Tag: scripture

A Christians Walk Through Depression

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A Christians Walk Through Depression

First, I guess the important thing to point out is Mental Health is a real thing. Mental health can be anything from stress, to addictions, to schizophrenia, to PTSD, Bipolar, and so many more illnesses. We have in today’s current society begun to baby and over diagnose people for things like PTSD, but for those who truly have it, and those who truly have other illnesses’, let me say there is hope. I am a combat survivor. I am a survivor of childhood trauma, and years of bullying which also left its mark. I can remember having wounds that stuck going all the way back to early childhood. This is not a complaint, nor is this me playing the victim, it’s just a fact. We know, that certain events in our life, especially early on as the brain is developing, can often cause particular pathways to form which can cause a certain susceptibility to long term effects such as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD. These trauma’s first and foremost do not make you weak. These traumas form you through external nurture to the person you are, good and bad. I’d like to talk about some of these issues. 

Nurture, a real thing, and a question that has plagued us since the dawn of science, why are we the way we are, is it nature or nurture? And simply put the answer is yes. Both things play a role into who we are, and who we become. There’s no shame in being born a certain way, or through events in our life, becoming a certain way. No matter who you are, or what you’ve experienced, you will have faced both the inherited sin nature, and influenced by the sin nature of the world. This does not give us a license, or free range to use that as an excuse to sin however we want. If you were abused as a child, that no more gives you the right to abuse your own children, or worse, than saying you witnessed drugs, and alcohol and sex growing up, so that’s how you’ll live your life. Grace, does not give you any right to violate God’s laws. Just because we have a forgiving grace, doesn’t mean you can say “I was born like this” so you can live a life drawn to your sin nature. We as a society see the alteration within our moral compass, and the danger that comes with that, is when does it stop? Recently we have seen the over sexualization of our kids as young as kindergarten. Homosexuality and transgenderism is potentially something you are born with, but, that as I said, is not a reason to live freely with sin as your roommate. Scripture says this about sin. 

Romans 7:19-25

New King James Version

19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

Even Paul shows us how much we wrestle with our sins, but there is hope in Christ to continue the fight. Paul says this in Ephesians, 

Ephesians 4:31-32 New King James Version

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, [a]clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

In short, to put off the sinful nature with all malice. We must actively and daily try to kill off the sin within. We must go to the Lord on our knees daily and pray for repentance, pray for our hearts, pray for our actions, and help us to be sanctified daily. Now, that being said, what about the issues like depression and other mental health issues? 

Having lived a lifetime with depression I can tell you the road doesn’t get easier. There are days when it’s all I can do to ask God to help me get out of bed and put on a smile, as I just nod that I’m doing okay. I’ve learned that even among believers, many don’t want to know the truth, but merely ask out of politeness. That being said, it’s important to have those in your life whom you can actually open up too, and share the weight on your heart. We are all sinners, and people will let you down, people will make mistakes, but knowing who you can trust is important. Depression doesn’t make you less of a Christian than anyone else, it just something you have to carry. There is evidence to show that King David, a man after God’s own heart, suffered with depression, and likely some PTSD. Did this make him less of a man after God? No, of course not. We are born into a sinful world full of pain, heartache, heartbreak, and suffering. We are born into a world with corrupted genes. We are born into a world with corrupted and evil ideologies, and all of these things play a role in who we are, and who we become. We suffer in this world, but our hope is not here, it’s in the beyond. For those who truly know Christ, who surrender to Him, to his sovereignty, the Lord and Savior, become citizens of Heaven. We are grafted into the family of Heaven, and in this vaper of a life, we may deal with earthly pains and sufferings. 

I have seen so many pass on from cancer, accidents, drugs, alcohol, suicide, and murder, that I have truly lost count. I have seen first-hand what happens when mental illness is placed on a back burner and ignored. The outcome can be and often is disastrous. Self-injury, the result of a hurting mind is the result of lost and wayward soul. I was lost and wayward, and when the time came the Devil took hold of me, and convinced me of his lies. I fell for the lie that you surely won’t die, yet my life was nearly taken. Jesus, the King of Kings pulled me from the edge of death and saved my wretched self. Jesus stepped in at the moment in my life where I lost it all, and pulled me from the brink of death. A new life was put into my lungs, my damaged lungs and I was given a second chance to life. Does this mean that every day would be easy? Does this mean that I would never suffer from future episodes of depression, or self-doubt? No, of course not. This world is unforgiving, and sin is powerful. Sanctification isn’t something that happens once when you walk an isle and say a prayer. It’s something that takes effort, and sometimes, it’s painful. We must go through the forge, the heat, the smelting process to burn away everything that makes us sinners. We must continue daily to seek the face of God, and repent, understanding the nature of sin, and moving to become righteous. Prayer and what we surround ourselves with are big parts of that process. Are we in God’s word? Are we filling our minds, and our hearts of things that would be pleasing to the Lord? If we fail in this, we open ourselves to the likely possibility of Satan using the world to influence us and create poor decisions, pulling us away from God. 

There is always pain in this life. There is always suffering from others, from loss, from disappointment, and from failure, but this is something to overcome, and push forward. We never, ever have to do this alone. When we are following Jesus we must know that there will always be those to help us bare our crosses. Jesus said we would never be forsaken, and thus we are never left alone. There is a Holy Spirit in us taking up residence in our hearts, if we clean away the clutter and give God a home in our hearts. We have to accept and welcome God into our hearts, and turn ourselves into the Temple God wants to dwell within. This doesn’t mean that he won’t see the dust on the floor, or the sin bouncing around the shadows of the house, but this is God with us as our guide, our confidant, our advisor, our savior, our physician, our Lord. Depression can be debilitating sometimes, but if you picture God by your bedside in your worst of times, God with us in the passenger seat on our way to work, or kids soccer practice, we realize God is with us even in our deepest of struggles. 

There are days that I struggle to get out of bed. There are days when I struggle to sleep. There are days when I feel like a failure. There are days when I know I have failed. There are days when I don’t know what I’m doing. There are days when I let Him down. There are days I believe I put a smile on His face. Scripture, prayer, and Godly friends are what we are given to keep us going. As I’ve heard often recently, the “Owner’s manual” (The Bible) has everything we’d ever need. We are told to gather. We are told to bare one another’s burdens. We are told to pray. We are told to study and take scripture into our hearts. We are told we will suffer. We are told that our suffering will never be in vain. We are told there is hope. If you suffer from mental illness there is hope, in a time when all those illnesses will be washed away and a glorified body awaits you. This life isn’t about living your best life now, it’s about serving God the best we can and building the kingdom of Heaven by sharing his word, and sharing his love to others. Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean your life will be better, and you’ll live on easy street, on the contrary. Living a Christian life is hard. We have hope and Joy, and we continue to get up, and we continue to fight the good fight in the name of Jesus. We never give up fighting for what’s right in the eyes of the Lord, not our own eyes. Satan can cloud our judgment and skew the facts and we must be cautious to what we believe is truth. The lies of Satan are all around us, and we cannot succumb to them. Scripture is the authority we must fall upon. By scripture alone we must see what’s right. Scripture tells us who we are. Scripture tells us where our hope is, and what we must count as joy. Jesus did not climb to the top of Golgotha hill for us to pity ourselves. He did not climb up that long road, for us to give in to the lies Satan will tell. He bled so we would have hope, forgiveness, and a chance of a rebirth. Jesus showed the greatest gift in a choice, a choice to sacrifice himself, his body, his blood, for a bunch of unrighteous sinners. We are not worthy of his sacrifice being enemies of the throne. We deserve death, and we deserve Hell, but we are given grace which is freely given a gift we don’t deserve. Mercy keeping us from death, that we deserve. We may face depression, and bipolar disorder, but you cannot stop love. You cannot bury it, and the Devil himself couldn’t stop love from being triumphant on that third day. Hate and other sins killed Jesus that day, love overcame. We carry our cross, the weight of so much of this world, but one day we can put down that cross and truly live. There is abounding hope in the love of Christ, assuming we accept Him as Lord and Savior. Assuming we repent and put away with all malice our sinful self. 

What’s it like being a Christian living with MDD and PTSD? It’s a journey. God is with me in my greatest of days, and the days I struggle to get out of bed. Jesus is there to listen when I struggle, and he’s there to hear about my greatest of days. Being a Christian isn’t about living this life, it’s about thriving in this life. Thriving for the world looks like being wealthy and powerful. Thriving in this life as a Christian is about being filled with Joy for the Lord and no matter what trials may come, you count it all joy to suffer in the name of Christ. We get one life to live to take that life before the Father and kneel before the judgment seat. Every day we have a choice how we want to live, but the moment our heart stops, no matter how or why, we must answer for everything we’ve done. Jesus gave us himself, and the word, to equip us with everything we would ever need. 

John 10:10 New King James Version

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Let us live life in abundant joy knowing that we do not suffer in vain, and that all things the Devil means for evil, Christ will make for the good. Keep living life for the Lord, and do not judge your Joy based on if you’re ‘happy’, but rather knowing in faith what comes next. A life in everlasting peace before God, for those who know Jesus. I am nothing without Jesus, I am dead in my sins, destined to suffer for my crimes against the throne, an enemy of God. In Jesus I find life, in Jesus I find hope, in Jesus I find love, and in Jesus I find the Joy in this life. 

War On The Horizon 

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War On The Horizon 

It’s been over a month since Russia invaded the sovereign country of Ukraine. I have had so many feelings about this, and as my heart breaks for the innocent people of Ukraine, I cannot help but have concern for my own nation and the potential fallout from what may come. Since the dawn of nuclear weapons there has been many who have written about a post-apocalyptic nuclear world. The entire series “Fallout” is based on what happens to the world after people come out of their fallout shelters to find what’s left of their world. The movie “The Book Of Eli” also based on what happens in a post-apocalyptic world. One thing they all have in common is how people treated other people that led up to the destruction of the planet and most of its inhabitance. While I’m not saying we are on the brink of nuclear war, what I am saying is I believe we are a few steps closer today than we were two months ago. 

I have seen the horror unfold on the news as many of you have as well, of all the refugees running, fleeing their country for their lives as Russian forces destroy homes, and non-military targets. I have seen as the Russian forces are being pointed to attack refugee convoys, and civilians. It has broken my heart, and as I continue to find a way to help, I find myself praying daily for this war to end, and those responsible are brought to justice. What would justice be? I honestly feel mans’ justice would be a trial at the world court for war crimes and imprisonment of those held responsible for committing war crimes. I fear justice from the Lord because I think, we are all guilty and complicit. I don’t feel Russia shares complete blame in this. We have sat idol while those who wish harm upon others reigned and grew in strength and power. We have offered deals and money and continued to allow those in power to get rich and build their weapons of destruction. No, we are not innocent in the sufferings of the Ukrainian people. Justice, true justice if delt by our Lord would significantly affect us here at home, and I fear, much like the days of Jeremiah, and Habakkuk, the outcome would not be favorable, for us. 

It’s true that we are on the brink of world change, what that change looks like, and what will it be like when the dust settles, I wish I knew, but sadly I don’t have the gift of prophesy. I will however continue to pray, and continue to go about my day doing the best I can with the time the Lord has given me. Jesus said this, Matthew 6:34 NKJV “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” I know that the day tomorrow will worry for itself, and I remind myself every day that while prudent to plan for the future as we have been taught. You cannot grow food without planning for the harvest. You cannot build a tower without first planning for its construction. While of course we have little control over the future, we have the ability to consider it and plan for it. Planning for the future and doing so blindly is not what we are called to do. In fact, while we plan for the future, plant the seed, tend the grounds, tend the crops, we must pray for rain. Planning for war and having assets to protect ones self is prudent, but expecting events to unfold as we think, is folly. James 4:13-16 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow [a]we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

It’s not certain what tomorrow will bring. While President Putin may launch a full-scale attack on the US, or a cyber-attack, or some other incident, as we were ill prepared for the attacks on 9/11, I say it’s prudent to prepare for yet not worry about tomorrow. We all have an expiration date. We cannot stay in this world one moment longer than our appointed time. Are we liken to the virgins in Matthew 25, that poorly planned? Do we expect the gates of Heaven be opened for us, yet we have not truly counted the cost and given Christ our hearts? Do we have just enough oil to make it look good, to just get by, or do we fill our hearts with the oil, the light of the world, the Gospel, preparing us for tomorrow, as well as today. We must not just prepare our hearts with the oil to fuel us beyond today, but plan for the toils ahead. Jesus told us there will be hardships in the world, and we must prepare ourselves for them. Mankind is a violent race, cruel, and sinful, and when unleashed, justice comes such as the Babylonians to Israel. We must be ready for the coming judgments and while this is not to cause fear or panic, Justice is what we deserve. True justice is our death, and Grace is being saved despite what we deserve. Mercy is saving us from what we deserve, while Grace is the gift freely given that we don’t deserve. Do we understand the difference? Do we understand the gifts given to us by Jesus, and the gift of Jesus from the Father? We have squandered them, and let those of idol worship, heathens, take over and run freely in the land, as Sadam before us, as Israel before us as seen in Judges 21: 25 In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes. We are at a dangerous tipping point I fear. Will judgment come today, or years and years for now, I do not know, but I do know, it is better to be prepared, storing up grain for the famine, preparing the soldiers to defend the castle, preparing for the inevitable hardships. If left unprepared those who have squandered their time will not manage crisis well. Those who do not study and know scripture will not have a full lantern for the day the Bridegroom comes. Who are we? Are we ready for war on our doorstep? Are we ready to serve with our full hearts? We want a savior, but do we want the Lord? We are comfortable being saved, but are we comfortable being surrendered to Jesus? There is a time for peace, and a time for war, a time to live and a time to die, and in all these things is the Lords time. The United States may not always be the United States if we are not vigilant and protect this land and hold to the principles in which we were founded. Whether we are, or are not the US of old, whether we fall to a foreign power, or those from within, we Christians have a duty, and an obligation to stand upon the Word, and hold fast the principles given to us by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Do we have faith like Daniel in the Lions Den? Do we bravely go to the Furnace in defiance of Mans laws? Are we going to stand on God’s word, or kneel, bow down in fear of man? Sin is not something in a vacuum. Sin ripples through our lives, and through time. Sin affects not only ourselves, and those around us, but those in our future. Sin can very possibly affect our children, and our children’s children. We cannot go on sinning like we have a license to do so. Sins carry weight and dire consequences. Are we ready for what may come because of them? 

Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. And as I have stated in the past, the philosophy to live by, “Make a plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.” (Snart, The Flash)  Go forth and be bold in the word of God. 

The Truth Is

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The days tick by since I heard from you last. I check in because I know, I know the struggles you’ve had. I send a message, then another. I finally realize you’d seen them, but still, I wait for what seems to be forever, and still no reply. How many times must I wait? How many times will we talk about how it makes me feel? How many times will I wait and wonder, wait and question, wait and think it was me? How many times will I be made to feel it’s my fault? How many times will I be made to think I expect too much? I have spent a lifetime being made to feel I wasn’t good enough. I have spent a lifetime being left behind, tossed aside. I have spent a lifetime being told I just wasn’t good enough. 

The truth is…. The truth is, I have spent so much time thinking the worst of myself. While it’s true I deserve Hell, and I have never and will never be good enough to grace the gates of Heaven, the truth is, while I am not worth saving, I am saved by grace, not of my own value for the sake of having value, but I am valued because God the Father values me. If God can see my value, and see my heart, and you, all of you, cannot, the problem is not with me, but sadly with your own hearts. How many hours have I devoted to sharing love with you, to share God’s grace, and hope with you? How many times have I watched the self-destructive path? How many times have I heard the apology and the promise of change? How many broken promises have I heard? How many times have I cried over loss, one after another? How many times have I beat myself down over feeling I was never good enough? 

The truth is…. The truth is, it’s been too often. I have forgotten the nature of our hearts. I have forgotten the true place we belong, and the true master in which we worship. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” We fall upon the worlds stage and we give in to the lusts of our heart. We follow the world and we obey the master the Devil in such things. Those who do not know Christ serve the Devil in his ways. Some people want to use you. Some people want nothing to do with you. Some want power over you. What comes from within? What lives within us all? Mark 7:21-22 21”For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:” We are foolish creatures, we are selfish creatures, we are blind sinful creatures. 

The truth is…. The truth is, it isn’t your fault. Sinners gonna sin, and for me to expect so much from someone still plugged in to this wretched world, I cannot expect change. I cannot expect behavior that is against that which is born out of evil and wickedness to change. See, it isn’t you, no, not just you reading this, but so, so many people. This message goes out to all. How do we treat others? How do we send messages without sending messages/ Do we give one excuse after another? Perfection is not what’s asked for. Apologies are no longer being sought. Forgivness is what I offer here. I can’t sit around and hope and wait for change while I am the one hurt over and over, expecting this next time will be different. I can’t sit around wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I can’t sit and wonder what I had done wrong for you to not want me around anymore. I have been broken so many times I wonder what it is I feel now. I can remember feeling so deeply about things in my life, and now the scar tissue, the wounds surrounding my heart and mind make even the most obvious responses seem strange, far from me. The person I was seems gone, and lost forever, but my hope is in Jesus, and one day, I will be healed from years of neglect. I have a long way to go before I recognize myself, but I cannot hold on to friendships that aren’t trying to hold on to me. I shall not burn a bridge, and my door will always be available, but like a busy party, I shall quietly let myself out. I will walk away, and I shall attempt to hold my head high. The Holidays are hard, and feelings are like a live wire, sensitive to the touch. I turn my collar to the cold, as I walk away from the frigid feeling deep within. The bright son awaits to warm me, to touch my heart, and heal the wounds within. No longer can I be held captive to the lies of the Devil. No longer can I listen to the voice of fear deep within. The Devil has lied to me my whole life. The trials I faced, the hurt inflicted upon me, the hurt that is still being inflicted, I cannot allow. I cannot voluntarily take upon more cuts that are not mine to bare. A fool I have been thinking I can fix all those whom I encounter, that walk-in darkness. A fool I thought I could be a hero, a white knight. Thankless, and indeed pride, I shall let go of, and humble myself before the Lord of Lords, and beg for a sentence deserved to be commuted. In the light I saw tomorrow, a future not what I deserve, but rather one of hope, and not the darkness all around. The cancer grew deep inside, and I seek the physician to remove this sickness from me, and replace it with a new heart. 

The truth is… The truth is, I forgive the hurt, the pain, the careless neglect. The truth is, I let it go, and I forgive, not because we are deserving of forgiveness, but I trust as Jesus said “forgive them for they do not know what they do.” So, as my Lord has forgiven me, as I shall forgive you. Peace and love be upon you, and I pray for the light to find you, and pull you from the dark hold you are in. I pray Satan’s grasp upon you is broken, and the light of the Son, Jesus, makes the demons retreat in terror, and you are set free. I pray, and I pray, in love. The truth is… The truth is Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. 

A collection

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Busy:

Busy busy our lives are

So fast goes the clock, so fast the sun moves till it’s dark.

Where did the time go, all the work, the day slips by.

We run and run, appointments, and clean, eat, and work.

Ding goes the phone, a message to glance at. But busy busy, no time.

Sleep comes, and flies by.

Jingle jingle goes the alarm. Check the phone, and off we go.

No time to reply, we must go go go.

Days go by, and busy still, so so busy.

Scrolling through facebook, post this, post post that.

Bills, and work, cook, and sleep.

Buzz buzz, the phone says a message. A glance, but to busy to reply.

Tick Tock:

The time tick by, work, and t-ball, lunch, and laundry, post post to Facebook, online for a bit, then off to sleep. Days days, and weeks to months. How quickly it goes, but all the days, and nights, who’s over there? Who’s on the other end? Tick-tock we can’t go back, the time goes by, who’s there? Ring ring, goes the phone, no answer, no answer. Too busy, or unimportant….. ring ring, but silent, empty, no answer, no nothing.

PSA: Please remember that not everyone is vocal about their struggles. Some struggle in silence. As a nation we don’t like to talk about mental health very much. We don’t like to talk about depression, bi-polar, anxiety, etc. Some people truly suffer in silence. They may go to work, go to their kids games, even have a social media presence, but please know, millions truly do suffer in silence. Be kind, tell your friends you love them. Tell your family how much you appreciate them. Keep showing up and speaking love into the lives of those you interact with. Life’s far too short for us to simply stay in our lane with blinders on.

Faith:

Faith doesn’t always come easily. When times are good, it’s simple to be thankful and happy. When times are bad however, how quickly do we loose our faith in God. We faultier when relationships end, when sickness comes, or when a loved one is taken from us. It is in these times I myself have fallen short of the cross. I have lost sight of who the Father is. Anger, frustration, confusion, and so many other emotions can cause us to forget that Gods will is perfect. God is sovereign. Will we understand? No probably not. But we live in a fallen world. We live in a place that was corrupted and remains corrupted by the blackness of sin. Jesus lost his earthly father at a young age, so we know he understands our pains. Jesus was forced to leave home at the age of two. He lived abroad away from his people in a land not of his own. He understands our sufferings. Faith built on Jesus is built on the rock. It’s foundation should be strong. Do not let this world, do not let Satan, fracture your foundation or tear you away from God the father. Hold strong through the storms. You are not alone in your struggles.

Sometimes:

Sometimes people move on, they don’t call anymore, or write, or text. Sometimes this comes gradually, or all at once. Does this hurt? Sure it does. Sometimes people change, they change their views, their priorities, their opinions, their faith, does it hurt? Sure. Sometimes people you once knew, turn their backs and walk away. Sometimes people talk behind your back. But, sometimes there are friends who stick by you through thick and thin. Sometimes a friend calls out of the blue to just see how you’re doing. Sometimes a friend sends a card, or a text just to say hello. No matter where you are, on any of these things, remember that while we were but sinners, enemies to God, Jesus gave his life to pay the ransom for our sins, our transgressions. WE cannot hope to be perfect, and nor can we expect sinful people to be so. People hurt people because we are hurting. Our sin drives us to make horrible choices, sinful, selfish, dark choices. It is in our sins we find the failings in others, but also in ourselves. While we will be hurt by others, it is vital to our own spiritual health, to forgive those who trespass against us. We must forgive as our savior asked for our forgiveness to what we had done. In our short comings we must fall on our knees, repent, turn from our sinful ways, and beg God for forgiveness. We must never forget what was done on the cross for us, and as such, the next time someone turns from you, walks away, or just isn’t the friend they should be, forgive, and be gracious. Love all, and pray for your enemies. Never loose sight of the one relationship that matters most, Jesus loves you, and was a willing sacrifice so we might live.

Starving:

I eat and yet I am hungry. I drink, and yet I thirst. The addict gets their fix but a hunger, a craving that comes back, time and time again. We are driven by our sin, the lusts of the flesh. We want the worldly things, from women, to power, money, toys, fame, and whatever else you can think of. But it’s more than that isn’t it? It’s wanting to be liked. It’s wanting to be accepted. It’s not wanting to be alone. There is so much of this world we hold onto, but it leaves us what? Wanting more. It reminds of the pirates from “Pirates of the Caribbean” and in it Barbossa says this “But the more we gave them away, the more we came to realize. The drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths, nor the company in the world would harm or slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were. But now, we are consumed by it.” Aren’t we consumed by our very sin? In fact, Jesus says this John 4:13-14 “13 Jesus answered, Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” Let us never grow weary of taking in the Holy Spirit. Let us never forget what and who is with us every day. Let us never forget what the world has to offer is but temporary, but that from God is eternal.

Grief out of Love

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“What is Grief, but love persevering.” Vision

There is no question that life can be hard. Life can leave us broken, battered on the floor. We ask why, why God? We find ourselves alone, lost, in a world full of pain. We lose people we love. Betrayed and sold out by those we cherished. Ignored by friends. Passed over for a promotion at work. Watch a child pass away. Bury a parent after years fighting dementia. We ask why God. We need God, we cannot make it through this alive without God. It is said that God never puts more on us than we can handle. This is utterly not true. God allows us to go through trials and tribulations because his will is perfect. We are not to rely on our own faulty strength but rather, we are to turn to our Abba Father to deliver us from evil. Philippians 4:13 ESV “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” If we relied on our own strength we would fail. Isaiah 41:10 ESV “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” It is Gods strength that sees us through. When left to our own path, our own desires, we often make our situation worse. Life hurts sometimes. Heartbreak happens. This life we live surrounded by the very presence of sin, we are often caught in the sights of sin, or collateral damage to sin, or the origin of the sin impact. This world leaves battle scars. No one gets out of this life without them. No matter who you are, where you come from, you’re going to end up with scars. Fear not says the Lord. Jesus says when you face tribulations, John 16:33 33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you [a]will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Face the world daily and turn to God for everything. Do not pity yourself or the dead, for if they knew the Lord they have not died, but are truly alive. It’s okay to grieve, to miss someone’s presence. Turn to God and find peace.

THE SILENCE GROWS

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The silence grows

I write to you, even pour out feelings, but met with silence. I took the time, I write and write. Day after day, I take my time to beak the silence as I reach out to you. So many out, and nothing in return. Years of building relationships. Years of extensive, extending a hand in friendship. Picking up the phone from every call and message. I extended my wallet, my ear, my trust, my heart, and now it’s silence. A fool I’ve been, I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want too perhaps, my kindness used and abused. In my own time of need you were no where to be found. How could I have been so blind. The years of darkness I felt, suddenly creeps back in. The seeds fall and grow choking the life and happiness from my life. Abandoned yet again, the flash in my mind, as history repeats itself. Broken on the floor the tears just won’t flow. I do not know why, or how I got here. The color fades to black and white, the hurt a crushing feeling that buries in shame. The darkness settles in like an old friend. Must I say goodbye? Must I feel such loss yet again? Is this natures pruning? Did I mean so little to so many? Was I a convenience at the time, and without warning or word, expendable? History it seems repeated again. What have I learned? How to break, how to hurt. I’ve learned so much and yet again, here I am. The lessons seem to fade to mist. What can I do, when I reach for you, I reach and reach, into the darkness. I reach and lunge but like casting the fishing line, it comes up empty, every time. I see you there, you’re always around, but my hand you don’t take, a reach into the folly.

You’re not my enemy, I pray for you, I drop

to my knees and wish happiness upon you. I ask nothing of you except friendship. I have heard your tears. I’ve listened to your screams. You even once, heard mine. So close, but now ships passing on a fog filled night. Should I let go? Should I call out louder? Will my cries be heard? If you wanted to talk wouldn’t you reach out? What should I do? A broken heart makes poor choices. But, it isn’t just broken, but angry. Years and years of open roads. The pouring out of memories, feelings, thoughts, and now the road ends, the road I’d taken for years, can no longer be traveled. An absence, and yet a carrot dangled in front of me, teasing me, a sign, or is it?

I place so much in all the wrong places. I crave acceptance. I crave being wanted, and needed by others. I crave feeling important. I place that up high, an endless race I could never win. How many must I loose before I see the truth? How many must walk away before I find my value elsewhere? I walk miles upon miles seeking what I could never have. A hollow hole, unable to be filled. Jesus set me free from this cycle I find myself in. Jesus set me free from this pain. These shackles bind me and break me. Jesus be my chain breaker and show me a better way. Heal these wounds of the ages, and heal my broken heart. Jesus heal me and light my way home. Jesus my heart hurts, broken from saying goodbye. Jesus you pieced me together atom by atom, cell by cell. You’ve watched me grow, suffer, laugh and cry. Jesus you know my heart is breaking to pieces. Jesus lift me up and dry my tears. Take me out of this place and show me my value in you. Jesus show me that there’s more then this. Jesus my light on the hill, my shepard come find me, a lost sheep in the wilderness. I cannot do this on my own. I am fragile but strong. My heart breaks but I am not broken. I hurt, but I do not crumble to the ground. Jesus my rock, the rock, my foundation, my anchor in the storm, you save me when my sails are torn, and the keel creaks in the rough waters of this storm. Jesus my Lord, Jesus my light, dry my tears and guide me back, guide me to safety, my Lord. I cannot do this without you. I cannot stay in the darkness. I cannot stay in the silence. I long for Harold of the angels. I crave the sound of the choir of Heaven. I seek your face my Lord, I seek you in the darkness, lift me up, save me, save me from myself, this world, this hurt. Show me the blessings, so many abound around me. Teach me to number my days, so I may grow a heart of wisdom. Teach me to manage when I’m at the still waters, the green meadows, or the shadow of death. In you I trust my Lord. You hear my cries, deliver me from this toil.Free me. To you I pray.

Plenty of Blame

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Plenty of Blame

I recently saw a report where New York Gov. Cuomo attempted to place blame of Covid-19 deaths on former President Trump. It occurred to me that this is nothing new, but rampant right now. IF we spent less time pointing fingers, and instead acknowledge that first we all share blame, down to the individual household, and also less time pointing fingers, and more time sitting at the table to work on the problem, we would be able to find reasonable solutions. Problems such as these are often much bigger, far larger, than one person. Every single human is currently responsible for the outcome we face. From not wearing masks, to not staying home, to hosting parties, to unnecessary travel, etc. We all place blame, but largely, if you want to be more specific, how much can we really do to fight a pandemic? While this isn’t the first time, it is the first time that a virus could travel so easily around the world, so quickly. I would say, preparedness is largely problematic. Were we ready? No, of course not. This problem goes back a long way. Pointing out all the failures could easily be an entire blog on its own, but right now I don’t feel that’s what we need. Suffice to say, we are ALL responsible for the current conditions we find ourselves in. 

God has allowed this virus to take hold of the earth. We may not know if this was caused, or allowed to happy, but either way, God is still in control of all things. God’s love is sufficient, and in these troubled times, we need to remember where we can go with our broken and lost hearts. 

Hebrews 4:16 ESV “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

WE must remember that no matter what we are facing we are accepted into the arms of the Abba Father. We must take this time and turn to the Lord. We must trust in the Lord that He is sovereign over all, and we must trust in His will. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

WE have all lost something in this pandemic. We voted and a new President took office. We may not like, we may love it, but regardless, for the next four years, we are here. We are one nation under God, and unless we want to see this great nation face judgment, we must turn from our ways and find it in our hearts to repent. God has been more than gracious with giving us time to do so, but now’s the time to stand firm on our beliefs. Are we to allow our country to go down a dark path? Perhaps, we will. We must all face ourselves and check our hearts. We must start with the man/woman, in the mirror. We must turn to the Father and ask for the forgiveness, and the courage to stand where we must. We cannot continue to pass blame and point fingers. 

Start Right Here By: Casting Crowns

We want our coffee in the lobby

We watch our worship on a screen

We got a Rockstar preacher

Who won’t wake us from our dreams

We want out blessings in our pocket

We keep our missions overseas

But for the hurting in our cities

Would we even cross the street?

Huh but we wanna see the heart set free and the tyrants kneel

The walls fall down and our land be healed

But church if we want to see a change in the world out there

It’s got to start right here

We cannot continue to expect the light to shine if we ourselves are hypocrites. Do we stand against abortion? Sure, if you’re a Christian you should, but at the same time, are you supporting low income families? Are you helping that single mother hurting? Are you supporting foster parents, and adoptions? It’s not an easy ask, but if Christians would truly support those ventures and not just in prayer, but in time, money, and support, those supporting abortions wouldn’t have a solid argument. Make no mistake, abortion is a sin, but no more of a sin than the over consumption of alcohol, the adultery, the lying, the gossiping going on all around us. IF we want a change we have to start right here, right now, in each of our hearts. 

Christians, I call to you, I implore you to seek a Biblical worldview, instead of following along the secular one. I beg you to see the light of Christ. WE must come together, and we must stop the infighting, stop the complaining, stop the hate. We must not judge others by their skin, their clothes, their social status, or the country they hail from. We must find balance. We must find love in our hearts, and find a way to uphold the law of the land, uphold the law of scripture, and love our neighbors. Are we really taking care of the church as we were asked to do so? Are we managing the talents we were given, or burring it in the sand letting it go to waist? Church, let us do better. Let us live in love. Let us shine the light of Christ in the tumultuous times. Go in peace, go in prayer, and go in love. 

Point Of View

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Point Of View 

“From my point of view the Jedi are evil!” Anakin Skywalker. This was when we knew and understood that Anakin Skywalker had truly fallen to the dark side. We see how from his particular point of view the Jedi no longer stood for what they truly believed in, that they were in fact too weak to bring order to the galaxy. A story not too dissimilar then that of Satan standing and turning against God. From Satan’s point of view, God wasn’t doing a good enough job, and be it jealousy of humanity, or not enough attention, or something else entirely, Satan felt he could do a better job ruling over the galaxy and attempted to overthrow God, foolishly I might add. But, in Satan’s story, we Christians, God Himself are the bad guys. We have a hard time understanding that, and moreover we as humans have an even harder time separating truth from opinion, from point of view. 

We often say truth is relative, but that’s a farce. There is no such thing as relative truth. There may be a difference in point of view, but that hardly means one thing is true for someone, is not true for someone else. This pizza taste great, is not a truth, it’s an opinion. Abortion is okay, is both an opinion, but also can be settled by what is true. To some people murder is okay, but as society goes, as scripture goes, cold blooded murder is not. This is a truth. As far as truth goes, it is defined as such “That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.” (Websters) Now, let me preface this by stating we as humans have often said something was true that clearly we were wrong. We have often stated things such as the sound barrier could never be broken, or the earth was flat, or the center of the universe, or faster than light travel is impossible, all of which have now been deemed possible or plausible, or flat truth, pardon the pun. Scripture, however, when examined correctly, carefully, and objectively will indeed reveal truth. For this particular argument I will offer up two authors and Christians, (Former Atheists) who would do a far better job at explaining why this is true. “A Case for Christ: Lee Strobel” And “Cold Case Christianity: J. Werner Wallace”

While point of view is important, and I daresay vital to the discussion, we have gotten so far away from respectful discord, to building walls. I find it ironic that a southern border wall is such a hot button topic for so many, but in the same breath determine that the conversation of Christianity is met with walls. We have gone so far now as to try and live without laws, live without rules, and determine that these things are fluid concepts, and thus by definition fit the term anarchy, “a state of disorder due to absence or nonrecognition of authority.” If there are no true rules, no true right and wrong, then law and order will constantly be under attack from both criminals, and those sympathetic to them. I can show you what this kind of behavior and ideas gets you. 

Once upon a time, and man beloved by the people is hailed as a hero, and welcomed with open arms, and a party. This man was conspired against by the elite and the powerful. The people then were gathered together to witness a trial, charges brought against this man. When given the chance, a swap was offered, the innocent man, or the man known to be a vial criminal, with a long history of crimes. The innocent man was called to be put to death. We today essentially do the same thing all around us. We make choices of innocent and guilty within moments of a news broadcast. We determine guilt or cause before the truth comes out. We have little care or worries about truth anymore. Today if we feel something, then it is right for ‘us’. While of course this is true of some things, which cheese is the best, which football team is the best, etc. This does not have a complete blanket to cover everything. I have been putting much thought into the term truth. Many years ago I experienced an event that I knew was my fault. I believed entirely that I was to blame, and my hurt and heartache was punishment for my wrong doing. I spent so much time believing this as truth, that I missed out on something important. People will say and do things to you, things that hurt, and it’s often done out of anger, but that doesn’t make them true.  Let me explain. When I was a younger man I got married out of love. Foolish, but true. I let go of my dreams, my career, and my brothers for a woman. I would get married quickly, but assuredly and would end up moving across the world to live in another country. After just a few short years, I would find out about an affair, and it would leave my life in shambles, rebuilding, and at a loss. God would see fit to give me someone new, and for a few years we would build a good life for ourselves. Sadly, after seven years together, I would endure yet another affair, and watch this time a my entire foundation cracked and the walls crumbled down upon me. A foundation that was not built with God in the center of my relationship. God was not my foundation, even though he was in my life, he was not what I built my house on. That is the truth. The truth I gravitated too was, it had to be me. I was the one at fault. I was the one that pushed them away. I was the one they choose to leave, and I was the common denominator. I allowed this to permeate my entire body and I accepted it as truth. I let the pain and suffering I was experiencing, alter my perspective. I blamed God for my suffering, and I was angry, hurt, and for lack of a better term, I was a broken man. It’s easy to let circumstances sway our perspective, even if we know the truth. Look at the word happy for an example. What makes you happy, think about it for a moment. For some of you, you thought about a food, perhaps an alcoholic beverage, or maybe someone. Some people might have thought about a new home, or a new job? The thing with all of these, is while there’s nothing inherently wrong with these things (unless the person is not your spouse if you’re married, then yes, that one isn’t part of the discussion. But otherwise, every new home comes with its own set of problems. Every new job comes with a litany of its own troubles. Even relationships come with a new set of problems.

Christmas this year is that for many. Christmas this year as many have called the least ‘Christmasy’ feel they’ve ever felt. I myself have felt this way, but the truth is, we have so much to be thankful for. Our emotions are easily swayed, and because our happiness fluctuates so easily, the voice of darkness easily creeps in when we are not vigilant. I have watched as friends come and go in the past years. I have watched as opinions change, and paths diverge. I would like to say this, may this Christmas bring you healing, and reconnection. May this coming year be a reminder how fragile our lives are. We all have our own points of view, our own vantage points, but we must be able to look past and show love and compassion. If we have learned nothing this year except how important relationships are, and how divided we’ve become. So many opinions floating around, and through it all, we see fractures not only in our country, but in families, in friendships, and it’s heartbreaking. While we all have our own opinions whether or not they are based on facts, we must learn to listen, learn to talk, and more importantly, we must learn to hear. While there are many great and wonderful stories of people coming together to love and help their fellow man, we have also seen a year of great turmoil, and heartache. For a country bleeding, for a country splitting at the seams, one would think we would be coming together. The sad reality is, we’ve let our points of view, our vantage points be a place of contention and we aren’t willing to hear what the other side has to say. We are all to busy walking away from relationships, friendships, or too busy talking to hear. 

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” We must consider what hills do we want to fight for, or what can we let go of? We need to learn to communicate more, and be more willing to sit down and talk. We should not be walking away from meaningful relationships, meaningful friendships, for little cause. Truth is found where there is evidence. Real truth is not subjective, and the truth is we need one another now more than ever. Fellowship is so important to Gods creation. God said to Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. While we cannot meet in person we can still communicate through technology. Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Are we making it a habit of ignoring friends? Are we making it a habit of walking away from people? Are we making it a habit to close doors simply because of an opinion difference? Whatever the cause the question is did we do anything to reason or rectify any wrongs? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

We all have fallen short of the Glory of God. We must be gracious, filled with mercy, and love, and compassion. Let us remember who the enemy is, and divided we are a much easier target. Let us set aside our petty differences, and come together under the blood of Christ, and show true love to one another. Let us celebrate this Christmas holiday for what it is, the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christ our Lord and Savior who was born, raised by Marry and Joseph, ordained by God, led a perfect, sinless life, and was crucified under Pontius Pilate. He was buried and on the third day rose again. He walked with the people for 40 day, and ascended into Heaven. This is truth. This is true, and accurate, and evidence driven truth. Jesus Christ concurred death, and has given us hope. Let us not grow weary of doing good in the name of Christ. Let us be renewed daily of His Spirit. Let us build up one another, especially after such a hard year. Say I love you more often. Hug a little tighter. Speak cheer more frequently, and reconnect with those you’ve been away from for far too long. The Angels said this, Luke 2:10 “Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.” We have so much to be thankful for, and so much to place our joy in, we should be sharing that love to all we can. Despite having such a hard year, every day is a new day, and we are given new chances to do great things with every day. Don’t let the Devil tell you, you can’t, you shouldn’t, you aren’t worthy, you are too far gone, or it’s too late. Don’t allow the lies to permeate your ears and rob you of your joy. From the Devils perspective God is the evil one, and that’s why Satan, Lucifer is truly lost. Emotions clouded his judgment and he missed out on the relationship with God. Don’t miss out in your own relationships with God, and those around you. Rise up, and have a very joyful, and Merry Christmas, because there’s so much, truly, to be joyful about. Count your blessings, big and small, and you too will see, Glory to God in the Highest, and Peace and Good Will Towards All Men/Women. 

Continuity

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Continuity 

2020’s been a year has it not? We’ve seen all manner of strange, hurtful, heartbreaking, loss, a little laugh, a crazy election, murder hornets, killer viruses, and so much more. One thing that’s been hard is continuity. Well first, I suppose one must define continuity, Websters defines it as, “The unbroken and consistent existence or operation of something over a period of time.” I think it’s safe to say this year has not been one with anything consistent. I think it’s this consistency I want to talk about. Life is by definition a broken thing. We know that from the fall, all things are in a never-ending cycle. Genesis 3:17-19 “And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; 18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken;

for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” We see the fall of man, where perfection became stained with the blackness of sin. A mark on creation that would require a New heaven, and a New Earth. The continuity was broken, and a cycle of death was born. Scripture is always telling us where we must turn in our struggles. Scripture tells us where we must receive our hope, and it’s not here in the world. 

I have fallen short every day of my life. I have let someone down, hurt someone’s feelings, made mistakes, the wrong choices, or followed the wrong path. I think the worst thing I have done; is I have not had continuity in my relationship with Abba. I think my failings to have a steady and solid relationship with God is my biggest fault. See, the thing is, I have always struggled with male figures in my life. There’s been substantial trust issues, and it keeps me guarded to make male friends, and as much as I’ve attempted to gain an earthly father figure, I’ve been abandoned or ignored most of my life. On the rare occasion someone rose to the occasion I became scared and I was the one to run away. I have constantly felt the desire to surround myself with friends. I have always had the need to feel accepted and wanted by people. Largely because I did not feel wanted as a child. I’ve been putting a lot of thought into my life today though. I have been trying to find my place, and sadly, coming to the realization where I believe I must go in the middle of a pandemic is beyond problematic. For someone who desires continuity in their life, a pandemic certainly pushes one to their limits. I have not seen many plans come to fruition. So, where do I stand? I honestly couldn’t tell you. As I recently told a friend, I feel as if I’m stuck in the mud chest deep, sunk in, and unable to move. I think in many ways we all feel that way this year. I would like to also say this; many people think being a Christian means you don’t have doubts, or struggles, hardships, or even depression. Being Christian doesn’t mean any of that. The difference between Christians and non-Christians, is where we place our hope. We feel the same, we bleed the same, we hurt the same, but we keep pushing forward with Hope. We keep joy in our hearts, and even beaten to the ground, we keep that joy burning. An ember can turn into a mighty flame, and we can survive in that hope. In fact, that hope is what keeps us alive, not in this worldly sense, but our eternal souls. 

So it is that survivability I want to talk about. We must not grow weary of doing good, and we must continue to pray without ceasing. We must continue to push ourselves, even when life feels like everything’s crumbled around us. One thing we know, is the one thing in life we can place our hope in, is the single most continuous thing in the universe. God’s love, and grace, and mercy, simply put, who God is, has never change, and will never change. So, here’s where I throw down the gauntlet. Are you reflecting that same mercy, and kindness, and grace towards others? Are you a friend that shows continuity? Are you there for your friends? Are you available for them when they need you? Are you the father you should be? Are you there for your kids, kind, and compassionate, not sometimes but all the time? Are you a reliable employee? Are you a son or daughter who’s there for your aging parents? Anywhere in our life, we can take this lens and we can peer deep down, and evaluate where we are, and how we’re doing across the board. We truly do have so much to be thankful for, so much to be grateful for, but at the end of the day, those who depend on us, have we been there for them? I think it’s something we all need to have a gut check about. Who have we pushed away this year? Who have we ignored messages or calls from? Who have we failed to keep in touch with? Who have we failed to be that dependable person too? If God is always with us, Emanuel, then why is it so easy for us to push others to the side or the back burner. We have truly forgotten the good will towards men. We claim being busy, or distracted, or even joke about being a ‘bad friend’, but we truly need to take a look inward, and see those who depend on us. Are we doing everything we can to be someone they can truly depend on? This year has been exceedingly difficult for millions, and as such, this Christmas more than most, we really should ensure we are dependable for those who need us. Show love, let the light shine off you and be more Christlike daily. We have so much more potential to love, to give, to show mercy, and grace, so we must be doing that, fulfilling the law of Christ. Love, covers a multitude of sins, and that means we must be more patient, more giving, more graceful, humbler, more truthful, not being rude, and certainly does not think evil. We should grab onto a little Christmas spirit, but not just for the season, but year-round. We need to bring back the loving your neighbor part, and be a friend a friend would love to have. Be a reliable friend, a reliable employee, husband, wife, brother, sister, spouse. Be a reliable parent, and so much more. Our God has not changed, and is always the same, there for us, day or night. Our father hears our prayers in our good times and in our bad, on the mountain, or in the valley. We should remember that with how we choose to treat others. Continuity is not just important for stability of life, but our relationships as well. Don’t forget, and Merry Christmas to all!