Tag: truth

Grief out of Love

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“What is Grief, but love persevering.” Vision

There is no question that life can be hard. Life can leave us broken, battered on the floor. We ask why, why God? We find ourselves alone, lost, in a world full of pain. We lose people we love. Betrayed and sold out by those we cherished. Ignored by friends. Passed over for a promotion at work. Watch a child pass away. Bury a parent after years fighting dementia. We ask why God. We need God, we cannot make it through this alive without God. It is said that God never puts more on us than we can handle. This is utterly not true. God allows us to go through trials and tribulations because his will is perfect. We are not to rely on our own faulty strength but rather, we are to turn to our Abba Father to deliver us from evil. Philippians 4:13 ESV “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” If we relied on our own strength we would fail. Isaiah 41:10 ESV “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” It is Gods strength that sees us through. When left to our own path, our own desires, we often make our situation worse. Life hurts sometimes. Heartbreak happens. This life we live surrounded by the very presence of sin, we are often caught in the sights of sin, or collateral damage to sin, or the origin of the sin impact. This world leaves battle scars. No one gets out of this life without them. No matter who you are, where you come from, you’re going to end up with scars. Fear not says the Lord. Jesus says when you face tribulations, John 16:33 33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you [a]will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Face the world daily and turn to God for everything. Do not pity yourself or the dead, for if they knew the Lord they have not died, but are truly alive. It’s okay to grieve, to miss someone’s presence. Turn to God and find peace.

THE SILENCE GROWS

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The silence grows

I write to you, even pour out feelings, but met with silence. I took the time, I write and write. Day after day, I take my time to beak the silence as I reach out to you. So many out, and nothing in return. Years of building relationships. Years of extensive, extending a hand in friendship. Picking up the phone from every call and message. I extended my wallet, my ear, my trust, my heart, and now it’s silence. A fool I’ve been, I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want too perhaps, my kindness used and abused. In my own time of need you were no where to be found. How could I have been so blind. The years of darkness I felt, suddenly creeps back in. The seeds fall and grow choking the life and happiness from my life. Abandoned yet again, the flash in my mind, as history repeats itself. Broken on the floor the tears just won’t flow. I do not know why, or how I got here. The color fades to black and white, the hurt a crushing feeling that buries in shame. The darkness settles in like an old friend. Must I say goodbye? Must I feel such loss yet again? Is this natures pruning? Did I mean so little to so many? Was I a convenience at the time, and without warning or word, expendable? History it seems repeated again. What have I learned? How to break, how to hurt. I’ve learned so much and yet again, here I am. The lessons seem to fade to mist. What can I do, when I reach for you, I reach and reach, into the darkness. I reach and lunge but like casting the fishing line, it comes up empty, every time. I see you there, you’re always around, but my hand you don’t take, a reach into the folly.

You’re not my enemy, I pray for you, I drop

to my knees and wish happiness upon you. I ask nothing of you except friendship. I have heard your tears. I’ve listened to your screams. You even once, heard mine. So close, but now ships passing on a fog filled night. Should I let go? Should I call out louder? Will my cries be heard? If you wanted to talk wouldn’t you reach out? What should I do? A broken heart makes poor choices. But, it isn’t just broken, but angry. Years and years of open roads. The pouring out of memories, feelings, thoughts, and now the road ends, the road I’d taken for years, can no longer be traveled. An absence, and yet a carrot dangled in front of me, teasing me, a sign, or is it?

I place so much in all the wrong places. I crave acceptance. I crave being wanted, and needed by others. I crave feeling important. I place that up high, an endless race I could never win. How many must I loose before I see the truth? How many must walk away before I find my value elsewhere? I walk miles upon miles seeking what I could never have. A hollow hole, unable to be filled. Jesus set me free from this cycle I find myself in. Jesus set me free from this pain. These shackles bind me and break me. Jesus be my chain breaker and show me a better way. Heal these wounds of the ages, and heal my broken heart. Jesus heal me and light my way home. Jesus my heart hurts, broken from saying goodbye. Jesus you pieced me together atom by atom, cell by cell. You’ve watched me grow, suffer, laugh and cry. Jesus you know my heart is breaking to pieces. Jesus lift me up and dry my tears. Take me out of this place and show me my value in you. Jesus show me that there’s more then this. Jesus my light on the hill, my shepard come find me, a lost sheep in the wilderness. I cannot do this on my own. I am fragile but strong. My heart breaks but I am not broken. I hurt, but I do not crumble to the ground. Jesus my rock, the rock, my foundation, my anchor in the storm, you save me when my sails are torn, and the keel creaks in the rough waters of this storm. Jesus my Lord, Jesus my light, dry my tears and guide me back, guide me to safety, my Lord. I cannot do this without you. I cannot stay in the darkness. I cannot stay in the silence. I long for Harold of the angels. I crave the sound of the choir of Heaven. I seek your face my Lord, I seek you in the darkness, lift me up, save me, save me from myself, this world, this hurt. Show me the blessings, so many abound around me. Teach me to number my days, so I may grow a heart of wisdom. Teach me to manage when I’m at the still waters, the green meadows, or the shadow of death. In you I trust my Lord. You hear my cries, deliver me from this toil.Free me. To you I pray.

The Truth

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The Truth

Being a Christian doesn’t mean I have it together all the time. It doesn’t mean someone is ok all the time. It doesn’t mean you’re never depressed. It doesn’t mean you can’t have other mental illnesses like bipolar or anxiety disorder. It means we realize we cannot possibly make it through this journey alone. We rely on our Lord and Savior to help us through and that we are nothing without Jesus Christ with us.

I am woefully insecure. My mind seeks human approval and acceptance. My mind is wrought with loneliness and self doubt. My insecurities make me question much about myself. I’ll give some examples.

“Hey how are you?”(message seen) two days later still no reply…

(Brain: what did I do? Are they upset with me? They don’t like talking to me. Am I not important to them?)

If I go too long without hearing from someone I question if I matter to that person. Do I cross their mind? Why don’t they say hello. Why don’t they ever check on me? Ultimately years of abandonment have culminated into a fear of such things, along with a deep seated question of self value and a desire for friendships that won’t scatter when the light reveals my imperfections.

As years pass by it seems I have become more and more isolated, not by choice, but by world events. My recent bout with Covid, left me seeking and searching both inside myself and outside for answers. While some people came to my aid, others whom I expected to be there weren’t. It produces a mix of feelings associated with my personal value. Of course the caveat to all of this is both simple and immensely complex. I am a child of God, a follower of Jesus Christ, and God don’t make trash. I have value because I am loved by God. On the flip side, feeling as I do are feelings of the world. The feeling and desire of wanting human contact is powerful. My soul and mind are at odds with one another and with a history of depression, a fierce battle.

The desires that comes and goes to reach out to people, is one that often seems to get me into trouble. It seems the thought of checking on loved ones and friends regularly, even if it’s just to show I care, is often met with feelings of anxiety, and messages left unanswered. Of course, in this age of digital communication, it’s too easy to ignore, and simply vanish in an event now called ghosting, is far too common in my life. Ghosting happens regularly in my life. And on top of that, those whom I had been friends with for years, have up and vanished, leaving me to hold on tight to those relationships I value most. Sometimes creating a catch 22. The desire to keep people close often has the adverse effect of pushing them away. Finding balance has not been my forte’.

Living with this kind of fear of loss is not easy, but there is hope out there to find. When I’m at my lowest, I remember my eternal Father. I remember that Jesus died for me, and that’s something I can’t ever let go of. In order to manage lows, anyone, anytime has to be proactive. In order for me to manage my way through the dark times, I have to create a mix of time with God but also time with people. It’s hard going sometimes, but knowing there’s light at the end of the tunnel is vastly important. Making my way through Covid, and the isolation it created has been a challenge. Many days of long periods of silence, left me in time of study in Gods word. I think back to Paul and the times of solitude in prison. How much less of a man am I, that I should not suffer also? If Paul can do it, I shall also. Paul suffered yet endured. He had a couple people he could always count on, as do I.

Managing these things doesn’t have to be completely debilitating, even though it proves a challenge, life moves on. Finding ways to manage the loneliness, and dealing with the depression that comes with, the lack of motivation, is a cyclical problem to deal with, but one that is nothing beyond what God can manage, and get me though. Time keeps moving forward and so shall I. God gets all the glory, and provides me everything I need. Never keep from moving forward, and never stop fighting the good fight.

Point Of View

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Point Of View 

“From my point of view the Jedi are evil!” Anakin Skywalker. This was when we knew and understood that Anakin Skywalker had truly fallen to the dark side. We see how from his particular point of view the Jedi no longer stood for what they truly believed in, that they were in fact too weak to bring order to the galaxy. A story not too dissimilar then that of Satan standing and turning against God. From Satan’s point of view, God wasn’t doing a good enough job, and be it jealousy of humanity, or not enough attention, or something else entirely, Satan felt he could do a better job ruling over the galaxy and attempted to overthrow God, foolishly I might add. But, in Satan’s story, we Christians, God Himself are the bad guys. We have a hard time understanding that, and moreover we as humans have an even harder time separating truth from opinion, from point of view. 

We often say truth is relative, but that’s a farce. There is no such thing as relative truth. There may be a difference in point of view, but that hardly means one thing is true for someone, is not true for someone else. This pizza taste great, is not a truth, it’s an opinion. Abortion is okay, is both an opinion, but also can be settled by what is true. To some people murder is okay, but as society goes, as scripture goes, cold blooded murder is not. This is a truth. As far as truth goes, it is defined as such “That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.” (Websters) Now, let me preface this by stating we as humans have often said something was true that clearly we were wrong. We have often stated things such as the sound barrier could never be broken, or the earth was flat, or the center of the universe, or faster than light travel is impossible, all of which have now been deemed possible or plausible, or flat truth, pardon the pun. Scripture, however, when examined correctly, carefully, and objectively will indeed reveal truth. For this particular argument I will offer up two authors and Christians, (Former Atheists) who would do a far better job at explaining why this is true. “A Case for Christ: Lee Strobel” And “Cold Case Christianity: J. Werner Wallace”

While point of view is important, and I daresay vital to the discussion, we have gotten so far away from respectful discord, to building walls. I find it ironic that a southern border wall is such a hot button topic for so many, but in the same breath determine that the conversation of Christianity is met with walls. We have gone so far now as to try and live without laws, live without rules, and determine that these things are fluid concepts, and thus by definition fit the term anarchy, “a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.” If there are no true rules, no true right and wrong, then law and order will constantly be under attack from both criminals, and those sympathetic to them. I can show you what this kind of behavior and ideas gets you. 

Once upon a time, and man beloved by the people is hailed as a hero, and welcomed with open arms, and a party. This man was conspired against by the elite and the powerful. The people then were gathered together to witness a trial, charges brought against this man. When given the chance, a swap was offered, the innocent man, or the man known to be a vial criminal, with a long history of crimes. The innocent man was called to be put to death. We today essentially do the same thing all around us. We make choices of innocent and guilty within moments of a news broadcast. We determine guilt or cause before the truth comes out. We have little care or worries about truth anymore. Today if we feel something, then it is right for ‘us’. While of course this is true of some things, which cheese is the best, which football team is the best, etc. This does not have a complete blanket to cover everything. I have been putting much thought into the term truth. Many years ago I experienced an event that I knew was my fault. I believed entirely that I was to blame, and my hurt and heartache was punishment for my wrong doing. I spent so much time believing this as truth, that I missed out on something important. People will say and do things to you, things that hurt, and it’s often done out of anger, but that doesn’t make them true.  Let me explain. When I was a younger man I got married out of love. Foolish, but true. I let go of my dreams, my career, and my brothers for a woman. I would get married quickly, but assuredly and would end up moving across the world to live in another country. After just a few short years, I would find out about an affair, and it would leave my life in shambles, rebuilding, and at a loss. God would see fit to give me someone new, and for a few years we would build a good life for ourselves. Sadly, after seven years together, I would endure yet another affair, and watch this time a my entire foundation cracked and the walls crumbled down upon me. A foundation that was not built with God in the center of my relationship. God was not my foundation, even though he was in my life, he was not what I built my house on. That is the truth. The truth I gravitated too was, it had to be me. I was the one at fault. I was the one that pushed them away. I was the one they choose to leave, and I was the common denominator. I allowed this to permeate my entire body and I accepted it as truth. I let the pain and suffering I was experiencing, alter my perspective. I blamed God for my suffering, and I was angry, hurt, and for lack of a better term, I was a broken man. It’s easy to let circumstances sway our perspective, even if we know the truth. Look at the word happy for an example. What makes you happy, think about it for a moment. For some of you, you thought about a food, perhaps an alcoholic beverage, or maybe someone. Some people might have thought about a new home, or a new job? The thing with all of these, is while there’s nothing inherently wrong with these things (unless the person is not your spouse if you’re married, then yes, that one isn’t part of the discussion. But otherwise, every new home comes with its own set of problems. Every new job comes with a litany of its own troubles. Even relationships come with a new set of problems.

Christmas this year is that for many. Christmas this year as many have called the least ‘Christmasy’ feel they’ve ever felt. I myself have felt this way, but the truth is, we have so much to be thankful for. Our emotions are easily swayed, and because our happiness fluctuates so easily, the voice of darkness easily creeps in when we are not vigilant. I have watched as friends come and go in the past years. I have watched as opinions change, and paths diverge. I would like to say this, may this Christmas bring you healing, and reconnection. May this coming year be a reminder how fragile our lives are. We all have our own points of view, our own vantage points, but we must be able to look past and show love and compassion. If we have learned nothing this year except how important relationships are, and how divided we’ve become. So many opinions floating around, and through it all, we see fractures not only in our country, but in families, in friendships, and it’s heartbreaking. While we all have our own opinions whether or not they are based on facts, we must learn to listen, learn to talk, and more importantly, we must learn to hear. While there are many great and wonderful stories of people coming together to love and help their fellow man, we have also seen a year of great turmoil, and heartache. For a country bleeding, for a country splitting at the seams, one would think we would be coming together. The sad reality is, we’ve let our points of view, our vantage points be a place of contention and we aren’t willing to hear what the other side has to say. We are all to busy walking away from relationships, friendships, or too busy talking to hear. 

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” We must consider what hills do we want to fight for, or what can we let go of? We need to learn to communicate more, and be more willing to sit down and talk. We should not be walking away from meaningful relationships, meaningful friendships, for little cause. Truth is found where there is evidence. Real truth is not subjective, and the truth is we need one another now more than ever. Fellowship is so important to Gods creation. God said to Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. While we cannot meet in person we can still communicate through technology. Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Are we making it a habit of ignoring friends? Are we making it a habit of walking away from people? Are we making it a habit to close doors simply because of an opinion difference? Whatever the cause the question is did we do anything to reason or rectify any wrongs? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

We all have fallen short of the Glory of God. We must be gracious, filled with mercy, and love, and compassion. Let us remember who the enemy is, and divided we are a much easier target. Let us set aside our petty differences, and come together under the blood of Christ, and show true love to one another. Let us celebrate this Christmas holiday for what it is, the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christ our Lord and Savior who was born, raised by Marry and Joseph, ordained by God, led a perfect, sinless life, and was crucified under Pontius Pilate. He was buried and on the third day rose again. He walked with the people for 40 day, and ascended into Heaven. This is truth. This is true, and accurate, and evidence driven truth. Jesus Christ concurred death, and has given us hope. Let us not grow weary of doing good in the name of Christ. Let us be renewed daily of His Spirit. Let us build up one another, especially after such a hard year. Say I love you more often. Hug a little tighter. Speak cheer more frequently, and reconnect with those you’ve been away from for far too long. The Angels said this, Luke 2:10 “Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.” We have so much to be thankful for, and so much to place our joy in, we should be sharing that love to all we can. Despite having such a hard year, every day is a new day, and we are given new chances to do great things with every day. Don’t let the Devil tell you, you can’t, you shouldn’t, you aren’t worthy, you are too far gone, or it’s too late. Don’t allow the lies to permeate your ears and rob you of your joy. From the Devils perspective God is the evil one, and that’s why Satan, Lucifer is truly lost. Emotions clouded his judgment and he missed out on the relationship with God. Don’t miss out in your own relationships with God, and those around you. Rise up, and have a very joyful, and Merry Christmas, because there’s so much, truly, to be joyful about. Count your blessings, big and small, and you too will see, Glory to God in the Highest, and Peace and Good Will Towards All Men/Women. 

Hope In The Covid Storm

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The darkness is not powerful enough to withstand the light. The night lingers on, the shadows dance and cause a fright. The boogeyman hides behind every corner. The trees dance causes you to quiver and shake. The wolves howl at the moon. The nights wind chills to the bone.

The sky turns a deep crimson as the sun cracks the horizon. The ghosts and goblins made up by our own imagination recoils into the recesses of our minds. The light uncovers the truth, revealing the secrets the darkness tried to keep. The hopeless found in the night shattered by the light.

The failures that replay in our heads, a glimpse of the past, reminders of Satans chains not that bind us, but that Christ broke for us. The darkness is no more, only in our minds. The light shines and makes us free. The heart aches and hard knocks come yet go, with Christ a brighter future exists you’ll see.

Covid brings fear, brings panic, with no TP to find. We wear masks and stay at home. We see each other through our mobile phones. We see everything going wrong. With no sports, or shows. With no trips, or concerts. With no church, or events. We find ourselves deep in our imagination of darkness, but the light shines.

The future we had has slowly faded away. The storm came and covered the globe. The war against a virus. Something so small we could not see what was lurking round every corner. But in this storm we see hope. In this storm we come together to protect and serve. In the eye of the storm, we know Jesus, our Lord and Savior is in control. Jesus love surrounds us and shines our way home, guarding our souls. Let Jesus shine through you for others to find their way out of the darkness. Be the little Christ we are called to be. You’re not alone in the Storm. We have hope because Jesus is the chain breaker, the way maker, the healer, the miracle worker, and in him we must put our faith and under the wings of eagles we must rest.

By Jacob K.

But Did You Die

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But Did You Die

A lot of people avoid church on the premise of ‘if they knew what I’ve done they wouldn’t let me in’. I’ve heard all kinds of excuses as to why people don’t go to church. Too busy, my only day off, no ride, to I need to get right before I go. None of which are valid excuses. Church is an hour out of the day. And you don’t get well before seeing the doctor. You go to church to get well. You go to church to have your spirit fed with the Holy Spirit. But then, there’s the flip side of the coin, and this part, this part will raise some eye brows. People who use the excuse of what they’ve been through, the struggles or the hardships, and hold on to them. How do I know? I was one of those people.

I’ve been through so much in my life, and I held onto those things with a death grip. I’m not saying letting go is easy, and I’m not saying those things don’t deserve attention. What I am saying is no matter how bad it was, “But did you die?” Since the answer to that is no, whatever it’s was is in the past. As Rafiki said “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.” Simba experiences something awful in his life. He ran from it, and all his responsibilities. I’m dealing with our own traumas, are we running from our pain or are we embracing it, letting it fuel us, and moving forward with the important life lessons? Life can hurt, but running from those emotions can hurt even more. We as humans hold onto the past. We hold on to the regrets, the hurt, the doubts, and failures. During a movie called ‘The Hangover’ chow essentially is telling the group of guys, no matter how bad it was even one of them being shot ‘but did you die?’ No matter how bad we think life is, we still have breath, and as God has shown time and time again, He WILL see you through it. You can’t run from your emotions. You can’t ignore them. I made that mistake during a large part of my life, and the consequences of running where dire. During the post https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/04/29/run-barry-run/ I quoted Leonard Snart “You can’t outrun grief” and “If you don’t confront your feelings, your feelings will confront you.”(Leonard Snart).

We want to live a life free of pain and suffering but that’s not realistic. Those things will come, and since we know they will, we can prepare for them, and when they do, instead of holding on to them, confront them, and then take only what you need, and leave the rest at the foot of the cross. I’m by no means saying this is easy, and from my own personal experience, I know this can be difficult. What I also know from first hand experience is, holding onto those things of the past can spread like a cancer. So, once again, to those who use the past as a shield, “but did you die?” We live and living means another day to fight the good fight. We think we have struggles and we do, but scripture is full of those who struggled before us. Job, Isaiah, Daniel, David, Paul, and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who was tortured and hung on a cross as an innocent man. Our worst days, may equal that if Paul, or Daniel, (albeit I don’t think anyone’s been thrown into a lions den), or Job, but scripture is always clear, when we walk in Christ he will replace what we loose and even better than what was lost. (Even if that means eternal life in Heaven). This life is fleeting. We come from dust, and we shall return to dust. Our spirit will ascend to Heaven when we accept Christ. Gods grace is sufficient.

Let God be your guide and your healer. Push forward beyond the hardships and don’t let those things keep you from achieving the plan God has for you. As Gimley says “there’s one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath” (LOTR). Are we full of that kind of spirit for life? Are we full of that kind of strength with Christ with us to face the next day no matter what comes? We should be, because unless we die, we still draw strength from the Spirit of Christ, and Death is just the beginning. Don’t let the past spread in your life like a cancer. Let it go, and let God rule, not the past.

The Beautiful Cracks

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The Beautiful Cracks

The fall from the pedestal was long and bloody. The breaking of bone, the shedding of blood, the fall from grace. Not only the bloody and broken of flesh, but the breakdown of the spirit. The pride that once stood firm was broken and left shattered on the blood stained floor. The cracks were no longer hidden, but visible for all the world to see.

The sin that filled my life was kept neatly tucked away in the darkness. A hypocrite, perhaps, a sinner, absolutely. What I didn’t know back then was I didn’t really understand Jesus. I had a head knowledge, but the greatest gap to heaven is sometimes 12 inches. I didn’t understand because of ignorance, the breakdown that was coming was not only needed, but vital to my survival. The armor around my heart was able to separate the world and what I hadn’t figured out yet, was the separation from the world meant separation from my salvation also.

Laying in a hospital bed broken, and alone, I was forced to realize just how broken I was, even if I couldn’t see it. That healing was needed, but in order to heal, one must first understand the nature of their illness. My illness was simply put, sin. While many may scoff at that, the idea of sin is and has been given a reputation of control, or worse an excuse for and behavior. The truth of sin, is anything that separates self from the Father. Anything that comes between you and the Lord is sin. Living outside of Gods commandments is sin. Not all sins overtly hurt others, but all sins hurt others. My sins where wide open for the world to see, no longer hiding in the dark.

The broken you see allows the light of Jesus to shine in. Letting Jesus in to your heart is the breaking of the worlds hold on you. The light of Christ shines through the cracks and breaks, and once broken, the healing begins. We all have a disease, a terminal illness, whether we see it, or feel it, just like the matrix, it’s there. I felt early on something was wrong with the world, and I knew something needed to fix it. As I got older I found the answer was Christ, but I didn’t realize how one tiny little toe in the waters of the world would cause so much trouble later. Sin is everywhere in this fallen world. You can see it on the TV, at work, on the street, at the grocery store, even inside the walls of the church.

I am by no means a perfect man. My mistakes and my sins amount to a death sentence, but luckily, that’s not my fate. Jesus paid the price for me. Jesus blood ransomed the verdict of my execution. It takes time to be remade. The cracks were only the beginning. Once the cracks aloud the light in and the fracture was complete, the accepting of Jesus isn’t the end, but merely the beginning, the start of a new chapter. My brokenness aloud me to see my need for knowledge, a truth, the truth that there is only one way, Jesus, to the father. Learning about the Bible, and not just the words on some pages, but deeper than that. I needed to know how to trust scripture. I needed to know and dissect the words if I were to let that ‘doctor’ heal my heart. After I accepted Christ, I wouldn’t call it doubt, but that’s when I started to examine who Christ was. After I knew Jesus was truth, I wanted to trust but verify. My true study began. I began to study scripture more deeply, and I began finding others who had done what I was seeking to do.

The struggles came quickly after true conversion. Those 12 inches created a gap between myself and so many people I had once considered as friends. Then, the exodus happened. From a large amount of people leaving the friendship with me, to others attacking Christianity, I felt alone and hurt. I wanted to explain to people who Christ was and why Christ was the way. I found a man, J. Werner Wallace, author of ‘Cold Case Christianity’. A once professed Atheist, turned Christian apologetics author. From there I found Lee Strobel, author of ‘A Case for Christ.’ The cracks in my heart we’re healing, and I was beginning to truly trust the path I was on. I started to learn not to rely on the world for validation, but merely Christ’s.

I learned that it was going to take time for the healing to take place, that it wasn’t an automatic thing. Accepting Christ as healer would open my heart to his healing words. It would take time to make my faith strong, and it would take time for the wounds of old to heal. As for my sin, sin still creeps around, but the difference is now, there’s a conviction of the heart when sin takes place.

Accepting Crist is to die of your old self, and become a new creation. That new creation is based on a journey of a thousand steps, not a sprint to end a race. Accepting Christ is the start of your relationship with the Father and as such, you and as I was when I stated was a baby in faith. While I knew Christ in many ways my whole life, we all have our own journey to walk. My journey is far from over (Lord willing) but I hope that Christ finds favor in my heart, and that as I continue to grow in Christ my sins become less, and my works are more approving. Not that we are saved by works, because we absolutely are not, but faith begets works for the Glory of the Father.

I had to be broken for the Lord to truly grab a hold of my heart, and as I’ve spent years healing, I am still wounded by those who reject the cross and all it stands for. The heartbreak I feel as people I care for reject everything it is to be Christian, is very real. I know Jesus is Lord and Savior, and I am but a servant in his home. I am not worthy to unstrap His sandal, yet at the same time I know I am adopted into royalty. Because of my cracks I know who I am. Because of those beautiful broken pieces deep inside me, I know the light of Jesus. While I do not embrace the brokenness of my heart, I allow those to heal, it is the idea of God loving and using broken things I embrace. I am a work in progress, and I trust that the last will be first, and even though I am small before the Lord, I have a large roll to play. No one person is more important in Gods house, only more visible. From the person who sweeps the floor, to the pullpit, not one is more important. We are all broken and reborn anew in the Lord. Embrace the cracks and let God heal you. Embrace the hardships and the lessons you endure. Let God show you how great He is by working through the problems you face. Let God dry your tears, and heal your wounds. God did not remove the Red Sea, merely made a path through it. God will see you through your troubles and your sorrows. Praise him in the valley, and on the mountain top, the meadow, and the storms.

The problems will come and the joys too. No matter where we are, Jesus is there with us. Enjoy the peace when it comes. Prepare your hands for battle and trust in the Lord. Get up and get out there and share why Jesus is important to you. From a broken heart, to being a new Creation, let everyone know what makes you different by being different. Show the world what being a follower of Christ really looks like. Stand firm and trust Jesus has your back, beautiful cracks and all.