Tag: writing

Be God’s Lego’s 2

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Be God’s Lego’s 2

We are hand crafted to do a job, a very specific job we are born to do, designed directly by God. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” We often feel our calling and we tell God he’s wrong, and he’s mistaken, and there’s no way you can do what God has asked of you. My associate pastor said this once, “When you run from Gods call, you run from Gods blessing” (Rev. Glen Newsome) How can we expect to have the blessings if we ignore God? Do we expect to get presents on Christmas from family members? Sure we do, but what if they are family we never talk to, we never go see, we never call, do we expect to receive gifts from them? No of course not, so why do we expect to always receive grace from God if we don’t have a relationship with Him? How long will you run away from your calling? How long will you ignore your God given gifts for the things you want instead? We must realize that the things important to God for us may not be what’s popular, it may not be what society says is right, or truth, but scripture is the truth. God loved you to create you, and has a plan for you, and we must learn to let go of our sinful selves and follow the path God wants for you. What’s that you may ask? Be God’s Lego’s.

I have preached on Lego’s in the past, and I felt it was time to revisit it. I’ve sat by lately and I’ve watched as some of my friends have struggled to gain traction. I’ve watched as they barely make ends meat, and it breaks my heart. I offered someone recently to sit down with them to help them figure out why they are struggling financially so much. Having gone through my own struggles, and having gone through Financial Peace University, and having gotten myself to be debt free, I know I have been given the gift to make and follow a budget. God has given me a gift, and while I’m by no means the best at it, I can absolutely help others with it. God has given me the gift of words, and a fair gift of photography, and with it I have followed that path God has set in front of me, and I’ve been blessed for it.

I have recently gotten back into building Lego sets and it’s reminded me how we are all created for a particular purpose. There isn’t an instruction manual to guide us one day to the next, but when we understand that when we spend our waking moments working on our gifts and spreading the Gospel through the gifts God has given to us, we will always find ourselves having more then we need. When we run from our calling we will never truly be as happy as we should be. Running from the Abba of the universe will never leave us as satisfied with our lives as we would ever want. Philippians 2:13 “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” No matter what we do with our life we need to treat our gifts as a seedling planted in the ground. We must water and treat and nourish our gifts so we can be pleasing to the Lord. Micah 6:8 “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Following the Lord is neither easy, nor smooth, but anything worthwhile having is worth putting forth the effort.

We are the clay in which God has made us. We have been sculpted from the breath of life and we are exactly who God meant for us to be. Jeremiah 18:5-6 “Then the word of the Lord came to me: 6 “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.” We are meant to live a life and walk a path. We are the result of love incarnate and when we look to our life and we see how difficult the path is, we should remember that from the day we were born, we learn, we grow, we experience things that prepare us for life further down the road. We can’t skip pages in the building process. When building Lego’s we can’t go from step 3 skipping to step 29 thinking it’s going to work out. We must be ready for the next step and to get there we must unfortunately go through a little pain, a little suffering, a little joy, a little happiness, all to prepare us for what’s to come. You can’t skip grades in school unless you’re ready for it. You certainly cannot move on if you haven’t achieved the goals set in front of you, achieving the expectations of you.

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Completing a Lego set is satisfying for me. It takes hours of concentration, attention to detail, and dedication to complete each individual set. God has put a lot of effort into us not to give us every effort, everything we need to accomplish the mission. God would never let us go into battle without the tools we need to defeat the enemy, and we have the instructions to life at every inch we take. The Bible is now easier to get then it ever has been. We can get it on our smart devices, any bookstore, in any language, and in so many version to make it easier to understand then ever before. We complain about not knowing where to go, or what to do, but we don’t turn to the only truth we’d ever need. We don’t look to God to give us the next step. We don’t turn to God when we are stuck and aren’t sure where to go. We don’t trust the creator, and to me that’s like me saying, I’m not sure this peace actually goes there, and questioning the instruction manual for any of the Lego sets I’ve ever built. When we trust in the Lord and follow the plan, we will one day get to the end of the road and we’ll be able to look back and say, ‘that makes so much sense now.’ We don’t have to understand the struggles and the why, we just have to have faith that when we are following the plan as designed, we will move from one step to the next and what we will build to leave behind will be to do the only thing important in this world, to love and glorify God. So, let God build you, shape you, design you, and when you follow your gifts to glorify God, good things will come your way. God will always make good on His promises, and he promises a good, not evil things.

Trust in the Lord and lead not unto your own understanding, and believe that the only purpose is to serve God’s purpose. Everything we endure, everything we experience is for a reason, and we must trust that to be the Lego’s of God means to love God, to do works for God, and we should be content with our place and purpose because we are worth the effort God has put in to us. We are one of a kind and that means whatever our purpose is, we are the only one built to accomplish that purpose.

 

 

 

 

 

To Boldly Go

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To Boldly Go

“Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.” ST: TNG

 Those are words I grew up knowing, repeating, and aspiring too. Growing up I watched Trek every week. I grew to love Star Trek the next generation and I clung to Jean-Luke Picards character. As I grew and watched as his character develop I found drawn to his style of diplomacy, his leadership, his morals, and his desire to see the betterment of mankind. He was driven by the thought that all mankind should be driven to better themselves, and everyone should be given a chance to reach their full potential. On numerous occasions he took in those who made mistakes and he offered them a chance of redemption. For me Picard was a roll model I strived to be like. For me Picard was a father figure that I wanted to be like.

In our every day walk with Christ are we looking to our heavenly father as our roll model? Do we act boldly in our walk with Christ? Do we strive to be better Christians? With our every day walk we should always strive to boldly go, to explore our Christianity, to seek out those in need of Jesus light. We must always go out with the explorers’ heart. We must always seek ways to share the gospel with those whom we come into contact with. Matthew 28:18-20 18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Are you living the great commission? Are you walking with Christ as a close personal friend? Are you spreading the joy and the love of Jesus Christ? I think we get caught up in our every day routine that we forget the most important aspect of being a Christian. It’s not just praying, and going to church. It’s not about the Christmas services, and the monthly meals at church. It’s about the Holy Spirit moving in your heart, pushing you to spread the word because of how it’s changed your life. When you live your life as a Christian are you doing it on the sidelines, saying the prayers, doing the walk, but just getting by? Are you inspired by the Holy Spirit to share the Living God, the Waters that wash away your sins daily? Are you excited to talk about God because of the wonderful things He’s done for you, or are you silent, reserved, held back? Let me tell you, if you aren’t talking about it, if you aren’t crying in the car listening to K-Love, or other Christian music stations, why isn’t the Holy Spirit moving in you?

I watched a trailer for a movie called “I can only imagine.” I cried just during the trailer. My best friend sang this not long before he died. (18 years old) When I listen to the words of the world phenomenon, I ask myself the same questions. See, I had a short glimpse of what awaits me. I didn’t see anything, but what I heard would forever change my life. As I was in an ambulance dying, bleeding out, I heard the voice of God, and the aww, and fear, and shame I had being in that situation rocked me to my very core. I heard the voice of my creator, and I felt the presence of something much bigger then myself. I found that I wouldn’t ever do enough to be worthy of God’s love, God’s grace, God’s forgiveness, but in the presence of God I was given a second chance. I was told two words that would forever alter my life, “You’re forgiven.” Since then I have found a zest for life, and not a day goes by I don’t talk about how great God is. See, I did something that was almost unforgivable, but God saved me for a purpose. I can hear the words of my best friend in my head. The thing is I don’t have to imagine anymore. While it was only a short glimpse and only by sound, I know if the wonders of what I heard is only just part of it, I know that Heaven is real and perfect.

I can only Imagine, By: MercyMe

 I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by You glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I would do is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for You, Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine hey ya ah

 If you’ve been touched by the Holy Spirit don’t imagine what it would be like alone, share the good news with any and all who would listen. Go out boldly and preach and teach the word of God. Don’t sit on the sidelines, when you get to Heaven don’t you want your brothers and sisters with you in paradise? The presence of God would be indescribable. The words above are so powerful, they often move me to tears. For me I had just a glimpse, but if that changed my life forever, I can only imagine what it would be like when I’m there. I often think of my friend John sitting with Jesus and I can say I’m often envious and sad at the same time. Remembering him I often cry at both my own sorrows, but also the great gifts that God has seen to bestow upon me. When I think of the great commission I cannot help but think of the opening to Star Trek: TNG. I wish to go Bodly to places I’ve never been, to reach out and meet new people, spreading the Gospel, and the good news of Jesus Christ. The light of the world shines so bright, and we have already forgotten the meaning of CHRISTmas in our lives. With every breath we take we ought to be thankful for it. With every day’s dawning of light we have a new chance to walk more closely to Christ. Be a beacon of hope, of light, and go forth and make disciples of the flowing waters that is Jesus Christ. With every breath you take say Hallelujah. Christ came for you and me, to die for us. The sins that forced the nails through the Lambs hands and feet, and the blood of the Savior ran down from the crown of thorns we placed upon his head. A sacrifice made to break the bonds of sin, reconnecting us to God, and how do we treat that sacrifice? As Christians we should be ashamed of ourselves. We have allowed the darkness to spread while we’ve remained silent. We’ve let it into our homes, our lives, our country, our cities, and we’ve sat by and done very little to fight back. In the words of Picard, “We’ve made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!” While I realize he’s talking about the Borg, we’ve allowed the Devil to invade every aspect of our lives, and we have done nothing to fight back. I agree, the line must be drawn here, this far, no further.

 

 

 

It’s All About The Favor

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It’s All About The Favor

David, the King, the slayer of giants, the one who united Israel, and the man who was called, “A man after God’s own heart.” Wasn’t always on the right side of the road with God. We’re going to look at the road away from God and how to get back on track. David allows his Army to leave and fight the Ammonites. David would send Joab to lead the army while David stayed home, and so the path with God began to depart. In this departure from God we see Lust, Rape, Conspiracy, Murder, cover-ups, and ending with a daring public shaming of the King. This will cover 2 Samuel 11 – 2 Samuel 12. These chapters cover best guess around 3 years.

David’s Army is away and one night David is on the balcony of his palace. He looks over and sees Bathsheba bathing. This would have been a monthly ritual of cleansing for a women, but instead of seeing and moving away, David became infatuated with lustful thoughts. Despite having multiple wives, and several mistresses he would lure Bathsheba into his bed chambers. She was a married woman to Uriah, a loyal member of Davids counsel. Let me start by saying she was in no way to blame for this. When the King calls you can’t exactly say no. David took her into his bed, and impregnated her. In the months to come she would find herself pregnant and in those days the women was put to death for adultery. David would go from adulterer to hiding his shame and plotting to kill the husband of the women he took. Uriah a close friend and ally to the throne, was now an obstacle to overcome. Uriah would know that his wife wasn’t faithful. She would die, and the world would know of David’s adultery.

David would try to get Uriah drunk and send him home to be with his wife to cover David’s Sin. Uriah even drunk would have more honor then David. When David’s plans to make the pregnancy look like Uriah’s, he decided to move to a more sinister plot. David would send Uriah to a part of the battle he would certainly die. The plan to commit murder worked as planned. All the while the conspiracy grew and got out of hand. One sin led to another, and deeper down the rabbit hole it got. That’s what sin is; it’s a domino effect. When people say ‘I’m not hurting anyone.’ Or ‘It’s my life and I’ll do what I want.’ These kinds of things always hurt people around you. Sin really does affect everyone around us.

When we get into a habit of sinning freely there’s no limit to what you can justify. The rabbit hole can be addictive and once you’re in the hole you may not know how to get out. The pain you will cause, the hurt, the lies, the total destruction sin can bring, doesn’t mean there is no hope for you. Gods love is bigger then that. Gods love is limitless, and forgiveness is but a request away. When you feel you’ve gone to far to ever be forgiven you’re wrong.

One Step Away, By: Casting Crowns

 What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away
From the you, you once knew
Now yesterday’s shame keeps saying that you’ll never get back on track
But what if I told you

You’re one step away from surrender
One step away from coming home, coming home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone
You’re one step away

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone
Mercy says you don’t have to keep running down the road you’re on
Love’s never met a lost cause
Your shame, lay it down
Leave your ghosts in the past ‘cause you know that you can’t go back
But you can turn around
You’ve never been more than…..

 Lay down, lay down your old chains
Come now, and take up your new name
Your best life up ahead now
You’re one step away

So come on home, come on home
One step from arms wide open
His love has never let you go
You’re not alone (you’re not alone)
You’re one step away

 

When you’ve gone so far and you don’t think you can turn around, think again. When you feel like you just can’t carry the world on your shoulders any longer, let me help. When you don’t think you can take one more step let me guide you. Let me wipe away your tears, and show you comfort and the real meaning of joy and love and faith. Jesus says this to you every day. Jesus promised to never leave or forsake you. Jesus is the beacon of hope we need in our lives every day. No matter how far we’ve traveled it doesn’t matter. The lighthouse is always on in the storm guiding you home. The storm will pound you, push you, and make you feel like you’re drowning.

You are more then the sum of your sins. You have a chance to make your life more, and be better. When we let God into our hearts, we truly see the light that we’ve run from for so long. The storm can be so loud in our ears we can’t hear the whispers of love that’s always there. Your heart may be heavy, and hurt, but in the darkest of nights, the light remains, providing guidance and hope.

No matter how far down the rabbit hole you’ve gone, God will lift you out. King David fell down that rabbit hole and did some very awful things. David would regain God’s favor, but favor doesn’t mean there won’t be retribution for acts done. “The bill comes due… Always..” (Dr. Strange) When we sin we are forgiven for them when we seek it in our hearts. When we sin we should always try to repent, which is trying to do the right thing for the person we sinned against. We must respect the natural order of things, and understand that just because we are forgiven doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause and effect. When we sin and we seek forgiveness the slate may be wiped clean, but there is still damage done and it takes time to repair that damage. Righting our wrongs takes time, and we must understand that we have to try and fix what we’ve done. We must apologize to those we’ve hurt. We must try and make amends, and do whatever we can to clean the ship.

I see sinning like this, we are on a ship and when we are actively sinning that’s like water freely coming on board. While we are in active sin we don’t realize that the ships sinking. When you finally come to realize you’re sinking that’s coming to Jesus and asking for forgiveness. In that you are given the tools to fix you. You’re given the hope. The bucket is handed to you, and you’re told, okay, sins are forgiven, now get to work. You allowed your ship to be consumed in water, now you have to work to get the water out of your boat. You have to work to make the situation you’ve gotten yourself into right. This isn’t to get you into Heaven; it’s to make amends to those around you. It’s to repair the damage in your relationships of your bothers and sisters around you. So if you’re in a sinking ship, and you realize now you’re sinking you need to seek Jesus. If you want that bucket to help get you out of troubles, you know where to look. For there is a season for everything, and in those seasons we will always reap what we sew. When you are on the right path, and you’re working to get the water out of your own boat, if we lay down our burdens and truly in our heart realize the error of our ways, brothers and sisters may help getting the water out of your boat. This isn’t a freebie, it’s work and laying down the groundwork, think of it like an investment into your eternal soul.

Jesus is the one true light, the light of the world, and on through Jesus is a way to heaven. Nothing is holding you back except for you. Nothing is in your way, and it’s never too late to turn around from the path you’re on. You can walk the better path, the brighter path, just need to do one thing first. Give up yourself, and surrender to the King of all Kings. Our God is healer and the living waters of salvation. Our God is the truth and the way.

 

 

 

Hope Rises

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Hope Rises

Hope rises from the ashes of despair. The burnt remains of a life now long forgotten. When the pieces of your life go up in flames it feels like you may never be happy again. Divorce and loss are hard to handle. It can feel like all the air has been taken from your lungs. It can feel like all the joy is gone from the world and that there’s no reason to move forward. Betrayal and loss are some of the worst feelings you may ever experience. When you care so much about someone and in the blink of an eye that feeling is gone, lost forever, the feeling is indescribable. How do we overcome such loss? When you love someone so dearly and they pass away, how do we handle the destruction of our broken heart? The answer is neither simple, or easy, but the path to recovery is in front of us, we just need to learn to take the first steps.

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” We see this as the path, the first sign on the long journey home. The rest of the journey is faith, patience and love. 1 John 5:1-5 “5 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. 2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 4 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” The road isn’t easy and was never promised to be. Every step of the way we will be traveling through the thorns and thistles. We have been told the world of man is a fallen world, one of pain and suffering. John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” In the world of troubles there is a light along the way. Matthew 16:24-25 “24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a]will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Faith isn’t easy, but those who are willing to walk the hard path are promised a second life full of peace and perfection. In our walk we know that no matter the pain we are in the future is still bright. There may be days when we feel we just can’t take another step and on those days we must reach out. On the days when the world’s too heavy for our shoulders and we feel weak we know where to turn. God will always give us the tools we need to carry on. We must turn to God in our bad times but also our good. We must always remember to give thanks for the blessings, and understand our hardships serve a purpose. We don’t have to always be the toughest, the smartest, or the strongest. “Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man, and let history make it’s own judgments.” (Zefram Cochrane) We are called to serve and follow the light. In our life we will be given every tool we need. We will be given the renewed hope every day. Jesus Christ is our strength, our hope, and our truth. We will seek for years looking for truth, seeking external happiness, only to find the answer was with us all along. Do not mistake me when I say happiness to mean a perpetual state of bliss. There are forces in life that will be a challenge. Happiness as I mean it is more like contentment. We will find days when we are saddened by life, saddened by loss, saddened by hurt and loneliness, but it’s in those days when we need to seek refuge under the wings of the angels.

We will travel this world seeking companionship, and sometimes we will find the one who will be with us till the day we pass, and sometimes those relationships are fleeting like sand in the wind. We need to recognize that life isn’t what it once was. As the Devil grasps hold on society people’s moralities change. Greed, selfishness, lustful intentions, and hate have now crept into every corner of our lives. To resist these things is a rare quality, and when you find it, hold onto it. For everything we endure there’s something out there that’s meant for us. Our path takes courage and trust in the Lord. We need to learn to see the gifts in our lives, and trust God’s plan. Don’t pass up opportunities the Lord gives you. I heard a saying once, “A man stood on his roof watching the encroaching flood on him home. He waited there for God to arrive. A boat came up to the house and they offered a place for him. He turned them down saying ‘no, it’s okay God will save me.’ The waters continued to rise and now he was standing at the very peak of the home. Soon a coast guard helicopter arrive overhead and a ladder was lowered for him to grab. He waves them off saying, ‘it’s okay, God will protect me from the waters.’ Sadly the man drowned, but went to Heaven. When he got there he asked God why God didn’t save him. God responded, ‘I sent a boat and a helicopter, you refused my help.’” The moral of the story is, God will help you when you need it, it just may not be the way you expected. Rest assured though that God will provide for you always. This doesn’t mean sit back and do nothing, but with work, effort, and faith, God will give to you what you need, and the faithful will receive the desires of ones heart.

I will leave you with this final passage. Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

 Embrace the gifts you have, the joys in your life. Change your focus away from the things you don’t have and focus on the things you do. The desires of your heart if God willing will come to you with work and effort, but do not wish for the unobtainable. Embrace the blessings and take them not for granted. Every sunrise is a new day, and when the boat comes in seize it. Don’t be afraid to take chances, and always have faith and trust in God. Remember to always Carpe Diem Seize the day, and also Carpe Cras, seize tomorrow.

 

Held by a Savior

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Held by a Savior

In the last year my followers have seen that I have experienced some significant hardships, but the thing is, we all do. It’s not about the hardships, it’s about how we survive them. Everyone experiences their own trials, and their own troubles. We all have our tears that pour from our faces, and we all experience pain that while others may be able to sympathize, or empathize with us, it’s our own pain and no one knows exactly what we feel. We all have our stories that can be either inspiration as what to do, or not to. What is it to be a man? What is it to be a woman? I believe the truth is in how we handle our pain and how we endure the cross. Do we endure with dignity that would make people proud, or do we allow our lives to fall apart and crumble beneath our feet?

It’s a fine line I think between falling down, and throwing everything away. It’s okay to not be okay. I think those who actively follow a path of self-destruction are those who throw away. I think those who follow that path forgot how to live life. Life isn’t easy and it was never promised to be. Living life is knowing we have our issues, and finding ways to live our lives by embracing them and using them for the betterment of others, or learning to overcome them. I have PTSD and I am finding how to help others with it. I didn’t get here without falling down. I didn’t get to where I am today without facing down the wrong side life. We fall down and we get back up. We fall down and we have a choice, do we learn to ask for help, or do we try it our way? I don’t mean help by way of friends, family or professional help. I mean God. We are always going to be stumbling through life. We are always going to have one crisis after another, and every time we stumble or fall, we have an opportunity to learn how to ask God for help. True healing, true redemption is through Christ. The blood spilt on Calvary’s cross that day broke the bondage of slaves to sin, for a life free and full of choice to live in the light of Christ, or the shadows of the Devil.

Bad things happen to everyone, but we can choose to overcome. PTSD doesn’t define me, anxiety doesn’t define me, and no matter how much it hurts my childhood, and my divorces don’t’ define me. I didn’t ask for this life of pain and suffering, but here we are. I’m not perfect and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I have not always held my tongue when I should have. I haven’t always said the nicest of words to my loved ones, but I try hard to be a man God would be proud of. I know my Savior is Christ, and I know that in his blood my mistakes are washed clean. I know that I will fall and make mistakes, but I know in God’s eyes my mistakes aren’t going to condemn me forever. We as a people should learn not to judge so quickly. We should learn to see the mistakes and keep an open mind. We are all human and we all screw up. Instead of a life of judgment, of ridicule, open your heart with love, and see through the eyes beyond the cover.

We have so many blessing in our life and we often overlook them in our waking moments. The gift of life, the breath we take and the days we have are the biggest blessing we take for granted. The poorest of the poor in this nation often have far more then those of other poor nations. We have food, and shelter, and we have people in our lives that care for us. As for me, I have more money then I need, maybe not as much as I want, but needs and wants are very different. I have my dogs, my mother, and I have a warm bed to sleep in. I have my car, and I am debt free. I don’t struggle with bills, and I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me when I need them. I know that no matter how dark the darkest day, how deep my pain runs, and I know that no matter how bruised and bettered I become, Jesus is still right there going through it all with me. Jesus is my faithful friend, and the Abba of all is by my side.

I know this year’s been hard, and that I have posted about a lot of hardships and pain, but isn’t that what life is? It’s not about the hardships we endure; it’s how we endure them. Pain comes and when it does we are expected to use the sandals and dig in and hold our ground. Expressing hardships isn’t a sign of weakness or even a sign of complaining (in some cases) it’s about how we can find our strength to persevere in Christ our Savior. We know some days will be great, and others will bring more pain then we think we can handle. We will see the peace of the meadow, and we will face the valley of death, but no matter what our day is, we know one thing is absolutely certain, Christ our Savior is always with us. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Remember one thing if nothing else; we are never alone and we never know when our testimony will save someone else. We never know whom we may meet, and how we may affect their life. Let me help you if I can, let me be there for you if you need it. My email is always open if you need to talk about God. We are called to lean on one another and help lift each other up. We are called to bare one another’s burdens and use our tongue to lift up and never to tear down. We always have the opportunity to help our neighbors and I promise you, you don’t have to look far to find someone in need of love. Our world is a fallen one, shrouded in sin and pain. It’s the love we are taught to give that is our hope. We are told to Love as Christ Loved us, and we are told to do this to all of our neighbors, not just the ones we like. We cannot surly do this on our own and we were never expected to. We are taught to turn to one another, turn to God. We know that without Christ we are nothing and without the grace of God we cannot surely do anything. I know that today, yesterday, and tomorrow I’ve always needed my Lord. I am not strong enough alone. I am not brave enough on my own. I know that I didn’t survive Iraq without God’s protecting hands. I know the literal circle of protection surrounding my truck that day was nothing short of a miracle. I know when I was shot that without God’s grace I surly would have died. I know that I have needed God and I always will. The Lord is my Sheppard, my strength, my savior, and I know when I cannot stand I fall on the Lord. Jesus is the only hope I will ever truly need, and as my needs arise, I trust the Lord will provide, and provide always.

 

December 7th

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December 7th

The morning of December 7th the Empire of Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. The aftermath was 2008 sailors killed and 710 wounded. 218 soldiers and airmen killed, 109 marines killed, not counting civilians killed, all in all 2403 Americans lost their lives and more then a thousand wounded. The attack on our nation was bond to happen and sadly it was a shot in the dark, a sucker punch that would leave us limping and bleeding, but we always get back up.

From the ashes of that attack the country rose up together and together we were stronger then before. We are always stronger together then when we are driven apart. In today’s world the Devil wants us to turn against each other because like a lion chases the wildebeest they always go for the one separated from the group, they are weaker apart. When we are alone we can become easy pray for the Devil. Alone we are weak, we become scared, and we are more likely to fall and listen to the lies of the devil.

Like the phoenix that burns and is reborn in the ashes, we too can be reborn through our worst days. On days like today we honor those who served and sacrificed for that service. On today’s date oh so many years ago thousands of people suffered tremendous losses and I feel it’s only right that we remember. This time of year such violence is difficult because it being so close to the holiday will make the holiday forever stained. It can be difficult to live with such pain. The brave men and women who fought to survive, and fought to protect other innocent people should be deemed as heroes.

While we remember this date in history as being a major turning point in our nations history, let us also remember those who still put everything on the line to defend or protect us in this country. It’s never an easy thing to work on holidays, or give up special occasions, but someone has to do it. Hospitals need to run, and fires can start anywhere and at anytime. People don’t stop hurting others and police are never off duty. So please on today’s memorial, let us think of those who not only lost their lives, but those who are still serving every day.

 

 

Finding your center

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Finding your center

Sitting on the side of the ledge of the island looking at the sunrise, the waves glistening from the sunlight making the water look like diamonds. The breeze tropical, the smell of the salt, the few clouds occasionally making the sun playing peek-a-boo with the ground below, the only thing you can think about is how wonderful life is. While this can sometimes be an allusion, the fact remains, you must learn to find your center in any situation you may find yourself.

As a Veteran I’ve had to place a lot of energy into keeping the anger built up to be subdued, and while for me particularly angry out bursts are rare for some, it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s so important to learn how to keep yourself centered and grounded. The Bible tells us to Love our neighbors as ourselves. If we are to love, that means we much learn to love others as we are taught what love is, and that’s patient, kind, not boastful, it doesn’t keep score, it doesn’t boast, and if we can find that love for one another, we would be much more in tuned, and we would find that we can live more harmoniously with those around us.

Through prayer and meditation, we can accomplish so much. We can truly allow our bodies to heal better, and we can find ourselves having a better grasp on mental health then before. While this isn’t something that comes easily for everyone, it is something that just like practicing at any sport it takes time, energy, focus, and practice. Allow yourself to reconnect with yourself, and be kind to yourself, and your surroundings. Peace can be found with a little love in your heart.

While this is my last post from the beautiful state of Hawaii, I find myself both sad and excited. I have felt a rejuvenation deep down into my soul and I know I needed this trip. The Aloha (Love-Kindness) I have felt since I’ve been here has been so warm, and kind, and even a little unexpected. This is an island where there’s a lot of beauty, and awe, and love. Nearly everyone I met greets with a hug, some even from strangers a kiss on the cheek, and the generosity of the people from this island has been beyond amazing. The lessons for surfing and all the surf boards were donated time even as last minute as it was, just because of what CORE stands fore. The amazing things these guys are doing, helps us find something we’ve been missing, and sometimes lost. The Canoe lessons were also free, both times. This has defiantly had an impact on me, and I hope to find a way to pay it forward. God has placed me in paradise at a time in my life when I couldn’t have needed this more.

Finding your center 2

I’m able to close my eyes and see Diamond Head in the distance, across the water the giant peek springs from the ocean towards the sky. Its beauty is unmatched. I can only hope to keep that place in mind, and allow myself to reach back to the moments I gazed upon the stunning sight, and I am able to remember the ocean sounds and breeze, and find a sense of peace. Finding ones center, and reminding myself, there is still beauty in this world, even when we can’t see it.

When Dreams Come True

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When Dreams Come True

We never know what God has in store for us, or what’s waiting just around the bend. Sitting on my couch just last night I was sure I knew how my week was going to go. I was going to make some phone calls, sleep late, watch some game shows, maybe talk to a few friends here and there, probably go to Walmart once or twice, and that was about it. That is until I received a fairly cryptic message. “Are you clear to fly?” See after having back surgery I have been on very restrictive orders for months. Even now there are a great many things I still cannot do, and even more that I shouldn’t do. But one thing I can do is fly. Of course I answered yes, that I was cleared and I waited for the answer. The next message wasn’t an answer but another question. How would I feel to go sailing in Hawaii in less then two days, all expenses paid? I looked at it, read it twice, and a third time, just to make sure I read it correctly, but sure as I was still breathing, the opportunity of a lifetime fell into my lap. Without any reason to say no, I stomached through my initial terror of doing anything like this, and said yes.

The following 24 hours would be a whirlwind of getting ready, buying new luggage, organizing, and sorting through the needs and wants for the trip. It had been a long time since I planned a trip like this, and although flying to Hawaii isn’t like going to another country, it mine as well be. I suppose one of the biggest struggles was getting my prescription filled in a quick manner. The rest wasn’t difficult just time consuming. Getting ready wasn’t the problem, the biggest problem was telling myself to go. There’s an interesting battle that wages inside. When I was younger I used to go out all the time, and often alone. In the last few years that’s been more and more of a struggle. As much as I hate being home alone all the time, I usually sit around and wait till about the time to get ready. That’s when the sinking feeling hits me. I think to myself ‘do I really wanna go? Do I have to? What if I just stay home?’ I of course get ready and go, but it’s a challenge all the time. The more that time passes the less motivated I am to go out and do things. I don’t know the cause, and I dare say laziness, but I feel it’s something more.

It was strange how I was just praying about my current situation and needing some kind of reprieve. Even though I feel this is a horrible time for a vacation or retreat like this, I suppose when opportunity comes knocking it’s time to open the door. The way I see it, a week on the island of Honolulu and meeting new people, relaxing with no worries, and no responsibilities for a week. All I can do is say thank you and enjoy the gift. The time to go is quickly approaching, and the sun shall rise on a new day, a day of grace, a day of continued hope, and love. We may not have everything we want, but I know I have what I need. So from the bottom of my heart, can’t say how the days will unfold, but I’m so thankful my God’s still on the throne, and still looking out over me. Can’t ask for anything more, especially since I’m not worthy of such love, and I don’t deserve it, but Jesus died for me and that means I’ll be okay.

God Bless

Fallen

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Fallen

(Warning Graphic Material)

The world can be a dark place, and sometimes we fall. The men we are shaped by our past. We bleed green, we fight to protect those around us. We fight because we must, because we draw breath. We live to honor our brothers who didn’t. We are trained to carry on in the fight. We are trained to survive and we are trained to push down the pain, to see the next step at all costs. We train for war, we train to live, we train to kill, but most of all we are trained to protect our brothers and sisters of our country.

When the fight is over and we return home for some the fight never quits. We struggle to connect. My fight is no longer the enemy of flesh and blood, but the enemy of darkness. In the last year I have found it harder and harder to connect with people. Not for a lack of trying on my part, I just haven’t had very many connect with me. I’ve struggled to make and keep friends this year. I’ve watched as old friends have moved on, and for reasons unknown have decided I was no longer needed in their life. As this unfortunately feeds into my deepest fear, that of abandonment, it also fuels the darkness that nearly overtook me just over a year ago.

When the world seems darkest and when it appears to be no hope, that’s when one enters dangerous waters. The whispers and lies that wade around the ankles of unsuspecting waders in the waters ready to drag you under. When one bad thing happens after another, it’s easier and easier to get pulled into the muck. When everything you hold most dear falls away how can one survive so much pain? How can someone survive the worst terrors of mankind, loose ones family, and believe there may still be hope? It’s simple, the Devil whispers lies in our ears and sometimes it gets the better of us. Sometimes it takes hold, and what once seemed like an unthinkable response seems to be the most reasonable. The perfect storm that leads us down the dark path, and sadly, a fallen one.

Can you imagine yourself in the mists of loosing everything you cherished most in life? As I watched my life falling apart I couldn’t breath. The life I was living didn’t seem like my own any longer. The air seemed to be sucked from my very lungs. The crushing feeling in my chest as it fell apart. The woman I loved and the family I thought had accepted me for so long in fact, only kept me around because of my wife, who at that very moment was packing to leave. A second time I watched as my wife would leave me. Two marriages, two affairs, and two divorces, and the second time sadly would be more then I could take. As I watched the packing and moving I saw myself as an entire failure. My ability to see reason, to think rationally had been dangerously compromised. A dangerous and unfortunate turn of events that would cause my personal battles to no longer stay hidden, stay buried as they once were. The crashing waves crushed my spirit, the breaking of the dam that would allow the dirty laundry that remained safely tucked away, to flood every inch of what I protected most. The burier that had been built carefully over many years of constant vigilance would be destroyed and years of built up pain, of every wrong step, of every trauma, every set back, every mistake, and every loss would rush down upon me like a tsunami that would be stopped by nothing. A whirlwind of nothing but negative feelings sucked the hope and the things we fight for to stay alive every day, out of my chest, my heartbeat, but hollow. I couldn’t reconcile my failure, my loss, my hopelessness, so it seemed as if there were only one thing to do.

Not every action taken is thought out. Not every action taken offers the comfort or the desired outcome we hope for. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us, and in times of great stress, great sorrow, those tricks can be equal to the level of pain. Isn’t pain an interesting thing? How we grieve for the loss of a beloved pet. How we feel badly when our favorite TV show ends. How we feel when a best friend parts ways for the last time. Or how we grieve when we loose the ones we love most dearly. There are all manner of ways we grieve but sometimes that grief is so powerful it literally takes hold and we cannot bear to take one more step, take one more breath, and we honestly forget how. How that grief can feel when it’s a lifetime of loss, and how the grief turns to pain that cannot be reconciled. Now what do you do with that pain when you are alone? How do you channel the thoughts from the Devil when there’s no one there to reach out too? Pain can be a powerful motivator, pain of a physical nature, the odd satisfaction of physical pain. Some people use this pain by getting tattoos, they use it to handle the stress of life, the dealing of hard times. People also use another form of pain as a self regulated therapy and that’s cutting. The act of cutting one’s self and using that pain as a release, the endorphins created to mask the physical pain is a drug in the brain that allows a sense of calm. Cutting while frowned upon is actually widely used by young adults and adolescence. Years ago there was another form of pain used by Priests to be used a form of punishment for sin. Self-flagellation, this practice largely used within the Catholic Church ended in the 14th century. It is still used today in some extent. What would you do if the pain inside was more then you could bare? What would you do if the trauma you suffered was a lifetime’s worth all at once?

It’s a strange thing looking back at ones life in an instant. The term seeing your life flashed before your eyes isn’t so farfetched. For some they get flashes of happy times, of loved ones, of things they cared for in life. But what if in that moment, that split second, failure, self loathing, self disgust was all you saw? What if what you saw in the blink of an eye was that you were what was wrong with your life? How would you feel? While I don’t begrudge my wife for leaving, she did what she felt was best for her, I will ever hold love in my heart for her. I have tried to remain faithful to the feelings of forgiveness, understanding, and above all love. She will forever hold a special place in my heart, and even if she may never be a part of my life anymore, I will love her always.

I failed once, the poorly executed plan, I didn’t even check to see if the stupid thing was loaded. Standing on the back porch, a deep breath, and squeezing the trigger while standing on the stairs, the hammer fell, but no bullet. Screaming how much of a failure I was I threw the gun across the yard. I went cursing at myself on the way to pick it up. There my sister in law, not sure what she just saw, I handed her the gun and told her to hold onto that. I stormed back in the house, went to the bedroom and grabbed the black Smith & Wesson 9mm that was loaded, and I stormed out to the front porch. This time I sat down and watched as my wife finished packing the car. She was leaving, and I knew she’d be gone for good. I told her I was sorry for everything, and that she should just pretend like none of it ever happened. I don’t recall if she actually said anything, but she walked out of sight. I was alone, in that no one was within line of sight of me, and that was the moment. I put the pistol to my shoulder, looked at it, and with just a flicker of hesitation, squeezed the trigger. The round ripped through the flesh, the blood splattered out onto my hand and the gun. Everything I saw was dark, hopeless, endless amounts of pain, and I deserved to suffer in physical pain equal to that of my emotional pain because I was the common denominator, I was the center of it all, and I must have been at fault, so therefore, I must be the one to suffer and be punished for my failings. The air left my lungs quickly. The scream from my wife would be etched into my memory like a diamond etching into stone, forever leaving it’s mark. I reached up to hold the hole in my shoulder, but something went wrong, something wasn’t right. Everything was going black, it was supposed to just go straight through, I didn’t understand. I felt someone grab me, but blackness covered my eyes. I no longer heard anything, I was no longer in the world.

Seconds turned to hours as I remained in the world of black. A lifetime in nothingness, no thoughts, no fears, no hopes, nothing at all that connected me to the world of the living. That’s when I heard myself say it, “God I’m sorry!” I never expected to hear a response, but what I heard couldn’t be explained by reason or logic. The booming nature was like a shaking thunder reverberating all over my body, down into the very cells of what I was made up of. My ears pounded with the shaking of the words I was able to make out and understand perfectly even as loud and thunderous as it was. “You’re forgiven!” The jolt forced my eyes open and I could see someone above me. The pain shot through my back and my shoulder, the shooting through my body with each and every breath. “No, let me go, let me die!” I begged the paramedics. They refused, but it was to their surprise I woke up at all. The amount of time I was unconscious was about 30 minutes. Second hand information I would find out later the amount of blood loss should have killed me. I would end up loosing around 6 units of blood out of the average 8. The paramedics fought to keep me alive, and every time I would try to close my eyes, to go back to the blissful darkness, they would bring me back, sternum rubs, tapping me, anything they could to keep me with them. The only thing I actually said that made any sense was to take me to the VA, which they responded almost jokingly, they couldn’t because they weren’t equipped for it, and if they did I’d die. At the time, it didn’t sound so bad. Death wasn’t my intention, but the thought of dying seemed okay.

The thing with not thinking clearly, and being overcome by grief and pain, is the cause and effect of such actions. The bullet didn’t travel straight through, instead it chipped the clavicle, and went down through the left lung, leaving a large 9mm hole and particles of the bullet, before traveling onto the 2nd, 3rd, and 7th ribs before exiting my lower shoulder blade. I apparently pulled the trigger and jumped and the gun was too high. Not that, that’s any kind of good excuse, what I did was beyond reckless, beyond stupid, it was as it turns out, irredeemable in the eyes of some, but not to the Lord.

Here’s the trouble in a nutshell. There are always consequences to poor decisions. In the wake of such a choice, I watched as countless friends jumped ship and swam away as fast as they could. My love of firearms would end as my privileges would be revoked, and every firearm I had sold. I would loose my position at my job, a job I had worked very hard to get. I would loose the respect of those around me, and with the respect, I would loose any and all credibility I had. I would forever have shoulder pain, and troubles with the lung from the shrapnel left behind. Any chance I may have had with my wife vanished with the shot and the scream. I would undergo over a year of therapy, and even with that, more to come. I would eventually loose my job, and my career, and as more and more friends left, the full ramifications would come, and I would once again be standing cross in hand as I would be forced to bare the pain.

Over a year later, I have watched as the majority of my closest friends and allies would leave. I would be left with no direction, no sense of earthly worth, and a seemingly bleak future. Less then a year after the gunshot I would suffer a major neck injury and would require emergency fusion surgery. With the severe rupture of the C5 disc, the possibility of infection became more likely with every passing day, and although I would avoid infection, the lasting affect would cost me my job, and my plans for the future. From all standards of living, the outcome looks bleak. The hits never stopped coming, the wins were few, and the losses were many. How does one overcome such adversity?

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 “8 [We are] troubled on every side, yet not distressed; [we are] perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;”

A part of me died that day on those stairs. What I heard that day is why I came back, and no matter how dark it gets, how much it hurts, how far you fall, we can remember only one thing, God loves us. I was a soldier, and I swore an oath to never quit, never surrender, and until the day comes when the Good Lord calls me home, we can never fall so far that we can’t pick ourselves up. While we will always have our bad days, and no matter the struggles we may face, we have to keep picking ourselves up. If anything can come from such a tragic year, perhaps my story can touch the life of someone struggling. Hero’s are not born, but made. The hero’s in my life are the men and women of the 2nd ID combat team that served with me in Iraq and found the need to be at a brothers side. The loving support of my pastors, and the brave first responders that fought diligently to keep me alive is in part why I fight. I would have my brothers and sisters standing with me fighting, and because they fight for me, I shall always fight. No matter how dark the days, no matter how far I fall, I shall learn how to crawl again, I will learn how to walk, and I will one day learn how to soar above the clouds. I shall never quit because God didn’t quit on me. I shall never fall without knowing God is with me to help me. Yes apart of me died that day, but I also lived. The struggle shall always stay with me, and the ramifications of what’s left in the wake of disaster will perhaps take years to repair, but I shall continue to fight and try. While on this very day I have no idea where my life is going, what I will do, where I will live, how I will survive, if I’ll ever find love again, if I’ll ever be accepted, if I’ll ever make new friends to replace those who’ve left, what I do know, is it’s in God’s capable hands.

Having faith in the middle of the storm is hard. Being able to close your eyes and trust in the leap, knowing that God will catch you, that’s faith. We worry because we are human. We question because we are inflicted with sin nature. We survive because we have God. We thrive because we know Jesus. We all stumble, we all fall, but we cannot learn without it. We will never be perfect in this world, and if there’s anything I hope more then anything in this world, is to not be judged for a moment of weakness for the rest of my life. I don’t know why my friends jumped ship afterwards. I don’t know why I was made to suffer through all I have. I don’t have the answers, and while I still breath on this world, perhaps I never will.

I know I let my brothers and sisters down with my weakness, but I know I have an obligation to live, and to never forget, to spread the word of the Lord, and fight to help those who suffer. We will suffer at the hands of the Devil, we will suffer at the hands of man as it was foretold by Christ. 2 Timothy 3:12 “Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.” Forever will the scar remain on my chest a reminder of the fall of man, and the momentary triumphs of the Devil. I will forever have a scar to remind me of the fight we fight every day. A scar from the battles that are waged in the shadows and we are pawns in a larger picture. We are the soldiers in which the war is waged for souls on this worldly plane. No one ever said you’d make it through life without scars. No one ever said it would be easy. 1 Peter 4:16 “Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” As Job before me, suffering is not new under the sun. The suffering of man, testing ones resolve, forging steel, and pushing one to their limits, all comes with the territory of picking up the cross and following Jesus.

No one ever said the cross wouldn’t be heavy, and no one ever said it didn’t come at a cost, but what cost could we ever pay to be worthy of the gift of Heaven? Jesus paid the price and a little suffering now, or in some cases, a lot of suffering now, will be worth it when we sit with Jesus in paradise for all eternity.

When my day comes I hope to regain some of my dignity and self-respect I left on those stairs. I fell, and fell harder then I ever imagined I could have. I have lived with the knowledge of my fallen spirit, and I face the battle to redemption every day. But I say to you, it’s not if we fall, but how we pick ourselves up. So if you’ve fallen pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on. There will be dark days ahead, and even the most faithful will be put to the test. When your day comes and you’re facing your last breath, a hope for you is this, may it be of peace and at a time of God’s own choosing. Breathe until the Lord calls you home. Raise no hand to your enemies, instead raise open arms. Bring no harm upon yourself, instead remember that you are a child of the one true King and God loves you despite your faults. God’s love is pure and everlasting. When the days last number comes and you go home, remember 2 Timothy 4:6-8 “For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing”

 I was a soldier once for this country, now I’m a soldier for Christ. The days are long, and we may grow weary, but eternity is longer, and it’s worth the wait.

 

The Battlefield

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The Battlefield

The soldier’s armor is silver, it shines, glimmers in the light, freshly polished the scuffs from prior battles are barely noticeable after time and repair. The soldier stands at the front line of the battlefield. The sun glistens off the armor of him and the other soldiers. The sun shines on their backs and ahead of them an army of the hoard. An endless sea of black and death, led by the deceiver himself. The tension is high, the fear is thick and the rattle of the shields can be heard echoing in the valley. The calm before the storm, the moments before the word is given for the silence, the peace before the violence and the carnage begins.

The white flag is raised, the red Celtic cross ripples in the wind. The breath from the soldier is heavy as he closes his eyes for a fleeting moment. The smooth inhale and the hold, before exhaling every bit of air he had left. His eyes open, “protect me my Lord” he pleads to God above and he braces himself for what he knows is coming. His heart is torn knowing the men to his left and right may fall. He knows the battle will claim those he cares for. He knows the battle may very well claim his own life. The appearance of time seems to slow, as he can see the flag dropping forward. He sees a butterfly on the grass in front of him, only for a moment he can see each flap of it’s wings, the wind as it pushes the grass ever so slightly.

The flag drops and the rush starts. He raises his sword, shield in hand, the drum that is his heart pounds as the seconds before the crashing wave hits with the force of a hundred elephants. His shield crashes into the demons. Bones crack, and the blackness all around covers the eyes like a haze, an endless sea of darkness and the light of the sun that once shone so brightly is now gone. The thunder rolls and the rain falls. The sounds of metal on metal, bones on bones, flood the air and nothing but screams and death now fill the air. A sword swings on the soldier and it deflects off his sword. With his shield he hits the demon in the chest and it falls to the grown. He sees it now, lighting the dark sky the flaming arrows begin to rain down. The soldier ducks covering himself with his shield. The arrows never pierce his shield, they only bounce off, he reads the inscription on the inside of his shield. Ephesians 6:16 “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.” The soldier stands fast not moving to soon, waiting for the arrows of the Devil to stop for the time being. The Devil you see doesn’t care who gets hurt, doesn’t care about the collateral damage just so long as he’s able to hit one person. His demons do his bidding, no matter those who fall, even their own.

He’s knocked to the ground, kicked from behind; the spike of the spear pierces his armor on his side and punctures his flesh. He moves quickly from the attack and rolls from the following attacks. He swings his sword the blade etched in the steel Psalm 144:1 “Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:” He prays to himself even in the midst’s of battle.” The Holy Spirit anoints me and protects me upon the day of battle, for the day of battle is at hand.” The battle continues, blow after blow defected with shield or sword. The soldier fights with every ounce of strength he has.

The battle turns and the demons start to get the upper hand. One by one soldiers across the field of battle fall. Brothers, fathers, sons, begin to be slain by the Devils minions. Another round of flaming arrows begins to fly in. The soldier hides under his shield, the arrows fall from the sky like rain. The field of battle is now dripping with water, blood, soaked in rivers that flow from the bodies on the ground. The soldier fights one enemy after the next. He continues the battle, slaying one demon after the next. The soldier is hit from behind, a blow that knocks him off his feet. He rolls to see the biggest of the demons he’s seen. The demon places the large foot over the soldier’s chest. Crushing under the weight, the soldier takes his dagger and stabs the demon in the calf. The demon stumbles back, and the soldier takes his sword and throws it. It strikes the demon in the middle of the chest sinking deep into the bone. The demon looks down at the sword before falling straight back.

Retrieving the sword the soldier takes a moment to look around the battlefield. Fighting continues, as the forces of evil are still holding the advantage. A black squall comes from the clouds and everything around its circumference explodes outward. The dust settles quickly, un-naturally, and there in the middle is the Dark Lord himself. Huge, the lord of darkness now stands toe to toe with the soldier. The soldier takes a few steps back to gain a little space. He looks around and he’s surrounded on all sides by darkness. The soldier rushed the prince of darkness and attacked. The soldier is knocked hard to the ground. One blow after the soldier is knocked to the ground, yet he continues to rise. The battle rages on.

The war seems lost, the fallen are many, the Devil continues to slaughter the men in droves. The soldier struggles now to stand. He’s bleeding, he’s battered, he’s bruised, and he struggles to breath. The strength is failing him. His helmet is cracked, his knuckles are black and blue, and he struggles to stand. How the blows of battle have taken their toll. The end seems neigh. When the soldier’s strength is about to fail he looks to the sky and remembers the words. Psalm 23:4 “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” He takes the sword raising to the sky, “Lord give me power, light up the darkness.” From the sky the darkness parted and the light from the sky shined down upon the sword, the strength of the Holy Spirit filled him and he could feel the power flow through him. He smashed the tip of the sword deep into the ground and the ground split. A light brighter then anything he’d ever seen exploded from the sword and the demon army faded away like a shadow does in the light.

The only demon to stand is the Devil himself, to stand-alone. With renewed strength the soldier walks to stand up to the Devil. The Soldier stands with what little army there was left behind him. Like David before him standing before Goliath, he stands tall. James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Standing firm against the Devil and on the wings of the angels he leapt into the sky, sword raised, shield in hand he struck down the form of the Devil. He thrust the sword of Truth into the neck of the Devil, and the form crumbled to the ground.

Emerging victorious the ash settles and he faces the remaining soldiers on the field. The Devils army did extensive damage. The souls lost have never been in vein. Every day souls are lost to one thing or another. Time, disease, accidents, war, or even murder happen every day and children of the King go home. We all have to face the truth, and the truth is the Devil tries to come for us. He tries to tempt us away from what’s right, he tries to cause us to doubt, loose faith, to question everything to include our own existence.

The battlefield we all live in is life. We wake up every day and we go out into the world and we fight our battles. Every day we take hits, we fight the fight. Some days are better then others, some years are great, some are a struggle and some are like living in a fog. We can be beaten down, and some days we bleed. When the battle is no longer what we see on TV how do we get ready for the battle? How do we face the enemy when we meet on the field of battle? In as many months and years we’ve seen pure evil as our nations borders. The battles being waged are no longer on TV over the big pond, but right in our back yard. Incidence like Sandy Hook, Boston, Orlando, Vegas, and now most recently Sutherland Springs, have shows us we are no longer safe from evil. How many countless lives are lost to violence to evil? We can’t ever prepare for every battle we may face, but if we know the Lord and Savior, if we allow God into our hearts and submit ourselves to the King, then it doesn’t matter if we go out and loose the battle (our lives) because we know where we are going. Do not fear death, because death is the beginning of life. While we miss our loved ones who’ve passed we should also rejoice that they are in perfection. Our life is worth every minute because our lives are numbered by the days we’re in it.

It’s not easy to get back up when life has crushed your spirits. It’s not easy to face down the giant when you’re scared. It’s not easy to run into the fray when all hope seems lost. We may not always have the scripture in front of us right when we need it, but we can keep the words at our fingertips. We have Godly counsel to turn to, and if you’re like me, I wear a ring with the Armor of God passage. I wear an arrow necklace to remind myself who I am, I am Al-Sahm, and I know that I hold the bow and arrows for God. I am a soldier not just for my country, but more importantly for God. Remember to keep your armor and be ready when the battle comes to your back yard. There may come a day when God calls upon you to be a soldier. No matter what the battle may bring know the end for you will always be Heaven so long as you’re a soldier for the King. We can choose what side we’re on, and as for me, I choose the God that’s given me everything I have.