welcomed into glory. Your Brother in Christ, Arrow Preacher. 

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Heartbreak and Sadness? 

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Heartbreak and Sadness? 

With recent events affecting my recovery, I have been inundated with emotions. We think I may have something called Diaphragmatic stimulation. This could be caused by one of the leads for my pacemaker. It not only causes spasms of the diaphragm, but breathing issues, and the spams cause pain in my ribs. It’s quite painful. On top of that, after a 15 hour stay in the emergency department, three days later, and I am sick. Coincidence? I think not. Now, I can add coughing to the list of things causing me distress. However, while this is part of the emotions I’m feeling at the moment, there is something else, siblings. I have recently found one of the two of my siblings, and have attempted to open a dialog with them. Not everyone communicates as I do, and I often have unrealistic expectations of people. This, has led me to having feelings, that I really cannot verify as realistic, or based on facts. During DBT one of the things that kept with me was the ‘Check the Facts’ sheet. We had to match our feelings to facts. And if they were facts, do the level of feelings, match the situation. While, in part the feelings I have right now are legit, the question is what is the cause? Obviously, the cause of my feelings is the lack of reciprocal conversation, but realistically, what is causing the lack of reciprocal conversation? That’s the point where my investigation ends. In my mind, I have been distressed that this is being caused because they don’t care. They want nothing to do with me. Why hasn’t my sister reached out? Does she not want to talk? Why doesn’t she want to talk? Things aren’t always as they appear to be. 

One of the things I have struggled with in my life is trusting in God’s timing. When I was younger, I struggled with relationships. I was kind of the ugly duckling, except I stayed the ugly duckling. In middle school while people where pairing off and I developed my first crush, she was the beauty of the school. I fell ‘in love’ with her. It was a crush, a heavy heartfelt crush, but still a crush. She however wanted nothing to do with me. How could anyone care for someone who looked like me. I was a nerd also, I was never going to find anyone. Then, when I did, it took me moving to a new school, three hours away. There, my relationship life flourished. I did date, and I did fall in love, the real kind of love where it was reciprocated. But, there were times when I didn’t wait for God, and I made my own choices, which eventually led to destruction, and despair. I once again experienced these feelings in Korea, when I couldn’t hardly get a woman to talk to me, let alone go on a date. I felt discouraged. Eventually things would turn around, but as one relationship ended after another, me being the one getting dumped, I had a realization… I was the common denominator. I would rush to get married to a woman who was in reality, broken. We had a great relationship for a little while, till we moved to Germany. Then slowly but surely that relationship turned sour, and she’d have an affair. Then a few years later I’d get married again, and that one lasted seven years, before, she’d have an affair also. The second one I held on to for a long time. I wasn’t going to go through divorce again. I was left a broken man, so much so, it put me in the hospital. I was impatient, and it showed in the types of relationships I got into. I have often had a problem where I don’t wait for God to give me the green light on something, or I want God to move faster. 

Psalm 13:1 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

I have used this verse a few times in recent weeks to highlight the normal reaction to call out to God, but specifically, the ‘how long’.  We often want God to move today. Israel waiting 400 years before God broke the silence. Could you imagine going 400 years without hearing from God? We often don’t want to wait a few weeks, or even a couple years, but 400? While I’ve been waiting for my brother to reach out, and I’ve been littered with thoughts, I can only guess, that Satan is the one whispering in my ears. The helmet while it may protect my mind from many things, the Devil is cunning. The truth is, I don’t know much about my brother, and I cannot say if he’s willfully ignoring me, or if it’s something else. The Devil would have me believe he’s ignoring me, but is that because in time, I may be able to share God’s word with him? Or, in reality, the Devil is my enemy, and I fight with him on a daily basis. I don’t know who wrote it, some have claimed C.S. Lewis, but regardless this quote has stuck with me, “My prayer is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” Obviously there is some theological questions here, such as does hell rejoice, but the point of the quote to me, is that when I die the demons and Satan will be glad I am no longer here on this battlefield. I need to take a moment to pray though, and not come to snap conclusions in which I have no evidence to support it. 

We cannot always know what God’s plan is, or how something fits into the grand scheme of things. We cannot know what someone is thinking all the time, especially when you don’t know them. You don’t know what someone is going through, unless they’ve told you. There’s a common phrase going around, ‘everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Many people fight, and keep it to themselves. It’s important to not see yourself on an island. If you put yourself on an island, you are essentially putting yourself in your own version of purgatory. In 2017 I wrote this, and oddly enough, it’s just as valid today, as it was them. 

Lian Yu (Purgatory)

We must not get stuck in our feelings, and one thing I have noticed about myself recently, is that I am using compartmentalization again in my life. Thankfully, this time around, I know that my trauma, or hardships cannot stay in that box for long. It’s important that we seek God and trust in His power and sovereignty to see us through hardships. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will make your paths straight.” This isn’t an easy thing, and takes a lot of effort and practice, but I assure you, the more you dive into scripture, and the more you get closer to God, the easier troubled waters become to navigate. We must take time and just like practicing a sport, we must put effort into growing closer to God. IF we do not seek Him, then how do we get to know Him? If we do not study and grow within His Holy Bible, then how do we know what’s right or wrong for our lives? We must not make assumptions about God, just as we must not make assumptions about people. Grow in the Lord and bury His word to the roots of your heart, so it would spring forth a beautiful tree of God’s attributes. Let your faith produce good works, and let your love in God produce beautiful faith. Go in peace, and in love, and face those demons with the Lords word as your shield, and as your two edged sword, cutting deep like a scalpel. Let the Lords will be done in your life, seek patience in your ways, your path, and your thoughts. Be calm and give the benefit of the doubt where you can. 


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New Battle Grounds 

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New Battle Grounds 

Sometimes in our life, things happen that move us from one place to another. In ancient days, Jesus, was moved for His safety from Nazareth, to Egypt. Today, in my life, I moved from one place, rural, to the urban city. Personally, I’m not a city boy, so living in the city, is always a challenge for me. Moving into the city has stressed and challenged my personal life like little has in a long time. Not only has my life turned upside down, heart surgery, moving, now, I have new relationships, which challenge my emotions. My battle zone has changed, and now, I find myself learning to fight in a far distant land. 

The Apostles, after the day of Pentecost, began to spread themselves to share the gospel. They left the comfort of their homes, and found themselves in hostile territory. Missionaries of today are the most like the Apostles of old. Even though we don’t always pick up our stuff and carry on wherever we need to go for God, we are called wherever we go, to share the gospel. The life of those who are followers of Christ, will find themselves in battles, and those battles will vary in difficulty. Recently the battles I’ve faced have been different than anything I’ve faced in the past. All the experience of the past however, the good and the bad, have prepared me for such battles. 

How can we know we are ready for the battles to come? The answer is fairly simple, but difficult to master. We must study. We must spend time in the word of God, and in that word, we must understand the message being delivered to us. Reading scripture is fine, but if we don’t take the time to truly dive in, seek the meaning behind the words, the language, and the people it was written to, we often miss the nuances of scripture. How scripture builds upon what was written, how the past points to the future, and the future points backwards to the past, and the sheer number of seamless cross references shows us the impossibility that scripture was simply man-made. Knowing and growing in the word of God, allowing those words to seep into our hearts, and most importantly, not letting the words get stuck in our minds, but rather, allowing the words to penetrate into our hearts, and changing who we are. If we read scripture and it doesn’t change us, we are essentially no different than the demons of the enemy’s army. The demons know scripture, and we cannot just know it, but we must live it. 

I have found my patience being tested and having major revelations coming to my attention, I am dealing with a major change, a change in the dynamic of my family. How does one deal with discovering truth, which is opposed to the truth of an entire life? When new truths become evident, and one is left to deal with the emotions of it, and we have to face those truths, it can be a challenge. I have found it difficult to put into words the emotions I have felt. How am I supposed to feel? What are the normal feelings for this kind of situation? I have been seeking God for answers and asking for prayers to find the answers I seek. My world has changed, forever changed, and a title I have had my whole life, something I felt was part of my identity, is no longer true, and now I must face the truth, learn about my new family, and discover a new dynamic. God does nothing by mistake, and it is my responsibility to wear the name of Christ, to be the ambassador, marching into this situation, wearing the full Armor of God, and above all standing against the prince of the air, the ruler of this world. Even though I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I must endure, I must try my hardest to be the example, and point those whom I encounter to a very real Christ. Jesus is not just a story in some ancient book, but the son of God who rose from the dead, overcame death, and with that same resurrection power, those who believe in him, obey him, seek him, acknowledge their own sinful nature, turn from that sin, and see Christ as the only way to the father, the forgiver of sins, the blood spilt for us, so it would bridge the chasm between us and Heaven. We must believe and spend our days serving the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords. No matter the storm I find myself in, Jesus is the captain of my ship, and I shall always keep Him at the helm, and I will go where He takes me. I will fight the good fight, and continue to hold the line. I may be in the storm by Jesus my Lord is with me. I may be in the fire, but Jesus my King is with me. I will never face my trials alone, for my Savior is with me. Forever, till the end of the age. 

As my battlefield has changed recently, the battle remains the same. As a Christian, we fight against power well beyond our weight category. Ephesians 6:12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” When we consider any sport that involves fighting, we should look at the weight class, and on our own, we are outclassed every time. We cannot stand against demons who are bred, created for war and service. We don’t have all the information on angels and demons, simply because God didn’t give us that much information. We know that there are angels, like Michael that can fight. An angel can stand toe to toe with a demon because a demon is a corrupted angel. We are a human, what chance do we have? We have the armor of God. The armor gives us the protection we need against demons. Another thing we have on our side, is the word of God. In fact, I would suggest, the word of God is the most effective thing we have. Demons tremble at the voice of Christ, and while we don’t have His voice, we have his words. When we are in scripture, and we are seeking God, we learn about our armor, we learn about how to protect our minds, our hearts, and learn how to walk with Christ using the sandals of the gospel of peace. We hone our armor, and our skills, by reading and growing in scripture. 

As my battlefield has changed, and I’m having surprises come into my life I could have never expected, it’s tested my emotions. I have found myself questioning myself, wondering if my continued rocky path, isn’t of my own making. I have questioned if I was worth anything, and if I was worth saving. In reality, this is spiritual warfare, but nevertheless, it’s the emotions and feelings I’ve been having. I’ve experienced major changes in my life over the last 3 months, and those changes often play with your emotions. Very little of what I’ve wanted to do has worked out the way it was supposed to. Even the simple things, that were given thought, haven’t worked out. Changes to my family have left me facing some long past hurts. Changes to my living space, has left me frustrated, and trying to find peace. Peace in my years, is all I’ve been seeking. While I realize I would have no peace in this world as long as I was a soldier for Christ, I long for peace in my home. The psalm of David rings in my ears, 

Psalm 13 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,

4 And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”

And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

I ask the same question today. My enemy is not a man, or men, but rather the demons that seek to destroy me, and who I am. How long oh Lord, how long? With my physical pain keeping me from doing basic things, to the family, to the living space, I am met with much in the way of fodder for the devil to use. There are many areas right now under construction for him, the father of lies to use against me. The battle is being waged, and my prayers mirror the prayers of David. I will fight, and continue to fight the good fight. I will continue to serve, and be of service. I am the Lords, and I will do what I must to keep moving forward, relying not upon my own strength, but the strength of God within me. I do not fight the demons alone, for God is on my side. I know, either in this life or the next, Jesus is victorious. 

Today, March 4th, 2025, I remember my fallen brothers. 20 years today, they fell in battle. While on mission in Ar-Ramadi, the explosion ripped through the truck, almost everyone was dead in an instant. One survived, but would die of his injuries shortly after. 20 years, has gone in the blink of an eye. We survive on, keeping their memory alive. Our battlefield has changed, but we still fight. Each of us fight in our own way now, 20 years and some of us are still close. It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years, but here we are. This time 20 years ago, I was reeling from the explosion, and the horrific aftermath. The things I would see that day would haunt my eyes, and mind to this very day. You can take the man away from the battle, but the battle will always live inside the man. The battle continues, but let us remember the fallen today. Let us remember their lives, and their sacrifice. 

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Free Your Mind 

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Free Your Mind 

I can remember the day, September 11th 2006, one week before I put a 9mm hallow-point through my shoulder. I had just learned about my wife’s affair, and I was a devastated mess. My mind raced, and I was far from free. My mind was becoming a prison, one that would take a long time to be free from. It took years for me to be able to sit in a quiet car without worrying about my mind racing, full of negative thoughts. The day you surrender your life to Christ isn’t a magic wand that makes everything else fade away. Just because you give your life to Christ, the healing process of past hurts, still takes time. For me, the day I gave my life to Christ, was the most freeing moment of my life. I grew up in the Catholic Church, and knew Jesus, and assumed I had a relationship with Him because I had gone to church growing up. I assumed because I had gone through the sacraments, first communion, baptism, confirmation, confession, that I would be allowed into Heaven. It was not till I was older that I realized, the demons know Jesus also. Knowing Jesus does not mean you have a relationship with Him. Even scripture tells us this, 

Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

— Matthew 7:22-23

There are those who follow Jesus because they believe it will make their life better, such as the prosperity gospel. Jesus wants you to live your best life now. If you follow Jesus because you believe, He will grant you the desires of your wicked, selfish heart, then you may be a believer of the prosperity gospel, but that is not the gospel of scripture. I realized later in my life that it wasn’t about what Jesus could do for me in this life. Jesus already did the most important thing in my life, one, sacrificed Himself for me, and the second changed my heart from a heart of stone, to flesh. I’ve found many people follow Christ not because they truly believe in His teachings, but rather the fire insurance. In reality to be a follower of Jesus, we must seek Jesus, and the gift of Heaven is secondary, an added bonus if you will. Many want the gift of Heaven; they just don’t want God to be there. It’s the surrender part that really gets most people, and stops them from being a true follower of Christ. People enjoy the savior part, but are put off by the Lord part. We cannot have salvation without both. We cannot have Heaven without God. We, as a fallen sinful race, have trouble letting go. We want to be plugged into the system of this world, because we love it. We love the freedom to sin, to do whatever we want. We love the pleasures of this world, the money, wealth, and power we may get to have here in this life. Sadly, as a whole, people tend to think this life is all about the money, and stuff, power, prestige, etc. When we follow Jesus, we have to give up much of our old lives, and we have to obey His commands, because if we love Jesus, then we are to love His commands as well. Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23-25 “And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?”

To live for Christ is to die to one’s self. to live for Christ is to sacrifice one’s life to serve Christ. It isn’t about being saved; it’s about following Christ because He is the truth. We don’t follow Christ because of what we benefit, we follow Christ because His words are true, and the eyewitness testimony of His life and resurrection are the truth. His miracles which were never refuted by anyone, not the Jews, or the Romans, were done by the only Son of God. How could we not follow him? 

In reality, the thing we must do is surrender ourselves to the Lord. The day I surrendered to the Lord I realized my way was folly. I think of what Boromir said in the Fellowship of the Ring, “it is folly.” Boromir discusses the trouble of taking the one ring to Mordor. Not with an army, could it be done. He made a decision based on his understanding of the world as a soldier. Unable to see the world in a different perspective, he truly believed it couldn’t be done. We are very similar as a people. To follow Jesus is just folly to the atheist. The people of the world, reject Christ, because in reality, they want to be their own god. The sin that snared Eve in the Garden, was pride. The snake said “You’d be like God’. Eve jumped at the opportunity to be like God, and we sinful creatures jump at the opportunity to be hostile to the one true God. No other religion in the world is treated with such hostility as Christianity. I myself am not a follower of Christ because I was raised too, or even because of culture, I am a believer because it’s the truth. When you follow the evidence to its logical conclusion, Christianity is the truth. To get there though, one must free their mind, let go of what the world tells them to think and believe. Christ showed us the truth through His signs and wonders. He showed us the truth in His eye witnesses. As J. Wallace talks about in His book “Cold Case Christianity” one piece of evidence may be circumstantial, but when you begin to add up all the evidence, it’s impossible to be a coincidence anymore. I had to let go of wanting to do this life on my own. I had to realize the phrase “I got this” was not true at all. In fact, the ideal that I had it, got me to the dangerous side of the long-distance whole puncher. When I look at today’s life, I realized I, in fact, don’t got it. My way often led me to more trouble. When I try to fix anything on my own accord, I tend to screw everything up. Our way is not Holy, and when we do it our way, we, in our hubris, think we are just as good as God. We must reject ourselves and follow Christ, and we must reject the world, and follow Christ. 

In this life, we have a choice, to answer the call of the Holy Spirit upon our hearts. Do we unplug from the world, forsaking this life, to allow God, allowing Jesus to take up our life? If Christianity is not true, we lose nothing in this life. If it is true, and we do not follow it, we lose everything. Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and THE LIFE, NO ONE GETS TO THE FATHER BUT THROUGH JESUS. Jesus gave us all the evidence we’d ever need to justify what scripture said, that we may look upon the cross and believe, that we have hope by looking at the empty tomb. Let us let go of the world, for those who let go of the world, shall inherit the kingdom of God. For it is our faith in Jesus, and we are saved by His grace, and His mercy. The truth will set us free. The truth will unplug us from the world, and we are adopted as citizens of Heaven, and we become ambassadors in this world. We have a mission to set more minds free, and share the gospel with everyone. We are to study to show ourselves approved. We are to understand and share the Word of God, with those around us. We are to make disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. We must help unplug more and more people from the world, share with them the truth, and show them the way. 

Years later, I was driving in the car and I realized I had not turned on the radio. I realized I had not turned-on music from my phone. I realized I was sitting in absolute silence. I no longer had the intrusive thoughts I once had. I realized, in that moment, years of studying God’s word, going to church, and different therapies to help with the past trauma, led me to a point where I saw healing in my life. The day you give your life to Christ and become unplugged is the day you start a new journey. Just like Neo in the ‘Matrix’, he didn’t know everything about the Matrix, that took time for him to learn, to grow. Our day of Justification (Just as if I never sinned) happens one time. But, the growing in the Lord, the becoming more like Christ, takes time, a lifetime in fact. We never stop growing, and never reach our full potential till the day we breathe our last here on Earth, and open our eyes in Heaven. Just because we are followers of Christ doesn’t mean we don’t struggle, or have trials. On the contrary, we will have trials, and we will struggle, and we will be forged in fire. We must see through the eyes of Christ and see the world for what it is, the devils playground. We must face the ever-growing threat of darkness all around us, and prepare for the battle that looms ahead. Now we’re unplugged from the world, we face an army of sentinels, and agents, demons, and humans still plugged in to the system Satan has control over. Our job, is to continue to grow in our strength for the Lord, study to show ourselves approved, put scripture in our hearts to not sin against God, but to also resist the lies of the world. Let us face the army of Satan together, as brothers and sisters of Christ. Let us be the resistance, as we resist the attacks, the army that wages war against us. The truth, Jesus Christ, will set you free. 

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The Man Who Cries

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The Man Who Cries

Years ago, if you were to ask me, ‘when was the last time you cried?’ I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. If you were to ask me today in my life, I could tell you, it was just the other day. I’m sure many of you have seen those last day since incident signs in a workplace, for me, I rarely get beyond a week. After my GSW in 2016, I began multiple therapies. Over the last 8 years, I have done one or two therapies a year, both from the VA and WWP (Wounded Warrior Project). Even though the therapies today are not required, I have chosen to continue to grow, and add tools to my toolbox. Some of these tools are effective communication, emotion regulation, a wholistic approach to self-care, interpersonal relationships, biblical relationships, and more. One side effect however is, some of my emotions stay pretty close to the surface. For years I felt like I was walking along a desert road with no water, no shelter, and no help in sight. I felt like a broken man, in a broken land, and behind me the shadow crept nipping at my heels, waiting for the right time to strike. When it caught up to me in 2016, I was nearly destroyed. In an instant thought, I experienced a miracle, and I was forgiven. I was no longer a man constrained by my fear, my doubts, or my trauma. I’d begin to learn from new eyes, how to heal. Now, I live, with the power of the cross behind me, in front of me, and side by side with me. Jesus saved my soul, and began to put the pieces of my broken heart back together. Since then, I’ve experienced a slew of more miracles, which have unlocked a new character trait. I now cry pretty easily. My tears are not always tears of sadness, but also of joy, or empathy. 

Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” 

Here the Apostle Paul is teaching us how to be Christians with other Christians and the world around us. How do we serve a mighty God? We each have gifts and those gifts are used differently for the Lord. We are told to learn our gifts and use them. We are told much in Chapter 12. 

12 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and [e]acceptable and perfect.

3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4 For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, 5 so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; 7 if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; 8 or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; 11 not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, 13 contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We see how to use our gifts, we are told to persevere, to rejoice in the hope of Christ, to not be wise of our own estimation, how to treat our enemies, and more. I have learned much in my 8 years, and have a long way to go. If I’m honest, these last few months have been some of the most challenging of my life. In reality, the song ‘Hard Fought Hallelujah’, truly feels like my theme song right now. There’s a line, “there’s days when a praise come out easy, there’s days it takes all the strength I got.” The heart, a little object inside the body, that keeps us alive. The heart of the mind however, when it’s broken, boy does that affect so much of our life. A broken heart can do so much damage to our lives. In May of 2024 I wrote a post called “The Best Captain”, and it in I wrote a line “Sometimes I can hear the darkness beckon to me, it tells me all is lost.” The darkness gripped me that day in 2016, and I was smashed by the tidal wave. Today, the hardship, the heartbreak is different, but strong. 

“The storm is raging on, the lighting cracks in the sky, and I can barely hear Captain’s orders. The darkness surrounds the ship, as she creaks and groans in the treacherous waves. Fear of the ship running aground, or breaking up, or worse, I get tossed over, leaves me trembling with worry. The waves crash over the rail, and I take the full force of the wall of water. I’m wet, and cold, fear grips me, and I fall to my knees and begin to cry. Just as I do a hand touches my shoulder. “‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your CAPTAIN. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” Cap knows just what to say when I need it.” (The Best Captain)

The Best Captain 

I know that Jesus has never left my side. I know that the demons flee before Him, quiver at the sound of His voice. I know that in this life we have trouble, and I know that it’s okay to cry. I know that what I’ve endure is not an easy thing, and not just the surgery, but other things added to it, have given just cause to cry. In my life today, I often ask questions, even from secular songs, how could this apply to me? LeAnn Rimes performed a song ‘How Do I Live’  and in that song: 

How do I

Get through one night with you

If I had to live without you

What kind of life would that be

Indeed, how do I live without Jesus? How could I get through one night with Him the King of the universe? If I had to live without Jesus by my side, what kind of life would that be? I would be nowhere without my Lord and Savior. I would be lost to travel this life on a rotten tub of a ship in the rough seas, where I’d likely sink and join Davy Jones Locker. Without Christ to save us, we are dead men. We are dead in our sins, with no hope. Without Christ we are still plugged into the Matrix. We are still blind. 

I’ve found that in my walk with Christ I have become more sensitive to the emotions of righteousness. I have found that I feel more deeply, but also hurt more deeply when I see injustice. I find that I no longer hide the feelings within, but wear them on my sleeve. Now, don’t misunderstand, if I need to, I am well adept to hide my emotions, if needed. I wonder, in my life, what Jesus would say or do if He witnessed what I have. How would it make Him feel. I have tried to have empathy, understanding, but always stand upon the truth. I’ve often found myself connecting with Captain America’s character, the hero boy scout. I abhor bullies, and injustice. It makes me both angry and broken at the same time. I feel God has given me the mission to stand up with my voice and speak out against injustice. I have spoken about the human trafficking. I have spoken against the mutilation of boys and girls happening in our world. I have spoken out against racism. I have spoken out against the evils of socialism and communism. I have spoken out against the attack on God’s people in the persecuted church. I have spoken out about the evil of killing our unborn children. I have recently felt I need to talk about spousal violence in our society, and will likely do a podcast for this subject. I indeed, feel deeply about these types of injustices, and will continue to speak out. Even though my own life is full of heartbreak, this does not mean the world stops. It doesn’t mean I don’t continue to do the work, even if it means I must drop to my knees, and cry to my Lord, to save my nation. I pray for a great awakening in my land, that we turn from our wicked ways, and seek God. I pray for the stay of the Lord’s judgment, even though I believe we are in His judgment now. Sometimes the Lord’s judgment doesn’t come as a sword, but the turning of His back. I pray we as Christians continue to seek the Lord, and continue to grow in His Word. I pray we treat one another better. I pray we do not take the Lord righteous name in vain, as we wear His holy name and yet we do awful things. These things bring tears to my eyes. My hardships bring tears to my eyes, as the stress on my shoulders is mighty. I have felt like the Greek God Atlas recently, the world on my shoulders. I have been praying the Lord lighten my burden, and I know He will when the time is right. I pray for His help to hold up the burden upon my shoulders. The King, the mighty Lord Jesus, is greatest of all. 

Jesus changed my life, and changed me. Jesus brought me to life, taking my life and giving me new purpose, He has never left my side. Jesus showed me a better way, His way, of living life. Jesus has given me His grace and mercy, and all I can do is try my best to live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him. I cannot live in fear, and even though my tears may fall, I have hope that in the end of this journey, the moment I step into glory, I shall have no more tears. I will have no more scars. I shall no more hurt. I will finally be able to rest. I long for that day, I long to be in the presence of my Lord, and finally, meet Him face to face, though I will never be worthy of it. I will never be able to work enough, or do enough, to be worthy of it, but the Lord’s blood washed me clean, and He promised to never leave me, so I’m never alone. I do not cry alone, but the Lord cries with me. Now, and till the day I reach the shores of the far distant land I journey too. 

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