War On The Horizon 

War On The Horizon 

It’s been over a month since Russia invaded the sovereign country of Ukraine. I have had so many feelings about this, and as my heart breaks for the innocent people of Ukraine, I cannot help but have concern for my own nation and the potential fallout from what may come. Since the dawn of nuclear weapons there has been many who have written about a post-apocalyptic nuclear world. The entire series “Fallout” is based on what happens to the world after people come out of their fallout shelters to find what’s left of their world. The movie “The Book Of Eli” also based on what happens in a post-apocalyptic world. One thing they all have in common is how people treated other people that led up to the destruction of the planet and most of its inhabitance. While I’m not saying we are on the brink of nuclear war, what I am saying is I believe we are a few steps closer today than we were two months ago. 

I have seen the horror unfold on the news as many of you have as well, of all the refugees running, fleeing their country for their lives as Russian forces destroy homes, and non-military targets. I have seen as the Russian forces are being pointed to attack refugee convoys, and civilians. It has broken my heart, and as I continue to find a way to help, I find myself praying daily for this war to end, and those responsible are brought to justice. What would justice be? I honestly feel mans’ justice would be a trial at the world court for war crimes and imprisonment of those held responsible for committing war crimes. I fear justice from the Lord because I think, we are all guilty and complicit. I don’t feel Russia shares complete blame in this. We have sat idol while those who wish harm upon others reigned and grew in strength and power. We have offered deals and money and continued to allow those in power to get rich and build their weapons of destruction. No, we are not innocent in the sufferings of the Ukrainian people. Justice, true justice if delt by our Lord would significantly affect us here at home, and I fear, much like the days of Jeremiah, and Habakkuk, the outcome would not be favorable, for us. 

It’s true that we are on the brink of world change, what that change looks like, and what will it be like when the dust settles, I wish I knew, but sadly I don’t have the gift of prophesy. I will however continue to pray, and continue to go about my day doing the best I can with the time the Lord has given me. Jesus said this, Matthew 6:34 NKJV “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” I know that the day tomorrow will worry for itself, and I remind myself every day that while prudent to plan for the future as we have been taught. You cannot grow food without planning for the harvest. You cannot build a tower without first planning for its construction. While of course we have little control over the future, we have the ability to consider it and plan for it. Planning for the future and doing so blindly is not what we are called to do. In fact, while we plan for the future, plant the seed, tend the grounds, tend the crops, we must pray for rain. Planning for war and having assets to protect ones self is prudent, but expecting events to unfold as we think, is folly. James 4:13-16 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow [a]we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

It’s not certain what tomorrow will bring. While President Putin may launch a full-scale attack on the US, or a cyber-attack, or some other incident, as we were ill prepared for the attacks on 9/11, I say it’s prudent to prepare for yet not worry about tomorrow. We all have an expiration date. We cannot stay in this world one moment longer than our appointed time. Are we liken to the virgins in Matthew 25, that poorly planned? Do we expect the gates of Heaven be opened for us, yet we have not truly counted the cost and given Christ our hearts? Do we have just enough oil to make it look good, to just get by, or do we fill our hearts with the oil, the light of the world, the Gospel, preparing us for tomorrow, as well as today. We must not just prepare our hearts with the oil to fuel us beyond today, but plan for the toils ahead. Jesus told us there will be hardships in the world, and we must prepare ourselves for them. Mankind is a violent race, cruel, and sinful, and when unleashed, justice comes such as the Babylonians to Israel. We must be ready for the coming judgments and while this is not to cause fear or panic, Justice is what we deserve. True justice is our death, and Grace is being saved despite what we deserve. Mercy is saving us from what we deserve, while Grace is the gift freely given that we don’t deserve. Do we understand the difference? Do we understand the gifts given to us by Jesus, and the gift of Jesus from the Father? We have squandered them, and let those of idol worship, heathens, take over and run freely in the land, as Sadam before us, as Israel before us as seen in Judges 21: 25 In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes. We are at a dangerous tipping point I fear. Will judgment come today, or years and years for now, I do not know, but I do know, it is better to be prepared, storing up grain for the famine, preparing the soldiers to defend the castle, preparing for the inevitable hardships. If left unprepared those who have squandered their time will not manage crisis well. Those who do not study and know scripture will not have a full lantern for the day the Bridegroom comes. Who are we? Are we ready for war on our doorstep? Are we ready to serve with our full hearts? We want a savior, but do we want the Lord? We are comfortable being saved, but are we comfortable being surrendered to Jesus? There is a time for peace, and a time for war, a time to live and a time to die, and in all these things is the Lords time. The United States may not always be the United States if we are not vigilant and protect this land and hold to the principles in which we were founded. Whether we are, or are not the US of old, whether we fall to a foreign power, or those from within, we Christians have a duty, and an obligation to stand upon the Word, and hold fast the principles given to us by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Do we have faith like Daniel in the Lions Den? Do we bravely go to the Furnace in defiance of Mans laws? Are we going to stand on God’s word, or kneel, bow down in fear of man? Sin is not something in a vacuum. Sin ripples through our lives, and through time. Sin affects not only ourselves, and those around us, but those in our future. Sin can very possibly affect our children, and our children’s children. We cannot go on sinning like we have a license to do so. Sins carry weight and dire consequences. Are we ready for what may come because of them? 

Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. And as I have stated in the past, the philosophy to live by, “Make a plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.” (Snart, The Flash)  Go forth and be bold in the word of God. 

The Journeyman

The Journeyman 

I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block? 

I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways. 

There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people? 

If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.” 

While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love) 

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” 

Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage. 

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 

In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts. 

Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” 

Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels. 

Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride. 

A Light in the Darkness

A Light in the Darkness

The darkness has covered the whole of the Earth. The fear, and hate, anger all flows around us like the wind through the trees. In this world the negativity and fear have flooded our streets, our schools, our homes, and we face tough situations every day in this life. With the world telling us one thing, and the scripture telling us another, we are left in the darkness of our own minds, our own beds to consider what’s going on. “Live in this world, but do not be conformed to it.” What does it mean to be a Christian today? If a Christian gets angry and says some bad things, they are condemned and ridiculed for it. The hardships Christians face today in a world that’s forever growing more bitter and ‘progressive’, Christians are not the ones antiquated, out of date. See, Christians have been facing persecution since it’s founding after Christ rose from the dead. Today it seems the church is once again under attack in many ways. This growing persecution although it’s not new, it does seem like a failing environment which is allowing an epic proportion of sexual immorality, divorce, abuse, criminal activities, all on an biblical scale. People no longer prescribe to the law of the Holy Book.  We show similar behaviors of Sodom and Gomorrah, so it begs the question will we one-day face judgment as they did. While this is something heard quite often that if we (the USA) doesn’t change our ways if God doesn’t intervene soon, God would owe Sodom an apology. This isn’t the only city in the Bible that was full of debauchery, alcohol abuse, and all manner sinful behavior, you have probably heard of it, Corinth, as in 1stand 2ndCorinthians. An interesting point to mention is the city of Corinth was rebuilt by Julius Cesar and within the city a new temple to the Roman goddess of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Corinth was a large commercial center and with as much traffic that it had ritualistic prostitution as a regular part of life. Corinth needed to see the light, and I suggest that we the USA also need to see the light.

I often wonder how my own life will affect those around me in this life. I fully admit that there are times my struggle with depression is evident and public. I am not a perfect man, but I try hard to be more then a debby downer, or a pessimist. I believe God has plans for me. I trust that I am where God wants me, the leading question is why? I recently watched God’s Not Dead (3) A Light in Darkness. In that movie I was flooded with feelings of faith that there is a solution to many of our negative outlooks. Love and grace is always the way we as Christians need to behave. So many people are pushed away from the faith because of someone’s actions, or someone’s words. There’s a reason the Apostle Paul remained in Corinth for so long, the darkest of places often require the most work. When we consider hope, we should be looking at Christ as our example. Christ was an amazing man of liberties. Christ not only healed the sick, raised a man from the dead, fed the masses with bread, fish and wine by using Divine power to multiply the food. Not only did he do all that he also spoke out for woman’s rights, and the rights for children. He spoke out for the poor, and the despair of people. If he can bring so much hope to the world, why can’t we live our lives being slow to anger, slow to wrath, and slow to negative actions? We must learn to be better in control of our actions. Yes we’re all human, and we all fall short to the glory of God, but we all need to be a little more like Christ, and a lot less like the world.

I can’t say I’ve always been the best at being the conduit for Christ’s love. When the world beats you down, especially for those in the military, police, emergency services it’s not always easy to stay bright for others. We have to remember that when we are down in our low places someone is there for us. Christ loves us so we are given what we need, when we need it. Christ has a plan for us, and those plans are to prosper not to live in despair. We need God’s grace and we must show why others need God’s grace. Ephesians 2:8-12  (NKJV)8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Grace is everything; because it’s through grace we are given the gift of eternal life with Jesus. Light up the dark, and remember always, God’s NOT Dead.

Introspective

Introspective:

Some people say the eyes are the mirrors to the soul. Regardless if this is true or not, we need to sometimes be willing to take a long, deep hard look into ourselves. Introspection:“the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.”Look within, and ask who are you? Is God in your heart? Are we a hero out in the world making a difference? One of my heroes Green Arrow, had a conversation with a new hero the flash. “You can inspire like I never could.” What does it take to be a hero? We have high expectations in our country to fit the term hero, but really, a hero is anyone willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Sacrifice for others, and to serve. Jesus Christ is the world’s greatest superhero. Jesus Christ showed us what it means to be a true hero. He showed us what it was to truly love, to truly give, to truly sacrifice. We must be better then we are, we must stand apart from the world by living differently. We must live our life as a hero so we inspire at least someone to live their life differently. Proverbs 24:10-1210 If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. 11 Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. 12 If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,” does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” There is no greater calling then to be a fisher of men. There is no greater gift then the gift of showing someone salvation of their eternal soul. We who live with Christ in our hearts must stand tall, stand firm, and walk through the storms tall and strong. We must walk in our witness every day. We can be the difference in someone’s life if we are allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us. We must be able to look inside ourselves however and evaluate if we are truly doing God’s work or our own. We must do this regularly, not just once a year at a special church service.

You don’t have to do big grandiose things to be famous in your father’s eyes. We shall not underestimate ourselves when God is concerned.Judges 6:12-1512 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” 13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.” 14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” 15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” A mighty warrior Gideon was called. A hero before God. God doesn’t need to explain Himself why he chooses someone over another. David a small squire chosen to be King and led to slay a giant with nothing but a stone. He became a hero for Israel, and would be for generations to come.

In this fallen world there are so many who are dying spiritually. When we look inside, we must ask ourselves if we are saving in faith? Are we making a difference in those around us? Are we rising up to be soldiers for the Lord in this war? We cannot stand by and do nothing as we watch hatred, and sin destroy lives. Jude 23“23 save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment[a] stained by the flesh.” We don’t have to be the wisest, the strongest, or the biggest to make a change in someone’s life. We only need to look in the mirror and see that we have the power of God with us always, and when we become servants of God we can see the old self left behind, and it will be good. We may be small, but we may have a big impact on this world. We don’t need to run into burning buildings, or be a doctor, or fight crime to be a hero. Proverbs 3:27Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,[a] when it is in your power to do it.” Anyone can lift up and inspire others. Anyone who can make a difference is told to be that difference. We are told to be good for those in need, and as long as the power is within us, we must. The thing is, we always have that power. There is never a time when we can’t make a difference. We are all links in a chain. Even if you just pray and offer words of encouragement, that’s making a difference. There is no reason you can’t make a positive impact in someone’s life.

All we really have to do is be an example of Christ. Be loving, and all that love is. Be kind, and gracious, and meek, and joyful. Be a lighthouse in the middle of the storm. Know scripture and use it everyday in your walk. Lift up others and never tear them down. Push others with a gentle hand, and respect everyone regardless of differences. Always do the right thing even when no one is watching meaning have integrity. God is always watching you. Remember that no one deserves grace, but we all have it, and we should follow in God’s likeness and offer grace to others freely. Being a hero is doing the right thing and never expecting a reward. Being a hero is living with integrity, and honor. There is always hope, and where there is hope there is life. The battle is for souls, and it’s the most important battle we’ll ever fight. We are called to be God’s warriors, but we must first look inside and accept the calling. If you’re not happy in your life maybe it’s time to find out why. Maybe it’s time to take a long hard look inside and figure out why we’re missing something. If were missing something, I’d be willing to bet its Christ in your life. Rise up and live so close to Christ that others will see it in you, and as Gideon before you, be a hero, even if it’s an unsuspecting hero. With God nothing is to big, nothing is to small, and nothing is impossible.

 

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Accused and Apathy

Accused and Apathy:

Recently I was accused of being a bad friend. I was accused of not being a good Christian man. If we’re honest about the good and bad in life I will say I am human and I will always fall short. Now, that being said I will always admit to my mistakes, but these recent accusations were completely and utterly unfounded. People often say things under the umbrella of emotions and when they do there’s really no telling what may come out.

Often when the truth is uttered those who hear and feel a conviction will lash out in anger. They are not slow to speak and they cause destruction left behind after the sound waves of their voice subsides. The wicked tongue is plentiful today. It’s all around us in the music we listen to on the radio, the movies and TV shows we watch, and even the voices heard in our very homes. Proverbs 21:23“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” No one seems to care anymore that communication is slowly dying. I’ve watched as excuse after excuse comes across my phone screen as to why a message was ignored for days, weeks, and sometimes longer. I’ve gotten every manner of excuses and while some are absolutely legitimate others are not. My biggest frustration is when I get the simple excuse I’ve just been busy. This verbiage, busy, doesn’t usually mean busy, it means ‘you weren’t a priority.’ Thus the excuse given really comes from a place of apathy. For those of you who don’t know what that means, I’ll give you the definition, Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. There was no concern on how someone would feel being left hanging, dangling there for weeks before a response was finally given, and that response never actually held an apology. See, what most people fail to realize is just as dangerous as the tongue is, as it’s probably the most dangerous weapon on the planet, it has the power to build, or destroy. Matthew 15:11“It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

I have a good friend who has a few kids. He has often told me about his policy with the kids, the punishment for wrong doing will be equal to the crime, but the punishment for a lie on top of the crime, much more severe. This makes sense because we as Christians know we will make mistakes. We know that it’s not about if we screw up but when. The thing with those mistakes is using the tongue along with actions to try and make amends for that mistake. So many people are afraid to stand up and speak the truth, but more are perfectly content living in a world where they never have to face the consequences of their actions. So many now lash out, out of anger and never fully see the ramifications of those words because now everything is done over non-verbal, or vocal communications. People now are so quick to anger, so quick to shoot off a ill thought out text that things are said without thought, and likewise in that anger it’s so easy to hit a couple buttons and poof, that persons gone from your life. People in droves make rash, hurtful remarks and then run away before any defense can be made, thus destroying the very foundation of friendships, and relationships. Proverbs 12:18“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 18:21“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” When we consider the power of the tongue and what we say, how it affects people in our life, we hold such power just a few inches from our brains. Many have little concern now about who they hurt, what they say, or why. On top of a lack of caring how our words affect people, the effect goes far beyond just what we say. A general apathy has sprung up in people all over the world. Since we have gotten to the point now where we don’t care what we say, how we say it, the other side of that coin is we don’t truly care about others. I’ve been in the online dating world for quite some time now, and I have noted on multiple occasions in the last 24 months that people just stopped caring about anyone but themselves. There’s no thought to the curtsey given to how we treat people. We ignore messages, we lie about the excuses to cause long delays in communications, and that’s if communication doesn’t stop abruptly without warning. I’ve always prided myself as being a very understanding person. I’ve watched people do horrible things that affected me and it wasn’t the mistake that hurt the most, it was lying to me about it. If someone doesn’t have the desire to have fluid communication often, a simple text to inform me of that would go a long way. James 3:10“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” When will we finally realize how our words and actions affect other people?

Something I’ve often wondered is when we are quick to anger and that anger leads to a wicked tongue, how then can that very same person say to the accused “You’re not a Christian man?” I have pondered this very thing for a little while now, and as I’ve gone back over conversations for a long while involving many people, I have come to a sad realization; the term Christian is perhaps the worst Apathy of all. How many Christians or self proclaimed Christians are there all over the world? How many of them would say, “I’m Christian, but it’s not important.”? How many would say they are Christian on Christmas, Easter, and maybe one or two sprinkled in the rest of the year? We see less then 19% of Christians now are involved Christians meaning, fewer then 19% open and read there Bibles more then 3 times a week, most far less if ever. How can someone stand there and pass judgment about doing nothing but stating facts, with no emotional bias, even if those facts don’t show someone in an appealing light? The answer is convictions. When we are confronted with our own shortcomings and we become angry we say and do things that are within its very nature, Sinful. We live in a world where truth is something convenient we don’t like to face.

We’ve become so consumed with self that we have such a deep apathy for other people. We don’t care how we hurt someone, or why. We don’t care to lead someone along only to drop them from the side of the cliff. Apathy my friends is a disease that is plaguing our society. The invention of texts, and online dating have created a gap in the human condition that now allows people to do what they wish and never having to see the fallout from their actions. Being accused recently of being a bad Christian, and treating my friends badly, is obviously coming from someone who is hurting badly themselves. Truth however, no matter how painful is always the best way to go. The truth is, people can be cruel, and manipulative and hold nothing but apathy for you. All we can do is love, pray, and continue to lean on God’s word the best we can. We are people and we will make mistakes. People always need to be forgiven for their trespasses, and thus we must always ask for forgiveness of our trespasses. Never loose sight of the hope that springs in the horizon every day. We may be accused but our accusers who flee before a defense do not seek answers or retribution. Those who spit venom and run away are nothing shy of cowards. Those who hide behind technology afraid to face their own fallout are cowards. Do not worry yourself with these types of people, no, I say to you my brothers and sisters, forever pray that God opens their eyes to see, warms their hearts to feel, and blesses their souls with empathy and love. Are you the sword or just a poor reflection? Don’t loose hope for, while God is still sovereign over all, there will always be hope.

 

 

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The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

 

A long time ago the words couldn’t describe the storm inside. The memory etched into my mind, and in an instant the world as I knew it was tossed aside, and I left something of myself out on that battlefield. The piece I lost was taken from me, and even though I’ve tried, I know I won’t ever get it back. The face of evil was on that road, that dirt road where blood was spilt, and eyes were closed for the last time. The wound that never really heals, stays fresh, and I feel like some days I am lost in the movie that’s stuck on repeat.

I sit and I cry, the memory of that day rings in my mind. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I see it plain as day. The sulfur lingers in the air, and the dust settles revealing the nightmare we all dreamt about but never admitted. The anger built up inside me, and yet on the outside I was always calm and numb. The storm inside waged and with no words, no action, the struggle lingered on, rearing it’s head every year. The doubts I had, I questioned myself, I even hated myself for not doing more. It feels like I might explode with my anger, and yet I take the pain and I tuck it away.

The darkness that covered over me stayed for so long. In time a light arose and pushed the darkness away. I felt like I couldn’t deal with the pain. Some days I feel the cold darkness rising again. I think about going, and visiting, leaving flowers, but I’m afraid to go. I can’t bring myself to look down at the marble that now marks where you lay. I feel the anger, and I can’t face the pain inside. The world isn’t fair, and I hate it some days. I run away and I hide because I can’t face your name. The names etched into my mind, I can’t scrub them away. The bracelet I wear marks the day, and the ink on my arm shows the world, but only just a glimpse.

I fall to my knees and I pray. My failure that day, a premonition that rang true and the future was set. I search for meaning, I search for truth that seems so unfair, and it feels like I’m so far away from the me I once knew. How many son’s and daughters are gone, and lost, and how many tears have fallen down faces all around the world? We can’t turn back the clock, the blood spilt is gone forever. I wander the darkness unable to see, the light is far from me. The darkness inside takes hold, and in an instant I’m not me. How did the world turn out this way? Where was I on that day?

The darkest hour and the fall from so high feels like an eternity as it’s replayed in my mind. A blood spilt hallway, the torture in the hallways, the casket filled with a young man a best friend. Four draped flags, and then the loss of a love. The nightmare long past, a healing heart, then stabbed again. A heart ripped out and it feels like I was far from grace. The wounds from years past filled my mind, and flooded my chest with doubt, fear, and so much pain I couldn’t stand.

My God my God, I fall from grace and I pray you save me. I was lost and I hurt so much, it feels like you’re so far away. The world won, and I lost my way. I was weak and I cried out in pain, I paid blood for blood. I paid for my sins, and I don’t know what else to say. I reached for the black metal instead of your name. The cold steel in my hand won the day, and the pain inside realized in the most unimaginable way. I fell from grace, and I couldn’t stay. I felt so cold and lost that day. My God my God, I need you now, I need you today. My God my God, I don’t know what more to say, the memory inside just won’t go away. I know you’re good, and I know you’re here, but in the raging storm I can’t seem to face the day. How do I move on, and how do I stand here on faith knowing where I’ve been? How can I be trusted when I feel so much fear, and doubt? I have no doubt of who you are, I doubt myself. I can’t bring back what was taken from me, but I know that tomorrow I will wake and I have a new canvas to paint my picture. I can’t unmake my mistake, I can’t undo my pain, but I can learn how to use it. It doesn’t matter how far I’ve fallen, because your love and mercy tells me I’m not a lost cause. Your grace washes away my past and you make me a new creation. As I know who I am it feels sometimes I’m tethered to those failures of yesterday. Jeremiah 8:4 “You shall say to them, Thus says the Lord: When men fall, do they not rise again? If one turns away, does he not return?” I have fallen my Lord and I get back up. I have stumbled my Lord and yet I keep moving forward. Proverbs 24:16The righteous may fall seven times but still get up, but the wicked will stumble into trouble.” I keep your word in my heart, and I stand against the lies of the Devil. I find strength when I’m weak, and I find hope in my despair. Proverbs 14:32 “The wicked are crushed by disaster, but the godly have a refuge when they die.” I feel the weight of my sins, and I carry my cross but in your love and grace I’m not crushed by it. Though my sins are long I am saved by grace. Though my pain runs deep I am healed by love. 2 Corinthians 4:9We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed”.

I cry out to the Lord in my hour of need, I have heard your voice, and now I need to see. What is the path you have set for me? My God my Lord, I wait for the dawn. My Lord please part the clouds and bring back the sun. See me through this storm and keep me safe from harm. The pain I have is true and real. The hurt I have, like so many others, please take it and heal my heart. I’ve lost so much, and here I stand, at the foot of the cross with open arms. I trust in you, and I have faith. I’m tired and weary, but I carry on. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake.4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows, 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]” In my days of fighting this fight I prepare my heart and soul. I trust that this time will pass from me and one day I will look back on my life and know I fought hard in this life. Like so many before me, I pray for my path to ease, the fog to lift, and the sun to shine. I pray for peace, and I long for calm. I have been a faithful soldier and when my time comes, I pray in truth, the words of Paul. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”

A YEAR OF BATTLE AND IM STILL HERE

A YEAR OF BATTLE AND IM STILL HERE

 1 Thessalonians 4:11 “and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you,” When I read this verse it makes me think of my own life and my own longing for a life of parenthood. I dream of a life with a loving wife, in a nice house, quiet and away from the affairs of the world. I dream of my future, and I look to leave my past in the past. The thing about the past though it’s never truly gone. It stays with us, and it lives inside us. As I have been looking back at my life I have been forced to realize I’m still here. This battle I’ve been facing hasn’t been easy, and there have been times when I’ve just wanted to quit, but the sun rose, and the sun fell, and I’m still drawing breath. Psalm 18:39 “For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me.” No matter the wars I’ve faced, I know the Lord has given me the tools I’ve needed to face them. We are told that for everything we endure, we are being trained up for future trials. Psalm 144:1 “Of David. Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;” For the Devil has attacked and waged war with my heart and mind, yet I still stand. While I have struggled and I have stumbled, I have always found a way to pick myself back up.

No matter where we are in our travels of this sometimes cruel world, we must keep the eye on the prize. The battles will be waged throughout your entire life. We will win some, and we will loose some. In my year long battle of the war, I’ve lost a fair amount and just stating the facts, I’ve lost more then I’ve gained. I have struggled through the loss of deep, long running friendships. I have lost positions at work, posts that I worked very hard to achieve. I have lost my way a time or two within my own personal feelings, and I have sometimes struggled to find my way back. Our travels may be smooth sailing, or rough seas but no matter the weather, we must learn to keep moving forward. Deuteronomy 31:6 6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” In the strongest storms, have faith in the Lord. Find your strength in God and fear not.

Psalm 34:17-18 “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” While the delivery of our troubles might not be that very same moment, or even days or years down the road, salvation is the end game, and the fluff in the middle doesn’t really matter. What matters is the path to Salvation. Through the battle and the blood, the sweat, the tears, the end result is what’s the most important. For us as Christians, our goal is salvation, eternal, in the gates of Heaven. Our path to Heaven is important, how we handle each and every one of our situations. We must remain vigilant to our own emotions and how we let them dictate our path. In the world we live in the battles we will face in this great big war of ours will either be considered as a success or failure, but it’s in those things we must use a clear head, and a clear heart to be the man or woman that would best be pleasing to God.

No matter the difficulties I have been faced with, I still feel as if I am a positive light for others. We all have our scrapes and cuts from the walk we’re on, but those wounds should make us tougher, smarter, more seasoned. One can hope that as we grow, we are also growing closer to God. Always grow in your path, and one day, that path will lead you home.

 

Fortune Favors the Bold

Fortune Favors the Bold

We stand before giants and we prepare for battle. We are toe to toe every day with the Devil and we stair down the taunting nature, the temptations, and the blatant attacks from the devil. On the path following Christ there are some distinct signs you’re doing it right. If you don’t have the Devil nipping at your heals, that means you’re not a threat, and he doesn’t need to knock you off your kilter. But for those who are under constant attack you must learn to be bold. Proverbs 28:1 “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing them, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” When you look in the bible there are several names that stood tall in favor of being bold, and that boldness paid off. Philemon 1:8 “For this reason, although I have great boldness in Christ to command you to do what is right.” Ruth from the book of Ruth stood up to the enemies of her people, fought the fight, and saved thousands from being slaughtered. King David before he was king, stood toe to toe with Goliath and because he was bold and he had God on his side history favored him.

2 Corinthians 3:11-12 “So if the old way, which has been replaced, was glorious, how much more glorious is the new, which remains forever! Since this new way gives us such confidence, we can be very bold. Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” No matter what situation we find ourselves we know we can be confident and rest assured that no matter where we may find ourselves, when we follow Christ no matter what we have God on our side. Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” While this won’t always fix everything, and it might not always make us feel better, we can always find at least some peace knowing we are Gods children.

Hebrews 13:6 “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Following Christ means we can be persecuted for our beliefs. The day may come when to follow Christ means to die for that belief. No matter what man may do to us, we know that we still have Heaven. We still have paradise, and when this world passes away, a new life is waiting for us. A life with no more tears, no more sorrow, no sadness, only joy, and perfection, and that has to give at least some comfort during the storm. So when the devil knocks at your door, when the wolf howls and tries to huff and puff and blow the house down, follow 1 Corinthians 16:13 Remain alert. Keep standing firm in your faith. Keep on being courageous and strong.” Don’t back down when the Devil attacks, stand your ground. Fortune favors the bold, and it takes a bold stance to stand up to Satan and endure the attacks that come when you are steadfast in your faith.

 

Ride the Rapids

Ride the Rapids

A river can be calm, it can be treacherous and we never know what could be lurking just around the bend. I have had the pleasure of white water rafting, canoeing, and tubing down different rivers. Each experience is as vastly different from the next, thus chancing the experience each and every time. They say you can never go down the same river twice because as time moves with the water, bits and pieces erode, and change, the depth may change, and the fish and other wild life could also change.

Life is often the same as a river, it flows, as the current of time drags us along. Some days the river moves is a nice calm peaceful pace, and others it’s wicked and dangerous, fast, and often unforgiving. Once when I was a younger lad, I was wading across a river near where my Grandfather lived. The water lever was low, but the tide was swift. As I was a little more then halfway across I was headed to a small island, the tide was strong and as long as I had my footing I could withstand the push of the water. I stepped in a large hole and as I sunk and loosing my balance I was whisked away grasping at any weed and grass, any branch I could, but I wasn’t able to stop from being swept down river. My uncle at the time swam out and saved me from being swept down river.

The following year, my cousin who was 4 years younger then me, found herself in a similar situation, but this time, I’d be the one to save her. If anything this taught me to be a strong swimmer in the current, strong because I had to be. Life is often the same as the river, it forces you to be strong and swim because if you don’t, you get swept away and you might not make it. Life can be cruel, and merciless, but as a river can be those things it can also bring great peace and joy. Laying on an inner tube and drifting down the way under the sun laughing and joking with friends, is a gift to be cherished.

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A couple years ago I went white water rafting. We spent the first 20-30 minutes learning how to take commands, and learning how to react as a team in the raft/boat. The rapids would come and it would be important to be able to navigate and manage the rapids that come. A 20 foot drop was just one of the class 5 rapids we’d face. Not much for an experienced rafter, but as we were all novices we had to work together. Isn’t life the same way? When the rapids are small we can handle life just fine, but when it gets so rough we must learn to lean on those around us and help us ride the rapids. We must learn to lean on the one that has the power to calm any storm. Jesus Christ calms the true storms, Matthew 8:23-27 “And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” Later in Matthew 14:28-33 “And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[e] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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 Jesus Christ is the only true way for us to make it through the rapids. We cannot do it on our own. When we try we will always get swept up in the rapids and we will always get overwhelmed. Eventually the waves will be to much, the current too strong, and if we stay in the water too long we will get tired, and the waves will overcome us. Fatigue will take over, and if not careful bring an end to life. Jesus is the only protection we have against the storm. Christ is our anchor, our shelter, and without Christ we may be able to withstand the pull of the current for a little while, but eventually, yes, we will all loose. Have faith in the word of Christ and allow that to be your life jacket. Don’t drown in the waters of life. Have faith and know that if you are not freed from the waters, know that you will be pulled through. Don’t loose sight and keep swimming, always keep swimming.

 

 

 

Bible Thumper

Bible Thumper

Recently someone I care for, someone I used to be close to was upset when I quoted scripture to back up a statement I had made called me a Bible Thumper. Using Google doing a quick search for the meaning of Bible Thumper I found this, Bible thumper (also “Bible basher”; mainly US) Someone perceived as aggressively imposing their Christian beliefs upon others. The term derives from preachers thumping their hands down on the Bible, or thumping the Bible itself, to emphasize a point during a sermon.” While I never touched a bible during the conversation and it was over the phone, I wasn’t intending on preaching to anyone, but instead I was using scripture to support my own actions. While I was trying to understand and support my own actions, my own hardships, and categorizing the wrongs done to you. Who I am I find it difficult to look at any situation and not attempt to piece together the motives. Why people do things, especially when they are bad can always be pinpointed back to sin, however, the personal reason someone does something and the motive to why helps understand the train of thought someone was in during the event.

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Proverbs 21:2 “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” When we do things in our life, we have the vantage point that we are right, that we are never the bad guy in our own story. Even the most deplorable human beings can change their opinions, they can change the very essence of who they are. We can get swept up in the moment of guilt, shame, hurt, despair and when that happens we can sometimes loose our perspective on what’s most important, Jesus Christ. All we can do while serving our Christian belief, our Christian life, is to pass on to others what we know to be truth. Mark 16:15 ESV “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.” The fact I was called a Bible Thumper because I was using scripture to explain my actions, my feelings, my standpoint on the way we forgive others, why we Love the way we do. Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” No matter where we go in our life our first obligation is to the truth, the truth is Jesus Christ.

We may loose the people we love the most in this world, people may be taken from us, or they may walk away of their own free will, but no matter what the cause is, our first obligation is to Jesus Christ. We cannot let our grief, our anger, our rage blind us from the everlasting truth, and that’s God is still on the throne. We may not always like what happens to us, we may hate it in fact, but no matter what, Christ’s teachings are still the first place we need to go when dealing with any situation. Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” No matter who we may be, the life we live, we will always fall short. It’s not about being more righteous then anyone else, more holy then anyone else, it’s about knowing we have sinned, owning up to them, and also being there to help others through their own sins and mistakes. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Of all insults to be called a bible thumper is certainly not the worst. It saddens my heart when someone I know and love walks away and blatantly turned their back on Christian Biblical teaching. The truth is, it’s our obligation to point out sin to our neighbors, and thus we are to use scripture to make our point. Don’t forget to be kind in all you do.