Tag: forgiveness

The Journey With PTSD

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The Journey With PTSD:

To whom it may concern: 

There’s no Purple Heart for combat related PTSD. Even if the wounds aren’t physical, PTSD is just as real, and sometimes the emotional and psychological trauma is more detrimental than a physical injury. Physical injuries can and do leave a lasting impact but the psychological ones can often be much harder to face, and live with. It changes the way we look at the world. It changes the way we live in the world. PTSD is often a cage we cannot escape from. We’ve all heard the phrase “not all wounds are visible.” As someone who’s faced the demons inside, and still do, the path, the journey is an up the mountain trek. We carry on our packs the rucksack of memories and feelings. The ruck carries every emotion, feeling, viewpoints, experiences and memories. It carries all the good and the bad. Every little thing we experience is a rock we pick up and put in our bag. It creates stress on the body that can be debilitating. In my time of recovery I learned slowly, how to put down the rocks I didn’t need. I learned how to lighten my load. Every therapy gave me new tools, and new techniques to cope with life of the present and the past. I learned how to take each rock and extract only what I needed to make me better, and I left the rest of the rocks on the mountain side. Much like the sword of Griffendor only taking in which makes it stronger. There are times I became over-encumbered and overwhelmed, I had to take time, make camp  and go through the rocks again. Recently I was faced with an external obstacle that led me to an internal battle, one in which I found myself facing self doubt, anger, disappointment, hurt, and determination. It’s important to evaluate yourself with grace, but objectively and fairly. In order for us to grow we must accept any grains of truth that come from others, even the ones that may hurt our feelings. If there’s any truth we should not shy away from the truth, merely address the things within ourselves that may be shortcomings. We always have an opportunity to make ourselves better. At the same time, we must accept that, not everything said by someone is in fact the truth. Walking up the side of the mountain gives us plenty of opportunity to see the beauty and wonder of Gods creation. Creation cries out as evidence of an intelligent creator. We must enjoy this beautiful planet our Lord has made for us. We must see the wonder of it and see the good that’s all around us. We do face battles along the way, other travelers, weather, creatures, all manner of obstacles and challenges get out in front of us. PTSD is a lasting injury that stays with us forever. While you can heal and manage symptoms, the damage to the brain isn’t always repairable. We must learn how to live life again. Even though people around us don’t always understand, there are those who do. Sadly there’s no Purple Heart for the damage done to the brain, but regardless, we don’t suffer alone. We are the warrior. We are the Soldier, Marine, Airmen, Seamen, (spacemen?), coastguard. We may be different branches but we are all one family. If you feel alone, you aren’t. There are plenty of organizations, and resources to help those service members in need. My pack is lighter now than it’s ever been. I still carry the memories and the pain, but it no longer controls my day to day life. Once in a while, sometimes triggered, sometimes random, I have moments when my PTSD rears up and knocks me down. I have learned how to manage these intrusions, the intrusive thoughts, the debilitating feelings. It isn’t always an easy fight, but I know tomorrow is a new opportunity to get back onto the trail, and continue mission. I’ve regained my sense of self, and I’ve grown in confidence that I can face today, and face tomorrow, whatever battle may be lurking over the next horizon, I’m ready! I’m a soldier and I always will be. Never out of the fight. Hooah. 

For the choir director. A Psalm of the sons of Korah, set to Alamoth. A Song.
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
— Psalm 46:1

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
“Trust in the LORD forever,
For in GOD the LORD, we have an everlasting Rock.
— Isaiah 26:3-4

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
— Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
— Philippians 4:6-7

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
— Philippians 4:11-13

Sincerely 

Specialist: Arrow Preacher 

Cavalry Scout

Iraq 2004/2005 

Protecting Our Witness (podcast)

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Join me as we do a short podcast; talking about our witness, and keeping forgiveness in our hearts.

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: Friday: Protecting Our Witness Podcast
https://youtube.com/live/emluyFssp5Y?feature=share

Complete Easter (Resurrection) Message

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Follow my podcast for the Easter message. Good Friday, the in between, and Resurrection Sunday

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: Good Friday
https://youtube.com/live/Urtnv63isiI?feature=share

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: The Inbetween
https://youtube.com/live/w0eQE4iRjYo?feature=share

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: It is EMPTY! (He’s Not Here)
https://youtube.com/live/6aq5HFjjwGs?feature=share

Good Friday.

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Hey everyone. Join my podcast today. A Good Friday message.

The Arrow Preacher Podcast: Good Friday
https://youtube.com/live/Urtnv63isiI?feature=share

The Burdens

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The Burdens

We all have our burdens. Some people will face burdens of the external kind, people, or things in their life. Some will face those from within, pain, or sickness. The challenge recently for me has been the internal. It’s been days now of pain in the 6-7 range. With only brief moments of relief, it’s easy to say, fatigue can set in. With fatigue comes the spiritual attacks. Whether it be thoughts brought on by the sin nature that dwells within, or the devil whispering in my ear, the struggle is real. 

I am reminded of Paul, who in an encouraging statement said he prayed three times to have a thorn in his side removed. God denied his request. Paul’s answer in 2 Corinthians 12:10 “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” God’s answer to Paul is “My grace is sufficient.” Do we have this mindset when we are going through something? Do we seek God first to remove our torment, and if he says no, do we settle in and take joy in those infirmities, persecutions, and hardships? 

Being in constant, chronic pain is not easy. It brings fatigue, irritability, frustration, and in many cases it can bring depression, and hopelessness. Despite the struggle, I find myself turning to God. While the sharks smell blood in the water, in my low points, I will not let the deep drag me down. 

There have been many great men who have endured years of hardships, so I may have the opportunity to do the same. Some comes in the way of persecution, but regardless, my Savior and King Jesus Christ was beaten, scourged, battered, a crown of thorns placed upon his head, and placed isn’t a strong enough word, crushed down upon his head, forcing the thorns to dig into his flesh, tearing it along the way, causing profuse bleeding into his face. My savior had flesh ripped down into the very sinews of his muscles. He was placed on a cross in which he had to raise himself up with a spike driven through his feet, and his torn open back scraping along the wood plank, just to breathe. He came to bare that burden for us. Not for all, but for the ones who accept his gift. What kind of character does it take to die for your enemy? What is our example? This, to lay down one’s life for someone who hates you, spit on you, just for the chance they may see their wicked ways changed, and follow you. Jesus knew that not everyone would follow him. In fact, he knew that few would choose to truly lay down the world, and pick up their own cross. 

The walk of a Christian is one of struggle, hardships, and battles. God gave us the command to be the church, and commands to the church on how to act, what to be. We as Christians are given the command to lay down our burdens at the foot of the cross. We are to lay them down at the feet of Jesus and let him be God and to let us trust in Him. While some burdens, like sickness may not go away, the pain may not go away, the renewing of strength may be given to us. Nights like today, I feel the need to feel his presence. I feel the need to cry out to the Lord to be with me tonight. I feel myself growing tired and in need of rest. The attacks of the devil start to swirl around me and in my own military mind, I request danger close call for fire. I cannot fight the fight against the demons circling round alone, but I know Jesus won’t let me fight alone. 

My hurt will never go away. My skeletal neck injuries will remain until I have reconstructive surgery. While I know my pain won’t be going anywhere, it’s not the pain I ask for healing for, but the renewal of my spirit. I don’t need the burden I’ve been given removed, only help to bare it. I have accepted my fate; I just need help getting up and fighting the good fight every day. I cannot do this without my Lord and Savior Jesus. My heart is heavy for the burden I create for my loved ones. Those who take care of me when I cannot get out of bed. Those who make a meal when I hurt too much to cook. To those who comfort me in my time of need. 

God has blessed me, and his will is perfect, and sovereign. All we can do is, no matter what we go through, is to tell the world Jesus. This dark world needs the light of Christ. The great rejection of Jesus is real today, and we need to stand firm on our faith. We worship not because we are healed, but in spite of not being healed, knowing Jesus is Lord. I know one day this broken shell will be remade. I know in one day I will be accepted into glory and this body will not hurt anymore. I know that day will be all the sweater, knowing I suffered for it. 

We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can change our perspective. We may not be able to take away our pain and struggle, but we can embrace it, to build His kingdom. Let us look different when the world looks down upon us. Let us be so different it bewilders the unbeliever how we can have so much joy in the midst of so much pain. Let us praise our Jesus in the darkest of nights. And when the world hurts us, when the world spits on us, let us remember, 

“Father, give me grace to forgive them, for I feel like I’m the one loosing.” (Losing, By: Tenth Avenue North) 

No matter where you are in your walk, remember if you start to stray, remember, you’re one step away. Jesus is with you, waiting for you to accept him. His love has been with you, and you’ve never been alone. God’s grace and mercy show us, that no matter if you were a tax collector, or a murderer of the innocent, God’s grace is infinite. God’s mercy can transform hearts, and change even the most brutal of people. We are sinners, enemies of God and we’re saved by His grace. We are saved in Faith, and all we must do is repent of our sins, and let Jesus into our hearts, changing us, and becoming something new. Lay down those old rags, and pick up the cloth of a child of the King. Let Jesus break those old chains that bound you to your sin, and free you from that burden. Look to the empty tomb and know he is risen. The cross is empty, Jesus finished the work so we may live, so let us live for Him. 

Go in pace and continue to Love one Another. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV3r024gS2FRDIbpqnsDwWA

At Years End 2022

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The world isn’t a place for everyone. For some, the world is only paradise they will ever know. The price of darkness may never feel the need to attack you. See, this world can be like a prison. For some, they will stay inside their walls freely, never seeking to escape, never reaching for the open door. For others, the prison like those in the matrix, they can feel something is wrong with the world. “It is all around you, even in this very room. You can see it when you look out the window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” (The Matrix) so many people are content eating their steak, and going about their day to day lives without care for the truth. People die young, cancer attacks a child, the wife has an affair and destroys everything. There is betrayal, and lies, and hardships beyond imagining. When was the last time you saw public outcry against Muslims, against their belief that homosexuality is a sin? Or that in Muslim countries there are strict laws against it. When was the last time you heard the outcry against Buddhism? Why is the world not attack other faith? I believe the answer is clear, why would Satan put time attacking something that isn’t true? Satan doesn’t see the others as a threat so there is no need to put his forces against falsehoods.

Sin does not need to be taught. Sin comes naturally in this world. We often cry out to God upset at the Father because of calamity that befalls us. How much of our struggle is of our own making? How much is caused by our own actions, our own lust of the selfishness and narcissistic behavior that lives in sin? When we are not walking with God we get mad at God for allowing disaster. Judgment comes in many ways to those who mock Gods commandments. When we are silent in our hearts about the sin that infiltrates and destroys our communities, judgment is imminent. We have spit in the face of God. We have turned our backs on His teachings. We have neglected his commands and commissions. Now as the world turns to darkness we cry out asking for salvation.

The path to destruction is wide and the way to salvation is narrow. The struggle in which we find ourselves can be seen as tests, or as a forge. In the military we train as we fight. We prepare for battle by simulating battle. We seek knowledge, and stamina by continually training. In a world clouded in darkness, those who wish to fight back, to stand firm against the enemy, must be forged into something new. You must be born again, for only those born again will enter the Kingdom of God. (John 3) If we are born again don’t we need to be trained for our new selves? Don’t we need to be taught and prepare for the obstacles we face in our new lives?

2022 was a rough year. From injuries, to illness, to setbacks in personal areas in my life, to kidney stones, to infections. After all the injuries and sickness, disappointment set in. On top of everything else, the longest run of depression i’ve ever had, had turned an already difficult year, into a battle of battles. What else would make for a truly awful year? Chronic pain. Chronic pain often brings forth and exasperates depression, fatigue, and of course pain. The hardships faced this year, for some would turn them a way from God. For me, it draws me near to Him. Does this mean, life isn’t full of frustration, or hardships of emotions. Of course this journey is hard, and full of emotions, but Jesus knows our difficulties. It’s precisely why the hope He offers is so much more important. What is it we fear? “Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)” In Jesus we not only find our hope, but our peace. “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)”

Have I not seen Jesus in my life? Have I not felt his presence rest upon me as the enemy bared down to murder me? Have I not heard the voice of the Father, breathe new life into my lungs as life drifted away from my body? Faith, is an essential and interesting thing. What was it Jesus said to Thomas? “Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed. (John 20:29)” I have seen, and I have believed. This does not make the journey less difficult, or even emotionally easier, but it does mean I have hope. It means there is rest at the end of this long race I run. Jesus overcame Sin, broke the chains that held us. We will have hardships, and trials, and even at times, we will be broken hearted. Faith in Jesus, and the path set before us is one many will endeavor to walk, but will fall away, run away, or stay away from. Jesus through the word, the Logos, has given us everything we need to traverse the difficult road ahead. We have his Word, the Helper (Holy Spirit) to be our guide. We do not travel alone but the brotherhood (sisterhood) of those who also follow the way. We have the testimony of those who walked before us and left us the eyewitness statements. We have the martyrs who gave up everything for the truth. We have our fellow believers who walk with us today. We have all the tools to manage through this struggle, and the Lord our God, prepares the called, he does not call the equipped. Blessed are the meek, the poor, the gentle, those who mourn, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, merciful, pure of heart, the peacemakers, the persecuted, and those insulted and persecuted because thy follow Christ. We must have faith in our path and lean not of our own understanding. We must trust the Father in the hardships we face. We must learn from our mistakes and be honest of our sinful actions and deeds. We must hold ourselves accountable and responsible to Gods law, not the law of Man which spits in the face of the Father. As darkness spreads and becomes all the more intense, allow Christ to shine through you ever more brightly. Snuff out the darkness, not of our own doing but that of the Lords work through us. We never know whom watches us, or the purpose of a thing, but we know, through Lord all things are possible. All hope resides in Him. For it is in Him miracles still happen. It is in Him, the lost see the light. It is in Him our actions may bring glory and honor to His name.

Let us lift up the Lord Jesus name and praise him in the storm. Let us worship Him in the rain, the sunshine, the coldest of nights, and the hottest of days. Be of good cheer and rejoice and sing Hallelujah, for even now Emanuel, Emanuel on the highest. Worry not about today, nor tomorrow. Trust in the Lord your God and fight the good fight, till He calls you home.

In your Heart, Christ or Scrooge?

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In your Heart, Christ or Scrooge?

Recently I was spoken to by someone who undoubtedly has a tremendous amount of pain in their heart. I understand completely why, but the truth is, how that pain is spreading is truly heart breaking. Recently I was told by that person a whole lot of negative things about me personally. Those things got me thinking about who I am and how I’m handling situations. Several months ago I made a choice to defend God when someone was angry with him. This wasn’t a good idea, and as I’ve said before, actions and words have consequences. While what I said was scripturally accurate and true, it was not helpful. In fact, as I found out, it may have been the worst thing I could have said in the moment. That person has not forgiven for what I said, and has doubled down, and has blamed me for being selfish, self-righteous, and essentially not empathetic, with a hint of opinionated. This left me dumbfounded and unsure of how someone could say these things to me whom I have given gifts too, over the last few months, and I have consistently written them to see how they are doing, if they need anything, showing nothing but kindness. Sadly, people who are in pain often lash out. 

If you live life focused on just yourself, your heart I daresay is not with the Lord. If you make decisions without care of others, their feelings, or even their well-being, I would say you are missing out on love and your sin is making yourself on high, because that’s not God’s way. We are called to live in love and if we become selfish, we aren’t loving others, in fact you are loving self. 

Are you allowing Jesus to shine through you? Do you feel badly when you hurt someone? Thankfully there is hope for our lives and there is a time for change and the time is now. In the season of the birth of our savior Jesus Christ, we can be like the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge. Lets’ take a look at these two characters for a moment. 

Scrooge was a man who loathed people. He lived for himself, his success, and cared nothing for the poor, the sick, or even the family close to him. Do we as Scrooge had, allow ourselves to be wrapped in our own chains we make in our lives? Scrooge was gifted a chance to change his selfish ways. Scrooge is shown his past, present, and future in an attempt to warn him of his fate. Scrooge awakes with a new found zest for life. The three spirits were able to accomplish their goals and from that day forward Scrooge was a different man. He became a kind man, full of generosity and love in his heart. So what was it that saved him? Love, and grace. It’s the love and grace we get from Jesus that saved Scrooge because he saw others living life in love and grace towards others. 

The Grinch, the bane of Whoville. The Grinch hated all things Christmas. He hated the lights, the songs, the smiles, everything that the villagers of Whoville loved. Everyone in Whoville was afraid of the Grinch, everyone but Cindyloo Who. She went and showed kindness, and grace to the Grinch. After he attempted to steal Christmas and the villagers celebrated and sang anyway, without the lights, and tinsel, and presents, Christmas came. Grinch realized that the spirit of Christmas wasn’t the stuff, but the heart. Cindyloo touched his heart and in love, and in grace, the Grinch changed his ways. As the story goes, his heart grew three sizes that day. 

We all make mistakes, and we all say and do stupid things sometimes. Are we willing to forgive when someone makes attempts to make it right? Or, are we living in anger, and bitterness? I look to my life and realize that I have not always said or done the right things, but it’s Jesus that saves me, through love and mercy. As far as I know, I have tried to forgive those who’ve wronged me, and I have tried to make right my mistakes I’ve made towards others. 

Colossians 3:16-17 (NKJV) “16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” We must learn to live our lives in joy, and in anything we do or say, do so in a way pleasing to the Lord. Mistakes will happen, and words will slip. Someone will feel wronged by your words or actions. 

Romans 12:18 (NKJV) “18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” We have a choice how we act, and how we respond. Christ tells us we will be persecuted in his name, but those who attack us, or teat us unkindly, we are still called to love EVERYONE, and live in peace. 

I am sorry for what I’ve said, and I’ve done everything I possibly could to make it right. If Jesus dwells in your heart, wrong doings should tug at your conscience and you should be driven to make things right. This Christmas season remember why we celebrate. Remember that it’s love, and grace, and good will towards men/women. We were given a gift that silent night, and we should live our every day with Christ in our hearts. Willing to forgive everyone for the trespasses, and share love, grace, and mercy with everyone we encounter. 

So Glad I’m Forgiven

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So Glad I’m Forgiven

Even though I’m a sinner forever in this life, Christ, the greatest physician heals this world to give us eternal hope. I am not a perfect man, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. While I’ve always tried to walk a good path, I haven’t always put my best foot forward. I can never do enough to work to earn my way into Heaven. I cannot work hard enough to make my way into Heaven. It is by grace alone I am saved.

1 John 1:9 (NKJV)9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 

Because of grace which we can see that grace while Christ was on the cross,

Luke 23:32-43 (NKJV)

32 There were also two others, criminals, led with Him to be put to death. 33 And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. 34 [a]Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

And they divided His garments and cast lots. 35 And the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneered, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God.”

36 The soldiers also mocked Him, coming and offering Him sour wine, 37 and saying, “If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself.”

38 And an inscription also was [b]written over Him in letters of Greek, Latin, and Hebrew:

THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

39 Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, [c]“If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us.”

40 But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said [d]to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”

43 And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”

Even in the final hour, being able to offer nothing to Christ, the criminal on the cross was forgiven and promised Heaven. Forgiveness is a gift, it’s a gift we could never deserve, yet through grace we are given anyway. I know I can never do enough to tip the scales in my favor. Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV) 14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. We are given a choice how we want to live in this life. Will you live with love and forgiveness in your heart, or will you hold hate and grudges in your heart? We must always be a reflection of Christ in all we do. The love we share must always be the reflection of our Heavenly Father. When we live in the Lord we shall be rewarded in kind. 

I know I’m not perfect, and I know that there is no reason for Jesus to forgive me for the sins that I commit, but He does in fact forgive me every day. I am lost in the darkness without my light, and I have no hope in this life without Jesus Christ. I have seen and known so much pain, and I have lived this life in a constant struggle, but even when I’ve cried in the night, I was set free from my chains by the blood sacrifice of my Lord Jesus Christ. The darkness fades away in the light, and I am not covered in the tar of my sins anymore. The white covers my life, and the darkness tries to slip, slither back in, but Jesus Christ is my shield, the bubble of white I live in protecting me when I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death. 

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Snowed In With No Where To Go

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Snowed In With No Where To Go

I took a quick peek outside this morning to see the world was white, frozen, and not just snow cold, but ice cold. With the around 11 inches of snow that fell yesterday, the night turned to freezing rain, and then proceeded to do so all night. I consider all I have to do in and around the house, especially with my homework, and I quickly decided the snow was not a detriment, but a blessing. The freshness of it as it blankets the ground, and the bouncing light reflecting off of every flake on the ground. A winter wonderland that sparkles in the night, and what a nice remember of the power of God. Isaiah 1:18 (NKJV) 18“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.”

It’s amazing how highly we think of ourselves. We run around every day and somehow we become the center of the universe. The moment bad things happen to use we call for an emergency meeting of the minds to hash out how and why this bad thing happened. The phrase “I’m a good person so why is this happening to me!?” Jesus Christ was a perfect person and look what happened to him. We aren’t good people, and as soon as we understand that the better. We are all deserving of the fiery pits of Hell, simply because we commit cosmic treason on a daily basis. We aren’t good people because in our hearts we sin against God every day. We sin every day, and not always by our actions, but by our hearts. We often forget that sin doesn’t start with an action it starts with a thought. Sin starts in the heart, and the very moment it comes to the surface no matter how quickly we push it back down, the sin is committed. We are stained red and we still think bad things should never come our way.

For many years I was having a long running feud with God. I was sick and tired of so many bad things happening to me all the time. I was tired of the hits, one right after another, and in my own short sightedness I couldn’t see or understand how I might be getting prepared for something further down the road. When God can see the beginning and the end, we get upset over the thing right now, but we miss how important that thing is tomorrow. I look back at my life, and while I can say I don’t love everything I’ve been through, I can understand it. My only major regret is how my actions and sins have been a reflection in the mirror for me to look at.

Thankfully for us, no matter how deeply we sin, or how much that sin hurts God, we are forgiven for it, they are washed away and we are made white as snow again. What a wonderful gift we are given every winter as a reminder of God’s grace and mercy. If you’re snowed in like I am, just take a look around and enjoy the beauty of God’s painting. Remember the blessings you have, and the forgiveness of our sins. 

Evidence Isn’t Fact

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Evidence Isn’t Fact

What is evidence? Evidence:“the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.” While this is true, one must consider that in a crime scene everything is gathered as evidence, and it’s weeded through to determine what is part of the case, and what isn’t.

For many years I’ve looked at a series of situations and placed a verdict based on the evidence, however, recently a new perspective was given to those situations and it’s fundamentally changed my view that all these years, I may have been wrong. In the book Cold Case Christianity By, J Warner Wallace explains the need to be objective when looking at the evidence at a crime scene. He describes a homicide and the importance of having an objective mindset free of any preconceived dispositions. I was looking at only one piece of evidence and I wasn’t examining the big picture. While the one small piece of evidence alone could have given me the end conclusion, those facts with other facts however offer a different explanation of the events. How foolish I’ve been for so long, believing I was the total cause. I put so much weight on the fact that just because I was present in different situations that I was the cause for those things to happen. I believed my self worth was based on the outcome of these cumulative events. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I have spent years coming to a conclusion about myself, and while this new point of view is new, and exciting, change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to retrain your brain to believe something. Overwriting the original code isn’t easy, but when you consider your brain being a computer, and you need to change an idea, or a behavior, you must first learn how to hack in to the brain, and then you must learn to write new code to overwrite the old. This isn’t easy, and it takes time, but if it’s important to you, you can do it.

When you need to know what truth is, if you’re questioning where you stand, and you’re not sure where you should stand, scripture is clear, Romans 8:31“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” God is always behind us, next to us, in front of us, protecting us and if we are listening guiding us to safety. We cannot stay in our pain or sorrow. We must not focus on the people that hurt us, or those who leave us. While it’s true, people may say things that are harmful, even walk away from a friendship because they are hurting, but all we can do is pray, try to realize it may not be at fault for their departure.

Having friends leave is absolutely heartbreaking, especially when there isn’t a clear reason. The pain felt as it feels that yet another person is abandoning what seemed to be a good relationship cannot be understated. While many may look at a departure as ‘their loss’ for me and my injuries over the years it’s harder for me to look at it that way because of the cumulative effect. Having to look back over the years and evaluate my part in failed friendships, relationships, marriages, I have to understand that that I may not be at fault in each instance. I need to understand that while there will be some culpability; it may not be more then 50%. The losses I’ve experienced just in the last seven days alone have been hurtful and have created a resurgence of a worthless stance of my self-esteem.

I’ve struggled a great deal with the wonder and question as to why so many have left. It’s been said that I feel more deeply than some, that I hold on tighter than others, and in that, I hurt so much more when people show I am not valued in their life. I turn to scripture for guidance and peace, and while wounds are fresh, it can be difficult to find comfort so quickly. But, as a faithful Christian, I know that God can heal, and help my soul, and mend my broken heart. Psalm 34:18 (NKJV)18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.”  God is with me no matter the day, no matter the hour and it’s in His presence that peace will be given. 1 Chronicles 16:11 (ESV)“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”

While I started writing about looking at the evidence as to why those have left my life, I was faced with that very thing in the writing of this post. I don’t know or understand why someone would leave when I thought my presence was actually wanted and appreciated in their life. I don’t believe I did anything harmful, or hurtful, or intrusive, but I cannot allow the actions of others to define who I am. I know I try to serve others by being there for them, by helping them, by being Godly counsel for them, and trying to be what I can to help. This help isn’t always wanted, and sometimes as I mentioned in yesterdays post https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2018/10/09/parasite/

Some people may come into your life and take all they can and leave when they’ve had their fill. This is an inevitable part of life as a counselor, pastor, or doctor. You won’t always be able to help everyone, you can’t always save everyone, and no everyone wants to be saved. All we can do is step back, and peal it off of our own hearts and give it up to God. This may be one of the hardest things to do as a Christian, and in a position where you are a giver and a protector to those in pain, hurting, and suffering. The evidence is, clear, and tallied, that sometimes you have done all you can and it wasn’t ever going to be enough because some things are just out of your control. A little boy left alone in a blood filled house, has no control over the actions of those around him. A girl who’s mother walked away and chose to have nothing to do with her daughter and the anger and resentment built over a lifetime, sometimes there’s nothing that little girl can do to fix anything when mom passes away unexpectedly. It hurts, and the pain and grief is very real. We all do things when we hurt, and sometimes we are just caught in the crossfire of life innocent and free from blame. Life up one another, and be there for one another. Don’t let time pass you by in anger because by the time you want to make amends, it may be too late. We may look at the evidence spread around us, but it takes a trained, unbiased eye to root out what is part of the incident, and what’s just there.

Go with God, and trust in God to see you through the darkest of storms. It’s hard to do, but seek Godly counsel, and friends who will help carry you through. God will always give us the tools we need to do any job, but we must look for them and put forth effort. No matter what happens, as time goes on, we will be faced with tough situations, and hard times, and it’s in those times when we are hurt we must forgive, and pray. We can’t allow the pain to build, along with the anger, to stay with us because it will affect every aspect of your lives, and mine as well. Walk in peace, and love, and forgiveness. Walk knowing we are forgiven for being sinners, as we will forgive others for sinning against us. We must ask for forgiveness for those we have wronged, and understand we aren’t always at fault for the things that happens to us. Don’t hold weight for things you aren’t responsible for, but be a Christian and take responsibility for what your actions have caused. Don’t get caught up in the past, and make sure you are looking at situations objectively.

 

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