Tag: relationships

Throat punched

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Throat punched
So as I sit here with my neck in a brace, when I talk not only do I sound it, I feel like I’ve been throat punched. Yes that’s what happens when you have surgery. But let me tell you. I couldn’t be more lucky. Gods grace and perfect timing all the time. 
There were complications in surgery. My disc ruptured and fluid went into my spinal column. They cleaned it up but I needed to be closely watched. There may have been some hematoma around my incision. 
Thankfully the rupture was found and didn’t do permanent damage. In all the CT’s, the risky MRI (because of shrapnel in my lung) not one of these scans showed the disk had ruptured. As I’m not a doctor I cannot obviously speak clearly of the dangers of that fluid where it doesn’t belong. But I do know it’s BAD! 
Because Gods perfect in His timing and love everything went well even with the complications. Even the new raspier voice I have just plays into effect when I wear the mask. All things considered I’m pretty darn happy. 
Yesterday I couldn’t squeeze my ball and now I can squeeze it with all my might and it’s beautiful. I can walk with my head held high and arms swinging. Gods touched my body through the hands of my surgeons and have given me my life back. I may have some troubles the rest of my life but for now, it seems all of that is within acceptable limits. 
Believe in the power of prayer and love. From the prayer shawl I received from my church, the love of my Associate Pastor, my mom, and everyone near and far that prayed for me before during and after my surgery. All this prayer I have felt the reward. I know I live on to fight the Devil for another day. 
For you all wary souls like my one was, take heart knowing the Lord of all the wonders of this world is with you, right there suffering your sufferings. Believe and know the faithful, the just, the kind, will be rewarded. We may not always say or do the right things to one another but we must know it and apologize for it. Own up to our mistakes and ask for the forgiveness we should. 
Stay connected to God and be blessed by his touch. God bless all of you! 

Love Unconditional

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Love Unconditional

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into the word love. What does it mean to love something? When we think of love we think of our parents, siblings, closest friends, but we also think of our favorite show, our favorite food, our favorite pass time activity. The truth is in our society today the word just gets tossed around flippantly. The truth is, I think love is something that when we loose the object of our affection it breaks us apart inside. When we are dating in school we often throw the word around love and sure I don’t want to downplay those emotions, but the proof is in the pudding, often times that’s just puppy love and something we get over pretty quick once it’s gone. True love however is something a little more difficult to come by. The Bible has a pretty air tight description of love, and when we look at our lives, and we compare it to this, the comparisons are often going to leave you realizing, maybe it’s not love after all. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” Now I know what you’re thinking, yes I am talking about love, and yes so is 1 Corinthians. “Charity is the epitome of perfection in the Christian life. It is the “greatest” of the three abiding virtues” (http://www.learnthebible.org/charity-or-love.html) If we look at the definition of love, and compare it to what we say to others, are we actually in line with scripture, or just a word we use because we don’t know anything better to say?

Lets make it easier to understand a little. When you look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” How often in our own lives do we drudge up mistakes our partner made 2 years ago? How often do we hold a grudge, and for how long? How often do we love but only so long as we are worldly happy? There is so much in our lives today that draw us away from love. So much today that we don’t understand, but if we go to Scripture, if we study, we can finally unravel the strongest of lies, and the strongest of truths. John 15:13 “13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus, Jesus laid down His perfect life as a perfect blemish less, sinless man that chose to be tortured, ridiculed, and murdered for us, for every single last one of us that in no way by our daily actions deserve such grace and mercy. The truth is, that’s LOVE. When we think about that kind of love, makes what we say about love look silly. How often do we see now in our world today divorce is a cancer on our society, and it runs unchecked destroying homes left and right. We see marriage as expendable, as an option that so long it benefits me, so long as I am getting something out of it, I’ll stay married. THE QUESTION I ASK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GIVING IN YOUR MARRIAGE? If we look a little deeper we see what the definition of love is, we see what is says in John, but what about husbands and wives? Ephesians 5:25 “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” Yes that means you are supposed to love your wives so much that you sacrifice unconditionally to her. You sacrifice yourself to give her everything she needs. Note I said need, not want. The difference between need and want is an entirely separate blog.

Husbands, need to sacrifice worldly things, worldly desires, worldly distractions for his wife. Ephesians 5:22-24 “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Many people look at this section of scripture and scoff, and I really question why that is. I get the feminist movement, and women can do anything a man can do and all that stuff, and that’s great, but the truth is, women and men aren’t the same. We are wired differently in the brains, we have different strengths and weaknesses, and this isn’t talking about slavery this is talking about letting go of ones worldly self. Letting go of the fleshy desires, and allowing yourself to be completely taken in by your husband. As the husband loves the wife as he died for us, so shall the husband die for his wife. Think about this, when we get married, we often think of it as the old ball in chain, the tying of the knot, the end or death of an era. Well, in some parts yes, that’s exactly what it is. But if we look at death as a bad thing, a negative thing, sure we will be going into that marriage under negative premise and then that’s where the problems start to set in. Death is a glorious thing, a wonderful thing, because as a Christian we believe that death of us is the gateway to an eternal life of perfection and love. If we are to truly love our wives, love our husbands we must allow the old part of us to die off. Think of love and marriage like a butterfly. The caterpillar is you before you get married. The marriage is the cocoon. When you emerge married that fuzzy old caterpillar is gone, fundamentally changed into a beautiful creature no longer bound to crawl around, but to soar, to fly, to be a wonder of nature.

How wonderful it would be if we actually saw marriage that way. How wonderful it would be if we as a people were able to see ourselves and combining our selves into one body and actually selflessly giving up our selves and wanting only to please our partner. To those who are struggling in your marriages, I offer this, in all things God can heal, and with work, and saying it a hundred times, a thousand times, I forgive you, forgive the wrongs your partner has done. Remember the way you felt the day you got married and realize if both of you, if both the Husband and the Wife learn to forgive, learn to accept, learn to change because marriage is a fundamental change. You are no longer you, you become y’all. When we loose sight of the togetherness, the us in the marriage and we start to focus on the me, start to focus on the what does Arrow Preacher want, we loose sight of the (what) can I do for my spouse? What can I do to bring happiness to my beloved today? Human greed is one of the strongest sins to pull us back into the world, but two are stronger then one. Pouring of sand of two different colors into a jar that sand can never be completely separated. There’s reason sand if often used in marriage ceremonies. It’s a constant visual reminder that once together, you shall never break apart, bonded into one entity, one jar, and as rope is stronger when woven together, so shall you be stronger when you come to realize the true definition of love, the true understanding of what Scripture is talking about, and let go of your worldly sins, those desires that draw you away from your spouse. The Devil wants to break up marriage because he’s been doing it since the beginning. Marriage was the plan, for man to not be alone, and he knows that separated the divide and concur makes for an easier target. Don’t take the bait. Don’t allow Satan to ruin your union. Fight back, and fight for each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regret

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Regret

In our lives we make decisions that in hindsight weren’t so good. We also make great decisions that can change our lives forever. It’s the one moment where life has fallen apart around you, the moment you can’t see the next breath you take, you can’t take a single step forward, life has stopped and the world looks like it’s moving around you at near light speed. The moment when all hope is lost, and the decision you make seems like the right one, but what if there was a way to move that step forward, what if I told you there was hope, and there is a next breath, would that change your mind for the next catastrophe in your life?

For many veterans and civilians who’ve gone through trauma getting stuck in that moment is all too common. When we get stuck we go through our days only a shell of who we used to be. We eat, we work, we sleep, we may even contribute to the life around us, but we aren’t really there. The sludge of the weight of what we carry builds as we trek through the mud farther and farther. There will come a point when you have the black tar from your shoes up to your neck. At some point you won’t be able to move forward anymore. No matter what our event is, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a spouse, sexual assault, horrific car accident, fire, or even just a series of events that you have entered that hurts those around you. We often push away people we love because we don’t want them to see us in pain, we don’t want them to see us suffering. We push away to defend ourselves, and them, from potential damage. We don’t want to drag anyone down with us, and sometimes it’s because we just can’t see beyond our own pain.

Being pushed away by someone who’s going through a lot of pain is hard. Knowing you want to help, and feeling powerless is perhaps the most difficult position to ever be in. Seeing someone you care about in pain, seeing them walk down a dark path, and when all you want to do is take their pain away and shower them in love, yet you’re held away, and pushed and kicked out of their life, is heart breaking.

For each of our mistakes we see the other side of other peoples. When we know they are making a mistake all we can do is pray for them. All we can do is hope that one day they will turn around from the path they’re on and hopefully do so before anything to bad happens they can’t come back from. For me I gravitated to the song One Step Away by Casting Crowns:

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than

 We aren’t ever alone. This message goes out to my veteran brothers and sisters, we aren’t ever alone. We sit at home, we have the open bottle of beer or booze, and we seclude ourselves in the dark, thoughts screaming in our head. We can’t seem to get out of the way. This, is, torture. When we trained for war we trained as a team. When we get home we see that no one is there for us, no one understands, how could anyone, they weren’t there. The thing is, that’s all an elaborate lie by the Devil to separate us from the world, and break us down. It’s not true. There are plenty of other veterans out there struggling with their own replay of war. Something else I’ve learned is trauma is trauma no matter what kind. Sexual assault, loss of loved ones, fire, car accidents, none of that is exclusive to military. Sure firefights may be a bit more segregated, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t there for you. We have support groups, veterans groups, outreach programs, and so much more to help get us all back to a good healthy place.

We all have our regrets in life but one of the biggest battles we will ever face is facing those mistakes. Allowing ourselves to heal from them on the inside by forgiving ourselves, asking others to forgive us and showing true repentance for those mistakes. Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but [this] one thing [I do], forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,” We must go forth to God and ask for forgiveness, but we also need to make it right, we need to attempt to right our wrongs. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” One thing that I am reminded of is how easy it is to get off track. How often do we do a wrong based on how someone else wrongs us? We as Christians should hold ourselves to a higher standard, and not fall into the world expectations. We cannot allow the world to dictate how we react, or how we treat others. We mustn’t let the world tell us the lies we often feel when dealing with life’s tragedies. Isaiah 43:18-19 “18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert.” We cannot know what our tomorrow brings, and we cannot know what surprises will be waiting for us just around the next bend in the road.

In all things in our life we should move forward with kindness in our hearts, forgiveness isn’t something to be earned, it’s something to be given freely. We can’t hold our forgiveness hostage like some kind of ransom is required to give it. If we are to live like Christ we must learn that people are sinful, people hurt others, we hurt them, and forgiveness isn’t always rebuilding the relationship if it’s lost. Christ forgave humanity for our sins despite the awful things we as a collective whole did to Him. We were not only forgiven for past and current sins, but future sins we might face in the future. 2 Corinthians 7:10 “10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” When Judas betrayed Christ he could not get past his own grief and he took his own life by hanging. This is worldly sorrow. There is not repentance to be had, and no chance of redemption. We all Sin, we have make mistakes big and small. Even David a man of God’s own heart was not free from them. David was well known to be a fair man as a King, but he was a horrible husband and father. Psalm 51:1- 3 “51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

 No matter how far we’ve fallen, there is always a way back. Even when it’s adulatory or other forms of betrayal. Proverbs 6:32-34 “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.” A man shall not take revenge for himself, for revenge is not bringing harmony. Justice is for the Lord. Forgiveness is for man, asking for it, and giving it freely. Do not allow your life to come to the end and regret a multitude of things. Make right your wrongs, make right the harm you’ve cause, the pain you’ve inflicted. Seek forgiveness in others, beg for forgiveness of the Lord. Let go of your own pain, and do not carry that weight with you. If you continue to carry a weight like that around you cannot continue to God’s work when you have so much on your shoulders already. Allow God’s grace to fill you, let yourself see through God’s eyes, let yourself feel with God’s heart, and learn to let go of judgments, let go of your own sorrow. Do not allow yourself to be weighed down any longer.

We all have things in our life we wish we could take back, things we could change. We can’t ever retrieve something we’ve let slip from out mouths, undo an action, but we can attempt to make right what we’ve done. Don’t wait for tomorrow, start healing today. Let the weight of the world fall from your shoulders, and find a new way, a better way, a Godly way of dealing with life, and facing the trials ahead of you. Our way is never the way even if it’s easier sometimes the easy way isn’t the right way, sometimes the right way is the path less traveled. It’s our job as Christians to figure out the path God wants us to be on. When we don’t know the path to take we must turn to the scripture and pray about our path. Proverbs 18:13 “13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Don’t make a decision without knowing as much of the facts as possible so be sure to not make foolish decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by fake or false information. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.” When you think you know something, don’t be quick to pass judgement without gaining other perspectives and complete the story. Don’t take a story as true just on face value. Proverbs 18:15 “15 The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”

Knowing what to expect when problems comes up is one thing. Knowing how to respond is the second side of that coin. We must know that in our lives we will face problems, we will face trials, and in all of those trials we know that we must accept and rejoice in those times. James 1:2-4 “2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” If anyone out there is like me the WHY ME question comes up sometimes. We know that patience is something we all need more of, and in our trials we are often tasked with growing in our faith, draw closer to God and growing in patience. IF we learn how to respond to issues, we could very well have fewer regrets in our life. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” When standing on the beach of the ocean we do not stand with our backs to the waves (generally) because when the big one hits us we get knocked own. Instead we face the wave head on, and we brace for it. Knowing what Christ expects of us on how to handle our troubles, knowing how to handle heartbreak, and betrayals, we can minimize the damage and we can help prevent us from getting into as much trouble.

We won’t always make all the right choices all the time, we won’t always handle every situation the best we can, we are human, we are driven by sin nature, and thus we will undoubtedly make mistakes. It’s in those mistakes however we know how to seek forgiveness, and seek repentance when they do occur. It’s in those mistakes, those hardships that our true character is placed on display. We find out more about ourselves through our trials then when things are always a batch of roses. Just remember that even the prettiest of roses have thorns. Seek God for the answers to your troubles, and seek God to the direction of your path. You may not be able to get rid of regret, but you can minimize its impact.

 

 

Cut Away What’s Dead

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Cut Away What’s Dead

When you prune a plant often times you need to cut away the dead leaves or limbs because the stuff that’s dying is pulling needed nutrition from the healthy parts of the plan. “When a forest grows too wild, a purging fire is inevitable and natural.” Ra’s Al Gul The purging fires in nature are needed from time to time to cut away what’s dead and give birth to new and green.

In our lives we know people who come and go, we have people who may only be in our lives for a short while before it’s time to cut them loose. Some people in your life become toxic and it’s tough to let go of those whom you Love, even when the people you love may be bad news. James 1:8 “8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” Sometimes when we know someone the most, or even love, they may actually be, eventually, the person that needs to be cut away. Sometimes cutting away someone we love may feel like cutting off one of our own limbs. This however again, is sometimes what’s most needed in our lives.

In my own life I have held on because of fear and struggles to release those in my life that I with all of my heart loved. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are good for you. As I have fought the fight to keep up relations as possible I have come to realize that in my efforts to preserve what I was holding onto, I have infested myself with considerable heartbreak and more pain and more suffering day in and day out. I have become a glutton for punishment as I have continued to try and see the good in people, but as I’ve done this my whole life I have come to realize now I cannot do this to myself any longer.

There are a few ways I believe we can cut things from our lives that do us harm.

 

  1. Leaving the door open as an option, but keeping distance and only allowing the door option as a last resort. There must be significant change and we don’t want to write someone off because God can fix anything, but we can’t just open the door blindly. We must look through the small peephole before opening that door to make sure who we are letting inside our home. Keeping your distance must be done. This means no calls, no texts, no emails, no Facebook stalking, no gathering Intel through friends or family. You must truly remove yourself from the equation and allow yourself to be free of the poison that ails you.
  2. Choose God before bad. Matthew 7:15 “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” When we continue to allow those wolves to infiltrate our lives, dictate terms within our lives, we must ask ourselves what happens when we are in the war with wolves. One thing I hadn’t thought about until now is distraction. When we listen to God we are often placed in the right place when we need to be at the right time. However, if we are focused on the wolves, if we are focused on things that bring us pain and suffering, we cannot hear God, we cannot see the path when our own tears blind us.
  3. Fight the fight and bring into the fold. We must always remember that grace is not for us to give alone. We must always remember to forgive freely; forgiveness isn’t something to be earned. Love isn’t something that is lost because we don’t stop just because they become an enemy. Luke 10:3 “Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.” We know that as we spend time with the wolves we may get bit from time to time. This would be an occupational hazard. This doesn’t stop you from the mission. Everyone has the potential to redemption, and our mission is to continue to spread the Gospel no matter how good, or bad we see someone as. It’s not our place to pass judgment, it’s our job to keep everyone on the same platform and let God pass the judgment.

 

Everyone deserves the chance and the right to change. Everyone deserves the right to make up for past wrongs. This however doesn’t need to be given freely. Just because someone is deserved the right to change, doesn’t mean that trust has to be given blindly, and doesn’t mean people don’t have to earn the trust we give them. We may have to work for it ourselves sometimes, but nothing worth having in life comes without something in return. Our freedom comes at a price. Jesus died for the sins of all the people of the earth, but we have to burn away our old selves and we have to fight back against the sinful nature. This can sometimes be hard, but as nothing in this world worth while is easy, the challenge is to let go of worldly desires, let go of what weighs us down and blinds us from God’s plan for us.

Release the weights that hold you down. Do not allow yourself to be pulled under the water by the dead weight. Do not allow yourself be choked by the weeds growing up around you. Every now and again purging fire must happen. Never easy for us to let go of things we care about, possibly the hardest thing we may ever do in our lives. Eyes wide open to God, and don’t loose sight of the forest through the trees.

 

 

 

 

How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

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How Do We Mend A Broken Heart? 

After 9 months of trying deeply to let go of the pain inside it has a habit of coming back strong and stronger. The feeling inside my chest, the emptiness that resides like a sledgehammer pounding on my chest and insides day in and day out. It never relents and as each day begins with a breath, the empty bed, the darkness, the quiet room all breaks my heart over and over.

The simple truth is I don’t know how to mend a broken heart. I’ve never been very good at it. What I can say is don’t do what I’ve done. With any pain there’s a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to soar. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” For every amount of pain, every instances of joy, of pain and sorrow, of worry, of concern, of peace and war, there is a time for it all. I was recently talking with someone who’s marriage has fallen apart and she said so many people are there surrounding her all the time she wishes she had some alone time. Whilst me, I’m alone at work, I’m alone at home, and nearly every day it’s the same. There is a healthy balance in the grieving stage when you must get out of the house, you must spend time with people, but you also need to be able to sit back and reflect.

When we are heavy laden we must learn to turn to God and allow God into our hearts to lift us up. Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Also, Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Giving your sorrows to the Lord is something that comes with practice, but it’s not a magic wand, it won’t make you feel better that second. Loosing a loved one is always difficult and it doesn’t matter if they die or walk away. Truthfully the only true way to heal from heartbreak is to let time move on, distract yourself often, surround yourself by people who will help lift you up, and get out get out get out of the house. You cannot sit in the house surrounded by memories and expect to feel better.

God Gave Me You,

I’ve been a walking heartache

I’ve made a mess of me

The person that I’ve been lately

Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me

Watch as the storm goes through

And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

For when I think I’ve lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it’s true

God gave me you

 The truth behind this is Jesus. Jesus is here for us in the ups and downs. Jesus is here for us when we loose our way, but Jesus the everything in the world we’ve ever needed, even when we don’t know what we need. Jesus is our sword, our sword of vengeance, and our shield of protection. The morrow will come and when it does the world will continue to turn. Our pain will still be here, but will you get up with me and put on our big boy and big girl pants and continue to fight through the pain? Day in and day out no matter the trials we face we must continue to push through. We will never be the same again after this, but we need to learn to do one thing. We must, MUST learn to not give away the power over our happiness. We must learn to hold onto that for us and us alone. We cannot allow someone to break us like this over and over again. We must love everyone, we must love ourselves, but knowing that Christ is with us is the only power we should be giving away. Trusting in the Lord is a given, but trusting someone else with the button to control our foundation is a fatal mistake.

We know that there will never be a day promised without pain except the day after we breathe our last. The day we awake in Heaven is the day we will be without sorrow, without pain, without suffering. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Until the day comes when the world is wiped away, or we are called home, pain is apart of our life, apart of our journey. Somehow, we must learn to embrace it, and use it to get us through our problems, one step at a time. No matter what book you read, what blog you’ll read, or any advice you’ll ever hear, the answers for recovery is not simple, nor can anyone help you through every part of your journey. And since there is no right answer to a quick fix, no straightforward course of action to make the pain go away all we can do is pray to God to help us on our journey, help us with the direction we must go. We must turn to Christ during our times of need because it’s in those times of need when we can be assured God is with us always.

 

 

No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

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No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

Children, we are big babies a lot of the time. We are often told we need to do something and we fuss and complain about doing it. Even when it’s the right thing to do, or something we absolutely must do. How often do we throw our adult temper tantrums, or find ways to silently protest the daunting task of being an adult? (Spoiler Alert Lego Batman) I was watching Lego Batman the other day and when Alfred tells Bruce he has to go to Commissioner Gordan’s retirement party Bruce throws this huge tantrum. He grumbally says “No, I don’t wanna do that!” He throws himself to the ground, screams No over and over as he makes his way to the stairs, flops up the stairs still screaming no, then starts to beatbox and ends with a resounding NO. Alfred sweetens the honey pot and Bruce agrees to go. See God’s not that way with us most of the time. When we tell God no I see God up in the celestial heavens and says “Excuse me?” “Okay, well you want to do it your way, we’ll see about that.” I see God as having a bit of a parental sense of humor. When we don’t want to do something he lets us do things the hard way, and eventually when we get to the point of everything going wrong, he slaps us behind the head and says ‘Okay ya big dummy, you going to do it my way now?” And of course we reply “Yes God. I’m sorry.”

What happens to us when we rebel against God? Lets first look at the first to do that. Satan tried to go against God. Isaiah 14:12-15 “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! [how] art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” Satan was created by God as one of the Angels of Heaven, Lucifer Morning Star. The desires of Lucifer to lie and scheme were what caused Him to be cast from Heaven. John 8:44 “Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” When we choose to sin, when we choose to rebel and go against our Father we are likened to Satan. Deuteronomy 28:47-48 “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.” God can and will take from us what we no longer deserve. Truly if the good things in our lives are gifts from our Father, and we are bad, doesn’t it fit that those good things will be taken away? In fact that very things happens and can be seen in Psalm 68:6 “God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners in prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

Proverbs 17:11 “An evil man seeks only rebellion, and a cruel messenger will be sent against him.” When we continue to go against God’s wishes for us, when we choose to turn our backs on God, when we choose to want the lusts of this world, and we choose to forsake everything we know, we can and will watch as the blessings we once had in our life are thrown away and when we realize what’s happening, usually it’s too late. Only when we repent of our sins, and attempt to right our wrongs will be again be blessed and life will be made right once again. Our Father isn’t mean, and He isn’t cruel, He just wants what’s best for us.

As I watched my own life fall apart I had to ask myself and evaluate what was I doing wrong? I believe two things happened in my life. First there were a few things I wasn’t doing according to Gods will. Second other people have free will and when they choose to sin sometimes we are just collateral damage. We must be careful with whom we associate with because if we are not we too may be caught in the crossfire. Choose your friends wisely and choose who you spend your time with, with more scrutiny. Godly friends and Godly counsel are the best choices in your life. If someone isn’t giving you advice from Scripture itself, chances are it’s a worldview and not one of Godly or Divine origin. The dangers of such advice are they will often lead you astray and cause you more harm. The only advice you will ever need is that what’s in scripture. Much like the film “The Skulls” they had a book with every contingency. Well, truthfully the Bible is our big book of guidelines and rules to live by. If we just read it and study it, we’d find that nearly everything we could think of today or deal with today at the root of any problem is talked about in the Bible. There truly is nothing new under the sun.

To the brink and back a survivors story

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To the brink and back a survivors story

A while back a guy I knew was going through a pretty rough time. He was depressed, and he was lonely with the whole world around him. His beautiful wife seemed to be going through a lot on her side of the fence also. See they’d been together for a while and there seemed to be some distance growing between them. He wanted to rush in and fix it, he wanted to be there and close the gap. She wanted space, and distance, and she started to grow attached to someone else. Eventually the affair would occur and he’d be left with trying to pick up the pieces of a broken home. When he realized there may be something deeper going on he decided to stay and fight. He devoted himself to doing things differently, hoping that she’d see the change and stay, but that’s not what happened. She left and with it taking the last bit of dignity he had. The day the gunshot rang out the world as he knew it changed. No hope, no belief that tomorrow would ever be better, he was overwhelmed and something snapped. His fight or flight response shut down and all he could see was his own pain. He wasn’t considering anyone else, or how his actions might affect them, and sadly, his actions would drastically hurt others. He chose the least vital place he could think of to cause pain but not death. He put a 9mm hallow through his shoulder. He knew it wouldn’t hit much because there’s not much there to hit. He was wrong though and the mistake nearly killed him. The bullet chipped his left clavicle when the gun jumped as he pulled the trigger. The bullet changed direction going down through his lung fracturing 3 ribs before going out his back. Ribs 2,3, and 7 each fractured and as the lung collapsed he lost consciousness. The pain he caused the loved ones around him was extensive. His blood loss should have killed him, but in the later weeks as he recovered he would tell the story how he apologized to God and God sent him back. Many people have been skeptical if what he heard and felt was just in his head, but it was strong enough to change who he is to this day.

While he still suffers from the injuries both physical and emotional the ones he’s most concerned with now are the people he hurt. His wife was traumatized by the incident. He told me once that he didn’t think she’d care one way or another. The problem is when we are consumed by our own pain it’s difficult, nay impossible to see or feel the pain from others. We can’t allow pain, and grief, and anger to fill us up to the point of absolute blindness to the people around us who love us and care for us. Even when there are arguments, or disagreements, that doesn’t mean the person hates you, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. No matter the pain we feel we can’t let that push us to do crazy dangerous things. Tomorrow will always come, and it’s better to win the war than the battle. There’s so much anger towards him by his friends for what he did. For a long time he didn’t understand that anger, he felt like he was the victim. The truth is they are both right. In each perspective pain was dealt. Traumas were experienced by those who were there and took care of him lying on the ground bleeding, and friends felt as if he was leaving them all behind to fend for themselves. Suicide is often looked at as a coward’s way out, and to some that perspective may be their truth. We must understand the nature of a vantage point, and learn to see beyond our own ideals, our own feelings, and try to understand the feelings of others. Not to say truth isn’t truth because it is. There are things we must know are true and there’s no debate in that truth. But when there’s a feeling behind a thought we must not allow ourselves to degrade someone because feelings are powerful. We don’t want to inadvertently pass judgment and do more harm because we don’t know why they feel a particular way, what got them to that point.

This is particularly important in a marriage. We may disagree on particular areas but the biggest question is, is the fight worth it? As the old saying goes, learn to pick your battles. If my friend could do one thing it would be take away the pain he caused. He often comes to me for prayers and for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a tricky thing when it comes to forgiving yourself. When we walk through life every day and are reminded of the pain we caused, it’s difficult to forgive ourselves when we know others haven’t forgiven us. The best things we can do is pray, and hope for forgiveness someday. We can never take back our actions, our words, but we can try to be mindful of what we say and do because those things can have lasting repercussions. Self-forgiveness starts with repentance. We can apologize but something big like that, it’s important to show those within your orbit that you truly are sorry for it, and know that you are trying everything you can do to make it better. My friend’s told me time and again how badly he wishes he could go and take back what happened that day. As he starts going down that rabbit hole I remind him often of the song by Casting Crowns, “What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again, and unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away from the you, you once knew, now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track.” The truth in that is you’ll never get back to the you, you once knew. You’re never too far gone, but even as you turn around you’ll never be the same. It’s not about being the same, you don’t want to be the same. You want to be stronger, you want to be confident, and embrace your mistakes so you’ll never have to relive them again. God’s always with us no matter how far off track we get, and if you believe that after one step in the right direction the rest of the steps will get easier over time. When you’re walking on that path walking through the fire you burn your old self away. Hard Love by NeedToBreath “It’s not enough to just feel the flame You’ve gotta burn your old self away.” Embrace the fire and allow yourself to undergo the transformation to follow Christ. It’s a hard love but it’s worth it in the end. Give up and fall under God’s grace.

If my friend can come back from such a near death experience and be showered in God’s love, God’s grace and God’s blessings you can to. He turned his life around and everything he’s suffered through he takes none of the credit for his continued survival. Everything he has now he knows came from God, and he knows he wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Gods grace. He’s got some great opportunities coming up and he’s excited to see how he can use his life, his gifts for Christ. I hope many of you can see the power of Gods grace and love. Let his life and success story be an inspiration to all of you. God Bless.

Don’t Be A Fair Weather Fan

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Don’t Be A Fair Weather Fan

We have all heard of the phrase fair weather fan. We realize that the term usually refers to sports of some kind, and always referring to sports where the team has a long streak of bad seasons and yet as soon as they turn around fans come out of the woods to cheer them on. But the moment the team goes south again the fans start to drop away. This behavior isn’t new and there is actually scripture to prove it.

As good Christians we are taught to follow God and to trust in God through every good day and bad. The truth is more Christians are like fair weather fans than devout followers of Christ. We look to God like a cosmic genie and only when things are going good do we look like good Christians. Sometimes when things go bad as long as it’s not “too” bad we treat God like Santa Claus saying “God if you get me outta this I’ll never do _________ again.” Of course they are usually empty promises. The truth is as long as the getting is good it’s easy to have faith, but when the day the troubles come we want the easy quick fix to make it better and when that doesn’t come we curse to the heavens stating how God’s forgotten us, or even worse that God never existed after all. Just like supporting your sport team when the are doing really well, but switching sides in the off years when things didn’t look so hot.

John 6:60-66 “60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” 61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this? 62 Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? 63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) 65 And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” 66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.” A little back-story for this longer verse is needed. Earlier in scripture Jesus had made sure to feed the great number of followers he had. After he crossed the lake and his disciples found him on the other side they wanted to go work for more food. This is when the nature of being a fair weather fan comes in. While the bellies were full everyone was happy, why not, they were getting free food, but when the message changed and it was no longer about getting the good stuff and easting some guys flesh and drinking his blood, a great many of them missed the point and in disgust decided to make like a tree and split. Jesus knew that in their hearts they didn’t believe and they didn’t truly follow. Knowing all these people would leave He Tested their faith anyway.

It’s easy for us to pass blame for the suffering of other; it’s easy for us to be angry at something bigger than us. Once we do that it makes the pain more manageable for some. Blame God, God’s the one who allowed this to happen. If God were so powerful then why would I be allowed to suffer like this? If we truly understood the nature of God, if we truly understand why bad things happen, and the true blame behind them, then we wouldn’t be so quick to flee from God’s side and remain loyal. Isn’t that a problem in today’s world though, loyalty? How quickly do marriages fall apart when it gets just a little rocky? We’ve become a fast food society that anything more than 5 minutes is unacceptable and we want to talk to the manager for lousy service. The problem with that is, the true manager is God, and we treat God like the guy at the check out counter.

God is with us every step of the way in our lives and by with us, I mean God endures each of our hardships we endure. God sacrificed ‘himself’ on the alter of self-sacrifice and we have the audacity to blame God when we stub our toe. Now I’m not saying that some problems are truly deep hurtful problems, but God is not the architect of bad days. 2 Thessalonians 2:7 “For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work. Only he who now restrains it will do so until he is out of the way.” Satan is the giver of all things evil. Satan was there the day evil entered the world, and will remain till the day God decides the time is right to vanquish evil from existence. Isn’t it better to stand with God in the fire, rather than stand apart and still be in the fire? Bad things will happen no matter what, and it’s a choice we must make as to where we want to be. The world is full of evil and yes God does allow it to happen, but sometimes we just need to let our kids learn life’s lessons the hard way. Sometimes horrible tragedies occur but that doesn’t mean that some good can’t come out of it. The key is knowing that God’s always working behind the scenes and those who are faithful will be rewarded for that faith.

“Moral evil is the immorality and pain and suffering and tragedy that come because we choose to be selfish, arrogant, uncaring, hateful and abusive.” Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Andy Rau, Bible Gateway) The author of this blog entry touches on the Aurora movie theater shooting. The question was asked why them, why did so many have to die that fateful night, and the simple answer is because one man choose to do something evil. One person chooses to bring death to innocent people and the simple answer is Evil exists because of Satan. The Devil has been prowling around and causing problems since Adam and Eve. We don’t know why God has continued to allow this, but Jesus spoke clearly on pain and suffering, John 16:33, “You will have suffering in this world.” Jesus didn’t use the word might he was always very accurate in his choice of words. Will have suffering, and it’s our choice if we want to embrace our test and persevere, or if we want to struggle and fail. We may not always pass every test, or come out smelling like roses on the other side, but we have a choice to follow God and trust in God with everything we are, or we can come and go, treating God like a genie who is there for our own personal uses and amusement, though I promise you, if you believe God to be there for you because you feel you’ve earned it in some way, you’ve got another thing coming. Your sins are no more or less than those who drove the nails into the hands and feet of Jesus. You mine as well done it your self because we aren’t any more or less worthy of forgiveness then they were. We are not the judge and jury, and we don’t have the ability to know or see the whole picture. We are but tiny little insects in the grand scheme and because of that, we don’t deserve Gods grace or forgiveness yet we have it anyway. We should be humbled by our gifts, learn to find the good through the muck of the bad and focus on the blessings rather than the curse. Don’t flip flop sides when it’s convenient, search your heart and know that being on the side of Christ is the only side to truly choose from.

God,

Please forgive my sins and my arrogant presumptions of what life should be like,

Please allow me but a moment to see through your eyes and know that my troubles will be short, but if they are long give me your patience to wait them out. Give me your strength to persevere with you by my side.

Please give me the heart of loyalty that even when the times get the worst I can turn to you and know you are there waiting for me.

Lord please show me the blessings that I cannot see through the blinding of this storm.

Lord please grant me the wisdom to be there for others who are in need of a friend to help bare their cross, and help them see the good that’s still within this world.

Above all Lord, thank you for being by my side when the world is not, and thank you for walking with me when there is loneliness in my heart, and thank you for never giving up on me, even when I’ve given up on myself.

Amen.

Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

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Don’t Let The Flame Go Out

Lately I’ve felt beaten down, tortured by my own doubts, my own insecurities, my own past and of all that I have felt as if that little spark of hope, that little light that resounded left in my heart was going out. The constant struggles of solitude in both work and home, the constant reminder of failures swirling round in head. The emptiness of a house that once had laughter, smiles, and love, yet now with it just the dogs and me the silence is pounding in my heart and in my head. What has happened to me in the last couple weeks I ask myself? As I look to my future I see a big move out of state, a 7 week gap before I end up to my new home, which I don’t have, a new job, which has barely been discussed, a hope and prayer are the fuel that powers this mission. So as I sleep at night and my dreams are nightmares, the wind howls and trees knocking around outside, the broken limbs fall to the deck waking the dogs, which in turn wakes me and this goes on all night long. The lyrics “I’ve been a walking heartache” By Dave Barnes plays in the distance. The fire inside me feels like it’s being drowned by the tears of my sorrows, and the pain in my chest suffocating the flame that’s been able to withstand so much till now. The days of doubt have finally caught up to me, and the bit of hope I once had for my future seemed like it was all but gone. Any hope I had to reignite the flame seemed to be washed out by the storm that just wouldn’t go away. The part of me that felt no hope was growing in strength spreading like a dark shadow deep within. When the world is unrelenting what hope do we have to stand toe to toe with the prizefighter that’s been doing this a lot longer than we have.

Hard Love

Hold on tight a little longer
What don’t kill ya, makes ya stronger
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love
You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love

When the wolves come and hunt me down
I will face them all and stand my ground
‘Cause there’s a fire burnin’ in me
They will see my strength in this love I found

The Apostil Paul was sitting in a Roman jail awaiting his execution. By this point Paul had experienced a great many hardships. 2nd Corinthians 11:24-28: “24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. 28 Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.” Paul had experienced a great many hardships, but even where he was sitting he managed to write about hope and love. Where do we look for inspiration when we have fallen and would rather stay down on the mat instead of getting back up to endure more of the beating? When we just can’t find the strength to stand what do we do? Matthew 27:32 “32 As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross” My take away from this is in our greatest times of struggles, in our deepest of sorrows we are meant to get help. Even Christ showed us it’s okay to ask or receive help. We must let go of our sinful pride and ask for Godly help. We are meant to turn to the Lord, but also our fellow Christians. We are meant to put our sorrows out there to let our Brothers and Sisters in Christ help us bare our own crosses. When asking for help however we must be careful to avoid asking the wickedness of man for help. Isaiah 8:19 “And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?” When we seek ungodly counsel we will be led astray. We will be guided to directions that would further lead us into more sin, and a deeper divide between the Lord and us. As a body of Christ we are commanded to Love our Neighbors as ourselves. Meaning we are all in this together. When we harm our neighbor, we harm ourselves. For every action there are repercussions both good and bad equal to the action dependent on the side you act upon. In Galatians 6:2 the words jump off the page. It’s not saying you could, or you can, or maybe, it’s saying, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” This means you are meant to help your neighbor when they are troubled. We are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of Christ, we are meant to lay our troubles at the feet of our Christian Brothers and Sisters, and they in turn are supposed to be there for us.

When we don’t know where to turn, when we feel as if we can’t take another step, when we feel the blow to our bodies one after another, we are actually struggling with the lies of the world. Satan will throw everything at you He can to break you. Satan wants you to fall and not get back up. Satan wants you to believe the lies he tells, and wants you to be crushed under the weight of burden.

Casting Crowns

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

 As the Apostle Peter was called to step out of the boat in the storm, he began to sink and Christ replied “Ye of little faith” We must remember that as long as Christ is with us we will never truly sink. The voice of truth tells us to never be afraid for as long as God is for you, who than can be against you. The Apostle Paul wrote Timothy from inside a Roman prison awaiting execution. 2 Timothy 4:5-8 “5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” As Paul writes he knows he’s about to die. He’s telling Timothy to remain strong when the time comes those false doctrines and their own lusts and other manner of sinful nature will take over. In that time stand firm in the teaching and be ready to suffer the consequences for not turning away from the truth. When all hope seems to be lost remember that keeping the course is it’s own reward. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness. This is the promise of ever lasting peace in Heaven, a gift from God that ALL may have the joy of receiving if only love the Lord.

When you are down and you feel that you can’t get that spark to light, seek shelter under the protection of Christ’s umbrella. Allow Christ to warm you by the fire. Allow God to comfort your wounds, your weary souls. Psalm 23 “23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” Know that there is comfort in the Holy Spirit, and that comfort is for you if you ask for it.

SideWalkProphets

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

 (Prayer) Whatever your will my Lord help me find it. Whatever ales my heart help heal me. Whatever weighs me down help cut it away. God please rest my soul. When we don’t see what’s coming and we hurt and we have pain and sorrow, remind me I’m not alone. Lord be with me and watch over me as I wrestle with my trials, my tribulations, my heartbreak. Lord remind me I’m not alone and I can count on YOU, and place in my path those that can help me bare this burden. Please allow me to continue to help others bare their crosses and allow my home to be rebuilt, better than it was before. God I know I’m not alone, and I know that in all things you are in control, and in You all things are possible. AMEN…

 

 

 

 

 

The Grass Ain’t Greener

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The Grass Ain’t Greener      

Recently as some of you who read my blogs have already figured out I suffered a horrible separation. Because of that this topic’s been weighing on my mind. Often when we look across the yard and things look pretty good. We look at other peoples lives, we look at what others have, we look to other people and we often think how good they have it, or how great it would be to own that, or even how good it would be to be with someone else. We usually call this the grass is greener phase. The thing about this phase is, it’s a lie. The Devil has been perpetrating this lie since the original day of sin. The day in the garden Satan convinced Eve that life would be better after eating from the tree of knowledge. He convinced her that living a life with open eyes would be better then that which God had created for them. The Devil made it sound like the grass was greener on the other side. The sad part was once Eve stepped over to the other side and realized how wrong she was the damage was done and it couldn’t be fixed. The fall from grace had happened and now the beautiful grass she once had died, and she could never have that life back again.

When we pursue the greener grass we are looking through a distorted keyhole lens that only shows us what we want to see, not what we need to see. How often do we hear the stories about people crossing over to the other side just to find out it’s not great at all, and they wish they could go back. The sad part is when you cross over and then in doing so you destroy not only your life but also others around you. Recently in my life I knew a couple that had been together for about 10 years or so. The father had gone through a horrible divorce because his first wife had an affair and destroyed the marriage. After a while of healing he met a new woman who’d become his second wife. They would have a great life, a great house, their children became a family, and at least from the spectator point of view their life looked pretty good. OF course there are things we never see from the outside, but I know I was a bit envious of everything they had. I found out rather suddenly that she had an affair, lied about it, continued the affair, and it quickly fell apart. She destroyed her own career, she broke the hearts of the kids, broke her husbands heart and as he suffered this kind of loss now for the second time his pain now unimaginable. I’ve not talked to her since then but the question is ‘was it worth it?’ Though I’ll never have the answer I have to imagine at some point the rose goggles will be removed and the beauty will turn to ash.

In my own life I have suffered something very similar. Two wives, two affairs, and as with the first time, the second time has left me broken and displaced. This time around my faith is guiding me. This time around I am stronger than I was before. This time I know I have more to offer. I heard a saying once a few years ago, “The grass is greener where you water it.” Marriage isn’t easy sometimes, and sin pulls at our hearts and all manner of earthly desires but when you get married it’s for life, it’s not for as long as it’s convenient. The idea of sin in the marriage such as divorce is repugnant to God. The old saying is you can look but don’t touch apparently is more of a guideline these days. Even looking can be a pitfall if it becomes envy or lust. There are so many people out there who have spouses who became cheaters, so many relationships fail because of infidelity. God’s heart breaks watching so many relationships crumble because of such things. Genesis 2: 21:22 “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.” Woman was made to be of one flesh. Woman was made so man wouldn’t be alone, and vise versa. When two people marry they become one flesh. They are devoted and when there is infidelity the heartbreak that’s caused can be deeper then some can handle. I wish we could have the eyes of God to see what God see’s within the hearts of those broken by infidelity, by lies, by deceits. I wish those who do such evil things knew how it feels to be on the receiving end. I wish I knew or understood the minds and hearts of those who do this to others. I wish that we could receive Gods love for humanity. I wish we loved as God loves.

Much like the man from my story earlier I feel the pain he feels, I have seen through his eyes, and I know the pain of the knife, the pain of betrayal, the sting of lies. Was the grass greener, I may never know, but I know my future looks bright. For every tragedy we face in our lives there is a potential for great redemption. In every tragedy God is working to use it for the betterment of our lives. No matter how much pain we face, no matter how much sorrow or anger that’s in our hearts letting go of that poison and finding a new pasture to raise your home is the first step. Forgiveness and letting go of that anger and hate, saying it a thousand times over, letting yourself weep and feel, ‘I forgive you.’ You must learn to believe in the goodness of people. You must learn that each person you encounter is not the last. Holding onto anger and holding onto hatred are chains for your very soul that leave you stuck in the place that, that wound first happened and you can’t break free till you face the pain head on. You must fight the urge to stay angry, you must fight the urge to hate. We are not the judge and we are not the jury. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” We are not to hold onto the cancer that holds us back.

When our worlds fall down because of someone else and it looks like our grass is dying, and we feel we’ll never be whole again remember that tears of healing may fall and will water your grass. Let them flow, let the healing begin and watch as God uses the miraculous to change your life. Every day you must learn to take care of your own yard, tend to your garden, tend to your flock and watch as the healing waters sprout new life into your life and sooner than you think your grass will be green and full of life. The glory of our lives and our calamities all belong to the grace of God. God sees the pain, feels the pain, and endures the pain. God was with Jesus on that Cross, and as we fight to bare our own cross Christ our Lord, one with the Father Abba is with us on our cross. The whips that strike us strike God. The words that cut our hearts cut the heart of God. Nothing we go through in this life affects only us. As I have grown a great deal I have found that the wounds I’ve endured over these last 8 months are not mine alone, and I wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for God. I myself broke Gods heart 8 months ago, and I have to pray and ask for that forgiveness. I asked God to forgive me as I was dying in that ambulance and hearing the voice of God “You’re forgiven” I woke and new life was breathed into my chest. The only grass that’s greener in our lives we won’t find here. It’s only when we go home, when we finally reach our place in paradise will the grass ever be greener. Don’t loose sight of the promise made and remember God’s promise to us is not empty, it’s full of truth and life.

When the world tries to lure you away from your own piece of grass, when you are being tempted to cross over that fence, remember not only will your grass die where you were, there will be no blessing on the land where you are headed. Have faith that if you are on the fence and you are thinking of crossing over because you feel life would be better on the other side, think of Matthew 4:29-31 “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Much like Peter we must trust in the Lord will not let us be consumed by the storm. When you are struggling in your relationship there’s always a better way. Fight for your relationship, fight with everything you’ve got and trust in the Lord to save you when times are darkest.