Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

Have you ever noticed how much your stubborn sinful pride gets in the way of your relationships with others? I know you’ve done it, you’ve looked at your parent or your friends, or even your significant other and told them, ‘you can’t tell me what to do!” Worst thing is how often we tell that to God. We have no problems with what Jesus did for our sins on the cross, but when it comes to thinking of Jesus as king we skirt the issue of, “I know what the bible says, but I’m going to do this anyway.” We allow our pride to stand in the way of those telling us when we’ve done wrong. We lash out and get angry with those who are trying to help us get back on a good course. The worst part about our pride is it doesn’t matter who’s telling us, or what they’re telling us, or even the validity of their proof, we turn a blind eye, and pretend like what they said doesn’t actually apply to us. In some instances we return their concern or authority back on them as anger and frustration.

In all reality our anger should really be said, ‘How dare you point out the error of my ways, I know I’m doing wrong, I don’t need anyone to remind me how sinful I am.’ We don’t want to see beyond our own selfish sin, and acknowledge the truth, that we are in fact, wrong. We want to be left alone in our own sin, and allowed to walk a path, no matter how dark or self-destructive it may be. We cannot expect things to go well if we walk up to the wet paint sign and touch the paint just because we want to. Or worse when someone tells us not to stick our finger in a light socket but we do it anyway. As Christians we are told to stand up and rebuke those we see in active sin. Likewise we are told to be slow to speak and swift to hear. How many people day complain about the life they are in? Likewise how many of those people are in their predicament due to their own fault?

In the last few years I’ve really moved into a position of ‘friendly counseling’. People come to me fairly often with their worries, concerns, shortcomings, and hardships, and sadly most of the time, their situation could have been avoided by usually 2 or less decisions. Our actions have consequences and while we enjoy the act we are engaged in, whatever it may be, the consequences are usually not nearly as fun. We enjoy pigging out on all that really expensive food and wine, but when the bill comes, the sum of our choices becomes very real. Our sin is kind of like that shopping spree we go on, but we want to throw away the credit card bill when it comes in.

“If we want to have a different life, you will have to be different.” (Ass. Pastor Glen Newsom) Jesus spoke to us in parables so we would often find ourselves in the midsts of those stories. We will learn a lesson from watching or hearing about others actions better then someone flat out telling us what not to do. If we are going to stand and affirm we are Christians, we must know that our sin we hide in our private rooms is only private till it’s not. Sin has a way of coming out in the open, and even if those around us don’t know about it, God does. Because we live in perpetual sin we are always trying to make a recompense for it. We will always wrong another, offend someone, or worse, wrong or offend God. When we are caught in our sinful ways we must be an adult and stop throwing childish tantrums. We must stand tall and ask for forgiveness. We are big boys, and big girls, and we should be able to admit when we are wrong. When we are following a bad path we need to be able to remove ourselves from the sin that drew us down that path, and appreciate that someone is taking the time to give us the preverbal boot in the rear end, or slap upside the head.

Our time is short in this world, and we never know when the end comes. Do we want to live our last days angry with someone or estranged from loved ones? The next time you start to tell someone off for bringing up your faults have some sense of decorum and find that little piece of humility in your heart. We cannot go through life with a hardened heart expecting blessings if we are incapable of giving or receiving them. We cannot use people for our own personal gain, ie. Someone’s kindness or generosity, because we if not careful fall into selfishness, pride, or gluttony. This world is to short to take our friends or family for granted. I suppose when you come to death as many times as I have, you grow to have a deep appreciation for people. I try not to take my friends or family for granted. Even though I would listen to what people had to say I became very adept at using logic and reason to argue against someone’s advice or opinion. I wouldn’t truly give what they were suggesting a chance, and sadly I’ve done a lot of damage to relationships by my incessant desire to be correct. My own selfish pride got in the way of thinking outside the box. I daresay this may have damaged my marriage as well. Sadly I wouldn’t learn my lesson till it was too late. I don’t believe that one thing is what pushed her into the arms of another man because largely I was very supportive and loving, and despite everything that’s happened I still am. That being said, we all have our faults, and we all should work on fixing what we can, while we can. Tomorrow may or may not come, all we can truly do is decide what and how we are going to live our lives in the moment. The bill however, will always come due.

Light or Dark

Light or Dark

The darkest night covers me and I need you

The sun fuels my heart and gives me warmth and strength. I need you then too.

Because of you I’m alive.

No matter where I am, or the season I’m in, my Lord I need you.

Who am I without you, I am no one.

The Lord of all knows my name.

 

The Lord who created in love not because of what I do, just because I am. I am a sinful man, but love saved me. Never because of what I’ve done, just because of what you are. No matter my of praise, or my day of prayer your grace comforts me. Today the flowers bloom, and tomorrow the ice shall come, but in all my day, and in all my ways I am yours. Because you are with me I shall not fear the night. The night was so dark without you, but your glory so bright the single ray of light when the sun peaks the horizon, the darkness breaks. Jesus Christ the pure light that would forever push the darkness away rose.

What do I have to offer the king of the universe, my heart, my everything, and yet I will never be worthy of the gift bestowed upon me. I can surrender all and even up to my life it would never cover the debt. But it is grace, and love my bill was covered by Christ. I was so loved before I was born that for me my sins and the sins of billions of others, a blood debt freely given, ransomed for my freedom of death. If my debt was paid when I’m knocked down, who then do I fight for? Christ got back up and his strength became my strength. I will get back up and continue to fight till my dying breath. I owe it to Christ to never give up and never surrender to the darkness.

God’s word has withstood the test of time, and even now as we can see the darkness covering the land, we will watch, as God’s will, will be done. Those who criticize the word and those who push to remove God’s presence from the public will one day stand in judgment. The light of the word may be pushed away but in time the raging tide will again be tamed by the Lord. God’s word will stand firm, and the darkness will be pushed back, snuffed out by the light. No matter how far we fall it’s never to late to change our course. We cannot stop praying, or hoping for God to save us. We cannot stop worshiping the Lord no matter if things are great, or if everything has been blown to a million pieces. Yesterday is gone and we don’t live there anymore. We must learn to say goodbye to the past, and live in today. The heart may have been broken yesterday, but every day we breath is a new day of growing, a new day of healing. We must tell ourselves every day that Jesus is still with us, and in his love we are healed. You cannot expect to have an answer for every tragedy that happens, and in our walk we must learn to focus on Jesus. This world is not the end, and one day the end will come on this life and the walls that kept us confined will be no more. This is not where we belong forever, and we can count on the promise made by Jesus to one day sit before the King and be accepted into the light. This life is but a fleeting speck of dust in the wind, and if we want to go home, know that this world will one day wash away.

Praise the Lord for success, and praise the Lord in failure. In every chance we get, both good and bad, fix your eyes on the one and only thing that will satisfy your heart and that’s Jesus. Life can be hard, and we are told to expect the trials that come, and the persecutions that come with following Christ, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) I am a broken man, and I fail every day to live up to what God expects of me. I know I fail, and I know I fall, but I know that because of grace, and I know what true love means, I still stand here knowing God is with me. I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit with me and I’m called to be more. I’m called to push myself, and to stand toe to toe with the darkness. Every day I stand and pray to protect me from the attacks. Every day I praise my God for the blessings I have. I know I am protected and I know that for Jesus saves my soul every day. I know that every day I wake hope is here. Every day I see the hope all around me, and I know that it’ll be all right. I’ve experienced the darkness, and I’ve seen the light. I’ve felt the cold, but the warmth always triumphs. In every tear that falls God holds them. In every heart that breaks God feels our pain, and yet healing begins with Christ.

Light or dark, we decide where to stand. We can choose to stay in the darkness avoiding the light if we wish, but when it gets cold, or the demons come to creep, know the light will always accept you. You can choose to live in fear of the unknown, or you can choose to trust in Jesus and know that there is a brighter future waiting for you. You can choose to walk in the darkness, but no matter where you choose to walk, Jesus Christ is always there with you. If you choose to walk in the darkness, you have to expect to stub your toe on the furniture. Who then will you blame, God for not removing the obstacle, or yourself for not turning on the light? We as people will always learn more from hardships then a life of ease and calm rivers. If you are to be truly tested we must first be pushed to the limits to know what we are truly capable of. It’s in these times we need to turn to Christ more then ever, because we do not truly grow otherwise. We often pray for things we think are good for us, but we only see two feet ahead, but God sees a mile. We are but children clamoring around the house trying to place our finger in a light socket. God tries to warn us what not to do, but we are a stubborn people, and if we truly wish for a smoother ride we must learn to trust in the Lord and stop being so resistant to what we are told. God’s grace and love is unyielding, but our acceptance of it into our hearts is purely voluntary. Jesus loves you more then you know, and we should praise the Lord in all things, each and every day. Because our savior lives we must pray. We overcome by the power of His blood, and we are alive because he lives. Prayer is the absolute least we can do, and for the gift of life, shouldn’t we do at least that? We would be dead without Christ. Sin and shame would be all we are without the blood, and we’re alive because He lives. The light that would forever be the voice over the shadow, my life was and is held in His hands. So I pray to you Lord, thank you for my life, thank you for my pain, thank you for your love, and thank you for your gracious sacrifice for me. In your Holy Name, Amen.

Peace

Peace

When I was in the middle of the worst storm of my life I was seen through by Jesus. When I felt like I was being tossed around at night unable to see I was being guided through safe and sound.

I have been in the storm more then once, each time was more dangerous then the next and even when all odds were against me to survive, Jesus was right there with me unwilling to let me die just yet. People often ask me how I can believe in such an old antiquated idea. I recently heard the bible called a ‘nice story’. For me the Bible isn’t just some story, it has historical fact behind it, and more then that the length of time in just the old testament alone would be long enough time that unless inspired by a higher power it’s unlikely those events occur as they did. The prophesy laid down throughout the old testament, and then the coming of the Star of David as fulfilling prophesy wouldn’t have been likely. Astronomy wasn’t exactly a big science back then. Jesus foretold events to come, but even if you claim those parts were made up, who dies protecting a lie? Eleven men, who walked with Jesus for three years would be hunted by the Romans, and other nation’s leaders as they would preach and proclaim the word of Jesus Christ. Each of their eye witness accounts were written and matched one another based on their own backgrounds and points of view. Each man would fall one by one pressured to recant their story, admit they stole the body of Jesus Christ, and out their co-conspirators, yet not one denounced the truth. Who dies horrible, painful, tortured deaths, for a lie?

While it has been 2000 years give or take since the death of Christ, the works of the miraculous haven’t stopped. Most miracles happen and only a small select few know about it, or even say anything, but once in a while the story gets out and raises the question of these events throughout history. One story, a little girl diagnosed with a non-curable disease within her digestive tract, one day this disease will kill her. She’s playing with her sisters on an old tree on their property. She falls into the tree 20 feet and after hours of rescue they are finally able to get her out. Miraculously she walks away with a small bump on the head, not even a concussion. Within days it appears her disease is gone, and her health returned to normal. She had been fighting the disease for over a year. She recounts her experience talking to God and asked if she wanted to go home with her parents. She returned healthy, uninjured.

If this one miracle weren’t enough to sway me, I’d have to look back over my own life. I have several stories from my own past that should have taken my life, but surprisingly I’m still here. 1990, I was on an indoor slide and while at the top I was pushed over the side falling and landing on my neck. The fall probably should have killed me, but I walked away just a little sore. If that weren’t enough to sway me, I would see another miracle on September 12th, 2004. My convoy would be ambushed and my truck and another truck were separated from the group and made to run the gauntlet. 12 RPG’s, countless IED’s, and a hundred or so insurgent soldiers all shooting small arms at two trucks alone on a path designed to trap them. With chance after chance though damage was done, and eventually catastrophic damage, but not before miraculously making back to safety before the truck died when my foot came off the gas. It wouldn’t start again for nearly 6 weeks. Through the whole ordeal I was calm, and while every one else was yelling, I felt safe, at ease, and it came over me like a wave. This wasn’t from any amount of training, this was pure warmth and divine. If that weren’t enough, December 22nd 2004 a 155 round should have exploded just feet from my truck and miraculously didn’t. Had it detonated it’s likely someone if not everyone in the truck would have died. If that weren’t enough I should have died when a bullet went through my shoulder years later. Almost bleeding out, I wasn’t expected to reach the hospital alive. By the grace of God, and a divine encounter I survived waking up in the ambulance to everyone’s surprise. I had lost so much blood I was gray, and with purple lips I shouldn’t have survived the trauma and blood loss. Yet, when I was unconscious I distinctly remember saying, “God I’m Sorry.” And in response a loud, thunderous, booming voice replied, “You’re forgiven.” It was like I was hit in the chest, a jolt of lightning went through me and I awoke in the ambulance. The thing is, they never used the paddles on me. I never flat lined even though I was close. My vitals though low, improved once I regained consciousness. I begged them to let me go, I wanted to go back, but that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t die that day, and since then I have begun this blog, and I have begun to minister to countless others as I now openly discuss my faith. I have had a hand in saving the life of a man thrown from his vehicle in a roll over accident, and I know I have helped others through some very tough times. None of this would have been possible if God wouldn’t have spared my life that late afternoon.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” For years I would try to find my purpose, and I would feel lost, forsaken by the God that supposedly loved me. For years I would grow in anger and frustration as one bad thing after another happened to me. I would suffer my final loss with my ex wife’s affair finally tipping the scale and pushing me beyond the max of what I could take in my life, or so I thought. I blamed God for the wrongs from people. I had always claimed to have free will, but when it came to others doing wrong against me I wanted to blame God. I constantly felt like my troubles were the result of God being angry and spiteful towards me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The truth was fear, but not my own fear, fear of the Devil. The Devil attacks those the most with whom he is most afraid. Imagine for a moment the fear he had of Jesus Christ. If Christ could be turned, tempted by the powers of the dark side of the force he would be a failure to God, and would rule as King of the world, but nothing more. Jesus would not be tempted time and time again by Satan, despite his best efforts. Satan knew his time to rule over a fallen world was coming to an end. Lucifer would fail to turn Christ and when Jesus defeated death and rose in fulfillment of the scripture, the only thing Satan would have left was the prevent the human souls from being saved by Christ’s sacrifice. The Devil prowls around now tempting and swaying mankind into hate and despair. The Devil’s desperate final play before the end to stick it to God one last time is preventing as many souls from Heaven as he can.

We live in this world and allow this world to tear us down, to break us in some instances, and yet, we forget the most important part of the story, Jesus already paid our price. All we have to do as easy as it is to say, is make it to the end of this roller coaster we’re on. Life isn’t going to be easy, but if salvation were easy everyone would do it. If giving up ones sinful nature, ones desire to remain in control over ones own life, then everyone could do it, and salvation would loose something. Salvation is a choice, and a choice we have to freely make. I am not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that Jesus loved me so much he gave his life for me. I know God has plans for me and even if I don’t know what they are, I have to have faith. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” I have tried for many years to do things my way, to walk my own path, and every time I have tried, I’ve failed. I have run for many years from ministry because I always thought God was wrong. I was filled with so much pain and anger, how could I possibly help anyone else? The thing was, God doesn’t want perfection, he uses broken people all the time. Broken people are more real in their stories from what they were, to the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The true power of the grace of God is the redemption of the fallen, the rebuilding of the broken, and the finding of the souls that were once believed to be lost for all time. Through the grace of God anything is possible. The true blessings we have all because of God cannot be understated. While many will argue the nature of divinity, in my experience, seeing is believing.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” God knew exactly what he was doing when I was created. He knew my hardships, and he knew the man I would eventually become. It’s his grace that saved me, and his love that would deliver me from the brinks of death. A rare second chance and unlike many who fall back into old ways, I rose above, and though I’m just as boneheaded as I was back then, I strive to better myself. I try to grow in my faith every day and to be a light in such a dark world. If we are ambassadors for Jesus Christ I want to try to put my best foot forward. So long I’ve tried to stand out in the crowd. I’ve tried to make my name be remembered for doing something great. My own goals were not what God had in mind for me. Greatness doesn’t come how many people know you; it comes from the memories you leave behind to those who remember you. I will try to be the best man God wants me to be, and let history decide the rest. We must have faith in the plan, and let go of our own plans. When we allow the father to guide us it takes much of the pressure off on where to go, or what we have to do. We must fall on our faith that God will handle the details, and we just go where he leads us. Faith isn’t easy, but those who walk by faith, while life is no easier, often learn to take life more in stride then others.

We walk in this dark world, and if we are to find peace we must first find hope. How can someone continue to fight if they feel no hope? Where do we find our hope when the world falls down upon our heads? When the Apostils watched in horror as their Lord was nailed to a cross after being brutally beaten, they were crushed in spirit. They were utterly without hope, but after 3 days the blood debt was paid, the victory lap had been made, and Christ would rise and make himself seen fulfilling the prophesy and destroying deaths hold over the sinner for all eternity. What hope is there do you ask? While the living God is still on the throne there is always hope. Those who dwell in the dominion of Hell have been pushed back as the blood spilt bridged the gap from sin to God. Where we have hope in Christ we have light, and while there is light we will always have peace. The love of God that lights up the darkness is all we’ll ever need. A heavy price was paid, and we have the only thing that will ever matter, the love of the father.

Chasing Waterfalls

Chasing Waterfalls

I have spent years looking for what was right in front of me, but sadly I couldn’t see the things I needed the most in my life. The first thing I needed to find was my own place in God’s love. The second was to realize how in a fleeting moment I would loose the women I had loved with my whole heart. Although I always felt like I gave her everything I possibly could, perhaps there was one more thing I could have given to her, my fear. I never once thought the day would come when she wouldn’t be standing by my side so I never felt the need to be jealous, or concerned with other guys. I consider now the two things in my life I needed the most and yet now after I lost so much, it feels like I may be too late. If I only had a chance to say my hearts desire and have them be heard could I change my fate? Tomorrow the sun will rise and I will have one of my failings be placed on the right path, but the other, I have a heavy heart. The women I loved is still gone because of my own inaction, my own failures as a leader of my household, and I must accept the responsibility of her leaving. While I have been told time and time again I am not at fault, she was happy, and then she wasn’t. I cannot stand idly by and think there was nothing I could have changed. Still, in the here and now, all I have is my hope for her, and wish her the very best on her own path. If I could tell her how much she means to me, and how much I love her, I would. I don’t know if those words would ever mean anything anymore, but perhaps one day they might. I have my path I must walk, and though it saddens me we won’t be walking this path together, I pray that maybe a miracle may happen and she finds her way back to me. Today I find myself thinking of the resurrection of Christ, which is coming. I think of the pain and suffering Christ endured for the sins of man, and yet he took the pain, took the punishment for all of us. He alone carried the burdens of Sin and freely gave his life to give everyone hope. We could only be so lucky to provide hope to someone else.

In the months after it happened, I found myself trying to move forward, trying to put my life back together but there was always something. I have wrestled with my place in this world and as I have found one of them, the other seems as elusive as a waterfall hidden in the deepest jungles. I have found peace with myself for the first time I can remember. I think it’s fitting that this weekend is about resurrection. I think it’s time for me to make some changes in my life. While I would like my life to go back to the way it was, I realize that can never happen. I’ve become a much better person now then I was back then. I have come to find my self worth and now find it’s a little easier managing being alone. I question what my future holds for me. I wonder if I’ll get my own home soon, find a new job, meet anyone special, and as I search for the answers to these questions, I remind myself to have faith, be patient, and above all, have faith in the plan that is beyond my understanding. Trusting in God isn’t always easy, but it’s something we all have to come to grips with at some point in our lives. Proverbs 3:5-6 “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

I struggle with my own thorns, and in my struggle I lean upon the grace and mercy of the Lord. I cannot spend all my time chasing a waterfall I may never find. I must learn to let go of the things I cannot change and focus on the things I can. I cannot focus on the things I want and will never obtain. I find myself reciting the serenity prayer in my head often these days. I pray for my scenery to change and hope perhaps one day it shall. I cannot say what my future holds, but as for my past, maybe some things will never be as gone out of my life as they should be. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” It’s time for me to stop chasing the waterfalls and to focus on what’s in front of me. It’s time I give myself the respect I deserve and stop allowing others to make me feel badly about myself. I have spent so long putting so much faith in people for my own personal validation of my own self worth that it’s no wonder I feel like garbage. If I spend my time with people who are selfish, leaches who are only in a friendship so long as they benefit, that’s on me to keep floating towards the edge of that waterfall. I have been washed down river more then once, swept over the cliff and yet I wonder why when it’s me all along. I cannot change others, but I can change my own part in it. I can stop playing so close to the edge. It’s up to me to stick closer to friendlier waters. No longer will I play in the waters edge. I cannot, I must not put myself through that any longer. God give me strength to walk away, strength to heal, to find peace.

God, the Ultimate Dungeon Master

God, the Ultimate Dungeon Master

If any of you are like me then at some point in your life you sat around a room with a whole bunch of weird looking dice, a character sheet, some assorted books, and a ton of caffeine, enough to fuel an army for two days. I was a Dungeons & Dragons nerd growing up. Recently I was talking to a good friend of mine about the difference between Calvinism, and Arminianism. Without getting to much into the theological debate which I am just now starting to understand, it’s basically predestination, or free will. Where are we in our faith? While this point isn’t really important in the grand scheme of things, it’s trusting in God and knowing the path to salvation. While I do believe people have free will and we are not predestined in every aspect, I do believe some events are going to happen no matter what you do. As I stated in my recent conversation, “Kinda like an RPG. You’re gonna face the dragon, what you do is up to you.” (Arrow Preacher) Isn’t it an interesting thought that God is a master mathematician? In our life the vast majority of everything we see and touch can be found in math. If God were able to decide the percentages on every single decision you make by a percentage chance, and thus the future is slightly altered to suit God’s inevitable plan. But then my favorite theory, is actually the multi-verse theory. For every conceivable action we can make we do, and so on and so forth. A string followed by God who has the ability to pier through the looking glass past present and future. While all of this is purely personally theoretical, I will say for sure, God is the Alpha and the Omega. God see’s all and whether God is more of a hands off God, or God’s influence is in every single decision we make, it really makes no difference. God is God, Jesus Christ is our Savior, and in His blood we are washed of our sins.

Psalm 135:6 “Whatever the LORD pleases, He does, In heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps.”

Psalm 115:3 “But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases.”

 Daniel 4:35 “All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, ‘What have You done?’

 Matthew 19:26 “And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 We must learn to be steadfast in our life toward God. While each and every day we are faced with new challenges, new obstacles, we must always look to the Dungeon Master and when we are given the choice how we are going to behave, we need to remember the DM is always watching. If we are to live our lives on our path, we need to focus on what kind of character in God’s game we want to be. We have our option to how we behave. There are several alignments in the world of D&D, and when we look them over, what type of person are we? Personally I would fall in Neutral Good. I believe sometimes the law does not offer the need to do the right thing in every circumstance. I believe if a true vigilante or hero type person were to rise, I would support that. I think sometimes in the pursuit of justice a particular eye should be viewed. Man often makes laws that don’t follow God’s laws. Once upon a time worshiping Christ was against the law in some ancient countries, and believe it or not, there are still countries today where the church is still persecuted. Thus I hold fast to the need to be Neutral Good. If Christianity were to become illegal I would continue to sidestep the law in the pursuit to worship. I believe sometimes the law doesn’t hold what’s morally right based on scripture. When you follow the Lord and stay true to the Gospel you can’t go wrong.

Man is fallible but the word of God is enduring. While we are told to follow the law of the land I don’t believe this was a black and white standing. While early Christians were following the rule of Rome, they practiced their faith some in private so they weren’t hunted. This tells me that not all laws made are justified laws, and yet we must respect God’s decisions to allow the leaders to be leaders. That being said, as a Christian I believe we must always put the word of God before the laws and words of men, and thus, Neutral Good. Sometimes bending or breaking the laws of man for the good of God’s word is necessary. Have faith and follow God. Remember when you get to your dragon, you alone have the choice as to what you are going to do.

Rested

Rested

 After a year and some change of writing it became clear to me a vacation was needed. I only intended to post for a year and one day, but as fate would have it, when that time came I was compelled to write and post. God however is not without a certain sense of humor. 16 days after my last blog I was suppose to write I was selected to attend a project Odyssey, hosted by Wounded Warrior Project. What I had planned was to write and blog my experiences, but instead I found poor cell phone signal, and no Internet. Fate it seems was for me to take a vacation like it or not.

The week would be a week I will not likely forget anytime soon. I found something along the way, and lost something also. I would face many challenges along my journey, my own odyssey. As I would go from day to day I would face it and it forced me to search and dig deep inside myself. While the physical challenges wouldn’t come till Wednesday, the emotional gut check started nearly right away. The entire Odyssey I would face my emotional challenge of not withdrawing into myself. I have always felt that I never truly fit in, even around people I knew for years. Finding my place has always been a challenge for me. For me the trials it seems has been in my own head, and not founded in reality. I didn’t realize this until September 21st 2016. I was faced with this reality and it forced me to do some deep internal soul searching. As my journey to find and make new friends seemed to be failing, God again, is not without a sense of humor. In one week I would make 13 new brothers, and find my own place within the group. I would go from Mango to Preacher. I would make a transformation and I would realize that I have a place in this world. I would meet a man that I would have such a close connection to because of our personal connection. We have influenced one another’s lives despite not ever meeting. It’s clear to me that God has been working in my life to bring a thousand pieces together.

Sometimes in our life we need to take a step back, and refocus our place. For me, this week gave me the opportunity to learn from others going through similar and worse situations then myself. The ability to step back and learn what it means to be a child of the King is so important. We are all important to God and how we choose to act, and behave is important. I hope in the following weeks I’m able to take what I have found and what I’ve learned, and put it to use within my daily blogs and more importantly my daily walk in Christ. Going forward without the set standard to post daily, now I will post when I am ready to post. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I know finding rest in today’s world is hard. We are a go society, and the idea of actually taking time off to rest, for many is a foreign ideal. The thing is we can easily become wrapped up in life and forget to live.

For years I have struggled to find myself, and feel at peace with the battle waging within. I saw myself in the mirror and questioned much. Facing the pain of if I fit in or not, and questioning my own self worth, I came to find peace this week. It’s not easy to live in the positivity and forcing a change in personality to be a person of light instead of darkness. From the time we have a thought, to the feeling, to action, we have the ability to make a choice to how we allow something to affect us. We are faced with perspective all the time in life, but with practice we can get better with not letting as much bother us, or at the very least, how long we allow it to stay in our lives. Peace, is a blessing, and a gift when it comes. Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, the life, and in our life, our faith will be what we have to grip to when the road gets bumpy. When you are lost, you must first rest to collect your thoughts. Take time to meditate on the word, slow your breathing, and re-center. When you are lost and weary rest your head on the lap of Abba. I went seeking friendship, but what I found was a friend within myself. I found a piece of myself that I thought was long forgotten. I am a warrior and I’m a warrior for Christ. I am worth more then I think I am, and in Jesus I am going to inherit paradise. I have been saved by the blood, and living in the living waters of the Holy Spirit gives me peace. Find your grace and peace. Find your breath, and follow the light. Take time every day to rest your mind in prayer and meditation. I think every day we need to take a short time and focus on our mental health. Give our brain time to rest. Don’t get lost in the world, get lost in the Word of God. I now have 13 Brothers to hold me accountable. I found more on my Odyssey then I ever imagined I could. I am worth while, I am a Warrior, and I am a child of the King.

 

The Weight

The Weight

It’s heavy, the weight we carry. The fears, doubts, regrets, the pain we’ve allowed to build year after year. The crushing weight under the cross we belong to. It’s got our name on it, and it’s our responsibility. In the years I’ve been carrying my cross I’ve watched it get bigger, and bigger through the years. Sometimes it grows slowly over time, and sometimes it seems like it doubles in size. The weight we are to carry, but never are we to carry alone. Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” While we are commanded to carry the cross. Luke 9:23 “23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” We are commanded to pick it up, and walk with Christ. We wear it like a badge of honor, but what happens when it gets to heavy? The weight we are never meant to keep. We are never meant to hold everything in and let it bury us. Sin adds up and if we let it, we get buried in our own suffering, an endless circle with no way out. That’s the lie the Devil would have you believe. That your sin is your death, the debt that you must carry for all of time. We are to carry it like an old friend, a friend that stays with us like our own shadow. The shadow in our mind that grows, storing the silence that echo’s in the walls of our brains. The journey however is not cold and dark as we are led to believe. The weight is not ours alone. The Devil wants us to think we have to be silent in our struggle. The Devil wants us to think we are weak if we cannot carry our cross alone. The Devil wants us to be alone, cut off from the light.

I have failed in my walk with the Lord more then once. I let the darkness build inside me. I held it like an old teddy bear. I kept it close but hid it away during the day. In the darkness of the night I would take it out and embrace it for a moment. My own self-inflicted punishment. I was weak and I knew I was. I kept it in because I was ashamed of my feelings. I was ashamed of the horrors I re-watched every night when I closed my eyes. I fell for the lie and I allowed the weight to break me down so far I was vulnerable when something big came along. I reached out and found myself rejected by those who were supposed to help. When I reached out my hand was slapped away, and I recoiled even farther into myself. I heard the whispers and they grew louder, till all I could hear was how weak I was. How I should feel low, and useless. I believed the lies of not being loved. I lost my fight against the weight I was carrying, and laying on the ground, crushed by it, I watched as everything I worked for in my life was ripped violently away from me. In my darkest, deepest hour of sorrow, the truth rose up and brighter then the sun, the Devil, the lies, the evil that surrounded me was forced to retreat back to the shadows. The hand of Jesus picked me up and hugged me close. The truth was made clear, and a revelation of what it means to be washed in the light of the Lord was unmistakable. Silence was a cancer that grew, but the light of the universe, our Lord and savior is the answer to the disease. And the people tied him to a tree, and murdered him. His blood was spilt, and we laughed and cast lots. We were given a choice, a criminal, or Jesus. In our ignorance, our hatred, our anger, we poured our sin into an innocent man. A man who would spread his arm to those who caused him to suffer a death worse then any could imagine. He spread his arms not in returned hate, but in forgiveness and love. He was not silent in his final moments. He spread his arms, he absolved us of our sins, by asking the Father to forgive us, for we do not know what we do. Our father, a gracious, loving father split the veil, and we were not doomed to suffer the crushing weight of sin any longer.

In Numbers 11:11-15 Moses cries to the Lord about the burdens he is carrying. The people are hungry, and are calling for him to bring an end to their suffering. He feels the weight of this burden and he feels he cannot bare it alone. He cries to the heavens asking God to either answer his prayers or to end his life. In verse 16 the Lord tells him to bring forth the elders that they may help him bare the burdens of the flock. I say to you, when you find yourself in need, turn to the Lord and he will answer your prayers and give you someone to lean on. Jesus would fall, weak, and carrying his cross he would fall. Matthew 27:32 “As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross.” There’s no shame asking for help. There’s no shame admitting the day’s been a little to strong, the weight to heavy, the problems too big. I say we must find the strength inside to put down our pride, and go to the Lord in prayer. The Lord will give you someone to help you carry your burden.

Lean On Me By, Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load

 

I know it seems like you might be alone in your life, but that’s not true. That’s the lie, and the Devil won’t stop telling it to you. Don’t listen to the darkness. When the darkness knocks at your door, turn away back to the light. Lift your head, your arms, and welcome the light into your heart. Let the Holy Spirit wash over you, removing the past sins. Don’t allow the silence to grow like a cancer inside you. Silence kills, it takes so many lives each and every day. The darkness will always creep just outside the walls, but when we keep the light of Jesus burning in our hearts and minds, the darkness cannot remain in the presence of light. Sing praises to the Lord of all and the praises of joy, of love will cancel out the silence and the whispers of the Devil will fall short to the music of Love. Hope, love, and praise will win over silence, pain, and despair. Fear, doubt, disbelief, let it all go. It’s time to drop your sins at the foot of the cross and lighten your load. Place your hope in Jesus and thank God yesterday’s gone. All your sins are forgiven, so carry them no more.

Our Time

Our Time

When the morning sun rises over the horizon and you see the first rays of light, you don’t often question if it’ll be your last. We live by the minutes we have, but we rarely put thought into the actual thought of living. When you look at the sunrise and think how beautiful it is, or how you see the person you love, we don’t wonder if it’s the last time. There was a day so many years ago now, which brought all these questions to mind. As time has moved passed I often forget how quickly that life can be. In just a fleeting moment the world as we know it can be rocked by change, and how we are forever changed. As we wake this morning and we go about our day, for me today is a reminder to be vigilant in my thoughts. We suffer so much pain, and we suffer so much loss, but when we forget to live, that’s the true tragedy. How do we honor the dead? We honor the dead by fighting. We honor the dead by living, and to do so with thought. We cannot just wake up every day and exist, that we must truly live our lives. The day will come when we are called home, but if that day is not today, we must live life with zest. We must open our eyes every morning, and be grateful to the one who gives life. We live this life and this is our time, but it’ll never come again.

When the days are numbered, how can we say we lived our life? Will we count our days by missed opportunities? Will we count them by the number of lives we touched? Will we count them by the number of lives we destroyed? No matter the form of measurement in your life, be sure to live your life for the moment. Be sure that in that moment, the fleeting moments we are here, make a difference. Live a life that is full of love and a life that is pleasing to God. Be a beacon of hope in a world full of darkness. Live your life in the light so others can see. We only get one shot at life, and we never know when the day our ticket gets punched, so live every day with the heart for God. Live every day loving your friends, loving your family. Live every day with the thought, tomorrow may not come. Don’t live out your days thinking ‘I thought I’d have more time.’ Today is the day you have, and tomorrow isn’t promised.

John 10:7-15 “7 So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9 I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.”

We are the lost sheep living this life, and a shepherd came to give us hope. In that hope we now live, no longer in the darkness, but the light of the world. Although we live dust to dust, we are more then the sum of our flesh. We have the living waters that flow over our hearts when we open them to the Lord. Genesis 3:19 “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” No longer are we here to live and die, but instead we are here to live and live. We live this life so one day we can live in eternal life. Ecclesiastes 3:20-21 “All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth?” We are given the choice of how we want to live, and in that choice so shall we be judged.

Today as I remember the dead, I recall the valley, which I gazed upon. I saw the face of evil and I will forever remember the horror, which lives in the hearts of man. The ability to take life, to extinguish a child of God, with no remorse or conscious, is truly a terrifying place. To witness such evils, reminds us that though Christ died to break the bonds of death, we still fight for the souls of the living. Not all who live shall live, and all the while not all that die shall die. If you are to live, live for love, live for Christ, and in Christ love all. Love all who live and pray for those whom you love, but in turn, pray for those whom wish to do hate. As it is said, love the sinner, and hate the sin. Today which is a day to remember, I pray for the souls of those who sought to do harm, and I pray with forgiveness in my heart, yet a prayer of God’s righteous vengeance. For it is not my place to judge the living, nor is it my place to judge the dead, but to love and pray for both. Romans 12:19 “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” I place my belief upon the Lord, and I pray for those who have trespassed against me, and I pray for my own heart that it be healed in my time of pain. I pray that I shall find peace in the knowledge that vengeance is not of my own hand, but in the hand of the Lord. I pray that we in this life find justice, not vengeance. Deuteronomy 32:35 “To me belongeth vengeance, and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.” Justice is restoring balance, and I trust in the Lord, which holds eternal balance in his righteous hands.

 

Stand by and do Nothing

Stand by and do Nothing

Have you ever walked through the halls of your school (however many years ago) and you watched as the school bully was beating on the little kid in the class? What kind of person were you? Were you the kind to stand up, step in, and stop what was happening? Were you the kind to look away and walked on like you didn’t see anything? Through the years I heard a quote that would resonate in my heart, largely because as I was the victim of bullies in my school, no one ever stepped in to my rescue. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke) We have an obligation to stand up for injustice. We have an obligation to show love to our neighbors, and to protect them when and if the need arises.

Cruelty and malice have infected our society, and it’s a rampant plague that has filtered down into our children. As we’ve stood by and watched horribly on television as school shooting happen. As we’ve watched terrorist attack after terrorist attack, and violence in our streets has left us in a state of unrest, and shock. We are surprised by these events now even still, but the truth is, why should we be surprised? We’ve allowed the word of God to be taken from every place of business. We’ve allowed hate to infect the hearts of our kids through media, through games, through our own example. We must figure out that if we are to stop hate, we must first love. James 4:1717 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” We are told in scripture that we must do the right thing. Turning your back on the right thing is just the same as doing the wrong yourself. We cannot turn our backs when we witness injustice. We must learn to stand tall and do the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing, in fact, the right thing is often the hardest things to do, but we are commanded to do so.

“Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.” (Albus Dumbledore) Who are we? Are we the passerby that left the traveler bleeding and dying on the side of the road? Are we the Samaritan that picked him up and cared for him? Are we the countless masses that sit idly by as injustice happens throughout the world around us, as we watch from TV shaking our heads, then turns to the next channel and forgets the suffering going on around you? Are we the type that let our neighbors suffer loss alone? Are we the type that have pity but no action? We have allowed our world to become darkness because we sat by and let it happen. We have the instruction at our fingertips and yet we ignore the basic needs of those who suffer in our very midst. We watch our friends suffering heartbreak, and we watch our friends suffer with finances and we offer little to no support. We do not take the time to help our loved ones, our friends, our colleagues anymore, because we ‘don’t want to get involved.’ We are all involved because we are all in this together. We are all involved with fighting Sin, and fighting the Devil one day at a time. When we allow those in emotional pain to suffer through and we aren’t there for them, we allow them to be the weak little lamb, picked off by the Devils hungry appetite. We should be doing better, and we need to do better. People are suffering all around the world, and if we realize that every little bit helps, pretty soon we lead by example, and the Love will spread to snuff out the darkness. Don’t do what’s easy, do what’s right.

 

Confronted with Sin

Confronted with Sin

Have you ever made a mistake and did something awful? Have you ever had your mistake pointed out to you and you became defensive, or angry? At some point we’ve all sinned. At some point we’ve all made some sort of mistake. The thing with sin, is, it’s never a victimless crime. Sin is like throwing a stone into the water, it resonates, it ripples throughout the calm water and affects not just where the stone entered, but now everything around it. If we aren’t careful sin can always be justified, and if we can gray an area, we will slowly kick that line down the road as we walk slowly into the darkness. In 2 Samuel we see the rape of Bathsheba, a sinful desire that led David down a horrible dark path. From rape, came conspiracy, came murder. All the while that Sin was watched by David’s eldest son, Amnon. Amnon began feeling lustful towards his half sister. He lured his half sister into his room, and when she protested to laying with him, he took her by force. We see in 2 Samuel 13 how once he was done his ‘love’ which was actually lust, turned to hatred. This hatred led to Tamar’s disgrace, and one man’s sin led him down a path that would end his own life. Sin is a snowball that grows upon itself. Sin at the foot of the cross is equal. Sin builds and as it grows if left unfettered can become crushing.

I have watched as people I have loved turned to a life of sin, and in that sin the ripples of one action would lead to an entire collapse of nearly every part of a life built. When we sin and we fail to acknowledge that sin, when we try to ignore it, we are more susceptible to further sinful actions. Proverbs 17:19 “Whoever loves transgression loves strife; he who makes his door high seeks destruction.” When we are confronted by our sins when we love that sin we can become hostile, and cruel. People who love that sinful desire will do anything to be free of conviction. Conviction is an internal battle of conscience. When what we know to be right inflicts with our desires we fight back, we lash out. We hurt those who love us, and we often find ourselves hurting ourselves. It’s not easy fighting back against the sinful desires, but if you are the one doing the sin, remember God’s grace. If you are the one being sinned against, remember God’s love and forgiveness. Neither position is easy, and in both positions people get hurt.

I hate that I have lost someone very close to me over and over because of Sin. I hate they are walking a path of darkness. As I have watched their one choice slowly destroy everything they had, I can’t do anything but watch and pray. Even as I have been hurt time and again, all I can do now is pray for them, and hope for the best. I don’t like to close a door on them, but at some point I need to learn to protect myself from harm. I can’t exactly say I’m okay, but I can safely say I will be. Living in a world of sin isn’t easy. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing all around us. There are sinners everywhere and even as we are sinners also, there are some people who thrive on hurting others. We have to find a way to minister to the sinner, while holding ourselves accountable to our own sin. Accountability for sin isn’t supposed to be comfortable. The sinner will often try to remain in that sin because it ‘feels’ good. Sadly, for those of us on the outside, we’re the ones left being pushed away, yelled at, hurt, and yet it’s our place to be patient, to be loving, to be forgiving, and continue to preach and teach the word of the Lord.