Tag: depression

Be The Lion

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Be The Lion:

It took me a long time to be able to find my faith, the faith that Jesus called and calls us too. While in truth, I have to be honest, the last several months have been in some ways, the hardest I’ve experienced in my life. 10 months ago (from the writing of this publication) I had open heart, aorta reconstructive surgery. My aorta was replaced from the root, to the stem, to include the valve, which is now artificial. The recovery time has been long, and difficult is not a strong enough word to describe the challenges I’ve faced. The physical recovery has only been a small portion of the recuperation. Mental health has always been an uphill battle for me. When I joined the military, I was told up front by many who knew me best, that I would fail. When I was a couple months into my training, I caught MRSA. It nearly killed me because of how quick it spread. I swore I wasn’t going to let that be the end of me, and I fought. Unfortunately, I missed vital training, and was recycled one rotation. I pushed myself, and after a long 25k ruck, hurting, my ruck cutting off the circulation in my left arm, I turned the corner, and there it was, freedom. I had accomplished what many thought I couldn’t. Not only would I graduate but I’d do so with my head held high and achieve what many could not. I would perform my duties well, and with honor and distinction till a training accident caused my career to end prematurely. I ended my career voluntarily and on my own terms, with the hand I was dealt, but not before a successful posting in Korea, a deployment to Iraq, and continued service in Colorado. With everything I’ve gone through and been handed to me, the undeniable truth remains, God is GOOD. 

         Faith is built on the trust of who Jesus is. The truth that He Himself claimed, that He is “The Way The Truth and The Life, and No One Gets To the Father Except Through Him.” The linchpin of Christianity is just that, was Jesus who he claimed to be? The answer, in emphatically yes. This is what gives a Christian his strength. The Lord chose his soldiers before the foundations of the earth. Jesus told us that we would face trials in this life, but to take heart that He overcame the world. We do not store up treasures in this life, but in Heaven. We face these trails as Job faced his. On our knees, in prayer to the Lord of all creation. Does this mean in this life we do not despair, or weep? No. Jesus wept (John 11:35) for the sin that befell upon the perfection of creation. The untold sorrow of sin over our lives, and the destruction that sin brings to the lives of those of us still alive in the realm of time. We cannot let fear dictate terms, when we are told we were given a spirit of courage, not fear (2 Tim 1:7)

         Feelings of despair come to all who walk this world. Struggle is the life of a soldier. No matter how hard we fight, we will always face the bitter truth, life is full of heartache, disappointment, and pain. Why would God allow such things? God is not the author of evil, pride, and sin, is the author of evil. Satan, began his rebellion, believing the created was more powerful than the creator. The lie that fell to Eve was the same, “you can be like God.” Eve, seemingly without hesitation took of the fruit, then gave it to Adam. Their eyes opened, and they knew of evil. Who is the enemy? The enemy is crafty, and has been described as a great many things. A lion waiting to devour you. The father of lies. The accuser.  The great deceiver. The Dragon. This is our adversary, whom we are called to battle against. The enemy spreads lie after lie, and tries to convince us things we are not. Things like, worthless, failure, broken, you’re alone, you’re not good enough. We wage war against an enemy we cannot see. Having been a soldier in combat, I understand all too well the deceptive nature of the enemy. In Iraq we rarely saw our enemy. They hid in the shadows, using deception, and cover to attack, and detonate explosives without ever being seen. How can someone fight what they can’t see? We are called to resist Satan, and only because of the blood of Christ do we stand a chance to be able to hold our ground in the face of overwhelming odds. Satan when he fell, he took a third of the angels with him (Rev 12:4). Our enemy is trained in the art of deception and lies, perfect beings corrupted by pride and sin. An invisible enemy bent on destroying the creation of God. The Armor of God shrouds us, equips us for battle (Eph 6:10-18). What the armor doesn’t do is prepare us. For that, we need the word of God, and the word of God being the sword, does nothing if we don’t use it, learn from it, and grow closer to the God that wrote it. We cannot fight an enemy we don’t understand. We cannot fight an enemy that knows the word of God better than we do. Our enemy has been in the presence of God, and knows us perhaps better than we know ourselves. While he cannot implant thoughts, he can whisper in our ears. Satan can bring untold horrors down upon our lives, and feed us the lie that it’s God that hates us, God that brings these horrors and tragedies into our lives. Satan tells us that God is the author of all our troubles. I have stated and written before that if we do not train our minds, and our souls for battle, the Devil will increase that advantage over us, and win the day. We must realize one thing, scripture and the Holy Spirit on our side are force multipliers that gives us all what we need to win the day. We do not actually fight Satan, but rather resist his attacks. We dig in, the armor covering our mind, our heart, girded for battle, the sandals dug into the dirt, shield protecting us from the flaming arrows from the enemy, and the Sword of God’s Holy Word raised high, unleashing a battle cry heard in the Heavens, “Jesus Is KING”. The undeniable fact is this, if Jesus is the Lion of Judah, and we are little Christ, then there’s a lion within us as well. We must learn to harness the power within us, and dig deep, and face tomorrow with courage and dignity. 

         God has shown us what He will do to fight for His chosen people. In story after story in scripture we see God’s people overcoming incredible odds and emerging victorious. Moses fleeing through the Red Sea. Gideon fought for God. David took down Goliath with a sling and a stone. There is a lion within us waiting to be awoken. I have struggled for a while, believing I was anything more than garbage, a waist of space. I have questioned why God would save my life in such an obvious way; a miracle multiplied. My story of survival holds too many coincidences to be coincidence. In 2016 God spoke to me while I was bleeding out in the back of an ambulance. While in a pitch black void, I said “God I’m sorry!” In reply God said “You’re forgiven” and I snapped awake in the ambulance, where I was believed to give give up the ghost any minute. Instead, God breathed life into me, sending a shock wave through my body. Note: I had not coded and thus what I experienced was not the defibrillator. Early 2024, I found out I had a hernia, somewhere around March. By July, on the last day of VBS (Vacation Bible School), one of the youths of the church challenged me to a race. God, it seems, removed every ounce of caution and I raced the kid. Aside from the pride of winning the race, it came at a cost. The next day I couldn’t walk, as one of the two hernias bulged. This sent me to surgery in October, and the day after that surgery I was back in the hospital from the Gas migrating to my shoulder. A CT was called for, and while it was confirmed Gas was indeed the culprit, a time bomb was found, ticking away. My aorta was ready to explode. A birth defect left me at the mercy of time, and my aorta was well beyond the limit for surgery. I had emergency surgery, which led to heart block, which led to the pacemaker. Months of setbacks, and therapy, have left me with scars both physical and emotional. I have scars deep into my soul and the Devil has used every dirty tactic and trick in the book to continue his assault on me. I have spoken recently how I have wondered if my choosing the heart surgery was indeed the correct course of action. I have wondered if it would have been better for me to let time run out whenever the clock hit zero, I’d go home. The devil has used so much of my past to convince me I am not worth anything. I have questioned and wondered if the pain I’ve been feeling since surgery has been putting myself through an untold number of years left on my timer, an unnecessary amount of trouble I brought upon myself. The devil has convinced me that it isn’t worth it, that I should have lived out the rest of my days, and gone home. The devil got me to forget one of my favorite quotes of unknown origins, “My hope is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” (The internet says C.S. Lewis said this, but that is unconfirmed.) The trusting of God’s plan is where I have to hold my ground. The last thing I want to be is a sheep being led to the slaughter. How can I protect my family if I can’t protect myself? God does nothing by accident, and while I don’t know why God has spared my life over the years, I know one thing, God has a purpose. I don’t expect the world around me to become fairy tales and unicorns. I expect the battle to continue to rage on. There must be peace of mind, and I must have my head in the game if I am going to continue to be a gears up, high speed, locked and loaded, and good to go as a soldier for the Lord. 

         A lion is what I must be. I have to keep my head on a swivel, and trust that no matter where the Lord sends me, or the mission ahead of me, He prepares my hands for battle. Scripture gives us this, 2 Timothy 2:3-4 “3 Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier.” We are citizens of Heaven, ambassadors, soldiers on foreign territory. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” Our fight, summed up in a single verse. Our adversary seeks to destroy us, to pull us away from our Heavenly Father. Satan seeks to divide us from our brothers and sisters in Christ, and it’s this reason we must once again turn to scripture. 1 Peter 1:13 13 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” As a soldier we train as we fight. We train by repetition, getting better with each passing day. As a soldier we train to be proficient with many weapons, the M4, knives, machine guns, heavy weapons and vehicle’s, radios, and more. We do this by hours and days of practice and training. Likewise, we must be in scripture daily. We must not just read scripture, but study it, and become proficient with the Word of God. We must train our minds in this war against Satan, the same way we soldiers train in the military. In the military we have a saying that sheep dogs protect the flock. We soldiers for Christ must be the sheep dogs. Lions are apex predators, top of the food chain, we too must realize, while we are not lions by ourselves, our Lord and Savior is the creator of the food chain. Our battles must be fought with the remembrance that the blood of Christ signifies a violent death. A death that Jesus laid down his life so He may give His life, to raise it up again, and the greatest of all miracles, to save us, to turn our dead hearts into alive beating hearts for the Lord. While we are here fighting this fight, for the short time in this plain of existence, we must remember that if “God is for us, who then can be against us?” (Rom 8:31) The Lion of Judah is on our side in this fight, we have nothing to fear. The roll of a soldier is to fight for the one that sends you. While I’m not saying the fight is easy, nor am I saying I have it all together, the fight is the most important thing we’ll ever do after we give our lives to Christ. 

         Depression has gripped me hard over the last several months. With my service dog in her last days, the isolation, the physical pains I’ve endured, have all left me wondering how long till I am out of the valley, and I am laying near a peaceful stream. I cannot say what God’s plan is for me, nor can I say what God’s plan is for you, but I know that we cannot gain one single moment in our life by worrying about it. We cannot worry for tomorrow, for it will worry for itself (Matt 6:34). Our life is but a vapor, here one moment and gone the next (James 4:14) and it’s our duty to use the time we have wisely. We fight the good fight, for the men and women, the children that do not know Christ. We fight for those whom we fight alongside. We face the demons in the dark, and we light up the darkness by spreading the light of Christ. We will run the race with endurance (Heb 12:1), and we will dig in and hold the line when things get hard. I know what it’s like to feel the waves crash around you. I know what it likes to hurt and be hurt by people I loved. I know what it’s like to experience the horrors of war, and it’s because of these, that I believe I see the world a little different. We must be the warriors Christ called you to be. Be the lion, the apex predator that stands its ground, and protects the pride. My struggles recently have beaten me to the ground, and while I feel broken, and bloody, and in some ways, I am broken and bloody, Jesus, I know will continue to use me. In other ways I have not a single clue what it could be, but I know that I have to trust in the Lord, even if I don’t know what He’s doing. I hurt, and my losses in the last year, to include the recent death of my brother have left me broken hearted, and beaten to the ground. If my life does not return like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I know that while we may suffer but a little while, Heaven is eternal. We were given a promise that heaven would remove the tears, remove the pain, and in reality, to quote a famous song “The only scars in Heaven, they won’t belong to me and you” (Scars in heaven : Casting Crowns). We must remain strong in the midst of battle, never quit, and never surrender. I am trying my hardest to live my life in a manner pleasing the King. Recent events have broken me down and backed me into a corner. The writing of this post is more for myself, reminding myself that Jesus is Lord, Jesus is the commander and chief over the Host of Angels, and we play a part in this war as soldiers, ambassadors, evangelists, and more. Whenever the Lord calls me home, I am ready. When the Lord calls me home, I pray I hear “Well done, my good and faithful son.” I’ve lived my life seeking the favor of the Lord, and I can only hope I’ve done well, not that we are saved by works, merely that my service pleased the Lord. Time is short, and we never know when we may lose a loved one, but while losing a loved one is tragic; we must not lose ourselves in the process. We must fight the same way we give our lives to the Lord, with all our heart, mind, and soul. Seek first the kingdom of God (Mt 6:33), and no matter what we eat or drink, do all things for the glory of the Lord. (1 Cor 10:31) Go in peace, go in love, this is the way. 

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Chronic

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Chronic

Chronic pain is something that afflicts so many people. What is chronic pain? As defined by the Clevland Clinic “Chronic pain is pain that lasts for over three months. The pain can be there all the time, or it may come and go. It can happen anywhere in your body. Chronic pain can interfere with your daily activities, such as working, having a social life and taking care of yourself or others. It can lead to depression, anxiety and trouble sleeping, which can make your pain worse. This response creates a cycle that’s difficult to break.” (professional, C. C. medical. (n.d.). Chronic pain: What is it, causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/4798-chronic-pain) Chronic pain is something according to the CDC “During 2021, an estimated 20.9% of U.S. adults (51.6 million persons) experienced chronic pain, and 6.9% (17.1 million persons) experienced high-impact chronic pain (i.e., chronic pain that results in substantial restriction to daily activities)” So what does this mean? What if you’re a veteran? According to the VA “1 in 5 Veterans report persistent pain • ~1 in 10 Veterans report severe persistent pain • ~1 in 3 Veterans have been diagnosed with a condition related to chronic pain” I’m a 40-year-old male combat veteran. I spent over a decade working in the security industry which is difficult on the body. I have a neck injury that now leaves me with severe chronic pain, and as it degrades, the pain worsens and makes life far more difficult. What does it say? It can lead to depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping? On top of the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) the depression is very real. I’m used to feeling pain before I go to bed, and the pain medication I have is vital to take before I go to bed. The hard part, is when I wake up in the morning with pain, and there’s a need to start my day with medication. Sadly, some days are worse when the pain is more severe from the moment I wake. There are days when the act of getting out of bed is extremely challenging. There are days when all I want to do is cry because the struggle to do anything is so strong. 

As I am nearing 40 years old in just a few days, I find myself struggling with recent diagnosis of my neck, and knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away, it’s disheartening. The surgery that was planned was canceled due to a counsel of surgeons deciding the original plan would fail, and a much more severe and extensive surgery would be needed. However, regardless of the necessity, my age prevents the desire to do the surgery now. While the meds do help a little, the medication has a negative side. What happens when you are on a narcotic medication for years? The biggest issue is when the medication creates a tolerance and becomes less effective. The physical pain is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the emotional toll it takes. The inability to do daily activities because of pain makes simple and basic tasks like housework, and yardwork nearly impossible some days. When you don’t want to do activities with your significant other, or friends, it makes you feel bad, and for me, ashamed. At the age of 40 and looking at a major neck fusion surgery, that will remove 100% of my mobility, I have not been sure of my place in this world. 

Because of my chronic issues, I had to retire early, but have not received social security. Not receiving social security has affected my income. As a disabled veteran I do get veterans benefits, but it is certainly not enough to take care of a family financially. As a man, and head of the household, I feel shame for not feeling like I am doing a good job providing for my family. How does a man determine value? 

I’m not trying to drum up sympathy, on the contrary, I want to spread awareness. I by no means have everything figured out on how to manage severe chronic pain. I have attended VA chronic pain management groups and therapies. I have attended recreational therapies, and while most of it has not taken away the pain, but, some of the techniques on how to manage have proven slightly affective. What does help with chronic pain? A strong faith foundation. 

Psalm 13:5-6

“5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

We may never know why there is so much suffering, except for knowing we live in a broken, fallen, sinful world. Suffering started the day Eve ate of the fruit, and Adam and Eve were exiled out of the garden. God told them they would face hardships, they would have to work hard, childbirth would be painful, and by the sweat of Adam’s brow he would till the earth. When we look at suffering in scripture, the book of Job is the height of this. After Job confronts God, and God replies in the most amazing and eloquent way, Job sees the truth. 

Job 42:1-6

Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that You can do everything,

And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.

3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

4 Listen, please, and let me speak;

You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’

5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

But now my eye sees You.

6 Therefore I abhor myself,

And repent in dust and ashes.”

Pain builds endurance. If we are faithful, our suffering should draw us near to God. This life is hard, and in it we will face an abundance of challenges. We will face hardships, and hurt. I do not necessarily believe when James talked of “whenever you face trials of many kinds,” he was referring to chronic pain. While I’m not sure he was referring to this particular trial, I will say, the lesson remains true. “3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4) Facing these hardships is not easy, and I find myself having difficulty in navigating life recently. I struggle with the day-to-day routine, as I am always in pain. I do not know why God has seen fit for me to go through this, but I know he has a reason. I have come to understand, we do not need to know the why, just know and understand God is sovereign, and no matter where we find ourselves, we need to know and believe God has a purpose. Assuming we did not put ourselves in the negative situation. I have often looked back and wondered if there was something I could have done differently to change things today. Should I have fought the VA for treatment and care for my neck from the beginning, instead of rolling over and taking the denial of responsibility. I didn’t fight for myself, and knowing there was a problem with my neck when I got out of the Army, my lack of treatment led to where I am today. It’s hard not to be angry about it, but knowing that anger won’t change anything, I have worked on letting it go. 

This life is short compared to eternity. For some people this life is full of more hardships, and letdowns, and heartache then others. Some people even Christians have an easier go of it than others. While everyone struggles, that struggle needs to build your endurance and faithfulness towards Jesus the Christ. We will never understand God’s plan this side of Glory. We will never see the fullness of the picture in which God sees. We will also never know the things God saved us from in this life. The ten second delay leaving the house saved us from a large car pileup. A delay in surgery kept us from dying on the table from a massive stroke. Paul says in scripture he prayed for God to remove a thorn in his side. We do not know what this was. Was it a physical ailment, this could very well be true from all the beatings, stoning, shipwreck, etc. Paul experienced. Without proper medical care, Paul may have developed significant physical pains. Was this a person or problem nonphysical, this too is a possibility. We don’t know. What we do know is Paul prayed, and God’s answer was no. He did not take it from him. 

2 Corinthians 12:7 “7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.”

While this could be a physical ailment, it could also be a person. We do not know, but no matter what it is, the takeaway is the same. Paul’s prayer went unanswered, and he was told that God’s grace is sufficient. 

Isaiah 48:10

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

Do we believe in our heart of hearts, that God’s grace is sufficient, no matter what our affliction is? Do we trust that God’s plan is perfect and he is sovereign? I am in no way saying dealing with these things is easy, obviously it was not easy for Paul since he pleaded with God three times. We are being forged into something more, and that process is violent. In order to be forged into something battle worthy, something strong enough to endure the test of combat, we must undergo the extreme heat, and the pounding of steel on steel, to mold us into a weapon. God’s grace is sufficient, but he never leaves us defenseless. He has given to us His Armor, the Armor of God, made up on his attributes, we clothe ourselves with. We are given the sword, the shield, the breastplate, the helmet, the sandals, and the buckler. We do not battle alone, for God is with us. We face the challenges of this world, and no matter what we face, how we respond to it matters. How we respond to stimuli matters. We are to respond in all ways as God responds. We are to respond in a way that when we are judged by God, we are told ‘well done my good and faithful servant.’ The last thing any believer wants is to let down God the Almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, and everything in it. 

No one wants to be in pain every day. No one wants to have cancer, or experience loss. No one wants to feel like an outsider and feel like they are not welcomed. It’s hard when you feel these things. Growing up I was often an outsider wherever I found myself. My personality was always a bit different. My opinions of life were different, set apart. Today is no different. In recent months I have felt like an outsider, even unwelcomed in places I never thought I would feel I didn’t belong. Few people in my life know what it’s like to have this level of pain on a daily basis. Few people understand how bad it feels not to be well enough to work to bring home enough money to take care of your family. I say this in all sincerity, ‘show me all your scars, and I’ll show you the cross.’ Show you the Cross: Matty Mullins. Years ago, I found myself in the worst storm of my life, and I felt like I was on the worst sea, inflicted by a hurricane, and all my sails were broken. It was when I thought all hope was lost, Jesus showed up. Jesus was there with me, guiding me through the storm. Jesus showed me the light, and while it didn’t happen overnight, I found my peace in Jesus. I was in a war, and Jesus reminded me, he already won the battle. Jesus reminded me I was his, and nothing Satan could do would pluck me from his hands. Today, I feel like my wheels are spinning and I’m stuck in quicksand. I feel powerless to change anything in my life, and the hard truth is, maybe I’m not supposed too. Jesus is in control, and the hardest thing we can do when nothing is going right, let go, and let God. 

A Christians Walk Through Depression

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A Christians Walk Through Depression

First, I guess the important thing to point out is Mental Health is a real thing. Mental health can be anything from stress, to addictions, to schizophrenia, to PTSD, Bipolar, and so many more illnesses. We have in today’s current society begun to baby and over diagnose people for things like PTSD, but for those who truly have it, and those who truly have other illnesses’, let me say there is hope. I am a combat survivor. I am a survivor of childhood trauma, and years of bullying which also left its mark. I can remember having wounds that stuck going all the way back to early childhood. This is not a complaint, nor is this me playing the victim, it’s just a fact. We know, that certain events in our life, especially early on as the brain is developing, can often cause particular pathways to form which can cause a certain susceptibility to long term effects such as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD. These trauma’s first and foremost do not make you weak. These traumas form you through external nurture to the person you are, good and bad. I’d like to talk about some of these issues. 

Nurture, a real thing, and a question that has plagued us since the dawn of science, why are we the way we are, is it nature or nurture? And simply put the answer is yes. Both things play a role into who we are, and who we become. There’s no shame in being born a certain way, or through events in our life, becoming a certain way. No matter who you are, or what you’ve experienced, you will have faced both the inherited sin nature, and influenced by the sin nature of the world. This does not give us a license, or free range to use that as an excuse to sin however we want. If you were abused as a child, that no more gives you the right to abuse your own children, or worse, than saying you witnessed drugs, and alcohol and sex growing up, so that’s how you’ll live your life. Grace, does not give you any right to violate God’s laws. Just because we have a forgiving grace, doesn’t mean you can say “I was born like this” so you can live a life drawn to your sin nature. We as a society see the alteration within our moral compass, and the danger that comes with that, is when does it stop? Recently we have seen the over sexualization of our kids as young as kindergarten. Homosexuality and transgenderism is potentially something you are born with, but, that as I said, is not a reason to live freely with sin as your roommate. Scripture says this about sin. 

Romans 7:19-25

New King James Version

19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

Even Paul shows us how much we wrestle with our sins, but there is hope in Christ to continue the fight. Paul says this in Ephesians, 

Ephesians 4:31-32 New King James Version

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, [a]clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

In short, to put off the sinful nature with all malice. We must actively and daily try to kill off the sin within. We must go to the Lord on our knees daily and pray for repentance, pray for our hearts, pray for our actions, and help us to be sanctified daily. Now, that being said, what about the issues like depression and other mental health issues? 

Having lived a lifetime with depression I can tell you the road doesn’t get easier. There are days when it’s all I can do to ask God to help me get out of bed and put on a smile, as I just nod that I’m doing okay. I’ve learned that even among believers, many don’t want to know the truth, but merely ask out of politeness. That being said, it’s important to have those in your life whom you can actually open up too, and share the weight on your heart. We are all sinners, and people will let you down, people will make mistakes, but knowing who you can trust is important. Depression doesn’t make you less of a Christian than anyone else, it just something you have to carry. There is evidence to show that King David, a man after God’s own heart, suffered with depression, and likely some PTSD. Did this make him less of a man after God? No, of course not. We are born into a sinful world full of pain, heartache, heartbreak, and suffering. We are born into a world with corrupted genes. We are born into a world with corrupted and evil ideologies, and all of these things play a role in who we are, and who we become. We suffer in this world, but our hope is not here, it’s in the beyond. For those who truly know Christ, who surrender to Him, to his sovereignty, the Lord and Savior, become citizens of Heaven. We are grafted into the family of Heaven, and in this vaper of a life, we may deal with earthly pains and sufferings. 

I have seen so many pass on from cancer, accidents, drugs, alcohol, suicide, and murder, that I have truly lost count. I have seen first-hand what happens when mental illness is placed on a back burner and ignored. The outcome can be and often is disastrous. Self-injury, the result of a hurting mind is the result of lost and wayward soul. I was lost and wayward, and when the time came the Devil took hold of me, and convinced me of his lies. I fell for the lie that you surely won’t die, yet my life was nearly taken. Jesus, the King of Kings pulled me from the edge of death and saved my wretched self. Jesus stepped in at the moment in my life where I lost it all, and pulled me from the brink of death. A new life was put into my lungs, my damaged lungs and I was given a second chance to life. Does this mean that every day would be easy? Does this mean that I would never suffer from future episodes of depression, or self-doubt? No, of course not. This world is unforgiving, and sin is powerful. Sanctification isn’t something that happens once when you walk an isle and say a prayer. It’s something that takes effort, and sometimes, it’s painful. We must go through the forge, the heat, the smelting process to burn away everything that makes us sinners. We must continue daily to seek the face of God, and repent, understanding the nature of sin, and moving to become righteous. Prayer and what we surround ourselves with are big parts of that process. Are we in God’s word? Are we filling our minds, and our hearts of things that would be pleasing to the Lord? If we fail in this, we open ourselves to the likely possibility of Satan using the world to influence us and create poor decisions, pulling us away from God. 

There is always pain in this life. There is always suffering from others, from loss, from disappointment, and from failure, but this is something to overcome, and push forward. We never, ever have to do this alone. When we are following Jesus we must know that there will always be those to help us bare our crosses. Jesus said we would never be forsaken, and thus we are never left alone. There is a Holy Spirit in us taking up residence in our hearts, if we clean away the clutter and give God a home in our hearts. We have to accept and welcome God into our hearts, and turn ourselves into the Temple God wants to dwell within. This doesn’t mean that he won’t see the dust on the floor, or the sin bouncing around the shadows of the house, but this is God with us as our guide, our confidant, our advisor, our savior, our physician, our Lord. Depression can be debilitating sometimes, but if you picture God by your bedside in your worst of times, God with us in the passenger seat on our way to work, or kids soccer practice, we realize God is with us even in our deepest of struggles. 

There are days that I struggle to get out of bed. There are days when I struggle to sleep. There are days when I feel like a failure. There are days when I know I have failed. There are days when I don’t know what I’m doing. There are days when I let Him down. There are days I believe I put a smile on His face. Scripture, prayer, and Godly friends are what we are given to keep us going. As I’ve heard often recently, the “Owner’s manual” (The Bible) has everything we’d ever need. We are told to gather. We are told to bare one another’s burdens. We are told to pray. We are told to study and take scripture into our hearts. We are told we will suffer. We are told that our suffering will never be in vain. We are told there is hope. If you suffer from mental illness there is hope, in a time when all those illnesses will be washed away and a glorified body awaits you. This life isn’t about living your best life now, it’s about serving God the best we can and building the kingdom of Heaven by sharing his word, and sharing his love to others. Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean your life will be better, and you’ll live on easy street, on the contrary. Living a Christian life is hard. We have hope and Joy, and we continue to get up, and we continue to fight the good fight in the name of Jesus. We never give up fighting for what’s right in the eyes of the Lord, not our own eyes. Satan can cloud our judgment and skew the facts and we must be cautious to what we believe is truth. The lies of Satan are all around us, and we cannot succumb to them. Scripture is the authority we must fall upon. By scripture alone we must see what’s right. Scripture tells us who we are. Scripture tells us where our hope is, and what we must count as joy. Jesus did not climb to the top of Golgotha hill for us to pity ourselves. He did not climb up that long road, for us to give in to the lies Satan will tell. He bled so we would have hope, forgiveness, and a chance of a rebirth. Jesus showed the greatest gift in a choice, a choice to sacrifice himself, his body, his blood, for a bunch of unrighteous sinners. We are not worthy of his sacrifice being enemies of the throne. We deserve death, and we deserve Hell, but we are given grace which is freely given a gift we don’t deserve. Mercy keeping us from death, that we deserve. We may face depression, and bipolar disorder, but you cannot stop love. You cannot bury it, and the Devil himself couldn’t stop love from being triumphant on that third day. Hate and other sins killed Jesus that day, love overcame. We carry our cross, the weight of so much of this world, but one day we can put down that cross and truly live. There is abounding hope in the love of Christ, assuming we accept Him as Lord and Savior. Assuming we repent and put away with all malice our sinful self. 

What’s it like being a Christian living with MDD and PTSD? It’s a journey. God is with me in my greatest of days, and the days I struggle to get out of bed. Jesus is there to listen when I struggle, and he’s there to hear about my greatest of days. Being a Christian isn’t about living this life, it’s about thriving in this life. Thriving for the world looks like being wealthy and powerful. Thriving in this life as a Christian is about being filled with Joy for the Lord and no matter what trials may come, you count it all joy to suffer in the name of Christ. We get one life to live to take that life before the Father and kneel before the judgment seat. Every day we have a choice how we want to live, but the moment our heart stops, no matter how or why, we must answer for everything we’ve done. Jesus gave us himself, and the word, to equip us with everything we would ever need. 

John 10:10 New King James Version

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Let us live life in abundant joy knowing that we do not suffer in vain, and that all things the Devil means for evil, Christ will make for the good. Keep living life for the Lord, and do not judge your Joy based on if you’re ‘happy’, but rather knowing in faith what comes next. A life in everlasting peace before God, for those who know Jesus. I am nothing without Jesus, I am dead in my sins, destined to suffer for my crimes against the throne, an enemy of God. In Jesus I find life, in Jesus I find hope, in Jesus I find love, and in Jesus I find the Joy in this life. 

The Climb

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The Climb

The dark cloud covers the land blotting out the sun. The wind blows, cold, cutting through to the bone. The masses gather and the whistle from the trees haunting the sky with echoed screams. The silence is broken by the cries of thousands. What’s left but shadows from millions marching aimlessly with no hope? A nightmare that rages on inside of so many, and for many it feels like Heaven is unobtainable. Darkness fills the air, and the sky gray and dismal devoid of any colors. The world washes away the reds, and blues, the yellows, and greens, and all that’s left is the grays and the blacks. Cold and uncaring are the thousands who march along the baron straights. The rage that boils inside hot as lava, but never breaking the surface. The tornado rages on inside every day and night, with no reprieve. The hope seems lost and days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months and eventually the light is lost. The perpetual storm that wakes the sleeping with nightmares. The callus heart full of scar tissue, and broken dreams beats reluctantly but doesn’t stop. With no feelings left, with no joy left, with no hope, what’s left when you can’t feel anything?

The brave stand a wall, the floodgates locked tight, not even a drop gets through. The masses begin the climb, the mountain of glass, and nails, and ice shards that cut deep to the bone. The reflections in the ice are unique to each climber’s thoughts. The climb taxes the climber, drawing the strength through the rock and ice like a magnet. A climber falls all the way down, the climb is over and they are lost to the icy depths they fought for so long. The thoughts betray the climbers, each stung with regret, with sorrow, with fear, and the anger boils the skin, but no release is found. The wind is choking with the frigid temperatures and the whispers heard of the past force the tears to well in the eyes, but clinging to the rock face for dear life, the voices say let go. Looking down and around thousands climb the walls, and 22 have fallen. The wind screams in your face and you just don’t know how much you can take. How long can you climb this forever wall in the cold, alone, lost, frozen to the bone with no joy and hope inside? What’s stopping you from just letting go and falling?

Hundreds of thousands feel this way every day of their lives. Each one sees something different when they close their eyes, and the cause is different for everyone, but the climb is the same nevertheless. For many years I felt that inside as I went through my day-to-day life. I would smile and laugh on the outside but inside I felt as if I were climbing the mountain. It took years to finally find peace, and even with the peace I have, what seemed like a straight upward climb now feels like a brisk walk up the hill. Some days the clouds return, the whispers in the wind taunt me, and the razor sharp spikes stick out of the wall. PTSD is a nightmare inside every person who has it. Combat PTSD for me has had its good years, and its bad, but it’s always there. PTSD affects hundreds of thousands of veterans and sadly 22 veterans a day fall from that wall. It’s important to know what the struggle looks like because from the outside sometimes you can’t ever tell. For me, most had no idea what I was going through, and my failure to articulate that made my fate even sadder. I didn’t put much out there for people to truly be concerned with because even at my worst days when I might have been down I never let it hold onto me that long. The whispers from the wind are the Devil telling you you’re not strong enough. You’re not brave enough to keep going, and you’ll never be worthy of love or forgiveness. Many people don’t understand the nature of combat PTSD because it’s so complex. For me personally I felt guilty for ‘letting’ a friend of mine die under my care, but the term ‘letting’ means I actually had some control, which logically I didn’t. The guilt and blame I feel for the premonition that the explosive was there, and yet I didn’t do enough to stop it from happening. The closest thing I could explain it to was final destination. A wave of knowing something was wrong, something I sensed and my voice wasn’t loud enough simply because it sounded crazy to everyone but myself. Despite not having any true control in my heart I maintained the blame and guilt, and sorrow for years. PTSD is that tiny thread that still hangs on despite all reason or rational thought, controlling the narrative and lying to my very soul. The Devils grasp is strong and once he finds the chink in the armor he never stops attacking. It’s so important to know where those feelings and thoughts come from, and once we understand that we are under spiritual attack, only then can we mount a defense. Jesus Christ is the first, last, and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe, the Devil. 1 John 5:11-12“11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. 12 He who has the Son has [a]life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.” Jesus Christ is love, and grace, and hope all rolled into one. Jesus Christ is our redemption, our salvation, our truth, and it’s in the blood of Christ that our sins are washed away. It’s in Jesus Christ we don’t have to live for yesterday, but we have hope to look towards tomorrow. It’s Jesus Christ that forces those clouds to fall away to the sun, and the mountain turns to calm rolling hills. The ice turns into grassy meadows with calm streams beside it. Knowing who Jesus is on a personal level doesn’t stop the storms from ever coming, but it gives us the tools, the shelter, but most importantly the hope to survive the temporary storm that might come upon us. For this I offer this following scripture to offer peace with those suffering from trauma, or crisis, PTSD or otherwise.

Psalm 91 New King James Version (NKJV)

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord,who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall [c]bear you up,

Lest you [d]dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will [e]set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With [f]long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

 

Find peace knowing that Jesus Christ loves us enough to never forsake us. Jesus is always with us no matter how much we hurt. We are never alone and even when it feels like, we only need to listen and Christ will show us and tells us where to go. We must surrender to Christ and accept his sovereignty over all things, and we must accept that we cannot do this alone. Do not be so proud than to ask for help. Do not be so proud that you’re willing to fall from that cliff without trusting in Jesus. Jesus will hold you tight in the storm, and you will make it to the plateau. Veterans with PTSD don’t quit, keep fighting and when it feels like you cannot hold on any longer, find a buddy. Don’t be afraid to open up.

I’ve talked about PTSD in the past, and as I am preparing for a new round of treatments for other traumas I never faced, the storm with the mountain is bound to come before me, so in preparation for that, I hold true to my promise I will never go it alone again.

Long Nights

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Long Nights

It’s 1AM and I wake from sleep. I grunt and I roll over and close my eyes to sleep again. 315AM my eyes open again, this time it feels hot on my face. The mask that keeps me healthy is hot and sticks as I move. I adjust and drift back to sleep. 530AM and this time I wake up unable to fall back to sleep. The weight of the night heavy on my mind and it lingers like a dense fog. The dawn breaks the horizon forcing light beyond the gray clouds that blankets the sky. There’s rustling in the house as the internal clock of each animal hits 6AM. The animals are oblivious of the struggles of the night, and yet, to them the day moves forward as any other. Perhaps they are right, and no matter the night, or the week, or even the year, the day moves forward and no matter how much we want, the days come and go, and all of yesterday is gone.

We spend so much time worrying about the day, tomorrow, yesterday, and in that worry we cause anxiety, depression, regrets, and we fail to live in the moment. The struggle is real for millions perhaps billions of people every day. While we are taught in scripture not to worry, that God’s in control and it’s our faith in God that sees us through, theory is much easier then practice. Matthew 6:25-34“25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his [b]stature?

 28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

 

I have spent years trying to reprogram my thinking to accept the things I cannot control. I have sat in my own desperation and I have struggled to sleep because of it. I have been desperate for change, for answers, for anything to ease the storm inside. While many would say it’s a lack of faith that causes such problems I disagree. I think our faith is what allows us to get through tough times in a way that keeps our witness of Christ. I believe it’s our understanding of Jesus Christ that allows us to wake up every day and continue moving forward. I am certainly not the first person to struggle with depression, and low self-esteem. While I realize I am made exactly how God wanted me, I can’t help but consider the judgments of this world. Often we hear ‘don’t listen to what other people think.’ While this is true, when you hear the same thing over and over from many sources it’s hard not to hear it. The brain much like our body is affected by what it takes in. If a child is raised in an abusive household full of anger, bitterness, and verbal abuse, that child will undoubtedly suffer from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and that’s best case scenario. Worst case is they adopt those behaviors and later in life become the same.

King David who wrote many, or most of the psalms is often seen suffering from depression, heartache, and yet always turns to God for truth, guidance, hope, and love. If David was known as the man after God’s own heart, then we come to realize even the strongest will face struggles. It’s not about the struggle it’s about how we manage. Do we let the darkness take hold and push us down a destructive path? Or, do we rise up, rise above, and praise Jesus in the midst of the storm? Deuteronomy 31:8“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Maintain your path, and when you feel the weight pushing you down, don’t try to hold up the world. Instead let the weight push you down, down to your knees and pray to God. When facing an opponent that’s bigger use their weight against them. When the world pushes you, just move out of the way, and let life fall down. The one with the power to control the very storm, we pray. Psalm 34:17“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.” We all have troubles, and some will let those troubles crush them, others will rise above, and not get stuck in the muck and mire. Psalm 40:1-3“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORDand put their trust in him.”

 In the absence of light in the dead of the darkness, I shall not fear because the God of Angel Army’s is always on my side. I trust in my Lord and I just speak the words and cast the darkness out in the name of Christ. When looking to tomorrow just remember God’s already there. When looking back at yesterday remember God was there too. And when looking to the moment God’s right by your side. Do not fear the darkness because no darkness can remain with even a tiny bit of light. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” No peace can be taken from you so long as you maintain your foundation with Christ. No enemy can stand against you and take your salvation away from you. Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” So stand tall, stand firm, and if you wake in the middle of the night, praise God that you are awake and breathing, and be full of joy for the blessing of life.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Hold On

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Hold On:

In the course of our lives we will go through a mound of trials, one more intense then the next, but what are we really doing with those experiences. My personal experiences have left scars and those scars have been an irritant for many years. I’ve struggled most of my life with low self esteem, and that’s had a major impact on my adult life. When we go through painful events if we don’t have a strong foundation those events can start to pile up and leave us feeling self-conscious, bitter, and sometimes resentful. I know for me, I have argued with God on many nights why would He allow me to go through so much. I have often asked what I had done to deserve so many tragedies. I have been angry with God for so many people abandoning me. The thing is though, had I been more mature in my faith I would have understood the true nature of being a Christian. I would have understood that God loves us, but He is first and foremost our father. He disciplines us when we are bad, and allows us to make our own decisions, good or bad. He cries when we cry, and laughs when we laugh. Jesus Christ is always with us whether it be the green meadow, or the valley of death, the Lord is always by our side. Somewhere I lost sight of that, and begun to self-pity. I failed to realize that we are the metal, and life is the forge. We have the ability to face life with a smile on our face, or we can let life beat us down and take away our joy.

Scripture is full of promise concerning living life. We are told that life will not be easy. We are told that to be a Christian is to suffer. We are warned that we will face trials, and persecution for our faith. 1 Corinthians 4:8-9 8 “[We are] troubled on every side, yet not distressed; [we are] perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;” If we build our faith on good soil, allow Jesus Christ to fill our hearts and let it take root, we will have good fruits for our labor. We will not wither under the hot sun. When we allow Christ to be our foundation we can build our lives on that, and when the storm comes we will not loose everything. Philippians 4:13  “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”Do not become angry with God for the sins of man. Do not become bitter with God for the trials we face simply makes us stronger. In every situation both good and bad draw closer to God. Give thanks for the good times and the bad. Pray for God every day and every night and in all things bring glory to the father. 1 Peter 5:10  “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle [you].” We know that we are ambassadors for Christ, and to be an ambassador that means we are not on our homeland, but in a foreign land. We are not home in this world, but just passing through. That knowledge, that viewpoint allows us to grasp the true nature of this life, and understand it’s purpose. We are lowly servants to the Lord and we deserve nothing, but through grace and love we are saved. We have been shown mercy and in that mercy and love comes a cost, the cross. Christ suffered in this world for us, and for the gift of salvation the price we pay is a little suffering on our path. 1 Peter 4:12-13“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”

Though we face the fiery trials we are not alone. We are the church and we must stand together and help one another bare burdens. We must lean on one another in our times of need. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” Christ tells us we will suffer, and he was telling all people who follow him what the future would hold. This is prophecy, and we should take heed to it. John 16:33“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”Heaven has never been free. While the price was paid in blood, it is us that must understand that Christ is the only way. Loving Christ and having faith that he is our one and only savior is how we get that golden ticket. We are tested in this world, tested if our faith is strong. We are forged in the fires and when our time comes, we will be strong, courageous, and faithful to our Lord.

Just know that following Christ was never promised to be easy. Just when you think things are going well, and you’re on a winning streak a pipe burst under the house and floods the crawl space. The Devil doesn’t want us to be happy and He wants us to turn on God and walk away. So keep the faith, deal with one problem at a time, and keep pushing forward.

 

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It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share the blessings and teachings of Christ with all of you. For those who read my works in Christ, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Recently I came across an amazing home business based in Travel and Entertainment that’s the real deal. The savings found through this business are amazing. If you shop online, like to go to movies, or travel, this gift card for you can save you up to 50%. Please enjoy your gift as a symbol of my appreciation and gratitude. God Bless.

Sufficient

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Sufficient

The morning sun rises, and never can we know for sure what fate will bring. The pain that can infiltrate our hearts in the blink of an eye is very real. It doesn’t matter how good the day, one thing can change it all. We all have pain, and we all have sorrow, and I know that in my time of need, that when I’m not strong there’s one place I can turn, Jesus Christ. I know that I need his grace because my own is nothing. I know that in my pain and my drop in faith, I know that in my weakness there is strength. I know that I can call on my Father above and I can lean on Him. No matter what problems I have, I know that Christ is sufficient in all of my needs. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Weeks such as these, this is the verse I recite in my head. We all have them, and it doesn’t matter how faithful you are, we are human, and the Devil is always on the prowl. All we can do is put our faith in the Lord. We must go to the Lord on bended knee and rise up our sorrows, rise up in our weaknesses, and allow the Lord to make us strong. Live can be hard, and it can be unfair, and heartbreaking, but in each of these the Lord is making something beautiful. We must trust and have faith. No matter how many times we are hurt, or beaten down, no matter how many struggles we face, the great and love of the Lord will always triumph over all things.

We always want more as people. I’m single, but I want more. I don’t have a hiking pack, but I want one. I want a hiking tent, and other toys and gadgets. There’s always just one more thing to add to the shopping cart, or the wish list. What about things that aren’t stuff? When we look to our significant others, people we claim to love, are we wishing for the ‘just one more’ things? Going through two divorces both from affairs, I often asked myself what I was missing. I asked what the other person had that I didn’t have. I blamed myself over and over for their actions. I’m not perfect, and now coming up on two years with no forward momentum in my romantic life, I have found myself asking the question, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ As I have been battling with depression for some time now, it’s a constant battle to stay focused on what’s important. One of the hardest things we as people have to do is be patient. For me, patience on God with a romantic relationship, and a career has been the most difficult. I’m not a personality type that likes being alone, so for me these last two years have been trial by fire.

No matter what your ‘thing’ is that you desire, we must always remember that though we will want things, we must never want them more then the Lord. We must stay away from idol worship which is anything we put as more important than God, and that includes ourselves. In my walk with the Lord I am constantly asking for my path to be made clear in my relationship life, and I’m constantly asking for understanding of the plan ahead of me. It’s not easy being in a situation that causes discomfort, but looking back at the Apostil Paul and everything he endured for the Church, I cannot honestly say my loneliness, or desire to find a new place to live outweighs what he endured. So I pray that God’s grace is sufficient for me, and I continue to explore options for my life as I follow in Christ. Above all the relationship with Jesus Christ always has to come first, even when it’s not easy.

 

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Got the Blues

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Got the Blues

Psalm 42:9-11“I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourningbecause of the oppression of the enemy?” 10 As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” 11 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

 Have you ever been stuck and you don’t know where to go? Have no fear for God has a plan. Even David a man after Gods own heart felt deep depression and he was King of a nation. He had wealth, power, women, friends, and yet depression still taunted him like a splinter. We will have feelings come and go. Depression is often from a chemical imbalance, not a lack of faith. There are ways to combat depression and it starts in the word. We must study the word but we must practice what we hear and learn. If we hear but not do, it’s meaningless. James 1:22-24 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.” We must always pray but do. We cannot sit and just expect something to change. This isn’t to be confused with having patience. Patience is a state of mind, moving carefully, strategically. Isaiah 26:3-4“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the Lord forever, or the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” We must have peace in our minds, and put our faith and trust in all things in the Lord. If we start saying things like, “this problems to small for God to worry about.” Or “This problems to big, God can’t help me with this.” We don’t understand God.

Depression can come for anyone of us. It’s a silent assassin that attacks from the darkness in our minds. It’s destroyed homes, families, friendships, and is completely indiscriminant. Attacking your mood, your body, your joy, it leaves destruction in its wake. The devastation of depression is very real and very tangible. When bad things happen because of your depression, it can pile more negativity and often makes matters worse. Let me tell you though, there is hope and it’s your for the taking.

The first thing to do is seek medical attention. The mind is as fragile as any bone and when a trauma happens it’s important to do the same triage as any other injury. We all suffer from pain and doubts. We all have insecurities, but where there is pain, there is also hope. Never forget the saving power of Christ. Never forget where true peace comes from. Jesus Christ is the rock in which we build our foundation.

Remember the Lord is with you, in that foxhole. When the war comes to your front door the Lord forever stand by your side. Deuteronomy 31:8“8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” When your heart cries to the Lord, do not feel abandoned if your prayers aren’t answered as fast as you’d like. In God’s time and in God’s way He will give you what you need. Not necessarily what you want. Psalm 34:17“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.”

 I think one big thing we do when we’ve got the blues is push everyone away. We say no one knows us, or understands our pain. We push away and we stay in the anguish. We must learn to use every resource God gives us because it’s a gift from God. God created people to understand the mind, who understands how to fix cars, who understands the human heart, and thus gives us people we need to get better. At the top of all things we need is Jesus Christ. We are nothing without Christ, and we cannot truly find what we seek without Him. We can try, but we will always fail. We will find temporary fixes, solutions, but they are worldly and thus will eventually fail us. Find peace in the Lord and watch as He gives us exactly what we need. Just because it seems like all the odds are against you, and just because it doesn’t seem like there’s anyway to win the battle, never stop fighting. With God on our side even when it’s 1000 to 1, we have the sovereign of the universe on our side, so never give up.

Freedom Hymm, By: Austin French

I push, I pull

Go back and forth finding myself pounding on a locked door

I try to make it out alone without your help

But I know I’ll never win this war

I can never be, never be, free without you

I can never be, never be, me without you

This is the sound of chains breaking

This is the beat of a heart changing

This is a song of a soul forgiven

This is my freedom hymn

This is my freedom hymn, my freedom hymn

This is my freedom hymn, my freedom hymn

I breathe the air of freedom in knowing my life

Is better off in Your hands

The past is gone, what’s done is done

Now I’m alive

And I’m never gonna look back

I can never be, never be, free without you

I can never be, never be, me without you

 

 

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Bullies

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Bullies

Sometimes in life you will encounter a person in power and they will be more or less a bully. I’ve been in situations where I’ve had bosses or supervisors that no matter what I’ve done or tried to do, nothing was ever good enough. I think we’ve all encountered people in our professional lives that just made the work experience near unbearable. A friend recently told me, “you don’t quit jobs, you quit managers.” I had never thought of leaving a job like that before. When I put a little thought into it, I realize that most of the time when I have not liked a job, it turned out to be the boss that made it the worst.

The Devil is a bully. He will push you, lie to you, and attempt to break you. The Devil hates you for all that you are. Isn’t it wonderful though that we have a God that loves us for who we are? We never have to work for that love. We’re not judged with how much we work, or how many brownie points we can get. God is fully aware of what’s in our heart and our motives. It’s the love that matters.

When you encounter a bully in your life there are millions of ways people will tell you to handle them. In my own life I have heard the, ‘just ignore them.’ Advice. I have heard the, ‘make fun of yourself right along with the bully,’. I have heard ‘stand up for yourself, by any means necessary.’ While each one of these is very popular, I would suggest turning to the bible to find your true good advice Matthew 5:43-48“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers,[a] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” We cannot allow ourselves to loose sight of God. We must not allow ourselves to succumb to the darkness. Anger, and hate lead to the dark side. We must stand firm. We must never loose control in anger. 2 Timothy 1:7“7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

It’s easy to get wrapped up in our anger and that anger can blind us to the path that’s best for us. That anger and rage that can bubble up from years of torment, or physiological torture, can be hard to control. We must never set out to find our own vengeance though. Violence always begets violence. We cannot expect to change the world by physical means. Romans 12:19-20 “19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it[a] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” If your bully attacks you, ask if you can pray for them. If they attack you, ask if everything’s okay at home. Bullies often have misguided anger or rage. Do not hate the bully nor pass judgment upon them. We never know someone’s circumstances, and while it never excuses their actions, it may provide some incite. Generally, hurting people hurt others. We cannot allow ourselves to let our tormentors to breach our heart with hate. We must not allow hate to take route in our souls. 1 John 2:9 “Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.”

We must stand firm on love. Let love be our war cry and in everything we do, and everything we experience trust in the Lord to save you, and pull you through. Psalm 18:3 I ” call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.” We have to trust in the Lord to deliver us from evil. There will always be bullies for as long as there is anger and hate in this world. Bullies feel the need to be in power. Bullies feel the need to be in control and those in control often feel they have to force their subordinates into submission. Matthew 5:38-41“I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.” The bullies we have will beat you and hurt you emotionally. They will continue to try to break you down and look forward to seeing you breaking.

We have all encountered these people in our lives. Many have experienced bullying in school, and some in the adult world. Those difficult people are everywhere and in our struggle we must pray to be delivered from the hands of the enemy. Psalm 82:4 “Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” No matter the trials that befall you, you get back up and never let your own worth reside by the hands of your enemies. We must remain strong, and trust that we are worth more then what others can make us feel. Proverbs 24:16“for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” We must always get back up. We know that for every fall we rise in strength, and we can be stronger then before if we learn a lesion with each fall. Finally I will say do not attack your attacker. We must learn and I must reiterate the importance to not attack your attacker. I am not saying do not defend yourself in the event there is a physical altercation, but what I am saying is never attack out of anger. If you are being physically assaulted you should leave that situation and find help, or defend yourself and at the first chance remove yourself from your situation and again go find help. Stand firm in your faith and with love and compassion live your life. 1 Peter 3:8-9“8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”

Tough Changes

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Tough Changes

Have you ever been in a situation where you dreaded to face changes? I recently experienced the need to change my cell phone case. It wasn’t allowing me to use the functions as they should have been and it became more of an inconvenience then the protection it added. I think tough changes are hard for many people to go through. Changes at your job can be tough, and stressful. Changing schools can be tough for many. Moving out of your parents house and getting your own place can be an incredibly hard change to go through. All of these things are easy or difficult depending on each individual person. While for each situation everyone’s reaction is drastically different, and while some love change, and others loath it, one of the biggest things to change is our actions.

A popular saying is “some people never change.” Another popular saying is “once a cheater, always a cheater.” While both of these are very popular, how true do you personally think these sayings are? From my personal experience I believe they are right on the money. I think the hardest thing we will ever do is change our personality to change our actions. I’ve always said humanity would never change without a major outside force. I always figured a global extinction event such as asteroid, or drought, or contagion would be the most likely just behind nuclear war. Alien invasion (less likely) could potentially bring humanity together to face a common enemy. That being said, most people do not change without something big, and life changing occurring within their life or someone very close to them. Cancer, or a near death accident has a way to change someone’s perspectives. While we often see a spiritual change in some during these times, it doesn’t always stick. The biggest change most will ever experience is the coming to the savior Jesus Christ. It’s the change in the heart that can change a man completely.

Romans 12:1-2“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” In the Lord we are born anew. In the Holy Spirit the soul is reborn in fire. When the Lord takes hold of our hearts, we cannot not be changed. We must push forward in the Lord and we must face that like the Phoenix, we are reborn in the burning fires of the Lord, and in our new selves we are compelled to repulse the desire of the sinful flesh. 2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

Change isn’t always easy, and even when you begin the following of the Lord, change isn’t always easy even after choosing the Lord. In our struggles though we should turn to our siblings in Christ and ask for them to help keep us accountable and true. We grow and we sprout from seeds in Christ and grow into a wonderful flower. The beauty in this world is only limited by our own stubborn selves. We often want to stay in our struggles because we are unwilling to change our own actions. We must change our lifestyles if we are ever expecting to change our own lives. I have watched my life grow and change in my financial walk with the Lord, my spiritual walk with my God, and even how I treat my friends. While life is full of tough challenges, changing our hearts to follow the Lord, and living in love, and denouncing hate shouldn’t be so hard, but the draw of sin is strong. Keep your faith, and keep your eyes on Jesus and always strive to change yourself to better please the Lord to what we see in scripture. Never give up hope on those around you who may be stuck in sin, and who don’t treat others with respect or love. It