Tag: Changes

Trust But Verify

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Trust But Verify

In the last year in my life I have been seeking some sign, any sign to show me I’m not what I thought about myself after my separation. Often times when you are the victim of an affair you question your self worth. You question if anyone would ever love you. You question what was wrong with you, what you could have done that was so bad to push the one who loved you away.

In the time I’ve been alone I have met a few people on social media, a variety of social dating sites. A couple years ago I made the mistake of trusting someone I met online. I considered myself a smart person. I was asked for help and I said I wouldn’t do anything to put my family or me at risk. I was told the money would be transferred into my account, and I’d just have to send the cash western union. When the cash arrived in the account I waited 2 weeks the first time before I touched it. The way the scam works is send some ligit money to gain trust. The next deposits wouldn’t be watched so closely, and the withdrawal would happen sooner. The banks would catch the fake funds and the bank would blame the account that was overdrawn, not the depositing source. Ever since then I have believed heavily in the phrase “Trust But Verify”. Coincidently that phrase is also routed in scripture. 1 John 4:1 “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

The wolf looking for pray will often look and sound like a sweet innocent sheep. What looks like a gift from God may not be a gift at all, but a message from Satan. Even when the most sincere looking person comes into your life and it feels like the greatest gift in the world, I would say the same, trust but verify. If life has taught me anything when you’re a soldier for Christ you never know how long the Devil will try to infiltrate into your life. Even if you are able to verify someone’s motives, the Devil’s motives will always remain. He tries to defile the righteous and sometimes he is able to sway the hearts and minds of those we care about. While I firmly believe in everyone’s ability to change and seek redemption that isn’t always the case. The truth is war changes a person. Sometimes in war there are casualties, but in this war there are no innocent lives. This war for the very souls of mankind the Devil takes no prisoners and no one is safe. Once the Devil finds a loose thread he pulls until an entire life is unraveled. He thrives in the chaos and the rubble that’s left behind after his well-placed sabotages are implemented.

When we are given a gift from God we must cherish it, nurture it, guard it, protect it every day to try our best from allowing the thing that we love the most in this world from being used against us. This is a hard lesson I’ve had to learn. Just because something is a gift doesn’t mean one mans gift isn’t another’s weapon. One man turned my ex wife, but the strings being pulled were the Devils. Sure there’s always free will, but the Devil knows our hearts and He knows just how to get to each of us. The Devil fights to pull us away by using our weaknesses against us. For me that was the need to be accepted, and the need to be loved by family and friends. Take that away from me, and you find me where I was in September of last year. Lost, broken, and alone. The deceiver knew just how to hurt me the most, and hurt me He did. For that instant I fell to my knees and looked at my life without hope. The pain caused was more then I felt I could bare and we can’t survive long without hope.

Look toward heaven and thank God for the blessings in your life. When a gift shows up in your life, do your due diligence to verify it’s origin. Not all may be as it appears. We are taught to have faith in the things that we cannot see, but no where does it ever say to have blind faith.

 

 

 

Shēngcún (Survive)

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Shēngcún (Survive)

Survive in Mandarin is Shēngcún. Some days I see some of my friends and they are just barely making it day to day. It makes me thankful for where I am today. I don’t have much, but I have more then some. I am greatly blessed and thankful for what I do have. Though, I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive.

In life we can sit and live with the bare minimum our potential has to offer, or we can stand up and grab life by the horns and take control. We can’t always plan for the future, but what we can do is attack every problem, every situation with a zeal that pushes us to be our best selves. No matter the troubles, the trials, the knocks that are sure to come, we can chose how we want to live. We may not always be able to fix every problem, but maybe we aren’t supposed to. While we never know what our future may hold, we know we have the ability to alter our perception of each problem. We have the ability to choose our attitude and more importantly how we treat others in every situation we find ourselves in.

I challenge all of you not to just survive but thrive. You can be a light in others lives, and you can be there for others to make their world a better place. We can leave this world a better place by the lives we touch. Psalms 78:4 “We will not hide [them] from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.” Always keep in mind what you do in all situations may be how you’re remembered for generations, by generations.

I heard a sermon today about David and Bathsheba, and one of the key components was to make sure blame goes to the right place. I have been known to take the blame for things I never did. As my studies in scripture have led me to a better understanding of sin nature, I have found obviously the wrongs done are usually sin influenced. The Devil will place people in our lives to draw us away and sometimes he is successful, sometimes he’s not, but he will always try. When we give in to things like lust, lies, hate, and self we see that sin nature taking hold. We may be able to lie to everyone around us, we may be able to lie to those we love the most but when the day comes and we stand at the foot of God’s alter we will have to answer for everything we’ve done. Nothing will remain hidden, and when we answer to God, we must think in the here and now, what will this do for me later? Don’t just survive, thrive by making Godly choices.

Admitting Failures

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Admitting Failures

One year ago I faced a near death experience. After I survived and found myself reeling in the aftermath I was calm for months. No matter what came up or what challenges I faced I was composed and without concern or worry. Now as time has gone on and life has continued that calm, cool and collected nature has drifted into memory. It’s not uncommon for a believer or non-believer to come to Jesus after a traumatic incident. They may stay church bound for 6 months to a year, but as life returns to normal the feeling of grace can subside.

1 Corinthians 13:4 “4 Love is patient and kind;” I heard a sermon recently on Love. Love is being patient and not just patience with others, with our neighbors, with our spouses, but with God. We always want things our way and right now. Let me tell you in the last year I’ve lost my wife, my house, my job, my closest friends, not because of anything I’ve done per say, but just a purging fire within my life. Life doesn’t always go the way we think it should or the way we envision it, but the truth is, we are just the train, we go the direction the tracks go, and God lays our tracks in front of us, we go where God wants us, He’s the conductor.

Psalm 40:1-4 “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. 3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. 4 Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.” David awaited the Lord for the better first half of his life. He ran from assassins, he survived war, and yet he knew his destiny was to become King, he just didn’t know when. When we are at our lowest do we curse God or do we raise Him up, praising him for his plans for us, knowing that one-day we too will be lifted out of the miry clay, and our feet will be placed on solid rock. Do we truly understand the nature of the divine and the planning, and patience it takes to create a masterpiece? Our lives are molded and scripted since before birth. We are given chance after chance within free will to follow, or rebuke the Lord. Every waking moment we are given chances and as God has seen every possible outcome and plans for every single one, we must have faith and trust in the Lord. As I heard recently “You don’t give the keys to the car to your six year old.” (Dr. M. David Chambers, D.Min) You don’t give your kids the keys, because obviously they just aren’t ready. I’ve touched base on a similar outlook. We cannot be given the test before we are ready for it.

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Getting on the train tracks as the train and not knowing the destination or how we’re going to get there is having faith. When we get on a plan we have faith that the pilot knows how to fly it, and we will get to our destination safely. Why don’t we put the same faith in God? Every air traveler put his or her faith in the pilot no matter where we go. We put our faith so blindly in a human being, but can’t or wont put our faith in God, so beyond our miniscule understanding of the big picture our faith should always unequivocally go to God first, and last.

Proverbs 3:24-26 “When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. 25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. 26 For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.” We often make decisions and sometimes we make decisions based on fear. Life can often cause us to be afraid of a great and vast many things. That fear can be loosing a job, our loved one, loosing our status, or friends, a vast plethora of things that fear can force us to act on. In the essence of fear I have made choices some good and some bad. That fear can lead us to say things to people that are mean and hurtful. Like a cornered animal we frequently lash out towards others. We loose focus on the big picture and we allow that fear to take over in the drivers seat.

 Isaiah 7:4 “And say unto him, Take heed, and be quiet; fear not, neither be fainthearted for the two tails of these smoking firebrands, for the fierce anger of Rezin with Syria, and of the son of Remaliah.” No matter what situation you find yourself in, no matter how deep the muck, the dangerous or twisted, we must keep the faith, keep calm, quiet our minds to the world, and allow the Holy Spirit to fill us and give us the direction we must go. We spend to much time fighting against the direction the Lord has us on, it’s like trying to jump a train off the tracks and land on the tracks of our own choosing. Obviously it doesn’t work that way. We can’t simply take the plane off auto pilot and fly ourselves when we are not pilots. Sure we can play flight simulators all day long, but that doesn’t make us qualified to fly or land a plane. Why do we think we are so capable of doing things better in our own way? It’s a lack of faith, a lack of trust, because to us, the problem we face is just to big for God to handle. As we say that after we beat the odds of millions of possible outcomes in our very own conception. We stand upon the Earth within the universe the perfect distance from the son, with the perfect access to support human life. We say this that we are the only ones who can handle our specific problem when we know what the God above is capable of. We loose sight, we loose faith, and we listen to the world and the society in which we live. God in societies eyes is small, outdated for a time of such revered science and human accomplishment and understanding of the world and the universe in which we live. Our faith in God supersedes that notion and if we are to call ourselves true Christians, we must act like it.

I have made plenty of mistakes in my day. Mistakes, sadly I must own up to, and confess to my brothers and sisters. The lessons I teach in today’s blog post are lessons I must teach myself. If I am to make good on what I teach, then I too must practice what I teach. We must all learn to let go of our fears, learn to take that leap, and let God be the conductor for this train. Faith is something you must work on all the time. It’s also something the Devil will target you for. The deceiver, the king of Hell walls you to fail. He wants to rip you away from the graces of God and although his method’s haven’t changed much in the last few thousands years, because he doesn’t have to change them, they work. You must remain vigilant, you must maintain your time with the Scripture, and you must continue to work on your life with God. Pray often, love all, forgive easily, and be firm when the Devil prowls around. Give yourself and your problems to the Lord. Don’t forget the ways of scripture and even as difficult as it is some days, we must work towards that goal each and every day of our lives.

A song that I am reminded of is:

Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets.

I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

 I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

 I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

 If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

 I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

 Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

 I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

 If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

 I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need

 If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

 No matter the road we walk ask God to help you find your path. If you need to be still ask God for the peace for that moment. God can and will give you what you need to fight the fight as long as you pray and ask for it. God will always give you the peace and shelter you seek when you need it. Have faith and see your blessing all around you. Just because you can’t see the Angels from heaven doesn’t mean they aren’t there. I’ve personally felt their presence and I know they exist. We sometimes loose our way, and as for me, I have the two best pastors anyone in the world could ever help for that help me back when I start to stray. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever ask for anyone better, I’d never find it. Love you guys. Speedy, you’re my Brother and the best partner in ‘crime fighting’ anyone could ever ask for. Doc D. C, you have a way with words my brother. You’re a blessing to the church and I always appreciate you. Love ya’ll.

 

Giving your all

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Giving your all

Have you ever loved so deeply, cared for someone so much you felt like you gave your whole life to them? Have you ever cared for someone so much when they were gone you felt as if half of you were ripped away? What about when you meet someone new and you feel strongly about them, not love, but a strong desire to know them, to be there for them, what happens when that isn’t reciprocated? I believe we’ve all gone through this at some point in our lives. There’s a strong reaction to rejection and that reaction’s what we’re going to discuss today. This is an uncomfortable subject so stick with me.

Recently I met someone and the more we talked the more I felt a potential relationship might have been possible. I received a lot of positive feedback early on in our communications and it led me to believe something more in time was more then a likely possibility. When the conversation continued I was shocked when all of a sudden it stopped. The conversation seemed rather benign and since it was just about liking particular movies, I saw no reason the outcome ended the way it did. All communication halted abruptly and the feeling sunk deep in my stomach and my head felt like a kick to the face.

Disappointment is a tough pill to swallow. What does the bible say about disappointment? Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” No matter what we face, or the troubles we find ourselves in God will use them for the purpose of good things. We may not be able to see the good in our pain, or the purpose in our suffering, but through all things the Lord is with us. Psalm 42:11 “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” As King David writes in a moment of sorrow he asks God why he feels such turmoil within his heart. He knows God is with him, he knows the Lord will never forsake him, and in all things God is good always. We too must remember that in our struggles, in our times of weakness the Lord of creation is with us.

Having and keeping the faith that no matter the purpose of someone coming and or going in your life is difficult, but the Lord has a plan. While we may feel like we’ve been hit by a ton of bricks, and while this may be literal or figurative, the Lord will see us through till the end. Often times we wonder why someone hurts us, why someone will leave their spouse in what appeared to be a loving marriage or relationship. While there are many reasons and likely personal explanations, that we won’t discuss today, the simple answer is this. Sometimes the innocent can be collateral damage. If this is the case and the hurt and pain is caused by someone else keep in mind 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” If someone walks away from you, if someone has decided to follow or pursue a path that is not one that is inline with Christ, do not hold onto that. Do not allow that departure to be a reflection upon yourself. Do not hold onto responsibilities for what is not due unto you. We must always take responsibilities for the things we played a roll in rather it be good or bad. Always own up to your own mistakes. We must fight the urge to take responsibility for things beyond our control. Do not allow the sins of another to add to the burdens you already carry. As grotesque as it sounds and is, do not be the proverbial sin eater. Do not take upon yourself, which is not yours. Often times when a relationship ends, if it ends with little to no warning, and you are left to wonder why, and what happened, it’s easy to start blaming yourself. While this is something I myself have yet to master, and may never will, it’s important that whether it’s your spouse, your friends, or other close relationships, always remember that if someone walks away from you, you may not need to take the blame, do not take on the sins of anyone but yourself. Only take on what you must. Have faith in the Lord, and believe that no matter who leaves you, who abandons you, the Lord’s promise is to never leave or forsake, because the Lord made a new covenant, and this promise by God is not one that is broken.

Remember it’s okay to love another, and it’s okay to feel a devotion to someone, but always remember to put God first. When you remember to put God first, the rest will fall into place.

I reach out

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I reach out

I reached out and no one was there, the cold bitterness of the dark blackest night. The frozen rain stings against my bare face. The frozen waist land all around and cracks in the ground that would swallow you whole. The moon is gone hidden behind the black clouds. The wind howls and whistles over the ice. Lost on the ice with no compass. The storm so thick two steps in front of you is blotted out in the white wall of snow and ice. The wind chills deep down into your bones. The prick of the icy mix feels like a thousand cuts all over your face. You look down using your arms and hood to block the wind, but it’s no use. You fall to the ground and dig into the snow. You dig until your fingers are numb and there’s a hole big enough to crawl into. You crawl in and curl against the tiny wall you created. You close your eyes.

The storm rages on around you, beating down upon your resolve, your patience, your hope, and yet you remain resolute. Huddle down upon your inner strength and focus on your today, planning on surviving the wintery blast, and hold onto that small bit of warmth inside you to get you threw the now, and into tomorrow.

Psalm 46:1 “46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” When it’s cold outside and we don’t know how to survive the night, it’s in Psalm we find our truth. Psalm 107:29 “29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” No matter how bad the situation may be, tomorrow’s sunlight can wash away the snow. Psalm 34:17 “17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” Are we the righteous, or are we the damned? Are we to rise above the clouds and survive the storm, or are we to die in the frozen waist land of our sorrows? When you are huddled up and you don’t know where to go or how to continue the journey of King David. Psalm 91:1-2 “91 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” Do we have true faith that in our time of struggles the Lord will be there with us and protect us? Is our faith strong enough to save ourselves in that faith? 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Open your eyes huddled down beneath the snow. When you open them your world is in your hands. Your life, your faith in God can be the defining fact. If God’s will be done you open them to the storm subsiding. The sunshine covering the white covered ground, glistening, glowing in the light. The sun glistening off the snow brighter then anything you’ve ever seen. The wonders that the storm stopped, praying for your life, placing your life in God’s capable hands is the direction we should follow. No matter how dire the situation God is capable of surrendering the storm and although you may not come out of the storm completely unscathed, you can be pulled from the heavy weight of the snow.

 

 

 

 

Facing Fear

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Facing Fear

Sometimes in life we are put into situations that force us to face our fears. In my life I have seen war, I’ve seen death, I’ve seen evils, and I’ve seen cruelty. I’ve seen the evil in a man’s eyes as they try to murder another human being. I’ve seen the color leave someone as the heart stopped beating. I’ve had to face fear and in that fear I’ve had to face my own mortality. I’ve had to go out on faith and trust that the Lord was leading me to a place that would be best for me. As I survived the ambush in 2004 in the city of Ramadi, I could feel the Holy Spirit guiding me to safety. When I moved to the city of Durham from Indiana in 2010 with a woman I didn’t really know that well I found myself following faith and the things that led me to where I was. As I am now in another situation in my life, I have to face the fear deep down and trust in the Lord once again.

Psalm 27:14 “14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Trust the Lord and be faithful. Trust that the Lord has good plans for you. Trust that no matter what trials you face, the Lord will bring you through it. No matter the life’s struggles we face Jesus promises to never leave us. Hebrews 13:5-6 “5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

What do we fear? Do we fear failure, not being accepted, or being hurt? Do we fear being left behind, or forgotten? The truth is, at some point we all feel something along these lines. These fears are strong and often justified, but the allowing of ourselves to be driven by that fear if it stops us from moving forward is just as bad as sin. What we must remember is that the promise of the Lord is to lift us up, to protect us in our time of sorrow, to wipe our tears in our times of sadness. Finding someone we choose to love, finding that love and knowing that to love is a choice. Love is action, it’s doing every day, it’s making the effort to listen to the words of God and allowing them into our hearts. We are often put into a situation where we love others, sometimes that love comes with surprises, other times we are the surprise. Don’t let the fear of being hurt stop you from jumping out on faith. Trust in the Lord and love like we are taught to love. Make love be something that you do, not something that you feel.

 

 

 

Fighting Insecurities

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Fighting Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have our insecurities about something in this life. Everyone’s different and everyone has their own battles to face. Over the years a particular event has occurred in my life on more then one occasion that has created and cultivated a unfortunate, and disturbing insecurity. I would go as far to say it’s certainly not an endearing or attractive quality. Nevertheless it’s here and fighting back against it is truly a struggle.

An understandable fear of abandonment has settled in and has taken up residence in the deepest part of my mind. With it it’s cousin the insecurity of feeling wanted, or needed. When a message is sent to someone, you know they’ve seen it, and your brain automatically goes to ‘what did I do wrong?’ and ‘am I not important enough to them?’ These things may be true, but the most likely fact is, it’s in our head. My self worth has been in question for some time now. These things the Devil tells you, whispers to you in your darkest hours are thorns in your side.

We must learn to focus on the good things we have to offer in a relationship. Everyone brings something special to a relationship, and thus we are all special. Philippians 4:6-9 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” If we are loved and love, we must learn to lift up our loved. 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” If someone’s important to you, then it’s in that importance you would want to set their fears aside and show them they have nothing to fear. Lift up your partner, lift up your friends, and help fight back against the whispers of the devil.

The number one thing to remember is placing your self worth in others is always a recipe for disaster. No matter what you beat the odds in this life and God has made you just the way he wanted you. Consider why you are unhappy, or why you are insecure. John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” The only thing we should need is the knowledge that Christ loves us just the way we are.

You must learn to trust in yourself and focus on your own gifts. Know what your gifts are and know that they are good enough. If your partner doesn’t see or appreciate them, perhaps there are bigger issues, which may or may not be your fault. A deep internal look at the cause may be warranted to understand and justify, and then overcome.

I believe sharing these with your significant other is important. Be sure to communicate and allow that open line of communication to face the problem head on. There will always be a way to face the insecurities that plague you. Allow yourself to face your insecurities and then you can own up to it, and overcome. Have faith in the Lord and what the Lord created. Each of us has been given gifts and we should focus on those gifts instead of our shortcomings. Romans 12:6-9 “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” Use your gifts. Allow someone to love you for what you have to offer, and fear not for what you do not have. The ice will melt one day and the life preserved, frozen in time, will once again show it’s colors and it’s beauty. Let the ice melt over your heart frozen in time, and warm up to the idea of loving once again.

 

 

Sweet Godly Accidents

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Sweet Godly Accidents

It’s interesting how a mistake, an accident can be a great and wonderful gift from God. The other day when I was building a Lego house I was completing the very fragile roof I accidently pushed too hard and a section of the roof collapsed. Obviously this is a frustration because once the collapse occurred the only way to fix it was to take the entire roof down and start over. While there was a gaping whole in the roof of the house all I could say at the time was oops. Within a moment I had decided to use it to my advantage. Over the last several months I had made note of bad choices surrounding my life, some were my choices, and others were that of others. The point is sometimes out of an accident a blessing or a path is waiting for you. We may not always see the reason for accidents, but sometimes it’s to teach us a valuable lesson, or alter the path we are on. Matthew 10:8 “8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead,[a] cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” We receive gifts and we don’t always acknowledge what we’ve received as a gift. While I wrote the blog post ‘OOPS’ I found myself considering the consequences of the good and bad things I had witnessed the last 11 months. As my world around me crumbled into a million or more pieces the why is this happening, the what am I supposed to learn and do now, the when will I begin to feel better in my life, questions that wouldn’t come, but faith would continue to guide me like a lighthouse in the bitterness of the worst storm I’d ever see in my life.

It’s amazing how some actions may seem like accidents, or even things that are accidents, but either way, God is working to pull you through no matter what the case may be. In all of our mistakes, in all of our suffering, there’s still lessons to be had, blessings to be seen. Romans 12:6-8 “6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” In each of our God given gifts we must find the will to survive. We must always find a way out of the fire. The gifts we’ve been given no matter what they are can be used to glorify God. We must learn to use our gifts to the best of our ability and in using our gifts help to lift up those around us. Every accident is a chance to glorify God. Every mishap is a chance to show what God is in our lives. One way to look at an accident is a Godly opportunity. No matter the tragedy, no matter the accident we have an opportunity, an obligation to rise above and show what being a Christian is all about. Always look to the sky, and know that God is looking out over you. In every mistake or accident the chance to fly above the clouds is always there. You may feel like you’re in the muck but when you behave has a true Godly Christian, you can fly, soar through the clouds because if God is for you, then who can be against you?

When we forsake our faith, when we turn our backs on God we can be sure that the blessings in our life are only a snowballs chance. We never know what our future holds and what blessings may be just beyond the river bend. We may never know the joys that are waiting for us, and in that, we can have faith, that the faithful will be blessed. It’s easy to look back on a situation and have our perspective skewed, tainted by the world, the attacks by the Devil. When we are suffering the pain can blind us from the truth, and from our path. The struggle is to remain focused on God, focused on God’s plan for us, which is of grace not despair. Trials and pain will happen, but if we trust, truly trust in the Lord, there may be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Just remember, without the storm, there is no rainbow and with no rainbow, no pot of gold. Endure the storm, to find your pot of gold.

 

Lord I Need You

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Lord I Need You

A tear falls, stains the paper. I look to the sky and close my eyes. Mercy Lord I beg. I need you in my storm. I need you to send your angels to protect me my God. A torn heart, a broken body, and I praise you above it all. I remember when I was happy and now it’s gone. I look to you my Lord to help me carry on. I can’t see the way out, but my God, the God of all things, I pray you to be with me. The rain feels like ice on my face, the sting over my whole body. My God my God please don’t leave me now. I praise you no matter the hurricane going on around me. My Lord I lift my eyes to the sky even though I can’t see past my tears, my pain. Send me a sign Lord, show me you’re here. You never left my side, but even though I ache and I hurt, I know you will never leave.

Why do I feel this anger, why do I feel this pain? It feels like weights holding me down, pulling me under the blackest water. The wolves are howling, and nipping at my heels. Give me the speed to outrun them. Give me the words to repel the darkness that surrounds me. Today the world seems heavy. The world seems crushing.

I may be facing the darkness, but I know that you will see me through no matter what. I know that this is not forever, but just a little while. I know that the day will come when my troubles will be like the receding waters from the flood. The day will come when all is restored. I know where to look, and I know where to pray. The day will come when all I’ll have to say is

Amen.

 

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh. The Lord has given me much, and as the winds of change, the change in the season is upon me, I know that I am being blessed. How will this change affect me, it’s too early to say, but today is better then yesterday, and tomorrow will be better then today. There are blessings in my life, that like the traffic on a highway are slow going, even if it seems everyone else is moving at high speed, I know that my blessings are all gifts from God.

Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

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Finding Love and Dealing With Loss

As it’s been a good while since my separation I find myself revisiting my future for Love. As I have posted extensively what love means to me, I still have a hard time understanding my place in this world, and as I question my place, I also question the purpose of me remaining single and unable to find even so much as a date. Now I’m not complaining, just making an observation. The scripture tells us, Jeremiah 29:11 “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The day to day routine I find mundane and it’s a tough pill to swallow. The struggles we have to find our way, to understand the ‘plan’. When a relationship falls apart and broken hearts are left in the wake of the hurricane that plows through life, steps to recovery need to be taken. We’ll talk about those here.

While I have been on my own road to recovery there are things I have found and learned over the last year. What steps can we take and why are they important? According to divorce magaziene.com there are 10 not so easy steps to recovery.

  1. Don’t forget to ask for help
  2. Declutter
  3. Keep yourself busy
  4. Find yourself again
  5. Travel
  6. Give it time
  7. Things happen for a reason
  8. Find your focus
  9. Try to forgive
  10. Do not close your doors

I will say asking for help is important. This however comes with some pitfalls. Some friends are fair weather friends and will not be there to help support you in your time of need. In the event that happens try not to let that add to your pain. It will, but it’s important to focus on what you can change in your life. Declutter is so important. I failed in this category. I allowed myself to keep pictures, and objects that would remind me of my marriage and that would create hope and pain where perhaps there wasn’t any. It’s so important to pack this stuff up. We don’t necessarily need to destroy or get rid of this stuff, but putting it out of sight out of mind is very important. Yes that means facebook too.

Next is keeping yourself busy. This can be a very hard to achieve. This often requires friends to be around or you to be comfortable enough to venture out on your own. This too is a step I failed miserably. My activity average was very low. I found myself in the house unable and unwilling to go out by myself when I didn’t have anyone to spend time with. It’s important to find something, anything that you enjoy. For me my joys were Lego’s, Archery, Photography, and writing this blog. We can never forget Netflix. Sadly my injury had stopped a few of my options dead in it’s tracks, and Lego’s can be expensive, so that’s another thing to think about, the cost involved in this step. Finding hobbies and other means to keep busy should be inexpensive and not taxing or draining important resources.

We must learn to find out who we are. This is something I hear all the time. Take time for yourself. While this time period is different for everyone, it’s important not to dwell on the past. Find who you are without the love that’s no longer in your life. Find what about yourself you love, and stop the negativity in its tracks. When you are not the one to walk away in the marriage, when it’s something you didn’t expect or want, it’s difficult to combat the harsh feelings that keep into your mind. It’s important to reach out in times of need, and surround yourself with people who are positive and will lift you up, rather than tear you down.

While traveling may not be something everyone can do, a bit of change in scenery can be a world of difference. Getting out of the home you both had is important. Even getting out of the town or city though not viable for everyone, it’s still worth a thought.

Time, is both our friend, and our enemy. While time heals wounds, if that time is not treated with respect, it can create pain. We must learn how to balance time and effort. We must tell ourselves every day that tomorrow will be just a little better then today. We must learn to let go of the pain a little at a time. Let time be an ally and not an enemy.

We may not understand it, but everything happens for a reason. We may not ever get the answer to why our spouse decided to leave, or do whatever it is they did, but we must realize that for every tragedy, there is also opportunity. While this is perhaps one of the hardest things to do, that love we must hold for ourselves, and understand that tomorrow may be the day we meet someone new. We must understand that no one can ever replace the loved one lost, but we must understand that while we can’t replace someone, someone different can be just around the corner, someone that can become very special to us. We have to have faith in God, that God doesn’t want the faithful to be alone, and if we remain faithful to Christ, we will be rewarded when it’s God’s time.

Find focus and purpose in your life. We must allow ourselves to feel important in our own lives and some do this by reaching out to help others. Some do this by volunteering, or working longer hours, or spending time with family. Set written goals, and allow yourself to work towards them, but make sure your set goals are actually obtainable. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. You don’t have to achieve everything all at once. Allow yourself to work at a reasonable pace towards those goals.

While I don’t believe in the word ‘try’ in the try to forgive, instead I will say forgiveness is not something to be earned. Forgiveness is something to be given freely because we are told to forgive in scripture. There’s not a single verse that says to forgive under some circumstances instead of others. No, we are told to forgive as our Father has forgiven us, and we will never have done enough or can never do enough to earn that forgiveness. It may take time to forgive because some people hold onto grudges, and while I can disagree with that notion, it’s a fact of life. Every day you must tell yourself, “I forgive you” no matter what it is, forgiveness is to let go of that anger, the hate, and to allow yourself be rid of the poison that fills your soul.

Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you from getting up to the plate. While not every relationship will turn to marriage, and not everyone you meet will turn into a relationship, we can’t be afraid to try. We never know what we may be passing up unless we try.

We don’t and won’t understand everyone’s actions and intentions, but it’s in our darkest of hours we may find what we are truly made of. Having faith in God and allowing ourselves to be good servants and stewards of God’s love and grace, we will be rewarded when the time is right. Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Always live to do hard works for Christ. When we live for the Lord, when we Love the Lord and give all the glory to the Lord, we will be given the Godly desires of our hearts. Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”