Tag: christianity

The Journeyman

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The Journeyman 

I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block? 

I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways. 

There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people? 

If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.” 

While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love) 

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” 

Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage. 

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 

In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts. 

Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” 

Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels. 

Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride. 

Silent Night

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Silent Night 

The world tells us that Christmas is about the presents. The world tells us Christmas is about the food, the movies, the music, the trees, the decorations, but what is Christmas? See, the word Christmas is actually two words together. The first part is of course CHRIST. And mass which is from the Latin word missa, which may be called the celebration of the Eucharist. While scholars may not all agree how the word Christmas has come to be, but one thing is clear, you can’t have Christmas without the Christ. See, Christmas isn’t about the mistletoe, or the tinsel, the gifts under the tree. 

When I was growing up there were years I didn’t have much under the tree. There were years I didn’t know where I was going to be living, While my young life was strange, and not ordinary, I can say the same about the life of Christ. Christ was prophesized more than 400 years before his birth. Isaiah 7:14 (NKJV) 14 “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.” There are messianic prophesize all throughout the old testament, and one by one they came true. Jesus Christ was born for us, his mother was sent away from the Inn, and was born in a manger. Jesus was laid in swaddling clothes and put in a feeding trough. Not exactly the ideal picture of a king. Jesus lived a perfect life free of sins, and yet when he was just around 2 years old his family was forced to flee their home to a land that was not of their own, away from their kin, because Harod decreed the death of all male children two years old and younger. He was trying to kill the future king foretold by the wise men, or magi. While scripture is not clear how many, it was those wise men that found Christ in a house. Those wise men however found favor and sympathy for the king and warned them of the impending doom. The gifts given to Christ helped paid for Mary, Joseph, and Jesus’s time as refugees in Egypt. 

Jesus, God, put himself on this world, put on flesh, a feat that if one considers what it must have been like going from perfection, to the decay of human flesh. The humble act of Christ to die for all of humanity; to give us the greatest choice of all, salvation or damnation. Jesus gives us all the greatest choice in this life, but it all started with the birth of a little baby boy. Christmas is about the birth of our savior. Christmas is about the joy given because before the joy of the world came forth somewhere in a city known as Bethlehem, there was no hope. Life was hopeless, and remains hopeless without Christ. Christmas is about the renewal of hope. Christmas is about the reminder that a baby existed that broke the silence of 400 years, and forever changed the course of human fate. Christ gave hope and that hope is stronger than any fear, any sadness, any sin. Christ died and paid the sacrifice for us, but without a birth, there can be no death. Christ is more than some story told in a book, but the living God who loves us so much, He renews our spirit every day. 

Go, celebrate this CHRISTmas season, but don’t let the only reminder of Christ be during the month of December, but remember Christ all year. Remember Christ and what was done for us, and remember the life Christ lived for each an every one of us. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Silent Night. 

The Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

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The here today, gone tomorrow

I have never been the kind of person to fade in and out of others lives. If I’m in, I’m in. If for some reason I drift it’s because I was the only one putting forth effort. I have grown weary of the constant ebb and flow of friends. I am tired of the perpetual ignoring of messages. The life I’ve been given has taught me lessons that life is short and precious. Life can change in an instant and when someone stands looking back at their life, what is it that stands out as important?

I decided years ago that while money is important to live life, working is only important to live. A person’s job never defines who they are. While scripture says faith without works is nothing that does not mean working in a job. What we do with our life, and how we’ve touched the lives of others in the name of Christ, that’s what’s important. That we are friends, and family, mentor and leader, those things are what’s important.

We often get so wrapped up in the world we forget about friends and family. We forget about those in our lives that might need us. Not everyone I’m this life is comfortable or even able to express the needs they have, but if we aren’t looking, we will never see them. Are you there for your friends? Are you there for your family?

I often wonder if I’m doing everything I can for those around me. In fact lately I’ve felt like I’ve been spread thin. I feel low and discouraged. I feel as if I’m a failure and that my current place is a value equal to or less than nothing. I have very little to shoe for my life in ways of success. I’ve been trying to measure my success and with no job, no money, no place to call my own, with the majority of my friends who come and go, I feel discouraged, disconnected, and left behind. I feel I’m late to the party.

I don’t know what I expected all these years but life has not turned out the way I thought it would. I’m left longing for more. A few weeks ago I was at a gathering at a house. An acquaintance of mine invited me to his house for a party. Things went okay for a while till it became apparent that while on the surface things seemed to be going well, it ended horribly for me when the discussion turned controversial and I found myself alone on my side of the line. It reminded me that the path I walk as a Christian man has left me standing alone in this world. Excluding Christ who walks with me always.

Where am I that I sit alone with no where to go unless alone? Where am I that I sit for hours with no one to talk too? I cannot support myself, not can I support anyone else for that matter. As I see it, I have failed, and even those whom claim friendship to me are seldom around. I have little faith in myself and lately have truly wondered my value to others. While I realize we are not to place our value by what others think, the desire to be accepted is strong and I don’t feel if I have been.

I don’t have answers for myself, and I certainly don’t have answers for others. My only advice I can give is love on one another and continue to grow your close relationships. Don’t let them fall through the cracks with the way of the world. Resist the distractions meant to pull you in a thousand directions.

Abortion

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Abortion 

Until I moved in with my grandpa at 16 I wore goodwill clothes, got free lunch, had little to no Christmas gifts, couldn’t join sports because mom couldn’t afford it. I had no money to go on trips with friends, nothing. Most nights for dinner I had cereal because that’s all mom could afford most of the time. Growing up in poverty gave me a respect for money, a hard working work ethic, and a drive to better my life. We cannot hope to change anyone’s mind, and we cannot hope to raise any kind of awareness without the love of Jesus Christ. Jesus shows us what the two greatest commandments are, and it’s our job to live them daily. Matthew 22:36-40 (NKJV)36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” There is a distinct difference between Old Testament law, and a commandment. A law had a practical purpose for life at the time, while a commandment was a law against God. When you look at the commandments there is usually a substantial punishment that goes along with it, while the law at the time was about personal safety. (Yes we can talk about this if you want). 

I was recently in a conversation in which I was told I pick and choose topics to discuss and I do not discuss topics I don’t wish too. While this isn’t true, and over 700 posts have shown I’ve talked a little about a lot, I would like to make it known here and now, I do not pick and choose what to talk about and what not too, I talk about what I see as needed when I see it as needed, and whatever that may be. So, let me first start off by saying I am a sinner, I am no better then anyone else. I have my own struggles with my own sins, and I confess them to those I need to, but most importantly I confess my sins to God. Second, I am not judging anyone for their actions, I am simply calling out a world sin phenomenon and giving scripture as to why it’s a sin. Okay, now that that’s covered there’s a few things I would like to talk about, first is abortion, obviously this is the title of the post, but next is pre-marital sex.

There’s a reason pre-marital sex is considered a sin, and that’s because at its nature, sex is not for pleasure but for procreation. Pre-marital sex is a sin against God because its very act is to create life, which all life is a gift by God. To have sex out of wedlock means to potentially create life outside of the family dynamic. This is a sin because the family was designed by God to work as mother, father, and Heavenly Father. While there may not be an immediate repercussion, having sex out of wedlock is like playing Russian Roulette. Eventually a condom will fail, birth control won’t work, sex with multiple partners extends the risk of STD’s etc. Now, that being said, there are areas in which unplanned or unwanted pregnancies do happen, and those may be rape or incest. This is a different category of care needed due to the trauma experienced.

This however does not mitigate or detract from the main idea, and that begs the question, what is life? That answer can be seen below.

“It is clear that from the time of cell fusion, the embryo consists of elements (from both maternal and paternal origin) which function interdependently in a coordinated manner to carry on the function of the development of the human organism.  From this definition, the single-celled embryo is not just a cell, but an organism, a living being, a human being.

The American College of Pediatricians concurs with the body of scientific evidence that corroborates that a unique human life starts when the sperm and egg bind to each other in a process of fusion of their respective membranes and a single hybrid cell called a zygote, or one-cell embryo, is created.

As physicians dedicated both to scientific truth and to the Hippocratic tradition, the College values all human lives equally from the moment of conception (fertilization) until natural death. Consistent with its mission to “enable all children to reach their optimal physical and emotional health and well-being,” the College, therefore, opposes active measures23 that would prematurely end the life of any child at any stage of development from conception to natural death” (ACPEDS, 2017). 

Now, it was also brought to my attention that I need to consider miscarriages, however, that seems to be irrelevant due to the fact, one is a natural occurrence, and the other is a man-made decision. Humans have free will, and while anyone in a situation of feeling the need to have an abortion I would like to say there is hope out there. There are options. There are ways to mitigate abortions by safe sex practices if you decide to have sex outside of marriage. There are adoption clinics where parents are waiting for a child. There are foster parents. (Yes I realize the system is not the greatest) however it is not our place to play God and determine what’s best for a child when we are opting murder is the best option. We determine life by a heartbeat and when that heartbeat stops we determine death. When a baby has a heartbeat is well beyond the point of a living entity. If a person commits murder of a pregnant women, that person is charged with a double homicide, however, if a mother chooses to end her own child’s life it’s considered to be her ‘choice’, however once the baby is born that same option to murder her child is no longer considered choice but murder. Even to the point where a child may be viable outside of the womb and now well into the 9thmonth, abortion is considered legal in states and is spreading. I was told recently that for a child with a deformity or debilitating issue, that is the main purpose to late term abortion, however, again are we playing God and determining what impact that child might have on others? 

Ephesians 2:10“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a gift from the Lord.” God is the author and creator of life. All life is an act of God. 

We are not to pick and choose which part of the Bible we want to obey and which we want to pass to the wayside. We also must not make erroneous claims. Old Testament law is largely to keep people safe from illness, from death, to keep people clean, etc. As our laws change so do the laws of old. However, while laws change, Sins do not. We are all sinners, and while we do sin, there is hope in our chains. Jesus Christ bled for us, so our sins would not condemn us to hell, but give us a chance of everlasting life. The key however, is that we must come before God humble, and in acknowledgment of our sins, repenting of them, and asking God for His mercy and forgiveness. As Christ said to the women at the well, ‘Go forth and sin no more.’

We never know the joy a child may bring no matter what they may be born with. In the days of Sparta any baby born with a deformity was killed. This was to keep the Spartan line strong. In countries like Japan, babies who are women were aborted if a family had met its quota of babies of allowed of a certain sex. In parts of Africa women are circumcised to prevent them wanting to have pre-marital sex. We find it so repulsive to think about the holocaust and the murdering of thousands, but just because a baby had not been born yet we as a society somehow have justified that as acceptable. We find what Harod did when he murdered all the first born boys from infant to 2 years old in the search for Jesus an awful thing, but we do it every day.

Now, let me be clear, I am by no means justifying other sins, nor am I saying one sin before God is worse then another, however, I am saying it is our job as Christians not to judge, but to call out sin. We are to point it out, and attempt to stop the sin from happening by sharing the Word of God. There are plenty of other posts I’ve written that talk about other sins.

Dave Pelzer was born into a world where he would grow without a name, kept in a basement, abused, tortured, and was treated less then human. He grew up to be an amazing motivational speaker that talks about growing beyond your upbringing, to love, to forgive, and to find purpose in yourself.

My cousin was born with severe Cerebral Palsy and requires near 24-hour care. From the moment she was born there was a problem, and knowing she would be different who whole life. She is one of the happiest, smartest, most loving people on the planet, even with her disability. Just because she was born with a major disability does not make her life any more or less important. She is a child of God, a gift from God, and a joy to all who know her.

We never know the impact someone may have growing up, and trying to prevent someone from living in poverty, or free from a home where they are unwanted, there are millions of people living in poverty who are happy. There are options for those families who cannot take care of their children. There are organizations that help underprivileged homes. There are adoptions, and places that will help raise kids. Conception is a gift from God and that child is innocent. We shall not take an innocent life, lest we be judged for it. We have a responsibility as the church to help those who are in trouble with pregnancy. We as a church have a responsibility to help children in need, to help parents in need, and to be a greater bacon hope, not to pass judgment, but to help the needy. We all sin, but this is one sin we need to stand up for, and be a voice for the millions of babies murdered every year. We have an obligation to stand up and say something because scripture tells us those who watch sin and do nothing are just as guilty as sin. James 4:17 (NKJV)17 “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” 

We as a church must continue to support those in need, and support the sanctity of life.

Reference

When Human Life Begins. (2017, April 17). Retrieved April 9, 2019, from https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/life-issues/when-human-life-begins

My Ledger

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My Ledger 

My sins add up and pile upon me like an avalanche. The ledger of my sins is long, and I hear the lies in the dark. I am bound in chains of my own creation. The darkness surrounds me as the hungry wolves lick their chops circling me ready to pounce. My hands are stained red in the blood of cosmic treason and my failures ring in my ears, the sound of Satan’s victory over the spirit. The ledger I carry weighs me down, and as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I hear the war drums all around me, the drums of Hell. The Devil and his demons cast shadows on the cavern walls in the shapes of my sins. I’m reminded of all my failures time and time again, and I wonder, I question who am I to be able to stand tall and speak with authority?

I have failed so often, and I know the word, but the world tells me something different. The world has pushed me, shoved me, beat me when I was down. I feel like my feet are buried in mounds of mud and I can’t take a step. Who am I to be able to stand and speak, who am I but a hypocrite, flawed, not worthy of a grain of salt from the Lord. I look deep in my life, and who am I but a two-time failure at marriage, a failure in a career, a financial failure, a failed businessman, and many would argue a failure as a friend. Who am I to stand up and preach the Gospel of our king when my ledger is flooded with so much?

I’ve stumbled and fallen, and I don’t know how I can carry on keeping on. A broken man with broken dreams, shattered on the floor, a life I don’t recognize. Simpler times before the scars appeared, a hope long gone. Broken and afraid, unable to see the sky. The Devil tells me I’m not good enough, he tells me I’m a failure, he tells me I’m a failure, and how can I ever be more, that I deserve Hell. My chains are heavy, and my pain is deep. What more can I say, but on this day, the Devil found a chink in the armor. I am no one important, this is truth, a truth beyond any measure, but what is truth in the absence of Christ, but a lie. The world’s truths are nothing to the Lord above.

No matter the power of Satan, there’s a power greater then any other, that of Christ. Christ’s blood wipes away my red, His blood frees me, sets me free from the bonds that hold onto me. I feel unqualified for what You want me to do my Lord. I feel weak in this task you’ve set before me. I feel small in a great big world, and I doubt myself. I feel fear that I am not worthy of this task, which I am nobody anybody would ever listen too. I don’t know why anyone would believe a word I say. I don’t know why you’d choose me, choose such a wretched sinner like me. My Lord my Savior you cover my wretched body in the reviving waters dissolving my chains.

I’m a sinner like any other man. My works and my deeds mean nothing. My voice is flat and all I am mean nothing without Jesus. Today I feel the weight of my shortcomings, but I know that I am worth more then I feel in my Fathers eyes. Today I don’t feel okay, and perhaps once in a while it’s okay not to be okay. Knowing that Jesus is still there at the right hand of the Father. Knowing that my sins are forgiven, and the Jesus is here by my side in the trenches. Maybe today, it’s okay for me to bend on knee and ask for God’s grace cover over me to give me strength.

When I look over my life I wonder, nah, I doubt if I’m worthy to stand up and proclaim the word of God, but I study, I pray, and even if I doubt my own ability, it is God that strengthens me.       2 Timothy 2:15 (NKJV) 15 “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Being fallible, being so full of doubt, and despite my personal feelings on the matter, I cannot help but be reminded of Gideon. Gideon was chosen by God to defeat the Midianites. Gideon was only one man, but the Angel of the Lord promised that he (Gideon) would defeat them as one man. Like any man would be, Gideon was skeptical of his own ability. One man verse an entire army. Not only was Gideon one man, but as scripture tells us he was the weakest in all of Manasseh, and the least of his fathers house. Who are we in this life without God? We are no one, but in Christ, with the blessings from our Father we can concur the wages of this world.

2 Corinthians 4:1-10 (NKJV)

4 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

We are called to proclaim the word of God, and even when we are stifled in our attempts, or silenced, or when our proclamations fall upon the deaf ears of those yet to unplug from this world, we will not be silenced. Even the weak can have a voice. Even the smallest voice rings with power, and truth, so long as it is proclaiming the word, the glorious word of our King on High Jesus Christ. We allow the Holy Spirit to speak through us, to flow through us, and even though we are yet sinners, we are not bound to this world. We are washed clean not once, but seventy times seven, which is boundless forgiveness from our Heavenly Father. Knowing that my Father forgives me for my sins, even when I don’t deserve is shows me God’s endless amounts of mercy. Forgiveness is a hard concept for some, but forgiving ones self is perhaps harder then forgiving others. While my ledger is always being rewritten, I constantly turn to Christ to forgive me of my earthly torments, my failings, my weaknesses. I fight this world, and while my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak. I am reminded that a sin does not start with an action, but within the heart. Who am I, I ask myself, that God would or could ever use a sinner like me? I am small in this world, without a voice, without stature, or status, but despite my own misgivings, God wishes to move me into the deeper waters. As I once dreamt of being a hero, dreamt of being more, being remembered for something great, now, I am full of doubt, but above all shame of an old life.

What did Paul feel I wonder, after his conversion, he was undoubtedly left with guilt for his actions as Saul. On the eve of change, I find myself facing off with the list of crimes against the cross. I find myself being reminded of all the reasons I am a failure, but worst of all, a hypocrite. I am a sinner like everyone else, and while my sins are equal to every else’s, it’s my own failure to forgive myself, allow myself to let go of yesterday, and remember that Jesus has washed away my crime and never dwells upon it. If Jesus can forgive and forget, why can I not do the same for myself? How can I teach love, and grace, and mercy, and forgiveness if I cannot do the same for myself? I read 2 Corinthians again and realize that I am struck down by the world, but I am still standing. I am tempted by the world, but am pulled back by the Holy Spirit. I am dying as a shell, but surviving as a spirit. I remember that I have a treasure deep within as I am saved by mercy. As Obi-Wan Kanobi once said “if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful then you can ever imagine.” This body is nothing by a vessel, a temporary housing for the spirit, which grows in Christ. I am reminded that like any plant to flourish it takes time, effort, water, light, and the grace of God. Our souls are very much like plants, and we need to remember to water our souls by Christ, and let the light of Jesus shine deep within us. The god of this world wants to keep you in darkness, and as I have heard the lies, heard the accusations against me, I know and trust that Jesus knows my heart, and yet still wants me to move forward on this path of light which is laid out before me. I trust my Father and know that if this is where He wants me who am I to argue with the creator of the universe?

My Ledger may always have something against the cross on it, but Jesus knows we are sinners, and loves us anyway. Jesus knows my faults, knows my shortcomings, but despite them, loves me anyway. Even when I cannot see the good within myself, even when I cannot see the man worth saving, Jesus sees me. Who am I? I am a child of the King, a servant of the Savior, a son of the Father.

A Journey Abroad

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A Journey Abroad 

It’s 2300 my time and where I am I have no idea. I’d never seen a flight like this, instead of going over the Pacific, were going over the Northern Arctic Circle.

The trip started off with a hiccup when I realized I grabbed my brick with the wrong charging cable attached. Then, the plane was delayed for unknown reason. Then takeoff was delayed due to rain in Chicago. I was sitting in the middle seat, one big Asian man on my left, and a very VERY large Hispanic man on my right, who despite my best efforts was so big he was inadvertently touching me the whole flight. If that wasn’t bad enough, there was no air vents on the plane, and less then a minute after sitting down before we backed away from the gate, I had orange soda spilled all over me. Needless to say, getting shot at in a C-130 was preferable to my situation. I never felt like I could really get up and stretch and feeling so uncomfortable I never got to sleep. I can’t even admit how many times I’ve sinned on this flight. Covering my neighbors extra space in the emergency exits. Or the front row behind the galley. It’s been a test of patience and still have more patience to go. Apparently the plane has an upstairs and the flight attendants switch off during the shift. I thought that was weird seeing as I don’t understand how the plain has an upstairs.

Finally after hours and hours of un-comfort the sweet sound of metallic gears as the landing gear extend down towards the ground. The final leg of the journey or at least part one, comes to a close and a prayer that the travel to the next gate is easy and quick. The flight to  Manila is relatively short, in comparison of course. 

Driving through the city the sinking in my stomach as I realize just how poor the Philippines really is. Shops have tin roofs, pieced together, most don’t have screens, and even the brokenness of the streets and the jumbled together power lines are tell signs of a weak infrastructure, and a lack of technology or money to change the status quo. After showering for the first time in a single room where the shower and toilet are not separated by any walls, or curtains, but instead, when you shower, the very toilet itself gets wet. Not to mention the lack of hot water as a whole. The fortunate have a small heater for the water but that provides minimal heat. The rest have nothing but one temperature, cold.

Despite the clear differences in creature comforts the Filipino people are second to none with their warmest hearts of love and generosity. Even those with so little give so much. I don’t mean monetary but to have a massive feast for a stranger and hold back for nothing, I can say I have never been so warmly welcomed in my entire life. Within moments I was being treated as if I had been apart of the family for years. While the culture has different personalities, some people are quiet and reserved, and some people are loud and full of energy, that doesn’t ever take away from the kindness experienced.

There’s no shortage of laughter heard, or singing, and dancing it seems runs in the family of my Argie. The joy shown even with so much threat going on in the country, and even with the inconvenience of Martial Law or at least a partial martial law as security check points were in place. A joyous heart fills the night with song, and dance, and laughter. The welcome received is like nothing I had ever experienced. While on my journey, I was able to do a little writing.

What do we fear? This is a question I’ve been thinking of lately. What is it I fear I wonder? Failure I suppose, but failure of what? I’ve been thinking about my marriages and the failures that wrecked my perspectives, my self-esteem, and my thoughts of the future. Can I put the past behind me? Can I leave behind the pain and the feelings of being a failure? In the last week abroad I’ve seen things that were heart breaking. We (Americans) are spoiled and yet blessed all at the same time. Do I have the strength to, no…. The courage to move forward into the unknown?

I found something in myself this week. I found courage in my journey as I ventured off on my own. Hong Kong tested my resolve. I couldn’t read road signs, no cell service, no WiFi, and yet, I found my way. I tried now foods, swam with sharks, dropped 150 feet, and explored. Besides finding love, I think I may have found some level of myself. As I was standing at a rail in the Hong Kong Airport I realized I was alone and I realized I was okay with it. How things can change when we least expect it. God works in us, and through us. Paul I’m sure never expected his life to change like it did. Damascus changed everything for Paul. While I have traveled my own separate path to Damascus, my change has occurred more slowly. Change sometimes comes when we least expect it. Something I’ve been considering is the song What If I Gave Everything By: Casting Crowns. In the song, it talks about sitting in the shallow end never truly going out to swim. 

So why am I still standing here?
Why am I still holding back from You?
I hear You call me out into deeper waters
But I settle on the shallow end
So why am I still standing here?

So afraid what it might cost to follow You
I’d walk by faith if I could get these feet to move
But I don’t want to live that way
I don’t want to look back someday
On a life that never stepped across the line

The idea that I had in mind was, if I’ve been a lukewarm Christian. How long was I sitting on the fence? How long did I believe, but didn’t grow in faith? I was a lukewarm Christian most of my life. Recently at a revival service I was listening to the pastor and he said you have to be either black or white, you can’t be light and darkness. Revelation 3:16 (NKJV)“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.”Jesus understands those who are all in, or the ignorant who aren’t in at all, but for those who are lukewarm, he finds them vial. I didn’t know it but for so long I was not growing closer to Jesus. I thought it was good enough to just believe that Christ was real, and he was the way. Let me tell you, you cannot sit by and think your good is good enough. When you love someone you give your all for them, so why do we not give our all to our Lord and Savior? We are given so much from God, and we give in return the scraps of our life. We are so ungrateful, and when we live our lives with one hand on Jesus, and one hand on the world, the world will pull you to pieces. We must learn to not divide our attention, but instead give Jesus both hands. Colossians 3:23-24 (NKJV) 23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” 

If my time in the Philippines taught me anything it was to appreciate God’s blessings in my life. People live happily with so much less then I have, and I need to learn to count my days, and appreciate that what I have is from the Lord, but more importantly, I’m rich in love.

Moving Through The Wind

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Moving Through The Wind

In recent years I’ve placed a lot of thought into who my true friends are. I’ve lost sleep over it. I’ve cried regarding it. I’ve yelled and been frustrated by it. In all that time perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was the danger of placing your faith in man. The thing is, growing up in a home with no father, and dealing with family issues resulting in me leaving home, I definitely had father and mother wounds. Those wounds would define a large part of my life and to some extent it still does. I found the need, the craving for acceptance anywhere I could find it. If it wasn’t bad enough to have those wounds from the family dynamic I would be rejected by my peers and for a season, I would face deep reticule, teasing, and strong judgments based on my physical appearance, and my apparent social status. Rejection became a common occurrence for me, and now grown up and after two failed marriages to affairs, it’s no wonder I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. I think more then abandonment I fear what happened to me two and a half years ago, will haunt me the remainder of my life. When I was abandoned by yet another family, let down and sold out by the ones who were supposed to be there for me, I failed to recognize the one I should have been putting my faith in the whole time, Jesus Christ. 

Christ, the Son of God, the second part of the trinity, the savior of mankind over the power of sin on a fallen world. Christ is the only hope that matters. Christ is the only star to guide yourself by in the blackness of light. Christ is the one who will never leave nor forsake you. And yet sometimes it seems Christ is so far away. While the evidence shows this is not true, as a sinful man, living in a sinful fallen world, the lies faced by the greatest liar and deceiver of all time, Satan, and his demons, are intrusive at the very least. Satan’s battle plan is to lie, to deceive, to make every opportunity to sway us away from the graces of God and into the hands of evil. Often this happens slowly, tiny little movements to alter the course, like putting a magnet close to a compass in secret. This spiritual warfare happens frequently and appearing to be benign, however that’s farthest from the truth. Not every attack on our minds or hearts is a frontal assault. Small actions of sabotage over time can prove just as an affective strategy for Lucifer the General of the darkness as a full frontal assault. 

We endure many hardships and heartbreaks along our path. Illness of family, or even ourselves may happen at any time and fundamentally change the course of life forever. We often ask why us, why did this — happen to me? It’s hard for the human mind to grasp these hardships, these tragedies, but if we could take a moment and place ourselves on a different level of thinking, could we not see the potential of impactful behaviors on those around us? How we live our lives has effects like ripples in a pond, and we never know how far reaching our actions may be. Laying in a hospital bed sick, maybe even dying, but singing praises to Jesus and God our Heavenly Father, may be the information a nurse ever knows about Jesus. How sad it is that we somehow think everything that happens is about us, as if we were the center of the cosmic universe. The truth is, we are small pieces of a larger puzzle, and we all have a roll to play. We may not like the idea of being so small, and in one manner of speaking insignificant, but to God we are vastly, irreplaceable. God loves his children, and no matter the cause of any bad or tragic thing, God is using that for some form of good, never letting anything, no opportunity to go to waist. We on the other hand, we let opportunities slip by us frequently. We pass up chances to pray for others. We pass up chances to share the Gospel. We pass up chances to allow the light of Christ to shine through us. Largely I think this happens out of fear, just like the denial of Christ by Peter, that out of fear of persecution of acknowledgement to what’s become an unpopular belief in today’s world. Being Christian isn’t easy, but I’m all fairness, we were warned from the beginning it wouldn’t be. And if we’re honest about it, why should it be easy? We are horrible people. We sin against our Father, and we have dark stains covering our souls. It’s only through the blood we are redeemed, but we often think of that as a right and not as a gift. We think of that as insurance, a license to sin, because God will forgive us no matter what we do. 

The life we are given comes at a price, and if we are honest it’s a test, a journey to discover the truth, and not just discover the truth, but accept it into our hearts, following Christ. The journey to Heaven is a challenging one, full of struggle and hardships, but also one of great joy, and love. 

Some people endure more then others, and some people manage to do so with grace. What is the difference between us I wonder? Faith is powerful and in it, and with Christ, God gives us a great gift. Faith is something that must be cultivated. Faith must be tended to like a garden. Faith is something we are given through the power of the Holy Spirit and in that we have the power to become more then the tiny creatures we really are. In God, through God we are made big, big enough to lead, to grow, to inspire, and we are made into warriors with a spirit of hope, and not fear. Are we willing to grow beyond our baser instincts of fear and doubt, or are we willing to surrender to the Lord and allow that spirit to fill us up and guide us? Yes I have deep routed wounds that have left scars in my life, but as I have grown through the pain, which has not been easy, I have learned the truth, Jesus is the only truth, the only way. 

The scars, though they often have a way of reminding me they are there, they are also a reminder of what I’ve endured. The future is of course not known to me, but one thing I do know is we all have a purpose. God’s graces and mercy are not bound to limits, but are only limited by what we can manage and our own purposes. Life is full of uncertainties and we expect certain things, and we ought to ask what can or should we be doing for the Holy Name of Christ. Walking a path of Christ, can often lead to a life of emotional solitude. As the list of whom one can trust gets smaller, the isolation inevitably creeps in and requires strength to fight against the whispers from the dark. 

Some of us face the darkness more then others. I, having seen death up close know the struggle many face with depression, loneliness, and an isolation that has deep roots. Facing these things can be a challenge and alone impossible. The world as we know it was created, and we along with it have a unique purpose, and never is that purpose to endure the hardships or darkness alone. The truth is there may be times in this life when you venture ahead alone. Of course, I’m not referring to God, for scripture says God is with us always, never forsaking us. We were created, designed to be in relationships and when we find ourselves without the draw of the worldly relationships, or lack there of can be difficult. I can be in a crowded room and sometimes feel completely alone, isolated, cut off from the people and world around me. We must remember to keep the helmet of salvation on and tight. We cannot open ourselves to the Devils lies or whispers. The dominion of the deceiver is designed to break you down, pull you away from the Lord. Christ was clear when he said “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Christ doesn’t day you might have troubles, he says you will! Are you ready for those days? Are you ready for the days when the war knocks on your door? Are you ready for the day when the servants of the Devil attacks you? Are you ready with the full Armor of God to fight the battle of spiritual warfare? 

I know my armor, I know the word, and even with that I am still susceptible to the barrage of lies from the dark. Satan loves to wear you down. He hates you and loves causing doubt, and bringing you down. Life isn’t easy and was never promised to be, but ultimately we have a choice, we can live in life believing all that the world tells us, that the idea of God is antiquated, or truth is subjective to fit each person’s opinions. That science is the end of truth and leaves no room for anything it cannot yet explain. That God is dead and no longer relevant in the world today. But to believe any of that is to have fallen for the greatest lie Satan conceived. The truth is, and there’s only one, our Lord Jesus Christ, was born of a Virgin Mary. He was God made flesh, to live a perfect life, to break the bonds of sin, to take on the full cosmic wrath of God in punishment for sin past, present, and future. Died on the cross and forgiving mankind of the sin in which they truly did not understand. Was buried in a tomb and on the third day, Rose again, fulfilling prophecy. Folding the napkin telling the world death was finished. He rose and proved it by appearing to over 500 in a forty day period. Changed the hearts of the disciples who were living in fear. The spirit of courage changed them to be courageous of their faith and they did not hide any longer. The bridge is open and the invitation is sent. Christ is waiting for us with open arms if we only cleave away our old selves, and pick up the cross and follow Him. I am not a perfect man, and in many ways, I’m a broken misfit toy, but in this story, God uses the broken, God uses the small, God uses the misfit, and God gives strength, and courage beyond our wildest dreams. God uses the island of misfit toys and in God’s house I’m not an outsider, I’m not a misfit that doesn’t belong. In God’s house I’m welcomed just the way I’m am, and in that day I give up the ghost, I will be transformed, this body will fade away, my final sins will be washed away forever, and into paradise I will go, no longer chasing the wind. 

Rebel Without A Cause

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Rebel Without A Cause

While the term Rebel is not always considered to be a bad thing, such as the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars, the rebellion I’m referring to is much more serious. When we think of rebelling, or rebellion today we think of the nations in Africa that often have a coup or even Iran or Russia. Rebelling might make for good Television, but in reality the rebellion that is the ultimate story is that of Satan against God the Father. Isaiah 14:12“How you are fallen from heaven,

O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations!” Satan rose against the Father and has gone to great lengths to destroy lives. The plot to remove man from the presence of God was to introduce knowledge into the Garden. Sin, is the avenue of our rebellion towards God every day. When we sin knowingly we rebel against the Father. Deuteronomy 31:27 (NKJV)“for I know your rebellion and your stiff neck. If today, while I am yet alive with you, you have been rebellious against the Lord, then how much more after my death?”When we rebel we are say we are without prophet, or in otherwise without God’s favor. Numbers 14:9 (NKJV)9 “Only do not rebel against the Lord, nor fear the people of the land, for they are our bread; their protection has departed from them, and the Lord is with us. Do not fear them.”

We often want to stand up against those in charge. We want to stand and argue or bicker over leaders saying things like “they aren’t my _____”. I have heard that a great deal in regards to the President of the United States. We often forget that just because something like an election doesn’t go our way that somehow we don’t have to respect that leadership. In scripture the Sanhedrin tried to trick Jesus into saying something against Rome thus he would be charged with citing rebellion. In 2 Samuel rebellion is something King David faces more then once. In 2Samuel 15:9-12“9 And the king said to him, “Go in peace.” So he arose and went to Hebron. 10 Then Absalom sent spies throughout all the tribes of Israel, saying, “As soon as you hear the sound of the trumpet, then you shall say, ‘Absalom reigns in Hebron!’ ” 11 And with Absalom went two hundred men invited from Jerusalem, and they went along innocently and did not know anything. 12 Then Absalom sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David’s counselor, from his city—from Giloh—while he offered sacrifices. And the conspiracy grew strong, for the people with Absalom continually increased in number.” Absolom rose against David his own father in a coup over Jerusalem. We see Christ affirming to us that those in Authority are appointed by God, and there is a reason for it. Not every King, or ruler will be promoters of peace or prosperity, but a purpose never the less. 

Many don’t like President Trump, but regardless he was elected and serves the office of this great nation. We have a hard time understanding how the Lord can keep leaders such as North Korea, or even Syria in control, but there is a reason. We must understand parents, step parents, principles, bosses, or any other leadership must be respected under the law of the Lord. No matter how much dirt there is, or what mistakes someone made, we all dirt in our lives. None of us are perfect and we cannot expect to know what it’s like to be in the highest positions of leadership. We are all without justification on our own, but it’s through Christ we are blessed. We are blessed and through mercy we are given the ability to preach, teach, and lead those around us. Will we lead rebellion against the Lord by spouting hate and wicked speech, or will we lead those to the Lord by showing love to all, and living our lives according to scripture?

We understand that the Romans were not always the kindest to the Jews, and yet Paul is very clear, Romans 13:1“Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.” There is no authority great then God and we must remember our place in this world. Do not sin knowingly and in the face of God. Sin itself is treason against our Father and we must not do so just because we think we can get away with it and be forgiven. In 2 Samuel 20, Joab for the second time defies the will of the King (David) and murders the leader of David’s Army Amasa. Due to Joab’s disobedience in the murder of Absolom he was demoted from General. Joab is in essence rebelling against the will of his King, due to putting what’s best for himself first. This all falls under the second rebellion to threaten the throne in a short time as Sheba stands against David calling David’s appointment not legitimate. David was appointed by God to be King, and yet Sheba, and others teach us a valuable lesson what it means to rebel against God. 

To rebel against God is treason and the punishment for treason is death. Will we stand with God or with the world?

As I was thinking about what it means to submit authority and how we cannot use this as a blanket statement.

James 4:17 “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” 

Exodus 1 Israelites rebel and do not kill the males born, thus being blessed by God.

Daniel: Daniel’s friends disobeyed king Nebuchadnezzar and does not bow down to the idol, and is blessed by God, surviving the furnace.

I am a man who believes that doing what’s right stands above that of the law of man. Understanding that ALL men in power are appointed by God. When evil rulers abound, opportunity given to those who follow Christ, we are commanded to do what is right, and thus stand up and resist the ordained for what is, and we obey our Lord. We are tested to see if we will stand by and do nothing and be subject to the wrath of God, or if we will stand up and incur the wrath of man and blessed by God?

Those with the means to do what is right must do what is right. We who can fight should fight against the evil in this world. We serve the Lordship of Jesus, and it’s in Jesus we stand up against the wrong, and obey that which is governed and not in conflict with the will of God. Batman for instance is a vigilante, but if an authority is unable or unwilling to do what is right or necessary, should he not stand up and do what is called in James 4:17?

While the idea of vigilantism is highly controversial, and largely theoretical, it’s an interesting topic to discuss. I’ve always wondered why we don’t see more vigilante justice in this world. There are a lot of millionaires and billionaires in this world and yet none of them have become Batman. Although rare there have been some accounts of vigilantism, however, in those instances it’s been more motivated by vengeance than justice. The Cornel Law School definition of vigilante justice is “Behavior that resembles or matches that of vigilantes. Vigilante justice often describes the actions of a single person or group of people who claim to enforce the law but lack the legal authority to do so.  However, the term can also describe a general state of disarray or lawlessness, in which competing groups of people all claim to enforce the law in a given area.” 

It’s a tough idea to really put into practice because largely in my opinion it’s based on accountability. While we may feel that law enforcement agencies don’t move fast enough, or don’t care enough to do the job, the fact is, while I do support the idea of vigilante justice, it’s something that must be engaged only in extreme circumstances, and it must be remembered that in our nation there are laws against this act.

Real Life Vigilantes 

There is a group of people who patrol the streets in Liverpool UK, and they claim to be extra eyes and ears for the police. They do however dress in suits, gear, and hide their identity. They have stopped at least one pickpocket, but more then that, they help prevent crime, and feed the homeless. There is a project called the real life superhero project, and they are a real group in Montreal. There are other groups popping up, and while they are not quite Batman, they do have good intentions to help those in need, and deter crime.

http://reallifesuperheroes.com
http://xtremejusticeleague.org/index.php/about/

The line between rebellion and trying to do the right thing is a blurry gray line. It must be understood that just because you don’t agree doesn’t give you the right to take matters into your own hands. Children who don’t think their parents make the right decisions, doesn’t mean the child can do what they wish. Just because you don’t like the way a court case went, doesn’t mean you can take justice into your own hands. Rebellion is not always a bad word that depicts racism, or rule breakers. While the rebellion in Star Wars stood against a dictatorship that ruled through fear and punished with death, not every rebellion is indeed a negative thing. The biggest rebellion we need to keep in mind is the rebellion towards God in sinful behaviors. We must understand that God is the authority and His law is perfect and good. The laws of man may be fallible and mans rulers though ordained by God does not mean all leaders or rulers are to be obeyed. Obey the rulers of man so as they do not conflict with the laws of God. There may come a day when the rulers of the land make God’s law a crime. In these situations it is right to rebel against the authority, but know that there will consequences for it. While Jeremiah, Daniel, even Paul, disobeyed the law of the land, Paul died for it. Are we willing to die for the Lord? Are we willing to stand against authority to stand up for God? Our life is not our own, but our life is for God. We must remember to always do what is right in the eyes of the Lord, and follow authority ie: Parents, Police, Teachers, Government officials etc. so long as God is not being disobeyed. (This is not a matter of opinion based on different policies.)

Stand for the Lord and do what’s right. Know the details before passing decisions. Be vigilant, and prepare for the day when doing what’s right may not be easy, and it may turn illegal. I cannot vouch for others, but I would rather be judged by God and find pleasing favor in the Lord, rather then save myself in the eyes of man. 

How Long Will You Wait?

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How Long Will You Wait?

I hear it all the time; “I have to work on some things before I can go to church.” I hear so many excuses for so many different areas of life, and while of course some are legitimate others are not. At some point we must launch. We cannot sit on the launch pad forever. While there may be delays in the launch, we need to be ready when the weather clears and we are a go for launch. We cannot continue to shelve problems, or kick the can down the road to deal with later.

Do we move with intent towards God every day? Do we push ourselves to move beyond our lazy nature, or do we become stagnant swamp water? When I think of moving forward with Christ I think of the Apostle Paul. The fight he faced for so long in his life was beyond what most of us would ever face. If we were faced with that kind of opposition would we pick up our ball and go home? Would we keep our faith, or would we go back to our old ways of life? When you live in Christ your spirit is constantly refilled in the Holy Spirit.2 Timothy 4:6 (NKJV)“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure is at hand.”Paul knew his time was at hand to depart this world, and he knew that his work was good work. The thing about Paul was he wasn’t afraid to die. You cannot truly face life, and face challenges if you are afraid to fail, or die. Paul knew he would suffer in the name of the Lord, and he was prepared because he knew God’s grace was sufficient for him. 

When we consider the challenges in our life, would we be willing to die for Christ? There are hills to die on and there are fights that aren’t worth the effort. Christ is the hill to die on. Christ is the only hill we face that we need to ever truly worry about. So many of us live for this world. So many people live to make money, or seek fame. So many people live for trinkets or other things that keep them tethered to this world, but we are called to cleave to Christ and sever the desires of this world. 2 Timothy 4:9 (NKJV) “Be diligent to come to me quickly; 10 for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica—Crescens for Galatia, Titus for Dalmatia.”Will we abandon those we are called to serve along side, or will we remain faithful and vigilant like Luke? Will we fight when the fight comes to our door or will we cower in fear? Will you stand on the truth and preach that truth, or will you forgo doctrine for the pleasing of others? 2 Timothy 4:3 (NKJV)“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers;”It is not easy to stand against the pressures of the world, but we must remember what’s at stake. Jesus came to us on a rescue mission. Jesus deployed from Heaven to come and rescue us from the hostage situation we were in. We were being held in bondage by sin, and that sin was never going to negotiate. Jesus came to save us, and give us a change at forever. God gives us a spirit of strength not fear. 

In order for us to truly launch we must understand that nothing we face in this world is by chance. We make choices that send us on a path. We face our own repercussions. God corrects our actions as needed. We face preparation, or face the sins of others. No matter where we find ourselves we are on a divine appointment. No matter if it’s at the store in the check out line, or rolling up on a rollover accident we are where we need to be when we need to be there. God wants you and the question is, are you available to answer the call? When the time comes how will you finish your journey? Will you finish it like Paul? 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NKJV)“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.”

When we prepare to take our last trip around the sun how will we answer to God? God gives us all talents and we have the opportunity to grow those talents, or squander them away. Christ gives us the opportunity to launch and we have the button for a go/no go for launch. Will you rise to the occasion or crash into the water? The choice is yours. Finish your journey strong and pleasing to the Lord.

The Path To Damascus: A Journey Over The Mountain

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The Path To Damascus: A Journey Over The Mountain

This was supposed to be a leisurely walk in the woods. Day one, not the case. Right off the bat the Devil’s been nipping at my heels. From my pack being overweight, to pack malfunctions, to the rain, to the camp stove not fitting on the tank. It would seem I did not do due diligence in my preparation, even though I’ve been planning for five months. Even now as I lay in the tent I can hear the heavy wind and the rain going on outside.

1400 after exhaustion we stopped and set tent. Notes that the bag is way to heavy but with no reason what to cut next time at a loss. The pad, tent, bags are needed without a doubt. Clothes are wet from the rain and sweat. It’s likely some knives aren’t needed. Sox are decently dry. Nothing but mud and rain so far. Goals to make it to the footbridge day one not going to happen. The right strap of the ruck seems unable to hold the weight of the pack. Water seems abundant on the trail so far. There’s been a good amount of uphill but thankfully down also. My body hurts and I feel exhausted. Riley is such a trooper. She’s gone through streams, mud and crossed bridges with no problem. I think she knew of some animals off the trail and she seemed intent in a direction at one point. So far the ground is covered in rock. Setting up the tent was a big challenge but we are safe and sound for probably the night. I don’t think I will make it in 5 days. Oh, side note, no service at all on the cell. And we are going to nap. 

The Road is long, but we never give up, even when we are knocked down.

In the end much like NASA, I would consider this a successful failure . While I didn’t hit my goal the lessons learned are most valuable, and myself and Riley come away without any major injuries. Best of all, I didn’t die

I did not achieve my goal to make it as far as I wanted, but understanding that failure isn’t an awful word, so long as we learn from them. Due to fatigue and pain I stopped early in the day. Currently unless I can lighten the load or the trek becomes easier, it’s not likely I will make my goal. What was my goal? Was it to prove to myself “I still got it”, or was it something else entirely? As it is written in Acts 9 a man named Saul, a Jewish Pharisee, the son of a Pharisee, and trained at the school of Gamaliel, a well known and one of the most noted rabbis in history. He had power which we know because he was able to be granted the authority to go to Damascus to seek out and prosecute Christians. Saul was not a man to be trifled with. He was wealthy, popular, well known, educated, and most of all had incredible authority. He did not make it to Damascus the way he intended. On the path he becomes blinded and the Lord came to Him. Jesus Christ spoke to Saul, condemning him for the ongoing persecutions. Saul became something new. He would be known throughout the world as the Apostle Paul. So what happened to Saul? Simple and yet complex, the Holy Spirit is a force in which we do not understand and yet we know it can change people, it can heal people, it can stop death, and much, much more.  

The water of Christ is like the untainted water in nature, pure and crisp, untoched by the hands of man.

So here I am on my very own path to Damascus and the first theme that comes to mind is transformation, second is perseverance. In order to understand Jesus we must under the nature of who Jesus was. As we learn in scripture, Jesus is love. We are loved and as I lay in this chilly tent with Riley (my service dog)  next to me pressed up against my hip, I’m reminded of love. Love is the lynchpin to everything, the transformation of our spirit, who we are, and the love that gives us salvation. Here’s the catch, love and salvation doesn’t mean your life will be easy or smooth sailing. Frankly, it’s the opposite, and life gets harder. To live in Christ is to carry a cross, but also paint a bullseye on your chest. To live in Christ is to be different however, to live with that renewing source of love everyday of your life. How can we love with so much hate and turmoil? For that we return to scripture. 

Our Lord and savior loved us eternally despite our cruel nature. Our nature of sin that is no less than cosmic treason. Christ died, bled for us and with arms wide open. The trinity being part of the sacrifice repaired the gap between God and mankind that was made in the fall. The trinity touching the Earth, covering the soil on Golgotha with innocent blood cleansing sins for all who seek Jesus with a repentant heart. Christ suffered for our sins, not just a death but a cruel, long ordeal of flogging with a scourge. This was a long ordeal of hatred and malice of men pouring out His blood with each whip tearing flesh from the body. Christ suffered for our sins and in a single sentence uttered from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ freed us from a fate we deserved, Hell. Luke 22:34 “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” That forgiveness is a gift that came at a high cost, but a gift we must choose to use. 

We all face change, but how we change is up to us. Do we change in Christ, or do we allow the world a chance to be what changes us? We all face the world every day, but it’s important we remember, “Don’t let the world be your Bible, let the Bible be your world.” (NK) Allow Christ to be the change in you. Saul changed and reminds us 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”Saul changed from the Holy Spirit and forever became Paul. As the world attacks you everyday the world wants to change you and when we truly take a look at the world, Satan rules it. Satan wants us to look like him, and not Christ. When we choose to transform ourselves to fit in the world, we choose to look like the god over the earth. It takes perseverance to fight against the forces that mean to sway you into darkness. When you choose to follow Christ, you live to follow Christ. Romans 12:1“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.” We must not just feel different in our hearts, but allow that different feeling to shine in our actions every day. We cannot say we are different and still act and behave as if the world has a hold of us. We must renew ourselves daily and follow Romans 12:2“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” 

We all face the world, it’s peer pressure, it’s lies, it’s draw to look like the world living in greed, sex, cruelty, debauchery, and other sinful desires. When we face judgment at the foot of the cross, we will never be able to blame others for our actions. We will never be able to say someone else, or something else made us make sinful and un-Christ like decisions. We are all accountable for ourselves, and how we behave and treat others. The transformation that Saul goes through on the road to Damascus is a very real, fundamental example of how the Holy Spirit can change someone. Saul was a man who did awful, sinful things, and was motivated by hatred. Saul hated what the Christians stood for, and was determined to imprison, and even murder Christians. Saul was responsible for allowing Stephen to be stoned to death. We see the nature of Satan as he interferes with the workings of the Church and how Satan is determined to destroy as many lives as possible. Satan wants to break the bonds between God and man. By allowing ourselves to become overtaken by the world is to transform into the likeness of Satan. If we are to call ourselves Christians, everything we do must hold true to that scripture. We must work at it every day. We must not allow ourselves to be swayed by this world, but instead allow ourselves time in the Word of God. We must study, and take the word into our hearts so that when people (the world) looks at us we look different. When we stand up before the world and against the pressure of the world we will be judged by God. Do we allow ourselves to follow destructive paths, or do we allow our path to be laid out by Christ? Walking against the grain as it were is not an easy thing. Walking against the will of this world, and standing firm on the cross is the hardest thing you will ever do. 

There is hope for those who are walking with the world. It’s never too late and you’re never too far gone to change your life around and start living for Christ. It’s never too late to accept the gift of the Holy Spirit into your heart, and allow that spirit to change you into a new creation. There is nothing too big, or too small that the Holy Spirit cannot change. The Spirit can take killers and turn them into saints. The spirit can take thieves and turn them into great missionaries. The spirit can take the worst drunk and turn them into the best father. Christ is in the business of changing lives by loving us, and showing us mercy. We are washed through the water to wipe away our sins, and be made white as snow. Jesus Christ saves, and we need to understand that as long as we live in this world, it only takes one small step down the wrong path and before we know it we’ve slipped into a chasm unable to get out on our own. We must learn that when we follow Christ nothing is impossible. Christ can change hearts and minds without bending someone’s will. I’ve seen those with addictions, with cruel and malice hearts, even devout atheists change their path because of the Holy Spirit. We all walk our own path to Damascus and while some may never find God it’s not because God wasn’t there, it’s because they chose to deny. Just as much as the slow fade (casting crowns) can cause us to slip into sin, we are only one step away (casting crowns) from knowing Jesus Christ. On my path to Damascus I realized I had a choice, a choice to be a servant of Christ or be a servant of myself. I realized I made a choice in my past to walk in the wrong direction, and I realized how influencing the world is. I realized that once I chose to follow Christ so much of the pain, and so much of the despair that I was going through would be caused by my own sinful desires. I was sinking under the weight of my own sin, and I realized that Jesus Christ was the hand that reached into the mud and lifted me out. Every one of us walks our own path of Damascus we just need to choose to let go of ourselves, the selfishness that consumes us, and allow Jesus Christ into our hearts. Once we make the choice it’s something we have to work on daily. We cannot grow complacent because the Devil never stops. The Devil never takes a day off and neither can we. The Devil and the fallen angels in his army are constantly moving against the people living in this world, and if we are not careful the cunning snake enters our lives without us knowing it. We can never become complacent to the true and real dangers we as Christians face, particularly now. The war against Christianity is not just from other religions anymore, but from within the ranks of Christianity, from politicians, and other groups that aim to destroy the Christian faith. Much like Paul we know that to be a Christian is to live a different life, but also means that life will not be an easy path. Paul would undergo great pain and suffering in the name of Christ, but we suffer only a little while to live in paradise forever. 

Being a Christian is hard sometimes, but having faith that no matter where our path leads us, whether it be down a peaceful stream, a muddy mountainous trail, or the valley of death, the Lord will see us through any and all circumstances. I firmly believe that when we no longer have a purpose God will take us home. We of course have the choice to do stupid stuff and we can hurt ourselves in the process, but God will take us home when the time is right. Follow God’s path, and live a Christian life. Don’t walk an isle on Sunday, and smile and shake hands, but as soon as the doors open you go back into the world acting like a devil. We are always being watched from people all around us, and when we act like a devil people notice. It’s only a matter of time before someone says ‘if that’s what a Christian looks like I want no part of that.’ We must do better and not give a bad impression of what a Christian should look like. As a Christian we are little Christ, and we need to be Christ like. No, we will never be perfect, and we will always fail, but we are always able to make the choice what kind of person we want to be. Let the Holy Spirit cover you and transform you each and every day. Continue to grow and change in Christ and withstand the attacks from the world. I may not have finished my goal but I have learned from it and I have grown in lieu of my failure. I will not allow this to defeat me and I will continue to grow and try to better myself and allow my failures to make a better man and most importantly a better Christian. I will attempt to take the path to Damascus again, and I will do so with the lessons I have learned. It’s okay to fall and fail, just never give up. Do not allow pride to determine who you are, but instead humble yourselves before the Lord, ask for forgiveness from the sins you’ve committed, and repent to do better not tomorrow, but today.