In 2016 that bullet changed everything. In the spring of 2018 I embarked on a journey to find something. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I knew I wanted friends, and I thought if I journeyed into the unknown, that friends would be what I’d find. I was wrong. I didn’t find friends at all on my odyssey, instead what I found was pain inside that needed to come out. While not all odysseys are the same, this one had a fire. I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was asked to make the fire, make it large, I didn’t know just how impactful the next few hours would be. See, I had been diagnosed with PTSD in the military. The memories I had were on two lines of track. The facts on one line of track, while the emotions on the other, but they didn’t connect. I could go through an event so robotically, so methodically, that it seemed as if I were a hardened police officer giving just the facts of the case to the press, but not showing a glimpse of emotion. The problem with this of course was the occasions in which the emotional side was triggered and I was left a pile of wet, soggy mess from a pool of tears, in which I sat. I didn’t know it at the time, but God had put me exactly where I needed to be.
The night cool, but clear. The stars shown, and while there was some light pollution, the smell of spring was in the air, and the night sky illuminated the ground. We had an event, that, for the protection of others who may embark on this journey, I will leave to the imagination, but ultimately, what I left next to that bon-fire that night was a whole bunch of pain and heartache. What I found was self-worth. I went to that odyssey a broken man. I hurt from my wife’s affair, and divorce. I hurt from years of abuse and betrayals. I was carrying everything with me, all the good, the bad and the ugly. I kept it in a ruck sack of my own making, and I was trying to journey up the mountain being over encumbered by so much extra weight. I had no idea I was carrying so much. I had no idea that much of my unhappiness stemmed from the hurt that all that was baring me down with. No wonder I wasn’t happy. No wonder I had so much pain and self-loathing. I truly hated myself for who I was. I saw myself as weak for crying. I saw myself as broken for having two wives cheat on me and leave me. I saw myself as unlovable. I saw myself as the common denominator for either choosing women who weren’t good for me, or pushing them to do awful things. Why was I so broken? Why did everyone leave me who I cared about? Everyone from my mother, my first love (For the sake of privacy let’s call her Sam). Sam would leave me and it would create in me a standard of women who wouldn’t stay. Every girlfriend I had after that, and two wives would leave me. That night by the fire, I realized something, sometimes people come and go in your life. Sometimes people fall to their own desires, and sometimes paths just diverge. Instead of carrying every bit of everything I would go through, I needed to be more selective about what it was I, with intention carried with me on my journey.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says this:
18 “Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
19 “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
We must learn to be more like the Sword of Griffandor. Be strong, be forged in the sanctification of our Lord Jesus Christ. Allow Him to shape our hearts, and our lives to look like Him. We cannot be forged like this though if we hold onto everything of the past. We cannot see clearly God’s kingdom if we are constantly looking for it through the eyes of pain, hurt, heartbreak, jealousy, pride, and sin. Much like our vision becomes unreliable when we are drunk, to seek the kingdom of God we must be sober minded, and we must recognize these hurts, and face them. We must begin putting down on our journey up the mountain, all that does not make you better. All the hurt, the mistrust, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the doubts, the fear, the anger, the shame, the sadness, all must be dropped. Those giant boulders cannot remain in your pack for the journey.
Standing next to the fire I saw something different. I could survive. I could move forward, with a lighter pack. Does this mean that in one instant everything is magically better? No, but it’s a start. I had a ways to go in my recovery, but during my Odyssey, I found the start of my new path. I went through my gear, and shed the weight I didn’t need for the journey. Now, many years later, I am a peer mentor for the odyssey program. Years later I still partake in many Wounded Warrior events, and I help serve that community the best I can. Finding my worth, and having self-value all started next to that fire so many years ago. Today, no matter where you are, you can find that in yourself also. This life is a journey, and offers the opportunity for the Lord to forge you. In order to make a beautiful sword, we must be heated, placed into the fire, and then we must allow the Lord to pound on us. Remove our impurities. Remove all that makes us weak and brittle. We must be placed into the fire over, and over again. We must go through the forging process and eventually be so clean, shiny, that the Lord can see Himself in us. We must train and become proficient in the word if we are to be swords in this life. We must hone our skills, and continue to keep the sword sharp and clean. We must continue our daily sanctification process, and allow the Lord to prepare us for battle. Do not allow rust to build up and destroy the once beautiful blade. Find faith in the Lord. Find your truth in His word, and be willing to let the Lord, King of the universe, to be Lord over your life. This life is a long journey, let us shed what we don’t need, the things that slow us down, the things that hurt us, and focus on the Lord, seek first the kingdom of God. How do we find the cure for anxiety?
Matthew 33:25-34 The Cure for Anxiety
25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Go my friends, go seek God. Go, continue to climb that mountain, and lighten your burden. Go, and love God, love your neighbors, and without the sin of pride, love yourself. You are loved and valued by God. Let go of the sin that binds you. Let go of the hurt that binds you. Let go, and let God break those bonds, those chains that have kept you down. Start the healing today, and together, God and you will grow closer together, and you will find beautiful healing. Together, you can face tomorrow a different person. Together you can conquer that mountain.
How have I survived and kept my heart? I didn’t. I let hurt bury deep inside like a black sludge, and unchecked it spread like Venom the symbiont which took over spiderman causing him to be someone he wasn’t. I became that black spiderman, wanting to do good, but not. I was harsh, ill tempered, and while most of the time I could hide the suit under my clothes, sometimes the sludge won the day.
A low song turned to a beautiful voice of what seemed like a hundred in sync voices singing to just me. I see faces, could this be the face of Jesus in each one? How many are there? So many in this late hour. Showing me the face of Jesus. He loves me this much, perhaps I never really knew, or at least I’d never seen it before. I began to see. The voices broke and stopped. Soon I’m left in the candlelight. The fight began, the sludge fought me. I wanted it gone, I tried to rip it off, and expel it, but it’s grip on me was strong. I knelt down at the cross and prayed like I’d never prayed before. “Lord Help ME! I need YOU!” I knelt there and cried. So many years. I hurt, and I felt the place in my heart that the black sludge was coming from. I felt abuse, I felt bullying, I felt heart break, I felt loss, I felt death, I felt war, I felt divorce, I felt more loss, and I felt lying, and more divorce, betrayal, and darkness that nearly took my life. And a spoonful of self-loathing to top it off. I could see it spewing from my broken heart like a rancher who struck oil. “Lord I need YOU! I need you Now.” “Lord please take this from me. Clean me Lord, please, I beg you.” The tears that fell that night were thick. I thought perhaps I’d never stop. Then a hand settled upon my shoulder. Power flew through the connection. I felt power rush into me. I looked up and saw my friend, my sponsor who brought me here. Could it be that easy? Yes and no. While the black sludge was removed, the broken heart still needed a bit of work.
More events, like WWP’s Project Odyssey, A sailing clinic in Hawaii, a Soldier Ride in Cape Cod, all laid before me by God to start the healing process for different areas in my life. The brokenness within the heart while filled with scars, but were no longer spewing the black sticky, intrusive sludge. Different therapies I’d push myself into, and through, would help stitch up brokenness within me. One by one, and a lot of time.
While I held onto the sweet boy the best I could, there was much hurt that he masked. His favorite superhero embodied that hurt. Batman who lost his parents, for the boy, that would almost have been easier. But Batman learned to harness that anger, and turned it into a force for good. The man in his life, Captain Jean-Luke Picard, once abducted by the Borg and forcefully changed to do their will, faced the anger and hardship to return to himself. Their intrusive attack left Him changed. But if a man could go through that, and still return to the Enterprise and show love and kindness, diplomacy, and embody the heart of a gentleman, I could do it too. Then, the real-life Hero, Dave Pelzer. He survived not having a name, torture, and the life he built and became a man with forgiveness in his heart. I would become a writer because of his works on “Child Called IT”. I met him once, and talked, the inspiration for my own book. I would be giving small inspirations in my life, and I would look to them, and see the goodness of people, and I wanted to be good too, and I wanted to fight evil. I dreamt of being a superhero. I dreamt that one day I would fight bullies, fight injustice, fight those who tried to do wrong. I would be hurt, but then there was Matt Murdock, Daredevil. He was blind, gifted with extraordinary talents, he would become blind justice. Why couldn’t I find a way to fight back against the evil? I didn’t know it back then, but I would get my chance.
After the darkness nearly took me in 2016, I felt the lighting, the power of God surge through my body, giving me the strength to survive, to fight back against the darkness that tried to take me, but God saved me. Those experiences led me to write, as I write this day. The darkness did try to take me, but I would be brought back from the brink. I fell into the blackest of shadows, but God wasn’t done with me and He brought me back. I fight from my desk in my words I put out there for the world to see. I fight from my service in the Wounded Warrior Project as a peer mentor. I fight from my service to God and serve in the Lamplighter community. I fight from my service to those who are lost seeking direction, as I give the Lords words to those willing to hear my Podcast. I fight the darkness by sharing the Light that saved me. The Lord stayed with me, and never gave up on me. I was once infected by that black sludge, but no more. Once in a while it tries to grab on to my wrists and while sometimes it’s tight, the Lord always steps in and cuts off the source, freeing me from it’s dark grasp. I could have become a villain, but Jesus stepped in. I could feel that darkness rising within me, that sludge wanting me to give in, but the Light of the World said No. The light of the world gave me purpose, gave me value, because of His Love, I was given value in this world. The light saved me. That lonely boy who sat in the room as the darkness surrounded him, wanting to entomb him, the light dispelled that darkness. Through the years the Light kept the darkness at bay. Then one night, that light expelled the darkness once and for all. One night the light became an ember within Him, and that ember turned into a spark, and that spark turned into a flame, and that flame became a torch, for Him. The darkness would be defeated.
Sure, there’s still pain and questions that go unanswered to this day, but that young boy grew up, the man was saved, and the ember that was fighting for survival from childhood was given fuel to ignite. No longer did the darkness live inside, but now, only attacks from the outside. Free was the Man. Freedom came from a night of candles and love, showing Him more of Jesus than he ever knew. The Light of the world. The light shines within me now. The battles comes, but I am equipped with the full armor of God. I am covered in His love. He is faithful. I may go into the fiery furnace but He protects me. I may be tossed to the lions, but His Holy Angels cover me from the attacks of the great deceiver. I went from a luke warm Christian to a soldier, prepared for battle. My fingers strengthened for the war, to wield the Sword of Truth. I am shod with His sandals of the Gospel of Peace. I am covered in prayers, and the Spirit is always with me. I am strengthened as to keep me strong, and to run and not grow weary. I am held up so I do not stumble. I know that there will be a day when I no longer have tears, but my Lord God, maker of Heaven and earth, sought me, and snatched me from the depths of hell. I was rescued by my Lord, and now I fight. I gladly face the army of Satan and with God’s strength behind me, I have nothing to fear while I try to reach souls for salvation. I can face down the army of demons and the Lord as my general I have been given a spirit of courage, not of fear. I continue to grow in strength, and my prayer is this, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” – Unknown. Lord, give me faith like Daniel. A heart like David, and Hope like Moses. Lord give me your strength to face the enemy with confidence that no matter what your will, will be done. I have been cleaned by your forgiving grace, and I pray your righteousness shines through me, that your justice and gospel emanate from all I do in my life. To you be the Glory, and may I be forgotten, but your words are not. Amen…
I’ve talked about faith a lot on this website. Faith is something we each have, even if we don’t realize it. Those who talk against the Christian walk, in support of the sciences have faith. Those who claim to be atheists have faith. Those who claim to be agnostic have faith. Faith is the believing in something without all the proof. Merriam Webster says this “belief and trust in and loyalty to God”, “firm belief in something for which there is no proof”, “Complete Trust”, “something that is believed especially with strong conviction”. You see, faith, is had by everyone, it’s simply a matter of defining what they believe.
Many believe a Christians faith is misplaced, or it’s based on poor evidence. Sadly, this assertion is simply far from the truth. It’s been said that the faith needed for the big bang, or evolution is far greater than that of the Christian walk. There is less evidence for those things, than there is of the Christian faith. Even the other religions pale in comparison to evidence, and some have little to no evidence at all. I will not be getting into each of these things and why they lack evidence, but I encourage you to do some deep dives. For Christians, there are a few people who’ve done extraordinary work on this and I will be talking about some of them.
The Bible expresses faith is this, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the [Evidence]conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
We do not walk blindly into the night, or at least many of us don’t. When I say us, I mean those who do this for a living. Those who study the faith, study scripture, and preach it and teach it regularly, have usually done deep dives into the, testing the integrity of the Bible, the dependability of the scriptures, the trustworthiness of the eyewitnesses that spoke on Christ. These things lend to our faith being strengthened, and in many cases fortified in its indwelled truth of what is written in God’s word. Simply put, the Bible is reliable, and has stood up to scrutinizing people for centuries, in fact, for a little over 2000 years now.
My personal faith: Growing up in the Catholic church, I felt a strong connection to church. I didn’t have some of the usual catholic ideals pushed on me, so it wan’t till older in life I heard of such things. I did not hardly ever touch my rosary. I very seldom heard the ‘Hail Mary’. I did however do the other sacraments, of confession, confirmation, and first communion. One other thing I heard growing up was praying to the saints for intercession of our needs. When I got older, I became confused. The Bible says this, Romans 8:34 34 “who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” And in 1 John 2:1 “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous;” and in Hebrews 7:25 25 “Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.”
I didn’t understand, so, was I supposed to pray to the saints? Was I supposed to pray to Mary? The more I studied my Bible, the more I became convicted, some of the things I thought were right, didn’t seem right anymore. As I got back into church, the first church was an Episcopal church, where women were priests. This raised another slew of questions for me. I had often wondered if the Catholic church was correct forcing celibacy on priests, but this was something entirely different. This, allowing women to preach, was this in scripture? Scripture says this 1 Timothy 2:12 “But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.” It seems women were not supposed to be priests, or for that matter preach the word to a room of men. The caveat of course is we know Pricilla helped in the teaching of a prominent teacher (Apollos). This shows us that woman can teach kids, and even help evangelize for Christ. But not to have a role preaching from the pulpit.
As I got older and continued to grow, a few men came into my life that helped me study scripture. They did not just give me their opinion; in fact, it was quite the opposite. “The opinions of man are smashed on the anvil of the Word of God” Charles Spurgeon. What was taught was pure scripture. As I grew in understanding, my faith also grew. The more into the word I got, the greater and stronger my faith became. I began to see where my old opinions began to die, along with my old assertions to what was true. The more into scripture I got, the more the idea that I grew up sorely lacking crept into my life. IF that Catholics had it wrong, what was right? The answer was actually pretty simple. Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” For I, me, the Arrow Preacher, is saved by grace, through faith. Like the serpent held high by Moses to allow the Israelites to be saved, they must look upon it and have faith. We must look up to our Christ Jesus on the cross and have faith of who He was, and what He died for. Our messiah, Our Lord. It was in that moment I realized there was a doctrine that lined up with scripture, and as I was taught, this doctrine would become the hill I’d be willing to die on. This doctrine is called “The Five Solas”:
Sola Gratia – Grace Alone
Sola Fide – Faith Alone
Solus Christus – Christ Alone
Soli Deo Gloria – Glory of God Alone
Sola Scriptura – Scripture Alone
Made easy, we are saved by Grace, in Faith, through Christ, for the Glory of God, and our only source of knowledge and truth is in scripture. For more on this you can read here at Ligonier Ministries.
My faith grew because I was learning from the Bible alone, and because I was reading God’s truth, I began to see many of the doctrines I was taught growing up had actually led me astray. But my faith having been put to the test in 2016 came out stronger, and continued to grow in strength.
In 2016, a couple days after I discovered my ex-wife was having an affair, I was sitting in church alone. I was sitting in a spot I never sat before, I was sitting in the pew a broken man. My everything was shattered. I heard the preacher talk, and the Holy Spirit rested over me, convicting me of my brokenness. Showing me that I had but one thing to do. The question came into my mind, “What if I gave everything, what if I gave you everything, what if I stopped holding back everything from you?” I walked the isle that day, tears flowing from my face before I got to the pastor. I was ready to surrender and give it all to Jesus. I was ready to lay my shame out there and walk out of that sanctuary a new man. That broken man, broke down upon the alter, tears flowing uncontrollably from his face. Crying out to the Lord to take over, to change him. He didn’t want to be that many anymore. A week later I had a brush with death. My wife was leaving, taking with her half of everything. She was taking with her 100% of our family. In my loss, and added a little liquid death (alcohol), I sat on the front porch and watched her and her sister pack the car. In my despair I put a pistol to my shoulder and pulled the trigger. I was experiencing a major break in the internal walls I had built to hold all my traumas. Everything passed by my internal eye like movie clips, showing me each of my traumas and failures. I was experiencing a tsunami effect, years of compartmentalization coming back to haunt me. I couldn’t take the failure in my brain, and the pain I felt, needed to be matched with an equal amount of physical pain. I was not looking to die, but to feel, to stop the emotional pain, to reset the onboard computer. I thought my fate was sealed, and that pistol sat upon my shoulder for just a few seconds before I pulled the trigger. What I saw that day stays in my mind, vividly. The blood splatter, the screams, the oxygen leaving my body, and in less than a few moments, nothing. The world was black, it was a void, nothing above me, or below me, nothing I could see, and no light but just a bit from myself. In my fear, in my despair, I cried out to God, “God, I’m sorry.” I expected nothing. I looked for nothing. I expected to die and this was the end of my life, a void of nothing. But that’s when I heard it. A voice came from the darkness shaking the very bones of my body. “You’re forgiven” was all the words said. It felt like being inside a lightning bolt. How much the ground shakes when a bolt is close, was nothing in compare to what I felt. My whole-body shook, as what felt like a lightning bolt hit me. I awoke in the ambulance surprising the paramedics, who believed I’d die before reaching the hospital. The pain my body was in, I wanted to return to what I knew was God. But, much like the words of Gandalf in “Two Towers” “I’ve been sent back, at the turn of the tide.” Why had God sent me back and not just taken me home?
While I was justified that Sunday September 11th, 2016, my sanctification process would come in a very real metaphorical dumpster fire. I would have to rely on my faith and what little scripture I knew to start getting me through the next 10 months. The divorce and separation were messy to say the least. My faith however was growing in the Lord. It was not a blind faith, but one built upon the Lord’s truth. The Apostles would die, die horrible deaths fueled by hatred and torture, they died never once recanting their eyewitness accounts. Who dies for a lie? People die all the time for a lie, but not one they know for sure is a lie. Jesus could not be a good man, if He wasn’t who He said He was. If He lied, He’d not be a good man, because good men don’t lie. When we see the Apostles were all in hiding at His crucifixion, why the sudden change? Why did they go from petrified cowards, to be willing to get put into jail over and over again, and even horrible deaths. What did they see? They saw the very real risen Christ. Why did Jesus have 12 Apostils? Representing the 12 tribes from the Old Testament. Jesus chose men, no one would choose to change the world. Their eye witness counts would stand the scrutiny of those who truly study it. Men like J. Werner Wallace, Lee Strobel, and Josh McDowell, Sean H. McDowell, have given us the work, the unbiased, or rather, atheist bias, of the scriptures, and the truth of the scriptures turned Wallace, and Strobel into believers. From atheist to believer in the process of disputing and attempt to disprove the scriptures, yet, now, they believe Jesus was who He said He was.
Myself, I grew up believing parts of the Bible but not all of it. I very much believed in Theistic evolution (also known as theistic evolutionism or God-guided evolution), alternatively called evolutionary creationism, is a view that God acts and creates through laws of nature. I tried to mix the science I grew up with, and the faith I had. This was folly however, as I would come to believe, I had been wrong my whole life. Through my studies with my mentors, and even the Christian University I attended, I found, I was wrong. I truly had been broken down to the bedrock, and rebuilt in Christ. I did not know why Jesus saved me that day, but it wasn’t an easy road. Truly, I laid all my hopes on the table and all my sins were forgiven. I had been washed by the blood, and Jesus saw to rebuild me. My faith in Jesus that September 11th would change my life forever. The day I put that 9mm through my shoulder, I would truly be reborn, because the life I was living had been touched by the hand of God. In my investigation, I found I was never shocked by the paddles, so the electricity I felt, could not have been the defibrillator, but the hand of God. God saw fit, to drastically and dramatically alter my life.
Over the next year God would put me where He wanted me. I’d have emergency neck surgery and God would bring me through that as well. I’d go through (WWP) Project Odyssey, which began to help with the trauma I had experienced in my life. I’d go through DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy), which is a structured therapy that helps people learn to manage their emotions and change their behaviors. I’d go to another (WWP) Wounded Warrior Project, a Soldier Ride, in which I met a man that changed my path. He expressed his opinion, my path was that of ministry. I laughed at him. I was to broken, too lost in my life to get into ministry. My faith, was tainted by my own self-doubts, my own self-loathing, that hadn’t been purged from me completely yet. I’d later experience a weekend with God, in a program called Lamplighter, and that was the last major even that would change my course, to, you guessed it, ministry. My faith, which was being shown, my life was meant to trust in God, not just during the good times, the easy times, but the hardest of times. My faith was being forged in the trials of life. My walk with God was being shaped through many hardships, and my faith was growing in strength.
Since then, I have experienced many hardships in my life. I’ve experienced loss, and heartbreak. I recently had yet another brush with death, but many consecutive miracles. For those I would like to have you read
These posts highlight what I went through. They highlight the events I believe to be miracles in my life. This doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. What it does mean, is the path of a Christian is not an easy one. I have grappled with tough things, just in the last couple months. I was not convinced having open heart surgery, or even the pacemaker surgery, was the right decision. It would have been easy for me to say I was ready to go home. It would have been easy for me to give up this life, but I needed to lean upon my faith to justify staying here longer. I highlight this fight in the blog post,
In reality, I fight for those I care about. I fight to continue spreading the Gospel of Christ to as many people as I can. My faith, while strong, doesn’t mean I haven’t questioned my choices. It doesn’t mean I haven’t spoken to God about this, but in the end, I am still here, and I’m still leaning upon that faith, not of my own understanding. I don’t exactly know why God saved me, so all I have is my faith. I trust in the Lord, and I expect He will guide my path. He will walk with me, and if He chooses to reveal any details about why I’m still here, I’m sure He will. When I doubt, I know it’s the liar, the deceiver, whispering in my ear. I recognize his vial speech within my deep thoughts of denial, and strife. The power that raised Jesus is the same power that lives within me. The same faith that made David step out onto that battle field with a few smooth stones, the same faith that Gideon had when he fought the Midianites. The same faith Daniel had to pray openly, and face the lions. The same faith Peter felt when he stepped out of the boat in the storm. The same faith that Paul had that led him through various trials, but most important was the first choice to go from hunting Christians to being one of them. This is the faith that rests within me.
I am not a perfect man, and my faith isn’t perfect. I am not a finished product, and in my weakness He is strong. I do however sin, and I must repent of those sins. I need to seek forgiveness when I do sin, and believe the blood of Christ will wash me clean. I do not mean to sin, my faith does not give me a free license to sin, but when I do, I know Jesus picks me up, puts me back together. See…. The truth is, when I am shattered, and I’m broken, and I know I have wronged a Holy God; when I am hurting, I do not want to be put back together the same. I want God to change me through these experiences. When I go through these things, I have faith that God is using it to bring me closer to Himself. I want my life to be sanctified in Christ, and therefore I do not want be the same today as I was yesterday. I pray to God that my yesterday is gone, and today is a new opportunity for me to get closer to Him. My faith has never come back empty. While I don’t always get what I want, I get from God exactly what I need. Faith in Christ is not a blind faith, and we see in scripture the truth, that this life will not be easy for a Christian. It is not meant for wealth, and fame, and peaceful living. The truth is, we are soldiers on the battlefield for Christ, and our faith is, we know we are fighting for good. Everything we experiences forges us into a stronger soldier. We can resist Satan because we have faith and trust in the one true King, Jesus Christ. Jesus gives us all we need, and in our faith in Him, we can rejoice when we are beaten, rejoice when we reach the mountain top, and rejoice when we are laid by the peaceful streams. Our faith tells us that the battle is won, and we can trust in Christ in all we do. My faith tells me that one day I will be called home, but till that day comes, my faith will remain true.
Let us not put our faith in the wrong places. Let us be careful and cautious with whom and what we place our faith. Let us not put faith in our heart, for it is deceitfully wicked. Let us not put our faith in idols, or even people. Let us test everything, and ensure it comes from the Lord. Have faith in Jesus. Let us go, and make disciples, showing them why our faith is true. Let our faith guide us to dig deep in scripture, learning, growing, and let our faith teach us how to fight for the truth. Let us understand apologetics (the defense of our faith), and be able to know scripture, to withstand the external scrutiny. Not everything you read on the internet is true. Not everything on Instagram or TikTok is true and accurate, and it’s yours and my job as a Christian to decern the truth. The only truth that matters is what’s in scripture. Hold fast to your faith, and don’t let the world deceive you. Go in the peace and love of Jesus Christ.
You know you’re about to do something pretty good when Satan throws you a curveball. It’s unclear how much the Angels know about what will happen into the future, but one thing’s clear, Satan does a good job trying to muck up a good thing. Any time something good and positive is going to happen especially things that are for good Christians, Satan likes to try and put a stop to it before hand. This coming weekend I am supposed to be away on another Wounded Warrior Project event, and trying to be prepared with my homework and everything else I have to do, Satan is trying to put a stop to my trip by literally putting a stop to my trip. Yesterday I was involved in a small auto accident in which my car, my poor, poor, car, might have seen it’s last day. Driving home from an appointment a nice guy, was just trying to get to where he had to go, but the way in which he did it, well, when you try to cut over two lanes to turn in bumper to bumper traffic that’s moving 35-40 miles per hour is going to cause problems. Without enough time I was cut off and less than 30 feet I was ill prepared to stop in time when he needed to turn into the shop he was going to. My little Chevy sonic was no match for his Honda Pilot. His bumper took next to no damage, while my car…. Well, it’s seen better days. Everyone walked away and thankfully my airbag never deployed. The impact was just high enough on my car to keep it from exploding in my face. The accident could have been much worse, and I’m thankful we were both all right. Cars can be replaced, people cannot.
I firmly believe that for a Christian who knows the Lord, who trusts in the Lord, who’s faith guides them, and not the world, Romans 8:28is so important, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to Hispurpose.” Bad things happen every day to good people, and sometimes it’s not easy to see the good in the midst of so much awful and terrible things. We can become numb to the world and cold and disconnected in time as Satan’s claws dig into our shoulders to drag us down. For instance, as soon as I got home 4 hours later then I was supposed to which put me 3 hours behind on homework, I received a phone call from a friend with terrible news. I began to minister to her, helping her through a tough time, still reeling from my own ordeal. Then not more then 2 hours later, I end up ministering to another friend who was also going through a pretty hard time, and a small albeit real crisis of faith. My cup ran over, and I knew I needed to step away and empty my own cup of stress before I could be effective. It was a good thing I did, because later that night I was faced with a third friend in need of spiritual guidance. Satan is moving in a big way in my life right now, and it’s not easy to stand there and be under a real spiritual attack. So what can we do when the attack comes?
I knew what was happening so I took a moment to reach out to one of two people that could help, my own best friend and pastor. Calling later then I think I’ve ever called I was relieved when he answered the phone. The conversation wasn’t very long, just enough to pray, talk about the quick issues, and we parted ways, in which I knew he would be praying for me till he went to bed. See, prayer is important. God hears our plea’s and God move the pieces into play to be where they are supposed to be, or where they are most needed. I called a second pastor friend of mine, and while he was unable to take the call, just the act of me calling showed my faith in prayer because knowing he’d see my missed call, I knew he’d pray for me on the spot. I was able to get through my night with only a few tears of stress, and although the schoolwork suffered a little, I know that the good certainly outweighed the bad!
Trusting in God in the middle of the (expletive) storm isn’t easy, but when we know who’s still in control, we can be prepared for the flaming arrows Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6:10-18 10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints”
Trust in God and believe in the works that are happening to answer your prayers. As I referred to recently, God moves pieces around the chessboard and it’s important to know that it takes time to maneuver those pieces into play. Be patient in your walk with the Lord. “If I walk with the world, I can’t walk with God.” Dwight L. Moody If we are walking with the Lord we know troubles will happen. We know that we will have opportunities to be pleasing to the Lord, and we trust these things because troubles were promised by our own Lord and Savior. Colossians 1:10-11 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; We suffer long and with Joy. We are patient and trusting in God we may be strengthen by all of God’s might. By walking upright in the Lord we are blessed by the Spirit, and renewed our strength when the attacks come. Don’t loose hope for the world is darkened, designed to crush your spirit and drain the joy from you, but if you know the Lord, trust in the Holy Word of God, you know that this suffering is only temporary that you may be tempered and ready when you are called to do more. This isn’t home, so remember one thing, ‘flexible people can’t get bent out of shape.’ We are not consumed by the darkness of this world, because it’s the Light of Christ that brings us hope, and every morning is a new symbol of the hope left to us as Jesus ascended into Heaven.
Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)
22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
It’s been a year, but it hardly seems like it. With so many things different now then they were a year ago, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. My recovery from a C5/C6 spinal injury and surgery has been slow, but in that year I have grown. I push myself and although there is a consequence, I decided early in my recovery I didn’t want to allow my injury to define me. Yes, there were things that changed forever, and I would always have difficulty doing certain physical activities, but I have come farther then I imagined in a year. Ironically, as I am at my anniversary I am starting physical therapy once again.
In a year since my surgery I have learned how to surf, I have rope climbed, and I have done a 40+ mile bicycle ride on a recumbent trike. I have come far, and I trust that I will continue to grow. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not pushed myself along the way. There have been days when the pain was horrible and I could barely move, and there were days when I felt like I could run a mile. The difference between having pain, and allowing that pain to control you is strength. We must learn that to grow sometimes it means to suffer a little pain but the end result is worth it.
Christ tells us those who will pick up their cross and follow Him will have trials and tribulations. They will suffer persecutions, and will undoubtedly have friends and family turn their backs on you. He tells us that love suffers long, and if we are to love Christ we to must endure the sufferings because we are just ambassadors in this land. This is not my home. My home is a Heavenly one, and to get there I walk in a land that is not my own, amongst a people that will undoubtedly hate and despise me. The beautiful thing about human beings is also the most heartbreaking thing, free will. Although my options were limited when it came to my surgery, I still had a choice. I could have done nothing and likely died of meningitis, or I could have the surgery. While it doesn’t seem like much of a choice, I could have chosen death.
In the last year I have made the choice to become much more active with the Wounded Warrior Project, in which I’ve posted about extensively. During those times I was given the distinct pleasure of meeting some amazing people, amazing veterans, and I’ve made some wonderful friends. It all started with a choice to take a chance and move out of my comfort zone. I made the choice to go on my first adventure to South Carolina and that trip changed my life. Before my South Carolina trip I went on a non WWP trip to Hawaii. I would say that trip set the tone for me to explore beyond the walls of my house. I watched as I pushed myself just months after surgery to do things I never thought I’d be able to do again. I explored my ability and found I am capable of far more then I ever gave myself credit for. A capability that without doubt has been a gift from God.
In the last year I had surgery, I moved out of my house, I lost my job… twice, due to my injury. I got divorced, yet I’m still friends with my ex. I have continued with this Blog, and now I’m back in school. Beyond all of that I am looking at my future plans within the church and continuing my biblical studies accordingly. While my career has not advanced, and I’m not living where I’d like, I feel I am exactly where I am meant to be. I also feel I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do. I have faith in my Heavenly Father, and I know that regardless of my injuries, my status, or where I live, I will be used to further glorify my Father and bring honor to his most Holy of Names. Jesus Christ has saved me time and again and I shall continue to try and be contempt in where I am. Like Paul before me, I had my own Damascus road. I can’t simply go back and undo what happened to me. I know I must continue to push through my physical and emotional pains, and find strength in my own weaknesses through Christ my Savior. No matter how low your life looks, just know that it won’t always be that way. There is always hope. On the 3rdday scripture says He rose again. The disciples before that were hopeless, they felt lost, as most of them questioned who Jesus was. He rose again, and thus proved forever who he was, and settled the word as stone. Have faith and for every season, times will move forward. Don’t loose hope because Christ is with us always till the day we are called away from this land, then we shall finally go home and truly sit with the King.
PSA:I will be away for a few days, and thus, this will be the last post till I return. As always, you can email me if you need anything, or you can post your prayer request on the prayer request page. Go forth and look into your life and see how God is using you, using your gift to spread the love and Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t let whatever is holding you back keep you from your purpose. God has created each and every one of you with a mission and know that so long as you trust and have faith in God you can do anything. Keep fighting the good fight, and I look forward to posting on Monday…. Or Tuesday.
In life one of the hardest things we may ever do is find where we belong. My whole life has been one train wreck after another in my search for my place. As tough as it can be to admit, there are some personality types that are more difficult then others to find that place. Romans 14:8 “If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”
The journey starts with prayers and focusing on your relationship with God. When we turn our focus to God we will eventually find our path. When we find our path from God the rest will eventually find a way. I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out my place, and some days I still feeling like I’m trapped under water unable to breathe. I’ve spent so much time wishing to be loved by someone in return. I’ve spent years searching for friends that would accept me for who I am. I’ve wanted to feel like I’ve belonged, to find a peloton where I belonged. In cycling I have learned the term peloton means a group of cyclers. While I still haven’t found where I belong in this life, I do know where I belong is with God.
For years I begged to give up something for God to put me where I belonged. I may have found my path by listening to the guidance from God, but I still haven’t found the love I’ve been seeking my whole life. Giving up isn’t something I’m accustomed to, but I will admit, after all this time I find myself beaten down and discouraged. Loving someone with all my heart and being forced to watch them leave without any true reason why is crushing. I haven’t recovered and even after all this time, I still wonder what’s next. I have prayed for my time to come and wondered if I’d find what I seek before the end. I have wondered if I would ever leave something to be missed when I’m gone. I pray and have hope that one day I will find my place. I have prayed to God that I would go the distance no matter how far I’d have to go. I’ve prayed to God to shape me and give me the tests so I could pass.
I’ve have given my blood, sweat and tears trying to get where I belong. I have felt like I’ve been stuck in a dream world unable to wake up from my nightmare. I have wandered in the dark for many years, and despite trying to wake up from my sleep, I still feel trapped. The darkness covers my world in sadness and despair with only small glimmers of hope sprinkled around me. As I try to grab on to a sparkle it’s snuffed out like grabbing onto a snowflake. While with enough snow the sun glistens brightest the day after a fresh snowfall, it does however take a good amount of snow. Before I have seen the sunrise on many snow days, the dirt and grime floods the snow and melts to slush quickly.
It takes time to find our place in this world, and a lot of pieces have to be moved before it’s our time to shine. Much like a marathon it takes time to move, position, and wait for the right moments to move to the front. When life is a marathon we must be patient and precise as we move around the bored. The future is always a question, but in the darkness we can find the light. The days that come are always a gift from God. God will always take care of us, and no matter the darkness covering our lives, God’s light will always make the darkness flee. The Devil wants you to feel alone, and he wants you to feel like you don’t have anyone in your life. While we may not have someone to fill our heart, there will be people we can turn to. Don’t let the silence keep you from joining a peloton. Don’t let the ride scare you. You need to get up and get out there, and you may accidently find what you seek if you just take a chance.
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The Arrow Preacher 