In A World Not Of Your Own

In A World Not Of Your Own

I wake up in my bed, and I realize I’m still here in this world. I take a breath and in a moment of thought, thank God for another day here on this earth. We know from scripture that those who follow Christ are called to live in this world, but not to be conformed to it. We are called to be here to spread the love and truth that is Jesus Christ, but this is not where we are to call home. To be an ambassador means to be in a place that is not your own. This world is far from home for Christians. Think about where you call home, and the feeling you get when you’re away on vacation for a while. While the vacation is nice, there comes a time when you start to long for home. There comes a point when you think to yourself you miss the comforts of your own 4 walls, your own bed, your own stuff, and you desire to go home. This is the same thing for Christians who know what truly awaits us when we die. God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY son, that who ever comes to know him shall not die, but have eternal life.

2 Corinthians 5:2020 “Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” We must understand that we have work to do in this life. We must talk about the love and grace of Jesus Christ. We must talk about the gift of salvation given to all. We must talk about the ransom that was paid for each and every soul that ever lived, has lived, or will live. We have been given this gift freely, but like all gifts, yet we have to choose to accept it. When we walk outside our door we don’t know who we will encounter, or what will happen to us. We represent our home, our father, Jesus Christ everywhere we go. We should be recognizable as different because if we stand apart from the world, we shouldn’t blend in to the world around us.

In the film the Matrix during the agent training program there was one goal to the program to teach about the agents and what they are, who they are, and their mission. The woman in the red dress stood out as different but upon closer look, she was just another agent. When people look at us do we stand out to be the woman in the red dress, or upon closer examination are we just agents of the world hiding like wolves in sheep’s clothing. If Batman were to be transported to the wizarding world of Harry Potter he would stand out. We too have a choice to stand out and truly be different in all we say and do. It’s important to stand up and be proud of being different. We cannot expect things in this world to be different if we are not willing to be different. We cannot expect the world to change if we are not willing to be that change.

I have often felt like I didn’t belong and an outsider, and as I’ve gotten older, I have realized that’s not far from true. While I do have a more rare personality type, I have found that it’s in the mutual love of Jesus Christ I have found a place more fitting for me. I have searched the world over for a place to call ‘home’ even as a temporary home, and while I can’t say I love the weather, I can say I love my church. Antioch Baptist Church in Timberlake North Carolina is the most loving, most giving, most welcoming place I’ve ever been. From finding my best friend Glen, to a pastor whom I have grown quite close to ‘David Chambers’ I have found myself unable to leave. I am anchored here because the church is anchored in Jesus Christ. This church is different in the way it conducts business, in the way it holds itself accountable to the word of God, and the people in it truly do love the Lord. I have been to many different churches across the world, and I have not once found a place in any denomination that loves the Lord as much as they do at Antioch. No place is ever going to be perfect, and while there is sin everywhere, Antioch is truly a place apart. Antioch stand apart as much as Batman going to Hogwarts. John 15:19 19“If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” We may not be popular, or even liked, and sometimes we may even be hated, but it’s not the acceptance of the world we need to be worried about, it’s the acceptance of God and knowing all we do is bringing glory to His name.

The Days Are Numbered

The Days Are Numbered

The days come and for the first time in a while the sun was shining with low humidity, and a nice cool breeze felt amazing. With no storms in sight it was finally a day that wasn’t horrible just stepping outside. Not a bad day at all to be out running errands. It’s days like this that even when there’s so much to do with appointments all day, I feel at peace. Even with my new sessions of EMDR trauma therapy, and finding out one of my doctors is leaving their position, I have still found a sense of joy in this day. How often do we make it through the day, the weeks, the months without feeling that sense of joy? When we get caught up in the world, we forget that every day we wake is a blessing and a gift of God. How often do we forget to take a moment in our day to appreciate the little things? Psalm 118:24“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” David often found himself dealing with struggles, life changes, depression, and even amidst all of these things, he always remember where the little gifts came from. God, of course is the giver of all things, and we are commanded not to be conformed of this world, and we are told to live within our day, not worried about what tomorrow will bring. This doesn’t mean not to make life plans, but certainly not to become overwhelmed when something knocks the train off the track. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for it will worry about itself. Matthew 6:25“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [aa]cubit to his [ab]stature?” We will not add one day, not one hour to our life by allowing ourselves to be overworked, overwhelmed, overtaxed. We cannot always change our circumstances in the moment, and yet we allow ourselves to be worked up, stressed often to the point of crying or shaking, which there’s nothing with crying, but we should not allow ourselves to worry so much. This is of course easier said then done, but in our struggles every single day, we should make a good effort towards trusting in our Father, and allowing our worries to be passed to God and trust that in all things the details will be worked out.

While I often wish my life held less stress, more play, more love, less obligations, and way more fun, I realize that we must take time to be adults and face each and every day with one question, ‘no matter what today brings me Lord, how can I glorify you?’ Matthew 6:31-3431 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” It’s hard enough worrying about all the big stuff in our lives, yet we drive ourselves to worry also of all the small insignificant stuff. We must learn to resist the worry. Think about why we worry so much, we worry because we don’t’ know what we are going to do about a problem, or a situation. We have doubts it can be taken care of and handled, but if we truly say we have faith in the Lord, it’s in that that we should be able to let go and let God. We cannot beat blood from a stone, and we cannot move a mountain all on our own.

Life is so short, and we spend so much time being angry, we are resentful, and we hold onto that for months, years, or even our entire life. There’s no reason to allow that to remain in our bodies. We would never want to allow poison to stay inside our bodies, so why do we allow ourselves to carry so much negative energy? Why do we allow ourselves to fuel our heart with so much hatred, and pain? We never know how much time we have, and one thing we must remember is the true nature of forgiveness. Matthew 6:15“15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We do not want to hold onto that cancer that festers the longer it’s in our bodies. We may encounter things in our life where we don’t feel like justice has been served, but it’s not our place to find justice, or revenge. Justice is paid by God, and we must trust in God that no one gets away with anything in this life. Everything we do good and bad is cataloged and categorized. We must believe that if we cannot let go of that anger and hatred and forgive those of the wrongs they’ve committed against us, we also will not be forgiven.

It’s hard when you feel cheated, when you feel let down by someone so close to you, but as we are all sinners in a fallen world, we must understand that we learn from every situation, good and bad. For every bad situation we can learn what not to do on someone else’s actions, or learn what not to do again from our own. We can learn, and we can grow, and we must always grow closer to God with every breath we take. One day this life will end and we will get to go home, if we love and accept our savior Jesus Christ. This life is just a short time, but our real home awaits us, don’t sacrifice that home by holding out in this one.

Laughing on the Outside

Laughing on the Outside

“I’m only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. If you could see inside I’m really crying. You might join me for a weep.” (Joker)

 Recently I watched as a friend, or some unknown relationship status, told me that they had plans with work friends a few days in a row. While most of the time I don’t know if that would bother me, but I got the impression they would rather spend time with anyone but me. I got the feeling I was just the back up friend so whenever they didn’t have plans, then maybe I would be on the lineup. I don’t know if this was the case, or if this was just coincidence. In the last few days I have felt the darkness creep in like a shadow. The struggle to feel content in any situation is my deepest labor. The silence grows in me like a cancer. In the silence the Devil whispers in my ear, and I pray earnestly to be rid of the lies.

Philippians 4:12-13“12 I know how to [a]be abased, and I know how to [b]abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through [c]Christ who strengthens me.”

 Paul is telling the church at Philippi that he has learned to lessen the impact of the situations he finds himself in. The word Abased is tapeinoō to reduce the pain. He explains that he knows how to abound or perisseuō, to exist or be at hand in abundance.

What do we do in our times of struggle? For many like me, internalize the pain, and smile and laugh, but only on the outside. As I think back on the line from the 1989 Batman, Joker says if you could see the inside he’s crying. How often do we wish we could take off that mask? How often do you want to scream the truth to the world? Well, I am here to tell you, that’s exactly what you need to do. When you are feeling weak and you don’t know how to take another step, you have a choice. You can sit there and say nothing, and be miserable, or you can reach out to a Christian brother or sister and confess your sins, confess what’s on your heart, and then you give them the opportunity to he of help, be Christ’s love. James 5:16“16 [a]Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, [b]fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” When we hold our troubles in, we do two things, one, we are alone and miserable in our struggles. Two, we deprive the opportunity for someone to feel useful, to show grace and love which is also a commandment. 1 Thessalonians 5:11“11 Therefore [a]comfort each other and [b]edify one another, just as you also are doing.”

 The Devil is always on the prowl, and is always attacking. Even though we are only passing through this foreign land, we must stand tall and be one another’s help. If we had a relationship with our brothers and sisters like Forrest Gump, and Bubba, we’d all be in a better place. The scene where they are sitting in the mud together, and they sit back to back so neither had to lay in the mud, that’s the relationship we need to have with one another. Never underestimate how even the smallest of gestures may go a long way to making someone feel loved and wanted. We all need to remember most importantly that people will not always be exactly what we want or need. We are bound to get hurt, and suffer disappointments when we put our faith or hopes in people. It’s in Jesus Christ we must focus our hope and Love. Of course we must love our neighbors as ourselves, but understand that we too will someday let someone down. We too will make mistakes and bring pain to those we love. All we can really do is be the best we can be and pray for forgiveness when we fall short. Don’t hide the tears on the inside, be courageous and trust in someone to help you in your time of need.

 

 

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Sacrifice

Sacrifice

What would you be willing to give up for Christ? If you knew then entrance into Heaven was to give up something, a sacrifice of some great importance to you, what would that look like? When you look back at the Apostle Paul and you consider what he gave up, his sacrifice was extensive. To understand completely you first need to understand who Paul was. Prior to his conversion on the road to Damascus, he was a high ranking Pharisee. He had studied under some of the greatest priests, and had notoriety of celebrity proportion. Paul had power, he had authority, he had money, and he had a life of luxury. What would possess a man to give up all that for a life of beatings, of poverty, of torture, of prison time, in what we would call a dungeon by today’s standards. Paul would have had a life of comfort and as he had a reputation cruelty and hatred towards Christians he wouldn’t have much to worry about in the ways of suffering. That’s not what God had planned for him however. As he was known prior to Damascus as Saul, his transformation seen in Acts was not the following of someone looking to better their life with hope. Saul was living large and gave everything up because of what God had done to him on that dirt road. He would loose his sight for three days, and in the years following he would face persecution by those whom he at one time would have been looked up to. He gave up everything of comfort imaginable for a life of uncertainty, pain, and suffering. No one would do this if they weren’t absolutely sure of the truth.

Psalm 54:66 I will freely sacrifice to You; I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good.” David knew as King, he was promised the position by God, and by God it would be taken away. We see David fail in his responsibilities as King, and his choices lead to dire consequences. But in all things, David would understand eventually the error of his ways, and he realized he must sacrifice the sin nature that dwells within the heart, and trust in the Lord.

Isaiah 1:11“To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?” Says the Lord. “I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams And the fat of fed cattle. I do not delight in the blood of bulls, Or of lambs or goats.” God is telling Israel He doesn’t burnt offerings, he’s not looking for the outward symbols of sacrifice, what He wants is the inward sacrifice. He wants to see the hearts of his people change. To give up ones self to become something else.

Mark 12:33And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, [a]with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.” It’s not a matter of what we do for the Lord. Someone can go to a soup kitchen every day and volunteer. They can go to Church and sing some songs, even give some sermons, but it’s about what is on the Heart, and God knows the heart.

1 Corinthians 5:7“Therefore [a]purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed [b]for us.” This is referring to dough, the leaven, used to make bread. This is saying the old dough is bad, it’s sour, and it must be thrown away. The new bread, is that created by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and knowing He is the only truth, the only way to life everlasting. We begin to understand what is meant by sacrifice.

Again when we think about what Christ asked of his followers, drop your nets, drop whatever it was you were doing and instead, pick up your cross and follow “me”. Christ was asking these men to leave the certainty of a solid days work, their homes, money, food, in exchange for truth. Some of the Apostils like Matthew who was a wealthy tax collector gave up a lot to follow Christ. Matthew much like Paul had money, and power, and a nice home, nice clothing, and never had to worry much about the ways of suffering. It takes a lot for someone to give up a life of luxury for a life of uncertainty and eventually pain and suffering.

I have often thought of superheroes as being good examples of righteousness looks like. This is especially true when you look at some of the more squeaky clean heroes, Superman, Spiderman, Captain America, etc. While there may not be as much of a physical toll for each of these characters, there are certainly emotional tolls; this is particularly true with their personal relationships. Something is always sacrificed when duty calls and the costume comes out. For characters like Batman, the toll is emotional, and physical. Bruce Wayne literally gives up his body to fight the good fight. So what is it that we sacrifice in our own lives? Do we give up our time to work for charities? Do we give up our money to tithes? What about our freedom? Would we be willing to give up our home, our jobs, our life in the name of Jesus Christ? For many people there are limits, there’s what’s okay to give up in the name of Jesus, and then what’s not, and sadly, I think the same goes within our own hearts. We are willing to give fractions of our heart to Jesus, but if we’re honest about it, do we truly give 100%? I think this is something we as Christians truly need to examine. To truly submit, there is going to be a little suffering along the way.

When we are truly ready to submit to the Lord, the idea of wealth, power, fame, control, the very essence of what was promised to Christ in the temptation of Satan, we would be more willing to endure that of Isaiah 50:6I gave My back to those who struck Me, And My cheeks to those who plucked out the beard; I did not hide My face from shame and spitting.” No one truly wants to be beaten, or ridiculed, or imprisoned, but to sacrifice means, to give up the desires of the flesh, to be apart of this world, so that in Heaven we would be in the grace of the one true King. Jesus Christ came to serve his people, He came to be more then just a Leader, but to show us the nature of love, and the nature of humility. Matthew 20:28“just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” The sovereign King of the universe allowed Himself to be beaten, tortured, spat on, ridiculed, nailed to a cross, and give up His life for us sinners.

Micah 6:8“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love [a]mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?” We must learn to be humble, to lower ourselves before the Lord. We must learn to put God first, and then ourselves second. We must learn to trust in the Lord’s plan, and walk where we must, do what we ought to do, and serve where we are led to serve.

Do not mistake my words, I am not saying in any way that if you’ve not be flogged, or beaten, or became wealthy, or live in protective walls that you are somehow not sacrificing for God. What I am saying is make sure whatever you do, you do to bring Glory to our Father. We may not have physical scars of what we sacrifice for the Lord, but there should be some signs of that sacrifice. Paul gave up everything for what he KNEW to be the truth, and gave up everything for it to include his life. If Paul is willing to give up so much, what are we willing to give up? Galatians 6:1717 From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus.” What scars are we willing to bear in the name of Christ?

For me a reminder of sacrifice is my Gideons Bible. Just looking at it, you can see how worn it is, and for me this is a symbol of my willingness to sacrifice for the Lord. Doing what’s right even in the face of danger and facing our own potential mortality in the process, to put ourselves in harms way to be there for a brother. This beat up old bible is truly one of my most prized possessions. It wasn’t read as much as it should have been, but there are marks in its pages finding scripture to encourage during time of war. The whole Bible shows signs of abuse and water damage. That Bible was with me on every single mission in my left breast pocket of my uniform right under my ballistic vest. It was with me when I jumped into the water to retrieve the body of a friend killed in action. It was with me the day I witnessed Hell on earth. Every hot summer day, or cold winter night, it was by my side. That Bible is a representation of my body which I gladly put on the line to do what I felt was right in the name of Jesus Christ. Making a difference in a part of the world that hated me just for the flag I wore, and who was willing to kill me on live television. I carry my own scars in the name of Christ, and I shall certainly earn more before I go home in glory.

The Climb

The Climb

The dark cloud covers the land blotting out the sun. The wind blows, cold, cutting through to the bone. The masses gather and the whistle from the trees haunting the sky with echoed screams. The silence is broken by the cries of thousands. What’s left but shadows from millions marching aimlessly with no hope? A nightmare that rages on inside of so many, and for many it feels like Heaven is unobtainable. Darkness fills the air, and the sky gray and dismal devoid of any colors. The world washes away the reds, and blues, the yellows, and greens, and all that’s left is the grays and the blacks. Cold and uncaring are the thousands who march along the baron straights. The rage that boils inside hot as lava, but never breaking the surface. The tornado rages on inside every day and night, with no reprieve. The hope seems lost and days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months and eventually the light is lost. The perpetual storm that wakes the sleeping with nightmares. The callus heart full of scar tissue, and broken dreams beats reluctantly but doesn’t stop. With no feelings left, with no joy left, with no hope, what’s left when you can’t feel anything?

The brave stand a wall, the floodgates locked tight, not even a drop gets through. The masses begin the climb, the mountain of glass, and nails, and ice shards that cut deep to the bone. The reflections in the ice are unique to each climber’s thoughts. The climb taxes the climber, drawing the strength through the rock and ice like a magnet. A climber falls all the way down, the climb is over and they are lost to the icy depths they fought for so long. The thoughts betray the climbers, each stung with regret, with sorrow, with fear, and the anger boils the skin, but no release is found. The wind is choking with the frigid temperatures and the whispers heard of the past force the tears to well in the eyes, but clinging to the rock face for dear life, the voices say let go. Looking down and around thousands climb the walls, and 22 have fallen. The wind screams in your face and you just don’t know how much you can take. How long can you climb this forever wall in the cold, alone, lost, frozen to the bone with no joy and hope inside? What’s stopping you from just letting go and falling?

Hundreds of thousands feel this way every day of their lives. Each one sees something different when they close their eyes, and the cause is different for everyone, but the climb is the same nevertheless. For many years I felt that inside as I went through my day-to-day life. I would smile and laugh on the outside but inside I felt as if I were climbing the mountain. It took years to finally find peace, and even with the peace I have, what seemed like a straight upward climb now feels like a brisk walk up the hill. Some days the clouds return, the whispers in the wind taunt me, and the razor sharp spikes stick out of the wall. PTSD is a nightmare inside every person who has it. Combat PTSD for me has had its good years, and its bad, but it’s always there. PTSD affects hundreds of thousands of veterans and sadly 22 veterans a day fall from that wall. It’s important to know what the struggle looks like because from the outside sometimes you can’t ever tell. For me, most had no idea what I was going through, and my failure to articulate that made my fate even sadder. I didn’t put much out there for people to truly be concerned with because even at my worst days when I might have been down I never let it hold onto me that long. The whispers from the wind are the Devil telling you you’re not strong enough. You’re not brave enough to keep going, and you’ll never be worthy of love or forgiveness. Many people don’t understand the nature of combat PTSD because it’s so complex. For me personally I felt guilty for ‘letting’ a friend of mine die under my care, but the term ‘letting’ means I actually had some control, which logically I didn’t. The guilt and blame I feel for the premonition that the explosive was there, and yet I didn’t do enough to stop it from happening. The closest thing I could explain it to was final destination. A wave of knowing something was wrong, something I sensed and my voice wasn’t loud enough simply because it sounded crazy to everyone but myself. Despite not having any true control in my heart I maintained the blame and guilt, and sorrow for years. PTSD is that tiny thread that still hangs on despite all reason or rational thought, controlling the narrative and lying to my very soul. The Devils grasp is strong and once he finds the chink in the armor he never stops attacking. It’s so important to know where those feelings and thoughts come from, and once we understand that we are under spiritual attack, only then can we mount a defense. Jesus Christ is the first, last, and only line of defense against the worst scum of the universe, the Devil. 1 John 5:11-12“11 And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. 12 He who has the Son has [a]life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.” Jesus Christ is love, and grace, and hope all rolled into one. Jesus Christ is our redemption, our salvation, our truth, and it’s in the blood of Christ that our sins are washed away. It’s in Jesus Christ we don’t have to live for yesterday, but we have hope to look towards tomorrow. It’s Jesus Christ that forces those clouds to fall away to the sun, and the mountain turns to calm rolling hills. The ice turns into grassy meadows with calm streams beside it. Knowing who Jesus is on a personal level doesn’t stop the storms from ever coming, but it gives us the tools, the shelter, but most importantly the hope to survive the temporary storm that might come upon us. For this I offer this following scripture to offer peace with those suffering from trauma, or crisis, PTSD or otherwise.

Psalm 91 New King James Version (NKJV)

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the [a]fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4 He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and [b]buckler.

5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8 Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the Lord,who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10 No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;

11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,

To keep you in all your ways.

12 In their hands they shall [c]bear you up,

Lest you [d]dash your foot against a stone.

13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,

The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will [e]set him on high, because he has known My name.

15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With [f]long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

 

Find peace knowing that Jesus Christ loves us enough to never forsake us. Jesus is always with us no matter how much we hurt. We are never alone and even when it feels like, we only need to listen and Christ will show us and tells us where to go. We must surrender to Christ and accept his sovereignty over all things, and we must accept that we cannot do this alone. Do not be so proud than to ask for help. Do not be so proud that you’re willing to fall from that cliff without trusting in Jesus. Jesus will hold you tight in the storm, and you will make it to the plateau. Veterans with PTSD don’t quit, keep fighting and when it feels like you cannot hold on any longer, find a buddy. Don’t be afraid to open up.

I’ve talked about PTSD in the past, and as I am preparing for a new round of treatments for other traumas I never faced, the storm with the mountain is bound to come before me, so in preparation for that, I hold true to my promise I will never go it alone again.

Rehashing the Past

Rehashing the Past

From the time that we are born, to the time that we die, there are both good and bad things we experience. We know from scripture why bad things happen, and simply put it’s because sin entered the world, and good and evil are present every day. But what happens if we experience the bad and we do nothing about it? In the past, I’ve talked about the dangers of compartmentalization for coping techniques, for further read you can follow this link. https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/2017/06/16/a-past-long-forgotten-the-dangers-of-compartmentalization/

Years later after I believed everything was tucked away in a nice box, sitting on a shelf somewhere inside my mind, where a closest door remained locked, bolted, and guarded, never to be reopened, a foul evil creature grew inside that closet and it was hungry for revenge. I realize the symbolism is a bit out there, but in all reality the events of September 16thwill forever be etched in stone as a dark mark on my reputation and my ego. That day left me with shame, guilt, and fear. As I have tried to move on from that day, it’s hard to imagine I was ever so low in my life. The thing about being low and never dealing with it is when that hidden monster comes back to exact revenge for being put away in the closet. So how do you make peace with that angry monster? You must be brave enough to confront the beast, to face your fears, and don’t back down when it gets hard.

In the next week I will be started a series of therapy sessions designed to manage particular traumatic events in my past to deal with and manage those events so I control them and they do not control me. Those memories are difficult to think about and while on the surface it looks like everything is just fine, if I’m truly honest with myself there are feelings buried deep down that I have gotten pretty good at hiding and masking. After two years ago however it’s time to finally face the monsters and be rid of them once and for all.

It is in scripture and therapeutic techniques I will find peace. I have been praying to God to prepare me for the trials ahead, and calm my heart, and allow me to see the light in such a dark place. Psalm 107:13-16“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.” It is in my heart the darkness rests, and for many years I have not allowed the pain to surface, but in an instant the defenses cracked and out came the monster angry and bitter, spreading lies and fear, and on that day, the monster won. Today however I am older, wiser, and more in control, I shall not fear the monster any longer, as I will fight the war on my terms. Psalm 91:4-6“He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.” Jesus comforts me, and protects me. I know I am protected as I go forward. The past cannot hurt me anymore, and I will not allow it to control me. Isaiah 41:10“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

 For all who deal with past traumas, hardships, and pain, there is always hope. Tomorrow doesn’t have to be full of darkness and pain. In order to be rid of it, we must first see our enemy and rise to the occasion to face it head on. God is with you, so if you have a past, face that past in a controlled and safe environment, don’t wait till tomorrow, live in peace today.

Two Worlds Collide

Two Worlds Collide

A while back I met someone who was a different denomination as myself. While I never put much thought into the many denominations of Christianity, it wasn’t long before I started noticing a lot of differences in the way we worshipped. She had said something to me that caught me off guard one day, she said, ‘so you’re going to stop talking to me now aren’t you?’ I was taken aback when I heard that. I had never known anyone to be so worried about how others saw them based on their personal worship choice. That was a couple months ago and I’m happy to announce we are still friends despite significant differences in worship style.

A few months ago I met someone else, but instead of being a different denomination, they were a different religion all together. Come to find out they were a practicing Pagan. Much to my surprise it’s more common then I thought it was. I had decided I wanted to judge them by the content of their personality and their character not by the faith they chose to follow. (Not that we should be judging anyone) I found they were sweet, and kind, and caring, and generous, and an all around lovely human being. We should never be so quick to judge someone because when we do, when we judge based on their faith, or the way they look, we take away the possibility to learn, to witness and to truly meet wonderful people in this world. (Disclaimer: Satan worshipers truly do frighten me.)

It’s important for us as Christians to understand something; we are not to spend all of our time just hanging out and fellowshipping with other Christians. We cannot evangelize, we cannot minister, we cannot witness to unbelievers if we never go out of our own church. The Great Commission was very clear, “Go Forth to ALLthe nations of the world and baptize.” Given the opportunities in my life I’ve been able to share the gospel to many different faiths in my life. I have witnessed to Pagan’s, Muslims, Atheists, and while I don’t know if I’ve ever had an impact on their salvation, what I do know is it’s not my job to convert people. My job is to share the Gospel and the Truth of Jesus Christ, and to witness and love my neighbor. Once I do that the rest is in God’s hands. We can’t pick and choose who we want to talk about the Gospel to, we must understand that it’s never our place to judge others, and it’s important to know that while we may not be the direct link in the chain that causes someone’s heart to change, we must trust in God’s will, and God’s plan, and leave it up to faith.

In the past year however, I have also met a few different couples that their marriage is in trouble. It always hurts my heart knowing that marriages suffer, largely because I have been married twice, and both times I have been left standing alone trying to pick up the pieces of both a broken heart, and a broken life. The first time I got married, I married into a family that was completely non-religious. They weren’t atheists but I wouldn’t exactly call them Christian either. Sadly, at that time in my life, I was less concerned about differences in faith, than I was with being alone in life. When that marriage ended with an affair, and then the following destruction of everything I had I soon realized how important it was to not get into a relationship with someone who had a completely different set of morals than myself. My next marriage would be to a woman who’s family were devout Christians. I spent time getting to know them, watching them at church, seeing how they lived their lives, and even though no one’s perfect, I saw enough faith to determine I shouldn’t base someone’s past mistakes on their current standing with God. While that marriage also ended due to an affair, I have to acknowledge we as humans do become lost and walk on poor paths. I have learned my vetting process needs to be a lot more stringent and I need to focus more on how they worship, how they behave, and truly dive into their moral compass. That leads me to the next major point, the marriages that I have witnessed recently have been very unequally yoked.

Scripture tells us it’s not good for believers to be with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6:14“14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what [a]fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what [b]communion has light with darkness?” I am a firm believer that a persons faith is strongly tied into their moral compass. While this isn’t always the case, it will undoubtedly always create conflict. A persons faith will always come into play later in life, when it comes to children, or going to church, or even how we choose to treat one another. Generally when worlds collide it isn’t as epic as say a DC-Marvel cross over. While sometimes people of different faiths and religions, and cultures can get along great, that isn’t always the case. It’s important to be a united front in your life concerning your spouse. If you’re not on the same page it can cause a great deal of conflict, but even more so, if you’re not in the same book at all. I have often been a firm believer that you can “Love” someone, but that doesn’t mean they are right for you in a relationship. Love is a strange thing and while we may fall in love with someone of a different faith, or even someone whom we share nothing in common, we must realize that it takes more then LOVE to make a marriage work. Marriages that work are built from commonality, meaning similar interests, beliefs, goals, etc. Take out to many similarities and you may still love, but problems generally arise as cracks in the foundation become apparent. So what I’m trying to say is this, love everyone because it’s what we’re told to do. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Learn and observe and always be respectful of those people you meet, even if they come from a different walk of life. Be careful of love that isn’t built on a well balanced foundation because if you jump into a marriage before the foundation is inspected, you may find that there are cracks and an uneven slab. You can’t build a house on a bad foundation. It’s okay to be friends with people of different faiths because it always gives us an opportunity to witness, so long as everyone is respectful and willing to listen. But most importantly, don’t sacrifice your own faith and love of Jesus Christ to try and make a relationship work. Our lives always have to love God first, then the rest follows. Jesus Christ always has to be our first love no matter how low we get, or how lonely. Always put your faith and trust in Christ and never sacrifice that belief for anyone.

 

 

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Are You Super?

Are You Super?

Recently I found a new Lego set containing Bat Woman. Recently I have found myself busy with school, with yoga, with Bible study, and yes, I’m still blogging every day. Someone asked me recently how I have been able to manage everything I’ve got to do, and somehow come up with a blog post every day. I didn’t know the answer then, and I still barely know now. God has blessed me over and over with a topic and inspiration. I think the definition of super is a regular person rising to the occasion to stand against injustice, and stand for something bigger then themselves. 2 Timothy 2:15“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” I was thinking about the story of Bat Woman. In the new 52 Kate Kane is an intelligent woman who attends a military academy but after a question of her sexuality she steps away and moves back to Gotham City. While there she is mugged and with her military training she’s able to fend off her attackers but is knocked to the ground. Batman comes in and helps her off the ground, and this is where she becomes fixated with Batman. From this point forward she starts her path of fighting crime. Here’s a woman who decided to not stand by when she knew she could make a difference. Scripture talks about the importance of standing up and doing what’s right.

Habakkuk 1:13“13 You are of purer eyes than to behold evil, And cannot look on wickedness. Why do You look on those who deal treacherously, And hold Your tongue when the wicked devours A person more righteous than he?” The prophet was trying to understand how God would allow an evil country to win over a good country. The simple answer is God always has a plan. It’s in our hardships we truly learn who we are. When we trained in Korea my platoon didn’t get every breach right the first few times. We practiced over and over again till we became a well-oiled machine. Every superhero’s story starts off with some kind of tragedy. It’s in this tragedy that a person decides they won’t stand for the weak to be bullied and pushed around. I have watched as bullies have picked on someone weaker them themselves my whole life. Sometimes it’s been me who was the weak one, and sometimes I was the one to look on the situation. In every situation we have a choice to make where we can either allow our presence to make a positive impact, or a negative one. The thing with bullies and watching but doing nothing is the impact shows your own character. Imagine you’re the little kid on the ground getting punched and kicked by the school bully. You look down the hall and you see two students just watching, but choose to walk away. Laying on the ground your heart sinks, and you question what’s wrong with people. Every test is a test of faith, a test of character to see what kind of person we really are. Through the ashes of tragedy something beautiful can be born. Each and every one of us has the chance to be super in some way. James 4:17“17 Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” Standing by and doing nothing when we know it’s wrong is the same as committing the sin ourselves.

While many may not condone vigilante justice, one cannot deny the good this world would have if a man like Superman was flying around saving the day all the time. If a man like Batman created fear in the heart of criminals, would people feel safer walking around a dangerous city at night? While this is a highly subjective question, a man or woman who stands up to do what is right despite what the world says is right answers to God. God will always work in tragedies, violence, and hardships, even if we don’t see it.

Years ago when I was in Iraq I lost some very close friends of mine. I knew them, but I never knew their families. After their deaths, the years that followed would allow me the opportunity to be apart of a close adopted family. That incident brought together scouts, and medics, and the families of the fallen. Now, many years later we still talk, and we still have reunions. While loosing them was tragic, the bond we share, and the lives we’ve been apart of all around would never have happened otherwise. For me, having that family has helped in my own recovery, and when I was laying in the hospital recovering from the lowest point within my life, I was met by my family who came from all over the country to visit me, because they love me. You don’t have to be a super hero to be super. You just have to choose every day to do what is right over what is easy.

Rainbows

Rainbows

Genesis 9:13-14 “13 I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. 14 It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;”

I’ve always thought rainbows were beautiful, but not till I started reading Genesis did I realized they were mentioned very early in scripture. Now we know that science can explain what a rainbow is, light refracting through raindrops, but at this point in Scripture Noah and his family are just leaving the Ark after the flood. As this represents the covenant between God and mankind, I also look at it another way. It doesn’t always happen of course, but usually a rainbow signifies the end of the storm. Even in the movie the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy wishes she could go to a magical place, over the rainbow. We sometimes think of rainbows as somehow magical, of beautiful happenings in nature that are quite the spectacle to see.

No matter how we look at a rainbow, they bring joy, or happiness, even if it’s just the spectacle of them being in the sky. Rainbows are a reminder of Gods love and grace for us. No matter how bad the storm was, if we look to the sky and see a bright rainbow we know the storm is over. While the rainbow is a symbol of the covenant with man to never again flood the whole of the earth, we are lucky enough to have a new covenant with God. After the fall from Eden, mankind could not be in the presence of God. We were no longer pure, but worst then a dirty diaper before our Lord. God set forth a plan that would take hundreds of years. When we think God moves too slowly for us, we truly don’t realize how God works. God doesn’t play the short game, and while on occasion he may answer our prayers in the here and now, more often then not God is working things out for the future.

God spent 400 years in silence between the Old and New Testament. In that time there were moving pieces on the board, and God is patient while we are not. We are a people of wanting change right now. We want fast food prayers, you order, God delivers. But that doesn’t work and God just laughs at our foolishness. When I think back at Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, she was dreaming of being anywhere other then on the farm. While things on the farm weren’t perfect, she was trying to escape her woes instead of putting forth the effort to fix them. We do the same thing in many different ways. In the last year, I have been a part of a social app and during my time there I have found a new escape I hadn’t really considered, on line roll playing. These roll playing conversations often consume someone’s life. There is no desire to talk to the person you’re roll playing with about real life, it’s always just the fantasy world. This is a person’s ‘over the rainbow’. So many people today find escape in drugs, or alcohol, on line roll playing, or video games. Addictions of all kinds have popped up on this planet all because fiction for many is better then reality. It’s a sad state of affairs we find our selves in when we no longer want to face any problems but instead turn to means to deaden the internal pain, dull our minds, and kick the can down the road for yet another day.

Sadly it isn’t just reality people are hiding from, it’s all negative feelings or emotions. We’ve become a society that at the first sign of trouble, or the first time someone’s brings up negative emotions, or ‘vibes’ as it’s called today, people run away. I have watched several people personally leave our ‘acquaintanceship’ because I had a bad day and wanted to talk about it. People only want to hear positive things; they don’t want to be bothered with reality. So long as life is rainbows and puppies they are happy, and anyone who threatens that is expendable. Because of this people no longer build relationships, they build acquaintances, and barely that. In the last 7 years I have been to several weddings, and I’m sad to say that all but two have already ended in divorce. During the wedding the rainbow seemed so bright and vibrant, and sometime over the course of their incredibly short marriages, that rainbow became gray and disappeared. It’s sad to think about how many people end their marriages these days. While I don’t know all the details of their divorces, those details are irrelevant. People have stopped living their lives in the way God says we should live, and we have stopped putting God first in our marriages. Sadly those kinds of relationships are about self, and not about the other person. When we ask what’s in it for me, or how does this make me feel, and we no longer ask ourselves what we can do for our spouse, we will grow in resentment, and heartache. We cannot continue wishing for what’s over the rainbow. We must face reality and live according to God’s will for us.

 

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I’m not saying you can’t dream, but especially when it comes to relationships, focus on what those relationships are really supposed to be. Find some happiness in your life the way it is and make that flourish. No the grass is not always greener on the other side. Stop taking for granted the gifts you have right now. Embrace them, and enjoy them. You don’t want your life to become stagnant though, so balance tomorrow and today. Enjoy your sunshine, enjoy the rainbow, and remember God’s always with us each and every day. Give thanks for another sunrise, and the many, many blessings we have. Hope in Jesus Christ came slower then the Jews wanted, but it wasn’t their timetable, it’s God’s. Trust in God, and focus on what you can change, and pray for the things you can’t.

 

Women, Why Women?

Women, Why Women?

Have you ever put any thought into the reason so many people reject the idea of the resurrection of Jesus Christ? There are a few things I’d like to talk about concerning the resurrection of Jesus but first thing I’d like to do is talk about Mary, and Mary, the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. During that time women had no rights, and were treated not much better then property. The law stated they did not qualify as legal witnesses. Why then would these two women be important to justification of Christ’s resurrection? Credibility. If the men who wrote the account of what the Mary’s had seen, and ultimately believed them, if it were to be a lie, Men would have been the first because that would have carried more weight around the world. Instead women were the first Christ came to, and no one would create such a lie at the time.

First and foremost one thing needs to be made clear, the Gospels written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, are eyewitness accounts. These separate witness testimonies despite popular belief do ‘match’ completely because no matter what 4 people you put someplace as witnesses, none of them will give the exact same description and account of each event. In fact, if the stories were completely identical, it would seem more likely the event was fabricated and rehearsed, but that’s not what we see. And, if you were to say that each account was written by the same person just slightly different, forensics show that each Gospel was indeed written by someone different. One example is Greek historian Polybius and Roman historian Livy, both disagree in regards to Hannibal’s route crossing the Alps in Italy, however no historian question the actual trek itself. (McDowell, J., & McDowell, S., PhD. (2017) During the burial of Jesus Christ a large stone was placed in front of the tomb, and at the request of the Pharisees, a detachment of Roman Guards would stand watch to deter anyone from attempting to steel the body of Jesus Christ. Along with the guard a seal was placed upon the ropes showing no one would enter. The stone used would have weighed approximately 440 pounds. The idea that the Disciples were in cahoots to steal the body from well trained armed guards is debunked in scripture itself. Matthew 26:55,56, and Mark 14:49,50 both describe the Disciples scattered and hiding away from the Romans. It’s not likely that if this story were made up they would admit to such cowardice; however, the writers remained truthful, even to their own shame. Also, a secondary note was crusifixion at the time was highly public, and was done so to bring shame upon the individual and the families. To use this has a launch pad for a new religion would have had a much harder sell, then some other way.

Women:

Women found the tomb of Jesus empty, and again, if you were going to start a religion with credibility, you’d use more credible witnesses. Women at the time would be stoned to death if they were raped, and they were unable to obtain property. Women, also weren’t supposed to be out of the house without a male family escort. Why then would anyone use women as the starting point of their religion unless it actually happened? The Romans kept grueling details about each capital punishment, and there are documents which predate the writings of the New Testament. Philosopher J.P. Moreland affirms these points in preaching and sermonettes in Acts, and Creedal Statement of the Death, Burial and Resurrection. There are competing reasons that Jesus’s tomb may have been empty by both Jewish records, and Christian records, both agree the tomb was empty, both disagree as to why. This common idea that Jesus’s tomb was in fact empty, first found by women, while Roman guards were on duty, and without further alternative theories by Jewish and Roman officials, the continued eye witness accounts would have left both unable to refute any of the facts. Jesus would appear over a span of 40 days which is discussed in all 4 Gospels. He would appear not only to his Apostles and disciples, but to over 500 at one time. The soldiers standing guard would have been elite solders and failure in those days was not tolerated. Those soldiers would have suffered greatly for failing at their duties to include floggings, whippings, or even decapitation, neither a fate anyone would want to die for considering all they had to do was guard a 440 pound rock. “The Romans and Jews could not produce Christ’s body or explain where it went. Nevertheless, they refused to believe. Even today, men and women still reject the resurrection, not because of the insufficiency of evidence, but in spite of its sufficiency.” (McDowell, J., & McDowell, S., PhD. (2017)

It isn’t a matter of evidence because there is evidence all over the place by Christians, Jews, and Romans in regards to the life and death and subsequent resurrection of Jesus Christ. The fact is people will rebuke facts all day long, and people will argue the grass is blue just to spite your face. The cross is offensive to people because it represents each and every one of our faults and failings. We don’t like being told we are sinful, and we don’t like being told we aren’t good enough to enter into Heaven. The truth is, while we can bring evidence, and further go over eyewitness testimony, and while there have even been Atheists turned Christian in the pursuit of the truth, people will always turn their backs on truth, especially if it means having to look in the mirror. It’s sad to say that many Christians are only Christian by name, by status, but few actually know and understand what it means to be a follower of Christ. I look around and I’m ashamed at how many Christians lie, cheat, steal, abuse their spouses or their children. I’m ashamed at those Christians because they aren’t really Christians, but the damage done to the name of Christ, to the body of us who are truly saved in the blood of Christ, is beyond sad. While Christ’s name will live on, because Christ lives, and while Christ will continue to save lives, make a difference is those lives, it’s our job to stand firm, and stand apart from the world. As scripture says, Romans 12:2“2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God”

Don’t underestimate the need of Apologetics, and the teaching of history and facts in the pursuit of your own studies. Evidence that demands a verdict: Life-changing truth for a skeptical world. Is a phenomenal book and resource, along with The POPULAR ENCYCLOPEDIA OF APOLOGETICS, BY HINDSON, and CANER. Stand apart, and do your own historical research. Study scripture, and understand the nature of what it means to be an eyewitness. There is more then just scripture if scripture isn’t enough for you. But all the evidence points back to one incontrovertible truth; the Bible is the one truth. Not a truth, no one persons truth, the truth. The price of being a skeptic is high, and if this is the only life you’re worried about, then that’s okay. As a Christian all we can do is give scripture, point out facts, and let God do the rest of the work. Go forth and be blessed this day.

 

Refrences

McDowell, J., & McDowell, S., PhD. (2017). Evidence that demands a verdict: Life-changing truth for a skeptical world. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.