Chronic

Chronic

Chronic pain is something that afflicts so many people. What is chronic pain? As defined by the Clevland Clinic “Chronic pain is pain that lasts for over three months. The pain can be there all the time, or it may come and go. It can happen anywhere in your body. Chronic pain can interfere with your daily activities, such as working, having a social life and taking care of yourself or others. It can lead to depression, anxiety and trouble sleeping, which can make your pain worse. This response creates a cycle that’s difficult to break.” (professional, C. C. medical. (n.d.). Chronic pain: What is it, causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4798-chronic-pain) Chronic pain is something according to the CDC “During 2021, an estimated 20.9% of U.S. adults (51.6 million persons) experienced chronic pain, and 6.9% (17.1 million persons) experienced high-impact chronic pain (i.e., chronic pain that results in substantial restriction to daily activities)” So what does this mean? What if you’re a veteran? According to the VA “1 in 5 Veterans report persistent pain • ~1 in 10 Veterans report severe persistent pain • ~1 in 3 Veterans have been diagnosed with a condition related to chronic pain” I’m a 40-year-old male combat veteran. I spent over a decade working in the security industry which is difficult on the body. I have a neck injury that now leaves me with severe chronic pain, and as it degrades, the pain worsens and makes life far more difficult. What does it say? It can lead to depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping? On top of the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the depression is very real. I’m used to feeling pain before I go to bed, and the pain medication I have is vital to take before I go to bed. The hard part, is when I wake up in the morning with pain, and there’s a need to start my day with medication. Sadly, some days are worse when the pain is more severe from the moment I wake. There are days when the act of getting out of bed is extremely challenging. There are days when all I want to do is cry because the struggle to do anything is so strong. 

As I am nearing 40 years old in just a few days, I find myself struggling with recent diagnosis of my neck, and knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away, it’s disheartening. The surgery that was planned was canceled due to a counsel of surgeons deciding the original plan would fail, and a much more severe and extensive surgery would be needed. However, regardless of the necessity, my age prevents the desire to do the surgery now. While the meds do help a little, the medication has a negative side. What happens when you are on a narcotic medication for years? The biggest issue is when the medication creates a tolerance and becomes less effective. The physical pain is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional toll it takes. The inability to do daily activities because of pain makes simple and basic tasks like housework, and yardwork nearly impossible some days. When you don’t want to do activities with your significant other, or friends, it makes you feel bad, and for me, ashamed. At the age of 40 and looking at a major neck fusion surgery, that will remove 100% of my mobility, I have not been sure of my place in this world. 

Because of my chronic issues, I had to retire early, but have not received social security. Not receiving social security has affected my income. As a disabled veteran I do get veterans benefits, but it is certainly not enough to take care of a family financially. As a man, and head of the household, I feel shame for not feeling like I am doing a good job providing for my family. How does a man determine value? 

I’m not trying to drum up sympathy, on the contrary, I want to spread awareness. I by no means have everything figured out on how to manage severe chronic pain. I have attended VA chronic pain management groups and therapies. I have attended recreational therapies, and while most of it has not taken away the pain, but, some of the techniques on how to manage have proven slightly affective. What does help with chronic pain? A strong faith foundation. 

Psalm 13:5-6

“5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

We may never know why there is so much suffering, except for knowing we live in a broken, fallen, sinful world. Suffering started the day Eve ate of the fruit, and Adam and Eve were exiled out of the garden. God told them they would face hardships, they would have to work hard, childbirth would be painful, and by the sweat of Adam’s brow he would till the earth. When we look at suffering in scripture, the book of Job is the height of this. After Job confronts God, and God replies in the most amazing and eloquent way, Job sees the truth. 

Job 42:1-6

Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that You can do everything,

And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.

3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

4 Listen, please, and let me speak;

You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’

5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

But now my eye sees You.

6 Therefore I abhor myself,

And repent in dust and ashes.”

Pain builds endurance. If we are faithful, our suffering should draw us near to God. This life is hard, and in it we will face an abundance of challenges. We will face hardships, and hurt. I do not necessarily believe when James talked of “whenever you face trials of many kinds,” he was referring to chronic pain. While I’m not sure he was referring to this particular trial, I will say, the lesson remains true. “3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4) Facing these hardships is not easy, and I find myself having difficulty in navigating life recently. I struggle with the day-to-day routine, as I am always in pain. I do not know why God has seen fit for me to go through this, but I know he has a reason. I have come to understand, we do not need to know the why, just know and understand God is sovereign, and no matter where we find ourselves, we need to know and believe God has a purpose. Assuming we did not put ourselves in the negative situation. I have often looked back and wondered if there was something I could have done differently to change things today. Should I have fought the VA for treatment and care for my neck from the beginning, instead of rolling over and taking the denial of responsibility. I didn’t fight for myself, and knowing there was a problem with my neck when I got out of the Army, my lack of treatment led to where I am today. It’s hard not to be angry about it, but knowing that anger won’t change anything, I have worked on letting it go. 

This life is short compared to eternity. For some people this life is full of more hardships, and letdowns, and heartache then others. Some people even Christians have an easier go of it than others. While everyone struggles, that struggle needs to build your endurance and faithfulness towards Jesus the Christ. We will never understand God’s plan this side of Glory. We will never see the fullness of the picture in which God sees. We will also never know the things God saved us from in this life. The ten second delay leaving the house saved us from a large car pileup. A delay in surgery kept us from dying on the table from a massive stroke. Paul says in scripture he prayed for God to remove a thorn in his side. We do not know what this was. Was it a physical ailment, this could very well be true from all the beatings, stoning, shipwreck, etc. Paul experienced. Without proper medical care, Paul may have developed significant physical pains. Was this a person or problem nonphysical, this too is a possibility. We don’t know. What we do know is Paul prayed, and God’s answer was no. He did not take it from him. 

2 Corinthians 12:7 “7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.”

While this could be a physical ailment, it could also be a person. We do not know, but no matter what it is, the takeaway is the same. Paul’s prayer went unanswered, and he was told that God’s grace is sufficient. 

Isaiah 48:10

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

Do we believe in our heart of hearts, that God’s grace is sufficient, no matter what our affliction is? Do we trust that God’s plan is perfect and he is sovereign? I am in no way saying dealing with these things is easy, obviously it was not easy for Paul since he pleaded with God three times. We are being forged into something more, and that process is violent. In order to be forged into something battle worthy, something strong enough to endure the test of combat, we must undergo the extreme heat, and the pounding of steel on steel, to mold us into a weapon. God’s grace is sufficient, but he never leaves us defenseless. He has given to us His Armor, the Armor of God, made up on his attributes, we clothe ourselves with. We are given the sword, the shield, the breastplate, the helmet, the sandals, and the buckler. We do not battle alone, for God is with us. We face the challenges of this world, and no matter what we face, how we respond to it matters. How we respond to stimuli matters. We are to respond in all ways as God responds. We are to respond in a way that when we are judged by God, we are told ‘well done my good and faithful servant.’ The last thing any believer wants is to let down God the Almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, and everything in it. 

No one wants to be in pain every day. No one wants to have cancer, or experience loss. No one wants to feel like an outsider and feel like they are not welcomed. It’s hard when you feel these things. Growing up I was often an outsider wherever I found myself. My personality was always a bit different. My opinions of life were different, set apart. Today is no different. In recent months I have felt like an outsider, even unwelcomed in places I never thought I would feel I didn’t belong. Few people in my life know what it’s like to have this level of pain on a daily basis. Few people understand how bad it feels not to be well enough to work to bring home enough money to take care of your family. I say this in all sincerity, ‘show me all your scars, and I’ll show you the cross.’ Show you the Cross: Matty Mullins. Years ago, I found myself in the worst storm of my life, and I felt like I was on the worst sea, inflicted by a hurricane, and all my sails were broken. It was when I thought all hope was lost, Jesus showed up. Jesus was there with me, guiding me through the storm. Jesus showed me the light, and while it didn’t happen overnight, I found my peace in Jesus. I was in a war, and Jesus reminded me, he already won the battle. Jesus reminded me I was his, and nothing Satan could do would pluck me from his hands. Today, I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m stuck in quicksand. I feel powerless to change anything in my life, and the hard truth is, maybe I’m not supposed too. Jesus is in control, and the hardest thing we can do when nothing is going right, let go, and let God. 

Hardships Endure 

Hardships Endure 

It’s no secret that my life has been one of hardships, heartache, and difficulties. Not saying I haven’t had good times, even great times, but as a friend once told me, ‘if it weren’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.’ From an early age I have experienced hardships most people at my age couldn’t imagine, and wouldn’t have known what those hardships were called. As I was told, before I was three years old I knew the word Anesthesiologist. By the time I was three years old I had undergone 4 surgeries. By the time I was 16, I had 7 surgeries, and by the time I was 18 I had 9 surgeries. Needless to say, I was familiar with doctors and hospitals. 

By the time I was 19 I had moved several times. One of those times was a move by myself from Michigan across the country to Massachusetts. Each of the times, minus one, I moved by myself away from family. With every move I was left with heartache, and struggle. For most of my life I didn’t feel I had a home, and even now, I don’t have a place to call my own. The feeling of failure has been and is quite real for me. In recent months I have been given a grave diagnosis, and while I have been attempting to manage the emotional fallout, I find myself fatigued. How can I take care of myself, if I am broken and in constant pain. Chronic pain takes a toll on the human mind, and can often cause frustration, sadness, depression, and anger. On a deeper level, the combined aspects of pain, physical issues, living situation, it often leaves me feeling inadequate, worthless. I don’t care much for the idea of self-esteem, simply because we should know and understand our place in this world as broken, sinful, enemies of God. However, on the flip side of that coin, we are also loved and grafted into the Kingdom of God, through the grace and mercy of Jesus. Needless to say finding a balance is important. A balance I have not been doing so well at, as of late. 

When I go through hardships I try to think of a few characters from scripture. The first and most notable is Job. Job’s hardships are quite obvious and extensive. His losses and trials stand testament to struggles for all people. I then consider the trials Paul faced. As a loyal servant of Jesus, Paul faced beatings, stoning, jail, poverty, and ultimately murdered by beheading. Recently however, the person I have been considering most is Elijah. In his pain, he cried out to the Lord to take his life. In his sorrow he did not want to be left alive, as he also felt his surviving was that of failure. 

Soldiers who lose others, lose comrades in battle often feel what’s known as survivors’ guilt. It is said that those who survive often wish their places be switched with those who died. Elijah it seems may have been dealing with some of this guilt and challenges. I have felt this way in the past. When I lost friends in combat, I was there, and witnessed what happened. I attempted to save my friend, and sadly failed to do so. I had intuition of an impending attack, and sadly that did nothing to prevent it from happening. In recent times, I have wondered what my purpose is, and as I have recently been given a difficult prognosis regarding my physical health, I have been put into a position where I’m not sure how to manage the emotional fallout. This recent revelation of difficult times ahead has left me with little recourse, and no control over what happens next. 

In hard times I have grown from a scared 11-year-old, an angry 30-year-old, to a seasoned, faithful servant of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In the past I would compartmentalize a trauma, and move on. This would leave me more broken than where I started and never truly dealt or handled the trauma. Today, I face these problems head on. I look to James who says, count it all joy when you fall into various trials. How can I look at where I am and be in Joy? I have often asked myself, if James were to have been diagnosed with cancer would he still have found joy in such diagnosis? The answer, is yes. James knew and understood who the Lord Jesus was, and in that understanding he knew that whatever we go through in this life, it is temporary. It isn’t why we are going through these things, but rather how we respond to them. With the world watching us in every situation we are in, how are we showing our faith to the people around us? I’m not saying cancer is easy, nor am I saying major life changing back surgeries are easy either, but what I am saying is that, people are looking to you because you may be a mentor to them. You may be someone’s inspiration, or even someone’s curiosity. Here’s an example: 

You go to work every day, and people at work know you’re a Christian. You have a smile on your face, and you talk about Jesus, but life is generally smooth for you. A bombshell hits, and you lose a child in a car accident. This tragedy leaves you devastated, and you become bitter with God, or worse, you walk away all together. Those whom you once shared your faith with, now see you walking away. How strong was your faith, that you would walk away, and what message does that send to those who may have been on the fence to follow Jesus or not? Someone is always watching you, whether it be a friend, family, coworker, or one of the kids from Church. Someone is always watching, and how we deal with trials and tribulations, is more important than the worship we give during times of still waters. It is easy to praise God when it’s smooth sailing, but when the going gets tough, that’s when a persons’ true nature is exposed. I’m not saying we don’t struggle during hardships, but ultimately, how strong is your faith? Are you like Peter on the water with Christ? Faithful for a few moments, until the waves crash around you, and you sink? What did Jesus say? “Oh ye of little faith.” Do we have little faith when times get tough? 

We must work on our faith and focus on our attitude and behaviors, and our emotions. I myself struggle with emotional positivity when things get hard. I struggle to stay away from the pity party I often throw for myself, albeit internally. I hide my feelings from many people, and perhaps share too little to others and sometimes too much to some. As I woke up this morning sore from head to toe after putting up the new tent, I find myself struggling to walk around the house. The pain I feel in my back is more than just sore, different from the sore in my legs and arms. While it’s a challenge to get around the house today, the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to work hard, and do something for my family. The replacement for the tent I have lived in for nearly three years arrived and was in need of being put up. A fresh, brand-new tent with no patches, or holes, no leaks, and no extra rope required. I could focus on the fact I am sore and hurting today, or I could focus on the gift from God, for a place to live. No one said following Jesus was easy, and as we see in scripture, hardships come to all who follow God. All of the prophets in scripture had challenges to overcome, David and Solomon had their own challenges, Daniel and Elijah, had their challenges. Peter, Paul, Matthew, and the others had their challenges, and even death. Do we face hardships like Steven does in the book of Acts? Steven in the face of death by stoning said this, Acts 7:60  “Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep. (Died)” Steven in the last moments of his life, didn’t curse his killers, but asked forgiveness from God to them. It isn’t easy, but we are called to have faith, not just in good times, but in the inevitable hard times. Some people think when you turn to Jesus and you follow him, those hard times will go away, and everything will be great, if you just have enough faith, and tithe. The truth is, this is a false gospel, this is a lie from Satan, that when the hard time does come you walk away from God because it wasn’t as you envisioned. Faith is not easy, and following Christ is hard. There’s a reason it says in scripture to pick up your cross and follow me (Jesus). There’s a reason Jesus tells you there will be trouble in the world, but have faith because He overcame the world. All these things are promised to the believer, and most importantly we know that the path to destruction is wide, while the path to the kingdom of God is narrow, few will enter into it. The path of a Christian is full of hardships and tears, but how great is the Kingdom of eternity, compared to the little while of hardships in this life? 

Today is one more day to do better than the last. Today is a day to rejoice because it is a day the Lord made. We are beautifully and wonderfully made for a purpose and we must turn to God, not to ask why, but in thanks for what we have been given. We have been given life, and an opportunity to Grow closer to Him, to turn to the Father in our time of need, and praise Him in the storm. We know Jesus has the power to calm the storm, but we can’t always expect He will. What we can expect is that Jesus is there with us. Jesus will lead us to the mountain top, or beside peaceful streams, and still waters. Jesus will hold our tears, and comfort us when we are in pain. He will rejoice with us when we rejoice. We do not travel this world alone, and since life is but a vapor compared to eternity with the Father, we should be thankful for the good times, and prepare for battle during the hard times. Face the trials with bravery and courage. Get up each day we are allowed to get up and be thankful for it. No matter where we are, thank God for the opportunity to live our lives worshiping Him and allowing others around us to see God in us. 

God knows what we are going through. God sees our heartache and our hurt. I implore you to bring it all to the table. I beg you, if you are sorrowful, and sad, and angry, bring your weight before the alter, bring it all before a loving and understanding God and put your baggage down. You are accepted before the alter as you are and when you leave everything there, when you lay it all down, and when you surrender to the Lord you leave a different person. The battle is not yours to win, but has already been won by Jesus, our Savior. The battle belongs to Jesus, and while we struggle with life, a place is promised where that hurt, and sorrow doesn’t exist. The burden we carry is not for us, for we are called to trust in the Lord. Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Trust in the Lord and surrender all. Do not carry your burdens alone, for you have been given a choice to trust in God, or try to do it on your own. When you cast your burdens upon the Lord, allow the Holy Spirit to come into your heart, and heal you, change you from the person dead in their sins, but reborn as a believer of Christ. Come as you are, leave changed. 

At Years End 2022

The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.

Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.

The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?

2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”

Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.

Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.

In The Year 2020

In The Year 2020 

I think we can all agree, the year 2020 will forever be remembered as a weird, and in many aspects, a horrible year. Early in the year with the exception of the Corona Virus wreaking havoc in Asia, it seemed like a normal year. By February however I came to realize China was loosing the battle of containment, the government in the US did not take the virus serious enough, and failed to implement containment protocols. The country since then has been burning down. There have been cities erupting into anarchy in riots and protests. There have been Murder Hornets, and country wide fires in Australia. There have been volcano eruptions, earthquakes, and even as recent as August, there has been a Hurricane, and an Earthquake in North Carolina in the same week. North Carolina doesn’t often have earthquakes so it’s odd. There was a massive explosion in Lebanon which nearly leveled the city. There was a major plane crash in Pakistan. Locusts in Africa. Explosions in Lagos, and sadly more. 

With such a polarized year, politicly, economically, naturally, and even the micro problems inside the homes of billions of people worldwide, the problems of finances, food shortages, rising food costs, lowering of gas prices, depression and other mental health problems, there have been a slew of challenges to overcome. Not to mention the polarizing problems over school, masks, and other hot button topics. 

There is no shortage of troubles, in fact, the year 2020 is being used as a measurement of how bad things can get. While there are many who are afraid of what’s going on right now in the world, Christ overcomes fear through us. What is fear? Fear is an emotion response to something we perceive as dangerous or harmful. Fear of falling is actually a fear of dying, because it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the ground. Fear of the water, essentially is not water itself, but rather what’s in it, what you cannot see, or something such as a flood. Fear of fire, again, is the fear of the destruction it brings, or the life it ends. Fear of failure is not living up to expectations, of not amounting to anything, not being good enough. When you really break it down, 2020 has hit most people’s fear in some way shape or form. Fear of losing jobs, losing loved ones, losing homes, stability, or even your health. We are a combined equivalent to the life of Job. When you read the book of Job you see a man who had everything his heart could want, a man truly content with his life. God gave Satan permission to stricken Job with numerous disasters, to test humans resolve of faith towards God. Job loses everything. It is not much different then today. While it was one person who was stricken with all kinds of problems, every one of us has experienced at least one disaster that befell Job. The thing about Job was, he knew the Lord, and he trusted the Lord. While he did not understand his torment, he remained faithful, even despite his friends turning their backs on him. Under extreme circumstances Job maintained his witness to the Lord. Can we say the same? Job was stricken with so much heartache, ruin, destruction, and yet remained faithful and loyal to the Lord. We experience one tragedy and how quickly are we to turn to the Lord and shake our fist, “Look what you let happen!” We yell to the Lord, or perhaps worse things are said. 

I have come to a point in my life where I have realized the importance of seeing when a door closes to move on to the next. Much like the storm troopers looking for the droids in “A NEW HOPE’. Once the door being checked is locked, move on to the next. We too are searching, are we not? We are looking for the route to take, but I question each and every one of us, are we taking the path which is the easiest, or the right one? As Dumbledore is quoted, “We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Of course, we creatures who desire comfort and ease above most other things, don’t want a life of turmoil and hardships. That being said, we do forget that this life is only temporary, and it is eternal glory that awaits any person who accepts Christ as both Lord and Savior. This gift of glory is not for the faint of heart, yet, as scripture said, a narrow road. Many will try, few will succeed. While we are not given a percentage, or even a number of those allowed into the gates of heaven, as some suggest, we know that Christ said ‘and on that day many will call out my name stating Lord Lord, look at what I have done in your name.’ He replies, “Depart from me for I never knew you’ Matthew 7:22. Are we to be one of those people who work so hard to enter the gates of Heaven, yet fail to grasp the point in our hearts? I’m not sure which is worse, those who never knew Christs, or those who did and turned their backs on Him.

It is easy to place blame when something goes wrong. It’s easy to start dropping names as to why things flew off the rails. Someone said this, this person did that, etc. I myself have been guilty of proclaiming ‘God, why are you doing this to me?’ In reality, when most bad things happen as we perceive them as bad, God is in fact not to blame, instead we could blame Satan, Sin, or the harder finger to point, towards ourselves. Bad things happen in this world, simply because it’s a fallen world. While Satan and his demons do play a large roll in falling to the temptations, hearing the voices of doubt, the voices of fear, the voices of mistrust, and lust, and gluttony, and debauchery, we are the ones who must take responsibility not for the bad things that tempted us, but rather for giving in to those temptations. The world under Satan’s rule is designed to tempt you, to pull you away from the Cross. On the day of reconning, we will have to answer for everything we’ve ever done, every choice we’ve made, everything thing we’ve said, all of it. We will not be able to pass blame like the six year old siblings arguing with each other. Simply, here in the year 2020, there’s been a lot of hardships, a lot of heart break, and more. Despite everything, we must still face the fact we are fully responsible for our actions in this life. We as Christians are responsible for the name Christ we claim to hold. We have taken on the responsibility for being set apart of this world, to act and look different. That doesn’t mean just talking differently or attending church seasonally, but rather being that reflective light on the hill. We are ambassadors in this land, and we must act as such, to include our general state of mood. While I’m not saying you can’t have bad days, hard days, or even seasons of depression, but rather, while battling these storms in your life, remember to share the joy that you should always keep guarded from outside attacks. Attacks come every day, from every direction, and this year, we humans have certainly seen our fair share of hardships. I have heard many claim this is the beginning of the end times. While I don’t know, because scripture says we won’t know the time of the Lord’s return, what I do know is we must always be ready for that day.

We mustn’t worry about tomorrow, as “it will worry for itself”. Matthew 6:34. We cannot control the events of the day, yet called to be in our present, so let us instead focus our time on the truth. Focus our time on the things that truly matter. While it is important that jobs matter, and making an income matters, we mustn’t let that steal away our focus to our children, our spouses, our loved ones, or our friends. Relationships are the most important thing. If it isn’t, why then would Christ tell us the most important thing is to “Love our neighbor”. He didn’t say make sure you go to work 90 hours a week to put food on the table. We reap what we sew, but that fellowship, that relationship with the Lord, and our relationships with people are in fact the most important thing. We seem to have forgotten that this year. While we have been called to social distance, instead of personal distance, we have perhaps forgotten that while we are away from work, school, and other social gatherings, that it is in fact, the will of our Father that we remain social beings. It is stated in scripture that our fellowship is important, and we shouldn’t forget it. We must remember to remain safe, but through technology we have been given a wonderful gift of communication. It is the sword of the Holy Spirit we must hold on to, and through the forging of our minds, and our spirits, we must venture through this year, and into the next, ready to battle against more divide, battle against more racism, more sexism, more discrimination, and at the heart of it, more hate. Every passing day where we do not keep out such things, we fall prey to the roaring lion seeking to devour us. As said in scripture, it is not against flesh and blood we battle, but against principles, against the power, against the rulers of darkness. Ephesians 6:12. We must pick up the sword which is the word, and hold it high so our enemies may see the glint of the light emanating from it. We must rise above the lies, and the deceits told by Satan and his demons. The sword is more powerful than any weapon ever forged by man, and it is the living truth, the Holy Book, written as God’s love letter to us, instruction in which we must follow, guidance for when we are hurting, a compass for when we are lost, correction for when we are wrong, and the punishment for those who fail to accept Jesus Christ as both Lord and Savior.

Yes 2020 has been a hard year, but it has been so much more than just difficult. For many this year, they have had to learn to reinvent themselves. For many their faith was put to the test. For many, they walked away from church and haven’t returned, and won’t. This year has strained relationships, strained wallets, fractured families, and even a nation. It has become evident that the foundation in which this country was founded has cracked and changed. We have seen disruption come in every aspect of life, and God has used this horrible virus to get our attention. Will we turn our backs on Him? Will we bend a knee and bow a head? Some, sadly have simply put, given God the middle finger, and have chosen to double down on their lost, sinful behavior. We must remember what scripture teaches us. If we are to correct, first we must remove the plank from our own eye. Then we are to do so with kindness and compassion. More precisely we are to do everything in love and with love, and through love. We cannot simply say, ‘I’m doing this because I love you.’ If we are not kind, and gentle, yet firm and patient, we have not truly understood what it is to love. Even though Job went through horrible things, he knew God still loved him. Even though God allowed horrible things to happen to his child Job, God felt deeply for what Job was going through. Just because bad things happen to you, doesn’t mean the Father doesn’t also hurt for you. When you take your child to get braces, or a shot, those pains are temporary, but necessary. You as a parent also hurt when your child hurts, and sometimes in their life they are going to hurt. We cannot always stop our children’s hurt, and we can’t always be there for them every step of the way. Let me put that another way. It is not always in a parents best interest for the child, to stop the hurt from coming. Pain is what allows us to grow. Pain in making our own choices. Pain in growing. Pain in other people’s choices, but no matter where the pain comes from, as a parent you know you will stand with your child. Even the best of parents in this life will never measure up to the parent God is. The perfect Abba father. The one who knows all, sees all, and understands all we go through. Scripture tells us this pain on earth is only but a while, but compared to the joy in eternity it is nothing, just a whisp of smoke. We must be patient in this life and expect more difficult years, and yet, even in the difficult years, we must take the time to appreciate the majesty that is this world the Lord has given us. What am I trying to say? Stop focusing on all the negative in your life and stop and appreciate some art, stop to appreciate a song, stop to appreciate your favorite show, your family, your friends, your life, and the time the Lord has given to you. Every breath is in fact a gift, and we must learn to be more grateful, than doubtful. We must learn to be more gracious, and have gratitude for every good gift that comes from our loving father in heaven. Keep on pushing on, and as always, God Bless you this holiday season.

Frustrations

Frustrations,

We cannot walk through life without running into a few challenges. We cannot expect to never face the rain. Someone said to me once, ‘when it rains, some people feel the rain, others just get wet.’ I think one of the hardest things we will do as people is embrace the trials with an open mind and using that big beautiful brain God gave us to focus on the positive things even in the worst situations we find ourselves in. Galatians 6:9  “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Feelings of doubt and frustration are natural and normal to have. We all have our tough days, and I’ve had my fair share lately. What’s important is not that you have them, but that you are able to make your way through as a Christian, and keeping your witness. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” The trials come, and come with a vengeance sometimes. It’s aright to feel frustrated, and even angry sometimes. It’s okay to vent as long as it’s controlled. Most importantly when you’re struggling make sure to take your concerns to the one who can truly do something, God.

As far as everyone else is concerned, when you see your brothers and sisters struggling be sure to help them. Be sure to provide encouragement, and love. It’s not easy going through trials. We all have, and we all hope to have someone to lean on when the going gets tough. Don’t be that friend that casts blame, or rebukes someone for being, ‘negative.’ One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says you’re being too negative. Discussing trials, and struggles isn’t negative it’s a fact of life. Everyone goes through tough seasons, bad storms, and everyone deserves to have someone to listen, someone who will care, and help them through it. Don’t abandon those in need because if you do, you’re actually the one in sin. Proverbs 27:10“Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” So many people today want only the feel good positives in their lives, and often try to remove anyone who is going through a tough time in fear they may be contaminated by negativity. The truth is, while some people are more prone to being negative and that may not be an undesirable trait, we must look at a person’s situation and ask how we’d feel in their shoes.

For me, I lost a lot of friends after my ex-wife left. I was miserable for a few months and struggled to stand on my own two feet. I was devastated at the loss of my wife, and the incident which put me in the hospital. I had guilt, shame, heartbreak, worry, and a slue of other emotions, and when I wasn’t ‘snapping out of it’ in others perceived time table, I was abandoned by many. My life at that time mirrored the life of Job. Many of my situations were similar, and as I continued to struggle and limp along, many of my pastor friends pointed me to the book of Job, and the trials of Paul. To this day many of my works would involve references of those two men as my inspiration to carry on. Just remember if you struggle as I have, or if you’ve struggled as Job had, and you find yourself alone, forgotten, remember these words. Job 19:14“My relatives have failed, And my intimate friends have forgotten me.” Even when Job was left and forgotten by his closest friends, rebuked, blamed for his misfortunes, he never gave up hope. Job 19:26“26 And after my skin is [a]destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God,” He Trusted the Lord, and knew that God would never leave him. We must all trust in the Lord that in all things blessings can be found in every trial, every storm, every heartbreak, and every thorn.

 

Find Your Ministry

Find Your Ministry:

Have you felt like something’s missing in your life? Something you can’t quite describe but you feel it in the morning when you get out of bed and when you’re out with your friends. You feel it deep down into your heart and soul, and you crave answers, but you don’t even know the question. I felt this for many years of my life, and only when I struck the bottom of life’s horrors did I finally realize my heart has been calling to one thing, and that was Jesus Christ. The day I heard the voice of God I realized how long I had been living in the darkness. People think once you find your salvation or you have that one big event that changes everything in your life that you are all of a sudden going to be a perfect human being. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You can continue down a sinful path, but when you feel the love of Christ cover you like a warm blanket your body has revulsion to sinful behaviors. Things of your past will no longer be appealing, they will no longer give you the fake joy you once reveled in. You can continue to ignore those convictions, but you are only denying the truth. When you find Christ you are reborn, by fire your old self is burned away, and you are a new person. When that day comes, what’s your next step? Well, let me show you what your path will look like.

When you find that salvation in Christ you need to seek Godly counsel. You should go to your pastor, or a close friend in Christ. You need to meet with your pastor and talk about yourself, and start looking at ministries to get connected to. At first you should volunteer with as many as you can till you find the one you are most comfortable with. You will be searching for your spiritual gifts that you’ve been blessed with. I hear people tell me all the time there’s nothing they are good at. There’s nothing that makes them special. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Each and every person on this planet has been given gifts from the Holy Spirit and can use them in a ministry field. I think there are a lot of misconceptions as to what ministry is. Most people believe ministry is teaching, or preaching. This is not true, and when you look to the Hebrew of the word ministry it is, Shareth, “Ministry, religious ministry, service in the tabernacle.”  Ministry is service to the Body of Christ. Every job, every works in the service to the Lord as according to your gifts is ministry. This is everyone from those who cook, clean, sing, organize, administration, teach, or preach. Ministries cover every works in the church. Any way for you to service God is a ministry. It’s our job to evangelize but evangelizing is a job for everyone. While people may evangelize and specifically good at missions work, that would be one of their spiritual gifts. You will find a natural interest or desire to particular activities. In this you are being directed by the Holy Spirit to explore different things and you will find it. Not all gifts are found right away, and some require practice. We do not see basketball, football, or hockey players using only their God given talents without also practicing their gifts. We do not improve without putting forth the effort.

God knows us beyond our imagining. We see the true nature of the Blessed Lord especially in Psalm 139:1-13 New Living Translation (NLT)

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

3 You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

5 You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

11 I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

12     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

 

If God knew us from before our birth and knows us in our death, knows our path, and what we will do, he designs each and every one of us with care and consideration to how we can serve in accordance with His desires for our service within the Body of Christ. In order to work on our selves, we must work with God by servicing God. Matthew 7:7-11“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” We must pray for our path to be made clear. Pray to Abba and ask how we may serve. We must allow God to mold us, to guide us, and in doing so, we submit to the spirit and let go of our own wants and desires. In doing so we will develop new joys, new dreams, and we will be blessed by God accordingly. Matthew 7:7-117 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”  

Be sure to plug in when you find yourself a church. You will find yourself in need of prayer and thus you will pray, but you will also need to study. Joshua 1:8“8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.”We must learn to take scripture into our hearts. The Devil will attack you day and night and he is testing your defenses to find a weakness to break through to poison your heart. Do not part from Christ, instead pray day and night, and study, and take scripture into your heart.

1 Corinthians 12

12 Now, dear brothers and sisters,[a] regarding your question about the special abilities the Spirit gives us. I don’t want you to misunderstand this. 2 You know that when you were still pagans, you were led astray and swept along in worshiping speechless idols. 3 So I want you to know that no one speaking by the Spirit of God will curse Jesus, and no one can say Jesus is Lord, except by the Holy Spirit. 4 There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 5 There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. 6 God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. 7 A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. 8 To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice[b]; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge.[c] 9 The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. 10 He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit. Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages,[d] while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said. 11 It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.

One Body with Many Parts

12 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,[e] some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.[f] 14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? 18 But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. 19 How strange a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 22 In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, 24 while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad. 27 All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it. 28 Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church:

 first are apostles,

second are prophets,

third are teachers,

then those who do miracles,

those who have the gift of healing,

those who can help others,

those who have the gift of leadership,

those who speak in unknown languages.

29 Are we all apostles? Are we all prophets? Are we all teachers? Do we all have the power to do miracles? 30 Do we all have the gift of healing? Do we all have the ability to speak in unknown languages? Do we all have the ability to interpret unknown languages? Of course not! 31 So you should earnestly desire the most helpful gifts. But now let me show you a way of life that is best of all.

Everyone has his or her gifts as seen in scripture. God ensures that every single person has his or her gifts. Never stop praying to God how we can serve. 1 Thessalonians 5:17“17 Never stop praying.”

Affirmations: “emotional support or encouragement.” When you start getting plugged in people will naturally tell you, or thank you for doing a good job. Between passion, desire, interest and talents, you will find your place in the church body. Finding your ministry is like “going to a buffet, some stuff ‘s okay, some stuff is pretty good, some stuff you absolutely hate, stuff you’ll absolutely love and you’ll want more.” (Rev. Glen Newsome, Jr M.A.C.S)  Never stop growing, and learning about God. Your journey will never end, but as you grow your love and appreciation for the shear size and power of the Lord will begin to be revealed to you. It took me 34 years, nearly a dozen traumas, two divorces, loosing my job, and having major back surgery to find my gift in ministry. Never underestimate the lessons that will be used in each and every one of your hardships for the Glory Of God!

 

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I a Disciple of Christ

I a Disciple of Christ:

I a preacher and disciple of Christ call to you believer and non-believers.  You all have suffered long but I give you a message of hope. You grow weary from trial after trial. I give you hope in the storm. The storms will always remain but now I give you the light that shines through every darkness, brings hope to the hopeless, restores faith to the faithless, and heals the sick. John 14:6“6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Even when 100 things are going wrong the hope will always remain. Do not forget what gives us the blessings of eternal life. The blood shed of Christ to fulfill the trinity that’s always been, down to the ground covering all of the earth in righteous grace forgiving us of our eternal sin.

You are not saved in chance, for you are saved with glorious grace. It brings our Lord joy for you to receive mercy. Jesus came not to be served but to serve, so shall we serve others before ourselves. Who are you? Do you know who you are, and can you tell others what defines you? Do others see you by the content of your heart, or do they see the hypocrisy that runs rampant in the streets? In God you will be strengthened and made sharp in the fires experienced here in this life. Walk by faith and don’t loose hope in the marathon. Run with endurance with trust in the Father as we look to the cross to be our finish line. Remember to fight the fight but do not loose sight of what it is your fighting for. It will never be the troubles you face that are the true fight, but the temptations and attacks of the Devil trying to break you. If God blesses your heart and sealed His graces, let no Devil, no demon, no man, crack the bonds made. No troubles shall break you or sink your ship. Always remember your why and the Lord will smooth your travels. The trials will be many, but that shall never remove your salvation or grace.

The Lord is a merciful God, and a loving God, but never tempt God. Never worship idols in place of God, and never lift anything higher lest you sin unknowingly. The love of money, and of possessions shall never bring you peace. The days of works shall never bring you salvation. The laws never will you keep though you shall surly try. Bring yourself humbly on bended knee to the Lord, and sing praises. I come to you a follower of the Lord, saved in my sins, forgiven of my trespasses, led by the spirit to bring you the good news shared to me. The long awaited messiah from the days of old came and spilt blood for all. We no longer live in darkness, and we shall not suffer long. The one way to peace is through our Lord Jesus Christ. Do not grow weary along the way for we remember the verses of Kings. Psalms 23“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2  He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] 3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]”

My biggest hope is in your travels you don’t loose sight of why we travel. I do not want you to loose sight of what it is we’re fighting for, and why. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day, the routine, but after a while we forget to live by the message. While I was watching the Book of Eli recently it kept with the message that Paul was telling the people of Ephesus, do not loose sight of the mission.

The Book Of ELI

Solara: I didn’t think you’d ever give up the book, I thought it was too important to you

Eli: It was, I was carrying and reading it everyday, got so caught up in protecting it, I forgot to live by what I’d learnt from it

Solara: And what’s that?

Eli: To do more for others than you do for yourself

In the Book of Revelation we see Ephesus applauded for their great works, but in the end, they lost sight of their first love. I believe this is referring to, you fought, but over time you forgot why you were fighting. We must be cautious in our walk that it’s not just sitting in the pew on Sunday, saying the prayers, singing the songs, but that it’s about allowing the word to invoke the Holy Spirit within us, renewing our flame for Christ and encouraging us to carry on fighting for our Lord. The spiritual battles wage on every day and night, and we are caught in the middle. We are soldiers on the front line and we must understand what’s at stake. Christ is destined to win the war, but nothing is written about you and I. We fight on the front line and we choose what side to fight for. There will be casualties along the way. We must pray with our might, give thanks to God for each and every one of our blessings, and always ask for guidance. When we become weary of the race, we see reminder in Ephesians 6:18-20“18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” We as Christians must remember to wear our chains as a badge of honor. As Paul’s wordplay is not lost here, the Greek word used means a prisoner’s shackles, however, during that time ambassadors wore a gold adornment around the neck and wrists as a symbol of riches, power, and dignity of the government for which they represented. Paul I believe is speaking of course that he is in prison and he wears his shackles with pride as he’s in prison because of his teaching of Christ. He’s proud and through the entire walk with the Lord and everything he endured in the name of Christ, he found peace in the end that he writes to Timothy. 2 Timothy 4:7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Will you keep the faith in all you do? Will you remember what it is you’re fighting for? If you’re not fighting for the Lord, you may need to adjust your focus.

 

 

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed the scars you have? I have scars I see every day when I look in the mirror. My body is covered with scars from years of unfortunate accidents, injuries, and just a result of a rough life. I don’t just see the physical scars in the mirror but the emotional ones also. I was told recently that the traumas and trials I’ve faced are enough for maybe 3 peoples lifetimes. I had never really thought about it like that before. All I think about is how horrible it’s been sometimes, if I think about them at all. One of the things I was very good at was not dealing with my emotional pain. I tried to bury it and run away forgetting where I put it. Sadly, when it comes to grief and pain, you can’t outrun it. What you bury will come back to haunt you, and it’s usually pretty angry when it does. I recently wrote a blog post talking about running from grief. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/man-on-the-run/ I won’t be rehashing an old topic. Instead in this post, I’ll be discussing how to use those scars to your advantage.

In 34 ish years I’ve seen a lot of things, and I’ve been to a lot of places. I’ve seen the world from the 3rdworldview, and I’ve seen the world from a luxury hotel downtown Chicago. No matter where I’ve gone one thing has been certain, the Holy Spirit has been right there with me the whole time. From the age of a little kid I have felt the Holy Spirit with me. I have moved through life feeling the Holy Spirit, yet running from an obvious calling within my life. Most of my life I have felt as if something were missing. I have felt a sense of lacking and never quite feeling useful. I have lacked purpose in my life. I thought my purpose was to be a good friend, a good husband, but although in my biased opinion, I am a good friend, and I am a good husband, or more accurately was a good husband, I now realize something new. For each scar I have a story. Each story is a chance to reach out to someone in need. Purpose will always be, where God is sending you. Today, I sit here thinking about each one of my scars mental and physical, and I have slowly started to realize what the purpose after all these years may have been.

When I think back to a man with scars I am reminded of the Apostle Paul. He suffered a great deal of physical torment throughout his ministry. Through the book of Acts you see Paul’s struggles. You see him get beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, hunted, imprisoned, and yet as he talks about how far he’s come. Galatians 6:17“17 From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” I for one cannot imagine the pain he must have been in every day. In a time where most serious injuries would likely cripple or kill someone, he managed to keep going despite his injuries. It wasn’t as if they could go to the nearest CVS or Walmart and get Tylenol. Not being able to set broken bones, or take anti inflammatory, or even penicillin must have made healing very difficult. Here’s a man that literally took beatings and  torture for God, never once throwing up his hands and saying, ‘Nope, I made it all up, Jesus was a nobody.’ Even till Paul’s dying day, scars and all, he maintained his position that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, the truth the way the light. His scars were his testimony and what a testimony he had! I have spent a lifetime wondering why I’ve been through so much. I’ve often sat in the dark, yelling to God to answer my questions. After 34 years I may have finally gotten the answer I have been waiting for.

When you pick up your cross you will find persecution. In persecutions you will find both physical and emotional scars are part of the journey. Scars are sometimes badges of honor when we are a blessing to Jesus. Our scars are a reminder of where we’ve been, and a lesion learned no matter what caused the scar. Sometimes a scar is gained by playing with friends. Sometimes a scar is from someone doing unspeakable things to you. No matter where your scars are from, either good or bad, we can always take away some kind of lesson. I’ve seen many people after a trauma turn cold and bitter towards the people around them. I can’t say I’m innocent either. I have become angry when I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen people destroy lives, destroy families after suffering from loss. We will always have scars, but as a sword in the fire, we will either become brittle and break, or become strong and sharp. True courage is to face the pain, and face the troubled waters with honor and dignity and above all else, faith that God will use that pain for good, not for more suffering.

I have scars from surgeries, everything from knee, to hernia, to tonsillectomy, to cervical spine fusion, and more. I have emotional scars from death, from relationships, from war, and much more. When I look in the mirror I see a man who’s endured much, and yet I still stand. I face the world with hope, and with agape (love) in my heart for those around me. Even as I was going through a horrible divorce with my ex wife, and while there were things said and done that were beyond awful, I stood by her side and endured the pain and hardships. Now after all that time, we are talking, we spend time together, and we have a pretty amazing friendship. All the pain that was endured has allowed me to be there for her, now when she needs it. Living with Christ in your heart, loving deeply and not just what this world considers love anymore, is not an easy venture but God is watching and he will bless you for it. Pain is a hard thing to be stuck with, especially if you don’t know why, and you don’t know what to do with it. But I say to you, there is hope, and there is purpose. You will have to turn to God with love and prayer, and surrender in your heart. You will have to allow God to hold you up, and you will have to surrender over a piece of your self. Jesus Christ can heal your heart if you let Him. Jesus is always with you, and you just need to ask, and accept that without Christ we are nothing, but with Christ we are royalty to paradise. We are all soldiers, and with our scars of battle, we choose to surrender to the Devil, or fight for the throne in Heaven.

I was thinking back to an old post I wrote, and an old Sermon by Dr. David Chambers of my church. Why was our savior brought into this world as a baby? It was so that he would grow, and live among us, so we could relate to Him on a deep intimate level. His life had pain, and losses, and poverty, just like many of us. He survived the baby massacre, and then lost his Dad Joseph early in his life. He would grow to preach and teach God’s word, and when the time came he was tortured horribly, to just an inch of his life, and then he carried a heavy tree for a few miles, just to be placed on that tree and hung for all the world to see. Christ suffered horribly for each and every one of us, so we may one day live to live in eternal salvation. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)It takes great courage to live with pain. It takes courage to find a path where you can use your pain for good rather then evil. How many stories have you seen or heard that started off with the villain saying ‘I was done wrong, so I’m going to make them pay.’ Or something along those lines anyway. Emotional pain is a strong motivator and it can cause good people to do awful things. Every one of us is capable of great things, or completely evil things. When we use our pain to heal from the truth written on those pages in scripture, then we are on the path to enlightenment.

Under the right situations your pain and suffering may be used to inspire and help others. I for one am starting to realize that all my life has been training. All the hardships I’ve faced and it being mostly traumatic incidences has given me the unique perspective to understand the nature of that kind of pain. I understand the pain of loosing a loved one to divorce. I’ve lost people in my life before, but my marriage this time was one of the hardest. The unfortunate event that occurred the day I found out my wife was leaving would forever be a day of great tragedy for me. That fateful day I succumbed to the pain and suffering that I spent so much effort running from. I’m ashamed of myself, and I still have a hard time believing it was me that day, but I have the scar to show for it. Today when I think back at my scars, I think now, how can I help others? How can I help prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else? As I have been looking into my future since my security job imploded I have been led to believe ministry is my true calling. For years I looked at the ministry to be for someone much smarter, much braver, and much more people friendly. God uses the most unlikely of people sometimes to do His work. I have heard from many in ministry about running from their calling and how miserable their life was the whole time. Ministry is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, with some of the most stress in any job. Ministry comes with some of the most emotional drain out there, but people are genuinely happier, despite the level of stress that comes with.

I realized my traumas have been preparing me to help others get through theirs. Through most of my incidences I didn’t have a therapist, or a chaplain there to help me through. I was left to navigate the minefield, and as it became more and more dense with each passing trauma, I was bound to step on a landmine. When I finally stepped on one, and I ended up in the hospital, I was faced with a fundamental change in my life. It was the beginning of the end of a path I had been on for 7 years of a career, and 32 years of my life. Through it wasn’t easy for me to face facts, eventually, that closure would come from God as my job in security would end abruptly and with finality. I know many of you have endured great pain and suffering, and you can’t see any reason why you were made to suffer. First off let me say that there are a lot of reasons we are hurt. Sin is the most likely for most. Health is next in line. Then lastly personal choice to make bad decisions causes many of our struggles. No matter what flavor of pain you have, know that it is up to you to find a scriptural purpose for it. I have decided that my vast knowledge of all kinds of different pain and trauma makes Christian Crisis Counseling a perfect job for me. I can use my pain and suffering to inspire and guide others through their crucibles. I have chosen to embrace my pain instead of running from it. I have chosen to use my pain instead of burying it. If I can use my experience to help God’s people, it would be a sin not to.

I have run from God’s calling into ministry my whole life, and there’s always been something missing. I’ve always struggled with depression, and even though I’m not perfect and sometimes I still have my bad days, I am driven to continue my growth in the Lord. I pray to God to continue to show me my path, and to give me grace and mercy along the way. I fully expect the Devil to try and break me down during my journey, and any journey towards chaplaincy or pastoral ministry is going to fall under attack by the Devil. If we are going to follow in Christ we must live differently, so we can show others a different way to live. We must be productive in our faith, and not squander our experiences. I think of the things a father teaches a son. A father teaches their child how to treat others, how to be a responsible person, and how to love. They teach them how to do things around the house, how to hunt, and fish, and throw a baseball. But more importantly a Christian father will teach their kids, rather train their kids to be in Christ. I didn’t have a father growing up and I missed out on a lot of important lesions and experiences, but now I look to my Heavenly father for guidance and love, and approval. I have hidden behind my scars for so long, now I have to learn to embrace them and use them to help others. It won’t be an easy road, and I suspect there will be days when I will feel the weight of my decisions, but as Paul said to Timothy, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I too shall join that fight in ministry as I start my path to chaplaincy, and God willing maybe more.

There are days when my scars hurt, but I know God won’t ever leave me, He won’t ever forsake me, and I know now, my scars were not in vein. We must learn to see beyond our own pain, and trust that in all things we go through God is working it out so we may find peace, not sorrow. We live in a fallen world so pain and trials will come, but we don’t have to let it destroy us. I challenge each and every one of you to go out there and find your purpose in Gods plan. It’s likely your scars are for a purpose and that you can use them for good. Your scars can give you strength and understanding in areas perhaps others cannot. I challenge you to stop running from God and embrace your gifts and your life experiences. Pass on what you have learned, and remember failure is the greatest teacher you will ever have. Use your failures to help others see. Never give up on yourself because Christ wont’ ever give up on you.

 

 

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It’s All Part Of The Plan

It’s All Part Of The Plan:

I want you to stop where you are and look around. Right where you stand, right where you sit, is this moment in time where you thought you’d be? I’ve been taking a moment to think about my life and reflecting the path I’ve taken to lead me to this moment. While I would like to say it’s been smooth, I’d be lying. I think we can all agree there is no such thing as a smooth life. While I myself do not prescribe to complete pre-destination, I believe that God will continue to move pieces around the chess bored to maneuver us to where He wants us. For the vast majority of my life I’ve run from a calling, and it wasn’t till recently I have felt as if God smacked me in the back of my head and said ‘Okay, it’s time.’ As I have spent years in the same career when that came to an abrupt end a few weeks ago, I had to accept that my time as a security officer had ended.

I watched my career implode when I ruptured a disc in my back. 9 months later I found myself back to work in what seemed to be a perfect type of position for me. 3 weeks later due to government oversight that posting was dissolved. Just like that the laid plans that took months to bare any fruit, where whisked away in a short but powerful hurricane. Left standing in the destruction I looked to the sky and asked, “Okay God, what next?” I never expected to get an answer so fast, but I can’t say I didn’t ask for it, and I can’t say I’m overly surprised. I think what shocks me most is my willingness to acquiesce to God’s plan over my own.

Who are we without Christ? We wake up at whatever time, we get ready for work, and we go to a job every day, or most days for most people, and we are either good at what we do, bad at what we do, or just don’t care to put forth the effort in what we do. For some people their careers are everything to them, and for others, it’s just an annoyance they put up with day in and day out to make money to pay the bills. While work is not everyone’s cup of tea, we all have something we enjoy doing. Whatever that is, and I’ll allow you to fill in the blank, we all, no matter how big or small, have at least that one thing that brings us great joy. For some people it’s a hobby, others it’s their pets, some it’s work, and others it’s being on fire for God in ministry and missions. While I don’t often get to talk to full time missionaries, I do get to talk to those who go on mission trips on a regular basis, i.e. once a year or so. The reports to the church on how the other half of the world lives are usually similar in nature, they have next to nothing, and yet they are happy. We have an abundance of wealth in our society and yet we are some of the most pitifully miserable people on the planet. Those who say money buys happiness obviously hasn’t taken a good hard look at the United States mental health reports. So when we look at the abundance of wealth we have, and the lavish lifestyle we live (even our poverty) lives better then many countries I’ve been too. We see disparity within our country when it comes to joy with most other countries around the world. We are truly missing one main ingredient, and that’s Jesus Christ.

When we are following Christ we find that we move from one thing to the next with more ease and less worry then those who are unbelievers. (Not a black and white statement) I am reminded of the statement by Paul, and I’ll paraphrase, In all situations I find myself, content. This is a man who if any had reason to complain, it was him. Few people go through so many hardships as Paul, except maybe Job, but he kept moving forward no matter how hard the road, no matter the obstacles in front of him, he moved forward with grace and dignity. Remind you, Paul was a sinner just like the rest of us. Paul would have faced the same draws from the sins of the flesh, the pull of a fallen world, and the human faults that plague each and every one of us, but he knew he was a sinner. Paul on more then one occasion responded to attacks by saying he was no one. He would tell people he is nothing without God, and Jesus Christ is truth and Jesus Christ alone is truth. Where Paul went he was met with hostility, anger, hatred, and even physical violence, but everywhere he went was ‘All Part Of The Plan’.

When we follow scripture and we allow ourselves to give in to it, we will be moved and used by God in ways we never thought possible. When we are seeking the Lord and we try to have that relationship with our Abba (father) we will be amazed how drastically different our life will be, how bright it is, when we finally open ourselves to God, and force our selfish need to be in control away. We will go through life trying to do things our way, but often in our feeble attempts to do things right, we usually find ourselves in dire situations often because of our own sinful decisions. When I was watching The Dark Knight a few years back I was amazed at how well written Heath Ledgers Joker was. Each scene he was in was a small masterpiece in the grand scheme of the movie. The Joker in the movie falls in the category of an Anarchist. What’s an anarchist, “a political theory holding all forms of governmental authority to be unnecessary and undesirable and advocating a society based on voluntary cooperation and free association of individuals and groups” The Joker tells Dent he isn’t a man with a plan. He tells him he’s a dog chasing a car, and he wouldn’t know what to do with it if he ever caught one. “Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.”(Dark Knight Rises)The Devil means to upset order, and as seen in the Garden, he’s been doing it for some time now.

How do we ensure we continue to follow God’s plan? First and foremost you must have a relationship with God. You must study scripture to the point where you have it in your heart and in your head every day. You must understand the word of God to prepare for the day when you will be attacked on the battlefield. We must study scripture day and night. We must get to the point where our actions are instinct and we no longer have to put hours of study into what to do in different situations. We must have a relationship with God that gives us a level of intimacy with scripture, and not just a passing understanding of it. We must focus on that relationship with Jesus Christ, and while we are doing that, our path will be made clear as seen in scripture. Psalm 25:4-5 “Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.” Start with learning scripture and God’s ways. Learn behavior which is acceptable and that which is not. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” We must allow ourselves to subside so we may submit in every way to the Lord. To do this requires us to trust in God for every last bit of our lives. Not only trusting in the Lord with the big stuff which most people turn to God for prayer, but also the smallest details in our life, and to be thankful and appreciative of our vast number of blessings which come from our Heavenly Father. Psalm 32:8“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” God will never put you on a path alone. God will never give you the keys to the car without first teaching you how to drive it. God will always give you what you need, when you need it. We are to be the hands and feet, and we are to work hard for everything we do, but God always rewards hard work and self sacrifice.

While the Joker is an agent of chaos and we often feel like our lives are chaos, I submit to you, that we are actually following the path laid in front of us by either our own sinful selves, or we’ve taken the bait and followed the path of the first agent of chaos, Lucifer. If we glance at the instruction manual and have an in passing familiarization of the design, when we get done building, will we have pieces left over? The instructions are there for a reason and just like my Lego sets I often build, if I miss even the smallest step on page 4, it could have vast problems by page 34. We must be careful to read every word, study and understand it so when the day comes for temptation to creep in on page 36, you will be ready for it. You’ll know that’s not apart of the plan, and you’ll know how to manage that day. “Yea you know, you really should have stolen the whole book because the warnings, the warnings come after the spells.”(Dr. Strange) The warnings about sin don’t just come at the end of the Bible, but throughout the whole thing. We have no excuse to expect Hell, when we live our lives according to our own plans and desires. Much like Kaecilius failed to realize the depth of what he was reading and getting into. “Eternal life as part of the one, you’re not going to like it.” (Dr. Strange) Instead of thinking of it as the one, God, instead think of it as eternal life with the one agent of chaos and destruction, the Devil. I believe so many people follow such a path that they feel works, or being good enough, or even whatever other faith they may follow, I hope in the end it’ll be worth it. I feel a bit like Dr. Strange, “you got what you wanted, but you’re not going to like it.”

We may not know what the plan is for us, but if we are patient and faithful to the Lord it will be made clear when all the pieces on the board are in the right place. We will always have a choice which way we want to go, we can be agents of chaos, or we can be agents of order. Jesus Christ is the only order you will ever need to be apart of. No matter what path God has you on based on the gifts He gave you, be patient, be trusting, and be willing to allow yourself to be the hands and feet of God. God will never ‘need’ you, but if he chooses to use you, believe me, it’s better to give in, then to fight. You can fight tooth and nail but if you want to find your happiness and contentment, go with God’s plan sooner rather then later. It’ll save you years of headaches. So get out there and make a difference.

 

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God Are You There?

God Are You There?

Have you ever prayed and wondered if your prayers are being heard? In my life I’ve wondered just that. Scripture tells us that God hears every thought, every whisper, every cry, and angry outburst, but sometimes it’s felt as if my pleas have landed on deaf ears. I’ve been down to the woodshed more times at the receiving end of life’s cruel lessons. I’ve been beaten, betrayed, and kicked while I was down. Through it all I’ve prayed, and still I was burdened with shackles of pain and suffering. I have called upon my Heavenly father time and time again, and I have waited for an absolution, sometimes that would never come.

I have walked a long way, and still I have struggled from time to time to trust in where God leads me. I feel as if I’m lead into the valley more often then I am peaceful streams, or green pastures. I have tried to live a life as a sinner in a world where I would still make Abba proud of me. I have prayed for many years for the blessings in my heart, and yet still to this day I am missing desires. I turn to scripture in my time of need in hopes to find what I seek. James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”We must have trust in the Lord that despite our shortcomings, and despite the hardships we face, the Lord our God is always by our side. 2 Chronicles 7:14“if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” God will bless us, but first we need to realize how important that open door relationship is.

God is not first and foremost a cosmic genie for our amusement. God is not a universal Santa Clause to give us the gifts of our hearts whenever we ask for them. God is our father, our creator, and should be treated as such. God answers to no one, and we are but a speck of infinitesimal dust to God. God loves us, but we must first open the door. When we are frustrated, scared, or hurting it’s almost a normal reaction to turn to God, but how often do we as a people pray when things are good? How often do we pray to praise and worship our Lord, in times of celebration? “How am I supposed to show love for somebody, over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?”(Fireproof) Is the cross offensive to us? Do we truly understand the Lord and the sacrifice made of us? I understand what was done for me, and I still struggle some days. God is always there waiting for us, but it’s hard sometimes for God to help us when we don’t want His help. We are stubborn, we are ungrateful, and we rarely show God the gratitude of a people that has been given life itself.

We expect God to be there for us in our times of crises but we reject him every other day of the year. We expect God to grant us our selfish desires, our prayers, which we pray for the wrong reasons. Luke 18:1“And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.” We must not loose heart for the Lord to hear us when we pray for the right reasons. We must not be selfish in our lives, but servants of Christ. We must try to be pure of heart, and when we come to allow Jesus into our hearts, then, the Lord will be there to bless us for our hard works in his name. It’s not about how much we put into a plate, or how many times we go to the homeless shelter, it’s the reasons we do it. Are we doing it to try to rack up cosmic brownie points, or do we do it because we are truly called to do so? Pray and be faithful to the Lord, and never loose heart. Pray and be heard when you remove yourself and let God in. James talks about praying with the wrong motives and how dangerous it can be. We must turn to God every day in the storm, in the celebration, in the sun or in the snow. Pray because as Jesus commended his Spirit to the Lord for us, we should be on our knees in gratitude because we would be nothing but walking dead had Jesus not given his blood for us. God’s there, and He’s listening, but are you asking the right questions? God’s always there for us, but are we letting God into our hearts? It’s a choice we must make, and when God calls upon us, do we look at the number and decide to ignore the phone? I’d be willing to guess, most people do. Imagine how much better this world would be if we would take a moment and let God speak to us. The choice is yours though, the power of free will says you don’t have to listen to God at all, but what an opportunity you’re missing out on. Pick up the phone, and listen when God calls.

 

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