The Christmas Fight

The Christmas Fight

To say the least this year has been a tough year. I have struggled with physical issues, issues at home, government agency issues, financial struggles, and more. In just the month of December I have faced the loss of a beloved therapy dog of 11 years, Cooper. I am facing the loss of my home for the last three years, my tent, my man cave, my bat cave, my studio in the great outdoors. After a recent storm, stitching has been damaged and is not able to be repaired. As I prepare for my upcoming surgery, I find myself struggling. I see the world on fire, Israel under attack, Christianity and a Biblical way of life under attack, and I have struggled to not get swept away. I have watched as Christmas has been so watered down, diluted by the Devil, that the meaning of Christmas is getting lost by the great majority. We are about to celebrate the birth of God the man, who was born of a virgin mother, carried for nine months and born in a little town called Bethlehem, Israel. We are about to celebrate the birth of a Jewish man 2020+ years old, in a place, that apparently the world says was only theirs since 1948. When you perpetuate a lie long enough people begin to believe it. I have been struggling with loss these last couple weeks, and through it all, through the hardships, concerns, stressors, I know that there is something more. I have prayed and wondered where the means would come from to replace the existing tent with a new one. I have prayed how I would receive a chair to sit in and recover for this extended recovery time. I have prayed how I would manage over the next nine months, BUT GOD, always has a plan. It’s so easy to get wrapped up on the world, that you forget to look to the one, the only one who can truly do anything about the struggles we go through. 

God has presented a path. We often expect when we follow God that the road is now a smooth path. I consider the tale of Christian in the Pilgrims Progress. A man walking and minding his own business as a good Christian should, when a man named Worldly steps in and shows him a much smoother more glorious looking path. Christian in his naivety follows the path, which nearly leads him to destruction. Our path as a Christian is hard, and uneven, rocky, hilly. Sometimes it will lead us to peaceful rivers, some meadows, and the mountain top, but also the valley. We must learn how to be prepared no matter where we find ourselves. Why people think the world will be an easier place full of prosperity and health and wealth I will never understand. One look at the Apostle Paul who gave up all his wealth and fame, prestige, in exchange for the beatings, the jail cells, the vipers, ship wrecks, did I mention the multiple beatings and stoning? This would all lead to his ultimate beheading, but it seems to me he got the better deal in the end. The Devil may give us all our earthly desires, the same he tempted Christ with, only to keep us from our Lord Jesus. Do we follow Jesus because of what is in it for us, or the fact we are wretched sinners, who deserve death, and Hell, and knowing his sacrifice for us, we can humble beyond our pride, and worship our creator, Lord and Savior? 

The simple fact is, Jesus is with me. He sent his Helper, the Holy Spirit to be with us, and I know that loosing Cooper, loosing my mobility, facing housing challenges, facing off against government agencies, I know the Lord is with me. The devil is trying hard to distract me, to pull me away from Jesus, but God’s grace is sufficient. God trains our fingers for war, and we are soldiers fighting on the front lines. We face off against the commercialism of Christmas. We face off against the lies of those who wish to bury Christianity, and all sense of rationalism. We face off against health and wealth gospels. But we must realize the battle is already won. The end of the story is written. Christ wins the day. And while the story was written when it started, for us it goes back a little more than 2020 years ago when time was split, and a concert was performed in the sky by a multitude of the Host of Heavenly Angels. A line in scripture we often graze over. A bunch of Angels appeared over the shepherds in the sky and sang about Jesus. 

Luke 2:8-14

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,

    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

This Host, a word that means Army, this Army of the heavenly angels gathered in the sky and sang a glorious concert over the shepherds. These angels stated the divinity of this baby boy. This king who humbled himself out of time, out of heaven, split time in two and took off his glory, and put on flesh, is not just a baby to be celebrated at Christmas, but every day. This baby, became a man, and bore our sins for us. This baby would take the punishment we deserve. This baby would take the beating, the ridicule, the humiliation, the torture, and would in the perfection of time, trade his life for ours. The God-Head prior to the death of Jesus had not experienced death, and for us, even though we didn’t deserve to be saved, He saved us. A loving God came to earth and was born of a poor family, lived a poor life, lost his earthly father at an early life, and had no place to lay his head. Jesus faced the humiliation of putting on this frail and fragile flesh, and allowed it to be broken for us, even though we are enemies of God. WE have since the fall of man, and continue to be guilty of cosmic treason, rebelling in our flesh against God. The Angels sang Glory to God in the highest, and said that the Messiah was Lord. There is no mistaking these words, Jesus and the father are and will always and have been one.

In just a couple days, we will gather with family and friends, we will open presents, and we will share food and laughs, but I ask this, please take a moment out of your day and have a solemn minute to thank God, to thank Jesus for enduring the cross for us. A loving God took upon the most painful experience known to man, the cross, and endured it in its entirety. This word crucifixion in which we get our word excruciating, was taking our place on that rugged cross. Jesus could have said in an instant, he was done with us, done with that cross, and he could have said “I don’t want to do this anymore!” Come off that cross and wiped us off the face of the earth. He instead said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He could have not finished the work on the cross knowing we would continue to sin against a righteous and holy God. Instead, he gave up his life for us. He came into time for us. He split time itself, BC/AD, for us. He fulfilled the law, redeemed God’s people, and grafted the gentiles into the heavenly family. 

God has blessed me with much and I know to be grateful for what I have. Has this year been difficult, absolutely, but I know that as a soldier I will struggle. I know that this life isn’t made for us to have it easy, but instead, learn to fight the fight. Learn to turn to God. Scripture never says follow me and all things will be made easy. No, in fact, it says, take up your cross daily, deny yourself, do not be conformed of this world, take up no earthy treasures. As Christians continue to fight the good fight against false teachers, hate, crime, discrimination, and war. I ask you to keep your focus on the light of the world. Take time to see Jesus in this world. As Boromir said (LOTR) “Yes, there is weakness. There is frailty. But there is courage also, and honor, to be found in Men.” Do not lose hope, for even though it seems dark, and hopeless, it is not. Jesus said, “take heart for in this world you will have tribulations, but I have overcome the world.” John 16:33. 

This is a birthday, so let us celebrate it. Let us remember the true meaning of Christmas. It wouldn’t be Christmas without an honorable mention. I have grown in my faith and as such, I have attempted to scale back the use of Santa in my decorations. While I do not begrudge Santa, I am reminded of how Coca-Cola changed the image of Santa. I am reminded of the movie “Miracle on 34th Street” When the spirit of Christmas became so commercial, it has a famous line in the movie. The real Santa, Saint Nicholas, of Asia Minor was known to be particularly generous to children in need. There are dozens of stories of his kindness and generosity. The truth, he was imprisoned for his faith. He also is said to have punched a heretic in the face for speaking falsely about God. The true memory of Santa is something to be read about and celebrated. While I do enjoy the occasional movie about Santa, let us remember the real Santa knew Jesus and exhalated Christ. Let us remember this is about the birth of our savior, not the toys, and baubles. It’s about the miracle of a virgin birth, a child entering by woman, grown from an embryo, in the fullness of time, Jesus was born the God/Man. Let us have a safe and very Merry CHRISTmas. Let us put the Christ back in Christmas. Let us celebrate this Jewish man, born over 2000 year ago, in a place ravaged by war and strife today. I am broken hearted this Christmas, but I know Jesus holds my tears, and one day, I will cry no more tears, will suffer no more, because of the life that started as a little baby born, who’s cry broke 400 years of silence. Praise God, thankful to our King, Lord, and Savior. 

Merry CHRISTmas to all, and may blessings be upon you. 

The Battle Continues 

The Battle Continues: 

It’s been well over a decade since an excited and scared kid ended up in the Middle East. He was filled with honor and duty. He thought he could single handedly save the day, or die in a blaze of glory. The truth was much less glorious. The days were long and hot, and difficult to the core of his being. The time for training was over, and the realization that every day could be the last on Earth, didn’t escape him. The desert heat and the sand that came with was a constant reminder he wasn’t in Michigan anymore. The constant bang of outgoing artillery, along with the sound of helicopters, and then the not so occasional incoming mortars and rockets kept the adrenalin at an unhealthy but necessary high. Was he broken already, because his fight or flight seemed to be. He barely winced when the explosions occurred at random throughout the day. At one point several months in that dingy and dirty place, he was on the roof, the faint pops of incoming rounds and yet, he stood tall upon the building, watching the rounds fall from the sky and the impacts causing dust and debris to fill the air. What was wrong with him, that these things didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. Months prior less than a month into the deployment a well-planned ambush locked his crew in a dangerous game of surviving the maze. The enemy was ready and planned the route, a kill box. A few hundred to two. Two trucks against a couple hundred of well-armed insurgents. With IED’s *Road Side Bombs, set in wait, along with hundreds of armed men and even some women with shoulder fire rockets *RPG’s, and rifles. What hope could a couple trucks have against multiple city blocks of the house of terrors? The answer would come in the most unusual way. Psalm 144:1-2 “Blessed be the Lord my Rock,

Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle— 2 My lovingkindness and my fortress,

My high tower and my deliverer, My shield and the One in whom I take refuge, Who subdues my people under me.” My fingers and hands were indeed trained for war, and in the middle of the battle I felt as if a presence had taken over my hands, guiding me, showing me how to get out of the kill zone. A sense of peace in the middle of the battle took hold of me. While there were screams of war surrounding me, and the sounds of weapons fire, explosions, and a dying truck, peace was with me. Holy Spirit, Angel sent by the Lord, I can’t say, but I know we were delivered by God from the midst of battle. The battle wages on in my head on a regular basis, but not so much as the fateful day when the world changed, the scars left behind would forever alter that kid who went to war as a kid, but would emerge something else. 

“War is Hell” (Sherman) This seems so simplistic yet, real. War never really leaves us. “War, it doesn’t leave you. It… It can, it can bury itself, but it’s, it’s always there.” (Christine Chapel, ST. SNW) 

War, leaves a mark, one that most cannot see. The things soldiers see in the course of their duty is that of nightmares, things we have become desensitized too in our lives due to Hollywood. Those who choose to wear the uniform bare the burdens of nightmares, and emotional scars, so that others may not have too. Freedom comes at a high price, and love it, or hate the politics involved, some bullies need to be stopped. Some battles must be waged by those who can, to protect those who can’t. The time to act was put before us, and no matter the truth as to why we were there, we were in fact there. The politics, and the reasons no longer mattered when the mission had become survive and to the best you can to impact your area in the most positive way possible. Attempt to bring peace and prosperity to where you were. Scripture says “18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18. Some days, the war comes to you, it hurts, it breaks you, and leaves you down on the floor, wondering how, why, did it all come to this? 

The destruction of one Humvee is always a risk, one that the higher ups deemed as an acceptable one. The missions came daily, and all we soldiers could do was hope they were worth it. The explosion rings in my mind every day. The sight of the plomb of black smoke, one tan door a hundred feet into the sky, and a soldiers worst nightmare became reality. Four dead. What happened in those hours would both destroy lives, and create a new family. Tragedy often brings people together in ways that still surprises me. How do we get through such gruesome and tragic endings? Time, prayer, and family. War leaves a mark, and it never leaves. Some days, something comes to mind and it picks at the wounds, causing it to bleed, to tear open, and there is often little comfort. 

Psalm 23

23 The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

We cannot change the past, and we cannot ignore it either. When the days come that the war comes back, we must give it, it’s due. We must acknowledge it, see it for what it is, and deal with it accordingly. Finding peace in tragedy is one of the hardest things a soldier will do. The training of a soldier is to change that person, train them to do the things that are opposite to human nature. Self-preservation is built into a personal DNA, yet a soldier will often run towards danger, stand tall, fight. A soldier will put those feelings into a box and put that box under lock and key in a closet with another door and lock, all to face the danger in front of them, and to be able to do so effectively. Soldiers, firefighters, police, doctors and nurses, all face these kinds of things. How does someone see their friends blown up, see the wreckage and sleep at night? Time, and effort, therapy, and prayer. There is no cure for the battle, but we can train ourselves to face the new type of warfare. The training to be a soldier takes a long time, sometimes years, but the truth is, you’ll never stop being a soldier, not really. Learning how to be something more when the soldering is done, takes a lot of time, and effort, but there is hope, because while you will never stop being a soldier, there is a way to be more. We are not defined by just one thing in our lives, parent, child, graduate, soldier, spouse, Christian. Psalm 23, a man, a soldier, a shepherd, a king, a husband, father, adulterer, murderer, judge, a man after God’s own heart, David held many tags for his life. How do we survive the trials and tribulations in life? Faith. We must have faith that God the Father is in control on the throne. We must have faith that our pain is not in vein. We must trust that while Satan often means things for our harm, for the Christian, God can and will use everything we go through for good. Will we stumble and fall? Sure we will. Will we have days when the PTSD hits us strong like a heavy weight punch to the face, absolutely. But through it all, scripture gives us all we need. Romans 5:1-5 5 “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” 

Life isn’t going to be an easy time as a Christian. Sometimes we must fight the good fight. Sometimes we must put on the war vest and do our best to bring peace. Sometimes we have to stand up for those who can’t stand for themselves. No matter the battles, the hardships, the trials, we know we have a King, a Lord, a Savior who understands, and is there with us. We know the vail was torn and we have a direct line to the God of the Universe and we can turn to seek his face any time, day or night. We know that he is with us, and we will never be alone. We know he will never leave, nor will He forsake us. And we know that when we seek his forgiveness in true repentance, we will be forgiven. While we were soldiers, we who follow Christ, are both soldiers of our country, but also soldiers for Christ, the General of the Fathers army of Angels and men. We are part of the war for souls, and we are called to go forth, make disciples, baptize in His *Jesus name. We are called to fight the good fight. How do we carry on from war, we realize that one war is over, and the next begins. We fight for Jesus, and he fights for us. We sacrifice for Jesus, because he sacrificed for us. We seek his face, because he sought ours. We are strong not of our own will, but the strength He gives to us. He gives us refuge when we need refuge. He corrects us when we are wrong, holds us when we weep. 

Take the battle one day at a time, and put your assurance upon the Lord of Lords. Cast your burdens upon him, and he will guide you. We were not given a spirit of fear, but one of Courage. Fight the good fight, and never give up, and never surrender. 

At Years End 2022

The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.

Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.

The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?

2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”

Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.

Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.

Finding Value

You will never be able to please everyone. You will not always be valued by everyone. You may question your own value, your own place in this world. You may feel like you’re all alone in a sea of people. You may downplay your worth. You may feel ignored or pushed aside. The truth is, this isn’t uncommon. These attacks of spiritual warfare are designed to wedge between you and the Father. No matter how you feel, the reality is sinners cannot be the determining factor of your value. Sinners will always let you down, and fail you. Our value comes from Christ alone. We have value only because Christ values us. It’s the love Christ gives to us that makes us valuable. There is sentimental value on us even though we are enemies of God. It’s here we find ourselves. Not by which the world says we have value, which is selfish idol worship, but rather in the Love the Father gives knowing every intricate part of us, since He knitted us together and knew us before the formation of the universe. Do not fall victim to the fancy and shiny lure of the world, but understand what true love is, what true love looks like. That’s where you’ll find your real worth, your real value. That’s where you will find true love.

Sufficient Is Gods Grace

Sufficient Is Gods Grace

Today I wake and sore is my body. The work of the day prior has left muscles aching, the rice Krispie’s snap in my body as things crackle and pop. The pain is real but as I slowly get out of bed, I begin to ponder and be mindful of my body. I consider the life of Paul, and I consider his aches and pains in his life. When he was a young man he was adorned in the highest quality clothing, he ate the highest quality of foods, but how quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 22:20 “And when the blood of Your martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by consenting to his death, and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.’

For what it was worth, Saul had a life of peace, and wealth. He would have access to the best doctors and healthcare of the time. It would seem to me that he would have had a nice house, and all the creature comforts money could buy. How quickly that changed for him. 

Acts 9:19-22 (ESV) For some days he was with the disciples at Damascus. 20 And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is the Son of God.” 21 And all who heard him were amazed and said, “Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon this name? And has he not come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests?” 22 But Saul increased all the more in strength, and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ.

We see Saul, converted to Paul, speaking to the Jews, and not only doing a good job, but was proving to them that Jesus was the Christ. His discomfort in life started right away after his conversion. He was once a beloved Jewish leader, and how quickly he went from loved, to having a bounty put on his head, as in verse 23 is says the Jews plotted to kill him. Now Paul manages to escape this death plot, but only a short time later Paul in Acts 14:19-23 shows he would not be able to run forever, and he would indeed be stoned. An event that would kill most people. This would have left his body, bruised, battered, likely bleeding, if not broken. Next we see Paul placed in prison in 16:16-24. This would have likely led to Paul being beaten not only in Prison, but during that section of scripture we see they are dragged, and likely here, beaten also. 

Acts 18:8 Paul is again attacked and brought to a tribunal. After being attacked by the crowd Paul would be released. 

Acts 21:27- Paul is imprisoned again, brought before the tribunal, and offers his testimony. Yet another plot to kill him is born in Acts 23. Paul is still imprisoned making his plea to take his case before Cesar, but in the mean time he is kept in bondage. While on his way, he is shipwrecked on Malta. While on the island he is bitten by a viper that by all means should have killed him. 

Paul is imprisoned several times, stoned, beaten, bitten by a viper, ship wrecked, and I can only assume his body hurt. I can only picture the beatings, and the whippings he received. During his time it wasn’t like there was Acetaminophen, or Ibuprofen to help the pain. Infections, and poorly healed bones were very common in those days. Even with the pain, and the trials, and the suffering God had promised, Paul remained steadfast in his beliefs. Paul gave up his comfortable life for what he knew to be the truth. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

God’s grace is sufficient. What are we looking for in life? Are we looking for the nice house, the fast car, the money, or women? Are we looking for power, and fame? Are you hurt in some way and in that pain you cry foul? Do you think your infirmities are unfair? I have often looked to soldiers whos lives were changed during the war. I look to see them missing a leg, or an arm, or worse. I have seen people with mental disorders, autism, cerebral palsy, or other. I look around the world and see the suffering of people every day. Our sinful worldly mind says “that’s not fair.” As Severous Snape would say to Harry Potter, “Life isn’t fair.” Now you may find this surprising but the term fair in the Bible never refers to fair as in equitable, but rather fair as in beautiful. If we were to get what’s fair, meaning equitable we would be doomed to face the fate of death forever. Romans 6:23 ESV “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

Paul knew this, and even though he suffered, as we see in James 1:2-3 ESV 2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” Paul and the others knew suffering in the name of the Lord was an accepted reality. They did not cry that it was unfair, but rather, if anything was unfair, it would have been the need for Jesus to die because of my filthy sins. We do not get in this life what is equitable, or fair, but instead we are saved by grace, through faith, in Jesus Christ alone. IF we got what was fair we would all burn in the lake of fire for all eternity. Is physical pains and aches, fair? Sure it is, because we live in the world of sin, and nothing we face would be as bad as Job, or Jesus. WE see in scripture everything Job went through, and never blames God for it, but remains faithful. We stub our toe on the bed and blame God for putting the bed in our life. We get hurt in relationships and like Adam, “the woman YOU gave me, forced me to do it.” We blame God. We have such short and ungrateful memories that if we’d truly get what we deserve we’d get swallowed up by the Earth and forgotten to the sands of time. 

I’m not saying being in pain is fun, both physical or emotional, but I am saying it’s a part of this life. Can you be in hope that in Heaven there is no more pain, no more suffering? If you are looking towards Heaven and think how wonderful it would be, make sure you know that Jesus will be there. Make sure the Heaven you want is the one with Jesus because if not, the heaven you think you will get too will not be anything you were expecting. The one and only way to Heaven is to know Jesus Christ. The realize you are a wretched sinner, dead in your sins, and we are nothing without Christ. That Christ died on the Cross as an atonement for our sins, and took our place. He rose on the 3rd day fulfilling prophecy, and comes to Judge the living and the dead. Jesus bore our sins, so we wouldn’t get what was coming to us. Jesus who knew no sin, who was perfect in the full sense of the word, took on God’s righteous wrath to punish sinners, and in his death and resurrection, we see that His grace is truly sufficient for us. Our life here in this world is a hard one, but nothing compared to what Jesus bore for us. Our life here is but a vapor, and for those who truly know Christ, will pass through this world, that is not our own, that we are born again, and given citizenship of Heaven, a place of perfection, with no pain, or suffering. A place, where with Jesus we will experience endless Joy. So, is the pain you feel worth it, for just a little while? Does it mold you and guide you to Christ, and to live a more sanctified life? If I suffer in pain for 40 years, it’s a small price to pay to even remotely suffer in this life as Christ did. Paul suffered for the Lord, and did so with a glad heart. Most of us, even those who have seen combat and divorce, and physical and emotional struggles, most of us wouldn’t know true suffering if it bit us on the rear. Go through this life without complaint, without murmuring, and as James said, count it all joy to suffer for Christ. 

A collection

Busy:

Busy busy our lives are

So fast goes the clock, so fast the sun moves till it’s dark.

Where did the time go, all the work, the day slips by.

We run and run, appointments, and clean, eat, and work.

Ding goes the phone, a message to glance at. But busy busy, no time.

Sleep comes, and flies by.

Jingle jingle goes the alarm. Check the phone, and off we go.

No time to reply, we must go go go.

Days go by, and busy still, so so busy.

Scrolling through facebook, post this, post post that.

Bills, and work, cook, and sleep.

Buzz buzz, the phone says a message. A glance, but to busy to reply.

Tick Tock:

The time tick by, work, and t-ball, lunch, and laundry, post post to Facebook, online for a bit, then off to sleep. Days days, and weeks to months. How quickly it goes, but all the days, and nights, who’s over there? Who’s on the other end? Tick-tock we can’t go back, the time goes by, who’s there? Ring ring, goes the phone, no answer, no answer. Too busy, or unimportant….. ring ring, but silent, empty, no answer, no nothing.

PSA: Please remember that not everyone is vocal about their struggles. Some struggle in silence. As a nation we don’t like to talk about mental health very much. We don’t like to talk about depression, bi-polar, anxiety, etc. Some people truly suffer in silence. They may go to work, go to their kids games, even have a social media presence, but please know, millions truly do suffer in silence. Be kind, tell your friends you love them. Tell your family how much you appreciate them. Keep showing up and speaking love into the lives of those you interact with. Life’s far too short for us to simply stay in our lane with blinders on.

Faith:

Faith doesn’t always come easily. When times are good, it’s simple to be thankful and happy. When times are bad however, how quickly do we loose our faith in God. We faultier when relationships end, when sickness comes, or when a loved one is taken from us. It is in these times I myself have fallen short of the cross. I have lost sight of who the Father is. Anger, frustration, confusion, and so many other emotions can cause us to forget that Gods will is perfect. God is sovereign. Will we understand? No probably not. But we live in a fallen world. We live in a place that was corrupted and remains corrupted by the blackness of sin. Jesus lost his earthly father at a young age, so we know he understands our pains. Jesus was forced to leave home at the age of two. He lived abroad away from his people in a land not of his own. He understands our sufferings. Faith built on Jesus is built on the rock. It’s foundation should be strong. Do not let this world, do not let Satan, fracture your foundation or tear you away from God the father. Hold strong through the storms. You are not alone in your struggles.

Sometimes:

Sometimes people move on, they don’t call anymore, or write, or text. Sometimes this comes gradually, or all at once. Does this hurt? Sure it does. Sometimes people change, they change their views, their priorities, their opinions, their faith, does it hurt? Sure. Sometimes people you once knew, turn their backs and walk away. Sometimes people talk behind your back. But, sometimes there are friends who stick by you through thick and thin. Sometimes a friend calls out of the blue to just see how you’re doing. Sometimes a friend sends a card, or a text just to say hello. No matter where you are, on any of these things, remember that while we were but sinners, enemies to God, Jesus gave his life to pay the ransom for our sins, our transgressions. WE cannot hope to be perfect, and nor can we expect sinful people to be so. People hurt people because we are hurting. Our sin drives us to make horrible choices, sinful, selfish, dark choices. It is in our sins we find the failings in others, but also in ourselves. While we will be hurt by others, it is vital to our own spiritual health, to forgive those who trespass against us. We must forgive as our savior asked for our forgiveness to what we had done. In our short comings we must fall on our knees, repent, turn from our sinful ways, and beg God for forgiveness. We must never forget what was done on the cross for us, and as such, the next time someone turns from you, walks away, or just isn’t the friend they should be, forgive, and be gracious. Love all, and pray for your enemies. Never loose sight of the one relationship that matters most, Jesus loves you, and was a willing sacrifice so we might live.

Starving:

I eat and yet I am hungry. I drink, and yet I thirst. The addict gets their fix but a hunger, a craving that comes back, time and time again. We are driven by our sin, the lusts of the flesh. We want the worldly things, from women, to power, money, toys, fame, and whatever else you can think of. But it’s more than that isn’t it? It’s wanting to be liked. It’s wanting to be accepted. It’s not wanting to be alone. There is so much of this world we hold onto, but it leaves us what? Wanting more. It reminds of the pirates from “Pirates of the Caribbean” and in it Barbossa says this “But the more we gave them away, the more we came to realize. The drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, nor the company in the world would harm or slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were. But now, we are consumed by it.” Aren’t we consumed by our very sin? In fact, Jesus says this John 4:13-14 “13 Jesus answered, Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” Let us never grow weary of taking in the Holy Spirit. Let us never forget what and who is with us every day. Let us never forget what the world has to offer is but temporary, but that from God is eternal.

Silence Shattered

The silence shattered by the sound of silence. The raindrops of thoughts and feelings hitting the tin roof inside your mind. The quiet shattered with no peace. The lost, the pull of the world, teasing and tempting medicine. What makes the pain go away? What makes the cold bearable? The eyes that burn with what the world offers. How can one fight? How can one turn their backs on so much? The sounds of the self medicated ? The sounds of the drugs that pull at your veins. The sounds of your tongue craving the drink. How do we turn from the cold loneliness of the empty bed? Just one night of lust, just one night of puffs. Just one jacket from the store, just one more hand of cards, just one more. The lies planted in the brain, still remains, within the sounds of lies. In the cold and damp, the shiver in the night.

Do you not know the lies grows, the cancer spreads, it cannot be contained. The hurt, the pain, the suffering we self medicate turns to rot we leave inside us. The darkness, a cancer grows.

I am dead in my darkness. I am dead with no hope. The darkness spreads suffocating me. The waves crashing over me. The hope is gone, the solitude inside my mind filled by voices, the world calling at my cravings. The screams bellow inside my mind suffocated, the air taken from my lungs. On the outside calm and cool, who would know? Who’s gonna know the turmoil inside? Fear, doubt, disbelief, weights that hold. What if there is no God, or Jesus? What if this is all there is? I don’t need that God, the god of rules. I don’t need anyone. I walk alone, I need no one.

The serpent whispers the lies, the temptation seems like good fruit to eat. The waves crash upon me, lie after lie. Worse the lies I tell myself. I cannot swim, I cannot feel, I cannot see my way out.

So many lost in their sins. So many lost in doubts and the path they walk. How can we escape? How can we find a better way? Jesus. Jesus is not just a way of life but the only way to the father. Jesus is the replacement who took our punishment for our imperfect sinful nature. He gave up his life for us. He paid the ransom for our souls. The whole inside our hearts we try to fill, the pain we have, the hopelessness we feel, Jesus heals. We need not walk alone if we let Jesus in. We can have hope, and we can have the one true light, to shine upon the monsters inside. We need not suffer for nothing, but rather allow Jesus in to make us better, to show us a different way, a better way not within the sick and diseased darkness of this world. Jesus, the only way to the father, the path to our father in Heaven, rather than the prince of darkness. The struggles are real, the pain of sin is real, but there is real hope. Jesus, the friend of sinners, the light of the world, the great physician, the perpetuation of our wretchedness. Let go of the fear, doubts, and disbelief for the truth of Christ. Trade pain for hope. Hate for love. Anguish, for peace.

THE SILENCE GROWS

The silence grows

I write to you, even pour out feelings, but met with silence. I took the time, I write and write. Day after day, I take my time to beak the silence as I reach out to you. So many out, and nothing in return. Years of building relationships. Years of extensive, extending a hand in friendship. Picking up the phone from every call and message. I extended my wallet, my ear, my trust, my heart, and now it’s silence. A fool I’ve been, I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want too perhaps, my kindness used and abused. In my own time of need you were no where to be found. How could I have been so blind. The years of darkness I felt, suddenly creeps back in. The seeds fall and grow choking the life and happiness from my life. Abandoned yet again, the flash in my mind, as history repeats itself. Broken on the floor the tears just won’t flow. I do not know why, or how I got here. The color fades to black and white, the hurt a crushing feeling that buries in shame. The darkness settles in like an old friend. Must I say goodbye? Must I feel such loss yet again? Is this natures pruning? Did I mean so little to so many? Was I a convenience at the time, and without warning or word, expendable? History it seems repeated again. What have I learned? How to break, how to hurt. I’ve learned so much and yet again, here I am. The lessons seem to fade to mist. What can I do, when I reach for you, I reach and reach, into the darkness. I reach and lunge but like casting the fishing line, it comes up empty, every time. I see you there, you’re always around, but my hand you don’t take, a reach into the folly.

You’re not my enemy, I pray for you, I drop

to my knees and wish happiness upon you. I ask nothing of you except friendship. I have heard your tears. I’ve listened to your screams. You even once, heard mine. So close, but now ships passing on a fog filled night. Should I let go? Should I call out louder? Will my cries be heard? If you wanted to talk wouldn’t you reach out? What should I do? A broken heart makes poor choices. But, it isn’t just broken, but angry. Years and years of open roads. The pouring out of memories, feelings, thoughts, and now the road ends, the road I’d taken for years, can no longer be traveled. An absence, and yet a carrot dangled in front of me, teasing me, a sign, or is it?

I place so much in all the wrong places. I crave acceptance. I crave being wanted, and needed by others. I crave feeling important. I place that up high, an endless race I could never win. How many must I loose before I see the truth? How many must walk away before I find my value elsewhere? I walk miles upon miles seeking what I could never have. A hollow hole, unable to be filled. Jesus set me free from this cycle I find myself in. Jesus set me free from this pain. These shackles bind me and break me. Jesus be my chain breaker and show me a better way. Heal these wounds of the ages, and heal my broken heart. Jesus heal me and light my way home. Jesus my heart hurts, broken from saying goodbye. Jesus you pieced me together atom by atom, cell by cell. You’ve watched me grow, suffer, laugh and cry. Jesus you know my heart is breaking to pieces. Jesus lift me up and dry my tears. Take me out of this place and show me my value in you. Jesus show me that there’s more then this. Jesus my light on the hill, my shepard come find me, a lost sheep in the wilderness. I cannot do this on my own. I am fragile but strong. My heart breaks but I am not broken. I hurt, but I do not crumble to the ground. Jesus my rock, the rock, my foundation, my anchor in the storm, you save me when my sails are torn, and the keel creaks in the rough waters of this storm. Jesus my Lord, Jesus my light, dry my tears and guide me back, guide me to safety, my Lord. I cannot do this without you. I cannot stay in the darkness. I cannot stay in the silence. I long for Harold of the angels. I crave the sound of the choir of Heaven. I seek your face my Lord, I seek you in the darkness, lift me up, save me, save me from myself, this world, this hurt. Show me the blessings, so many abound around me. Teach me to number my days, so I may grow a heart of wisdom. Teach me to manage when I’m at the still waters, the green meadows, or the shadow of death. In you I trust my Lord. You hear my cries, deliver me from this toil.Free me. To you I pray.

What Flows In Our Veins

What Flows In Our Veins

I suppose this is a question everyone faces at some point, or they don’t, I don’t really know; What flows through my veins. For a long time, I have wondered, questioned, pined for a place in this world. For years I hoped for a way to be remembered, but have found it isn’t about me. I am literally no one. I am a nobody without Christ. My works here in this life don’t matter if they aren’t for the Glory of God. My works mean nothing without the acknowledgment of the salvation I am graced with if it weren’t for the Blood of Jesus. When my wife left, I went to a dark place, and I fell to the darkest of pits I didn’t know existed. With the light of God, I crawled my way out, but a fall like that doesn’t happen without leaving its mark. I would be left with scars both physical and emotional. I would be faced with a new path, and with that new path, a purpose left in question. I have talked often about being the clay and allowing God to mold you. (Be God’s Lego & Be God’s Lego 2). I have spoken often about finding your ministry, and allowing your spiritual gifts to guide you to where you are supposed to be. It’s funny though that tonight, tonight I would find myself seeking answers as my path has become so clouded, I no longer have a direction. At the very lowest point, the very foundation, I know that my purpose is to serve God no matter what I end up doing, but as far as what that is I have no idea. Long term, I have my dreams, my instincts on purpose, but in the here and now, the more immediate path, I feel as if I’m floundering in the open water on a stormy night, not sure what way to swim. 

I am trying to find what seems like a temporary Job, trying to be proactive, but in itself seems to be more of a struggle then I ever thought it would be. Someone asked me what I’m looking for, and to be honest I have no idea. I’m finding that my degree is relatively worthless in the short term. I’m finding that I have neither the skill or mastery to narrow down a path. I have years and years of security service, but as far as my passion goes, I have little to none to remain in the security field. I have some medical training and a desire to be helpful, but not enough to mean anything in the short term. I have a passion and a knowledge of the outdoors such as hiking, camping, etc, but while it’s enough to survive and get through, it’s not a mastery. And sadly, outdoors survival skills, mostly military and personal experience, doesn’t offer much opportunity for a job, especially in this day and time. I have a passion to help veterans, but as I am no longer a chaplain the opportunities are minimal. To be a crisis counselor it requires a master’s degree or higher, and sadly my area is not a big area of opportunities for that kind of work with veterans. I worked in retail for a few years, but it would not be recommended any longer due to physical limitations. So, where does that leave me? The truth is I don’t know. I have no mastery, or a specific set of skills or talent that leads me anywhere in specific. Now is not the time to build a photography business, and while I love teaching and preaching, that path has not yet been laid out before me. And, as with many things, that’s a long-term path, not a short term. While I have even looked at teaching first aid and CPR, the training for that takes one, money, and two, time, time I don’t have. So, I have come back to a single question, “God, what would you have me do?” 

I think we all get to these points, these questions in our lives. In the last several weeks since the onset of the Covid-19 Pandemic, I have seen hardships, heartbreaks, blood, sweat and tears, and realized that while my path is cloudy, I am still immensely blessed. While we all have hardships, and struggles, everyone has something they are going through and working out. I have seen and endured far more than I’m going through now, but that does not detract from its difficulty. I shall then, put my trust in God to show me the path when it’s time. I know that perhaps there are other reasons I am not being shown the way just yet. There are infinite possibilities that I cannot ignore, and trust that when all the pieces are where they need to be, I will be placed where I need to go. I will keep in mind Gods ways are not my ways, they are beyond my understanding and comprehension, and I must trust, and lean not unto my own understanding. I must have faith and be content with where I am, and trust that tomorrow is a new day, and anything can change between now and then. I must trust and have faith, and in constant prayer, turn to the Lord my God to deliver me from the spiritual attacks of the Devil, and believe that I will rest tonight being covered under the protection of Angel’s wings. I trust that my hands are prepared for war, and when the time comes I shall battle the enemy and be ready for what may come. I know that I am forged in fire, tempered and treated for the days ahead. I know that everything I am not is melted away, smelted like gold. I know that my salvation is secured by the Blood of Christ which was a debt paid for me, ransomed for my very soul. I know I am redeemed by the blood, and this life is but a temporary speck in the new glorified body that awaits me. I know one day I will kneel at the foot of the judgment seat, and answer for everything I have done, said, thought, and felt, and I will have no excuse but to ask for forgiveness in the eyes of my King. I am not worthy of such love, or grace, or mercy, but given to me freely, in which my sins are washed away, upon my repentance and plea for forgiveness. I know that hardship comes in this diseased, fallen, sinful world, in which awful things befall all who live here. This world knows death for this world is not Glory, but the proving ground for what’s to come. I do not know my place in this world, but I know my place with God. I do not know my gift in this world, but I know the gift that saved the world. Today will pass into memory, and perhaps tomorrow, and the next, but a day will come when the path is made clear, and the answers shall be revealed. Till that day comes, I find myself in prayer, and wonder, questioning, and praying, telling God what rests upon my heart. Perhaps a letter just to express myself, a few words on a white computer screen, just to make sense of what’s in my own head. Alas, I know I am a child of the one true King, the only way to the father Jesus Christ, the narrow path that only a few will travel, I will buckle my straps, tighten my breastplate, sharpen my sword, dig in my sandals, and prepare for the war to come. I shall fear no evil for the Lord is with me, and no matter where I roam, I am never alone. 

Who Are You Today?

Who Are You Today?

I was thinking about the story of the Potter and the Clay. I was also thinking about the enemy and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that all of us are facing challenges in this life, this new normal of being forced to lock down in our homes. I know that all of us are trying to find ways to deal with the isolation, the lack of finances, the lack of church, the lack of work, and the lack of anything else you can think of. I have been wondering, myself included who am I today? Are we falling apart in these troubled times? Are we bonding together to be stronger? Are we becoming someone the enemy fears, or are we becoming someone the enemy cheers? If we are truly clay, who are we allowing to shape us? I know that a tool like any other in the wrong hands can be used as a weapon. As Bruce Wayne once said “One man’s tool is another man’s weapon” (Dark Knight Rises). 

I have often wondered why so many bad things happened to me as a child. I wondered why so many awful and hurtful things happened to me as an adult. I realized some of those things where of my own doing even in a passive sense. In many those things I blamed God for my troubles, not always for causing them, but allowing them to happen. I have faced challenges, and even when I haven’t gotten them right, I’ve realized that for every challenge faced there is an opportunity. That being said, “God only knows the real you.” (God Only Knows, by for King and Country). Since we all have a face that we hide away, the potter is the one that knows us best. That being said, we can be shaped by one of two potters. We can be shaped by Satan, or Jesus. 

We are all facing things we never thought would happen, or things we could never think to prepare for. Our behavior shows who we are and what kind of person we’ve become. In these days are you behaving in a way that would make the enemy fearful? We cannot see what’s in someone’s heart, but we can make an educated guess based on a person action. It’s said in the Christian walk a person’s witness is so important because we outwardly represent Christ. A persons walk shouldn’t be impacted by the sins and mistakes of a person, but sadly that’s not the world we live in. People believe that those who follow a religion are a representation of that religion. 

IF I were a drunk, an abusive man, cruel, and yet on Sunday I’m in church sitting the pew and praying the prayers, am I a good representation of Christ? No, of course not. If someone saw me they would have a negative thought of Christianity. With so much idol time on people’s hands, and with social media being all the buzz, it’s more important than ever to watch what we say, watch what we do, and check ourselves and our actions. IS what we are doing bringing Glory to the Father, or are we making things easier for Satan and his army? We have a choice to change how we act, how we talk, what we post, how we deal with people, and even the support we show one another. 

Life has thrown us all challenges, and while we are struggling with our own problems, we must remember that first; We are not alone in this walk. Jesus is with us every step of the way. Second, we are called to be there for one another baring one another’s burdens. We are also told that we are responsible for ourselves and our own actions. 

Galatians 6:7-10 “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” 

We have a responsibility to our homes, and our brothers and sisters. We have a responsibility to own up to our mistakes and in doing so, we face who we are. In the last several weeks I’ve seen a lot of selfish response to the crisis gripping our world. I’ve seen a lot of decisions made based on fear and ignorance, We all need to take a step back, relax, and evaluate how to manage our struggles. We’re all in this together and we need to encourage and lift one another. WE all have an opportunity to grow, and we should spend more time loving on one another, and of course most important, growing in Christ. 

Today, if I’m honest I’m hurting. The days are long and run together. The struggle to see what I see and manage the impending challenges is a mountain and a half. I have found myself spending the day listening to Christian music, and praying to take this thorn from my life. I know that in all things I must find contentment, Philippians 4:11 (NKJV) “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content:” I have been praying to the Lord to let me say the word and have the mountain jump from my path. I am not a foolish man, but regardless that I know the truth and that this is a mountain I must walk, I still tell my Father my hearts desires. The heartbreak I feel, and the impending storm brews in the distance, I can hear the thunder, and as Kylo Ren says “I know what I must do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it” (Star Wars). Will I have the strength to get through this? I have prayed to God to continue to give me the strength, to renew my strength, to build upon my faith and increase both. Today I feel like I’m weak and I know that I’m not, but the spiritual attacks are heavy. I know that Jesus is my chain breaker, my way maker, and I know that Jesus has set me free of the chains that held me, and I know that Father above hears me, hears my cries, hears my heart cracking, and I know that I will not be alone in this fight, but rather I know I will have Christ by my side. I know there’s a crack in my armor, but I know as the flaming arrows are landing all around me Christ stands next to me guarding me with his Shield. I will make it through this, and I know when I do, it’ll be by the grace and mercy of Jesus, not of my own doing. On bended knee, I lift my prayers to the King of Kings, the Great Healer, The Chain Breaker, The Savior, The Right Hand of the Father, Jesus Christ. 

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