Tag: weakness

Knowing Your Weaknesses

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Knowing Your Weaknesses

While I was watching one of my shows recently I confronted a question within myself. What’s something I’m afraid of, what’s something I would consider a weakness within myself? As I watched the show The Flash I found it interesting how his worst enemy is cold, it’s ice because of how it slows down the molecules within his body. The Flash has to be careful with the numerous enemies, villains that he encounters that use cold/freezing powers. You see, knowing your weakness can help save you from whatever may come.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].” The Devil will search your very soul to find your chink in the armor. Some people can go for a long time without knowing their true weaknesses. The problem is, without knowing your own faults, your own short comings, the Devils ability to find that weakness and exploit it becomes much simpler. You have to be able to mount defenses where flaws might lay.

In any defense of a castle, strategic placements of archers, of cavalry, of spearmen, and of course the knights that defend the gate, all these areas are defended because there can be potential breaches. During the battle of Helms deep for instance, the caldron at the base of the wall, although small, left a weak point in the wall, which using explosive could exploit the fault, and once detonated blew a hole large enough for the advancing army to enter without much effort. This however was not planned for and thus little defense was available to defend an all out ground invasion. While the battle was won the damage done was near catastrophic.

2 Corinthians 12:10 “Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” Knowing that we are not perfect at that we have shortcomings we are able to anticipate the attacks and plan for them, prepare for them. Then, and only then will you be able to do what is needed to defend yourself.

The Devils attacks will come at any time at any day, and we must be ready to fight. While the enemy we face is that of the spiritual and not of the flesh (at least not most of the time). I know that my weakness is a fear of being abandoned. I fear my loved ones leaving me never to return. In the last year that fear was brought to life and when I was down on the ground and I thought I’d never be able to get up again, Christ lifted me and gave me time to heal from my wounds. When you get knocked down it’s easy to forget what the true importance of our life. Jesus Christ is the light and the only way. Find strength in the word, find hope in the light, because no matter what even the smallest amount of light makes the darkness scurry away. Only in Christ are we strong enough to fight the battles we wage every day. Doing it on our own we are surly destined to fail. Don’t get lost in an infinite loop

 

 

Content with Weaknesses

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Content with Weaknesses

I’ve been pondering the sunrise and what it means to me. I’ve been pondering what I’m supposed to learn and what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been pondering why I’m here, and what this situation can teach me. I ask God for guidance, for blessings. I have come to realize in my so many years of living that the blessings I may have gotten are not necessarily blessings I’ve come to realize are actually good things for me. As I’ve questioned all of this and now I’m 1 week after surgery I find myself in a very different place then I have been in the past. I’ve been looking at my scars I’ve accumulated and it’s hard not to travel down memory lane.

One year ago I was on a trip that would ultimately change my life forever. It would start a turn of events that would forever change and alter life as I knew it. I would loose my wife, I would nearly loose my life, I would loose my job, I would eventually loose my home, and in the end my body would finally give up, and give out, and thus where I am 10 months later. As I now find myself living with my mother something that hasn’t been for 17 years. It’s a change to get used to for sure. As I’m sure there are reasons for everything that’s happened it’s difficult to take a step back from how different things are, the hope that things could go back, and even sometimes pray they would. As I’ve become more familiar with the change that’s going on around me, and even in my yearning to not give in to the ever changing life around me, I believe I’m finally starting to succumb to the change, and as parts of me are excited for the change, other parts hold onto the past.

As I am now stranded and not allowed to drive, I can’t lift, and bend, and stretch. I don’t have my things unpacked, and as I’m looking at the future, the 5 weeks I have left seem like an eternity. I find some things I once enjoyed doing, now seem like so much work or effort I can’t seem to put my finger on why I no longer feel the enjoyment I used too. I find myself missing things I once had that now seem like such a past memory that I’m forgetting the finer things in life.

For 10 years I lived my life with the comfort of a woman in my life. For 10 years I knew the touch of love, the smell of perfume, and the feel of soft lips on mine. Being single now since September and having absolutely no luck in the dating seen, the online dating seen, or anywhere in between, I find myself more and more frustrated. I can hear my pastor now, “you’ve got to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and in God’s time you will be knocked off your feet by the blessings you’ll get when it’s the right time, and when you AREN’T LOOKING FOR IT!” Yes, yes, I hear you.

I’m sure the good Lord has something planned for me, whether I know or understand it myself, and the truth is that’s the defining feature of faith. We may not ever see the direction, the plan, the lessons, but knowing they are there and knowing that God is in the drivers seat.

While I cannot for the life of me fully understand how my life’s taken such a turn to mirror Job’s life, I must remain in the faithful that my life will one day be restored to a glorious state that I can look back on this last year and hold it up as a bad dream. While we never know what the sunrise will bring, what we know is there’s a greater plan then what we could possibly ever know.

One thing I’ve been forced to see and something I’ve struggled with especially after the way in which my marriage ended was my own self worth, my own self-esteem, why was I not loveable, why was I disposable, expendable. For months after I questioned myself, I thought so poorly of myself the bottom of the barrel was actually looking pretty high. I’ve prayed day in and day out that somehow, someway, I’d be able to move forward. What I have wanted may not be what’s best for me, but as I fractured into two people 10 months ago, there’s the man that was the past, and the man that was the future. That fractured self has been at war, at odds now for all that time, and the war still rages on, an internal fight for the very future and when I look into the mirror I don’t know who I’m looking at anymore. I question God every day and in all that time I still haven’t come up with the answers I seek. Did I not love enough? Did I hold on to tightly? Did I give too many freedoms? Was I too trusting? What I not trusting enough? Did I just grow old and wasn’t important anymore? What would cause so many in my life to leave me high and dry, quit on me, and leaves? Looking at the math I’ve questioned how 415 Facebook friends, an entire church, several friendships from other jobs who either have nurse friends or are married to nurse’s who work in larger hospitals, yet with all my connections, and 10 months later on several dating apps and reaching out myself I find myself no closer to finding a date or anyone that a legitimate relationship would be possible. After so long and so many failures it’s easy to start to question ones self.

No matter how much we start to doubt ourselves there’s something we should remember. In all things remember 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 “5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses—6 though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Do not be prideful, do not be afraid to look in the mirror and smile at the creation God made. I have to believe that while I am alone now, and have been for a while, there’s a reason. I have to believe that God’s perfect plan is to make things better for me. No matter the fractured self, in time that fracture will mend, and the scars that are left behind, and there are scars, will be a reminder of the life of old, and the future that remains, a fresh canvas in which to pain a new work of art for the glory of God.

 

It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

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It’s Been A Long Road Getting From There To Here

Most of you probably don’t know the song that title is from, ‘Where my heart will take me’. The song speaks of a journey, a long one but finally after a long time a breakthrough, and following your heart, and faith to achieve anything because of strength of that faith and soul.

Do we have faith like that? Do we have faith in God to grant us peace in the storm? Do we have faith that God will be our light in the darkness? Do we have faith that when we are down on our knees with no where left to turn God will lift us on the wings of Angels and give us reprieve from our assorted sufferings?

There’s so much in my heart that is full of pain, it’s full of doubt, its full of fear. Multiple times over I’ve faced death. I’ve seen death in the eyes, and I’ve overcome. I’ve seen RPG’s just barely pass by me. I’ve been caught in explosions, I’ve been shot, I’ve been just seconds from death. Every step every turn I’ve been protected by Gods hands. Because Christ lives in me I have managed to overcome. No matter the long road, the destination is beyond the stars. I pray my soul to find peace. I pray that because Jesus lives I will be saved of this pain and tomorrow the day of our salvation will hold true in my heart.

As I struggle with myself, it’s my own weakness. Faith in the Lord is a hard thing to keep. It isn’t the Lord part that’s tough; knowing that because of God I am safe. Because of God I am a free man. Because of God I am alive and the only thing that matters is His love. The world may beat me, the world may torture me, but it’s the life of Jesus Christ, a high price, but I am saved in that love.

The road I’ve traveled has been a rocky road full of pain and suffering. Days like today I struggle to maintain my positive outlook, but the truth is there’s no reason I shouldn’t be positive. Christ has Risen for me. Knowing that if Christ had to die for just me, he would have. A love like that should never go to waist.

As I have lost so much, as I have had to sacrifice so much, it’s never as much as our Lord sacrificed for us. When life does me wrong, keep moving forward. When trouble knocks at the door be sure to raise to the Lord your hands in prayer, and lift our weary soul to our Almighty God. Lift higher and higher to the Lord. We may never be worthy of Gods love, but we have it anyway. Put your own ambitions aside, God will provide.

No matter the road I’ve traveled, here I am, by Gods purpose, and Gods design. I’m here typing to show there is hope. Hope for tomorrow; hope for today because in all things darkness cannot survive the light. The darkness cannot snuff out the light, but the light will always overtake the darkness. Embrace the change of the light inside you. Let the Light of Christ fill your heart and let it change you. Be born again of the light. Even in the darkest of nights the stars will shine, and will guide your path. Look to the sky and see what’s written in the stars. The Lord gives us a sign and we must follow. The Lord will always say “Trust in Me.” So in the starlight, even the words can be seen when you know how to look.

Carry Your Burdens to Find Light at the End of the Tunnel

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Carry Your Burdens to Find Light at the End of the Tunnel

Matthew 16:24-26 “24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”

 Luke 9:23 “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.”

 Mark 8:34 “And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”

 What does it mean to pick up your cross and follow Christ? The walk with Jesus as our Lord and Savior is never an easy one. We are called to sacrifice our earthly desires, called to love Christ and let go of our sinful desires. Do we deny God; do we deny our Lord and Savior when pushed, when threatened with reprisals, or persecution? Do we have the fortitude to bare the burden of what it means to be a follower of Christ? Remember as the 11 Apostils followed Christ were brutally tortured and killed for it. Amongst strong opposition they never waivered in their faith, they saw Christ for what he was, they saw Him in the flesh. It was once said, “You have seen with your own eyes and yet you doubt, imagine those who will never see.” Colossians 1:11-12 “11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” The cross is not a race; it’s a long marathon. The travel takes time. The travel takes fortitude.

When we are weak, we must look to God to help us. As Christians we must help our brother and sisters when they are in need. We all stumble on our journey. Even Christ fell on his trek to meet His destiny. Thus teaching us another lesion about humility, about pride. Galatians 6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” If Christ was willing to bare the sacrifice for all mankind’s Sins what are we willing to bare for Christ? Are we willing to take public ridicule, or even worse loosing people we care about? What is eternal salvation worth? The life we spend here on Earth is merely a short while, but the end result is perfection in Heaven. Our burdens will be great, John 15:18-21 18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. 19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. 20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. 21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.” It was foretold that the world would turn on Christians. It was foretold that the life of a Christian would be difficult and full of anger and hatred.

Entering Easter remember what it truly means to give it all, to give up life, and sacrifice ones self for something bigger then yourself. Are you truly giving up something to follow Christ? Are you truly in your heart following? What does following Christ mean to you? As Christians we face more opposition today then we ever have. Do we sit silent and watch as the world tries to snuff out any last resemblance of our right to choose what we believe in? There’s too much empirical evidence to prove Jesus Christ the man lived. Denying the truth is simply the same as denying the oceans are full of water. 11 men could not have held together some conspiracy. The fulfillment of scripture prior to the New Testament, the fulfillment of the crucifixion, that not one of Christ’s bones were broken, yet he underwent excruciating amounts of pain. Do not doubt, do not forget what’s at stake. Christ bore the burden of sin for us, what can we do to possibly measure up, nothing. All we are asked is to love one another, love Christ, love God, and obey the commandments. Do this and eternity may very well be yours.