My Heart Breaks

My Heart Breaks

The sadness overwhelms me as the Nation is yet again divided in a major question over life. As the abortion question is brought up yet again in our country, the time I guess has come to draw a line in the sand and hold fast. I find it hard to understand how once a heartbeat is detected someone could not view that as a life. I find it hard to understand how a person who kills a pregnant women can be charged with a double homicide, but a choice of a women is not homicide. I find it hard to understand how a life can be terminated in the 7th, 8th, or 9thmonth, but a woman cannot ‘throw her baby into a river’ (recent news) is a crime but not the prior. I don’t understand how we scientifically judge life yet once life is detected we can choose out of convenience to terminate that life, that living thing to prevent it from ever growing into a person. How are we to consider ourselves evolved and leaders of the free world if we don’t accept what is or is not life? As I found myself scrolling through Facebook, I ran across one post after another chastising states that have chosen to ban abortions. 

Scripture is very clear what is life, and I have failed to understand how we justify the concept of murder in this country. The concept that whatever happens within a body is not something I understand. Recently in the news a mother who had given birth not long ago threw her baby into a river. The baby was saved, and the mother is facing court and medical mental health exams. How can a baby outside of the womb be a person, but a person, a baby that can be viable in the womb at six months isn’t. How can a mother kill a baby because she doesn’t want it, but a person can kill a pregnant women and be charged with a double homicide? How can we judge life by a heartbeat, but we can end one without provocation. 

If a mother has birth and places her newborn in a dumpster and leaves it for dead, they are charged with murder, but in the 9thmonth when a child is just as viable a choice is a choice and yet, I believe we are overlooking the most important aspect of all, being responsible to begin with to avoid pregnancy. 

Americans pay millions if not more to help subsidize Planned Parenthood to help women get contraceptives. While of course scripture says not to have sex before marriage, understanding that may not always happen, being safe and responsible is something we aren’t talking about. Condoms, all manner of birth control pills, inserts, etc. More often then not, abortion isn’t a matter of rape or incest. I have heard that it’s better to abort a pregnancy then to allow an unwanted child to wade through the murky waters of foster care. Or about the kids who live in extreme poverty, that some believe it’s better to prevent that kind of life from happening. 

I don’t understand how anyone can say this is a church and state issue, or a man telling a women what to do with her body. We are talking about a human life and we are saying that life isn’t worth anything. How can we charge anyone with a double homicide, but a women is praised for making a hard choice. Psalm 127:3“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
Scripture refers to murder in the 10 commandments. Murder of someone innocent in cold blood. An unborn baby who is alive as a heartbeat beats, we judge life by the beating of that heart. We judge death by the heart that stops beating. Have we become so progressive we feel nothing for the life of babies? We care more about the rights of animals then the life of unborn children. 

It truly breaks my heart to see how loose we’ve gotten in on our moral path. I am thankful for all those who’ve chosen to adopt children, and that even parents who can’t take care of a child trying to give that child the best chance at life. I am blessed to have had many family members who were adopted. I’m blessed that the women in my life, a dear sweet lady was also adopted. Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJV) 13 “For You formed my inward parts; You [a]covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for [b]I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

It truly breaks my heart to think about all the babies that haven’t been born. On the flip side, it also breaks my heart all those kids who’ve gone without a loving home. There are so many families in need, it’s important we as the church find ways to support families in need. I am proud of my church for the missions they do to help mothers in need, mothers to be, families in need, and widows in need. I am proud of the giving nature and responsible Christians I call my family. It isn’t our place to try and predict the future. It’s not our place to say it’s better to not live then to be raised in poverty, or in a loveless home. We see people living like Dave Pelzer who grew up and broke through the life he was given. We aren’t god’s and many people raised in poverty grow up to be great, and to do great things. We are to cherish life, not destroy it, and not snuff it out before it has the chance to do great things. 

Scripture Prevails

Scripture Prevails

I’m not emotionless, and I’m not cold hearted. I believe in facts, and I believe in truth. I’ve spent my whole life helping those in need. I’ve spent my whole life being a shoulder for those in need to cry on. I’ve been a punching bag. I’ve been a sounding board. I’ve been counsel. I’ve been the voice of reason. I’ve also been on the side where I needed all those things. I’ve been on the side where I felt little compassion and I know how hard life can be. Make no mistake, I will not sidestep the word of God to spare someone their feelings.

The world will turn on you, and in an instant friends, family, and strangers will attack you all for your beliefs. People will attack you for the word of God, and you will be the punching bag of many. In lieu of recent events, I felt it was my responsibility to check myself and see if what was said against me might have had any weight. When I look back at the post and what I wrote I see a clear cut message, free of emotion, without a scripture verse, but in response to recent issues regarding abortion. In the following hours after the post messages from people who don’t talk to me on a regular basis or even within a year, started to message me, and tell me how insensitive, and how wrong I was for stating abortion was wrong and that it was murder. Regardless of how things were said, I stood there and allowed stones to be thrown at me. What is it that really hit the red button I wonder? Not only did I feel the stones thrown at me, but I could also tell there was an issue with the Christian faith. There was anger, and there was bitterness, and there was insult.

At no time did I speak of my own opinion, or attack in return, but instead, responded with more scripture. This seemed to only add fuel to the fire. What did Paul feel as he was run out of Synagogue after Synagogue, Temple after Temple? I cannot imagine his level of frustration as he knew the truth, and going from a man of influence and stature, and respect, to a man run out of every town he preached in. How did Paul react with his change of status? The answer, while not easy, is simple, our Lord and Savior endured slander, false accusations, and even death for a crime he did not commit. Who am I to feel this way, to feel angry, to feel belittled over something that is clearly stated in scripture. It’s true, anger comes from feeling insulted, disrespected, or when our own insecurities are brought forth. We can only stand on the word of God. Many people will attack you for what you believe, but you need to ask yourself, as I have, whom do you stand with? As it is so wonderfully put in God’s Not Dead 2 “I would rather stand with God and be judged by man, then to stand with man and be judged by God.” How very true, and as I do feel badly for the tough decisions people might be in every day, for every tough decision God if we give him the faith, give him the glory, will show us a way. We must have faith in God, and trust in His perfect plan. Life is hard, and there are always consequences for our action, and those are things we must consider before we make choices that could change our lives forever. Yes, one simple act can forever alter the status quo of your life, and it’s something that needs to be thought about.

As for me, I will find a way to manage the feelings inside. I will praise God that perhaps the messages shared recently might find their way to who might need it. I will do the best I can and continue to fight the good fight, and never compromise God’s word for the feelings of others, even if I do empathize, and sympathize with them.

2 Timothy 3:16 (NKJV)16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for [a: Training and Discipline] instruction in righteousness,” 

We believe that scripture is given to us by God to show us how to live. We believe scripture shows us the power of God, the mercy of God, the love of God, and the sovereignty of God. We cannot pick and choose parts we like and ignore parts we don’t. But, all sins upon repentance are forgiven by God. We must remember that while we confront the sin, we must always do so in a loving and respectful matter.

I have one example of what not to do. If you own a bakery, and a homosexual couple comes in requesting a wedding cake, it’s probably not the best idea to turn them away. If you want to show yourself as a loving Christian, you are respectful, and making someone feel an inch tall by embarrassing them, or insulting them, is not the Christian way. Invite them to church, ask to pray for them, or even remind them that Jesus loves them. I use this example from the many times it’s happened in the last few years. Every time it’s happened and it’s made the news, it’s because the Christian turned away the customer. I would argue that’s not the Christ[like] way. It’s not our place to pass judgment, but again, we are to call out the sin when we need too, and love on everyone regardless of that sin. We cannot sugar coat scripture, and we cannot ignore it.

I am a sinner just like everyone else, and I struggle with different sins. The Lord knows which sins I struggle with, and that’s between us. We all have sins, and we all have our different areas we need to work on. Scripture is the one and only truth. In this world as truth is becoming a fluid idea, and it can be anything for anyone, that thought process begins the decent into anarchy. We must accept Jesus as the one true way to the Father, and accept that Scripture is divined by God to teach us the way. 

Abortion

Abortion 

Until I moved in with my grandpa at 16 I wore goodwill clothes, got free lunch, had little to no Christmas gifts, couldn’t join sports because mom couldn’t afford it. I had no money to go on trips with friends, nothing. Most nights for dinner I had cereal because that’s all mom could afford most of the time. Growing up in poverty gave me a respect for money, a hard working work ethic, and a drive to better my life. We cannot hope to change anyone’s mind, and we cannot hope to raise any kind of awareness without the love of Jesus Christ. Jesus shows us what the two greatest commandments are, and it’s our job to live them daily. Matthew 22:36-40 (NKJV)36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” There is a distinct difference between Old Testament law, and a commandment. A law had a practical purpose for life at the time, while a commandment was a law against God. When you look at the commandments there is usually a substantial punishment that goes along with it, while the law at the time was about personal safety. (Yes we can talk about this if you want). 

I was recently in a conversation in which I was told I pick and choose topics to discuss and I do not discuss topics I don’t wish too. While this isn’t true, and over 700 posts have shown I’ve talked a little about a lot, I would like to make it known here and now, I do not pick and choose what to talk about and what not too, I talk about what I see as needed when I see it as needed, and whatever that may be. So, let me first start off by saying I am a sinner, I am no better then anyone else. I have my own struggles with my own sins, and I confess them to those I need to, but most importantly I confess my sins to God. Second, I am not judging anyone for their actions, I am simply calling out a world sin phenomenon and giving scripture as to why it’s a sin. Okay, now that that’s covered there’s a few things I would like to talk about, first is abortion, obviously this is the title of the post, but next is pre-marital sex.

There’s a reason pre-marital sex is considered a sin, and that’s because at its nature, sex is not for pleasure but for procreation. Pre-marital sex is a sin against God because its very act is to create life, which all life is a gift by God. To have sex out of wedlock means to potentially create life outside of the family dynamic. This is a sin because the family was designed by God to work as mother, father, and Heavenly Father. While there may not be an immediate repercussion, having sex out of wedlock is like playing Russian Roulette. Eventually a condom will fail, birth control won’t work, sex with multiple partners extends the risk of STD’s etc. Now, that being said, there are areas in which unplanned or unwanted pregnancies do happen, and those may be rape or incest. This is a different category of care needed due to the trauma experienced.

This however does not mitigate or detract from the main idea, and that begs the question, what is life? That answer can be seen below.

“It is clear that from the time of cell fusion, the embryo consists of elements (from both maternal and paternal origin) which function interdependently in a coordinated manner to carry on the function of the development of the human organism.  From this definition, the single-celled embryo is not just a cell, but an organism, a living being, a human being.

The American College of Pediatricians concurs with the body of scientific evidence that corroborates that a unique human life starts when the sperm and egg bind to each other in a process of fusion of their respective membranes and a single hybrid cell called a zygote, or one-cell embryo, is created.

As physicians dedicated both to scientific truth and to the Hippocratic tradition, the College values all human lives equally from the moment of conception (fertilization) until natural death. Consistent with its mission to “enable all children to reach their optimal physical and emotional health and well-being,” the College, therefore, opposes active measures23 that would prematurely end the life of any child at any stage of development from conception to natural death” (ACPEDS, 2017). 

Now, it was also brought to my attention that I need to consider miscarriages, however, that seems to be irrelevant due to the fact, one is a natural occurrence, and the other is a man-made decision. Humans have free will, and while anyone in a situation of feeling the need to have an abortion I would like to say there is hope out there. There are options. There are ways to mitigate abortions by safe sex practices if you decide to have sex outside of marriage. There are adoption clinics where parents are waiting for a child. There are foster parents. (Yes I realize the system is not the greatest) however it is not our place to play God and determine what’s best for a child when we are opting murder is the best option. We determine life by a heartbeat and when that heartbeat stops we determine death. When a baby has a heartbeat is well beyond the point of a living entity. If a person commits murder of a pregnant women, that person is charged with a double homicide, however, if a mother chooses to end her own child’s life it’s considered to be her ‘choice’, however once the baby is born that same option to murder her child is no longer considered choice but murder. Even to the point where a child may be viable outside of the womb and now well into the 9thmonth, abortion is considered legal in states and is spreading. I was told recently that for a child with a deformity or debilitating issue, that is the main purpose to late term abortion, however, again are we playing God and determining what impact that child might have on others? 

Ephesians 2:10“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift from the Lord.” God is the author and creator of life. All life is an act of God. 

We are not to pick and choose which part of the Bible we want to obey and which we want to pass to the wayside. We also must not make erroneous claims. Old Testament law is largely to keep people safe from illness, from death, to keep people clean, etc. As our laws change so do the laws of old. However, while laws change, Sins do not. We are all sinners, and while we do sin, there is hope in our chains. Jesus Christ bled for us, so our sins would not condemn us to hell, but give us a chance of everlasting life. The key however, is that we must come before God humble, and in acknowledgment of our sins, repenting of them, and asking God for His mercy and forgiveness. As Christ said to the women at the well, ‘Go forth and sin no more.’

We never know the joy a child may bring no matter what they may be born with. In the days of Sparta any baby born with a deformity was killed. This was to keep the Spartan line strong. In countries like Japan, babies who are women were aborted if a family had met its quota of babies of allowed of a certain sex. In parts of Africa women are circumcised to prevent them wanting to have pre-marital sex. We find it so repulsive to think about the holocaust and the murdering of thousands, but just because a baby had not been born yet we as a society somehow have justified that as acceptable. We find what Harod did when he murdered all the first born boys from infant to 2 years old in the search for Jesus an awful thing, but we do it every day.

Now, let me be clear, I am by no means justifying other sins, nor am I saying one sin before God is worse then another, however, I am saying it is our job as Christians not to judge, but to call out sin. We are to point it out, and attempt to stop the sin from happening by sharing the Word of God. There are plenty of other posts I’ve written that talk about other sins.

Dave Pelzer was born into a world where he would grow without a name, kept in a basement, abused, tortured, and was treated less then human. He grew up to be an amazing motivational speaker that talks about growing beyond your upbringing, to love, to forgive, and to find purpose in yourself.

My cousin was born with severe Cerebral Palsy and requires near 24-hour care. From the moment she was born there was a problem, and knowing she would be different who whole life. She is one of the happiest, smartest, most loving people on the planet, even with her disability. Just because she was born with a major disability does not make her life any more or less important. She is a child of God, a gift from God, and a joy to all who know her.

We never know the impact someone may have growing up, and trying to prevent someone from living in poverty, or free from a home where they are unwanted, there are millions of people living in poverty who are happy. There are options for those families who cannot take care of their children. There are organizations that help underprivileged homes. There are adoptions, and places that will help raise kids. Conception is a gift from God and that child is innocent. We shall not take an innocent life, lest we be judged for it. We have a responsibility as the church to help those who are in trouble with pregnancy. We as a church have a responsibility to help children in need, to help parents in need, and to be a greater bacon hope, not to pass judgment, but to help the needy. We all sin, but this is one sin we need to stand up for, and be a voice for the millions of babies murdered every year. We have an obligation to stand up and say something because scripture tells us those who watch sin and do nothing are just as guilty as sin. James 4:17 (NKJV)17 “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” 

We as a church must continue to support those in need, and support the sanctity of life.

Reference

When Human Life Begins. (2017, April 17). Retrieved April 9, 2019, from https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/life-issues/when-human-life-begins

A Journey Abroad

A Journey Abroad 

It’s 2300 my time and where I am I have no idea. I’d never seen a flight like this, instead of going over the Pacific, were going over the Northern Arctic Circle.

The trip started off with a hiccup when I realized I grabbed my brick with the wrong charging cable attached. Then, the plane was delayed for unknown reason. Then takeoff was delayed due to rain in Chicago. I was sitting in the middle seat, one big Asian man on my left, and a very VERY large Hispanic man on my right, who despite my best efforts was so big he was inadvertently touching me the whole flight. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was no air vents on the plane, and less then a minute after sitting down before we backed away from the gate, I had orange soda spilled all over me. Needless to say, getting shot at in a C-130 was preferable to my situation. I never felt like I could really get up and stretch and feeling so uncomfortable I never got to sleep. I can’t even admit how many times I’ve sinned on this flight. Covering my neighbors extra space in the emergency exits. Or the front row behind the galley. It’s been a test of patience and still have more patience to go. Apparently the plane has an upstairs and the flight attendants switch off during the shift. I thought that was weird seeing as I don’t understand how the plain has an upstairs.

Finally after hours and hours of un-comfort the sweet sound of metallic gears as the landing gear extend down towards the ground. The final leg of the journey or at least part one, comes to a close and a prayer that the travel to the next gate is easy and quick. The flight to  Manila is relatively short, in comparison of course. 

Driving through the city the sinking in my stomach as I realize just how poor the Philippines really is. Shops have tin roofs, pieced together, most don’t have screens, and even the brokenness of the streets and the jumbled together power lines are tell signs of a weak infrastructure, and a lack of technology or money to change the status quo. After showering for the first time in a single room where the shower and toilet are not separated by any walls, or curtains, but instead, when you shower, the very toilet itself gets wet. Not to mention the lack of hot water as a whole. The fortunate have a small heater for the water but that provides minimal heat. The rest have nothing but one temperature, cold.

Despite the clear differences in creature comforts the Filipino people are second to none with their warmest hearts of love and generosity. Even those with so little give so much. I don’t mean monetary but to have a massive feast for a stranger and hold back for nothing, I can say I have never been so warmly welcomed in my entire life. Within moments I was being treated as if I had been apart of the family for years. While the culture has different personalities, some people are quiet and reserved, and some people are loud and full of energy, that doesn’t ever take away from the kindness experienced.

There’s no shortage of laughter heard, or singing, and dancing it seems runs in the family of my Argie. The joy shown even with so much threat going on in the country, and even with the inconvenience of Martial Law or at least a partial martial law as security check points were in place. A joyous heart fills the night with song, and dance, and laughter. The welcome received is like nothing I had ever experienced. While on my journey, I was able to do a little writing.

What do we fear? This is a question I’ve been thinking of lately. What is it I fear I wonder? Failure I suppose, but failure of what? I’ve been thinking about my marriages and the failures that wrecked my perspectives, my self-esteem, and my thoughts of the future. Can I put the past behind me? Can I leave behind the pain and the feelings of being a failure? In the last week abroad I’ve seen things that were heart breaking. We (Americans) are spoiled and yet blessed all at the same time. Do I have the strength to, no…. The courage to move forward into the unknown?

I found something in myself this week. I found courage in my journey as I ventured off on my own. Hong Kong tested my resolve. I couldn’t read road signs, no cell service, no WiFi, and yet, I found my way. I tried now foods, swam with sharks, dropped 150 feet, and explored. Besides finding love, I think I may have found some level of myself. As I was standing at a rail in the Hong Kong Airport I realized I was alone and I realized I was okay with it. How things can change when we least expect it. God works in us, and through us. Paul I’m sure never expected his life to change like it did. Damascus changed everything for Paul. While I have traveled my own separate path to Damascus, my change has occurred more slowly. Change sometimes comes when we least expect it. Something I’ve been considering is the song What If I Gave Everything By: Casting Crowns. In the song, it talks about sitting in the shallow end never truly going out to swim. 

So why am I still standing here?
Why am I still holding back from You?
I hear You call me out into deeper waters
But I settle on the shallow end
So why am I still standing here?

So afraid what it might cost to follow You
I’d walk by faith if I could get these feet to move
But I don’t want to live that way
I don’t want to look back someday
On a life that never stepped across the line

The idea that I had in mind was, if I’ve been a lukewarm Christian. How long was I sitting on the fence? How long did I believe, but didn’t grow in faith? I was a lukewarm Christian most of my life. Recently at a revival service I was listening to the pastor and he said you have to be either black or white, you can’t be light and darkness. Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.”Jesus understands those who are all in, or the ignorant who aren’t in at all, but for those who are lukewarm, he finds them vial. I didn’t know it but for so long I was not growing closer to Jesus. I thought it was good enough to just believe that Christ was real, and he was the way. Let me tell you, you cannot sit by and think your good is good enough. When you love someone you give your all for them, so why do we not give our all to our Lord and Savior? We are given so much from God, and we give in return the scraps of our life. We are so ungrateful, and when we live our lives with one hand on Jesus, and one hand on the world, the world will pull you to pieces. We must learn to not divide our attention, but instead give Jesus both hands. Colossians 3:23-24 (NKJV) 23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” 

If my time in the Philippines taught me anything it was to appreciate God’s blessings in my life. People live happily with so much less then I have, and I need to learn to count my days, and appreciate that what I have is from the Lord, but more importantly, I’m rich in love.

The Storms Of Yesterday

The Storms Of Yesterday

The longest days are the most trying for us all. The dark cloud that covers the sky and tears fall to the ground. So long ago the silence was rocked and the world would never be the same. How many nights of nightmares would live on echoing into the night? How many times do we wish for the light, but in truth, if there wasn’t darkness, we’d never truly know the light. We know your will Lord is pure, and perfect. We know that the sins of long ago still ripple through time today. How the lost stick with us even today as the minutes seemed like hours so many years ago. I remember the numb, the wondering lost in my own mind. I struggled then to see the way, to know the path to walk. I knew you and yet I couldn’t face the truth. After it happened I walked like a robot not feeling, just simply existing. Feeling the lost and wondering why, and I was broken beyond what I thought could ever be pieced back together. 

On that day, 14 years ago I watched in horror as the depravity of man would be self-evident. I watched as hate won out over love, and a sibling rivalry would touch my life in a forever way. I ask God now to give me faith like Daniel. I ask for hope like Moses. I ask you Lord to give me confidence to rise above my anger, to lift my sorrow to joy, and give me a tomorrow to make a difference. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, that the smells, sights, and the feeling runs through my mind. I can see the destruction in my mind when I close my eyes. I can see the horror in my dreams. I realize I cannot run from it, and like destiny it will find you, because it’s inevitable. I cannot run from my feelings, instead I must learn to embrace them and understand them. I must control the memory, and not allow it to control me. Living with shame and guilt is not what you have planned for me. I often question why you gave me the gift of sight that day, and I wonder if I was supposed to do more, but the explosion happened regardless, and I know I can’t change it now. My faith today is weak, and my strength is low. I know you my Lord will lift me up and you will cover me in the feathers of the angels. 

Father, my father, I know that in the darkness you are with me, and I will stand tall as long as I know you will always stand by me. When Saber fell it rocked my world. How you would take the broken me and turn it into something useful. My broken heart bleeds today. Today Lord so many remember the fallen, and as they seek understanding please place your healing hand over their hearts. Please ease their suffering. Please look after them and give them comfort. The tears of the past are wiped away and I ask your mercy be upon us today. We remember them and rejoice in their lives. We remember how amazing they were, and how they glorify Heaven now. I ask forgiveness for my weakness, and my failures on that day. 

Today I raise a glass to my friends, they are gone, but ever forgotten. Today I remember their lives, and their sacrifice. Today a moment to remember, and to raise my voice to the Heavens and praise Jesus for the family we have because of the lost. We are close and we love one another and out of the ashes of the lost a family is born. So today, I know that today, all my hope is in Jesus. I thank God that yesterday’s gone. I look to tomorrow as yesterday fades away. The storm of emotions fills me today, but you will wipe the tears away, and you will command the storm to leave me. 

Thank you Father for my brothers and the time I knew them. Thank you for the sorrow and showing me how to live through the pain. You give me so much and I praise you in my pain, and trust you know my way. I know you hold my tears, and I know you are with me always. 

Moving Through The Wind

Moving Through The Wind

In recent years I’ve placed a lot of thought into who my true friends are. I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve cried regarding it. I’ve yelled and been frustrated by it. In all that time perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was the danger of placing your faith in man. The thing is, growing up in a home with no father, and dealing with family issues resulting in me leaving home, I definitely had father and mother wounds. Those wounds would define a large part of my life and to some extent it still does. I found the need, the craving for acceptance anywhere I could find it. If it wasn’t bad enough to have those wounds from the family dynamic I would be rejected by my peers and for a season, I would face deep reticule, teasing, and strong judgments based on my physical appearance, and my apparent social status. Rejection became a common occurrence for me, and now grown up and after two failed marriages to affairs, it’s no wonder I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. I think more then abandonment I fear what happened to me two and a half years ago, will haunt me the remainder of my life. When I was abandoned by yet another family, let down and sold out by the ones who were supposed to be there for me, I failed to recognize the one I should have been putting my faith in the whole time, Jesus Christ. 

Christ, the Son of God, the second part of the trinity, the savior of mankind over the power of sin on a fallen world. Christ is the only hope that matters. Christ is the only star to guide yourself by in the blackness of light. Christ is the one who will never leave nor forsake you. And yet sometimes it seems Christ is so far away. While the evidence shows this is not true, as a sinful man, living in a sinful fallen world, the lies faced by the greatest liar and deceiver of all time, Satan, and his demons, are intrusive at the very least. Satan’s battle plan is to lie, to deceive, to make every opportunity to sway us away from the graces of God and into the hands of evil. Often this happens slowly, tiny little movements to alter the course, like putting a magnet close to a compass in secret. This spiritual warfare happens frequently and appearing to be benign, however that’s farthest from the truth. Not every attack on our minds or hearts is a frontal assault. Small actions of sabotage over time can prove just as an affective strategy for Lucifer the General of the darkness as a full frontal assault. 

We endure many hardships and heartbreaks along our path. Illness of family, or even ourselves may happen at any time and fundamentally change the course of life forever. We often ask why us, why did this — happen to me? It’s hard for the human mind to grasp these hardships, these tragedies, but if we could take a moment and place ourselves on a different level of thinking, could we not see the potential of impactful behaviors on those around us? How we live our lives has effects like ripples in a pond, and we never know how far reaching our actions may be. Laying in a hospital bed sick, maybe even dying, but singing praises to Jesus and God our Heavenly Father, may be the information a nurse ever knows about Jesus. How sad it is that we somehow think everything that happens is about us, as if we were the center of the cosmic universe. The truth is, we are small pieces of a larger puzzle, and we all have a roll to play. We may not like the idea of being so small, and in one manner of speaking insignificant, but to God we are vastly, irreplaceable. God loves his children, and no matter the cause of any bad or tragic thing, God is using that for some form of good, never letting anything, no opportunity to go to waist. We on the other hand, we let opportunities slip by us frequently. We pass up chances to pray for others. We pass up chances to share the Gospel. We pass up chances to allow the light of Christ to shine through us. Largely I think this happens out of fear, just like the denial of Christ by Peter, that out of fear of persecution of acknowledgement to what’s become an unpopular belief in today’s world. Being Christian isn’t easy, but I’m all fairness, we were warned from the beginning it wouldn’t be. And if we’re honest about it, why should it be easy? We are horrible people. We sin against our Father, and we have dark stains covering our souls. It’s only through the blood we are redeemed, but we often think of that as a right and not as a gift. We think of that as insurance, a license to sin, because God will forgive us no matter what we do. 

The life we are given comes at a price, and if we are honest it’s a test, a journey to discover the truth, and not just discover the truth, but accept it into our hearts, following Christ. The journey to Heaven is a challenging one, full of struggle and hardships, but also one of great joy, and love. 

Some people endure more then others, and some people manage to do so with grace. What is the difference between us I wonder? Faith is powerful and in it, and with Christ, God gives us a great gift. Faith is something that must be cultivated. Faith must be tended to like a garden. Faith is something we are given through the power of the Holy Spirit and in that we have the power to become more then the tiny creatures we really are. In God, through God we are made big, big enough to lead, to grow, to inspire, and we are made into warriors with a spirit of hope, and not fear. Are we willing to grow beyond our baser instincts of fear and doubt, or are we willing to surrender to the Lord and allow that spirit to fill us up and guide us? Yes I have deep routed wounds that have left scars in my life, but as I have grown through the pain, which has not been easy, I have learned the truth, Jesus is the only truth, the only way. 

The scars, though they often have a way of reminding me they are there, they are also a reminder of what I’ve endured. The future is of course not known to me, but one thing I do know is we all have a purpose. God’s graces and mercy are not bound to limits, but are only limited by what we can manage and our own purposes. Life is full of uncertainties and we expect certain things, and we ought to ask what can or should we be doing for the Holy Name of Christ. Walking a path of Christ, can often lead to a life of emotional solitude. As the list of whom one can trust gets smaller, the isolation inevitably creeps in and requires strength to fight against the whispers from the dark. 

Some of us face the darkness more then others. I, having seen death up close know the struggle many face with depression, loneliness, and an isolation that has deep roots. Facing these things can be a challenge and alone impossible. The world as we know it was created, and we along with it have a unique purpose, and never is that purpose to endure the hardships or darkness alone. The truth is there may be times in this life when you venture ahead alone. Of course, I’m not referring to God, for scripture says God is with us always, never forsaking us. We were created, designed to be in relationships and when we find ourselves without the draw of the worldly relationships, or lack there of can be difficult. I can be in a crowded room and sometimes feel completely alone, isolated, cut off from the people and world around me. We must remember to keep the helmet of salvation on and tight. We cannot open ourselves to the Devils lies or whispers. The dominion of the deceiver is designed to break you down, pull you away from the Lord. Christ was clear when he said “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Christ doesn’t day you might have troubles, he says you will! Are you ready for those days? Are you ready for the days when the war knocks on your door? Are you ready for the day when the servants of the Devil attacks you? Are you ready with the full Armor of God to fight the battle of spiritual warfare? 

I know my armor, I know the word, and even with that I am still susceptible to the barrage of lies from the dark. Satan loves to wear you down. He hates you and loves causing doubt, and bringing you down. Life isn’t easy and was never promised to be, but ultimately we have a choice, we can live in life believing all that the world tells us, that the idea of God is antiquated, or truth is subjective to fit each person’s opinions. That science is the end of truth and leaves no room for anything it cannot yet explain. That God is dead and no longer relevant in the world today. But to believe any of that is to have fallen for the greatest lie Satan conceived. The truth is, and there’s only one, our Lord Jesus Christ, was born of a Virgin Mary. He was God made flesh, to live a perfect life, to break the bonds of sin, to take on the full cosmic wrath of God in punishment for sin past, present, and future. Died on the cross and forgiving mankind of the sin in which they truly did not understand. Was buried in a tomb and on the third day, Rose again, fulfilling prophecy. Folding the napkin telling the world death was finished. He rose and proved it by appearing to over 500 in a forty day period. Changed the hearts of the disciples who were living in fear. The spirit of courage changed them to be courageous of their faith and they did not hide any longer. The bridge is open and the invitation is sent. Christ is waiting for us with open arms if we only cleave away our old selves, and pick up the cross and follow Him. I am not a perfect man, and in many ways, I’m a broken misfit toy, but in this story, God uses the broken, God uses the small, God uses the misfit, and God gives strength, and courage beyond our wildest dreams. God uses the island of misfit toys and in God’s house I’m not an outsider, I’m not a misfit that doesn’t belong. In God’s house I’m welcomed just the way I’m am, and in that day I give up the ghost, I will be transformed, this body will fade away, my final sins will be washed away forever, and into paradise I will go, no longer chasing the wind. 

Christmas Truth

Christmas Truth

John 8:31-32 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Jesus Christ is the truth, and the only ‘truth’ that matters this Christmas. Jew and Gentiles alike, those who follow Christ in the light of the truth shall be set free from the bondage of sin and we will be washed by the reviving waters, the blood of Christ that was shed so each and every one of us could live a life in eternal hope. That blood that was shed could never happen without the birth of that baby Emanuel. Christmas is our time to remember the birth of Jesus, and no matter when it ‘actually’ happened, Christmas in December is our observed celebration. 

Jesus is Christmas. Christmas is not about us, or the gifts we get. God gave us a single gift and that gift was Christ. Do we trust in the Lord? Do you ask God for all these things, these wishes of jobs, love, relationships, or just the stuff? We are not the center of the universe. In 1532 Nicolaus Copernicus theorized we are not the center of the universe. This man was threatened with death, even by the church, and shows that there will always be religious idiots. There will always be those who know just enough scripture to be dangerous. So many people choose to live for self, choose to live for selfish desire and don’t live a Christocentric life (Christ Centered). Nothing else matters in our life, except a babe born laying in a manger born in Bethlehem. All people, reace, ethnicity, color, or creed is loved by God so much that he gave his only begotten son for us.

John 8:12“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” 

We see the Christmas story in Luke.

Luke 2:1-25 (NKJV)

2 And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. 2 This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. 3 So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, 5 to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. 6 So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. 10 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

14 “Glory to God in the highest,

And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

15 So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 17 Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 18 And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

The Devil Prowls

The Devil Prowls 

I can feel the darkness creeping in towards me. I can feel the shadow close in all around me, the memories in my head, I know the attack looms, bringing the fight to my mind, the fight for my heart. The night is long, and I can feel the grasping gloom over my body. I am trapped in the world unable to run fast enough. Every time I look back he’s there watching me. His eyes burn through me red and piercing through my flesh. I cannot escape the one who is everywhere. Alone I run and everywhere I turn I find a blocked path, but what is it that I see, the reflection of failures, reminding me how retched I am. The demons dancing around every failure, every shortcoming, every mistake taunting me, laughing at me, their howls echo in the night. I run faster now tripping on branches and roots that seem to be trying to grab me. The rain comes in the night, frozen, and sharp against my face. The punch comes across my face before I see where it came from. The blood trickles from my mouth. The blow to my stomach knocks me to my knees. The next to my back, then another to my face, and I stand arms raised and I see no one. The blow to my face knocks me back off my feet and I land on my back. My nose breaks and blood chokes me. I roll to my side and start to stand and feel the kick to my stomach. I hear the hyena laughs from all around me. I stumble to my feel and run through the pain.

I fight the voices, I fight the wolves chasing me, how did I get here so lost in the black away from the light. I cannot run anymore for my legs are tired, I am sinking down as the world tilts under me. I fall and hit one branch after another before I grab hold of a stump. I look down and the shadow is reaching towards me. I feel the pull, the invisible lasso that wraps my legs. I struggle to hold on, but I can’t let go. I cannot give up, and I cannot give in. “You are mine.” I hear the shadow say, the echo pierces my mind. “You’re a failure” I hear in my mind. “You are nothing.”  I struggle, I grit my teeth and I try to pull my self up, but the chains are holding me. The shadow, the one with the red eyes pierces deep into me, and I feel the darkness rush over my whole body. The flashes of everything I’ve lost, friends, family, health, jobs, homes, and then I hear it again, “I will take everything from you.” 

I scream and I begin to lift myself up, “you cannot win” the Devil screams at my resolve. I can feel the cold hands wrap around my throat and I’m flying through the air before landing hard on the ground. I feel the air bounce out of me as I gasp. The Devil holds me above the ground, the eyes stab into my mind searching my fears, my failures, and I feel the freeze cover my flesh.

I finally get the chance to speak, “you’ll never have me.” I am pulled down face to face with the king of the demons, the fire dancing in his eyes, the piercing bright flames I can’t bare to look into. “I’m not afraid of you!” I tell Satan. I laugh at Satan, and feel the spike pierce my side. “You’re going to loose, and He is going to kick your….”

The bright light shines all around me; the cold is replaced with heat, and I can’t see beyond the white all around me. I hear battle cries from all around and I make myself small on the ground. The ground shakes, the earth quakes, and I can hear Satan cry in the light. I smile through the pain, “told you so.”

The Angels came down with Jesus leading them, Michael leading the charge of the demons fleeing in the woods; Jesus comes to me placing his hands on me. “I knew you’d come.” The sweet, soothing voice of Jesus responded, “I’m always with you.” His hand placed over my heart and the warmth, the energy flowed through my broken body and in just an instant I could feel my body healed.

Make no mistake, Satan is powerful and he is dangerous. Many people believe in Christ but doubt the nature of the Devil. Scripture is very clear on this point that not only is Satan real, but as Paul points out in 2 Corinthians 4:4“whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them.” Paul is writing to the city of Corinth and is giving warning of worldliness, and the idea of fire insurance. Paul, who was an educated man, respected among the Jews for a time, and Christians, spoke with authority, and always chose his words carefully. Paul uses the word theos, and translates to god, with a little g. Satan is god of the earthly domain, and as it was pointed out to me recently, Satan could not have tempted Jesus without having something legitimate to offer. Satan should not be underestimated, and you should never let your guard down. It’s important for you to stand firm on the word of God, and know that Jesus will never let you go through the darkness alone. No matter if you are walking in the valley, by the streams, or the meadow, Christ is always with you. The fight for your soul is very real, and the Devil attacks daily trying to break through the defenses, but “If you can take it, you can make it.” (Unbroken) 

I have watched so many fall to the temptations of Satan and I have watched as good people made bad choices. I have watched as people I looked up too, to show me Christ in them failed when the going got tough. We all fall short of the Glory Of God, and we all fail, we all Sin. Sin is everywhere around us, and it’s easy for us to make one false step and we fall into the pit. Satan is like the Sarlacc waiting for you to slip in, and once in, unable to escape. The fact is though, Satan may grab hold of you, but that doesn’t mean you are forever in his grasp. Jesus can break through anything. Jesus heals any heart, and is more powerful then we can ever imagine. Satan may be lord over the earth, but Jesus is Lord over Everything. Satan cannot hold you, he cannot break you, he cannot bond you to anything so long as you allow Christ into your heart. Jesus will always win over Satan and we have nothing to fear. Stay firm in your walk, and check your armor daily. Focus on the Lord and you will stand fast when the Devil prowls in the night. 

Be Lonely No More

Be Lonely No More

Many of us move through life and from time to time that lonely feeling takes hold. The deepness of that lonely feeling is one that leaches on with almost no end in sight for relief.

Psalm 139

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.

3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,

And are acquainted with all my ways.

4 For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

5 You have hedged me behind and before,

And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!

Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.

20 For they speak against You wickedly;

Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?

And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22 I hate them with perfect hatred;

I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,

And lead me in the way everlasting.

We often feel lonely because we don’t have someone with us. Sometimes we can be in a crowded room and still feel like we are all alone. For two years I felt lonely from a companion standpoint, but somewhere along the line I found comfort in Christ. I wasn’t sure I’d meet anyone but when it came down to it, my biggest problem was my lack of trust in the Lord. When we truly take some time to think about Paul and his journey can you imagine how hard those would have been? Being lonely in your heart is an absence of Jesus. When we take some time to look through the psalm above, we can see David talking about how deeply God knew him, how God knew every part of him and his heart. When we put some thought, real thought in how special we must be to God knowing the creator of the universe also knows us intimately. We don’t have to live alone in this world because we are never alone so long as we allow Jesus to remain in our hearts.

Being patient with the Lord isn’t easy. We know that the Lord doesn’t want us to be alone, but there is a season for everything, and sometimes we are meant to be alone for a while. We don’t always know why, but when we put our faith in the Lord and we know that God has plans for us to prosper not for harm. God may not give us the relationship we want, but He always provides what we need. We need to focus on what we do have, not what we want. Trust in the Father to look out for you and know that He is truly with you while you’re sleeping, while your awake, knows when your naughty, and knows when you’re nice.

     I have spent a long time feeling lonely. I have watched and longed as friends dated, friends married, friends have had kids and even some have had grandkids and I have sinned with envy. I felt lonely of companionship but my brain and my heart were at odds. Knowing my God is with me always. Knowing God knows of all my heart and of my tongue. I cannot hide away from the Lord. If I cannot hide my transgression, then too shall I ever be alone? No, truly Jesus Christ loves me enough to comfort my heart, to bless me daily, and has delivered me from Hell Fire.

I’m not a perfect man, no I’m the farthest thing from. I have so long placed my hope in people to satisfy the lonely heart I had. That’s not to say you won’t desire someone, but be careful how strong you allow the desire to be. Do not allow yourself to place any heartfelt wish above Jesus Christ. If you cannot focus on Jesus, if Christ isn’t your first, you are last. Be open to the Love of God and hold fast to God’s plans. 

God’s Way

God’s Way

It’s amazing how God works things out. It’s amazing how beautiful the plan, and where blessings can come from the most unusual of places. There are things in my life I never would have guessed that would have come up, but now that they are in my life, I couldn’t imagine how it could be improved. God’s way truly is perfect, and when we live in Christ’s light we are sure to be blessed for our faithfulness, our strengths and our weaknesses. Trusting in God is an option, but the alternative is terrifying. God can do anything He wants and as he dwells outside the realm and laws of science and physics. The idea of miracles is a far off concept, and we look at them as religious mumbo jumbo, but there are historical accounts of these miracles. Is it so far to think that maybe, just maybe there’s truth to the accounts of these miracles? I think not, and the more you dive into the evidence the more it points to truth.

I was thinking about the story in Acts 19:14-16 and I thought of the scene in Casper when Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) runs out of the mansion and says to call somebody else. Acts 19:14-16 (NKJV)14 “Also there were seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, who did so. 15 And the evil spirit answered and said, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?” 16 Then the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, overpowered them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.”It’s interesting to think about an evil spirit being real, and not some made up story, but when you do the research you will find that the acts of Jesus and Paul are not just something found in the Bible but also in both the historical accounts of Josephus and the Qu’ran. Josephus was a Jewish historian who had no interest in proving who Christ was, but the evidence to the miracles that occurred can be seen far and wide.

There are things that happen all around us that we don’t usually see. Life is full of extraordinary things, but we don’t open our eyes to see the mystery of the Lord. Demons are very real, and we battle every day against the forces of darkness. Though we do not battle against flesh and blood, Ephesians 6:12 (NKJV)“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”It’s hard to wrap your head around, but when you truly take time to look around, to quiet the world around you, is it so hard or far fetched to believe?

We must know and understand that everything big and small is affected by God’s Holy presence. We are strengthened and in all things in the glory of God are possible. We must go forth in our life with pure hearts for the Lord. We must diminish and allow the Holy Spirit to thrive within us. After seeing the miracles of Paul a small group of charlatans attempted to perform an exorcism but for their own glory, not for God. Acts 19:15. The outcome did not go well for them, and it’s a lesson we must take away in our own lives. When we do things for our own glory and not for God we too will see the rotten fruit spring forth. I have seen miracles in my own life, and just that fact I am still breathing is one of them. I should not have survived on more than one occasion, but God saw fit to keep me around. I know that in my walk through this thicket, the thistles, the thorns, the quicksand, and many other traps the Devil lays for me, it’s God that sees me through. I do not rise each day for my own glory, my own purposes, but that of my Father on high.

In my past I think I have been guilty thinking God couldn’t pull through for me, and as Luke Skywalker said to Kylo Ren “Everything you just said is wrong.” I think God has shown me wrong every single time, even when I hadn’t acted on my own accord. God is capable of doing anything, and it’s not for us to put God on a shelf thinking He isn’t big enough to handle our hopes, our dreams, or our problems. We must hold fast to faith, and allow it to grow and fill our cup. Christ is the gift of life, and we cannot downplay the importance of our faithfulness, and hope in Jesus. The truth will set you free when you put your trust in Jesus, knowing that in all things God is working things for good, and hope is eternal with Christ. Don’t underestimate your blessings from God, and don’t be surprised with what you are given, especially if it’s something you’ve wanted a long time. Love can come from anyplace if we only believe.