Tag: TEST

Regret

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Regret

In our lives we make decisions that in hindsight weren’t so good. We also make great decisions that can change our lives forever. It’s the one moment where life has fallen apart around you, the moment you can’t see the next breath you take, you can’t take a single step forward, life has stopped and the world looks like it’s moving around you at near light speed. The moment when all hope is lost, and the decision you make seems like the right one, but what if there was a way to move that step forward, what if I told you there was hope, and there is a next breath, would that change your mind for the next catastrophe in your life?

For many veterans and civilians who’ve gone through trauma getting stuck in that moment is all too common. When we get stuck we go through our days only a shell of who we used to be. We eat, we work, we sleep, we may even contribute to the life around us, but we aren’t really there. The sludge of the weight of what we carry builds as we trek through the mud farther and farther. There will come a point when you have the black tar from your shoes up to your neck. At some point you won’t be able to move forward anymore. No matter what our event is, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a spouse, sexual assault, horrific car accident, fire, or even just a series of events that you have entered that hurts those around you. We often push away people we love because we don’t want them to see us in pain, we don’t want them to see us suffering. We push away to defend ourselves, and them, from potential damage. We don’t want to drag anyone down with us, and sometimes it’s because we just can’t see beyond our own pain.

Being pushed away by someone who’s going through a lot of pain is hard. Knowing you want to help, and feeling powerless is perhaps the most difficult position to ever be in. Seeing someone you care about in pain, seeing them walk down a dark path, and when all you want to do is take their pain away and shower them in love, yet you’re held away, and pushed and kicked out of their life, is heart breaking.

For each of our mistakes we see the other side of other peoples. When we know they are making a mistake all we can do is pray for them. All we can do is hope that one day they will turn around from the path they’re on and hopefully do so before anything to bad happens they can’t come back from. For me I gravitated to the song One Step Away by Casting Crowns:

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than

 We aren’t ever alone. This message goes out to my veteran brothers and sisters, we aren’t ever alone. We sit at home, we have the open bottle of beer or booze, and we seclude ourselves in the dark, thoughts screaming in our head. We can’t seem to get out of the way. This, is, torture. When we trained for war we trained as a team. When we get home we see that no one is there for us, no one understands, how could anyone, they weren’t there. The thing is, that’s all an elaborate lie by the Devil to separate us from the world, and break us down. It’s not true. There are plenty of other veterans out there struggling with their own replay of war. Something else I’ve learned is trauma is trauma no matter what kind. Sexual assault, loss of loved ones, fire, car accidents, none of that is exclusive to military. Sure firefights may be a bit more segregated, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t there for you. We have support groups, veterans groups, outreach programs, and so much more to help get us all back to a good healthy place.

We all have our regrets in life but one of the biggest battles we will ever face is facing those mistakes. Allowing ourselves to heal from them on the inside by forgiving ourselves, asking others to forgive us and showing true repentance for those mistakes. Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but [this] one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,” We must go forth to God and ask for forgiveness, but we also need to make it right, we need to attempt to right our wrongs. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” One thing that I am reminded of is how easy it is to get off track. How often do we do a wrong based on how someone else wrongs us? We as Christians should hold ourselves to a higher standard, and not fall into the world expectations. We cannot allow the world to dictate how we react, or how we treat others. We mustn’t let the world tell us the lies we often feel when dealing with life’s tragedies. Isaiah 43:18-19 “18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.” We cannot know what our tomorrow brings, and we cannot know what surprises will be waiting for us just around the next bend in the road.

In all things in our life we should move forward with kindness in our hearts, forgiveness isn’t something to be earned, it’s something to be given freely. We can’t hold our forgiveness hostage like some kind of ransom is required to give it. If we are to live like Christ we must learn that people are sinful, people hurt others, we hurt them, and forgiveness isn’t always rebuilding the relationship if it’s lost. Christ forgave humanity for our sins despite the awful things we as a collective whole did to Him. We were not only forgiven for past and current sins, but future sins we might face in the future. 2 Corinthians 7:10 “10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” When Judas betrayed Christ he could not get past his own grief and he took his own life by hanging. This is worldly sorrow. There is not repentance to be had, and no chance of redemption. We all Sin, we have make mistakes big and small. Even David a man of God’s own heart was not free from them. David was well known to be a fair man as a King, but he was a horrible husband and father. Psalm 51:1- 3 “51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

 No matter how far we’ve fallen, there is always a way back. Even when it’s adulatory or other forms of betrayal. Proverbs 6:32-34 “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.” A man shall not take revenge for himself, for revenge is not bringing harmony. Justice is for the Lord. Forgiveness is for man, asking for it, and giving it freely. Do not allow your life to come to the end and regret a multitude of things. Make right your wrongs, make right the harm you’ve cause, the pain you’ve inflicted. Seek forgiveness in others, beg for forgiveness of the Lord. Let go of your own pain, and do not carry that weight with you. If you continue to carry a weight like that around you cannot continue to God’s work when you have so much on your shoulders already. Allow God’s grace to fill you, let yourself see through God’s eyes, let yourself feel with God’s heart, and learn to let go of judgments, let go of your own sorrow. Do not allow yourself to be weighed down any longer.

We all have things in our life we wish we could take back, things we could change. We can’t ever retrieve something we’ve let slip from out mouths, undo an action, but we can attempt to make right what we’ve done. Don’t wait for tomorrow, start healing today. Let the weight of the world fall from your shoulders, and find a new way, a better way, a Godly way of dealing with life, and facing the trials ahead of you. Our way is never the way even if it’s easier sometimes the easy way isn’t the right way, sometimes the right way is the path less traveled. It’s our job as Christians to figure out the path God wants us to be on. When we don’t know the path to take we must turn to the scripture and pray about our path. Proverbs 18:13 “13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Don’t make a decision without knowing as much of the facts as possible so be sure to not make foolish decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by fake or false information. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” When you think you know something, don’t be quick to pass judgement without gaining other perspectives and complete the story. Don’t take a story as true just on face value. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”

Knowing what to expect when problems comes up is one thing. Knowing how to respond is the second side of that coin. We must know that in our lives we will face problems, we will face trials, and in all of those trials we know that we must accept and rejoice in those times. James 1:2-4 “2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” If anyone out there is like me the WHY ME question comes up sometimes. We know that patience is something we all need more of, and in our trials we are often tasked with growing in our faith, draw closer to God and growing in patience. IF we learn how to respond to issues, we could very well have fewer regrets in our life. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” When standing on the beach of the ocean we do not stand with our backs to the waves (generally) because when the big one hits us we get knocked own. Instead we face the wave head on, and we brace for it. Knowing what Christ expects of us on how to handle our troubles, knowing how to handle heartbreak, and betrayals, we can minimize the damage and we can help prevent us from getting into as much trouble.

We won’t always make all the right choices all the time, we won’t always handle every situation the best we can, we are human, we are driven by sin nature, and thus we will undoubtedly make mistakes. It’s in those mistakes however we know how to seek forgiveness, and seek repentance when they do occur. It’s in those mistakes, those hardships that our true character is placed on display. We find out more about ourselves through our trials then when things are always a batch of roses. Just remember that even the prettiest of roses have thorns. Seek God for the answers to your troubles, and seek God to the direction of your path. You may not be able to get rid of regret, but you can minimize its impact.

 

 

Cut Away What’s Dead

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Cut Away What’s Dead

When you prune a plant often times you need to cut away the dead leaves or limbs because the stuff that’s dying is pulling needed nutrition from the healthy parts of the plan. “When a forest grows too wild, a purging fire is inevitable and natural.” Ra’s Al Gul The purging fires in nature are needed from time to time to cut away what’s dead and give birth to new and green.

In our lives we know people who come and go, we have people who may only be in our lives for a short while before it’s time to cut them loose. Some people in your life become toxic and it’s tough to let go of those whom you Love, even when the people you love may be bad news. James 1:8 “8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Sometimes when we know someone the most, or even love, they may actually be, eventually, the person that needs to be cut away. Sometimes cutting away someone we love may feel like cutting off one of our own limbs. This however again, is sometimes what’s most needed in our lives.

In my own life I have held on because of fear and struggles to release those in my life that I with all of my heart loved. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are good for you. As I have fought the fight to keep up relations as possible I have come to realize that in my efforts to preserve what I was holding onto, I have infested myself with considerable heartbreak and more pain and more suffering day in and day out. I have become a glutton for punishment as I have continued to try and see the good in people, but as I’ve done this my whole life I have come to realize now I cannot do this to myself any longer.

There are a few ways I believe we can cut things from our lives that do us harm.

 

  1. Leaving the door open as an option, but keeping distance and only allowing the door option as a last resort. There must be significant change and we don’t want to write someone off because God can fix anything, but we can’t just open the door blindly. We must look through the small peephole before opening that door to make sure who we are letting inside our home. Keeping your distance must be done. This means no calls, no texts, no emails, no Facebook stalking, no gathering Intel through friends or family. You must truly remove yourself from the equation and allow yourself to be free of the poison that ails you.
  2. Choose God before bad. Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” When we continue to allow those wolves to infiltrate our lives, dictate terms within our lives, we must ask ourselves what happens when we are in the war with wolves. One thing I hadn’t thought about until now is distraction. When we listen to God we are often placed in the right place when we need to be at the right time. However, if we are focused on the wolves, if we are focused on things that bring us pain and suffering, we cannot hear God, we cannot see the path when our own tears blind us.
  3. Fight the fight and bring into the fold. We must always remember that grace is not for us to give alone. We must always remember to forgive freely; forgiveness isn’t something to be earned. Love isn’t something that is lost because we don’t stop just because they become an enemy. Luke 10:3 “Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.” We know that as we spend time with the wolves we may get bit from time to time. This would be an occupational hazard. This doesn’t stop you from the mission. Everyone has the potential to redemption, and our mission is to continue to spread the Gospel no matter how good, or bad we see someone as. It’s not our place to pass judgment, it’s our job to keep everyone on the same platform and let God pass the judgment.

 

Everyone deserves the chance and the right to change. Everyone deserves the right to make up for past wrongs. This however doesn’t need to be given freely. Just because someone is deserved the right to change, doesn’t mean that trust has to be given blindly, and doesn’t mean people don’t have to earn the trust we give them. We may have to work for it ourselves sometimes, but nothing worth having in life comes without something in return. Our freedom comes at a price. Jesus died for the sins of all the people of the earth, but we have to burn away our old selves and we have to fight back against the sinful nature. This can sometimes be hard, but as nothing in this world worth while is easy, the challenge is to let go of worldly desires, let go of what weighs us down and blinds us from God’s plan for us.

Release the weights that hold you down. Do not allow yourself to be pulled under the water by the dead weight. Do not allow yourself be choked by the weeds growing up around you. Every now and again purging fire must happen. Never easy for us to let go of things we care about, possibly the hardest thing we may ever do in our lives. Eyes wide open to God, and don’t loose sight of the forest through the trees.

 

 

 

 

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

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How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

After 9 months of trying deeply to let go of the pain inside it has a habit of coming back strong and stronger. The feeling inside my chest, the emptiness that resides like a sledgehammer pounding on my chest and insides day in and day out. It never relents and as each day begins with a breath, the empty bed, the darkness, the quiet room all breaks my heart over and over.

The simple truth is I don’t know how to mend a broken heart. I’ve never been very good at it. What I can say is don’t do what I’ve done. With any pain there’s a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to soar. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” For every amount of pain, every instances of joy, of pain and sorrow, of worry, of concern, of peace and war, there is a time for it all. I was recently talking with someone who’s marriage has fallen apart and she said so many people are there surrounding her all the time she wishes she had some alone time. Whilst me, I’m alone at work, I’m alone at home, and nearly every day it’s the same. There is a healthy balance in the grieving stage when you must get out of the house, you must spend time with people, but you also need to be able to sit back and reflect.

When we are heavy laden we must learn to turn to God and allow God into our hearts to lift us up. Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Also, Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Giving your sorrows to the Lord is something that comes with practice, but it’s not a magic wand, it won’t make you feel better that second. Loosing a loved one is always difficult and it doesn’t matter if they die or walk away. Truthfully the only true way to heal from heartbreak is to let time move on, distract yourself often, surround yourself by people who will help lift you up, and get out get out get out of the house. You cannot sit in the house surrounded by memories and expect to feel better.

God Gave Me You,

I’ve been a walking heartache

I’ve made a mess of me

The person that I’ve been lately

Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me

Watch as the storm goes through

And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

For when I think I’ve lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it’s true

God gave me you

 The truth behind this is Jesus. Jesus is here for us in the ups and downs. Jesus is here for us when we loose our way, but Jesus the everything in the world we’ve ever needed, even when we don’t know what we need. Jesus is our sword, our sword of vengeance, and our shield of protection. The morrow will come and when it does the world will continue to turn. Our pain will still be here, but will you get up with me and put on our big boy and big girl pants and continue to fight through the pain? Day in and day out no matter the trials we face we must continue to push through. We will never be the same again after this, but we need to learn to do one thing. We must, MUST learn to not give away the power over our happiness. We must learn to hold onto that for us and us alone. We cannot allow someone to break us like this over and over again. We must love everyone, we must love ourselves, but knowing that Christ is with us is the only power we should be giving away. Trusting in the Lord is a given, but trusting someone else with the button to control our foundation is a fatal mistake.

We know that there will never be a day promised without pain except the day after we breathe our last. The day we awake in Heaven is the day we will be without sorrow, without pain, without suffering. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Until the day comes when the world is wiped away, or we are called home, pain is apart of our life, apart of our journey. Somehow, we must learn to embrace it, and use it to get us through our problems, one step at a time. No matter what book you read, what blog you’ll read, or any advice you’ll ever hear, the answers for recovery is not simple, nor can anyone help you through every part of your journey. And since there is no right answer to a quick fix, no straightforward course of action to make the pain go away all we can do is pray to God to help us on our journey, help us with the direction we must go. We must turn to Christ during our times of need because it’s in those times of need when we can be assured God is with us always.

 

 

No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

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No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

Children, we are big babies a lot of the time. We are often told we need to do something and we fuss and complain about doing it. Even when it’s the right thing to do, or something we absolutely must do. How often do we throw our adult temper tantrums, or find ways to silently protest the daunting task of being an adult? (Spoiler Alert Lego Batman) I was watching Lego Batman the other day and when Alfred tells Bruce he has to go to Commissioner Gordan’s retirement party Bruce throws this huge tantrum. He grumbally says “No, I don’t wanna do that!” He throws himself to the ground, screams No over and over as he makes his way to the stairs, flops up the stairs still screaming no, then starts to beatbox and ends with a resounding NO. Alfred sweetens the honey pot and Bruce agrees to go. See God’s not that way with us most of the time. When we tell God no I see God up in the celestial heavens and says “Excuse me?” “Okay, well you want to do it your way, we’ll see about that.” I see God as having a bit of a parental sense of humor. When we don’t want to do something he lets us do things the hard way, and eventually when we get to the point of everything going wrong, he slaps us behind the head and says ‘Okay ya big dummy, you going to do it my way now?” And of course we reply “Yes God. I’m sorry.”

What happens to us when we rebel against God? Lets first look at the first to do that. Satan tried to go against God. Isaiah 14:12-15 “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! [how] art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” Satan was created by God as one of the Angels of Heaven, Lucifer Morning Star. The desires of Lucifer to lie and scheme were what caused Him to be cast from Heaven. John 8:44 “Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” When we choose to sin, when we choose to rebel and go against our Father we are likened to Satan. Deuteronomy 28:47-48 “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.” God can and will take from us what we no longer deserve. Truly if the good things in our lives are gifts from our Father, and we are bad, doesn’t it fit that those good things will be taken away? In fact that very things happens and can be seen in Psalm 68:6 “God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners in prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

Proverbs 17:11 “An evil man seeks only rebellion, and a cruel messenger will be sent against him.” When we continue to go against God’s wishes for us, when we choose to turn our backs on God, when we choose to want the lusts of this world, and we choose to forsake everything we know, we can and will watch as the blessings we once had in our life are thrown away and when we realize what’s happening, usually it’s too late. Only when we repent of our sins, and attempt to right our wrongs will be again be blessed and life will be made right once again. Our Father isn’t mean, and He isn’t cruel, He just wants what’s best for us.

As I watched my own life fall apart I had to ask myself and evaluate what was I doing wrong? I believe two things happened in my life. First there were a few things I wasn’t doing according to Gods will. Second other people have free will and when they choose to sin sometimes we are just collateral damage. We must be careful with whom we associate with because if we are not we too may be caught in the crossfire. Choose your friends wisely and choose who you spend your time with, with more scrutiny. Godly friends and Godly counsel are the best choices in your life. If someone isn’t giving you advice from Scripture itself, chances are it’s a worldview and not one of Godly or Divine origin. The dangers of such advice are they will often lead you astray and cause you more harm. The only advice you will ever need is that what’s in scripture. Much like the film “The Skulls” they had a book with every contingency. Well, truthfully the Bible is our big book of guidelines and rules to live by. If we just read it and study it, we’d find that nearly everything we could think of today or deal with today at the root of any problem is talked about in the Bible. There truly is nothing new under the sun.

Don’t hide behind the wall

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Don’t hide behind the wall

 “Christians often want to hide behind the walls of the church, where we are comfortable, but sometimes we have to come out of the box.” Cheryl James

We as Christians are all afraid of something. Some are afraid to go and proclaim their faith at work. Some fear going abroad and putting themselves in situations that make them uncomfortable. What are we hiding behind? Do we build our walls to protect ourselves from life? I know a great many people who’ve been hurt in the past and they proclaim to the heavens, “I’m never dating again, I’m better off alone.” The truth is this statement is them putting up a wall and hiding from their pain, or pain they think might come if they come out from behind the wall they’ve erected.

Fear can push us to recluse ourselves to an extreme level. Some people who’ve been hurt curl up inside themselves putting up walls so no one can see them, no one can get close. Being hurt that bad from those closest to us, or those whom we love dearly isn’t new. Someone told me recently that, “being cheated on is apart of life, it happens.” Sadly she was right that it does happen. The area we disagreed on is the emotionless response. Anyone who goes through pain like that is owed their time to it. We are human and we have feelings. The important thing about that is making sure we only put up healthy defenses.

In Ephesians 6:16 “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;” It’s important to know what to shield yourself from and what to let in. You can’t hide behind the shield all the time. Sooner or later you have to come out and breath the fresh air again. In the early church Christians hid in the Catacombs to teach and preach. Of course this is different when you’re hiding to preserve your life, that makes sense. Hiding to preserve the possibility of getting hurt, something in which may or may not happen is something many Christians need to work on. We all feel what we feel and we all handle differently. We cannot or rather should not judge how someone handles a situation, but rather as Christians help them so they can manage in a scripturally sound way.

Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” The light of the lord shines through and cannot be hidden. As is such your heart, your life, you cannot hide away your feelings and expect to remain safe. I am reminded of the Battle of Helms Deep in the second of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The wall had never been breached before. King Theoden was confident that the wall would hold off the horde. He was confident that in all the years since it’s construction no one had ever breached the wall, and thus the plan was just to keep them off the walls and continue to hold them off. If we put our faith in the wall, that wall will eventually fail us. Saruman the white wizard found a weakness in the wall and once exploited the wall would never again be the same, a bomb of sorts placed in a small drain detonated and blew a 60-foot wide hole in the wall allowing the enemy to flood into the fortress.

If we think our walls are strong enough to hold out the world we are sadly mistaken. No wall we can ever create for ourselves is strong enough to withstand the onslaught of the Devil’s attacks. The only shield you can ever count on is that in which is built upon Christ. If we allow the Holy Spirit to cover us that’s the only wall we can ever count on. Even the Roman Empire’s walls as strong as they were eventually fell. Do not hide behind your own fear. Do not allow yourself to shut yourself in and hide away from the world. Only bad things happen when we shut everyone and everything out that loves us.

 

 

Would You Love Me If I Was Broken?

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Would You Love Me If I Was Broken?

A few days ago I was listening to a song by Matthew West called Broken Things. When I listened to this song I started to wonder why anyone would love me. I started to question my future relationships and question why anyone would want me with my baggage I carry. There’s a line in the song that stuck out to me,

“That it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with the scars that You use It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak The misfit heroes You chose Tell me there’s hope for sinners like me”

 If my baggage is heavy then I need to learn to let it go. It’s not about the relationship with another person; it’s about the relationship with God. If you have pain, if you have scars, those are the people God uses the most. If God can use you because you let Him, then it’s only a small step to think you will be blessed for it. If you can use those scars and that bit of baggage to glorify the Father then someone out there will accept you baggage, scars, pain and all. The only truth that should remain is through God all things are possible. The God of peace and love loves us even when we are bent and broken. We can’t be expected to walk through the fire and not get burned. Walking in the life of Christ is burning away our old self and forging a new one. This process is painful and will leave scars, but the scars tell a story. That story is our testimony to how great God is.

You can meet 100 people and in those 100 people you may not find one person that sees you for you but only the pain you carry. We all have our burdens, but when the time is right God will give you someone to help you pick up that cross. God loves us no matter how bent or broken we are, and God will use you just as God uses horrible things for Good. The day of peace will come but not on this world. The world shall pass away and Heavens gates will open to those who followed. I think of dating and looking for that person to complete us like Thomas Edison’s comment on the first incandescent light bulb. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

While some people will see your scars and might get scared off because of them, someone, the right someone, will look at your scars and see how you’ve endured despite them. If you’re like the Heath Ledgers Joker and your scars made you absolutely crazy, then perhaps that’s a different topic for a different blog, but if your scars have built you up to be stronger in your faith, given you hope for the future, and taught you valuable lesions to help others around you, those are honorable traits. Even the broken deserve someone to love. Even when the world around you feels like it’s falling down God’s with you always and that’s the love that truly matters. When the time is right God will bless you with someone who would be willing to put in a little work to glue that cup together and will accept Christ above all else. Don’t give up hope, someone out there will love you and accept you even if you are a little rough around the edges. 1 Peter 4:19“Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.” 

“We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive his poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others.” ~ Elisabeth Elliot 
“Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days – when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when your out of options, when the pain is great – and you turn to God alone.” ~ Rick Warren

 You may feel broken, but God loves you just the same. God loves us the scars and all. Have faith and know that God will bless you, for He blesses those who remain faithful. Your days of fire may not be over, just know that even in the fire God’s with you being burned along side you. That’s Love, that’s what our love for one another should be.

 

 

Feeding the Darkness

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Feeding the Darkness 

After a tragedy in your life you may find yourself on a perpetual lope, you’re on repeat playing the same tone over and over again. In that you are holding onto the pain and suffering caused by whatever trauma you’ve endured. What happens when we get stuck? Anger breeds upon itself. Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” When we allow ourselves to stay angry we put ourselves inside a fortress and we don’t allow anyone to enter. When we do that we cut off our relationship with anyone who wants to love us to include friends, family, and most importantly God. Ephesians 4:26-27 “26 In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” This being a longer verse let’s talk about it. When we are angry we often find ourselves unable to make sound judgments. We open the door and everything we have is ripe for the taking when the Devil finds us in a state of suggestibility. The evil whispers in our ear to do things we usually wouldn’t do. I believe the general idea of these verses is telling us to turn that anger into something we can use. Redirect that anger and make good of it, allow ourselves to focus and help others. Build others up instead of tearing down in our anger. Find a way to let go of the bitterness, rage and anger that sit in the pit of our stomachs and spawn more negativity.

When we find ourselves getting angry which is a normal emotion, how we handle it is what’s important. Ecclesiastes 7:9 “9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” We must learn to extend our fuse, make it harder to be provoked to do something harsh. The Devil wants us to fly off the handle because when we do we often hurt those closest to us. This damages the positive relationships we have and thus harming the relationships with God our Father.

 The phrase “Kill um with kindness.” Isn’t just a clever euphemism it’s actually a Biblically derived statement. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When others get angry if we find a way to maintain calm, it’s hard for the other person to keep shouting when instead of the reverberation affect, you act as a dampener. It takes two people in the ring to box. Without the opponent you just look silly shadow boxing yourself. Proverbs 15:8 “18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

 Be the calm in every storm. When we argue with one another and we start to yell, we start to curse, we start to dredge up the past, when we start resorting to name calling and all manner of vial things spew from your mouth, that is feeding the darkness. It’s not just focusing on your own pain, it’s also fueling others pain to grow as well. Often we argue with the ones we love the most and instead of allowing yourself to fall into a cycle of self loathing, self destruction, self gratification, allow yourself to see the error in your own way, and others will see the difference. We cannot change others, but by our own actions we may influence by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us, to work through us and affect those around us. Anger is contagious, hatred is contagious, but so is love, so is kindness. It’s much harder to love and overcome things that make us upset or the things that hurt us, but we cannot be the judges of that. We cannot be judge, jury, and executioner because we aren’t qualified to do that. All we can do is love, pray, and be a positive influence on those around us. No one wants to be around the Big Green Guy all the time. They want to be around Bruce Banner instead, the mild mannered scientist whose got a good heart. Be the person with the good heart that everyone can see. Don’t let the disease spread through you and your life, learn to let it go. Forgive and Love. Those are the keys to living a happy life.

 

 

 

The Right Place At The Right Time

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The Right Place At The Right Time

This morning I woke up a little before my alarm and decided to get out of bed instead of snoozing a little longer. I got ready and left 20 minutes earlier than normal. I wasn’t more then 10 minutes from the house when I saw headlights in front of me flashing at me. I could see debris in the road and that’s when I saw the car upside down. I pulled over as soon as I could, grabbed my duty belt and ran to the car. The woman who flagged me down was on the phone with 911. I had my flashlight and I started to search for the driver, but they weren’t in the car anymore. I franticly searched the surrounding area and that’s when I saw a man lying on his back in the grass. He was bleeding from him nose, mouth, and several other places of exposed skin. At the time he looked as stable as he could be so I knew not to touch him or move him. You could see he was breathing so that was a good sign. As I realized the 911 dispatcher could get a name using the plate I asked the woman to let me talk to 911. I gave the plate number and that’s when I saw it, in the backseat under the crushed metal of the SUV an infant car seat. My heart fell to the floor as I choked out what I saw to the dispatcher. I handed the phone back to the woman and began looking for a possible infant somewhere in the huge field the car crashed in to.

After a little while of searching the field I returned to the man and found his breathing had changed. He became erratic and it almost sounded like a bit of gurgling coming from his chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if he broke a rib and deflated a lung in the impact. The car from what it looked like impacted about 100 feet away or so against the fence and the embankment and flipped, eventually hitting the fence again in another spot, and flipped once or twice more before impacting the tree where the vehicle settled on it’s roof. The man was roughly 20 feet or so from the vehicle, surprisingly still breathing. The woman and I could hear the sirens now and as the deputy was the first on scene I flagged him down. Within a minute later the ambulance arrived. I left my flashlight on the fence providing light for them to work. As he started to move around a bit, I held is head in place and waited for the paramedics to get all the trauma gear they needed. When they arrived they took over and I went to help the deputies search the field more for the possible injured child.

After 45 minutes on scene the man was long gone as cleanup started. The woman and I waited for the State Troopers to arrive, which sadly didn’t happen before I decided to leave and come to work. I know I was in the right place at the right time, I know that all the mud on my pants and boots tell a story. I know that God placed me right where I needed to be and when. Today I had Gods eyes to see what I needed to, and his Heart so I had the compassion to stop. I had my duty belt with me and I had the gloves, flashlight, everything I needed for the day. God wants us to listen to that little voice in our heads to do something. I left for work 20 minutes earlier than I usually do and now I realize why. Are we listening to the Holy Spirit in our lives? Are we going where we are driven to, listening to that little voice inside us to allow ourselves to be used for the good of Gods will? Galatians 5:25 “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” We must listen for the voice, listen for the word. Psalm 25:4-5 “Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.” Our souls can catch the fire, the fire rises in us and we are consumed by the Holy Spirit, and we know we are walking with God.

We never know why something happens the way it does, but we know that in all things God’s working for our good even if we can’t see it. Praise God in the greatness of the day, and the sorrowful of the night for we are never alone.

Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

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Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

Lately I’ve felt beaten down, tortured by my own doubts, my own insecurities, my own past and of all that I have felt as if that little spark of hope, that little light that resounded left in my heart was going out. The constant struggles of solitude in both work and home, the constant reminder of failures swirling round in head. The emptiness of a house that once had laughter, smiles, and love, yet now with it just the dogs and me the silence is pounding in my heart and in my head. What has happened to me in the last couple weeks I ask myself? As I look to my future I see a big move out of state, a 7 week gap before I end up to my new home, which I don’t have, a new job, which has barely been discussed, a hope and prayer are the fuel that powers this mission. So as I sleep at night and my dreams are nightmares, the wind howls and trees knocking around outside, the broken limbs fall to the deck waking the dogs, which in turn wakes me and this goes on all night long. The lyrics “I’ve been a walking heartache” By Dave Barnes plays in the distance. The fire inside me feels like it’s being drowned by the tears of my sorrows, and the pain in my chest suffocating the flame that’s been able to withstand so much till now. The days of doubt have finally caught up to me, and the bit of hope I once had for my future seemed like it was all but gone. Any hope I had to reignite the flame seemed to be washed out by the storm that just wouldn’t go away. The part of me that felt no hope was growing in strength spreading like a dark shadow deep within. When the world is unrelenting what hope do we have to stand toe to toe with the prizefighter that’s been doing this a lot longer than we have.

Hard Love

Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love

When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
‘Cause there’s a fire burnin’ in me
They will see my strength in this love I found

The Apostil Paul was sitting in a Roman jail awaiting his execution. By this point Paul had experienced a great many hardships. 2nd Corinthians 11:24-28: “24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. 28 Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.” Paul had experienced a great many hardships, but even where he was sitting he managed to write about hope and love. Where do we look for inspiration when we have fallen and would rather stay down on the mat instead of getting back up to endure more of the beating? When we just can’t find the strength to stand what do we do? Matthew 27:32 “32 As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross” My take away from this is in our greatest times of struggles, in our deepest of sorrows we are meant to get help. Even Christ showed us it’s okay to ask or receive help. We must let go of our sinful pride and ask for Godly help. We are meant to turn to the Lord, but also our fellow Christians. We are meant to put our sorrows out there to let our Brothers and Sisters in Christ help us bare our own crosses. When asking for help however we must be careful to avoid asking the wickedness of man for help. Isaiah 8:19 “And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?” When we seek ungodly counsel we will be led astray. We will be guided to directions that would further lead us into more sin, and a deeper divide between the Lord and us. As a body of Christ we are commanded to Love our Neighbors as ourselves. Meaning we are all in this together. When we harm our neighbor, we harm ourselves. For every action there are repercussions both good and bad equal to the action dependent on the side you act upon. In Galatians 6:2 the words jump off the page. It’s not saying you could, or you can, or maybe, it’s saying, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” This means you are meant to help your neighbor when they are troubled. We are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of Christ, we are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of our Christian Brothers and Sisters, and they in turn are supposed to be there for us.

When we don’t know where to turn, when we feel as if we can’t take another step, when we feel the blow to our bodies one after another, we are actually struggling with the lies of the world. Satan will throw everything at you He can to break you. Satan wants you to fall and not get back up. Satan wants you to believe the lies he tells, and wants you to be crushed under the weight of burden.

Casting Crowns

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

 As the Apostle Peter was called to step out of the boat in the storm, he began to sink and Christ replied “Ye of little faith” We must remember that as long as Christ is with us we will never truly sink. The voice of truth tells us to never be afraid for as long as God is for you, who than can be against you. The Apostle Paul wrote Timothy from inside a Roman prison awaiting execution. 2 Timothy 4:5-8 “5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” As Paul writes he knows he’s about to die. He’s telling Timothy to remain strong when the time comes those false doctrines and their own lusts and other manner of sinful nature will take over. In that time stand firm in the teaching and be ready to suffer the consequences for not turning away from the truth. When all hope seems to be lost remember that keeping the course is it’s own reward. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness. This is the promise of ever lasting peace in Heaven, a gift from God that ALL may have the joy of receiving if only love the Lord.

When you are down and you feel that you can’t get that spark to light, seek shelter under the protection of Christ’s umbrella. Allow Christ to warm you by the fire. Allow God to comfort your wounds, your weary souls. Psalm 23 “23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” Know that there is comfort in the Holy Spirit, and that comfort is for you if you ask for it.

SideWalkProphets

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

 (Prayer) Whatever your will my Lord help me find it. Whatever ales my heart help heal me. Whatever weighs me down help cut it away. God please rest my soul. When we don’t see what’s coming and we hurt and we have pain and sorrow, remind me I’m not alone. Lord be with me and watch over me as I wrestle with my trials, my tribulations, my heartbreak. Lord remind me I’m not alone and I can count on YOU, and place in my path those that can help me bare this burden. Please allow me to continue to help others bare their crosses and allow my home to be rebuilt, better than it was before. God I know I’m not alone, and I know that in all things you are in control, and in You all things are possible. AMEN…

 

 

 

 

 

The Grass Ain’t Greener

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The Grass Ain’t Greener      

Recently as some of you who read my blogs have already figured out I suffered a horrible separation. Because of that this topic’s been weighing on my mind. Often when we look across the yard and things look pretty good. We look at other peoples lives, we look at what others have, we look to other people and we often think how good they have it, or how great it would be to own that, or even how good it would be to be with someone else. We usually call this the grass is greener phase. The thing about this phase is, it’s a lie. The Devil has been perpetrating this lie since the original day of sin. The day in the garden Satan convinced Eve that life would be better after eating from the tree of knowledge. He convinced her that living a life with open eyes would be better then that which God had created for them. The Devil made it sound like the grass was greener on the other side. The sad part was once Eve stepped over to the other side and realized how wrong she was the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed. The fall from grace had happened and now the beautiful grass she once had died, and she could never have that life back again.

When we pursue the greener grass we are looking through a distorted keyhole lens that only shows us what we want to see, not what we need to see. How often do we hear the stories about people crossing over to the other side just to find out it’s not great at all, and they wish they could go back. The sad part is when you cross over and then in doing so you destroy not only your life but also others around you. Recently in my life I knew a couple that had been together for about 10 years or so. The father had gone through a horrible divorce because his first wife had an affair and destroyed the marriage. After a while of healing he met a new woman who’d become his second wife. They would have a great life, a great house, their children became a family, and at least from the spectator point of view their life looked pretty good. OF course there are things we never see from the outside, but I know I was a bit envious of everything they had. I found out rather suddenly that she had an affair, lied about it, continued the affair, and it quickly fell apart. She destroyed her own career, she broke the hearts of the kids, broke her husbands heart and as he suffered this kind of loss now for the second time his pain now unimaginable. I’ve not talked to her since then but the question is ‘was it worth it?’ Though I’ll never have the answer I have to imagine at some point the rose goggles will be removed and the beauty will turn to ash.

In my own life I have suffered something very similar. Two wives, two affairs, and as with the first time, the second time has left me broken and displaced. This time around my faith is guiding me. This time around I am stronger than I was before. This time I know I have more to offer. I heard a saying once a few years ago, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Marriage isn’t easy sometimes, and sin pulls at our hearts and all manner of earthly desires but when you get married it’s for life, it’s not for as long as it’s convenient. The idea of sin in the marriage such as divorce is repugnant to God. The old saying is you can look but don’t touch apparently is more of a guideline these days. Even looking can be a pitfall if it becomes envy or lust. There are so many people out there who have spouses who became cheaters, so many relationships fail because of infidelity. God’s heart breaks watching so many relationships crumble because of such things. Genesis 2: 21:22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.” Woman was made to be of one flesh. Woman was made so man wouldn’t be alone, and vise versa. When two people marry they become one flesh. They are devoted and when there is infidelity the heartbreak that’s caused can be deeper then some can handle. I wish we could have the eyes of God to see what God see’s within the hearts of those broken by infidelity, by lies, by deceits. I wish those who do such evil things knew how it feels to be on the receiving end. I wish I knew or understood the minds and hearts of those who do this to others. I wish that we could receive Gods love for humanity. I wish we loved as God loves.

Much like the man from my story earlier I feel the pain he feels, I have seen through his eyes, and I know the pain of the knife, the pain of betrayal, the sting of lies. Was the grass greener, I may never know, but I know my future looks bright. For every tragedy we face in our lives there is a potential for great redemption. In every tragedy God is working to use it for the betterment of our lives. No matter how much pain we face, no matter how much sorrow or anger that’s in our hearts letting go of that poison and finding a new pasture to raise your home is the first step. Forgiveness and letting go of that anger and hate, saying it a thousand times over, letting yourself weep and feel, ‘I forgive you.’ You must learn to believe in the goodness of people. You must learn that each person you encounter is not the last. Holding onto anger and holding onto hatred are chains for your very soul that leave you stuck in the place that, that wound first happened and you can’t break free till you face the pain head on. You must fight the urge to stay angry, you must fight the urge to hate. We are not the judge and we are not the jury. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” We are not to hold onto the cancer that holds us back.

When our worlds fall down because of someone else and it looks like our grass is dying, and we feel we’ll never be whole again remember that tears of healing may fall and will water your grass. Let them flow, let the healing begin and watch as God uses the miraculous to change your life. Every day you must learn to take care of your own yard, tend to your garden, tend to your flock and watch as the healing waters sprout new life into your life and sooner than you think your grass will be green and full of life. The glory of our lives and our calamities all belong to the grace of God. God sees the pain, feels the pain, and endures the pain. God was with Jesus on that Cross, and as we fight to bare our own cross Christ our Lord, one with the Father Abba is with us on our cross. The whips that strike us strike God. The words that cut our hearts cut the heart of God. Nothing we go through in this life affects only us. As I have grown a great deal I have found that the wounds I’ve endured over these last 8 months are not mine alone, and I wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for God. I myself broke Gods heart 8 months ago, and I have to pray and ask for that forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me as I was dying in that ambulance and hearing the voice of God “You’re forgiven” I woke and new life was breathed into my chest. The only grass that’s greener in our lives we won’t find here. It’s only when we go home, when we finally reach our place in paradise will the grass ever be greener. Don’t loose sight of the promise made and remember God’s promise to us is not empty, it’s full of truth and life.

When the world tries to lure you away from your own piece of grass, when you are being tempted to cross over that fence, remember not only will your grass die where you were, there will be no blessing on the land where you are headed. Have faith that if you are on the fence and you are thinking of crossing over because you feel life would be better on the other side, think of Matthew 4:29-31 “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Much like Peter we must trust in the Lord will not let us be consumed by the storm. When you are struggling in your relationship there’s always a better way. Fight for your relationship, fight with everything you’ve got and trust in the Lord to save you when times are darkest.