Explosive Memories

Explosive Memories

I try not to think about it most of the time. I remember the sounds, the sights, even the smell of sulfur. I can remember each incident and as much as I try not to think about it, there are days. The struggle for veterans returning home from war can vary differently from one to the next. For me I have spent years facing my demons. Behind every uniform is a story. My story hasn’t ended, but my time in uniform has. The wounds left behind leave scars and those don’t ever go away. I can remember one explosion after another, and from the way it feels as the blast goes through you. I remember the fear I would face while on patrol, trying to stay focused, but in those memories, I sadly brought them home with me. My time in war fundamentally changed me, and because of that, because of how I was changed, I find some days I struggle to enjoy some of the same things other people like.

The other day I was driving to work and found myself in a traffic jam. Most people would perhaps be a little frustrated, but me, there’s a level of fear, and that fear turns to anger. I am terrified of sitting in traffic because I am not in control at all. I am afraid of being caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am afraid of the trash on the side of the road. I’m afraid of the crowds I encounter while I’m out in public. I’m afraid of the movie theater. I’m afraid of the mall. I’m afraid of being caught ill prepared. In my life I have spent a lot of time focusing on the what ifs, planning for the emergencies to be as prepared as possible. I have to hope that in the darkness of this world, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Revelation 21:4“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

 John 16:33“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” In my day, I am haunted by the memories of my past. I have struggled to let go, and remember that Christ overcame the world. His blood set me free, and though my trials my be today, my Heaven is tomorrow. Living with PTSD isn’t always easy, but we keep pushing forward. Dealing with the day-to-day strife can lead your heart to feel heavy. We must not focus on the cant’s, or why something is too hard, we need to focus on what we can do. John 14:1“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” Though my past and my grief haunt me, I must thank the Lord for the love and mercy that’s placed upon me every day. Jesus has offered me everything, and I can’t let the pain of yesterday turn my focus. The Devil tries to distract me, lie to me, prey on my weaknesses, and I will admit, some days he gets his claws in and it’s all I can do to push him away. Don’t forget the purposes of our true journey. Keep pushing forward and focus on today, not yesterday.

I think back to the day I was something in my own eyes, and when the tornado struck my life and ruin was left in it’s wake, I think back to how foolish I was to think my happiness could last. I placed my self worth on those around me. I placed my happiness in the hands of others, to include family, friends, and my wife. I trusted all the wrong people, and putting my faith in the world, thinking if I walked the walk, talk the talk, prayed the prayers, that I might be spared the hardships of another divorce or worse. The thing is when you are strong in your faith, the Devil attacks, and he attacks, and he’s relentless to see how long he can push you till you break. How much  can you take before you curse God, turn your back, and walk deeper down the dark path.

No matter the hardships you’ve endured, the horrors you’ve seen, you need to remember who the true enemy is at the end of the day. Put not your faith in man for we are fickle and swayed easily, but put your faith in the Lord for God is never changing, and always we are found in God’s love and grace. The road is long, but the blessings of tomorrow outweigh the pain of today.

Private Property

Private Property

Alone in the house I sit, the walls around and the roof above provide protection from the wolves at night, the predators that prowl searching for the weak. When we want to be left alone on our property we post Do Not Disturb signs. These signs let everyone know that their presence is not welcomed, not to enter without explicit permissions. That’s the unfortunate essence of our lives. Our creator gives us the choice of free will, so this summarily makes us sentient. With that free will comes the right to choose whether or not we will accept or deny the existence of God.

In Scripture it is written that those who follow in Christ will be saved, and those who do not will spend eternity suffering. It’s not easy for some to acknowledge there is something greater out there then they can see with their own eyes. For some the truth is reading between the lines. Reading and studying what exists but in the past. God never forces His way into our hearts. It must be a free voluntary choice to allow God into our lives. There is one however that ignores the stay out signs. The Devil a burglar that creeps around the shadows, pulling at strings, testing the defenses of the house, looking anyway in. Our heart is what the Devil wants. Our minds and our souls are what the Devil tries to gain access too. The Devil doesn’t look for our permission to wreak havoc in our lives. Why do we spend so much time and energy placing defenses for our homes, but we don’t do the same for our eternal souls? 1 John 3:8 “8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” The Devil destroyed the relationship between God and his children. The Serpent divided the home and got Eve to disobey the Father. 2 Corinthians 11:3 3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” The Devil trespasses as often as he likes with no care for your own personal feelings.

 Vigilance is so important. We keep our homes locked at night, our vehicles locked in public. We do not leave our belongings lying around for anyone to take, so why then are we so careless with the only thing that truly matters, our eternal salvation? The most dangerous intruder we could ever come across and we almost give Him the keys to our home to come and go whenever he wants. 1 Peter 5:8-9 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” The Devil will find any unlocked window, any loose bored, any unlocked door, anyway he can to break into your heart. It doesn’t matter if you have your private property sign out there it’s not enough. You have to find the protections and shields for your heart.

 We often fall pray to the worldly desires of our hearts thus giving in to a sin nature. What defenses do we have against the Devil? We have the Armor of God. We have the teaching and warnings of Christ. We were given the instructions and told to resist. We do this by knowing scripture, knowing it well enough to have it memorized to heart. Being able to see sin in our lives is an important first step. Remember how to treat others, knowing the right and wrong in our walk is vital to fighting sin nature. Others may harm us, others may steal from us, and the Devil will use our desires against us, it’s important to see what’s in front of us, and don’t take the bait.