You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed the scars you have? I have scars I see every day when I look in the mirror. My body is covered with scars from years of unfortunate accidents, injuries, and just a result of a rough life. I don’t just see the physical scars in the mirror but the emotional ones also. I was told recently that the traumas and trials I’ve faced are enough for maybe 3 peoples lifetimes. I had never really thought about it like that before. All I think about is how horrible it’s been sometimes, if I think about them at all. One of the things I was very good at was not dealing with my emotional pain. I tried to bury it and run away forgetting where I put it. Sadly, when it comes to grief and pain, you can’t outrun it. What you bury will come back to haunt you, and it’s usually pretty angry when it does. I recently wrote a blog post talking about running from grief. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/05/29/man-on-the-run/ I won’t be rehashing an old topic. Instead in this post, I’ll be discussing how to use those scars to your advantage.

In 34 ish years I’ve seen a lot of things, and I’ve been to a lot of places. I’ve seen the world from the 3rdworldview, and I’ve seen the world from a luxury hotel downtown Chicago. No matter where I’ve gone one thing has been certain, the Holy Spirit has been right there with me the whole time. From the age of a little kid I have felt the Holy Spirit with me. I have moved through life feeling the Holy Spirit, yet running from an obvious calling within my life. Most of my life I have felt as if something were missing. I have felt a sense of lacking and never quite feeling useful. I have lacked purpose in my life. I thought my purpose was to be a good friend, a good husband, but although in my biased opinion, I am a good friend, and I am a good husband, or more accurately was a good husband, I now realize something new. For each scar I have a story. Each story is a chance to reach out to someone in need. Purpose will always be, where God is sending you. Today, I sit here thinking about each one of my scars mental and physical, and I have slowly started to realize what the purpose after all these years may have been.

When I think back to a man with scars I am reminded of the Apostle Paul. He suffered a great deal of physical torment throughout his ministry. Through the book of Acts you see Paul’s struggles. You see him get beaten, shipwrecked, stoned, hunted, imprisoned, and yet as he talks about how far he’s come. Galatians 6:17“17 From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” I for one cannot imagine the pain he must have been in every day. In a time where most serious injuries would likely cripple or kill someone, he managed to keep going despite his injuries. It wasn’t as if they could go to the nearest CVS or Walmart and get Tylenol. Not being able to set broken bones, or take anti inflammatory, or even penicillin must have made healing very difficult. Here’s a man that literally took beatings and  torture for God, never once throwing up his hands and saying, ‘Nope, I made it all up, Jesus was a nobody.’ Even till Paul’s dying day, scars and all, he maintained his position that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, the truth the way the light. His scars were his testimony and what a testimony he had! I have spent a lifetime wondering why I’ve been through so much. I’ve often sat in the dark, yelling to God to answer my questions. After 34 years I may have finally gotten the answer I have been waiting for.

When you pick up your cross you will find persecution. In persecutions you will find both physical and emotional scars are part of the journey. Scars are sometimes badges of honor when we are a blessing to Jesus. Our scars are a reminder of where we’ve been, and a lesion learned no matter what caused the scar. Sometimes a scar is gained by playing with friends. Sometimes a scar is from someone doing unspeakable things to you. No matter where your scars are from, either good or bad, we can always take away some kind of lesson. I’ve seen many people after a trauma turn cold and bitter towards the people around them. I can’t say I’m innocent either. I have become angry when I’ve been hurt. I’ve seen people destroy lives, destroy families after suffering from loss. We will always have scars, but as a sword in the fire, we will either become brittle and break, or become strong and sharp. True courage is to face the pain, and face the troubled waters with honor and dignity and above all else, faith that God will use that pain for good, not for more suffering.

I have scars from surgeries, everything from knee, to hernia, to tonsillectomy, to cervical spine fusion, and more. I have emotional scars from death, from relationships, from war, and much more. When I look in the mirror I see a man who’s endured much, and yet I still stand. I face the world with hope, and with agape (love) in my heart for those around me. Even as I was going through a horrible divorce with my ex wife, and while there were things said and done that were beyond awful, I stood by her side and endured the pain and hardships. Now after all that time, we are talking, we spend time together, and we have a pretty amazing friendship. All the pain that was endured has allowed me to be there for her, now when she needs it. Living with Christ in your heart, loving deeply and not just what this world considers love anymore, is not an easy venture but God is watching and he will bless you for it. Pain is a hard thing to be stuck with, especially if you don’t know why, and you don’t know what to do with it. But I say to you, there is hope, and there is purpose. You will have to turn to God with love and prayer, and surrender in your heart. You will have to allow God to hold you up, and you will have to surrender over a piece of your self. Jesus Christ can heal your heart if you let Him. Jesus is always with you, and you just need to ask, and accept that without Christ we are nothing, but with Christ we are royalty to paradise. We are all soldiers, and with our scars of battle, we choose to surrender to the Devil, or fight for the throne in Heaven.

I was thinking back to an old post I wrote, and an old Sermon by Dr. David Chambers of my church. Why was our savior brought into this world as a baby? It was so that he would grow, and live among us, so we could relate to Him on a deep intimate level. His life had pain, and losses, and poverty, just like many of us. He survived the baby massacre, and then lost his Dad Joseph early in his life. He would grow to preach and teach God’s word, and when the time came he was tortured horribly, to just an inch of his life, and then he carried a heavy tree for a few miles, just to be placed on that tree and hung for all the world to see. Christ suffered horribly for each and every one of us, so we may one day live to live in eternal salvation. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)It takes great courage to live with pain. It takes courage to find a path where you can use your pain for good rather then evil. How many stories have you seen or heard that started off with the villain saying ‘I was done wrong, so I’m going to make them pay.’ Or something along those lines anyway. Emotional pain is a strong motivator and it can cause good people to do awful things. Every one of us is capable of great things, or completely evil things. When we use our pain to heal from the truth written on those pages in scripture, then we are on the path to enlightenment.

Under the right situations your pain and suffering may be used to inspire and help others. I for one am starting to realize that all my life has been training. All the hardships I’ve faced and it being mostly traumatic incidences has given me the unique perspective to understand the nature of that kind of pain. I understand the pain of loosing a loved one to divorce. I’ve lost people in my life before, but my marriage this time was one of the hardest. The unfortunate event that occurred the day I found out my wife was leaving would forever be a day of great tragedy for me. That fateful day I succumbed to the pain and suffering that I spent so much effort running from. I’m ashamed of myself, and I still have a hard time believing it was me that day, but I have the scar to show for it. Today when I think back at my scars, I think now, how can I help others? How can I help prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else? As I have been looking into my future since my security job imploded I have been led to believe ministry is my true calling. For years I looked at the ministry to be for someone much smarter, much braver, and much more people friendly. God uses the most unlikely of people sometimes to do His work. I have heard from many in ministry about running from their calling and how miserable their life was the whole time. Ministry is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, with some of the most stress in any job. Ministry comes with some of the most emotional drain out there, but people are genuinely happier, despite the level of stress that comes with.

I realized my traumas have been preparing me to help others get through theirs. Through most of my incidences I didn’t have a therapist, or a chaplain there to help me through. I was left to navigate the minefield, and as it became more and more dense with each passing trauma, I was bound to step on a landmine. When I finally stepped on one, and I ended up in the hospital, I was faced with a fundamental change in my life. It was the beginning of the end of a path I had been on for 7 years of a career, and 32 years of my life. Through it wasn’t easy for me to face facts, eventually, that closure would come from God as my job in security would end abruptly and with finality. I know many of you have endured great pain and suffering, and you can’t see any reason why you were made to suffer. First off let me say that there are a lot of reasons we are hurt. Sin is the most likely for most. Health is next in line. Then lastly personal choice to make bad decisions causes many of our struggles. No matter what flavor of pain you have, know that it is up to you to find a scriptural purpose for it. I have decided that my vast knowledge of all kinds of different pain and trauma makes Christian Crisis Counseling a perfect job for me. I can use my pain and suffering to inspire and guide others through their crucibles. I have chosen to embrace my pain instead of running from it. I have chosen to use my pain instead of burying it. If I can use my experience to help God’s people, it would be a sin not to.

I have run from God’s calling into ministry my whole life, and there’s always been something missing. I’ve always struggled with depression, and even though I’m not perfect and sometimes I still have my bad days, I am driven to continue my growth in the Lord. I pray to God to continue to show me my path, and to give me grace and mercy along the way. I fully expect the Devil to try and break me down during my journey, and any journey towards chaplaincy or pastoral ministry is going to fall under attack by the Devil. If we are going to follow in Christ we must live differently, so we can show others a different way to live. We must be productive in our faith, and not squander our experiences. I think of the things a father teaches a son. A father teaches their child how to treat others, how to be a responsible person, and how to love. They teach them how to do things around the house, how to hunt, and fish, and throw a baseball. But more importantly a Christian father will teach their kids, rather train their kids to be in Christ. I didn’t have a father growing up and I missed out on a lot of important lesions and experiences, but now I look to my Heavenly father for guidance and love, and approval. I have hidden behind my scars for so long, now I have to learn to embrace them and use them to help others. It won’t be an easy road, and I suspect there will be days when I will feel the weight of my decisions, but as Paul said to Timothy, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I too shall join that fight in ministry as I start my path to chaplaincy, and God willing maybe more.

There are days when my scars hurt, but I know God won’t ever leave me, He won’t ever forsake me, and I know now, my scars were not in vein. We must learn to see beyond our own pain, and trust that in all things we go through God is working it out so we may find peace, not sorrow. We live in a fallen world so pain and trials will come, but we don’t have to let it destroy us. I challenge each and every one of you to go out there and find your purpose in Gods plan. It’s likely your scars are for a purpose and that you can use them for good. Your scars can give you strength and understanding in areas perhaps others cannot. I challenge you to stop running from God and embrace your gifts and your life experiences. Pass on what you have learned, and remember failure is the greatest teacher you will ever have. Use your failures to help others see. Never give up on yourself because Christ wont’ ever give up on you.

 

 

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Accused and Apathy

Accused and Apathy:

Recently I was accused of being a bad friend. I was accused of not being a good Christian man. If we’re honest about the good and bad in life I will say I am human and I will always fall short. Now, that being said I will always admit to my mistakes, but these recent accusations were completely and utterly unfounded. People often say things under the umbrella of emotions and when they do there’s really no telling what may come out.

Often when the truth is uttered those who hear and feel a conviction will lash out in anger. They are not slow to speak and they cause destruction left behind after the sound waves of their voice subsides. The wicked tongue is plentiful today. It’s all around us in the music we listen to on the radio, the movies and TV shows we watch, and even the voices heard in our very homes. Proverbs 21:23“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” No one seems to care anymore that communication is slowly dying. I’ve watched as excuse after excuse comes across my phone screen as to why a message was ignored for days, weeks, and sometimes longer. I’ve gotten every manner of excuses and while some are absolutely legitimate others are not. My biggest frustration is when I get the simple excuse I’ve just been busy. This verbiage, busy, doesn’t usually mean busy, it means ‘you weren’t a priority.’ Thus the excuse given really comes from a place of apathy. For those of you who don’t know what that means, I’ll give you the definition, Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. There was no concern on how someone would feel being left hanging, dangling there for weeks before a response was finally given, and that response never actually held an apology. See, what most people fail to realize is just as dangerous as the tongue is, as it’s probably the most dangerous weapon on the planet, it has the power to build, or destroy. Matthew 15:11“It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

I have a good friend who has a few kids. He has often told me about his policy with the kids, the punishment for wrong doing will be equal to the crime, but the punishment for a lie on top of the crime, much more severe. This makes sense because we as Christians know we will make mistakes. We know that it’s not about if we screw up but when. The thing with those mistakes is using the tongue along with actions to try and make amends for that mistake. So many people are afraid to stand up and speak the truth, but more are perfectly content living in a world where they never have to face the consequences of their actions. So many now lash out, out of anger and never fully see the ramifications of those words because now everything is done over non-verbal, or vocal communications. People now are so quick to anger, so quick to shoot off a ill thought out text that things are said without thought, and likewise in that anger it’s so easy to hit a couple buttons and poof, that persons gone from your life. People in droves make rash, hurtful remarks and then run away before any defense can be made, thus destroying the very foundation of friendships, and relationships. Proverbs 12:18“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 18:21“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” When we consider the power of the tongue and what we say, how it affects people in our life, we hold such power just a few inches from our brains. Many have little concern now about who they hurt, what they say, or why. On top of a lack of caring how our words affect people, the effect goes far beyond just what we say. A general apathy has sprung up in people all over the world. Since we have gotten to the point now where we don’t care what we say, how we say it, the other side of that coin is we don’t truly care about others. I’ve been in the online dating world for quite some time now, and I have noted on multiple occasions in the last 24 months that people just stopped caring about anyone but themselves. There’s no thought to the curtsey given to how we treat people. We ignore messages, we lie about the excuses to cause long delays in communications, and that’s if communication doesn’t stop abruptly without warning. I’ve always prided myself as being a very understanding person. I’ve watched people do horrible things that affected me and it wasn’t the mistake that hurt the most, it was lying to me about it. If someone doesn’t have the desire to have fluid communication often, a simple text to inform me of that would go a long way. James 3:10“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” When will we finally realize how our words and actions affect other people?

Something I’ve often wondered is when we are quick to anger and that anger leads to a wicked tongue, how then can that very same person say to the accused “You’re not a Christian man?” I have pondered this very thing for a little while now, and as I’ve gone back over conversations for a long while involving many people, I have come to a sad realization; the term Christian is perhaps the worst Apathy of all. How many Christians or self proclaimed Christians are there all over the world? How many of them would say, “I’m Christian, but it’s not important.”? How many would say they are Christian on Christmas, Easter, and maybe one or two sprinkled in the rest of the year? We see less then 19% of Christians now are involved Christians meaning, fewer then 19% open and read there Bibles more then 3 times a week, most far less if ever. How can someone stand there and pass judgment about doing nothing but stating facts, with no emotional bias, even if those facts don’t show someone in an appealing light? The answer is convictions. When we are confronted with our own shortcomings and we become angry we say and do things that are within its very nature, Sinful. We live in a world where truth is something convenient we don’t like to face.

We’ve become so consumed with self that we have such a deep apathy for other people. We don’t care how we hurt someone, or why. We don’t care to lead someone along only to drop them from the side of the cliff. Apathy my friends is a disease that is plaguing our society. The invention of texts, and online dating have created a gap in the human condition that now allows people to do what they wish and never having to see the fallout from their actions. Being accused recently of being a bad Christian, and treating my friends badly, is obviously coming from someone who is hurting badly themselves. Truth however, no matter how painful is always the best way to go. The truth is, people can be cruel, and manipulative and hold nothing but apathy for you. All we can do is love, pray, and continue to lean on God’s word the best we can. We are people and we will make mistakes. People always need to be forgiven for their trespasses, and thus we must always ask for forgiveness of our trespasses. Never loose sight of the hope that springs in the horizon every day. We may be accused but our accusers who flee before a defense do not seek answers or retribution. Those who spit venom and run away are nothing shy of cowards. Those who hide behind technology afraid to face their own fallout are cowards. Do not worry yourself with these types of people, no, I say to you my brothers and sisters, forever pray that God opens their eyes to see, warms their hearts to feel, and blesses their souls with empathy and love. Are you the sword or just a poor reflection? Don’t loose hope for, while God is still sovereign over all, there will always be hope.

 

 

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Be Different

Be Different:

When we live this life we are expected to prescribe to the way things are done without question. We are told all our lives that this is the way something has to be done, and often times the right or wrong way to do something isn’t scripturally sound to begin with. Recently I was going to dinner with my ex-wife. We spend a fair amount of time together, we talk regularly, and albeit unorthodox we have a good relationship. There are times I miss my wife, and there are times I miss the way things were, but as far as things going when they change, I can’t really complain about the outcome in this particular circumstance. Do I like that we got divorced, no of course not, but I will say as far as divorces goes, ours was as cordial in the end as it could be. There were of course dark days, but the end result is what’s important. Recently I had dinner plans with Krystal and I was telling a friend I was meeting someone for dinner. They automatically assumed it was a date, and while I myself would perhaps call it a date, it is a date with a non-romantic overture. I pointed this out, and yet, as I’ve explained the relationship before, questions were asked of the romantic nature behind the dinner. Frustrated I was pointed with my words that we are friends, perhaps good friends, and while there was a romantic involvement as obvious as it is, that is no longer a primary factor in our relationship. People seem to think that when something ends like marriage you have to be at each other’s throats. People assume you must hate one another, and be willing to gnaw out someone’s jugular the first chance you get. It’s truly sad that people cannot accept the maturity behind remaining friends. It’s sad that people cannot see passed the worldview that you must hate your ex at all cost. None of this is scriptural; none of this is as Jesus would teach, and yet people just don’t seem to grasp the nature of love.

I didn’t want the divorce, but as I didn’t have much of an option in the matter, what I did have control over was how I behaved during the whole process. I chose to treat Krystal with love and respect all throughout the process. I chose to be by her side regardless of what the legal papers said. I decided I was going to be a friend to her, and do anything I could to be a positive impact. We have a good friendship and it bothers me to no ends that people just can’t seem to wrap their heads around that. It’s simple, forgive others for the sins and follow the meaning of love. We forgive and we never keep score. We are kind and tenderhearted to one another. Ephesians 4:32“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Walking a different path isn’t a bad thing. Choosing to live differently then the world would expect is also not a bad thing. Why people choose to speak ill of something that obviously works well for someone else is beyond me. While I do realize most find this strange, I would submit to you that if you truly take a moment to step back and look at the beauty of it, why would anyone question it. Two people who had such a major falling out, where things were done, some that involved legal avenues, and yet through the fire, the storms, the hurricane of destruction, managed to come out the other side friends. This is not just beautiful; it embodies the love Jesus preaches. It embodies scripture as to how to treat others, to include those in which you have issue with. To see two people work out their differences, and manage to keep a beautiful friendship is nothing short of a miracle, and people need to stop being naysayers, and praise God for a beautiful blessing. I for one will choose to see the world through a different set of lenses, and I will trust in God. I will not fall victim to the world and it’s set way of thinking when it doesn’t line up with scripture at all. Maturity and love will always trump hate and childishness. Just because something doesn’t work for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s a blank slate everyone must follow. Grow up people, open your bibles and learn a thing or two about love and forgiveness.

 

 

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Sinking Together

Sinking Together:

I might need someone to be there for me tonight. I might need someone to tell me it’s all right. I might need someone to take the first step and come rescue me. Tonight I find it so hard to breath. What’s left for me to say, but I feel like I’m in a sinking ship of emotional stress and I am reaching for anyone to rescue me. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I feel as if I’m on a sinking ship and I wish sometimes I wasn’t alone in this boat. The thing is though, if I brought someone else into my boat, they would sink right along with me.

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2 Samuel 13 A man by the name of Jonadab offered advice to Amnon one of King David’s sons. Amnon was infatuated with his half sister. She was a virgin and he lusted after her so intently that it made him sick. Jonadab was a smooth talker and instead of throwing a line to Amnon, he got in the sinking boat with him. The advice given was to lure Tamar into Amnon’s bedchamber and try to persuade her that she needed to lay with him to make him better. Of course this horrible sinful advice for so many reasons, I don’t think I need to actually go into detail as to why.

The truth about hurting people hurt others are undeniable. The same goes with the saying, ‘misery loves company.’ While I don’t want to bring anyone down with me, I struggle to go day in and day out without once in a while letting my voice out. Usually a post like this would talk about the dangers of following someone down a troubled path. For example, if you are friends with someone who really wants to rob a bank, and when they talk you into being their accomplice, that’s the kind of thing where you’re getting into a sinking ship and just poking more holes in the bottom. Stay away from temptations and trouble. Stay in the bible and when or if someone comes to you, stop giving him or her opinionated advice. Go to the one place that truly tells you right and wrong, scripture.

I find myself wishing for someone to come with me not to join me in a sinking ship, but to help plug the holes. I have found myself avoiding the Jonadab’s in my life. I have gotten advice to do some pretty deep sinful things because ‘it’ll make me feel better.’ The thing I see with the advice is the aftermath. If I take advice like that I will only cause my boat so sink faster. If someone is willing to give you bad advice like that, they aren’t your friends. If you’re willing to take advice like that, you need to reevaluate your life choices. Some people just enjoy chaos, and you will need to remind yourself the kind of Christian you want to be. Do not conform to this world, but find your path in Christ and renew that path every day by staying in the word of God. It isn’t always easy, and some days you’ll nearly tip your boat, but you can always right your ship and keep sailing along this thing called life.

 

 

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Got the Blues

Got the Blues

Psalm 42:9-11“I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourningbecause of the oppression of the enemy?” 10 As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” 11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

 Have you ever been stuck and you don’t know where to go? Have no fear for God has a plan. Even David a man after Gods own heart felt deep depression and he was King of a nation. He had wealth, power, women, friends, and yet depression still taunted him like a splinter. We will have feelings come and go. Depression is often from a chemical imbalance, not a lack of faith. There are ways to combat depression and it starts in the word. We must study the word but we must practice what we hear and learn. If we hear but not do, it’s meaningless. James 1:22-24 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.” We must always pray but do. We cannot sit and just expect something to change. This isn’t to be confused with having patience. Patience is a state of mind, moving carefully, strategically. Isaiah 26:3-4You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the Lord forever, or the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” We must have peace in our minds, and put our faith and trust in all things in the Lord. If we start saying things like, “this problems to small for God to worry about.” Or “This problems to big, God can’t help me with this.” We don’t understand God.

Depression can come for anyone of us. It’s a silent assassin that attacks from the darkness in our minds. It’s destroyed homes, families, friendships, and is completely indiscriminant. Attacking your mood, your body, your joy, it leaves destruction in its wake. The devastation of depression is very real and very tangible. When bad things happen because of your depression, it can pile more negativity and often makes matters worse. Let me tell you though, there is hope and it’s your for the taking.

The first thing to do is seek medical attention. The mind is as fragile as any bone and when a trauma happens it’s important to do the same triage as any other injury. We all suffer from pain and doubts. We all have insecurities, but where there is pain, there is also hope. Never forget the saving power of Christ. Never forget where true peace comes from. Jesus Christ is the rock in which we build our foundation.

Remember the Lord is with you, in that foxhole. When the war comes to your front door the Lord forever stand by your side. Deuteronomy 31:8“8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” When your heart cries to the Lord, do not feel abandoned if your prayers aren’t answered as fast as you’d like. In God’s time and in God’s way He will give you what you need. Not necessarily what you want. Psalm 34:17“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.”

 I think one big thing we do when we’ve got the blues is push everyone away. We say no one knows us, or understands our pain. We push away and we stay in the anguish. We must learn to use every resource God gives us because it’s a gift from God. God created people to understand the mind, who understands how to fix cars, who understands the human heart, and thus gives us people we need to get better. At the top of all things we need is Jesus Christ. We are nothing without Christ, and we cannot truly find what we seek without Him. We can try, but we will always fail. We will find temporary fixes, solutions, but they are worldly and thus will eventually fail us. Find peace in the Lord and watch as He gives us exactly what we need. Just because it seems like all the odds are against you, and just because it doesn’t seem like there’s anyway to win the battle, never stop fighting. With God on our side even when it’s 1000 to 1, we have the sovereign of the universe on our side, so never give up.

Freedom Hymm, By: Austin French

I push, I pull

Go back and forth finding myself pounding on a locked door

I try to make it out alone without your help

But I know I’ll never win this war

I can never be, never be, free without you

I can never be, never be, me without you

This is the sound of chains breaking

This is the beat of a heart changing

This is a song of a soul forgiven

This is my freedom hymn

This is my freedom hymn, my freedom hymn

This is my freedom hymn, my freedom hymn

I breathe the air of freedom in knowing my life

Is better off in Your hands

The past is gone, what’s done is done

Now I’m alive

And I’m never gonna look back

I can never be, never be, free without you

I can never be, never be, me without you

 

 

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Baby Don’t Hurt Me No More

Baby Don’t Hurt Me No More

Hebrews 11:1-3“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 For by it the people of old received their commendation. 3 By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.” We walk by faith because our eyes deceive us. We walk by faith because sometimes we have nothing else. When the world is tops turby and we cannot see, we must trust in the Lord to deliver us. Wherever God has us go we must trust our divine purpose. More then trust the where, is the why. It’s hard, and we often cry out in pain, and we beg it to stop, but in the words of Captain James T. Kirk. “I need my pain!” (The Final Frontier) 

Pain comes to all who walk this Earth. Pain is an inevitablility that we don’t like to think about, but it’s an undeniable reality. Since the fall of Eden in Genesis 3: 19b“till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken: for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”And further Genesis 3:2424 He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.”God said we would suffer for food for what we have we must forever work hard, Genesis 3:6-7.It wasn’t just sin that entered the world with the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, it was also evil. Now it must be understood that evil existed prior to the fall from Eden. This is seen in the conversation between Satan and Eve. Sin is the gateway to evil in many ways. It’s largely in our own pain comes. When selfish desire out weighs love, people get hurt. When we no longer take into account how our actions affect others, people close to us can get hurt.

In my personal life I have often asked Abba to deliver me from my pain. I have gone to Him in prayer, and begged for absolution. I have often wondered how long I would be made to wait. How I could get to where I needed to be, so I could walk on the right path? I’ve come to realize perhaps my path is to wait. Perhaps what I desire most hasn’t come into my life yet because whomever it is may not be ready in their walk. Realizing this, and trying to look at the bigger picture of life as a Chess game, I realize that in order to mount an attack, or even a defense, pieces need to be moved to the right place, and that doesn’t happen all at once. So I now sit, more patient in my self, and more trusting of the greatness that is God’s plan. Waiting is always the worst and hardest part, especially for those personality types that feel they have to be moving, doing things in order to get what they want.

Being hurt in a relationship is hard. When it seems a love has been destroyed by lust and lies and others sins, it’s impossible not to feel pain. I have a secret for you. Pain can be managed and will diminish in time. When we put our faith in God and trust a path, we can begin to heal. Forgiveness is a big part of healing, but also a major roll in relationships. Without forgiveness, scores are kept, and when arguments ensue that thing you forgot to do 6 years ago is now being used as a weapon. When we feel wounded or trapped we as humans like to lash out with insults designed to cut the deepest. If you don’t want to hurt anymore, I’m sorry to say there’s no quick fix. I recently knew someone that was going through a divorce. They thought they were ready to move forward, and I was sure to ask multiple times if they were ready for that, and every time was a yes. Sadly when the time came and they were connecting with someone they met, the cold feet, fear, and doubt crept in. they bowed out abruptly, and sadly leaving hurt feelings behind.

We may not be able to avoid pain from others all the time, not if we want to actively engage in human relationships. We can however be more careful with whom we get close to. When living in sing actively, it’s like playing hot potato with a grenade. It’s going to go off and anyone in the area will be affected. Ownership of the grenade doesn’t matter anymore because it affects everyone around. Much of our anguish is brought on by our own decisions. When I worked security at a local mall I often saw teenage girls crying in the office waiting for local law enforcement. They were caught shop lifting and now they were going to face those consequences. If you don’t want the pain and embarrassment perhaps doing sinful things isn’t for you.

Our paths change with every decision we make. Our choices are the rudder of our ship. When we sin in a big way we are thrown off course in a big way, but it’s because we threw the wheel knocking ourselves off course. If someone else sins it’s like being hit by a wave. Of course the bigger their sinful choice the bigger the wave. No matter the impact we are still captain of our own ships. We choose how we live our lives by the decisions we make. How we deal with the storms when the come, is still on us, and how well we manage our own ship. While a storm may damage your ship, Jesus says to ‘not to be afraid, for the Lord is with you.’ Do not doubt but be courageous in your walk. Trust in the Lord to lead you wherever you are meant to be. You may travel to the ends of the Earth and fight mighty battles, but god is with you. Do not get stuck in the pain. Instead learn to forgive and keep marching on. Do not grow weary in your grief instead turn that into motivation. Embrace the pain because you must face it to deal with it. One day the pain of this world will end and the day Jesus calls you home. Genesis 15:1“After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” Let God be your shield, your protection, your rock, your foundation.

 

 

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Patiently Waiting

 

Patiently Waiting

When Change happens unexpectedly we don’t always understand why. We can’t always see the reason for it, and we can only hope and lean back on faith to except what’s happened. We see in scripture over and over how patience is rewarded. We see the need to trust in God’s plan. We see in Galatians 4:21-22 the author is talking about the repercussions of not following the plan God lays out for us. Abraham was told he would sire children, but as his age increased he became more and more skeptical. He became impatient and took his wife hand madden into his bedchamber and she became pregnant. His actions once outside the will of God had dire consequences that have shaped the known world as we see it today. Eventually he would fall back to God and the promise made to him was kept. Him and his wife did have children.

As it seems opportunities come into my life and leave just as abruptly, it’s a hard life longing for something so deeply and being told by god the time isn’t right. Watching as people come and go and yet as much as it pains me to see them leave, I am not and have always been powerless to stop it. As the rising tide of the flood comes it’s inevitable and we cannot stop it. We are powerless to stop the approaching tornado and the destruction left in it’s wake. We are told the trials would come and to be prepared for them. As I’ve noted there is a difference in training and then the actual mission. Before every mission we had a brief but rarely did the mission go exactly according to plan. We always had to adapt and overcome. We train to know how to react when the plan flies off the rails. Often time disaster strikes when we loose our patience and act impulsively. Life is not a sprint, yet in our time, everyone is in a hurry to get everywhere. We always want everything right away. The problem with patience is when you’re forced to play the long game, it can feel like an eternity when it’s something you desire most.

I’d say one of the hardest moments is when you know something wonderful has come into your life, and when the Devil destroys that hope. For me it feels like the Devil’s games have been never ending and designed to break my hope and my spirits. I won’t lie, the latest attack has taken a horrible toll for me. Just when life seemed to be turning around, and hope seemed stronger then it’s been in over a year, the Devil’s whispers, and fear caused a cascade failure, and everything went like Chernobyl. Sadly the Devil is meddling in my life and just won’t let me have any peace. Philippians 4:6-7 “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It’s been difficult for me to follow what I know to be true. The pain left from disappointment is so strong, it’s hard to remain focused on the big picture, and remember that God’s still in control, and his will, will be done, and eventually it’ll work out. Philippians 4:11-14 “11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 14 Yet it was kind of you to share[a] my trouble.” Paul knows the difficult road some of us were bound to endure. In his ministry he saw his on share of hardships from beatings, to shipwrecks, to what’s likely a physical ailment that plagued him for a long time. In all things though, and in all areas of his travels, and through all the hardships, he writes that he has found peace in knowing God is still in control, and nothing in this life can remove his salvation in the blood of Jesus Christ.

We must remember even in our impatience a Thanksgiving turkey will not cook faster because we try to will it to happen. The best things in life often take longer to have. We can try to speed up the process, but if we try to go against God’s plan or his wish for us, what we obtain will undoubtedly fail us. The pursuit to contentment starts with faith, prayer, and learning to live more in the moment and take your gaze away from tomorrow.

My Heavenly father, as I watch in disappointment at yet another failure, I lift my plea to you. Please look into my heart and if it be your will, please show me the path to get what I desire most. I have suffered much, and long, and I pray to you to remove this thorn from my side. Please help my broken heart mend, and provide me the courage and strength to keep up the fire, to face another day as I struggle with shame and guilt. My God please hear my prayer and rescue me from the darkness of despair. In your Holy Name, Amen.

Old Ways

Old Ways

They say people don’t ever truly change. They say if there’s any change is superficial and they go back to what they were before. They say only true change occurs at the precipice when there is no other choice but to parish or change. In my life I’ve had friends, I’ve had loved ones that had some bad habits and over time, it seemed they changed and life was good. Sadly though, when a tragedy happens, even a small one, it can trigger a relapse. We all have trouble, and we all have struggles but in those times we must lean on our Christian Brothers and Sisters. We are not bound to this Earth to venture off alone. We are given people to count on, to believe in, to help bare the burdens that are too heavy for us.

 

In our sins it can feel heavy, it can feel overwhelming, but it’s in those times we must dig deep and pull some faith from the reserve tanks. We must grow and though it’s a struggle, we have to grow beyond our sins. It’s not an easy thing, but we must. Vigilance is the key to facing our past. We must remain watchful for the traps laid by the deceiver himself, and in those traps we must keep our attention on the only place that truly matters, and that’s scripture. We must learn scripture, and mold it into our hearts. To do this study is the most important thing we can do. We must realize that the word is the sword against the enemy. The Armor of God Ephesians 6:10-18 lays out the full symbolism of the word, but much like anything else, if you don’t know how to use it, it won’t work for you. You must study, and grow, and have communication with God. Prayer is so important to open your heart to God. We must learn to talk to Abba like a father. We must not fear how we approach God because he knows the content of your heart. You need to trust in Him and have a relationship with Him.

 

How can we stop from going back to our old habits? We must allow ourselves to let the old sinful self burn away. When you turn to God “you gotta burn your old self away!” (Hard Love: Needtobreathe) The song hard love is perfect when it comes to describing the true change. The path of Christ isn’t easy, and we know from scripture the warning comes before the spell. We know that before the blood of Christ washed over the world, we were warned of the hardships and trials that would come to Christians. The promise however of salvation as an end to eternal Hell would come as a cost. We must allow the sinful selves be burned away in the fire of the Holy Spirit and when we are reborn in Christ the old ways should largely be repugnant. Sure there will be days when the old self pokes through, but in those days, pray to Father and find the strength to carry forward. Find a friend in Christ and lean on them to help. Your old habits may creep in from time to time, but as long as you stay focused, as long as you know where your heart is, and you have a support group to keep and hold you accountable, you can avoid returning to your old ways. Be careful though, Satan wants you to stumble and fall back into sin. The Devil wants you to forsake your heart for the fake joys of this world. Galatians 4:8-11“8 Formerly, when you did not know God, you were enslaved to those that by nature are not gods. 9 But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more? 10 You observe days and months and seasons and years! 11 I am afraid I may have labored over you in vain.” Paul knew that his brothers had fallen back into old ways and started preaching the Jesus plus one approach. You need Jesus, but you also need to do just one more thing. For many people this thing is whatever pulls on their heart. It’s important to remember that Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbors. Let your old self burn away, and rise from the ashes a phoenix. Reverting back into your old life is making a choice. You choose the person you want to be, but that is of course is assuming you have any will power at all. If you are weak, and foolish, your old habits will come back and you will have failed to learn any kind of lesson thus you will be doomed to repeat it.

No I Won’t Back Down

No I Won’t Back Down

The fallen world will push you, beat you, kick you when you’re down and just when you think it’s getting better, you’re hit by a sneak attack. It doesn’t feel good when you’re under constant attack. You get tired, discouraged, worn out and completely drained. Romans 12:2“Do not be conformed to this world,[a] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

It’s important to stay the course. It’s important to fight the good fight as Paul did. It’s such a powerful testament to what a person can endure and still conduct themselves with honor and distinction. Paul was a wanted man, and hated by the Romans and anyone who rejected the Savior Jesus Christ, they chased Paul around the known world and despite many hardships and tragedies Paul remained faithful right up to the very end. Isaiah 40:31but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Paul would write to Timothy with a proud proclamation of keeping his faith throughout everything he had endured. 2 Timothy 4:7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

 When we reach our limit, do we withdraw from God or do we run to him in need of shelter? We must remember who the real enemy is. We must always look to our calamity and ask what it is. Are we away from God and that’s what caused this? Is this an attack from the Devil, or is this the doing of other sinful people? No matter what it may be we need to look at every hardship as a chance to grow, to learn, and most importantly as a chance to praise the name of God. In every situation both good and bad God is working it out for the smooth path ahead. We just need to keep the faith and remain patient. This of course is easier said then done but we need to work at it every day. Never stop moving forward and don’t forget who the real enemy is. The Devil is a patient hunter. He will wait and stalk his prey. He will study you, and learn your weaknesses. He is calculating and manipulative. If you are going to place blame on your misfortunes at least place your complaint in the correct mailbox.

 

Tough Changes

Tough Changes

Have you ever been in a situation where you dreaded to face changes? I recently experienced the need to change my cell phone case. It wasn’t allowing me to use the functions as they should have been and it became more of an inconvenience then the protection it added. I think tough changes are hard for many people to go through. Changes at your job can be tough, and stressful. Changing schools can be tough for many. Moving out of your parents house and getting your own place can be an incredibly hard change to go through. All of these things are easy or difficult depending on each individual person. While for each situation everyone’s reaction is drastically different, and while some love change, and others loath it, one of the biggest things to change is our actions.

A popular saying is “some people never change.” Another popular saying is “once a cheater, always a cheater.” While both of these are very popular, how true do you personally think these sayings are? From my personal experience I believe they are right on the money. I think the hardest thing we will ever do is change our personality to change our actions. I’ve always said humanity would never change without a major outside force. I always figured a global extinction event such as asteroid, or drought, or contagion would be the most likely just behind nuclear war. Alien invasion (less likely) could potentially bring humanity together to face a common enemy. That being said, most people do not change without something big, and life changing occurring within their life or someone very close to them. Cancer, or a near death accident has a way to change someone’s perspectives. While we often see a spiritual change in some during these times, it doesn’t always stick. The biggest change most will ever experience is the coming to the savior Jesus Christ. It’s the change in the heart that can change a man completely.

Romans 12:1-2“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” In the Lord we are born anew. In the Holy Spirit the soul is reborn in fire. When the Lord takes hold of our hearts, we cannot not be changed. We must push forward in the Lord and we must face that like the Phoenix, we are reborn in the burning fires of the Lord, and in our new selves we are compelled to repulse the desire of the sinful flesh. 2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

Change isn’t always easy, and even when you begin the following of the Lord, change isn’t always easy even after choosing the Lord. In our struggles though we should turn to our siblings in Christ and ask for them to help keep us accountable and true. We grow and we sprout from seeds in Christ and grow into a wonderful flower. The beauty in this world is only limited by our own stubborn selves. We often want to stay in our struggles because we are unwilling to change our own actions. We must change our lifestyles if we are ever expecting to change our own lives. I have watched my life grow and change in my financial walk with the Lord, my spiritual walk with my God, and even how I treat my friends. While life is full of tough challenges, changing our hearts to follow the Lord, and living in love, and denouncing hate shouldn’t be so hard, but the draw of sin is strong. Keep your faith, and keep your eyes on Jesus and always strive to change yourself to better please the Lord to what we see in scripture. Never give up hope on those around you who may be stuck in sin, and who don’t treat others with respect or love. It