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A Year Looking Back 2019

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A Year Looking Back 2019

Well, the year is over. It’s been a long road, and with some tears, with some laughs, and everything in between, life has continued to move forward as one would expect. When I started back to school I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but here I am, a year later, and finished as strong as I could. Relationships have come and gone, and some have grown stronger, and others, not so much. 

I can’t say this year has been overly eventful. I think if anything, the biggest thing is my graduating from school, and I’m back to teaching. I think as far as change, those are the most prominent. 

I want to share some notes, just a couple things I have been thinking about. Instead of writing out an entire new post, I would share the lesson notes from this recent Sunday. 

New Years Lesson 

  • We all look back over the year and wish we could take back things that happened. We wish we could have more of what we want, but mostly we look to the the new year with hope and optimism, and of course the dreaded new years resolutions.
  • Who Are you now, verses who are you a year ago? 
  • If you want to be a new you, you have to make those changes. 
  • Matthew 6:22-23 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
  • We must be cautious with what we spend out time with. What we view, watch, listen too, and even the company we keep may alter our own behavior. 

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

  • The Lord will be with you this year. Every January first is a new year, a fresh start. Ask for forgiveness, 

Psalm 25:18 “Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.”

Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

  • It’s the perfect time to repent of the years sins, and prepare your soul for the next year. 
  • Where your yes rest is where your heart will be.

Matthew 6:19-21 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

  • We spend so much time worrying about what’s next, worrying about life. 

Luke 6:22-23 : 22 Blessed are you when men hate you,

And when they exclude you,

And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,

For the Son of Man’s sake.

23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!

For indeed your reward is great in heaven,

For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

  • IF you’re going to make a resolution, make one to trust God. If you’re going to make a resolution be resolute in your faith. Be resolute in your ability to stand tall with God behind you. Be resolute to protect your mind, your soul from the world. Be resolute to let go of yesterday. Lay down that rock and leave it at the foot of the cross. Do not carry burdens that are not meant you to carry. Let God have them, all your worries, your burdens, your hurt. Start off this new year fresh. 

The Journeyman

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The Journeyman 

I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block? 

I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways. 

There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people? 

If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.” 

While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love) 

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” 

Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage. 

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 

In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts. 

Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” 

Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels. 

Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride. 

The Hardships of Christmas

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The Hardships of Christmas

For many of us Christmas brings joy, and hope, and lov, and happiness, presents, and food, friends and family. As much as we know that Christ is the CHRIST in Christmas, for some Christmas is a painful reminder of what they no longer have. Many people are forced to face the cold truth that their loved ones, their family, their friends are no longer with them, it is because of that, that we visit the hardships of CHRISTMAS?”

I know for myself, Christmas often brings time of hardships of memories of those no longer in my life. I find myself missing them, and longing for their presence. People all over this world suffer through the holidays trying to deal with and manage the depression that often comes around the holidays, also known as the Holiday Blues. And lest not forget those who cannot afford to give their children much of a Christmas. The families that are struggling to make ends-meat. 

While many people will gather with friends and family over the next few weeks, but I would ask that we all take a moment and say prayers for those less fortunate this holiday. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Christmas is a time of wonder and joy. We must all remember that the society in which we live has commercialized this sacred holiday. Society now tells us that it’s about the shopping, the gifts, the decorations, the parties, and food, but in all reality, those things are just extra. 

It’s been 9 years since my grandfather’s death. He was the father in my life. He was my biggest supporter and his absence is noticed. If one loss wasn’t enough I have lost family in the last few years. For seven years I spent Christmas with my inlaws, or rather ex-inlaws now. Their loss still sends a prick through my heart. I became accustomed to their presence and the customs during the Christmas’s I spent with them. I have noticed their absence in the recent weeks, and it’s been difficult at times. So with the challenges of feeling the loss, the sadness, and depression I would recommend falling back to scripture to find some peace and comfort. 

Matthew 5:4 NKJV “Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” It is our job to be there to comfort the broken hearted. There is no doubt that Christmas can often bring struggles. If we have the ability to, I feel we should all do more to offer love and support to those who may be alone this time of year. Loneliness is a major killer in our country, yet when we have the opportunity we often let down those who need us the most. It takes very little to show an act of kindness to those in need. It takes very little to show love to those who are alone this time of year, and all year. 

Romans 8:18 NKJV “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” The suffering today as Paul says, is nothing compared to what awaits us in glory. There is so much to be thankful for. The grace of our loving God that gave us his Son to show us what it means to love, what it means to be given grace, is beyond anything we could ever expect to find on our own. People are lost and even those who know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, can be lost in despair. 

In this life we face despair, we face troubles, and we face hardships. In those days and in the hour of our deepest sorrows, remember what it is Christ said, John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Those who are no longer with us are not gone forever, just for a time. The time will come in glory that we will reunite with our loved ones, and all the pain shall pass, all tears shall be wiped away. All things will be made new, and what was once lost, will once again be found. Jesus Christ is the Christ in Christmas. Focus on Jesus, and be thankful for the time we had with those who aren’t with us. Blessing is the day we awake with breath, but fleeting is the life we live, like a wisp of smoke gone in an instant. 1 Corinthians 15:22 NKJV “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” Death is a part of life, and as hard as it is to face the loss and the loneliness around the holidays, we need to remember God’s will is sovereign and God’s love is stronger than our pain. Be kind to those hurting, and remember that not everyone feels joy this time of year. Social media can often hurt those struggling, so reach out and say hello, be kind, and show some love to those around you. 

God’s Will is Sovereign, Free Will Still Remains

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God’s Will is Sovereign, Free Will Still Remains

I have been putting some thought into the idea of ‘free will’. Free will is defined by Google Definitions as “the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one’s own discretion.” From the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked the Father to take this burden from me. Matthew 26:29 “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” Jesus, though the Son of the Father, was given free will. Jesus was facing certain death, and even with that fate, Jesus has the choice to take himself off the cross at any point, but he chose to fulfill the Fathers plan. God’s will is sovereign, but even as God’s will is above all, he does not ever force our actions. 

I have waited a long time for people in my life to walk with God. There have been people I have hoped and prayed to God, that they would change their ways, change their hearts. I have prayed, and though my prayers have yet to be answered, I know that the Lord is still working in people’s lives. Even though I have not been able to see those changes, I have faith in God’s plans. Life isn’t easy sometimes, and sometimes life requires an incredible amount of patience. 

I have wondered for many years what the purpose of all my troubles have been. The death I have seen, the loss I’ve experienced, the heart break that shattered the hope in which I once had, all of it is within God’s will. I cannot walk with the Lord and be split down the middle. I cannot expect to live this life free of burdens. No matter how tough life is, the hurt that comes my way, I must remember that in all things the Glory of God must be the forefront. The burdens someone faces will never be in vain. God has given me the choice how to handle both the blessings given to me from above, and the struggles and attacks from the Devil. At no point in time can I ever say my bad choices, or handling of situations was because “the Devil made me do it.” The Lords will is sovereign and I must remember that I am a tool in God’s toolshed, and I must remain ready to answer His call. Jesus is the great healer, and no matter the troubles faced, we have the ability to heal. God heals the broken hearted, and God finds the lost. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this “Since the day Jesus spoke the words, there is no longer anyone who is so forsake, who is so alone, to say that nobody has ever offered me help. Whoever has heard these words of Christ and still talks in such a way is lying and shows scorn and contempt for the words of our Lord.” Jesus cast a broad net with those words. The word All. There is no narrow hallway, this is such a wide circle that it literally would include everyone in the whole world. Who here hasn’t labored? Who here hasn’t been heavily burdened at some point or another?” 

It is hope we have received, and we burden not in vain, for the Lord Jesus sacrificed for all so we may not suffer for not. Jesus had the same free will we all have. Should we not rest assured that his words have had lasting and reverberating hope for our lives as well? No, I have not suffered for nothing, for all of my suffering, all of my hardships have prepared me for tomorrow. Everything I have endured has given me knowledge of the next step, the ability to face the next hardship with hope of the Lord beside me. No one person lives life hopeless. The Devil will try to convince you of such lies, but that’s all the Devil has to offer is lies. Now, do not mistake, the Devil has power, the Devil has legions as his will, but the fight of the Christian warrior comes with Jesus, and the legion of Angels on our side. Who shall we fear if we have the Lord on our side? We are forgiven of our sins, we have nothing to lose and nothing to fear. Who are we to hide from the fight? We must stand tall and know we are called to a higher standard of living in this world.

Bonhoeffer also says this “Politics are not the task of a Christian.

The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.

Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes.

The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.

One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons.

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.

A god who let us prove his existence would be an idol.

Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.

It is very easy to overestimate the importance of our own achievements in comparison with what we owe others.

To endure the cross is not tragedy; it is the suffering which is the fruit of an exclusive allegiance to Jesus Christ.” 

If we are to be the fruit of Jesus we must understand that the seed cannot remain a seed, but must transform into something more. We must be willing to undergo the transformation and grow beyond the seed. We must nurture our relationship with Christ, water it with the Holy Spirt, and let ourselves sprout and grow, and spread new seeds. Do not believe your labor is in vain, for this life is fleeting, the seasons come and go, but in faithfulness, the works of man shall be rewarded in Heaven. Works are not the beginning of truth, but the result of the truth that we are not saved by works, but by faith, by grace, by the Love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the only way to the Father. Forged in the fires of trials, we grow stronger, we are sharpened by the trials of man, to wield the strongest weapon against the darkness, the Word, the Holy Word of God which demons flea before the Cross, and we kneel. Our choices remain, and as Christ chose every second to remain on the cross for each and every one of us, we too much choose every second to remain with Christ in our fight till the day comes when the father calls us home. 

In your Heart, Christ or Scrooge?

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In your Heart, Christ or Scrooge?

Recently I was spoken to by someone who undoubtedly has a tremendous amount of pain in their heart. I understand completely why, but the truth is, how that pain is spreading is truly heart breaking. Recently I was told by that person a whole lot of negative things about me personally. Those things got me thinking about who I am and how I’m handling situations. Several months ago I made a choice to defend God when someone was angry with him. This wasn’t a good idea, and as I’ve said before, actions and words have consequences. While what I said was scripturally accurate and true, it was not helpful. In fact, as I found out, it may have been the worst thing I could have said in the moment. That person has not forgiven for what I said, and has doubled down, and has blamed me for being selfish, self-righteous, and essentially not empathetic, with a hint of opinionated. This left me dumbfounded and unsure of how someone could say these things to me whom I have given gifts too, over the last few months, and I have consistently written them to see how they are doing, if they need anything, showing nothing but kindness. Sadly, people who are in pain often lash out. 

If you live life focused on just yourself, your heart I daresay is not with the Lord. If you make decisions without care of others, their feelings, or even their well-being, I would say you are missing out on love and your sin is making yourself on high, because that’s not God’s way. We are called to live in love and if we become selfish, we aren’t loving others, in fact you are loving self. 

Are you allowing Jesus to shine through you? Do you feel badly when you hurt someone? Thankfully there is hope for our lives and there is a time for change and the time is now. In the season of the birth of our savior Jesus Christ, we can be like the Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge. Lets’ take a look at these two characters for a moment. 

Scrooge was a man who loathed people. He lived for himself, his success, and cared nothing for the poor, the sick, or even the family close to him. Do we as Scrooge had, allow ourselves to be wrapped in our own chains we make in our lives? Scrooge was gifted a chance to change his selfish ways. Scrooge is shown his past, present, and future in an attempt to warn him of his fate. Scrooge awakes with a new found zest for life. The three spirits were able to accomplish their goals and from that day forward Scrooge was a different man. He became a kind man, full of generosity and love in his heart. So what was it that saved him? Love, and grace. It’s the love and grace we get from Jesus that saved Scrooge because he saw others living life in love and grace towards others. 

The Grinch, the bane of Whoville. The Grinch hated all things Christmas. He hated the lights, the songs, the smiles, everything that the villagers of Whoville loved. Everyone in Whoville was afraid of the Grinch, everyone but Cindyloo Who. She went and showed kindness, and grace to the Grinch. After he attempted to steal Christmas and the villagers celebrated and sang anyway, without the lights, and tinsel, and presents, Christmas came. Grinch realized that the spirit of Christmas wasn’t the stuff, but the heart. Cindyloo touched his heart and in love, and in grace, the Grinch changed his ways. As the story goes, his heart grew three sizes that day. 

We all make mistakes, and we all say and do stupid things sometimes. Are we willing to forgive when someone makes attempts to make it right? Or, are we living in anger, and bitterness? I look to my life and realize that I have not always said or done the right things, but it’s Jesus that saves me, through love and mercy. As far as I know, I have tried to forgive those who’ve wronged me, and I have tried to make right my mistakes I’ve made towards others. 

Colossians 3:16-17 (NKJV) “16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” We must learn to live our lives in joy, and in anything we do or say, do so in a way pleasing to the Lord. Mistakes will happen, and words will slip. Someone will feel wronged by your words or actions. 

Romans 12:18 (NKJV) “18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” We have a choice how we act, and how we respond. Christ tells us we will be persecuted in his name, but those who attack us, or teat us unkindly, we are still called to love EVERYONE, and live in peace. 

I am sorry for what I’ve said, and I’ve done everything I possibly could to make it right. If Jesus dwells in your heart, wrong doings should tug at your conscience and you should be driven to make things right. This Christmas season remember why we celebrate. Remember that it’s love, and grace, and good will towards men/women. We were given a gift that silent night, and we should live our every day with Christ in our hearts. Willing to forgive everyone for the trespasses, and share love, grace, and mercy with everyone we encounter. 

Silent Night

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Silent Night 

The world tells us that Christmas is about the presents. The world tells us Christmas is about the food, the movies, the music, the trees, the decorations, but what is Christmas? See, the word Christmas is actually two words together. The first part is of course CHRIST. And mass which is from the Latin word missa, which may be called the celebration of the Eucharist. While scholars may not all agree how the word Christmas has come to be, but one thing is clear, you can’t have Christmas without the Christ. See, Christmas isn’t about the mistletoe, or the tinsel, the gifts under the tree. 

When I was growing up there were years I didn’t have much under the tree. There were years I didn’t know where I was going to be living, While my young life was strange, and not ordinary, I can say the same about the life of Christ. Christ was prophesized more than 400 years before his birth. Isaiah 7:14 (NKJV) 14 “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel.” There are messianic prophesize all throughout the old testament, and one by one they came true. Jesus Christ was born for us, his mother was sent away from the Inn, and was born in a manger. Jesus was laid in swaddling clothes and put in a feeding trough. Not exactly the ideal picture of a king. Jesus lived a perfect life free of sins, and yet when he was just around 2 years old his family was forced to flee their home to a land that was not of their own, away from their kin, because Harod decreed the death of all male children two years old and younger. He was trying to kill the future king foretold by the wise men, or magi. While scripture is not clear how many, it was those wise men that found Christ in a house. Those wise men however found favor and sympathy for the king and warned them of the impending doom. The gifts given to Christ helped paid for Mary, Joseph, and Jesus’s time as refugees in Egypt. 

Jesus, God, put himself on this world, put on flesh, a feat that if one considers what it must have been like going from perfection, to the decay of human flesh. The humble act of Christ to die for all of humanity; to give us the greatest choice of all, salvation or damnation. Jesus gives us all the greatest choice in this life, but it all started with the birth of a little baby boy. Christmas is about the birth of our savior. Christmas is about the joy given because before the joy of the world came forth somewhere in a city known as Bethlehem, there was no hope. Life was hopeless, and remains hopeless without Christ. Christmas is about the renewal of hope. Christmas is about the reminder that a baby existed that broke the silence of 400 years, and forever changed the course of human fate. Christ gave hope and that hope is stronger than any fear, any sadness, any sin. Christ died and paid the sacrifice for us, but without a birth, there can be no death. Christ is more than some story told in a book, but the living God who loves us so much, He renews our spirit every day. 

Go, celebrate this CHRISTmas season, but don’t let the only reminder of Christ be during the month of December, but remember Christ all year. Remember Christ and what was done for us, and remember the life Christ lived for each an every one of us. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Silent Night. 

WHO AM I?

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Who Am I? 

In retrospect I have often called myself something specific. I called myself a soldier, a Cavalry Scout, a husband, a security officer, a chaplain, but as one by one those things have faded away I have found myself asking ‘who am I’?  In retrospect I spent years defining myself since I left the military as one thing or another. As each position has faded into memory I have consistently found myself trying to reinvent myself over and over again. So, who am I now, truthfully I don’t really know. As tonight was my last night as a student seeking his undergraduate degree, it’s met with a bitter sweet night. 

While celebrating I reached out to someone, I thought would have been happy for me. I reached out to someone that, though there had been troubled times, I felt they would have been more enthusiastic and happy for me. I couldn’t have been further from the truth. In fact instead of congratulating me I was met with hostility, and hurtful words. I know I shouldn’t listen, but a part of me thinks I deserved it. So, what am I? 

Today, I see myself as a failed soldier, a failed husband, a failed chaplain, a failed security officer, and through all those failures I don’t know what I am today, except for broken. For years I knew there was something wrong, that something had gone awry. As I sit here listening to Christmas music, Silent Night by Lindsey Stirling I am reminded that Jesus the Son of God, born 2000 years ago came for the sinners, the saints, the wealthy, the poor, the healthy, and the dying. I realize that Jesus came for me. I am not a perfect man, and when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve tried to fix them. I have never intended to hurt someone, and I’ve never done so out of spite. Sadly, I have to admit I have been on the receiving end. 

Going forward I don’t know where I’m going, or what I’m going to do. I don’t know where my path is, or what God has planned for me. A part of me wonders if what was said tonight is true, and if it is, I wonder if I should consider where that may take me. Christmas is coming and with it the new year. Can I wipe away all the wrongs this year and start fresh in 2020? I believe that with God nothing is impossible. I believe that God can break through the hardened of hearts. I believe that God can heal the brokenness of peoples hearts. I believe that God values someone who wants to redeem themselves. I believe that I am worth being redeemed. I believe I am valued if not by the person from earlier, then by Jesus. I believe there are people who value me. I believe there are people who love me and want me to succeed in this life. Who, am I? I don’t know, but I know I am a child of the King. Who am I? I’m royalty adopted by the blood of Christ to inherit an eternal Kingdom. I may not know my purpose in this life right now, and while my heart feels like it’s broken, and my feelings have been hurt, I trust in the healing power of Jesus. Who am I? I’m a broken man in need of fixing. I’m someone who has lived and survived through so much. I am a survivor and will continue to do so. I’m someone who’s experienced much hardships, much trauma and so much loss, but I am not a victim, I’m a survivor. I cannot loose faith in that love that Jesus gives to me. I may not know where I’m going but Jesus does. If I am to survive this, I need to trust Jesus and trust that he will take care of my tomorrow, my today, and he will guide me. No matter where I find myself “Psalm 23”, the river, the meadow, or the valley, I am protected by the Holy Spirt. I am loved and that’s who I am. 

THANKSGIVING 2019

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THANKSGIVING 2019

It’s not been an easy few years. Looking back starting in September 2016 up till now, I have looked deeply into my life and as I have sincerely figured this has been the hardest three years of my life. From near death to graduating from college in a matter of two weeks, I have followed a path of hardships and self-exploration. One of my biggest thanks is the very church I attend on a regular basis. In the last three years I went from a simple attendee to working security, being on the puppet ministry, volunteering with the youth, teaching, I have come a long way and even with a major loss in October, I know that my church is my tether to my spiritual path. In the last three years, my church has lifted me up, guided me, supported me, and when things got sour, my church had my back. I have been mentored and sustained. 

My best friend has stood by me, and has helped me through some dark days. Having the love and support of an amazing church, a mother who has put up with me and my sarcasm, my occasional frustrations, my lack of a job (even though I do contribute financially) and my crazy animals, I am immensely grateful. While this year hasn’t been the greatest for my body, or my emotional life, it’s not been nearly as bad as the years prior. I am grateful for those in my life that if they read this, know who they are. 

The Devil has been working overtime to bring me down this year. Struggling with depression since October and a chronic pain situation, I have found myself frustrated and stressed. School has been a challenge, perhaps the hardest challenge I’ve had in my 5 years. With school coming to an end, I am grateful to be able to finish successfully. I am thankful for my upcoming mission journey to Honduras. I’m grateful to be able to work in the church working with the youth. Being a free-4-all volunteer has meant a great deal to me. I have found great joy and pleasure working with the youth. I never thought I would enjoy working with them, but as it turns out, God has a funny sense of humor. So that being said, there’s a few things I’d like to express thanks for. 

John 3:16 New King James Version (NKJV)16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” 

Ephesians 6:11-18 11 “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—” 

John 15:13 New King James Version (NKJV) 13 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” 

Without Jesus my life would mean nothing. Without my savior I would have no hope. I am appreciative of my Lord and Saviors sacrifice for me. I could not list anything higher in my life, but to be thankful for Jesus. No matter what is going on in my life, or where I find myself, the Hilltop, the Valley, or anywhere in between, Jesus is my rock. Nothing else matters as much, and as I go into this Holiday Season, I do so with great expectations of a blessed season. Not for the coming gifts for they will be few this year, but where I have a lack of physical gifts, I am blessed beyond measure with the spiritual gifts from the Father. I am thankful for everything I have and as to paraphrase Paul, I am content with where I am and with what I have. Jesus loves me and that is the most important thing to be thankful for. 

Our Actions Have Weight

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Our Actions Have Weight 

We are but men walking along this path, with no road map, or knowledge of tomorrows fore comings. The hope we have in the struggles of this world is only found in a name, Jesus Christ. We fumble along the walk and even when we are beaten down to the ground; even when the world is unfair, and even when it seems like everything, we’ve built crumbles around us, there is still hope in the power of Jesus. We can’t always see the light through the storm, but it’s always there. The struggle we have to get up the next day, and continue to push forward must be contained and set aside. The plans for our future is known by our Father alone, and we cannot from our tiny viewpoint say with certainty we know what will come tomorrow. We must not allow fear to dictate our actions, nor shall we allow that fear to destroy our resolve to trust in our Heavenly Father. 

Something very precious was taken from me recently, and I must trust that even in the hardest of days, Christ has something better in store for me. Christ will use this unfortunate tragedy in my life and a new path, a better plan would be made clear. Nevertheless, the pain I feel is very real. The struggle of course is a challenge, one that will take time to overcome. In my life there have been few things I have been proud of myself about, and loosing something in my life that I found so important, is beyond tough. In 2004 I was on a nice little walk, a pack that weighed around 70 pounds, and very little sleep. Up till the little walk, I had not had much in the weight of protein, or nutrition, and the odds of completing such a trek were small. After several hours of struggle, turning a corner and seeing the building I had called home for over 20 weeks straight in front of me. The tears fell from my eyes out of pride for myself, that I had accomplished something I did not believe was possible, and something so many had told me I would fail. In a short time, I would stand at attention and be granted the right to carry my cross sabers. I would hold my head high and beam with self-pride. I never became prideful, but I had a new self-respect I had not known before. When I was wounded in the war and my career would end before my eyes, I felt lost, and I remained lost for many years. 

Eventually I would find my path, but it would take several years. I would struggle for years to come till yet again the world as I knew it crumbled beneath my feet. I would yet again find myself unsure of my path, but a short time later the path was made clear. I found a place I would eventually call home. When I believed I had found a new place, a place for me to truly serve, that was short lived. I guess the point I’m trying to make is, life can suck, life can be unfair, life can be difficult as putting it mildly, but no matter what words describe the challenges faced, we must always remember who’s still sitting on the throne, and who is still in control. Relieving ones self of the responsibility, the need and desire to remain in control is vastly needed to be at peace. We are not in control, and we are not in charge. While we do have a say in how we manage our situations, and we do have a say into some of the circumstances we find ourselves, we are only in charge of our own personal actions and how we react in any given situation. In all places we find ourselves we must ask, and truly pray on it, what would Jesus do? What we do and how we do it will either represent Christ or the other guy. We always have a choice, and that choice will reflect Jesus in our heart. Be conscious of your choices, be respectful of the power you have to hold Christ in your heart, and in your actions reflect Christ to those in your circle. Be slow to action, and think about those actions first. Actions may have a wider effect then you may know, and because of that, as a Christian we must be more cautious then that of the world. Much like the ability to lift Thors hammer we must be worthy. Who are we underneath is represented by our actions and how we choose to respond to difficult circumstances? Will you lift the cross, or let the world blind you? 

The Past Hurts, Tomorrow The Green Grass Grows

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The Past Hurts, Tomorrow The Green Grass Grows 

The changes in life sometimes come quickly. It’s hard to sit back and accept the changes going from a river to a waterfall and falling over the edge. Scripture offers a wonderful passage, Psalm 91:4 (NKJV) 4 He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and [a]buckler.” In the recent days I have found need of this shelter. I have found need of God’s grace, to cover me, and protect me. I have found myself under the attack of spiritual warfare, and I have needed Holy protection. While I cannot, or nor should I go into specifics of what’s happened, what I can say is my life is forever changed. 

Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV) “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” When I sit back and spend some time with the Lord, I find myself helpless in circumstances. While I don’t feel like my current situation is of my doing (exactly), I am helpless to change what is, so all I can do now is choose how to manage the changes I’m experiencing. 

What do we do when the world as we know it has been flipped upside down? As easy as it is to say, Romans 12:14-19  14 Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad. 16 Live in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are. 17 If someone does wrong to you, do not pay him back by doing wrong to him. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. 18 Do your best to live in peace with everyone. 19 My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: “I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,”[a] says the Lord.

We know that in life bad things will happen. We know that in life, we will face hardships, and we will face struggles, but we will always have God’s blessing every day. God gives us amazing grace filled opportunities, and sometimes those things come when we least expect it, and after the rain comes the rainbow. I think back to the life of Paul and look at everything he endured. When life is thrown into a tailspin, Paul often said that God’s Grace is sufficient. Paul also said in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV) 18 “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” No matter the storm, or the mountain top, the deepest or darkest valley, the calm babbling brook, no matter where you find yourself God is with you. 

As hard has this has been for me, I know that God will show me a new path. Facing these setbacks, these downfalls, and yet knowing that Jesus is the light of my world, that shines brightly, guiding me where I need to go. He will mark my path, and give me what I need to succeed. Much like the uncertainty of Moses, the questioning Gideon, and doubting Thomas who was there to see the works of Christ and yet doubted anyway, we all struggle. It’s not the struggle, it’s the growth of faith that comes from being knocked down. Strength is born out of weakness. Strength grows through pain. Romans 5:3-4 (NKJV) 3 “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces [a]perseverance; 4 and perseverance, [b]character; and character, hope.” 

So when you are hurting. When you are lost. When you are left with confusion as to why something bad happened to you. When you feel you’ve been treated wrongly. When you feel the world is met with injustice. Just remember that people are all sinners. No matter the title someone may have, or the position they fill, everyone is subject to sin and we must remember that while it hurts, and you may go through the gambit of emotions, God is still on the throne. Jesus still loves you. Your true value comes from the Lord, and not what other people think of you. All we can do in this life is pray for those who trespass against us. Pray we are not led into our own temptation. Remember that the love of Christ is not always represented by the actions of others. God so loved the world for he gave us his only Son Jesus to die on the cross so we would have the possibility of eternal life with him. (John 3:16). When you feel like your world is fractured beyond repair, remember with Jesus, anything is possible.