Tag: faith

Are You Special?

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Are You Special?

Can you sing or dance, draw or write? Are you good with people, and empathetic to their needs? Are you good at doing budgets, or just drawing up flyers for the week? Once in a while, but if I’m honest more often then not, I don’t feel as if I’m special in any way. The world has been unkind to me and as I’ve been diving into some of the feelings residual from my many traumas I have questioned if I’m at all special in any way. The world (Satan) has taught me that I’m not special. From an early age faced with bullies, and troubles at home, then in my early relationships with women, and subsequent failed marriages, all I have known is rejection, abandonment, and failure. I have been conditioned to believe I am not worthy of love, and not worthy of grace. But in truth, this is all a lie.

Many of us put our self worth in the wrong place. Many of us place our value in our gifts, our talents, our homes, or cars, or jobs, but what happens when those things fade with time? What happens when we loose a long standing job, or a wife we loved most dearly? These things can make us feel low, and make us feel like we are failures in life. When my first wife had an affair and left I felt like I was kicked in the face. I questioned over and over what I had done wrong, and why I wasn’t good enough. I was tossed away like used trash. This would repeat itself just seven years later and I would once gain place my value in how good of a husband I was, by what someone else thought of me. I would nearly allow the disgrace crush me and destroy me.

Someone told me once, in life we carry a bag (rucksack). We walk along life and we constantly pick up rocks and put them in our bag. The longer we go the heavier the bag is and we can’t move under the weight. Life is the bag, and rocks are circumstances and events, and stress we encounter. If we choose to hold onto everything, and we choose not to ever drop any of those rocks, we will crush ourselves. Some rocks we have to keep, but others, we are free to let go. Cleaning out the bag is a choice and though letting some stuff go might be hard, eventually it’ll be like it was never there.

I have been told I am an excellent photographer and a fair writer. I could become famous for my writing, but that would never be why I’m special. It’s not about what I can do, or what any of us can do that makes us special. We aren’t special because of the gifts we are given, simply because we are given those gifts to be used to bring glory to God, so before God the gifts he gave us aren’t what makes us special at all. What makes us special is being who we are meant to be before an almighty God. What makes us special is that Christ died for us freely, in love He sacrificed himself so that we may one day live to love God, know Jesus, and in the end die and join Jesus in Heaven. We are special because God placed life in each and every one of us. God handcrafted every single person for a divine purpose. We are created in love, and scripture tells us just how important we are. Luke 12:7“Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” God knows every hair on our head and if God knows even the smallest details, how can we not be important.

Psalm 139:13-16“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” We are Gods works, we are Gods creation and we can hide nothing, every dark thought, every dark desire, God see it all. No matter how badly we mess up, God loves us regardless. We may see our self worth in the things we do in this life, but we ought to see it in the love given to us by God. Psalm 139:14“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

 We are all sinners. We all are born in sin and those who do not have a strong moral compass will do the most damage and harm. If we understand what the nature of sin is, understand where our salvation comes from, and truly understand what God tells us love is, then we find our true value. It’s not in people, or the talents we have, or the things we do, it’s grace, it’s forgiveness. If each of us makes mistakes then we shouldn’t allow someone else to determine our value. We should never allow another person to steal our joy. We must put our value, our joy, and our hope in one place, Jesus Christ.

I may be a fair writer, a decent photographer, a Master Lego Builder, but it doesn’t matter what I do, or how much I love, I am nothing without Jesus. I know I am loved by Jesus and nothing will ever take that love away. I know that no matter how many people reject me, or turn their backs on me, or never give me a chance, I am important to God my (Abba) Father. I shall never know hatred before God, or be let down by God in any way. I am not worthy of God’s love, but in grace alone I am given hope. Through Love, real Love, I am blessed with a forgiveness I could never earn, yet I have anyway. I will grow old and one by one I will stop writing, I will stop taking photo’s, and one day I will stop building beautiful Lego sets, but I will never stop loving Jesus. I will never stop proclaiming the truth that tells each and every one of us, why we are something special. It doesn’t matter what mistakes we make because we are always just one step away from Jesus. Jesus is always waiting for us.

If you don’t know the truth and the love of Jesus Christ, let me pray for you today. Father God, I come here humbled before you, lowest as I can go, and I know that without you I am nothing Father. I know that you created me for a purpose, and no matter the hardships I’ve faced, or the demons that tempt me in the night; you are the lighthouse guiding me home. Your Love and mercy abound me with the soft blanket to comfort me in the cold. I know there are many out there who do not know your love, and if any come before you today, I pray their hearts be softened, and allow that door to open. I pray hearts burst open wide and accept who your Son is, why your Son came for every single one of us, and believes with their whole heart the truth that is the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I pray that we come before Jesus humble and gracious for the life we have to look forward to in Heaven. I pray that we don’t wait for tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t promised to us. I pray we know what we have to do today, and in our darkest hours you will come before us shining like a lighthouse out to sea, guiding us back to the safe harbors. I thank you my God for giving me talent with words, and an understanding of your Holy Scripture to reach out to those around the world, to bring honor and glory to your Sons most Holy of names, it’s in His name I pray Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

 

 

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I Am Not Innocent

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I Am Not Innocent

I am not deserving of this life. I am guilty of a great many sins, and I am guilty of failing and falling every single day. I cannot help but realize how lost I am in this life. I am a ship blown by the wind tossed upon the sea with no hope to make it to the sunrise. I am no better then a murderer on death row. I am no better then a man 2000 years ago that was set free. One simple act, an easy idea to understand, and yet the depth of the subject, the depth of the meaning surrounding that single most compassionate act in the history of mankind, JESUS CHRIST took my place. When the crowd gathered in front of Pilate and called for the savior of mankind to be crucified, Pilate offered an alternative, a man known to be a rebel, known to be a murderer, known to be a thief, and when the choice came, the crowed double downed and called for Barabbas to be released instead of Christ. How can we stand by and think to ourselves how much injustice there is in this act. The sovereign of the universe made a choice to do something that was beautiful and scandalous at the same time. In this life we’d never want to watch an innocent man be put to death in the place of a known criminal. The thing with this verse however, is we are always Barabbas. We are always the sinner and we don’t deserve salvation. We cannot work enough, do enough, be good enough to ever earn our way into Heaven. Jesus sat in front of Pilate silent, and through actions alone, sent the message that He would willingly take the place of all known sinners. Barabbas is a symbol for every single one of us. All sin is created equal at the foot of the cross. We look through our human, earthly eyes and we see ourselves better then someone else because of our own sense of morality. The thing is though, coveting what you cannot have is just as sinful as murder.

Matthew 27:17-2117 “Therefore, when they had gathered together, Pilate said to them, “Whom do you want me to release to you? Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?” 18 For he knew that they had handed Him over because of envy. 19 While he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent to him, saying, “Have nothing to do with that just Man, for I have suffered many things today in a dream because of Him.” 20 But the chief priests and elders persuaded the multitudes that they should ask for Barabbas and destroy Jesus. 21 The governor answered and said to them, “Which of the two do you want me to release to you?” They said, “Barabbas!”

 We are never going to be better then Barabbas. We will always have sin in our life, but we have hope knowing that in that moment Jesus said not just to Barabbas by his actions, but to the world that He would willingly take our place to allow his blood to trickle down the cross touching the earth as a sacrifice to break the chains of sin, to break the bondage that held us in a hopeless world. I know I will never be able to do enough, work hard enough, and love enough, to earn a place before the Father. I know that there is only one way, Jesus Christ, the truth the way, the life. Jesus had the power to walk away, to let a guilty man go to the cross for his action, but in the greatest symbol to show us the mercy and grace of God, Jesus knowingly, willfully, and would always do it again, give his on life, give his own blood for all of our sins. No, I am not an innocent man, and knowing how guilty I am, I can love deeper in the knowledge that God loves each and every one of us.

 

 

In A World Not Of Your Own

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In A World Not Of Your Own

I wake up in my bed, and I realize I’m still here in this world. I take a breath and in a moment of thought, thank God for another day here on this earth. We know from scripture that those who follow Christ are called to live in this world, but not to be conformed to it. We are called to be here to spread the love and truth that is Jesus Christ, but this is not where we are to call home. To be an ambassador means to be in a place that is not your own. This world is far from home for Christians. Think about where you call home, and the feeling you get when you’re away on vacation for a while. While the vacation is nice, there comes a time when you start to long for home. There comes a point when you think to yourself you miss the comforts of your own 4 walls, your own bed, your own stuff, and you desire to go home. This is the same thing for Christians who know what truly awaits us when we die. God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY son, that who ever comes to know him shall not die, but have eternal life.

2 Corinthians 5:2020 “Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” We must understand that we have work to do in this life. We must talk about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. We must talk about the gift of salvation given to all. We must talk about the ransom that was paid for each and every soul that ever lived, has lived, or will live. We have been given this gift freely, but like all gifts, yet we have to choose to accept it. When we walk outside our door we don’t know who we will encounter, or what will happen to us. We represent our home, our father, Jesus Christ everywhere we go. We should be recognizable as different because if we stand apart from the world, we shouldn’t blend in to the world around us.

In the film the Matrix during the agent training program there was one goal to the program to teach about the agents and what they are, who they are, and their mission. The woman in the red dress stood out as different but upon closer look, she was just another agent. When people look at us do we stand out to be the woman in the red dress, or upon closer examination are we just agents of the world hiding like wolves in sheep’s clothing. If Batman were to be transported to the wizarding world of Harry Potter he would stand out. We too have a choice to stand out and truly be different in all we say and do. It’s important to stand up and be proud of being different. We cannot expect things in this world to be different if we are not willing to be different. We cannot expect the world to change if we are not willing to be that change.

I have often felt like I didn’t belong and an outsider, and as I’ve gotten older, I have realized that’s not far from true. While I do have a more rare personality type, I have found that it’s in the mutual love of Jesus Christ I have found a place more fitting for me. I have searched the world over for a place to call ‘home’ even as a temporary home, and while I can’t say I love the weather, I can say I love my church. Antioch Baptist Church in Timberlake North Carolina is the most loving, most giving, most welcoming place I’ve ever been. From finding my best friend Glen, to a pastor whom I have grown quite close to ‘David Chambers’ I have found myself unable to leave. I am anchored here because the church is anchored in Jesus Christ. This church is different in the way it conducts business, in the way it holds itself accountable to the word of God, and the people in it truly do love the Lord. I have been to many different churches across the world, and I have not once found a place in any denomination that loves the Lord as much as they do at Antioch. No place is ever going to be perfect, and while there is sin everywhere, Antioch is truly a place apart. Antioch stand apart as much as Batman going to Hogwarts. John 15:19 19“If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” We may not be popular, or even liked, and sometimes we may even be hated, but it’s not the acceptance of the world we need to be worried about, it’s the acceptance of God and knowing all we do is bringing glory to His name.

The Days Are Numbered

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The Days Are Numbered

The days come and for the first time in a while the sun was shining with low humidity, and a nice cool breeze felt amazing. With no storms in sight it was finally a day that wasn’t horrible just stepping outside. Not a bad day at all to be out running errands. It’s days like this that even when there’s so much to do with appointments all day, I feel at peace. Even with my new sessions of EMDR trauma therapy, and finding out one of my doctors is leaving their position, I have still found a sense of joy in this day. How often do we make it through the day, the weeks, the months without feeling that sense of joy? When we get caught up in the world, we forget that every day we wake is a blessing and a gift of God. How often do we forget to take a moment in our day to appreciate the little things? Psalm 118:24“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” David often found himself dealing with struggles, life changes, depression, and even amidst all of these things, he always remember where the little gifts came from. God, of course is the giver of all things, and we are commanded not to be conformed of this world, and we are told to live within our day, not worried about what tomorrow will bring. This doesn’t mean not to make life plans, but certainly not to become overwhelmed when something knocks the train off the track. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for it will worry about itself. Matthew 6:25“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [aa]cubit to his [ab]stature?” We will not add one day, not one hour to our life by allowing ourselves to be overworked, overwhelmed, overtaxed. We cannot always change our circumstances in the moment, and yet we allow ourselves to be worked up, stressed often to the point of crying or shaking, which there’s nothing with crying, but we should not allow ourselves to worry so much. This is of course easier said then done, but in our struggles every single day, we should make a good effort towards trusting in our Father, and allowing our worries to be passed to God and trust that in all things the details will be worked out.

While I often wish my life held less stress, more play, more love, less obligations, and way more fun, I realize that we must take time to be adults and face each and every day with one question, ‘no matter what today brings me Lord, how can I glorify you?’ Matthew 6:31-3431 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” It’s hard enough worrying about all the big stuff in our lives, yet we drive ourselves to worry also of all the small insignificant stuff. We must learn to resist the worry. Think about why we worry so much, we worry because we don’t’ know what we are going to do about a problem, or a situation. We have doubts it can be taken care of and handled, but if we truly say we have faith in the Lord, it’s in that that we should be able to let go and let God. We cannot beat blood from a stone, and we cannot move a mountain all on our own.

Life is so short, and we spend so much time being angry, we are resentful, and we hold onto that for months, years, or even our entire life. There’s no reason to allow that to remain in our bodies. We would never want to allow poison to stay inside our bodies, so why do we allow ourselves to carry so much negative energy? Why do we allow ourselves to fuel our heart with so much hatred, and pain? We never know how much time we have, and one thing we must remember is the true nature of forgiveness. Matthew 6:15“15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We do not want to hold onto that cancer that festers the longer it’s in our bodies. We may encounter things in our life where we don’t feel like justice has been served, but it’s not our place to find justice, or revenge. Justice is paid by God, and we must trust in God that no one gets away with anything in this life. Everything we do good and bad is cataloged and categorized. We must believe that if we cannot let go of that anger and hatred and forgive those of the wrongs they’ve committed against us, we also will not be forgiven.

It’s hard when you feel cheated, when you feel let down by someone so close to you, but as we are all sinners in a fallen world, we must understand that we learn from every situation, good and bad. For every bad situation we can learn what not to do on someone else’s actions, or learn what not to do again from our own. We can learn, and we can grow, and we must always grow closer to God with every breath we take. One day this life will end and we will get to go home, if we love and accept our savior Jesus Christ. This life is just a short time, but our real home awaits us, don’t sacrifice that home by holding out in this one.

Facing Down the Cosmic Bully

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Facing Down the Cosmic Bully

Life, is full of its ups and downs. Scripture is clear about where our blessings come from. James 1:1717 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” If our gifts come from the Lord, then what about our misery? Misery is a strange thing because it can come from more then one place. We are often our own source of misery but aside from ourselves making poor life choices, the Devil is truly the biggest cosmic bully around. How do we stand up to a bully that big? What chance do we have when we are facing down a bully of that size? If we are to believe in the fundamental fact that Jesus Christ overcame death, and He saved our souls from eternal damnation, we must also believe that there are forces of both light and dark all around us. The spiritual realm although we cannot see it, is very real. Angels the forces for God, and demons, the forces for the Devil are constantly at war all around us. For those who are more in tune with their relationship with God they can sense when the forces of the Devil are around. It’s a lot like the Matrix, you can’t see it, but you know it’s everywhere within the world around you. You can see it when you take out the landlord’s garbage, or even when you pay your taxes.

We are in this world, but we are commanded, for those who follow Christ are not to conform to the world. The world is sin, and we must resist the temptations that come to us. Being in this world as a Christian invites troubles into your life. The Devil will use anything and everyone to dissuade you from giving your heart to Jesus, or if you have given your heart to Jesus, to make you doubt that relationship. The Devil is the ultimate bully, and he is jealous of our relationship with the Father. He might be a child throwing a tantrum, but even a child can cause a lot of damage when they have angelic powers. Don’t forget that just because the Devil was cast out from Heaven, doesn’t mean he was stripped of his powers. Angels and Demons are very much real, and just because we can’t see them, doesn’t mean the war isn’t waging all around us. The war is not for land, or resources, the war is for our very souls.

We know that the battle wages every day, and as each of us is filled with both the spirit and the sins of the flesh, it stands to reason that sometimes the pull of the flesh will win. This doesn’t mean the draws to a person; it means the part that is alienated by God. The flesh is the rebellious, stubborn, and often disrespectful side of us that refuses correction, and to acknowledge ones own faults. We are governed by sin at times, and we can fight it, but it’s inevitable that we will fail, and fail often. It’s that reason that Christ died on the cross, His blood shed for us, because there was no scenario where we could enter into heaven on our own merits or works.

What do we do when we find ourselves in the midst of a spiritual battle, and how do we know what it is? First you must ask yourself if you’ve ever been tempted to do something you know is wrong? Tempted to smoke cigarettes, tempted to steal something, tempted to lie, tempted by sexual desire, all these things are signs of spiritual warfare. The Devil uses our desires of the flesh, uses others, uses sickness and diseases, anything and everything to try and wedge a gap between you and the Father. The Devil and his legion of demons are always pulling people, pushing people, and causing mischief all around the world. He tries anything he can to raise doubts, to cast blame, even to the point of lying to us making us feel like we are worthless.

A movie I’ve been watching lately that I can’t seem to get enough of is Avengers: Infinity War. I was thinking about Thanos and his motives for doing what he does. While Thanos may actually be right around the fate of the universe he’s missing one important aspect, faith. There’s one scene where Thanos is talking to Gamora about needing to be the one to fix things, and she tells him “You don’t know that.” Thanos is misguided in his methods and no matter if you agree or disagree with him, he is a cosmic bully playing god and he has no business doing so.

(Spoilers Ahead)

 Even though Thanos seems to be unstoppable there’s a point where Thor’s new Ax, Stormbreaker cuts through Thano’s power and actually stabs him in the chest. Recently as I’ve been watching that, I have been thinking about our own fight against our biggest cosmic bully, the Devil. If the Devil attacks us, do we have our own Stormbreaker to cut through his attack and stab him in the chest? The answer is yes, absolutely! Stormbreaker is essentially the power of the Holy Spirit. We know that we have the Armor of God, Ephesians 6:10-18. “Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;” This verse ends with prayer, telling us that in all things we must be willing to pray. Stormbreaker at the heart the word of God that cuts through Sin, desire, and any attack the Devil may throw at us. No matter the direction the attack comes from, whether it be through people, or sickness, or even our own sinful failings, the Word of God has all the answers. It in itself is the ultimate weapon against the biggest bully around. While we don’t have the power to be rid of Satan, we do have the power to fight him off, to force him back, and for a time have him removed from our presence.

During the temptation of Christ, we don’t see Christ using force to remove Satan, we see Christ using the word of God. Christ could have used force to remove the Devil, but since we don’t have that power, it serves as a lesson to each of us, how to fight on the battlefield beyond what we can see. We must never underestimate our own abilities because scripture tells us, Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”If God is with us we then have the power within us to withstand the attacks of Satan, and cast him away from us as Jesus once did. It may not be as flashy or glamorous as Thor flying above Wakanda throwing his beautiful new toy, cutting through Thanos’s blast and stabbing him in the chest, but never the less, we do have the power to stand up to our tormentor. Don’t underestimate yourself and never give up the fight. As long as we continue to believe in God and trust in Him, we will always have hope. One day our time to fight will be over and we will be called home. We will leave the fight for the next person after us, and all we can do is hope we have passed on our knowledge and love of Christ for the next generation to come. Have faith and in this spiritual battle that wages on, don’t forget to Love, Forgive, and live in Hope. In the battle here on earth, one thing we need to remember is there is no need to fear. There is nothing the Devil can do to remove the ransom paid for us. So long as we remain faithful to our Lord and Savior, we may suffer in this life, but this life is only temporary.

Laughing on the Outside

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Laughing on the Outside

“I’m only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. If you could see inside I’m really crying. You might join me for a weep.” (Joker)

 Recently I watched as a friend, or some unknown relationship status, told me that they had plans with work friends a few days in a row. While most of the time I don’t know if that would bother me, but I got the impression they would rather spend time with anyone but me. I got the feeling I was just the back up friend so whenever they didn’t have plans, then maybe I would be on the lineup. I don’t know if this was the case, or if this was just coincidence. In the last few days I have felt the darkness creep in like a shadow. The struggle to feel content in any situation is my deepest labor. The silence grows in me like a cancer. In the silence the Devil whispers in my ear, and I pray earnestly to be rid of the lies.

Philippians 4:12-13“12 I know how to [a]be abased, and I know how to [b]abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through [c]Christ who strengthens me.”

 Paul is telling the church at Philippi that he has learned to lessen the impact of the situations he finds himself in. The word Abased is tapeinoō to reduce the pain. He explains that he knows how to abound or perisseuō, to exist or be at hand in abundance.

What do we do in our times of struggle? For many like me, internalize the pain, and smile and laugh, but only on the outside. As I think back on the line from the 1989 Batman, Joker says if you could see the inside he’s crying. How often do we wish we could take off that mask? How often do you want to scream the truth to the world? Well, I am here to tell you, that’s exactly what you need to do. When you are feeling weak and you don’t know how to take another step, you have a choice. You can sit there and say nothing, and be miserable, or you can reach out to a Christian brother or sister and confess your sins, confess what’s on your heart, and then you give them the opportunity to he of help, be Christ’s love. James 5:16“16 [a]Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, [b]fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” When we hold our troubles in, we do two things, one, we are alone and miserable in our struggles. Two, we deprive the opportunity for someone to feel useful, to show grace and love which is also a commandment. 1 Thessalonians 5:11“11 Therefore [a]comfort each other and [b]edify one another, just as you also are doing.”

 The Devil is always on the prowl, and is always attacking. Even though we are only passing through this foreign land, we must stand tall and be one another’s help. If we had a relationship with our brothers and sisters like Forrest Gump, and Bubba, we’d all be in a better place. The scene where they are sitting in the mud together, and they sit back to back so neither had to lay in the mud, that’s the relationship we need to have with one another. Never underestimate how even the smallest of gestures may go a long way to making someone feel loved and wanted. We all need to remember most importantly that people will not always be exactly what we want or need. We are bound to get hurt, and suffer disappointments when we put our faith or hopes in people. It’s in Jesus Christ we must focus our hope and Love. Of course we must love our neighbors as ourselves, but understand that we too will someday let someone down. We too will make mistakes and bring pain to those we love. All we can really do is be the best we can be and pray for forgiveness when we fall short. Don’t hide the tears on the inside, be courageous and trust in someone to help you in your time of need.

 

 

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600

I can hardly believe so much time has passed since I published my first post on February 23rd 2017. At first my only intention was to work through some of my own personal struggles in my life and how using scripture would help me do that. As that mission slowly evolved now it is no longer about my own need to deal with demons, it’s about helping others through troubled waters. Of course on occasion I find myself struggling during a particular post, but on some level there will always be a symbiotic relationship to what I post and how I feel. I can honestly say, the thought of writing 600 posts in less then two years is truly something else. I have a hard time fathoming the amount of hours I’ve put into study to get this far. I have an equal hard time considering the consistent ability to somehow post a full message each and every day. Looking back all I can do is attribute my success to God. I could never have done it without the support of my best friend Glen, and my many followers. In recent weeks I have picked up nearly a dozen new followers, and one stands above the rest. A new suggestion has been made that I start working on a VLOG. While I have mixed feelings on it, I am excited to explore a new direction for my blogs. In the last year and some change I have had 6450 views, 4023 visitors in 2017 and 8181 views, and 4111 visitors in 2018 so far. With over 100 countries it’s pleasing to know maybe in some way I’ve touched lives in this world, knowing I’ve made a difference for God’s kingdom.

With my new path leading me towards full time ministry, I have to ask myself, ‘am I doing enough?’ For now, I am a full time student, I am studying the Word every day, and I am ministering as often as I can. For my 600thpost I want to focus on Psalm 23

Psalm 23

“The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not [a]want.

2 He makes me to lie down in [b]green pastures;

He leads me beside the [c]still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will [d]dwell in the house of the Lord

[e]Forever.”

 

At 600 posts I have found myself tired. I have plenty of reserve topics to write about, I struggle now to find the motivation to do so. When I can’t seem to get up and get motivated I think back to this passage. First and foremost the Lord is our shepherd. We shall not want, this translates to we shall never go without. We shall always have what we need because the Lord provides for us always. No matter where we are in our lives we know that there’s one thing we can hold onto that the Devil can never take, our joy. When we close our eyes no matter how deeply into the storm are, we need to only picture a place of peace, and Christ will fill our heart with that peace. The Lord is always with us and hears us always. We have hope knowing that we are loved with no end. We remember that David’s first job was a shepherd boy. This was not considered to be a glamorous job, and he showed no shame remembering his origins. We are the flock of Jesus Christ, and we know that a shepherd will always protect us when the wolves come in the night. We don’t always know what we need. We often think we do, and we always knows what we want, but like a parent God knows our needs. He makes us lie down when we need, he leads us to water when we need, this showing that God will always provide for us. When we are hurt, God always restores our souls. He provides us comfort with truth, and grace. God is tender when we need a soft hand, and fierce when we need a disciplining hand, but always in love.

I remember in my military training the once place we never wanted to be was down in a valley. This is a choke point, a place where army’s go to die. An enemy that has the high ground always as the advantage, and the fear of being surrounded it can seem like there is no hope, but even here where it seems David is making this comment based on a memory, we remember the other job he had, and that was a soldier. David was a decorated military strategist and he had to be to survive. He talks about being in the midst of certain death, and yet knowing God was always by his side. David knows that he only walks through the valley, not that he will remain there. He knows that the shepherd leads and we must trust that the shepherd knows best, even when that hope seems lost. We must remember to trust in our Lord that no matter what we face in this life, we are but guests on this earth, and we’re just passing through. Those of us with the hope and knowledge of Jesus Christ knows that there’s nothing that this world can do to us to take away the gift Jesus gave to us, and we know that we to will one day join Christ in glory.

As I consider the next step for my blog, I expect God to continue to bless me, and I will continue to grow if for no other reason then to serve the Lord. I am here to serve, and as I now walk towards a path of service, I know that there’s nothing my God cannot do. I know that even a sinner like me can be used to bring glory to the only name that matters, Jesus Christ. To the 600 posts behind me now, God willing we will see what He has planned for the next 600. I am blessed with the support I have, and I am blessed with my church family. I have friends that support me, and one friend in particular that while new, she’s been incredibly supportive of my blog even though we have fundamental differences in our faith. Alesha, Thank You! Thank you for the constant warm comments, and thoughts and support. Glen, Speedy, I love you buddy.

God Bless You All!

Sacrifice

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Sacrifice

What would you be willing to give up for Christ? If you knew then entrance into Heaven was to give up something, a sacrifice of some great importance to you, what would that look like? When you look back at the Apostle Paul and you consider what he gave up, his sacrifice was extensive. To understand completely you first need to understand who Paul was. Prior to his conversion on the road to Damascus, he was a high ranking Pharisee. He had studied under some of the greatest priests, and had notoriety of celebrity proportion. Paul had power, he had authority, he had money, and he had a life of luxury. What would possess a man to give up all that for a life of beatings, of poverty, of torture, of prison time, in what we would call a dungeon by today’s standards. Paul would have had a life of comfort and as he had a reputation cruelty and hatred towards Christians he wouldn’t have much to worry about in the ways of suffering. That’s not what God had planned for him however. As he was known prior to Damascus as Saul, his transformation seen in Acts was not the following of someone looking to better their life with hope. Saul was living large and gave everything up because of what God had done to him on that dirt road. He would loose his sight for three days, and in the years following he would face persecution by those whom he at one time would have been looked up to. He gave up everything of comfort imaginable for a life of uncertainty, pain, and suffering. No one would do this if they weren’t absolutely sure of the truth.

Psalm 54:66 I will freely sacrifice to You; I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good.” David knew as King, he was promised the position by God, and by God it would be taken away. We see David fail in his responsibilities as King, and his choices lead to dire consequences. But in all things, David would understand eventually the error of his ways, and he realized he must sacrifice the sin nature that dwells within the heart, and trust in the Lord.

Isaiah 1:11“To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?” Says the Lord. “I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams And the fat of fed cattle. I do not delight in the blood of bulls, Or of lambs or goats.” God is telling Israel He doesn’t burnt offerings, he’s not looking for the outward symbols of sacrifice, what He wants is the inward sacrifice. He wants to see the hearts of his people change. To give up ones self to become something else.

Mark 12:33“And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, [a]with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” It’s not a matter of what we do for the Lord. Someone can go to a soup kitchen every day and volunteer. They can go to Church and sing some songs, even give some sermons, but it’s about what is on the Heart, and God knows the heart.

1 Corinthians 5:7“Therefore [a]purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed [b]for us.” This is referring to dough, the leaven, used to make bread. This is saying the old dough is bad, it’s sour, and it must be thrown away. The new bread, is that created by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and knowing He is the only truth, the only way to life everlasting. We begin to understand what is meant by sacrifice.

Again when we think about what Christ asked of his followers, drop your nets, drop whatever it was you were doing and instead, pick up your cross and follow “me”. Christ was asking these men to leave the certainty of a solid days work, their homes, money, food, in exchange for truth. Some of the Apostils like Matthew who was a wealthy tax collector gave up a lot to follow Christ. Matthew much like Paul had money, and power, and a nice home, nice clothing, and never had to worry much about the ways of suffering. It takes a lot for someone to give up a life of luxury for a life of uncertainty and eventually pain and suffering.

I have often thought of superheroes as being good examples of righteousness looks like. This is especially true when you look at some of the more squeaky clean heroes, Superman, Spiderman, Captain America, etc. While there may not be as much of a physical toll for each of these characters, there are certainly emotional tolls; this is particularly true with their personal relationships. Something is always sacrificed when duty calls and the costume comes out. For characters like Batman, the toll is emotional, and physical. Bruce Wayne literally gives up his body to fight the good fight. So what is it that we sacrifice in our own lives? Do we give up our time to work for charities? Do we give up our money to tithes? What about our freedom? Would we be willing to give up our home, our jobs, our life in the name of Jesus Christ? For many people there are limits, there’s what’s okay to give up in the name of Jesus, and then what’s not, and sadly, I think the same goes within our own hearts. We are willing to give fractions of our heart to Jesus, but if we’re honest about it, do we truly give 100%? I think this is something we as Christians truly need to examine. To truly submit, there is going to be a little suffering along the way.

When we are truly ready to submit to the Lord, the idea of wealth, power, fame, control, the very essence of what was promised to Christ in the temptation of Satan, we would be more willing to endure that of Isaiah 50:6“I gave My back to those who struck Me, And My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard; I did not hide My face from shame and spitting.” No one truly wants to be beaten, or ridiculed, or imprisoned, but to sacrifice means, to give up the desires of the flesh, to be apart of this world, so that in Heaven we would be in the grace of the one true King. Jesus Christ came to serve his people, He came to be more then just a Leader, but to show us the nature of love, and the nature of humility. Matthew 20:28“just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” The sovereign King of the universe allowed Himself to be beaten, tortured, spat on, ridiculed, nailed to a cross, and give up His life for us sinners.

Micah 6:8“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love [a]mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?” We must learn to be humble, to lower ourselves before the Lord. We must learn to put God first, and then ourselves second. We must learn to trust in the Lord’s plan, and walk where we must, do what we ought to do, and serve where we are led to serve.

Do not mistake my words, I am not saying in any way that if you’ve not be flogged, or beaten, or became wealthy, or live in protective walls that you are somehow not sacrificing for God. What I am saying is make sure whatever you do, you do to bring Glory to our Father. We may not have physical scars of what we sacrifice for the Lord, but there should be some signs of that sacrifice. Paul gave up everything for what he KNEW to be the truth, and gave up everything for it to include his life. If Paul is willing to give up so much, what are we willing to give up? Galatians 6:17“17 From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” What scars are we willing to bear in the name of Christ?

For me a reminder of sacrifice is my Gideons Bible. Just looking at it, you can see how worn it is, and for me this is a symbol of my willingness to sacrifice for the Lord. Doing what’s right even in the face of danger and facing our own potential mortality in the process, to put ourselves in harms way to be there for a brother. This beat up old bible is truly one of my most prized possessions. It wasn’t read as much as it should have been, but there are marks in its pages finding scripture to encourage during time of war. The whole Bible shows signs of abuse and water damage. That Bible was with me on every single mission in my left breast pocket of my uniform right under my ballistic vest. It was with me when I jumped into the water to retrieve the body of a friend killed in action. It was with me the day I witnessed Hell on earth. Every hot summer day, or cold winter night, it was by my side. That Bible is a representation of my body which I gladly put on the line to do what I felt was right in the name of Jesus Christ. Making a difference in a part of the world that hated me just for the flag I wore, and who was willing to kill me on live television. I carry my own scars in the name of Christ, and I shall certainly earn more before I go home in glory.

The Climb

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The Climb

The dark cloud covers the land blotting out the sun. The wind blows, cold, cutting through to the bone. The masses gather and the whistle from the trees haunting the sky with echoed screams. The silence is broken by the cries of thousands. What’s left but shadows from millions marching aimlessly with no hope? A nightmare that rages on inside of so many, and for many it feels like Heaven is unobtainable. Darkness fills the air, and the sky gray and dismal devoid of any colors. The world washes away the reds, and blues, the yellows, and greens, and all that’s left is the grays and the blacks. Cold and uncaring are the thousands who march along the baron straights. The rage that boils inside hot as lava, but never breaking the surface. The tornado rages on inside every day and night, with no reprieve. The hope seems lost and days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months and eventually the light is lost. The perpetual storm that wakes the sleeping with nightmares. The callus heart full of scar tissue, and broken dreams beats reluctantly but doesn’t stop. With no feelings left, with no joy left, with no hope, what’s left when you can’t feel anything?

The brave stand a wall, the floodgates locked tight, not even a drop gets through. The masses begin the climb, the mountain of glass, and nails, and ice shards that cut deep to the bone. The reflections in the ice are unique to each climber’s thoughts. The climb taxes the climber, drawing the strength through the rock and ice like a magnet. A climber falls all the way down, the climb is over and they are lost to the icy depths they fought for so long. The thoughts betray the climbers, each stung with regret, with sorrow, with fear, and the anger boils the skin, but no release is found. The wind is choking with the frigid temperatures and the whispers heard of the past force the tears to well in the eyes, but clinging to the rock face for dear life, the voices say let go. Looking down and around thousands climb the walls, and 22 have fallen. The wind screams in your face and you just don’t know how much you can take. How long can you climb this forever wall in the cold, alone, lost, frozen to the bone with no joy and hope inside? What’s stopping you from just letting go and falling?

Hundreds of thousands feel this way every day of their lives. Each one sees something different when they close their eyes, and the cause is different for everyone, but the climb is the same nevertheless. For many years I felt that inside as I went through my day-to-day life. I would smile and laugh on the outside but inside I felt as if I were climbing the mountain. It took years to finally find peace, and even with the peace I have, what seemed like a straight upward climb now feels like a brisk walk up the hill. Some days the clouds return, the whispers in the wind taunt me, and the razor sharp spikes stick out of the wall. PTSD is a nightmare inside every person who has it. Combat PTSD for me has had its good years, and its bad, but it’s always there. PTSD affects hundreds of thousands of veterans and sadly 22 veterans a day fall from that wall. It’s important to know what the struggle looks like because from the outside sometimes you can’t ever tell. For me, most had no idea what I was going through, and my failure to articulate that made my fate even sadder. I didn’t put much out there for people to truly be concerned with because even at my worst days when I might have been down I never let it hold onto me that long. The whispers from the wind are the Devil telling you you’re not strong enough. You’re not brave enough to keep going, and you’ll never be worthy of love or forgiveness. Many people don’t understand the nature of combat PTSD because it’s so complex. For me personally I felt guilty for ‘letting’ a friend of mine die under my care, but the term ‘letting’ means I actually had some control, which logically I didn’t. The guilt and blame I feel for the premonition that the explosive was there, and yet I didn’t do enough to stop it from happening. The closest thing I could explain it to was final destination. A wave of knowing something was wrong, something I sensed and my voice wasn’t loud enough simply because it sounded crazy to everyone but myself. Despite not having any true control in my heart I maintained the blame and guilt, and sorrow for years. PTSD is that tiny thread that still hangs on despite all reason or rational thought, controlling the narrative and lying to my very soul. The Devils grasp is strong and once he finds the chink in the armor he never stops attacking. It’s so important to know where those feelings and thoughts come from, and once we understand that we are under spiritual attack, only then can we mount a defense. Jesus Christ is the first, last, and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe, the Devil. 1 John 5:11-12“11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. 12 He who has the Son has [a]life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.” Jesus Christ is love, and grace, and hope all rolled into one. Jesus Christ is our redemption, our salvation, our truth, and it’s in the blood of Christ that our sins are washed away. It’s in Jesus Christ we don’t have to live for yesterday, but we have hope to look towards tomorrow. It’s Jesus Christ that forces those clouds to fall away to the sun, and the mountain turns to calm rolling hills. The ice turns into grassy meadows with calm streams beside it. Knowing who Jesus is on a personal level doesn’t stop the storms from ever coming, but it gives us the tools, the shelter, but most importantly the hope to survive the temporary storm that might come upon us. For this I offer this following scripture to offer peace with those suffering from trauma, or crisis, PTSD or otherwise.

Psalm 91 New King James Version (NKJV)

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord,who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall [c]bear you up,

Lest you [d]dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will [e]set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With [f]long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

 

Find peace knowing that Jesus Christ loves us enough to never forsake us. Jesus is always with us no matter how much we hurt. We are never alone and even when it feels like, we only need to listen and Christ will show us and tells us where to go. We must surrender to Christ and accept his sovereignty over all things, and we must accept that we cannot do this alone. Do not be so proud than to ask for help. Do not be so proud that you’re willing to fall from that cliff without trusting in Jesus. Jesus will hold you tight in the storm, and you will make it to the plateau. Veterans with PTSD don’t quit, keep fighting and when it feels like you cannot hold on any longer, find a buddy. Don’t be afraid to open up.

I’ve talked about PTSD in the past, and as I am preparing for a new round of treatments for other traumas I never faced, the storm with the mountain is bound to come before me, so in preparation for that, I hold true to my promise I will never go it alone again.

Two Worlds Collide

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Two Worlds Collide

A while back I met someone who was a different denomination as myself. While I never put much thought into the many denominations of Christianity, it wasn’t long before I started noticing a lot of differences in the way we worshipped. She had said something to me that caught me off guard one day, she said, ‘so you’re going to stop talking to me now aren’t you?’ I was taken aback when I heard that. I had never known anyone to be so worried about how others saw them based on their personal worship choice. That was a couple months ago and I’m happy to announce we are still friends despite significant differences in worship style.

A few months ago I met someone else, but instead of being a different denomination, they were a different religion all together. Come to find out they were a practicing Pagan. Much to my surprise it’s more common then I thought it was. I had decided I wanted to judge them by the content of their personality and their character not by the faith they chose to follow. (Not that we should be judging anyone) I found they were sweet, and kind, and caring, and generous, and an all around lovely human being. We should never be so quick to judge someone because when we do, when we judge based on their faith, or the way they look, we take away the possibility to learn, to witness and to truly meet wonderful people in this world. (Disclaimer: Satan worshipers truly do frighten me.)

It’s important for us as Christians to understand something; we are not to spend all of our time just hanging out and fellowshipping with other Christians. We cannot evangelize, we cannot minister, we cannot witness to unbelievers if we never go out of our own church. The Great Commission was very clear, “Go Forth to ALLthe nations of the world and baptize.” Given the opportunities in my life I’ve been able to share the gospel to many different faiths in my life. I have witnessed to Pagan’s, Muslims, Atheists, and while I don’t know if I’ve ever had an impact on their salvation, what I do know is it’s not my job to convert people. My job is to share the Gospel and the Truth of Jesus Christ, and to witness and love my neighbor. Once I do that the rest is in God’s hands. We can’t pick and choose who we want to talk about the Gospel to, we must understand that it’s never our place to judge others, and it’s important to know that while we may not be the direct link in the chain that causes someone’s heart to change, we must trust in God’s will, and God’s plan, and leave it up to faith.

In the past year however, I have also met a few different couples that their marriage is in trouble. It always hurts my heart knowing that marriages suffer, largely because I have been married twice, and both times I have been left standing alone trying to pick up the pieces of both a broken heart, and a broken life. The first time I got married, I married into a family that was completely non-religious. They weren’t atheists but I wouldn’t exactly call them Christian either. Sadly, at that time in my life, I was less concerned about differences in faith, than I was with being alone in life. When that marriage ended with an affair, and then the following destruction of everything I had I soon realized how important it was to not get into a relationship with someone who had a completely different set of morals than myself. My next marriage would be to a woman who’s family were devout Christians. I spent time getting to know them, watching them at church, seeing how they lived their lives, and even though no one’s perfect, I saw enough faith to determine I shouldn’t base someone’s past mistakes on their current standing with God. While that marriage also ended due to an affair, I have to acknowledge we as humans do become lost and walk on poor paths. I have learned my vetting process needs to be a lot more stringent and I need to focus more on how they worship, how they behave, and truly dive into their moral compass. That leads me to the next major point, the marriages that I have witnessed recently have been very unequally yoked.

Scripture tells us it’s not good for believers to be with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6:14“14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what [a]fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what [b]communion has light with darkness?” I am a firm believer that a persons faith is strongly tied into their moral compass. While this isn’t always the case, it will undoubtedly always create conflict. A persons faith will always come into play later in life, when it comes to children, or going to church, or even how we choose to treat one another. Generally when worlds collide it isn’t as epic as say a DC-Marvel cross over. While sometimes people of different faiths and religions, and cultures can get along great, that isn’t always the case. It’s important to be a united front in your life concerning your spouse. If you’re not on the same page it can cause a great deal of conflict, but even more so, if you’re not in the same book at all. I have often been a firm believer that you can “Love” someone, but that doesn’t mean they are right for you in a relationship. Love is a strange thing and while we may fall in love with someone of a different faith, or even someone whom we share nothing in common, we must realize that it takes more then LOVE to make a marriage work. Marriages that work are built from commonality, meaning similar interests, beliefs, goals, etc. Take out to many similarities and you may still love, but problems generally arise as cracks in the foundation become apparent. So what I’m trying to say is this, love everyone because it’s what we’re told to do. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Learn and observe and always be respectful of those people you meet, even if they come from a different walk of life. Be careful of love that isn’t built on a well balanced foundation because if you jump into a marriage before the foundation is inspected, you may find that there are cracks and an uneven slab. You can’t build a house on a bad foundation. It’s okay to be friends with people of different faiths because it always gives us an opportunity to witness, so long as everyone is respectful and willing to listen. But most importantly, don’t sacrifice your own faith and love of Jesus Christ to try and make a relationship work. Our lives always have to love God first, then the rest follows. Jesus Christ always has to be our first love no matter how low we get, or how lonely. Always put your faith and trust in Christ and never sacrifice that belief for anyone.

 

 

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