Surgery, What Surgery?

Surgery, What Surgery?

It’s been a year, but it hardly seems like it. With so many things different now then they were a year ago, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. My recovery from a C5/C6 spinal injury and surgery has been slow, but in that year I have grown. I push myself and although there is a consequence, I decided early in my recovery I didn’t want to allow my injury to define me. Yes, there were things that changed forever, and I would always have difficulty doing certain physical activities, but I have come farther then I imagined in a year. Ironically, as I am at my anniversary I am starting physical therapy once again.

In a year since my surgery I have learned how to surf, I have rope climbed, and I have done a 40+ mile bicycle ride on a recumbent trike. I have come far, and I trust that I will continue to grow. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not pushed myself along the way. There have been days when the pain was horrible and I could barely move, and there were days when I felt like I could run a mile. The difference between having pain, and allowing that pain to control you is strength. We must learn that to grow sometimes it means to suffer a little pain but the end result is worth it.

Christ tells us those who will pick up their cross and follow Him will have trials and tribulations. They will suffer persecutions, and will undoubtedly have friends and family turn their backs on you. He tells us that love suffers long, and if we are to love Christ we to must endure the sufferings because we are just ambassadors in this land. This is not my home. My home is a Heavenly one, and to get there I walk in a land that is not my own, amongst a people that will undoubtedly hate and despise me. The beautiful thing about human beings is also the most heartbreaking thing, free will. Although my options were limited when it came to my surgery, I still had a choice. I could have done nothing and likely died of meningitis, or I could have the surgery. While it doesn’t seem like much of a choice, I could have chosen death.

In the last year I have made the choice to become much more active with the Wounded Warrior Project, in which I’ve posted about extensively. During those times I was given the distinct pleasure of meeting some amazing people, amazing veterans, and I’ve made some wonderful friends. It all started with a choice to take a chance and move out of my comfort zone. I made the choice to go on my first adventure to South Carolina and that trip changed my life. Before my South Carolina trip I went on a non WWP trip to Hawaii. I would say that trip set the tone for me to explore beyond the walls of my house. I watched as I pushed myself just months after surgery to do things I never thought I’d be able to do again. I explored my ability and found I am capable of far more then I ever gave myself credit for. A capability that without doubt has been a gift from God.

In the last year I had surgery, I moved out of my house, I lost my job… twice, due to my injury. I got divorced, yet I’m still friends with my ex. I have continued with this Blog, and now I’m back in school. Beyond all of that I am looking at my future plans within the church and continuing my biblical studies accordingly. While my career has not advanced, and I’m not living where I’d like, I feel I am exactly where I am meant to be. I also feel I’m doing exactly what God wants me to do. I have faith in my Heavenly Father, and I know that regardless of my injuries, my status, or where I live, I will be used to further glorify my Father and bring honor to his most Holy of Names. Jesus Christ has saved me time and again and I shall continue to try and be contempt in where I am. Like Paul before me, I had my own Damascus road. I can’t simply go back and undo what happened to me. I know I must continue to push through my physical and emotional pains, and find strength in my own weaknesses through Christ my Savior. No matter how low your life looks, just know that it won’t always be that way. There is always hope. On the 3rdday scripture says He rose again. The disciples before that were hopeless, they felt lost, as most of them questioned who Jesus was. He rose again, and thus proved forever who he was, and settled the word as stone. Have faith and for every season, times will move forward. Don’t loose hope because Christ is with us always till the day we are called away from this land, then we shall finally go home and truly sit with the King.

 

PSA: I will be away for a few days, and thus, this will be the last post till I return. As always, you can email me if you need anything, or you can post your prayer request on the prayer request page. Go forth and look into your life and see how God is using you, using your gift to spread the love and Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t let whatever is holding you back keep you from your purpose. God has created each and every one of you with a mission and know that so long as you trust and have faith in God you can do anything. Keep fighting the good fight, and I look forward to posting on Monday…. Or Tuesday.

Find your Peloton

Find your Peloton

In life one of the hardest things we may ever do is find where we belong. My whole life has been one train wreck after another in my search for my place. As tough as it can be to admit, there are some personality types that are more difficult then others to find that place. Romans 14:8 “If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

The journey starts with prayers and focusing on your relationship with God. When we turn our focus to God we will eventually find our path. When we find our path from God the rest will eventually find a way. I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out my place, and some days I still feeling like I’m trapped under water unable to breathe. I’ve spent so much time wishing to be loved by someone in return. I’ve spent years searching for friends that would accept me for who I am. I’ve wanted to feel like I’ve belonged, to find a peloton where I belonged. In cycling I have learned the term peloton means a group of cyclers. While I still haven’t found where I belong in this life, I do know where I belong is with God.

For years I begged to give up something for God to put me where I belonged. I may have found my path by listening to the guidance from God, but I still haven’t found the love I’ve been seeking my whole life. Giving up isn’t something I’m accustomed to, but I will admit, after all this time I find myself beaten down and discouraged. Loving someone with all my heart and being forced to watch them leave without any true reason why is crushing. I haven’t recovered and even after all this time, I still wonder what’s next. I have prayed for my time to come and wondered if I’d find what I seek before the end. I have wondered if I would ever leave something to be missed when I’m gone. I pray and have hope that one day I will find my place. I have prayed to God that I would go the distance no matter how far I’d have to go. I’ve prayed to God to shape me and give me the tests so I could pass.

I’ve have given my blood, sweat and tears trying to get where I belong. I have felt like I’ve been stuck in a dream world unable to wake up from my nightmare. I have wandered in the dark for many years, and despite trying to wake up from my sleep, I still feel trapped. The darkness covers my world in sadness and despair with only small glimmers of hope sprinkled around me. As I try to grab on to a sparkle it’s snuffed out like grabbing onto a snowflake. While with enough snow the sun glistens brightest the day after a fresh snowfall, it does however take a good amount of snow. Before I have seen the sunrise on many snow days, the dirt and grime floods the snow and melts to slush quickly.

It takes time to find our place in this world, and a lot of pieces have to be moved before it’s our time to shine. Much like a marathon it takes time to move, position, and wait for the right moments to move to the front. When life is a marathon we must be patient and precise as we move around the bored. The future is always a question, but in the darkness we can find the light. The days that come are always a gift from God. God will always take care of us, and no matter the darkness covering our lives, God’s light will always make the darkness flee. The Devil wants you to feel alone, and he wants you to feel like you don’t have anyone in your life. While we may not have someone to fill our heart, there will be people we can turn to. Don’t let the silence keep you from joining a peloton. Don’t let the ride scare you. You need to get up and get out there, and you may accidently find what you seek if you just take a chance.

 

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Cape Cod Soldier Ride

Cape Cod Soldier Ride

Hello everyone, it’s a pleasure to be back and I look forward to hearing from all of you. As you probably noticed I was gone for a few days, and let me tell you why. I am a combat Army veteran. I served in Iraq where I was wounded in a non-combat incident. Since that time however we learned I suffered a spinal injury and I was slowly watching my discs degrade and the curvature change in my C-Spine (neck). Last year I suffered a major spinal injury when a disc ruptured nearly ending in Meningitis. Since that time I have gotten involved with different veteran organizations and the one that’s been the most helpful to date is Wounded Warrior Project. In February I talked about going on a Project Odyssey, and this last week I attended a Soldier Ride up in Cape Cod Massachusetts. I’d like to take a moment to talk about how impactful these types of events are, and what they’ve done for me.

A soldier ride is a semi long distance bicycle ride designed to push your challenge level, but also give you time to connect with other wounded warriors. It’s designed to build comradery. For me being a wounded warrior with an upper back injury I was put on a Recumbent trike. I was able to ride in comfort as far as my back was concerned but found that the bike is unforgiving on any up grade hills. It was a challenge not to be understated.

Cape Cod Soldier Ride 2

I had the privilege of leading the way the first day. I was able to set the pace, and leading from the front I can’t tell you how much of an honor it was for me to finish strong. The weather conditions weren’t favorable for this ride, but that was alright with me. “What’s life without a little challenge. We can never reach our potential without adversity.“ (Arrow Preacher) I found the challenge to be just enough. The hills, the distance, the rain, all pushed the mental challenges as well as the physical. For many, being on a bike after so many years they found challenges in other areas, such as riding on that upright bike seat for instance. For many this seat pushed their physical challenges (leaving their bottoms back on the trail) and their mental state, as they tried to overcome their discomfort. Although everyone faced challenges of their own, no one quit, no one gave up, and everyone finished strong. I was able to watch as everyone behind me crossed that finish line faster then any group had before on that particular trail. We as warriors lived the warrior code. Every single person was positive, they were encouraging their brothers and sisters, and never did anyone ever quit the fight. To me this embodied 2 Timothy 4:7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” Even at the end for me, as I struggled, I found help from my brothers and sisters as they were literally giving me a push to help me keep pace. I cannot thank those warriors enough for the encouragement, the physical sacrifice as they put their hard energy into helping me keep up the fight. But everyone contributed in their own way, and every single veteran should hold their head with pride and honor for what they accomplished this week.

A soldier ride isn’t just about two days of 20 plus miles for bike rides equaling just more then 40 miles total, it’s also about the connection with other veterans who’ve seen trials and tribulations in the name of service to their country. A soldier ride allows us to connect with one another building our support structure, and building relationships that will hopefully stay with us the rest of our lives. It’s no wonder the name for a group of cyclers is called a peloton because as we warriors embraced the suck in this ride, we also embraced one another building our own peloton for life. We have been given a blessing from God to meet people from all walks of life that share a common bond, and that bond of service can never be broken. We will all move forward in our lives and find ourselves facing the world again, but it is up to us if we choose to face those challenges alone. From this event, and hopefully many more to follow, we will continue to grow, continue to heal, and continue to overcome the many demons we face every single day. Military life isn’t for the faint of heart, and it can leave scars that we carry with us the rest of our lives. These scars are physical, emotional, and sometimes spiritual, but in everything we do now, we have a peloton to lean back on. No matter if you are the soldier on top, or the soldier on bottom as the wounded warrior logo represents, at some point in our lives we will either have been one or the other, or we will be again in the future. It’s never to late to ask for help, and it’s never to late to give help. God has given us the chance to grow, to come together, and to fight a battle together. It’s up to us to use what we’ve learned, and pay it forward to other veterans who haven’t started their recovery yet. Share your experiences, and keep fighting the good fight. Never quit, never surrender, never leave a fallen comrade behind.

 

 

 

Rested

Rested

 After a year and some change of writing it became clear to me a vacation was needed. I only intended to post for a year and one day, but as fate would have it, when that time came I was compelled to write and post. God however is not without a certain sense of humor. 16 days after my last blog I was suppose to write I was selected to attend a project Odyssey, hosted by Wounded Warrior Project. What I had planned was to write and blog my experiences, but instead I found poor cell phone signal, and no Internet. Fate it seems was for me to take a vacation like it or not.

The week would be a week I will not likely forget anytime soon. I found something along the way, and lost something also. I would face many challenges along my journey, my own odyssey. As I would go from day to day I would face it and it forced me to search and dig deep inside myself. While the physical challenges wouldn’t come till Wednesday, the emotional gut check started nearly right away. The entire Odyssey I would face my emotional challenge of not withdrawing into myself. I have always felt that I never truly fit in, even around people I knew for years. Finding my place has always been a challenge for me. For me the trials it seems has been in my own head, and not founded in reality. I didn’t realize this until September 21st 2016. I was faced with this reality and it forced me to do some deep internal soul searching. As my journey to find and make new friends seemed to be failing, God again, is not without a sense of humor. In one week I would make 13 new brothers, and find my own place within the group. I would go from Mango to Preacher. I would make a transformation and I would realize that I have a place in this world. I would meet a man that I would have such a close connection to because of our personal connection. We have influenced one another’s lives despite not ever meeting. It’s clear to me that God has been working in my life to bring a thousand pieces together.

Sometimes in our life we need to take a step back, and refocus our place. For me, this week gave me the opportunity to learn from others going through similar and worse situations then myself. The ability to step back and learn what it means to be a child of the King is so important. We are all important to God and how we choose to act, and behave is important. I hope in the following weeks I’m able to take what I have found and what I’ve learned, and put it to use within my daily blogs and more importantly my daily walk in Christ. Going forward without the set standard to post daily, now I will post when I am ready to post. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I know finding rest in today’s world is hard. We are a go society, and the idea of actually taking time off to rest, for many is a foreign ideal. The thing is we can easily become wrapped up in life and forget to live.

For years I have struggled to find myself, and feel at peace with the battle waging within. I saw myself in the mirror and questioned much. Facing the pain of if I fit in or not, and questioning my own self worth, I came to find peace this week. It’s not easy to live in the positivity and forcing a change in personality to be a person of light instead of darkness. From the time we have a thought, to the feeling, to action, we have the ability to make a choice to how we allow something to affect us. We are faced with perspective all the time in life, but with practice we can get better with not letting as much bother us, or at the very least, how long we allow it to stay in our lives. Peace, is a blessing, and a gift when it comes. Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, the life, and in our life, our faith will be what we have to grip to when the road gets bumpy. When you are lost, you must first rest to collect your thoughts. Take time to meditate on the word, slow your breathing, and re-center. When you are lost and weary rest your head on the lap of Abba. I went seeking friendship, but what I found was a friend within myself. I found a piece of myself that I thought was long forgotten. I am a warrior and I’m a warrior for Christ. I am worth more then I think I am, and in Jesus I am going to inherit paradise. I have been saved by the blood, and living in the living waters of the Holy Spirit gives me peace. Find your grace and peace. Find your breath, and follow the light. Take time every day to rest your mind in prayer and meditation. I think every day we need to take a short time and focus on our mental health. Give our brain time to rest. Don’t get lost in the world, get lost in the Word of God. I now have 13 Brothers to hold me accountable. I found more on my Odyssey then I ever imagined I could. I am worth while, I am a Warrior, and I am a child of the King.

 

The Wounded Warrior

The Wounded Warrior

The scars inside so deep they hide,

The pain holds on, we keep marching on,

A nightmare, we cannot share,

No one knows, no one understands, the worlds out there so full of foes,

The endless noise found deep within, perhaps it’s time to pay for the sin,

Are we wrong, they keep playing my song,

 

The call goes out, the scouts give a shout,

The call to ride, to be by my side,

The belonging of family, I never saw it within me,

The all gather round, no dry eye to be found.

We love you they say, for this I could never repay,

They sacrificed much, what a loving touch.

 

The pain inside, I cannot hide,

The pain lets go, it must be so,

The nightmare remains, but it breaks the chains

They all know and they all understand, the ejection of ones cargo.

The loudest noise found deep within, praising songs with cheer and a grin

We were wrong, it’s time to change the song.

 

To all Veterans who suffer from pain and suffering mind body and soul, know that you are never alone. There are always people out there who want to help, who are willing to help. Reach out and never feel you have to fight alone. We may have taken a country, but it wasn’t alone. Our pain is shared pain, and never forget we are warriors together. We are all warriors in Christ so never forget to pray and pray for others.