Tag: struggles

Again, I Hide

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Again, I Hide

I hide behind my computer again. The waters tested, but back into the boat again. I stepped out upon the waves, and faced my fears of falling beneath the Icey depths. I walked for a while out of that boat, but the crack of the sky, made me feel I might die. I began to sank and back into the boat I went. Safe inside the boat. 

In my mind I tested the waters, I started to fly beyond the keyboard, beyond the chair. So long I stayed in my comfort afraid of rejection, afraid of what might come. For so long, I was worried I’d get it wrong, or I wouldn’t understand. For so, so long, I worried about me, a nobody, telling the world about Jesus. I felt like Gideon, a nobody, a small, weak, nobody from my tribe. But when I found a way, the who I was, and the direction and the how, the storm brewed, and back to the keyboard I crawled. 

I took a chance, and decisions considered, and choices made, I found myself a flame doused by a hose. The light and fire had gone out. As I sit here questioning my future, I find myself recoiling away from the world. I find myself in solitude to pray and have some alone time with the father. I wonder at times if it were all just a test. IF the storm was created to see how I’d respond. I wonder if perhaps I should have stuck to my belief, and held my ground. 

I have put a lot of thought into What Would Jesus Do? What did Jesus feel? In John 6:66, when disciples followed him no more, did Jesus’s heart ache for them? When Jesus confronted the Pharisees over and over, knowing they didn’t like him, knowing they didn’t believe him, did the human side hurt? Was the feelings of the human side ever hurt? Did it hurt Jesus’s feelings when his own brothers refused to follow him? Did it hurt his feelings when his own town refused to follow him, or support him? We often think of Jesus as God but he was also a man. Jesus had feelings and being perfect living in a world of imperfection, would this cause Jesus to suffer emotional pain? We know Jesus must have had a sense of humor because we have one. And in the water to wine chapter, we see Jesus likely picking on his mother a little. (personal opinion) We see him weeping for Lazarus. I’m sure when Joseph died, he wept for his earthy father. 

Growing up I faced all kinds of bullies, and I was told a lot that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t smart enough, or big enough, or fast enough. Most of my life I was told, and have faced opposition being held down, held back, and never being allowed to fly to see my own potential. Facing my own fears and stepping out there, knowing what was coming, or at the least the potential for it, left me grossly unprepared. Taking a right cross, across the face or more appropriately to the heart, left me trying to find solid ground. 

Jesus is my rock, my fortress. Jesus is my protection against the attacks of the Devil. Satan recoils at the name of Satan, and my heart is a sanctuary for the Lord to reside. I pray to God, and in the name of Jesus I hope for tomorrow. I seek comfort in the arms of my father to dry my tears, dust me off, and ready my hands for battle. I trust the Lord to show me the way, a light house that cuts through the dense fog of emotions and doubt. I know that Jesus lift me up when I fall into the water, and I know he will heal my heart, and give me eyes to see. I know Jesus has made me different, and unique, the potter molding me in the clay to be special, and to do a job made for me. I am a tool ready to be used, willing to be put out there, and guided to whatever ministry planned for me. I will follow my heart, and follow my path. I will not be held back, and I will not ignore what I feel is right. I will fight the good fight, and continue to run my race. I will be patient and as an arrow held on the rest, I shall wait till the time is right, the string is tight, the wind is calm, and I will hold fast till the archer my Lord Jesus Christ is ready to fire me toward my target. I will not stand by, I will not stay hidden, I shall not hide behind this keyboard and when the time is right, I will come again. My fire will reignite, and I will tend to the fire, and grow it, and dry the metaphorical waters that doused my flame. 

In the name of Jesus Christ the only Son of the Father, I shall be held back, or bullied into a corner. Be a peacock and fly. 

Christian Today

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Christian Today

Being Christian doesn’t mean living a perfect life. Being Christian doesn’t mean never making bad choices. Being Christian doesn’t mean you won’t ever hurt someone, or even yourself. Being Christian doesn’t mean you have the right to judge someone else for their failings. In fact being Christian is living life walking with Jesus. It isn’t about a book of rules, or even a book of judgmental prudes, but merely a book of how our Heavenly wants us to live, for He knows what’s best for us. Living a life of scripture is to share that love with others. Pointing out someone’s sins or mistakes isn’t passing judgment, it would be a kin to telling a friend they are making bad choices. Scripture does however state in doing this, do so with kindness.

Being Christian is about having a relationship with the Father. Being Christian means taking care of the poor; taking care of the homeless; taking care of widows; taking care of orphans, and each other. This is not a take from the rich and give to the poor, this is your heart in Christ should desire to help those in need. Living in Christ is to serve. Are you?

There are so many people who have negative views of Christians. Are we doing our best to share love? Are we living out our faith? We as Christians will never be judged more than those skeptics who watch us from afar. Christian, stay away from foolish arguments. Live in peace as much as you can with all people. Do your best to share Jesus and what being Christian really means. Remember that your mission field is just outside your door. Love all, Serve all. Don’t give up on the world around you. Don’t loose hope. We are ambassadors in this land, sent by Christ to share to the world of something more beautiful, more special, more eternal than anyone has ever known.

Christian, keep your eyes on Christ and don’t fret the day away. You can gain not one moment of your life by worrying. Fear not the news of the day, nor the season of the year, but know Jesus is still on the throne. Stand for Jesus, and never give up ground to the world. Hold fast to your faith. The tomb was then and will always be empty.

A Year Looking Back 2019

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A Year Looking Back 2019

Well, the year is over. It’s been a long road, and with some tears, with some laughs, and everything in between, life has continued to move forward as one would expect. When I started back to school I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but here I am, a year later, and finished as strong as I could. Relationships have come and gone, and some have grown stronger, and others, not so much. 

I can’t say this year has been overly eventful. I think if anything, the biggest thing is my graduating from school, and I’m back to teaching. I think as far as change, those are the most prominent. 

I want to share some notes, just a couple things I have been thinking about. Instead of writing out an entire new post, I would share the lesson notes from this recent Sunday. 

New Years Lesson 

  • We all look back over the year and wish we could take back things that happened. We wish we could have more of what we want, but mostly we look to the the new year with hope and optimism, and of course the dreaded new years resolutions.
  • Who Are you now, verses who are you a year ago? 
  • If you want to be a new you, you have to make those changes. 
  • Matthew 6:22-23 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
  • We must be cautious with what we spend out time with. What we view, watch, listen too, and even the company we keep may alter our own behavior. 

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

  • The Lord will be with you this year. Every January first is a new year, a fresh start. Ask for forgiveness, 

Psalm 25:18 “Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.”

Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

  • It’s the perfect time to repent of the years sins, and prepare your soul for the next year. 
  • Where your yes rest is where your heart will be.

Matthew 6:19-21 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

  • We spend so much time worrying about what’s next, worrying about life. 

Luke 6:22-23 : 22 Blessed are you when men hate you,

And when they exclude you,

And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,

For the Son of Man’s sake.

23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!

For indeed your reward is great in heaven,

For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

  • IF you’re going to make a resolution, make one to trust God. If you’re going to make a resolution be resolute in your faith. Be resolute in your ability to stand tall with God behind you. Be resolute to protect your mind, your soul from the world. Be resolute to let go of yesterday. Lay down that rock and leave it at the foot of the cross. Do not carry burdens that are not meant you to carry. Let God have them, all your worries, your burdens, your hurt. Start off this new year fresh. 

Struggles In Life?

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Struggles In Life? 

It’s time to fight in your life. It’s time to stand tall and first beyond all things bring your heart to the one true king Jesus Christ. The war comes to all of us, and we must bring our hearts to Jesus before all other things can be done. We must turn our hope to the Lord and we must find grace in our lives. We are given grace by our Lord though we don’t deserve it. We must come to you oh Lord when times are tough. We must come to you when are astray. We are attacked often by the great deceiver. We are called to show grace, show mercy, show love because we are first loved by the creator. We are called to forgive because we are forgiven, and vise versa we are not going to be forgiven lest we forgive. We must learn to submit to the Lord and we must learn to submit whole heartedly. 

The Devil wants our lives, he wants our joy. The Devil comes into our lives, sneaks, prowls, and destroys. The Devil comes and tries to break us down, he comes to destroy, but while we sit and face the struggles in life, we are not understanding how to fight. We don’t understand the enemy. We don’t understand the rules of engagement. We can’t fight Satan if we don’t know how. Are we blind to the truth, that the Devil has already lost the war? 

2 Corinthians 11:14  (NKJV) “And no Wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light.” If Satan comes and goes disguised as an Angel we must be doubly cautious and aware. We must be able to turn to the Lord in all times, good and bad to ensure we are prepared for the battle that comes. Who fights for us if we are not able to fight for ourselves? We cannot expect God to fight for us if don’t let him into our hearts. We always have God with us no matter how far we walk away from Him. 

When we stand affirmed in our faith, we must have faith that when we ask Jesus to fight our enemies when we are justified, Jesus will rise up against those who fight us, who persecute us.  When enemies try to kick down our door and we are not the instigator, Jesus will fight the fight for us. Deuteronomy 28:7(NKJV) “The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.” Jesus fights for us, stands guard at the gate and forces the enemy to flee. 

We try to stand out on our own, but we cannot ever stand on the water alone, lest we fall in. While we may for a moment feel like we are standing on the water, we would surely submit to the gravity and fall under the water. When we step out on the water with Jesus we can achieve amazing things. James 4:7 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Jesus saves, and Jesus shows us the way. We are given so much, and we must remember to give in return. 

I have found myself struggling as of late, and I need to remember to give it all to Jesus. I need to remember that I cannot walk on the water alone, but it’s in Jesus that gives me the strength and power to stand tall. I was thinking about Bruce Wayne when writing this post. When we are faced with problems in our life, are we overcoming them? Are we doing our very best to be our best selves? Are we not just honing our bodies by staying fit, but are we also honing our minds and souls to Jesus? We must find ourselves focused on training our minds, and bodies, and be ready for the fight that will come. We do not stop when we are tired, we stop when we are finished, and we are finished when we are called home. Learn to run this race in endurance, and fight the fight all the days to come. 

When The Call Is Made

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When The Call Is Made

Who are we when we say we are Christians? Who are we when we claim the love of Christ? What do we do when the call comes late at night? These are some of the questions I think we all need to answer. Recently I was in a situation when I didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t sure how to answer, and I probably answered wrong. When I needed someone to talk to everyone I reached out too, or called was either too busy or not willing to talk. I sat alone in my head dealing with a multitude of emotions, and realized one very sad but real truth, God is the only friend I can count on day or night. When I needed someone there was no one, but God was still with me. 

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NKJV)4 “who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

When I started making calls I expected someone to answer, I expected someone would have thought of scripture Galatians 6:2 (NKJV)2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet no one came. Does that represent the kind of friend I’ve been? Have I failed as a friend to others, that when I was in need I would have no one head the call? I don’t know what more I can do for others but I surely have done all I know how. 

I have answered my phone day and night. 

I have bought someone a car. 

I have paid college bills. 

I have helped buy Christmas when needed. 

I have been there for others when they needed to cry. 

I have done so much, and yet I don’t feel it’s enough. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping people in need, but now I wonder if I was helping the wrong people all along. What have I done to others to earn so little respect? What have I done to face this kind of rejection in my time of need? 

I don’t really know what to say about it. I don’t know how to feel. I just know I hurt inside, and feel betrayed. I feel abandoned and hallow by those I thought I could count on. I am blessed to know that while so many flee, Jesus never has and he never will. 

***

It took hours for me to fall asleep, and longer to deal with the emotions I was feeling. After a deep, and long look inside, mixed with some communication with some good Christian loving friends, and a long hard cry, was feeling run down. Sleep later after church and I woke up feeling refreshed. While of course when I awoke there was no changes in the situation, but waking up more clear has left me static, caught between being okay, and not alright. 

One thing I’ve learned in the years past is we cannot place our faith in people. While I do believe most of the time people often mean well, I don’t think people are uncaring by nature, but perhaps self serving. I know that we are to love one another but I think we get caught up in life and forget that people, connections, relationships are vastly important. When I found myself empty handed from those I reached out too, I felt hurt and broken hearted. I reach out so seldomly I don’t understand how the importance was not considered and I was simply brushed aside. It seems I placed my faith in the wrong place, and I now realize, it’s my faith and trust in Jesus I need to place more focus on. I need spend more time in scripture. I need to get back to a healthy prayer life. I need to learn to place more trust in faith in my creator and less in those around me. I need to realize that I can count on only myself, and perhaps in time I will find people I can count on. 

The disclaimer to this is not a blanket statement, but regarding particular attempts at one particular time. While life is complicated and as things often get in the way, I understand that at most occasions there is perhaps at least one or two that might be able to help, however in this instance I was seeking a particular audience to talk with, and that’s where I was left alone. Life continues to move, and in the weeks ahead as I continue to face the current challenges, I know I will have to find a way to handle and manage the many feelings that come. I’ve made the call, but instead of people, I’ve now called upon Christ to raise me up, give me strength, and guide me. 

Moving Through The Wind

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Moving Through The Wind

In recent years I’ve placed a lot of thought into who my true friends are. I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve cried regarding it. I’ve yelled and been frustrated by it. In all that time perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was the danger of placing your faith in man. The thing is, growing up in a home with no father, and dealing with family issues resulting in me leaving home, I definitely had father and mother wounds. Those wounds would define a large part of my life and to some extent it still does. I found the need, the craving for acceptance anywhere I could find it. If it wasn’t bad enough to have those wounds from the family dynamic I would be rejected by my peers and for a season, I would face deep reticule, teasing, and strong judgments based on my physical appearance, and my apparent social status. Rejection became a common occurrence for me, and now grown up and after two failed marriages to affairs, it’s no wonder I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. I think more then abandonment I fear what happened to me two and a half years ago, will haunt me the remainder of my life. When I was abandoned by yet another family, let down and sold out by the ones who were supposed to be there for me, I failed to recognize the one I should have been putting my faith in the whole time, Jesus Christ. 

Christ, the Son of God, the second part of the trinity, the savior of mankind over the power of sin on a fallen world. Christ is the only hope that matters. Christ is the only star to guide yourself by in the blackness of light. Christ is the one who will never leave nor forsake you. And yet sometimes it seems Christ is so far away. While the evidence shows this is not true, as a sinful man, living in a sinful fallen world, the lies faced by the greatest liar and deceiver of all time, Satan, and his demons, are intrusive at the very least. Satan’s battle plan is to lie, to deceive, to make every opportunity to sway us away from the graces of God and into the hands of evil. Often this happens slowly, tiny little movements to alter the course, like putting a magnet close to a compass in secret. This spiritual warfare happens frequently and appearing to be benign, however that’s farthest from the truth. Not every attack on our minds or hearts is a frontal assault. Small actions of sabotage over time can prove just as an affective strategy for Lucifer the General of the darkness as a full frontal assault. 

We endure many hardships and heartbreaks along our path. Illness of family, or even ourselves may happen at any time and fundamentally change the course of life forever. We often ask why us, why did this — happen to me? It’s hard for the human mind to grasp these hardships, these tragedies, but if we could take a moment and place ourselves on a different level of thinking, could we not see the potential of impactful behaviors on those around us? How we live our lives has effects like ripples in a pond, and we never know how far reaching our actions may be. Laying in a hospital bed sick, maybe even dying, but singing praises to Jesus and God our Heavenly Father, may be the information a nurse ever knows about Jesus. How sad it is that we somehow think everything that happens is about us, as if we were the center of the cosmic universe. The truth is, we are small pieces of a larger puzzle, and we all have a roll to play. We may not like the idea of being so small, and in one manner of speaking insignificant, but to God we are vastly, irreplaceable. God loves his children, and no matter the cause of any bad or tragic thing, God is using that for some form of good, never letting anything, no opportunity to go to waist. We on the other hand, we let opportunities slip by us frequently. We pass up chances to pray for others. We pass up chances to share the Gospel. We pass up chances to allow the light of Christ to shine through us. Largely I think this happens out of fear, just like the denial of Christ by Peter, that out of fear of persecution of acknowledgement to what’s become an unpopular belief in today’s world. Being Christian isn’t easy, but I’m all fairness, we were warned from the beginning it wouldn’t be. And if we’re honest about it, why should it be easy? We are horrible people. We sin against our Father, and we have dark stains covering our souls. It’s only through the blood we are redeemed, but we often think of that as a right and not as a gift. We think of that as insurance, a license to sin, because God will forgive us no matter what we do. 

The life we are given comes at a price, and if we are honest it’s a test, a journey to discover the truth, and not just discover the truth, but accept it into our hearts, following Christ. The journey to Heaven is a challenging one, full of struggle and hardships, but also one of great joy, and love. 

Some people endure more then others, and some people manage to do so with grace. What is the difference between us I wonder? Faith is powerful and in it, and with Christ, God gives us a great gift. Faith is something that must be cultivated. Faith must be tended to like a garden. Faith is something we are given through the power of the Holy Spirit and in that we have the power to become more then the tiny creatures we really are. In God, through God we are made big, big enough to lead, to grow, to inspire, and we are made into warriors with a spirit of hope, and not fear. Are we willing to grow beyond our baser instincts of fear and doubt, or are we willing to surrender to the Lord and allow that spirit to fill us up and guide us? Yes I have deep routed wounds that have left scars in my life, but as I have grown through the pain, which has not been easy, I have learned the truth, Jesus is the only truth, the only way. 

The scars, though they often have a way of reminding me they are there, they are also a reminder of what I’ve endured. The future is of course not known to me, but one thing I do know is we all have a purpose. God’s graces and mercy are not bound to limits, but are only limited by what we can manage and our own purposes. Life is full of uncertainties and we expect certain things, and we ought to ask what can or should we be doing for the Holy Name of Christ. Walking a path of Christ, can often lead to a life of emotional solitude. As the list of whom one can trust gets smaller, the isolation inevitably creeps in and requires strength to fight against the whispers from the dark. 

Some of us face the darkness more then others. I, having seen death up close know the struggle many face with depression, loneliness, and an isolation that has deep roots. Facing these things can be a challenge and alone impossible. The world as we know it was created, and we along with it have a unique purpose, and never is that purpose to endure the hardships or darkness alone. The truth is there may be times in this life when you venture ahead alone. Of course, I’m not referring to God, for scripture says God is with us always, never forsaking us. We were created, designed to be in relationships and when we find ourselves without the draw of the worldly relationships, or lack there of can be difficult. I can be in a crowded room and sometimes feel completely alone, isolated, cut off from the people and world around me. We must remember to keep the helmet of salvation on and tight. We cannot open ourselves to the Devils lies or whispers. The dominion of the deceiver is designed to break you down, pull you away from the Lord. Christ was clear when he said “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Christ doesn’t day you might have troubles, he says you will! Are you ready for those days? Are you ready for the days when the war knocks on your door? Are you ready for the day when the servants of the Devil attacks you? Are you ready with the full Armor of God to fight the battle of spiritual warfare? 

I know my armor, I know the word, and even with that I am still susceptible to the barrage of lies from the dark. Satan loves to wear you down. He hates you and loves causing doubt, and bringing you down. Life isn’t easy and was never promised to be, but ultimately we have a choice, we can live in life believing all that the world tells us, that the idea of God is antiquated, or truth is subjective to fit each person’s opinions. That science is the end of truth and leaves no room for anything it cannot yet explain. That God is dead and no longer relevant in the world today. But to believe any of that is to have fallen for the greatest lie Satan conceived. The truth is, and there’s only one, our Lord Jesus Christ, was born of a Virgin Mary. He was God made flesh, to live a perfect life, to break the bonds of sin, to take on the full cosmic wrath of God in punishment for sin past, present, and future. Died on the cross and forgiving mankind of the sin in which they truly did not understand. Was buried in a tomb and on the third day, Rose again, fulfilling prophecy. Folding the napkin telling the world death was finished. He rose and proved it by appearing to over 500 in a forty day period. Changed the hearts of the disciples who were living in fear. The spirit of courage changed them to be courageous of their faith and they did not hide any longer. The bridge is open and the invitation is sent. Christ is waiting for us with open arms if we only cleave away our old selves, and pick up the cross and follow Him. I am not a perfect man, and in many ways, I’m a broken misfit toy, but in this story, God uses the broken, God uses the small, God uses the misfit, and God gives strength, and courage beyond our wildest dreams. God uses the island of misfit toys and in God’s house I’m not an outsider, I’m not a misfit that doesn’t belong. In God’s house I’m welcomed just the way I’m am, and in that day I give up the ghost, I will be transformed, this body will fade away, my final sins will be washed away forever, and into paradise I will go, no longer chasing the wind. 

A Month To Remind Us To Be Thankful

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A Month To Remind Us To Be Thankful

As we enter November we need to remember to count our blessings but not just in November but everyday, all year, and we must be willing to give thanks to God for all we have. We often have more blessings then we could ever count, and we are short sighted as to what that truly means. We have a small idea of what constitutes blessings, and we have such little faith in God it shows brightly in each of our lives.

 

We must be thankful for life, and not to grieve over death. Hope in Jesus in tomorrow and be thankful for the trials to make us more like Christ and to be thankful for shortcomings. Look at life and trust in God that you are blessed with if nothing else, the breath of life. Be thankful to be able to praise and worship a God who loves us dearly.

 

Look to God and find thanksgiving in the peace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

Psalm 100

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!

2 Serve the Lord with gladness;

Come before His presence with singing.

3 Know that the Lord, He is God;

It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,

And into His courts with praise.

Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

5 For the Lord is good;

His mercy is everlasting,

And His truth endures to all generations.

 

Look at verse 4 and 5, thanksgiving and in his court be thankful, meaning we must be thankful for a fair and just judge. God does not see the color of my skin, the ethnicity from where I come from, or the social class I ‘belong’ too. God sees the only thing that matters and that’s the heart. God sees my actions which are mine and mine alone, and God does not care about excuses. When I look at the fall when the serpent convinced Eve the fruit of the tree of knowledge would be okay to eat, God did not care the excuses Adam gave, and judgment was cast to all involved. We should expect the same treatment in our lives. We can be persuaded by a drug dealer to take drugs but that’s our choice to follow through. We can be convinced sex with someone other then our spouse is okay so long as no one knows, but trust that God see’s, and God knows, and judgment will come to all involved. I am thankful for the discipline I receive because I know that I have an Abba Father who loves me so much he takes time to care for me. Abba keeps me on the right track. I often forget what I have and I know I should be ashamed of myself living life in the dumps. I am not talking about the clinical, biological depression, but the pessimistic viewpoint of life I have lived in the past. It’s not often I fall into that place, but when it happens I should be ashamed at my weakness of faith.

 

I have more blessings in this life then many others, and when I find myself slipping into a defeated state of mind, I need to remind myself that there is more in this life that I have to be thankful for, even if it’s just the gift of life.

 

Going into November, what are you thankful for? Could you make a list of all your blessings? God sees us through all our storms, even when the storm rages on around us, and inside us. God only disciplines us when we need it, and we should be grateful that we have a God that cares so much for us to want only what’s best for us. Count your blessings big and small, and be sure to truly look at what you have.

Invisible

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Invisible

Colossians 1:15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. Jesus Christ

Have you put thought in the true power of God? The creator of the universe in perfect harmony loves you. Jesus Christ walks with us every single day and is with us while we are on this journey of discovery. We often find ourselves feeling alone, and angry that we don’t feel God. We don’t always see God around us, and we don’t feel okay. See, when we look further in the letter by Paul we find more of the mystery of God. Colossians 1:16“For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him.” God is so big, and so powerful, we underestimate the awesome power that we have in our corner.

I have walked through this life questioning my faith on occasion. It wasn’t so much a question of whether or not God was real, it was more of ‘Does God Care?” I’ve struggled with the amount of pain I struggled through, but when I think back, and knowing what I know now, the invisible God who’s everywhere, was with me the whole time. God promises never to leave or abandon us. There’s a war going on in the shadows all around us, and we are the targets of the enemy. This war that takes place invisible is not to be understated. The spiritual warfare that Paul talks about is very much real. While the characters are invisible the affects are as real as they come. The fallen angels that followed Lucifer now called demons help him lay the lure to see what fish they can catch. We are easily drawn to the world, sin is a powerful, attractive force. It can be very difficult to see sin for what it is and walk away. While the enemy is always trying to draw you out away from your protection, Jesus Christ is with you reminding you of the right path.

When you commit a sin and you feel that sense of emptiness afterwards, or that sense of shame, that’s the Holy Spirit filling you with conviction, reminding you what you did was wrong, and that you need to repent of your sins. We cannot see the Holy Spirit but much like the air we breathe it’s there, surrounding us all the time, we just have to take a moment away from the world and truly focus on the force that surrounds us, and flows through us.

The Devil’s affects are very real even though we can’t see him and his demons skulking around us. He wants us to forget that he’s not the only one in this world. Jesus Christ and the army of Angels protect over us. It’s hard to remember how gracious God is to us when we feel the suffering of this life. “You’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it.” (Prizinor of Azkaban) Ron says this to Harry about his tea leaves. The connection to scripture is very real, we are told we will suffer, and in Colossians 1:11 “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy;” This life takes time to get through. And as I was once told recently the process of gold refinement is a slow process. The gold is heated as the impurities rise to the top, scrapped away, and then put back into the fire. Each time a little more of the impurities are scrapped away till eventually the gold is so shiny in it’s molten state the gold smith can see his/her reflection in the liquid. We are the same, that in every trial, in every struggle a bit more of the impurity is burned and scrapped away. If we are to live in Christ then we must allow those impurities to be removed. If Jesus is the gold smith we must allow ourselves to be put back into the fire so one day when he looks at us he sees his reflection in us. We may not be able to physically see Christ but his presence is clear. This life is but a fleeting moment in the prospect of eternity and if we are to join the angels, and God in perfection then we must be willing to allow the forging process to make us strong, make us shiny and new. When the pain is gone and the worry and doubts fade away the purest gold will be all that’s left in our hearts, and as we face judgment at the foot of the cross the final impurities will be washed away in forgiveness of our sins and we will be allowed to enter heavens gates, if we trust in Jesus, love him with our whole hearts, and believe in the process we must endure to get there. Our savior suffered for us, and who are we to think we shouldn’t have to suffer? As for me, I brace for each of the storms in this invisible but very real war for the souls of man. On that day I reach the gates of Heaven, I pray for two words from my Lord, “well done.” I can live with the suffering now to one day walk with Jesus in perfection.

Don’t give up on yourselves and trust in the refining process. I can’t help but not think of the song Hard Love by NEEDTOBREATHE. I’ve used that song many times in my writings, but it is so true. “It’s gonna hurt but don’t you slow down.” “It takes some time to make your courage strong.” It’s true that as long as you breathe there’s hope, but we cannot place our hope in this world, we must place our hope in Heaven, and our Savior that’s there preparing a place for us. There’s no hope in this life for this world, except that salvation awaits us. We are never promised and easy life, we are never promised peace while we breathe this air, but in Heaven our hope resides. No the process getting to Heaven isn’t easy because we have to first live this life, but what a worthwhile venture. I can take the beating, and the ridicule, and the pain because I know that one day Satan will no longer have dominion over the place I live. While I am here on this world, I know that Satan is spreading pain and suffering all around, but in Heaven the throne has God almighty and he loves his Children.

We may not be able to see the Holy Spirit, but we can feel it all around us. All we can do is ask Jesus to take our suffering and use it to glorify Him. Have faith in Christ, and give thanks to being alive another day, and doing work that will glorify the King. Heaven is worth the suffering of this life, and since God waists nothing, we can always find good in the trials we go through, we just have to look for them. Change your perceptions and give thanks for the opportunities to praise Jesus, and draw closer to God in the fire. Never give up hope because our hope is not in this world,  but in the Heavenly home.

 

 

Of Course I’m Angry

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Of Course I’m Angry

The world has been unkind. It’s been cruel and without fail the wolves come and attack by night. The enemy has burnt down my castle, and has taken nearly everything I’ve held most dear, more than once. I was angry as a kid with no where to put it. The anger stayed inside and the gauge continued to rise without a relief valve. That angry kid internalized so much but instead of being angry it turned into self-loathing. I believed for so many years being angry was a bad and wrong thing of me. I felt as if my anger was viewed as a weakness, and I didn’t have any good reason to be angry. The truth is I had every right to be angry, and as normal as anger is be it’s important to know how to manage that anger. Where do we direct our anger when it comes? Do we store it inside for use later? I want to tell you a little story about someone who’s angry but it’s based on a selfish desire and what he did with his anger.

If you were Lucifer and you were angry at God for being banished from paradise and cast down to earth to roam unable to return home wouldn’t you be upset? Wouldn’t you hate God’s children that took so much attention from the Father? Whether the Angels were created as servants or children the effect is the same. Lucifer was created to be the most beautiful of all the Angels and his pride caused the rebellion and the fall. Attacking God’s children in Adam & Eve was a sure way to get God’s attention. Who is truly the angry one here? When you start feeling self-loathing, and anger, and hatred, who has the most to gain? Misery loves company, and if Satan, once the most beautiful of all God’s creations fell from grace never to return to perfection, that pride, that anger, that bitterness, no one wants to be alone. Satan draws you in to his own pain, and it’s not you, it’s him.

It’s Not Me It’s You

 Let’s get the story straight
You were a poison
You flooded through my veins
You left me broken
You tried to make me think
That the blame was all on me
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it’s not me it’s you (you)

It’s not me it’s you (you)
Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It’s you (you)
It’s not me it’s you (you)
All the lies and pain you put me through
I know that it’s not me it’s you

 

Satan chose to be King of the earth rather than a servant in Heaven. He has a legion of fallen Angels at his side and his anger, and cruelty and malice spread across the earth as a plague. The enemy and the legions that follow are in every ear, every whisper, every discouraging comment, and all the route of a single act of sinful pride. As Lucifer fell his turn to the dark side became complete. Any good that may have remained in him turned bitter, cold, in essence he became the antitheses of God, which God’s complete power. God’s grace, and love, and mercy for mankind, Lucifer turned Satan held the antitheses of these things, malevolence, hatred, and cruelty towards mankind. The perception that Satan was able to do a better Job then God himself led Satan to betray God, which of course God knew from the beginning. An angry child throwing a temper tantrum is how I put it before. Lucifer once hailed as the definition of beauty, now scorched and his anger fuels the hatred and rage that runs over all of us every day.

Yes I was a kid when so many horrible things happened to me, and then as time went on more things would happen in my adult life. I found myself angry, and bitter, and the monster that was inside of me longed to escape. While any reasonable person could look at my life and understand why I’d be angry, the truth is, anger isn’t healthy to hold on to. I was wrong for so many years to let it stick with me. I watched as that anger turned inward and became the root of my self worth’s destruction. I feel rejection deeply, a blow that can often bring me to my knees. As rejection has become such a big part of my life, I hurt deeply when it happens. I have a hard time not blaming myself when others feel the desire to walk away. My mind tells me it’s my fault no one loves me. My mind tells me it’s me, and I must be worthless. I’m not strong enough to manage the pain inside, and I’m weak for feeling this way. All lies.

Jesus Christ, the son of the Father, became sin so we would not have to bare the burden of death. Jesus was an act of love and mercy, and if we were not worthy of God’s love, if we were not important to God, we would not have been saved. We are the multitude of God’s creation, and we were so loved, meaning we were so important to God, that we were given the gift of Jesus Christ to pay our ransom, our very own individual ticket to Heaven. If we want to be angry, bitter, and full of hate, have you taken a moment to ask where that came from? Satan wants control, he wants us to feel the darkness that he has fully embraced. Satan wasn’t rejected because of who he was, he was rejected by himself. He choose to rebel against God of his own selfish pride. He may not have known the true ramifications of his actins, but with the multitude of millions of fallen angels around the world, it’s no wonder anger and hatred has spread. As we become more disconnected with God we don’t feel his grace and mercy like we once had. As we pass laws to criminalize the Christian faith, we will see the darkness continue to spread over the land.

There is hope however, knowing that Jesus Christ is more powerful than the world. Jesus is sovereign over the heavens and Satan while his rule on earth is temporary, which will never amount to anything in the end. All the souls lost have joined the eternal damnation that will follow. Again, misery loves company. It wasn’t enough that Satan doomed the legion of fallen angels to eternal destruction, but Satan wants you to join him. What are you really angry about? Are you angry that God didn’t give you that pony when you were 13?  Are you angry you missed out on that promotion at work, or that your spouse had an affair? If you’re going to be angry at anything be angry that Satan has his hands around your loved ones. Be angry that Satan fills this world with lies to fuel his own sick, demented desires. Be angry that Satan is taking lives meant for Heaven and dooming them into a pit of despair. It’s okay to be angry, just make sure you use that anger for the glory of God, and realize whom the true enemy is.

Don’t let anger consume you. Don’t walk the path of darkness, do not hold onto the hatred that fills your soul. As Yoda once said, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  If God, the one who created the Heavens and the Earth loved us so much, how can we be angry? We must lift up our hearts, to the one who holds the stars. We must trust in the goodness of this world because there is still light left. We must reject sin with malice. We must choose love over anger. Don’t be like me, don’t hold onto that anger for so long it stains the very core of your heart. Don’t allow anger to take up a permanent residence inside you. Feel the anger, and then let it go. Watch it leave with your breath, and allow the Holy Spirit to breathe inside you cleansing your spirit. Follow God’s word, Gods love, and live that love in your every day. While I have had just cause to be angry, what I didn’t have was the right to stay angry. Now I’m dealing with the self -loathing and self-doubt, and dealing with the stain is worse then getting spaghetti sauce on a white tablecloth. I have hated what I became, and as I kept it secret for many years, now it’s time to destroy that monster inside.

 We must understand that to fight the darkness, it’s to fundamentally change how we view the world. We must understand who we are in this place, and realize the world’s lies to us, and about us, do not define who we are. We must trust in God’s love, and not doubt our creator. If we believe that God is perfect, and His plan is perfect, then we must believe that we are exactly who we because it’s what God wanted. We have the choice how to allow the world to affect us, and if we choose to let the world lie to us, beat us down, make us angry, that’s a personal choice, and not what God wanted. Don’t get me wrong, anger is a healthy emotion, even Christ showed anger. God has displayed anger, and we too are given the emotion for a reason, but don’t allow that to consume you, to control you. You are in control of your emotions when you acknowledge them and deal with them. It’s okay to face the darkness, just don’t become the darkness.

Encouragement

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Encouragement

You might be going through so much today, broken hearted, jobless, health issues, family problems, no matter what you’re going through know that Psalm 118:24“Today is the Lord has made so be glad and rejoice in it.” We can worry ourselves sick, and we can stress over everything going on in our lives, but and I get it, it’s easy to forget the most important thing to remember, God is still on the Throne. I know what it’s like to see the worst humanity has to offer. I know what it’s like to face unknown health problems. I have been through two horrible divorces, so I know that there are days when the world seems like its going to fall down on your head. Rest assured it isn’t, and no matter how dark it may seem today, Jesus is always with you. If you feel you can’t make it, just start with baby steps. Realize that tomorrow is a tomorrow problem. If you can’t face tomorrow, face today. You are a child of the King, and you are royalty, made for a purpose. Jesus loves you, and as you are known before you took your first breath, know that God knows every hair on your head, and you are just the way He wants you to be. Tomorrow might look scary, and you may think there’s no way out of your current situation but there always is. God never sends us into a problem without the tools to fix it. God always equips us to handle any situation we may face. Sometimes that’s the people God puts in our path, sometimes it’s a song on the radio, but He always gives us what we need. It’s our job to go through life with an open heart, and a love of Jesus Christ, and trusting and having faith in our place with the Lord. No matter if our path is to beautiful streams, green pastures, or the valley of death, the Lord is with you always.

I have had my share of ups and downs, and lately the struggle of depression has been very real for me. I have questioned if I’d be alone for the foreseeable future, and I’ve wondered if my living situation would ever change. I have doubted my self worth, and I have questioned my place in this world. You aren’t weak if you ask yourself these things, or if you feel these things, you’re normal. Dealing with life can be difficult, but when you truly understand that Jesus is the Truth, The way, the life, we know that there is hope on the horizon. It can be hard to see sometimes, and through the pounding of the storm, it can most certainly be hard to hear, but know that Christ is walking next to you every step of the way. When we are at our lowest we often search for meaning, we want answers to why we’re suffering, and it’s simple, sinful world. Our suffering is caused by our own sin, the sin of others, or just nature. Christ overcame sin, and gave us something to look forward to. Remember though even in our salvation, is a story of pain and sacrifice. Jesus bore the cross, took the beating, faced the pain, and the ridicule so we wouldn’t die without hope. Who are we to think we won’t suffer a little along the way if our own savior suffered for us? The Apostles were without hope in this days and nights after Christ’s crucifixion. They were lost and discouraged, but the morning came on the third day and Christ returned. The doubts were laid to rest as they found he was truly resurrected. After that they went with hope, with love, and with confidence to face the world in which they would most surely die for what they would preach. They didn’t fear what would come, so why should we? We may not have been able to walk with Jesus, but Jesus walks with us, and is in our hearts if we only let Him change our lives. Jesus can heal a broken heart, can give us peace in the storms, and show us the way through the fire. All we are asked is not to be afraid, and be courageous. Find your strength in Christ, and never give up the fight.