Tag: life

The Cage

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The Cage

You lied to me and then you left. My heart was cracked and broken, and all this time it feels like it’s still held captive behind a cage. Unable to be free, unable to heal, the barbed wire tears it apart with each attempt to escape the torture. For how long will you have the power over my heart? For how long will you break my heart again and again?

The day has to come when the power breaks. Nothing can last forever. Once upon a time I thought you were my angel sent to me by God, the reward for a life of hardship. Once upon a time I thought you were my sign that life would forever be a blessing and I foolishly believed that love, the love we had would be the forever kind. I believed with all my heart that no matter what came our way I wouldn’t have to worry. But I underestimated the devils cry. I didn’t see the attack before it was too late, and then, you were gone.

I didn’t fight in time. The Trojan horse got in, and I watched it come. I took the horse for a horse not a trap. I rose no defense, I sounded no alarm, and when the night came the true nature of the horse was revealed and by then the fight was over.

My love was all I had to give. I gave the world I could, but that love wasn’t strong enough. Without that love I questioned everything in my life. I fell into a caged despair. I gave my everything, but like some soldier going toe to toe with Hercules I was swatted away like a fly, not chance at all. I stood no chance against the giant and I fell easily.

There’s nowhere to run, there’s no place to go, I can only surrender what’s left within me to the alter of the one above. I beg and plead to put the pieces back together. I beg and plead to make me whole. The one above is powerful and through the grace of His love and peace, the pieces can be made whole again. God above will mend the heart, but the scars will remain. As Christ rose from the dead for the defeat of eternal death, the scars remained, proof of the past, so thus we must keep our scars.

I question my past and my present yet no answers come. I never thought the day would come when the world would crack in two, but on the day it did I cried to the heavens I was sorry for any mistakes I made, I was sorry for my part in the tragedy. The Lord above forgives the repenting heart. The Lord above feels what we feel, sees what we see, and when we break He breaks.

With my still broken heart, the good Lord heals, but the mending of a broken heart takes time. We feel so deeply sometimes and it takes time to mend, to fix the broken code in the programming. When you feel like you’re crashing make sure you reach towards the Lord. When my day came, when I crashed, I hit Cnt-Alt-Del, and watched as the lights went out.

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side, but then I spent so many nights how you did me wrong, I grew strong, and I learned how to get along.” (I Will Survive)

I will survive. One day my prison will crumble and I will yet again have freedom. When that day comes it will be a sigh of relief. Remember that the true freedom is the freedom over sin, the blood that was paid for, for our sin by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. While we are told we will face our own trials, we will have to take up our own cross, we too our promised our battled and our own scars. The scars will always be there as a reminder of where we came, and what we’ve survived. Embrace the scars because no matter how bad it was, you survived and now have a story to tell.

One day I will tell my story, and while it will have its ups, it’ll have its downs, it’ll have it’s laughs, and it’ll have it’s tears, but it will always have God at the center. The day will come when the morning comes and the chains will burn away and the pain won’t be able to keep you bound anymore. “All I know is I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong.” (Building 429)

My heart shattered that day, the world shook and went dark, the blood was spilt, the tears flooded the ground, but the hand of Jesus was there reaching down towards me and lifted me up. Never stop fighting the fight, never stop healing, and never stop moving forward. The power of the Lord can heal any wound and we need that healing touch.

Lord you made me feel so shiny and new, you picked me up, dusted me off and stood me up. While I may be within my own cage, while I am still watching from behind these chains, I know that one day they will fall away. Faith, it’s what we have, it’s what I have. One day the Son will return and when the day comes, I will be ready to return home.

 

 

The Serenity Prayer

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The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

We in our life often have a hard time with many of our daily trials. I have often found comfort in the Serenity Prayer. First, what does serenity mean? The online definition is “he state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.” Even those who are devout Christians can have a hard time letting go of the stress and worry that come with tough situations. While we all have our day to day struggles, some people deal with ‘stress’ better then others. I’ve had my share of exemplary displays of problem solving, and I’ve had some very atrocious displays. We know that we will face trials, those trials will place us on a path to either teach us something, prepare us for something later on down the line, or alter our path. In some scientific circles there’s a theory that for every possible outcome that could happen, actually does happen. While this may or may not be true, if you are God, and you allow mankind to have free will, then there has to be some aspect of that, that might be true, even if God is the only one that can see every possible outcome. We have the opportunity every instance to make Godly decisions. No matter how far down a path, you can choose a different path. There are always options even if we don’t see all of them. Think about what God sees. He wants us to give us every opportunity to follow Him. He wants us to have a relationship with Him so envision every possibly action you may make, and consider the eyes of God seeing every path all at once. How big God is compared to us. I’ve often thought that God will always attempt to get you back on track by giving you chance after chance to get back on track, but with freedom of choice, multiple outcomes must be available, which means God can see every possible outcome, which means, every possible outcome must exist.

Now that I’ve gotten off on a major tangent, I’ll get back to my original point. I often hear people say I don’t have a choice, or I didn’t have a choice, and me myself have said and gone done that road more often then I would care to admit. One thing I’ve learned, even if I don’t always put it into practice is, just because we can’t see an outcome, or see the many paths in front of us, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. We can never know how every situation will end, and we never know truly what tomorrow will bring. We must learn to live our lives one day, one moment at a time. Be proactive sure, but always try to make your choices based on a Godly path. Surrender your worries, your doubts, and your troubles to the Lord. Ask constantly for guidance and believe that the path will illuminate before you when you are truly seeking a righteous path. The right path won’t always be the path of least resistance, but when we follow the Lord we will be given the compass to follow.

Getting rid of worries, and doubt, stress, and frustrations, isn’t easy. It helps to remind yourself daily of the serenity prayer like using the same muscle over and over again, you will eventually build muscle memory and it will become easier. Don’t live your life under a permanent cloud of misery. Allow yourself to be free from that and find the joy in life no matter what situation you find yourself in. Philippians 4:11 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

 

 

 

 

Blind Spot

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Blind Spot

For the last year I have had a blind spot when it comes to one facet of my life. I have apparently duplicated my suffering by not learning a lesson years ago. My hope has always been to see the best in people, even when the best in them has not been shown. I have put aside pain, suffering, wicked behavior, I have allowed lies to pass through my ears and still I have given the benefit of the doubt.

Over the majority of my life I have often allowed people more then one chance at my heart. In fact to be brutally honest with myself, I’ve allowed a few people more then several chances. I’ve been hurt more then my share by people I’ve continued to allow being in my life. While I would have been considered to be the one at fault for allowing someone who had a history of ‘flip flopping’ their position, yes, when it comes to love, I would say I am stubbornly blind.

While 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 speaks about what love truly is, it’s also important to know that at some point while we may love our neighbor, while we may love someone, when that person does nothing but hurt you over and over again, you must learn, like I am still trying to learn, to let them go. We must learn how to not force our will upon others, we must learn to be patient and allow God’s will to come to fruition. I don’t know what the path I’m on is meant to accomplish, but having faith in the creator of the plan, I must realize I’m just a character in someone else’s book. Like it or not I am not in control of the vast majority of what goes on within my life. All I can do is learn to react to each changing moment and try must best to be a Godly man.

While my hope for others and the ones I care about may not be the smartest thing I’ve done, I often see the worst in the world, but see the best in my love, and ignore the bad they do. I can no longer sit idly by and allow myself to be put into harms way over and over again. I have failed myself and the heartbreak I have led myself to over and over again must stop. Divorce is hard on anyone. Perhaps that this is my second divorce, and the second affair I’ve weathered, the family I lost, and the hopes I had to rebuilding it are now utterly gone. For every winter there becomes a spring, and with that spring fresh life. Sometimes in our lives we have to take the blinders off and see the world and ‘someone’ for who and what it really is. We must learn to see the world beyond our narrow view. We must learn to see people for who they are and not who we want them to be.

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” (Dark Knight Return) While I firmly believe the idea that this may be the case, it certainly has been in my life. The hero’s in my life have become the villains in my story. (Excluding Jesus) Never forget the true hero in our life died upon the cross to save us all from a horrible forever death. While in our life we may meet police officers, firefighters, or soldiers, all of which could be considered heroes, eventually all manner of men will fail you. Sometimes in life the Devil wins and as any true strategist knows, some battles once lost cannot be salvaged. If a battle cannot be won sometimes a retreat and regroup must be made in order to win the war. Never forget the bondage of sin may have been broken, but the war is far from over. Remember to fight the good fight and win what we can. As for me, I know that no matter how dark and cold the winter is, there’s always a way to get colder, and darker. I’m not certain if my winter is over, or if the deepest winter is still coming, but either way, God will provide the path and the direction, and any and all of us can follow, when the blinders come off.

 

Shēngcún (Survive)

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Shēngcún (Survive)

Survive in Mandarin is Shēngcún. Some days I see some of my friends and they are just barely making it day to day. It makes me thankful for where I am today. I don’t have much, but I have more then some. I am greatly blessed and thankful for what I do have. Though, I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive.

In life we can sit and live with the bare minimum our potential has to offer, or we can stand up and grab life by the horns and take control. We can’t always plan for the future, but what we can do is attack every problem, every situation with a zeal that pushes us to be our best selves. No matter the troubles, the trials, the knocks that are sure to come, we can chose how we want to live. We may not always be able to fix every problem, but maybe we aren’t supposed to. While we never know what our future may hold, we know we have the ability to alter our perception of each problem. We have the ability to choose our attitude and more importantly how we treat others in every situation we find ourselves in.

I challenge all of you not to just survive but thrive. You can be a light in others lives, and you can be there for others to make their world a better place. We can leave this world a better place by the lives we touch. Psalms 78:4 “We will not hide [them] from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.” Always keep in mind what you do in all situations may be how you’re remembered for generations, by generations.

I heard a sermon today about David and Bathsheba, and one of the key components was to make sure blame goes to the right place. I have been known to take the blame for things I never did. As my studies in scripture have led me to a better understanding of sin nature, I have found obviously the wrongs done are usually sin influenced. The Devil will place people in our lives to draw us away and sometimes he is successful, sometimes he’s not, but he will always try. When we give in to things like lust, lies, hate, and self we see that sin nature taking hold. We may be able to lie to everyone around us, we may be able to lie to those we love the most but when the day comes and we stand at the foot of God’s alter we will have to answer for everything we’ve done. Nothing will remain hidden, and when we answer to God, we must think in the here and now, what will this do for me later? Don’t just survive, thrive by making Godly choices.

Go, and Don’t Die

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Go, and Don’t Die

What does the great commission mean for Christians? First, we must ask what is the great commission? Matthew 28:16-20 The Great Commission “16 Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17 And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted.18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” We must go forth, meaning to go out, within our ability to reach everyone, to include those at our jobs, in our towns, wherever we may go. Not everyone is suited within their gifts to go abroad and go head long into mission trips. Within our gifts we need to focus on what they are, focus on the paths God has put us on, and it’s in that, we will find how we can complete the Great Commission.

1 Peter 4:10 “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:” Each of us has been given a special and specific gift, some of us are great public speaker, when we talk people listen. Others are painters, or writers, others are good at serving, and thus our gifts open the stage for us to be able to reach people who need to hear the word of God. I have a few gifts God’s given to me that I enjoy and thus since I enjoy them it gives me great pleasure and pride to reach people around the world. To the date of writing this post I have reached 72 countries. My gift of writing and photography has helped me put this together and reach thousands.

Going out and preaching the word can be a dangerous business. Missionaries from around the world often find themselves hiding from those who wish to do them harm. The persecuted church is not something we think about much here in this country, but around the world it’s very real, and very dangerous. Christians are hunted throughout the world and because of that, as many mission trips are planned and scouted first to ensure safety not all missionaries are called to safe areas. Someone I know once had to hide from the authorities in India because he had stirred so much controversy the non Christian authorities weren’t too happy with the one causing problems. In places like Africa, Christians are murdered for their belief in Christ, and their refusal to rebuke Him publicly. Some of the top countries for persecution are North Korea, Somalia, Iran, Sudan, India, Vietnam, Egypt, China, and so many more just to name a few of the worst to the moderate.

While the Great Commission is a calling to all Christians to spread the word by teaching and preaching, it’s not without risk. Not everyone is up to the risk that comes with deliberately going into harms way. While not everyone is called for such missions everyone is called to use their gifts to spread the word of God to others. I firmly believe that when we fully explore our gift and use that gift we will prosper. I believe each of us is given our gift by God for a very specific reason. We all have our roll to play in the big picture. From the man or woman who takes out the trash, to those who stand in the pulpit no matter where that happens to be. No matter who you are, or what you do for a profession it doesn’t take years of training to talk about Jesus. It doesn’t take a degree in biblical studies or even apologetics to tell the world what Jesus has done for you.

When I was a soldier fighting in Ar-Ramadi I had a bible in left breast pocket under my armor. I kept it there every day, during every mission. It was a reminder to me that God was watching over me no matter where I was. Even the days it felt I was in a literal hell on earth, I knew and felt God presence. When we spend our day around people we have every opportunity to talk about what Jesus has done in our lives. When I was in Iraq I regret not focusing more on my faith. After surviving a few attacks that should have probably taken my life and didn’t, I should have and could have used that opportunity to talk about God in my life. Those are chances we must not take for granted. Every day we live we have an opening to spread the word of God. Not only do we have the opportunity we have an obligation to do so. “Since God has displayed to us so great a love the least we can do is accept and Carry Out the Great Commission.” (Dr. M. David Chambers D.Min.) Last year God spared my life, and when I came back, I came back with only one goal, to save as many souls as I could. I came back as someone else, something else. I came back as the Arrow Preacher.

 

 

 

 

Giving your all

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Giving your all

Have you ever loved so deeply, cared for someone so much you felt like you gave your whole life to them? Have you ever cared for someone so much when they were gone you felt as if half of you were ripped away? What about when you meet someone new and you feel strongly about them, not love, but a strong desire to know them, to be there for them, what happens when that isn’t reciprocated? I believe we’ve all gone through this at some point in our lives. There’s a strong reaction to rejection and that reaction’s what we’re going to discuss today. This is an uncomfortable subject so stick with me.

Recently I met someone and the more we talked the more I felt a potential relationship might have been possible. I received a lot of positive feedback early on in our communications and it led me to believe something more in time was more then a likely possibility. When the conversation continued I was shocked when all of a sudden it stopped. The conversation seemed rather benign and since it was just about liking particular movies, I saw no reason the outcome ended the way it did. All communication halted abruptly and the feeling sunk deep in my stomach and my head felt like a kick to the face.

Disappointment is a tough pill to swallow. What does the bible say about disappointment? Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” No matter what we face, or the troubles we find ourselves in God will use them for the purpose of good things. We may not be able to see the good in our pain, or the purpose in our suffering, but through all things the Lord is with us. Psalm 42:11 “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” As King David writes in a moment of sorrow he asks God why he feels such turmoil within his heart. He knows God is with him, he knows the Lord will never forsake him, and in all things God is good always. We too must remember that in our struggles, in our times of weakness the Lord of creation is with us.

Having and keeping the faith that no matter the purpose of someone coming and or going in your life is difficult, but the Lord has a plan. While we may feel like we’ve been hit by a ton of bricks, and while this may be literal or figurative, the Lord will see us through till the end. Often times we wonder why someone hurts us, why someone will leave their spouse in what appeared to be a loving marriage or relationship. While there are many reasons and likely personal explanations, that we won’t discuss today, the simple answer is this. Sometimes the innocent can be collateral damage. If this is the case and the hurt and pain is caused by someone else keep in mind 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” If someone walks away from you, if someone has decided to follow or pursue a path that is not one that is inline with Christ, do not hold onto that. Do not allow that departure to be a reflection upon yourself. Do not hold onto responsibilities for what is not due unto you. We must always take responsibilities for the things we played a roll in rather it be good or bad. Always own up to your own mistakes. We must fight the urge to take responsibility for things beyond our control. Do not allow the sins of another to add to the burdens you already carry. As grotesque as it sounds and is, do not be the proverbial sin eater. Do not take upon yourself, which is not yours. Often times when a relationship ends, if it ends with little to no warning, and you are left to wonder why, and what happened, it’s easy to start blaming yourself. While this is something I myself have yet to master, and may never will, it’s important that whether it’s your spouse, your friends, or other close relationships, always remember that if someone walks away from you, you may not need to take the blame, do not take on the sins of anyone but yourself. Only take on what you must. Have faith in the Lord, and believe that no matter who leaves you, who abandons you, the Lord’s promise is to never leave or forsake, because the Lord made a new covenant, and this promise by God is not one that is broken.

Remember it’s okay to love another, and it’s okay to feel a devotion to someone, but always remember to put God first. When you remember to put God first, the rest will fall into place.

Forging Steel

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Forging Steel

 From birth we are being taught new things, how to write, read, how to get along and play with others, share our toys, and many other various traits we learn. One of the hardest lessons is the difference between right and wrong. How hard is it to teach those lessons, and how hard is it to learn? I’m sure many of you have experienced hardships that taught valuable lessons. We learn by doing most of the time, we value experiences in our life. The phrase sometimes we have to learn the hard way is one of the truest statements we’ll ever experience first hand. We see events around us, we feel them some more deeply then others. Sometimes we are the cause and other times we are collateral damage to hard lessons. One of my favorite shows has a quote I love to use. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow) It takes a great deal of courage to face the cruelty of this world over and over. Some people happen to face more challenges then others. The strength to carry on is largely one of faith.

 1 Corinthians 3:11-15 “11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.” How often is the term forging faith through fire used? Our daily lives and struggles can be considered a crucible. “Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. But there’s a third type. The ones who learn to love the fire and choose to stay in their crucible because it’s easier to embrace the pain when it’s all you know anymore.” (Sabastian Blood, Arrow) How do we face our fire? How do we face our challenges? Do we allow the fire to burn us and break us down?

The thing with good and evil is a certain matter of perspective. In the best stories the villain is often considered the best villains when they are believable or when we can see their point of view. Thus just because something is used for good, or evil you cannot dictate an object. In the movie the Book Of Eli the main villain wants to use the Bible as a weapon to control the towns people. The thing about objects are it’s in the use of the owner. “One mans tool is another man’s weapon.” (Bruce Wayne, Dark Knight Rises) This perspective is interesting and put into the right context explains a good portion of the human condition. We often see things as good or evil. We often see based on perspective, such as a quote from yet another episode of Arrow. “Tot zhe molot chto drobit steklo, kuyet stal.” The same hammer that shatters glass forges steel” (Tayana, Arrow)

I would like to think that as people we could understand both sides of a conflict to better ourselves. We must learn to communicate instead of arguing. We must learn to better ourselves to minimize our judgments. As we go through our own fire, our own crucibles, we must understand that to follow Christ we must learn to allow our old selves to be burnt away, allow our sinful imperfections to be burned away and allow ourselves to follow the Lord. “It’s not enough to just feel the flame You’ve gotta burn your old self away” (Hard Love, by NEEDTOBREATHE) We live by the sword and die by the sword. We must not let the world turn us into hateful, vengeful people. We must learn to Love all, to remember not to allow ourselves to be burned by the fire, instead allow it to burn away anything and everything that isn’t used to live a Godly life. While fire can burn away a life, it can create wonderful pieces of art. A sword for instance is a beautiful creation, a hand-crafted piece of steal that is forged in fire. A sword can break under great pressure, or can withstand the persistent blows it may endure to be used in protecting ones self. Philippians 4:11-13 “11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” In all things take comfort, and allow yourself to embrace a trial, and stand firm in the fire and allow it to burn away what is necessary to be burned away in accordance to Gods will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I reach out

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I reach out

I reached out and no one was there, the cold bitterness of the dark blackest night. The frozen rain stings against my bare face. The frozen waist land all around and cracks in the ground that would swallow you whole. The moon is gone hidden behind the black clouds. The wind howls and whistles over the ice. Lost on the ice with no compass. The storm so thick two steps in front of you is blotted out in the white wall of snow and ice. The wind chills deep down into your bones. The prick of the icy mix feels like a thousand cuts all over your face. You look down using your arms and hood to block the wind, but it’s no use. You fall to the ground and dig into the snow. You dig until your fingers are numb and there’s a hole big enough to crawl into. You crawl in and curl against the tiny wall you created. You close your eyes.

The storm rages on around you, beating down upon your resolve, your patience, your hope, and yet you remain resolute. Huddle down upon your inner strength and focus on your today, planning on surviving the wintery blast, and hold onto that small bit of warmth inside you to get you threw the now, and into tomorrow.

Psalm 46:1 “46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” When it’s cold outside and we don’t know how to survive the night, it’s in Psalm we find our truth. Psalm 107:29 “29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” No matter how bad the situation may be, tomorrow’s sunlight can wash away the snow. Psalm 34:17 “17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” Are we the righteous, or are we the damned? Are we to rise above the clouds and survive the storm, or are we to die in the frozen waist land of our sorrows? When you are huddled up and you don’t know where to go or how to continue the journey of King David. Psalm 91:1-2 “91 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Do we have true faith that in our time of struggles the Lord will be there with us and protect us? Is our faith strong enough to save ourselves in that faith? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Open your eyes huddled down beneath the snow. When you open them your world is in your hands. Your life, your faith in God can be the defining fact. If God’s will be done you open them to the storm subsiding. The sunshine covering the white covered ground, glistening, glowing in the light. The sun glistening off the snow brighter then anything you’ve ever seen. The wonders that the storm stopped, praying for your life, placing your life in God’s capable hands is the direction we should follow. No matter how dire the situation God is capable of surrendering the storm and although you may not come out of the storm completely unscathed, you can be pulled from the heavy weight of the snow.

 

 

 

 

Facing Fear

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Facing Fear

Sometimes in life we are put into situations that force us to face our fears. In my life I have seen war, I’ve seen death, I’ve seen evils, and I’ve seen cruelty. I’ve seen the evil in a man’s eyes as they try to murder another human being. I’ve seen the color leave someone as the heart stopped beating. I’ve had to face fear and in that fear I’ve had to face my own mortality. I’ve had to go out on faith and trust that the Lord was leading me to a place that would be best for me. As I survived the ambush in 2004 in the city of Ramadi, I could feel the Holy Spirit guiding me to safety. When I moved to the city of Durham from Indiana in 2010 with a woman I didn’t really know that well I found myself following faith and the things that led me to where I was. As I am now in another situation in my life, I have to face the fear deep down and trust in the Lord once again.

Psalm 27:14 “14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Trust the Lord and be faithful. Trust that the Lord has good plans for you. Trust that no matter what trials you face, the Lord will bring you through it. No matter the life’s struggles we face Jesus promises to never leave us. Hebrews 13:5-6 “5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

What do we fear? Do we fear failure, not being accepted, or being hurt? Do we fear being left behind, or forgotten? The truth is, at some point we all feel something along these lines. These fears are strong and often justified, but the allowing of ourselves to be driven by that fear if it stops us from moving forward is just as bad as sin. What we must remember is that the promise of the Lord is to lift us up, to protect us in our time of sorrow, to wipe our tears in our times of sadness. Finding someone we choose to love, finding that love and knowing that to love is a choice. Love is action, it’s doing every day, it’s making the effort to listen to the words of God and allowing them into our hearts. We are often put into a situation where we love others, sometimes that love comes with surprises, other times we are the surprise. Don’t let the fear of being hurt stop you from jumping out on faith. Trust in the Lord and love like we are taught to love. Make love be something that you do, not something that you feel.

 

 

 

Fighting Insecurities

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Fighting Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have our insecurities about something in this life. Everyone’s different and everyone has their own battles to face. Over the years a particular event has occurred in my life on more then one occasion that has created and cultivated a unfortunate, and disturbing insecurity. I would go as far to say it’s certainly not an endearing or attractive quality. Nevertheless it’s here and fighting back against it is truly a struggle.

An understandable fear of abandonment has settled in and has taken up residence in the deepest part of my mind. With it it’s cousin the insecurity of feeling wanted, or needed. When a message is sent to someone, you know they’ve seen it, and your brain automatically goes to ‘what did I do wrong?’ and ‘am I not important enough to them?’ These things may be true, but the most likely fact is, it’s in our head. My self worth has been in question for some time now. These things the Devil tells you, whispers to you in your darkest hours are thorns in your side.

We must learn to focus on the good things we have to offer in a relationship. Everyone brings something special to a relationship, and thus we are all special. Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” If we are loved and love, we must learn to lift up our loved. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If someone’s important to you, then it’s in that importance you would want to set their fears aside and show them they have nothing to fear. Lift up your partner, lift up your friends, and help fight back against the whispers of the devil.

The number one thing to remember is placing your self worth in others is always a recipe for disaster. No matter what you beat the odds in this life and God has made you just the way he wanted you. Consider why you are unhappy, or why you are insecure. John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The only thing we should need is the knowledge that Christ loves us just the way we are.

You must learn to trust in yourself and focus on your own gifts. Know what your gifts are and know that they are good enough. If your partner doesn’t see or appreciate them, perhaps there are bigger issues, which may or may not be your fault. A deep internal look at the cause may be warranted to understand and justify, and then overcome.

I believe sharing these with your significant other is important. Be sure to communicate and allow that open line of communication to face the problem head on. There will always be a way to face the insecurities that plague you. Allow yourself to face your insecurities and then you can own up to it, and overcome. Have faith in the Lord and what the Lord created. Each of us has been given gifts and we should focus on those gifts instead of our shortcomings. Romans 12:6-9 “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Use your gifts. Allow someone to love you for what you have to offer, and fear not for what you do not have. The ice will melt one day and the life preserved, frozen in time, will once again show it’s colors and it’s beauty. Let the ice melt over your heart frozen in time, and warm up to the idea of loving once again.