Tag: Combat

Sufficient IS The Word

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Sufficient Is The Word

It’s been 19 years. 19 years since my life changed. I’m not sure why young men are so anxious to go to war. Between personal experience, and how it’s portrayed in movies, young men are all too excited to go to war and fight for what they believe in. The idea of going to war is also one of fear, and we think nothing of what is to come. 

Psalm 144:1 

144 Blessed be the Lord my Rock,

Who trains my hands for war,

And my fingers for battle—

I have told this story many times, the morning was beautiful. There was a quiet in the air. The streets empty, contrast to the normally busy, bustling city. The absence of people could only mean one thing… War. The explosions making trucks disappear, the sound of bullets ricocheting off of the truck, and RPG’s flying overhead and all around the truck, exploding nearby. War was upon us, and the well-coordinated ambush could be our last. But God, had a different plan for us. Early in the ambush my posture changed and I felt a warm feeling come over my body, it came with a strange peace. The feeling of something covering my hands, holding my body still, providing comfort and security, covered my whole body. When the conflict was over, the feeling disappeared, and the emotions flooded to the surface, my body shook, and anyone near me could tell. During the fifteen minutes of hell, the truck was a loud place, screaming and gunfire from the inside, explosions from the outside, and all the while I was at peace. Only upon stopping at the convoy had I learned the fate of my truck. The last mile, the truck would not go faster than around five miles per hour. After my foot came off the gas and the truck stopped running, it would not start again for many weeks. The truck took catastrophic damage, and upon further investigation, the truck had taken so much damage, the major fluids were not present. Oil began spraying the hood, and up onto the windshield. Grace, it seems, covered the truck in protection, and guided us to safety. 

Grace, in this instance, I believe whole heartedly was the Holy Spirit. If not the Holy Spirit, an Angel sent by God to guide us to safety. Either way, sent by God to protect us. God chose to save us, and it would be years before I came to understand the saying of Paul,

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul pleaded with God to remove the thorn in his flesh, a messenger of Satan, to buffet him. Why would it take me so long to reach the same conclusion? I had seen death and destruction, and knew it was the Lord that saw me through, but it would take me years to hear in my own head, “your grace is sufficient.” 

We love to live in our sins. We love to think we have control over our own lives. We think God is a cosmic Santa Clause there for our needs and our wants, but we don’t see Him as Lord, just savior. There is a saying, “there are no atheists in a fox hole.” There is so much of God’s beauty in this world, yet, we often ignore the creator, and we as a society have begun to worship the created. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Have you not known?

Have you not heard?

The everlasting God, the Lord,

The Creator of the ends of the earth,

Neither faints nor is weary.

His understanding is unsearchable.

29 He gives power to the weak,

And to those who have no might He increases strength.

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,

And the young men shall utterly fall,

31 But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.

If we are to walk in the faith, we must see the world, see the sin, see God in His creation. We must see that God created all, and His grace is what keeps us here. God keeps us here in his Mercy. God gives us these things day to day, and yet we turn to the creation, we turn to the stars, we turn to ourselves, and our idols, before we see an everlasting God. 

In recent years I have often felt weary, and tired. I look to the world to see what’s going on around me, and I find myself broken hearted. How far we, a once shining nation, a nation under God, a light on the hill, has now fallen. Other countries now look to the U.S. as morally bankrupt. A corrupt and leaderless nation, full of debauchery, a nation that now looks more “amoral: having no moral standards, restraints, or principles; unaware of or indifferent to questions of right or wrong: than ever before.” (Dictionary.com) During these times of personal struggle, I have tried to stay firm, and strong, despite the pushback I have experienced. I have been called names, I have been ridiculed, and I have seen people leave out of my life. I have come to realize, it isn’t just God’s grace that is sufficient, but God’s Holy Word also. Scripture is sufficient. Scripture is truth, and no other opinion matters. “The Word of God is the anvil upon which the opinions of men are smashed.” (Charles H. Spurgeon) 

Why did I survive 19 years ago? Why during all the close calls, did I make it home, when so many others did not. 68 combat deaths, and hundreds of purple hearts, and I made it home with just a few scratches, and some emotional scars. God is sovereign, his Will is perfect. 

Isaiah 40:31

31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

I cannot fathom today a life without Jesus. I know I would not be here times over, had it not been for Jesus being with me. Having been spared in Iraq, then many times since then, and as I approach yet another anniversary beyond today, I am reminded the power, and mercy, and love of the Father and Christ. I would not be here if it wasn’t for that grace, and I cannot call it luck either. Nothing happens outside of the will of God, so while we say lucky out of habit, in reality, it is God’s will. Perhaps some day I may know why God chose to spare me 19 years ago, along with my crew, but for today, I trust in Him. I remember that day, and find myself thankful. I am thankful for the hardships and the blessings that have come from it. I am thankful for where I am today, even if life today is far from easy. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I am thankful for all I have. Some days I break down and cry, hoping for an easier life, hoping for an easier time, but I know if it’s God’s will, He will bring me out of the valley, and I will be at peace. However, in my prayers, and in my hope, I find peace of spirit, even on the battle field today. The war for me in Iraq may be over, but the spiritual war is far from that. I have a new mission, and it’s to provide for my family, and be in constant prayer. Lead my family and pray always. As a man, I am to lead by example. Lead my family in worship at home. Be the spiritual head of the household. Today, and always the Lords grace is sufficient. His will, his love, his Holy word, is sufficient. 

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

The Climb

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The Climb

The dark cloud covers the land blotting out the sun. The wind blows, cold, cutting through to the bone. The masses gather and the whistle from the trees haunting the sky with echoed screams. The silence is broken by the cries of thousands. What’s left but shadows from millions marching aimlessly with no hope? A nightmare that rages on inside of so many, and for many it feels like Heaven is unobtainable. Darkness fills the air, and the sky gray and dismal devoid of any colors. The world washes away the reds, and blues, the yellows, and greens, and all that’s left is the grays and the blacks. Cold and uncaring are the thousands who march along the baron straights. The rage that boils inside hot as lava, but never breaking the surface. The tornado rages on inside every day and night, with no reprieve. The hope seems lost and days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months and eventually the light is lost. The perpetual storm that wakes the sleeping with nightmares. The callus heart full of scar tissue, and broken dreams beats reluctantly but doesn’t stop. With no feelings left, with no joy left, with no hope, what’s left when you can’t feel anything?

The brave stand a wall, the floodgates locked tight, not even a drop gets through. The masses begin the climb, the mountain of glass, and nails, and ice shards that cut deep to the bone. The reflections in the ice are unique to each climber’s thoughts. The climb taxes the climber, drawing the strength through the rock and ice like a magnet. A climber falls all the way down, the climb is over and they are lost to the icy depths they fought for so long. The thoughts betray the climbers, each stung with regret, with sorrow, with fear, and the anger boils the skin, but no release is found. The wind is choking with the frigid temperatures and the whispers heard of the past force the tears to well in the eyes, but clinging to the rock face for dear life, the voices say let go. Looking down and around thousands climb the walls, and 22 have fallen. The wind screams in your face and you just don’t know how much you can take. How long can you climb this forever wall in the cold, alone, lost, frozen to the bone with no joy and hope inside? What’s stopping you from just letting go and falling?

Hundreds of thousands feel this way every day of their lives. Each one sees something different when they close their eyes, and the cause is different for everyone, but the climb is the same nevertheless. For many years I felt that inside as I went through my day-to-day life. I would smile and laugh on the outside but inside I felt as if I were climbing the mountain. It took years to finally find peace, and even with the peace I have, what seemed like a straight upward climb now feels like a brisk walk up the hill. Some days the clouds return, the whispers in the wind taunt me, and the razor sharp spikes stick out of the wall. PTSD is a nightmare inside every person who has it. Combat PTSD for me has had its good years, and its bad, but it’s always there. PTSD affects hundreds of thousands of veterans and sadly 22 veterans a day fall from that wall. It’s important to know what the struggle looks like because from the outside sometimes you can’t ever tell. For me, most had no idea what I was going through, and my failure to articulate that made my fate even sadder. I didn’t put much out there for people to truly be concerned with because even at my worst days when I might have been down I never let it hold onto me that long. The whispers from the wind are the Devil telling you you’re not strong enough. You’re not brave enough to keep going, and you’ll never be worthy of love or forgiveness. Many people don’t understand the nature of combat PTSD because it’s so complex. For me personally I felt guilty for ‘letting’ a friend of mine die under my care, but the term ‘letting’ means I actually had some control, which logically I didn’t. The guilt and blame I feel for the premonition that the explosive was there, and yet I didn’t do enough to stop it from happening. The closest thing I could explain it to was final destination. A wave of knowing something was wrong, something I sensed and my voice wasn’t loud enough simply because it sounded crazy to everyone but myself. Despite not having any true control in my heart I maintained the blame and guilt, and sorrow for years. PTSD is that tiny thread that still hangs on despite all reason or rational thought, controlling the narrative and lying to my very soul. The Devils grasp is strong and once he finds the chink in the armor he never stops attacking. It’s so important to know where those feelings and thoughts come from, and once we understand that we are under spiritual attack, only then can we mount a defense. Jesus Christ is the first, last, and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe, the Devil. 1 John 5:11-12“11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. 12 He who has the Son has [a]life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.” Jesus Christ is love, and grace, and hope all rolled into one. Jesus Christ is our redemption, our salvation, our truth, and it’s in the blood of Christ that our sins are washed away. It’s in Jesus Christ we don’t have to live for yesterday, but we have hope to look towards tomorrow. It’s Jesus Christ that forces those clouds to fall away to the sun, and the mountain turns to calm rolling hills. The ice turns into grassy meadows with calm streams beside it. Knowing who Jesus is on a personal level doesn’t stop the storms from ever coming, but it gives us the tools, the shelter, but most importantly the hope to survive the temporary storm that might come upon us. For this I offer this following scripture to offer peace with those suffering from trauma, or crisis, PTSD or otherwise.

Psalm 91 New King James Version (NKJV)

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord,who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall [c]bear you up,

Lest you [d]dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will [e]set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With [f]long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

 

Find peace knowing that Jesus Christ loves us enough to never forsake us. Jesus is always with us no matter how much we hurt. We are never alone and even when it feels like, we only need to listen and Christ will show us and tells us where to go. We must surrender to Christ and accept his sovereignty over all things, and we must accept that we cannot do this alone. Do not be so proud than to ask for help. Do not be so proud that you’re willing to fall from that cliff without trusting in Jesus. Jesus will hold you tight in the storm, and you will make it to the plateau. Veterans with PTSD don’t quit, keep fighting and when it feels like you cannot hold on any longer, find a buddy. Don’t be afraid to open up.

I’ve talked about PTSD in the past, and as I am preparing for a new round of treatments for other traumas I never faced, the storm with the mountain is bound to come before me, so in preparation for that, I hold true to my promise I will never go it alone again.

Veterans Day Nov 11th

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Veterans Day Nov 11th

So many years ago, a young boy looked to the future and saw the stars and stripes. A young boys dream to wear the flag, and fight for this nation would be realized at the age of 19. Basic training was a challenge and tested the emotions and pushed the physical ability to the max. Nothing ever goes how we plan, but as far as experiences in service goes, mine could have been much worse. I started my service at Fort Knox Kentucky, and after 21 weeks I took the long flight to Korea. I was stationed at the small camp of Camp Hovey. I chose Korea as my duty station of choice to try and get some good training before deploying to Iraq. I knew I was going to go, but I knew Korea was a hardship duty tour so they didn’t deploy to a combat theater.

Three months into the tour of duty the word got out that for the first time in 50 plus years the units from Korea would again deploy. In our case the entire unit wasn’t just deploying, but was being moved out of Korea. The deployment would be quick, and much of our training would be split between the Korean training facility and Kuwait. A short visit home and then training, and then the long flight to the desert the dream would become very real very fast.

While the time in Iraq was both terrifying and awesome at the same time, the bible I carried in my breast pocket was a constant reminder that the Lord was with me always. When the bullets started flying, the bombs started to explode around me, the Lord’s protection was always there.

We fight for what we believe in. As for me, I fought because I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to take the fight away from the backyards of those I cared for. I wanted to gain worldly knowledge and build a better life for myself. I wanted to build a better tomorrow for the kids I would hope to have one day. While life never goes according to our plan, sometimes what we’re left with is far more beautiful. While Iraq wasn’t a spring day in the park, it was a learning experience, a growing experience. While not every experience was a positive one, in fact there were many experiences that now haunt me in my dreams, but the growth and life altering views, gave me a broad scoped worldview.

Fighting for those who you left behind, from family, to a woman, a man, your kids, anyone you care about is only part of the equation. While you start of as strangers fighting the fight also turns into fighting that fight for the brothers and sisters to your left and right. The brothers and sisters you gain while in the service will often last a lifetime. In that time you grow close, close enough that you would often lay down your life for your friends. John 15:13 “13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” We fight for those next to us. Politics, world problems, all go out the window when the bullets start flying. While in the pursuit of peace the table gets messy. Politicians make plans, soldiers live in the real world. The real world is messy, bloody, and ends in nightmares after dark. We bare our cross so others don’t have to. Veterans day is a day to honor those who have fought and served this great nation. We fight so the freedoms this country stands for can be upheld.

Upon each soldiers entry to the military an oath is sworn.

I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”

We must remember that when we swear an oath it’s our word, and our word should be our bond. Our heart should be pure in our intentions. 1 Kings 8:61”Let your heart therefore be perfect with the Lord our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day.” I was 19 years old when I swore my oath to the United States, and even though I’m no longer active duty, or reserved, or connected in any way to the military, I uphold that oath is just as important today as it was when I first raised my hand. To all those before me, and all those after me, I salute your sacrifice and service to the greatest nation on earth.