Tag: friends

Good Thing God Loves Me

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Good thing God loves me.

I’ve spent quite a while praying about this, and I keep coming back to the same thought process. It’s something I’ve spent time praying over and I have come to realize, I’m blessed to have Gods grace and love. Scripture tells us we are dead in our sin. That means we are in a coffin and not drowning out at sea looking for a safety ring to be thrown to us. We don’t often like to think of ourselves as dead but in reality we are serving a life sentence. In the end comes our judgment, our sentence. Do we die, or live. See, justice was dealt and Jesus took the punishment for those who would seek him. For everyone else, well, the future doesn’t look so bright for them. The thing that I have struggled with is the works because of faith. Scripture tells us that we will be recognized as those who follow Christ by the fruit of our works. Not that we are saved in works, but the new creation in Christ we are compelled to do works in the name of Jesus. The thing that gets me is how fickle we humans are. Let me give you a scenario and I’ll let you decide. I will preface this by saying this is only one side of the story.

Here’s a young man, who meets a young lady. They fall in love and have a wonderful relationship. That relationship though romantically fades over time, the friendship lasts. The young boy goes into the military and becomes a man. Through the time spent serving he would buy the lady a car, pay off bills, and through the years be as close a friend as possible. Even so much as becoming a godfather to her first born.

Now, you would think or at least I would think, that would create a strong bond, and a desire to keep a friendship alive? Well, I was wrong.

This adds to a long line of people coming and going. The sad truth is we all fall short of the glory of God, but that doesn’t change the hurt. It isn’t that faith was placed in people, but more like the expectation that your car will start in the morning. Scripture tells us to never grow weary of doing good, but I say, sometimes that’s incredibly difficult to do. Love is one of those things that If we could truly do it, than we wouldn’t have conflict. Scripture tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. That being the case, If we truly loved we wouldn’t hurt people nearly as much. But alas we are lowly, wretched sinners. It’s hurtful to see people you care about leave. I’m not sure what’s worse knowing why someone leaves, or being ghosted. Sadly, as this event plays out over and over in my life, I’m left watching this rerun over and over again. It never gets easier. The one saving grace is where I am with my faith. I turn to the father in prayer and ask for their peace. Not knowing the why, all I can do is pray for them, and pray for healing. As I eluded to earlier, it’s hard not growing bitter. It’s even harder not to press these feelings onto new friendships. I don’t believe that eventually everyone leaves, I can’t, because truthfully that would be emotionally taxing, draining, and cruel.

I’m not sure why I’ve had so many people walk out of my life. I’m not sure if it’s me, or if I attract a certain type of person. Either way, all I can do is drop to my knees and pray about it. Pray for peace of mind, and a healing heart. I can’t and won’t lie and say I’m alright, but I can say I will be, perhaps someday. It’s one thing to say that I’m used to being hurt by people leaving, and the feeling of abandonment goes away, but that would not be true. While I am used to it, the pain doesn’t get any better. And it takes everything I have plus some to fight the urge to put up walls around my heart and mind, to protect myself from people. Why get close to people, or let anyone in, if they are just going to leave? It’s a valid question but one that cannot sit on my heart. I cannot place the sins of others, upon people I’ve never met before. It is not right to place a burden upon someone for the acts of another. Sadly people do this all the time.

I know I am a sinner, and I know I’m saved by grace through faith in Christ. Ultimately it’s love. The love of God that shines down on me, even though I don’t deserve it. I can only hope one day, I’ll find my life was worth something. My love language, one of them is affirmation. Something we don’t often get in our lives. This is a driving factor for me I’d say, that if I can arrive in Heaven, and find that my works in the name of Christ were pleasing, that the Father will one day look at me and say well done, that would make all of the pain worth while. My heart today is heavy. This I cannot deny. Peace is found in the love of Christ and that’s where I must turn.

Grief out of Love

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“What is Grief, but love persevering.” Vision

There is no question that life can be hard. Life can leave us broken, battered on the floor. We ask why, why God? We find ourselves alone, lost, in a world full of pain. We lose people we love. Betrayed and sold out by those we cherished. Ignored by friends. Passed over for a promotion at work. Watch a child pass away. Bury a parent after years fighting dementia. We ask why God. We need God, we cannot make it through this alive without God. It is said that God never puts more on us than we can handle. This is utterly not true. God allows us to go through trials and tribulations because his will is perfect. We are not to rely on our own faulty strength but rather, we are to turn to our Abba Father to deliver us from evil. Philippians 4:13 ESV “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” If we relied on our own strength we would fail. Isaiah 41:10 ESV “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” It is Gods strength that sees us through. When left to our own path, our own desires, we often make our situation worse. Life hurts sometimes. Heartbreak happens. This life we live surrounded by the very presence of sin, we are often caught in the sights of sin, or collateral damage to sin, or the origin of the sin impact. This world leaves battle scars. No one gets out of this life without them. No matter who you are, where you come from, you’re going to end up with scars. Fear not says the Lord. Jesus says when you face tribulations, John 16:33 33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you [a]will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Face the world daily and turn to God for everything. Do not pity yourself or the dead, for if they knew the Lord they have not died, but are truly alive. It’s okay to grieve, to miss someone’s presence. Turn to God and find peace.

THE SILENCE GROWS

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The silence grows

I write to you, even pour out feelings, but met with silence. I took the time, I write and write. Day after day, I take my time to beak the silence as I reach out to you. So many out, and nothing in return. Years of building relationships. Years of extensive, extending a hand in friendship. Picking up the phone from every call and message. I extended my wallet, my ear, my trust, my heart, and now it’s silence. A fool I’ve been, I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want too perhaps, my kindness used and abused. In my own time of need you were no where to be found. How could I have been so blind. The years of darkness I felt, suddenly creeps back in. The seeds fall and grow choking the life and happiness from my life. Abandoned yet again, the flash in my mind, as history repeats itself. Broken on the floor the tears just won’t flow. I do not know why, or how I got here. The color fades to black and white, the hurt a crushing feeling that buries in shame. The darkness settles in like an old friend. Must I say goodbye? Must I feel such loss yet again? Is this natures pruning? Did I mean so little to so many? Was I a convenience at the time, and without warning or word, expendable? History it seems repeated again. What have I learned? How to break, how to hurt. I’ve learned so much and yet again, here I am. The lessons seem to fade to mist. What can I do, when I reach for you, I reach and reach, into the darkness. I reach and lunge but like casting the fishing line, it comes up empty, every time. I see you there, you’re always around, but my hand you don’t take, a reach into the folly.

You’re not my enemy, I pray for you, I drop

to my knees and wish happiness upon you. I ask nothing of you except friendship. I have heard your tears. I’ve listened to your screams. You even once, heard mine. So close, but now ships passing on a fog filled night. Should I let go? Should I call out louder? Will my cries be heard? If you wanted to talk wouldn’t you reach out? What should I do? A broken heart makes poor choices. But, it isn’t just broken, but angry. Years and years of open roads. The pouring out of memories, feelings, thoughts, and now the road ends, the road I’d taken for years, can no longer be traveled. An absence, and yet a carrot dangled in front of me, teasing me, a sign, or is it?

I place so much in all the wrong places. I crave acceptance. I crave being wanted, and needed by others. I crave feeling important. I place that up high, an endless race I could never win. How many must I loose before I see the truth? How many must walk away before I find my value elsewhere? I walk miles upon miles seeking what I could never have. A hollow hole, unable to be filled. Jesus set me free from this cycle I find myself in. Jesus set me free from this pain. These shackles bind me and break me. Jesus be my chain breaker and show me a better way. Heal these wounds of the ages, and heal my broken heart. Jesus heal me and light my way home. Jesus my heart hurts, broken from saying goodbye. Jesus you pieced me together atom by atom, cell by cell. You’ve watched me grow, suffer, laugh and cry. Jesus you know my heart is breaking to pieces. Jesus lift me up and dry my tears. Take me out of this place and show me my value in you. Jesus show me that there’s more then this. Jesus my light on the hill, my shepard come find me, a lost sheep in the wilderness. I cannot do this on my own. I am fragile but strong. My heart breaks but I am not broken. I hurt, but I do not crumble to the ground. Jesus my rock, the rock, my foundation, my anchor in the storm, you save me when my sails are torn, and the keel creaks in the rough waters of this storm. Jesus my Lord, Jesus my light, dry my tears and guide me back, guide me to safety, my Lord. I cannot do this without you. I cannot stay in the darkness. I cannot stay in the silence. I long for Harold of the angels. I crave the sound of the choir of Heaven. I seek your face my Lord, I seek you in the darkness, lift me up, save me, save me from myself, this world, this hurt. Show me the blessings, so many abound around me. Teach me to number my days, so I may grow a heart of wisdom. Teach me to manage when I’m at the still waters, the green meadows, or the shadow of death. In you I trust my Lord. You hear my cries, deliver me from this toil.Free me. To you I pray.

Isolated, But Not Alone

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Isolated, But Not Alone

Friends get scattered by the wind.

Loyalty means little to most. 

Truth is relative.

Morality is antiquated. 

So much change out there with how we view others. So much change with how we view even some of the simplest of beliefs and ideologies. We lose our way so easily. Moses was not gone long before the people forgot how God delivered them, yet found comfort in a golden café. How quickly do we move on from the good things we’ve had? How quickly the grass fades and the other side looks nice and lush. How quickly our spouse becomes old and no longer exciting so we seek the next best love of our lives. How fast do we get the newest gadget that the next is released and ours seems antiquated. And friends, how quickly do they disappear when you no longer have anything to offer. 

It’s easy to run towards to great sales in this life, but as scripture says, Matthew 6:19 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal;” 

I have been in quarantine now for a little while. I have enjoyed some nice messages, some thoughtful food drop off’s, and some calls. It’s made me consider, while I have received these things, there are a great many who after nearly two weeks have not returned my message. Those who say they’ll there, but never are. Those who claim to be there when it’s needed. And while I’m not complaining for the Lord has provided, it does force me to ask, if there were a time needed, isolation would probably be a good time to be available. Again, I’m not complaining, but if this is happening to me, I wonder how many people out there have less than I do. How many people go on suffering alone, wishing those would reach out, but never do. Indeed, it has become a time where we are the most accessible, but the least reachable. A time when a phone call is no longer the norm, but instead, hidden under the pillow. A time when messages can be seen day or night, but set to ignore. Indeed, a society so busy, our priorities are no longer each other, but something else entirely. 

There is a reason isolation is considered to be a psychological torture. We are not meant to be alone for long periods of time. The truth is, that time is different for everyone. Everyone has a threshold and sadly, in these dark times, the mental health crisis is worse than it has been in a long time. My own experience has not been as bad as it could have been, but while there were a few that I expected to be around, that weren’t, I know that others out there have a far different experience. Are we truly doing our best to bare one another’s burdens when needed? Are we letting down those friends when we say “lean on me.”? I am sure I’ve not been there as I should have, and while I cannot think of any times right off the top of my head, I would gladly own up to it, and attempt to make it right. 

If this experience has taught me anything, it’s some people, even those you would never expect, will not always be there for you when you need them to be. Certainly, as difficult as it may be to stomach, there is but one we can count on, rely on, in our time of need and crisis, and that’s Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine what life for Paul would have been like, going to prison after prison, beating after beating, stoning after stoning, all in the name of Christ. I cannot imagine how difficult those times would have been, but through it all, Paul says the Lord’s grace is sufficient. The Lord gives us everything we need to get through every situation. The great provider. He may not give us what we expect, or even in the manner in which we expect it, but we have everything we need. To those out there alone, I say this, keep reaching out. The Lord will provide to you someone who is willing to listen, able to help you bare that cross. Don’t lose hope. Friends, if you think you have let someone down, reach out to them. It’s never too late to remind someone you care. Keep pushing on in this tumultuous time. The Lord will see you though. 

If I Died

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If I Died

Would you notice if I died? Would you feel bad and cry? Would you ask God why? 

We often sit back and in our hubris think we have all the time in the world. We postpone and put off yet another day of making that call, sending that text, writing that message. We think that tomorrow is guaranteed and tomorrow will be less busy than today. There was a song a while back, Friends by John Micheal Montgomery

 ” Friends

Get scattered by the wind

Tossed upon the waves

Lost for years on end

Friends

Slowly drift apart

They give away their hearts

Maybe call you

Now and then”

Isn’t this true? When we really take a good long hard look at our lives, have we really done a good job keeping up with friends? Not long ago I messaged a friend who saw my message and days later never received one back. In my opinion, and this could be just my opinion, we’ve become a society with so many distractions, so many activities, I often wonder if we spend so much time moving from one activity to another, if we’ve forgotten to truly live. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NKJV

9 Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

But how can one be warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

While scripture says clearly the benefit of having a friend, it also cautions to having too many, 

Proverbs 18:24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

While this message is twofold, the first part speaks of having to rise to the call of being a friend. Too many friends can leave us in ruin, but to those whom we dabaq (Cleave) unto as a friend, can become closer than kin. Jesus is this friend to us, and knowing how Christ clings to us, is always there for us, are we showing the same respect for those in our own lives? 

Scripture is clear on multiple occasions how we must treat every day. James 4:14 “14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” Life is such a fleeting thing, and with every passing year, our society gets more and more fast paced. We have opportunities to slow down, and in the heart of the Covid-19 spread, while everything was shut down, I fear we did not heed our lesson, but instead doubled down on our foolishness, our careless ways, and now, we see brother turn against brother as blood spills in the streets. It’s interesting that in 1967 a small group named Buffalo Springfield released a song called For What It’s Worth. 

There’s somethin’ happenin’ here
But what it is ain’t exactly clear
There’s a man with a gun over there
A-tellin’ me I got to beware

I think it’s time we stop
Children, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down

There’s battle lines being drawn
And nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong
Young people speakin’ their minds
A-gettin’ so much resistance from behind

I think it’s time we stop
Hey, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down

What a field day for the heat (ooh-ooh-ooh)
A thousand people in the street (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Singin’ songs and a-carryin’ signs (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Mostly say “Hooray for our side” (ooh-ooh-ooh)

It’s time we stop
Hey, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you’re always afraid
You step out of line
The man come and take you away

We better stop, hey, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down

Stop, hey, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down (we better)

Stop, now, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down (we better)

Stop, children, what’s that sound?
Everybody look what’s going down

We have come to a point when we have turned on our brothers and sisters, and we set aside all rational thought, and now the other side is the enemy. With a world so violent, so turbulent, would the world miss me if I was gone? It seems history is indeed repeating itself. A world so quick to judge, so quick to determine truth while the media fans the flames of the great divide. With such division in the streets, we have failed to number our days, failed to grow in a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). Christ tells us not to worry about tomorrow, thus telling us to be in the now, focus on today, be in the present. This also tells us not to let ourselves be weighed down in stress, but to give God our worries and concerns. 

When we are on our death bed, will we be looking at our loved ones and say “I wish we had time for one more errand. I wish we had time for one more school event. One more work meeting. One more _______” You fill in the blank. We are blessed in our lives to have a few people who would truly be there for us, who would give us what we need, when we need it. Are we living up to our end of being a good friend? How are we treating those who have treated us with respect and kindness throughout the years? Again, I ask, where do we place our focus? This is of course just food for thought. If 2020 has taught us anything, it should be tomorrow is never promised, so we must live for today, and make the very best of the blessings we are given day by day. Would you miss me when I’m gone, would you know it right away, or would it take you months before you found out? Something to ponder. As a whole I don’t think we are doing a very good job at being friends to one another. I don’t believe we are there when people need us. I don’t believe we give our friends even the courtesy of a reply let alone an ear to listen. Maybe I’m wrong, but wherever you fit on the spectrum, I hope we can come together and be better friends to one another. 

When The Call Is Made

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When The Call Is Made

Who are we when we say we are Christians? Who are we when we claim the love of Christ? What do we do when the call comes late at night? These are some of the questions I think we all need to answer. Recently I was in a situation when I didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t sure how to answer, and I probably answered wrong. When I needed someone to talk to everyone I reached out too, or called was either too busy or not willing to talk. I sat alone in my head dealing with a multitude of emotions, and realized one very sad but real truth, God is the only friend I can count on day or night. When I needed someone there was no one, but God was still with me. 

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NKJV)4 “who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any [a]trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

When I started making calls I expected someone to answer, I expected someone would have thought of scripture Galatians 6:2 (NKJV)2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Yet no one came. Does that represent the kind of friend I’ve been? Have I failed as a friend to others, that when I was in need I would have no one head the call? I don’t know what more I can do for others but I surely have done all I know how. 

I have answered my phone day and night. 

I have bought someone a car. 

I have paid college bills. 

I have helped buy Christmas when needed. 

I have been there for others when they needed to cry. 

I have done so much, and yet I don’t feel it’s enough. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping people in need, but now I wonder if I was helping the wrong people all along. What have I done to others to earn so little respect? What have I done to face this kind of rejection in my time of need? 

I don’t really know what to say about it. I don’t know how to feel. I just know I hurt inside, and feel betrayed. I feel abandoned and hallow by those I thought I could count on. I am blessed to know that while so many flee, Jesus never has and he never will. 

***

It took hours for me to fall asleep, and longer to deal with the emotions I was feeling. After a deep, and long look inside, mixed with some communication with some good Christian loving friends, and a long hard cry, was feeling run down. Sleep later after church and I woke up feeling refreshed. While of course when I awoke there was no changes in the situation, but waking up more clear has left me static, caught between being okay, and not alright. 

One thing I’ve learned in the years past is we cannot place our faith in people. While I do believe most of the time people often mean well, I don’t think people are uncaring by nature, but perhaps self serving. I know that we are to love one another but I think we get caught up in life and forget that people, connections, relationships are vastly important. When I found myself empty handed from those I reached out too, I felt hurt and broken hearted. I reach out so seldomly I don’t understand how the importance was not considered and I was simply brushed aside. It seems I placed my faith in the wrong place, and I now realize, it’s my faith and trust in Jesus I need to place more focus on. I need spend more time in scripture. I need to get back to a healthy prayer life. I need to learn to place more trust in faith in my creator and less in those around me. I need to realize that I can count on only myself, and perhaps in time I will find people I can count on. 

The disclaimer to this is not a blanket statement, but regarding particular attempts at one particular time. While life is complicated and as things often get in the way, I understand that at most occasions there is perhaps at least one or two that might be able to help, however in this instance I was seeking a particular audience to talk with, and that’s where I was left alone. Life continues to move, and in the weeks ahead as I continue to face the current challenges, I know I will have to find a way to handle and manage the many feelings that come. I’ve made the call, but instead of people, I’ve now called upon Christ to raise me up, give me strength, and guide me. 

Don The Mask Again

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Don The Mask Again

There are all kinds of reasons people wear masks. They don’t want the world to see them as they are. They want to hide a part of themselves. They want to blend in. More often than not a mask is used to hide very real pain deep down. Are we ashamed of ourselves or at the very least a part of ourselves? Do we feel we are insignificant? Do we hide the struggle within because we are afraid how the world will react?

It’s the last one I’d like to focus on today. Are we a Christian society that lifts up or do we tear down? Do we show people love and compassion, or do we sew hate and disgust? The truth is, when asked how we are doing, the number one answer is an ambiguous ‘I’m fine’. So many people use sarcasm or misdirection to hide the true nature of their feelings, myself included.

Growing up, I loved Halloween because it gave me the chance one night a year to be anyone else. I was able to dress up and hide my identity and be anything else, albeit for one night only. The truth is, not much has changed in all those years. I still enjoy dressing up and being someone else for a night or two, or maybe as an adult I’ve found a few more nights a year to dress up, but the mask I wear as an adult isn’t to hide my identity, it’s to hide my feelings. Recently, I’ve been dealing with a few…. differences of opinions. I am not one to post a lot to social media, and I don’t usually ruffle feathers by making too many comments on others profiles, even if I disagree with whatever’s posted. Lately though, I’ve had a few disagree with the content of my posts, regarding Easter, or Abortion, but really the subject matter isn’t important. The part that’s really hit me in the feelers is how those coming to me attack my faith, those who fight for equality, but who are also supposed to be my friend. People I’ve known for more than half my life, people I trusted as a friend, have seemingly decided their offense of the cross was stronger than our friendship. In recent years I found I no longer get messages asking me how I’m doing, or checking up on me, but I’m kept around anyway. Why would someone go out of their way to openly attack a friend?

As Christians are we doing this to others? When people want to open up about the troubles they face, (MAKE NO MISTAKE WE ALL HAVE TROUBLES) are we listening according to scripture? Are we there for our brothers and sisters in their times of need, or are we turning our backs on them, forcing them to deal with their burdens alone. It makes me sick when I hear about a suicide. I wonder who they had in their life to talk too. I wonder who was there for them to lean on, who was that friend to help carry the load when it’s too strong. Are we a friend for someone to lean on? (Yes believe it or not that’s a song) When so many people shut the door and treat us as distant once in a while friends, it’s easy to understand why so many people feel the need to wear the mask. We hide our feelings because we are vulnerable in this day in age to be rejected for feeling anything but happy. What was it that Jesus Said Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV) 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Christ tells us to come to Him when we are feeling weak and low. And we are called to be like Christ, yet we shun those who struggle. 

No, the truth is, I’m not all right. In the last couple weeks I’ve been dealing with a constant financial struggle with school. I’ve buried my aunt/God Mother. I’ve dealt with attacks from those who were supposed to be friends. I’ve had financial struggle pop up largely because I was stupid. I’ve been dealing with a slight bout of depression. I’ve felt very alone as of late. Dealing with the choice to date someone almost 9000 miles away. While I wouldn’t change that decision for the world, it does come with it’s own set of hardships which are very real. I’ve been feeling trapped and unable to change my current situation. While I understand none of these things is all that bad in the grand scheme of things, they all create stress, and stress in the moment is still very real to the one perceiving the situation. No, it could be much worse, as I could be in Sri Lanka dealing with the losses, which are horrific in the recent round of bombings. Or in the city of Durham where a building blew up from a gas leak, where someone lost their life and dozens wounded. In comparison yes, my problems shadow, but a persons problems are no more or less real in the moment of someone’s life. How are we treating those ‘friends’ of ours when they are in need? Are we forcing our friends to wear a mask and hide their pain, or their struggles?

Masks don’t just hide pain, masks hide addictions of all shapes and sizes, substance abuse, alcohol, pornography, gambling, video game, spending, eating, and the list goes on. Are we forcing people to wear masks to hide these afflictions because they are too afraid to say anything based on something we’ve done? Do we as Christians have a aura of being better, or holier than though? Sin is sin, and no sin is greater or worse than another (except for blaspheming against the Lord). We tend to say well I’m a good person, I’ve never killed anyone, or I’ve never stolen anything, etc. but we grade on a far different curve then God. God looks into our heart, and sees the strain, He sees the struggle within. God wants us to turn to Him when we are in need of help. God wants us to pray and ask for His love and His mercy, and His guidance. If we are to be little Christ, are we truly availing our hearts to those around us who are in need? Christ died for our Sins, and vowed to be with us always till the end of the age meaning forever because Heaven is eternal.

To be honest I’m tired of pretending like everything’s okay. I’m tired of struggling daily to keep hidden my pain. I’m tired of telling everyone I’m fine, and in reality I feel miserable and alone. I pray to the Father every day for strength to get through my day, and not feel overwhelmed with everything I have to do in a day. There are a vast number of problems in need of solving that I cannot solve in a day. There are so many people out there who struggle daily, and we constantly let them down. Wearing the mask will never hide the eyes. The eyes often show more than we wish, but we as a society no longer pay attention to the world around us. We are taught in this world to look out for number one, ourselves. Scripture itself tells us to Proverbs 4:23“Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” Which doesn’t means to not show or share emotions, but to protect it from attacks, or miss teachings. 

We may choose to hide ourselves from people, but we can never hide ourselves away from God. God sees all, and wants only a relationship with us. God wants us to be willing to accept His love, and grace. In order to receive it though we have to open our hearts to the Lord. Nothing can be hidden in the light of the Lord, so we shouldn’t even try. As for people, I struggle to remove my mask for them to see, and sadly there’s good reason, my friends (some of them, not all) have not been very good friends. So the mask stays on for the majority, and I shall continue to hide away, pretend all is well, and only reveal the secret to those whom I can truly trust.