Tag: pain

A Multitude of Sins

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

A Multitude of Sins

Here I sit alone in almost complete silence. The teal glow on the wall from the lava lamp, and the glow from the computer screen are the only lights on in the house. There’s no music on, no television, just a fan in the dining room I can hear. The sounds of the keys being clicked own is loud in the silence of the house. Occasionally I can hear one of the dogs yawning, or licking their paw, but it’s quiet.

What do we do when we are alone in the dark, no sounds, just the sound of our own thoughts? Where does your mind take you? Mine takes me to a place darker then that of my home right now, a multitude of sins and mistakes. How did I get here my mind asks. How has my life turned out this way, and where the heck do I go form here? The truth is I don’t know. People ask me every day what’s the plan, where are you going to go, what are you going to do? You see, people that know me best know me as the planner. In an earlier post I talked about your emergency preparedness kit and some of what’s in my hiking bag. For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan. I haven’t had a plan since September 18th 2016. That day all of my sins came to the surface, they came with a reckoning, a force strong enough to knock me off my balance and shake the very foundation in which I built my life. Up till that point in my life I had found myself to be relatively successful. I was happily married, doing well at work, doing great in school, working towards a baby, everything I wanted in life. I had the greatest in-laws anyone could ever hope for, a great sister in law, but fate it seems follows it’s own course, not what we want. In just a matter of a short bit of time everything I loved, the life I spent years building would crumble around me and I would loose everything. The foundation cracked and a cavern opened up under me and swallowed me whole. At the time I felt as if I’d never get out. At the time I felt that my pain, my suffering was the end of me and sadly, wrongly, I felt as if I deserved it. I felt as if my sins were coming back and I had to pay for them. I felt as if I deserved to suffer, to undergo pain and suffering.

A life of trauma built up and tucked away in a nice tidy little closet, away from the world so no one would see. The pain inside buried so deep that the mask I wore every day was good enough to fool even those closest to me. So many times I felt the sorrow the shame bubbling up from the deepest pits within myself, and as skillfully as a superhero beats down a lowly thug, I put that stop in the rising pain, and forced it to return back to the darkest places of my very soul. Compartmentalization is such a wonderful tool when dealing with pain. It can be very helpful as a short term coping mechanism but when used for trauma, the idea is to revisit the trauma soon after the crisis is over, and face the memory head on to come to grips with it. The trouble with that is when the day never comes to revisit, it’s locked away, never forgotten, but never addressed either.

What do we do when the foundation we built our very existence crumbles and falls apart? When our foundation is not as solid as we thought it was, and our deepest fears come true? When everything we’ve ever wanted is taken away, when our deepest fear is realized, and every trauma we’ve ever buried breaks out of prison with an angry vengeance the perfect storm is realized and bad terrible things happen to our minds.

When the hurricane hit me I wasn’t able to maintain my footing. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to handle, the one and only thing I knew was the word STOP. I knew it had to stop. I felt I deserved what happened to me. I felt I had a right to the pain because I had sinned. I had never lived up to be what I should have, and I earned my place. The memory slipped away after actions were taken. What happened to me? What was going to happen to me? So quickly control was fleeting, a wild chaos was quickly snapped back to a hazy reality but not without consequence. No one ever warned us this might happen. No one ever taught us the repercussions of a lifetime of running. You can’t run forever, sooner or later the past will catch up to you and when it does, it wants its payment with interest.

It would take months to realize the new reality, which was my life. It would take only days to realize how bad of a decision that had been made without conscious control. We all have to answer for our sins, and we all have to pay for them. The hard part about dealing with what we’ve done is forgiving ourselves. For me it’s always been easier to forgive others for the bad things they’ve done, but to forgive myself, you’d have better luck pulling a tooth from a T-Rex. I can never take back what happened that day, but to understand more then just the surface problem, to see beyond the facts of that day, it takes a deeper look into the human soul.

As we walk in our lives we see those around us who get caught in addiction, self-harm, physical disorders such as eating disorders, but do we ever try to address the problem? The problem on the surface is the immediate issue, but the problem I’m talking about is that below, the root of the problem. When people suffer for a long time even when we cannot see it, it can often manifest itself in ways to run and hide from the source. Eventually running is all we know. Eventually that life becomes a new reality a safe comfortable reality in our own minds. Even if from the outside it looks destructive and harmful, no doubt it is destructive and harmful, but life itself is often through the eyes of the beholder.

Survivors of alcoholism, or self-harm, suicide attempts, addictions to sleeping bills or other drugs, they know the route, but it’s everyone around that becomes the new problem. How many spectators become judgmental of the victim? Let’s use suicide as an example. If someone tries to end their life, what is the normal reaction from those around? Some are in shock and disbelief, others flock to the person showering with love and sympathy, but there are others who feel anger and distain. Suicide is often looked to as the coward’s way out, the easy way out. The anger comes from the idea that it hurts the ones who are left behind. So suicide is often known as selfish. The problem with today’s society is a lack of education on various mental health problems. There are a lot of assumptions and negative connotations that exist that doesn’t make them true. As a society we need to learn to answer pain with Love, answer hurt with Love. We’ve become so quick to push people away who cause pain, but never ask if the pain was intentional. Let me tell you, if someone’s facing addiction, or suicide, you are the last person on his or her minds. Some may leave a note behind, but the idea is never to inflict harm on others, albeit the end result is pain and suffering. Ironic that the idea to end ones own pain and suffering it will inflict that upon others, and yet that thought never crosses the victims mind. Colossians 3:12 “12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” We know that when there is pain doctors are compassionate towards the victims, EMS have a bedside manner of caring and love, but when someone in our family or friends harms themselves anger, and venomous reactions take the stage. Isaiah 49:13 “13 Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” God knows when to be compassionate and when to be hard on his children. Psalm 51:1 “1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.” Is it so hard to forgive others? Is it so hard to realize we all make mistakes and we all harm one another at some point in our lives? Forgiveness isn’t something that is supposed to take time, (realizing this is the reality) it’s something that is supposed to come from the heart. Luke 23:34 “34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”

We must learn to dig deeper to see the why and not just assume. We must learn to Love first and have compassion to those in pain. We must learn to forgive and understand the sinful nature of mankind. These things are not easy, but are necessary. No matter what the world says about some stigmas the facts remain in scripture. Education is the key to being a compassionate person, understanding the driving forces behind a particular mindset can not only give you incite, but help when you come face to face with it yourself. We all know someone who’s tried to commit suicide, became addicted to something, had some sort of mental health crisis, but do we really ever know the why, or the how? How did we treat them when the initial crisis had passed? Our jobs as a Church body is to love, have compassion, not to tare down someone after they already hit rock bottom. Love not hate, it really isn’t that hard with practice.

If you are the surviver of such an addiction, or suicide attempt, know that tomorrow the day can be brighter. As the Book of Job teaches us no matter how bad a situation may look at the time, tomorrow, God can bless us and change our future in an instant. We must maintain love and faith in God, in both or blessings, and our hardships.

 

 

 

There’s no need for that

thearrowpreacher13 Comments

There’s no need for that

We never know how long someone’s a major part of our lives. We never know when things will drive a wedge and crumble. Smile and say goodbye. That’s about all we can do. People come and go and we don’t know why. We don’t know the roll they will play but for every trumpet solo another ensemble will pop up and take the new lead. Have faith and pray for them. Do not be mad or dismayed. It hurts for sure, but life keeps going, and it all works out according to Gods plan.

Sometimes we can make a life changing decision without thought of the consequences. The sad truth is sometimes we can feel so lost, so distraught, so alone, even if it’s just in our own minds, for some it’s near impossible to know the road that leads up to someone who’s either attempted or succeeded in suicide. Some consider suicide a coward’s way out. While I couldn’t disagree more, I know from personal experience how traumatic the experience is for everyone involved. There is a sense of betrayal and selfish thoughts that come from the ones left behind. I myself have both lost loved ones, and have almost lost loved ones. While suicide isn’t as simple as cowardice or weak, the truth is slightly different and as there is research upon research for suicide, one common theme is seen. “In general, people do not commit suicide because they are in pain, they commit suicide because they don’t believe there is a reason to live and the world will be better off without them. “ (PsychologyToday.com) Of course it’s not always as simple as a common road map. “By dealing with deep distress and emotional pain by harming yourself with acts such as cutting, burning, sticking objects in your skin, or intentionally preventing wounds from healing, you are becoming increasingly capable of suicide.” Just because there is not or has not been past evidence of harm, doesn’t mean that enough buried pain, enough buried guilt, and sorrow, can’t be enough to have someone take their own life, or inflict extreme harm upon one’s self.

Most people have a fight or flight response, a natural inclination for self-preservation. If life offers so much pain, so much suffering, so much despair to override a basic biological urge to preserve ones self from harm or death, why then is it so hard for people to realize the courage it takes, the passion it takes to do such things to ones self. No, when someone is feeling that much despair the thoughts of loved ones, consider how they would feel if you were gone, is not usually a thought, thought of. Quite honestly often times when someone kills himself or herself they believe they are doing the world a favor. Sometimes the act is brought on so quickly no warning signs are present.

Does this mean someone’s anger gives them right to do whatever they want to the victim of self-harm? Why do people recoil instead of showering the victim in love? Why do people choose to hate or anger over love? Instead of asking ‘how could you leave me?’ ask instead ‘why did you feel so alone and hopeless?’ When someone attempts self-harm it isn’t about narcissism. Sometimes when a person has a long history of bullying, quick and sudden relationship changes, traumatic experiences, loneliness, eating disorders, existential crisis, and more, can be reasons someone who undergoes an unexpected trauma can attempt self-harm.

We should not judge to harshly about those who suffer. Instead follow the teachings of Christ, to love. People who are going through enough pain and suffering need a loving embrace more so then most. The battle does not end when the victim is released from the hospital. The battle continues and can be a long-term continuation of care. A person who looses enough self respect to loose logic, and life needs to be held and loved, not treated with anger and hatred.

There is already too much hatred in this world. People are so quick to use foul language, quick to cause pain on people around us. It is often easier to let anger and loathing dictate our emotions when some emotions are already heightened. When we are stressed and aggravated why are some so easily provoked?

Yesterday while I work, I witnessed a coworker trying to be nice, and helpful, courteous and understanding and all he got in return was distain and swear words. Sadly it came from both a mother and her teenage daughter. So many other parents noted how well my colleague handled the situation and all who witnessed told me about how well he did and had nothing but high praise. Something so simple, something so simple yet others seem to have a hard time with it, nice, kindness, these things almost seem like a distant memory.

Sadly in my own life I’ve witnessed more hatred in others then I’d care to admit for this world. Recent events in my life point me to the Book of Job. A man who looses everything in his life, his wife, children, home, wealth, his own health, all taken from him. The thing that surprised me most about it was how his friends treated him. I never put much stock in that part until it happened to me. Through the trials I’ve been through, and the unfortunate ‘drama’ as of late, I always figured I could count on my friends. As we all do, mistakes were made on my part, but I never once thought a friend would use that as the catalyst to blame me for all of my ongoing pains in my life. My unfortunate circumstance is why that friend distanced themselves from me, because they didn’t want or need it in their life. A friend who isn’t directly involved decided to be more of a conditional friend to me. When the times get tough, call me later. As the conversation progressed I learned the sad truth, that friend holds a lot of anger towards me because of something that happened 8 months ago. It’s a sad day when you must say goodbye, when it’s best for all parties to bid adieu.

We all make mistakes in our life and some of them are big enough to haunt us the rest of our days. Let me tell you this, if a friend can’t see the pain inside you, can’t see how much suffering you’re in, it’s because they don’t want to. If a friend can’t forgive you for a mistake, something that would have changed the course of a life, it’s a sad day. You may loose friends because of these types of days, but God will never leave or forsake you.

One Step Away by: Casting Crowns

 

What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again

And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away

From the you, you once knew

Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track

But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender

One step away from coming home, coming home

One step from arms wide open

His love has never let you go

You’re not alone

You’re one step away

 

You’re never too far-gone, never alone if you just lay down the old chains and pick up the cross and follow Christ. Don’t think for one second you’re alone. No matter what there are people who can help you. There are so many crisis lines, so many organizations who want to help. If you’re low and thinking about suicide or self harm pick up the phone. If you’re battling depression or anxiety, there are those who know that pain and are always willing to share and talk.

No matter the road you may be on, there’s always hope if that road is full of unhappiness. Don’t loose hope and never quit. God is bigger and better then we could ever hope or imagine. It’s not something that is easy, but with time and practice life gets better. Be proactive and take charge. Shed a life of negativity for one of hope and love. Live by faith, and understand Gods glory.

If you are bullied, picked on, teased, insulted, remember that as much as those things hurt, there’s a way out. Jesus Christ endured all of those things, until he was murdered brutally for us. He suffered torture that could only be described as the worlds hatred and malice in one long excruciating beating that nearly left him dead. He was mocked as he struggled to carry the cross to his final resting place. He was placed on a cross were breathing would be unbearable. He was mocked and yet while this was happening he had the strength to ask God to forgive us. Forgive one another for the things we do. Love one another and don’t keep score of the bad. Just love. Don’t let anger and hatred fill your soul like a cancer. Love and believe. Look to the heavens and see the light shine through the clouds and know the clouds will be burned away and all that’s left is the sun.

 

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201405/why-do-people-kill-themselves-new-warning-signs

http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/07/23/15-common-causes-of-suicide-why-do-people-kill-themselves/

Why I became The Arrow Preacher

thearrowpreacher14 Comments

Why I became the Arrow Preacher

A question I’ve been asking myself is why this path? Why have I chosen to dawn the hood, teach myself to be an archer, learn the Bible and teach others. I don’t know the path I live on, or where it will take me. All my life I’ve felt out of place, I have felt like something was wrong. The only part of my life that makes sense, the only part of my life that seems to be going well, knowing that I am writing and making a difference. It feels good knowing that I am in some small way doing God’s work.

For so long in my life I wished I could be someone else, anyone other then who I was. I dreaded every day I would wake up and head out into the world. I never cared for what I saw in the mirror, or the pain and suffering I had in my heart every day. I had always had a love for archery and characters that were archers. One in particular the Green Arrow became a quick favorite of mine. For years I would dress as the character for Halloween. I continued to train myself with my bows and as time went on, more and more people started to call me the Arrow.

During the time I spent under the hood it became clearer I was more comfortable under the hood then that everyone saw me as every day. As I began to write on Facebook the more I wrote the more people started to gravitate to it. In time the suggestion would start to come that I create my own blog, separate from Facebook, A place where my voice could and would be heard. Eventually I would be told by the right people, at just the right time in my life to start this blog.

Over the last few months as I’ve seen my blog take flight, I now find myself evaluating where I’m going. I find myself comfortable in my reasonable success with my blog and finding a sense of pride with each new country my blog is viewed from.

These days my persona feels more real then my life. I feel I am doing my best work when I am writing and reaching out to others. God has blessed me with some wonderful abilities, and I am thankful every day for them. To allow my pain to reach others and not let that pain destroy me I can only praise God. My pain the suffering I’ve endured has taught me much it will not be in vein. If I can reach others in similar pain, those who’ve gone through depression, anxiety, divorce, self loathing, the thoughts and feelings we all have at some point. God has blessed me with a great deal over the years. As I have survived on setback after another in my life, it is always God who’s lifted me out of the shadows, brought me back into the light, brought me back to life. The war is far from over, and as I see myself a warrior for Christ I will not give up till my last breath is taken to bring others unto his flock.

I will continue to use my gifts, use this hood and this mask, and to use my bow to reach others any way I can. This blog is an outlet for the daily struggles I face, along with things I know others have and are facing. I can only hope to reach as many people as possible. For all of my followers, THANK YOU! I am so grateful for each and every one of you. I am honored so have such wonderful followers.

Collateral Damage

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Collateral Damage 

In life we are promised salvation, but we aren’t promised a life without pain or suffering. In my past I have questioned why God would let bad things happen to me, I would question why I was destined for so much pain. The truth is neither simple nor straightforward, but what is clear is that God allows free will to reign on this planet. Other people’s decisions are often the cause of unintended misfortune. The greatest of truths is we have the power to follow the path set before us, to listen to what God wants by paying attention. When we stray from that path we will find obstacles we weren’t intended to face. When others make choices against Gods plan or design we are often the collateral damage. Every day on this planet a hidden war is being waged and there are always casualties in war. We may not be able to see the battles being waged but trust to know it’s real. The battles are for the very annihilation of our salvation to Christ. The Devil wants nothing more to stop as many souls from joining God in heaven. What better way to fight for someone’s soul then to fire as many volleys as you can to constantly push them back, force someone to always be on the defensive. When the Devil gets an edge he won’t quit, he’ll never stop fighting to break the bond between God and you. God has soldiers on this planet. God has chosen people to fight for him, people of faith, who will stop at nothing then to gather and build the flock. He wants his soldiers to follow the 11 Apostles who went out into the world and taught his word. The devil wants to destroy those soldiers and as promised in the Word, to be Christian is to face suffering, to face pain, to be targeted. Our pain is part of the war. We mustn’t let the Devils attacks draw us away from the battlefield. We must remember when we feel outnumbered and we feel like surrender, the words God has spoken. Ephesians 6;12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.”

I’m not going back

thearrowpreacher11 Comments

I’m not going back

 We can’t live our lives in the past. We can’t focus on the shoulda’s, the coulda’s, the woulda’s. When the bad things in life come and go we can’t stay in the past. We can’t focus on the negatives; we can’t focus on why things happened, or the how. We can evaluate the problem and create a solution to prevent it from happening again, but once created you have to implement, and move forward. Living in the past is unhealthy, and dangerous. When we live in the past we never live in our present, and damage our future. When we put the past in a box and never deal with it, like the left over’s in the box in the fridge the past will come back to haunt you with a vengeance.

When you find Jesus in your life it’s like the veil has been removed, taken off forever. Why would you want to go back? Why would you want to live under the thumb of Satan? When your heart opens to God, you can’t put that gene back in the box. When you are convicted with the Holy Spirit it changes everything about you, the who you are, the what you do, the why you do it, the how you do it, everything, every cell in your body feels supercharged and altered forever.

When the past is gone, and you wish you go back to an event, a time, a long lost love, a last conversation with a friend before he died, a loved one before she left on a trip and that was the last happy day, we all feel this way. When we have our ghosts in the past, and we can’t seem to move forward, we can’t seem to breath, we need to remember that the past is gone, but we can choose to turn around and move back to God.

We can never take back the things we say, the things we do, but we can repent for them. I will never go back to the old me. I will never fall victim to pain and suffering like I did again. I know where my home is now, and I know that His love won’t ever let me fall again. I know I’m not alone. I know my blessings are many and the Lord is my Savior, my one true King. I know that God has given to me the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I’ve got the best pastors a man could ever have for spiritual guidance. I have what’s important in my life and I won’t ever sacrifice my self-respect again. When someone hurts you, you don’t stick around for him or her to do it gain. No future is without pain, no future is without trials but the world can only do so much when we have faith.

With my eyes and heart open to Jesus I know that my soul is safe. I am the most humble, the most stable, the most clear-headed I’ve ever been, and with this being the toughest trials in my life, I’m free. I would choose the “red” pill every time. I want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes, and I absolutely don’t want to take the “blue” pill “wake up in my bed and believe whatever I want to believe.” (matrix) It’s true though. God cannot be kicked out once in. Once that connection is made it can be pushed out but the damage is severe. Our father is a loving God, but sometimes loving your children takes punishing them for being bad. Feel free to try and go head to head with God…. Pretty sure you’ll loose.

I can’t go back to where I was before, I wish I could some days, but had I not gone through that crucible I wouldn’t be where I am today, I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I wouldn’t be reaching lives, preaching the good wood, and teaching. The path behind me is closed and moving forward is the only way. Put it into high gear and watch as the lights fly by you. Jump onto this one way street.

The Passage of Time

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

The Passage of Time

It’s amazing isn’t it how some days seem to fly by, but some days drag on? When you’re alone in isolation the clicking of that clock can seem slow, barely moving at all it seems. The perception concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.” It’s hard for us puny humans to except that time is both linear and perceptive.

When time is so finite how do we manage it? When life is going great and wonderful what are we doing with the time we are given? When life is terrible and full of sorrow, how are we managing it? I myself sit at home and often feel low and down about my situation. Spending much of my time in non-voluntary solitude, I find that as long as I am using my time wisely, as long as I’m still doing God’s work, I can emotionally manage the struggle. Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” We are always so worried about getting stuff done, so worried about not having enough time to do everything in a day.

Have you ever thought about what happens when time runs out? Have you ever thought about when our time is up on this Earth, have we completed everything we wanted, have we live like we wanted too, have we seen the world, or did we squander the most precious gift we have, life/time. There have been many times in my life when I saw time slip by me, as the day should have turned into a forever sleep, but by the grace of God, time didn’t catch up to me on those days.

Some people are afraid of time. Some people are afraid to get older, but it’s been my experience that most of the time people who age also grow in wisdom. In many cultures to live to old age is to become a village elder. We should understand that time can be a friend. We often want time to go by more slowly, or more quickly, but what if we actually got to the point in our lives that we embraced exactly what time was for us because it’s God’s plan. James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” We cannot worry about tomorrow for time is fleeting. Time is not always a friend to us when we are alone, and scared. Rejoice in the great times we have. Proverbs 27:1 “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”

 When we have companionship it seems time goes by so quick. The joy we have not being alone, being with someone we love, being loved in return. When that time has passed however, the time alone seems so long indeed. Being with someone for 10 years, then that time is gone, 7 months feels and seems like an eternity. The Lord teaches us patience, but it’s difficult. The nights feel like ages, reaching for someone that doesn’t exist anymore. The time it takes to recover from heartbreak is different for everyone, but how that time is spent is distinctive to each person. As for me in the past I’ve had friends to get me out of the house, take me out, introduce me to new people. This time however has not gone smoothly. 7 months I’m told is not a long time. How do they come up with that? How does someone assume to know what is or is not a long time for you? The perception of the passage of time largely depends on how we feel about the moment. There’s a difference between being okay alone, and wanting to be. There’s also a big difference in being single, and being alone. Most people have a vast number of friends there for them to get them out of the house, to help them heal. What if you don’t have that? What is 48 hours in isolation verses 48 hours of parties? When someone tells you their weekends went by too fast, do you judge them on their passage of time? When someone spends 48 hours in a cell for 48 hours do you tell him or her it’s not that long? Who are we to judge how someone should feel? Who are we to tell someone how much time should pass for them to be okay? Before you judge someone, before you pass advice, perhaps you should take the time and ask how they feel, get to know their perception, and try to walk a mile in their shoes. Maybe that mile might seem longer when you try to understand. It’s best to have compassion. Have a little companion for the suffering of others. Understand that sometimes the hurt goes deeper then you may know. Pain is a tricky thing, and the amount of time it takes for that pain to go away even the shortest of times to ‘you’ could be an eternity for someone else. Don’t judge what you don’t fully understand.

We may sit in isolation, or sit in a group of friends. No matter the situation and how uncomfortable or enjoyable it may be, know that God is in control and we are precisely where we need to be. Have faith always.

It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

Most of you probably don’t know the song that title is from, ‘Where my heart will take me’. The song speaks of a journey, a long one but finally after a long time a breakthrough, and following your heart, and faith to achieve anything because of strength of that faith and soul.

Do we have faith like that? Do we have faith in God to grant us peace in the storm? Do we have faith that God will be our light in the darkness? Do we have faith that when we are down on our knees with no where left to turn God will lift us on the wings of Angels and give us reprieve from our assorted sufferings?

There’s so much in my heart that is full of pain, it’s full of doubt, its full of fear. Multiple times over I’ve faced death. I’ve seen death in the eyes, and I’ve overcome. I’ve seen RPG’s just barely pass by me. I’ve been caught in explosions, I’ve been shot, I’ve been just seconds from death. Every step every turn I’ve been protected by Gods hands. Because Christ lives in me I have managed to overcome. No matter the long road, the destination is beyond the stars. I pray my soul to find peace. I pray that because Jesus lives I will be saved of this pain and tomorrow the day of our salvation will hold true in my heart.

As I struggle with myself, it’s my own weakness. Faith in the Lord is a hard thing to keep. It isn’t the Lord part that’s tough; knowing that because of God I am safe. Because of God I am a free man. Because of God I am alive and the only thing that matters is His love. The world may beat me, the world may torture me, but it’s the life of Jesus Christ, a high price, but I am saved in that love.

The road I’ve traveled has been a rocky road full of pain and suffering. Days like today I struggle to maintain my positive outlook, but the truth is there’s no reason I shouldn’t be positive. Christ has Risen for me. Knowing that if Christ had to die for just me, he would have. A love like that should never go to waist.

As I have lost so much, as I have had to sacrifice so much, it’s never as much as our Lord sacrificed for us. When life does me wrong, keep moving forward. When trouble knocks at the door be sure to raise to the Lord your hands in prayer, and lift our weary soul to our Almighty God. Lift higher and higher to the Lord. We may never be worthy of Gods love, but we have it anyway. Put your own ambitions aside, God will provide.

No matter the road I’ve traveled, here I am, by Gods purpose, and Gods design. I’m here typing to show there is hope. Hope for tomorrow; hope for today because in all things darkness cannot survive the light. The darkness cannot snuff out the light, but the light will always overtake the darkness. Embrace the change of the light inside you. Let the Light of Christ fill your heart and let it change you. Be born again of the light. Even in the darkest of nights the stars will shine, and will guide your path. Look to the sky and see what’s written in the stars. The Lord gives us a sign and we must follow. The Lord will always say “Trust in Me.” So in the starlight, even the words can be seen when you know how to look.

Defeat

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Defeat

 In a war you won’t win every battle. You won’t have a successful run every day all year. When the world feels like it’s against you, when it feels like everyone you know is turning their backs on you, when your loved ones betray you, best friends leave you, just know that these things are temporary set backs. John 15:18 “If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before [it hated] you.” We all go through pain and suffering, we all feel low at times. Does the tree feel defeated in the winter when it looses its leaves, it looses its looks? No, the tree accepts the natural order of the seasons. There’s a season for love, a season for pain, a season for joy, and when the seasons for pain and suffering come around just know that like the spring rains, the spring warmth, the blossoms always come back, the leaves and the greens always defeat the gray.

Think of pain slipping away as rebirth. Each time we suffer, each time we feel defeated we are given the opportunity to go through our own rebirth. We have the chance to be who we want to be, fight for what we want. We can always redeem our situation. Redemption is only a course of action so why not take it?

Psalm 144:1-2 “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples[a] under me.” You can overcome this world and fly like an eagle because God will never leave you or abandon you.

In the last 12 months I’ve learned what pain feels like, I know what despair feels like and what I’ve learned going through all that is even in the fight to recovery you’ll have your bad days. It’s not a matter of having bad days; it’s how we handle it. The bigger question is if we let those bad days breed and spread. We cannot allow negativity to infect our lives like a virus. We must learn to focus our energy towards positivity, towards the grace of God, towards the wonderful gifts God has given us in our lives. If we ever question anything about our lives never questions God is with us. Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” No matter what the world does to you always follow 2 Corinthians 4:8 “8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”

 Through it all the storm wages on and passes by, the pain will fade but the scars will always remain. Keep them as a reminder of the battles one, or even the mistakes you’ve made. Learn from them. Hebrews 10:35-36 “Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.” God’s love will always surround us. God’s love is our security blanket to keep us warm, to keep us safe. This life is temporary, Gods glory, Gods promise is forever.

 

 

It’s a Wonderful Life, or flashpoint?

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

It’s a Wonderful Life, or flashpoint?

Do we ever truly know the difference we make in our lives? To be honest I myself have questioned my place in this world. In the last 6 months I have had the hardest time of my life fighting my own personal doubt and have suffered a major defeat of my self-esteem. As I am very familiar with the authors of the Bible many of them suffered with depression, doubts, and questioned what God saw in them. Luke 12:7 “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” As we struggle knowing if we are valued, know that Christ values us.

As we walk our path we meet people, we encounter numbers beyond our realizations. We don’t ever know how our presence can affect someone else’s life. Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” If we are to understand Matthew we should see how we cannot hide ourselves from the world. WE must realize that if we are a positive influence just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Don’t just be a light for others, be the iron that sharpens others. Help strengthen others.

If we were to remove ourselves from time, we cannot fathom how important we are. We cannot believe our presence wouldn’t be missed from time. Our actions affect countless lives. Use your life to make a difference and never stop making a difference. When life gets hard, when it looks like hope is lost, find faith in God. Believe in yourself, and even when things are at their worst show the world that you can keep your head held high with dignity. As it’s always easier said then done, always try to do your best to keep your honor. Consider this, consider the comic Flashpoint, were one change affected the course of history. Consider the Butterfly Effect, were no matter how much we try to change the past things get worse. The movie It’s a Wonderful Life, is a man who wishes he were never born. An Angel shows him the world as if he were never in it. People’s lives weren’t better without him. His importance in the world seemed so insignificant to himself, but in reality God used him for good. Let God use you to make a difference. Be positive, raise them up, and walk with God to know your path is true.

 

Sword forged in fire

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Sword forged in fire

When a sword is made in the traditional sense it is placed in fire, pounded, shaped, heated, cooled, pounded on more. It’s no surprise that scripture teaches us how our faith is tempered. Just as the sword it placed in fire and pounded, our faith is also tested in a similar fashion. James 1:2-4 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” When life is hard, when spiritual warfare is well underway, those of faith are tested on the spiritual battlefield. We don’t always know why bad things happen, we don’t always know why our lives can go from what seems like long stretches of happiness to spin out of control to chaos. Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” When King David was a young boy he made a name for himself by killing Goliath with nothing but a sling. David would spend the next 20 years running for his life, fighting for it, his faith being tested over and over. Just as David would have to trust in God, believe God’s intentions would always be in the promise that was made to David to be King. The number of times the testing of faith is mentioned in scripture is many. Deuteronomy 8:2-5 “You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. “He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. “Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years.” It’s easy to say you have faith when life is love and roses. When you’re all alone and it seems like tomorrow will never come. When life has you at your lowest, when depression and pain is all you feel, that’s when your faith, when God will peer into your heart and see what’s truly there. 2 Corinthians 11 Paul describes being beaten, shipwrecked, threatened, on the run from those who meant to kill him, and yet while Paul was facing execution during his imprisonment he wrote some of the most influential letters in the Bible. His faith was tested to the max. Job lost everything he held most dear and he survived knowing that God loved him. Gods grace, mercy, and love are all some people have. Through the fire we are forged. Never forget no matter how bad it seems, through the Lord all things are possible and all wounds can be healed. Learn to trust in the Lord and let go of the pain and hate that fill your heart.