Tag: god

What Do You See?

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What Do You See?

My God I sit here on my bed tonight and I ask what do you see in me? You’ve given me so much, and yet the flesh of this body betrays me. The scars that burn inside and out with regret and self-pity. The scars that burn as a reminder of what I’ve lost, where I’ve been, and hopefully where I’m going. Weeks like this week when the Devil’s been on the attack, wearing me down, I look to you my Lord, my Father, and I pray because I know I can’t do it on my own. The dark side of me has come bubbling up from the deep dark crevices in which it slumbers. I would go so far as to call it self pity, but days like today I feel the struggle longing for that special someone to spend time with. I know You are preparing me for something great, and I know my path is perfect for your plan, but today I feel my strength is not where I know it should be. Psalm 91:4“4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” I look to the sky and pray your grace be sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I sit here and write what’s on my heart, and I wonder what it is you see in me. I wonder why this message has been laid on my heart. I wonder if someone else feels the way I do tonight. I know it’s wrong, but I envy much, and I ask for forgiveness of my sin. I see so many with smiles and loved ones on their arm. I see so many posting and planning for new babies. It feels so unfair that I’ve tried so long and here I’m made to wait. It feels like you’ve gone away but I know that’s not true. I can’t see the purpose but I have faith in you, and not in my own sight. I reach to the sky and call out your name, and I ask please show me a sign.

I know that in this life we have our ups and downs, and we just have to ride the roller coaster and trust we know where you’re leading our train. This week I feel as if I were taken down back behind the woodshed and received a beating. One thing I’ve learned is you can only go so far down before the ride goes back up. And when I get a beating like this it means I’m doing something right for the glory of the Father. I can only sit and ride out the rough patch, but have faith. It’s a fool who only celebrates the good times. It’s a fool who only wants to hear ‘positive vibes’. We do not live our life in a bubble. We do not live our lives in hibernation during the rainy season of our lives. What we need to do is train our minds to see how our struggles can be turned into blessings. While this is far from easy, we are told not to worry about tomorrow. We are told in scripture to focus on today, the here and now. So, in light of what scripture tells me, I shall leave you with this short message. Go out there and feel the grass. Hug your children, kiss your significant other, and enjoy the day. Go forth today no matter what your situation is and find a few things you can be thankful for. Thank God for answered prayers, and also those that have been turned down, and those yet unanswered. Have faith, and never give up hope on our Father.

 

 

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Your Cage

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Your Cage:

 We’ve all heard the term “Life’s Not Fair.” The truth is in the pudding, life isn’t fair. It doesn’t play by any set of rules. This fallen sinful world is full of people who the Devil has gotten his teeth into and live to watch the world burn. Some people in this life love the darkness so much so that they embrace it. Some people love to feel powerful and feel the need to take power from others. Some men rape, and murder, and steal and terrorize others. In my life I’ve seen some horrors and I’ve experienced evil. I’ve seen the depravity of man and I know the pain and anger that’s left in the aftermath. I know what it’s like to feel so angry it feels like you’re going to explode. I know what it’s like to take a baseball bat and hit an inanimate object over and over and over again. I know what it’s like to be afraid of the world. I remember when I got home from Iraq driving on the street terrified me. I was scared of trash on the road, and other cars being to close to me. I was scared to go into a crowded store alone. I was scared to sleep in my bed without a gun next to me. To this day, I struggle to sleep without a gun with me. I have a hard time going to the store by myself knowing I am defenseless. I am still uncomfortable if I’m ever boxed in on the road, or if I can’t be ahead of traffic. It terrifies me to be sitting still on the road. What does any of this really mean? It means I created a cage for myself and I have the key, but I refuse to leave.

When I left the comfort of my tent in Kuwait for the long road to Ar-Ramadi in Iraq I really didn’t know what to expect. I had anticipated being shot at on a regular basis. I expected to be hit with one IED (Improvised Explosive Device) after another. I expected to be hated and despised by the locals which whom our mission was to win the hearts and minds. The reality was far different then what my mind had concocted. Yes I saw combat, and yes every bit of trash was a danger, but the attacks didn’t come every day like I had imagined. Never the less after a year on edge that became so engrained in my fight or flight response that reprogramming the event has been difficult, near impossible to date. One major issue is my own mind not letting go of the past and allowing myself to walk out of my cell and leave the key behind me. My mind has made the cage seem safe, and I like where it’s safe, and I don’t want to venture to unknown places. There are dangers in the unknown, and I am not equipped to deal with them. Alone I am vulnerable, exposed, and even with a head on a swivel I am ill prepared to handle the attack when it comes. I look to the exits, I scan every person big or small, and I feel the adrenalin spiking as the crowds grow. Anyone is a robber, a thug, a terrorist, and at any moment the excrement can impact the oscillating device. The risk is just to high so I stay home.

That was me 12 years ago. I hated going anywhere because that’s what my mind did to control me. It’s taken years for me to break through that barrier and move forward. While I wouldn’t say I’m free of the cage, I am comfortable saying the cage has expanded. I am not longer a prisoner of my home. I have found many different ways to cope with my social anxiety, but there are days when it still affects me worse then others. One of the big things in therapy is finding what works, and to get there it takes trial and error. I’ve heard so many people tell me they got into therapy and because it didn’t work after a few weeks stopped going. People think therapy is a quick fix, that you go and you talk about your issue, or perceived issue, and after a few sessions you are all better. That’s not the way it works, that’s not the way the brain works, and sadly those kinds of fast food therapy ideas are why we as Americans struggle so much. We have lost our faith and we no longer believe in anything, and we are fly by night Christians, and we are really only Christians in name. We say the prayers, we identify with a social norm, and that’s what we are, but most Christians don’t ever open their own bibles and read or study. Most Christians don’t even go to church regularly, yet hold onto the name Christian. Many Christians act churchly when they are in the building with the cross on top, but as soon as the car door closes to go home, Mr. Hyde comes out and it’s an entirely different scene. In order for us to deal and manage with the traumas of life we must first repair the damage between Christ and us. We have walked so far away from the cross that we wouldn’t know scripture if it hit us in the face. We have allowed ourselves to conform to the ideas of this world, and we have removed God from our lives so now when things go bad we have no faith, nothing to believe in, and above all, or rather, worst of all, no hope for a brighter tomorrow.

After years and years of trauma I have my issues, but I have found ways to still live a normal life. I have faced my demons and while that fight ongoing, and slow, there’s still forward momentum. I know which direction I need to go, and while I would love to place blame, it’s a futile exercise in making excuses. The truth is I cannot change what happened to me, or why it happened, but I have a choice with how I live my life right now. I have a choice how I want to behave, how I want to feel, and I decide my frame of mind. I am under no disillusions that God is the one that either allows things to happen, or nudges us towards a particular direction. Every situation, good and bad is an opportunity for us to evangelize and praise God. It doesn’t matter what ‘bad’ thing happens to you, whether it be a death in the family, a murder, a rape, a sickness, a loss of a job, a loss of a spouse, nothing changes the ultimate outcome. One thing I hear so often is ‘you wouldn’t understand.’ While the flavor of the ice cream may be different I still know how to eat ice cream. Trauma is trauma no matter what flavor it is. There’s a time to love and a to hold. There’s a time to walk along side hand in hand, and eventually there’s a time to push or pull someone through. The biggest detriment for those who suffered trauma is when they get stuck in that incident. I know because I was there. After I watched my close friends die horrifically in an explosion, and while I did CPR and failed to save one, I relived that event for years. I became stuck and it took therapy for me to have a break through. Therapy is not something to be taken lightly, and it’s not a Genie in a bottle that can snap his fingers and make you all better. There is no cure for cancer in a day, and there’s no cure to repair damage done emotionally. There are ways to get over some anxieties. There are ways to manage fear. There are ways to overcome horrible cages that we place ourselves in. You have to want to do what is necessary, and you have to find yourself coming and letting Jesus back into your heart, or letting Jesus Christ in for the first time. Faith is the strongest medicine you can find, and faith mixed with professional help and a drive to actually fix the problem, will put you on the healing path.

While others may be able to teach us, show us the way, help pick us up, ultimately the door to recovery starts with us. We have to be ready to walk through the door and follow whatever path waits for us on the other side. While we sit in our cages unwilling to do what is necessary we are the ones who hold our own key. We must be willing to step foot out of our own comfort zone and take a chance in the big, bad, scary world. We may realize that the world although never truly safe, isn’t as scary as we once made it out to be. We can believe the lies fed to us by Mother Gothel, and we may keep ourselves trapped up in our towers forever, or we can escape and see the world as beautiful, and full of life. Sure is there risk? Of course there’s risk, but one day we have to look back over our lives, and we will have to decide if we are satisfied with how we lived. Living in fear is no way to live. Life’s to short to worry about it. If you know you’re saved, and you know that Heaven is where you will be, truly, this life is just a temporary holding pattern for the real life waiting for us. If one day I’m out and I am mugged and shot and killed getting money from the ATM, I know I lived my life as well as I could, and I know I’m happy with what I leave behind. Don’t let fear stop you from living, from going out and enjoying the blessings God has bestowed on our life.

 

Apologetics

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Apologetics:

What is Apologetics? No it doesn’t mean how to apologize for doing something stupid. Apologetics is defined as the following, “reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine.” Why is this important you ask? Well, I’m glad you did, because as a Christian this is tremendously important. How do we share the gospel to those who believe in something different? The study of apologetics will allow you the ability to mount a plausible and reasonable defense. Recently I have found that as well as I know scripture, and as well as I am able to articulate coherent thought, the art of apologetics is still something to be studied and practiced on a regular basis. I have found it difficult for me to not explain what Christianity is, but rather why Christianity is the truth. Many people struggle with this aspect of their faith. It’s not that they doubt their faith to be truth, it’s that they don’t know how to articulate Christianity. First thing that must happen is you pray, you need to pray that God will give you the words and that God will open the heart of the person, or people you’re talking to. For me, as the personality type INTJ, I use facts in every single argument I make. I don’t argue unless I know those facts to be true, and that I know for sure I’m right in that particular argument. If I’m not right, I stay away from the argument, and if I’m not sure, I research facts first. The problem with facts is, no matter the facts I can present about the truth and Gospel of Jesus Christ, people just don’t accept facts as truth. For an INTJ this can be incredibly frustrating.

The Facts:

  • Scripture was written over a 1400-year time span by many different authors and without much influence by previous writings.
  • Physical evidence proves the existence of many characters from biblical account.
  • Scriptures accounts of Creation mirrors the account attributed to the ‘Big Bang’ in many ways. Although the timeline doesn’t match up, the process is still the same. Scripture was written long before the theory of the big bang.
  • Jesus Christ lived, and was crucified for blaspheming and as a threat to those in power.
  • 13 people saw Jesus Christ’s miracles and teachings every day. Thousands saw Christ throughout his ministry. The Roman Empire failed to prove Christ was a fake. Christianity survived the largest most powerful force on the planet.
  • The soldiers at the tomb would have been elite Roman Centurions and knew failure meant death.
  • Even after the tomb Jesus was seen by over 400 people, still performing miracles. The Roman Empire tried to quiet the movement but was unable to because everyone they interrogated preferred death over lying about what they saw and experienced.
  • Paul, known as Saul at the time was a high ranking member in the Jewish synagogues and was responsible for persecuting the church. He was responsible for murdering Christians hunted them with extreme ferocity. Saul experienced a life changing event on the road to Damascus where he was struck blind. There were eyewitnesses to the account. Paul experienced a radical 180 in his beliefs after that event. He went from being one of the most feared men in all of Christianity to one of the loudest voices for Christianity.
  • Each of the Apostils faced execution for their positions on Christ. Prior to execution and during stays in jail these men were tortured and beaten beyond our ability to understand in 1stworld countries. Floggings were common, and the wounds from being flogged would have been deep and long lacerations across their entire back. Each of the men would have been given the opportunity to recant their statements, denounce Christianity and go along their way. Neither of them changed or recanted their stories, not once.
  • Many believe in the conspiracy theory that the stories about Christ were made up and rehearsed to add a new religion to the world. This however is easy to debunk when you consider what is needed to keep a conspiracy alive. Even today conspiracies usually fall apart within hours of being captured because no one wants to take the fall. When multiple people are captured and to get information from them torture is used, how many people would undergo torture for a lie? How many people would be able to give the same story over and over again never once wavering on the details, especially under torture. The reason torture is so ineffective in today’s world is because people will tell you anything you want to hear, just to stop the pain. This never happened with any of the Apostles. The Romans wanted to break Christianity and stop the uprising and were willing to do it any way possible, to include under Nero having Christians sentenced to die in the arena during his games. These games often included death by exotic animals to include tigers. Had any of the Apostles or eyewitnesses of Christ recanted their stories, the Romans would have capitalized on it, yet no one did. Further more, even if one were able to withstand the torture, how many people would be willing to die for a lie? These men saw with their own eyes the power of Christ.

There are many more reasons to believe that Christianity is the real deal. Eyewitness accounts and the facts that Scripture has withstood years of scrutiny from some of the most dedicated atheists and yet, many of those atheists have since converted to Christianity because the evidence showed them the opposite of what they aimed to prove. One such individual is Los Angeles Cold Case Detective J. Warner Wallace. http://coldcasechristianity.com  Another is A Case For Christ by Lee Strobel. Both men tell their incredible journey from Atheist to Christianity. These powerful stories can be heard over and over again as atheists and other faiths have left their long standing beliefs behind in exchange for the truth and salvation of Jesus Christ the savior of mankind. I myself have experienced the presence of God on more then one occasion but one event stands out above the rest.

A couple years ago I was bleeding out from a self inflicted gunshot wound. I was unconscious in less then a minute as the bullet went through my lung. I was loosing blood quickly and as I was starting to turn grey and purple the paramedics didn’t expect me to survive the trip to the hospital. As clear as any waking moment I recall telling God I was sorry. The response would forever change my life. I heard the Lord say, “You’re Forgiven.” The words themselves were powerful, and felt like a jolt of electricity rush through me. (No I was never hit with the paddles) I instantly awoke in the ambulance to the shock of the EMS team working on me. After hearing the voice of God I wanted nothing more then to ‘go home’. God it seems kept me alive and forgave me of my sins for a purpose. That purpose would be found not long ago, but even that event would serve as an experience I would be able to use in my ministry and my walk with Christ.

As a Christian we are obligated to study and learn the word of God. We are told to take scripture into our hearts and minds and live what we learn. When we follow the Great Commission we will encounter those of all faiths and all levels within those faiths. We must learn how to articulate the truth without exaggeration, and without watering down the truth. You will never be able to talk someone into Christianity, because anyone who can be talked into it will be talked out of it. Facts only hold so much weight for the non-believer so share the gospel, share personal experiences, a little facts, and pray God opens their hearts. We cannot save everyone because much like the matrix, everyone who’s still plugged in is apart of that system, and not everyone is ready to be unplugged.

 

 

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Frustrations

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Frustrations,

We cannot walk through life without running into a few challenges. We cannot expect to never face the rain. Someone said to me once, ‘when it rains, some people feel the rain, others just get wet.’ I think one of the hardest things we will do as people is embrace the trials with an open mind and using that big beautiful brain God gave us to focus on the positive things even in the worst situations we find ourselves in. Galatians 6:9  “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Feelings of doubt and frustration are natural and normal to have. We all have our tough days, and I’ve had my fair share lately. What’s important is not that you have them, but that you are able to make your way through as a Christian, and keeping your witness. John 16:33“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” The trials come, and come with a vengeance sometimes. It’s aright to feel frustrated, and even angry sometimes. It’s okay to vent as long as it’s controlled. Most importantly when you’re struggling make sure to take your concerns to the one who can truly do something, God.

As far as everyone else is concerned, when you see your brothers and sisters struggling be sure to help them. Be sure to provide encouragement, and love. It’s not easy going through trials. We all have, and we all hope to have someone to lean on when the going gets tough. Don’t be that friend that casts blame, or rebukes someone for being, ‘negative.’ One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says you’re being too negative. Discussing trials, and struggles isn’t negative it’s a fact of life. Everyone goes through tough seasons, bad storms, and everyone deserves to have someone to listen, someone who will care, and help them through it. Don’t abandon those in need because if you do, you’re actually the one in sin. Proverbs 27:10“Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” So many people today want only the feel good positives in their lives, and often try to remove anyone who is going through a tough time in fear they may be contaminated by negativity. The truth is, while some people are more prone to being negative and that may not be an undesirable trait, we must look at a person’s situation and ask how we’d feel in their shoes.

For me, I lost a lot of friends after my ex-wife left. I was miserable for a few months and struggled to stand on my own two feet. I was devastated at the loss of my wife, and the incident which put me in the hospital. I had guilt, shame, heartbreak, worry, and a slue of other emotions, and when I wasn’t ‘snapping out of it’ in others perceived time table, I was abandoned by many. My life at that time mirrored the life of Job. Many of my situations were similar, and as I continued to struggle and limp along, many of my pastor friends pointed me to the book of Job, and the trials of Paul. To this day many of my works would involve references of those two men as my inspiration to carry on. Just remember if you struggle as I have, or if you’ve struggled as Job had, and you find yourself alone, forgotten, remember these words. Job 19:14“My relatives have failed, And my intimate friends have forgotten me.” Even when Job was left and forgotten by his closest friends, rebuked, blamed for his misfortunes, he never gave up hope. Job 19:26“26 And after my skin is [a]destroyed, this I know, That in my flesh I shall see God,” He Trusted the Lord, and knew that God would never leave him. We must all trust in the Lord that in all things blessings can be found in every trial, every storm, every heartbreak, and every thorn.

 

Why God?

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Why God?

I wish I could stand here and tell you I’ve never been on the outs with God. I wish I could tell you I’ve never felt like I was the cosmic punching bag. The truth is, when I felt like I was being punished for something it was me that had the wrong perspective. It’s not easy living life through the trials, the storms, but the thing I get asked most often, “why?” While I don’t always have the answers to why, I want to talk about perspective. We’ve become a society of passing the buck. We blame all manor of things, but more often then not, the things responsible are ignored or underplayed.

Recently I was thinking about my own past. When my ex had her affair I blamed God. I blamed God saying “Why would you do this to me? I’ve been faithful.” Interestingly enough, looking back from where I am now, I think of Luke Skywalker, “Amazing, every word of what you just said, was wrong.” We often find ourselves angry when we are in pain. Pastor Glen Newsom told me an example recently, when we hurt we’re like a bear caught in a trap. We will lash out to anyone or anything that comes near us. When we’re trying to help people we often have to get close enough to that bear to be hit in the face. Sadly when dealing with a bear trap, you might have to tighten it causing more pain, before you can release the bear from the trap. Counseling and aiding those in need is sometimes the same. We are angry and we hurt, and we just want the pain to go away, and we’ll do anything to make it stop. When I was angry I didn’t think twice about the source, I blamed God. In all reality my problem was me. I knew the past of the people I had been in relationships with. I knew there were a few things that seemed morally questionable. When the time came around and I was the one cheated on, instead of blaming them, and Satan, I targeted the wrong entity. I know that God has the power to step in, to change the way things are, but to do so would be to take away the second greatest gift we’d ever be given, Free Will. Of course the first greatest gift is Jesus Christ.

To this day I still don’t have an understanding of why my ex wife left. What I do know is sin and lusts of the flesh are powerful motivators. Sin and free will can be a dangerous combination when we aren’t walking alongside Christ. We cannot place blame on God for the sins of Man. I was thinking about that recently. Blaming God for the things people do, is like blaming the police for not stopping a murderer from killing, or blaming firefighters for the fire because the arsonist burnt the forest down. Blame is our scapegoat. We don’t want to think it’s our loved ones fault. We don’t want to think somehow we are responsible. Instead we want to pass the buck to the easiest place possible. The hard part about responsibility is when we’re told all the blaming we’ve done, all the finger pointing should really be turned inward. No one wants to hear the truth that they are responsible, or their loved one’s at fault. How could someone we love and care about be the cause of so much pain? Of course this falls into play when you talk about the stages of grief. Denial is a powerful stage and if you happen to be the sorry soul to point out truth, be careful, the swings will come, and you’re likely to get punched in the face.

All My Hope, By Crowder “All my hope is in Jesus, thank God my yesterdays gone, all my sins have been forgiven, I’ve been washed by the blood.” When we look to yesterday we are gifted with hindsight which they say is 20/20 vision. Sometimes though even when we look back things are only clear to the ones wearing the glasses. As they say about history it’s written by the victors. Our eyewitness accounts would vary drastically from one person to the next. Deuteronomy 11:26“See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse:” When we’re in the middle of the storm, we can’t see the size, the distance, even the worst to come within that storm but radar can. We are not able to see it because we aren’t God. It’s not a healthy path to start questioning your decisions too much. I’ve always been an advocate of healthy after action reviews to improve upon every major decision made, but we cannot get caught in a loop of the what ifs. We will never have those answers within this life, and so we should not worry ourselves about hypothetical rhetoric. Trusting in the Lord to work out every bad situation to be a learning tool, a blessing, or correction for our own bad behavior will come with faith. God does not control the actions of man because God has blessed man with free will. When most people are asked if they believe in destiny or fate, most will answer with a resounding yes or no. Those who say no often say it because they don’t like the idea they aren’t in control of their own actions. Those who say yes often agree that we are destined to get a certain job, or go through certain things, but when you break it down to the smallest detail, ‘are you destined to have Cheerios one morning, or Fruit Loops?” Their tune changes a bit when you start talking about the true nature of destiny and free will. God does not want slaves, but he wants his Children to love Him. I am not a parent, but I imagine if I were I would not want to force my kids to love me, I would want to know they love me of their own free will, because they want to, not because they have to. We can’t have it both ways, we cannot blame God for the wrongs of every person, and want our own free will. We get the good and the bad when it comes to free will.

When people get sick with a disease, or die in an accident, one of the first questions asked is ‘Why would God let this happen?” There’s no answer myself, nor anyone could ever give that would be right on purpose. We don’t know why a smoker of 50 years dies the ripe old age of 95 never having contracted cancer, and someone who smoked for just a fear years dies in their 40’s of lung cancer long after they’ve quit. We don’t know why babies are taken home to be with the Lord so shortly after coming into this world. We don’t know why God allows the body to have miscarriages, and so many other incidences that plague our lives. Jeremiah 29:11“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” While we often say, ‘I don’t disserve this.’ We don’t disserve life, but we were blessed with the opportunity to ever lasting life through our Savior Jesus Christ. It’s an opportunity because it’s not mandatory for us to enter into Heaven. Heaven is a gift, but one we must accept. It’s a gift with a single stipulation, and that’s to love Jesus Christ with all your heart and soul. We must trust in that love and understand that as Christ suffered trials and persecution we to will undergo trials and persecutions to test our own faith, our own resolve. 1 Thessalonians 5:18“18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” We think ourselves mighty if we believe we don’t deserve the trails and sufferings we encounter in this life. We are no different then those who drove the nails into the hands and feet of an innocent man. We are no different then those who cast lots to divide up the clothing of a man who was blameless. We are no different then the wicked men of our forbears. We believe we are basically good people, but at the foot of the cross we are no better, nor worse then anyone else who’s ever lived before us, or those who will come long after we’re gone. How can you say we don’t deserve the trails that come when all sin is created equal, and the only way for us to be rid of it, is to give ourselves, succumb completely to the Love of Jesus Christ. We are not worthy of that love. Grace however is given to those worthy or not. Love is given to all without cost, without reward, without score, and yet we are short sighted in our ideas of love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. Why does God love us? Why do bad things happen to us? The answers are simple, and yet so simple people have a hard time understanding and or respecting the answer. Bad things happen because Sin entered the world. Bad things happen because people live in the world by the worlds rules rather then living for God. God loves us because He can. God wants to love us, and that’s all the reason He needs. God loves each and every one of His children more then we can wrap our heads around the word Love.

We must keep Proverbs 3:5-6in our hearts and minds always. “5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Faith in the plan from the Lord because we know our God loves us, and wants good things for us, not bad. We are to be tested to be the best we can be. We are to be tried because we learn from our failures, we grow, and we mature in our struggles more so then any other time in our lives. Faith, Hebrews 11:1-3 “11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the people of old received their commendation. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.” So ask yourself again, why do bad things happen? Bad things happen because people make sinful decisions. Bad things happen because we make poor choices. Bad things happen because in life we live in a fallen world, and we don’t always get the answers to why. We learn from them, we grow in them, and in all things we are commanded to come to God in our sorrow, our time of need. Crawl into your Abba’s lap and cry, and always ask God to be with you, because He always is. Jesus Christ will never leave you, He will never abandon you, and for every tear you cry, He’s holding them in His hands, and He’s crying along side you. Be of good faith, and know that you will be the sword forged in fire, to be made sharp, and battle ready, tested under combat, and you will prevail, that’s why bad things happen.

One Year Later, A Life Saved        

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One Year Later, A Life Saved:      

One year ago today I was on my way to work earlier then normal, and as I had a strong drive to leave early, it wouldn’t take long on my journey to discover why. I would be at the right place at the right time, designed by God to be exactly where I needed to be. Divine intervention was at play, there is no doubt in my mind about that. To read about the events that day, please follow this link : https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2017/06/22/the-right-place-at-the-right-time/

One year later I am still in contact with the family. The road to recovery has been long and hard, painful, and yet is still ongoing. While the recovery process hasn’t been easy, a lucky man was able to spend another year with his family, loving them, and in my humble opinion, being an inspiration of perseverance in unspeakable odds against him. We never understand the big picture that God has planned for us, and we rarely understand the why until months, and sometimes years later, but we can rest assured, our faith will never be misplaced in the Lord. All this time I know that my prayers were answered and I have grown in my faith as to what God expects of me. Looking back on that day a year ago, I don’t see myself as doing anything special. I don’t see myself as a hero, or even responsible for saving anyone’s life. Regardless of my opinion, all that truly matters is, a man was saved and has been with his family all this time. As I’ve written lately, we are just links in the chains. We don’t know how big, or how small, but we have an impact. John 16:13“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” We must accept the Holy Spirit into our hearts, and know that we are washed away of a life of Sin bound to die in it. We must choose to allow Jesus Christ into our hearts, and once we do, we find that our path, and our purpose will be made clear in time. It starts with trust. When we walk in the light, we become a beacon to those around who may not believe. We are beacons for the believers to be held and to hold accountable. We are the Samaritan who helps the weary, beaten, battered traveler.

Proverbs 4:18“But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.” We are nothing without Christ, but with Christ we are everything. We are the servants who do the Lords work, and as I have found in my life when we walk with Christ we will always find ourselves in situations to be in the right place at the right time to make a difference. We can be the life and death found within the will of God. We may never know the impact of our interactions, but sometimes we do. Today I look back with a humble heart, and know that I was right where God needed me to be because I obeyed the Holy Spirit and did what I was told to do. Today a man lives, and loves, and has been blessed by grace and mercy to survive when physical evidence says he shouldn’t have. God is on the move in our lives and to that I praise Jesus. I am thankful for my brother who is still fighting strong to heal. I praise my sister in Christ for her devotion in these tough times, but even through the trials, and pain, and tears, still she stands tall and has hope and love in her heart. God is real my friends, and God is working all over the world. Anyone who claims otherwise just refuses to see it. The evidence is all around you, and all you have to do is put a little trust, a little faith, and open your eyes beyond the world, but to the beyond. The God of Abraham lives and is still performing miracles, and I say to you, God’s Not Dead, He’s alive and He’s waiting for you.

 

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The Path We Follow

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The Path We Follow

The path we follow is a winding road.

The twist and turns how far will it go?

There’s no doubt, we reap what we sew.

The path is long, and sometimes narrow.

Sometimes it’s joy, sometimes sorrow.

Sometimes we walk by the peaceful streams.

Other times the valley where it’s only screams.

My God my God protect over me.

All you out there listen and you’ll see.

There’s no fairy, or magic genie, which whom I pray.

My God is King, with evidence strong, I could argue all day.

 

I’ve run the race, so long and true.

It makes me strong, but worried about you.

I sit and pray, with a mighty fright.

You don’t believe, but what if I’m right?

You walk your way, and you turn your back.

What must I do to get you on track?

I pray to God with fervent might.

So one day, you may look on with glorious sight.

So far you’ve gone, you can turn around.

No longer are you chained and bound.

God is true, with love surround, no sin to big that cause a fall, blood shed for you, to all stand tall.

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

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You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed the scars you have? I have scars I see every day when I look in the mirror. My body is covered with scars from years of unfortunate accidents, injuries, and just a result of a rough life. I don’t just see the physical scars in the mirror but the emotional ones also. I was told recently that the traumas and trials I’ve faced are enough for maybe 3 peoples lifetimes. I had never really thought about it like that before. All I think about is how horrible it’s been sometimes, if I think about them at all. One of the things I was very good at was not dealing with my emotional pain. I tried to bury it and run away forgetting where I put it. Sadly, when it comes to grief and pain, you can’t outrun it. What you bury will come back to haunt you, and it’s usually pretty angry when it does. I recently wrote a blog post talking about running from grief. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/man-on-the-run/ I won’t be rehashing an old topic. Instead in this post, I’ll be discussing how to use those scars to your advantage.

In 34 ish years I’ve seen a lot of things, and I’ve been to a lot of places. I’ve seen the world from the 3rdworldview, and I’ve seen the world from a luxury hotel downtown Chicago. No matter where I’ve gone one thing has been certain, the Holy Spirit has been right there with me the whole time. From the age of a little kid I have felt the Holy Spirit with me. I have moved through life feeling the Holy Spirit, yet running from an obvious calling within my life. Most of my life I have felt as if something were missing. I have felt a sense of lacking and never quite feeling useful. I have lacked purpose in my life. I thought my purpose was to be a good friend, a good husband, but although in my biased opinion, I am a good friend, and I am a good husband, or more accurately was a good husband, I now realize something new. For each scar I have a story. Each story is a chance to reach out to someone in need. Purpose will always be, where God is sending you. Today, I sit here thinking about each one of my scars mental and physical, and I have slowly started to realize what the purpose after all these years may have been.

When I think back to a man with scars I am reminded of the Apostle Paul. He suffered a great deal of physical torment throughout his ministry. Through the book of Acts you see Paul’s struggles. You see him get beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, hunted, imprisoned, and yet as he talks about how far he’s come. Galatians 6:17“17 From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” I for one cannot imagine the pain he must have been in every day. In a time where most serious injuries would likely cripple or kill someone, he managed to keep going despite his injuries. It wasn’t as if they could go to the nearest CVS or Walmart and get Tylenol. Not being able to set broken bones, or take anti inflammatory, or even penicillin must have made healing very difficult. Here’s a man that literally took beatings and  torture for God, never once throwing up his hands and saying, ‘Nope, I made it all up, Jesus was a nobody.’ Even till Paul’s dying day, scars and all, he maintained his position that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, the truth the way the light. His scars were his testimony and what a testimony he had! I have spent a lifetime wondering why I’ve been through so much. I’ve often sat in the dark, yelling to God to answer my questions. After 34 years I may have finally gotten the answer I have been waiting for.

When you pick up your cross you will find persecution. In persecutions you will find both physical and emotional scars are part of the journey. Scars are sometimes badges of honor when we are a blessing to Jesus. Our scars are a reminder of where we’ve been, and a lesion learned no matter what caused the scar. Sometimes a scar is gained by playing with friends. Sometimes a scar is from someone doing unspeakable things to you. No matter where your scars are from, either good or bad, we can always take away some kind of lesson. I’ve seen many people after a trauma turn cold and bitter towards the people around them. I can’t say I’m innocent either. I have become angry when I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen people destroy lives, destroy families after suffering from loss. We will always have scars, but as a sword in the fire, we will either become brittle and break, or become strong and sharp. True courage is to face the pain, and face the troubled waters with honor and dignity and above all else, faith that God will use that pain for good, not for more suffering.

I have scars from surgeries, everything from knee, to hernia, to tonsillectomy, to cervical spine fusion, and more. I have emotional scars from death, from relationships, from war, and much more. When I look in the mirror I see a man who’s endured much, and yet I still stand. I face the world with hope, and with agape (love) in my heart for those around me. Even as I was going through a horrible divorce with my ex wife, and while there were things said and done that were beyond awful, I stood by her side and endured the pain and hardships. Now after all that time, we are talking, we spend time together, and we have a pretty amazing friendship. All the pain that was endured has allowed me to be there for her, now when she needs it. Living with Christ in your heart, loving deeply and not just what this world considers love anymore, is not an easy venture but God is watching and he will bless you for it. Pain is a hard thing to be stuck with, especially if you don’t know why, and you don’t know what to do with it. But I say to you, there is hope, and there is purpose. You will have to turn to God with love and prayer, and surrender in your heart. You will have to allow God to hold you up, and you will have to surrender over a piece of your self. Jesus Christ can heal your heart if you let Him. Jesus is always with you, and you just need to ask, and accept that without Christ we are nothing, but with Christ we are royalty to paradise. We are all soldiers, and with our scars of battle, we choose to surrender to the Devil, or fight for the throne in Heaven.

I was thinking back to an old post I wrote, and an old Sermon by Dr. David Chambers of my church. Why was our savior brought into this world as a baby? It was so that he would grow, and live among us, so we could relate to Him on a deep intimate level. His life had pain, and losses, and poverty, just like many of us. He survived the baby massacre, and then lost his Dad Joseph early in his life. He would grow to preach and teach God’s word, and when the time came he was tortured horribly, to just an inch of his life, and then he carried a heavy tree for a few miles, just to be placed on that tree and hung for all the world to see. Christ suffered horribly for each and every one of us, so we may one day live to live in eternal salvation. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)It takes great courage to live with pain. It takes courage to find a path where you can use your pain for good rather then evil. How many stories have you seen or heard that started off with the villain saying ‘I was done wrong, so I’m going to make them pay.’ Or something along those lines anyway. Emotional pain is a strong motivator and it can cause good people to do awful things. Every one of us is capable of great things, or completely evil things. When we use our pain to heal from the truth written on those pages in scripture, then we are on the path to enlightenment.

Under the right situations your pain and suffering may be used to inspire and help others. I for one am starting to realize that all my life has been training. All the hardships I’ve faced and it being mostly traumatic incidences has given me the unique perspective to understand the nature of that kind of pain. I understand the pain of loosing a loved one to divorce. I’ve lost people in my life before, but my marriage this time was one of the hardest. The unfortunate event that occurred the day I found out my wife was leaving would forever be a day of great tragedy for me. That fateful day I succumbed to the pain and suffering that I spent so much effort running from. I’m ashamed of myself, and I still have a hard time believing it was me that day, but I have the scar to show for it. Today when I think back at my scars, I think now, how can I help others? How can I help prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else? As I have been looking into my future since my security job imploded I have been led to believe ministry is my true calling. For years I looked at the ministry to be for someone much smarter, much braver, and much more people friendly. God uses the most unlikely of people sometimes to do His work. I have heard from many in ministry about running from their calling and how miserable their life was the whole time. Ministry is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, with some of the most stress in any job. Ministry comes with some of the most emotional drain out there, but people are genuinely happier, despite the level of stress that comes with.

I realized my traumas have been preparing me to help others get through theirs. Through most of my incidences I didn’t have a therapist, or a chaplain there to help me through. I was left to navigate the minefield, and as it became more and more dense with each passing trauma, I was bound to step on a landmine. When I finally stepped on one, and I ended up in the hospital, I was faced with a fundamental change in my life. It was the beginning of the end of a path I had been on for 7 years of a career, and 32 years of my life. Through it wasn’t easy for me to face facts, eventually, that closure would come from God as my job in security would end abruptly and with finality. I know many of you have endured great pain and suffering, and you can’t see any reason why you were made to suffer. First off let me say that there are a lot of reasons we are hurt. Sin is the most likely for most. Health is next in line. Then lastly personal choice to make bad decisions causes many of our struggles. No matter what flavor of pain you have, know that it is up to you to find a scriptural purpose for it. I have decided that my vast knowledge of all kinds of different pain and trauma makes Christian Crisis Counseling a perfect job for me. I can use my pain and suffering to inspire and guide others through their crucibles. I have chosen to embrace my pain instead of running from it. I have chosen to use my pain instead of burying it. If I can use my experience to help God’s people, it would be a sin not to.

I have run from God’s calling into ministry my whole life, and there’s always been something missing. I’ve always struggled with depression, and even though I’m not perfect and sometimes I still have my bad days, I am driven to continue my growth in the Lord. I pray to God to continue to show me my path, and to give me grace and mercy along the way. I fully expect the Devil to try and break me down during my journey, and any journey towards chaplaincy or pastoral ministry is going to fall under attack by the Devil. If we are going to follow in Christ we must live differently, so we can show others a different way to live. We must be productive in our faith, and not squander our experiences. I think of the things a father teaches a son. A father teaches their child how to treat others, how to be a responsible person, and how to love. They teach them how to do things around the house, how to hunt, and fish, and throw a baseball. But more importantly a Christian father will teach their kids, rather train their kids to be in Christ. I didn’t have a father growing up and I missed out on a lot of important lesions and experiences, but now I look to my Heavenly father for guidance and love, and approval. I have hidden behind my scars for so long, now I have to learn to embrace them and use them to help others. It won’t be an easy road, and I suspect there will be days when I will feel the weight of my decisions, but as Paul said to Timothy, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I too shall join that fight in ministry as I start my path to chaplaincy, and God willing maybe more.

There are days when my scars hurt, but I know God won’t ever leave me, He won’t ever forsake me, and I know now, my scars were not in vein. We must learn to see beyond our own pain, and trust that in all things we go through God is working it out so we may find peace, not sorrow. We live in a fallen world so pain and trials will come, but we don’t have to let it destroy us. I challenge each and every one of you to go out there and find your purpose in Gods plan. It’s likely your scars are for a purpose and that you can use them for good. Your scars can give you strength and understanding in areas perhaps others cannot. I challenge you to stop running from God and embrace your gifts and your life experiences. Pass on what you have learned, and remember failure is the greatest teacher you will ever have. Use your failures to help others see. Never give up on yourself because Christ wont’ ever give up on you.

 

 

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Accused and Apathy

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Accused and Apathy:

Recently I was accused of being a bad friend. I was accused of not being a good Christian man. If we’re honest about the good and bad in life I will say I am human and I will always fall short. Now, that being said I will always admit to my mistakes, but these recent accusations were completely and utterly unfounded. People often say things under the umbrella of emotions and when they do there’s really no telling what may come out.

Often when the truth is uttered those who hear and feel a conviction will lash out in anger. They are not slow to speak and they cause destruction left behind after the sound waves of their voice subsides. The wicked tongue is plentiful today. It’s all around us in the music we listen to on the radio, the movies and TV shows we watch, and even the voices heard in our very homes. Proverbs 21:23“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” No one seems to care anymore that communication is slowly dying. I’ve watched as excuse after excuse comes across my phone screen as to why a message was ignored for days, weeks, and sometimes longer. I’ve gotten every manner of excuses and while some are absolutely legitimate others are not. My biggest frustration is when I get the simple excuse I’ve just been busy. This verbiage, busy, doesn’t usually mean busy, it means ‘you weren’t a priority.’ Thus the excuse given really comes from a place of apathy. For those of you who don’t know what that means, I’ll give you the definition, Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. There was no concern on how someone would feel being left hanging, dangling there for weeks before a response was finally given, and that response never actually held an apology. See, what most people fail to realize is just as dangerous as the tongue is, as it’s probably the most dangerous weapon on the planet, it has the power to build, or destroy. Matthew 15:11“It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

I have a good friend who has a few kids. He has often told me about his policy with the kids, the punishment for wrong doing will be equal to the crime, but the punishment for a lie on top of the crime, much more severe. This makes sense because we as Christians know we will make mistakes. We know that it’s not about if we screw up but when. The thing with those mistakes is using the tongue along with actions to try and make amends for that mistake. So many people are afraid to stand up and speak the truth, but more are perfectly content living in a world where they never have to face the consequences of their actions. So many now lash out, out of anger and never fully see the ramifications of those words because now everything is done over non-verbal, or vocal communications. People now are so quick to anger, so quick to shoot off a ill thought out text that things are said without thought, and likewise in that anger it’s so easy to hit a couple buttons and poof, that persons gone from your life. People in droves make rash, hurtful remarks and then run away before any defense can be made, thus destroying the very foundation of friendships, and relationships. Proverbs 12:18“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 18:21“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” When we consider the power of the tongue and what we say, how it affects people in our life, we hold such power just a few inches from our brains. Many have little concern now about who they hurt, what they say, or why. On top of a lack of caring how our words affect people, the effect goes far beyond just what we say. A general apathy has sprung up in people all over the world. Since we have gotten to the point now where we don’t care what we say, how we say it, the other side of that coin is we don’t truly care about others. I’ve been in the online dating world for quite some time now, and I have noted on multiple occasions in the last 24 months that people just stopped caring about anyone but themselves. There’s no thought to the curtsey given to how we treat people. We ignore messages, we lie about the excuses to cause long delays in communications, and that’s if communication doesn’t stop abruptly without warning. I’ve always prided myself as being a very understanding person. I’ve watched people do horrible things that affected me and it wasn’t the mistake that hurt the most, it was lying to me about it. If someone doesn’t have the desire to have fluid communication often, a simple text to inform me of that would go a long way. James 3:10“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” When will we finally realize how our words and actions affect other people?

Something I’ve often wondered is when we are quick to anger and that anger leads to a wicked tongue, how then can that very same person say to the accused “You’re not a Christian man?” I have pondered this very thing for a little while now, and as I’ve gone back over conversations for a long while involving many people, I have come to a sad realization; the term Christian is perhaps the worst Apathy of all. How many Christians or self proclaimed Christians are there all over the world? How many of them would say, “I’m Christian, but it’s not important.”? How many would say they are Christian on Christmas, Easter, and maybe one or two sprinkled in the rest of the year? We see less then 19% of Christians now are involved Christians meaning, fewer then 19% open and read there Bibles more then 3 times a week, most far less if ever. How can someone stand there and pass judgment about doing nothing but stating facts, with no emotional bias, even if those facts don’t show someone in an appealing light? The answer is convictions. When we are confronted with our own shortcomings and we become angry we say and do things that are within its very nature, Sinful. We live in a world where truth is something convenient we don’t like to face.

We’ve become so consumed with self that we have such a deep apathy for other people. We don’t care how we hurt someone, or why. We don’t care to lead someone along only to drop them from the side of the cliff. Apathy my friends is a disease that is plaguing our society. The invention of texts, and online dating have created a gap in the human condition that now allows people to do what they wish and never having to see the fallout from their actions. Being accused recently of being a bad Christian, and treating my friends badly, is obviously coming from someone who is hurting badly themselves. Truth however, no matter how painful is always the best way to go. The truth is, people can be cruel, and manipulative and hold nothing but apathy for you. All we can do is love, pray, and continue to lean on God’s word the best we can. We are people and we will make mistakes. People always need to be forgiven for their trespasses, and thus we must always ask for forgiveness of our trespasses. Never loose sight of the hope that springs in the horizon every day. We may be accused but our accusers who flee before a defense do not seek answers or retribution. Those who spit venom and run away are nothing shy of cowards. Those who hide behind technology afraid to face their own fallout are cowards. Do not worry yourself with these types of people, no, I say to you my brothers and sisters, forever pray that God opens their eyes to see, warms their hearts to feel, and blesses their souls with empathy and love. Are you the sword or just a poor reflection? Don’t loose hope for, while God is still sovereign over all, there will always be hope.

 

 

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Be Different

thearrowpreacherLeave a comment

Be Different:

When we live this life we are expected to prescribe to the way things are done without question. We are told all our lives that this is the way something has to be done, and often times the right or wrong way to do something isn’t scripturally sound to begin with. Recently I was going to dinner with my ex-wife. We spend a fair amount of time together, we talk regularly, and albeit unorthodox we have a good relationship. There are times I miss my wife, and there are times I miss the way things were, but as far as things going when they change, I can’t really complain about the outcome in this particular circumstance. Do I like that we got divorced, no of course not, but I will say as far as divorces goes, ours was as cordial in the end as it could be. There were of course dark days, but the end result is what’s important. Recently I had dinner plans with Krystal and I was telling a friend I was meeting someone for dinner. They automatically assumed it was a date, and while I myself would perhaps call it a date, it is a date with a non-romantic overture. I pointed this out, and yet, as I’ve explained the relationship before, questions were asked of the romantic nature behind the dinner. Frustrated I was pointed with my words that we are friends, perhaps good friends, and while there was a romantic involvement as obvious as it is, that is no longer a primary factor in our relationship. People seem to think that when something ends like marriage you have to be at each other’s throats. People assume you must hate one another, and be willing to gnaw out someone’s jugular the first chance you get. It’s truly sad that people cannot accept the maturity behind remaining friends. It’s sad that people cannot see passed the worldview that you must hate your ex at all cost. None of this is scriptural; none of this is as Jesus would teach, and yet people just don’t seem to grasp the nature of love.

I didn’t want the divorce, but as I didn’t have much of an option in the matter, what I did have control over was how I behaved during the whole process. I chose to treat Krystal with love and respect all throughout the process. I chose to be by her side regardless of what the legal papers said. I decided I was going to be a friend to her, and do anything I could to be a positive impact. We have a good friendship and it bothers me to no ends that people just can’t seem to wrap their heads around that. It’s simple, forgive others for the sins and follow the meaning of love. We forgive and we never keep score. We are kind and tenderhearted to one another. Ephesians 4:32“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Walking a different path isn’t a bad thing. Choosing to live differently then the world would expect is also not a bad thing. Why people choose to speak ill of something that obviously works well for someone else is beyond me. While I do realize most find this strange, I would submit to you that if you truly take a moment to step back and look at the beauty of it, why would anyone question it. Two people who had such a major falling out, where things were done, some that involved legal avenues, and yet through the fire, the storms, the hurricane of destruction, managed to come out the other side friends. This is not just beautiful; it embodies the love Jesus preaches. It embodies scripture as to how to treat others, to include those in which you have issue with. To see two people work out their differences, and manage to keep a beautiful friendship is nothing short of a miracle, and people need to stop being naysayers, and praise God for a beautiful blessing. I for one will choose to see the world through a different set of lenses, and I will trust in God. I will not fall victim to the world and it’s set way of thinking when it doesn’t line up with scripture at all. Maturity and love will always trump hate and childishness. Just because something doesn’t work for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s a blank slate everyone must follow. Grow up people, open your bibles and learn a thing or two about love and forgiveness.

 

 

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