war room – The Arrow Preacher

Explosive Memories

I try not to think about it most of the time. I remember the sounds, the sights, even the smell of sulfur. I can remember each incident and as much as I try not to think about it, there are days. The struggle for veterans returning home from war can vary differently from one to the next. For me I have spent years facing my demons. Behind every uniform is a story. My story hasn’t ended, but my time in uniform has. The wounds left behind leave scars and those don’t ever go away. I can remember one explosion after another, and from the way it feels as the blast goes through you. I remember the fear I would face while on patrol, trying to stay focused, but in those memories, I sadly brought them home with me. My time in war fundamentally changed me, and because of that, because of how I was changed, I find some days I struggle to enjoy some of the same things other people like.

The other day I was driving to work and found myself in a traffic jam. Most people would perhaps be a little frustrated, but me, there’s a level of fear, and that fear turns to anger. I am terrified of sitting in traffic because I am not in control at all. I am afraid of being caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am afraid of the trash on the side of the road. I’m afraid of the crowds I encounter while I’m out in public. I’m afraid of the movie theater. I’m afraid of the mall. I’m afraid of being caught ill prepared. In my life I have spent a lot of time focusing on the what ifs, planning for the emergencies to be as prepared as possible. I have to hope that in the darkness of this world, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Revelation 21:4“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

John 16:33“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” In my day, I am haunted by the memories of my past. I have struggled to let go, and remember that Christ overcame the world. His blood set me free, and though my trials my be today, my Heaven is tomorrow. Living with PTSD isn’t always easy, but we keep pushing forward. Dealing with the day-to-day strife can lead your heart to feel heavy. We must not focus on the cant’s, or why something is too hard, we need to focus on what we can do. John 14:1“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” Though my past and my grief haunt me, I must thank the Lord for the love and mercy that’s placed upon me every day. Jesus has offered me everything, and I can’t let the pain of yesterday turn my focus. The Devil tries to distract me, lie to me, prey on my weaknesses, and I will admit, some days he gets his claws in and it’s all I can do to push him away. Don’t forget the purposes of our true journey. Keep pushing forward and focus on today, not yesterday.

I think back to the day I was something in my own eyes, and when the tornado struck my life and ruin was left in it’s wake, I think back to how foolish I was to think my happiness could last. I placed my self worth on those around me. I placed my happiness in the hands of others, to include family, friends, and my wife. I trusted all the wrong people, and putting my faith in the world, thinking if I walked the walk, talk the talk, prayed the prayers, that I might be spared the hardships of another divorce or worse. The thing is when you are strong in your faith, the Devil attacks, and he attacks, and he’s relentless to see how long he can push you till you break. How much can you take before you curse God, turn your back, and walk deeper down the dark path.

No matter the hardships you’ve endured, the horrors you’ve seen, you need to remember who the true enemy is at the end of the day. Put not your faith in man for we are fickle and swayed easily, but put your faith in the Lord for God is never changing, and always we are found in God’s love and grace. The road is long, but the blessings of tomorrow outweigh the pain of today.

Quiet Meditation

When the world’s too loud we often can’t hear the sounds of our own voice inside our head. If we cannot find our own voice, how then are we able to listen to the voice of God? We cannot walk in faith if we cannot hear the quiet. No matter the mission we need to ensure time to plan and focus.

One thing I’ve noticed in my years, is when something becomes unhealthy the affect is cumulative. Over time the affects grow and in matters of the heart, scar tissue is built. We may not see it right away, but sadly resentment grows. If someone wants us badly enough we’ll know it, and we wouldn’t have to work so hard for it. Getting affection shouldn’t be a chore, it should come freely and naturally towards the other person because we want to make our partner happy. Love although can be one way, in a relationship it has to be a two way street. When the opposite side of the bridge is broken and there isn’t any traffic flowing, it’s time to find a new bridge. Finding the alternate route is hard, but it’s ultimately what’s best. In Gods timing we will have what we need, but we need to be proactive. Stand tall, stand proud, and let others see how wonderful we are.

There comes a time however when we all must retreat into solitude. We all need a time and place to be with God. Matthew 6:6 “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.” It’s important when we pray we silence the world. We must use mindfulness to quiet our inner selves, and focus on our walk. James 4:8 – “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse [your] hands, [ye] sinners; and purify [your] hearts, [ye] double minded.” Never are we closer to God then when we know, absolutely certain we are doing Gods work. The closer we draw closer to the Lord then the Lord will draw closer unto us.

Mark 1:35 “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.” Rise early, pray, be thankful for the world and life you’ve been given.

Jesus often was known to escape into the wilderness. As for me, the thought for getting away for a little while seems enticing. Sailing the east coast, hiking the Appalacian trail, just my great Dog and me. Luke 6:12, Luke 4:42, Luke 5:15, all talk about Jesus knew the importance of silent meditation with the Father. Knowing how important it is to quiet the world, listening to your own heartbeat, listening to your own breath. Today in this world there are a ton of ideas how to do this. Yoga is a good physical and mental practice. Finding a war room for yourself to make a battle plan. What’s your battle plan?