Hey everyone. Join my podcast today. A Good Friday message.
The Arrow Preacher Podcast: Good Friday
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Good Friday.
Tag: lost
At Years End 2022
The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.
Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.
The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?
2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”
Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.
Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.
I Lost Myself
I lost myself
We all struggle sometimes. Struggle of the heart, struggle of temptations, struggle with the breaking of the body. Struggle with sin. The world is dark, but we have forgotten. The world seems lost, but again we forget.
I have wandered in faith, unsure where to go. The world attacks, a never ending, relentless barrage of catapulted rocks, and arrows, sent from the dark army of the Devil. My armor holds, the shield deflects and absorbs the arrows.
The Devil is cunning, swimming around, stalking His prey. As strong as we think we are, it is an illusion. We are nothing without Christ. We are nothing without the protection of the Holy Spirit. We only remain strong, as long as we are with Christ. Christ said,
Matthew 7:24-27 “24 Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
26 “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: 27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”
We mustn’t build our foundation on sand. When the Devil finds a crack or weakness in the Armor, he exploits it expertly. How there have been so many who’ve been swallowed and devoured by false teaching, fake doctrine, imposters, who have infiltrated and begun to spread like the darkness they are from.
From attacks over all the land, there is not just spiritual attacks, but those of a physical nature. If Satan cannot attack a person’s faith, shall he not then attack your body? When your body is struck, the pain comes, and drags you down. Does a depression set down upon you?
Psalm 91:1-4 “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.
The Lord is gracious. The Lord is sovereign, The Lord is Love. Depression falls upon me as my body breaks down. The Lord shall restore me, not in this life, but in a body renewed. I shall not fear tomorrow, but yes, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. The physical pain is a constant, as so is prayer to the Lord Almighty. I shall take refuge under his protection, and trust his will, will be done. Pain in this life is temporary, faith, abounds a new body, a body to come.
Isaiah 41:10 New King James Version
10 Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
We all have struggles and pain, some different than others, but nevertheless, we all endure the storms. No one said being a Christian was easy, no, in fact, we were told the opposite. The church tends to believe if you have some kind of depression or other, that you just don’t have enough faith. This could not be further from the truth. The church of today is starting to put away stigma’s of old. We mustn’t forget that the mind is something we don’t truly understand. How does a physical injury affect the mind?
When I ruptured the disc in my back I maintained a fairly positive attitude. In recent months however, as pain has begun to affect everything I do, I find myself harboring ill feelings. I find myself struggling to stay positive. I find myself trying to not be frustrated. I would not say I am without hope, but the thought of being my age, and having long term mobility and pain, does not stir positive feelings.
We know that characters from scripture struggled with both physical and emotional conditions. While it’s easy to lose one’s self in those dark places, we must remember that as Christians, our hope lays beyond death. Our hope is not to live our best life today, but that our rewards wait for us in Heaven. I am by no means saying this to make lite of someone’s depression, or physical detriments, instead, that we may have hope.
Just because we get lost in ourselves, doesn’t mean we are lost. God knows where we are, and all we have to do is turn to the Father, and he will guide us out of the darkness. We must not build our foundations upon the sand in hopes it will never sink. We must build our foundation upon the rock. As Christ said to Peter this is the rock I will build my church. We can deny, and doubt, and turn away, but that doesn’t mean God won’t use us. Have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, and he will shine brightly for you.
THE SILENCE GROWS
The silence grows
I write to you, even pour out feelings, but met with silence. I took the time, I write and write. Day after day, I take my time to beak the silence as I reach out to you. So many out, and nothing in return. Years of building relationships. Years of extensive, extending a hand in friendship. Picking up the phone from every call and message. I extended my wallet, my ear, my trust, my heart, and now it’s silence. A fool I’ve been, I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want too perhaps, my kindness used and abused. In my own time of need you were no where to be found. How could I have been so blind. The years of darkness I felt, suddenly creeps back in. The seeds fall and grow choking the life and happiness from my life. Abandoned yet again, the flash in my mind, as history repeats itself. Broken on the floor the tears just won’t flow. I do not know why, or how I got here. The color fades to black and white, the hurt a crushing feeling that buries in shame. The darkness settles in like an old friend. Must I say goodbye? Must I feel such loss yet again? Is this natures pruning? Did I mean so little to so many? Was I a convenience at the time, and without warning or word, expendable? History it seems repeated again. What have I learned? How to break, how to hurt. I’ve learned so much and yet again, here I am. The lessons seem to fade to mist. What can I do, when I reach for you, I reach and reach, into the darkness. I reach and lunge but like casting the fishing line, it comes up empty, every time. I see you there, you’re always around, but my hand you don’t take, a reach into the folly.
You’re not my enemy, I pray for you, I drop
to my knees and wish happiness upon you. I ask nothing of you except friendship. I have heard your tears. I’ve listened to your screams. You even once, heard mine. So close, but now ships passing on a fog filled night. Should I let go? Should I call out louder? Will my cries be heard? If you wanted to talk wouldn’t you reach out? What should I do? A broken heart makes poor choices. But, it isn’t just broken, but angry. Years and years of open roads. The pouring out of memories, feelings, thoughts, and now the road ends, the road I’d taken for years, can no longer be traveled. An absence, and yet a carrot dangled in front of me, teasing me, a sign, or is it?
I place so much in all the wrong places. I crave acceptance. I crave being wanted, and needed by others. I crave feeling important. I place that up high, an endless race I could never win. How many must I loose before I see the truth? How many must walk away before I find my value elsewhere? I walk miles upon miles seeking what I could never have. A hollow hole, unable to be filled. Jesus set me free from this cycle I find myself in. Jesus set me free from this pain. These shackles bind me and break me. Jesus be my chain breaker and show me a better way. Heal these wounds of the ages, and heal my broken heart. Jesus heal me and light my way home. Jesus my heart hurts, broken from saying goodbye. Jesus you pieced me together atom by atom, cell by cell. You’ve watched me grow, suffer, laugh and cry. Jesus you know my heart is breaking to pieces. Jesus lift me up and dry my tears. Take me out of this place and show me my value in you. Jesus show me that there’s more then this. Jesus my light on the hill, my shepard come find me, a lost sheep in the wilderness. I cannot do this on my own. I am fragile but strong. My heart breaks but I am not broken. I hurt, but I do not crumble to the ground. Jesus my rock, the rock, my foundation, my anchor in the storm, you save me when my sails are torn, and the keel creaks in the rough waters of this storm. Jesus my Lord, Jesus my light, dry my tears and guide me back, guide me to safety, my Lord. I cannot do this without you. I cannot stay in the darkness. I cannot stay in the silence. I long for Harold of the angels. I crave the sound of the choir of Heaven. I seek your face my Lord, I seek you in the darkness, lift me up, save me, save me from myself, this world, this hurt. Show me the blessings, so many abound around me. Teach me to number my days, so I may grow a heart of wisdom. Teach me to manage when I’m at the still waters, the green meadows, or the shadow of death. In you I trust my Lord. You hear my cries, deliver me from this toil.Free me. To you I pray.
What Flows In Our Veins
What Flows In Our Veins
I suppose this is a question everyone faces at some point, or they don’t, I don’t really know; What flows through my veins. For a long time, I have wondered, questioned, pined for a place in this world. For years I hoped for a way to be remembered, but have found it isn’t about me. I am literally no one. I am a nobody without Christ. My works here in this life don’t matter if they aren’t for the Glory of God. My works mean nothing without the acknowledgment of the salvation I am graced with if it weren’t for the Blood of Jesus. When my wife left, I went to a dark place, and I fell to the darkest of pits I didn’t know existed. With the light of God, I crawled my way out, but a fall like that doesn’t happen without leaving its mark. I would be left with scars both physical and emotional. I would be faced with a new path, and with that new path, a purpose left in question. I have talked often about being the clay and allowing God to mold you. (Be God’s Lego & Be God’s Lego 2). I have spoken often about finding your ministry, and allowing your spiritual gifts to guide you to where you are supposed to be. It’s funny though that tonight, tonight I would find myself seeking answers as my path has become so clouded, I no longer have a direction. At the very lowest point, the very foundation, I know that my purpose is to serve God no matter what I end up doing, but as far as what that is I have no idea. Long term, I have my dreams, my instincts on purpose, but in the here and now, the more immediate path, I feel as if I’m floundering in the open water on a stormy night, not sure what way to swim.
I am trying to find what seems like a temporary Job, trying to be proactive, but in itself seems to be more of a struggle then I ever thought it would be. Someone asked me what I’m looking for, and to be honest I have no idea. I’m finding that my degree is relatively worthless in the short term. I’m finding that I have neither the skill or mastery to narrow down a path. I have years and years of security service, but as far as my passion goes, I have little to none to remain in the security field. I have some medical training and a desire to be helpful, but not enough to mean anything in the short term. I have a passion and a knowledge of the outdoors such as hiking, camping, etc, but while it’s enough to survive and get through, it’s not a mastery. And sadly, outdoors survival skills, mostly military and personal experience, doesn’t offer much opportunity for a job, especially in this day and time. I have a passion to help veterans, but as I am no longer a chaplain the opportunities are minimal. To be a crisis counselor it requires a master’s degree or higher, and sadly my area is not a big area of opportunities for that kind of work with veterans. I worked in retail for a few years, but it would not be recommended any longer due to physical limitations. So, where does that leave me? The truth is I don’t know. I have no mastery, or a specific set of skills or talent that leads me anywhere in specific. Now is not the time to build a photography business, and while I love teaching and preaching, that path has not yet been laid out before me. And, as with many things, that’s a long-term path, not a short term. While I have even looked at teaching first aid and CPR, the training for that takes one, money, and two, time, time I don’t have. So, I have come back to a single question, “God, what would you have me do?”
I think we all get to these points, these questions in our lives. In the last several weeks since the onset of the Covid-19 Pandemic, I have seen hardships, heartbreaks, blood, sweat and tears, and realized that while my path is cloudy, I am still immensely blessed. While we all have hardships, and struggles, everyone has something they are going through and working out. I have seen and endured far more than I’m going through now, but that does not detract from its difficulty. I shall then, put my trust in God to show me the path when it’s time. I know that perhaps there are other reasons I am not being shown the way just yet. There are infinite possibilities that I cannot ignore, and trust that when all the pieces are where they need to be, I will be placed where I need to go. I will keep in mind Gods ways are not my ways, they are beyond my understanding and comprehension, and I must trust, and lean not unto my own understanding. I must have faith and be content with where I am, and trust that tomorrow is a new day, and anything can change between now and then. I must trust and have faith, and in constant prayer, turn to the Lord my God to deliver me from the spiritual attacks of the Devil, and believe that I will rest tonight being covered under the protection of Angel’s wings. I trust that my hands are prepared for war, and when the time comes I shall battle the enemy and be ready for what may come. I know that I am forged in fire, tempered and treated for the days ahead. I know that everything I am not is melted away, smelted like gold. I know that my salvation is secured by the Blood of Christ which was a debt paid for me, ransomed for my very soul. I know I am redeemed by the blood, and this life is but a temporary speck in the new glorified body that awaits me. I know one day I will kneel at the foot of the judgment seat, and answer for everything I have done, said, thought, and felt, and I will have no excuse but to ask for forgiveness in the eyes of my King. I am not worthy of such love, or grace, or mercy, but given to me freely, in which my sins are washed away, upon my repentance and plea for forgiveness. I know that hardship comes in this diseased, fallen, sinful world, in which awful things befall all who live here. This world knows death for this world is not Glory, but the proving ground for what’s to come. I do not know my place in this world, but I know my place with God. I do not know my gift in this world, but I know the gift that saved the world. Today will pass into memory, and perhaps tomorrow, and the next, but a day will come when the path is made clear, and the answers shall be revealed. Till that day comes, I find myself in prayer, and wonder, questioning, and praying, telling God what rests upon my heart. Perhaps a letter just to express myself, a few words on a white computer screen, just to make sense of what’s in my own head. Alas, I know I am a child of the one true King, the only way to the father Jesus Christ, the narrow path that only a few will travel, I will buckle my straps, tighten my breastplate, sharpen my sword, dig in my sandals, and prepare for the war to come. I shall fear no evil for the Lord is with me, and no matter where I roam, I am never alone.
Raise a glass Sabers
A group of men fought together so many years ago. They fought together as strangers but became family. On this day, a day of brokenness, that family suffered loss. That loss would break us, but through the ashes we would be reborn a stronger bond than we ever thought possible. Loss would rock our world, but never would that sacrifice be forgotten. Love my brothers. And adopted sisters. Eacho, Twyman, McGowan, Grimes. Sabers, raise a glass.
The Hardships of Christmas
The Hardships of Christmas
For many of us Christmas brings joy, and hope, and lov, and happiness, presents, and food, friends and family. As much as we know that Christ is the CHRIST in Christmas, for some Christmas is a painful reminder of what they no longer have. Many people are forced to face the cold truth that their loved ones, their family, their friends are no longer with them, it is because of that, that we visit the hardships of CHRISTMAS?”
I know for myself, Christmas often brings time of hardships of memories of those no longer in my life. I find myself missing them, and longing for their presence. People all over this world suffer through the holidays trying to deal with and manage the depression that often comes around the holidays, also known as the Holiday Blues. And lest not forget those who cannot afford to give their children much of a Christmas. The families that are struggling to make ends-meat.
While many people will gather with friends and family over the next few weeks, but I would ask that we all take a moment and say prayers for those less fortunate this holiday. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Christmas is a time of wonder and joy. We must all remember that the society in which we live has commercialized this sacred holiday. Society now tells us that it’s about the shopping, the gifts, the decorations, the parties, and food, but in all reality, those things are just extra.
It’s been 9 years since my grandfather’s death. He was the father in my life. He was my biggest supporter and his absence is noticed. If one loss wasn’t enough I have lost family in the last few years. For seven years I spent Christmas with my inlaws, or rather ex-inlaws now. Their loss still sends a prick through my heart. I became accustomed to their presence and the customs during the Christmas’s I spent with them. I have noticed their absence in the recent weeks, and it’s been difficult at times. So with the challenges of feeling the loss, the sadness, and depression I would recommend falling back to scripture to find some peace and comfort.
Matthew 5:4 NKJV “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” It is our job to be there to comfort the broken hearted. There is no doubt that Christmas can often bring struggles. If we have the ability to, I feel we should all do more to offer love and support to those who may be alone this time of year. Loneliness is a major killer in our country, yet when we have the opportunity we often let down those who need us the most. It takes very little to show an act of kindness to those in need. It takes very little to show love to those who are alone this time of year, and all year.
Romans 8:18 NKJV “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” The suffering today as Paul says, is nothing compared to what awaits us in glory. There is so much to be thankful for. The grace of our loving God that gave us his Son to show us what it means to love, what it means to be given grace, is beyond anything we could ever expect to find on our own. People are lost and even those who know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, can be lost in despair.
In this life we face despair, we face troubles, and we face hardships. In those days and in the hour of our deepest sorrows, remember what it is Christ said, John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Those who are no longer with us are not gone forever, just for a time. The time will come in glory that we will reunite with our loved ones, and all the pain shall pass, all tears shall be wiped away. All things will be made new, and what was once lost, will once again be found. Jesus Christ is the Christ in Christmas. Focus on Jesus, and be thankful for the time we had with those who aren’t with us. Blessing is the day we awake with breath, but fleeting is the life we live, like a wisp of smoke gone in an instant. 1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” Death is a part of life, and as hard as it is to face the loss and the loneliness around the holidays, we need to remember God’s will is sovereign and God’s love is stronger than our pain. Be kind to those hurting, and remember that not everyone feels joy this time of year. Social media can often hurt those struggling, so reach out and say hello, be kind, and show some love to those around you.
When The Call Is Made
When The Call Is Made
Who are we when we say we are Christians? Who are we when we claim the love of Christ? What do we do when the call comes late at night? These are some of the questions I think we all need to answer. Recently I was in a situation when I didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t sure how to answer, and I probably answered wrong. When I needed someone to talk to everyone I reached out too, or called was either too busy or not willing to talk. I sat alone in my head dealing with a multitude of emotions, and realized one very sad but real truth, God is the only friend I can count on day or night. When I needed someone there was no one, but God was still with me.
2 Corinthians 1:4 (NKJV)4 “who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
When I started making calls I expected someone to answer, I expected someone would have thought of scripture Galatians 6:2 (NKJV)2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet no one came. Does that represent the kind of friend I’ve been? Have I failed as a friend to others, that when I was in need I would have no one head the call? I don’t know what more I can do for others but I surely have done all I know how.
I have answered my phone day and night.
I have bought someone a car.
I have paid college bills.
I have helped buy Christmas when needed.
I have been there for others when they needed to cry.
I have done so much, and yet I don’t feel it’s enough. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping people in need, but now I wonder if I was helping the wrong people all along. What have I done to others to earn so little respect? What have I done to face this kind of rejection in my time of need?
I don’t really know what to say about it. I don’t know how to feel. I just know I hurt inside, and feel betrayed. I feel abandoned and hallow by those I thought I could count on. I am blessed to know that while so many flee, Jesus never has and he never will.
***
It took hours for me to fall asleep, and longer to deal with the emotions I was feeling. After a deep, and long look inside, mixed with some communication with some good Christian loving friends, and a long hard cry, was feeling run down. Sleep later after church and I woke up feeling refreshed. While of course when I awoke there was no changes in the situation, but waking up more clear has left me static, caught between being okay, and not alright.
One thing I’ve learned in the years past is we cannot place our faith in people. While I do believe most of the time people often mean well, I don’t think people are uncaring by nature, but perhaps self serving. I know that we are to love one another but I think we get caught up in life and forget that people, connections, relationships are vastly important. When I found myself empty handed from those I reached out too, I felt hurt and broken hearted. I reach out so seldomly I don’t understand how the importance was not considered and I was simply brushed aside. It seems I placed my faith in the wrong place, and I now realize, it’s my faith and trust in Jesus I need to place more focus on. I need spend more time in scripture. I need to get back to a healthy prayer life. I need to learn to place more trust in faith in my creator and less in those around me. I need to realize that I can count on only myself, and perhaps in time I will find people I can count on.
The disclaimer to this is not a blanket statement, but regarding particular attempts at one particular time. While life is complicated and as things often get in the way, I understand that at most occasions there is perhaps at least one or two that might be able to help, however in this instance I was seeking a particular audience to talk with, and that’s where I was left alone. Life continues to move, and in the weeks ahead as I continue to face the current challenges, I know I will have to find a way to handle and manage the many feelings that come. I’ve made the call, but instead of people, I’ve now called upon Christ to raise me up, give me strength, and guide me.
The Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
The here today, gone tomorrow
I have never been the kind of person to fade in and out of others lives. If I’m in, I’m in. If for some reason I drift it’s because I was the only one putting forth effort. I have grown weary of the constant ebb and flow of friends. I am tired of the perpetual ignoring of messages. The life I’ve been given has taught me lessons that life is short and precious. Life can change in an instant and when someone stands looking back at their life, what is it that stands out as important?
I decided years ago that while money is important to live life, working is only important to live. A person’s job never defines who they are. While scripture says faith without works is nothing that does not mean working in a job. What we do with our life, and how we’ve touched the lives of others in the name of Christ, that’s what’s important. That we are friends, and family, mentor and leader, those things are what’s important.
We often get so wrapped up in the world we forget about friends and family. We forget about those in our lives that might need us. Not everyone I’m this life is comfortable or even able to express the needs they have, but if we aren’t looking, we will never see them. Are you there for your friends? Are you there for your family?
I often wonder if I’m doing everything I can for those around me. In fact lately I’ve felt like I’ve been spread thin. I feel low and discouraged. I feel as if I’m a failure and that my current place is a value equal to or less than nothing. I have very little to shoe for my life in ways of success. I’ve been trying to measure my success and with no job, no money, no place to call my own, with the majority of my friends who come and go, I feel discouraged, disconnected, and left behind. I feel I’m late to the party.
I don’t know what I expected all these years but life has not turned out the way I thought it would. I’m left longing for more. A few weeks ago I was at a gathering at a house. An acquaintance of mine invited me to his house for a party. Things went okay for a while till it became apparent that while on the surface things seemed to be going well, it ended horribly for me when the discussion turned controversial and I found myself alone on my side of the line. It reminded me that the path I walk as a Christian man has left me standing alone in this world. Excluding Christ who walks with me always.
Where am I that I sit alone with no where to go unless alone? Where am I that I sit for hours with no one to talk too? I cannot support myself, not can I support anyone else for that matter. As I see it, I have failed, and even those whom claim friendship to me are seldom around. I have little faith in myself and lately have truly wondered my value to others. While I realize we are not to place our value by what others think, the desire to be accepted is strong and I don’t feel if I have been.
I don’t have answers for myself, and I certainly don’t have answers for others. My only advice I can give is love on one another and continue to grow your close relationships. Don’t let them fall through the cracks with the way of the world. Resist the distractions meant to pull you in a thousand directions.
The Storms Of Yesterday
The Storms Of Yesterday
The longest days are the most trying for us all. The dark cloud that covers the sky and tears fall to the ground. So long ago the silence was rocked and the world would never be the same. How many nights of nightmares would live on echoing into the night? How many times do we wish for the light, but in truth, if there wasn’t darkness, we’d never truly know the light. We know your will Lord is pure, and perfect. We know that the sins of long ago still ripple through time today. How the lost stick with us even today as the minutes seemed like hours so many years ago. I remember the numb, the wondering lost in my own mind. I struggled then to see the way, to know the path to walk. I knew you and yet I couldn’t face the truth. After it happened I walked like a robot not feeling, just simply existing. Feeling the lost and wondering why, and I was broken beyond what I thought could ever be pieced back together.
On that day, 14 years ago I watched in horror as the depravity of man would be self-evident. I watched as hate won out over love, and a sibling rivalry would touch my life in a forever way. I ask God now to give me faith like Daniel. I ask for hope like Moses. I ask you Lord to give me confidence to rise above my anger, to lift my sorrow to joy, and give me a tomorrow to make a difference.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, that the smells, sights, and the feeling runs through my mind. I can see the destruction in my mind when I close my eyes. I can see the horror in my dreams. I realize I cannot run from it, and like destiny it will find you, because it’s inevitable. I cannot run from my feelings, instead I must learn to embrace them and understand them. I must control the memory, and not allow it to control me. Living with shame and guilt is not what you have planned for me. I often question why you gave me the gift of sight that day, and I wonder if I was supposed to do more, but the explosion happened regardless, and I know I can’t change it now. My faith today is weak, and my strength is low. I know you my Lord will lift me up and you will cover me in the feathers of the angels.
Father, my father, I know that in the darkness you are with me, and I will stand tall as long as I know you will always stand by me. When Saber fell it rocked my world. How you would take the broken me and turn it into something useful. My broken heart bleeds today. Today Lord so many remember the fallen, and as they seek understanding please place your healing hand over their hearts. Please ease their suffering. Please look after them and give them comfort. The tears of the past are wiped away and I ask your mercy be upon us today. We remember them and rejoice in their lives. We remember how amazing they were, and how they glorify Heaven now. I ask forgiveness for my weakness, and my failures on that day.
Today I raise a glass to my friends, they are gone, but ever forgotten. Today I remember their lives, and their sacrifice. Today a moment to remember, and to raise my voice to the Heavens and praise Jesus for the family we have because of the lost. We are close and we love one another and out of the ashes of the lost a family is born. So today, I know that today, all my hope is in Jesus. I thank God that yesterday’s gone. I look to tomorrow as yesterday fades away. The storm of emotions fills me today, but you will wipe the tears away, and you will command the storm to leave me.
Thank you Father for my brothers and the time I knew them. Thank you for the sorrow and showing me how to live through the pain. You give me so much and I praise you in my pain, and trust you know my way. I know you hold my tears, and I know you are with me always.
The Arrow Preacher 