Tag: writing

A Conversation With God

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A Conversation With God

My God,

I came into this world a product of circumstance. I wasn’t born perfect in the flesh but perfect to your creation. I didn’t grow perfect in the flesh, but perfect to your plan. The trials and pain would start early in my life, and I would suffer long. I cried to you many times to take me home, yet you did not answer. A lifetime crying to you, and never relieving me of my pain. I know you’re there because I feel your presence. I can hear your whisper in the wind, I can feel you when I wake, and I know that my faith is tested, oh is it tested.

It seems the darkness and I have been an enemy for years past. The darkness rises and I feel the winds of change, yet in the wind I am powerless to stop the coming storm. I cried aloud to you for protection and for guidance. When the storm hits I’m not ready for the impact it would have. I cried to you, and as I reached for you, I feel as if I slipped through your grasp and the Devil had me by the ankle, I slammed to the fire below and for the moment the darkness had me. The darkness that remained in my heart, the pain of the years of struggle, festering beneath the surface like a cancer, had control, and I wasn’t me for a moment.

When I succumbed to the darkness, you never left my side. As I slipped away your Angels swooped down from Heaven and grabbed me. I don’t know why you saved me, but here I am. It’s been over a year now, and I sit and wonder what’s next my Lord? I have devoted a year to teach and preach your word. I have continued now, and I pray to you to show me the next step. I have fear and doubt and I beseech you show me the way.

In my solitude I find my wandering mind goes to the past. I find myself facing the emotions from so many trials, that were buried, never to be thought of again. I feel wrestles, yet I can’t seem to find my motivation to stand up and walk. My eyes are stained with tears, crying for my losses. It’s felt like Heaven’s been so far away, and the pain inside seems like it’s lingered, and I struggle to find my way. I feel empty some days and I wonder where you’ve gone. I know it’s the lies from below. I have learned to praise you in the good days, and the bad. I have learned to praise you in the storm. I feel the cold creeping in, and in the howls of the wind and rain, I hear you in this storm. I lift my hands to you my Lord and I trust in you. I trust that no matter how battered and broken I feel you have never left my side. Every life has a purpose, even the bee that pollinates flowers, and makes us honey. Every Life is important, and I will remember it.

My God, I feel broken, please put me back together. Life is confusing right now, and I can’t find my way out of this forest. I feel lost and I can’t find my way. I know that in your time I will be delivered from this struggle, and that in all things your time is perfect. I put my faith in you my Lord, because I know this is not where I belong. Some days my Lord I feel alone, so please give me the strength for me to be the man you want me to be. Give me the strength to face this life, and to continue fighting for your word. Please give me the strength to be more then I am today. Show me the way, so I can be the Soldier you’d have me be. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I know I don’t have to be strong enough all the time. Be my strength my Lord. I worship you for the answered and unanswered prayers. Today, tomorrow, until the time I come home.

I’m Not Weak

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I’m Not Weak

It’s not that I am weak if I fall. It’s not that I feel low, it’s about getting back up. I have fallen, and I feel like I’m laying on the ground. I feel battered and bloody. Am I weak because I took a hit and I fell? What is strength? Is strength that we never get it, or that when we do we find the ability to stand back up? While I’ll admit this has been the longer I’ve been down on the mat, I feel like I am making progress. I often feel that others have looked down upon me in judgment and have placed little thought about where I’ve come from. I often look to myself and place an unreasonable goal on myself. I look to myself and call myself weak for not being able to stand back up. While there’s no doubt I am trying, and there’s no doubt I have made progress, I don’t feel it’s been fast enough. I feel much of the time I’ve been on my own dealing with these feelings I have little experience with. Failure is not a stranger to my lips, but to this magnitude, to this extent, I have no frame of reference. The clock ticks and it’s maddening in my ears. The hours feel like years, and I watch as the civil war wages on inside my mind.

For years I watched men around me. Why didn’t I feel like I fit in? What was so different about me then others? I wrestled with my place for years. In school I didn’t fit in with the guys. I was an outcast, an anomaly. I watched the world move around me and I felt like a spectator instead of a player, I found the longer the status quo stayed the same, the wider the chasm grew. I was the friend to the ladies but rarely more. I was the annoying tag along for the guys, so I chose to walk the path of the lesser pain. I sat with the girls at lunch, I hung out with the girls out of school, and as I grew I was the one guy in the crowd of the girls. Not a bad place to be in my own mind, I was with the girls, but only as their friend. I found in time it was a place I could live to be. I learned to share my emotions, to communicate with the female persuasion, but in time the thing that once was a blessing seemed to become a curse.

How quickly innocence can be taken away. It’s funny how much some people change going through military training, and how some never let go of their old selves. During my training I dove into it. Mind body and soul I gave my all to learning all I could. I kept my innocence, I kept my core, I remained me. Through graduation I became more then I was. I was a soldier and I was proud of it. I left for a country foreign to me, to be the best soldier I could be. I grew, and I absorbed what I could. In my walk I kept a hole of my faith. Then the night we got the news, Lt. Brown was KIA. The war became real, and it was hard to imagine, he was gone. The morning my truck was ambushed, a well sought plan to kill the Americans. The memories from that day have stuck with me all these many years later. The facts were the fact, and I talked about the facts about what happened, but rarely have I discussed how I felt. How does anyone feel knowing someone tried to murder them? How does anyone feel in the face of so much hatred? We were trained to always put the mission first. We were trained to act, react, plan, and execute, but never did we talk about how to handle the emotions we would feel. For a year those emotions were buried, and rarely talked about. The mission tempo kept us busy, and we fought to stay alive every day. Even when we were on the base, our guard was never down because of the constant barrage of incoming mortars and rockets. We were such a hot bed of activity the USO couldn’t come to our base because it wasn’t safe enough. I remember going to Camp Anaconda and they had a pool, and movies, and a Burger King. The Green Zone obviously, a safe enough place to be. After all these years the memories have surfaced and after the events of September of 2016, it feels like all of a sudden the flood gates opened, and I’ve been trying to manage all of these incidences, all of these traumas and while I’m trying to put labels on the emotions, I feel as if I’ve shut down and I only take out some emotions per day. Am I weak, or the product of years of neglect?

I have found in my walk in the last year with this ministry I have grown. I can see the growth within myself, and even if I was a little biased, I have heard recently how much others have seen the growth within me. The fact is, we don’t know the pain someone’s in. We don’t know how strongly something has affected them, and it’s not for us to judge that pain. Instead it’s our place to be there to help them grow in Christ, and to offer mercy and grace to console them. In all our times we must learn there is a time for everything, and importantly, there’s a time to feel. Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” We don’t know how long it takes to heal. We don’t know how long it takes to feel. We don’t know what it’s like to loose, and to get back up and keep pressing on. We try to extend an olive branch by sharing our own experiences, and to that I say, there’s also a time and place. We need to learn when to listen, and when to speak. We need to learn when it’s the right time and place, and we need to find what we can do to help those who are suffering. Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” I don’t want to be told it’ll get better soon. I don’t want to be told things will get better. For over a year now I’ve heard the same cliché’ answers, and the broken record plays, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. We as people think we are in control but we aren’t. God’s in control, and all we can do is react to the situations we find ourselves in. We make our choices based on the good or bad in our hearts. In my time I’ve chosen to love and have faith in God despite my calamity. I have chosen to stand firm on the Word of God and have faith that when my time for prosperity comes, I will be blessed, whether it be in this life or the next. I trust in the Lord and put my faith in Him. This day shall pass, and when the storm passes I shall rebuild.

It’s not weak to take time to weep for a life lost. It’s not weak to struggle with the emotions from war. War changes people, and for me, I left something in the sand in that country so far away. It takes time to process, and to manage. I’m not weak because I have taken time for myself. I’m not weak for the tears I’ve shed for lost friends. I’m not weak, I’m human. My flesh is weak, but my faith is strong. I’ll never be the same as I was before all of this. I’ve seen so much, and I’ve lived through so much, all I can do now is share my experience and try to help someone else in need. I hope no one gets to the point I was. Let Jesus pick you up and give you shelter when you are in sorrow. Trust in the Lord when you’re in danger. Put all your hope in the Lord and believe that whatever hell you face here, paradise is waiting for you there. No matter if you are hurt, or angry, sad, or happy, in all things, try to uphold yourself in a dignified way pleasing to the Lord. Every one of our emotions is valid, it’s just a matter of how we manage them, how we face them. There’s a time and place, but if you have feelings you’ve not dealt with, it’s better to face them early, then wait till they have created other problems in your life. Don’t wait, act now. Face the pain, and face the day.

 

 

The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

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The Wound that Doesn’t Heal

 

A long time ago the words couldn’t describe the storm inside. The memory etched into my mind, and in an instant the world as I knew it was tossed aside, and I left something of myself out on that battlefield. The piece I lost was taken from me, and even though I’ve tried, I know I won’t ever get it back. The face of evil was on that road, that dirt road where blood was spilt, and eyes were closed for the last time. The wound that never really heals, stays fresh, and I feel like some days I am lost in the movie that’s stuck on repeat.

I sit and I cry, the memory of that day rings in my mind. I’m afraid to close my eyes because I see it plain as day. The sulfur lingers in the air, and the dust settles revealing the nightmare we all dreamt about but never admitted. The anger built up inside me, and yet on the outside I was always calm and numb. The storm inside waged and with no words, no action, the struggle lingered on, rearing it’s head every year. The doubts I had, I questioned myself, I even hated myself for not doing more. It feels like I might explode with my anger, and yet I take the pain and I tuck it away.

The darkness that covered over me stayed for so long. In time a light arose and pushed the darkness away. I felt like I couldn’t deal with the pain. Some days I feel the cold darkness rising again. I think about going, and visiting, leaving flowers, but I’m afraid to go. I can’t bring myself to look down at the marble that now marks where you lay. I feel the anger, and I can’t face the pain inside. The world isn’t fair, and I hate it some days. I run away and I hide because I can’t face your name. The names etched into my mind, I can’t scrub them away. The bracelet I wear marks the day, and the ink on my arm shows the world, but only just a glimpse.

I fall to my knees and I pray. My failure that day, a premonition that rang true and the future was set. I search for meaning, I search for truth that seems so unfair, and it feels like I’m so far away from the me I once knew. How many son’s and daughters are gone, and lost, and how many tears have fallen down faces all around the world? We can’t turn back the clock, the blood spilt is gone forever. I wander the darkness unable to see, the light is far from me. The darkness inside takes hold, and in an instant I’m not me. How did the world turn out this way? Where was I on that day?

The darkest hour and the fall from so high feels like an eternity as it’s replayed in my mind. A blood spilt hallway, the torture in the hallways, the casket filled with a young man a best friend. Four draped flags, and then the loss of a love. The nightmare long past, a healing heart, then stabbed again. A heart ripped out and it feels like I was far from grace. The wounds from years past filled my mind, and flooded my chest with doubt, fear, and so much pain I couldn’t stand.

My God my God, I fall from grace and I pray you save me. I was lost and I hurt so much, it feels like you’re so far away. The world won, and I lost my way. I was weak and I cried out in pain, I paid blood for blood. I paid for my sins, and I don’t know what else to say. I reached for the black metal instead of your name. The cold steel in my hand won the day, and the pain inside realized in the most unimaginable way. I fell from grace, and I couldn’t stay. I felt so cold and lost that day. My God my God, I need you now, I need you today. My God my God, I don’t know what more to say, the memory inside just won’t go away. I know you’re good, and I know you’re here, but in the raging storm I can’t seem to face the day. How do I move on, and how do I stand here on faith knowing where I’ve been? How can I be trusted when I feel so much fear, and doubt? I have no doubt of who you are, I doubt myself. I can’t bring back what was taken from me, but I know that tomorrow I will wake and I have a new canvas to paint my picture. I can’t unmake my mistake, I can’t undo my pain, but I can learn how to use it. It doesn’t matter how far I’ve fallen, because your love and mercy tells me I’m not a lost cause. Your grace washes away my past and you make me a new creation. As I know who I am it feels sometimes I’m tethered to those failures of yesterday. Jeremiah 8:4 “You shall say to them, Thus says the Lord: When men fall, do they not rise again? If one turns away, does he not return?” I have fallen my Lord and I get back up. I have stumbled my Lord and yet I keep moving forward. Proverbs 24:16 “The righteous may fall seven times but still get up, but the wicked will stumble into trouble.” I keep your word in my heart, and I stand against the lies of the Devil. I find strength when I’m weak, and I find hope in my despair. Proverbs 14:32 “The wicked are crushed by disaster, but the godly have a refuge when they die.” I feel the weight of my sins, and I carry my cross but in your love and grace I’m not crushed by it. Though my sins are long I am saved by grace. Though my pain runs deep I am healed by love. 2 Corinthians 4:9 “We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed”.

I cry out to the Lord in my hour of need, I have heard your voice, and now I need to see. What is the path you have set for me? My God my Lord, I wait for the dawn. My Lord please part the clouds and bring back the sun. See me through this storm and keep me safe from harm. The pain I have is true and real. The hurt I have, like so many others, please take it and heal my heart. I’ve lost so much, and here I stand, at the foot of the cross with open arms. I trust in you, and I have faith. I’m tired and weary, but I carry on. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.[a] He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness[b] for his name’s sake.4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows, 6 Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord forever.[g]” In my days of fighting this fight I prepare my heart and soul. I trust that this time will pass from me and one day I will look back on my life and know I fought hard in this life. Like so many before me, I pray for my path to ease, the fog to lift, and the sun to shine. I pray for peace, and I long for calm. I have been a faithful soldier and when my time comes, I pray in truth, the words of Paul. 2 Timothy 4:6-8 “For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.”

The End Draws Near

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The End Draws Near

A little over a year ago I began taking my thoughts on scripture and suffering to Facebook. My intent was to add a little hope to my own life and to provide that same hope to anyone who may read it. Over a few months my posts created quite a lot of controversy, and sadly, I lost a few contacts in the process. Nevertheless, I continued with my work, writing, and going through the word to attempt to draw comfort to the suffering in the day. Eventually I found my way to WordPress with the help of a good friend. It was recommended that I move to the venue of blogging and from there and with the help of two of my close friends, the Arrow Preacher was born. In the year to follow I would post 434 in that time. In that time I would have nearly 10,000 views. I would have over 5000 visitors in the time my blog has been up and running.

When I started out I told myself I would work for a year posting every day if I could. With the exception of two days, I have been successful. While I never reached my goals within the blog numbers, I cannot consider success or failure based on those numbers. I must consider the lives that I have touched, and hope, and pray that in all this time I’ve had some small impact. At the end of my journey I find myself looking forward to my next one. While I don’t know what God has in store for me, I await with open arms.

My posts will continue, however the frequency will be drastically different. I will no longer be posting daily, instead I will be posting as inspiration hits. I feel in every journey a time comes when you need to rest, take a break and recharge, refocus on God. It’s easy to not see the forest through the trees. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve gotten lost in the day to day blog, and I have forgotten to actually use what I write in my own life. I know for me one of the biggest struggles I have is being content in my current situation. I feel as if I have forgotten what’s really important, and I’ve let my own desires get in the way of my trust in God. I’ve always realize I’m far from perfect, but my greatest character flaw has been my need, my desire to be around people. I loath being alone, and that feeling deepens my frustrations the longer I am on my own.

While I am not truly leaving, I find that this journey has drawn me closer to an understanding of Paul. The great hardships he faced, and even till the very end he found himself standing firm on his beliefs, and his faith. 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Paul wrote this to Timothy on the eve of his execution. Paul was relentless in his devotion to evangelize. Paul faced great hardships along his journey but never gave up the fight. As he endured great trials and tribulations along his journey, I see myself on a similar path. I am not even half the man he was, and I cannot say with any truth that I have lived a remarkable life. Unlike Paul I have fallen, and I have questioned my own place in this world. While I have faith in the Lord I stumble more then I’d like. This journey has been one of self-exploration, as an attempt to grow and to find myself in the Lord. As the road ends, I will journey into the unknown and find my own path. There’s plenty of life left to explore, and where ever the Lord takes me, I know this journey has prepared me for whatever lies ahead.

I don’t know where I am meant to be, but I will continue to travel along the path and seek for my place. I trust in the Lord and I will continue to do works for God as God blesses me to do so. I hope that my blog continues to grow, and continues to touch lives all around the world. I want to thank everyone for such wonderful support over the last year. I don’t know if I could have come this far without the love and support of my pastors Glen, and David. My friends Heather, who helped me to wordpress, and Niki for seeing me through my tough days. Glen my best friend and pastor who’s been my guiding rod keeping me on my path. There have been a smattering of others who’ve come and gone and had their place, but those 3 in particular have been regulars in my life. The ride isn’t over, but as one chapter closes, so begins a new. To quote Spock, “Live Long and Prosper”

 

It’s Time To Live Again

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It’s Time To Live Again

As I have struggled to find myself in the last year, I feel I’ve somehow gotten lost in the fog of life. I feel as if my days all blur together, and my nights are filled with less and less restful sleep. While there have been some changes lately, I find myself trying to figure out where to go next in my life. As I have questioned my next step, I have asked God to guide my next steps. As I have attempted to figure out my next steps, I have looked around and although things are tough right now, I’m very thankful to have the blessings I do have. I have a roof over my head, I have food in my fridge, I have a car, I’m debt free, and although my social life is in shambles, I have people to talk to from afar. The blessings I have are abundant, and should not be taken for granted.

We see in James 4:14 “yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” When we become worried for tomorrow, and when it causes the anxiety to raise, we must remain focused on today, the hear and now. Of course we are to dream, and plan, but understand at the route of the day, God’s in control. Matthew 6:34 “34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” While I pray for changes, I understand that nothing will change without some work, and some grace. Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” Our goals should always be to live our life pleasing to the Lord. Our goals should always be to bring Glory to our walk with Christ.

I find myself in the fog and I hope, no, I long for the day the fog lifts, and I can see clearly again. There are so many things I want for myself, and yet I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get back what I’ve lost. As I have wished for a family, a home of my own, a job that would sustain me, I find myself longing for the life I once had, yet very different at the same time. There are certainly primary characters from the Bible that have made horrible decisions, and have reaped the consequences. While not every bad thing that happens in our life is our own fault, we must learn to turn to God when we don’t know where to go. We must have faith that we cannot control every aspect of our lives. The fog will set, and then when it’s time, it will leave. As long as we can still see the light, there’s always hope for tomorrow. We need to remember where our true strength comes from. Have faith, the fog will lift, and in time, you’ll see clearly. Don’t chase the fog though, learn to live despite the fog. Learn to love despite the pain that can come from loving. Learn to allow God’s grace to be your guiding star and treat others the same.

 

 

 

 

Evil People

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Evil People

There are people in this world who only want to do evil things. We’ve witnessed this evil in the world time and again. We see it on a planetary scale from Bin Laden, to Mohamed Farrah Aidid, to Kim Jonk-un. We have seen it in our own country as people who would go into a school and kill innocent kids, teenagers, and adults alike. We see it in the news with every rape and murder case that comes to our TV screens. We see evil in strangers, and even in the people we have loved. For as long as people have been around, people have conspired and wished to do evil things. From the first murder in the Bible, Genesis 4:8 “And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.”, all the way to the present day where we are reeling from the murder of 17 people in that Florida school. I have watched good people lash out and turn cruel, and cold. I have watched as Sin takes hold and destroyed once happy families. Sin is much like the dark side of the Force, it’s draw is powerful. The lusts of the flesh, the worlds desires are all around us, pushing us, pulling us, and somehow we need to learn to fight back.

People will attack you, attacking your beliefs, your positions, and sometimes on the rare occasion perhaps even physically. When the attacks are against you as a person, despite the hurt that comes when it’s from a friend or family, we must remember that conviction is a powerful thing. People will always lash out against people that remind them of their own sin. People will always attack when their beliefs are being challenged. People will always attack when they are hurting. When the attacks come take refuge in the Lord. Psalm 91:2 “I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Yes in the attacks your feelings will be hurt. People will treat you badly, and in some cases it will come from those whom you love most. Some people will change and will fall to the dark side of the force, and will turn their backs on you. When this happens all we can do is pray for them. Step back and guard yourself from further attacks, and pray for them. Also pray for protection, Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” I am reminded of a quote in the movie Batman Vs. Superman, “We’ve seen what promises are worth, how many good guys are left, how many stayed that way.” People can walk away from grace but that doesn’t mean we can never help them come back. I think Evil people are people who are lost. Not all of course, some people are just pure evil, but for the majority of humans, redemption is always possible.

When evil is upon your door, when people are cruel, and cold, we must learn to always respond with love and prayer. We truly do not have the power to change a heart, but God does. If we are to do anything in this life it’s to show others what grace is through us. I think most things can be prevented if more people express love and grace. We must understand that love will always concur hate. We cannot respond to hate with more hate. If we want these bad, evil things to stop happening we can’t ever expect them to stop as long as people are mean and cruel to others. As long as there is bullying, and lying, and cheaters, and people who steal and murder, Sin is everywhere.

I’ve been called names, I’ve been attacked viciously, I’ve been slandered, I’ve been ridiculed, and no matter the pain that comes with these, I know that the Lord is behind me. Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Take refuge from the storms that come and go. Find peace in a world full of hate and anger. Find strength in the boxing ring with evil. You will be refreshed when you are weak, and you will be lifted up when you fall. You will undoubtedly stand toe to toe with evil, but you can make it through. Do not be dismayed, and discouraged because we know that in all things there’s a season, and one day, we will move beyond this world and find our peace in Heaven. We know the promises of God are true, and we must have faith. We must learn to step back from ourselves and believe in the Holy Spirit. We must be the light that can shine in the darkness. Live like Christ so everyone knows there’s something different about you. Don’t’ retreat in the face of evil, no, stand firm, and stand tall, and fight the fight.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Got Ya Down?

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Love Got Ya Down?

Well, it’s love season. Everyone’s sending their messages about Valentine’s Day, how happy everyone is with their significant other. For those who are brutally single, such as myself, the season brings horrible feelings. I have found myself irritable, short tempered, and at a loss for where to go from here. I’ve been alone now for 18 months, and instead of feeling better as time goes on, I’ve felt worse. Love is hard to handle sometimes. It can be a mixed bag of good and bad. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is one of the worst feelings you may ever experience. I have felt lost in the wilderness these last months. I have faced rejection over and over, and I found myself feeling bitter and empty. The broken pieces of my heart, and my spirit left on the floor. The doors around me closed and I was trapped in the room with the pain, reliving it over and over again. As I attempted to move forward, every attempt seemed to be futile. The resistance to the lies and succumbing to my situation was harder then I ever imagined it would have been. While on this journey I have not found a new love, or even new friendships, I have found something far more important. It doesn’t take away all the hurt, but it does help. God’s love is more powerful then anything we may find in this life. God’s love doesn’t come and go with the whims of human desire.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again By, Danny Gokey

You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

 Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

We all need to find a way to heal and be all right. Yes the loneliness is hard to handle, and there may always be remnants of this in the background. Being alone in this world without a love, without close friendships can be a living nightmare. There is still hope though. The day will come when the Lord may see it fit to answer those prayers. The prayers that have been frequent in the dead of night, in the middle of the storms, in the meadow with the sun on your face, no matter where you’ve prayed, don’t loose hope, and don’t loose faith.

Lift Your Head Weary Sinner: By, Crowder
All who’ve strayed and walked away,
unspeakable things you’ve done
Fix your eyes on the mountain,
let the past be dead and gone
Come all saints and sinners,
you can’t outrun God
Whatever you’ve done can’t overcome,
the power of the blood

If you’re lost and wandering
Come stumbling in like a prodigal child
See the walls start crumbling
Let the gates of glory open wide

We must learn to focus on the Love we have from God. In this time of struggle the pain is real, and I understand it tremendously. I have attempted to avoid social media, and commercials, and even going to the store. I was at Walmart the other day and as soon as I walked in it was a sea of Red. There were hearts everywhere, and chocolates, cards, stuffed animals, all kinds of items to depict love. This isn’t easy for me because in my past, I loved to celebrate Valentines Day. I loved to do the cards, the chocolates, the gifts, the plans, everything you can think of. I loved to spoil my lover on this special day. Without someone, the constant reminder today is a struggle. I never would have thought after my ex-wife left that I would be alone this long. I never would have thought I’d face so much rejection. Luckily, there’s one form of love I never need to fear being rejected. The Love of God will never leave you, and that’s something we need to remember. Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” We may face the night but we do not face it alone. No matter how dark and scary the night, we must focus on the truth. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” We may feel lost, and alone, and we may not have people with us, but we have a love that never ends. The Love we have from God may not always feel like enough, but when we are able to push out the heart desires even a little, we may find the comfort that we have been seeking all along.

Being alone isn’t ever easy, and I for one would never downplay the feelings of loneliness. I feel so deeply alone it often causes me to a point of depression. It’s not an easy thing being alone, and we often think we struggle alone. Sometimes finding help isn’t as clear-cut as we would like. Sometimes finding that place where you belong isn’t easy, but we need to think outside of the box. I know for sure I am my best me when I’m with someone. When I have somewhere to give my love and affection. It’s not easy walking this life without someone to share in my experiences. I often feel hopeless that my fortunes will change, but it’s in those feelings I know I’m under spiritual warfare. The Devil wants you to feel isolated, He wants you to feel alone, and He feels it’s easier to pick you off from the rest of humanity. Don’t loose hope, and don’t loose sight of the goals that rest within tomorrow.

Love got ya down 2

While some days it may seem we’re being washed down the river, unable to control where we go, how fast we’re going, and the treacherous waters we may face looming around every bend. No matter what we face, or how doom and gloom it may seem, the love that matters is the love of the Lord. That’s a love without end, and although it won’t make some feel less lonely regarding people, I would say, pray about your loneliness. Pray about what you feel would help with that feeling. We always have options, and when we focus on how to fix the problem, we’re more likely to find the solution with the help of prayer and boots on the ground.

Got a Problem? Bring it to me Sayath the Lord. 2 of 2

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Got a Problem? Bring it to me Sayath the Lord. 2 of 2

1 Peter 5:7 “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” In all our times, our good moments, and our bad, we must first above all else, turn to the Lord with our praises, and with our worries. I believe this is the first step, but not the last. When we are in need of prayer we are taught to first turn to the Lord, bring our thoughts and our worries to the one who has all the power. However we are also told to share your thoughts and your burdens with others in Christ also. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” We are not told to hide away our burdens, instead we are told to lay them out, receive the grace upon which we ask for that help. To lift up the struggles in prayer, and expect brothers and sisters to pray along side you. Christianity isn’t about acting everything is just fine, it’s about facing the challenges, the burdens, and facing the reality that is life itself.

We need to turn to the Lord in our times of struggles, but we also need to be helpful for our neighbors when they are the ones in times of need. Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV), “Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart.” Bringing your troubles to the Lord first is the absolute best thing you can do. However, if you never put your requests out there your “Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” – Ric Ocasek Are we behaving as Christ would? When someone brings their burdens to you, or when someone puts out there the need for help, are we rebuking them? James 1:5 “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” The Lord never turns a back to us in our time of need, so why do we often turn our backs on others in need.

Exodus 18:14-15 When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, “What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?” We don’t walk this world alone, so we should never expect to handle our struggles alone. I heard Dave Ramsey say one time, you would not go to a man who’s been divorced 18 times for advice on marriage. Or, you would not go to a 400 pound man for advice on how to loose weight. You must go to counsel to actually help you on your path. I believe it is folly to think it’s wrong to place your burdens in the same place you give your praise and hope. Your hope and your counsel is best given from a place where struggle and strife is overcome. I am not one to be so prideful that I don’t believe in the power of another’s helping hand. I will put myself out there to show others I need help and prayer. I am not weak because of this, and I do not believe anyone else is either. Psalm 10:4 “In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.” To shy away from your pain and to think that somehow if you show that pain, that struggle then others may not think you’re strong, I say shame on you. When we judge others on their struggles, or the trials they go through instead of being there to help shame on us. I wrote recently about placing yourself in another’s shoes. We have become so judgmental, and so high and mighty that we think we know what’s best. We tell others how best to live their lives, and we give the almighty opinion, when in fact there’s no scripture to back up that opinion.

When we finally stop spreading our opinion and allow scripture to speak for itself, and sharing the words of the Gospel we might actually be able to help others in need. There’s been some debate recently if I should publicly admit that I sometimes have high anxiety based on a personal negative feeling. The debate was if you post inspirational posts, and talking about anxiety in the same place, you are hurting your witness. I disagree and this is why. In my life I have had many hits and many struggles. I don’t hide this from the world, and I believe in some manor of decorum in the way I express my struggles makes a difference. The key however, is I am not allowing the struggles I face to keep me down. In those struggles I am using scripture, Christian music, and other means to work through them. Allowing others to see that I struggle and still maintain hope, and an uplifting attitude for the Lord, shows commonality. I believe to allow others to see me struggle not only builds a connection to others who struggle through that commonality, but also that there is always hope. Allowing others to know I struggle, to open the floor for prayer, and guidance, and Godly counsel is exactly what we are supposed to do. Don’t sit back and allow the weight of your struggles to bury you, instead learn to rise above and although the world is heavy at times, as was Jesus’s cross, we will always have help to lift it, when we ask for Godly help.

Got a problem 1

Bring all your troubles to the Lord, but also seek help from your brothers and sisters. Galatians 6:2 “2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Be helpful to those in need of spiritual prayer and guidance. Lift up one another and trust that the Lord hears all prayers. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” We are told to help lift up our brothers and sisters in times of need. When we approach someone going through trials, are we careful with our words? Are we being uplifting in our approach, or are we doing more harm? We must learn to follow James 1:19 “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” When someone’s trying to help we must be able to see the meaning in their heart. We must figure out if what they are saying is out of spite or love. Don’t be so quick on the draw into judgment. Remember the tongue is a powerful tool, it can lift up or tear down. Be cautious how you use it. Remember what we say may have the best of intentions, but if our delivery is wrong, it can have lasting effects. Above all, don’t forget to take your sorrows, your pain, and your worries to the one with the real power, Jesus Christ. While it’s good to lean on your neighbors for help, people are people, and they will let you down. Don’t be too hard on them when they do. Remember to love and forgive, and don’t dwell on the past. Move forward with love and grace in your heart.

 

 

 

Letting Go of Spiritual Debt 1 of 2

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Letting Go of Spiritual Debt 1 of 2

Do we hold onto our spiritual pain? Do we allow ourselves to let our pain pile up and one day realize we’re being crushed by it? We’ve built up our spiritual debt, and it’s time we start cutting those cards and be rid of them. Has our pain been marketed that we must keep it all to ourselves? Have you been told, a man doesn’t talk about his feelings because if he does he’s not a real man? Even women today don’t talk or express their emotions. We have gotten to the point where we hold onto that pain, and we allow ourselves to throw it in the closet and we don’t deal with it. I’d like to point out that the Devil is the lender of bad feelings, the bank that holds the negative spiritual debt. Proverbs 22:7 “­­­­­­The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.” When we allow those feelings of loss, the feelings of self worth, the feelings of worth, all the negative feelings we have we have become slaves to the Devil. This is not just hyperbole, but in fact we have become a slave to those feelings, and we cannot see the love if we don’t pay down those feelings, and learn, we don’t need them in our life. We must count on scripture and we must remember that the Lord says loosely in Jeremiah 1:5 “I have loved you before you were born.” The battle within often considered as the battle of good and evil is a challenging thing. While we will always struggle with the good thoughts, the negative ones will also be there. The battle within is ongoing, and we must learn to handle them, and face them, head on.

I myself have found I am a slave to those feelings. I have struggled with all of those feelings and I have learned that those feelings are exactly what the Devil wants from me. The Devil has taken control of those negative thoughts and if we are to truly be free of two masters, we can only have one, Jesus Christ. While I’m not saying we will never have those negative feelings, what I’m saying is, don’t allow yourself to be stuck in those feelings. If we are to get into scripture, we will find that many figures in scripture suffered with depression. David, who wrote the majority of the Psalms, suffered through great amounts of depression. All feelings have a place in this world, but we can’t allow ourselves to be sucked into the lies of this world.

The Devil wants us to be held down in those chains. The Devil wants us to believe the lies, and instead, what we need to do is realize that we’re being lied to, and focus on the Love and Importance of our lives to God. We need to recognize the Lord’s value for us is far beyond anything we could ever imagine. The Lord wants us to be able to face our challenges, face our crucibles, and understand that if we can get through them, we can share our crucibles with others. Allow ourselves to make it through the fire with our head held high. If we allow our self to be slaves to the fear, to the feelings of worthlessness, the feelings of self loathing, we will be buried under them, and we cannot be a good witness to those around you. Let me explain this for a moment. Feelings are normal, and sometimes you will have feelings of depression, and that doesn’t make you a bad Christian. Feeling down, and the occasion question of your own self worth, those are lies, and we all get off track sometimes. When those feelings come up, if you sit back and you allow yourself to be buried under them, that’s when you face the problem. When you are hit with those feelings, but you are making progress to get yourself out of it, and you force the Devil away, that’s the difference.

Someone told me recently I shouldn’t publicly talk about going through high anxiety, and at the same time trying to inspire others. Here’s where I stand on that; those who go through struggles and can still get up every day, and still talk about the graces of God and what God’s done for them, is so important. Make no mistake, BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO CHRISTIANS! Sometimes bad things happen often, and sometimes the season lasts a while. Bad things happen long enough and people loose hope. Here’s the thing, I have endured a long time going through more bad then most people go through in a lifetime. Now my life hasn’t been as bad as many others, but I understand that it’s in those struggles, regardless of the length, that we should be able to share the most for others to see. In those struggles that we all go through, we share our struggles with others, and then we show one another how to carry on. We must not loose our hope. We must be the Gazelle and run for our lives. We must learn to run from the cheetah and have the motivation to run from the Devil who’s trying to eat you for dinner. If you want to survive the struggles, share them with others, ask for prayers, get help when you need it, but don’t allow yourself to get caught and eaten. If you are going to outrun the Devil let go of the weight on your shoulders. Bad things happen to everyone and if we are to hold weight in our world, we need to be able to relate. God sent Jesus as a baby to live and grow as a mortal man. He experienced life in all it was. We relate to Christ because we can relate to those struggles. Don’t hide your struggles because it’s in the troubles others can look upon you and say, ‘If they can do it with their struggles, so can I!” Turn to others, and ask questions, find out how they made it through the crucible. Your heavenly father loves you, and is rich beyond our comprehension. Pray for your salvation free from the bondage of sin. Pray for your emotions that they line up with the Love God Has For You! Don’t fall victim to the Devils lies. Share your experiences and lift others up with Hope and Love, and the Word of God. Pay down your spiritual burdens, and overcome. Do not feel you must go forth and manage your burdens alone. Do not feel you must struggle to carry your cross by yourself. Do not judge me because I have troubles; instead judge me because I stand in spite of my troubles. When you are in the middle of spiritual warfare find others to help lift you. Find those who will guide you in the ways of the truth, and the light, and of Jesus Christ.

Do not judge others by a snapshot of their life. Do not rebuke others because of their troubles, instead help lift, and guide, and show grace, and mercy and above all show Love. Be a beacon of hope in another life and share wisdom and comfort in others time of need.

Stay Tuned, Same Blog Time, Same Blog Channel. Tomorrow we’ll talk about how to take your problems to the Lord, and how to get help carrying your burdens. The nutshell “Got a Problem? Bring it to me sayath the Lord.”

 

 

I’ll Be There For You

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I’ll be there for you

Though time has passed and you’ve been gone, I just wanted you to know I’ll be there for you. No matter how far you’ve traveled, or how deep you’ve sunk, just know I’ll be there for you. We know that in life nothing last forever, except our salvation in the blood of Christ. We know that the good will come, but we have to endure the bad to grow, and to appreciate the good. The relationships we have may not last forever, but you have to know that no matter how far down the road we travel God will always welcome us when we repent, and ask for the forgiveness we need. Why should we be any different? I know I have often opened my life up to those who’ve come seeking my audience. I have watched the same friends come and go for years. I’ve suffered through the loss of friends as they have decided to walk away and cut ties, and years later they reemerge with an apology, and an open heart. I’ve not once seen a friend that has done that, not to do it again. But, regardless of their intent, or intentions, I have to remember we are all human. People follow their heart which is easily swayed by the Devils schemes, tricks, and lies. Someone once asked me why I would let my ex-wife stay in my life after all the cruel things she did to me. The answer was easy, we are told to forgive, and we are told to lift up, and not tear down. We are told to love our spouse and never give up on them. While we are told that there’s only one due course to divorce, I found it in myself to move beyond and hope and pray to repair the damage done. 18 months later, that didn’t happen. In that time I have watched as some of my friends have left and haven’t returned. I’ve dubbed this season the exodus named after the time Moses led his people to the Promised Land.

I consider myself a loyal friend, and perhaps to much of a bleeding heart for the plight of others. I have often put myself out there to the point of deep pain upon myself. I have suffered great loss, and as difficult as it is for me to guard and protect myself from pain like this, I can’t seem to shut that part of my personality off. I think about the line from The Dark Knight. Alfred tells Bruce that Batman can be the one to take it. He would have to endure the attacks. I believe that once in a while a person can endure the great hardships because they must. I believe it’s in those people that truth, and love can shine. There’s no doubting the trials I have endured, but knowing that I can endure them, and be there for my friends present, past, and future, I believe shows the world what love and forgiveness can be. While I’m not perfect, and sometimes I stay stupid things, and I do stupid things, I try hard. I am not free from sin, nor do I make anyone try to believe that, but I do have an understanding of human behavior, and the human condition. I’ve tried to be the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I’m trying very hard to be a consistent friend, a friend to be depended on. I want people to know I am loyal and dependable.

I'll be there for you 2

Proverbs 25:13 “Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters.” One translation of this verse I found says a reliable friend is like a cold drink in the sweltering heat. I believe we should all aspire to be a friend that people turn to in times of trouble. I believe everyone should be a friend that can joke with the best of them. We should be a shoulder for those of our friends in need, and we should be able to provide scripture to help them along their way. I have always tried to follow the scripture in Proverbs 18:24 “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” It’s important to be a good character. If we are to walk in Christ we should be able to do so in confidence.

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” When we look to the world for answers we will always get the wrong ones. We always ask the world for guidance to our problems, the thing is, the world doesn’t conform to scripture. When we have questions we need to turn to God, and turn to those who would give us scriptural guidance. I often question if my advice to others is good enough, but it’s in that advice I find my place with God. As I have watched friends leave for new adventures, I find myself questioning if it’s me, if it was something I said or did. I have found that as it may be me, it might be my reliance on God and scripture that’s pushed others away. Sadly when you live a life following in the light of Christ, you will loose people you were once close to. All we can do is try to live a life pleasing to God. Be a light for those around you, and never give up hope. People will undoubtedly leave you, but God will always stay. While many people will grow further away from you, you have to remain faithful to the Lord. Don’t loose hope, and try to be the best friend you can, while you can.

For those whom I have, and those whom I have lost, God loves you, and I do too. We never know the road we may end up on, but the journey is far from over. We aren’t perfect but true friends stick through tough times. Loyalty, honesty, openness is all part of being good close friends. Be kind, and realize that not all situations will be positive or provide good feelings, but friendships should be held to a higher standard. Friendships are an important part of our life, and having people to count on in our journey is important, and not to be taken lightly. I hope my friends know how loyal I am, and how important it is to me for those I call friends to be there for them, good and bad.