Tag: jesus

A Journey Abroad

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A Journey Abroad 

It’s 2300 my time and where I am I have no idea. I’d never seen a flight like this, instead of going over the Pacific, were going over the Northern Arctic Circle.

The trip started off with a hiccup when I realized I grabbed my brick with the wrong charging cable attached. Then, the plane was delayed for unknown reason. Then takeoff was delayed due to rain in Chicago. I was sitting in the middle seat, one big Asian man on my left, and a very VERY large Hispanic man on my right, who despite my best efforts was so big he was inadvertently touching me the whole flight. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was no air vents on the plane, and less then a minute after sitting down before we backed away from the gate, I had orange soda spilled all over me. Needless to say, getting shot at in a C-130 was preferable to my situation. I never felt like I could really get up and stretch and feeling so uncomfortable I never got to sleep. I can’t even admit how many times I’ve sinned on this flight. Covering my neighbors extra space in the emergency exits. Or the front row behind the galley. It’s been a test of patience and still have more patience to go. Apparently the plane has an upstairs and the flight attendants switch off during the shift. I thought that was weird seeing as I don’t understand how the plain has an upstairs.

Finally after hours and hours of un-comfort the sweet sound of metallic gears as the landing gear extend down towards the ground. The final leg of the journey or at least part one, comes to a close and a prayer that the travel to the next gate is easy and quick. The flight to  Manila is relatively short, in comparison of course. 

Driving through the city the sinking in my stomach as I realize just how poor the Philippines really is. Shops have tin roofs, pieced together, most don’t have screens, and even the brokenness of the streets and the jumbled together power lines are tell signs of a weak infrastructure, and a lack of technology or money to change the status quo. After showering for the first time in a single room where the shower and toilet are not separated by any walls, or curtains, but instead, when you shower, the very toilet itself gets wet. Not to mention the lack of hot water as a whole. The fortunate have a small heater for the water but that provides minimal heat. The rest have nothing but one temperature, cold.

Despite the clear differences in creature comforts the Filipino people are second to none with their warmest hearts of love and generosity. Even those with so little give so much. I don’t mean monetary but to have a massive feast for a stranger and hold back for nothing, I can say I have never been so warmly welcomed in my entire life. Within moments I was being treated as if I had been apart of the family for years. While the culture has different personalities, some people are quiet and reserved, and some people are loud and full of energy, that doesn’t ever take away from the kindness experienced.

There’s no shortage of laughter heard, or singing, and dancing it seems runs in the family of my Argie. The joy shown even with so much threat going on in the country, and even with the inconvenience of Martial Law or at least a partial martial law as security check points were in place. A joyous heart fills the night with song, and dance, and laughter. The welcome received is like nothing I had ever experienced. While on my journey, I was able to do a little writing.

What do we fear? This is a question I’ve been thinking of lately. What is it I fear I wonder? Failure I suppose, but failure of what? I’ve been thinking about my marriages and the failures that wrecked my perspectives, my self-esteem, and my thoughts of the future. Can I put the past behind me? Can I leave behind the pain and the feelings of being a failure? In the last week abroad I’ve seen things that were heart breaking. We (Americans) are spoiled and yet blessed all at the same time. Do I have the strength to, no…. The courage to move forward into the unknown?

I found something in myself this week. I found courage in my journey as I ventured off on my own. Hong Kong tested my resolve. I couldn’t read road signs, no cell service, no WiFi, and yet, I found my way. I tried now foods, swam with sharks, dropped 150 feet, and explored. Besides finding love, I think I may have found some level of myself. As I was standing at a rail in the Hong Kong Airport I realized I was alone and I realized I was okay with it. How things can change when we least expect it. God works in us, and through us. Paul I’m sure never expected his life to change like it did. Damascus changed everything for Paul. While I have traveled my own separate path to Damascus, my change has occurred more slowly. Change sometimes comes when we least expect it. Something I’ve been considering is the song What If I Gave Everything By: Casting Crowns. In the song, it talks about sitting in the shallow end never truly going out to swim. 

So why am I still standing here?
Why am I still holding back from You?
I hear You call me out into deeper waters
But I settle on the shallow end
So why am I still standing here?

So afraid what it might cost to follow You
I’d walk by faith if I could get these feet to move
But I don’t want to live that way
I don’t want to look back someday
On a life that never stepped across the line

The idea that I had in mind was, if I’ve been a lukewarm Christian. How long was I sitting on the fence? How long did I believe, but didn’t grow in faith? I was a lukewarm Christian most of my life. Recently at a revival service I was listening to the pastor and he said you have to be either black or white, you can’t be light and darkness. Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.”Jesus understands those who are all in, or the ignorant who aren’t in at all, but for those who are lukewarm, he finds them vial. I didn’t know it but for so long I was not growing closer to Jesus. I thought it was good enough to just believe that Christ was real, and he was the way. Let me tell you, you cannot sit by and think your good is good enough. When you love someone you give your all for them, so why do we not give our all to our Lord and Savior? We are given so much from God, and we give in return the scraps of our life. We are so ungrateful, and when we live our lives with one hand on Jesus, and one hand on the world, the world will pull you to pieces. We must learn to not divide our attention, but instead give Jesus both hands. Colossians 3:23-24 (NKJV) 23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” 

If my time in the Philippines taught me anything it was to appreciate God’s blessings in my life. People live happily with so much less then I have, and I need to learn to count my days, and appreciate that what I have is from the Lord, but more importantly, I’m rich in love.

The Storms Of Yesterday

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The Storms Of Yesterday

The longest days are the most trying for us all. The dark cloud that covers the sky and tears fall to the ground. So long ago the silence was rocked and the world would never be the same. How many nights of nightmares would live on echoing into the night? How many times do we wish for the light, but in truth, if there wasn’t darkness, we’d never truly know the light. We know your will Lord is pure, and perfect. We know that the sins of long ago still ripple through time today. How the lost stick with us even today as the minutes seemed like hours so many years ago. I remember the numb, the wondering lost in my own mind. I struggled then to see the way, to know the path to walk. I knew you and yet I couldn’t face the truth. After it happened I walked like a robot not feeling, just simply existing. Feeling the lost and wondering why, and I was broken beyond what I thought could ever be pieced back together. 

On that day, 14 years ago I watched in horror as the depravity of man would be self-evident. I watched as hate won out over love, and a sibling rivalry would touch my life in a forever way. I ask God now to give me faith like Daniel. I ask for hope like Moses. I ask you Lord to give me confidence to rise above my anger, to lift my sorrow to joy, and give me a tomorrow to make a difference. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, that the smells, sights, and the feeling runs through my mind. I can see the destruction in my mind when I close my eyes. I can see the horror in my dreams. I realize I cannot run from it, and like destiny it will find you, because it’s inevitable. I cannot run from my feelings, instead I must learn to embrace them and understand them. I must control the memory, and not allow it to control me. Living with shame and guilt is not what you have planned for me. I often question why you gave me the gift of sight that day, and I wonder if I was supposed to do more, but the explosion happened regardless, and I know I can’t change it now. My faith today is weak, and my strength is low. I know you my Lord will lift me up and you will cover me in the feathers of the angels. 

Father, my father, I know that in the darkness you are with me, and I will stand tall as long as I know you will always stand by me. When Saber fell it rocked my world. How you would take the broken me and turn it into something useful. My broken heart bleeds today. Today Lord so many remember the fallen, and as they seek understanding please place your healing hand over their hearts. Please ease their suffering. Please look after them and give them comfort. The tears of the past are wiped away and I ask your mercy be upon us today. We remember them and rejoice in their lives. We remember how amazing they were, and how they glorify Heaven now. I ask forgiveness for my weakness, and my failures on that day. 

Today I raise a glass to my friends, they are gone, but ever forgotten. Today I remember their lives, and their sacrifice. Today a moment to remember, and to raise my voice to the Heavens and praise Jesus for the family we have because of the lost. We are close and we love one another and out of the ashes of the lost a family is born. So today, I know that today, all my hope is in Jesus. I thank God that yesterday’s gone. I look to tomorrow as yesterday fades away. The storm of emotions fills me today, but you will wipe the tears away, and you will command the storm to leave me. 

Thank you Father for my brothers and the time I knew them. Thank you for the sorrow and showing me how to live through the pain. You give me so much and I praise you in my pain, and trust you know my way. I know you hold my tears, and I know you are with me always. 

Moving Through The Wind

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Moving Through The Wind

In recent years I’ve placed a lot of thought into who my true friends are. I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve cried regarding it. I’ve yelled and been frustrated by it. In all that time perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was the danger of placing your faith in man. The thing is, growing up in a home with no father, and dealing with family issues resulting in me leaving home, I definitely had father and mother wounds. Those wounds would define a large part of my life and to some extent it still does. I found the need, the craving for acceptance anywhere I could find it. If it wasn’t bad enough to have those wounds from the family dynamic I would be rejected by my peers and for a season, I would face deep reticule, teasing, and strong judgments based on my physical appearance, and my apparent social status. Rejection became a common occurrence for me, and now grown up and after two failed marriages to affairs, it’s no wonder I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. I think more then abandonment I fear what happened to me two and a half years ago, will haunt me the remainder of my life. When I was abandoned by yet another family, let down and sold out by the ones who were supposed to be there for me, I failed to recognize the one I should have been putting my faith in the whole time, Jesus Christ. 

Christ, the Son of God, the second part of the trinity, the savior of mankind over the power of sin on a fallen world. Christ is the only hope that matters. Christ is the only star to guide yourself by in the blackness of light. Christ is the one who will never leave nor forsake you. And yet sometimes it seems Christ is so far away. While the evidence shows this is not true, as a sinful man, living in a sinful fallen world, the lies faced by the greatest liar and deceiver of all time, Satan, and his demons, are intrusive at the very least. Satan’s battle plan is to lie, to deceive, to make every opportunity to sway us away from the graces of God and into the hands of evil. Often this happens slowly, tiny little movements to alter the course, like putting a magnet close to a compass in secret. This spiritual warfare happens frequently and appearing to be benign, however that’s farthest from the truth. Not every attack on our minds or hearts is a frontal assault. Small actions of sabotage over time can prove just as an affective strategy for Lucifer the General of the darkness as a full frontal assault. 

We endure many hardships and heartbreaks along our path. Illness of family, or even ourselves may happen at any time and fundamentally change the course of life forever. We often ask why us, why did this — happen to me? It’s hard for the human mind to grasp these hardships, these tragedies, but if we could take a moment and place ourselves on a different level of thinking, could we not see the potential of impactful behaviors on those around us? How we live our lives has effects like ripples in a pond, and we never know how far reaching our actions may be. Laying in a hospital bed sick, maybe even dying, but singing praises to Jesus and God our Heavenly Father, may be the information a nurse ever knows about Jesus. How sad it is that we somehow think everything that happens is about us, as if we were the center of the cosmic universe. The truth is, we are small pieces of a larger puzzle, and we all have a roll to play. We may not like the idea of being so small, and in one manner of speaking insignificant, but to God we are vastly, irreplaceable. God loves his children, and no matter the cause of any bad or tragic thing, God is using that for some form of good, never letting anything, no opportunity to go to waist. We on the other hand, we let opportunities slip by us frequently. We pass up chances to pray for others. We pass up chances to share the Gospel. We pass up chances to allow the light of Christ to shine through us. Largely I think this happens out of fear, just like the denial of Christ by Peter, that out of fear of persecution of acknowledgement to what’s become an unpopular belief in today’s world. Being Christian isn’t easy, but I’m all fairness, we were warned from the beginning it wouldn’t be. And if we’re honest about it, why should it be easy? We are horrible people. We sin against our Father, and we have dark stains covering our souls. It’s only through the blood we are redeemed, but we often think of that as a right and not as a gift. We think of that as insurance, a license to sin, because God will forgive us no matter what we do. 

The life we are given comes at a price, and if we are honest it’s a test, a journey to discover the truth, and not just discover the truth, but accept it into our hearts, following Christ. The journey to Heaven is a challenging one, full of struggle and hardships, but also one of great joy, and love. 

Some people endure more then others, and some people manage to do so with grace. What is the difference between us I wonder? Faith is powerful and in it, and with Christ, God gives us a great gift. Faith is something that must be cultivated. Faith must be tended to like a garden. Faith is something we are given through the power of the Holy Spirit and in that we have the power to become more then the tiny creatures we really are. In God, through God we are made big, big enough to lead, to grow, to inspire, and we are made into warriors with a spirit of hope, and not fear. Are we willing to grow beyond our baser instincts of fear and doubt, or are we willing to surrender to the Lord and allow that spirit to fill us up and guide us? Yes I have deep routed wounds that have left scars in my life, but as I have grown through the pain, which has not been easy, I have learned the truth, Jesus is the only truth, the only way. 

The scars, though they often have a way of reminding me they are there, they are also a reminder of what I’ve endured. The future is of course not known to me, but one thing I do know is we all have a purpose. God’s graces and mercy are not bound to limits, but are only limited by what we can manage and our own purposes. Life is full of uncertainties and we expect certain things, and we ought to ask what can or should we be doing for the Holy Name of Christ. Walking a path of Christ, can often lead to a life of emotional solitude. As the list of whom one can trust gets smaller, the isolation inevitably creeps in and requires strength to fight against the whispers from the dark. 

Some of us face the darkness more then others. I, having seen death up close know the struggle many face with depression, loneliness, and an isolation that has deep roots. Facing these things can be a challenge and alone impossible. The world as we know it was created, and we along with it have a unique purpose, and never is that purpose to endure the hardships or darkness alone. The truth is there may be times in this life when you venture ahead alone. Of course, I’m not referring to God, for scripture says God is with us always, never forsaking us. We were created, designed to be in relationships and when we find ourselves without the draw of the worldly relationships, or lack there of can be difficult. I can be in a crowded room and sometimes feel completely alone, isolated, cut off from the people and world around me. We must remember to keep the helmet of salvation on and tight. We cannot open ourselves to the Devils lies or whispers. The dominion of the deceiver is designed to break you down, pull you away from the Lord. Christ was clear when he said “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Christ doesn’t day you might have troubles, he says you will! Are you ready for those days? Are you ready for the days when the war knocks on your door? Are you ready for the day when the servants of the Devil attacks you? Are you ready with the full Armor of God to fight the battle of spiritual warfare? 

I know my armor, I know the word, and even with that I am still susceptible to the barrage of lies from the dark. Satan loves to wear you down. He hates you and loves causing doubt, and bringing you down. Life isn’t easy and was never promised to be, but ultimately we have a choice, we can live in life believing all that the world tells us, that the idea of God is antiquated, or truth is subjective to fit each person’s opinions. That science is the end of truth and leaves no room for anything it cannot yet explain. That God is dead and no longer relevant in the world today. But to believe any of that is to have fallen for the greatest lie Satan conceived. The truth is, and there’s only one, our Lord Jesus Christ, was born of a Virgin Mary. He was God made flesh, to live a perfect life, to break the bonds of sin, to take on the full cosmic wrath of God in punishment for sin past, present, and future. Died on the cross and forgiving mankind of the sin in which they truly did not understand. Was buried in a tomb and on the third day, Rose again, fulfilling prophecy. Folding the napkin telling the world death was finished. He rose and proved it by appearing to over 500 in a forty day period. Changed the hearts of the disciples who were living in fear. The spirit of courage changed them to be courageous of their faith and they did not hide any longer. The bridge is open and the invitation is sent. Christ is waiting for us with open arms if we only cleave away our old selves, and pick up the cross and follow Him. I am not a perfect man, and in many ways, I’m a broken misfit toy, but in this story, God uses the broken, God uses the small, God uses the misfit, and God gives strength, and courage beyond our wildest dreams. God uses the island of misfit toys and in God’s house I’m not an outsider, I’m not a misfit that doesn’t belong. In God’s house I’m welcomed just the way I’m am, and in that day I give up the ghost, I will be transformed, this body will fade away, my final sins will be washed away forever, and into paradise I will go, no longer chasing the wind. 

Christmas Truth

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Christmas Truth

John 8:31-32 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Jesus Christ is the truth, and the only ‘truth’ that matters this Christmas. Jew and Gentiles alike, those who follow Christ in the light of the truth shall be set free from the bondage of sin and we will be washed by the reviving waters, the blood of Christ that was shed so each and every one of us could live a life in eternal hope. That blood that was shed could never happen without the birth of that baby Emanuel. Christmas is our time to remember the birth of Jesus, and no matter when it ‘actually’ happened, Christmas in December is our observed celebration. 

Jesus is Christmas. Christmas is not about us, or the gifts we get. God gave us a single gift and that gift was Christ. Do we trust in the Lord? Do you ask God for all these things, these wishes of jobs, love, relationships, or just the stuff? We are not the center of the universe. In 1532 Nicolaus Copernicus theorized we are not the center of the universe. This man was threatened with death, even by the church, and shows that there will always be religious idiots. There will always be those who know just enough scripture to be dangerous. So many people choose to live for self, choose to live for selfish desire and don’t live a Christocentric life (Christ Centered). Nothing else matters in our life, except a babe born laying in a manger born in Bethlehem. All people, reace, ethnicity, color, or creed is loved by God so much that he gave his only begotten son for us.

John 8:12“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” 

We see the Christmas story in Luke.

Luke 2:1-25 (NKJV)

2 And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. 2 This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. 3 So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, 5 to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. 6 So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. 10 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

14 “Glory to God in the highest,

And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

15 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 17 Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 18 And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

The Devil Prowls

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The Devil Prowls 

I can feel the darkness creeping in towards me. I can feel the shadow close in all around me, the memories in my head, I know the attack looms, bringing the fight to my mind, the fight for my heart. The night is long, and I can feel the grasping gloom over my body. I am trapped in the world unable to run fast enough. Every time I look back he’s there watching me. His eyes burn through me red and piercing through my flesh. I cannot escape the one who is everywhere. Alone I run and everywhere I turn I find a blocked path, but what is it that I see, the reflection of failures, reminding me how retched I am. The demons dancing around every failure, every shortcoming, every mistake taunting me, laughing at me, their howls echo in the night. I run faster now tripping on branches and roots that seem to be trying to grab me. The rain comes in the night, frozen, and sharp against my face. The punch comes across my face before I see where it came from. The blood trickles from my mouth. The blow to my stomach knocks me to my knees. The next to my back, then another to my face, and I stand arms raised and I see no one. The blow to my face knocks me back off my feet and I land on my back. My nose breaks and blood chokes me. I roll to my side and start to stand and feel the kick to my stomach. I hear the hyena laughs from all around me. I stumble to my feel and run through the pain.

I fight the voices, I fight the wolves chasing me, how did I get here so lost in the black away from the light. I cannot run anymore for my legs are tired, I am sinking down as the world tilts under me. I fall and hit one branch after another before I grab hold of a stump. I look down and the shadow is reaching towards me. I feel the pull, the invisible lasso that wraps my legs. I struggle to hold on, but I can’t let go. I cannot give up, and I cannot give in. “You are mine.” I hear the shadow say, the echo pierces my mind. “You’re a failure” I hear in my mind. “You are nothing.”  I struggle, I grit my teeth and I try to pull my self up, but the chains are holding me. The shadow, the one with the red eyes pierces deep into me, and I feel the darkness rush over my whole body. The flashes of everything I’ve lost, friends, family, health, jobs, homes, and then I hear it again, “I will take everything from you.” 

I scream and I begin to lift myself up, “you cannot win” the Devil screams at my resolve. I can feel the cold hands wrap around my throat and I’m flying through the air before landing hard on the ground. I feel the air bounce out of me as I gasp. The Devil holds me above the ground, the eyes stab into my mind searching my fears, my failures, and I feel the freeze cover my flesh.

I finally get the chance to speak, “you’ll never have me.” I am pulled down face to face with the king of the demons, the fire dancing in his eyes, the piercing bright flames I can’t bare to look into. “I’m not afraid of you!” I tell Satan. I laugh at Satan, and feel the spike pierce my side. “You’re going to loose, and He is going to kick your….”

The bright light shines all around me; the cold is replaced with heat, and I can’t see beyond the white all around me. I hear battle cries from all around and I make myself small on the ground. The ground shakes, the earth quakes, and I can hear Satan cry in the light. I smile through the pain, “told you so.”

The Angels came down with Jesus leading them, Michael leading the charge of the demons fleeing in the woods; Jesus comes to me placing his hands on me. “I knew you’d come.” The sweet, soothing voice of Jesus responded, “I’m always with you.” His hand placed over my heart and the warmth, the energy flowed through my broken body and in just an instant I could feel my body healed.

Make no mistake, Satan is powerful and he is dangerous. Many people believe in Christ but doubt the nature of the Devil. Scripture is very clear on this point that not only is Satan real, but as Paul points out in 2 Corinthians 4:4“whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them.” Paul is writing to the city of Corinth and is giving warning of worldliness, and the idea of fire insurance. Paul, who was an educated man, respected among the Jews for a time, and Christians, spoke with authority, and always chose his words carefully. Paul uses the word theos, and translates to god, with a little g. Satan is god of the earthly domain, and as it was pointed out to me recently, Satan could not have tempted Jesus without having something legitimate to offer. Satan should not be underestimated, and you should never let your guard down. It’s important for you to stand firm on the word of God, and know that Jesus will never let you go through the darkness alone. No matter if you are walking in the valley, by the streams, or the meadow, Christ is always with you. The fight for your soul is very real, and the Devil attacks daily trying to break through the defenses, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) 

I have watched so many fall to the temptations of Satan and I have watched as good people made bad choices. I have watched as people I looked up too, to show me Christ in them failed when the going got tough. We all fall short of the Glory Of God, and we all fail, we all Sin. Sin is everywhere around us, and it’s easy for us to make one false step and we fall into the pit. Satan is like the Sarlacc waiting for you to slip in, and once in, unable to escape. The fact is though, Satan may grab hold of you, but that doesn’t mean you are forever in his grasp. Jesus can break through anything. Jesus heals any heart, and is more powerful then we can ever imagine. Satan may be lord over the earth, but Jesus is Lord over Everything. Satan cannot hold you, he cannot break you, he cannot bond you to anything so long as you allow Christ into your heart. Jesus will always win over Satan and we have nothing to fear. Stay firm in your walk, and check your armor daily. Focus on the Lord and you will stand fast when the Devil prowls in the night. 

Be Lonely No More

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Be Lonely No More

Many of us move through life and from time to time that lonely feeling takes hold. The deepness of that lonely feeling is one that leaches on with almost no end in sight for relief.

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.

3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

5 You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!

Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.

20 For they speak against You wickedly;

Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.

We often feel lonely because we don’t have someone with us. Sometimes we can be in a crowded room and still feel like we are all alone. For two years I felt lonely from a companion standpoint, but somewhere along the line I found comfort in Christ. I wasn’t sure I’d meet anyone but when it came down to it, my biggest problem was my lack of trust in the Lord. When we truly take some time to think about Paul and his journey can you imagine how hard those would have been? Being lonely in your heart is an absence of Jesus. When we take some time to look through the psalm above, we can see David talking about how deeply God knew him, how God knew every part of him and his heart. When we put some thought, real thought in how special we must be to God knowing the creator of the universe also knows us intimately. We don’t have to live alone in this world because we are never alone so long as we allow Jesus to remain in our hearts.

Being patient with the Lord isn’t easy. We know that the Lord doesn’t want us to be alone, but there is a season for everything, and sometimes we are meant to be alone for a while. We don’t always know why, but when we put our faith in the Lord and we know that God has plans for us to prosper not for harm. God may not give us the relationship we want, but He always provides what we need. We need to focus on what we do have, not what we want. Trust in the Father to look out for you and know that He is truly with you while you’re sleeping, while your awake, knows when your naughty, and knows when you’re nice.

     I have spent a long time feeling lonely. I have watched and longed as friends dated, friends married, friends have had kids and even some have had grandkids and I have sinned with envy. I felt lonely of companionship but my brain and my heart were at odds. Knowing my God is with me always. Knowing God knows of all my heart and of my tongue. I cannot hide away from the Lord. If I cannot hide my transgression, then too shall I ever be alone? No, truly Jesus Christ loves me enough to comfort my heart, to bless me daily, and has delivered me from Hell Fire.

I’m not a perfect man, no I’m the farthest thing from. I have so long placed my hope in people to satisfy the lonely heart I had. That’s not to say you won’t desire someone, but be careful how strong you allow the desire to be. Do not allow yourself to place any heartfelt wish above Jesus Christ. If you cannot focus on Jesus, if Christ isn’t your first, you are last. Be open to the Love of God and hold fast to God’s plans. 

God’s Way

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God’s Way

It’s amazing how God works things out. It’s amazing how beautiful the plan, and where blessings can come from the most unusual of places. There are things in my life I never would have guessed that would have come up, but now that they are in my life, I couldn’t imagine how it could be improved. God’s way truly is perfect, and when we live in Christ’s light we are sure to be blessed for our faithfulness, our strengths and our weaknesses. Trusting in God is an option, but the alternative is terrifying. God can do anything He wants and as he dwells outside the realm and laws of science and physics. The idea of miracles is a far off concept, and we look at them as religious mumbo jumbo, but there are historical accounts of these miracles. Is it so far to think that maybe, just maybe there’s truth to the accounts of these miracles? I think not, and the more you dive into the evidence the more it points to truth.

I was thinking about the story in Acts 19:14-16 and I thought of the scene in Casper when Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) runs out of the mansion and says to call somebody else. Acts 19:14-16 (NKJV)14 “Also there were seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, who did so. 15 And the evil spirit answered and said, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?” 16 Then the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, overpowered them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.”It’s interesting to think about an evil spirit being real, and not some made up story, but when you do the research you will find that the acts of Jesus and Paul are not just something found in the Bible but also in both the historical accounts of Josephus and the Qu’ran. Josephus was a Jewish historian who had no interest in proving who Christ was, but the evidence to the miracles that occurred can be seen far and wide.

There are things that happen all around us that we don’t usually see. Life is full of extraordinary things, but we don’t open our eyes to see the mystery of the Lord. Demons are very real, and we battle every day against the forces of darkness. Though we do not battle against flesh and blood, Ephesians 6:12 (NKJV)“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”It’s hard to wrap your head around, but when you truly take time to look around, to quiet the world around you, is it so hard or far fetched to believe?

We must know and understand that everything big and small is affected by God’s Holy presence. We are strengthened and in all things in the glory of God are possible. We must go forth in our life with pure hearts for the Lord. We must diminish and allow the Holy Spirit to thrive within us. After seeing the miracles of Paul a small group of charlatans attempted to perform an exorcism but for their own glory, not for God. Acts 19:15. The outcome did not go well for them, and it’s a lesson we must take away in our own lives. When we do things for our own glory and not for God we too will see the rotten fruit spring forth. I have seen miracles in my own life, and just that fact I am still breathing is one of them. I should not have survived on more than one occasion, but God saw fit to keep me around. I know that in my walk through this thicket, the thistles, the thorns, the quicksand, and many other traps the Devil lays for me, it’s God that sees me through. I do not rise each day for my own glory, my own purposes, but that of my Father on high.

In my past I think I have been guilty thinking God couldn’t pull through for me, and as Luke Skywalker said to Kylo Ren “Everything you just said is wrong.” I think God has shown me wrong every single time, even when I hadn’t acted on my own accord. God is capable of doing anything, and it’s not for us to put God on a shelf thinking He isn’t big enough to handle our hopes, our dreams, or our problems. We must hold fast to faith, and allow it to grow and fill our cup. Christ is the gift of life, and we cannot downplay the importance of our faithfulness, and hope in Jesus. The truth will set you free when you put your trust in Jesus, knowing that in all things God is working things for good, and hope is eternal with Christ. Don’t underestimate your blessings from God, and don’t be surprised with what you are given, especially if it’s something you’ve wanted a long time. Love can come from anyplace if we only believe.

Every Contingency

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Every Contingency

As I have spent the last few months preparing for my mid December hiking trip, I have come to realize one very important factor that I am not in control over my destiny. I have tried to plan for every contingency, and the most I plan, the more carefully this plan is thought out, the words of Lenard Snartrun through my mind, “Make a plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.” How true this statement is, not just for clever heists of Argus held technology, but in all of life. I have tried to think of every contingency, every minor detail of emergency I can think of, but when it comes down to it, I am not in control. Yes, there is a measure of free will, and yes, I am choosing to do this hike, and I am chosen where and when, but in my heart I know God has laid this trip on me for a reason, and I will go with an open heart to hear what God has to say.

 

One does not build a tower without first counting the cost. You do not build without a plan, and you cannot succeed in war without first being prepared for battle. I do not claim to know all that will happen, but I go humbly before the Lord the one who made the woods, and the mountains, and I ask for guidance and clarity and peace along this planning and execution phases.  James 4:13-17 (NKJV)13 “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 17 Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”

 

While I don’t pretend to know everything, I do think God gives us the ability to think logically and with the gift of intelligence we are able to take in information and process it and we formulate solutions based on the data we have at the time. We aren’t always right and we don’t always use every bit of information we may have available to us, and we may not always come to the right conclusions, but when we walk with God, when we ask ourselves every day what would Jesus do, we are far more likely to get it right, far more often.

 

As I have planned for bad weather, small injuries, fire, food, warmth, wet, wild animals, water, and not just for me but for Riley also, I understand there will be things I will find on the trail I didn’t need, or things I wish I had, but even if this trek in the woods turns out to be a failure then I will learn from that failure and I will do better the next time.

 

A lot of people have asked me why I would be willing to, or even want to do a trip like this, and the answer I have often given seems to be an over simplification, and the true, deeper answer is far more complicated. Death comes for us all, and I often wonder when my time will be. In the last two years I have faced death, and then a life changing back surgery. In that time I have often looked at my life and questioned what I was to learn, what I was giving up and loosing in all of this. I was so focused on what I lost, that I couldn’t see what I can gained. I have gained perspective and insight into a faith I didn’t know I could ever have. I would come to face my past and be forced to dissect it in order to truly heal. I have loved ones I have lost and that I miss. One of my favorite quotes is ‘Living is not for the weak.’ It’s hard being on this side, but this side is important. As much as I miss my loved ones who’ve gone home, I try to keep my focus on the mission, the reason I’m still here. I try not to let my grief distract me from what God wants me to do. I remember that if it were my time to go Home God would take me, and he would have taken me two years ago when I nearly died, but I am still here, fighting the good fight. I do not pray for death, but I am prepared to meet death like an old friend when the time comes.

 

This journey is for me to focus on God, and regain something within myself I lost. This trip is for me to prove to myself that I can still do things I love, even if it’s different from before. This trip is for me to hear God more clearly, to focus on that relationship and get back to a simpler time. Faith is important to me, and knowing that my original route was canceled because the hurricane washed out the bridge, and then me finding the most perfect route I could have ever asked for, Marion to Damascus. The path to Damascus is a long, and difficult one, but much like Paul, the path is meant to be difficult, and even painful to pick away parts of me that I don’t need and make me more like Christ every day. Remember as you move forward in your life it’s good to make plans, to seek Godly counsel, but don’t be so rigid in your plans that you don’t leave room for God to change them. You have to know that the course we set according to Christ will always follow that North Star, but sometimes God sees fit to alter our course slightly and we can’t be upset when those course corrections come. When we realize we aren’t the Captain of our ship, we are more willing to let God be in control and realize we’re just along for the ride. Be wise and trust in God but don’t spend so much time worrying about life even though we are told to plan. It’s okay if God changes the plan because if God changes things for you, it means something better is coming, even if you have to go through the storm first.

Path Of The Warrior

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Path Of The Warrior

Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re your best self? What does your best self mean? That’s a deep question and it will undoubtedly raise a lot of little bubbles from your brain as you ponder the true meaning of what is your best self? Are you living your life to the best of your ability? Are you skating by just to do the least possible in your day? Are you working your life away letting the relationships pass you by? God has given us a balance of work and family responsibilities, but also to evangelize, to minister to those around us. When was the last time you stepped out into the deep end to really push yourself? When was the last time you were willing to give everything? These are tough, thought provoking questions but it’s truly something we all must face at some point. Are you truly alive, because it’s true, not all who live are truly alive?

This last weekend I was given the opportunity to attend a Warrior Health & Wellness Expo with the Wounded Warrior Project (WWP). While I was there I got to thinking how poorly I’d done keeping up with my health and wellness. My physical injuries have become a crutch, an excuse for me to become lazy and complacent with my physical well-being. Since my back injury I have gained almost 30 pounds in a year. That’s an egregious amount of weight in a year. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t think it looks so bad, but when I see myself in photo’s I am ashamed at myself. In the last several years maintaining weight has become a challenge. It seems and feels that no matter what I eat, how well, or how poorly, I still gain weight, and loosing it is an incredibly difficult challenge. The thing is, when I gave up the fight I was not living to be my best self, and if I’m not my best self, I’m not the best warrior for Christ. I think in my humble opinion, if you aren’t fit mind, body, and soul we aren’t able to be fully prepared for the missions Christ may bestow upon us. In the Army we had a saying, and I think it applies to the path of Christ, “Fit to Fight”. Are we truly fit to fight for Christ?

Truly, we must ask ourselves, what if we gave our everything? We want to eat what we want, and do what we want, and we think there isn’t a cost. We have the mentality that ‘it’s our life’ and sadly, we couldn’t be more wrong. Our life is to live for Christ and if we aren’t taking good care of ourselves we aren’t living the best we can for Christ. We as a nation have become complacent and we are not taking time to take care of ourselves. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NASB)19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”  If someone bought us a nice car would we be grateful or would be trash it because we didn’t buy it with our own hard earned money? We cannot take our gift for granted, and we must accept that we only live because God breathed life into us. We were allowed to live and yet we walk around completely ungrateful.

Health is holistic meaning entire body, and if we are to be fit to fight we must be physically healthy and if our emotional health will be truly healthy the mind and the body are connected, then if one suffers, they both suffer. We must take our physical health as seriously as we would anything else in our life. If you are called are you ready to go? Are you afraid of the cost? What would you be willing to give up to follow Christ? Would you be willing to give up fast foods? Would you be willing to give up smoking, or sodas for Christ?

We need to take care of ourselves, and that starts with a simple word, honesty. We need to be honest about what’s going on inside our bodies. We need to be honest about our mental health. We need to be honest about our emotions. We need to be honest about our physical health. We can’t live in denial, afraid to face the challenges ahead. If we continue to kick the can down the road, eventually we’re going to have a pile of cans to deal with.

When I first had my back surgery I fell into a depression thinking of all the things I could no longer do. Instead of saying I can, my mantra at the time became, I can’t. I think many of us are like that today. It’s as easy as, my (blank) hurts so I can’t do this anymore. What we fail to realize is, there’s usually alternatives. When Paul was on his second mission journey he attempted to go into Asia many times, and each time was turned away. He never once said to God, ‘okay so I can’t go there, I’m going to just pack up and go home.’ He found another way, other places he could work. God doesn’t want us to just sit around, and we often think of our injuries, or illnesses as a hindrance, but what if those things are our Asia? What if we are meant to walk a different path because of those we will meet down the road in which we can minister too? Before my back injury I was doing well in the roll of security, and I was planning to move to Colorado, and start a new life there. Instead I had a major back injury, which led me to the path I’m on, which defiantly seems more God centered. While not everyone will go from a career into ministry, it’s still something you need to examine and really think about what are you doing in your newlife? It may be that you have new opportunities to minister, it may be that you have opportunities for missions, or even just a different brand of people. Either way, if you are walking with the Lord, you will find there’s a purpose for your change, for your injury, something God can turn tragedy into blessing. Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

I think of the path for Tony Stark in the movies, and that he was on a particular path in his life. He wasn’t using his gifts for the betterment of mankind. He was selfish, and cared little for the impact of the things he did, which affected the lives of thousands. He was wounded, captured, imprisoned for months, and this set him on a new path. Tony Stark went from party boy eccentric billionaire, to egotistical superhero. Something absolutely horrible had to happen to Tony to set him on his course to make a true difference in the world. No I’m not saying you all will become superhero’s but, think about where you are because of your illness, your disability, and think about the people you encounter because of it. Do you encounter others who are sick and disabled? Can you provide words of hope and encouragement in the name of Jesus Christ? Sure you can, and it’s likely that’s how God is going to use a horrible situation for good. Don’t give up, and don’t loose hope. If you are to be a warrior for Christ we must learn to change our perspective and stop focusing on the old normal, and look to the new normal. You’re a soldier, a warrior, and you can rise to the challenge. Find your peace in Christ, and then focus on your mind, body, soul, health. There are so many alternative exercises for just about anything, and so many ways to eat healthy, there really isn’t a good excuse for being lazy. I had to take a long hard look at myself to realize I am far from where I want to be. Sometimes it takes a little push of motivation, other times, it takes being pushed off the cliff. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, get up, get motivated, and find what you can do.

If you need Ideas for workouts here’s a few, first is DDPYoga. This is a great combination of yoga, physical therapy and dynamic resistance. This can be done from a chair, for a bed, from so many different places depending on your specific injury. https://ddpyoga.comThe second is TRX which uses a suspended strap designed for different heights, for different movements, but is amazing because it uses only your body weight and gravity to allow you to work out. https://www.trxtraining.comThe ease and simplicity of these two workouts is proof that you can workout in any position, any health level, and make a difference so you too will be fit to fight. We are call called to be champions for Christ and whether you’re the warrior in need of motivation, or you’re in a position to motivate others, lets get out there, and start making a difference for Christ.

 

 

Tipping Point

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Tipping Point

How long will you travel down the road you’re on before you make a change in your life? Will you wait until you don’t have any other option? Sadly most people will refuse to change until the choice is no longer theirs to make. It seems the path towards self-destruction is a path that must run its course. Sadly I have watched people I’ve cared about hop on that train, and no matter what anyone did they had to ride along till it hit the brick wall, or as most people call it, hitting rock bottom.

What is it about that course that so many fall prey too? The human mind is a tricky thing, and when we truly take some time to think about it, why would anyone stay on such a self-destructive path? I think the answer is simple, and yet complicated at the same time. The simple answer is of coursesin, but the difficult answer is the complexity of the human brain. I think there’s something that happens inside the human brain that gets confused. Take a bad relationship for example. The whole world might realize a relationship is bad news, but the one person who doesn’t is the person in the middle of it. There can be emotional abuse, an over controlling element, or even physical abuse, and yet someone will stay in that situation till, they hit rock bottom. Much of that has to do with self-esteem, a notion of worthlessness, and an idea that no one else could ever love them, so it’s better to be mistreated by someone who ‘loves me’ than to be alone. Then there’s the alcoholic, substance abuse addicts, and workaholics who drive themselves towards destruction and rarely turn their own train before it smashes into the wall.

What can we do though, for those people who seem to be on those trains? Sadly the answer is not much, and any intervention may be a dangerous idea for the relationship. People often lash out when an intervention is staged. Admitting there’s a problem is incredibly difficult and always the first step to any real change. Every 12 step program is laid out very similar, and the first step is always the same.

  1. Admitting powerlessness over the addiction
  2. Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help
  3. Deciding to turn control over to the higher power
  4. Taking a personal inventory
  5. Admitting to the higher power, oneself, and another person the wrongs done
  6. Being ready to have the higher power correct any shortcomings in one’s character
  7. Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings
  8. Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs
  9. Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person
  10. Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one is wrong
  11. Seeking enlightenment and connection with the higher power via prayer and meditation
  12. Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

 

While the 12 steps list a higher power, we as Christians must remember that it is God, Jesus Christ that can help us. No matter what situation you find yourself in, there are a few things that need to be mentioned. First, the creator of the universe loves you. Jesus Christ died for you, and you are special to Him. Second, you do not have to stay on the road you’re on. There is always help out there and all you have to do is ask for it. However, you must be willing to hear the truth, and face the challenge of making the change, which of course will not be easy. Third, you must trust that God can work out any bad situation, and there is something good to be taken from it. No matter the horrible things you’ve experienced in your life, i.e. rape, abuse (physical or emotional), loss, health issues, addictions, etc.) no matter what it is, there is something to be gained for it, and used in a positive way. Fourth, GOD DID NOT CAUSE YOUR SUFFERING, I cannot understate this. God is not in the habit of causing suffering in our lives. We must understand the nature of a sinful world, and a world endowed with free will. People choose to act how they want to. People choose to prey on the weak, to take other peoples power for their own. People choose to give in to the sin nature of this world. People choose to allow addictions to take hold by starting in the first place. People choose to rape, to abuse, to control, because it masks their own insecurities, and they themselves are not following Christ. We often want to blame God, instead of blaming the Devil. We want to ask God why He didn’t save us, and the truth is, he probably tried. We expect God to send us a miraculous intervention, where the truth is, there were probably people there who would have been willing to help, and maybe even tried to help. The problem is, sometimes we slap away the hands that try to help us.

It’s said we as people don’t truly change till we reach the precipice, the bottom of the barrel, the brick wall, but the truth is, you don’t have to wait that long. Addiction can be anything to include staying in bad abusive relationships, but there is hope. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 (NKJV)13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 14 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” When we put anything before God that is our idol, and we are in essence worshiping that in which stands between God and us. If it’s work, or a substance, video games, whatever you can fill in the blank that takes the majority of your focus, there’s a time to walk away. Change is possible any time, anywhere, but YOU have to be willing to make that step towards change.

I have lost two wives to adultery and I remember asking what I had done to deserve it. I asked God why I was being punished, and what I didn’t realize at the time was it wasn’t God, no, it was Satan that had intervened in my life and brought destruction upon my home. 1 John 2:16 (NKJV)16 “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” Every day people endure hardships, and they endure the pain of this life, and every day people cry out to the Father and ask what they have done, why did they deserve such horrible things, but the fact is, it’s a sinful world, and there will be troubles. God does not force people into His will and in turn God does not force people to sin. God did not force sin upon this world, but people choose to sin. As scripture says, God will ALWAYS give you a way out. It may not be easy, but God isn’t in the business of making life easy, but it is always what is right. “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”(Albus Dumbledore)

If you’re in a position you want to change, or need to change, ask yourself, have you been talking to God about it? Has an opportunity to change been presented to you but you’ve not taken it? Is the situation truly bad, or is it that you’re just not happy? Are you putting your attention to objects, substances or people? No matter what’s going on in your life there is always hope in Christ. Remember that as you might have fallen victim at the hands of others, remember it’s free will that causes so much pain. The same free will that causes you pain, is also the same free will that allows you to walk away and turn to God. 1 Corinthians 6:12“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” Don’t give away the power God has given to you. Don’t allow other people to take your happiness from you. When you trust in God you are given joy, and nothing can steal away your Joy. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help. If you are addicted to (blank) get help. Don’t walk through this life living in misery, there’s help out there for you. Be willing to make the hard decision for the hard change, but always turn to God for guidance. God will hear you, and God will answer you, so keep an eye open for it, and listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you. Have faith and don’t forget to love first, love God.