Tag: Work

Pretty Good

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Pretty Good

“Here’s my day so far: went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that’s right… I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t. How did it all come to this? Well, my end starts at the beginning… The very beginning!” (Megamind)

So here’s my year so far, lost my wife, lost the greatest position at work ever, lost my house, but still things could be a lot worse, oh, that’s right, I’m still fighting the soul sucking VA and just took a major setback, so how does one carry on you ask? Let me tell you.

After 10 years of working with the Veteran Affairs Administration I have finally made some headway, but at the same time receiving a crushing blow. While I thought the claims I had submitted would have been a slam-dunk victory, never a surprise when dealing with the VA however. I wasn’t surprised at some of the actual claim items not coming back favorable, however I was surprised when they couldn’t even get the claim date correct. I submitted my intent to file which is binding on February 16th, yet the file date they went with was July 31st, which was the date of my temporary disability claim for my emergency surgery. This was because they didn’t actually look at the virtual claims, and made the decision without actually doing their job, this to me is nothing but negligence. Nothing new under the sun when it comes to the VA.

Years ago I placed a claim before I got out of the Army. There was an X-Ray done prior to discharge that showed the C-Spine straightening causing muscle spasms, and headaches. The military found the defect and yet chose later to deny any involvement of it. It would take me years to appeal the VA to overturn their decision and only after I would suffer a bulged disc. The time spent fighting the VA has been long, it’s been exhausting, and have taken more man hours I like to admit. Sadly this seems to be an epidemic

The lesson here is one of patience. The hard thing about dealing with a faceless enemy is you can’t see or touch. When you are fighting a war much like chess, it’s a game of patience. You cannot win the match by rushing forward. You must be patient and tactical. You must have the ability to adapt and overcome adversity. The lesson to be learned is a lot like Batman. A master tactician that learns from every encounter, adapts while on the run, and fights for what he truly believes. While there are obvious differences, the key is patience in the face of adversity, keeping ones head on task and staying focused.

The world is a funny, fickle place, where sometimes the most reasonable ideals are still foreign to others. The VA and it’s shinnanigans have been reeking havoc on veteran lives for years. While the VA does a lot of good for Veterans, when it comes to benefits and service connection, it seems the process is designed for the veteran to fail. The idea of our nations best being strung through the ringer and hung out to dry is sickening. No matter the struggles though remember God is with you. Never stop fighting because it gets hard. Always keep your eyes on the prize and stay focused. The road is rough, but it takes time to make your courage strong.

 

 

 

 

My What Big Eyes You Have

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My What Big Eyes You Have

Matthew 7:15-20 “15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”

When I was a young boy I thought my life was normal. Then I started to open my eyes to the world around me. I looked at the families of my friends, I looked at the kids at school and I realized my life was far from average. As I got older I found I was disconnected from the world around me. The world as it was didn’t seem to accept me for who I was. The bullying started and soon it was more then just name calling and teasing it became physical. My shoes would be taken in gym and tossed around, my stuff would be knocked to the floor, I’d be pushed around when nobody was watching and no one ever came to my rescue. The day I received a swirly was one of the worst and most shameful moments of my life. I didn’t want the world to see me anymore. If all of that wasn’t bad enough, the following school year my mother was involved in a serious incident. It wasn’t long before the cat was out of the bag, and mean kids became cruel and from then on the words were that of physiological warfare….. Torture. When the school bullies learned of what happened I became the punch line and it was clear I wasn’t ever going to fit in. I drew into myself. I tried to put on a smile, but it was fake. No one knew the pain, and even the school counselors did nothing. Twice I was punished for fighting back when I was pushed or shoved into the lockers, or when someone said just the right thing knowing after 3 years how to push my buttons. Every day I thought about my life and how much I wanted the world to end. Every day I cried wishing my life would end and the pain would stop. I wasn’t normal, I wasn’t special, I was nothing in the world. The idea of life’s meaning was brought up more then once in my internal monolog. Would the world have been better without me? Since no one wanted me, I was an anomaly that there was no answer too.

I wandered through life lost, and confused about who I was. I felt the Devils claws digging into my heart and squeezing the joy from my chest as if I were some fruit trying to get juice. The thoughts in my head kept telling me, there’s a better way, better days for the winds to lift us on eagles wings and we would find better ways to look into the storm and stand tall against the Devil and his minions of death. Would moving make things better? Would a change make things better? From the ages of 10 to 16 I moved around a few times trying to find where I belonged, each time feeling as if I were betraying someone. Every time I left I struggled with my decision. A foolish sense of loyalty remained in my heart and caused doubt with each passing day. The joy would only be temporary and the guilt would set in like a sticky fog and I couldn’t outrun it.

The life I wanted would come with my final move. A school I could find myself in, friends I would grow to depend on, the occasional girlfriend, and an abundance of success. Finally for the first time in my life I found a sense of peace, a sense that the world wasn’t all out to get me. While every life has its setbacks, every heart has its heartbreak, and every day must bring forth it’s night, the truth was I was home. Three years I lived that life, and three years I found my happiness. When the day came to graduate I knew life wasn’t going to play by the rules anymore. I knew the protection we teenagers had would eventually fall away. It’s that false sense of security that’s so important to notice.

I sit alone and listen to the words of the music from my computer. We see through our eyes of perspective, but narrow and pointed. How we don’t see the truth, how we never think to walk a mile in their shoes. What would it be like to walk in someone’s shoes? Would we ever see the pain they hide behind their eyes? Would we feel what they feel? What’s it like to feel the pain of someone else? What’s it like to feel the judgments we deal out? What’s it like to be on the receiving end of our harsh words and our snap judgments? What is it like to be at the top and still feel like you’re at the bottom? When we receive our gifts in life do we look at them objectively, or do we allow our narrow field of view to blind us? Is it a gift or a curse? Are the gifts we embrace truly gifts or are they wolves in sheep’s clothing?

While in my life I’ve loved deeply, that love has come with a cost. I have lost the women in my life I was closest too. I have loved and lost more then many, but still less then others. My life has had its share of pain and suffering, but was it because of my inability to see the true nature of what I had? What may appear to be a wonderful gift from God might truly be a curse. The truth hurts and nothing hurts like the betrayal of the people we love most. Best friends will leave you, loved ones will forsake you, the words that are uttered will cut most deeply. The Devil will try to get to you using any means possible. The Devil will break through and turn your friends against you. The Devil will draw your spouse away and in that the wolves are everywhere. The Devil takes no prisoners and doesn’t care at the cost, the collateral damage left in the wake of destruction. I spent so much of my life hanging low, picking up the pieces from the ground trying to put my life back together over and over again.

The truth is however you can’t rebuild using the rubble of your life; you must first clear away the destruction to make room for the new. You must remove the old and damaged pieces and look to the future, look to the sky for the chances to rebuild stronger and better then it was before. Looking at the destruction of our lives is easy to do, but when the storm blows through and the light shines through, clear the old and make room for the new. You can’t build a house on top of the old one. You can’t let the destruction of the old get in the way of the possibilities. Furthermore, you cannot look at every gift with suspicion. You must have faith in God and the blessings bestowed upon you. As I have said in the past trust but verify. Look at the gifts and be thankful for what you have.

Even as the wolf lays in the bed waiting to gobble you up, wearing a grandma suit trying to trick you, you cannot allow for the sin of others to affect you and take away your joy. Christ died for us, his blood spilt to give us the joy of salvation. No matter what people say or do, that will never define the purpose God has for you. Believe in yourself no matter what the devil throws in your path. Life will hurt you, the Devil will beat you, and the world you love so much, the life you’ve built will crumble around you and you will be powerless to stop it. No matter the storm stand strong, stand tall. Fight back against the wolves sent to pull you down, pull you away from Christ. Fight back and don’t allow the Devil to stop you from moving forward. You can never hit a home run if you’re too afraid to swing. You cannot allow the Devil to pull you away from salvation. Believe in yourself and live your life with Love, Kindness, and Compassion for your fellow man. Trust in the word and love.

It’s hard to love after major disasters. It’s hard to have faith in tomorrow when your standing in the middle of destruction but as Christ forced the very clouds upon the water to part, the winds to vanish, and the sun to shine, your life is only a matter of time and prayer. Prayers for help, pray for guidance, and pray for strength to persevere. Love is about having faith; it’s about pushing and believing in God, believing in yourself, and trying to always see the best in the people in your life. Life can be rebuilt for as long as you draw breath there is always hope. As long as you believe the world turns, the sunrises and sets and with every day a chance to change, a chance to paint a new canvas with your own story, you can be exactly the person God knows you can be. Do you believe in life after love? When you don’t think you’re strong enough, fall to your knees and you will be blessed. We are strong enough as long as we have Christ with us and by our side. Never quit and never allow the wolf to take from you that, which is most precious, your faith in Christ.

Ride the Rapids

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Ride the Rapids

A river can be calm, it can be treacherous and we never know what could be lurking just around the bend. I have had the pleasure of white water rafting, canoeing, and tubing down different rivers. Each experience is as vastly different from the next, thus chancing the experience each and every time. They say you can never go down the same river twice because as time moves with the water, bits and pieces erode, and change, the depth may change, and the fish and other wild life could also change.

Life is often the same as a river, it flows, as the current of time drags us along. Some days the river moves is a nice calm peaceful pace, and others it’s wicked and dangerous, fast, and often unforgiving. Once when I was a younger lad, I was wading across a river near where my Grandfather lived. The water lever was low, but the tide was swift. As I was a little more then halfway across I was headed to a small island, the tide was strong and as long as I had my footing I could withstand the push of the water. I stepped in a large hole and as I sunk and loosing my balance I was whisked away grasping at any weed and grass, any branch I could, but I wasn’t able to stop from being swept down river. My uncle at the time swam out and saved me from being swept down river.

The following year, my cousin who was 4 years younger then me, found herself in a similar situation, but this time, I’d be the one to save her. If anything this taught me to be a strong swimmer in the current, strong because I had to be. Life is often the same as the river, it forces you to be strong and swim because if you don’t, you get swept away and you might not make it. Life can be cruel, and merciless, but as a river can be those things it can also bring great peace and joy. Laying on an inner tube and drifting down the way under the sun laughing and joking with friends, is a gift to be cherished.

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A couple years ago I went white water rafting. We spent the first 20-30 minutes learning how to take commands, and learning how to react as a team in the raft/boat. The rapids would come and it would be important to be able to navigate and manage the rapids that come. A 20 foot drop was just one of the class 5 rapids we’d face. Not much for an experienced rafter, but as we were all novices we had to work together. Isn’t life the same way? When the rapids are small we can handle life just fine, but when it gets so rough we must learn to lean on those around us and help us ride the rapids. We must learn to lean on the one that has the power to calm any storm. Jesus Christ calms the true storms, Matthew 8:23-27 “And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” Later in Matthew 14:28-33 “And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[e] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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 Jesus Christ is the only true way for us to make it through the rapids. We cannot do it on our own. When we try we will always get swept up in the rapids and we will always get overwhelmed. Eventually the waves will be to much, the current too strong, and if we stay in the water too long we will get tired, and the waves will overcome us. Fatigue will take over, and if not careful bring an end to life. Jesus is the only protection we have against the storm. Christ is our anchor, our shelter, and without Christ we may be able to withstand the pull of the current for a little while, but eventually, yes, we will all loose. Have faith in the word of Christ and allow that to be your life jacket. Don’t drown in the waters of life. Have faith and know that if you are not freed from the waters, know that you will be pulled through. Don’t loose sight and keep swimming, always keep swimming.

 

 

 

The Longest Yard

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The Longest Yard

 September 12, 2004 a day that rings out in memory every year. No matter the time that’s passed the vivid memory floods back every year.

DSC01025The crisp morning air and sun shines down on the empty streets of Ar-Ramadi. The mission starts led by my primary truck. I am the second truck in the convoy and the mission is simple, the scouts provide the quick reaction force in congruence with the Marines that would be doing the door to door raids of several blocks of apartment buildings. While the mission seemed simple the fact is the mission didn’t go according to the plan. Crossing the bridge over the Euphrates River the city looked abandoned. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and as we made the right turn at the fork. The sound came over the radio “IED IED IED!” I saw it, and blew past. The procedure was go out 100 meters, create a perimeter and let the guys in EOD do their thing. Before we made it to the 100 meter mark the truck in front of me disappeared in two massive explosions and smoke, dust, sand, and shrapnel flew into the air causing the road beyond to vanish from sight. From what I knew it looked like the truck had been destroyed. It was at that moment the bullet hit my door and the following moments slowed down. The screams from within the truck of orders and commands, information of targets, directions of travel, and the sounds of gun fire from both overhead and in the distance being directed towards the two trucks.

The 15 minutes of hell on earth left a lasting impression. The half a dozen RPG’s fired towards our location, the battle damage the two trucks endured from the bullet’s, IED’s, and RPG’s was extensive. While my truck took the majority of the damage ending with little to no fluids remaining, blown tires, a loss of power steering, and a main weapon that had a catastrophic failure in the middle of the firefight, the result was clear, God was looking out for the 1/9 scouts that day. While there were several close calls and even after we were credited with several kills, not one of the scouts was wounded that day. No matter how many times I’ve tried the images of that day have stayed with me. We were blessed that day and no amount of luck will ever be able to stand toe to toe with blessings.

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We often look back on our lives with 20/20 vision, and within that we start to question our path. I should have done that, or I could have done more, and any combination therein. In our daily walk we have to learn to trust in ourselves to know we made the best decision possible with what we knew at the time. No matter what problem we are left facing there will always be opinions of a better way to handle it, there will always be questions as to why we did what we did, or why we felt the way we felt, but the truth is, it’s easy to criticize anyone. We will never be free of second guessing, and especially when we see so much failure in our own life, we must learn to let it go. We cannot save everyone. We cannot always save ourselves. We can’t allow ourselves to be overcome with desperation, with sadness, with helplessness, and we must always realize that the past is cemented for all eternity, thus forcing us to do only one thing, and that’s learning from the past.

Remember everything we go through, all the pain, the suffering, and even so much as the good things in our life are just building experiences. When I was a supervisor in security and there would be an event that took place after the excitement was over, the paperwork was done, I often sat down with my officers and did an AAR or After Action Review. I asked them what they thought they did well, and what things they would change, but more importantly what could be learned to improve on for the next emergency or disturbance. No matter what we face in our world we know that God is always with us and we need to have faith in that. We must remember that we are a broken people but there is hope, the light of Christ. While we will make the best choices we can to ensure they truly are the best we must be walking in the light of Christ. Don’t loose sight of the compass that points to God. Have faith in God and our daily choices being made with the thought of ‘What Would Jesus Do’ will allow the scrutiny to be at a minimum.

Sometimes in the dark, sometimes when life is heavy and we can’t get away if feels like that last yard is a mile away. Let me reassure you that no matter the distance you have yet to go, the journey doesn’t have to be yours alone. The distance may seem more then you can go, especially when you feel like you can’t take another step. God will grant you strength to get by on your own, and if the strength isn’t granted to you, God will put someone in your path that will help you bare your cross. Don’t allow the past to dictate terms in your life, and don’t allow today’s problems to weigh you down so much you can’t walk. There’s no shame in asking for help, sometimes that’s exactly what we need and it’s exactly what’s expected.

 

 

Service With Honor

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Service With Honor

In life sometimes there is one person we will connect with on a very special level. Ever since my time in this world I haven’t had a connection more then that I feel with my service dog. Riley has been with me for the last 6 years and in that time a connection has grown. Every day I go out she goes with me. That time together we have spent a relationship has grown for the both of us. She has never left me, she has never not been there watching out for me. She knows when I hurt and she does everything within her power to make that better. Her training has taught her to alert me when anxiety levels are high. She knows to watch my six anytime we are out in town. She alerts me if people walk up behind me, she protects me by passively standing in between someone and myself. She can walk with me while I’m using both hands to push a shopping cart and always knows just where to be. She doesn’t like when I’m not around just as much as I don’t like it when she’s not. I’ve grown to depend on her and she depends on me. In our life we will often have pets throughout our life. Riley isn’t my pet, she’s my best friend. When I come home if she’s not been with me she’s super excited to see me. She can’t wait to give me hugs and kisses. Yes I taught my service dog how to hug people. I will be her entire life, and even though she will only be apart of my life for a short while, the impact she’s had on me will be forever.

Riley has seen me through my darkest days. When I returned home from my injury last year she was there to help me when the quiet was banging on my eardrums. She was there for me when I cried. She laid in my lap, and she’d lick my face when I cried. She curls up with me at night providing warmth and comfort. While she’s incapable in stopping every nightmare I have, she’s always a constant presence for me when I wake up. Riley’s ability to take hand signals from me, her ability to listen to simple instruction, and then complex instructions. Her being out with me every day prevents me from falling into a situation where I could potentially be taken to the hospital. Though she’s not been able to prevent every anxiety attack, she’s certainly tried.

I was recently asked what to military dogs do? I’ve heard people say what a service dog is not, and say what a service dog doesn’t do. I’ve heard that a service dog would never ‘sniff’ anyone. I’ve heard service dogs shouldn’t need ‘spoken direction’. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While not every service dog requires focus like diabetes alert dogs, or seizure dogs, the ignorance of our society astounds me. Recently I learned that a local hospital I frequent often has a policy that only a small particular group is covered under the rule, Amputee, Seeing Eye, Hearing Impaired, are the only dogs officially covered. However the policy is all dogs are to be accepted so long as the dog isn’t causing any issues, and is behaving. The problem with this policy is the liberty it gives the employees to discuss services dogs. Recently I heard an argument between two employees about the definition of what service dogs do or don’t do. It was loud enough to interrupt my conversation with someone about my service dog. Military dogs are trained extensively prior to going into war. The military trains its dog to detect explosive materials and weapons. Military dogs can also detect drugs and other contraband. These dogs require direction, just like any other service dog. Even the best-trained dogs can have their issues. I recently saw a movie about a military bomb dog, and as you watch, you’ll see that no matter what a dog’s trained to do, a dog is still a dog. They will suffer from the same things people do. My dog for instance doesn’t like elevators or bridges. I’ve never understood why she doesn’t like walking bridges, but her fear is what it is. I have learned to work around her fear understanding we all have them.

 

Service with honor

If my verbal direction sounds like a problem, to that I say ‘Stay in your lane.’ People in our society have to have an opinion. People have to not just have an opinion they have to state their opinion, and instead of directing the appropriate questions to people who know, they argue and bicker. Another thing I’ve noticed is how some people will ask ‘why do they need a service dog, I don’t see anything wrong with them?’ This question upsets me a great deal. While I’ve studied mental illness, the affects of PTSD, and the cause of anxiety, if that person as a panic/anxiety attack, you hope they have their dog. Feeling that way is horrible, speaking from experience. Panic attacks cause an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, trouble breathing, and can often manifest dizziness. The calming affect from animals is evident through science. Trained service animals still take some kind of commands. Bomb dogs need direction, even hearing and other kinds of dogs all take commands.

All I ask is if you’re going to make assumptions on service dogs, perhaps you need to do some research first, or ask someone with a service dog. Please don’t pass judgment on those with service animals, and please don’t assume just because you can’t see any disability doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

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For those of us who’ve served we serve with Honor. We allow those who have served our country to suffer with PTSD, with the nightmares from the life we’ve lived. From today as we remember 9/11 we remember the fallen, and the survivors. We can only hope that we have learned from our mistakes, and remember service comes in many ways. The years after tragedy the ones who are left should be honored, the ones that have fallen are lost but never forgotten. No matter the season, no matter the day, those who serve write a blank check in the act of that service. Firefighters in New York, Police, and the New York Port Authority, wrote a blank check on this day 16 years ago. Soldiers have been writing that check for generations past, and generations to come. People who work in the services put themselves in harms way and we take off our hats to remember them. We learn to pick ourselves up, and we united in the months following 9/11. We’ve fallen wayside in the following years, and we ought to remember to slow down in our lives and we need to remember the simple truth, we are all human, not black, not white, not any other race, we are humans. We are also all Americans. We have a commonality far greater then what we live today. We all have Jesus Christ and in front of the cross we are judged the same. We are always on equal footing in front of God All Mighty, and thus we must remember to set our personal differences aside and join on equal footing to fight and defend this nation. We honor the dead by fighting, and we are not done fighting.

My service dog

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My service dog

I believe that in life God doesn’t want his children to be alone. I believe we are our best selves when we have someone special in our lives. While we have come a long way in our understanding of science and medicine we are a long way from being able to fully understand the workings of the human brain. Sometimes when someone is faced with PTSD there are many different symptoms to various degrees that someone may face. A particular service dog will be able to assist by doing particular jobs to prevent someone with PTSD from facing any number of symptoms alone. “A Specially Trained PTSD Dog can provide a sense of security, calming effects, and physical exercise that can make a positive difference in the life of those that suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Like all assistance dogs, a psychiatric service dog is individually trained to do work or perform tasks that mitigate their handler’s disability. Training may include providing environmental assessment (in such cases as paranoia or hallucinations), signaling behaviors (such as interrupting repetitive or injurious behavior reminding the handler to take medication, retrieving objects and guiding the handler from stressful situations. PTSD Service Dogs can literally change the life of a Veteran or other persons with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD Service dogs can help a Veteran remain calm by preventing people from crowding around or rushing up behind in public places which will provide a comfortable space for the Veteran or PTSD sufferer.

PTSD Service Dogs can:

  • help adjust serotonin levels
  • help lower blood pressure
  • help with episodes of depression
  • provide companionship
  • calm their handler
  • preventing people from crowding around or rushing up on their handler

The above tasks represent what a PTSD service dog is capable of performing. Each PTSD service dog is specifically trained to their owners personal needs based on their medical condition and may or may not include the above tasked described.” (http://www.canines4hope.com/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-dogs-ptsd-dog-training-florida.htm)

Each and every day thousands of people to include veterans and non-veterans suffer from the symptoms of PTSD. It can be difficult to let go of the traumas of war. There are particular things that are a constant struggle for me. Going into a public place alone causes high anxiety. Having my back to a room, an entrance causes undue tension. My service dog Riley, provides 360 security for me. When I am standing at a counter she sits next to or behind me but always watching my back. When I am sitting someplace she is my vigilance, my battle buddy. She knows when stress and anxiety rises and she alerts me of that. My service dog has been my companion for 6 years now. She’s my rock when I need comfort, she’s my protector within the house, and she is my first line of defense.

You never know what someone may be facing under the surface. In recent months I have faced push back from a lot of different places regarding the need for a service dog. While this world understand a great deal of things, it’s lagging behind the service dog presence. While our understand of PTSD has grown in the last 10 years, we are finding the benefits of what service animals can do. While dogs have been used for many physical disabilities for years and years, the use for dogs to help treat PTSD symptoms is relatively new. Sadly the general publics understand is limited. Thus the problem it creates for those who have PTSD service dogs. While the misconception in the difference between therapy dogs and service dogs plagues our society. Many people who have therapy dogs contaminate the ideals of service dogs by misusing the terminology. Therapy dogs that provide a comfort to the owner while great doesn’t actually provide a medical purpose. Everyone can use a little extra comfort, but that doesn’t mean the dog has the same rights as a service dog. The issue isn’t the dog, the issue is the lack of knowledge about mental illness. Recently I was told people often see someone out in public and when they don’t look like they have a physical disability it’s assumed they don’t have a disability. The assumption that all disabilities are physical is a stigma in our world that must change. While there can be many uses for a service dog from diabetes, to seizures, to panic/anxiety attacks. All of these are very real and having a service dog can save their life.

The moral of the story is don’t be so quick to judge others. Stay within your lane and just because you don’t understand a situation doesn’t mean you need to. Just because you can’t see something wrong with someone doesn’t mean there isn’t. Don’t judge others and make sure before you jump to a snap decision you just don’t. Always have patience and respect for others around you. You can’t always see or measure a person’s pain because it’s not physical. While there are plenty of people who abuse the laws regarding service animals the same can be said about a great deal of other laws, i.e. social welfare services, social disability, insurance fraud, and many other ways people get around the system. Just because people abuse a system doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary. We must have faith that the greater good is being served. Education is the key, and we need to understand that things aren’t always as simple as they seem to be.

As for me, my service dog Riley is my closest friend. She goes with me everywhere I can manage to take her. She’s always with me and helps in ways people could never know or understand. Once more unto the breach. The fight for the rights regarding service dogs is continuing on. Dealing with the backlash of what people don’t understand is a daily constant when the wounds can’t be seen.

We never know what the future holds but what we know is we can only make decisions based on what we know when the time comes. The due diligence is on us to make sure we have as many facts as possible before coming to a decision. Snap decisions, or decisions without all the info can have major backlash. Pushing a viewpoint without expanding what we may know could have dire repercussions. Make sure we get the facts, it’s at the very least the right thing to do. James 1:19-20 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Even when people make poor or snap judgments about you, always try to maintain a reasonable and rational response. Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

 

Loss

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Loss

The losses I’ve seen have been immeasurable. The battle always wages on inside us. The sights and sounds of the war still rage on. You close your eyes and the weapons flash, the sounds of explosions and the feel of the blast vibrate through your chest. The sights of burnt pieces of metal, a whole so deep in the ground you picture men placing the objects of death in the hole dug. No matter how hard you try the faces never leave you. The smells invade the memory and create a feeling of nausea you just can’t fight. The heart pumping quickly ever memory of explosions along with the fear from the RPG’s flying over head, the bullets ricocheting off the driver door, the, and the weight of the wheel when you can barely fight the truck your driving. The dead haunt me, and the living spites me.

The air is warm, and the sun shines down to the world below. The feeling of the pistol the handgrips textured, the trigger smooth and light. The black smooth slide almost reflective the last things seen before the flash. The blood pools and drains down the shirt. The air sucked from the lungs as the world turns black. To see the blackness of nothing, a voice slips between the lips. ‘God I’m sorry.’ As the thunder struck, the voice shook the world, ‘You’re forgiven.’ Waking in pain so bad death would be a release. The weight of the world now crushing down, the future bleak and dark, but is that a light at the end of the tunnel?

A divorce rips apart a life. The feeling of betrayal, the aching of emotions feels physical. The lowness of the barrel, only to be repeated twice, twice the pain, and no the second time wasn’t easier. Loosing loves twice by way of affairs hurts down into the pit of your stomach like nothing I ever felt. But sad to say this wasn’t the only pain I would feel.

Growing up, I experienced a couple traumatic events, I won’t go into detail now. Just know that the pain felt as a child was confusing, and difficult. The only truth was God was always there watching over me, helping me through it, even if God was the farthest thing from my mind at the time. The struggles of an 11 year old trying to understand the cruelty of the world is difficult, and harsh. Why would a loving God allow such pain and suffering upon the innocents of a child?

Between watching loved ones die, loosing family, loosing friends, being close to death myself, the truth remains that in the vastness of loss and heartache the Lord is still on the throne. Every situation both good and bad that forces us down a path, we must remember to thank God for everything we have no matter what it is. God is not evil, and God doesn’t bring hardships unless we need the lessons. No matter the cost we must endure the hardships in front of us. Our lives can be the ice storm, or the thaw after, if we focus on the right path.

Being displaced, and having everything ripped away, everything one would hold most dear in life is something no one should have to endure, especially twice. While we all will face grief and suffering the difference is the sheer number of events, and the intensity of each one. While the truth is plain no matter who we are pain and suffering are bound to happen. We were promised pain, and suffering, trials, and we were promised the thorns and thistles, but in all of that we were also promised grace, peace, and love. Gods grace is sometimes all we have, and that grace in the wake of loss has to be enough, because if it’s not, we are left with no hope, and if we have no hope, life is lost.

The Wages of Sin

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The Wages of Sin

Since the fall from grace and Sin entered the world people have lived under the influence of Sin. Genesis 3:3-4 “3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Mankind was tricked into allowing Satan to pull us from God’s grace. Ever since mankind has made one bad call after another. We consistently have moved in bad directions, we treat our neighbors horribly, we even treat our loved ones with disdain.

If we live our lives in a manner that is not pleasing to the Lord, a life that is against the simple commandments, we are forced to face the ramifications of our ignorance, or blatant disregard. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Each of us gambles with our souls when we choose sin over life. Each of us puts our trust in something we will never see first hand. We believe that God is sovereign and on the throne over all. The flip side of course is what happens when we sin on purpose. Romans 5:12 “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” When we sin when we turn our backs on Christ and walk a path of wrongdoing, we can look forward to the words in Revelation 21:8 “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

The joys of the world, the draws of sinful nature can be enticing and often pulls us from the graces of Christ. We must remember that Christ paid for our sins under the condition we follow Him. Every one of us is given a choice. John 3:36 “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.” We can’t negotiate at the foot of the cross. All sin is created and judged equally to God. We must answer for our sins regardless of our beliefs, and yet on our best day we sin, we fall short, and sometimes we hurt those closest to us. We will always hurt those closest to us by accident, but it’s when we do it on purpose that has a particular rank. When we knowingly sin in the efforts to gain our own selfish desires, we risk it all. We never know when the end will come for us. We never know when the good Lord will end our lives. It may be when we are old and gray in our beds, or it may be the next time we go walking outside our door, either way, we wager our eternal lives on the pursuit that the Devil promised all those years ago. We know good and evil, and the world is surly evil. We see people doing good works in the name of the Lord, but even those who do good works can fall from grace. Don’t turn your back on the Lord when times get tough. Don’t believe the lies of Lucifer, and don’t let go of your salvation just for the joys of Sin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go, and Don’t Die

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Go, and Don’t Die

What does the great commission mean for Christians? First, we must ask what is the great commission? Matthew 28:16-20 The Great Commission “16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17 And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted.18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” We must go forth, meaning to go out, within our ability to reach everyone, to include those at our jobs, in our towns, wherever we may go. Not everyone is suited within their gifts to go abroad and go head long into mission trips. Within our gifts we need to focus on what they are, focus on the paths God has put us on, and it’s in that, we will find how we can complete the Great Commission.

1 Peter 4:10 “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:” Each of us has been given a special and specific gift, some of us are great public speaker, when we talk people listen. Others are painters, or writers, others are good at serving, and thus our gifts open the stage for us to be able to reach people who need to hear the word of God. I have a few gifts God’s given to me that I enjoy and thus since I enjoy them it gives me great pleasure and pride to reach people around the world. To the date of writing this post I have reached 72 countries. My gift of writing and photography has helped me put this together and reach thousands.

Going out and preaching the word can be a dangerous business. Missionaries from around the world often find themselves hiding from those who wish to do them harm. The persecuted church is not something we think about much here in this country, but around the world it’s very real, and very dangerous. Christians are hunted throughout the world and because of that, as many mission trips are planned and scouted first to ensure safety not all missionaries are called to safe areas. Someone I know once had to hide from the authorities in India because he had stirred so much controversy the non Christian authorities weren’t too happy with the one causing problems. In places like Africa, Christians are murdered for their belief in Christ, and their refusal to rebuke Him publicly. Some of the top countries for persecution are North Korea, Somalia, Iran, Sudan, India, Vietnam, Egypt, China, and so many more just to name a few of the worst to the moderate.

While the Great Commission is a calling to all Christians to spread the word by teaching and preaching, it’s not without risk. Not everyone is up to the risk that comes with deliberately going into harms way. While not everyone is called for such missions everyone is called to use their gifts to spread the word of God to others. I firmly believe that when we fully explore our gift and use that gift we will prosper. I believe each of us is given our gift by God for a very specific reason. We all have our roll to play in the big picture. From the man or woman who takes out the trash, to those who stand in the pulpit no matter where that happens to be. No matter who you are, or what you do for a profession it doesn’t take years of training to talk about Jesus. It doesn’t take a degree in biblical studies or even apologetics to tell the world what Jesus has done for you.

When I was a soldier fighting in Ar-Ramadi I had a bible in left breast pocket under my armor. I kept it there every day, during every mission. It was a reminder to me that God was watching over me no matter where I was. Even the days it felt I was in a literal hell on earth, I knew and felt God presence. When we spend our day around people we have every opportunity to talk about what Jesus has done in our lives. When I was in Iraq I regret not focusing more on my faith. After surviving a few attacks that should have probably taken my life and didn’t, I should have and could have used that opportunity to talk about God in my life. Those are chances we must not take for granted. Every day we live we have an opening to spread the word of God. Not only do we have the opportunity we have an obligation to do so. “Since God has displayed to us so great a love the least we can do is accept and Carry Out the Great Commission.” (Dr. M. David Chambers D.Min.) Last year God spared my life, and when I came back, I came back with only one goal, to save as many souls as I could. I came back as someone else, something else. I came back as the Arrow Preacher.

 

 

 

 

Fighting Insecurities

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Fighting Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have our insecurities about something in this life. Everyone’s different and everyone has their own battles to face. Over the years a particular event has occurred in my life on more then one occasion that has created and cultivated a unfortunate, and disturbing insecurity. I would go as far to say it’s certainly not an endearing or attractive quality. Nevertheless it’s here and fighting back against it is truly a struggle.

An understandable fear of abandonment has settled in and has taken up residence in the deepest part of my mind. With it it’s cousin the insecurity of feeling wanted, or needed. When a message is sent to someone, you know they’ve seen it, and your brain automatically goes to ‘what did I do wrong?’ and ‘am I not important enough to them?’ These things may be true, but the most likely fact is, it’s in our head. My self worth has been in question for some time now. These things the Devil tells you, whispers to you in your darkest hours are thorns in your side.

We must learn to focus on the good things we have to offer in a relationship. Everyone brings something special to a relationship, and thus we are all special. Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” If we are loved and love, we must learn to lift up our loved. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If someone’s important to you, then it’s in that importance you would want to set their fears aside and show them they have nothing to fear. Lift up your partner, lift up your friends, and help fight back against the whispers of the devil.

The number one thing to remember is placing your self worth in others is always a recipe for disaster. No matter what you beat the odds in this life and God has made you just the way he wanted you. Consider why you are unhappy, or why you are insecure. John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The only thing we should need is the knowledge that Christ loves us just the way we are.

You must learn to trust in yourself and focus on your own gifts. Know what your gifts are and know that they are good enough. If your partner doesn’t see or appreciate them, perhaps there are bigger issues, which may or may not be your fault. A deep internal look at the cause may be warranted to understand and justify, and then overcome.

I believe sharing these with your significant other is important. Be sure to communicate and allow that open line of communication to face the problem head on. There will always be a way to face the insecurities that plague you. Allow yourself to face your insecurities and then you can own up to it, and overcome. Have faith in the Lord and what the Lord created. Each of us has been given gifts and we should focus on those gifts instead of our shortcomings. Romans 12:6-9 “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Use your gifts. Allow someone to love you for what you have to offer, and fear not for what you do not have. The ice will melt one day and the life preserved, frozen in time, will once again show it’s colors and it’s beauty. Let the ice melt over your heart frozen in time, and warm up to the idea of loving once again.