Tag: TEST

I SIT ALONE

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I SIT ALONE

I sit alone, so alone, the pain inside aches and pains that make taking a breath sometimes the most difficult thing I do. I never know what my tomorrow brings because everything I had and everything I knew was pulled away, ripped from me in the most violent way. No pain so emotional has ever hurt so bad, has ever crippled me, but this pain brought me to my knees.

Why I cried out, why me, why again? The past has a hold of me and I just can’t quite let it go. Is it the thought of loosing the woman I loved, or is it being alone? Is it that it didn’t happen once but twice? I don’t truly know what the answer is for myself.

I have done everything I can with what I’ve have at my disposal. The experts say there are a few things that have to happen to allow healing to happen naturally, and in a healthy way. Since then, I haven’t yet found my footing on my path to a new me. A new me, I don’t even know what that truly means. As I’ve struggled to look within to find the man I want to be I haven’t been able to figure that out because I don’t know who I am anymore. The last year of my life has put into question every notion I had about the world and my place in it. I haven’t been able to make headway in moving forward with my life and perhaps that’s the reason I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, I feel like I’m not just moving in slow mo, but I in quicksand. The realistic point of view is things just haven’t worked out yet. The man I am to become is still a work in progress.

While I truly don’t know what my future holds, or what I’m supposed to do, or the life I’m to live, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. A plan to succeed not to fail, not to fall. When someone you love hurts you in that way it can make you question everything about yourself. The darkness can be overwhelming but at some point you must learn to let it go. We must let ourselves heal, and to do that we must tell ourselves we are worth more then our failures. We are worth more then the sum of those who have hurt and abandoned us. We are worth more then the way we have been treated. We can be treated like garbage and thrown away like a beat up used toy. While divorce can cause a whole hurricane of negative feelings, all sorts of traumas happen to people that can cause all sorts of problems. And while I’ve spent a lifetime fighting the fight, I know that sometimes we just need to rest.

We can’t be angry all the time. At some point we have to let go of what fuels our fire and allow the healing to begin. No matter the time that goes by, the ability to start healing, to start letting go is always a possibility. While the pain, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the guilt and fear rage on in our heads like a CD stuck on repeat, we must somehow learn to break the cycle. We all need someone to help us bare that cross when it’s too heavy. We all need someone in our lives to help us along the way.

While I sit alone I wonder where I go from here. While I sit alone I question my place in this world. While I sit alone I miss so much in life. While I sit alone I miss the comforts of companionship. It’s almost like a drug, you have it for so long and it’s gone all of a sudden, gone in the blink of an eye. How could someone you care for, care for you, and betray you like the years prior didn’t matter at all. The truth is, the answers as much as I’ve wanted them done matter. The why isn’t going to change the past, and no matter how hard we may want to, the inevitable realization, life still continues. While I may be alone in my walk without someone, I know that God, my God is with me always. While I can only see a small baby step ahead of me, the future is still left wide open. God will help guide me on my way, and one can only hope that when the time is right, I won’t be alone anymore. That I may be gifted with the family I’ve tried so hard for, only to have them ripped away from me. I’ve never in my life been more disappointed by my loved ones, and as this lesson has been a difficult one to learn, I have learned that even those in our lives we look up too, even then, they can turn out to be someone completely different, someone we don’t recognize. While people come and go out of our life for better or worse we must learn that as there’s a season for everything and we must learn to accept that. If someone value’s you, you will be a priority to them, and if you have someone important to you, you can’t take that for granted. I’ve been close to death a few times and if I’ve learned anything in all that time it’s life is short, and we must value the gift of time we have, and cherish the people you love. We never know when that time may run out.

Stop Living In The Past

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Stop Living In The Past

I was recently talking to one of my very best friends and in the process I made note how much the month of September scared me, and for obvious reasons she understood. While I am absolutely terrified that something bad will happen this month, I have a hard time separating fear from reality. As each and every day is a new struggle coupled with a new attack, we must always be alert, and always learning new ways to defend against the attacks in the dark.

In our world no matter what time period you live in there’s always a war being waged. “There’s battle lines being drawn, nobodies right if every bodies wrong.” (Buffalo Springfield) As we move through life we are always running, running away from something, running away from someone, we are running to someone or something. The idea that we are running from something is a universal constant. Me in my life I’ve always run from my pain. I’ve always tried to hide it, to bury it, and keep it locked up so no one could ever see it, especially myself. I’ve found it difficult to move forward from my most recent trauma. I’ve known people that struggled to move past the death of a close loved one and I’ve seen as it’s taken it’s toll on relationships. I’ve seen people stay stuck on old relationships and even marriages that have ended badly, for a long time and sometimes several years.

If we are going to figure out a way to face this problem head on, we must go to scripture. Philippians 3:13-14 “13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” We know that there’s always a time for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.”

 

While in every situation there’s a time for everything in life, we must not get stuck in a loop of any stage. We must grieve when we need to, and move forward. We must learn what season we are in verses the season we should be in. Obviously in life it’s never that simple. There can be many things that stunt or prevent us from being able to move to the next season, but as a Christian we must always try and overcome those obstacles.

Don’t let the Devil trick you in believing you can’t do something. Don’t let the Devil trick you to think you aren’t worth anything. After my wife left me, I felt like I was worthless and no one loved me. I felt like I deserved my fate. I didn’t think anyone would ever love me again. When I survived a horrible attack on my team in Iraq and I watched as my friends died, the gut feeling I had just 15 minutes prior left me with survivors guilt. I’ve spent the better part of the last year fighting every day to grow and face my fears. I’ve struggled day in and day out with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Within those feelings is the war between good and evil. The literal war being waged inside is a struggle some people face every day. God is King of Kings, and over the entire world we see and don’t see. When our life is ripped away and we feel as if nothing good remains the nature of the flesh is hard to overcome and face the darkness inside. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “ For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” The war being waged inside we must understand that in a war there are casualties. Sometimes they are casualties seduced by the dark side and sometimes they are innocent people.

I’ve seen men who claimed to be men of God fall to the darkness. I’ve seen men I looked up to forsake me and make decisions that were a direct contradiction to scripture. For years I was told your witness to others was incredibly important as a Christian man. We must always conduct ourselves in a way that is pleasing to God, but also uphold ourselves according to the word. When we choose to support wrong doing over the wronged, or when we allow ourselves to let fear and anger dictate our actions in why we do something, we can easily make wrong decisions. When we abandon those in need, people we claim to care about we see what kind of person really is. It’s easy to praise God when things are great, and when we are dying we often pray to God to save us, but when about when things are just bad. Do we praise God, or do we curse his name? When things go bad and we walk away from someone who’s having a legitimate hard time, abandon them when they need family the most, how does your witness stand up then? The truth is, we all make mistakes, but once a mistake is made true Christians will attempt to right the wrong. We learn as Christians we cannot place our faith in people because beyond a doubt they will forsake you, they will turn on you, they will walk away from you. Mankind is fallen and we can and should only expect so much from others. We can hope for the best, but in accordance to scripture be prepared for them to let you down at some point. Sometimes people will leave you, walk out of your life and never return. People are full of worldly desires, and often make bad choices instead of returning to scripture and thinking about what the word says before moving forward. If you want to overcome this within yourself, you must constantly turn to scripture to help you through the toughest times you will face.

While in my own life I have lost people, and I’ve had people turn their backs on me, I’ve had people walk away, I’ve had those whom I loved betray me and my trust, the truth is, as much as it hurts, how surprised should I have truly been? When you loose father figures, spouses, or other loved ones it’s hard to create a reason to justify why someone did what they did. As Christians we can’t allow ourselves to stay in the past. We must learn to walk away from the negativity of the past and live in the present. Just like the ways of the Jedi we must learn to live in the present. “A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph! Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless!” (Empire Strikes Back, Yoda) Not saying of course we can’t enjoy life, and have love, we must learn to live in the now and not the past, and the future. While the past is where we are most negative, we look to the future with hope and optimism most of the time. We don’t look to the future with a negative perspective most of the time. We have grand plans, and we see the future we want, one full of rainbows and lollipops. In all actuality the future will have hardships and disappointment. We must learn to plan for the future and make sure we put our hands in the dirt, and boots on the ground. While we prepare for the future we must live in the moment. We cannot dwell on the past, instead study it, learn from it and use it to make better decisions in the future. In our daily walk with Christ we should always take a moment to think about scripture to see if our choices match up with the teachings of Jesus Christ. If you are a roll model to someone, a Christian roll model, it’s especially important to make sure that we are leading by example.

It can be difficult facing a life where people have left you, abandoned you, disappointed you, but we must always remember that the King of Kings is still sitting on the throne still in command of the forces of light in this world. Don’t fall prey to the darkness, don’t allow it to destroy your hope, or the light inside you. The draw of the dark side is strong, but we must learn to stop ourselves from succumbing to that feeling, and allow the light to snuff out the darkness. Even the slightest bit of light can keep the darkness at bay. We must learn to harness that goodness inside, allow the Love and Grace of Jesus Christ to fill our very souls and treat others with respect and love. No matter how much someone hurts you by their actions we must be able to forgive and accept that the nature of being human is to make mistakes. The nature of being Christian is to forgive and be there to love and help on a path towards Jesus. As a Christian when you make a mistake you should do everything in your power to make it better, to right the wrongs you’ve committed. Never allow pride or guilt to be the driving force in your decisions. Be a guiding light for someone, and live your life as a good witness towards others.

 

 

 

 

I live this life

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I live this life

I walked down the street just to see where my feet would take me. The darkness surrounded the alleys and the fog rose from the ground with an unstoppable force, and before you could blink the world was a damp gray in which you couldn’t see yourself. We walk our lives in a fog sometimes. We walk because we must, we breathe because of necessity. We all have cravings and some understand the nature of them, while others do not.

When we run, what are we running to or from? The life I’ve lived has been one of hardships, of pain, of suffering, of loss, but also of great joy. I’ve had the privilege of being married to two wonderful women. God gave me both to live my life with. The ending of both marriages has been described as awful and disappointing, but the truth is, as much as God hates divorce, we cannot control the path of other people. God gave me those lovely women for something in my life, and now it’s about time I stiffen my upper lip, and move forward. I look back and I see the mistakes written on the walls. I look to the future and like the street I walk it’s full of fog and darkness. I don’t know where I’m going because I cannot see. I feel around the dark blindly. I can feel the walls around me, I can feel the texture, and I can feel what my gut is telling me, but as I move forward my past although defines me, it has shaped me in the clay, and I now move forward every day to show myself what I am capable of. I wondered the wilderness for a year now the air feels crisper. The change of the hills, the trees, the air, and the wind shows me that my scars and my story are far from finished. As I walk through life I know that Jesus is still with me. A scream in the dark and followed by an answer, a journey not yet done, but a broken man who Jesus has wrapped in the healing love of the Lord and although the wounds start to heal, the scars are left behind to remind us of the hell we’ve battled through.

As I look to my future I know, I now understand that I’m not alone. Your love my God has seen me through. Your love my God has protected me from the darkness that’s surrounded me for so long. The fear of tomorrow and what pitfalls may be lurking in the terrifying darkness, are subdued by your love. Jesus my savior has promised to never leave me, and no matter what I endure for the cross on this Earthly plain will be rewarded in the next life. You know my heart, my effort, you know the price I’ve paid, and my Love for the cross, my heart that has fluttered yes, but remained true, will one day be rewarded with piece. My God is hope we all must need. When the fog of war surrounds us and we just cannot see, call to the God above and let the Angels, the Warriors of the Heavens come down with sword in hand and battle the very demons that threaten us. “Tonight I’m gonna fix my eyes, on the only hope that satisfies, my heart.” (The One I’m Running To, 7eventh Time Down) As my hope and my life has stretched me to the max, and when I’ve felt as if I’ve reached my breaking point, God is still with me no matter what battle I face. When we reach for an understanding to what we just can’t grasp, the answer is always the same. Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father died for our sins, giving up eternal hope, overcoming death itself. To believe in Christ is to live a life where there is no more sorrow, and no more pain. What’s a life worth that we can say when this life ends we can live again?

As one song reminds me:

Where my heart will take me, Russell Watson

 It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing’s in my way
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more
No, they’re not gonna hold me down

‘Cause I’ve got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I’ve got faith to believe
I can do anything
I’ve got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith
I’ve got faith, faith of the heart

We must allow God to continue to give us hope, that no matter how long our road may seem, how dark it is, or how much pain we endure along the way, believe that faith in Abba, that we can’t be broken, because we know who’s in our corner. Have faith in your heart in the one King, the maker of all. Have faith that one day the fog will lift, the sun will rise, and a new day dawns.

 

Bible Thumper

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Bible Thumper

Recently someone I care for, someone I used to be close to was upset when I quoted scripture to back up a statement I had made called me a Bible Thumper. Using Google doing a quick search for the meaning of Bible Thumper I found this, “Bible thumper (also “Bible basher”; mainly US) Someone perceived as aggressively imposing their Christian beliefs upon others. The term derives from preachers thumping their hands down on the Bible, or thumping the Bible itself, to emphasize a point during a sermon.” While I never touched a bible during the conversation and it was over the phone, I wasn’t intending on preaching to anyone, but instead I was using scripture to support my own actions. While I was trying to understand and support my own actions, my own hardships, and categorizing the wrongs done to you. Who I am I find it difficult to look at any situation and not attempt to piece together the motives. Why people do things, especially when they are bad can always be pinpointed back to sin, however, the personal reason someone does something and the motive to why helps understand the train of thought someone was in during the event.

Bible Thumper 2

Proverbs 21:2 “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” When we do things in our life, we have the vantage point that we are right, that we are never the bad guy in our own story. Even the most deplorable human beings can change their opinions, they can change the very essence of who they are. We can get swept up in the moment of guilt, shame, hurt, despair and when that happens we can sometimes loose our perspective on what’s most important, Jesus Christ. All we can do while serving our Christian belief, our Christian life, is to pass on to others what we know to be truth. Mark 16:15 ESV “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.” The fact I was called a Bible Thumper because I was using scripture to explain my actions, my feelings, my standpoint on the way we forgive others, why we Love the way we do. Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” No matter where we go in our life our first obligation is to the truth, the truth is Jesus Christ.

We may loose the people we love the most in this world, people may be taken from us, or they may walk away of their own free will, but no matter what the cause is, our first obligation is to Jesus Christ. We cannot let our grief, our anger, our rage blind us from the everlasting truth, and that’s God is still on the throne. We may not always like what happens to us, we may hate it in fact, but no matter what, Christ’s teachings are still the first place we need to go when dealing with any situation. Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” No matter who we may be, the life we live, we will always fall short. It’s not about being more righteous then anyone else, more holy then anyone else, it’s about knowing we have sinned, owning up to them, and also being there to help others through their own sins and mistakes. Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Of all insults to be called a bible thumper is certainly not the worst. It saddens my heart when someone I know and love walks away and blatantly turned their back on Christian Biblical teaching. The truth is, it’s our obligation to point out sin to our neighbors, and thus we are to use scripture to make our point. Don’t forget to be kind in all you do.

 

 

 

 

 

No Guts No Glory

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No Guts No Glory

Without risk there is no reward. Without storms there is no rainbow. Without winter there is no spring. Without the ability to scorch the fire there is no forging of steel. In order to build muscle you must work out, that process isn’t easy, it can be time consuming and painful. What about love? How do we move forward when we suffer that kind of loss of our spouse or family? In our lives we will loose people. It’s not a question of if, but when. Recently I was watching an episode of The Flash and I heard this quote, “You can either embrace the change and move forward, or fight it and get left behind” (The Flash) As much as change can be hard and even devastating at times, we must either embrace the fire, or allow it to consume us. When we suffer a loss of a job or a loss of a loved one, when plans change and we get hurt, we can only put one step in front of the other and allow the natural order to prevail. “Part of being human is learning how to deal with the unexpected… to risk new experiences, even when they don’t fit into your preconceptions.” (Geordi La Forge)

 When we try to understand the world, we must first understand and come to grips that the world is a much larger place we could ever know. We must understand that God is big and we are small. We must understand that the world is far greater in both directions we could ever see. When we look at our world, when we figure out life and that nothing happens without action. We cannot just sit by and pray things get better. We must learn to put boots on the ground. Ecclesiastes 11:4-6 “He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.” We must learn to get our hands dirty. The plants will not grow with just prayer alone, we must dig, and sow. Prayer that the roots take, and that water comes from the heavens. When I was in Iraq I often prayed that we would find the guy we were looking for, that being said we had to be the ones out looking. We need to take this into our lives. Ecclesiastes 9:7-14 “7 Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.8 Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head. 9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain[a] life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might,[b] for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. 11 Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all. 12 For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them.” We must learn to take what we have in our lives and appreciate it. How often do we take for granted what we have? The grass isn’t greener on the other side. We saw what happened when the Devil tempted Eve to see what the grass was like on the other side only to find themselves removed from Eden.

The world we know has evils in it and we must watch for the snares that can trap us and prevent us from moving forward. Those snares may wound us and try to utterly destroy us, but when we are watching the world around us, and if we are paying attention, the traps might be revealed as more obvious. When the end comes for us all we will look back on our life and we will go over every good and bad decision we’ve ever made. When we get to the point of our own death it’s too late to consider our actions. We must try to better ourselves and work towards an end to every situation that would be pleasing to God. We won’t always succeed, and we will falter and make mistakes, but being a good Christian means owning up to them, and trying to make them right. It takes guts to stand up in front of others in the wake of our failings and admit to being wrong or falling short. To right our wrongs takes action, the true act of repentance. We must learn to embrace the now in order to ready ourselves for tomorrow. Just because tomorrow may not fit with what we want, or what we think we should have. Don’t allow our preconceived ideals blind us from reality. Sometimes people are mean and cruel, and sometimes they hurt us. It doesn’t always feel like a blessing, but in the end, it might turn out that way. Have patience to deal with the knocks and make sure your hands get dirty, and make sure your boots are on the ground, but never forget to pray. Praying is still always the best course.

Remember to always weigh your possibilities, and if the ends justify the means and they fall within biblical principles, anything worthwhile having is worth the effort to get there. If the juice is worth the squeeze then if you want the juice, start squeezing.

Gods still in control, God will stand

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Gods still in control, God will stand

We see the world around us and we come to conclusions. Everywhere we look we see a world full of hate, anger, mistrust, pain, and suffering, but it’s in those events we see the world through the eyes of someone who’s life has created a particular opinionated vantage point. The life we live is not by chance, but by design. God gives us our life and pushes us with intent to give us a good life. There are a lot of reasons why bad things happen, but above all things, God is in control.

We live in a world that right now feels like it’s falling apart. We see rioting in the streets and we see death and war on the news every day. Even as we speak Houston Texas is under water and thousands of lives are displaced and as those lives will never be the same. With the world as it is, we must remember that no matter who is president, no matter what our elected officials do, we must know that God is still on the throne, God is still in control, and we must learn to have faith even when the walls are crumbling down, when the rain is falling on our heads, and when we feel like we can’t carry on, God is in control.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

No matter how deeply we struggle with our worries, and our anxiety, we must remember that our lives while they are our own from free will, we don’t have to travel down the road God wants for us. One way or another God’s will, will be done, and we can either do it the easy way or the hard way. “What has happened to a nation that used to fear the Lord, to a people who’s foundation was built upon God’s word. We’ve aloud the worlds opinion to chart a different way, but it’s time the Church of Jesus Christ should boldly stand and say. GODS WORD WILL STAND, AGAINST THE RAGING TIDE, AGAINST THOSE WHO CRITISIZE, AND WORK THEIR EVIL PLANS, GODS WORLD WILL STAND AGAINST THE GATES OF HELL, WITH POWER TO PREVAIL, IN THE HEARTS OF MAN, GODS WORD WILL STAND. They can take it from the courthouse walls, remove it from the schools, teach our children that we are animals, speak against the golden rule, try and hide our Christian heritage from the public eye, but they will never overcome Gods word no matter how they try!” (God’s word will stand, The Inspirations)

No matter where we are, the horrible or the great things that happens, God is still and always sitting on the throne. We must remember to have faith in our times of need, and thank God for being sovereign no matter when. Today, tomorrow, and always, God is God and we are nothing without Him.

 

Do you know what time it is?

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Do you know what time it is?

The clock ticks and we take our breaths. The time we have a predator that stalks us, the invisible enemy that we cannot see. We are born and from the first breath we take that day life begins we never know when our last breath will be on our last day. As our days are numbered we are always racing the clock. Our salvation is only good if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior. The key is doing it before your end comes, because of our limited time we cant waist what time we have. Our salvation is a precious jewel that must be cherished, and we must respect the gift given to us, and never take that time for granted.

Ecclesiastes 7 “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.2 It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.3 Sorrow is better than laughter, or by sadness of face the heart is made glad.4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. 5 It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools. 6 For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fools; this also is vanity.[a] 7 Surely oppression drives the wise into madness, and a bribe corrupts the heart. 8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. 9 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart[b] of fools.10 Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.11 Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun.12 For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it. 13 Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked?”

Living a life in the moment and not taking them for granted is part of the recipe for a happy life. Allowing God to be in every moment, every tick of the clock of your life, and making choices that fit the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we look at our life and we find joy in the worst of circumstances. We look to things to make our lives better, often to make us feel good, or replace heartache with bad choices. Those choices are only temporary. The hardships we face should point us towards God like a loaded gun. When we are happy how often do we go to God in prayer? How often do those sick and dying turn to God for help, for comfort? When we are in sorrow or hurt, we must remember that all bad things are either to teach or push us. All things are allowed by God no matter if it comes from others, or ourselves. Bad choices may be avoidable if we use our time wisely and give glory to God. Don’t allow ones self to waist the precious time we have. Instead use our time to glorify God we never know the day of our last breath, so don’t watch the hands tick by in front of you. Have faith even when we don’t understand the pain, or the plan.

September 1, the Month of Hell

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September 1, the Month of Hell

No matter the time that goes by some memories stay engrained. There are times in our lives when the world seems foreign, days that defy what we know to be true. We have our normal days where the small things that happen still fall within ‘normal’. We have so few days in our lives that are so far out in left field that no matter if we want to or not we remember. For those people who survived 9/11 in New York City they will never forget. For those who survived Boston, San Bernardino, Paris, the list goes on, they will forever have those images in their heads. As for me, my month, the month where it seems everything goes wrong, is September. September is the month of so much death, destruction, loss, and hopelessness it’s tough to see beyond the 30 days. The 30 days pain that come every year, makes the tears flow to the floor.

The only thing we can do sometimes is count the breaths from our chest. Sometimes the world is so heavy we can’t take a step, but we can take a breath. How we make it through anniversaries of such pain, of such destruction is to find support, find friends to be with, find distractions, but take a moment to recount the event, remember it, but focus on the fact you made it through. That horrible car accident, that loss of a loved one, that near death experience, or loss of your dream job, whatever the case may be just remember God got you through it. Whatever your going through right now just remember if you aren’t through it yet, God is pulling you through as we speak.

We may love to take a whole month and hibernate, forget it ever happened, sadly we all know that’s not at all possible. As the song goes, if we wanna make a change, take a look at yourself in a mirror. How can we make a change when we can’t see the light? How can we make a change when we can’t feel the hope? How do we make a change when we can’t get up? There’s no easy answer. Some days the world is going to feel too strong. All you can do is hold on tight. The pain hurts us deep into our very bones, but when we can’t see the light, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Recently I watched a movie for the second time and as I thought about it I couldn’t help but draw similarities to an actual event and how I was feeling. The Finest Hours a story about a tanker out in the Atlantic that broke in half during a horrible snowstorm. The Coast Guard was not equipped to have two tankers break apart in the same day. While the crew of the SS Pendleton struggled to find a way to keep the ship from sinking, Bernie Webber takes just 3 men on little more then a lifeboat out to try and find and rescue the abandoned crew. The story is based on the actual event that occurred on February 18th 1952. In what seemed like impossible odds the grace of God was present. So many things went wrong and yet most the survivors and Webber’s crew made it back alive. The biggest thing was Webber’s little boat lost the compass. In the middle of the ocean with no compass in the middle of the storm they still managed to find their way back. What do we do when we can’t seem to find our compass?

Battling the memories of the past, nightmares that like clockwork start to take numbers to invade my mind. When we don’t have the compass to point our path, and when the darkness isn’t lit by a single light what’s left to walk by? Faith is sometimes all we have. Faith is not always easy to have but if we are to trust in the Lord walking by faith even when we can’t see, our broken hearts, our broken spirits can be lifted up and healed by the Lord. In the month of September throughout my life I’ve lost my best friend who died unexpectedly, I’ve nearly died in an ambush in Iraq, I was shot and nearly died, I watched the love of my life walk away from our marriage and didn’t look back, I lost my job I worked so very hard for, I watched friends walk away and never looked back, and as I’ve lived only a short while on this planet, I have lived this life growing ever more afraid of what the month of September had to offer. Other tragedies have befallen me in this tragic month, and the fear I have of the month seems more and more justified. Every year the month starts to come around and I fear what lies in my path that will try to destroy me. After 33 years the only thing I can say is I’m still here, I’m still fighting the fight, I’m still standing albeit battered and bruised, broken in some ways, but I’m not down for the count, not yet.

As September will mark the 1-year mark that my wife left me, that she left our family, and I struggle to hear anything through the storm. I have watched this year as bad turned worse, and continued to spiral downward towards the spikes at the very bottom. As my strength would allow me to climb, claw my way up the mud and the muck. Barely able to see my next point to grab, I reach out and dig in, fingers bleeding, I continued to reach out and climb. When I made progress I would get hit with falling rocks, the handgrips would fail and I’d slide backwards not to the spikes, but I’d loose a lot of ground. No matter the traps, the attacks, the setbacks, I never stop climbing. Praying to God every inch climbed, and praying to God in every inch lost, I praised God through the entire storm. Some days the war seemed like it would take me, and there were days I prayed it would. There’s no doubt that this last year has been a struggle. And there’s been days when I prayed to God to take me home. There were days I cursed God for not taking me home last September. I cursed God for not putting me out of my misery. I questioned God why am I so important to keep me here? No matter how much I wanted to I never got my answer, and even today, as I consider where I am, where I’ve been, where I’m going, I question the why. I have learned that my only hope is to trust in the Lord. Trust in the lord in the middle of the war, in the middle of the storm, because Gods love like angles wings protect maybe not our body, but our soul. Isn’t that what the war is all about? Isn’t the war for souls and not for the bodies? Genesis 3:19 “19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” Our bodies came from dust, and will one day return to the dust. Our souls, our essence of who we are is what survives, what the world is actually fighting for, the only thing worth fighting for.

Romans 7:14-25 “14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” While lengthy this verse talks about the war we face within. The battle between good and evil on the inside, and the battle between the righteous and the sinner on the outside isn’t a war that’s easy to see the sides in black and white. No matter what war you face, no matter what side you find yourself on whether it be the side of the angels, or the side of the demons, the fog of war makes life difficult sometimes. We may trust people who come into our path, and sometimes that trust is misplaced. In the last few months, I’ve struggled a great deal with this. I’ve met a few people who’ve come into my life, and seemingly they were there as a potential relationship, but as quickly as they came into my life and they made me believe I was special, and their interest was high, they up and vanished without a trace, actually it was more like they decided to cut contact, block every communication we had, and never, or as it seemed, never looked back. There is always an explanation and although I don’t have one, and as I spent time reviewing the conversations, going over what happened again and again in my head, I would never find answers. 1 John 4:1 “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” Not every person who comes into your life is a gift from God. Sometimes they are wolves in sheep’s clothing that are actually sent by the Devil to test you, to pull you away from the path. In each of our lives aspects of our path will be tested, and we see that in Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

While the constant attacks on our lives may be the occasional test of God, it may also be attacks from the Devil to pull us away from God. The more attacks someone may go through the more likely they are to abandon ship. Someone once told me, ‘the more you get kicked while you’re down, the less likely you are to get back up.’ While I completely understand, we must try to remember the essence of faith. As September is my month of Hell, there are millions around the world who have their own September. As each of us has our own battles to face, we must learn to find other soldiers in Christ. We must learn that we are not to fight these battles apart, instead we fight these battles with God as our General, and soldiers in Christ as our small squad, we can fight and face any challenge or crisis we may see in our days. 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” We should choose our friends wisely. Choose our partners the love of our life even more wisely. My bad choices helped to lead me down a bad path. A path that would gift me with nothing but pain and while I do not wish ill will upon anyone, either of my ex-wives, any of the friends who have left me, any of the others that I’ve talked to who built my trust just to watch me fall when they where done. Finally I leave with this last verse, 2 Peter 2:9 “Then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment,” We will be rescued from our trials when we have stayed par for the course. Every trial we face is like a grade in school. We cannot move forward to the next until we’ve completed the pre-requisite. Moving us forward too soon would only result in our failure. And while we may fail in our day to day lives, it’s important to know how to pick ourselves up, and continue to push through, punch through, never quit and never surrender to the darkness. We must never allow the darkness to overtake us because falling to the darkness comes at too high of a price. Our very souls, to live in eternal bliss, or damnation, we choose how we want to live our lives, every second of every day, with every person we meet, and every action we take. “I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” —Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 

 

 

Do you know the Savior?

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Do you know the Savior?

While we live on this world there’s a lot of influence. The world that’s trying to get you, get you to believe in one thing or another, believe that marriage is just a piece of paper, believe that lying and cheating is okay. The trick is our society has been tricked. The Devil, the deceiver is the real trickster. Years ago there was a piece written by a man, a radio host named Paul Harvey. In this recorded monolog Harvey a 3:22 minute recoding telling the world, a prophesy of sorts, that tells of the fall of the United States. In this recording Harvey depicts how the Devil would destroy the world by whispering lies about what is okay to do. “I would caution against extremes in hard work, in patriotism, in moral conduct.” He goes on to say later, “I would convince the young that marriage is old –fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on TV is the way to be.” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3Az0okaHig) No matter what the lie or trick is, we must be able to tell the lies from the truth. We must be able tell the difference between the lies and truths. 1 John 3:8 “The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.”

 We can walk our entire lives with blinders on, the darkness surrounding us like a fog we just can’t escape. Not knowing the savior can be like walking off the side of a cliff. The author of 2 Corinthians 11:3 was afraid that the wake of the Devil may take hold of those who where heading the early Christian church. The verse goes on to say, “The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.” The Devil sought to break the bond between man and God, and succeeded in the garden. Jesus Christ’s arrival repaired the bond broken and paid the blood debt to eliminate the bond sin had on our eternal life. Sin is still very real, and the price of eternal life is still very high, the question is, do you know who paid the blood debt for your sins, do you acknowledge the need for a savior, or do you believe you can pay the price all on your own. Or, worst of all, do you not believe in this and do you think all of this Christian stuff is antiquated nonsense that keeps people inline, when we now know better because science can prove everything? The truth is, I’m a man of science, and faith. I know there’s a God because when I almost died last year I heard God forgive me for my sins. I was sent back from the brink of death with only one mission, to spread the word of God to all who would listen. God is real, and Jesus Christ was the Son of God who sacrificed himself to free us from sin, delivering us from eternal evil, granting us the way, the only path to heaven. Jesus Christ died, and rose again in fulfillment of the scripture. Over 500 people saw Jesus, to include his own disciples who under the penalty of a brutal death never once denounced his existence and died in torturous agony. Most people wouldn’t undergo what they went through for far less, let alone the vast majority of Christ’s disciples. Conspiracies are hard enough to keep intact, let alone 12 people from all walks of life, facing death themselves, and the 500 others who Jesus appeared too. Eyewitness accounts gone over by some of the United States top forensic investigators who started off as Atheists have converted to Christianity after they realized the evidence was irrefutable.

So do you know your Savior, because if you don’t the clock is ticking, and we never know when the bill comes due, and trust me, the bill always comes due. Don’t get caught without the truth in your heart. The penalty for not having it, well, eternal damnation just doesn’t sound fun.

 

 

 

 

The Wages of Sin

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The Wages of Sin

Since the fall from grace and Sin entered the world people have lived under the influence of Sin. Genesis 3:3-4 “3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Mankind was tricked into allowing Satan to pull us from God’s grace. Ever since mankind has made one bad call after another. We consistently have moved in bad directions, we treat our neighbors horribly, we even treat our loved ones with disdain.

If we live our lives in a manner that is not pleasing to the Lord, a life that is against the simple commandments, we are forced to face the ramifications of our ignorance, or blatant disregard. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Each of us gambles with our souls when we choose sin over life. Each of us puts our trust in something we will never see first hand. We believe that God is sovereign and on the throne over all. The flip side of course is what happens when we sin on purpose. Romans 5:12 “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” When we sin when we turn our backs on Christ and walk a path of wrongdoing, we can look forward to the words in Revelation 21:8 “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

The joys of the world, the draws of sinful nature can be enticing and often pulls us from the graces of Christ. We must remember that Christ paid for our sins under the condition we follow Him. Every one of us is given a choice. John 3:36 “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.” We can’t negotiate at the foot of the cross. All sin is created and judged equally to God. We must answer for our sins regardless of our beliefs, and yet on our best day we sin, we fall short, and sometimes we hurt those closest to us. We will always hurt those closest to us by accident, but it’s when we do it on purpose that has a particular rank. When we knowingly sin in the efforts to gain our own selfish desires, we risk it all. We never know when the end will come for us. We never know when the good Lord will end our lives. It may be when we are old and gray in our beds, or it may be the next time we go walking outside our door, either way, we wager our eternal lives on the pursuit that the Devil promised all those years ago. We know good and evil, and the world is surly evil. We see people doing good works in the name of the Lord, but even those who do good works can fall from grace. Don’t turn your back on the Lord when times get tough. Don’t believe the lies of Lucifer, and don’t let go of your salvation just for the joys of Sin.