Tag: lost

Build Faithful Wealth

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Build Faithful Wealth

The day’s stress builds and it feels crushing. The pain from yesterday seems to creep in and taunt you like a splinter you can’t see. The struggle is real, and it’s a constant battle uphill, but what if I told you, you could lighten your load? So many people are under the impression that the day you become a Christian, and the day you choose to follow the light of Christ, and trust in God that everything is nothing by clear meadows and peaceful streams. The sad reality is, when you become a Christian the struggle is just getting started. When you give your life to God the Devil will try to break you, and knock you down every single chance he gets. You’re a threat to the Devil’s plans and he wants your soul for himself. We Christians have defenses against his attacks, and together we can grow, and mature, and be ready.

We know what God says, and we know how to practice it. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 “16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” If we follow this instruction we may find some peace in the middle of the storm. How can we fight the Devil if we don’t know scripture? How can we mount a defense against the general of the opposing army who’s had thousands of years of practice? The Word of God is the only difference between peace, and despair. The diligence prosper, and we know this from Joshua 1:8 “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”

The thing about having and solidifying your faith is, it takes years. It takes time to push away your flesh, and allow the Holy Spirit to take hold in your heart. I believe that in anything we have in abundance we should share with others. I firmly believe that when we are basking in the faith of Jesus Christ we not only should, but that we have an obligation to share that with others. When you have that kind of faith it’s easy to be happy in the good times, but the true test of being wealthy in the faith is when trouble comes. Peace will come when you have faith and trust in the Lord. You will believe that even in the hard times the Lord is in control, and you will allow yourself to not worry as much. The idea in our life of Christ is to live like no one else, so when God calls you home one day you can live in Heaven like no one else.

When we are graced with God’s love, we should feel those blessings in everything that surrounds us. When we receive that blessing, we should ultimately become a blessing to those around us. We should hope to help improve the lives in which we touch. It should be our goal to help enrich others lives with the word of God. In this life without faith, we often find that people live their life in fear and desperation. They go from moments of happiness to despair every time a hurdle comes into their path. Life will throw curve balls, and even chasms, but those in the faith bounce back, and manage far better then those without. Life is hard on everyone no matter what walk of life you come from. Trouble will hit everyone because it doesn’t discriminate. God has entrusted us with the Word, the Sword, so if we have the key to peace, and contentment, we should, we are commanded to follow the Great Commission. When we get good news in our life we want to share it, but the best news we could ever get is the word of God and we shy away from talking about it with others for fear of judgment, shame on us. Psalm 24:1 “The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein,” We are called to share the word of God, but when we sit on it, we are not good stewards of God’s word. The blessings we get from above we should be great stewards of. We should be stewards of God’s money, love, grace, and forgiveness. Instead we remain silent and don’t stand for anything. We sit on the fence and watch as the world passes us by. We pray for those who find themselves in crisis but what are we doing before the crisis hits? Are we making positive change in our communities with the word of our King? Giving love, charity, can be a humbling experience, but we as Christians don’t even tithe like we should, let alone give love abundantly. God is the greatest giver in history, and when we think about it, God gave his one and only Son to save us. His son became the sacrifice, and that sacrifice became the full outpouring of God’s wrath upon Christ. How much that must have hurt God, and yet he so loved the world of Man, he would do that. God has given us hope when we had none. He’s given us purpose, and love, and how do we repay that love? How do we give love, and charity to those we know are in need? It’s a proven fact that less selfish people will prosper more, and when we give our love freely, without expecting something in return, you will find yourself far more happy, far more content in the world.

Malachi 3:11 “I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the LORD of hosts.” We must have faith that God will be there for us, and in return we give our best first to the Lord. We will be blessed when we use God’s blessings to be pleasing. No matter where we find our selves, whether it’s the TSA taking something that doesn’t belong to them ie: a computer charging cable, or a loss of a job, or even a death in the family, know that God is working on it all. We must be faithful with our gifts, and faithful in our troubles. Be ready for the day the battle knocks on your door because we cannot watch from the sidelines and think we’ll never be a target. I find that the attack comes when you least expect it. I knew this time however that after a great week of soul searching, of finding myself in God’s love and grace, that the Devil would be upset and angry. I knew that the attack was coming, and sure enough, it came. In fact it came right in the middle of me writing this particular post. I was blind sided by someone, and I took a step back, I removed myself from my surroundings, I re-centered, and even though it hurt, I didn’t let it destroy my day. I can’t say much for my younger self, but to me this shows growth. I have come to see myself as more then I was. I have come to see that I am God’s faithful archer. I am God’s Al-Sahim (The Arrow).

 

 

The Uneven Path

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The Uneven Path

A journey walked with the Lord may not be a smooth path, but often in life it’s the uneven path that leads to the most reward. We can see this in nature also. Recently I was in South Carolina and on a hike, once off the beaten path I found myself climbing a cliff to get to the middle of the top of a waterfall. It took strength, faith, and courage, but once on the top, despite the risk, it was worth it. To sit in the middle of a 75-foot or more waterfall was amazing. The serenity it brought was astonishing. Without taking the time to follow the uneven path, the wonders of what was hidden in the forest would not have been seen. Getting there wasn’t easy, but the beauty I saw with my own eyes was worth every struggle.

I’ve put a lot of thought in the paths of life. Many people choose to just go with the flow, but although it may be easier, and offer less in the way of pain, do we ever reach our true potential if we don’t push ourselves? Psalm 25:4-5 “4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. 5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.” The path we choose to take may often show God our true nature. Are we the type to make the right decision no matter who’s watching? Do we have a sense of dignity, or integrity? Integrity is “doing the right thing even when no one’s watching.” It’s not easy walking the path of righteousness, but God see’s not just our actions, but also the content of our heart. The path of Christ is a difficult one. The trials that come to those who are followers of our Lord and Savior can often be crushing. If we are saved however, the worst they can do is break us down. While we aren’t perfect, and we feel, the life we live will have it’s obstacles. The thing with the uneven path is the beauty that lies beyond the struggle. Nothing in this life is free, and often the biggest reward comes from the most effort.

Sometimes to get the chance to see the view you have to climb the rugged path. We never know our true capability until we challenge ourselves. We never know what we’re made of till we are pushed to our limit and then beyond. When we are put in a position to throw our comfort zone out the window, and face the bitter cold water, the rugged root path, the freezing cold rapids, we see what we’re made of. This last week I watched as my fellow veteran brothers as they were pushed to their limits, and then beyond. From a fear of heights, debilitating, and yet no matter what it was, everyone, every single person, pushed themselves beyond what they thought they could manage, and overcame their threshold. It was beautiful watching men rediscover their inner boyhood, and heal wounds long overdue.

Jeremiah 17:14 “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.” In all things Christ can heal. In the will of God nothing is to big, nothing is to small. We praise our Lord and Savior and we follow Christ, the healing power of those waters can heal the wounds of our hearts. Being damaged is not the end of the road but the beginning of a new. In the morning you will wake up and you will feel the flame, and you will feel yourself on fire. The Holy Spirit can move you, heal you, and shape you. The hurt from our rugged path can feel crushing, but as we forge steel, the fire burns away the impurities, and what’s left is a sword of righteousness. Let that path shape you, let it move you beyond the norm, and find yourself among the hidden beauty in the woods. God’s waiting for you, and the day your path leads you to that clearing, and you see the fire, grab on tight, and don’t loose hope, don’t loose faith, let it burn away all the things you aren’t. Find your path to Christ and get up and move. Your path can lead you to wide wonders, or disaster. We have so many choices in our life, every thought, to feeling, to action, what do we choose to do with our time? When we spend our days struggling to make sense of what’s wrong on the inside, are we making a choice to sit in our sorrow, or are we lost in it? I think it’s a little of both. In our walk, especially mine with PTSD, some days the best I can achieve is getting out of bed and opening my eyes. Other days I’m on fire for the Lord and I go out and preach my heart out. It’s a roller coaster for sure, but every day we have is a gift. We are more today then we were yesterday. Every day our brain is filled with the food we put in to it. We can fill our brain with positive thoughts that grow us, thoughts that make us better, or, we can fuel our mind with doubt, anger, hate, and sorrow. Making the change isn’t easy, but it can be done. See when we are trying to change the way we think, when we are trying to change the fundamentals of our thoughts, it’s an uneven, rocky path.

Here’s the thing we all need to remember, Christ washed away the worst parts of our journey for us. The blood of Christ spilt turned the impassible gorge of hellfire and brimstone, to a bridge of light. We have hope now in our walk, and though there will be obstacles to challenge us along the way, there’s nothing we can’t overcome. We may have to take the path less traveled, but as long as we keep our Azimuth north, and we check and recheck our path, we will one day reach the bridge of light. Sure we’ll have some small cliffs, maybe some wild animals to contend with, but no matter what we face, we know that the Lord of all creation is with us. We know that God can do wonderful things because of how many points we can turn to in scripture. Jesus calms the storm, or Jesus turning water into aged wine. We must have faith in our walk and know that in our time of need, our prayers will be heard. Matthew 17:20 “He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” No matter the difficulty we face, tomorrow is a new day. If we can just get through the day, sometimes even the moment, the next one will come. Life can be hard, and sometimes people question this life we live. Life is always, always worth living. We never know what this journey has to offer, and although the journey may be strong some days, the beauty that awaits us later is worth every ounce of pain today. Have hope and look to tomorrow. Trust in the Lord that he is with you, near you, helping you and guiding you. We must learn to remove ourselves from the voice in the wind that lies to us. The Devil will try many different ways to break you down, but you must remain strong, keep the faith, and focus on the goals.

Recently I found myself in a situation I was very uncomfortable. I was freezing, and wet. I couldn’t feel my toes, and my hands felt like they where stuck in a particular position, but in my head, I forced the negative feelings out, and I kept focusing on the task at hand. I focused on my brothers in my raft, and keeping them on task, motivated. I reassured, and led from the front. Each one of my brothers struggled in different ways, and despite our hurt, we came together and accomplished our task. It’s amazing how no matter where you find yourself, your brain has the ability to compensate and get you through. Face your fears, and face your inner demons. Find your purpose by searching God’s word, and God’s grace. You are perfectly made by our Father, and you have been given gifts to use for the Glory of our King. Don’t be scared of the journey, instead be afraid of what you might miss if you don’t take it. There is so much beauty in this world, and we need to be willing to take the chance to see it. We can’t foresee what tomorrow may bring, but we can’t allow the unknown to scare us away from greatness. We only get to live this life once, and the worst life can do is end, if that happens we know if Jesus is our rock, our center, the end for this life is just the beginning of a better one after. Paradise awaits us for those willing to take the uneven path.

 

 

Rested

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Rested

 After a year and some change of writing it became clear to me a vacation was needed. I only intended to post for a year and one day, but as fate would have it, when that time came I was compelled to write and post. God however is not without a certain sense of humor. 16 days after my last blog I was suppose to write I was selected to attend a project Odyssey, hosted by Wounded Warrior Project. What I had planned was to write and blog my experiences, but instead I found poor cell phone signal, and no Internet. Fate it seems was for me to take a vacation like it or not.

The week would be a week I will not likely forget anytime soon. I found something along the way, and lost something also. I would face many challenges along my journey, my own odyssey. As I would go from day to day I would face it and it forced me to search and dig deep inside myself. While the physical challenges wouldn’t come till Wednesday, the emotional gut check started nearly right away. The entire Odyssey I would face my emotional challenge of not withdrawing into myself. I have always felt that I never truly fit in, even around people I knew for years. Finding my place has always been a challenge for me. For me the trials it seems has been in my own head, and not founded in reality. I didn’t realize this until September 21st 2016. I was faced with this reality and it forced me to do some deep internal soul searching. As my journey to find and make new friends seemed to be failing, God again, is not without a sense of humor. In one week I would make 13 new brothers, and find my own place within the group. I would go from Mango to Preacher. I would make a transformation and I would realize that I have a place in this world. I would meet a man that I would have such a close connection to because of our personal connection. We have influenced one another’s lives despite not ever meeting. It’s clear to me that God has been working in my life to bring a thousand pieces together.

Sometimes in our life we need to take a step back, and refocus our place. For me, this week gave me the opportunity to learn from others going through similar and worse situations then myself. The ability to step back and learn what it means to be a child of the King is so important. We are all important to God and how we choose to act, and behave is important. I hope in the following weeks I’m able to take what I have found and what I’ve learned, and put it to use within my daily blogs and more importantly my daily walk in Christ. Going forward without the set standard to post daily, now I will post when I am ready to post. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I know finding rest in today’s world is hard. We are a go society, and the idea of actually taking time off to rest, for many is a foreign ideal. The thing is we can easily become wrapped up in life and forget to live.

For years I have struggled to find myself, and feel at peace with the battle waging within. I saw myself in the mirror and questioned much. Facing the pain of if I fit in or not, and questioning my own self worth, I came to find peace this week. It’s not easy to live in the positivity and forcing a change in personality to be a person of light instead of darkness. From the time we have a thought, to the feeling, to action, we have the ability to make a choice to how we allow something to affect us. We are faced with perspective all the time in life, but with practice we can get better with not letting as much bother us, or at the very least, how long we allow it to stay in our lives. Peace, is a blessing, and a gift when it comes. Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, the life, and in our life, our faith will be what we have to grip to when the road gets bumpy. When you are lost, you must first rest to collect your thoughts. Take time to meditate on the word, slow your breathing, and re-center. When you are lost and weary rest your head on the lap of Abba. I went seeking friendship, but what I found was a friend within myself. I found a piece of myself that I thought was long forgotten. I am a warrior and I’m a warrior for Christ. I am worth more then I think I am, and in Jesus I am going to inherit paradise. I have been saved by the blood, and living in the living waters of the Holy Spirit gives me peace. Find your grace and peace. Find your breath, and follow the light. Take time every day to rest your mind in prayer and meditation. I think every day we need to take a short time and focus on our mental health. Give our brain time to rest. Don’t get lost in the world, get lost in the Word of God. I now have 13 Brothers to hold me accountable. I found more on my Odyssey then I ever imagined I could. I am worth while, I am a Warrior, and I am a child of the King.

 

A Conversation With God

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A Conversation With God

My God,

I came into this world a product of circumstance. I wasn’t born perfect in the flesh but perfect to your creation. I didn’t grow perfect in the flesh, but perfect to your plan. The trials and pain would start early in my life, and I would suffer long. I cried to you many times to take me home, yet you did not answer. A lifetime crying to you, and never relieving me of my pain. I know you’re there because I feel your presence. I can hear your whisper in the wind, I can feel you when I wake, and I know that my faith is tested, oh is it tested.

It seems the darkness and I have been an enemy for years past. The darkness rises and I feel the winds of change, yet in the wind I am powerless to stop the coming storm. I cried aloud to you for protection and for guidance. When the storm hits I’m not ready for the impact it would have. I cried to you, and as I reached for you, I feel as if I slipped through your grasp and the Devil had me by the ankle, I slammed to the fire below and for the moment the darkness had me. The darkness that remained in my heart, the pain of the years of struggle, festering beneath the surface like a cancer, had control, and I wasn’t me for a moment.

When I succumbed to the darkness, you never left my side. As I slipped away your Angels swooped down from Heaven and grabbed me. I don’t know why you saved me, but here I am. It’s been over a year now, and I sit and wonder what’s next my Lord? I have devoted a year to teach and preach your word. I have continued now, and I pray to you to show me the next step. I have fear and doubt and I beseech you show me the way.

In my solitude I find my wandering mind goes to the past. I find myself facing the emotions from so many trials, that were buried, never to be thought of again. I feel wrestles, yet I can’t seem to find my motivation to stand up and walk. My eyes are stained with tears, crying for my losses. It’s felt like Heaven’s been so far away, and the pain inside seems like it’s lingered, and I struggle to find my way. I feel empty some days and I wonder where you’ve gone. I know it’s the lies from below. I have learned to praise you in the good days, and the bad. I have learned to praise you in the storm. I feel the cold creeping in, and in the howls of the wind and rain, I hear you in this storm. I lift my hands to you my Lord and I trust in you. I trust that no matter how battered and broken I feel you have never left my side. Every life has a purpose, even the bee that pollinates flowers, and makes us honey. Every Life is important, and I will remember it.

My God, I feel broken, please put me back together. Life is confusing right now, and I can’t find my way out of this forest. I feel lost and I can’t find my way. I know that in your time I will be delivered from this struggle, and that in all things your time is perfect. I put my faith in you my Lord, because I know this is not where I belong. Some days my Lord I feel alone, so please give me the strength for me to be the man you want me to be. Give me the strength to face this life, and to continue fighting for your word. Please give me the strength to be more then I am today. Show me the way, so I can be the Soldier you’d have me be. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I know I don’t have to be strong enough all the time. Be my strength my Lord. I worship you for the answered and unanswered prayers. Today, tomorrow, until the time I come home.

I’m Not Weak

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I’m Not Weak

It’s not that I am weak if I fall. It’s not that I feel low, it’s about getting back up. I have fallen, and I feel like I’m laying on the ground. I feel battered and bloody. Am I weak because I took a hit and I fell? What is strength? Is strength that we never get it, or that when we do we find the ability to stand back up? While I’ll admit this has been the longer I’ve been down on the mat, I feel like I am making progress. I often feel that others have looked down upon me in judgment and have placed little thought about where I’ve come from. I often look to myself and place an unreasonable goal on myself. I look to myself and call myself weak for not being able to stand back up. While there’s no doubt I am trying, and there’s no doubt I have made progress, I don’t feel it’s been fast enough. I feel much of the time I’ve been on my own dealing with these feelings I have little experience with. Failure is not a stranger to my lips, but to this magnitude, to this extent, I have no frame of reference. The clock ticks and it’s maddening in my ears. The hours feel like years, and I watch as the civil war wages on inside my mind.

For years I watched men around me. Why didn’t I feel like I fit in? What was so different about me then others? I wrestled with my place for years. In school I didn’t fit in with the guys. I was an outcast, an anomaly. I watched the world move around me and I felt like a spectator instead of a player, I found the longer the status quo stayed the same, the wider the chasm grew. I was the friend to the ladies but rarely more. I was the annoying tag along for the guys, so I chose to walk the path of the lesser pain. I sat with the girls at lunch, I hung out with the girls out of school, and as I grew I was the one guy in the crowd of the girls. Not a bad place to be in my own mind, I was with the girls, but only as their friend. I found in time it was a place I could live to be. I learned to share my emotions, to communicate with the female persuasion, but in time the thing that once was a blessing seemed to become a curse.

How quickly innocence can be taken away. It’s funny how much some people change going through military training, and how some never let go of their old selves. During my training I dove into it. Mind body and soul I gave my all to learning all I could. I kept my innocence, I kept my core, I remained me. Through graduation I became more then I was. I was a soldier and I was proud of it. I left for a country foreign to me, to be the best soldier I could be. I grew, and I absorbed what I could. In my walk I kept a hole of my faith. Then the night we got the news, Lt. Brown was KIA. The war became real, and it was hard to imagine, he was gone. The morning my truck was ambushed, a well sought plan to kill the Americans. The memories from that day have stuck with me all these many years later. The facts were the fact, and I talked about the facts about what happened, but rarely have I discussed how I felt. How does anyone feel knowing someone tried to murder them? How does anyone feel in the face of so much hatred? We were trained to always put the mission first. We were trained to act, react, plan, and execute, but never did we talk about how to handle the emotions we would feel. For a year those emotions were buried, and rarely talked about. The mission tempo kept us busy, and we fought to stay alive every day. Even when we were on the base, our guard was never down because of the constant barrage of incoming mortars and rockets. We were such a hot bed of activity the USO couldn’t come to our base because it wasn’t safe enough. I remember going to Camp Anaconda and they had a pool, and movies, and a Burger King. The Green Zone obviously, a safe enough place to be. After all these years the memories have surfaced and after the events of September of 2016, it feels like all of a sudden the flood gates opened, and I’ve been trying to manage all of these incidences, all of these traumas and while I’m trying to put labels on the emotions, I feel as if I’ve shut down and I only take out some emotions per day. Am I weak, or the product of years of neglect?

I have found in my walk in the last year with this ministry I have grown. I can see the growth within myself, and even if I was a little biased, I have heard recently how much others have seen the growth within me. The fact is, we don’t know the pain someone’s in. We don’t know how strongly something has affected them, and it’s not for us to judge that pain. Instead it’s our place to be there to help them grow in Christ, and to offer mercy and grace to console them. In all our times we must learn there is a time for everything, and importantly, there’s a time to feel. Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” We don’t know how long it takes to heal. We don’t know how long it takes to feel. We don’t know what it’s like to loose, and to get back up and keep pressing on. We try to extend an olive branch by sharing our own experiences, and to that I say, there’s also a time and place. We need to learn when to listen, and when to speak. We need to learn when it’s the right time and place, and we need to find what we can do to help those who are suffering. Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” I don’t want to be told it’ll get better soon. I don’t want to be told things will get better. For over a year now I’ve heard the same cliché’ answers, and the broken record plays, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. We as people think we are in control but we aren’t. God’s in control, and all we can do is react to the situations we find ourselves in. We make our choices based on the good or bad in our hearts. In my time I’ve chosen to love and have faith in God despite my calamity. I have chosen to stand firm on the Word of God and have faith that when my time for prosperity comes, I will be blessed, whether it be in this life or the next. I trust in the Lord and put my faith in Him. This day shall pass, and when the storm passes I shall rebuild.

It’s not weak to take time to weep for a life lost. It’s not weak to struggle with the emotions from war. War changes people, and for me, I left something in the sand in that country so far away. It takes time to process, and to manage. I’m not weak because I have taken time for myself. I’m not weak for the tears I’ve shed for lost friends. I’m not weak, I’m human. My flesh is weak, but my faith is strong. I’ll never be the same as I was before all of this. I’ve seen so much, and I’ve lived through so much, all I can do now is share my experience and try to help someone else in need. I hope no one gets to the point I was. Let Jesus pick you up and give you shelter when you are in sorrow. Trust in the Lord when you’re in danger. Put all your hope in the Lord and believe that whatever hell you face here, paradise is waiting for you there. No matter if you are hurt, or angry, sad, or happy, in all things, try to uphold yourself in a dignified way pleasing to the Lord. Every one of our emotions is valid, it’s just a matter of how we manage them, how we face them. There’s a time and place, but if you have feelings you’ve not dealt with, it’s better to face them early, then wait till they have created other problems in your life. Don’t wait, act now. Face the pain, and face the day.

 

 

The Weight

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The Weight

It’s heavy, the weight we carry. The fears, doubts, regrets, the pain we’ve allowed to build year after year. The crushing weight under the cross we belong to. It’s got our name on it, and it’s our responsibility. In the years I’ve been carrying my cross I’ve watched it get bigger, and bigger through the years. Sometimes it grows slowly over time, and sometimes it seems like it doubles in size. The weight we are to carry, but never are we to carry alone. Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” While we are commanded to carry the cross. Luke 9:23 “23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” We are commanded to pick it up, and walk with Christ. We wear it like a badge of honor, but what happens when it gets to heavy? The weight we are never meant to keep. We are never meant to hold everything in and let it bury us. Sin adds up and if we let it, we get buried in our own suffering, an endless circle with no way out. That’s the lie the Devil would have you believe. That your sin is your death, the debt that you must carry for all of time. We are to carry it like an old friend, a friend that stays with us like our own shadow. The shadow in our mind that grows, storing the silence that echo’s in the walls of our brains. The journey however is not cold and dark as we are led to believe. The weight is not ours alone. The Devil wants us to think we have to be silent in our struggle. The Devil wants us to think we are weak if we cannot carry our cross alone. The Devil wants us to be alone, cut off from the light.

I have failed in my walk with the Lord more then once. I let the darkness build inside me. I held it like an old teddy bear. I kept it close but hid it away during the day. In the darkness of the night I would take it out and embrace it for a moment. My own self-inflicted punishment. I was weak and I knew I was. I kept it in because I was ashamed of my feelings. I was ashamed of the horrors I re-watched every night when I closed my eyes. I fell for the lie and I allowed the weight to break me down so far I was vulnerable when something big came along. I reached out and found myself rejected by those who were supposed to help. When I reached out my hand was slapped away, and I recoiled even farther into myself. I heard the whispers and they grew louder, till all I could hear was how weak I was. How I should feel low, and useless. I believed the lies of not being loved. I lost my fight against the weight I was carrying, and laying on the ground, crushed by it, I watched as everything I worked for in my life was ripped violently away from me. In my darkest, deepest hour of sorrow, the truth rose up and brighter then the sun, the Devil, the lies, the evil that surrounded me was forced to retreat back to the shadows. The hand of Jesus picked me up and hugged me close. The truth was made clear, and a revelation of what it means to be washed in the light of the Lord was unmistakable. Silence was a cancer that grew, but the light of the universe, our Lord and savior is the answer to the disease. And the people tied him to a tree, and murdered him. His blood was spilt, and we laughed and cast lots. We were given a choice, a criminal, or Jesus. In our ignorance, our hatred, our anger, we poured our sin into an innocent man. A man who would spread his arm to those who caused him to suffer a death worse then any could imagine. He spread his arms not in returned hate, but in forgiveness and love. He was not silent in his final moments. He spread his arms, he absolved us of our sins, by asking the Father to forgive us, for we do not know what we do. Our father, a gracious, loving father split the veil, and we were not doomed to suffer the crushing weight of sin any longer.

In Numbers 11:11-15 Moses cries to the Lord about the burdens he is carrying. The people are hungry, and are calling for him to bring an end to their suffering. He feels the weight of this burden and he feels he cannot bare it alone. He cries to the heavens asking God to either answer his prayers or to end his life. In verse 16 the Lord tells him to bring forth the elders that they may help him bare the burdens of the flock. I say to you, when you find yourself in need, turn to the Lord and he will answer your prayers and give you someone to lean on. Jesus would fall, weak, and carrying his cross he would fall. Matthew 27:32 “As they went out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name. They compelled this man to carry his cross.” There’s no shame asking for help. There’s no shame admitting the day’s been a little to strong, the weight to heavy, the problems too big. I say we must find the strength inside to put down our pride, and go to the Lord in prayer. The Lord will give you someone to help you carry your burden.

Lean On Me By, Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

 Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

 You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load

 

I know it seems like you might be alone in your life, but that’s not true. That’s the lie, and the Devil won’t stop telling it to you. Don’t listen to the darkness. When the darkness knocks at your door, turn away back to the light. Lift your head, your arms, and welcome the light into your heart. Let the Holy Spirit wash over you, removing the past sins. Don’t allow the silence to grow like a cancer inside you. Silence kills, it takes so many lives each and every day. The darkness will always creep just outside the walls, but when we keep the light of Jesus burning in our hearts and minds, the darkness cannot remain in the presence of light. Sing praises to the Lord of all and the praises of joy, of love will cancel out the silence and the whispers of the Devil will fall short to the music of Love. Hope, love, and praise will win over silence, pain, and despair. Fear, doubt, disbelief, let it all go. It’s time to drop your sins at the foot of the cross and lighten your load. Place your hope in Jesus and thank God yesterday’s gone. All your sins are forgiven, so carry them no more.

The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

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The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

 

A long time ago the words couldn’t describe the storm inside. The memory etched into my mind, and in an instant the world as I knew it was tossed aside, and I left something of myself out on that battlefield. The piece I lost was taken from me, and even though I’ve tried, I know I won’t ever get it back. The face of evil was on that road, that dirt road where blood was spilt, and eyes were closed for the last time. The wound that never really heals, stays fresh, and I feel like some days I am lost in the movie that’s stuck on repeat.

I sit and I cry, the memory of that day rings in my mind. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I see it plain as day. The sulfur lingers in the air, and the dust settles revealing the nightmare we all dreamt about but never admitted. The anger built up inside me, and yet on the outside I was always calm and numb. The storm inside waged and with no words, no action, the struggle lingered on, rearing it’s head every year. The doubts I had, I questioned myself, I even hated myself for not doing more. It feels like I might explode with my anger, and yet I take the pain and I tuck it away.

The darkness that covered over me stayed for so long. In time a light arose and pushed the darkness away. I felt like I couldn’t deal with the pain. Some days I feel the cold darkness rising again. I think about going, and visiting, leaving flowers, but I’m afraid to go. I can’t bring myself to look down at the marble that now marks where you lay. I feel the anger, and I can’t face the pain inside. The world isn’t fair, and I hate it some days. I run away and I hide because I can’t face your name. The names etched into my mind, I can’t scrub them away. The bracelet I wear marks the day, and the ink on my arm shows the world, but only just a glimpse.

I fall to my knees and I pray. My failure that day, a premonition that rang true and the future was set. I search for meaning, I search for truth that seems so unfair, and it feels like I’m so far away from the me I once knew. How many son’s and daughters are gone, and lost, and how many tears have fallen down faces all around the world? We can’t turn back the clock, the blood spilt is gone forever. I wander the darkness unable to see, the light is far from me. The darkness inside takes hold, and in an instant I’m not me. How did the world turn out this way? Where was I on that day?

The darkest hour and the fall from so high feels like an eternity as it’s replayed in my mind. A blood spilt hallway, the torture in the hallways, the casket filled with a young man a best friend. Four draped flags, and then the loss of a love. The nightmare long past, a healing heart, then stabbed again. A heart ripped out and it feels like I was far from grace. The wounds from years past filled my mind, and flooded my chest with doubt, fear, and so much pain I couldn’t stand.

My God my God, I fall from grace and I pray you save me. I was lost and I hurt so much, it feels like you’re so far away. The world won, and I lost my way. I was weak and I cried out in pain, I paid blood for blood. I paid for my sins, and I don’t know what else to say. I reached for the black metal instead of your name. The cold steel in my hand won the day, and the pain inside realized in the most unimaginable way. I fell from grace, and I couldn’t stay. I felt so cold and lost that day. My God my God, I need you now, I need you today. My God my God, I don’t know what more to say, the memory inside just won’t go away. I know you’re good, and I know you’re here, but in the raging storm I can’t seem to face the day. How do I move on, and how do I stand here on faith knowing where I’ve been? How can I be trusted when I feel so much fear, and doubt? I have no doubt of who you are, I doubt myself. I can’t bring back what was taken from me, but I know that tomorrow I will wake and I have a new canvas to paint my picture. I can’t unmake my mistake, I can’t undo my pain, but I can learn how to use it. It doesn’t matter how far I’ve fallen, because your love and mercy tells me I’m not a lost cause. Your grace washes away my past and you make me a new creation. As I know who I am it feels sometimes I’m tethered to those failures of yesterday. Jeremiah 8:4 “You shall say to them, Thus says the Lord: When men fall, do they not rise again? If one turns away, does he not return?” I have fallen my Lord and I get back up. I have stumbled my Lord and yet I keep moving forward. Proverbs 24:16 “The righteous may fall seven times but still get up, but the wicked will stumble into trouble.” I keep your word in my heart, and I stand against the lies of the Devil. I find strength when I’m weak, and I find hope in my despair. Proverbs 14:32 “The wicked are crushed by disaster, but the godly have a refuge when they die.” I feel the weight of my sins, and I carry my cross but in your love and grace I’m not crushed by it. Though my sins are long I am saved by grace. Though my pain runs deep I am healed by love. 2 Corinthians 4:9 “We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed”.

I cry out to the Lord in my hour of need, I have heard your voice, and now I need to see. What is the path you have set for me? My God my Lord, I wait for the dawn. My Lord please part the clouds and bring back the sun. See me through this storm and keep me safe from harm. The pain I have is true and real. The hurt I have, like so many others, please take it and heal my heart. I’ve lost so much, and here I stand, at the foot of the cross with open arms. I trust in you, and I have faith. I’m tired and weary, but I carry on. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake.4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows, 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]” In my days of fighting this fight I prepare my heart and soul. I trust that this time will pass from me and one day I will look back on my life and know I fought hard in this life. Like so many before me, I pray for my path to ease, the fog to lift, and the sun to shine. I pray for peace, and I long for calm. I have been a faithful soldier and when my time comes, I pray in truth, the words of Paul. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”

The Journey

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The Journey

My foot steps onto the path, it’s rocky, and it’s full of leaves and roots. The path is lit, dimly at first, a light in the dark, but far away. I cannot take steps without stumbling. I fall and skin my knees. My hands land on the stone and thorns. I get up and continue walking along the winding path. The fog is thick and though I can see the light, it’s far from me.

As time goes on I begin to find my legs, I begin to see more clearly through the dense wood. The fog lifts slightly and the light begins to shine down more brightly then before. As the time passes the journey becomes easier, the light shines more brightly and no longer wandering in the darkness. The path no longer dark, but the obstacles are larger, more dangerous. The pitfalls come when you feel tired, when you feel weak, the traps set to ensnare you, and make you fail.

The Journey is a long and treacherous road. The path in your early walk with the Lord is dark and can be difficult to walk. The path at first is hard to see and it’s a scary place full of darkness with the imagination running wild on the path. The Devil lurking behind every tree, behind every stone, and never knowing what to expect. As you grow in your faith the path is lit more brightly. The road seems less scary, but the danger actually grows with your faith. See, the thing is, when you are one with the Lord, when you are walking in Christ you’re more of a threat to the Satan’s plans, so he sends the big stuff after you. The Devil wants you to fail, so when you’re doing things the right way, when you’re living after Christ, he tries to knock you down. He’s the thief in the dark. He’s the sickness in your heart. He’s the cruel thing people say. He’s the wife that walks away. The Devil doesn’t want you to stand for God. The Devil wants you to turn on God, turn your back and walk away. When you’re doing things right you must expect the traps to be set, the storm will come while you’re on the path. When the storm comes find your light in the word of God. Find the words and keep them in your heart. Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” The darkness cannot remain in the presence of the light. The darkness will flee and cannot survive the radiance of the Lord. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God[a] may be complete, equipped for every good work.” If we take the word of God and we inscribe it to our hearts we will be ready for the day the Devil attacks. We walk in the Lord on the path, and we prepare every day, Joshua 1:8 “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” The scripture given to us by God is the light on the dark path. The lantern to shine the way, and the map so keep us traveling north, the word of God is our gift from the Heavens. We should entrust it into our hearts and keep the armor of God always. Joshua 1:5 “No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.”

 We walk in the forest no longer blind, but we can see the world around us. We do not have to be afraid when we travel in the woods, but only prepared. We know the Devil is lurking, and the wolves stalk us ready for us to stumble and fall. Be ready for the day when your attack comes. The more you preach and teach the more the Devil strikes. The day will come when you feel you cannot carry your bag any longer but have faith that in the Lord you will find your strength. In the Lord you will have others to help carry your burdens. When you are weak the Lord will quench your thirst. When you’re tired the Lord will give you rest. When you’re lost the Lord will shine the way. When you’re scared the Lord will give you courage. When you’re sad the Lord will give you His lap and cover you in the wings of the Angels. God will always be exactly what we need, but remember God is Lord over all. God is our Father, and always a Father first. He will scold us when we are wrong, and correct us in our wayward ways. The Father gives us our sight, and shows us the light.

 

 

 

The Sinner’s Hatred

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The Sinner’s Hatred

Sinners have a tendency to hate those they’ve sinned against. Anger or convicted, but you decide which one is it? If you’ve ever been wronged and you’ve tried to share your feelings with the person who wronged you, have you ever been made to feel somehow it was your fault? We often see this as someone makes a large mistake. In my own life I’ve seen how someone can have an affair one of the most awful things you can do to your spouse, and instead of feelings remorse, the person was filed with hate, and cruelty. How quickly the love shared between two people can vanish in an instant. 2 Samuel 13:17-19 “17 Then he called his personal servant and said, “Get rid of her. Put her out, and bolt the door behind her.” 18 (She was wearing a long-sleeved gown. The king’s virgin daughters wore this kind of robe.) So his servant took her out and bolted the door behind her.” Instead of facing the sin Amnon who had lust for his half sister hated her for his sin. Insult to injury as it were.

People don’t want to be wrong, and they certainly don’t like taking the blame for things they’ve done wrong. As the old saying goes it’s easier to hate then it is to love. When we place our desires in the hands of sinful natures the desires become infected and they change. I’ve seen good people, loving people change their personalities overnight. I’ve seen people walk away from the path and the compass that once pointed north, spun out of control and the darkness spread and took over blinding them of the good natured person they once were. People who fall to sin hide from the truth. The sin inside builds and eventually builds upon itself. If it’s not taken care of it spreads in the body, and eventually affects everything we do.

When someone you love attacks you in their own sin, all we can do is remember that sin is like an illness. We must return hatred with love. We must learn to stay calm and learn when to walk away to save face. Sometimes all we can do is pray for our loved one. Pray they find their way back and allow God back into their heart. We need to remember that most disappointment is because we expect too much of people and to little of God. Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Now it won’t always be that easy. Most people will probably fight you when you point out their sins. If someone fails to listen to you, perhaps you may have better luck with strength in numbers. Matthew 18:16 “But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”

Knowing and understanding why someone is so mean and cruel sometimes, especially when it’s from someone you care for, doesn’t change how much it hurts. Knowing that hurting people hurt others isn’t going to alter our perception of their actions. I have watched my loved ones turn on me and say and do things I never thought possible. While they have shown the struggle within, ultimately I saw them loose the fight of sin, and succumbed to the darkness. We cannot watch the people we care about succumb to the darkness inside, and succumb ourselves. We must learn to step back and pray for those around us while at the same time protecting ourselves. We cannot be baited by sin into the dark emotions. Fight the darkness by loving. Love others as God so loved you. God’s guidance is eternal, and we must stay on the path of light.

 

The End Draws Near

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The End Draws Near

A little over a year ago I began taking my thoughts on scripture and suffering to Facebook. My intent was to add a little hope to my own life and to provide that same hope to anyone who may read it. Over a few months my posts created quite a lot of controversy, and sadly, I lost a few contacts in the process. Nevertheless, I continued with my work, writing, and going through the word to attempt to draw comfort to the suffering in the day. Eventually I found my way to WordPress with the help of a good friend. It was recommended that I move to the venue of blogging and from there and with the help of two of my close friends, the Arrow Preacher was born. In the year to follow I would post 434 in that time. In that time I would have nearly 10,000 views. I would have over 5000 visitors in the time my blog has been up and running.

When I started out I told myself I would work for a year posting every day if I could. With the exception of two days, I have been successful. While I never reached my goals within the blog numbers, I cannot consider success or failure based on those numbers. I must consider the lives that I have touched, and hope, and pray that in all this time I’ve had some small impact. At the end of my journey I find myself looking forward to my next one. While I don’t know what God has in store for me, I await with open arms.

My posts will continue, however the frequency will be drastically different. I will no longer be posting daily, instead I will be posting as inspiration hits. I feel in every journey a time comes when you need to rest, take a break and recharge, refocus on God. It’s easy to not see the forest through the trees. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve gotten lost in the day to day blog, and I have forgotten to actually use what I write in my own life. I know for me one of the biggest struggles I have is being content in my current situation. I feel as if I have forgotten what’s really important, and I’ve let my own desires get in the way of my trust in God. I’ve always realize I’m far from perfect, but my greatest character flaw has been my need, my desire to be around people. I loath being alone, and that feeling deepens my frustrations the longer I am on my own.

While I am not truly leaving, I find that this journey has drawn me closer to an understanding of Paul. The great hardships he faced, and even till the very end he found himself standing firm on his beliefs, and his faith. 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Paul wrote this to Timothy on the eve of his execution. Paul was relentless in his devotion to evangelize. Paul faced great hardships along his journey but never gave up the fight. As he endured great trials and tribulations along his journey, I see myself on a similar path. I am not even half the man he was, and I cannot say with any truth that I have lived a remarkable life. Unlike Paul I have fallen, and I have questioned my own place in this world. While I have faith in the Lord I stumble more then I’d like. This journey has been one of self-exploration, as an attempt to grow and to find myself in the Lord. As the road ends, I will journey into the unknown and find my own path. There’s plenty of life left to explore, and where ever the Lord takes me, I know this journey has prepared me for whatever lies ahead.

I don’t know where I am meant to be, but I will continue to travel along the path and seek for my place. I trust in the Lord and I will continue to do works for God as God blesses me to do so. I hope that my blog continues to grow, and continues to touch lives all around the world. I want to thank everyone for such wonderful support over the last year. I don’t know if I could have come this far without the love and support of my pastors Glen, and David. My friends Heather, who helped me to wordpress, and Niki for seeing me through my tough days. Glen my best friend and pastor who’s been my guiding rod keeping me on my path. There have been a smattering of others who’ve come and gone and had their place, but those 3 in particular have been regulars in my life. The ride isn’t over, but as one chapter closes, so begins a new. To quote Spock, “Live Long and Prosper”